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LXR
357 Posts
Am I the only one that doesn't really see how marriage would make a difference? ^^^ this. What is going to change once you get married? Are you sure you want to get married if you don't even know how your partner feels about how you spend your time? (i don't mean to question your decision, i'm just pointing out that you're probably worrying to much since you obviously love each other already) | ||
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Bibdy
United States3481 Posts
On September 30 2011 03:14 LXR wrote: ^^^ this. What is going to change once you get married? Are you sure you want to get married if you don't even know how your partner feels about how you spend your time? (i don't mean to question your decision, i'm just pointing out that you're probably worrying to much since you obviously love each other already) Two things: 1) Marriage is a milestone. Once you've reached that milestone, you spend more time thinking and talking about the next ones (careers, kids, travelling and other goals). Sometimes conflict arises over them. Especially if you haven't taken the time to discuss them prior to the marriage (sometimes people change, too - it's not uncommon for people to despise kids for years and suddenly want them later in life). 2) A lot of people have this expectation of what their perfect marriage should look like. When their's doesn't come up to par, they start trying to change the marriage into something that it isn't. Conflict arises. | ||
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-Archangel-
Croatia7457 Posts
On September 30 2011 01:58 Sanitarium14 wrote: You can always watch the game, and just never play it. I mean, do most adult men regularly play football? and how many watch it? Explain it sort of like watching football, except you will never leave her for a bar to do it.....(not counting barcraft. lol.) Doesn't work. My wife tells me it is not a hobby for me but an obsession :D And I only spend 1 hour on average watching sc2 per day :D | ||
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Bibdy
United States3481 Posts
On September 30 2011 02:59 bonifaceviii wrote: Nah, go all in. When I moved in with my fiancee (getting married in April) we shared a bed from the get-go and it was a trial by fire. If you're up in each other's grills as soon as you move in the more short-term pain there will be for the long-term comfort. Save separate rooms for when you're older and your kids move out. Well, I guess this goes to show you there's no one perfect solution for everyone, but it sounds like the OP and his fiancee have made their choice. I guess we'll see if it was the right one. | ||
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Vortigan
Denmark306 Posts
 When I think about it, I would never tell my GF to stop during something she really enjoys unless its something insane i guess :D So if u wanna game u should do so, only u should set the limits. Off course all of this will probably change when u have kids etc. But I can't comment to much on that yet :D Btw. Congratz with the wifey | ||
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-Archangel-
Croatia7457 Posts
On September 30 2011 02:45 Datz2Ez wrote: I got lot's of these answers. No, no and no! I am not 'too young'. In order to say that you would need to define first what is 'too young'? You're physicial age has just no meaning in the stage where you are in life. Some people grow very very quickly while other take more time to learn. So many people just think about the age while it is irrelevant. We know we past the initial 'passion' stage. Actually the reason that got me decided to get married is the following: Why would I waste my early 20's with one girl when I could go out their and boost my sexual experience? It is not like I not attractive, many girls during those 3 years showed interest in me. I am getting married because I am making the choice to live with this girl (hopefully) for the rest of my life. If I did not firmly beleive this, I would leave her and start going out and have fun :-) Another information that might be usefull she is 24 (3 years older then me). I would strongly suggest to you to first live with her for a year or two and then get married if you still want it. Unless laws over there about getting a divorce are not rough for a man and if you change your mind you can get one easily. | ||
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Kevan
Sweden2303 Posts
On September 30 2011 02:45 Datz2Ez wrote: I got lot's of these answers. No, no and no! I am not 'too young'. In order to say that you would need to define first what is 'too young'? You're physicial age has just no meaning in the stage where you are in life. Some people grow very very quickly while other take more time to learn. So many people just think about the age while it is irrelevant. We know we past the initial 'passion' stage. Actually the reason that got me decided to get married is the following: Why would I waste my early 20's with one girl when I could go out their and boost my sexual experience? It is not like I not attractive, many girls during those 3 years showed interest in me. I am getting married because I am making the choice to live with this girl (hopefully) for the rest of my life. If I did not firmly beleive this, I would leave her and start going out and have fun :-) Another information that might be usefull she is 24 (3 years older then me). Yeah that´s great but why can´t you make the decision to live with her for the rest of your life now? Why do you have to get married this soon after you´ve made that choice? When you´re 21, you don´t have too much experience and you´re probably going to change as a person as you grow older. If I would be in this situation I´d probably give it some more time for now and marry her later if I still feel the same way. Marriage shouldn´t be that important imo. But if you really want to do it, then just fucking do it but you should think it through thoroughly if you haven´t already. And congratulations I guess  | ||
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ExceeD_DreaM
Canada500 Posts
I am scared because your situation sounds very much like me. I'm 21 too, living in canada and my GF is turning 24, and we've dated just over 3 years!! COINCIDENCE MUCH? But we arent getting married just yet, as I have trouble time to time to think about how much I can enjoy my life in my 20s, since I am quiet an outgoing person. But I have this fear that I will never find someone amazing like my gf ever again, (and even my best friends say the same thing) So congratulations and I envy you much! Regarding gaming, as long as you control it, you should be fine. There are much better things in life than gaming imo. you will find them soon enough. and remember, things you can do together are the best! | ||
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weekendracer
United States37 Posts
Joke for the newly married: When you first get married, put a quarter into a jar every time you have sex. After the first year, you take a quarter out every time you have sex. When your kids goes to college.... Use what's left in the jar to pay for it. | ||
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Datz2Ez
Canada76 Posts
On September 30 2011 03:06 Accer wrote: Can't speak from personal experience but the group of people I game with regularly are mostly married and seem (obviously its hard to fully judge from the other side of a computer) to be successful, even the ones who's spouse's don't game themselves. As others have already mentioned you will obviously have to make lots of compromises meaning you might not be able to stay up as late, or go to that latest midnight release, or participate in that online tournament you were waiting for; but so long as you keep your priorities straight you should be able to keep a balanced gaming lifestyle while married. Congratz on the baby :D As I can see most people who have sucess spend time gaming with their mate. That seems to be a very good solution I never tought before. | ||
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stenole
Norway869 Posts
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fritfrat
United States50 Posts
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Datz2Ez
Canada76 Posts
We get married before moving in because of religious beleif. I don't want to get into this since the thread will completly get out of control! Datz2Ez, I am scared because your situation sounds very much like me. I'm 21 too, living in canada and my GF is turning 24, and we've dated just over 3 years!! COINCIDENCE MUCH? But we arent getting married just yet, as I have trouble time to time to think about how much I can enjoy my life in my 20s, since I am quiet an outgoing person. But I have this fear that I will never find someone amazing like my gf ever again, (and even my best friends say the same thing) So congratulations and I envy you much! Regarding gaming, as long as you control it, you should be fine. There are much better things in life than gaming imo. you will find them soon enough. and remember, things you can do together are the best! As long as her name isn't Daisy I'm cool with it | ||
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Mandalor
Germany2362 Posts
I'm not married and I don't plan to marry in the next 5-6-7 yea.. probably never. I'm in a relationship with a girl I love for about 2 years now and I've been living with her for about half a year now, tho. I'm not hardcore for tl standards, but to an average girl playing an hour of starcraft every day and watching people play this weird game for another hour every day is super hardcore. She doesn't understand the game and makes no effort to. And that's fine with me. She'll never get me to watch Sex & the City for more than a couple of minutes just like she'll never play a game of starcraft. Ever. I take a lot of my free time to spend with her which I would be spending on starcraft if I was single, but it's great that I'm not and the time I have left to spend on playing is enough for me. Call me naive, but I'd think that marriage isn't all about giving stuff up. In fact that sounds really scary and stupid to do, but more accepting each other's differences. | ||
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dOofuS
United States342 Posts
First off, to all of those who keep preaching that you're too young to get married: Shut up. You have no right to tell another man when he is ready or capable of providing for someone he loves. On the topic of game time... I am not currently married, simply engaged to be married, but this thought has crossed my mind in the process, and like you, I find myself questioning how much time I will realistically have. It was really actually a great experience to reflect on how much time I already dedicate to playing games, and how much time I should realistically expect to allow myself to play games, once I'm committed to another's well-being. This isn't something I think I've answered honestly for myself yet. When I have a job, I find it very easy to not play many games, since work takes up most of my time, and when I get home, I unwind by checking forums/email/facebook, and play maybe a game or two. However, when I am unemployed (currently) I find that I spend countless hours devoted to gaming. It's something I have to self-assess, and be realistic with myself about. Good luck in your own self-assessment. On the topic of acceptability. My fiance is an anime fan, and enjoys select videogames. She tends to shy away from competitive games, especially with me, and prefers to play games that are simple and cooperative. This has worked to my advantage. She understands the appeal of videogames, and will even spend some time enjoying them with me, they just have to be the right games. I find that most girls simply don't catch on to the appeal of PC games. Like the first responder to this thread mentioned, when we play PC games we more often than not fall prey to tunnel-vision. I can't even maintain a Skype call with her hardly unless it's something mindless like Minecraft where I can stop at my own leisure to focus on what she's saying. I would advise you to not forsake your hobby, but to keep a healthy perspective on your marriage, especially early on, and when there is time to play games, limit yourself to whatever you feel is acceptable. She deserves your time, and will expect it, but don't forget that you both have personal hobbies, and are entitled to them as opportunity allows. I hope I didn't ramble too much. Love, but especially marriage, is a sacred thing. Many people tend to shirk responsibility, and I admire anyone, especially from this community, who puts an honest effort into cultivating this kind of relationship, and takes a serious look at their own gaming habits. Again, congratulations. All the best. | ||
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grs
Germany2339 Posts
The Escapist: Those Left Behind | ||
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jambOng
United States86 Posts
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Sverigevader
Sweden388 Posts
On September 30 2011 01:57 sunchopper wrote: If you want a marriage that includes truly understanding your other half, there will be times when you have to say no to gaming. Sometimes your wife will just need someone to talk to. If you want to show her that you really care, you have to shut off the game even if it is right before White-Ra says "special tactics" and you haven't heard him say it in months. Marriage includes giving up some things in order to receive other things in return. You have to believe that what you receive in return is better than what you are giving up... i.e. your relationship with your wife will be better and far more worthwhile than a few hours of gaming that you lost. To sum up my point, you can live in the same house as someone else, but not truly live with them. Do your best to live with your wife and not just around her. This is making total sense to me... I'm going to have to remember this one! | ||
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Hynda
Sweden2226 Posts
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Hatsu
United Kingdom474 Posts
However, I would like to second those saying that, in my experience, it is work that limits the amount of time one can devote to gaming rather than marriage. | ||
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