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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 12 2014 10:48 Wombat_NI wrote:
So what falls under the auspices of acceptable discussion? I like the variety of value systems and how posters negotiate their own particular issues and pursue their own desires in radically different ways.
That's fine. Just don't do what he did and brag about all his Tinder matches. Which is quite literally what the mod note says not to do.
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Northern Ireland27351 Posts
I figured it just refers to people finding you attractive on Tinder whereas he went on actual physical dates in the terrifying realm of the outside world?
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Netherlands6192 Posts
Well, it is a dating thread, not so much a one night stand with a random hookup some app found for you. You have to be careful with someone willing to leap into bed with you 2 minutes after meeting you. Think of all the other people they were wiling to do that with and consider just how many stds they picked up on their way. Just be careful yo.
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On May 12 2014 10:54 Wombat_NI wrote:
I figured it just refers to people finding you attractive on Tinder whereas he went on actual physical dates in the terrifying realm of the outside world?
I hate to back seat mod but come on man, there is literally a mod note saying don't brag, and his post proclaims his amazing x dates in so many weeks. Is there any ambiguity as to the appropriateness of his post?
I'd like to think that this thread can be sort of useful to some people, so let's try to keep it open. If his tinder related exploits are really that fascinating to you there is always pm.
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Does anyone here have experience if meeting some IRL that you first started talking to online? I've been talking to this girl for a while now, but not sure when to make the next move.
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On May 12 2014 17:26 GettingIt wrote:
Does anyone here have experience if meeting some IRL that you first started talking to online? I've been talking to this girl for a while now, but not sure when to make the next move.
The longer you wait with rl meetup the more awkward it will be.
As for me: I recently started a new job (two weeks now) and I work with a girl that is pretty damn hot. Pretty much since day one she's been flirting with me. First I didn't think much of it because I figured she's the kind of girl that comes across as "naturally flirty" without necessarily meaning it. Then she made a joke stating more or less that she would like to date me (or someone like me). Still thought nothing of it. Then she made the same joke again. And again. My thinking is that making a joke once is just a joke. Making the same joke twice can be because it was so funny the first time. Three times and up starts sounding like a not so subtle hint. So I decided to call her bluff and asked her out on a date, just to see how she would react because I still kind of didn't expect her to mean it. She agreed though. Going to meet this Wednesday.
However there are things to consider. This is a serious job for me in a company where I seriously want to make a career, and I'm pretty sure she has similar ambitions. Considering this we might just be working closely together for several years to come. So this leaves me with basically two options:
-Use our "date" this Wednesday as a sort of team building day and possibly gain an ally in moving up in this company OR:
-Go against the advice of so many before me and actually go for a date where who knows what might happen.
What do you guys think, is it possible to combine private life with professional life in such a way or could I potentially be committing career suicide with stupid moves like that?
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On May 12 2014 17:46 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2014 17:26 GettingIt wrote:
Does anyone here have experience if meeting some IRL that you first started talking to online? I've been talking to this girl for a while now, but not sure when to make the next move. The longer you wait with rl meetup the more awkward it will be. As for me: I recently started a new job (two weeks now) and I work with a girl that is pretty damn hot. Pretty much since day one she's been flirting with me. First I didn't think much of it because I figured she's the kind of girl that comes across as "naturally flirty" without necessarily meaning it. Then she made a joke stating more or less that she would like to date me (or someone like me). Still thought nothing of it. Then she made the same joke again. And again. My thinking is that making a joke once is just a joke. Making the same joke twice can be because it was so funny the first time. Three times and up starts sounding like a not so subtle hint. So I decided to call her bluff and asked her out on a date, just to see how she would react because I still kind of didn't expect her to mean it. She agreed though. Going to meet this Wednesday. However there are things to consider. This is a serious job for me in a company where I seriously want to make a career, and I'm pretty sure she has similar ambitions. Considering this we might just be working closely together for several years to come. So this leaves me with basically two options: -Use our "date" this Wednesday as a sort of team building day and possibly gain an ally in moving up in this company OR: -Go against the advice of so many before me and actually go for a date where who knows what might happen. What do you guys think, is it possible to combine private life with professional life in such a way or could I potentially be committing career suicide with stupid moves like that?
I think it's a pretty personal issue: mixing work and romance. It depends a lot on your character as well as the place you work in. In terms of your character, are you good with seeing the other person a lot (since you both go to work together)? Do you need alone time? Are you easily envious of people giving her attention? And maybe most importantly are you able to break up in a mature way and treat her like a colleague again?
As for the work - is it the kind of place with lots of intra office dating? Does it have a good hr system to avoid conflicts of interests? What do your bosses think?
Tough to answer the above for you but they are all things you should think about.
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On May 12 2014 08:39 levelping wrote:
You know if you took 5 minutes off from all that amazing sex you're having and read the mod note, you'd see that posts like yours are the reason why this thread is on the verge of being closed down.
Sorry if you perceived it as such. I don't want to brag about my experience there, I just wanted to show why this is an app worth downloading and spending a bit of time on.
And I'm not at all about having as many sexual as possible, I'm just looking for ways to put myself 'out there', because it's a bit lonely 'in here'.
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On May 12 2014 18:09 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2014 08:39 levelping wrote:
You know if you took 5 minutes off from all that amazing sex you're having and read the mod note, you'd see that posts like yours are the reason why this thread is on the verge of being closed down. Sorry if you perceived it as such. I don't want to brag about my experience there, I just wanted to show why this is an app worth downloading and spending a bit of time on. And I'm not at all about having as many sexual as possible, I'm just looking for ways to put myself 'out there', because it's a bit lonely 'in here'.
Please, don't make this an issue about my perception of your post when it is literally in contradiction to the mod note. If you don't want to brag, and want to dicuss tinder, phrase your posts accordingly.
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Lalalaland34507 Posts
SixStrings, your post pretty much directly conflicts with
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
Keep it out please.
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This girl is really getting me down!
After a week without contact, she texts me that she really would like to see me again. Four days later, on tuesday, we meet each other at work. During work she´s always close to me, hugs me. After work we´re alone and talk for a short time - I had to leave after 10 mins to catch my train - she gives me a massage, runs her fingers through my hair and so on...
Later that evening she texts me that it was great to see me again, and she wishes me a good night.
The following morning she texts me again, twice! With a good morning, and that I made her day. ( I do not know why)
Thursday: we had to work together again. Everything is fine, after we´re done she stays with me for almost one hour. I ask her out for saturday. But guess what? She´s insecure, says sth like "Oh yeah ... we´ll text" which is obviously a longer version of "...probably not".
Anyways, friday evening: I sent her a short message "Hey XY, ... what about tomorrow" - No reply! Until....
Saturday evening at 6.00 pm where she tried to call me twice, since I was out for dinner I missed her calls. Called her back two hours later but she did not answer. Then, at about 10pm, I received another message from her:
"Hey... what are you doing? Been thinking about you all day  "
The only I replied on sunday afternoon was that she should have called earlier and missed a great evening.
.... She´s probably just toying with me. :-/ Which is totally not cool.
Although I do not believe that it would fit her character, since we already had a date and she told me that it was great.
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Exceptional luck I have in dating
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On May 12 2014 17:26 GettingIt wrote:
Does anyone here have experience if meeting some IRL that you first started talking to online? I've been talking to this girl for a while now, but not sure when to make the next move.
Yes, several times.
Based on my experience, it is awesome. When chatting, people are not too different from real life. So the impression you got from this girl right now, shouldn't be drastically different from the impression you will get on the potentially first date. So that should also apply to the question if you two get along together, at least most of the times.
As you two already know each other a little bit, it is a little easier on the first date, because you already have a grasp about what kind of person she is, what she likes and which topics you could talk to her about. Consequently, it is also less awkward.
But as somebody else stated, don't wait too long.
You also asked for the next step? Well that shouldn't be too hard, just ask. After all it is online, so it is not face to face.
edit: @JoeCool
Most of it really sounds as if she really liked you. But you are right, it also seemed like she was avoiding that date. Don't be too harsh on that, you don't know the reasons. Just try it again one or another weekend, but don't be too intrusive. If you then still get the impression that she doesn't want to date you, your impression will probably be right or at least has a good portion of trueness. Then it is important to build a healthy distance to her again, or otherwise you will get friendzoned horribly.
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On May 12 2014 18:47 Firebolt145 wrote:SixStrings, your post pretty much directly conflicts with Show nested quote +2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. Keep it out please.
I already got a PM from another mod, so I'll keep my trap shut about it.
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On May 12 2014 14:34 dravernor wrote:
Well, it is a dating thread, not so much a one night stand with a random hookup some app found for you. You have to be careful with someone willing to leap into bed with you 2 minutes after meeting you. Think of all the other people they were wiling to do that with and consider just how many stds they picked up on their way. Just be careful yo.
Challenging the assumption that just because someone's willing to have sex with a stranger that they must also have loads of diseases or that they're no longer worthy of your time and attention because they have slept with others.
On May 12 2014 17:26 GettingIt wrote:
Does anyone here have experience if meeting some IRL that you first started talking to online? I've been talking to this girl for a while now, but not sure when to make the next move.
I met my husband online. How long have you been talking to her? Sometimes it's just as simple as saying "Hey, I'd really like to meet you" and seeing what the response is. IMO, if it's anything less than an emphatic "yes, I'd love to!", I'd back off for a little while or ask if she has any concerns about meeting up and such. Try to convey that you understand instead of appearing demanding - there's nothing quite so off-putting as a guy who has a tantrum when you say "no" to something.
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Lalalaland34507 Posts
On May 12 2014 21:35 Calanthe wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2014 17:26 GettingIt wrote:
Does anyone here have experience if meeting some IRL that you first started talking to online? I've been talking to this girl for a while now, but not sure when to make the next move. I met my husband online. How long have you been talking to her? Sometimes it's just as simple as saying "Hey, I'd really like to meet you" and seeing what the response is. IMO, if it's anything less than an emphatic "yes, I'd love to!", I'd back off for a little while or ask if she has any concerns about meeting up and such. Try to convey that you understand instead of appearing demanding - there's nothing quite so off-putting as a guy who has a tantrum when you say "no" to something.
Curiously, who asked who first between you two? :D
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On May 12 2014 09:39 WarSame wrote:
At this point if they closed the thread nothing of real value would be lost.
The same could be said about your 1000+ posts.
What do you think a forum is?
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Oh, geeze, thought I was still at 600 posts. Anyway, normally forums are used to provoke thought, have real-life benefits, or make people laugh. This thread is "I've fucked 6 girls this week, I'm awesome, bow down to me." While forums aren't often great, this is failing the already low standards.
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On May 13 2014 11:55 WarSame wrote:
Oh, geeze, thought I was still at 600 posts. Anyway, normally forums are used to provoke thought, have real-life benefits, or make people laugh. This thread is "I've fucked 6 girls this week, I'm awesome, bow down to me." While forums aren't often great, this is failing the already low standards. Why do you bother to post off topic things like this? It's just reiterating the mod note up top. You're one of the posters making the thread worse right now.
On May 12 2014 19:40 JoeCool wrote:This girl is really getting me down! After a week without contact, she texts me that she really would like to see me again. Four days later, on tuesday, we meet each other at work. During work she´s always close to me, hugs me. After work we´re alone and talk for a short time - I had to leave after 10 mins to catch my train - she gives me a massage, runs her fingers through my hair and so on... Later that evening she texts me that it was great to see me again, and she wishes me a good night. The following morning she texts me again, twice! With a good morning, and that I made her day. ( I do not know why) Thursday: we had to work together again. Everything is fine, after we´re done she stays with me for almost one hour. I ask her out for saturday. But guess what? She´s insecure, says sth like "Oh yeah ... we´ll text" which is obviously a longer version of "...probably not". Anyways, friday evening: I sent her a short message "Hey XY, ... what about tomorrow" - No reply! Until.... Saturday evening at 6.00 pm where she tried to call me twice, since I was out for dinner I missed her calls. Called her back two hours later but she did not answer. Then, at about 10pm, I received another message from her: "Hey... what are you doing? Been thinking about you all day " The only I replied on sunday afternoon was that she should have called earlier and missed a great evening. .... She´s probably just toying with me. :-/ Which is totally not cool. Although I do not believe that it would fit her character, since we already had a date and she told me that it was great. Definitely a tough situation! It sounds like she's doing some hot-and-cold or hard-to-get shenanigans. My advice would be to try not to assume the worst since that rarely ever accomplishes anything. Maybe make another good-faith effort to set up a date in another few days/next week?
If you assume that she'll flake out on you again then you don't have much to lose. If she does flake again then I would say save your time and effort and don't bother trying to pursue her any further if she is going to make you play games like that. If she does finally accept then great.
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Ok this one is probably obvious but i have a friend of mine and we have been friends for like 10+ years, and ages ago she swore she'd never get married or anything, but now she has been talking to me a shitload and using the M word and idk wtf to do. I would like to date her or something and give it a try but i am just confused in this situation.
wat do
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EPT
