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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Netherlands6190 Posts
On May 12 2014 21:35 Calanthe wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2014 14:34 dravernor wrote:
Well, it is a dating thread, not so much a one night stand with a random hookup some app found for you. You have to be careful with someone willing to leap into bed with you 2 minutes after meeting you. Think of all the other people they were wiling to do that with and consider just how many stds they picked up on their way. Just be careful yo. Challenging the assumption that just because someone's willing to have sex with a stranger that they must also have loads of diseases or that they're no longer worthy of your time and attention because they have slept with others. Show nested quote +On May 12 2014 17:26 GettingIt wrote:
Does anyone here have experience if meeting some IRL that you first started talking to online? I've been talking to this girl for a while now, but not sure when to make the next move. I met my husband online. How long have you been talking to her? Sometimes it's just as simple as saying "Hey, I'd really like to meet you" and seeing what the response is. IMO, if it's anything less than an emphatic "yes, I'd love to!", I'd back off for a little while or ask if she has any concerns about meeting up and such. Try to convey that you understand instead of appearing demanding - there's nothing quite so off-putting as a guy who has a tantrum when you say "no" to something.
Of course I wasn't serious about that, but you've got to be a little wary of someone who agrees to sleep over within two minutes of meeting you.
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On May 13 2014 13:23 dravernor wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2014 21:35 Calanthe wrote:On May 12 2014 14:34 dravernor wrote:
Well, it is a dating thread, not so much a one night stand with a random hookup some app found for you. You have to be careful with someone willing to leap into bed with you 2 minutes after meeting you. Think of all the other people they were wiling to do that with and consider just how many stds they picked up on their way. Just be careful yo. Challenging the assumption that just because someone's willing to have sex with a stranger that they must also have loads of diseases or that they're no longer worthy of your time and attention because they have slept with others. On May 12 2014 17:26 GettingIt wrote:
Does anyone here have experience if meeting some IRL that you first started talking to online? I've been talking to this girl for a while now, but not sure when to make the next move. I met my husband online. How long have you been talking to her? Sometimes it's just as simple as saying "Hey, I'd really like to meet you" and seeing what the response is. IMO, if it's anything less than an emphatic "yes, I'd love to!", I'd back off for a little while or ask if she has any concerns about meeting up and such. Try to convey that you understand instead of appearing demanding - there's nothing quite so off-putting as a guy who has a tantrum when you say "no" to something. Of course I wasn't serious about that, but you've got to be a little wary of someone who agrees to sleep over within two minutes of meeting you.
Ive only ever done the online dating thing and met 1 person, we ended up having sex but it was after a regular date and i took it really slow lol. She later asked if that was something i did alot cause i was pretty smooth with it, which made me feel bad cause its not -_-.
Its not a bad thing to sleep with them i mean, its the same as meeting a random bitch at a club or something then doing it imo.
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So I have a strange situation. In order to not make this long I'll just sum things up. A girl stopped me when I was about to leave a club to give me her number unasked for and we spent the next day together with her ending up at my place. A couple times in the night I had explicitly asked her what she expected from the evening and even said at one point that the next thing we would do would depend on if it was a hang out with a friend or a date. She never says either way, but I'm thinking the spending the night is pretty much her answer. Cut to the chase; nothing happens. She gets in my bed and I kiss her only to get no reaction. The next morning she gets dressed and just waits in my bed while I'm getting ready. I drop her off back at her place where she says she had fun and wants to do it again. She even said she's specifically interested in joining me this coming Friday for something with a friend of mine who was there when I met her.
Anyway, my friend thinks I'm an idiot, that I needed to be much more aggressive in making a move in bed and that I should seal the deal by driving her up to his town this Friday and getting a hotel room for the night (he's like 2 hours away). Of course he also wants me to try to get her to bring a friend for him.
I find this confusing. I wasn't sure if her being so nonsexual in bed was her testing me to see if I just wanted to fuck her or if she wanted me to be really aggressive in starting things off. (Again, I thought trying to kiss her and having the pretty obvious erection pressing into her was clear as can be).
edit: ideas on what I should do now regarding talking with her during the week or specifically how I might plan things for Friday would be welcome.
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On May 13 2014 13:28 phyren wrote:
So I have a strange situation. In order to not make this long I'll just sum things up. A girl stopped me when I was about to leave a club to give me her number unasked for and we spent the next day together with her ending up at my place. A couple times in the night I had explicitly asked her what she expected from the evening and even said at one point that the next thing we would do would depend on if it was a hang out with a friend or a date. She never says either way, but I'm thinking the spending the night is pretty much her answer. Cut to the chase; nothing happens. She gets in my bed and I kiss her only to get no reaction. The next morning she gets dressed and just waits in my bed while I'm getting ready. I drop her off back at her place where she says she had fun and wants to do it again. She even said she's specifically interested in joining me this coming Friday for something with a friend of mine who was there when I met her.
Anyway, my friend thinks I'm an idiot, that I needed to be much more aggressive in making a move in bed and that I should seal the deal by driving her up to his town this Friday and getting a hotel room for the night (he's like 2 hours away). Of course he also wants me to try to get her to bring a friend for him.
I find this confusing. I wasn't sure if her being so nonsexual in bed was her testing me to see if I just wanted to fuck her or if she wanted me to be really aggressive in starting things off. (Again, I thought trying to kiss her and having the pretty obvious erection pressing into her was clear as can be).
edit: ideas on what I should do now regarding talking with her during the week or specifically how I might plan things for Friday would be welcome.
Did she even attempt to kiss you back? like where did you kiss her lolol.
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On May 13 2014 13:33 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On May 13 2014 13:28 phyren wrote:
So I have a strange situation. In order to not make this long I'll just sum things up. A girl stopped me when I was about to leave a club to give me her number unasked for and we spent the next day together with her ending up at my place. A couple times in the night I had explicitly asked her what she expected from the evening and even said at one point that the next thing we would do would depend on if it was a hang out with a friend or a date. She never says either way, but I'm thinking the spending the night is pretty much her answer. Cut to the chase; nothing happens. She gets in my bed and I kiss her only to get no reaction. The next morning she gets dressed and just waits in my bed while I'm getting ready. I drop her off back at her place where she says she had fun and wants to do it again. She even said she's specifically interested in joining me this coming Friday for something with a friend of mine who was there when I met her.
Anyway, my friend thinks I'm an idiot, that I needed to be much more aggressive in making a move in bed and that I should seal the deal by driving her up to his town this Friday and getting a hotel room for the night (he's like 2 hours away). Of course he also wants me to try to get her to bring a friend for him.
I find this confusing. I wasn't sure if her being so nonsexual in bed was her testing me to see if I just wanted to fuck her or if she wanted me to be really aggressive in starting things off. (Again, I thought trying to kiss her and having the pretty obvious erection pressing into her was clear as can be).
edit: ideas on what I should do now regarding talking with her during the week or specifically how I might plan things for Friday would be welcome. Did she even attempt to kiss you back? like where did you kiss her lolol.
Mouth, I think I surprised her because she had her eyes closed or something, but no she did not do anything.
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If there is one thing I learned during my dating life it's that making sense of a woman's actions and behaviors is a fool's errand. I've wasted so many hours trying to figure out what she meant when she said or did XY........... Lucky for me I'm getting to the point in my life where I can just shrug, sigh and move on.. Regardless of the frustration though I do think it's a lot of fun even if your attempts to court a lady fail epicly xD
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Northern Ireland26065 Posts
On May 13 2014 13:21 arb wrote:
Ok this one is probably obvious but i have a friend of mine and we have been friends for like 10+ years, and ages ago she swore she'd never get married or anything, but now she has been talking to me a shitload and using the M word and idk wtf to do. I would like to date her or something and give it a try but i am just confused in this situation.
wat do
Don't go there. Well, not much to go on but it sounds like she's hit a point where she think she has to get married and you are convenient/available or what have you. Why haven't you guys got it together in that sense before etc?
Not saying she's necessarily expecting you to marry her, but I think it might be influencing her general attitude towards relationships and all if that makes sense .
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On May 12 2014 19:59 MapleLeafSirup wrote:
edit: @JoeCool
Most of it really sounds as if she really liked you. But you are right, it also seemed like she was avoiding that date. Don't be too harsh on that, you don't know the reasons. Just try it again one or another weekend, but don't be too intrusive. If you then still get the impression that she doesn't want to date you, your impression will probably be right or at least has a good portion of trueness. Then it is important to build a healthy distance to her again, or otherwise you will get friendzoned horribly.
On May 13 2014 12:33 calgar wrote:
Definitely a tough situation! It sounds like she's doing some hot-and-cold or hard-to-get shenanigans. My advice would be to try not to assume the worst since that rarely ever accomplishes anything. Maybe make another good-faith effort to set up a date in another few days/next week?
If you assume that she'll flake out on you again then you don't have much to lose. If she does flake again then I would say save your time and effort and don't bother trying to pursue her any further if she is going to make you play games like that. If she does finally accept then great.
Thanks to both of you!
There is an interesting "development", she was actually supposed to have friday + saturday off, since she has already worked enough over the past three weeks, but asked my (our) boss if she could work on saturday afternoon.
Which is strange, because:
1) She never ever works (worked) on a saturday,
2) who likes to work on saturday voluntarily? Especially when theres stocktaking.
I do not want to interpret too much into her behaviour but somehow I got the feeling that she´s there because I´m also at work on saturday afternoon... that sounds stupid, but still.
Anyways, I decided to stay cool, calm and collected. And see what happens on saturday.
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On May 15 2014 03:54 JoeCool wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2014 19:59 MapleLeafSirup wrote:
edit: @JoeCool
Most of it really sounds as if she really liked you. But you are right, it also seemed like she was avoiding that date. Don't be too harsh on that, you don't know the reasons. Just try it again one or another weekend, but don't be too intrusive. If you then still get the impression that she doesn't want to date you, your impression will probably be right or at least has a good portion of trueness. Then it is important to build a healthy distance to her again, or otherwise you will get friendzoned horribly.
Show nested quote +On May 13 2014 12:33 calgar wrote:
Definitely a tough situation! It sounds like she's doing some hot-and-cold or hard-to-get shenanigans. My advice would be to try not to assume the worst since that rarely ever accomplishes anything. Maybe make another good-faith effort to set up a date in another few days/next week?
If you assume that she'll flake out on you again then you don't have much to lose. If she does flake again then I would say save your time and effort and don't bother trying to pursue her any further if she is going to make you play games like that. If she does finally accept then great.
Thanks to both of you! There is an interesting "development", she was actually supposed to have friday + saturday off, since she has already worked enough over the past three weeks, but asked my (our) boss if she could work on saturday afternoon. Which is strange, because: 1) She never ever works (worked) on a saturday, 2) who likes to work on saturday voluntarily? Especially when theres stocktaking. I do not want to interpret too much into her behaviour but somehow I got the feeling that she´s there because I´m also at work on saturday afternoon... that sounds stupid, but still. Anyways, I decided to stay cool, calm and collected. And see what happens on saturday.
I feel like you read too fa rinto things and you should just sit that bitch down and ask her what she wants and to quit fucking around imo
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Hey JoeCool sounds like you got a classic case of feminine indecisiveness. I usually think it's very easy to find out if a person wants to hang out with you or not: you ask and either they accept or propose a different date or it's a no imo. I never felt like playing along with a woman's games (intentional or not) is benificial so if I were you I would probably try to distance myself from her a bit and let her know (subtly) that you don't play no games.
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On May 13 2014 13:28 phyren wrote:
So I have a strange situation. In order to not make this long I'll just sum things up. A girl stopped me when I was about to leave a club to give me her number unasked for and we spent the next day together with her ending up at my place. A couple times in the night I had explicitly asked her what she expected from the evening and even said at one point that the next thing we would do would depend on if it was a hang out with a friend or a date. She never says either way, but I'm thinking the spending the night is pretty much her answer. Cut to the chase; nothing happens. She gets in my bed and I kiss her only to get no reaction. The next morning she gets dressed and just waits in my bed while I'm getting ready. I drop her off back at her place where she says she had fun and wants to do it again. She even said she's specifically interested in joining me this coming Friday for something with a friend of mine who was there when I met her.
Anyway, my friend thinks I'm an idiot, that I needed to be much more aggressive in making a move in bed and that I should seal the deal by driving her up to his town this Friday and getting a hotel room for the night (he's like 2 hours away). Of course he also wants me to try to get her to bring a friend for him.
I find this confusing. I wasn't sure if her being so nonsexual in bed was her testing me to see if I just wanted to fuck her or if she wanted me to be really aggressive in starting things off. (Again, I thought trying to kiss her and having the pretty obvious erection pressing into her was clear as can be).
edit: ideas on what I should do now regarding talking with her during the week or specifically how I might plan things for Friday would be welcome.
That's some really strange behavior by that woman. I think I would only pursue it if I was really into her in some way, otherwise too weird. Plus, she's making all the decisions. Giving you her number unasked, thus prompting you to call her, coming to your place, ending up in your bed with nothing happening, joining you and your friend on friday. She makes all the decisions while you are (understandably) clueless about wtf is going on. Not a situation I would feel comfortable in.
I also disagree with your friend's idea that you should be "aggressive" towards a woman who doesn't reciprocate.
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So. Last saturday I went out drinking with a very close female friend of mine. And her best friend, who brought his new girlfriend (3days).
I thought damn, she's hot and damn fun/friendly, why am I late by a few days !!
...then I started to notice strange looks she was giving me, intense ones. I wondered for a moment if it was just the way she was looking at people.
Turns out it's not... A few days later we started talking a bit, and she was equally pissed to be with someone when I arrived... Pretty good hey? Except she's the gf of a "friend" though i don't know him that much...
He got fucked over by a girl a few years ago, and she's the first one he's going out with since a few years ago (only had fuck buddies since, he was not interested in relationships..)
That's where the problem is. I don't want to hurt him and it's pretty clear what's gonna happen. Better now when they've just started and haven't even slept together than later I guess...
I'll see her, look how it goes, and if there's no surprise, i'll have her leave him in the cleanest way possible and keep a low profile for a while :-s
And I wanted to stop going out with younguns since it always brings me trouble... -.- must have a pedophile aura... (21, i'm 30)
Why can't that fucking happen with a 25-30 single lady if there's still some on the market ! (All my friends being students don't help.)
My friend will be pissed about her best friend I guess... She doesnt want him to be hurt :-s (i told her...)
(Don't eve't try to tell me "maybe shes not really interested in you", i got plenty of direct proofs already, that's not the issue.
And if she happens to do the same to me, well i'll suck it in, not a problem, i'm tough)
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I was in a similar situation once.
Was out with a friend and his girlfriend, she slipped me her number, I took the paper, looked at it in plain sight of my friend, gave it to him and said rather loudly, for half the pub to see: 'Hey, your girlfriend just gave me your number.'
She started crying and ran away with egg on her face.
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On May 16 2014 22:26 Nouar wrote:
So. Last saturday I went out drinking with a very close female friend of mine. And her best friend, who brought his new girlfriend (3days).
I thought damn, she's hot and damn fun/friendly, why am I late by a few days !!
...then I started to notice strange looks she was giving me, intense ones. I wondered for a moment if it was just the way she was looking at people.
Turns out it's not... A few days later we started talking a bit, and she was equally pissed to be with someone when I arrived... Pretty good hey? Except she's the gf of a "friend" though i don't know him that much...
He got fucked over by a girl a few years ago, and she's the first one he's going out with since a few years ago (only had fuck buddies since, he was not interested in relationships..)
That's where the problem is. I don't want to hurt him and it's pretty clear what's gonna happen. Better now when they've just started and haven't even slept together than later I guess...
I'll see her, look how it goes, and if there's no surprise, i'll have her leave him in the cleanest way possible and keep a low profile for a while :-s
And I wanted to stop going out with younguns since it always brings me trouble... -.- must have a pedophile aura... (21, i'm 30)
Why can't that fucking happen with a 25-30 single lady if there's still some on the market ! (All my friends being students don't help.)
My friend will be pissed about her best friend I guess... She doesnt want him to be hurt :-s (i told her...)
(Don't eve't try to tell me "maybe shes not really interested in you", i got plenty of direct proofs already, that's not the issue.
And if she happens to do the same to me, well i'll suck it in, not a problem, i'm tough)
Do what Sixstrings said and call her out to your friend. The fact that you're thinking about taking away his gf means he isn't a friend to you. If he was you wouldn't be having this bad thoughts and there wouldn't be a problem. If she's gonna cheat on him with you, she's gonna do it on you with someone else.
So either be the bad guy and sneak around or be the good guy and tell him what's going on so he can dump her.
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He's not my "friend" I've seen him twice, but that doesn't matter. I'm not gonna have her cheat on him, but talking to her, she looks like she started going out with him "just to see if it could work" and was surprised to be that interested in someone (me), since it had been a while she hadn't really been, from what she told.
Looks like it won't work between them anyway (from what she showed me this afternoon from texts, already nearly bitching/sulking after a week), then better sooner than later.
I won't do anything with her unless she leaves him first. Which should happen very shortly maybe even tonight from the looks of it.
I spent my whole life doing favors of this kind, this time, I'm not gonna be his father and help him keep his girlfriend if he can't do it himself. What's bound to happen, WILL happen. But in the right order, and respectfully. She decides what she wants to do, she leaves him properly, only then are we gonna do whatever.
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On May 17 2014 08:22 Nouar wrote:
He's not my "friend" I've seen him twice, but that doesn't matter. I'm not gonna have her cheat on him, but talking to her, she looks like she started going out with him "just to see if it could work" and was surprised to be that interested in someone (me), since it had been a while she hadn't really been, from what she told.
Looks like it won't work between them anyway (from what she showed me this afternoon from texts, already nearly bitching/sulking after a week), then better sooner than later.
I won't do anything with her unless she leaves him first. Which should happen very shortly maybe even tonight from the looks of it.
I spent my whole life doing favors of this kind, this time, I'm not gonna be his father and help him keep his girlfriend if he can't do it himself. What's bound to happen, WILL happen. But in the right order, and respectfully. She decides what she wants to do, she leaves him properly, only then are we gonna do whatever.
Sounds good then.
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I think i get stuck in the worst situations with women ive ever seen in my life oh my god.
SO how do we begin.
Girl i used to want to date/bang/whatever when i was 17(im 21 now) Fbs me the other morning all "It's late go to bed" im like thinking to myself "why is she talking to me am i sleeping?" Eventually through some bullshiting around she starts talking about how her friend(some girl i know that is dating a friend of mine) can't talk to her anymore cause of some drama or something idfk and she wants to do some drinking and bitch to someone. So I am at this point like, even if i dont get any or anything i atleast get out of the house so i'm like whatever i'll come over.
Anyway tire busts on the way there, end up having to call my friend to come get me, she had apparently mentioned something to him about the same thing(screams whore i know) but then i tell her a friend of mine is going to bring me over if thats ok and she just immediately is like ok and ignores him which is kinda funny lolol.
I get there she is kinda drunk, i think before black out drunk but way past buzzed, and then we go outside and she is like complaining about her friend for like an hour and im like okay this isnt too bad and eventually she stops and like starts rubbing my face and shit and is like "you look like you could be my next boyfriend" which i was like ummm ok.. I didnt really say much to her about it but she still kept doing it which was kinda weird. Then she starts telling me about the other guys she dated who are like well known douchebags(everyone knows this) like beating her and shit and im like wtf? Cause that shit is fucked up and i'd never do that cause like. real?
Fastforward for about 30 minutes shes like, lets go inside, so im all okay thank god(it was getting kinda cold to be the middle of may) and shes like find something on tv i am going to go pee, so i turn it to something dont even know what except her tv isnt fucking working so im sitting there like wtf? and she comes in and then like jumps on me and we make out for a bit and im like fuck yeah. then im just like would you rather go to your room or something and shes like yeah sure so we get to walking and she kinda staggers into the wall and im like god damn this bitch is drunk as fuck wtf.
We are laying there and its obv she is trying to get me to fuck her but shes super super super drunk and im like yeah i cant do this being sober its fucked up, so she falls asleep for like 2 hours, wakes up and then is like come on we should go smoke so we go outside and do that, and shes all like "did we have sex last night?" im like "nope" and shes like "wonderful" so im thinking, way to go jackass you fucked that one up, retard. Starts asking what time i need to be home, i tell her just anytime is fine, and she insists i stay with her till she has to go to work so im like alright thats fine. so she keeps asking me abuncha stuff about my life what i do etc etc, and i just tell her whatever, then we end up banging so im like fuck yeah cause she was sober so that must be good i guess i must not be totally repulsive. and then we get done doing that and shes all describing things she does and is all like you have to get used to this that etc etc, but doesnt really mention much else so im like whatever.
then she goes to sleep for like 12 hours(she slept like 17 fucking hours i was amazed) wakes up gets ready, i ask her if i should just consider this a one day thing or if i should expect to come over again, and shes like "well i dont work this weekend if you wanted to" so im all like yeah thats fine, so we agree on that so im thinking fuck yeah. well time comes and i have to leave so i give her a kiss or whatever(she hadnt actually kissed me since we got done doing it but i guess she was sleeping so its okay?) and then i text her for a bit and shes like, well saturday my friend wants me to hang out with her so im like okay cause she had just got done talking about how she only has that 1 person to be friends with now so im like cool "is sunday gonna work then" and she just texts me "kkk, so what are you doing" like do i take that as a yes or what the fuck?
That was a long story that i had to rant about bc i am fucking confused as to if i should put any faith into this going into anything or just assume i got to bang a girl i wanted to for a long time then call it good? I basically decided if i don't get to do somethign with her sunday its probably a lost cause but i'm not 100% certain what to do in this kind of situation cause its never happened before D:
FML. females are the devil
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She's probably not going to hang out with you on Sunday, or maybe ever again. Best thing to do would be leave Sunday up to her, try to set something else up and then if that fails forget about it. She probably wasn't that interested in you initially.
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On May 17 2014 09:38 WarSame wrote:
She's probably not going to hang out with you on Sunday, or maybe ever again. Best thing to do would be leave Sunday up to her, try to set something else up and then if that fails forget about it. She probably wasn't that interested in you initially.
I am ok with that tbh, if you arent interested and just want to have sex then really just say so and spare me the bullshit which really annoys me with people any fucking way.
I was yes like you said going to hope that works, and if not maybe set up another day and if that doesnt work just cut my losses and figure i enjoyed myself anyways.
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EPT
