We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On September 20 2013 01:47 Broetchenholer wrote: Does your course of action change with the exact knowledge of whether she wants to sleep with you right FUCKING now, after you have spend some time together, after you have really swept her off her feet or not at all?
If the answer is no, don't spend so much time thinking about the other questions that seems so relevant to you right now.
The thing is, I'm really not sure actually. Because she's is just so damn interesting. She has experienced some stuff, has opinions and views I really find fascinating. I actually think she could become a really good friend... But on the other hand - I have toooons of friends, so I have a bigger need for some romance... And a pretty, sweet, interesting girl? Why not think about it possibly turn into more?
So your curse of action can be summarized by this posting from last page?
On September 19 2013 20:52 Funshines wrote: how do i tell a girl, that friendzoned me, i dont want to be close friends. only reason i became close was because i wanted to date her. now that that is out of the picture i really dont want to socialize with her but she keeps asking me if somethings wrong and why i dont talk to her anymore and i just throw her some one word reply and walk away.
Only try to be friends with her if she wants to sleep with you? Because that's how it sounds. "Man, so torn, that very interesting girl i love to chat and talk with didn't want to sleep with me after knowing me for half a weak. How do i know whether she wants to suck my dick?"
Don't wonder whether she wants to sleep with you right now, go out with her and find out whether she wants to sleep with you later. What do you lose?????
No no quite the contrairy. I don't have an urgent need for more friends. But if she just wants to be friends, I'd love it She doesn't need to end up in a gf-potential-bowl in my head. However... I figure that's what would make the most sence to me? I'm up for whatever she feels like. Not really risking anything by exploring this. So... How do I figure out if she wants to be friends or more? It's not like I'm friendzoned here
Every signal she has sent out says she likes you and wants to spend more time with you. From my standpoint it's quite clear. Just take the lead, she's wanting you to. Go make her your gf alrdy!
Also can't believe you guys didn't mess around. You were naked in a bed with a perceived 9/10 and you both have been drinking. Are you gay... not that anything is wrong with that but cmon man...
On September 20 2013 05:40 lannisport wrote: If I could offer one piece of advice for people who are new in town... Use meetup.com to find a cool social circle/to meet wing girls but don't use it to meet girls you're interested in. There's too much cross pollination within groups and things can get awkward quickly (Imagine meeting two girls you've hooked up with in a single outing-- ughh).
Since I last posted I've met two pretty cute girls I' going out with (Through meetup). But I've started to use okcupid, tinder and a few other online dating sites + some facebook hooking up and I've met another reallly cute girl through okcupid. I think if you do it right you can meet 1 or 2 quality / cute girls through online stuff. Emphasis on quality because you're not meeting random girls, it's a highly filtered and efficient system to begin with.
I'm also a big fan of non-dates like others on this thread. I will usually have a whole bunch of stuff planned for the week (sometimes with friends) and I'll invite a girl to one of these things. If we get along then I invite her out again (usually a mutual activity for two).
Meetup is very hit or miss depending on where you live. There is literally nothing even remotely interesting around me sadly I just want to play some pickup frisbee or something, but apparently that is too much to ask.
On September 20 2013 01:47 Broetchenholer wrote: Does your course of action change with the exact knowledge of whether she wants to sleep with you right FUCKING now, after you have spend some time together, after you have really swept her off her feet or not at all?
If the answer is no, don't spend so much time thinking about the other questions that seems so relevant to you right now.
The thing is, I'm really not sure actually. Because she's is just so damn interesting. She has experienced some stuff, has opinions and views I really find fascinating. I actually think she could become a really good friend... But on the other hand - I have toooons of friends, so I have a bigger need for some romance... And a pretty, sweet, interesting girl? Why not think about it possibly turn into more?
So your curse of action can be summarized by this posting from last page?
On September 19 2013 20:52 Funshines wrote: how do i tell a girl, that friendzoned me, i dont want to be close friends. only reason i became close was because i wanted to date her. now that that is out of the picture i really dont want to socialize with her but she keeps asking me if somethings wrong and why i dont talk to her anymore and i just throw her some one word reply and walk away.
Only try to be friends with her if she wants to sleep with you? Because that's how it sounds. "Man, so torn, that very interesting girl i love to chat and talk with didn't want to sleep with me after knowing me for half a weak. How do i know whether she wants to suck my dick?"
Don't wonder whether she wants to sleep with you right now, go out with her and find out whether she wants to sleep with you later. What do you lose?????
No no quite the contrairy. I don't have an urgent need for more friends. But if she just wants to be friends, I'd love it She doesn't need to end up in a gf-potential-bowl in my head. However... I figure that's what would make the most sence to me? I'm up for whatever she feels like. Not really risking anything by exploring this. So... How do I figure out if she wants to be friends or more? It's not like I'm friendzoned here
Alright, stop right there.
You're up for whatever she feels like? So if she snips and says "be my friend" / "have sex with me" / "be my boyfriend" you'll jump and do what she says? You want to "risk nothing by exploring this"?
a) Risk nothing. Let her see that she's not worth risking anything. Enjoy having another buddy. b) Risk everything. Get a pretty decent chance at walking away with the prom queen. Worst case say "oh well" and ask her if she has any friends that are hotter and/or smarter than her.
She asked you to come over late at night and slightly intoxicated. I can't think of many things that could be more straight forward. If you want to make something happen with her, make it happen. If you don't want anything to happen, then don't. Worst possible case you get rejected and move on with your life.
Dating in a nutshell is really that simple.
Fun sidegame: Ask your buddy that left to sleep on the couch: "Hey, dude, that chick I slept with in your bed asked me to come over at like 3am in the morning and she said she just came home from a concert. And I was like 'no, you come over' and she's like 'no fuck you too far away' so nothing really happened. Do you think she's into me?!?"
On September 20 2013 01:47 Broetchenholer wrote: Does your course of action change with the exact knowledge of whether she wants to sleep with you right FUCKING now, after you have spend some time together, after you have really swept her off her feet or not at all?
If the answer is no, don't spend so much time thinking about the other questions that seems so relevant to you right now.
The thing is, I'm really not sure actually. Because she's is just so damn interesting. She has experienced some stuff, has opinions and views I really find fascinating. I actually think she could become a really good friend... But on the other hand - I have toooons of friends, so I have a bigger need for some romance... And a pretty, sweet, interesting girl? Why not think about it possibly turn into more?
So your curse of action can be summarized by this posting from last page?
On September 19 2013 20:52 Funshines wrote: how do i tell a girl, that friendzoned me, i dont want to be close friends. only reason i became close was because i wanted to date her. now that that is out of the picture i really dont want to socialize with her but she keeps asking me if somethings wrong and why i dont talk to her anymore and i just throw her some one word reply and walk away.
Only try to be friends with her if she wants to sleep with you? Because that's how it sounds. "Man, so torn, that very interesting girl i love to chat and talk with didn't want to sleep with me after knowing me for half a weak. How do i know whether she wants to suck my dick?"
Don't wonder whether she wants to sleep with you right now, go out with her and find out whether she wants to sleep with you later. What do you lose?????
No no quite the contrairy. I don't have an urgent need for more friends. But if she just wants to be friends, I'd love it She doesn't need to end up in a gf-potential-bowl in my head. However... I figure that's what would make the most sence to me? I'm up for whatever she feels like. Not really risking anything by exploring this. So... How do I figure out if she wants to be friends or more? It's not like I'm friendzoned here
Alright, stop right there.
You're up for whatever she feels like? So if she snips and says "be my friend" / "have sex with me" / "be my boyfriend" you'll jump and do what she says? You want to "risk nothing by exploring this"?
a) Risk nothing. Let her see that she's not worth risking anything. Enjoy having another buddy. b) Risk everything. Get a pretty decent chance at walking away with the prom queen. Worst case say "oh well" and ask her if she has any friends that are hotter and/or smarter than her.
She asked you to come over late at night and slightly intoxicated. I can't think of many things that could be more straight forward. If you want to make something happen with her, make it happen. If you don't want anything to happen, then don't. Worst possible case you get rejected and move on with your life.
Dating in a nutshell is really that simple.
Fun sidegame: Ask your buddy that left to sleep on the couch: "Hey, dude, that chick I slept with in your bed asked me to come over at like 3am in the morning and she said she just came home from a concert. And I was like 'no, you come over' and she's like 'no fuck you too far away' so nothing really happened. Do you think she's into me?!?"
Your buddy will probably slap you because of the shame you put into the male race.
after 8 months of visiting the same starbucks, I find out the cute barista has a boyfriend and is moving to the oil fields in Alberta with him after this semsester
On September 21 2013 11:48 CorsairHero wrote: after 8 months of visiting the same starbucks, I find out the cute barista has a boyfriend and is moving to the oil fields in Alberta with him after this semsester
I am kinda boring and don't really know how to have fun, alcohol fixes tht for me alot of the times but now I don't even use it anymore. I want to be able to have fun with others, especially girls but I don't know how. Most of my hobbies involve doing things alone or with other dudes(playing vid games, basketball or gym, surfing the web aimlessly). Maybe TV/movies and music I could share with a girl but that seems boring. This is one of the reasons I don't feel comfortable with ever asking out a girl because I don't really know what to do afterwards. I am at that point in my life where I put school above all, and am just focusing on working hard but it bothers me sometimes when I see others attain happiness so easily, and for me it seems so difficult. I have kinda just given up in that area and just focus all of my negative energy into something else(school). Its not so bad, I am not depressed or anything but it feels like a part of me is not how I like it, or is being a nub just who I am and can't accept it?
On September 21 2013 13:11 biology]major wrote: I am kinda boring and don't really know how to have fun, alcohol fixes tht for me alot of the times but now I don't even use it anymore. I want to be able to have fun with others, especially girls but I don't know how. Most of my hobbies involve doing things alone or with other dudes(playing vid games, basketball or gym, surfing the web aimlessly). Maybe TV/movies and music I could share with a girl but that seems boring. This is one of the reasons I don't feel comfortable with ever asking out a girl because I don't really know what to do afterwards. I am at that point in my life where I put school above all, and am just focusing on working hard but it bothers me sometimes when I see others attain happiness so easily, and for me it seems so difficult. I have kinda just given up in that area and just focus all of my negative energy into something else(school). Its not so bad, I am not depressed or anything but it feels like a part of me is not how I like it, or is being a nub just who I am and can't accept it?
Based on what you worte, you just lack confidence and experience (one feeding the other). You may also think it's a bigger deal than what it really is.
Among your hobbies I don't see why you could not share basketball and gym. Talk about your team, invite her to make a few shots while talking about something else, etc. Go to the gym together if she's into it... Hell if you come across one that plays video games you could talk about it (in moderation unless she's a hardcore player). There's a lot of options really. But usually when a guy tells me he has no idea what to do it just mean he thinks he must bring her to the craziest event ever like in movies. Get that "The Notebook" stuff out of your head, if it was required to meet a woman the world population would die in the next 50years. Be simple and just ask one to do stuff along with you or your friends and/or share one of her activity that you may be interested in.
Obviously, you must first meet said girl.
Just don't stress yourself as to whether or not you'll get some at the end. It's counter productive. Start by just meeting and spending time doing random stuff. Just do the stuff you enjoy and please don't be her servant. If she only sees you as a friend at the end no biggy, you'll still have made a friend and will try with another, but that time you'll do it a bit differently, stronger, with more testosterone mixed in.
Anyway, again, start with these simple steps. Thinking about something else would be like learning a starcraft 2 BO when you don't even know how to build.
On September 21 2013 13:11 biology]major wrote: I am kinda boring and don't really know how to have fun, alcohol fixes tht for me alot of the times but now I don't even use it anymore. I want to be able to have fun with others, especially girls but I don't know how. Most of my hobbies involve doing things alone or with other dudes(playing vid games, basketball or gym, surfing the web aimlessly). Maybe TV/movies and music I could share with a girl but that seems boring. This is one of the reasons I don't feel comfortable with ever asking out a girl because I don't really know what to do afterwards. I am at that point in my life where I put school above all, and am just focusing on working hard but it bothers me sometimes when I see others attain happiness so easily, and for me it seems so difficult. I have kinda just given up in that area and just focus all of my negative energy into something else(school). Its not so bad, I am not depressed or anything but it feels like a part of me is not how I like it, or is being a nub just who I am and can't accept it?
You gota cut the negativity out. Don't compare yourself to others; you are a different person who has been raised in different circumstances. Center your happiness within yourself, destroy the negativity. The best method to do this would be to find a passion. I'm not talking about petty hobbies, what I'm talking about is something for you to pursue, learn, and progress in. Pick something that you enjoy, and not something you think others would enjoy. People love hearing about another persons passion when that person is speaking from the heart. You have to love what you do. You'll find happiness within yourself which in turn will attract people towards you.
If pursuing your passion means you have to quit school, then quit school. But only quit school if you're sure you are going to follow through with it. Other wise you'll be wasting your time. Preferably you can do both and complete your education. After all this is the real world, and you're going to have to make money.
Also, don't wait to start improving your dating or social life until you've gotten skilled at your passion. Start now and grow both aspects of your life at the same time.
On September 21 2013 13:11 biology]major wrote: I am kinda boring and don't really know how to have fun, alcohol fixes tht for me alot of the times but now I don't even use it anymore. I want to be able to have fun with others, especially girls but I don't know how. Most of my hobbies involve doing things alone or with other dudes(playing vid games, basketball or gym, surfing the web aimlessly). Maybe TV/movies and music I could share with a girl but that seems boring. This is one of the reasons I don't feel comfortable with ever asking out a girl because I don't really know what to do afterwards. I am at that point in my life where I put school above all, and am just focusing on working hard but it bothers me sometimes when I see others attain happiness so easily, and for me it seems so difficult. I have kinda just given up in that area and just focus all of my negative energy into something else(school). Its not so bad, I am not depressed or anything but it feels like a part of me is not how I like it, or is being a nub just who I am and can't accept it?
You gota cut the negativity out. Don't compare yourself to others; you are a different person who has been raised in different circumstances. Center your happiness within yourself, destroy the negativity. The best method to do this would be to find a passion. I'm not talking about petty hobbies, what I'm talking about is something for you to pursue, learn, and progress in. Pick something that you enjoy, and not something you think others would enjoy. People love hearing about another persons passion when that person is speaking from the heart. You have to love what you do. You'll find happiness within yourself which in turn will attract people towards you.
If pursuing your passion means you have to quit school, then quit school. But only quit school if you're sure you are going to follow through with it. Other wise you'll be wasting your time. Preferably you can do both and complete your education. After all this is the real world, and you're going to have to make money.
Also, don't wait to start improving your dating or social life until you've gotten skilled at your passion. Start now and grow both aspects of your life at the same time.
On September 20 2013 02:38 vult wrote: My luck has changed. First girlfriend in 4 years, and she somewhat enjoys Starcraft! Now I just have to convert her into an anime lover like me.
Well done dude Just keep in mind that it's probably best to not be super pushy with your interests. If she's keen, she'll ask questions. There's nothing worse than having someone rant on and on about something you couldn't give less of a shit about.
Any tips for going to a bar alone? I have very little expirience in the environment in general so I really have no idea how to act. I'm just looking to socialize/meet people my age. I realize the bar isn't the best place to meet quality people but there aren't many other options around here.
On September 21 2013 22:34 Najda wrote: Any tips for going to a bar alone? I have very little expirience in the environment in general so I really have no idea how to act. I'm just looking to socialize/meet people my age. I realize the bar isn't the best place to meet quality people but there aren't many other options around here.
You'll have better luck meeting other people your age in fitness classes (like crossfit or martial arts) or pursuing shared interests. Drinking may be a shared interest, but I've personally never made any kind of lasting friendship with someone I met in a bar.
On September 21 2013 22:42 freelander wrote: Yesterday I picked up a chick at a DiveKick tournament lol. I even had to beat her in the loser's bracket. The natural habitat of girls.
On September 21 2013 22:34 Najda wrote: Any tips for going to a bar alone? I have very little expirience in the environment in general so I really have no idea how to act. I'm just looking to socialize/meet people my age. I realize the bar isn't the best place to meet quality people but there aren't many other options around here.
You'll have better luck meeting other people your age in fitness classes (like crossfit or martial arts) or pursuing shared interests. Drinking may be a shared interest, but I've personally never made any kind of lasting friendship with someone I met in a bar.
I agree, but I'm already taking muaythai and there isn't anyone my age. Theres a couple 16-18 year olds then the rest are older (I'm 23). I'd take crossfit too but I can't afford both.
My town is mostly retirees and highscool kids or younger since my age group is either off to college, can't afford to live here, or still lives with parents.
On September 21 2013 22:34 Najda wrote: Any tips for going to a bar alone? I have very little expirience in the environment in general so I really have no idea how to act. I'm just looking to socialize/meet people my age. I realize the bar isn't the best place to meet quality people but there aren't many other options around here.
Bars are tough. It's possible but it comes down to not giving a fuck, having no expectation in other people and being able to discuss on a very low and simple level.
EPT
She doesn't need to end up in a gf-potential-bowl in my head. However... I figure that's what would make the most sence to me? I'm up for whatever she feels like. Not really risking anything by exploring this. So... How do I figure out if she wants to be friends or more? It's not like I'm friendzoned here
I just want to play some pickup frisbee or something, but apparently that is too much to ask.
