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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 13 2013 12:25 WarSame wrote:Show nested quote +On September 13 2013 11:47 VayneAuthority wrote:
asking for a girl friend
how do you get across to a guy that you are just studying and having coffee as friends and not as a date
what is the general consensus oh tL citizens I don't think you can really go for coffee with a guy(or vice versa, whichever way you swing for whichever gender) and not have it at least somewhat assumed there is something more..
Oh yes you can! ... Maybe men don't want to believe it, but it's true!. But "more" is also a question of definition!
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On September 13 2013 15:45 Geisterkarle wrote:Show nested quote +On September 13 2013 12:25 WarSame wrote:On September 13 2013 11:47 VayneAuthority wrote:
asking for a girl friend
how do you get across to a guy that you are just studying and having coffee as friends and not as a date
what is the general consensus oh tL citizens I don't think you can really go for coffee with a guy(or vice versa, whichever way you swing for whichever gender) and not have it at least somewhat assumed there is something more.. Oh yes you can! ... Maybe men don't want to believe it, but it's true!. But "more" is also a question of definition!
My best (female) friend always said she read in some psycological articel somewhere, that if a man would not have sex with a woman, his desire to keep contact with the female would be so low, there would never be established a friendship. We've made a ton of jokes about it, since we had known each other for 8 years and nothing had ever happened between us... Then *bam* first time, we're both single... yeah... Stuff happened...
Yesterday I went out with another friend for some coffee... No intentions at all - however... I don't think I'd reject her, if she had actually made a move. I don't know how to make the move though... You can always flirt... I even think you should do this in most situations... Just small flirting... dropping hints... And then make a move either at a party - or invite him to dinner at your place.
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She said to me after "I'm sorry I ever fell in love with you, I was on my period"
278 Pages of the ridiculousness of human emotions....but that one takes the cake !!! 2 years afterwards !!!
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Northern Ireland27478 Posts
Oh god, I chose a good time to return lol
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On September 13 2013 11:55 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 13 2013 10:52 kaykaykay wrote:On September 12 2013 23:16 kaykaykay wrote:
So this girl i like in school, ( she's 18. real athlete type, swims, tennis and just gives people the "I'm always improving" vibe which i find really attractive. )
During the holidays, we went out together in a group once, we had fun and everything and i tried to escalate things from there.
However when school started, she has her own group of friends and I kinda botched things with a letter.
She said she lost the letter I wrote asking her out which I find it hard to believe hahaha I might be wrong though.
today we met up for some extra curricular activities and during the exercise, we had to write each other letters.
She tells me to continue being mysterious, knowledgeable and confident, that I'm reliable. ( yes I help her too damn much, she's the president of my club )
how would you carry on from here? I'm trying to encourage more communication between us because I find that lacking sorely.. Advice keenly needed. Just ask her out in person. Though the letter was a nice idea and a lot of girls would find that really sweet and charming. Asking in person shows more confidence and you're gonna have to deal with her eventually. Just get her alone for like 3-5min and then just go for it. You can go from there depending on her response and how she reacts. Ask her to go do something together or just straight up ask her to be your gf haha. Haven't been in highschool for awhile but more than a few HS relationships I knew of started pretty bluntly lol.
I read somewhere in this thread that it should come very naturally and you should try to avoid asking any form of questions that requires the girl to think.
No, " do you want to have coffee together? "
Yes, " I'm having coffee later, come along. "
Like instead of explicitly saying "do you think we should get together?"
would it be better to use actions instead and then gauge from there her interest?
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On September 14 2013 15:09 kaykaykay wrote:Show nested quote +On September 13 2013 11:55 Zooper31 wrote:On September 13 2013 10:52 kaykaykay wrote:On September 12 2013 23:16 kaykaykay wrote:
So this girl i like in school, ( she's 18. real athlete type, swims, tennis and just gives people the "I'm always improving" vibe which i find really attractive. )
During the holidays, we went out together in a group once, we had fun and everything and i tried to escalate things from there.
However when school started, she has her own group of friends and I kinda botched things with a letter.
She said she lost the letter I wrote asking her out which I find it hard to believe hahaha I might be wrong though.
today we met up for some extra curricular activities and during the exercise, we had to write each other letters.
She tells me to continue being mysterious, knowledgeable and confident, that I'm reliable. ( yes I help her too damn much, she's the president of my club )
how would you carry on from here? I'm trying to encourage more communication between us because I find that lacking sorely.. Advice keenly needed. Just ask her out in person. Though the letter was a nice idea and a lot of girls would find that really sweet and charming. Asking in person shows more confidence and you're gonna have to deal with her eventually. Just get her alone for like 3-5min and then just go for it. You can go from there depending on her response and how she reacts. Ask her to go do something together or just straight up ask her to be your gf haha. Haven't been in highschool for awhile but more than a few HS relationships I knew of started pretty bluntly lol. I read somewhere in this thread that it should come very naturally and you should try to avoid asking any form of questions that requires the girl to think. No, " do you want to have coffee together? " Yes, " I'm having coffee later, come along. " Like instead of explicitly saying "do you think we should get together?" would it be better to use actions instead and then gauge from there her interest?
Things work kinda differently in HS when you see the person everyday for 5days a week.
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On September 13 2013 23:38 C4reful wrote:Show nested quote +She said to me after "I'm sorry I ever fell in love with you, I was on my period" 278 Pages of the ridiculousness of human emotions....but that one takes the cake !!! 2 years afterwards !!!
Holy shit. I actually bursted out laughing
Edit: Haha, what the hell. I'm still giggling when I think about it. Thanks for making my day after a shitty nights sleep and a stressful week ^.^
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On September 14 2013 15:09 kaykaykay wrote:Show nested quote +On September 13 2013 11:55 Zooper31 wrote:On September 13 2013 10:52 kaykaykay wrote:On September 12 2013 23:16 kaykaykay wrote:
So this girl i like in school, ( she's 18. real athlete type, swims, tennis and just gives people the "I'm always improving" vibe which i find really attractive. )
During the holidays, we went out together in a group once, we had fun and everything and i tried to escalate things from there.
However when school started, she has her own group of friends and I kinda botched things with a letter.
She said she lost the letter I wrote asking her out which I find it hard to believe hahaha I might be wrong though.
today we met up for some extra curricular activities and during the exercise, we had to write each other letters.
She tells me to continue being mysterious, knowledgeable and confident, that I'm reliable. ( yes I help her too damn much, she's the president of my club )
how would you carry on from here? I'm trying to encourage more communication between us because I find that lacking sorely.. Advice keenly needed. Just ask her out in person. Though the letter was a nice idea and a lot of girls would find that really sweet and charming. Asking in person shows more confidence and you're gonna have to deal with her eventually. Just get her alone for like 3-5min and then just go for it. You can go from there depending on her response and how she reacts. Ask her to go do something together or just straight up ask her to be your gf haha. Haven't been in highschool for awhile but more than a few HS relationships I knew of started pretty bluntly lol. I read somewhere in this thread that it should come very naturally and you should try to avoid asking any form of questions that requires the girl to think. No, " do you want to have coffee together? " Yes, " I'm having coffee later, come along. " Like instead of explicitly saying "do you think we should get together?" would it be better to use actions instead and then gauge from there her interest?
It mostly conveys a different mindset.
"Do you want to have coffee later?" = "I would love to have a coffee with you.
"I want to get a coffee later (anyway), wanna come along?" = "I would love to get a coffee and it would be cool to have you around."
One conveys that you want to do something because of the other person, the other conveys that you want to do something and would enjoy the other persons company. The latter basically shows a much more independent mindset which tends to be what people lack when chasing a skirt.
Whether you opt for the question (my version) or the command (your version) depends on your general frame and how you do things, either is fine. Personally I prefer the version where she has to show compliance to make it happen and I also prefer to be rather playful instead of dominant early on.
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On September 14 2013 15:57 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 14 2013 15:09 kaykaykay wrote:On September 13 2013 11:55 Zooper31 wrote:On September 13 2013 10:52 kaykaykay wrote:On September 12 2013 23:16 kaykaykay wrote:
So this girl i like in school, ( she's 18. real athlete type, swims, tennis and just gives people the "I'm always improving" vibe which i find really attractive. )
During the holidays, we went out together in a group once, we had fun and everything and i tried to escalate things from there.
However when school started, she has her own group of friends and I kinda botched things with a letter.
She said she lost the letter I wrote asking her out which I find it hard to believe hahaha I might be wrong though.
today we met up for some extra curricular activities and during the exercise, we had to write each other letters.
She tells me to continue being mysterious, knowledgeable and confident, that I'm reliable. ( yes I help her too damn much, she's the president of my club )
how would you carry on from here? I'm trying to encourage more communication between us because I find that lacking sorely.. Advice keenly needed. Just ask her out in person. Though the letter was a nice idea and a lot of girls would find that really sweet and charming. Asking in person shows more confidence and you're gonna have to deal with her eventually. Just get her alone for like 3-5min and then just go for it. You can go from there depending on her response and how she reacts. Ask her to go do something together or just straight up ask her to be your gf haha. Haven't been in highschool for awhile but more than a few HS relationships I knew of started pretty bluntly lol. I read somewhere in this thread that it should come very naturally and you should try to avoid asking any form of questions that requires the girl to think. No, " do you want to have coffee together? " Yes, " I'm having coffee later, come along. " Like instead of explicitly saying "do you think we should get together?" would it be better to use actions instead and then gauge from there her interest? Things work kinda differently in HS when you see the person everyday for 5days a week.
When you see her during the day just tell her "im doing x later today, come join me/want to come with me?" If anything I'd think seeing eachother 5 days a week would make it much easier for her to say yes. If she says no, maybe she is busy, just say "alright some other time then" or something else equally casual.
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Girl I work with, who has any male colleague bar me (quite obviously) swooning over her seems into me.
But I have a terrible track record with mistaking friendliness and openness for signs of interest, so what do I know.
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On September 14 2013 23:12 Mikau wrote:
Girl I work with, who has any male colleague bar me (quite obviously) swooning over her seems into me.
But I have a terrible track record with mistaking friendliness and openness for signs of interest, so what do I know.
It's more likely you get it right but play your cards wrong and they get out of the deal saying you were mistaken
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On September 15 2013 00:09 aTnClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On September 14 2013 23:12 Mikau wrote:
Girl I work with, who has any male colleague bar me (quite obviously) swooning over her seems into me.
But I have a terrible track record with mistaking friendliness and openness for signs of interest, so what do I know.
It's more likely you get it right but play your cards wrong and they get out of the deal saying you were mistaken
Quite possibly, I'm terrible with women.
However, when somebody sends you what I can only interpret as clear signals and is then genuinely surprised when you ask her out, I'm not so sure that's what happened or that I just really really misunderstood her.
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I've noticed that since my break up that I am shit with girls now. It's as if I don't know how to be with any girl that isn't my ex. It's weird. I don't necessarily want to get back into playing the game now, but is this normal? I know a lot of people who get torn up over a girl/guy have issues, but I feel like I'm a total chobo now compared to how I was before, considering I'm extroverted and fairly charismatic. I don't really know what's wrong with me. Any ideas guys?
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On September 15 2013 07:24 docvoc wrote:
I've noticed that since my break up that I am shit with girls now. It's as if I don't know how to be with any girl that isn't my ex. It's weird. I don't necessarily want to get back into playing the game now, but is this normal? I know a lot of people who get torn up over a girl/guy have issues, but I feel like I'm a total chobo now compared to how I was before, considering I'm extroverted and fairly charismatic. I don't really know what's wrong with me. Any ideas guys?
are you over your ex?
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On September 15 2013 07:42 ROOTFayth wrote:Show nested quote +On September 15 2013 07:24 docvoc wrote:
I've noticed that since my break up that I am shit with girls now. It's as if I don't know how to be with any girl that isn't my ex. It's weird. I don't necessarily want to get back into playing the game now, but is this normal? I know a lot of people who get torn up over a girl/guy have issues, but I feel like I'm a total chobo now compared to how I was before, considering I'm extroverted and fairly charismatic. I don't really know what's wrong with me. Any ideas guys? are you over your ex?
Holy shit, fayth is that you?
How've you been? Haven't seen you for a while.
As for you docvoc, seems like you just need to chill out with some bros and grow a break up beard. You will carry on but it takes time. Don't worry about it.
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On September 15 2013 07:42 ROOTFayth wrote:Show nested quote +On September 15 2013 07:24 docvoc wrote:
I've noticed that since my break up that I am shit with girls now. It's as if I don't know how to be with any girl that isn't my ex. It's weird. I don't necessarily want to get back into playing the game now, but is this normal? I know a lot of people who get torn up over a girl/guy have issues, but I feel like I'm a total chobo now compared to how I was before, considering I'm extroverted and fairly charismatic. I don't really know what's wrong with me. Any ideas guys? are you over your ex?
Hell no. I'm not gonna be for a LONG time.
Also a break up beard sounds great. XD
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I've seen this thread around for a long time but have never had a reason to post in it yet... Until now! Just started romantically seeing a girl I've been friends with for almost 8 years. So I'm here to give some hope to those of you who may think you've been friend-zoned. You might get lucky. All you need is timing and 20 seconds of insane courage.
cheers! :D
On September 15 2013 08:02 docvoc wrote:
Hell no. I'm not gonna be for a LONG time.
Also a break up beard sounds great. XD
Unfortunately time is the best healer in these cases. Good luck!
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Oh sht, this new girl works same place as me, I find her pretty but nothing special and definetly not worth a relationship but shes sooo into me, I had to give her my number and we dated for next week but I so dont wanna get her to think I want a long relationship with her, and worst thing is I see her everyday at work already lol..
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On September 14 2013 15:57 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 14 2013 15:09 kaykaykay wrote:On September 13 2013 11:55 Zooper31 wrote:On September 13 2013 10:52 kaykaykay wrote:On September 12 2013 23:16 kaykaykay wrote:
So this girl i like in school, ( she's 18. real athlete type, swims, tennis and just gives people the "I'm always improving" vibe which i find really attractive. )
During the holidays, we went out together in a group once, we had fun and everything and i tried to escalate things from there.
However when school started, she has her own group of friends and I kinda botched things with a letter.
She said she lost the letter I wrote asking her out which I find it hard to believe hahaha I might be wrong though.
today we met up for some extra curricular activities and during the exercise, we had to write each other letters.
She tells me to continue being mysterious, knowledgeable and confident, that I'm reliable. ( yes I help her too damn much, she's the president of my club )
how would you carry on from here? I'm trying to encourage more communication between us because I find that lacking sorely.. Advice keenly needed. Just ask her out in person. Though the letter was a nice idea and a lot of girls would find that really sweet and charming. Asking in person shows more confidence and you're gonna have to deal with her eventually. Just get her alone for like 3-5min and then just go for it. You can go from there depending on her response and how she reacts. Ask her to go do something together or just straight up ask her to be your gf haha. Haven't been in highschool for awhile but more than a few HS relationships I knew of started pretty bluntly lol. I read somewhere in this thread that it should come very naturally and you should try to avoid asking any form of questions that requires the girl to think. No, " do you want to have coffee together? " Yes, " I'm having coffee later, come along. " Like instead of explicitly saying "do you think we should get together?" would it be better to use actions instead and then gauge from there her interest? Things work kinda differently in HS when you see the person everyday for 5days a week.
Same goes for college (if you're living on campus). Yes, things work differently, in the sense that it's a lot easier and smoother. Just by matter of convenience, you're able to communicate with a person in person, and without risking bothering them or anything. Nor do you have the risk of "growing apart" (especially if it's a new girl) because you're not able to see each other anywhere often enough. Especially if they're awkward/non-social girls, being in a situation of convenience when you can see them and talk to them often works significantly to your advantage.
On the other hand, the contrast of this scenario is a significant disadvantage. In high school, everyone lives at home and goes to school, so this doesn't really apply. When you get into college, let's say conditions arise where you have to live with relatives or something, never in the dorms or anything. Your fellow students have 1000s of people who they live within walking distance of. They spend a lot of time with them, especially after classes, when their in their dorms/apartments. They may also active in student orgs. where they spend even more time with the people they hang out with daily. And if you go to a college infamous for most the students being seriously socially anxious, uh oh. You are nothing to those girls (unless you are seriously willing to severely downgrade your standards in every aspect). They have a hundred guys they know a lot better than they know you, simply by virtue of this convenience. They are not comfortable with you. What do you do? Learn some serious social skills and prove you're better than those 100 guys. That's how I've gotten along pretty well when I was in college. Oh, it'll also come in handy just to make friends in the first place  . People in college tend to not care too much about anyone else when, for example, they live within 10 feet of their 10 best friends.
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On September 15 2013 09:23 DoSu wrote:
Oh sht, this new girl works same place as me, I find her pretty but nothing special and definetly not worth a relationship but shes sooo into me, I had to give her my number and we dated for next week but I so dont wanna get her to think I want a long relationship with her, and worst thing is I see her everyday at work already lol..
I would just like to say this once and for all: I think you and the others who have posted these types of things are extreme attention whores. All you are saying is: "OMG this girl totally knows how awesome I am but I have higher standards" or whatever.
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EPT
