EPTthe blackmail argument was reserved for this specific douche
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 500
| Forum Index > General Forum |
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
|
Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
the blackmail argument was reserved for this specific douche | ||
|
eviltomahawk
United States11135 Posts
| ||
|
kaykaykay
Singapore637 Posts
Xiphos: "If you're not getting what you want from a relationship (in this case sex), breaking up is the responsible thing to do as you neither hinder your own or the girl's progress. R.Evo: "Using the relationship as leverage, and ending it if you're not getting what you want.(in this case sex) is not something I believe in." Please do correct me if I've understood the both of you wrongly. Neither view can be said to be more right than the other, it's just that the approach from Xiphos comes from a logical point while R.Evo's deals with feelings and emotions. Which approach to use depends on the girl, does she see things more logically or more emotionally? | ||
|
TheTreeKing
United States26 Posts
On June 26 2014 11:51 kaykaykay wrote: Neither view can be said to be more right than the other, it's just that the approach from Xiphos comes from a logical point while R.Evo's deals with feelings and emotions. Which approach to use depends on the girl, does she see things more logically or more emotionally? I don't think it really points to emotion or logic, per say. I think sex should not make or break a relationship. Sure, it's great. But really, if you get down to it, if you enjoy the person enough sex should not be the decider. I think this is especially true if you're under like... 21 to draw an arbitrary line in the sand. Even if you're older, the girly I bagged took three months and a plain trip to really break ground with the golden shovel. (By the way, it was/is worth it.) Perhaps this is evidence that if you are in a relationship and sex is something that you feel necessary to remain that relationship, it's not the relationship for you. I think this is an unpopular opinion. But someone mentioned fun dating stories: My friend Sean is a big ball of muscly feels. He's 180, 5'9", and deadlifts four plates (either side, reppin'.) That being said he's not great with girls. So I get a call one day. "TreeKing I need you to do me a favor and don't ask what it is." Fine. What is it. "I'm going on an OKCupid date and she won't go unless I get someone to go with me and be a date for her friend. Ugh. Fine. But I'm drinking. We're drinking. And we're getting there early to drink. "DEAL". Date night, Sean's date is this adorable, curvy (in a good way) brunette with a sparkling smile. Someone you can really get to know. Her friend (my date) looks somewhat like Lindsay Lohan. Except shorter. She had a bigger mouth. Maybe weighed a few more pounds. Her hair was also a bit frizzier. So like Lindsay Lohan only not. We all hug (someone tell me what to do on OKCupid dates) and sit down. By this time me and Sean are halfway to sauce town. So we get another cocktail (sidecars fuckin delish yo) and sit for dinner. Sean's date is chatty, nice, adorable, and mine is named Johanna. Upon hearing this, I mention "Oh, what an interesting name". Apparently this is a bad opener. She spits out, "No it's not." I was taken back. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there were Johanna's all over the place. Did she know anyone else named Johanna? No. "Why did you say it was interesting?" Cold. Cocktails could not save me from this Lindsay Lohan not-look-alike. Emergency mode. Wings extended, I support as best I can for my buddy. Other notes from the night: she works in government, law something, not once asks me what I do (It's way more fucking interesting than what she does) and Sean and Sean's girl have a grand time. Sean's girl gives me her number. It was awkard. We go back to my place and get drunk(er?) to forget that ever happened.Second and last OKCupid date I ever went on. Not an awesome story, but fuck Johanna. | ||
|
r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
The moral issue is just there for bonus points, at the core it comes down to whether you're aiming to become a more stronger, more positive person that brings out the best possible in others or whether you're content with holding your ground and possibly damaging someone elses growth as a person. Obviously if there's a major difference in the perspective of two people that will stop a relationship from progressing the way both people are cool with it breaking up is the smart thing to do. One of those things would be two 20 year olds dating where one says "I don't want to have sex before marriage and I don't want to marry before I'm 30" and the other "I want to have sex with my partner within the first month of meeting him/her". Don't waste your time, break up, done. However that's not what we're talking about here. The issue at hand is "The girl I'm dating since two weeks is a virgin and doesn't want to have sex with me." - Based on the information at hand we know that the girl is, for whatever reason, scared and the obvious elephant in the room is "How to have sex with her?" a) "If she refuses to have sex with her you should break up with her." b) "Communicate, figure out why she's scared and offer to help her out. If it works out, enjoy sex, if it doesn't work out feel free to end the relationship." This isn't about logic or emotions this is about trying to guilt trip a virgin that you're dating since two weeks into sex. GIVE ME SEX OR I'LL LEAVE. It's a position that offers zero emotional support, zero compromises, zero social competence and especially relevant: zero dating skillz and/or seduction. Imagine you're unexperienced and just started to date this really cool woman. She told you she really enjoys using a strap-on on a mans ass and (to bring the example in line with the situation at hand) you're not generally opposed to the thought of it but you're genuinely scared. (Does it hurt? Will I be able to poo like a normal person again? Is it weird to talk about this so early?) a) She brings up that she noticed her comments seemed to unsettle you, asks you if you have any questions, brings up examples about what can and can't happen and tries to work with you on all the questions you have about it (remember, you're not opposed to the idea!) and all that eventually leads into happily agreeing and sexy time. b) She tells you that if you refuse to let her shove a strap-on up your ass she's done with the relationship. Sure her second position isn't exactly "incorrect", sure she's being honest but she's also giving zero fucks about you, your feelings or anything that's not generally related to getting to her immediate goal. Even worse (this is where the mentioned possible damage comes into play) it's possible that you end up doing what she wants exclusively to keep the relationship alive without any of your concerns being addressed. | ||
|
Beany
Netherlands396 Posts
Would you please STOP it with the bullshit pseudo psycho-analysis. This is not the right topic for it. Look at the topic "Dating, how's your luck". either show me your PHD or just QQ. | ||
|
SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
![[image loading]](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/a3Y6Nxe_700b.jpg) My offline dating life in one picture. Thank god for Tinder. User was warned for this post | ||
|
urboss
Austria1223 Posts
Poll: How do you usually find your dates? I don't usually find dates (14) I'm bound (7) Through circle of friends (5) At work / school / university (2) Dating website (1) Facebook / Tinder / Social Media (1) Bar / Club / Events (0) On the street / Shopping (0) 30 total votes Your vote: How do you usually find your dates? (Vote): Bar / Club / Events | ||
|
LeLfe
France3160 Posts
| ||
|
Snotling
Germany885 Posts
| ||
|
Ghostcom
Denmark4782 Posts
| ||
|
LeLfe
France3160 Posts
 | ||
|
Titusmaster6
United States5937 Posts
| ||
|
r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
In terms of dates I find most via loose social circles, unicorn hunting is a gigantic pain. | ||
|
Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
On June 26 2014 11:51 kaykaykay wrote: The matter can be interpreted from two view points. Xiphos: "If you're not getting what you want from a relationship (in this case sex), breaking up is the responsible thing to do as you neither hinder your own or the girl's progress. R.Evo: "Using the relationship as leverage, and ending it if you're not getting what you want.(in this case sex) is not something I believe in." Please do correct me if I've understood the both of you wrongly. Neither view can be said to be more right than the other, it's just that the approach from Xiphos comes from a logical point while R.Evo's deals with feelings and emotions. Which approach to use depends on the girl, does she see things more logically or more emotionally? My approach pretty much rips off the band-aid as quickly as possible without wasting anyone's time. If the girl can't handle it psychologically, then she is unfit to be my wife-to-be in the first place. I don't like the way that people treat girls as vulnerable as possible by pandering to them, that's completely disparaging their abilities to handle themselves and after all, one should stay true to himself. | ||
|
ComaDose
Canada10357 Posts
| ||
|
Plansix
United States60190 Posts
| ||
|
Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
On June 27 2014 02:34 ComaDose wrote: Xiphos can i have a picture of you so i can warn my sister and extended family? Can I have a picture of your sister so I can decide whether or not to court her in the first place? On June 27 2014 02:58 Plansix wrote: It sort of reminds me of a Beautiful Mind when the guy would just ask to have sex and then get slapped. But less endearing and more agro. You don't ask for sex. If you know how to carry yourself with a girl in a conversation with good common sense; great sense of humor; interesting topics to bring out; and someone of stylish fashion, you won't be the one initiating the sexual advances. | ||
|
Plansix
United States60190 Posts
| ||
|
ComaDose
Canada10357 Posts
On June 27 2014 03:03 Xiphos wrote: Can I have a picture of your sister so I can decide whether or not to court her in the first place? I know by court you mean disregard her psychological well being and offering sexual ultimatums so no. | ||
| ||
