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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Man, I just have the worst luck. Started grad school, and I'm like, alright, unlike college people actually date here rather than hook up drunkenly, time to start asking out some of the cute nerdy grad student girls.
The first one I started crushing on made it clear in the first few days that she had a boyfriend from college, presumably a whole bunch of people were hitting on her or something.
So I started flirting with this other girl, but before I actually made a move I thought, I should Facebook friend her and make sure she doesn't already have a boyfriend. (I only log on to Facebook about once a month unless it's for this.). Well, she does.
Next girl, same story.
Then there was a girl in my department, she wasn't listed as in a relationship on Facebook, but we were talking on the way to class one day and she mentioned her boyfriend too T_T.
So I'm 0 for 0 because each of the first four girls I had crushes on were still dating boyfriends from undergrad. I've just gotten crushed out, right now I'm taking a break until next semester.
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United States22154 Posts
Its not about luck, its all about having mad skills.
That said, as of right now I'm single and lonely, so maybe luck has a little more to do with it that I would like to think...
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cant get to that dating step. so i would say my luck is 0...
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Hung out with a chick last night, well tried to but I bailed. We met at a bonfire party last month. But I didn't really talk to her then, beyond greeting her. She texted me randomly and I didn't give out my #. Turns out she knew my cousin and got it that way. So we talked on the phone for an hour, find out we live pretty close so I end up heading over to her place. All she can talk about when I get there is warcraft. Normally I don't stereotype badly but she looks like she would absolutely not be playing video games at all. So I was a bit surprised. Then kinda bummed out when one hour later she's ignored my advances and kept wanting to show me what's new in warcraft because I said I hadn't played since early burning crusade and she recognized the guild I was in(was rather big time). I mean it's cool she's passionate about that and all and I usually flirt real subtly. But she's hot enough to where she definitely knows what it's like to be hit on, even in subtle ways. So I texted a friend to call me in 5 minutes so I can have an excuse to bail. =\
Mental note: I'm never mentioning I have played wow ever again when in company of somebody that plays currently, or has played in the past.
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you should have pulled out your battlehammer 
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I've had plenty of bad ones but most of it pretty long ago. I was single 8 years ago all though I've been in two relationships these past years (5 years in the current one).
I recommend that you really do pick your battles. I mean i'm sure many of my fellow nerds here share a pretty analytical brain so it's easy to discover flaws everywhere but say something nice instead
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before you read anything here: yes, I AM a douche.
About my dating experience? I won't talk about girls, but about me. Why not about girls? because I can't remember. I date them a lot, but there is a lot of them. And I don't want a relationship, I want her pain. I pick girls up just to see the pain in their eyes when they think we should get on pretty well together, and I say them that I have a girlfriend (BTW: it's true, but she'll never know about the others. And even if, I'll just enjoy that look of her's too)
It's just: I love the pain more than anything. But I also like my friends wich are like you: good guys. I would never want them to know this. So I'm like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in my life. And I love that.
And again, I AM a douche. Believe me or not (the story is not really believable, is it?) whatever.
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Russian Federation1613 Posts
My last relationship with a girl lasted for about a month or two and it was stupid as hell.
It was like perfect start at first but after three meetings i felt that i just failed. Then it was about 2 or 3 weeks of stupidness until she met another guy and kissed with him and stopped to talk to me for about a week. And then she again started to talk to me when they broke up but then all i felt is that i'm gay...
What i got of this experience:
1) Kiss or at least try to do it before third meeting. You can be super cool and interesting guy for her but until you kiss her you are "just a friend".
2) If you see that girl's behavior becomes worse and worse it's a sign that you must kiss her as soon as possible or she just go away from you to someone who will be brave enough to do it.
3) If you see that you cant achieve anything with her or you become angry or you feel like a gay... break the relationship for sometime, maybe a day or two. But never show her your nerd anger because she only will think that you are nerd... Instead you can use your anger to tell her everything you want to say or/and kiss her.
4) Don't try to be a good guy. It doesn't work. Try to kiss her or hug her or anything. With girl you are the man first of all.
5) Always think about your passion. She feel it and will kinda play with you and it will be easier to kiss her.
And again, perfect timing for a first kiss is second meeting. If you didn't kiss her before 4th meeting it's GG (no re).
Ahh, too many rules but these are some that i missed in my last relationship.
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Well, where I'm from we don't really "date" but either way, I only ever had 3 relationships mostly due to growing up with 2 older sisters. All the drama I get from them has scared me into not really ever wanting anything more then a hook up.
And that I only been in relationships with complete psychos haven't really helped me out either. All 3 girls share the same sad story, they don't function with there mother, there father ran away when they where kids and they all lived in state-forced foster homes when I was seeing them. I don't know what it is with me and broken girls but it seems there the only ones I manage to meet. All the girls where also junkies and borderline alcoholics. All of them hot as hell tho which is the only saving grace.
I would give my left testicle for meeting a nice chilled out girl who just wanna relax.
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On October 09 2011 15:47 Mr. Nefarious wrote:
Unfortunately, most of the better looking girls are extremely selfish and vain. Drop these girls, looks are only fun for the first month. Find the girl you find attractive emotionally as well as physically, despite what other people might say or think about her.
Word!
"Beauty endures only for as long as it can be seen; goodness, beautiful today, will remain so tomorrow."
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shitty, i always date the cheating psychos -.-
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On October 10 2011 16:03 FabledIntegral wrote:Show nested quote +On October 10 2011 15:53 OliverDONG wrote:It will take me a while to get over my first relationship. + Show Spoiler +Im only 19, but i have spend the past 5 years in and out of the hospital (Leukemia) and am now im total remission. About 2 years ago during one of my never ending hospitalization, I met that sweet girl which was a year older than me who had cystic fibrosis. When you are that sick it is kinda hard to talk about all you feel and such with your parents and your friends since none of them really have gone through such events. Turned out she was the first one I was able to open my heart to and express how I was feeling inside at that time and vice-versa. We became close friends pretty damn quickly and, after couple dates when we were not hospitalized, ended up in a relashionship. I just cannot find the words to describe how good that relationship has been to both of us. I mean I dated soem girls before, but they all ended up failign because of my health issues (which I find rediculous but whatever) and I never loved someone that much. Having someone going through similar difficulties and being able to support each other through the ups and downs of life is priceless. Our relationship lasted a 19 months, her disease took over and she died...in my arms. Its already been 5 months, yet it feels like it was just yesterday. Fighting for your life really opens your eyes on what is true love. I dont think I will be ready to date or to have a relationship fora long time. My friends and family are really supportive so it helps. It'll be hard to find someone like my ex, and she will always be in my heart, but I am pretty sure that one day I will find someone that is worth spending my life with. I'll focus on uni and sc2 for now, until then im better off alone... I started reading your thing, thinking how it would suck how you'd "just have to get over your first love" etc. when she dumped you, only to keep reading and find out how it turned out. Really sorry man, that's absolutely awful, you have my condolences.
I second this one, that's horrible...not sure many can even begin to pretend they understand what that must be like 
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Well I had trouble for a long time to date girls as I was pretty shy. And the more time passed, the more i felt like i was behind in "dating experience" (not to mention other experiences  ).
But I faced very difficult studies with lot of oral tests, and I built confidence.
So I decided to exercise, I ask some of my girl friends about clothes, and did my research too, and soon enough, I was kind of ready.
I decided to consider dating as an exciting yet optionnal thing. It doesn't matter if you don't get "the" girl. Because if you keep trying you'll get "a" girl, and maybe she'll become "the" girl.
I mean, all the romantic movies, book, freaking princess story and whatnot just aren't it. For me, all dating is about is to meet someone, get to know a girl (or a guy whatever), and try to have fun.
I went out with mostly cute girls, but no "hot chick". I always got a second date, and most of the time more after that. Never cheated, always treated my girlfriends nice, and most of them are still my friend.
I did that for a couple of years, until I met my current girlfriend almost 2 years ago, it started as usual, but time passed and we fell in love. It wasn't love at first sight, there wasn't drama, just one day I woke up and I thought "Damn,I love that girl".
So here you have it, my way of dating life. Dating is just as important as you allow it to be, keep it cool don't push it, don't overthink it, and in time, you'll get there.
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Well would should i say, i had my last gf over a year ago (right before sc2 was released). looking back she was a real bitch, she had someone else besides me. when i went to holidays i wrote her over fb, one day later she replied. she wrote about what her work about parting and so on. in the last sentne she said thtat she had someone else and she hopes we stay friends.Since than i stoped dateing.
i actually had a date 3 month ago, which went pretty well, but like 3 days after that she changed her fb status to in a relationship white imo a douchbag. after that i never talked to her again.
atm i am not in the mood to date cause it takes sooo much time to find someone, but i am not giving up : )
syr for bad eng.
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my first gf cheated on me so hard it really made me bitter... so nowadays i think im the one thats being difficult... although i always treat women with respect, when it comes to love im really having a hard time trusting them...
ah well, like they say, them bitches is craaaaazy
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Well, I've been hit on by a few girls so far in first year of undergrad, but its by girls who I just want to be friends with, I haven't tested my luck with girls more than that atm seeing as this experience is so unfamiliar for me, people getting drunk, random flings etc, I honestly don't know how to deal with it lol.
My experience was always, take on date, talk, kiss, relationship, or meet girl at bar, talk, date. etc.
Because where I am from, girls are deemed slutty, and the rep. sticks if there are random flings (small 300,000 population island in the Bahamas).
Anyway, met a girl, asked her for some casual drinks the other night, just for funzies (honestly wasn't looking for anything). she seemed really upset when she couldn't make it, and then gave me her number. So i'm like huh, cool.
She sent me a text saying she would love to bring me along next time her and her friends go out drinking, she tried to make it seem like nothing serious, but I could def. feel there might be hints regarding her wanting more personal, but idk how to advance, should I wait until the night her and her friends go out, and follow? maybe let her know I have a personal interest in her, e.g talking to her throughout the night, or maybe making physical contact.
OR, should I try to speed it up and ask her out somewhere before that?
wut do? girls are so different here than back home lol.
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On October 11 2011 22:17 couches wrote:
Hung out with a chick last night, well tried to but I bailed. We met at a bonfire party last month. But I didn't really talk to her then, beyond greeting her. She texted me randomly and I didn't give out my #. Turns out she knew my cousin and got it that way. So we talked on the phone for an hour, find out we live pretty close so I end up heading over to her place. All she can talk about when I get there is warcraft. Normally I don't stereotype badly but she looks like she would absolutely not be playing video games at all. So I was a bit surprised. Then kinda bummed out when one hour later she's ignored my advances and kept wanting to show me what's new in warcraft because I said I hadn't played since early burning crusade and she recognized the guild I was in(was rather big time). I mean it's cool she's passionate about that and all and I usually flirt real subtly. But she's hot enough to where she definitely knows what it's like to be hit on, even in subtle ways. So I texted a friend to call me in 5 minutes so I can have an excuse to bail. =\
Mental note: I'm never mentioning I have played wow ever again when in company of somebody that plays currently, or has played in the past.
maybe she just doesnt wanna make out on the first date?
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On October 11 2011 23:32 Smajdalf wrote:
before you read anything here: yes, I AM a douche.
About my dating experience? I won't talk about girls, but about me. Why not about girls? because I can't remember. I date them a lot, but there is a lot of them. And I don't want a relationship, I want her pain. I pick girls up just to see the pain in their eyes when they think we should get on pretty well together, and I say them that I have a girlfriend (BTW: it's true, but she'll never know about the others. And even if, I'll just enjoy that look of her's too)
It's just: I love the pain more than anything. But I also like my friends wich are like you: good guys. I would never want them to know this. So I'm like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in my life. And I love that.
And again, I AM a douche. Believe me or not (the story is not really believable, is it?) whatever.
That's not douchebaggery, that's borderline psychopathy and sadism.
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On October 11 2011 17:44 XRaDiiX wrote:
The shows all these girls are watching on T.V makes them like this i'm certain; it causes them to have this mind-set and complain about everything( Expecting the Perfect Boyfriend). While at the same time being having the longest lasting grudges that they never let go of.
Obviously not all Girls are like this but i feel like the main cause of this is the brain washing going on TV and movies and shows all the time.
They want to make everyone hate each other and they've done a darn good job at it.
Also to add i think when Women/Girls watch all these shows on TV it also causes and/or makes them become more emotional creatures that expect everything to be served on a plate in-front of them.
Like they are a princess or something.
I second this. It's annoying that girls are starting to mix fiction into their lives. I mean, no one is ever going to have a relationship like one from a movie/ tvshow... Purely because those relationships are artificial. I don't think I've suffered directly from this, but it's annoying that single girls complain because they dont know anyone "decent". Where decent now constitutes the perfect male who happens to adore them more than anything and is single and lives nearby and can help them with absolutely anything and always will, and has no life outside of them. However, i think i see where some girls come from when they say a lot of boys are complete pricks.
I think my main problem with dating is that I often ask out girls I don't know too well, and its great for a while because you're getting to know a new person but almost always we have very little in common, and actually dont get on too well. So it normally ends after about 5/6 weeks when we realise we're nothing alike at all. Dating a closer friend would be weird, but seeing as my longest relationship so far has been 6months (ending in her family moving 200miles) I may change my approach. I also need to learn girl language. It turns out that very often unless she's being obvious, I can never tell. Most girls who used to/ I've learned were into me literally never spoke to me, I think it must be a confidence thing. Considering at least 90% of girls wont say anything, it's very hard to understand. For example; turns out a girl from my chem liked me for the better part of a year, she just used to ask me for homework every night by text, but obviously didn't want to be too forward(?) It almost makes sense in hindsight but I wish that some girls would be a bit more obvious. I remember day9 joking about it in a funday monday once but his depiction was actually remarkably accurate haha. Girls who are more bold are normally the ones everyone calls "slags" or "sluts" or w/e. It sometimes amazes me that humans reproduce at all lol. /rant.
And if anyone wants "tips", there are two basic things i've picked up on that help (apart from the very straightforward be funny/ be interesting/ be alpha stuff):
1) Being sporty/ exercising (even if only a little) almost always makes you more attractive. Everyone on my school rugby team has had at least 2 girlfriends. I also think girls really like the idea of having a physically active boyfriend. Note: this doesn't have to be a conventional sport, even something like swimming really helps. It's more than just making you seem more interesting, it makes you attractive on a very basic level. Also having teammates, sporty friends means girls connotate you with similar attributes to sports.
2) (If want girl) Having a "close girl_friend" or a girl who can be seen to be flirting with you a lot makes you much, much more desirable. People want what they can't have very often, they also will subconsciously want what other people want also. This really, really helps get you off "friendship island", girls-who-are-your-friends- will see you completely differently if they see you close to other girls. It's a bit mean to use someone to get to a girl, but maybe you could incorporate a female friend to help you out.
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EPT
