Dating: How's your luck? - Page 25

At the end of High School I had my first serious relationship. I'd had one semi-serious one before, but it didn't really amount to much. This girl, though, she was everything to me - at the time. I'd been interested in her for quite a while, and we'd flirted on and off for ages. Thing was, she was head over heels for a close friend of mine, and to this day I still believe she was using me to get closer to him. It almost cost me my friendship with him, my trust in people as a whole, and my self-esteem.

We started dating at the beginning of the summer of my senior year, right around my birthday. This girl was hot, played World of Warcraft almost religiously, and seemed to be everything I'd ever wanted. Right off the bat, things were rocky at best. I felt I couldn't trust her around my aforementioned friend due to knowing bits of their history together, but I was determined to make it work. Way, way too determined. My determination payed off, and I managed to "stabilize" our relationship. Things were good, or so I thought.

Thing is, I never really could trust her fully. I had to be around, all the time. At the time I thought I was just doing what any good boyfriend would do - being involved, getting to know her friends, etc. - but it was all a pretext for the simple fact that I couldn't trust her. This went on for almost 2 years. We broke up once, got back together and things seemed to be pretty good. In the time we were apart, we'd both done some reflection and seemed to get it together. Soon after that, my father passed away. To this day I thank god she was there for that, as if her and I had still been apart, I'm not sure I could have handled it. For all her faults, she was there for me for that very rough time in my life. Soon after though, I started to realize nothing had changed. And I mean nothing, as in I still wasn't strong enough to end it myself.

So we're hanging out one Friday night, we watched the movie The Last Kiss together (I've always had a penchant for chick flicks!) and things were good. One of the best nights I had with her. The next day, I drive her over to her friend's place on my way to work. Two days later, she leaves me with no warning, and no real explanation. 24 hours after that her facebook shows her as being in a relationship with a new guy.

I was absolutely devastated. I fell into a deep state of self-loathing, self-pity, and self-destruction. I drank excessively every night, did some things I shouldn't have done, and was as miserable as I could possibly be. For months I stayed like that, went on a family vacation and spent the whole time planning an elaborate present for her, my last attempt to get her back. I drew a portrait of her, framed it, wrapped it up with a journal that I wrote in with all my leftover emotions and many references to the past we shared.

Her MOTHER shows up at my house to return the gift, and in the end of the journal all she's written is "Brett, our relationship is over. Move on with your life and let me move on with me."

Now you might think I was devastated all over again, but the thing is, the only thing I felt afterwards was anger. Everything I'd done for her, with her, had really meant nothing to her as I'd suspected the entire time we were together. I felt anger, and I felt relief that it was finally over. I pulled myself out of my self-destructive state, threw myself into my work, and inevitably started dating again. I've seen a couple girls since then, they've not amounted to anything, but I'm out there.

All of this taught me three simple things:

1. Don't stay with someone you can't trust, if you can't trust them there's a reason. Listen to yourself.

2. Don't settle for anything less than you're worth. Reflect on yourself, identify the values you need in a person, and find them.

3. Common interests don't *really* mean all that much. What counts is shared morale fiber, trust, and a real emotional attachment. Don't fight for something that isn't good for you, *that* is real self-destructive behaviour.



TL;DR - Don't follow your ex on Facebook, it'll only make you more miserable than you already are