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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 19 2011 04:41 Vegasminion wrote:
When I went to high school I walked up to many women and said.
I'm an asshole, I think you should be making me a sandwhich, I like to spoil my lady, I'm incredibly blunt and honest and i'm looking for a wife. Care to go on a date? rejected 0, women dated. 32. (my wife got jealous and counted) speaking of my wife that' show I met her ^^ she was the 32nd. Proposed after 1 1/2 weeks. married 9 months later. married now for over a year.
Edit: with a baby 2 months away ^^ december baby.
Lol is this a joke???
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On October 20 2011 12:32 Metalreflux wrote:Show nested quote +On October 20 2011 06:52 Kingkindness wrote:
As my ex would say: Stop trying to seek emotional support from everyone and be a real man.
Just be a fucking real man. except for those like a friend of mine, and commit suicide cause he was too manly to seek help.... the whole "macho" man idea is total bullshit and you should feel ashamed of yourself for posting that. the3 irony of Kingkindness, eh?
While i agree that his point of view is a little excessive, and not necessarily good, it does make a lot of sense.
There are a lot of people out there who are like, "i'm a nice guy, nice guys finish last  "
And i feel like that's a self-defeating mentality. You're not finishing last because you're a nice guy, you're finishing last because you're too much of a wimp to ask a girl out on a date. Go out there, get your pride crushed a few times, because not every girl will think you're hot shit.
But then after striking out a half dozen times, going out on dates with girls you don't think it'll work with, sitting through hour after hour of brontë movies just to see if you can get a second date with a girl, you'll find the one who likes some of the things you do. Who enjoys some of the things you do, and who, in general, just enjoys being with you. And that's the best.
Stop looking for a girl who's perfect in every way from the beginning. Because she doesn't exist. You just need to find a girl who's compatible enough with you that you actually enjoy being in her presence. And then see if something blossoms.
But yea, being in a relationship, as long as you're enjoying yourself, is a lot of fun and can lead to a lot of good times!
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I had my first girlfriend at 5. It was a fluke of course and I don't remember it well. After that it's mostly flirting with girls until I dated my first true girlfriend. I fell madly in love. And madly is literal here. Our relationship wasn't healthy and we broke up quite harshly. 4 years of a pathetic love life ensued (with a crushed hope in-between where I declared to a friend that I wanted more of her and she kept me waiting while she fucked that other guy, we are still on very good terms though)
After that I had the worst year of my life (that's last year) where I ended up having zero self-esteem. I don't know how but that one girl saw something in me that my cynism hadn't masked and she started to invite me to do things with her. We are now around 10 months together and though we live in different cities (Helsinki/Paris) we are still as happy as ever.
In the darkest nights shine the brightest stars
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except for those like a friend of mine, and commit suicide cause he was too manly to seek help....
the whole "macho" man idea is total bullshit and you should feel ashamed of yourself for posting that. the3 irony of Kingkindness, eh?
I'm really sorry about your friend.
You don't have to be a macho to be a man.
She your ex cause you weren't a real man? <.< Just asking lol.
Yeah I was a little boy playing video games and posting in the games forums. Oh wait...
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I met my girlfriend on a pokemon forum. It's been a year and I have visited her once with her visiting me once. It's amazing, she is moving here in april :D!
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Got friend zoned by this girl i've been trying to go out with for like 2 months now, alas.
Time to lick the wounds
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I've been in London for a week (last day today). In the shop i buy my coffee works a really really nice girl from Portugal. We have taked some time about the usual stuff - our countries etc, i complain that my colleagues don't take me out... asked her to a beer last night but it didn't work. I am going for a coffee and will try again :p. Can't miss this chance, she is the kind of girl i can't find in my country.
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On October 20 2011 12:43 Carwash wrote:Show nested quote +On October 19 2011 04:41 Vegasminion wrote:
When I went to high school I walked up to many women and said.
I'm an asshole, I think you should be making me a sandwhich, I like to spoil my lady, I'm incredibly blunt and honest and i'm looking for a wife. Care to go on a date? rejected 0, women dated. 32. (my wife got jealous and counted) speaking of my wife that' show I met her ^^ she was the 32nd. Proposed after 1 1/2 weeks. married 9 months later. married now for over a year.
Edit: with a baby 2 months away ^^ december baby. Lol is this a joke???
you would be surprised how many girls you would get if you just be very very honest with your thoughts (be prepared for charges of sexual harassment if you just want sex)
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On October 19 2011 04:41 Vegasminion wrote:
When I went to high school I walked up to many women and said.
I'm an asshole, I think you should be making me a sandwhich, I like to spoil my lady, I'm incredibly blunt and honest and i'm looking for a wife. Care to go on a date? rejected 0, women dated. 32. (my wife got jealous and counted) speaking of my wife that' show I met her ^^ she was the 32nd. Proposed after 1 1/2 weeks. married 9 months later. married now for over a year.
Edit: with a baby 2 months away ^^ december baby.
average chick weight: 600lbs
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Yeah all this alpha male shit is so stupid and only the dumb chicks fall for it. My gf's called Sarah, shes hot and all, but damn, she's totally the controlling type. Btw, she's a class-12 psionic entity.
(Sorry, couldn't resist it^^)
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I grew up in a fairly small town.
Then I moved to a bigger city for school.
1. I had a friend back int he small town who is the best hockey player in town, and throughout highschool I tried to model myself like him. Outspoken, loud, obnoxious, asshole, douchebag and blunt. I had a few successes in highschool modelling after him. But I realized, I am not that person.
2. He is successful with girls, it's because that's who he is. He is an authentic asshole.
3. Then I also know this one other guy who's negative, clingy, and needy all the time, and he still gets bunch girls. (16 in total during one semester, and I can vouch for 4). Then I realized, he is an authentic wimp.
4. All of our reference is based on small numbers of stories/people that we know. None of them can really generalized into one thing, it's impossible because everyone's experience different when it comes to dating experience.
5. There is no need to argue what's the "best" strategy here, it's impossible. Because that's like is there one strat that works vs. all races on all maps. Clearly, no.
6. The big conclusion is, we often thought to ourselves we are not enough. So most of us do not take risks.
7. During an interaction, people often have a "projected self" - how others think of me and how I would like them to think. This is biggest wall of "not being yourself". As long as you are authentic, doesn't matter who you are, people will like that, not just girls.
8. Of course, some girls like you, some don't, and some hates you. Sorry but you can't have a 100% winning rate if you are a social person (that goes to events, and interact with everyone).
9. The whole nice guy thing is fine. The only question is, is he doing it because she's pretty? Would he act differently if she is an old elderly lady?
10. If so, then he is not an authentic nice guy. Then he can't really complain about nice guys finish last, because he is having a persona towards hot girls and another persona towards people that he doesn't genuinely care for.
The real spoiler here is
+ Show Spoiler +When you are being yourself, your thoughts and speech flows smoothly, you do not second think or second guess "does this sound rude?" or "is this too much" or "am I trying too hard?" or "do I look desperate if I say this?". Try to remember a really good interaction you have had with a girl. The best ones by far, and when your friends were all amazed by it, when they ask you "how did you do it?". I guarantee you can remember very little details about it, you might be able to remember couple of funny things that you said or she said, but overall, you do not remember the whole thing at all. All you remember is that the vibe was really good and you felt happy.
Reason being, when you are not reflecting your ideas and when you stop trying to act as the persona that you would like how others see you - you are being authentic and genuine.
In other words, stop thinking so much, speak as if you were talking to your family and friends.
Cheers 
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On October 21 2011 19:50 satsang wrote:
I've been in London for a week (last day today). In the shop i buy my coffee works a really really nice girl from Portugal. We have taked some time about the usual stuff - our countries etc, i complain that my colleagues don't take me out... asked her to a beer last night but it didn't work. I am going for a coffee and will try again :p. Can't miss this chance, she is the kind of girl i can't find in my country.
Failed . Gotta come up with something... its my last day
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I find I do best with this sort of thing when I don't think about it at all.
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On October 21 2011 21:23 satsang wrote:Show nested quote +On October 21 2011 19:50 satsang wrote:
I've been in London for a week (last day today). In the shop i buy my coffee works a really really nice girl from Portugal. We have taked some time about the usual stuff - our countries etc, i complain that my colleagues don't take me out... asked her to a beer last night but it didn't work. I am going for a coffee and will try again :p. Can't miss this chance, she is the kind of girl i can't find in my country. Failed . Gotta come up with something... its my last day
You're persistent, I'll give you that much LOL. Good luck!
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On October 21 2011 23:30 Trentelshark wrote:Show nested quote +On October 21 2011 21:23 satsang wrote:On October 21 2011 19:50 satsang wrote:
I've been in London for a week (last day today). In the shop i buy my coffee works a really really nice girl from Portugal. We have taked some time about the usual stuff - our countries etc, i complain that my colleagues don't take me out... asked her to a beer last night but it didn't work. I am going for a coffee and will try again :p. Can't miss this chance, she is the kind of girl i can't find in my country. Failed . Gotta come up with something... its my last day You're persistent, I'll give you that much LOL. Good luck!
Thanks. Well it didnt payed off. If i was living here, i would stalk her for months LOL.
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On October 22 2011 00:13 satsang wrote:Show nested quote +On October 21 2011 23:30 Trentelshark wrote:On October 21 2011 21:23 satsang wrote:On October 21 2011 19:50 satsang wrote:
I've been in London for a week (last day today). In the shop i buy my coffee works a really really nice girl from Portugal. We have taked some time about the usual stuff - our countries etc, i complain that my colleagues don't take me out... asked her to a beer last night but it didn't work. I am going for a coffee and will try again :p. Can't miss this chance, she is the kind of girl i can't find in my country. Failed . Gotta come up with something... its my last day You're persistent, I'll give you that much LOL. Good luck! Thanks. Well it didnt payed off. If i was living here, i would stalk her for months LOL.
Sucks, but not for not trying, onto the next lol 
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On October 22 2011 00:13 satsang wrote:Show nested quote +On October 21 2011 23:30 Trentelshark wrote:On October 21 2011 21:23 satsang wrote:On October 21 2011 19:50 satsang wrote:
I've been in London for a week (last day today). In the shop i buy my coffee works a really really nice girl from Portugal. We have taked some time about the usual stuff - our countries etc, i complain that my colleagues don't take me out... asked her to a beer last night but it didn't work. I am going for a coffee and will try again :p. Can't miss this chance, she is the kind of girl i can't find in my country. Failed . Gotta come up with something... its my last day You're persistent, I'll give you that much LOL. Good luck! Thanks. Well it didnt payed off. If i was living here, i would stalk her for months LOL.
Least you're on the right track man, no time at all til you find another
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On October 21 2011 21:26 lynx.oblige wrote:
I find I do best with this sort of thing when I don't think about it at all.
This. And it somewhat reinforces Kira.Yami's point in the spoiler...though from a different angle.
I think it's nice to think that being "genuine" is the way to being successful, but I'm afraid some TL'ers will read that as, "oh you mean be myself".
No. Those are not the same thing 
By all means be yourself - if it's worked in the past. If it hasn't, something needs to be done. Eventually you will unconsciously change (given the experience with what works/what doesn't) and if you can call that "genuine" still, by all means do. But it can mean so many different things when you are talking about interactions.
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except for those like a friend of mine, and commit suicide cause he was too manly to seek help....
the whole "macho" man idea is total bullshit and you should feel ashamed of yourself for posting that. the3 irony of Kingkindness, eh?
I know I'm being a bit of an asshole, but isn't it quite like ragequitting?
User was temp banned for this post.
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With full respect for the OP, at age 20 you're not supposed to have these things figured out. At age 20 my girlfriend called Starcraft "losercraft," and complained every single time I played it. At age 30 I've been able to get my current girlfriend to try Starcraft 2, and she's even decided she enjoys it. If that doesn't say "progress" then I don't know what does.
Experience is probably what counts, my friend. Know where your (reasonable) boundaries are, and don't let women who think they're offering you a treat tread on them, they'll respect you more for it.
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EPT
