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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 26 2013 16:58 Mentalizor wrote:So... after quite a turbulent summer with a few small crushes, flirts gone wrong and not nearly enough action I finally caught a freebie last friday. The girl:+ Show Spoiler +In april I show up at a friends party. They're 2 girls living together, whom I've known for some time (we went to school together 1 year - 8/9 years ago). So at this party I see a girl I don't know. Turns out to be the sister of one of the hosts. Didn't even know she had a sister, but she seems nice, so we start chatting. She knew me back from when I went to school with her sister. We talk a bit, I joke about how weird it would be to do anything with my friends sister, but she's still a bit flirty. So I actually ask my friend if she would mind if I made a move on her sister - "Go ahead... you can even sleep in the empty room" (they were looking for a 3rd roomie at the time... there was a bed though)... So we do it... I wait a few days, write her, we see eachother at another party and hook up again... At this point I think "Well, we're working out pretty well when drunk, wanna hang out sober some day?" but she makes it obvious, she wasn't interested in anything serious. Fast forward a few months. Haven't heard much from her (like 4 texts) in 4 months. So suddenly she texts me, that she's at a party at my university - and she'd like me to come... "I'm already there"... She wants to hook up. I'm not sure. Sober and disignated driver... So I stall a bit... Ends up finding her, kissing, dancing, taking her home and well... Everything goes great. So this girl is obviously not into anything serious. I get that... However she don't mind getting together on occation - and I'm cool with that. My question now is... Would it be innappropriate to booty-call her next weekend? I know I'm going to a party with slim-to-none chances of scoring. She talked about what we should try "next time" we did it, so it's pretty clear it wasn't our last time... But she did wait 4 months before texting me. Am I being too aggressive by texting her already a week later (just for sex) ?
She is using you as a booty call, basically. It is plenty fair to do the same to her.
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Been about a year now since my girlfriend and I have been dating. Everything has been so wonderful and right. We love each other, our families are in harmony, and everybody approves. We've discussed the possibility of marriage and I'm already beginning to look at rings, so we're pretty excited for our future 
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So I posted this awhile back here...
+ Show Spoiler +On August 19 2013 14:44 Tictock wrote:
Gunna update from a post i made in here awhile back. Partially looking for any advice, partially just venting kus it seems like things are over.
Anyways, the situation was that I was starting to see this girl I worked with. I've never really been in a relationship and generally have terrible luck with women (though getting better I suppose) and so I was taken aback at first by this girl as she seemed interested in me and made a lot of the initial advances/flirting moves. Anyways I ask her out and we go for a late lunch date, things go well and we seem to get along pretty well too. The only warning sign I get at this point is that she recently (like within the last couple months) got dumped and kicked out by her ex that she was living with, but she insists they are still friends. Kus of that I realize that drama is likely but well she is pretty much the first girl to show some legit interest in me so I can't really help but start to develop feelings for her. We are pretty chatty via txt and everything seems like it's going great until she suddenly breaks off our plans for a 2nd date at the last min with some lame excuse. I call her out on it, but never get a response and she proceeds to stop coming to work. All of this happening over the course of a month.
Now it's one week later since she basically fell off the face of the earth. It's been a hell of a week too, not only because of going from what seemed like a potential relationship to silence but work has been hell too with the reminders of her absence not to mention the chaos from loosing a person so suddenly. Like they say when it rains it pours and I've both felt like shit and been expected to deal with a lot of whit this last week with really next to no breaks or relief. Only now finally starting to feel like myself again and getting back on track.
Then I find out this girl now works at a nearby restaurant that I enjoy, and I have to admit I feel compelled to try and catch her there to talk to her. Not really sure what I want to say, but mostly I think I just want to hear what the hell happened to her. Totally not expecting much though and to be honest I'm not even sure if I can believe whatever she'll tell me at this point. Maybe I'm silly to even want to talk to her still and part of me thinks I should just avoid the place and keep her out of my life. I guess I'm just confused and amazed at how hurt I feel over the whole thing even being such a short relationship.
I did end up going to talk to her, and found out that she had left the job because our manager had gotten her drunk and took advantage of her shortly after she started working (and before anything started between us). Not going to relay the whole story but at first I couldn't believe it and it sounded fishy that she had been drinking that much with our manager (especially kus she said it was all while in his car O.o). So she quit the job after contacting HR and prompted an investigation that got our manager fired (he had apparently been acting inappropriately with several other girls I work with as well, though nothing quite to this extent).
Whole thing puts me in a rather awkward spot for awhile and I'm still not even sure how i feel about it, but we start talking again and she even invites me out to lunch after a week or so. We go out, talk a fair bit about what happened, then hang out for a fair bit after we eat until she has to go to work. After that I made a couple of attempts to get he to come do something fun with me, I randomly get tickets to a show she might like & when she says she has other obligations that night I suggest we do something else later in the week, to which she says she'd love to see me again.
But come the day we made plans I get no response from her and am left once again to wonder what the hell is going on. End up sending her a text the next day saying as much, and that she's being pretty disrespectful not even bothering to tell me that plans are off. I get an apology and the explanation that she's not feeling well, dealing with alot, etc. I figure, fine I'll give her some space, which basically means we stop talking at all until I happen to stop by her work (this time I wasn't really going to see her, though I was half hoping to) where she seems to enjoy seeing me and talks to me a fair bit (even to the point she may have been ignoring her job a bit). I find out more shit she has been sealing with, and a couple days later decide to randomly send her a good will/supportive message kus it really was a lot of shit she was dealing with. I get a huge thank you as a response with an, "I'll text you later " at the end. It has now been over a week since i heard from her.
So... TLDR: Fuck life, I don't get this girl. Back to being forever alone for me.
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On September 27 2013 05:53 Tictock wrote:So I posted this awhile back here... + Show Spoiler +On August 19 2013 14:44 Tictock wrote:
Gunna update from a post i made in here awhile back. Partially looking for any advice, partially just venting kus it seems like things are over.
Anyways, the situation was that I was starting to see this girl I worked with. I've never really been in a relationship and generally have terrible luck with women (though getting better I suppose) and so I was taken aback at first by this girl as she seemed interested in me and made a lot of the initial advances/flirting moves. Anyways I ask her out and we go for a late lunch date, things go well and we seem to get along pretty well too. The only warning sign I get at this point is that she recently (like within the last couple months) got dumped and kicked out by her ex that she was living with, but she insists they are still friends. Kus of that I realize that drama is likely but well she is pretty much the first girl to show some legit interest in me so I can't really help but start to develop feelings for her. We are pretty chatty via txt and everything seems like it's going great until she suddenly breaks off our plans for a 2nd date at the last min with some lame excuse. I call her out on it, but never get a response and she proceeds to stop coming to work. All of this happening over the course of a month.
Now it's one week later since she basically fell off the face of the earth. It's been a hell of a week too, not only because of going from what seemed like a potential relationship to silence but work has been hell too with the reminders of her absence not to mention the chaos from loosing a person so suddenly. Like they say when it rains it pours and I've both felt like shit and been expected to deal with a lot of whit this last week with really next to no breaks or relief. Only now finally starting to feel like myself again and getting back on track.
Then I find out this girl now works at a nearby restaurant that I enjoy, and I have to admit I feel compelled to try and catch her there to talk to her. Not really sure what I want to say, but mostly I think I just want to hear what the hell happened to her. Totally not expecting much though and to be honest I'm not even sure if I can believe whatever she'll tell me at this point. Maybe I'm silly to even want to talk to her still and part of me thinks I should just avoid the place and keep her out of my life. I guess I'm just confused and amazed at how hurt I feel over the whole thing even being such a short relationship. I did end up going to talk to her, and found out that she had left the job because our manager had gotten her drunk and took advantage of her shortly after she started working (and before anything started between us). Not going to relay the whole story but at first I couldn't believe it and it sounded fishy that she had been drinking that much with our manager (especially kus she said it was all while in his car O.o). So she quit the job after contacting HR and prompted an investigation that got our manager fired (he had apparently been acting inappropriately with several other girls I work with as well, though nothing quite to this extent). Whole thing puts me in a rather awkward spot for awhile and I'm still not even sure how i feel about it, but we start talking again and she even invites me out to lunch after a week or so. We go out, talk a fair bit about what happened, then hang out for a fair bit after we eat until she has to go to work. After that I made a couple of attempts to get he to come do something fun with me, I randomly get tickets to a show she might like & when she says she has other obligations that night I suggest we do something else later in the week, to which she says she'd love to see me again. But come the day we made plans I get no response from her and am left once again to wonder what the hell is going on. End up sending her a text the next day saying as much, and that she's being pretty disrespectful not even bothering to tell me that plans are off. I get an apology and the explanation that she's not feeling well, dealing with alot, etc. I figure, fine I'll give her some space, which basically means we stop talking at all until I happen to stop by her work (this time I wasn't really going to see her, though I was half hoping to) where she seems to enjoy seeing me and talks to me a fair bit (even to the point she may have been ignoring her job a bit). I find out more shit she has been sealing with, and a couple days later decide to randomly send her a good will/supportive message kus it really was a lot of shit she was dealing with. I get a huge thank you as a response with an, "I'll text you later " at the end. It has now been over a week since i heard from her. So... TLDR: Fuck life, I don't get this girl. Back to being forever alone for me.
It just means she's not for you, not that you'll be forever alone. The right girl will truly care about you.
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On September 27 2013 05:53 Tictock wrote:So I posted this awhile back here... + Show Spoiler +On August 19 2013 14:44 Tictock wrote:
Gunna update from a post i made in here awhile back. Partially looking for any advice, partially just venting kus it seems like things are over.
Anyways, the situation was that I was starting to see this girl I worked with. I've never really been in a relationship and generally have terrible luck with women (though getting better I suppose) and so I was taken aback at first by this girl as she seemed interested in me and made a lot of the initial advances/flirting moves. Anyways I ask her out and we go for a late lunch date, things go well and we seem to get along pretty well too. The only warning sign I get at this point is that she recently (like within the last couple months) got dumped and kicked out by her ex that she was living with, but she insists they are still friends. Kus of that I realize that drama is likely but well she is pretty much the first girl to show some legit interest in me so I can't really help but start to develop feelings for her. We are pretty chatty via txt and everything seems like it's going great until she suddenly breaks off our plans for a 2nd date at the last min with some lame excuse. I call her out on it, but never get a response and she proceeds to stop coming to work. All of this happening over the course of a month.
Now it's one week later since she basically fell off the face of the earth. It's been a hell of a week too, not only because of going from what seemed like a potential relationship to silence but work has been hell too with the reminders of her absence not to mention the chaos from loosing a person so suddenly. Like they say when it rains it pours and I've both felt like shit and been expected to deal with a lot of whit this last week with really next to no breaks or relief. Only now finally starting to feel like myself again and getting back on track.
Then I find out this girl now works at a nearby restaurant that I enjoy, and I have to admit I feel compelled to try and catch her there to talk to her. Not really sure what I want to say, but mostly I think I just want to hear what the hell happened to her. Totally not expecting much though and to be honest I'm not even sure if I can believe whatever she'll tell me at this point. Maybe I'm silly to even want to talk to her still and part of me thinks I should just avoid the place and keep her out of my life. I guess I'm just confused and amazed at how hurt I feel over the whole thing even being such a short relationship. I did end up going to talk to her, and found out that she had left the job because our manager had gotten her drunk and took advantage of her shortly after she started working (and before anything started between us). Not going to relay the whole story but at first I couldn't believe it and it sounded fishy that she had been drinking that much with our manager (especially kus she said it was all while in his car O.o). So she quit the job after contacting HR and prompted an investigation that got our manager fired (he had apparently been acting inappropriately with several other girls I work with as well, though nothing quite to this extent). Whole thing puts me in a rather awkward spot for awhile and I'm still not even sure how i feel about it, but we start talking again and she even invites me out to lunch after a week or so. We go out, talk a fair bit about what happened, then hang out for a fair bit after we eat until she has to go to work. After that I made a couple of attempts to get he to come do something fun with me, I randomly get tickets to a show she might like & when she says she has other obligations that night I suggest we do something else later in the week, to which she says she'd love to see me again. But come the day we made plans I get no response from her and am left once again to wonder what the hell is going on. End up sending her a text the next day saying as much, and that she's being pretty disrespectful not even bothering to tell me that plans are off. I get an apology and the explanation that she's not feeling well, dealing with alot, etc. I figure, fine I'll give her some space, which basically means we stop talking at all until I happen to stop by her work (this time I wasn't really going to see her, though I was half hoping to) where she seems to enjoy seeing me and talks to me a fair bit (even to the point she may have been ignoring her job a bit). I find out more shit she has been sealing with, and a couple days later decide to randomly send her a good will/supportive message kus it really was a lot of shit she was dealing with. I get a huge thank you as a response with an, "I'll text you later " at the end. It has now been over a week since i heard from her. So... TLDR: Fuck life, I don't get this girl. Back to being forever alone for me.
You sound well rid to be honest, she sounds like way too much baggage for a girl you've been on one date with. There's nothing more annoying than girls who are super unreliable and if she's like this already you're better off never getting involved at all.
Take what you learnt from her and try and find someone else.
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She's unreliable because she's not into you. It's that simple. Making up some random analysis of her personality or her "psychological baggage" is overkill.
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On September 27 2013 06:38 r.Evo wrote:
She's unreliable because she's not into you. It's that simple. Making up some random analysis of her personality or her "psychological baggage" is overkill.
Maybe, some people are just unreliable people though regardless of whether their into someone.
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On September 27 2013 06:38 r.Evo wrote:
She's unreliable because she's not into you. It's that simple. Making up some random analysis of her personality or her "psychological baggage" is overkill.
she sounds like a lot of trouble though, regardless of her lack of attraction to him
plenty of fishes of higher quality out there he can get
I would probably just kinda ignore her from now on (or reply politely to w/e she may be asking but not engage in any real conversation)
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Wondering why a girl I had fun with then have lots of drama and blocked, is trying to getmy attention an waving at me all the time on night ut >.>
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Because she's an attention whore probably.
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After ending an 11 month LDR I was quite eager to get back into the dating scene. Met a girl at a 21st and we seemed to have a mutual interest in coffee (there were others of course but we had an intense drunken conversation about coffee). The next day I asked her to get a coffee at a place she mentioned was really nice, she agreed and we agreed on a time. Our "catch up" went great, we laughed lots and the general vibe was good, there were those awkward moments where conversation ended on a particular topic but one of us thought of something to bridge the gap quickly. (Made sure to have coffee in my cup so I could sip it in those situations). She works full time and studies, so I gave it a few days and asked her to grab something to eat, she said she was really busy this week and didn't have time and she's having a hectic uni semester at the moment, but she didn't suggest another time either. So to me that seems like the most polite decline and I should move on but I'm wondering if I should revisit it next week?
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On September 27 2013 06:46 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:Show nested quote +On September 27 2013 06:38 r.Evo wrote:
She's unreliable because she's not into you. It's that simple. Making up some random analysis of her personality or her "psychological baggage" is overkill. Maybe, some people are just unreliable people though regardless of whether their into someone.
This is actually very true. Most people don't always do things like a straight arrow in some expected logical manner. It certainly is almost never a simple matter, especially with girls and dating. There are lots of possibilities in regards to the girl described by Tictock.
Also one thing I've noticed that's been ignored a lot in this thread is the power and prevalence of external influences on you or on the lady when it comes to dating, especially in earlier stages of dating. A girl or guy can talk to their close friend(s) after a date or two with you and they, for various reasons and backed by various motivations, basically convince them not to date you anymore. I've seen this happen a ridiculous number of times, and I've also often been one of such friends who was put in a position to make or break a guy's or a girl's decision to continue dating someone or continue a relationship.
Anyways, since the really f'd up end to my dating a girl this summer (described in a previous post), I've been taking a break. I'm not even interested in "pulling" girls either. To be fairly honest, I think it's a lot more important at this time to be focusing on myself, in particular to move on from some things and figure out some other things in my life, than to continue masquerading with this dating thing when I'm not even precisely sure what I'm looking for.
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On September 27 2013 12:57 WarSame wrote:
Because she's an attention whore probably.
not probably, more like definitely an attention whore. I've crushed on plenty of these kind of girls back in high school. Not worth your time. Move on and be patient. The right girl will come along soon.
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...because she's really trying to get lots of attention and affection out of this, right. Jesus, people.
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On September 27 2013 17:57 r.Evo wrote:
...because she's really trying to get lots of attention and affection out of this, right. Jesus, people.
You do realise that people don't always behave in the most 100% optimal way to achieve what they actually want right?
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On September 27 2013 18:08 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:Show nested quote +On September 27 2013 17:57 r.Evo wrote:
...because she's really trying to get lots of attention and affection out of this, right. Jesus, people. You do realise that people don't always behave in the most 100% optimal way to achieve what they actually want right?
He's into her and goes to talk to her at her workplace. They eat lunch together. He tries to get more dates going, she blocks it. He does more clingy shit, she ignores him further. He "happens to show up at her workplace", he's more clingy and she blocks it again.
Literally the only thing you can yell at her for is that she doesn't say anything obvious and tries to brush him off nicely and super vaguely, most likely because from the start he, albeit in a creepy way, tried to be a really, really nice guy. And then we have multiple people here calling her an attention whore, someone who doesn't care and someone with psychological baggage because of her actions. Her only really positive response was that first dinner, ever since he was out.
What the hell.
For clarification, the explanation I got from girls before for similar behavior towards other guys was "Well I just went to go eat something with him to see how he was and then I didn't really know how to tell him there won't be anything happening between us. And he was so nice all the time and I didn't want to hurt his feelings or anything." - she simply doesn't know how to get rid of him without being a total ass. To be more precise he was already seen as "just a friend" when she told him the whole story about her boss, that dinner was just her trying to figure out whether maybe her first impression was wrong.
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@r.Evo
I think you are mixing Tictock's story (girl molested by her boss) with Kerotan89's short post:
Wondering why a girl I had fun with then have lots of drama and blocked, is trying to getmy attention an waving at me all the time on night ut >.>
So, no need to get overzealous here.
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Oh fuck, you're right, sorry. Disregard the attention whore portion, carry on, enjoy free analysis. :3
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On September 27 2013 16:45 Sedzz wrote:
After ending an 11 month LDR I was quite eager to get back into the dating scene. Met a girl at a 21st and we seemed to have a mutual interest in coffee (there were others of course but we had an intense drunken conversation about coffee). The next day I asked her to get a coffee at a place she mentioned was really nice, she agreed and we agreed on a time. Our "catch up" went great, we laughed lots and the general vibe was good, there were those awkward moments where conversation ended on a particular topic but one of us thought of something to bridge the gap quickly. (Made sure to have coffee in my cup so I could sip it in those situations). She works full time and studies, so I gave it a few days and asked her to grab something to eat, she said she was really busy this week and didn't have time and she's having a hectic uni semester at the moment, but she didn't suggest another time either. So to me that seems like the most polite decline and I should move on but I'm wondering if I should revisit it next week?
Personally I wouldn't ask her again, unless you randomly bump into her somewhere. "Hey, didn't expect to see you here. We should totally do coffee again sometime soon."
The least interest you show in her, the better.
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Seeing that the discussion how to interact with women/girls is an integral part of this thread and there being different views (extreme positions being: "negging" them and putting them on a pedestal), I couldn't help myself but to think of this thread when reading the latest Dilbert strip:
+ Show Spoiler +
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EPT![[image loading]](http://www.dilbert.com/dyn/str_strip/000000000/00000000/0000000/100000/90000/7000/100/197156/197156.strip.gif)
