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Russian Federation1016 Posts
My general impression of german girls.
I arrived in Germany in November 2012. It rained as f**k. Since I'm from Russia I know how to dress up not to feel cold. I was standing at the bus stop. And nearby was a very nice blond girl. She was dressed up very lightly, smth like skirt, sweater and a scarf without an umbrella. She tried to hide her palms into the sleeves. She was shaking as hell, it was obvious that she was cold. I came to her and said (in German but with awfull Russian accent  ) with a smile (not creepy from my POV): "Excuse me, I can't watch how you are shaking. Please, take my gloves {I pulled gloves out of my pocket}. Your health is more important." She looked at me like I'm going to rape her right here right now! And then she ran about 7 meters from me! I've just wanted to help. I mean WTF???!!!
Later I tried to make friends (friends!!! not a word about sex) with some other German girls by being a gentlman and offering some help, but the result was always the same: they ran from me like I was a maniac (and I am not even that ugly, I swear).
Could someone explain that behavior for me, please?
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On September 15 2013 10:47 IAmWithStupid wrote:My general impression of german girls. I arrived in Germany in November 2012. It rained as f**k. Since I'm from Russia I know how to dress up not to feel cold. I was standing at the bus stop. And nearby was a very nice blond girl. She was dressed up very lightly, smth like skirt, sweater and a scarf without an umbrella. She tried to hide her palms into the sleeves. She was shaking as hell, it was obvious that she was cold. I came to her and said (in German but with awfull Russian accent ) with a smile (not creepy from my POV): "Excuse me, I can't watch how you are shaking. Please, take my gloves {I pulled gloves out of my pocket}. Your health is more important." She looked at me like I'm going to rape her right here right now! And then she ran about 7 meters from me! I've just wanted to help. I mean WTF???!!! Later I tried to make friends (friends!!! not a word about sex) with some other German girls by being a gentlman and offering some help, but the result was always the same: they ran from me like I was a maniac (and I am not even that ugly, I swear). Could someone explain that behavior for me, please?
If it's anything like Canada, most people don't interact with strangers in public unless there's some kind of convenient icebreaker. It's generally a shallow small talk topic. Most of the time, both the people will discuss being annoyed about something like "that bus is always late isn't it!" and the other person will respond "yes" and they'll totally have something in common.
If you're more friendly than that, they'll think you're weird because it's unusual for people to be nice in a meaningful way.
That said, certain people are more open than others, so you'll always run into uptight people who really NEED that little convenient icebreaker that has to happen in a way that just seems "accidental".
Anyway, that's my take on it. It may be something else entirely in Germany.
Edit: I want to add that certain people surely consider gloves to be pretty personal. If you're anything like me, you sweat like a mofo in those things. I don't think I would be really keen on putting on a stranger's gloves. Just a thought... this wouldn't cause me to run away from anybody
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Spoilered for being more depressing as an empty jar of nutella
+ Show Spoiler +So the girl who meant the world to me was diagnosed with cancer in November 2011. We weren't dating and I don't know the exact term to describe our relationship-- best friend is a start. The story is long, but the essential fact is that she lived halfway across the world, so it wasn't going to happen. We talked over Skype every few days, but it was absolutely agonizing, because I literally watched her die over two years feeling there was nothing I could do. Then after a three week silence, I get a text from her sister that she's gone last March.
It's been real hard since then. There's one girl I'm pretty interested in, but I'm absolutely paralyzed by the coincidence (is that the word?) that she has the same first name as the one who's gone. And I find myself comparing other girls to her too. Its completely unfair to them, but so it goes. Yesterday facebook notified me that she'd changed her profile picture-- it was just a glitch of some sort, but my heart literally jumped out of my chest for a second before crashing down again. One hand I want to be able to leave it behind and move forward and look back and smile, but its a strange, sweet sort of pain to be in love with a memory.
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On September 15 2013 10:47 IAmWithStupid wrote:My general impression of german girls. I arrived in Germany in November 2012. It rained as f**k. Since I'm from Russia I know how to dress up not to feel cold. I was standing at the bus stop. And nearby was a very nice blond girl. She was dressed up very lightly, smth like skirt, sweater and a scarf without an umbrella. She tried to hide her palms into the sleeves. She was shaking as hell, it was obvious that she was cold. I came to her and said (in German but with awfull Russian accent ) with a smile (not creepy from my POV): "Excuse me, I can't watch how you are shaking. Please, take my gloves {I pulled gloves out of my pocket}. Your health is more important." She looked at me like I'm going to rape her right here right now! And then she ran about 7 meters from me! I've just wanted to help. I mean WTF???!!! Later I tried to make friends (friends!!! not a word about sex) with some other German girls by being a gentlman and offering some help, but the result was always the same: they ran from me like I was a maniac (and I am not even that ugly, I swear). Could someone explain that behavior for me, please?
I dont think anyone can explain insanity. It's so unusual to have strangers suddenly come up on you to be friendly (same shit in Norway), that you think their on drugs or highly unstable, or that its a catch of some sort. It's all based on fear. Even if it's a hot female coming onto me, which is highly unusual, I still give her the "wtf you want bitch" look. Not sure how to break this cycle.
Whenever I find myself in Thailand, the creepiest creep can sneak upon me and I'll be the most friendly dude ever, acting like we're brothers. And no, I'm not even drunk or close to drunk. It's so different, and I become depressed when I come back too Norway.
How is this in Russia?
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On September 15 2013 10:47 IAmWithStupid wrote:My general impression of german girls. I arrived in Germany in November 2012. It rained as f**k. Since I'm from Russia I know how to dress up not to feel cold. I was standing at the bus stop. And nearby was a very nice blond girl. She was dressed up very lightly, smth like skirt, sweater and a scarf without an umbrella. She tried to hide her palms into the sleeves. She was shaking as hell, it was obvious that she was cold. I came to her and said (in German but with awfull Russian accent ) with a smile (not creepy from my POV): "Excuse me, I can't watch how you are shaking. Please, take my gloves {I pulled gloves out of my pocket}. Your health is more important." She looked at me like I'm going to rape her right here right now! And then she ran about 7 meters from me! I've just wanted to help. I mean WTF???!!! Later I tried to make friends (friends!!! not a word about sex) with some other German girls by being a gentlman and offering some help, but the result was always the same: they ran from me like I was a maniac (and I am not even that ugly, I swear). Could someone explain that behavior for me, please?
Besides shit that could have something to do with "you being Russian" (likely in Eastern Germany, pretty much anywhere within a 200km radius to the border or more) it seems to me like the type of approach that doesn't cut it. You're trying to get compliance (getting the gloves accepted, getting help accepted) without any kind of rapport/trust/comfort being built beforehand.
I'd try to open in a more subtle way, if that opening gets accepted and you're in for 2-3 minutes you can seal the deal for the next 10-15 with that kind of gesture.
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On September 15 2013 10:47 IAmWithStupid wrote:My general impression of german girls. I arrived in Germany in November 2012. It rained as f**k. Since I'm from Russia I know how to dress up not to feel cold. I was standing at the bus stop. And nearby was a very nice blond girl. She was dressed up very lightly, smth like skirt, sweater and a scarf without an umbrella. She tried to hide her palms into the sleeves. She was shaking as hell, it was obvious that she was cold. I came to her and said (in German but with awfull Russian accent ) with a smile (not creepy from my POV): "Excuse me, I can't watch how you are shaking. Please, take my gloves {I pulled gloves out of my pocket}. Your health is more important." She looked at me like I'm going to rape her right here right now! And then she ran about 7 meters from me! I've just wanted to help. I mean WTF???!!! Later I tried to make friends (friends!!! not a word about sex) with some other German girls by being a gentlman and offering some help, but the result was always the same: they ran from me like I was a maniac (and I am not even that ugly, I swear). Could someone explain that behavior for me, please?
I don't think german girls are much different than Dutch ones so.. It would've been better if you went up to here and complain about the freaking rain/cold and general shitty situation you guys are in before you handed the gloves. The way you did it your intentions were clear. You were hitting on her. If you made a bit of small talk before, the gloves would've been a kid gesture instead of just a way of hitting on her.
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Bosnia-Herzegovina72 Posts
On September 15 2013 11:19 ticklishmusic wrote:Spoilered for being more depressing as an empty jar of nutella + Show Spoiler +So the girl who meant the world to me was diagnosed with cancer in November 2011. We weren't dating and I don't know the exact term to describe our relationship-- best friend is a start. The story is long, but the essential fact is that she lived halfway across the world, so it wasn't going to happen. We talked over Skype every few days, but it was absolutely agonizing, because I literally watched her die over two years feeling there was nothing I could do. Then after a three week silence, I get a text from her sister that she's gone last March.
It's been real hard since then. There's one girl I'm pretty interested in, but I'm absolutely paralyzed by the coincidence (is that the word?) that she has the same first name as the one who's gone. And I find myself comparing other girls to her too. Its completely unfair to them, but so it goes. Yesterday facebook notified me that she'd changed her profile picture-- it was just a glitch of some sort, but my heart literally jumped out of my chest for a second before crashing down again. One hand I want to be able to leave it behind and move forward and look back and smile, but its a strange, sweet sort of pain to be in love with a memory.
Not the best thing to read on a Sunday morning... 
Really feeling sorry for you man. It felt hard just reading about it so I can only imagine what both of you had to go through.
The bittersweet memory will probably stay with you forever but I hope it turns a lot more sweet sometimes soon.
Stay strong buddy and good luck! 
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How's my luck?
Awful, awful, awful and awful.
I have never had a girlfriend. I have only ever hit first-base with a girl twice and that was thanks to an alcohol fuelled party and the fact that these two girls made it their job to make out with every guy and girl at the party except the curly haired friend of mine because they wanted to make him feel left out. My problem is that I either in very rare cases secure a date and just get outright cold shouldered afterwards when I did everything as right as I could and didn't come across as a dick, or I often get friend zoned with varying degrees of often bogus excuses.
Out of desperation I gave two online dating sites - OkCupid and PlentyOfFish - a chance although spent a lot more time on the latter. They are both highly flawed sites in the way that there are plenty of almost essential site features that OKC users have to pay for and completely different features that are premium to POF. Both sites also have a plethora of spam accounts and inactive users.
POF's 'meet me' feature works for all users. If you click 'yes' for wanting to meet that person, they will know about it. So far, five girls have clicked yes to this. Three have been complete munters and two actually deleted me from 'Meet Me' when I actually decided to act upon this and send them a polite message with a leading question tailored to the interests that are on their profile. On the other hand, OKC's equivalent will only notify other users you rated their profile a 4 or a 5 if you have a premium account.
My reply rate on OKC is 0% but my reply rate on POF is about less than 2%. A lot of my messages result in a girl viewing my profile so it's not like these girls are 'swamped by messages from male users' or whatever stupid excuse is thrown around for less fortunate guys getting a really bad reply rate. I had one date with a girl I met on POF and I didn't take it to a second date. As much as I liked her personality, she really didn't look like her profile picture suggested.
Every time I visit a POF profile, girls continually complain about getting perverted message and claim they will only respond to guys that give nice, positive, interesting messages. I throw them around all the time and I get next to no replies. In fact, the only time lately I've actually gotten a (insulting) reply was this one time where I came across as a bit passive aggressive and told her 'if you complain about your messages why don't you even reply to the nice ones!' This is why I feel this picture (NSFW) best summarizes online dating, because I'm willing to bet doing this will actually get you more attention than being a nice guy.
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I was taking some advise from this thread on how to tread dates and stuff. Told a female friend that i want to cook something new and awesome and need a winggirl for it. Cooking and eating is better if not done alone, she likes to cook as well, so she happily took the bait. I mean invitation. Evening was really nice, absolutely no pressure on either of us. And here we have the downside of that approach, masking a date by calling it not a date. I will have to deduct from her reaction whether she actually got interested in more then having a not-date with me and whether the next not-date we agreed on is considered a date by her. All signs point towards the fact that she is interested, but if i am interpreting these things wrongly, a clean rejection when asking her out on a date-date might have been better
Curse you, internet!
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During the not-date you should by physically flirting with her. Her reactions to you will make it clear what she thinks.
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Erhm. Yeah. You should still escalate it like any other date. Basically any situation where you end up with "I'm not sure what she thinks about me" means you likely fucked up. Escalation -> no rejection = you're in. It's really that simple in almost all scenarios.
Good seduction allows her to tell her friends that "it just happened", that's what not making a big deal about it (aka e.g. not "dating" her but "watching a movie" / "cooking") comes down to.
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Situation: Girl And I are friends for 2 years now.
I told her I liked her 1 year ago. Got a pisspoor reaction where she ignored me for a while
Then we became friends again after I told her that was a really shitty thing to do (Said this after 4 months of dealing with it)
Got a girlfriend. Broke up 2 months ago.
So It's no lie to myself that I still like my friend.
My best friend also happened to like her around the time she ignored me. He got the same toxic reaction. They're somewhat friends now. My best friend really dislikes who she is at this point lol.
She likes another guy also.
I feel like my best bet is to find someone else.
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Your feelings on the matter do not betray you.
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On September 15 2013 10:47 IAmWithStupid wrote:My general impression of german girls. I arrived in Germany in November 2012. It rained as f**k. Since I'm from Russia I know how to dress up not to feel cold. I was standing at the bus stop. And nearby was a very nice blond girl. She was dressed up very lightly, smth like skirt, sweater and a scarf without an umbrella. She tried to hide her palms into the sleeves. She was shaking as hell, it was obvious that she was cold. I came to her and said (in German but with awfull Russian accent ) with a smile (not creepy from my POV): "Excuse me, I can't watch how you are shaking. Please, take my gloves {I pulled gloves out of my pocket}. Your health is more important." She looked at me like I'm going to rape her right here right now! And then she ran about 7 meters from me! I've just wanted to help. I mean WTF???!!! Later I tried to make friends (friends!!! not a word about sex) with some other German girls by being a gentlman and offering some help, but the result was always the same: they ran from me like I was a maniac (and I am not even that ugly, I swear). Could someone explain that behavior for me, please?
Probably the accent i would say ._.
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On September 13 2013 11:47 VayneAuthority wrote:
asking for a girl friend
how do you get across to a guy that you are just studying and having coffee as friends and not as a date
what is the general consensus oh tL citizens
Mention her 'boyfriend'. Just once or twice casually don't make a deal about it but this makes it clear from the start she has and is happy with her boyfriend. Even if she doesn't have one.
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Not-so-great:
+ Show Spoiler +For about three months I dated a guy that started off fantastically. Then I discovered he had a drinking habit and a nasty temper to go with it. Wasn't too keen on being someone's forever punching bag and left him after a particularly bad beating. My family took care of the rest.
Happier stuff:
+ Show Spoiler +My first relationship was with my senior/math tutor at high school. She was 17 and I was 15 and it was great. She taught me a lot about love and enjoying the moment. I've been with my current partner for a while and he's absolutely wonderful.
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On September 15 2013 10:47 IAmWithStupid wrote:My general impression of german girls. I arrived in Germany in November 2012. It rained as f**k. Since I'm from Russia I know how to dress up not to feel cold. I was standing at the bus stop. And nearby was a very nice blond girl. She was dressed up very lightly, smth like skirt, sweater and a scarf without an umbrella. She tried to hide her palms into the sleeves. She was shaking as hell, it was obvious that she was cold. I came to her and said (in German but with awfull Russian accent ) with a smile (not creepy from my POV): "Excuse me, I can't watch how you are shaking. Please, take my gloves {I pulled gloves out of my pocket}. Your health is more important." She looked at me like I'm going to rape her right here right now! And then she ran about 7 meters from me! I've just wanted to help. I mean WTF???!!! Later I tried to make friends (friends!!! not a word about sex) with some other German girls by being a gentlman and offering some help, but the result was always the same: they ran from me like I was a maniac (and I am not even that ugly, I swear). Could someone explain that behavior for me, please?
First, cultural standards are more or less unique to one nationality. As someone mentioned before your approach was quite uncommon, because in Germany we quite always keep a polite and respectful distance to other people. If you talk to them too directly you break their comfort zone and can be very sure that they will pull back. It is also highly uncommon in Germany that people act that friendly with each other. Maybe it's a little sad to hear, but Germans are rarely that open minded, especially in a public environment (so excluding parties, sit-ins with friends of friends or being at a certain place like the university).
In Addition your russian accent probably made things even worse. Turkish, russian and polish people (besides some others, depends on your city) are not as accepted as they should be. They are partly responsible for their bad reputation themselves though. Acting offensive is no way to build intercultural trust
I had a seminar about finnish people and saw quite a few similarities. Both, scandinavians and germans, seem to be very sensitive to a too direct and good willing approach. Next time try to get into conversation more slowly.
Two things to add:
I am half turkish.
Are you sure about you not being creepy? 
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how do i tell a girl, that friendzoned me, i dont want to be close friends. only reason i became close was because i wanted to date her. now that that is out of the picture i really dont want to socialize with her but she keeps asking me if somethings wrong and why i dont talk to her anymore and i just throw her some one word reply and walk away.
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Do you want to know the exact words?
Just tell her you're interested in her and don't want to be just friends, simple as that.
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On September 19 2013 08:32 Kenpachi wrote:
Situation: Girl And I are friends for 2 years now.
I told her I liked her 1 year ago. Got a pisspoor reaction where she ignored me for a while
Then we became friends again after I told her that was a really shitty thing to do (Said this after 4 months of dealing with it)
Got a girlfriend. Broke up 2 months ago.
So It's no lie to myself that I still like my friend.
My best friend also happened to like her around the time she ignored me. He got the same toxic reaction. They're somewhat friends now. My best friend really dislikes who she is at this point lol.
She likes another guy also.
I feel like my best bet is to find someone else.
Yeah, sounds like this is a no go, bro... If you value your friendship even slightly it seems she isn't dealing with guys liking her very well.
I mean... If you'd actually love to do it - and she doesn't matter THAT much, you COULD try... But if you could find another girl it sounds like a better plan
On September 19 2013 21:06 SixStrings wrote:
Do you want to know the exact words?
Just tell her you're interested in her and don't want to be just friends, simple as that.
This is somewhat all in though... Again, you need to figure out how much you're into her versus what she means to you as a friend. In this case you sound more sure about your intentions. If you aren't too afraid of her reaction (as a friend) I think you should just tell her - at the right time ofc
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EPT
