EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 503
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
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Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
On June 27 2014 15:57 GiveMeCake wrote: TL, I need some advice. I work with a girl at a small office anywhere between 30 to 40 hours a week. When we first met we hit it off pretty well. The flirting continued over the next couple months and she went from being somewhat reserved, to revealing some pretty personal details with me. The flirting began to intensify, with her literally pointing down to her crotch and touching my neck and shoulders in a sexual way at work. However, the entire time this was happening another guy in the office was also interested in her and I learned through him that they were hooking up, which made me a bit uneasy inside to say the least. She began opening up to me and revealing shocking details... I found out that she is 5 years older than me, and has a 12 year old kid ( ! ). She has been in many relationships and has been physically abused in the past. She has rampant alcoholism, and drinks regularly on her days off. She asked me about drugs on more than one occasion. The entire time, my gut was telling me that she was trouble, but still, I could not deny that I had some feelings for her. Last night a few people from our office decided to get together at a bar for some food and drinks. I asked her out on a date, and before long I was at her door ready to pick her up. I could tell that she had been drinking when she entered my car, and even had a water bottle filled with vodka and orange juice which she put in my cup holder. Right off the bat, I could tell that this chick was WILD. She was dancing in her seat, opening the window and lighting cigarettes on the way there. She rarely had more than 2 cigarettes in a 10 hour shift at work, so I was a little surprised when she began chain smoking. When we arrived at the bar, three people we work with were already seated, and I thought that we would go and sit with them right away. Turns out she wanted to sit at the bar and began ordering a shot of vodka and a double long island ice tea. She quickly downed the drinks, and then ordered another vodka shot and double long island ice tea once we were seated. She told me she was going outside to have a smoke, and wanted me to join her, but it turned out to just be another reason to head to the bar. She ordered yet another shot of vodka and another double long island ice tea making that 9 oz of vodka in about 40 minutes... Somewhere in the night, we both needed to use the bathroom and she tried to lead me into the handicapped stall for god knows what. She even told me that she wanted to watch me go pee. I felt really uncomfortable with that, and insisted that we meet up after. She ended up going in the mens bathroom to come find me with 3 other guys pissing at the urinal which was a little embarrassing. Later in the night, she wanted to smoke reefer, and ended up being sick. She began throwing up in the bathroom at our co-workers place, and told me that she felt like she was going to die. She even told me to phone an ambulance at one point. I basically ended up taking care of her the rest of the night and I offered to drive her home as I had only had 3 drinks in 5 hours time. On the way home, she became overly negative, and said that she was skitzofrentic, and accused me of not liking her, and implied that if I didn`t sleep with her that I was gay. I felt so strange, and the lead up to her house was probably the most awkward 5 minutes of my life. She invited me inside, and I declined saying that it was late and that I had to work the next day. She got really pissed at me, and slammed my door. I was tramatized the entire way home until I feel asleep; I regretted everything. Now (the day after) she is asking me when our next date is, but I don`t know what to tell her. It`s true I still have some feelings left for her, but I think that she is nothing but trouble. She also asked me if I could score her some Coke that night, and I don`t do that at all which kind of freaks me out. This being said, I haven`t been out with a girl for 5 years, and I feel extremely horny... my head is saying she`s trouble, but my other head is saying go for it. What do I do here TL Alright, alright. Let's break this shit down boys. You always gotta to ask yourself this question "Will this be the mother of my child(ren)?" If the answer is no, then you absolutely no that you are in this for the short term satisfaction. You should internalize that fact that this connection b/w you two can be terminated at any given moment as a psychological preparation of what is going to happen. You should also insinuate to her that this won't last for long b/w you two. It also depends on how wild are YOU, can you even manage to keep up with her? The key of being with a unstable chick like in this case is that you have to be psychologically prepare for any shit that follows afterward. So the two questions you should be asking yourself is: "Am I ready to handle anything that happens with her?" and "Am I cold-blooded to abrutly shut down the entire 'relationship' when shits goes sour?" If the answers to those questions are positive in any way, then go for it. But if you have a slight hesitation about it that you can't handle a chick like her, then don't, its simple. Its akin to playing a really crazy style of a StarCraft game, can you handle the strategy? If not, then literally drop it down the notch. | ||
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SUINELLA
Italy0 Posts
On June 27 2014 21:33 quetzy wrote: @SUINELLA, if you don't mind saying, how old are you and how many relationships have you been in? Out of those, how many girls wish they never met you? From what you wrote on the last few pages here, you have no conscience, no respect for other people, and no sense of personal responsibility. You would do whatever you feel like, using whatever dirty cheap tricks, just to get yourself a bit of small temporary fun, with complete disregard of what kind of damage it might cause to others. For your and everyone else's sake, please stop being a douche and work on yourself a bit. Listening to your advice is a good recipe for someone to spend their life looking over their shoulder (and wreck several lives in the process). I'm 26 and i've got 12 "serious" relationships.. to be honest i had a very different behaviour in the past, being gentle and all, respecting the people. That approach sometimes works, but then i had a very long relationship (3 years) and i realized how respecting the girls lead to great sacrifices, because girls are just so different from men. So my actual point of view is: lets do whatever we want. Now i'm very happy and i'm enjoying love a lot more, even if sometimes horrible things happen. But this is not a problem, since im very selfish and these problems affect the girls. Example: me and my ex-gf bought together some mushrooms grow kits, but right after that i left her because i was bored. As i stated above we had random sex some days ago but the situation turned to be very disappointing because she started to think that i wanted to come back to her. So she said "bring the shrooms and we will take together as friends". given that she paid them i could not refuse so we took them. The more the trip become strong, the more she started to try with me. Eventually, since i was not giving a *** and i was just enjoying the colors she became paranoid about her mental health. If i was emphatic i would be worried about her, but i am not, so we just go to her house and i started to eat all the food in the fridge. She got naked and asked for sex, and i got so disgusted by that that i left her alone and i went to my flat. TL:DR -> Being selfish makes life easier and joyful, because when sh** happens, you can just ignore it. User was temp banned for this post. | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
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Ghostcom
Denmark4781 Posts
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urboss
Austria1223 Posts
To make things happen, they need to meet in the middle. If boys are looking for love, the balance is skewed. | ||
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SUINELLA
Italy0 Posts
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r.Evo
Germany14079 Posts
I'm selfish. I firmly believe that my own happiness and well-being is the most important thing in the world. If I'm not responsible for those things, who else? However, since it's a better experience to be around other people that are happy and feel awesome than the opposite I also consider myself smart enough to make sure that I have happy people around me. Sex is more enjoyable when the other person is having some of the best time of their life and doing things with someone who is really into them will be more enjoyable than doing things with someone who is forced into them or not genuinely enjoying them. By all means, if you enjoy seeing other people suffer and draw pleasure from the negative emotions of others, have fun with it. Just don't be surprised when people call you inconsiderate, rude and in general not someone they'd aspire to be like. As a side-note, if you genuinely believe that you "have to be that way" because actually being respectful to women isn't something that "works" and "leads to great sacrifices" you should seek professional help. It's also violating the modnote at the top. | ||
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quetzy
Croatia15 Posts
On June 27 2014 23:22 SUINELLA wrote: I'm 26 and i've got 12 "serious" relationships.. to be honest i had a very different behaviour in the past, being gentle and all, respecting the people. That approach sometimes works, but then i had a very long relationship (3 years) and i realized how respecting the girls lead to great sacrifices, because girls are just so different from men. So my actual point of view is: lets do whatever we want. Now i'm very happy and i'm enjoying love a lot more, even if sometimes horrible things happen. But this is not a problem, since im very selfish and these problems affect the girls. The bolded thing is exactly a problem. Maybe not for you, maybe not at the moment, but it doesn't make you a decent human being really (and it *will* very likely come to bite you in the ass somewhere down the road). The approach you used to have (being respectful) sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, yes. But even in the cases it doesn't, you'll move on with dignity and respect from others. The World is a smaller place then it ever was, you won't get far by being a selfish prick (no offense intended, you basically understand that your behavior is such at the moment). btw. please don't mistake me for saying that one should be mega nice to everyone and do what others want you to do. I do however think that you should set your own boundaries and rules and respect those of others. When your and your partner's rules and expectations are different - you just need to clear that out instead of misleading the other. If you both want the same thing, no matter how crazy it may be to others, sure, go ahead and have fun. Problems arise when you lead people on with false assumptions, even worse when you do so willingly. | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On June 27 2014 23:34 urboss wrote: Boys are looking for sex, girls are looking for love. To make things happen, they need to meet in the middle. If boys are looking for love, the balance is skewed. There can be a misalignment of interest, but I see no reason to agree with that first part. Or hell, the whole thing. | ||
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ComaDose
Canada10352 Posts
On June 27 2014 23:34 urboss wrote: Boys are looking for sex, girls are looking for love. To make things happen, they need to meet in the middle. If boys are looking for love, the balance is skewed. fuck i've been doing it wrong. at least i understand everyone on the planets relationship motivations now. | ||
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Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
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Plansix
United States60190 Posts
Come on TL, we gotta stop using stereotypes people were using on the early 80s. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On June 27 2014 23:34 urboss wrote: Boys are looking for sex, girls are looking for love. To make things happen, they need to meet in the middle. If boys are looking for love, the balance is skewed. This is retarded. I'm looking for love and many girls I meat were just looking for sex. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4781 Posts
On June 27 2014 23:34 SUINELLA wrote: we should define love. Well, for me it is "enjoing the time spent with someone else" So you love your friends in the same way that you love a girlfriend? On June 28 2014 00:03 SixStrings wrote: This is retarded. I'm looking for love and many girls I meat were just looking for sex. Considering your previous stories in this thread I'm struggling to figure out if this is a freudian slip or just a spelling mistake. I'm leaning towards the former. | ||
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urboss
Austria1223 Posts
On June 28 2014 00:03 SixStrings wrote: This is retarded. I'm looking for love and many girls I meat were just looking for sex. Yes, in both cases the balance is skewed. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
Actually, by your logic, balance would be restored. | ||
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urboss
Austria1223 Posts
On June 28 2014 01:03 SixStrings wrote: Actually, by your logic, balance would be restored. Not really, because boys lack the social/interpersonal aptitude that girls possess. Girls play in a completely different league as a result of their childbearing abilities. | ||
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Jormundr
United States1678 Posts
On June 28 2014 01:10 urboss wrote: Not really, because boys lack the social/interpersonal aptitude that girls possess. Girls play in a completely different league as a result of their childbearing abilities. Henceforth referred to as 'mystical vagina powers'. | ||
Falling
Canada11265 Posts
On June 28 2014 01:10 urboss wrote: Not really, because boys lack the social/interpersonal aptitude that girls possess. Girls play in a completely different league as a result of their childbearing abilities. Hey urboss. Take a look at the mod note at the top, and read the paragraph at bottom. Consider this a 'verbal' warning. | ||
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