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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any  I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity.
Let's say your girlfriend goes to try out for a play. She's hoping to get the part, but realistically you doubt she will.
She comes back that evening, sad and dejected. "I didn't get the part, I feel like such a failure".
You laugh and reply "That's okay, I never expected you to get it in the first place."
She gets upset and snaps at you.
You say "What? I was right, wasn't I?"
In this case, you are indeed being an ass. If you see why you would apologize for this, then the same goes for when she betrayed his trust in the story above.
If you don't see why you would apologize for this, I don't know what to tell you.
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On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity.
Women hate that school.
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On October 03 2013 01:38 fdsdfg wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity. Let's say your girlfriend goes to try out for a play. She's hoping to get the part, but realistically you doubt she will. She comes back that evening, sad and dejected. "I didn't get the part, I feel like such a failure". You laugh and reply "That's okay, I never expected you to get it in the first place." She gets upset and snaps at you. You say "What? I was right, wasn't I?" In this case, you are indeed being an ass. If you see why you would apologize for this, then the same goes for when she betrayed his trust in the story above. If you don't see why you would apologize for this, I don't know what to tell you.
I was going to say the same thing. It's especially bad because you said you assumed she was still sleeping with her ex which is something I'd imagine she wants to avoid people thinking.
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On October 03 2013 01:49 decafchicken wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity. Women hate that school.
I dunno, I never apologize unless I mean it. I have a friend who will say 'sorry' for whatever they did as long as it made someone else upset. If I did something I think is right, and my girlfriend is upset at me by it, we talk it out and figure out which one of us is wrong.
Even if it's not my fault, I can still cheer her up or make her day better, which I'm happy to do, but I agree that you shouldn't apologize when you feel you were justified to do something. Talk it out.
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On October 02 2013 01:07 SixStrings wrote:
I think I posted the short back-story here already at some point, but I can't seem to find it:
So I had an "affair" with a girl (do you call it an affair if nobody's in a relationship? "Fuck-buddies" sounds so barbaric.).
At some point she came to me crying, about having had sex with her ex-bf.
So I said something along the lines of:
"Well, don't worry about, I wasn't under the impression we were in a relationship at all. Actually, I assumed you did that all along."
Somehow, this is suddenly me being a jerk and her being royally annoyed...
This wouldn't be a big deal, because I really didn't like her that much, except she still has my ukulele.
I resigned never getting it back, but yesterday I felt like I missed her (the ukulele) too much to let it slide, so I called her.
First she (the girl) seemed pretty pleased I called, but get this: as soon as I mentioned the ukulele, she actually started getting annoyed, screaming bloody murder and calling me a prick. Does this make any sense to anyone?
TLDR: I lost a ukulele for a period of very mediocre sex. Meh...
I'm gonna play devil's advocate here. The girl thought you two were in a relationship and she "cheated" on you. That's far worse than what you said to her. Actions speak louder than words.
On the other hand be honest with your intentions from the start next time. "I'm not looking for anything serious, you can date who you want, I can date who I want". With a single sentence you avoid this crap, you keep your instruments and your mediocre sex.
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On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity.
Funny you should mention that, I actually believe the exact same thing.
And currently I'm in a huge argument, possibly even the end of a friendship, with one of if not my best friends. all because she wants me to apologise for a comment she found offensive but I think wasn't. Right or wrong, good or bad sometimes isn't important. I probably won't apologise because I think I'm right here, am incredibly stubborn and think my integrity is on the line. She'll probably stay mad at me because I've "done her wrong". The why's aren't really important, the end result is the same. We're both down a friendship.
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On October 03 2013 01:38 fdsdfg wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity. Let's say your girlfriend goes to try out for a play. She's hoping to get the part, but realistically you doubt she will. She comes back that evening, sad and dejected. "I didn't get the part, I feel like such a failure". You laugh and reply "That's okay, I never expected you to get it in the first place." She gets upset and snaps at you. You say "What? I was right, wasn't I?" In this case, you are indeed being an ass. If you see why you would apologize for this, then the same goes for when she betrayed his trust in the story above. If you don't see why you would apologize for this, I don't know what to tell you.
Sure, I see that. But those situations very different. One of them is showing that you have no faith in her ability to do something that she apparently values. That is being an ass. The other one is just saying that you don't have anything against her having fun with others, and that is the opposite of being an ass.
On October 03 2013 01:49 decafchicken wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity. Women hate that school.
Women also hate it when men are too afraid to disagree with them.
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On October 03 2013 03:04 Mikau wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity. Funny you should mention that, I actually believe the exact same thing. And currently I'm in a huge argument, possibly even the end of a friendship, with one of if not my best friends. all because she wants me to apologise for a comment she found offensive but I think wasn't. Right or wrong, good or bad sometimes isn't important. I probably won't apologise because I think I'm right here, am incredibly stubborn and think my integrity is on the line. She'll probably stay mad at me because I've "done her wrong". The why's aren't really important, the end result is the same. We're both down a friendship.
nobody needs self righteous friends like that, using your friendship to gain leverage in her submitting to you. Just shows how much she values her friendships, or yours in particular.
Anyone that thinks they have never said anything offensive and tries to hang it over people's heads is an idiot ^^
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On October 03 2013 03:07 VayneAuthority wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 03:04 Mikau wrote:On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity. Funny you should mention that, I actually believe the exact same thing. And currently I'm in a huge argument, possibly even the end of a friendship, with one of if not my best friends. all because she wants me to apologise for a comment she found offensive but I think wasn't. Right or wrong, good or bad sometimes isn't important. I probably won't apologise because I think I'm right here, am incredibly stubborn and think my integrity is on the line. She'll probably stay mad at me because I've "done her wrong". The why's aren't really important, the end result is the same. We're both down a friendship. nobody needs self righteous friends like that, using your friendship to gain leverage in her submitting to you. Just shows how much she values her friendships, or yours in particular. Anyone that thinks they have never said anything offensive and tries to hang it over people's heads is an idiot ^^
Oh, I completely agree. This particular friend has been going through what is pretty much a depression, and during all that time I was there for her. Now this happens while I'm kinda down and think my life is in shambles, and she values hanging on to this petty thing more than being there for me when I need her.
It really has shown me her true colours, and I actually feel kinda happy about this whole situation for showing me what she's really like as a friend.
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On October 03 2013 02:07 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 01:38 fdsdfg wrote:On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity. Let's say your girlfriend goes to try out for a play. She's hoping to get the part, but realistically you doubt she will. She comes back that evening, sad and dejected. "I didn't get the part, I feel like such a failure". You laugh and reply "That's okay, I never expected you to get it in the first place." She gets upset and snaps at you. You say "What? I was right, wasn't I?" In this case, you are indeed being an ass. If you see why you would apologize for this, then the same goes for when she betrayed his trust in the story above. If you don't see why you would apologize for this, I don't know what to tell you. I was going to say the same thing. It's especially bad because you said you assumed she was still sleeping with her ex which is something I'd imagine she wants to avoid people thinking.
If you want to stop people assuming you do it, isn't a good step to avoid such assumptions doing it?
This shit is why I haven't had a real relationship in a large period of time: unless you really love her, it's simply not worth the hassle.
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On October 03 2013 04:02 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 02:07 Najda wrote:On October 03 2013 01:38 fdsdfg wrote:On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity. Let's say your girlfriend goes to try out for a play. She's hoping to get the part, but realistically you doubt she will. She comes back that evening, sad and dejected. "I didn't get the part, I feel like such a failure". You laugh and reply "That's okay, I never expected you to get it in the first place." She gets upset and snaps at you. You say "What? I was right, wasn't I?" In this case, you are indeed being an ass. If you see why you would apologize for this, then the same goes for when she betrayed his trust in the story above. If you don't see why you would apologize for this, I don't know what to tell you. I was going to say the same thing. It's especially bad because you said you assumed she was still sleeping with her ex which is something I'd imagine she wants to avoid people thinking. If you want to stop people assuming you do it, isn't a good step to avoid such assumptions doing it? This shit is why I haven't had a real relationship in a large period of time: unless you really love her, it's simply not worth the hassle.
No you're right she probably isn't worth the hassle, I was just saying I understand why she took offense. Even if you don't want to be with her anymore it could still be worth apologizing for your ukulele back.
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On October 03 2013 04:02 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 02:07 Najda wrote:On October 03 2013 01:38 fdsdfg wrote:On October 03 2013 01:33 gedatsu wrote:On October 02 2013 23:32 Mikau wrote:On October 02 2013 17:01 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 16:47 Zooper31 wrote:On October 02 2013 16:46 SixStrings wrote:On October 02 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote:
Dude, just get your ukulele back, and also take her out to ice cream or something and apologize. There is no reason to leave her pissed at you if you can help it imo. I'm sorry, apologising for what? "I'm eternally regretful that I rightly assumed you were banging other guys?" Come on, I won't bend over backwards to be nice to a woman I have no intention of sleeping with, unless I like her as a person. Can't be nice to a person simply because they are a person? I'm nice to everyone I meet regardless of my intentions. Then again I'm single and not getting any I didn't say I'm not nice to a person, I said I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice. And pretending to be sorry when I'm really, really not, and given a call to someone I really don't want to talk with, would fall under that category. Just because you didn't mean to be an ass doesn't mean you weren't. And that's ok, it happens to people all the time. But apologizing is the least you could do. But he wasn't an ass. He just made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. And I'm of the school that you shouldn't apologize unless you've done something bad. Apologizing just because the other person wants you to is a sign of lack of integrity. Let's say your girlfriend goes to try out for a play. She's hoping to get the part, but realistically you doubt she will. She comes back that evening, sad and dejected. "I didn't get the part, I feel like such a failure". You laugh and reply "That's okay, I never expected you to get it in the first place." She gets upset and snaps at you. You say "What? I was right, wasn't I?" In this case, you are indeed being an ass. If you see why you would apologize for this, then the same goes for when she betrayed his trust in the story above. If you don't see why you would apologize for this, I don't know what to tell you. I was going to say the same thing. It's especially bad because you said you assumed she was still sleeping with her ex which is something I'd imagine she wants to avoid people thinking. If you want to stop people assuming you do it, isn't a good step to avoid such assumptions doing it? This shit is why I haven't had a real relationship in a large period of time: unless you really love her, it's simply not worth the hassle.
You can't blame that assumption of yours completely on her, just as much as she really can't blame it completely on you. Both parties can be (and in this case, probably are) 'at fault'.
And even if you did assume it, saying it like that is at the very least tactless. I think the comparison at the top of this page is pretty spot on in that regard. Even though you can't be completely to blame for the assumption doesn't mean you should just throw it out there the way you did.
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On October 03 2013 02:58 lannisport wrote:Show nested quote +On October 02 2013 01:07 SixStrings wrote:
I think I posted the short back-story here already at some point, but I can't seem to find it:
So I had an "affair" with a girl (do you call it an affair if nobody's in a relationship? "Fuck-buddies" sounds so barbaric.).
At some point she came to me crying, about having had sex with her ex-bf.
So I said something along the lines of:
"Well, don't worry about, I wasn't under the impression we were in a relationship at all. Actually, I assumed you did that all along."
Somehow, this is suddenly me being a jerk and her being royally annoyed...
This wouldn't be a big deal, because I really didn't like her that much, except she still has my ukulele.
I resigned never getting it back, but yesterday I felt like I missed her (the ukulele) too much to let it slide, so I called her.
First she (the girl) seemed pretty pleased I called, but get this: as soon as I mentioned the ukulele, she actually started getting annoyed, screaming bloody murder and calling me a prick. Does this make any sense to anyone?
TLDR: I lost a ukulele for a period of very mediocre sex. Meh... I'm gonna play devil's advocate here. The girl thought you two were in a relationship and she "cheated" on you. That's far worse than what you said to her. Actions speak louder than words. On the other hand be honest with your intentions from the start next time. "I'm not looking for anything serious, you can date who you want, I can date who I want". With a single sentence you avoid this crap, you keep your instruments and your mediocre sex.
This. The girl thought they were in a relationship, thought she cheated on him, and because his reaction was "we weren't in a relationship," he's the bad guy?
There is some serious trolling, or some serious white-knighting going on here.
Anyhow, I would probably value the ukulele over "being right," so why not just give her an insincere apology and get the ukulele back, and then be done with her? Seems pretty straight forward to me.
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On October 03 2013 04:11 HardlyNever wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 02:58 lannisport wrote:On October 02 2013 01:07 SixStrings wrote:
I think I posted the short back-story here already at some point, but I can't seem to find it:
So I had an "affair" with a girl (do you call it an affair if nobody's in a relationship? "Fuck-buddies" sounds so barbaric.).
At some point she came to me crying, about having had sex with her ex-bf.
So I said something along the lines of:
"Well, don't worry about, I wasn't under the impression we were in a relationship at all. Actually, I assumed you did that all along."
Somehow, this is suddenly me being a jerk and her being royally annoyed...
This wouldn't be a big deal, because I really didn't like her that much, except she still has my ukulele.
I resigned never getting it back, but yesterday I felt like I missed her (the ukulele) too much to let it slide, so I called her.
First she (the girl) seemed pretty pleased I called, but get this: as soon as I mentioned the ukulele, she actually started getting annoyed, screaming bloody murder and calling me a prick. Does this make any sense to anyone?
TLDR: I lost a ukulele for a period of very mediocre sex. Meh... I'm gonna play devil's advocate here. The girl thought you two were in a relationship and she "cheated" on you. That's far worse than what you said to her. Actions speak louder than words. On the other hand be honest with your intentions from the start next time. "I'm not looking for anything serious, you can date who you want, I can date who I want". With a single sentence you avoid this crap, you keep your instruments and your mediocre sex. This. The girl thought they were in a relationship, thought she cheated on him, and because his reaction was "we weren't in a relationship," he's the bad guy? There is some serious trolling, or some serious white-knighting going on here. Anyhow, I would probably value the ukulele over "being right," so why not just give her an insincere apology and get the ukulele back, and then be done with her? Seems pretty straight forward to me.
It's not about who's the good guy and who's the bad guy. Yes it was worse of her to (be under the impression of) cheating on him. But for him to say he expected her to makes him wrong too, unless he laid out the terms clearly and they fell on deaf ears.
I'm not saying apologize to this girl and win her back so you can date her again. I'm saying be a decent person and say you may have wronged her too.
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On October 03 2013 04:11 HardlyNever wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 02:58 lannisport wrote:On October 02 2013 01:07 SixStrings wrote:
I think I posted the short back-story here already at some point, but I can't seem to find it:
So I had an "affair" with a girl (do you call it an affair if nobody's in a relationship? "Fuck-buddies" sounds so barbaric.).
At some point she came to me crying, about having had sex with her ex-bf.
So I said something along the lines of:
"Well, don't worry about, I wasn't under the impression we were in a relationship at all. Actually, I assumed you did that all along."
Somehow, this is suddenly me being a jerk and her being royally annoyed...
This wouldn't be a big deal, because I really didn't like her that much, except she still has my ukulele.
I resigned never getting it back, but yesterday I felt like I missed her (the ukulele) too much to let it slide, so I called her.
First she (the girl) seemed pretty pleased I called, but get this: as soon as I mentioned the ukulele, she actually started getting annoyed, screaming bloody murder and calling me a prick. Does this make any sense to anyone?
TLDR: I lost a ukulele for a period of very mediocre sex. Meh... I'm gonna play devil's advocate here. The girl thought you two were in a relationship and she "cheated" on you. That's far worse than what you said to her. Actions speak louder than words. On the other hand be honest with your intentions from the start next time. "I'm not looking for anything serious, you can date who you want, I can date who I want". With a single sentence you avoid this crap, you keep your instruments and your mediocre sex. This. The girl thought they were in a relationship, thought she cheated on him, and because his reaction was "we weren't in a relationship," he's the bad guy? There is some serious trolling, or some serious white-knighting going on here. Anyhow, I would probably value the ukulele over "being right," so why not just give her an insincere apology and get the ukulele back, and then be done with her? Seems pretty straight forward to me.
I haven't seen anyone defend her or say she was right, just that what he said is abrasive and easy to interpret as rude or offensive.
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On October 03 2013 04:17 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 04:11 HardlyNever wrote:On October 03 2013 02:58 lannisport wrote:On October 02 2013 01:07 SixStrings wrote:
I think I posted the short back-story here already at some point, but I can't seem to find it:
So I had an "affair" with a girl (do you call it an affair if nobody's in a relationship? "Fuck-buddies" sounds so barbaric.).
At some point she came to me crying, about having had sex with her ex-bf.
So I said something along the lines of:
"Well, don't worry about, I wasn't under the impression we were in a relationship at all. Actually, I assumed you did that all along."
Somehow, this is suddenly me being a jerk and her being royally annoyed...
This wouldn't be a big deal, because I really didn't like her that much, except she still has my ukulele.
I resigned never getting it back, but yesterday I felt like I missed her (the ukulele) too much to let it slide, so I called her.
First she (the girl) seemed pretty pleased I called, but get this: as soon as I mentioned the ukulele, she actually started getting annoyed, screaming bloody murder and calling me a prick. Does this make any sense to anyone?
TLDR: I lost a ukulele for a period of very mediocre sex. Meh... I'm gonna play devil's advocate here. The girl thought you two were in a relationship and she "cheated" on you. That's far worse than what you said to her. Actions speak louder than words. On the other hand be honest with your intentions from the start next time. "I'm not looking for anything serious, you can date who you want, I can date who I want". With a single sentence you avoid this crap, you keep your instruments and your mediocre sex. This. The girl thought they were in a relationship, thought she cheated on him, and because his reaction was "we weren't in a relationship," he's the bad guy? There is some serious trolling, or some serious white-knighting going on here. Anyhow, I would probably value the ukulele over "being right," so why not just give her an insincere apology and get the ukulele back, and then be done with her? Seems pretty straight forward to me. I haven't seen anyone defend her or say she was right, just that what he said is abrasive and easy to interpret as rude or offensive.
Ok, I just don't understand why everyone has to nitpick every little thing. I thought this was supposed to be more of a supportive thread, not a thread about making people feel bad about every little mistake.
But since no one else seems to want to say it I guess I will.
Sixstrings, what she did was stupid as shit. Yeah, what you said was kind of weird and awkward, but it's like a drop in the bucket compared to what she did. Pretend you're sorry and get your ukulele back, then don't talk to her anymore.
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A thread where everybody goes "oh that sucks for you" would get very boring very fast. This thread only really works if people give (constructive!) criticism. We (as a community) can only really comment on and give advice on what people in this thread should do, so just going "that girl is weird" doesn't help anyone. And especially when the subject of the conversation goes "I did nothing wrong", you can expect people to explain to him why they do think he did something wrong.
Things aren't black or white, and even though what she did is worse, that doesn't automatically mean SixStrings is free of any blame.
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On October 03 2013 04:25 HardlyNever wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 04:17 Najda wrote:On October 03 2013 04:11 HardlyNever wrote:On October 03 2013 02:58 lannisport wrote:On October 02 2013 01:07 SixStrings wrote:
I think I posted the short back-story here already at some point, but I can't seem to find it:
So I had an "affair" with a girl (do you call it an affair if nobody's in a relationship? "Fuck-buddies" sounds so barbaric.).
At some point she came to me crying, about having had sex with her ex-bf.
So I said something along the lines of:
"Well, don't worry about, I wasn't under the impression we were in a relationship at all. Actually, I assumed you did that all along."
Somehow, this is suddenly me being a jerk and her being royally annoyed...
This wouldn't be a big deal, because I really didn't like her that much, except she still has my ukulele.
I resigned never getting it back, but yesterday I felt like I missed her (the ukulele) too much to let it slide, so I called her.
First she (the girl) seemed pretty pleased I called, but get this: as soon as I mentioned the ukulele, she actually started getting annoyed, screaming bloody murder and calling me a prick. Does this make any sense to anyone?
TLDR: I lost a ukulele for a period of very mediocre sex. Meh... I'm gonna play devil's advocate here. The girl thought you two were in a relationship and she "cheated" on you. That's far worse than what you said to her. Actions speak louder than words. On the other hand be honest with your intentions from the start next time. "I'm not looking for anything serious, you can date who you want, I can date who I want". With a single sentence you avoid this crap, you keep your instruments and your mediocre sex. This. The girl thought they were in a relationship, thought she cheated on him, and because his reaction was "we weren't in a relationship," he's the bad guy? There is some serious trolling, or some serious white-knighting going on here. Anyhow, I would probably value the ukulele over "being right," so why not just give her an insincere apology and get the ukulele back, and then be done with her? Seems pretty straight forward to me. I haven't seen anyone defend her or say she was right, just that what he said is abrasive and easy to interpret as rude or offensive. Ok, I just don't understand why everyone has to nitpick every little thing. I thought this was supposed to be more of a supportive thread, not a thread about making people feel bad about every little mistake.
I came here because I thought it'd be amusing to share and I definitely appreciate sincere white-knighting above insincere compassion. And this is why I won't apologize and why I have bought a new killer ukulele already.
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On October 03 2013 04:29 Mikau wrote:
A thread where everybody goes "oh that sucks for you" would get very boring very fast. This thread only really works if people give (constructive!) criticism. We (as a community) can only really comment on and give advice on what people in this thread should do, so just going "that girl is weird" doesn't help anyone. And especially when the subject of the conversation goes "I did nothing wrong", you can expect people to explain to him why they do think he did something wrong.
Yes, and I really appreciate that.
I came here thinking I didn't do anything wrong and while I still think I didn't, I realise now I was needlessly rude.
It's always nice to see other people's input, if it makes me be less adamant about my own position.
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On October 02 2013 05:23 fdsdfg wrote:
You didn't make it clear to this thread, maybe you didn't make it clear to her xD
Yeah I realized it wasn't that clear in my text but irl i assure you it was pretty clearly said between us before we leave China :p
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EPT
