|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
TL, I need some advice.
I work with a girl at a small office anywhere between 30 to 40 hours a week. When we first met we hit it off pretty well. The flirting continued over the next couple months and she went from being somewhat reserved, to revealing some pretty personal details with me.
The flirting began to intensify, with her literally pointing down to her crotch and touching my neck and shoulders in a sexual way at work. However, the entire time this was happening another guy in the office was also interested in her and I learned through him that they were hooking up, which made me a bit uneasy inside to say the least.
She began opening up to me and revealing shocking details...
I found out that she is 5 years older than me, and has a 12 year old kid ( ! ).
She has been in many relationships and has been physically abused in the past.
She has rampant alcoholism, and drinks regularly on her days off.
She asked me about drugs on more than one occasion.
The entire time, my gut was telling me that she was trouble, but still, I could not deny that I had some feelings for her.
Last night a few people from our office decided to get together at a bar for some food and drinks. I asked her out on a date, and before long I was at her door ready to pick her up. I could tell that she had been drinking when she entered my car, and even had a water bottle filled with vodka and orange juice which she put in my cup holder.
Right off the bat, I could tell that this chick was WILD. She was dancing in her seat, opening the window and lighting cigarettes on the way there. She rarely had more than 2 cigarettes in a 10 hour shift at work, so I was a little surprised when she began chain smoking.
When we arrived at the bar, three people we work with were already seated, and I thought that we would go and sit with them right away. Turns out she wanted to sit at the bar and began ordering a shot of vodka and a double long island ice tea.
She quickly downed the drinks, and then ordered another vodka shot and double long island ice tea once we were seated. She told me she was going outside to have a smoke, and wanted me to join her, but it turned out to just be another reason to head to the bar. She ordered yet another shot of vodka and another double long island ice tea making that 9 oz of vodka in about 40 minutes...
Somewhere in the night, we both needed to use the bathroom and she tried to lead me into the handicapped stall for god knows what. She even told me that she wanted to watch me go pee. I felt really uncomfortable with that, and insisted that we meet up after. She ended up going in the mens bathroom to come find me with 3 other guys pissing at the urinal which was a little embarrassing.
Later in the night, she wanted to smoke reefer, and ended up being sick. She began throwing up in the bathroom at our co-workers place, and told me that she felt like she was going to die. She even told me to phone an ambulance at one point. I basically ended up taking care of her the rest of the night and I offered to drive her home as I had only had 3 drinks in 5 hours time.
On the way home, she became overly negative, and said that she was skitzofrentic, and accused me of not liking her, and implied that if I didn`t sleep with her that I was gay. I felt so strange, and the lead up to her house was probably the most awkward 5 minutes of my life. She invited me inside, and I declined saying that it was late and that I had to work the next day. She got really pissed at me, and slammed my door. I was tramatized the entire way home until I feel asleep; I regretted everything.
Now (the day after) she is asking me when our next date is, but I don`t know what to tell her. It`s true I still have some feelings left for her, but I think that she is nothing but trouble. She also asked me if I could score her some Coke that night, and I don`t do that at all which kind of freaks me out.
This being said, I haven`t been out with a girl for 5 years, and I feel extremely horny... my head is saying she`s trouble, but my other head is saying go for it.
What do I do here TL
|
On June 27 2014 15:57 GiveMeCake wrote:
TL, I need some advice.
I work with a girl at a small office anywhere between 30 to 40 hours a week. When we first met we hit it off pretty well. The flirting continued over the next couple months and she went from being somewhat reserved, to revealing some pretty personal details with me.
The flirting began to intensify, with her literally pointing down to her crotch and touching my neck and shoulders in a sexual way at work. However, the entire time this was happening another guy in the office was also interested in her and I learned through him that they were hooking up, which made me a bit uneasy inside to say the least.
She began opening up to me and revealing shocking details...
I found out that she is 5 years older than me, and has a 12 year old kid ( ! ).
She has been in many relationships and has been physically abused in the past.
She has rampant alcoholism, and drinks regularly on her days off.
She asked me about drugs on more than one occasion.
The entire time, my gut was telling me that she was trouble, but still, I could not deny that I had some feelings for her.
Last night a few people from our office decided to get together at a bar for some food and drinks. I asked her out on a date, and before long I was at her door ready to pick her up. I could tell that she had been drinking when she entered my car, and even had a water bottle filled with vodka and orange juice which she put in my cup holder.
Right off the bat, I could tell that this chick was WILD. She was dancing in her seat, opening the window and lighting cigarettes on the way there. She rarely had more than 2 cigarettes in a 10 hour shift at work, so I was a little surprised when she began chain smoking.
When we arrived at the bar, three people we work with were already seated, and I thought that we would go and sit with them right away. Turns out she wanted to sit at the bar and began ordering a shot of vodka and a double long island ice tea.
She quickly downed the drinks, and then ordered another vodka shot and double long island ice tea once we were seated. She told me she was going outside to have a smoke, and wanted me to join her, but it turned out to just be another reason to head to the bar. She ordered yet another shot of vodka and another double long island ice tea making that 9 oz of vodka in about 40 minutes...
Somewhere in the night, we both needed to use the bathroom and she tried to lead me into the handicapped stall for god knows what. She even told me that she wanted to watch me go pee. I felt really uncomfortable with that, and insisted that we meet up after. She ended up going in the mens bathroom to come find me with 3 other guys pissing at the urinal which was a little embarrassing.
Later in the night, she wanted to smoke reefer, and ended up being sick. She began throwing up in the bathroom at our co-workers place, and told me that she felt like she was going to die. She even told me to phone an ambulance at one point. I basically ended up taking care of her the rest of the night and I offered to drive her home as I had only had 3 drinks in 5 hours time.
On the way home, she became overly negative, and said that she was skitzofrentic, and accused me of not liking her, and implied that if I didn`t sleep with her that I was gay. I felt so strange, and the lead up to her house was probably the most awkward 5 minutes of my life. She invited me inside, and I declined saying that it was late and that I had to work the next day. She got really pissed at me, and slammed my door. I was tramatized the entire way home until I feel asleep; I regretted everything.
Now (the day after) she is asking me when our next date is, but I don`t know what to tell her. It`s true I still have some feelings left for her, but I think that she is nothing but trouble. She also asked me if I could score her some Coke that night, and I don`t do that at all which kind of freaks me out.
This being said, I haven`t been out with a girl for 5 years, and I feel extremely horny... my head is saying she`s trouble, but my other head is saying go for it.
What do I do here TL
Use a condom and get it over with and then don't hang out with her, or if you really really don't wanna hurt her feelings at all. Tell her the truth that she basically scares the crap out of you and isn't your type of girl and cut ties with her.
I mean, she's asking you for coke and you don't even do drugs...
You fell for the girl you knew at work, not the coked out schizophrenic girl slamming drinks 5sec walking into the bar.
|
@GiveMeCake:
There are two types of people:
- The ones that jump right into it and worry about the consequences later. They also have zero regrets and live life to the fullest.
- The ones that over think every step they take and are afraid of doing the wrong thing. If something goes awry, they have big regrets.
You seem to be the latter, so you've already given the answer to yourself.
|
On June 27 2014 15:57 GiveMeCake wrote:+ Show Spoiler +TL, I need some advice.
I work with a girl at a small office anywhere between 30 to 40 hours a week. When we first met we hit it off pretty well. The flirting continued over the next couple months and she went from being somewhat reserved, to revealing some pretty personal details with me.
The flirting began to intensify, with her literally pointing down to her crotch and touching my neck and shoulders in a sexual way at work. However, the entire time this was happening another guy in the office was also interested in her and I learned through him that they were hooking up, which made me a bit uneasy inside to say the least.
She began opening up to me and revealing shocking details...
I found out that she is 5 years older than me, and has a 12 year old kid ( ! ).
She has been in many relationships and has been physically abused in the past.
She has rampant alcoholism, and drinks regularly on her days off.
She asked me about drugs on more than one occasion.
The entire time, my gut was telling me that she was trouble, but still, I could not deny that I had some feelings for her.
Last night a few people from our office decided to get together at a bar for some food and drinks. I asked her out on a date, and before long I was at her door ready to pick her up. I could tell that she had been drinking when she entered my car, and even had a water bottle filled with vodka and orange juice which she put in my cup holder.
Right off the bat, I could tell that this chick was WILD. She was dancing in her seat, opening the window and lighting cigarettes on the way there. She rarely had more than 2 cigarettes in a 10 hour shift at work, so I was a little surprised when she began chain smoking.
When we arrived at the bar, three people we work with were already seated, and I thought that we would go and sit with them right away. Turns out she wanted to sit at the bar and began ordering a shot of vodka and a double long island ice tea.
She quickly downed the drinks, and then ordered another vodka shot and double long island ice tea once we were seated. She told me she was going outside to have a smoke, and wanted me to join her, but it turned out to just be another reason to head to the bar. She ordered yet another shot of vodka and another double long island ice tea making that 9 oz of vodka in about 40 minutes...
Somewhere in the night, we both needed to use the bathroom and she tried to lead me into the handicapped stall for god knows what. She even told me that she wanted to watch me go pee. I felt really uncomfortable with that, and insisted that we meet up after. She ended up going in the mens bathroom to come find me with 3 other guys pissing at the urinal which was a little embarrassing.
Later in the night, she wanted to smoke reefer, and ended up being sick. She began throwing up in the bathroom at our co-workers place, and told me that she felt like she was going to die. She even told me to phone an ambulance at one point. I basically ended up taking care of her the rest of the night and I offered to drive her home as I had only had 3 drinks in 5 hours time.
On the way home, she became overly negative, and said that she was skitzofrentic, and accused me of not liking her, and implied that if I didn`t sleep with her that I was gay. I felt so strange, and the lead up to her house was probably the most awkward 5 minutes of my life. She invited me inside, and I declined saying that it was late and that I had to work the next day. She got really pissed at me, and slammed my door. I was tramatized the entire way home until I feel asleep; I regretted everything.
Now (the day after) she is asking me when our next date is, but I don`t know what to tell her. It`s true I still have some feelings left for her, but I think that she is nothing but trouble. She also asked me if I could score her some Coke that night, and I don`t do that at all which kind of freaks me out.
This being said, I haven`t been out with a girl for 5 years, and I feel extremely horny... my head is saying she`s trouble, but my other head is saying go for it.
What do I do here TL
Personally, girls like this are more fun in bed anyways so I'd sleep with her. It will be easy to set up too. Just ask her over to your place and have vodka there. After like two drinks just kiss her. The rest should just happen on its own. I'd wager you can do whatever you want too. She aint gonna say no. Wear a condom.
But if that's not your style than I guess you just gotta be honest and tell her you don't like the woman you realized she was. She definitely is not relationship material so abandoning that ship is the right call.
|
Ah, the ol' vodka in the water bottle trick. Orange juice is a solid choice of mix imo. Cranberry juice is a good choice too.
She sounds really crazy. If you really want to go for it, have a way to cleanly break off if things go south, but it sounds like nothing good will come out of anything more than a quick hookup. Tread carefully and don't get hurt.
Anyways, I'm going out on a mall date tomorrow with a girl that I've been getting closer with since we met almost a year ago. We've been talking a lot more recently, and hopefully it'll go well tomorrow  . I probably can't start anything anytime soon with her since she'll be leaving for Taiwan for a month, but it'd be nice to get some flirting done.
|
@GiveMeCake:
Honestly, you don't need that mess. I would get out of that asap.
I wouldn't even say it's really about the tradeoff between living to the fullest and being afraid of the consequences, as much as it seems that it is really not a thing you want to do. You already regretted what went on so far, you would only regret more if you took it any further.
If it was rational thinking vs emotions/attraction maybe there would be some debate, but in this case both are telling you to get out, so just listen to your gut and don't get involved in that mess.
Also, you'll have to keep working with her, right?
Keep that in mind.
|
This girls sounds like all sorts of trouble. I would suggest not interacting with her anymore. Sorry buddy
|
@GiveMeCake
run you fool! seriously the girl is a wreck, you seem like a decent guy, if you "bang her then leave her" you'll feel commited and you don't want to step in her world.
|
On June 27 2014 15:57 GiveMeCake wrote:
What do I do here TL
wow, girls like this are crazy, it will be adventurous and amazing if only you let it happen.
and also, whats wrong if she drink and take drugs? it's not you, it is her, so it is all at your advantage since she will be easier.
|
I would highly suggest to avoid any further involvement, not just to avoid hurting her, but also for your own safety, because if she gets attached to you, you may expect the worst from someone like her: scenes, stalking, maybe even her menacing suicide or something like that, blaming you. Get the fuck out, she's a dangerous phycho and a bag of troubles.. I could try to bed someone like her at most only if she didn't know how to later find me again, but since this is obviosly not the case.. run!
|
Don't sleep with crazy. And never sleep with the crazy you work with. It won't end well.
|
On June 27 2014 18:41 SUINELLA wrote:wow, girls like this are crazy, it will be adventurous and amazing if only you let it happen. and also, whats wrong if she drink and take drugs? it's not you, it is her, so it is all at your advantage since she will be easier.
dude wtf
|
@SUINELLA, if you don't mind saying, how old are you and how many relationships have you been in?
Out of those, how many girls wish they never met you?
From what you wrote on the last few pages here, you have no conscience, no respect for other people, and no sense of personal responsibility.
You would do whatever you feel like, using whatever dirty cheap tricks, just to get yourself a bit of small temporary fun, with complete disregard of what kind of damage it might cause to others.
For your and everyone else's sake, please stop being a douche and work on yourself a bit.
Listening to your advice is a good recipe for someone to spend their life looking over their shoulder (and wreck several lives in the process).
|
@GiveMeCake
Run. Run away. Don't look back.
1. I can already tell you're super emotional and clingy. She just wants to fuck and is probably hooking up with several others in this time period. It'll fuck with your head, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that it won't. Go find a nice girl.
2. She plays fast and loose. The odds of her having an STD or forgetting to take her birth control is extremely high. Do you want to be sandbagged by an easy lay?
3. She's your coworker. If shit goes south, have have to deal with her every day. Don't shit where you eat.
Normally I'd be all for smashing it then deleting her number, but not this time. Turn in the opposite direction and don't stop moving your legs.
|
On June 27 2014 22:29 chadissilent wrote:
@GiveMeCake
Run. Run away. Don't look back.
1. I can already tell you're super emotional and clingy. She just wants to fuck and is probably hooking up with several others in this time period. It'll fuck with your head, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that it won't. Go find a nice girl.
2. She plays fast and loose. The odds of her having an STD or forgetting to take her birth control is extremely high. Do you want to be sandbagged by an easy lay?
3. She's your coworker. If shit goes south, have have to deal with her every day. Don't shit where you eat.
Normally I'd be all for smashing it then deleting her number, but not this time. Turn in the opposite direction and don't stop moving your legs.
Don't listen to Chad.
Use your own condoms, never the ones she has.
Other than that, jump in with both feet and enjoy the ride, girls like these are what make life an entertaining mess.
People get all up in arms about you working alongside her, so what.
Chances are, your office job is shit anyways, it being an office job and all, so you're better off having some entertainment / drama at the work place.
The worst thing that can happen: you have a good time for a while in things cool down.
The best thing that can happen: she goes totally nuts, you have the best sex of your life, a story to tell for decades to come and maybe you'll even lose that office job and start doing something proper with your life. You never know.
I've had some awful and awesome moments with girls like these (though none were mothers), and those are the stories that make me smile and shake my head when I remember them.
TL;DR: Of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are 'it might have been'.
|
On June 27 2014 18:41 SUINELLA wrote:wow, girls like this are crazy, it will be adventurous and amazing if only you let it happen. and also, whats wrong if she drink and take drugs? it's not you, it is her, so it is all at your advantage since she will be easier.
wadafak
|
On June 27 2014 22:40 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2014 22:29 chadissilent wrote:
@GiveMeCake
Run. Run away. Don't look back.
1. I can already tell you're super emotional and clingy. She just wants to fuck and is probably hooking up with several others in this time period. It'll fuck with your head, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that it won't. Go find a nice girl.
2. She plays fast and loose. The odds of her having an STD or forgetting to take her birth control is extremely high. Do you want to be sandbagged by an easy lay?
3. She's your coworker. If shit goes south, have have to deal with her every day. Don't shit where you eat.
Normally I'd be all for smashing it then deleting her number, but not this time. Turn in the opposite direction and don't stop moving your legs. Don't listen to Chad. Use your own condoms, never the ones she has. Other than that, jump in with both feet and enjoy the ride, girls like these are what make life an entertaining mess. People get all up in arms about you working alongside her, so what. Chances are, your office job is shit anyways, it being an office job and all, so you're better off having some entertainment / drama at the work place. The worst thing that can happen: you have a good time for a while in things cool down. The best thing that can happen: she goes totally nuts, you have the best sex of your life, a story to tell for decades to come and maybe you'll even lose that office job and start doing something proper with your life. You never know. I've had some awful and awesome moments with girls like these (though none were mothers), and those are the stories that make me smile and shake my head when I remember them. TL;DR: Of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are 'it might have been'.
Well "You have hepatitis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea. As a consequence you are now infertile and we need to monitor your liverstatus every 6-12 months for the rest of your life - oh and you'll probably get liver cancer at the age of 60" are pretty sad as well...
|
On June 27 2014 22:40 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2014 22:29 chadissilent wrote:
@GiveMeCake
Run. Run away. Don't look back.
1. I can already tell you're super emotional and clingy. She just wants to fuck and is probably hooking up with several others in this time period. It'll fuck with your head, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that it won't. Go find a nice girl.
2. She plays fast and loose. The odds of her having an STD or forgetting to take her birth control is extremely high. Do you want to be sandbagged by an easy lay?
3. She's your coworker. If shit goes south, have have to deal with her every day. Don't shit where you eat.
Normally I'd be all for smashing it then deleting her number, but not this time. Turn in the opposite direction and don't stop moving your legs. Don't listen to Chad. Use your own condoms, never the ones she has. Other than that, jump in with both feet and enjoy the ride, girls like these are what make life an entertaining mess. People get all up in arms about you working alongside her, so what. Chances are, your office job is shit anyways, it being an office job and all, so you're better off having some entertainment / drama at the work place. The worst thing that can happen: you have a good time for a while in things cool down. The best thing that can happen: she goes totally nuts, you have the best sex of your life, a story to tell for decades to come and maybe you'll even lose that office job and start doing something proper with your life. You never know. I've had some awful and awesome moments with girls like these (though none were mothers), and those are the stories that make me smile and shake my head when I remember them. TL;DR: Of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are 'it might have been'.
That's really not true; there are a host of things I can think of in relation to the aforementioned scenario that turn out far more sad. Cliches only get you so far.
Edit: haha, like ghostcom said, "it might have been" isn't nearly as sad as "my dick used to work normally."
|
being coworkers killed everything basically; because you can't just do her, leave her, then never see her again ...
|
Let's not forget that she works with him and when the relationship goes south, any fall out from that will likey bleed into work. So for all the folks who are like "enjoy the ride," it should be amended with "and at the end you would lose your job, depending on how crazy she is."
Never doubt the power of crazy to ruin you life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
