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Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
I think I posted the short back-story here already at some point, but I can't seem to find it:
So I had an "affair" with a girl (do you call it an affair if nobody's in a relationship? "Fuck-buddies" sounds so barbaric.).
At some point she came to me crying, about having had sex with her ex-bf.
So I said something along the lines of:
"Well, don't worry about, I wasn't under the impression we were in a relationship at all. Actually, I assumed you did that all along."
Somehow, this is suddenly me being a jerk and her being royally annoyed...
This wouldn't be a big deal, because I really didn't like her that much, except she still has my ukulele.
I resigned never getting it back, but yesterday I felt like I missed her (the ukulele) too much to let it slide, so I called her.
First she (the girl) seemed pretty pleased I called, but get this: as soon as I mentioned the ukulele, she actually started getting annoyed, screaming bloody murder and calling me a prick. Does this make any sense to anyone?
TLDR: I lost a ukulele for a period of very mediocre sex. Meh...
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why don't you just go get it? It's your possession. If it's that important to you and she won't let you have it back then it's time to get more serious.
also she got annoyed at you since you assumed that she was fucking her ex the whole time aka that she was a slut, probably a good move anyway since she seems unstable.
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On October 02 2013 01:07 SixStrings wrote:
I think I posted the short back-story here already at some point, but I can't seem to find it:
So I had an "affair" with a girl (do you call it an affair if nobody's in a relationship? "Fuck-buddies" sounds so barbaric.).
At some point she came to me crying, about having had sex with her ex-bf.
So I said something along the lines of:
"Well, don't worry about, I wasn't under the impression we were in a relationship at all. Actually, I assumed you did that all along."
Somehow, this is suddenly me being a jerk and her being royally annoyed...
This wouldn't be a big deal, because I really didn't like her that much, except she still has my ukulele.
I resigned never getting it back, but yesterday I felt like I missed her (the ukulele) too much to let it slide, so I called her.
First she (the girl) seemed pretty pleased I called, but get this: as soon as I mentioned the ukulele, she actually started getting annoyed, screaming bloody murder and calling me a prick. Does this make any sense to anyone?
TLDR: I lost a ukulele for a period of very mediocre sex. Meh...
Regardless of whether of not either of you want a relationship here, you're still being a jerk.
1) She feels bad about betraying your trust. You basically tell her you didn't trust her to begin with. Even if this is true, you can see why this would upset her.
2) Obviously she likes you, and you're basically calling her to collect on debts with the implication that you'll never get it back afterwards because you're done with her. She doesn't like this.
Have some more tact. Call her and go out to have a discussion about what you two are and what you mean to each other. If your expectations don't match, apologize for assuming that she saw the relationship the same way you did.
You didn't do anything wrong by her, but it looks like you wrote her role in this as what you wanted her to be, instead of what she may have wanted. Get that sorted out.
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Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo.
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slap her and then slap her twice. make sure to bring a friend who films it and give her the tape
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On August 19 2013 01:26 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:I think i'm kind of in the same situation as the guy a 1-2 pages ago with open relationship ( well, not yet ). I had quite some doubts about posting or not but hey, let's try this. Dunno if i'm looking for advices or if it's just for the sake of speaking about it to random people that i'll most likely never meet :p I've always been a faithfull reader of this thread, i think it's really interesting to see testimonies of all kinds of relationships, good or bad. I will fill in details because i did like myself to read some detailed stories here, so i'm gonna put it all in a spoiler: + Show Spoiler +I'm in a semester of study in China; and going for my last year this september after what i plan to work in Canada.
I met a lovely chinese women here 2 years older than me (i'm 23). She studied in UK for 2 years and is quite "westernized", not the type of introverted shy chinese girl we might picture in our mind.
She's stunningly beautiful, interesting and everything one might wish for. I wasn't chasing girls at that time because I'm more towards long lasting relationships and i didn't want a short relation during exchange, but he we happened to speak a lot that night beside the pool table when it was out turn to wait. I think it helped that i was the only guy around that table who was not dead drunk with a beggar style or with jerk manners, so everytime she end up loosing a game she comes to sit beside me and chat. I keep her company untill 6am when metro opens again, I find myself surprisingly comfortable to chat with her; and we exchange phone numbers and instant messaging IDs.
The following day i receive a gentle morning text and we chat during hours on the chinese MSN. Seems like we share a lot of similar opinions and values. When i go to another bar with friends 2 days later i ask if she wants to come and we spend another good moment together. She likes games and pools, never gets drunk (i don't like drunk people much ).
From here on i see a morning text everyday when i wake up, go on a week trip with my roomates, and still naturally chat with her daily.
Even though it sounds all great i'd never think i would like a girl like her, really beautiful & sexy & stylish & rich parents (very Oo), which would have make me think she's really shallow, and indeed it turns out she is half shallow. But to compensate she's really kind, honest, like games (pool, phone games, card games / mahjong .. ), doesn't drink much.
Back from the trip we date a few times, coffees, restaurants, bars , cinemas. And we end up having sex one night.
Starting from here keep in mind that she mention more or less seriously an intention to break up about every 2 weeks ( worrying about future because she prefers long lasting relationships too or less understandable reasons ). I convince her not to, but not in the desperate way, at this point i want to keep things going until we both leave China.
Turns out she's going to study in Canada starting from september ( and i go back to France at the same time ), and she wants to settle and live there after getting the citizenship. For me this opens new prospects since it means we can meet again in 6 month or 1 year, so it's difficult but not impossible to think about a long term relationship if the long distance holds.
We keep dating in all kinf of places, i take care of restaurants, she takes care of movies (is about the same price un china ) and spend nights at my place until we get on a second trip. By then it's been a bit over two months and the morning texts have stopped for a while from her. The more i know her and the more i discover how shallow she is and it bugs me even though she's still great and caring.
She starts to mention that she's not sexually satisfied because she craves for a huge dick ( 18-20 cm minimum pretty common uh?) and i find it quite weird because the G spot is like 5-6 cm. And she starts having a really contradictory behaviour, sometimes saying she doesn't like to have sex but always teasing for it. Finally she starts speaking about wanting to have sex with other guys but that she loves me and wants to spend her life together.
She starts sounding really bitchy but at least she's always honest. For now i don't really know what to think of it, we can't even know if the long distance will work. So i'm just staying in at least untill we both leave China, because we still have good times together and sex is fine but not great ( i wouldn't have thought for such a stunning woman ).
She's always been in close relationship and didn't think about doing open until recently.
I think i might have been in love with the girl she pretended to be during the first weeks but she's starting to either reveal her true self or change for the worst. She seemed really openminded at start but i found out she has many taboos and questions she avoids answering and even might be xenophobic (towards black people) and race elitist ( strongly believe chinese people are better than everyone because their blood is pure wtf ). But for me it's not too bothersome because many chinese share such thoughts, a little of cultural clash to overcome mmh
So i guess i'll just see what happens but i think for a serious lasting relationship the monogamy is the most stable formula, especially for kids sake. So i guess i'll maybe pass on this woman if she really means her intentions to seek fun with other men while being in a stable relationship. She's changing her mind way too often about important points like this one, doesn't seem very balanced.
Notice it's just a concept for now and she didn't do anything yet. And i don't feel like she would really do it, she got quite affected from the break up with her ex and i sense she still has some trauma about it ( and some bad dreams ), she kind of built a shell and is somewhat afraid to get seriously invested in a serious relationship again.
I don't know if i expressed all this clearly, wouldn't want to make her seem like a despicable person, she's really nice to hang out with and chat with and we'll probably stay in very good terms if it doesn't end up working. I feel like i make it sound worst than it really is when i reread myself, we talk with her about every point i mentioned though and that's good.
Now i'm looking at all this with some kind of perspective, it strangely doesn't affect me that much. We leave China in 2-3 weeks so i'm just like "wait and see".
Some update for those who might get interested mmmh. Things got really better at the end and we had a wonderfull time together in China; we started to consider meeting again after 6months of long distance to try living together. She said she loved me and would be waiting for me, said she would not look for other guys, she was even mentioning kids blablabla
One week after she left china she says she just met someone and doesn't know what to think.
Less than one week after that she already had sex with that guy without breaking up first.
Guess i'll have to classify this as bad luck -_- (could see it coming though mmh)
Don't think chinese girls are more "pure" or faithfull because of tradition, not saying they're bitches either but generalization is bad both ways xD
But sometimes it makes you wonder if all sexy girls are lying bitches anywayOo
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On October 02 2013 02:18 Kleinmuuhg wrote:
slap her and then slap her twice. make sure to bring a friend who films it and give her the tape
don't abuse women
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On October 02 2013 03:14 ComaDose wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 02:18 Kleinmuuhg wrote:
slap her and then slap her twice. make sure to bring a friend who films it and give her the tape don't abuse women
obviously when i say slap i mean buy her expensive jewlery
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On October 02 2013 02:38 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:Show nested quote +On August 19 2013 01:26 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:I think i'm kind of in the same situation as the guy a 1-2 pages ago with open relationship ( well, not yet ). I had quite some doubts about posting or not but hey, let's try this. Dunno if i'm looking for advices or if it's just for the sake of speaking about it to random people that i'll most likely never meet :p I've always been a faithfull reader of this thread, i think it's really interesting to see testimonies of all kinds of relationships, good or bad. I will fill in details because i did like myself to read some detailed stories here, so i'm gonna put it all in a spoiler: + Show Spoiler +I'm in a semester of study in China; and going for my last year this september after what i plan to work in Canada.
I met a lovely chinese women here 2 years older than me (i'm 23). She studied in UK for 2 years and is quite "westernized", not the type of introverted shy chinese girl we might picture in our mind.
She's stunningly beautiful, interesting and everything one might wish for. I wasn't chasing girls at that time because I'm more towards long lasting relationships and i didn't want a short relation during exchange, but he we happened to speak a lot that night beside the pool table when it was out turn to wait. I think it helped that i was the only guy around that table who was not dead drunk with a beggar style or with jerk manners, so everytime she end up loosing a game she comes to sit beside me and chat. I keep her company untill 6am when metro opens again, I find myself surprisingly comfortable to chat with her; and we exchange phone numbers and instant messaging IDs.
The following day i receive a gentle morning text and we chat during hours on the chinese MSN. Seems like we share a lot of similar opinions and values. When i go to another bar with friends 2 days later i ask if she wants to come and we spend another good moment together. She likes games and pools, never gets drunk (i don't like drunk people much ).
From here on i see a morning text everyday when i wake up, go on a week trip with my roomates, and still naturally chat with her daily.
Even though it sounds all great i'd never think i would like a girl like her, really beautiful & sexy & stylish & rich parents (very Oo), which would have make me think she's really shallow, and indeed it turns out she is half shallow. But to compensate she's really kind, honest, like games (pool, phone games, card games / mahjong .. ), doesn't drink much.
Back from the trip we date a few times, coffees, restaurants, bars , cinemas. And we end up having sex one night.
Starting from here keep in mind that she mention more or less seriously an intention to break up about every 2 weeks ( worrying about future because she prefers long lasting relationships too or less understandable reasons ). I convince her not to, but not in the desperate way, at this point i want to keep things going until we both leave China.
Turns out she's going to study in Canada starting from september ( and i go back to France at the same time ), and she wants to settle and live there after getting the citizenship. For me this opens new prospects since it means we can meet again in 6 month or 1 year, so it's difficult but not impossible to think about a long term relationship if the long distance holds.
We keep dating in all kinf of places, i take care of restaurants, she takes care of movies (is about the same price un china ) and spend nights at my place until we get on a second trip. By then it's been a bit over two months and the morning texts have stopped for a while from her. The more i know her and the more i discover how shallow she is and it bugs me even though she's still great and caring.
She starts to mention that she's not sexually satisfied because she craves for a huge dick ( 18-20 cm minimum pretty common uh?) and i find it quite weird because the G spot is like 5-6 cm. And she starts having a really contradictory behaviour, sometimes saying she doesn't like to have sex but always teasing for it. Finally she starts speaking about wanting to have sex with other guys but that she loves me and wants to spend her life together.
She starts sounding really bitchy but at least she's always honest. For now i don't really know what to think of it, we can't even know if the long distance will work. So i'm just staying in at least untill we both leave China, because we still have good times together and sex is fine but not great ( i wouldn't have thought for such a stunning woman ).
She's always been in close relationship and didn't think about doing open until recently.
I think i might have been in love with the girl she pretended to be during the first weeks but she's starting to either reveal her true self or change for the worst. She seemed really openminded at start but i found out she has many taboos and questions she avoids answering and even might be xenophobic (towards black people) and race elitist ( strongly believe chinese people are better than everyone because their blood is pure wtf ). But for me it's not too bothersome because many chinese share such thoughts, a little of cultural clash to overcome mmh
So i guess i'll just see what happens but i think for a serious lasting relationship the monogamy is the most stable formula, especially for kids sake. So i guess i'll maybe pass on this woman if she really means her intentions to seek fun with other men while being in a stable relationship. She's changing her mind way too often about important points like this one, doesn't seem very balanced.
Notice it's just a concept for now and she didn't do anything yet. And i don't feel like she would really do it, she got quite affected from the break up with her ex and i sense she still has some trauma about it ( and some bad dreams ), she kind of built a shell and is somewhat afraid to get seriously invested in a serious relationship again.
I don't know if i expressed all this clearly, wouldn't want to make her seem like a despicable person, she's really nice to hang out with and chat with and we'll probably stay in very good terms if it doesn't end up working. I feel like i make it sound worst than it really is when i reread myself, we talk with her about every point i mentioned though and that's good.
Now i'm looking at all this with some kind of perspective, it strangely doesn't affect me that much. We leave China in 2-3 weeks so i'm just like "wait and see".
Some update for those who might get interested mmmh. Things got really better at the end and we had a wonderfull time together in China; we started to consider meeting again after 6months of long distance to try living together. She said she loved me and would be waiting for me, said she would not look for other guys, she was even mentioning kids blablabla One week after she left china she says she just met someone and doesn't know what to think. Less than one week after that she already had sex with that guy without breaking up first. Guess i'll have to classify this as bad luck -_- (could see it coming though mmh) Don't think chinese girls are more "pure" or faithfull because of tradition, not saying they're bitches either but generalization is bad both ways xD But sometimes it makes you wonder if all sexy girls are lying bitches anywayOo
She fell for you instantly, and then when you weren't around she fell for someone else instantly.
Why are you saying she's not faithful if you called it an open relationship?
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On October 02 2013 02:38 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:Show nested quote +On August 19 2013 01:26 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:I think i'm kind of in the same situation as the guy a 1-2 pages ago with open relationship ( well, not yet ). I had quite some doubts about posting or not but hey, let's try this. Dunno if i'm looking for advices or if it's just for the sake of speaking about it to random people that i'll most likely never meet :p I've always been a faithfull reader of this thread, i think it's really interesting to see testimonies of all kinds of relationships, good or bad. I will fill in details because i did like myself to read some detailed stories here, so i'm gonna put it all in a spoiler: + Show Spoiler +I'm in a semester of study in China; and going for my last year this september after what i plan to work in Canada.
I met a lovely chinese women here 2 years older than me (i'm 23). She studied in UK for 2 years and is quite "westernized", not the type of introverted shy chinese girl we might picture in our mind.
She's stunningly beautiful, interesting and everything one might wish for. I wasn't chasing girls at that time because I'm more towards long lasting relationships and i didn't want a short relation during exchange, but he we happened to speak a lot that night beside the pool table when it was out turn to wait. I think it helped that i was the only guy around that table who was not dead drunk with a beggar style or with jerk manners, so everytime she end up loosing a game she comes to sit beside me and chat. I keep her company untill 6am when metro opens again, I find myself surprisingly comfortable to chat with her; and we exchange phone numbers and instant messaging IDs.
The following day i receive a gentle morning text and we chat during hours on the chinese MSN. Seems like we share a lot of similar opinions and values. When i go to another bar with friends 2 days later i ask if she wants to come and we spend another good moment together. She likes games and pools, never gets drunk (i don't like drunk people much ).
From here on i see a morning text everyday when i wake up, go on a week trip with my roomates, and still naturally chat with her daily.
Even though it sounds all great i'd never think i would like a girl like her, really beautiful & sexy & stylish & rich parents (very Oo), which would have make me think she's really shallow, and indeed it turns out she is half shallow. But to compensate she's really kind, honest, like games (pool, phone games, card games / mahjong .. ), doesn't drink much.
Back from the trip we date a few times, coffees, restaurants, bars , cinemas. And we end up having sex one night.
Starting from here keep in mind that she mention more or less seriously an intention to break up about every 2 weeks ( worrying about future because she prefers long lasting relationships too or less understandable reasons ). I convince her not to, but not in the desperate way, at this point i want to keep things going until we both leave China.
Turns out she's going to study in Canada starting from september ( and i go back to France at the same time ), and she wants to settle and live there after getting the citizenship. For me this opens new prospects since it means we can meet again in 6 month or 1 year, so it's difficult but not impossible to think about a long term relationship if the long distance holds.
We keep dating in all kinf of places, i take care of restaurants, she takes care of movies (is about the same price un china ) and spend nights at my place until we get on a second trip. By then it's been a bit over two months and the morning texts have stopped for a while from her. The more i know her and the more i discover how shallow she is and it bugs me even though she's still great and caring.
She starts to mention that she's not sexually satisfied because she craves for a huge dick ( 18-20 cm minimum pretty common uh?) and i find it quite weird because the G spot is like 5-6 cm. And she starts having a really contradictory behaviour, sometimes saying she doesn't like to have sex but always teasing for it. Finally she starts speaking about wanting to have sex with other guys but that she loves me and wants to spend her life together.
She starts sounding really bitchy but at least she's always honest. For now i don't really know what to think of it, we can't even know if the long distance will work. So i'm just staying in at least untill we both leave China, because we still have good times together and sex is fine but not great ( i wouldn't have thought for such a stunning woman ).
She's always been in close relationship and didn't think about doing open until recently.
I think i might have been in love with the girl she pretended to be during the first weeks but she's starting to either reveal her true self or change for the worst. She seemed really openminded at start but i found out she has many taboos and questions she avoids answering and even might be xenophobic (towards black people) and race elitist ( strongly believe chinese people are better than everyone because their blood is pure wtf ). But for me it's not too bothersome because many chinese share such thoughts, a little of cultural clash to overcome mmh
So i guess i'll just see what happens but i think for a serious lasting relationship the monogamy is the most stable formula, especially for kids sake. So i guess i'll maybe pass on this woman if she really means her intentions to seek fun with other men while being in a stable relationship. She's changing her mind way too often about important points like this one, doesn't seem very balanced.
Notice it's just a concept for now and she didn't do anything yet. And i don't feel like she would really do it, she got quite affected from the break up with her ex and i sense she still has some trauma about it ( and some bad dreams ), she kind of built a shell and is somewhat afraid to get seriously invested in a serious relationship again.
I don't know if i expressed all this clearly, wouldn't want to make her seem like a despicable person, she's really nice to hang out with and chat with and we'll probably stay in very good terms if it doesn't end up working. I feel like i make it sound worst than it really is when i reread myself, we talk with her about every point i mentioned though and that's good.
Now i'm looking at all this with some kind of perspective, it strangely doesn't affect me that much. We leave China in 2-3 weeks so i'm just like "wait and see".
Some update for those who might get interested mmmh. Things got really better at the end and we had a wonderfull time together in China; we started to consider meeting again after 6months of long distance to try living together. She said she loved me and would be waiting for me, said she would not look for other guys, she was even mentioning kids blablabla One week after she left china she says she just met someone and doesn't know what to think. Less than one week after that she already had sex with that guy without breaking up first. Guess i'll have to classify this as bad luck -_- (could see it coming though mmh) Don't think chinese girls are more "pure" or faithfull because of tradition, not saying they're bitches either but generalization is bad both ways xD But sometimes it makes you wonder if all sexy girls are lying bitches anywayOo
So you didn't want an open relationship afterall?
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but i think for a serious lasting relationship the monogamy is the most stable formula, especially for kids sake. So i guess i'll maybe pass on this woman if she really means her intentions to seek fun with other men while being in a stable relationship.
I never wanted it. And in the end she said she didn't want it either after all so no we never agreed on an open relationship, she just talked about it once.
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You didn't make it clear to this thread, maybe you didn't make it clear to her xD
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On October 02 2013 01:57 fdsdfg wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 01:07 SixStrings wrote:
I think I posted the short back-story here already at some point, but I can't seem to find it:
So I had an "affair" with a girl (do you call it an affair if nobody's in a relationship? "Fuck-buddies" sounds so barbaric.).
At some point she came to me crying, about having had sex with her ex-bf.
So I said something along the lines of:
"Well, don't worry about, I wasn't under the impression we were in a relationship at all. Actually, I assumed you did that all along."
Somehow, this is suddenly me being a jerk and her being royally annoyed...
This wouldn't be a big deal, because I really didn't like her that much, except she still has my ukulele.
I resigned never getting it back, but yesterday I felt like I missed her (the ukulele) too much to let it slide, so I called her.
First she (the girl) seemed pretty pleased I called, but get this: as soon as I mentioned the ukulele, she actually started getting annoyed, screaming bloody murder and calling me a prick. Does this make any sense to anyone?
TLDR: I lost a ukulele for a period of very mediocre sex. Meh... Regardless of whether of not either of you want a relationship here, you're still being a jerk. 1) She feels bad about betraying your trust. You basically tell her you didn't trust her to begin with. Even if this is true, you can see why this would upset her. 2) Obviously she likes you, and you're basically calling her to collect on debts with the implication that you'll never get it back afterwards because you're done with her. She doesn't like this. Have some more tact. Call her and go out to have a discussion about what you two are and what you mean to each other. If your expectations don't match, apologize for assuming that she saw the relationship the same way you did. You didn't do anything wrong by her, but it looks like you wrote her role in this as what you wanted her to be, instead of what she may have wanted. Get that sorted out.
She's not the type of girl you have a conversation about feelings with. Or any long conversation, really.
Her boning her ex sort of made it pretty clear that she had the same expectation as I had: none.
So basically she didn't want a relationship and was apparently annoyed that I didn't want one either.
Since I've moved too far away now, I can't just go over there and get the ukulele back, so I'll just move on.
Thought it might be a good lesson for the kids out there: sex is never free.
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On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo.
I'm sorry, apologising for what?
"I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person.
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On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person.
Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any 
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On October 02 2013 03:14 ComaDose wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 02:18 Kleinmuuhg wrote:
slap her and then slap her twice. make sure to bring a friend who films it and give her the tape don't abuse women
Don't abuse women who aren't welcoming it, you mean. :3
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On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any
I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice.
And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category.
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On October 02 2013 16:39 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 01:57 fdsdfg wrote:On October 02 2013 01:07 SixStrings wrote:
I think I posted the short back-story here already at some point, but I can't seem to find it:
So I had an "affair" with a girl (do you call it an affair if nobody's in a relationship? "Fuck-buddies" sounds so barbaric.).
At some point she came to me crying, about having had sex with her ex-bf.
So I said something along the lines of:
"Well, don't worry about, I wasn't under the impression we were in a relationship at all. Actually, I assumed you did that all along."
Somehow, this is suddenly me being a jerk and her being royally annoyed...
This wouldn't be a big deal, because I really didn't like her that much, except she still has my ukulele.
I resigned never getting it back, but yesterday I felt like I missed her (the ukulele) too much to let it slide, so I called her.
First she (the girl) seemed pretty pleased I called, but get this: as soon as I mentioned the ukulele, she actually started getting annoyed, screaming bloody murder and calling me a prick. Does this make any sense to anyone?
TLDR: I lost a ukulele for a period of very mediocre sex. Meh... Regardless of whether of not either of you want a relationship here, you're still being a jerk. 1) She feels bad about betraying your trust. You basically tell her you didn't trust her to begin with. Even if this is true, you can see why this would upset her. 2) Obviously she likes you, and you're basically calling her to collect on debts with the implication that you'll never get it back afterwards because you're done with her. She doesn't like this. Have some more tact. Call her and go out to have a discussion about what you two are and what you mean to each other. If your expectations don't match, apologize for assuming that she saw the relationship the same way you did. You didn't do anything wrong by her, but it looks like you wrote her role in this as what you wanted her to be, instead of what she may have wanted. Get that sorted out. She's not the type of girl you have a conversation about feelings with. Or any long conversation, really. Her boning her ex sort of made it pretty clear that she had the same expectation as I had: none. So basically she didn't want a relationship and was apparently annoyed that I didn't want one either. Since I've moved too far away now, I can't just go over there and get the ukulele back, so I'll just move on. Thought it might be a good lesson for the kids out there: sex is never free.
I think the real lesson is 'if you don't treat someone like a person, they might get upset at you'
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On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category.
Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do.
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On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do.
But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong.
And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity.
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EPT
