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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On June 28 2014 00:03 SixStrings wrote: This is retarded. I'm looking for love and many girls I meat were just looking for sex. meat /mit/ verb 1. the act of applying one's meat to something At least your heart's in the right place this time. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On June 28 2014 03:17 NewSunshine wrote: meat /mit/ verb 1. the act of applying one's meat to something At least your heart's in the right place this time. Let's continue this conversation in your second language, shall we? Or we can both speak French.  | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On June 28 2014 06:19 SixStrings wrote: Let's continue this conversation in your second language, shall we? Or we can both speak French. Oh come on, you telling me you wouldn't make a joke like that if you could? <3 | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
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Adrian_mx
Mexico1880 Posts
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Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
On June 28 2014 09:04 Adrian_mx wrote: What do you guys do when you break up and feel alone? What helps you not think about it Depends who initiated the breakup. If it is you, then stick to that decision and go out there to be back on the dating market. If it is her, remember the high point of your relationship and analyse what happened that made the climax drop. Understand what you could've done better. Afterward, tell yourself that "Ah, next time I'm in a relationship, I shouldn't have done X, Y, and/or Z." As long as you recognize your mistakes, this isn't merely on dating but in all aspect of life. Make mistakes -> Understand what happened -> Find improvements -> Move on. Rinse and repeat. And think about your other aspect of your life, the more you dwell upon a bad experience, the more it lingers on your mind. The key is to recognize the mistakes as earlier as possible. And you must have other hobbies? Distract yourself by immersing yourself into them. Most importantly, always keep your eyes open for the next girl. Your former-girlfriend might even wants to get back with you upon seeing how awesomely you've handle the fallout. | ||
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fishjie
United States1519 Posts
On June 28 2014 09:19 Xiphos wrote: Depends who initiated the breakup. If it is you, then stick to that decision and go out there to be back on the dating market. If it is her, remember the high point of your relationship and analyse what happened that made the climax drop. Understand what you could've done better. Afterward, tell yourself that "Ah, next time I'm in a relationship, I shouldn't have done X, Y, and/or Z." As long as you recognize your mistakes, this isn't merely on dating but in all aspect of life. Make mistakes -> Understand what happened -> Find improvements -> Move on. Rinse and repeat. And think about your other aspect of your life, the more you dwell upon a bad experience, the more it lingers on your mind. The key is to recognize the mistakes as earlier as possible. And you must have other hobbies? Distract yourself by immersing yourself into them. Most importantly, always keep your eyes open for the next girl. Your former-girlfriend might even wants to get back with you upon seeing how awesomely you've handle the fallout. The way you frame it, the person who got dumped did something wrong. But that's not necessarily always the case. While self improvement is fine and good, when you look back on the relationship, don't think negative thoughts like "im not good enough i suck". you can improve yourself without beating yourself up. sometimes two people break up because they really just aren't compatible with one another. the lesson in such a breakup is that you've learned a little bit more about who you're compatible with in the long run. | ||
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JuneMay
49 Posts
On June 28 2014 09:04 Adrian_mx wrote: What do you guys do when you break up and feel alone? What helps you not think about it To me nothing helped. After I broke up with girl I love (it was my fault), I was depressed for 2 months, until I got chance to somehow get her with me again. To me worst were working hours. I had some bad job at the time 11 hours per day, and out of those 11 sometimes there would be no work at all. I would just sit and think about her for hours. If u are in loved like I am, I just wanna say I feel your pain bro. | ||
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Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
On June 28 2014 09:37 fishjie wrote: The way you frame it, the person who got dumped did something wrong. But that's not necessarily always the case. While self improvement is fine and good, when you look back on the relationship, don't think negative thoughts like "im not good enough i suck". you can improve yourself without beating yourself up. sometimes two people break up because they really just aren't compatible with one another. the lesson in such a breakup is that you've learned a little bit more about who you're compatible with in the long run. This is speaking from personal experience. Throughout the first date, you are suppose to exchange philosophical world views with each other. First date is sort of like an interview process before the two decide whether or not to continue the relationship or not. If you've found out that you two aren't compatible with each other, deciding to not see each other anymore after the first date isn't exactly considered as a breakup. If shit happens later on in a relationship, then the responsibilities falls completely on the parties themselves and usually the one breaking up brings more reasons on terminating the relationship than the dumpee because the dumper is usually the more responsible one of deciding to not waste anyone's time anymore and actually have the superior communication skills between the two. I've been on many first dates with girls, but then later found out that we aren't compatible but because we've already spend substantial amount of the time already, it was mutually agreed upon that the first date will be more of a "fling" type of deal rather than long-term so it does end up having a happy ending. Most of the people on dates acts TOTALLY fake. When the other side of the table starts to mention about a certain topic, the subject will attempt to create this fake energy to be into it as well. Or that when a girl is asking the guy on an opinion about her choices of fashion/life, the guy would attempt to be "Mr. Nice" and compliment to her. Little did he know, that girl was simply testing him if he is honest or not because she deliberately messed up her dress code to filter out the phony dudes out there. That's where the "Nice guys finishes last." meme came about. You should NEVER lie about yourself....instead you should know how to market yourself better with better ways of telling yourself. Sometime at the first date, if the girl aren't interested in your hobbies or any activities you do and call it boring and whatnot, then it is up to YOU to sell it to her properly. And although that you've made your best attempt to do so, and she still doesn't give it a chance, only then you know that you two aren't compatible. Also you should always be straight honest with the girl as aforementioned. If some of her lifestyle choices doesn't exactly float your boat, you should try to reason with her on why would one think negatively about it. Again by dating her, you are essentially thinking about spending the rest of your life with her, you better make a good decision about it. In conclusion, in this "compatibility" issue, you should attempt to dissect the other parties as quickly as possible in order to not waste your time and straight to the deal so that shit like finding out that the person isn't who you thought she would be after you've literally wasted years of your life and your money on her and thus bringing your spirit down. | ||
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arb
Noobville17920 Posts
On June 28 2014 09:04 Adrian_mx wrote: What do you guys do when you break up and feel alone? What helps you not think about it go work alot or play games as soon as i wake up till i sleep usually helps me otherwise what i did when i was trying to get over my first ex(like my first love ig uess) was to tell myself im more of a man than this to sit here and cry and be an emo pussy over someone who couldnt give a fuck less what i felt like things went smoother after that, and we are still friends now. | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On June 28 2014 10:27 Xiphos wrote: + Show Spoiler + This is speaking from personal experience. Throughout the first date, you are suppose to exchange philosophical world views with each other. First date is sort of like an interview process before the two decide whether or not to continue the relationship or not. If you've found out that you two aren't compatible with each other, deciding to not see each other anymore after the first date isn't exactly considered as a breakup. If shit happens later on in a relationship, then the responsibilities falls completely on the parties themselves and usually the one breaking up brings more reasons on terminating the relationship than the dumpee because the dumper is usually the more responsible one of deciding to not waste anyone's time anymore and actually have the superior communication skills between the two. I've been on many first dates with girls, but then later found out that we aren't compatible but because we've already spend substantial amount of the time already, it was mutually agreed upon that the first date will be more of a "fling" type of deal rather than long-term so it does end up having a happy ending. Most of the people on dates acts TOTALLY fake. When the other side of the table starts to mention about a certain topic, the subject will attempt to create this fake energy to be into it as well. Or that when a girl is asking the guy on an opinion about her choices of fashion/life, the guy would attempt to be "Mr. Nice" and compliment to her. Little did he know, that girl was simply testing him if he is honest or not because she deliberately messed up her dress code to filter out the phony dudes out there. That's where the "Nice guys finishes last." meme came about. You should NEVER lie about yourself....instead you should know how to market yourself better with better ways of telling yourself. Sometime at the first date, if the girl aren't interested in your hobbies or any activities you do and call it boring and whatnot, then it is up to YOU to sell it to her properly. And although that you've made your best attempt to do so, and she still doesn't give it a chance, only then you know that you two aren't compatible. Also you should always be straight honest with the girl as aforementioned. If some of her lifestyle choices doesn't exactly float your boat, you should try to reason with her on why would one think negatively about it. Again by dating her, you are essentially thinking about spending the rest of your life with her, you better make a good decision about it. In conclusion, in this "compatibility" issue, you should attempt to dissect the other parties as quickly as possible in order to not waste your time and straight to the deal so that shit like finding out that the person isn't who you thought she would be after you've literally wasted years of your life and your money on her and thus bringing your spirit down. I'm surprised. Whether you know it or not, you've just made a wall of text commending the thing we argued about some pages back, the idea of being true to yourself. Perhaps you were getting hung up on semantics too much, but you seem to totally understand what we were really talking about. I approve. And I agree with what you've said. | ||
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GiveMeCake
148 Posts
But... I really NEED to get laid. I asked my friend what schizophrenia was, and she fits the bill completely. She`s a complete freak, and I can`t stop thinking about her, but I`m scared. I have really big morals and cringe at the thought of Coke, but my friends do it & I do smoke reefer from time to time. I don`t know if I can last in bed with her since it`s been so long (she knows how to twerk) & I have constant butterflies and feel like my chest is being squeezed. I am going crazy; I don`t feel like eating and I can`t sleep well. It`s a lose lose situation. Some guys at work that like her (there`s a couple apparently) are giving me attitude, and I have a sneaking suspicion that she is still hooking up with another co worker, possibly even last night. I`m happy for this thread though. Thank you for all the advice, even the shallow stuff because it actually did help put things into perspective for me. Unfortunately I`m still caught up in this mess, and it`s not going to end well for me. Judging by the texts she`s been sending me, last night was normal for her & she can`t wait to do it again. I am texting her only nice things and issues I tried bringing up were quickly dismissed or blamed on the fact that she smoked reefer. But, I have to get laid soon, I guess it`s a biological thing, I even had to watch porn the other night just to calm my self down. I also am thinking about buying condoms and shaving my pubes. Both of those things prevented me from staying the night, along with my anxiety and shock over her behavior. FML. | ||
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Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
On June 28 2014 10:40 NewSunshine wrote: I'm surprised. Whether you know it or not, you've just made a wall of text commending the thing we argued about some pages back, the idea of being true to yourself. Perhaps you were getting hung up on semantics too much, but you seem to totally understand what we were really talking about. I approve. And I agree with what you've said. First of all, I'm glad that you agree with what I've said. However, I didn't exact expand too much with that post. I personally treat the first date as a form of exam. So as preparation for the first date, I make sure that I'm on my best shape possible going into it. This means to do research on the topics that I want to talk about, make sure that I design my jokes around the topics, making sure that I can get her to talk more about herself, working out in the previous week in order to work out my vocal endurance, and also to work on my vocal cord so I can deepen my voice on important sentences and speed up the pace on boring parts (the setup) until I can hit my punchline (much like a comedian). I also make sure that I know the surrounding area of the venue so that if one place gets boring, I know where to go next by walking distance just to keep things interesting. But this isn't only an exam for ME, this isn't just a ONE way street in a relationship. I would also bring my sets of questionnaire as an exam for her. So during the first date, it is sort of a casual style interview between me and the date. I personally attempt to lighten things up but you can be as serious or as frivolous as you want. I know that generally speaking, girls are more attracted to a guy that have a great sense of humor, knows how to transition in and out of interesting topics, great leadership skills, and a stylish way of handling himself. However speaking, there will be times where the questions from the "exam" goes off-script and I didn't manage to prepare for it, I would always speak from my heart. What's the worse that can happen? Things don't get physical between us? Well I still had a nice dinner + conversation. Depending on her job or network, I could still find use from her beside sexual pleasure. She could help me if I need her advice in her field of expertise. Although if we still want to have intercourse with each other despite our incompatibilities, then we make sure that we are on the same page before we proceed. If this what you mean by "just be yourself", I sort of agree with it but I would go one step further, this is really to be "the best version of yourself". | ||
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VoiceSC
Canada109 Posts
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Titusmaster6
United States5936 Posts
On June 28 2014 12:31 VoiceSC wrote: I actually met this girl online in April of 2013, she was in a different city from me about 40 minutes away, and usually I only look for close by, but something drew me to her. So we talked and then met and started dating. Most of my relationships didn't last 3 months, so I told myself if this goes past that, she's the one. It did and after 6 months I proposed to her. I was living with my parents at the time and only moved out 3 months ago. A month after I moved out reality started hitting me in the face. I realized that her and I were actually on different paths, we wanted different things even though we loved each other. I also had major stress and anxiety attacks over everything happening to me, family, religion, work, bills, my relationship, the upcoming wedding, it all hit me like waves over and over. I pushed her a bit away and then I broke up with her. We were apart for 2 weeks and then I saw her again and I missed her and wanted to be with her again. We tried working things out, kept talking it over, but we still kept seeing 2 different paths. We officially broke up yesterday. We were together for 14 months, longer than I've ever been with anybody. We're trying to be friends now to wean ourselves off the relationship. Hopefully things will look up in the future. It seems like breaking up now is the best thing for both of you. Hang in there, things will get better! | ||
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Taru
France88 Posts
First of all sorry for my english and for the long text. If you think your relationships have been terrible, well mine can seriously compete. I started to date this girl who I met at a club. We started just as sex friends as she and I just broke up with our previous partners a few days ago. The sex was amazing I can tell you that, she was like the best partner I ever had. Well a few weeks after we eventually ended up together, it went well for a couple of months then we had our first fight. The reasons of the fight were meaningless and it was basically the generic couple fight. I apologized even thought she had a good part of guilt in it as well. After that she was a total bitch. The next day she hold a barbecue party with all her a friends and invited me there. She ignored me the whole time and spend the evening talking and flirting with one of her co-workers. So I was quite angry, went to her and said privately "hey do you still want me here" she said "yes sure" with a smile and then kissed me. So I thought that she just wanted to make me jealous but deep inside I was humiliated and devastated. I forgot to say that she works a at a bar and finishes her job at 2am. I'm a student and it was almost finals time so I had to respect a very strict schedule in order to study well. So I had just time to see her on her days off. But I don't think she really understood or didn't cared and wanted me to see her just as often as before. On this night it was her day off and we agreed that we wouldn't stay late. As I asked her if she wanted to sleep she said no, I'll stay here a little while, so I went to sleep alone leaving her with her friends. I couldn't sleep hearing her laughing with her mostly male friends the entire time. She came back 2 or 3 hours later and we had sex. I didn't know at the time if I wanted to be still with her as this night was one of the worst of my life but now I know that I should have dumped her right away... The following days she had to go in the countryside to celebrate her grand-mother's birthday. While she was away she sends me a text where she told me she didn't knew where she was at with me and wanted us to go back as just sex friends. Well those two events combined didn't made me study well for my finals, and I failed in them. I don't want to say that it was entirely her fault but she was nicely involved in it. The last event is the worst thought. Last month I lend her 150€ to pay her loan promising me she would give it back to me right when she has her pay-check. (she makes like 2,3k a month with tips) We didn't see us during my finals, and after that she started to make up excuses not to see me. Every day I insisted to see her but she still came up with an excuse. At this point I knew this was over, and I just wanted to see her so she could give me my 150 back. So two days ago I sended her an ultimate text asking her to see her, she told me she couldn't as she is at a restaurant with some guy. (yeah...) So I was really angry and told her that it was ok if she didn't wanted to see me but at least she could give me my money back. I told her that I wanted my money by the end of the week. Guess what, she never responded. I sended 3 or 4 more texts and called a few time as well, and nothing. She event put me on voice-mail. So now I don't know what to do, I'm a student so I don't have much money and would really need my 150 back. But I mean I can't break into her house and steal a 150€ worth thing, as I don't have any burglar skills and she has roomates who would probably see me, neither can I go to the police. They would probably be like "kid do you really think handling your little problem will help lower our crime rate ?". So I'm heading to you, fellow starcraft strategic masterminds. Do you see a way that I can get my money back or am I screwed ? Ps: Thanks for taking the time to read ! | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4781 Posts
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Orcasgt24
Canada3238 Posts
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r.Evo
Germany14079 Posts
On June 28 2014 15:41 Ghostcom wrote: You are screwed, but it is probably going to be some of the best 150 euro you will ever spend. This. Consider that money lost for all intents and purposes, your only bet is to do something really drastic. e.g. show up at her workplace at a time where you know she and her boss are around and ask her super friendly but within ear reach of her boss/co-workers that her phone number seems to not work anymore and when you're going to get the money back that you loaned her. Make sure that you emphasize that you're absolutely sure it was an honest mistake on her part (she'd never do that on purpose!) but also that you really really need the money back for something super innocent and important (e.g. school books). With a bit of luck this already works. If she ignores it / refuses to acknowledge it wait for her to give you some space and talk to the next available co-worker that strikes you as responsible about it. In the sense of "You probably know her better than me, got an idea if you can help me out? This whole story was really dumb." Feel free to drop "We had sex a couple of times and then she loaned money from me and didn't answer her phone since." and hope to get lucky again with some social pressure. Be the nicest, most innocent and naive victim you can be. Let her be the one that flips out and her co-workers/boss hop on your side because of it. Hope to get lucky. Be prepared to get thrown out and to never set a foot in that place again if shit goes really south. Unlikely, but possible. There's also a definitive possibility that she'll claim she never gave you money and/or that you're stalking her. Against the former, you're probably fucked. Against the latter be even more nice, be weak, make clear it's exclusively about the money she's owing you. The possibility of this working is like 10% and that's me being optimistic. Take it as a life lesson and learn from it. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On June 27 2014 16:13 urboss wrote: @GiveMeCake: There are two types of people: - The ones that jump right into it and worry about the consequences later. They also have zero regrets and live life to the fullest. - The ones that over think every step they take and are afraid of doing the wrong thing. If something goes awry, they have big regrets. You seem to be the latter, so you've already given the answer to yourself. And then there is the category of people who jump right into things without thinking about the consequences and actually do regret it later. E.G. me. Also mr. GiveMeCake: Abort abort abort abort abort danger danger if you are that fucking horny just treat yourself to an overpriced hooker but do not make the mistake of having sex/dating a girl that A) is an alcoholic, B) has more issues than you can count, C) has a fucking kid, D) is your colleague. Seriously, each one of those reasons by itself could be enough to fucking abort and you have four of them. Don't forget that seeing how she doesn't seem to be a person that makes a lot of good choices there is a good chance she has STD's as well. | ||
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