EPTI'm from Italy and no one "goes on a date" here.
Things just happen.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 469
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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BungaBunga
Italy23 Posts
I'm from Italy and no one "goes on a date" here. Things just happen. | ||
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jtype
England2167 Posts
On May 18 2014 17:31 BungaBunga wrote: It's funny how everyone talks about "going on a date" in this thread. I'm from Italy and no one "goes on a date" here. Things just happen. So you never invite someone out to dinner, or coffee, or lunch, or anything like that to get to know them? You just meet and then that's it, you're now 'together'? Maybe you don't call it the same thing in Italian, but I'm confident that the process is at least somewhat similar. | ||
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BungaBunga
Italy23 Posts
Something you have to put lots of thought into. There are lots of implicit rules and conventions associated with "going on a date". That is just a very weird concept to me. | ||
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jtype
England2167 Posts
The thing is, most people don't want to 'mess up' any chances they have with prospective partners of any kind, so 'rules' are made to give people a bit more confidence in what they're doing, so they have less things to be unsure about. Certain topics are traditionally off-limit for dates, because they can frequently lead to some awkwardness between people at first, for example. But these things will exist regardless of what you actually call it, whether you are aware of it or not. It's just how people find ways to limit the amount of unknown factors in a given situation. | ||
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Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
On May 18 2014 18:32 BungaBunga wrote: The point is that if you call it "going on a date" it becomes a mechanical thing. Something you have to put lots of thought into. There are lots of implicit rules and conventions associated with "going on a date". That is just a very weird concept to me. But you live in freaken Italy, the architecture itself just reeks of love and exoticism + genuine Italy food is simply aphrodisiac. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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SilverSkyLark
Philippines8437 Posts
Ohwell, another topic. There's this thing called the "Great Wall" (Of China, obv) which is prevalent among the top colleges and universities in our country. It is when a guy or a girl of a Chinese Descent can only date someone of a Chinese Descent. It has broken a lot of hearts (from both sides) and there's been success stories like how the guy persevered until the family of the Chinese girl (up to the cousins and aunts and uncles) gave their strong approval of him and the guy managed to break the wall. So, have you guys heard of or experienced something like that? Or are the Chinese immigrants there are much more accepting of someone from another culture/country? | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
I was wondering, because in my case our last (and first date) was five weeks ago. I really want to see her again... and I made that clear. But the situation is somehow difficult. Slowly I´m starting to fear that I will get friendzoned soon -__- Without having much influence. | ||
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
http://www.columbia.edu/~jhb2147/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating.html Basically stay with the free stuff. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On May 18 2014 22:01 JoeCool wrote: Is it possible to get into friendzone although you do not have much contact? I was wondering, because in my case our last (and first date) was five weeks ago. I really want to see her again... and I made that clear. But the situation is somehow difficult. Slowly I´m starting to fear that I will get friendzoned soon -__- Without having much influence. You should have stopped worrying about that four weeks and six days ago. She's not into you, she won't date you again, good riddance and good luck next time. | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
Never ever give a single **** about the things a girl is texting you! Meaningless and worthless rubbish. -___- | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
On May 20 2014 06:13 JoeCool wrote: Short advice for anyone out there; Never ever give a single **** about the things a girl is texting you! Meaningless and worthless rubbish. -___- i feel like when you text once every couple days then its not gonna go anywhere people told you to lay that bitch down and ask her like 500000 times in the thread already | ||
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Calanthe
United States147 Posts
On May 19 2014 06:56 obesechicken13 wrote: Here's an interesting read on paid online dating. http://www.columbia.edu/~jhb2147/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating.html Basically stay with the free stuff. The OKCupid blogs are beyond interesting. It's a huge shame that they only put out twelve or so. They were extremely fun reads. That said, this article was funded by & published on a free dating website (OKCupid). Since then it's been bought out by match.com, but still. Consider sources. One major point in favor of paid sites like Match or eHarmony is that by introducing a paywall, you mostly eliminate dirty casuals and are left with people who are Really Very Interested In A Relationship. | ||
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Belisarius
Australia6233 Posts
Ultimately it comes down to how much Match et al. value their current customers' opinions of the site. I doubt that they use their customers solely for internal advertising. The large subscription blocks and high turnover do support that interpretation, but it also totally disregards the normal conventions that apply to sales. Satisfied customers are worth money, too, both as repeat business and - something which he totally neglects - as word-of-mouth advocates. I suspect they do show a significant number of dead profiles to people, but I don't think they do it to the extent that he suggests. It's also balanced against the higher density of people on the site who are seriously trying to find a relationship, and the focusing of demographics that comes with a site like eHarmony. | ||
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LeeDawg
United States1306 Posts
Spend all kinds of time and effort into one person, only to be met with double standards galore. she rants and raves how I can't get jealous when she flirts with guys in front of me, but one girl thinks i'm cute and it's the end of the world. She insists that she only wants to be open with communication, but if I say how I feel, I'm the bad guy. Nevermind that she's allowed to give me the silent treatment and refuse to say why. She can insist she wants space, but she still comes to the place I work, 7 fucking days a week to hang out. If I say I want space, I'm making it all about me. what a fucking waste of time. | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
On May 20 2014 06:36 Ghostcom wrote: So who did you see her with/how did you get shot down? Well, I met her at work and she went with me into our breakroom where she grabbed me from behind, and somehow pushed herself in front of me into my arms. Put her head on my shoulder/chest looked at me and asked: "how are you?" ... I tried to kiss her, she just said "No" relinquished her hold and talked to me like nothing happened. But I feel like this was an important experience for me, our first date was ~five weeks ago. Since then I asked her out two more times, and although these dates did not take place she started to text me about two weeks ago how she misses me, wants to see me, has to think of me all day long and so on ... Plus since she was always looking for every sort of physical contact, I thought that I should give it a try. Learning never stops.  | ||
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
On May 20 2014 14:19 JoeCool wrote: Well, I met her at work and she went with me into our breakroom where she grabbed me from behind, and somehow pushed herself in front of me into my arms. Put her head on my shoulder/chest looked at me and asked: "how are you?" ... I tried to kiss her, she just said "No" relinquished her hold and talked to me like nothing happened. But I feel like this was an important experience for me, our first date was ~five weeks ago. Since then I asked her out two more times, and although these dates did not take place she started to text me about two weeks ago how she misses me, wants to see me, has to think of me all day long and so on ... Plus since she was always looking for every sort of physical contact, I thought that I should give it a try. Learning never stops. she teasing you real hard | ||
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
On May 20 2014 11:47 Belisarius wrote: It's an interesting take but he's obviously biased. The bulk of the article is pretty reasonable, and he's taking pains to give the other two the benefit of the doubt, which I respect. The final section devolves into total nonsense, though. Ultimately it comes down to how much Match et al. value their current customers' opinions of the site. I doubt that they use their customers solely for internal advertising. The large subscription blocks and high turnover do support that interpretation, but it also totally disregards the normal conventions that apply to sales. Satisfied customers are worth money, too, both as repeat business and - something which he totally neglects - as word-of-mouth advocates. I suspect they do show a significant number of dead profiles to people, but I don't think they do it to the extent that he suggests. It's also balanced against the higher density of people on the site who are seriously trying to find a relationship, and the focusing of demographics that comes with a site like eHarmony. This is all true. Still it's hard to argue against the statistic of 6 couples getting married through match in a year. That's not really the sign of a good relationship site, and it is also true that unlike with other services, a successful venture into a dating site means you might not need that dating service again. So while customer satisfaction may be necessary for most companies, premium dating services may find it detrimental. I don't know. I haven't heard enough anecdotal evidence to say which is better. Maybe someone here has found a relationship on a premium site and found nothing through free. | ||
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