EPTNow with that being said - as long as your wife or future wife understands that your likes are part of what makes you who you are she should be tolerable of what you do and should appreciate that you have a creative outlet. The deal is on you to know how to govern your choices and the amount of time and dedication you put towards your games and such instead of your family.
Gamer and Mariage - Page 5
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kingpinonly
Canada2 Posts
Now with that being said - as long as your wife or future wife understands that your likes are part of what makes you who you are she should be tolerable of what you do and should appreciate that you have a creative outlet. The deal is on you to know how to govern your choices and the amount of time and dedication you put towards your games and such instead of your family. | ||
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Kemy
105 Posts
On September 30 2011 04:49 Datz2Ez wrote: Thanks, some people are indeed immature and do not understand that at 21 you can be ready for this. Also it is a question that will not define the success of our mariage, it is way beyond this. And to those to wonder, I was the one to propose so I am fully commited to this and OBVIOUSLY I know that I have to cut on those hours. However, some people did not take the time to read fully the 1st post. I am looking for experience of other people to know how to deal with this in the best way. It is not a question of wheter I will game or not, because I will! It is a question about how I will deal with the situation if she thinks I play too much! Or that I don't spend enough time with her. I don't understand how marriage by itself would have an impact on anything in your everyday life. I currently live together with my girlfriend, study, have a job and spend some time playing games, watching games, doing sports and see my friends. Would anything of that change if I'd get married next weekend? I don't think so. I already care for my girlfriend, meet her family, go out with her, help her through stressful times. I already stop playing games if I feel that she needs me. Why would I do that only after i get married? I think people in this thread have very different views on what marriage is. For people who actually live "like a marriaged couple" marriage is basically a nice party and a change in their official marital status without any direct effect on their lives. Obviously there's a lot of romantic involved but nothing changes by 180 degrees. Things may change dramatically at the moment you decide to move together and again when you decide to have a child/children, because this usually comes with a bunch of new responsibilities that interfere with your live up to that point. Compared with these two decisions, mariage changes nothing really. | ||
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Divinek
Canada4045 Posts
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Gnosis
Scotland912 Posts
On September 30 2011 04:53 QTIP. wrote: Time for gaming in general. Obviously this does not apply to everyone, you might marry a chick who is just into gaming as you are. But it seems like the OP is losing some time, and I can see myself in the same situation if I were to get married now (22) given my current gaming habits. I see. Not something I would consider a drawback. Incidentally, also a 'consideration' I would consider immature. To answer the OP, gaming for me is a 'hobby', a way to unwind. As others have said, it isn't marriage that has gotten in the way of my gaming time but life and responsibility (work, other more important hobbies, the commitment marriage involves, etc.) My experience is that marriage begins with "lets do everything together!" and then eventually the expectation becomes more realistic. It's a matter of priorities. | ||
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
1) Your gaming career is basically over when you get married. Sure, you'll get to play now and then, but those 8-hour gaming sessions are a thing of the past. Casual gaming and single player games that allow you save and pause at any point is about all that you'll be able to play. Once you get married, things like your career and making money start to become very important. You just won't have the time for gaming that you used to. 2) Once you have a child, forget about it. You'll go days without playing games. 3) It's a good thing if your significant other does not play games. When you're married, you need time to yourself and time away from your spouse. You really don't want to invite your spouse into every single nook and cranny of your life. | ||
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muzzy
United States640 Posts
On September 30 2011 04:49 Datz2Ez wrote: Thanks, some people are indeed immature and do not understand that at 21 you can be ready for this. Also it is a question that will not define the success of our mariage, it is way beyond this. And to those to wonder, I was the one to propose so I am fully commited to this and OBVIOUSLY I know that I have to cut on those hours. However, some people did not take the time to read fully the 1st post. I am looking for experience of other people to know how to deal with this in the best way. It is not a question of wheter I will game or not, because I will! It is a question about how I will deal with the situation if she thinks I play too much! Or that I don't spend enough time with her. I don't think there is going to be one correct answer, because everyone is different. One thing I would say is that you shouldn't sacrifice everything for a marriage, because that would be a sign something is wrong. I don't think you're planning on that, but I know a lot of guys who have that mentality. Let your partner know it's important to you, and I'm sure she'll be understanding and allow you to have time to your hobbies. And you'll want to do the same in return... we all know how much it sucks to pal around with your girlfriend while she shops for clothes... that doesn't change when you get married. But, you suck it up and compromise. Maybe I just got lucky though! Speaking of marriage and SC2, our anniversary is coming up, 14th of November, and my wife is cool with us going to Providence and spending a couple days doing "anniversary" things together, and then watching the MLG finals :D | ||
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muzzy
United States640 Posts
On September 30 2011 05:05 xDaunt wrote: 2) Once you have a child, forget about it. You'll go days without playing games. . Why do you say that? I'm really curious actually. Is it because my daughter is only 2? Am i suddenly not going to be able to game when she's older? I play with my daughter all the time, and I still get to game practically every day. She sits on my lap drinking juice boxes and watching steams with me sometimes, lol. You're right about the 8 hour marathons being done, but I don't get this "Your gaming life is over" mentality. | ||
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Lord_J
Kenya1085 Posts
On September 30 2011 01:51 Datz2Ez wrote: I met my girl a little more then 3 years ago. I am now 21. Even if we do not share the same hobby, we really love eachother and hope that we can build something strong in the future. We are getting married this Saturday, October 1st. One thing I was wondering is how will my gaming be affected by all of this. It is a big part of my life and this is the place where I can chill out after a big day of work/school. Nothing is worth more then hearing White-Ra say 'Special tactics'. Have you spoken to your fiance about this? It's going to be highly individualized--what are her expectations out of marriage, does she want kids, and if so, when, and so forth. Hearing other people's experiences can give you a general idea of potential problems, but everyone's situation is different, so it's not necessarily going to answer the question for you. I don't think that getting married at 21 is inherently a bad idea, but it does give me pause that your first instinct regarding this concern is apparently to ask people on TL rather than discuss it with your wife-to-be. | ||
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
On September 30 2011 05:09 muzzy wrote: Why do you say that? I'm really curious actually. Is it because my daughter is only 2? Am i suddenly not going to be able to game when she's older? I play with my daughter all the time, and I still get to game practically every day. She sits on my lap drinking juice boxes and watching steams with me sometimes, lol. You're right about the 8 hour marathons being done, but I don't get this "Your gaming life is over" mentality. Actually, I think that it will be easier to play games as your children get older and are able to entertain themselves (my daughter is only 7 months). Anyway, here's my average day: 7 - 8 am: wake up, get ready, mess around with kid a little bit 8 am - 6 pm: work 6 - 730 pm: play with and watch kid while wife cooks, then eat dinner 730-8 pm: either do dishes or keep watching kid 8-9 pm: hopefully kid goes to bed sometime around here 9-11 pm: the balance of my day, during which I often do some more work, spend time with wife, take care of misc chores, or play games. Basically, there just isn't a lot of time. | ||
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kingpinonly
Canada2 Posts
2) Once you have a child, forget about it. You'll go days without playing games. ........ Why do you say that? I'm really curious actually. Is it because my daughter is only 2? Am i suddenly not going to be able to game when she's older? I play with my daughter all the time, and I still get to game practically every day. She sits on my lap drinking juice boxes and watching steams with me sometimes, lol. You're right about the 8 hour marathons being done, but I don't get this "Your gaming life is over" mentality. +1 --- My 5 year old daughter loves to watch me play Zoggy..... She thinks that Overlords are cute and fat and loves the noise that they make when you click on them... Granted when she sits on my lap to play SC2 with me it's not about winning its about having a good time and just enjoying ourselves. I get to play games less frequently but its not for any reasons that would make me regret not being able to sit in front of a computer for hours on end. Granted priorities change when you have kids so gaming is less of a big deal but there are still chances to game --- PS: She loves to watch Day9 with me! so much fun. | ||
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QTIP.
United States2113 Posts
On September 30 2011 05:03 Gnosis wrote: I see. Not something I would consider a drawback. Incidentally, also a 'consideration' I would consider immature. To answer the OP, gaming for me is a 'hobby', a way to unwind. As others have said, it isn't marriage that has gotten in the way of my gaming time but life and responsibility (work, other more important hobbies, the commitment marriage involves, etc.) My experience is that marriage begins with "lets do everything together!" and then eventually the expectation becomes more realistic. It's a matter of priorities. Makes sense to me. Though for me, it would definitely fall under the drawback section. | ||
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danl9rm
United States3111 Posts
On September 30 2011 01:57 bonifaceviii wrote: You really didn't go into any detail about how your fiancee feels about your gaming. This is the most important thing we need to know. If she has a negative opinion of gaming or thinks it's a waste of time you will have a problem. If she doesn't, you probably won't. You sound like you're not married. Sorry if I'm wrong. It does not matter how your fiance feels about gaming, your time with it will still be less and less. This is not a bad thing, though. Be glad, you're maturing. That doesn't mean you'll ever have to give it up entirely, but Bibdy had some real good points. I'd read his post carefully. | ||
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Datz2Ez
Canada76 Posts
On September 30 2011 04:57 Kemy wrote: I don't understand how marriage by itself would have an impact on anything in your everyday life. I currently live together with my girlfriend, study, have a job and spend some time playing games, watching games, doing sports and see my friends. Would anything of that change if I'd get married next weekend? I don't think so. I already care for my girlfriend, meet her family, go out with her, help her through stressful times. I already stop playing games if I feel that she needs me. Why would I do that only after i get married? I think people in this thread have very different views on what marriage is. For people who actually live "like a marriaged couple" marriage is basically a nice party and a change in their official marital status without any direct effect on their lives. Obviously there's a lot of romantic involved but nothing changes by 180 degrees. Things may change dramatically at the moment you decide to move together and again when you decide to have a child/children, because this usually comes with a bunch of new responsibilities that interfere with your live up to that point. Compared with these two decisions, mariage changes nothing really. Maybe because I don't live with her? Getting married for me is more about moving in her appartement. Traditionnaly people would act this way, nowaday people expect you to do the opposite but I do not really follow the new methods. | ||
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Schickysc
Canada380 Posts
Currently my girlfriend is playing the campaign on casual (non gamer), and is loving it. We bond so much while im teaching her to play. She could probably care less for the games, but loves the interactions we share. She just loves to build her "suv"s, her "transformers", and kill zergs. To be honest, if something you love and are passionate about, is a deal breaker or problem for your significant other, then find another other. | ||
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Datz2Ez
Canada76 Posts
On September 30 2011 05:37 danl9rm wrote: You sound like you're not married. Sorry if I'm wrong. It does not matter how your fiance feels about gaming, your time with it will still be less and less. This is not a bad thing, though. Be glad, you're maturing. That doesn't mean you'll ever have to give it up entirely, but Bibdy had some real good points. I'd read his post carefully. Our life is not entirely base on whether I game or not. We can have success with or without gaming. The question here is not if I will or will not be gaming, it's about how can we, as gamers, handle this? | ||
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Yosho
585 Posts
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Ryndika
1489 Posts
She feels it is ridicoulus that some people can live out of games while other have to work 40h/weeks. Lol sorry to say but I woud've dumbed someone from my life after that kind of statment being said seriously. :C Glhf with your marriage and to the problem itself... You said you have known her for ~3yr so I guess just keep doing same thing you've done for 3yrs? | ||
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Bippzy
United States1466 Posts
On September 30 2011 04:29 Crushgroove wrote: I live with my Girl. I make no adjustments. I play literally whenever I want and she brings me food if I'm busy. If my girl wasn't ok with my passions and hobbies then she wouldn't be my girl. Lots of girls out there... only one me. Please write a guide on how to get a girl like that cuz im so jelly. | ||
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Ryndika
1489 Posts
On September 30 2011 05:50 Bippzy wrote: Please write a guide on how to get a girl like that cuz im so jelly. Or maybe he should write a guide on how to not stay with wrong girl. ^^ | ||
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Charger
United States2405 Posts
I talked to my gf about this not long ago and it made me feel a lot better. So my advice is to just talk to her about how you feel. Make sure you BOTH understand there will have to be compromises; some nights you will have to ditch your game to be with her and some nights she might have to spend less time than you than she wants. The worst thing that can happen (and what scared me the most) would be for you to just not be able to play and relax and unwind and then bottle everything up and explode later on over something small or unrelated. TL;DR - Just talk to her about it, all will be ok.  edit - Forgot to mention, she is going to be a nurse so there will likely be built in time alone just because of scheduling so woohoo for that! | ||
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