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Hi TeamLiquid community!
This is my first post. I have spend the last year being an active reader but now I have this special event wich makes me want to have people share opinions and their personal experience to the profit of others.
First, I would like to say that I really want to follow TL 10 commandements and regarding this post I hope I am not breaking this rule:
+ Show Spoiler +8. THOU SHALL CONTRIBUTE TO THE SITE
Contribute to the site. Everyone should pitch in. Some people contribute by being helpful when someone posts a question. Some people contribute by writing interesting posts that stimulate discussion or by uploading relevant and useful facts and information. Some people contribute by posting news from the gaming world. Others contribute by participating in a meaningful way every single day. Still others contribute by simply making everyone laugh. Contribution can take many forms and there's no single prescribed way to go about it. But, like good porn, we know it when we see it. Good contributors will always get favorable treatment. That's just the way things work.
Ok, enough talk let's get to the subject!
I met my girl a little more then 3 years ago. I am now 21. Even if we do not share the same hobby, we really love eachother and hope that we can build something strong in the future. We are getting married this Saturday, October 1st. One thing I was wondering is how will my gaming be affected by all of this. It is a big part of my life and this is the place where I can chill out after a big day of work/school. Nothing is worth more then hearing White-Ra say 'Special tactics'.
This gave me the idea to post on TL to ask people to share their past experience. The discussion will be made in two different ways:
First, people who are married or that live with someone else, man or women, heterosexual or homosexual, it really doesn't matter. What matter is that you share what were the adjustment you had to make and how you made them. Did you have to sacrifice gaming time? Did you set a specific amount of time you could play? Did you just tell you're love to f*** o** and let you play (I hope not!).
Then, everyone that are planning to go live with their lover, or just if you are fifteen and wondering what you need to expect later, post you're question so that people can answer to the best of their abilities.
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To add more to the discussion, here is some opinions I've found on the subject
A man share his experience and his solution!
I really enjoy this short article where he brings up points that I never tought before. Could you mate become a gamer?
8 Tips from a women to women to save the marriage with a gamer!
I found that one very funny since you read a women to women discussion :-)
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Alright, you're turn now!
P.S. My first language isn't english so if you did not understand something in my post just tell me and I will try to make it more clear!
EDIT: Okay, it seems that we had to get to this. Some people want to argue about my decision wich is NOT what I want. This is not about me, this is about the community. Bring your expererience about gaming, not if getting married is good or bad.
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There will be less time for gaming the older you get. Once you have kids, it's pretty much over unless you want to risk being a neglectful parent (we all tunnel-vision when we're playing games - no shame in that). The period from 18-26 is pretty much your magnum opus of gaming, so enjoy it while you can (I'm sure others will jump in with stories how they extended that number further - but the point is, it's finite). Now, if you don't have kids, you could quite happily enjoy a more bite-size gaming lifestyle. Either way you slice it, career, family and general adult responsibilities will keep getting in the way.
This leads to the pretty common misconception of what the casual gamer is. A lot of them are hardcore gamers that just don't have the time anymore. They're not so much interested in social games like Farmville (the new breed of social gamers a whole different category), but they want good games that come in more bite-size chunks.
I think, most importantly, no matter how much time you set aside, you'll still get interrupted in the middle of a gaming session since there are other people in your life, and more events that will disrupt it. You're going to have to learn to deal with that. Just a warning, because some people I know get really pissy when they're interrupted in the middle of something.
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If you want a marriage that includes truly understanding your other half, there will be times when you have to say no to gaming. Sometimes your wife will just need someone to talk to. If you want to show her that you really care, you have to shut off the game even if it is right before White-Ra says "special tactics" and you haven't heard him say it in months. Marriage includes giving up some things in order to receive other things in return. You have to believe that what you receive in return is better than what you are giving up... i.e. your relationship with your wife will be better and far more worthwhile than a few hours of gaming that you lost.
To sum up my point, you can live in the same house as someone else, but not truly live with them. Do your best to live with your wife and not just around her.
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You really didn't go into any detail about how your fiancee feels about your gaming. This is the most important thing we need to know.
If she has a negative opinion of gaming or thinks it's a waste of time you will have a problem. If she doesn't, you probably won't.
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You can always watch the game, and just never play it. I mean, do most adult men regularly play football? and how many watch it? Explain it sort of like watching football, except you will never leave her for a bar to do it.....(not counting barcraft. lol.)
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I've been with my girlfriend for a bit over 5 years now, we've been living together about 4. It was a bit difficult at first, but after a while she just figured out that it's who I am. I also try to limit my computer time when she's home (a nurse, so her work schedule is hectic) but it's not that big of a deal.
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My gf plays Maple Story while I play Starcraft so everything is fine and dandy. As long as you don't go overboard with it there should be no problem.
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On September 30 2011 01:57 bonifaceviii wrote:
You really didn't go into any detail about how your fiancee feels about your gaming. This is the most important thing we need to know.
If she has a negative opinion of gaming or thinks it's a waste of time you will have a problem. If she doesn't, you probably won't.
My fiancee doesn't really care about gaming. I mean I already played a couple of LoL game and she really didn't mind however there is no way I can start a conversation about gaming with her! She feels it is ridicoulus that some people can live out of games while other have to work 40h/weeks.
You can always watch the game, and just never play it. I mean, do most adult men regularly play football? and how many watch it? Explain it sort of like watching football, except you will never leave her for a bar to do it.....(not counting barcraft. lol.)
Very, very good point! So many people spend their evening watching sports event, what would make a gamer unable to watch his favorite progamer?
If you want a marriage that includes truly understanding your other half, there will be times when you have to say no to gaming. Sometimes your wife will just need someone to talk to. If you want to show her that you really care, you have to shut off the game even if it is right before White-Ra says "special tactics" and you haven't heard him say it in months. Marriage includes giving up some things in order to receive other things in return. You have to believe that what you receive in return is better than what you are giving up... i.e. your relationship with your wife will be better and far more worthwhile than a few hours of gaming that you lost.
To sum up my point, you can live in the same house as someone else, but not truly live with them. Do your best to live with your wife and not just around her.
Thanks for your honest point of view. It is true that I do not want to fall in the patern where you live 'around' my futur wife and not be with her.
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Am I the only one that doesn't really see how marriage would make a difference?
Unless marriage all of a sudden makes your girlfriend less tolerant to gaming I don't see how your situation would change at all.
I assume you already live together, so nothing would change in that respect either.
Seems like a bit of a pointless discussion to me, if it were you and the girl starting to live together, then there'd be something to talk about I guess.
:Edit: with all these replies around me I'm starting to feel like Im missing something XD
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Ive been married now for almost 4 years and have 2 kids. Aside from that aspect of life I am also active duty military in which I work 4-5 days a week, 9 -12 hours a day.
I am able to dedicate at least 6-8 hours a day playing with no problems whatsoever solely because I am shift work. My oldest goes to daycare and my youngest has numerous medical issues in which my wife handles since I work.
On my days off, I dedicate at least 4-6 hours spending time with the family and engaging in family activities such as watching movies together, board games, Wii or PS3 etc...
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I'm not so worried bout the time spent gaming as I am about her seeing me screaming like a lunatic into my XBL mic when my stupid ass EASHL team loses. That should be fun!
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I can't believe you would choose to get married at 21 o_O Why would you do that?
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On September 30 2011 01:54 Bibdy wrote:
The period from 18-26 is pretty much your magnus opus of gaming, so enjoy it while you can
Hahah, that is really beautifully put. And so true.
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I just got married. And I still play SC2 and Team Liquid a few hours a day ...
The truth is, my wife is a lot less bothered by my SC2 addiction than I am. I'm the turning point of my career (32) where I either have to take my life goals and career more seriously or languish in mediocrity.
SC2 helped me deal with my anxiety, but I really should be using the time to you know, become a better human being. If I spent as much time reading or drawing as I do on SC2, I'd probably be much better off.
DAMN YOU TL/BLIZZARD!!!
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On September 30 2011 02:11 Saechiis wrote:
I can't believe you would choose to get married at 21 o_O Why would you do that?
If they shared the same feelings of commitment at 21 that others would in their late 20s, theres nothing wrong with that.
It's kids at younger ages that pose larger issues, mostly due to the inability to financially support it.
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[QUOTE]On September 30 2011 02:03 Datz2Ez wrote:
[QUOTE]On September 30 2011 01:57 bonifaceviii wrote:
My fiancee doesn't really care about gaming. I mean I already played a couple of LoL game and she really didn't mind however there is no way I can start a conversation about gaming with her! She feels it is ridicoulus that some people can live out of games while other have to work 40h/weeks.
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This is just don't understand O.o
How is "playing games" not a job when pro's play for over 10 hours a day 7 days a week?
I'd say prolly the LEAST hours put into a week of practice would be around 60h/week.....my mind hurts.
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I am 24 and coming up on my 4 year Anniversary with my wife. She knows that I like to game and I have had some issues with it in the past. For example
I wake up early by chance so I play some StarCraft while she is still asleep so I don't run into the time we are awake together. When she gets up I always stop playing if not before. If she wakes up and sees that I am playing I get "Have you been playing games all morning?" With a tone of accusation. Her complaints are that I could have been doing something like cleaning etc. I find it best not to argue with anyone as soon as they wake up, but my thoughts are "You have been sleeping all morning instead of doing anything." Countless times I have woken her up with breakfast instead of playing.
If it isn't in morning I try to catch a time where she is enjoying a hobby of hers, and play a few games while trying to makes plans for something to do together. I think what is important, even though my wife holds so many double standards its crazy, is to show the person you love that you are always thinking of them.
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On September 30 2011 02:11 Saechiis wrote:
I can't believe you would choose to get married at 21 o_O Why would you do that?
You can only understand this when you meet the right person. It all makes sense then. (I was married 9 months ago, age 21).
You'll lose some gaming time, especially initially, but you'll get a bunch back as you both learn how to be together while not focusing entirely on your partner. Marriage is wonderful, but it's about compromise; you'll have to come to terms with not gaming whenever you want. Maybe you'll have to get in 1.5 hr a day instead of 7 hr twice a week.
Kids? I don't know about that. They still frighten me a little.
You know what I've found more restrictive on gaming than marriage? A full-time job. 40+ hr a week is a long time.
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You are 21? Isn´t that a little too young to get married? I hope you will not regret doing it already.
But if you really do love each other, enough to get married, then you should be able to respect each others hobbies/interests. It shouldn´t matter too much.
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On September 30 2011 02:10 Hawk wrote:
I'm not so worried bout the time spent gaming as I am about her seeing me screaming like a lunatic into my XBL mic when my stupid ass EASHL team loses. That should be fun!
This is the only thing my wife hates, my mic and skype while playing SC2.
On topic:
She's ok with computer games games (she has her own account, we play 2v2, she's practised enough on her own to get gold league 1v1 and is possibly attending her first Barcraft on the 16th..!). That's what makes it work, she has taken an interest in something I enjoy and you have to do the same things too. It just requires balance. It may not be something she would do in her own time, but it's something she takes an interest in for my sake.
You'll more than likely have to trim back the amount of time you play, but she will have to be understanding enough to give you the time to do what you enjoy as well.
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On September 30 2011 02:22 CCitrus wrote:
You can only understand this when you meet the right person. It all makes sense then. (I was married 9 months ago, age 21).
You'll lose some gaming time, especially initially, but you'll get a bunch back as you both learn how to be together while not focusing entirely on your partner. Marriage is wonderful, but it's about compromise; you'll have to come to terms with not gaming whenever you want. Maybe you'll have to get in 1.5 hr a day instead of 7 hr twice a week.
Kids? I don't know about that. They still frighten me a little.
You know what I've found more restrictive on gaming than marriage? A full-time job. 40+ hr a week is a long time.
Ha no doubt, especially if your partner is working one as well. If both are working typical 9-5s or something similar it is still tough. At one time I was working two full-time jobs...roughly. while she was looking for work. (Working 11pm-7am MWF and worked 9am-5pm 7 days a week) So somedays of the week it was 11-7 (sleep ~1hr) 9am-5pm, from 5pm-8pm spend time with my wife, then sleep until my other job started. It was hectic.
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I've been married for about a year now, and I must say things are great now. In the beginning though it took some adjustments, I had to find the right times to play and had to learn when. My wife is very understanding and gets that this is my hobby and supports it, but realize that wives have have some stupid hobbies that you may hate but if they support you returning the favor goes a long way. I can't tell you how many times I've had to go swing dancing or play softball on a sunday afternoon... But!!! She remembers this when some of my mates come over on a weekend to watch MLG on the big screen and eat pizza.
In short, its all about compromise you have to find the balance that's right for you and her, but once you find it marriage is awesome.
Maybe you'll get lucky like I did as well, my Wife doesn't like children and neither do I so I don't have to worry about some mutant ruining my day. (I don't like kids, and if you have them I'm happy for you! They're just not for me <3)
Enjoy and congrats!
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On September 30 2011 02:21 TheSasquatch wrote:
I am 24 and coming up on my 4 year Anniversary with my wife. She knows that I like to game and I have had some issues with it in the past. For example
I wake up early by chance so I play some StarCraft while she is still asleep so I don't run into the time we are awake together. When she gets up I always stop playing if not before. If she wakes up and sees that I am playing I get "Have you been playing games all morning?" With a tone of accusation. Her complaints are that I could have been doing something like cleaning etc. I find it best not to argue with anyone as soon as they wake up, but my thoughts are "You have been sleeping all morning instead of doing anything." Countless times I have woken her up with breakfast instead of playing.
If it isn't in morning I try to catch a time where she is enjoying a hobby of hers, and play a few games while trying to makes plans for something to do together. I think what is important, even though my wife holds so many double standards its crazy, is to show the person you love that you are always thinking of them.
This post scares me so much :x
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If you are getting married Saturday and just now thinking about this question, you may want to rethink this.
1) you are 21..I got married at 19, trust me it was the dumbest decision of my life. I didn't really know who I was until my mid 20s..Most others don't either. The difference between a person who is 21 and 2 5 is huge.
2) If she isn't a gamer you need to ask two Extremely important questions; 1) Is she indifferent? 2) or is she completely opposed and thinks games are for children? If she has any form of a negative opinion, you are either going to be forced to give it up, or it Will end your marriage. Women change once they have the ring on and any who says they don't are liars or don't know what they are talking about. If she has a negative perception about gaming, she will attempt to stop you. If you resist it will become a point of strife.
Honestly, this subject should of been one of the first things to come up. If you share vastly different hobbies, chances are good you aren't nearly as compatible as you think you are. There is a reason why the divorce rate is so high.
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I just turned 27 and married my girlfriend of 7 years this past May. So to say the least, she knows that I like to play games and supports me because she knows it's something I enjoy. However, even though she is supportive, it works out mostly because I try to maintain a good balance.
Some days I'll get home from work, have dinner with her, and then play SC2 for a few hours while she reads or watches TV or something. The next day, I'll go rent a movie so that after dinner, I'm hanging out with her for the night and I don't play at all (plus I love to spend time with her... I did marry her after all!).
The fact that I do this on my own means she doesn't have to worry about it and I don't have to hear her ever complain. My advice to you is to be open and honest about your hobbies, like SC, so that she knows what she's getting into. In the end she'll respect you for it, otherwise she may not be the one for you if you think it's that important and she doesn't.
Another thing that can be fun is getting her involved in gaming. My wife doesn't care much for SC2, probably because she doesn't understand details beyond the basics of an RTS, but I'll play Black Ops on xbox live every now and then and she got into it. She doesn't play games at all, so the fact that I got her involved actually made it even better. She loves to snipe! It's cute as hell too to watch her, but she's actually improved quite a bit!
TL;DR: Honesty is key! If it's meant to be then you guys will work it out. GL to you and your fiance!
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do you already live with her? if so, why would marriage change your gaming habits?
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I got married a year ago when I was 21. For me, it's just been about having less time to play. Having a full time job and another person you share a life with just doesn't leave more than 2 hrs./day or so to play. It's okay though, as someone in love, you know the benefits are better than anything else in this world.
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You are 21? Isn´t that a little too young to get married? I hope you will not regret doing it already.
But if you really do love each other, enough to get married, then you should be able to respect each others hobbies/interests. It shouldn´t matter too much.
I got lot's of these answers.
No, no and no! I am not 'too young'. In order to say that you would need to define first what is 'too young'? You're physicial age has just no meaning in the stage where you are in life. Some people grow very very quickly while other take more time to learn.
So many people just think about the age while it is irrelevant. We know we past the initial 'passion' stage. Actually the reason that got me decided to get married is the following: Why would I waste my early 20's with one girl when I could go out their and boost my sexual experience? It is not like I not attractive, many girls during those 3 years showed interest in me. I am getting married because I am making the choice to live with this girl (hopefully) for the rest of my life. If I did not firmly beleive this, I would leave her and start going out and have fun :-)
Another information that might be usefull she is 24 (3 years older then me).
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On September 30 2011 02:40 LarJarsE wrote:
do you already live with her? if so, why would marriage change your gaming habits?
No I lived with my parents while she is in appartement already. I will move in the 1st of October (is this how you say a date in english?)
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On September 30 2011 02:45 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +You are 21? Isn´t that a little too young to get married? I hope you will not regret doing it already.
But if you really do love each other, enough to get married, then you should be able to respect each others hobbies/interests. It shouldn´t matter too much. I got lot's of these answers. No, no and no! I am not 'too young'. In order to say that you would need to define first what is 'too young'? You're physicial age has just no meaning in the stage where you are in life. Some people grow very very quickly while other take more time to learn. So many people just think about the age while it is irrelevant. We know we past the initial 'passion' stage. Actually the reason that got me decided to get married is the following: Why would I waste my early 20's with one girl when I could go out their and boost my sexual experience? It is not like I not attractive, many girls during those 3 years showed interest in me. I am getting married because I am making the choice to live with this girl (hopefully) for the rest of my life. If I did not firmly beleive this, I would leave her and start going out and have fun :-) Another information that might be usefull she is 24 (3 years older then me).
Her opinion on gaming is still the most important piece of information you could give us.
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On September 30 2011 02:46 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 02:40 LarJarsE wrote:
do you already live with her? if so, why would marriage change your gaming habits? No I lived with my parents while she is in appartement already. I will move in the 1st of October (is this how you say a date in english?)
She might not have an idea of how much you time you spend gaming, then, which could be a rude awakening for her. Does she have an idea how much time you spend gaming when you aren't together?
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On September 30 2011 02:38 Hawke5811 wrote:
I just turned 27 and married my girlfriend of 7 years this past May. So to say the least, she knows that I like to play games and supports me because she knows it's something I enjoy. However, even though she is supportive, it works out mostly because I try to maintain a good balance.
Some days I'll get home from work, have dinner with her, and then play SC2 for a few hours while she reads or watches TV or something. The next day, I'll go rent a movie so that after dinner, I'm hanging out with her for the night and I don't play at all (plus I love to spend time with her... I did marry her after all!).
The fact that I do this on my own means she doesn't have to worry about it and I don't have to hear her ever complain. My advice to you is to be open and honest about your hobbies, like SC, so that she knows what she's getting into. In the end she'll respect you for it, otherwise she may not be the one for you if you think it's that important and she doesn't.
Another thing that can be fun is getting her involved in gaming. My wife doesn't care much for SC2, probably because she doesn't understand details beyond the basics of an RTS, but I'll play Black Ops on xbox live every now and then and she got into it. She doesn't play games at all, so the fact that I got her involved actually made it even better. She loves to snipe! It's cute as hell too to watch her, but she's actually improved quite a bit!
TL;DR: Honesty is key! If it's meant to be then you guys will work it out. GL to you and your fiance!
Haha, thanks for you're post. I will take you're advice on doing things on my own, this cannot hurt the relationship anyway 
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On September 30 2011 02:49 bonifaceviii wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 02:46 Datz2Ez wrote:On September 30 2011 02:40 LarJarsE wrote:
do you already live with her? if so, why would marriage change your gaming habits? No I lived with my parents while she is in appartement already. I will move in the 1st of October (is this how you say a date in english?) She might not have an idea of how much you time you spend gaming, then, which could be a rude awakening for her. Does she have an idea how much time you spend gaming when you aren't together?
Yes, maybe not the amount of hour, but she know's that for me, there is nothing like a day playing games
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On September 30 2011 02:46 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 02:40 LarJarsE wrote:
do you already live with her? if so, why would marriage change your gaming habits? No I lived with my parents while she is in appartement already. I will move in the 1st of October (is this how you say a date in english?)
Oooh, so you haven't spent any time living together, yet? That going to be rough.
I think this is why people always say "people change after marriage". I believe that's wrong. People change when they're all up in each other's grill every free minute of the day, when they're used to only seeing each other on their own time, and simply hope that the relationship they've built outside their private space will carry over into it. I think that fails a lot of the time.
I don't know if she would take offense to this or not, but maybe you want to suggest the idea of initially sleeping in separate rooms, so that you keep that private space. That's what my girlfriend and I did when we moved in together, and I think it was a fantastic decision. It allowed us to keep our private space initially, and over time, adjust to being around each other all the time. For the last couple years we've been inseparable and can easily tolerate each other's constant presence at all hours of the day. 1 month of marriage and so far, we're not seeing any change in our behaviour (believe me, we're watching it).
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On September 30 2011 02:54 Bibdy wrote:
I don't know if she would take offense to this or not, but maybe you want to suggest the idea of initially sleeping in separate rooms, so that you keep that private space. That's what my girlfriend and I did when we moved in together, and I think it was a fantastic decision. It allowed us to keep our private space initially, and over time, adjust to being around each other all the time. For the last couple years we've been inseparable and can easily tolerate each other's constant presence at all hours of the day. 1 month of marriage and so far, we're not seeing any change in our behaviour (believe me, we're watching it).
Nah, go all in. When I moved in with my fiancee (getting married in April) we shared a bed from the get-go and it was a trial by fire. If you're up in each other's grills as soon as you move in the more short-term pain there will be for the long-term comfort.
Save separate rooms for when you're older and your kids move out.
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I can say from experience... stuff will change, and your amount of gaming time is going to shrink. But if you want to be with this person forever that really should not be a problem, her time for whatever hobbies she may have will go down as well.
But to be honest, if you're going to marry someone the last question you should be asking is "ZOMGZ CAN I STILL PLAY VIDEO GAMES?!"
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On September 30 2011 02:59 bonifaceviii wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 02:54 Bibdy wrote:
I don't know if she would take offense to this or not, but maybe you want to suggest the idea of initially sleeping in separate rooms, so that you keep that private space. That's what my girlfriend and I did when we moved in together, and I think it was a fantastic decision. It allowed us to keep our private space initially, and over time, adjust to being around each other all the time. For the last couple years we've been inseparable and can easily tolerate each other's constant presence at all hours of the day. 1 month of marriage and so far, we're not seeing any change in our behaviour (believe me, we're watching it). Nah, go all in. When I moved in with my fiancee (getting married in April) we shared a bed from the get-go and it was a trial by fire. If you're up in each other's grills as soon as you move in the more short-term pain there will be for the long-term comfort. Save separate rooms for when you're older and your kids move out.
Hahaha guys :-) funny suggestion. No I am in the prime of my sexual abilities  I don't see my self sleeping in another room (and we don't even have one anyway) also my futur-wife would never want this.
We can't wait to share that first night together ♥
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Can't speak from personal experience but the group of people I game with regularly are mostly married and seem (obviously its hard to fully judge from the other side of a computer) to be successful, even the ones who's spouse's don't game themselves.
As others have already mentioned you will obviously have to make lots of compromises meaning you might not be able to stay up as late, or go to that latest midnight release, or participate in that online tournament you were waiting for; but so long as you keep your priorities straight you should be able to keep a balanced gaming lifestyle while married.
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The big change for me when I got married was I (slowly) quit WoW. I don't regret that one big. She was always a gamer but more on consoles and shooters and with only having one computer it was hard to get games to play together. We would play things like Mario Kart and Halo but I think the best so far was when I came into a second 360 and we got two copies of Dead Island. Running around killing zombies with hammers, bats, and knives with my wife is one of the best gaming experiences I have. What is even better is she is pregnant and the baby moves when she kills the zombies.
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On September 30 2011 03:03 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 02:59 bonifaceviii wrote:On September 30 2011 02:54 Bibdy wrote:
I don't know if she would take offense to this or not, but maybe you want to suggest the idea of initially sleeping in separate rooms, so that you keep that private space. That's what my girlfriend and I did when we moved in together, and I think it was a fantastic decision. It allowed us to keep our private space initially, and over time, adjust to being around each other all the time. For the last couple years we've been inseparable and can easily tolerate each other's constant presence at all hours of the day. 1 month of marriage and so far, we're not seeing any change in our behaviour (believe me, we're watching it). Nah, go all in. When I moved in with my fiancee (getting married in April) we shared a bed from the get-go and it was a trial by fire. If you're up in each other's grills as soon as you move in the more short-term pain there will be for the long-term comfort. Save separate rooms for when you're older and your kids move out. Hahaha guys :-) funny suggestion. No I am in the prime of my sexual abilities I don't see my self sleeping in another room (and we don't even have one anyway) also my futur-wife would never want this. We can't wait to share that first night together ♥
hahaha that's cute, you think we're talking about sex.
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Am I the only one that doesn't really see how marriage would make a difference?
^^^ this.
What is going to change once you get married? Are you sure you want to get married if you don't even know how your partner feels about how you spend your time? (i don't mean to question your decision, i'm just pointing out that you're probably worrying to much since you obviously love each other already)
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On September 30 2011 03:14 LXR wrote:Show nested quote +Am I the only one that doesn't really see how marriage would make a difference? ^^^ this. What is going to change once you get married? Are you sure you want to get married if you don't even know how your partner feels about how you spend your time? (i don't mean to question your decision, i'm just pointing out that you're probably worrying to much since you obviously love each other already)
Two things:
1) Marriage is a milestone. Once you've reached that milestone, you spend more time thinking and talking about the next ones (careers, kids, travelling and other goals). Sometimes conflict arises over them. Especially if you haven't taken the time to discuss them prior to the marriage (sometimes people change, too - it's not uncommon for people to despise kids for years and suddenly want them later in life).
2) A lot of people have this expectation of what their perfect marriage should look like. When their's doesn't come up to par, they start trying to change the marriage into something that it isn't. Conflict arises.
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On September 30 2011 01:58 Sanitarium14 wrote:
You can always watch the game, and just never play it. I mean, do most adult men regularly play football? and how many watch it? Explain it sort of like watching football, except you will never leave her for a bar to do it.....(not counting barcraft. lol.)
Doesn't work. My wife tells me it is not a hobby for me but an obsession :D
And I only spend 1 hour on average watching sc2 per day :D
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On September 30 2011 02:59 bonifaceviii wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 02:54 Bibdy wrote:
I don't know if she would take offense to this or not, but maybe you want to suggest the idea of initially sleeping in separate rooms, so that you keep that private space. That's what my girlfriend and I did when we moved in together, and I think it was a fantastic decision. It allowed us to keep our private space initially, and over time, adjust to being around each other all the time. For the last couple years we've been inseparable and can easily tolerate each other's constant presence at all hours of the day. 1 month of marriage and so far, we're not seeing any change in our behaviour (believe me, we're watching it). Nah, go all in. When I moved in with my fiancee (getting married in April) we shared a bed from the get-go and it was a trial by fire. If you're up in each other's grills as soon as you move in the more short-term pain there will be for the long-term comfort. Save separate rooms for when you're older and your kids move out.
Well, I guess this goes to show you there's no one perfect solution for everyone, but it sounds like the OP and his fiancee have made their choice. I guess we'll see if it was the right one.
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Well I live with my girlfriend and have been for 2 years now. Of course u need to make some changes in order for you to live and enjoy life together, however I feel that if u have to make too many changes then something is wrong. Me and my GF are very very different and enjoy lots of different things but allow for each other to do what we want. The way I see it, If a couple wanna be happy together they need to let each other do what they enjoy. Thats what we do and i think it works out great that way When I think about it, I would never tell my GF to stop during something she really enjoys unless its something insane i guess :D
So if u wanna game u should do so, only u should set the limits.
Off course all of this will probably change when u have kids etc. But I can't comment to much on that yet :D
Btw. Congratz with the wifey
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On September 30 2011 02:45 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +You are 21? Isn´t that a little too young to get married? I hope you will not regret doing it already.
But if you really do love each other, enough to get married, then you should be able to respect each others hobbies/interests. It shouldn´t matter too much. I got lot's of these answers. No, no and no! I am not 'too young'. In order to say that you would need to define first what is 'too young'? You're physicial age has just no meaning in the stage where you are in life. Some people grow very very quickly while other take more time to learn. So many people just think about the age while it is irrelevant. We know we past the initial 'passion' stage. Actually the reason that got me decided to get married is the following: Why would I waste my early 20's with one girl when I could go out their and boost my sexual experience? It is not like I not attractive, many girls during those 3 years showed interest in me. I am getting married because I am making the choice to live with this girl (hopefully) for the rest of my life. If I did not firmly beleive this, I would leave her and start going out and have fun :-) Another information that might be usefull she is 24 (3 years older then me).
I would strongly suggest to you to first live with her for a year or two and then get married if you still want it. Unless laws over there about getting a divorce are not rough for a man and if you change your mind you can get one easily.
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On September 30 2011 02:45 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +You are 21? Isn´t that a little too young to get married? I hope you will not regret doing it already.
But if you really do love each other, enough to get married, then you should be able to respect each others hobbies/interests. It shouldn´t matter too much. I got lot's of these answers. No, no and no! I am not 'too young'. In order to say that you would need to define first what is 'too young'? You're physicial age has just no meaning in the stage where you are in life. Some people grow very very quickly while other take more time to learn. So many people just think about the age while it is irrelevant. We know we past the initial 'passion' stage. Actually the reason that got me decided to get married is the following: Why would I waste my early 20's with one girl when I could go out their and boost my sexual experience? It is not like I not attractive, many girls during those 3 years showed interest in me. I am getting married because I am making the choice to live with this girl (hopefully) for the rest of my life. If I did not firmly beleive this, I would leave her and start going out and have fun :-) Another information that might be usefull she is 24 (3 years older then me).
Yeah that´s great but why can´t you make the decision to live with her for the rest of your life now? Why do you have to get married this soon after you´ve made that choice? When you´re 21, you don´t have too much experience and you´re probably going to change as a person as you grow older.
If I would be in this situation I´d probably give it some more time for now and marry her later if I still feel the same way. Marriage shouldn´t be that important imo. But if you really want to do it, then just fucking do it but you should think it through thoroughly if you haven´t already.
And congratulations I guess
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Datz2Ez,
I am scared because your situation sounds very much like me.
I'm 21 too, living in canada and my GF is turning 24, and we've dated just over 3 years!! COINCIDENCE MUCH?
But we arent getting married just yet, as I have trouble time to time to think about how much I can enjoy my life in my 20s, since I am quiet an outgoing person. But I have this fear that I will never find someone amazing like my gf ever again, (and even my best friends say the same thing)
So congratulations and I envy you much!
Regarding gaming, as long as you control it, you should be fine. There are much better things in life than gaming imo. you will find them soon enough. and remember, things you can do together are the best!
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I play when the kids are asleep and before or after work depending on the shift I'm on. The wife knew I was into gaming when we met in college. Been married 10 years, 3rd kid on the way.
Joke for the newly married:
When you first get married, put a quarter into a jar every time you have sex.
After the first year, you take a quarter out every time you have sex.
When your kids goes to college....
Use what's left in the jar to pay for it.
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On September 30 2011 03:06 Accer wrote:
Can't speak from personal experience but the group of people I game with regularly are mostly married and seem (obviously its hard to fully judge from the other side of a computer) to be successful, even the ones who's spouse's don't game themselves.
As others have already mentioned you will obviously have to make lots of compromises meaning you might not be able to stay up as late, or go to that latest midnight release, or participate in that online tournament you were waiting for; but so long as you keep your priorities straight you should be able to keep a balanced gaming lifestyle while married.
Congratz on the baby :D
As I can see most people who have sucess spend time gaming with their mate. That seems to be a very good solution I never tought before.
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I've been married for 3 years now and I have a one year old kid, a dog and a full time job. I still manage to get about 2 hours of gaming per day on average, which is significantly less than before. If you enjoy married life though, it won't feel like that much of a sacrifice. So I wouldn't worry if I were you.
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I was going to say, starting medical school has cut back gaming time waaay more than getting married has for me.
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Show nested quote +
I would strongly suggest to you to first live with her for a year or two and then get married if you still want it. Unless laws over there about getting a divorce are not rough for a man and if you change your mind you can get one easily.
We get married before moving in because of religious beleif. I don't want to get into this since the thread will completly get out of control! Datz2Ez, I am scared because your situation sounds very much like me. I'm 21 too, living in canada and my GF is turning 24, and we've dated just over 3 years!! COINCIDENCE MUCH? But we arent getting married just yet, as I have trouble time to time to think about how much I can enjoy my life in my 20s, since I am quiet an outgoing person. But I have this fear that I will never find someone amazing like my gf ever again, (and even my best friends say the same thing) So congratulations and I envy you much! Regarding gaming, as long as you control it, you should be fine. There are much better things in life than gaming imo. you will find them soon enough. and remember, things you can do together are the best!
As long as her name isn't Daisy I'm cool with it
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While I usually don't do this (mods: I swear I never do this), I'm gonna go ahead and say I've read nothing but the op. I'm 99% sure after you said you're 21, in a relationship for just 3 years and about to marry the girl in a few days, tl has been all over you already.
I'm not married and I don't plan to marry in the next 5-6-7 yea.. probably never. I'm in a relationship with a girl I love for about 2 years now and I've been living with her for about half a year now, tho. I'm not hardcore for tl standards, but to an average girl playing an hour of starcraft every day and watching people play this weird game for another hour every day is super hardcore. She doesn't understand the game and makes no effort to. And that's fine with me. She'll never get me to watch Sex & the City for more than a couple of minutes just like she'll never play a game of starcraft. Ever.
I take a lot of my free time to spend with her which I would be spending on starcraft if I was single, but it's great that I'm not and the time I have left to spend on playing is enough for me.
Call me naive, but I'd think that marriage isn't all about giving stuff up. In fact that sounds really scary and stupid to do, but more accepting each other's differences.
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Congratulations! The choice to commit yourself to a woman seems to be becoming less and less popular to the rising generation. I myself am 25, and engaged. I feel for you, and understand where these thoughts come from.
First off, to all of those who keep preaching that you're too young to get married: Shut up. You have no right to tell another man when he is ready or capable of providing for someone he loves.
On the topic of game time... I am not currently married, simply engaged to be married, but this thought has crossed my mind in the process, and like you, I find myself questioning how much time I will realistically have. It was really actually a great experience to reflect on how much time I already dedicate to playing games, and how much time I should realistically expect to allow myself to play games, once I'm committed to another's well-being. This isn't something I think I've answered honestly for myself yet. When I have a job, I find it very easy to not play many games, since work takes up most of my time, and when I get home, I unwind by checking forums/email/facebook, and play maybe a game or two. However, when I am unemployed (currently) I find that I spend countless hours devoted to gaming. It's something I have to self-assess, and be realistic with myself about. Good luck in your own self-assessment.
On the topic of acceptability. My fiance is an anime fan, and enjoys select videogames. She tends to shy away from competitive games, especially with me, and prefers to play games that are simple and cooperative. This has worked to my advantage. She understands the appeal of videogames, and will even spend some time enjoying them with me, they just have to be the right games. I find that most girls simply don't catch on to the appeal of PC games. Like the first responder to this thread mentioned, when we play PC games we more often than not fall prey to tunnel-vision. I can't even maintain a Skype call with her hardly unless it's something mindless like Minecraft where I can stop at my own leisure to focus on what she's saying.
I would advise you to not forsake your hobby, but to keep a healthy perspective on your marriage, especially early on, and when there is time to play games, limit yourself to whatever you feel is acceptable. She deserves your time, and will expect it, but don't forget that you both have personal hobbies, and are entitled to them as opportunity allows.
I hope I didn't ramble too much. Love, but especially marriage, is a sacred thing. Many people tend to shirk responsibility, and I admire anyone, especially from this community, who puts an honest effort into cultivating this kind of relationship, and takes a serious look at their own gaming habits.
Again, congratulations. All the best.
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On September 30 2011 01:57 sunchopper wrote:
If you want a marriage that includes truly understanding your other half, there will be times when you have to say no to gaming. Sometimes your wife will just need someone to talk to. If you want to show her that you really care, you have to shut off the game even if it is right before White-Ra says "special tactics" and you haven't heard him say it in months. Marriage includes giving up some things in order to receive other things in return. You have to believe that what you receive in return is better than what you are giving up... i.e. your relationship with your wife will be better and far more worthwhile than a few hours of gaming that you lost.
To sum up my point, you can live in the same house as someone else, but not truly live with them. Do your best to live with your wife and not just around her.
This is making total sense to me... I'm going to have to remember this one!
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If you have to do any adjustments after marriage you are doing something horribly wrong. You should at least have lived with this woman for what 1 maybe 2 years? Why would it change?
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I have been living with my wife for about one year and we got married about a month ago. She is a gamer and we do not have any kids, so my advice might be of limited value to the OP.
However, I would like to second those saying that, in my experience, it is work that limits the amount of time one can devote to gaming rather than marriage.
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I have the biggest de-motivational story in the world to tell about living together and games and stuff.
But always remember, true love = real love = conquers all.
Anyone who stops trying or gives excuses = not real love, no excuse, no extra reason needed.
Sounds like you are happy and everything is ready to go. I hope you have a great great life with lots of kids and your wife running barefooted around the place pregnant <3
Work hard for your family, stay grounded, stay loyal and things will always work out
Mwahhhhh <3 GLHF!
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On September 30 2011 04:06 kellymilkies wrote:
I have the biggest de-motivational story in the world to tell about living together and games and stuff.
But always remember, true love = real love = conquers all.
Anyone who stops trying or gives excuses = not real love, no excuse, no extra reason needed.
Sounds like you are happy and everything is ready to go. I hope you have a great great life with lots of kids and your wife running barefooted around the place pregnant <3
Work hard for your family, stay grounded, stay loyal and things will always work out
Mwahhhhh <3 GLHF!
Living together sometimes just doesn't work out. I went out for a girl for over 2 years moved in together and broke up after 2 weeks. Sometimes you're just not compatible to live together simple as that, but if you are going as far as to legaly bind yourself to eachother surely you would have gone over that humb ages ago.
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Me and my girlfriend have lived together for a couple months. during the beginning we didn't have interest, and for the past 2 weeks or so we just got it. she goes to school full time, and i work part time and play sc2, so iv spent every day playing as much as i can. It tough sometimes, u have to balance it like you would in the game. Life is a game per say.
You have to micro your entertainment, but you also have to focus on your macro with your job and relationships. Macro is the more important one ( to most ) but micro will keep you from losing the game. If that makes sense. If not then i just sounded very nerdy.
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I would say that marriage shouldn't affect gaming - you will still have time for hobbies, and although you will do more stuff together you should still have time for yourself. You just need to have an understanding partner.
However, having kids will dramatically cut down on gaming.
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My marriage hasn't reduced my gaming at all. What reduces gaming is mostly economic/life concerns.
Honestly though, you need to find a woman who respects you for what you are and doesn't try to change you. My wife probably feels my gaming is a waste of time, just like I feel her watching TV is a waste of time, but we don't ever criticize each other for it because it's what we enjoy doing. As long as the bills are all paid, you can't really complain about "wasting time" imo.
She does sometimes complain that I spend more time on the computer than I spend with her, but we probably still spend more time together than most married couples. The problem is she doesn't really have a hobby or interest of her own and she just gets bored. It's always good for your wife to have plenty of girl friends, they can spend hours talking or window shopping 
Source: Ten year anniversary coming up o.O
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I understand what the point of this thread is, but tbh I don't think I'd want to spend the rest of my life with someone who wasn't cool with me playing games as much as I do. I don't give a shit if you want to watch your reality shows or go to book club or go shake your tailfeathers with your girlfriends at a bar or club. Do your thing, I'll do mine. Everyones a winner.
Where people go wrong is when they decide to "settle" with the person they are with, even though they might not really be compatible life partners. People like to say things like "it's gotta be 50/50 in the relationship, theres got to be some give and take". I say that is crap. It should be 100/100; it doesn't really make sense to limit yourself or your spouse into this 50/50 mentality.
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you're 21 and you're getting married?
:S
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I've been married for 4 years, got married when we were both 24. When we first got married, we would do this kind of thing:
Her: "I'm thinking of going shopping this afternoon. Want to come?"
Me: "Shopping for fun? That is so stupid. Why would you ever want to do that."
Or
Her: "Playing computer games again? Why do you do that so often."
Now it's more like:
Her: "I'm thinking of going shopping this afternoon."
Me: "Good idea, you deserve a break. Have fun."
Or
Me: "I think I'm going to spend a few hours playing computer games."
Her: "Ok, have fun dear."
In other words, when we first got married we naively expected that we would like the same things, want to spend all our time together, etc. Now we understand that we have some independent interests, and we encourage each other to do things that we each enjoy.
Anyway, congrats on getting married OP. Enjoy the day.
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I really appreciate all you're comments people make me pretty optimist about the futur. I think she will not have much trouble accepting it if I talk to her about it in the correct way!
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Russian Federation1849 Posts
Thou shall not get yourself binded to a maiden for she willst eat your very soul and make you play not. :3
Seriously, guys? If you're getting married it means you consider youself grown-up. You got to make choices in life. If you love someone you should easily give up a part of your life. If not, it means your feelings are not that strong.
On September 30 2011 04:19 askTeivospy wrote:
you're 21 and you're getting married?
:S
![[image loading]](http://www.teamliquid.net/staff/Plexa/tsl3_finals/nanicheer1.jpg)
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I live with my Girl. I make no adjustments. I play literally whenever I want and she brings me food if I'm busy. If my girl wasn't ok with my passions and hobbies then she wouldn't be my girl. Lots of girls out there... only one me.
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I got married when I was 21. Been 4 years now, and I have a 2 year old daughter.
I still get to game, I play SC2 probably about an hour every evening, and maybe 2-3 hours on Sat/Sunday. My wife doesn't care, she watches sometimes. You just have to be considerate of your significant other... if she's in a crappy mood or the baby is being horrible, of course I'm not going to go chill out and play a video game.
I also work a full time job as a manager at a health care practice... so anyway, my point is, people exaggerate when they say "You can't game anymore once you have a family". I think that's an old fashioned view on things, and if you have a partner who actually cares about your interests, they will understand why you want to play games.
It's all about balance!
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Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks.
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On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks.
People are so immature nowadays. What's with this idea that you have to be a manchild until you're 30?
No problem if you feel that way, but some of us have different priorities in life.
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On September 30 2011 04:35 muzzy wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. People are so immature nowadays. What's with this idea that you have to be a manchild until you're 30? No problem if you feel that way, but some of us have different priorities in life.
Have you MET our half of the species?
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On September 30 2011 04:35 muzzy wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. People are so immature nowadays. What's with this idea that you have to be a manchild until you're 30? No problem if you feel that way, but some of us have different priorities in life.
No one said anything about being a manchild till your 30. I was merely pointing out the fact that before you get into something like a life-long commitment, you probably weigh the pros/cons. Obviously, this con was unexpected. I don't think many people would disagree that marriage at the age of 21 is quite early. If anything, getting married at 21 is immature. (I'm not saying the OP is, just saying that making poor decisions that will impact the rest of your life when you have only lived roughly 25% of your life is immature)
Also, this is not a personal attack. So don't turn it into one.
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On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks.
What drawbacks would those be? (I got married at 23, by the way).
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On September 30 2011 04:35 muzzy wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. People are so immature nowadays. What's with this idea that you have to be a manchild until you're 30? No problem if you feel that way, but some of us have different priorities in life.
Thanks, some people are indeed immature and do not understand that at 21 you can be ready for this. Also it is a question that will not define the success of our mariage, it is way beyond this.
And to those to wonder, I was the one to propose so I am fully commited to this and OBVIOUSLY I know that I have to cut on those hours. However, some people did not take the time to read fully the 1st post. I am looking for experience of other people to know how to deal with this in the best way. It is not a question of wheter I will game or not, because I will! It is a question about how I will deal with the situation if she thinks I play too much! Or that I don't spend enough time with her.
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On September 30 2011 04:46 Gnosis wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. What drawbacks would those be? (I got married at 23, by the way).
Time for gaming in general. Obviously this does not apply to everyone, you might marry a chick who is just into gaming as you are. But it seems like the OP is losing some time, and I can see myself in the same situation if I were to get married now (22) given my current gaming habits.
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On September 30 2011 04:49 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:35 muzzy wrote:On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. People are so immature nowadays. What's with this idea that you have to be a manchild until you're 30? No problem if you feel that way, but some of us have different priorities in life. Thanks, some people are indeed immature and do not understand that at 21 you can be ready for this. Also it is a question that will not define the success of our mariage, it is way beyond this. And to those to wonder, I was the one to propose so I am fully commited to this and OBVIOUSLY I know that I have to cut on those hours. However, some people did not take the time to read fully the 1st post. I am looking for experience of other people to know how to deal with this in the best way. It is not a question of wheter I will game or not, because I will! It is a question about how I will deal with the situation if she thinks I play too much! Or that I don't spend enough time with her.
Congratulations on your marriage. Don't misinterpret my post, I'm not hating on your situation. Looks like you are looking for a constructive solution, already accepting the fact that the total gaming time will be less than if you were not married. GL
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I have 2 hobbies that my wife isn't too impressed about but that she knows are apart of what makes me me. I enjoy playing video games and I also enjoy Firearms (target shooting). There is only 1 compromise that I had to make, and it wasn't really a compromise but more of a realization, that a game is just a game and a gun is just a gun ---- my family are real and tangible and they are mine forever. Real life comes first and I will never do anything that would put them second (for instance watching MLG streams instead of playing with my kids, granted MLG might be more fun at times when I'm confronted with playing barbies).
Now with that being said - as long as your wife or future wife understands that your likes are part of what makes you who you are she should be tolerable of what you do and should appreciate that you have a creative outlet. The deal is on you to know how to govern your choices and the amount of time and dedication you put towards your games and such instead of your family.
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On September 30 2011 04:49 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:35 muzzy wrote:On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. People are so immature nowadays. What's with this idea that you have to be a manchild until you're 30? No problem if you feel that way, but some of us have different priorities in life. Thanks, some people are indeed immature and do not understand that at 21 you can be ready for this. Also it is a question that will not define the success of our mariage, it is way beyond this. And to those to wonder, I was the one to propose so I am fully commited to this and OBVIOUSLY I know that I have to cut on those hours. However, some people did not take the time to read fully the 1st post. I am looking for experience of other people to know how to deal with this in the best way. It is not a question of wheter I will game or not, because I will! It is a question about how I will deal with the situation if she thinks I play too much! Or that I don't spend enough time with her.
I don't understand how marriage by itself would have an impact on anything in your everyday life.
I currently live together with my girlfriend, study, have a job and spend some time playing games, watching games, doing sports and see my friends. Would anything of that change if I'd get married next weekend? I don't think so. I already care for my girlfriend, meet her family, go out with her, help her through stressful times. I already stop playing games if I feel that she needs me. Why would I do that only after i get married?
I think people in this thread have very different views on what marriage is. For people who actually live "like a marriaged couple" marriage is basically a nice party and a change in their official marital status without any direct effect on their lives. Obviously there's a lot of romantic involved but nothing changes by 180 degrees.
Things may change dramatically at the moment you decide to move together and again when you decide to have a child/children, because this usually comes with a bunch of new responsibilities that interfere with your live up to that point. Compared with these two decisions, mariage changes nothing really.
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my gf instantly became fascinated with the game when she saw me playing it after we lived together, now she pesters me constantly to play it. So in a way it's nice that she understands and in a way it's annoying that she cuts into my time yo
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On September 30 2011 04:53 QTIP. wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:46 Gnosis wrote:On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. What drawbacks would those be? (I got married at 23, by the way). Time for gaming in general. Obviously this does not apply to everyone, you might marry a chick who is just into gaming as you are. But it seems like the OP is losing some time, and I can see myself in the same situation if I were to get married now (22) given my current gaming habits.
I see. Not something I would consider a drawback. Incidentally, also a 'consideration' I would consider immature.
To answer the OP, gaming for me is a 'hobby', a way to unwind. As others have said, it isn't marriage that has gotten in the way of my gaming time but life and responsibility (work, other more important hobbies, the commitment marriage involves, etc.) My experience is that marriage begins with "lets do everything together!" and then eventually the expectation becomes more realistic.
It's a matter of priorities.
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A few thoughts from a married guy who has a child....
1) Your gaming career is basically over when you get married. Sure, you'll get to play now and then, but those 8-hour gaming sessions are a thing of the past. Casual gaming and single player games that allow you save and pause at any point is about all that you'll be able to play. Once you get married, things like your career and making money start to become very important. You just won't have the time for gaming that you used to.
2) Once you have a child, forget about it. You'll go days without playing games.
3) It's a good thing if your significant other does not play games. When you're married, you need time to yourself and time away from your spouse. You really don't want to invite your spouse into every single nook and cranny of your life.
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On September 30 2011 04:49 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:35 muzzy wrote:On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. People are so immature nowadays. What's with this idea that you have to be a manchild until you're 30? No problem if you feel that way, but some of us have different priorities in life. Thanks, some people are indeed immature and do not understand that at 21 you can be ready for this. Also it is a question that will not define the success of our mariage, it is way beyond this. And to those to wonder, I was the one to propose so I am fully commited to this and OBVIOUSLY I know that I have to cut on those hours. However, some people did not take the time to read fully the 1st post. I am looking for experience of other people to know how to deal with this in the best way. It is not a question of wheter I will game or not, because I will! It is a question about how I will deal with the situation if she thinks I play too much! Or that I don't spend enough time with her.
I don't think there is going to be one correct answer, because everyone is different. One thing I would say is that you shouldn't sacrifice everything for a marriage, because that would be a sign something is wrong. I don't think you're planning on that, but I know a lot of guys who have that mentality.
Let your partner know it's important to you, and I'm sure she'll be understanding and allow you to have time to your hobbies. And you'll want to do the same in return... we all know how much it sucks to pal around with your girlfriend while she shops for clothes... that doesn't change when you get married. But, you suck it up and compromise.
Maybe I just got lucky though! Speaking of marriage and SC2, our anniversary is coming up, 14th of November, and my wife is cool with us going to Providence and spending a couple days doing "anniversary" things together, and then watching the MLG finals :D
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On September 30 2011 05:05 xDaunt wrote:
2) Once you have a child, forget about it. You'll go days without playing games.
.
Why do you say that? I'm really curious actually. Is it because my daughter is only 2? Am i suddenly not going to be able to game when she's older?
I play with my daughter all the time, and I still get to game practically every day. She sits on my lap drinking juice boxes and watching steams with me sometimes, lol.
You're right about the 8 hour marathons being done, but I don't get this "Your gaming life is over" mentality.
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Lord_J
Kenya1085 Posts
On September 30 2011 01:51 Datz2Ez wrote:
I met my girl a little more then 3 years ago. I am now 21. Even if we do not share the same hobby, we really love eachother and hope that we can build something strong in the future. We are getting married this Saturday, October 1st. One thing I was wondering is how will my gaming be affected by all of this. It is a big part of my life and this is the place where I can chill out after a big day of work/school. Nothing is worth more then hearing White-Ra say 'Special tactics'.
Have you spoken to your fiance about this? It's going to be highly individualized--what are her expectations out of marriage, does she want kids, and if so, when, and so forth. Hearing other people's experiences can give you a general idea of potential problems, but everyone's situation is different, so it's not necessarily going to answer the question for you.
I don't think that getting married at 21 is inherently a bad idea, but it does give me pause that your first instinct regarding this concern is apparently to ask people on TL rather than discuss it with your wife-to-be.
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On September 30 2011 05:09 muzzy wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 05:05 xDaunt wrote:
2) Once you have a child, forget about it. You'll go days without playing games.
. Why do you say that? I'm really curious actually. Is it because my daughter is only 2? Am i suddenly not going to be able to game when she's older? I play with my daughter all the time, and I still get to game practically every day. She sits on my lap drinking juice boxes and watching steams with me sometimes, lol. You're right about the 8 hour marathons being done, but I don't get this "Your gaming life is over" mentality.
Actually, I think that it will be easier to play games as your children get older and are able to entertain themselves (my daughter is only 7 months).
Anyway, here's my average day:
7 - 8 am: wake up, get ready, mess around with kid a little bit
8 am - 6 pm: work
6 - 730 pm: play with and watch kid while wife cooks, then eat dinner
730-8 pm: either do dishes or keep watching kid
8-9 pm: hopefully kid goes to bed sometime around here
9-11 pm: the balance of my day, during which I often do some more work, spend time with wife, take care of misc chores, or play games.
Basically, there just isn't a lot of time.
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2) Once you have a child, forget about it. You'll go days without playing games.
........
Why do you say that? I'm really curious actually. Is it because my daughter is only 2? Am i suddenly not going to be able to game when she's older?
I play with my daughter all the time, and I still get to game practically every day. She sits on my lap drinking juice boxes and watching steams with me sometimes, lol.
You're right about the 8 hour marathons being done, but I don't get this "Your gaming life is over" mentality.
+1 ---
My 5 year old daughter loves to watch me play Zoggy..... She thinks that Overlords are cute and fat and loves the noise that they make when you click on them... Granted when she sits on my lap to play SC2 with me it's not about winning its about having a good time and just enjoying ourselves.
I get to play games less frequently but its not for any reasons that would make me regret not being able to sit in front of a computer for hours on end. Granted priorities change when you have kids so gaming is less of a big deal but there are still chances to game ---
PS: She loves to watch Day9 with me! so much fun.
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On September 30 2011 05:03 Gnosis wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:53 QTIP. wrote:On September 30 2011 04:46 Gnosis wrote:On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. What drawbacks would those be? (I got married at 23, by the way). Time for gaming in general. Obviously this does not apply to everyone, you might marry a chick who is just into gaming as you are. But it seems like the OP is losing some time, and I can see myself in the same situation if I were to get married now (22) given my current gaming habits. I see. Not something I would consider a drawback. Incidentally, also a 'consideration' I would consider immature. To answer the OP, gaming for me is a 'hobby', a way to unwind. As others have said, it isn't marriage that has gotten in the way of my gaming time but life and responsibility (work, other more important hobbies, the commitment marriage involves, etc.) My experience is that marriage begins with "lets do everything together!" and then eventually the expectation becomes more realistic. It's a matter of priorities.
Makes sense to me. Though for me, it would definitely fall under the drawback section.
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On September 30 2011 01:57 bonifaceviii wrote:
You really didn't go into any detail about how your fiancee feels about your gaming. This is the most important thing we need to know.
If she has a negative opinion of gaming or thinks it's a waste of time you will have a problem. If she doesn't, you probably won't.
You sound like you're not married. Sorry if I'm wrong.
It does not matter how your fiance feels about gaming, your time with it will still be less and less. This is not a bad thing, though. Be glad, you're maturing. That doesn't mean you'll ever have to give it up entirely, but Bibdy had some real good points. I'd read his post carefully.
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On September 30 2011 04:57 Kemy wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:49 Datz2Ez wrote:On September 30 2011 04:35 muzzy wrote:On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. People are so immature nowadays. What's with this idea that you have to be a manchild until you're 30? No problem if you feel that way, but some of us have different priorities in life. Thanks, some people are indeed immature and do not understand that at 21 you can be ready for this. Also it is a question that will not define the success of our mariage, it is way beyond this. And to those to wonder, I was the one to propose so I am fully commited to this and OBVIOUSLY I know that I have to cut on those hours. However, some people did not take the time to read fully the 1st post. I am looking for experience of other people to know how to deal with this in the best way. It is not a question of wheter I will game or not, because I will! It is a question about how I will deal with the situation if she thinks I play too much! Or that I don't spend enough time with her. I don't understand how marriage by itself would have an impact on anything in your everyday life. I currently live together with my girlfriend, study, have a job and spend some time playing games, watching games, doing sports and see my friends. Would anything of that change if I'd get married next weekend? I don't think so. I already care for my girlfriend, meet her family, go out with her, help her through stressful times. I already stop playing games if I feel that she needs me. Why would I do that only after i get married? I think people in this thread have very different views on what marriage is. For people who actually live "like a marriaged couple" marriage is basically a nice party and a change in their official marital status without any direct effect on their lives. Obviously there's a lot of romantic involved but nothing changes by 180 degrees. Things may change dramatically at the moment you decide to move together and again when you decide to have a child/children, because this usually comes with a bunch of new responsibilities that interfere with your live up to that point. Compared with these two decisions, mariage changes nothing really.
Maybe because I don't live with her? Getting married for me is more about moving in her appartement. Traditionnaly people would act this way, nowaday people expect you to do the opposite but I do not really follow the new methods.
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I am currently living with my soon to be fiance (dating 10 months, living together for almost 5). Something i never knew about from my previous girlfriends until this special one came along, is that if you love something and are passionate about it, a person that loves you and is passionate about you, will accept it and embrace it. As long as your gaming hobby is a healthy one, (not addictive, all time consuming, causes you to ignore her and forget other adult responsibilties) you should have no issues.
Currently my girlfriend is playing the campaign on casual (non gamer), and is loving it. We bond so much while im teaching her to play. She could probably care less for the games, but loves the interactions we share. She just loves to build her "suv"s, her "transformers", and kill zergs.
To be honest, if something you love and are passionate about, is a deal breaker or problem for your significant other, then find another other.
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On September 30 2011 05:37 danl9rm wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 01:57 bonifaceviii wrote:
You really didn't go into any detail about how your fiancee feels about your gaming. This is the most important thing we need to know.
If she has a negative opinion of gaming or thinks it's a waste of time you will have a problem. If she doesn't, you probably won't. You sound like you're not married. Sorry if I'm wrong. It does not matter how your fiance feels about gaming, your time with it will still be less and less. This is not a bad thing, though. Be glad, you're maturing. That doesn't mean you'll ever have to give it up entirely, but Bibdy had some real good points. I'd read his post carefully.
Our life is not entirely base on whether I game or not. We can have success with or without gaming. The question here is not if I will or will not be gaming, it's about how can we, as gamers, handle this?
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My wife likes to watch me play games, I practice several hours a day and she brings me food / drinks / and reads, watches or something to occupy her time. She however refuses to play sc2 and like sc1 when I only play sc2. She knows gaming is a part of who I am and personally she's never asked me not to play. We make time for each other and our separate things.
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She feels it is ridicoulus that some people can live out of games while other have to work 40h/weeks.
Lol sorry to say but I woud've dumbed someone from my life after that kind of statment being said seriously. :C
Glhf with your marriage and to the problem itself... You said you have known her for ~3yr so I guess just keep doing same thing you've done for 3yrs?
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On September 30 2011 04:29 Crushgroove wrote:
I live with my Girl. I make no adjustments. I play literally whenever I want and she brings me food if I'm busy. If my girl wasn't ok with my passions and hobbies then she wouldn't be my girl. Lots of girls out there... only one me.
Please write a guide on how to get a girl like that cuz im so jelly.
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On September 30 2011 05:50 Bippzy wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:29 Crushgroove wrote:
I live with my Girl. I make no adjustments. I play literally whenever I want and she brings me food if I'm busy. If my girl wasn't ok with my passions and hobbies then she wouldn't be my girl. Lots of girls out there... only one me. Please write a guide on how to get a girl like that cuz im so jelly.
Or maybe he should write a guide on how to not stay with wrong girl. ^^
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I've thought about making this is exact thread for a long time, I'm glad someone else finally did. I have been with my gf for 4+ years now and I will be proposing before the end of the year. One of my biggest fears about marriage is that I will lose who I am and the things I enjoy doing - not just gaming but watching certain tv shows that she might not like, not getting to eat what I want, etc. I know this isn't a big deal to a lot of people but I'm very independent so I like time to myself sometimes and I like doing things on my own a lot.
I talked to my gf about this not long ago and it made me feel a lot better. So my advice is to just talk to her about how you feel. Make sure you BOTH understand there will have to be compromises; some nights you will have to ditch your game to be with her and some nights she might have to spend less time than you than she wants. The worst thing that can happen (and what scared me the most) would be for you to just not be able to play and relax and unwind and then bottle everything up and explode later on over something small or unrelated.
TL;DR - Just talk to her about it, all will be ok.
edit - Forgot to mention, she is going to be a nurse so there will likely be built in time alone just because of scheduling so woohoo for that!
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I don't understand being married with age 21. Im currently 25, with my girlfriend since about im 19 and its all fine, working out etc. But why would I marry already?
Sounds to me more like a romantic imagination? I mean, I see the point when you want to get kids with all the legal stuff etc. But why would you marry that early otherwise? Even when you are convinced it will last forever (good luck), there shouldnt be a problem with waiting until 25, 28, whatever, no?
I'm playing Handball and there are also a bunch of younger kids around 20, can't imagine seeing them married...
@gaming. Not a marriage here, but a longtime relationship. She doesn't care about games, but I have enough time for it since I'm a student and shes working. I just take care that I don't play when we both have some free time.
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On September 30 2011 05:41 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 04:57 Kemy wrote:On September 30 2011 04:49 Datz2Ez wrote:On September 30 2011 04:35 muzzy wrote:On September 30 2011 04:32 QTIP. wrote:
Getting married at 21... should have thought about the drawbacks. People are so immature nowadays. What's with this idea that you have to be a manchild until you're 30? No problem if you feel that way, but some of us have different priorities in life. Thanks, some people are indeed immature and do not understand that at 21 you can be ready for this. Also it is a question that will not define the success of our mariage, it is way beyond this. And to those to wonder, I was the one to propose so I am fully commited to this and OBVIOUSLY I know that I have to cut on those hours. However, some people did not take the time to read fully the 1st post. I am looking for experience of other people to know how to deal with this in the best way. It is not a question of wheter I will game or not, because I will! It is a question about how I will deal with the situation if she thinks I play too much! Or that I don't spend enough time with her. I don't understand how marriage by itself would have an impact on anything in your everyday life. I currently live together with my girlfriend, study, have a job and spend some time playing games, watching games, doing sports and see my friends. Would anything of that change if I'd get married next weekend? I don't think so. I already care for my girlfriend, meet her family, go out with her, help her through stressful times. I already stop playing games if I feel that she needs me. Why would I do that only after i get married? I think people in this thread have very different views on what marriage is. For people who actually live "like a marriaged couple" marriage is basically a nice party and a change in their official marital status without any direct effect on their lives. Obviously there's a lot of romantic involved but nothing changes by 180 degrees. Things may change dramatically at the moment you decide to move together and again when you decide to have a child/children, because this usually comes with a bunch of new responsibilities that interfere with your live up to that point. Compared with these two decisions, mariage changes nothing really. Maybe because I don't live with her? Getting married for me is more about moving in her appartement. Traditionnaly people would act this way, nowaday people expect you to do the opposite but I do not really follow the new methods.
Nobody expects you to do anything. I just think that you should test if you can even live in the same appartment together before you get married. I guess I was wrong assuming you would share my personal view on this matter.
In this case just let it flow and don't worry too much. Everything will work itself out. You'll still play games but may find that living together with your gf/wife opens the door to other things that are fun too. Just talk to each other if you feel you have an issue but mainly just let it happen. It's not like you will only give up things but you will get so much and for most people changes just come naturally.
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On September 30 2011 02:34 TheSasquatch wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 02:22 CCitrus wrote:
You can only understand this when you meet the right person. It all makes sense then. (I was married 9 months ago, age 21).
You'll lose some gaming time, especially initially, but you'll get a bunch back as you both learn how to be together while not focusing entirely on your partner. Marriage is wonderful, but it's about compromise; you'll have to come to terms with not gaming whenever you want. Maybe you'll have to get in 1.5 hr a day instead of 7 hr twice a week.
Kids? I don't know about that. They still frighten me a little.
You know what I've found more restrictive on gaming than marriage? A full-time job. 40+ hr a week is a long time.
Ha no doubt, especially if your partner is working one as well. If both are working typical 9-5s or something similar it is still tough. At one time I was working two full-time jobs...roughly. while she was looking for work. (Working 11pm-7am MWF and worked 9am-5pm 7 days a week) So somedays of the week it was 11-7 (sleep ~1hr) 9am-5pm, from 5pm-8pm spend time with my wife, then sleep until my other job started. It was hectic.
Oh wow. I imagine that took a toll on more than just your gaming. Kudos to you man, you've got some serious stamina if you can pull off barely sleeping EVERY week.
Life lesson #1 from SC: time is the most valuable resource.
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On September 30 2011 02:46 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 02:40 LarJarsE wrote:
do you already live with her? if so, why would marriage change your gaming habits? No I lived with my parents while she is in appartement already. I will move in the 1st of October (is this how you say a date in english?)
Just wanted to zero in on this and say that people should always live together for awhile before they get married. I guess there are exceptions if you have some religious reservations or something but if you never live with the person you have no clue how your marriage will turn out.
No matter how much you think you love the person and how well you get along with them there is no supplement for actually living with that person. From personal experience, living with someone can actually make you realize you don't want to spend your life with them and if you get married first...
Anyways, I'm not trying to scare you OP. Just talking from my experiences and letting other TLers know that you should definitely always live with your significant other before marriage.
So that I don't sound like a complete downer, when you do move in with her the two of you will both need to make some compromises. If either of you is incredibly selfish it isn't going to work out. Make sure that you realize that just because you're living together you don't get stagnant. You guys should still go out places, like, still have date nights (especially before you have children). Make sure you still try to do cute romantic things for her too. Keep the bathroom clean, this is very important. As for your video games, believe it or not your significant other has interests outside of you too. You both need interests away from each other or you will get sick of one another. Your interest is video games, hers might be television or movies or knitting or dirt biking or whatever. So while your gaming time might get cut down some (especially at first) it isn't going to just disappear. With that said though most girls don't really appreciate when their significant other is spending more time gaming than they spend time with them.
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The 8 tips was quite funny. Came from quite an experienced perspective it seemed lol. One of the first things it said is something I don't think a lot of people realize about video games. It's just a hobby. And hobbies are generally a waste of time.
When I say waste of time I don't mean somethign you shouldn't do. I mean it in the sense that there is going to be no profit made from it, and it's sole purpose is entertainment/stress relief.
For me, I keep trying to decide how serious I wanna take SC2. If I decide to do it professionally, it would leave the hobby category and I would expect my significant other to understand.
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On September 30 2011 05:56 Szordrin wrote:I don't understand being married with age 21. Im currently 25, with my girlfriend since about im 19 and its all fine, working out etc. But why would I marry already? Sounds to me more like a romantic imagination? I mean, I see the point when you want to get kids with all the legal stuff etc. But why would you marry that early otherwise? Even when you are convinced it will last forever (good luck), there shouldnt be a problem with waiting until 25, 28, whatever, no? I'm playing Handball and there are also a bunch of younger kids around 20, can't imagine seeing them married... @gaming. Not a marriage here, but a longtime relationship. She doesn't care about games, but I have enough time for it since I'm a student and shes working. I just take care that I don't play when we both have some free time.
No, we do not get into this point in this thread. This is becomming a religious discussion and it is very far away from what this thread is about, keep it to constructive comment about the thread. Life is made to be lived as it please you. Do not question my action since this is not about if my decision is good or bad. In my situation, where I am at the moment, it is a good decision. But that is only for me in my situation, do not judge my choice.
EDIT: Also, the stupidest thing you can do in life is to live it in function of what can go wrong. "Oh I won't get a house because I might lose my job later", "Oh I will never get married because I don't know if I will be forever with this girl" it is not how life is suppose to be lived. I repeat, this has NOTHING to do about age! It's about where your are in life.
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Wait, you have never lived in the same house with your wife? And you will marry her? This is madness! I live with my gf for about 6 months, so my only advise would be to not concede too much and yeah I'm playing video games way less but it's natural, I don't feel like I'm spending time with her that I'd rather use to play video games. Worth it, definitely.
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On September 30 2011 07:08 nojok wrote:
Wait, you have never lived in the same house with your wife? And you will marry her? This is madness! I live with my gf for about 6 months, so my only advise would be to not concede too much and yeah I'm playing video games way less but it's natural, I don't feel like I'm spending time with her that I'd rather use to play video games. Worth it, definitely.
Did you read more then the initial post? Read before posting.
Edit: sorry, it just makes 10x times I say the thread is not about this.
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You should be having this conversation with your wife. Your answers to the gaming situation will be different than mine, especially given that you are just moving in together. The most important thing (I feel) is finding a balance that works for the two of you.
For example, since my work schedule is different than my wife's, I have time during the day on weekdays to game when she isn't home. We pretty much have an understanding that as long as whatever needs to get done around the house is taken care of, I'm free to game all day if I wish. But then when she gets home at night, I log out and spend time with her (most of the time.) This allows me to game and spend time with her, so it's win-win.
We play some simple games (Portal 2) together, and she on weekends with major tournaments she falls asleep on the couch watching SC2 matches with me. But the important thing is that we first sat down and discussed it to figure out what sort of balance would work for us, and then tweaked it as we've gone along.
Something else to consider is that whatever degree she takes interest in/accomodates your gaming, you need to match that with her hobbies/interests. Like everything else in a relationship, there has to be some give and take.
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There is no way I would marry someone without having lived with them for some time. You really don't know somebody until you live with them.
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On September 30 2011 07:41 ragingfungus wrote:
There is no way I would marry someone without having lived with them for some time. You really don't know somebody until you live with them.
Off-topic
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If there is anyone that we need to hear advice from in this thread it is deffinately djWheat.
How that man found time for a full time job, running one more game, gaming, raising a son, and keeping his wife happy... The man is a miracle worker.
I disagree with those here who have said that as soon as you are married and have kids your gaming time will completely disappear. My partners father is a gamer (Since back in the days of doom/quake... he still uses the old control style where you walk with the mouse). He is a professor at a local university so he has quite a demanding job, he has 2 kids at home still and he spends a lot of time with his wife. Even with all of that he has still managed to complete deus ex 2 twice since it was released and just finished Dragon Age.
There's give and take I think. You shouldn't expect to continue onward with your typical 30 hours of gaming a week and she shouldn't expect you to give it up. It's all about compromise. My uncle is also a gamer (He's only 26) and his wife says that it's his vice... He doesn't drink, He doesn't smoke but without fail thursday night is raid night.
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Hey, I got engaged recently, about 2 months ago and although I cannot contribute to the marriage factor, I think the best solution when it comes to preserving your interest/hobbies. Make sure she has hobbies of her own aswell.
I play about 12 hours a week, Thursdays/Sundays, And i picked thoose days based upon her practices/hobbies she has, so we overlap them.I think this is crucial. And to feed my nerd-urges i just feed upon TL with my ipad before going to sleep everyday/listening to a podcast.
As for the children-part, I think people who claim the gaming-time will be erased is bullshit or they have 0 help from the partner, Now I can only talk for mysleves in my scenario but, We both work standard hours, 7-4, But remember, the great thing about gaming as a hobby is that it's very portable, You don't have to travel somewhere, you can stop at any time, there's nothing to hinder you from playing, really. (Though having to leave a ladder game early when in a huge lead due to a screaming 1 year old girl and a 3 month puppy can be aggrevating it's all about multitasking in a way)
But, take your responsibilites serious, and play a reasonable amount every week and no woman/man in her/his right mind would deny you that luxury. Dialogue, give & take, the only real solution.. Congratulations on the marriage, wish you the best of luck!
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So if you are just going to shoot down anyone's advice that you don't like, why did you even post this thread? If you wanted us to just say Congrats on your marriage and be done with it, you should of posted as much. Granted most of the comments here are from people who don't know what they are talking about (single), There are however a number of comments from people who have been married who clearly do.
21 is too young..Period. Anyone who disagrees is single or isn't old enough to know better. I got married at 19 like I said, I speak from experience.
Gaming believe it or not can become a deal breaker. There is many women who get really bent out of shape over video games. I have seen marriages ended due to control issues over video games and I am not even talking about guys who abused it. I have a close friend who was a gamer and got married to a non gamer who hated games. He only played 2 hours a week and Only when she was watching TV. She would rage about it despite ignoring it while they were dating. Somehow in her mind watching TV was more acceptable than him playing a video game. If you don't know your girls stance on Games, you need to know and know now. Otherwise expect it to be a problem.
Minor problems become major problems as the years go by. This is a cold simple truth. If it is a minor annoyance to her now, in 5 years it will be a huge arguing point.
Take the advice for what it is worth. If you didn't actually want it, well then Congrats and good luck. I hope you don't turn out like the majority of people do who make half informed decisions going into a marriage.
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On September 30 2011 09:51 Dekoth wrote:
21 is too young..Period. Anyone who disagrees is single or isn't old enough to know better. I got married at 19 like I said, I speak from experience.
Well, I don't know if 21 is "always" too young. I'm 35 and never married, and for sure 21 would have been too young for me - I don't think I really figured out who I was until my late 20s, maybe even early 30's. But I've met some (Ok, very very few... like 2) couples that married young (high school sweethearts), that worked out in the long run. People do change a ton in their early 20's for sure, though.
But, back to the OP: when living with a girlfriend/wife, for sure you have to sacrifice some gaming, or any hobby for that matter. You just have to find a happy medium. If you're not willing to give up very much time, perhaps you're not ready for that kind of relationship, and if she's not willing to give you some personal time, then maybe she's not ready for it either. Personally, I just play mostly after she goes to sleep, or in the early morning. And every once in a while, after a really long week at work or whatever, and I just need to game all Friday night, I let her know that I need my personal time, that I'm totally zonked and can't go do anything with her - I just need to de-stress, zone out, and play a crap-ton of Starcraft.
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On September 30 2011 09:51 Dekoth wrote:
So if you are just going to shoot down anyone's advice that you don't like, why did you even post this thread? If you wanted us to just say Congrats on your marriage and be done with it, you should of posted as much. Granted most of the comments here are from people who don't know what they are talking about (single), There are however a number of comments from people who have been married who clearly do.
21 is too young..Period. Anyone who disagrees is single or isn't old enough to know better. I got married at 19 like I said, I speak from experience.
Gaming believe it or not can become a deal breaker. There is many women who get really bent out of shape over video games. I have seen marriages ended due to control issues over video games and I am not even talking about guys who abused it. I have a close friend who was a gamer and got married to a non gamer who hated games. He only played 2 hours a week and Only when she was watching TV. She would rage about it despite ignoring it while they were dating. Somehow in her mind watching TV was more acceptable than him playing a video game. If you don't know your girls stance on Games, you need to know and know now. Otherwise expect it to be a problem.
Minor problems become major problems as the years go by. This is a cold simple truth. If it is a minor annoyance to her now, in 5 years it will be a huge arguing point.
Take the advice for what it is worth. If you didn't actually want it, well then Congrats and good luck. I hope you don't turn out like the majority of people do who make half informed decisions going into a marriage.
No, the fact is that you do not understand well the point of this thread. This is not about me. This is not about if my decision is good or bad. I do not wish do discuss this with you nor with anyone else since this is my choice. I think that I have this maturity, I grew up faster then most people did. I went in appartement at 17, I had the time to rebel myself, question myself quit school go back again and finaly found who I was. Do not think I took this decision lightly, I talked alot with my girlfriend and my parents before making a move. So now, stop talking about me please.
The fact that you got married at 19 and failed doesn't mean nobody can ever do that and succeed. You're life doesn't represent everyone else life.
Now if you wish to discuss about this thread, tell us what failed in your relationship and what could have been done better in order that everyone benifit from your experience.
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First off CONGRATS!
To be honest, it shouldnt be that big of a deal.
I am currently living with my gf, now fiance of two years. We are getting married in April.
As long as she doesnt feel that you are giving it priorities over her you should be good.
Tell her this is your hobby, just like hunting except you are the same house most of the time. And if she has any concerns she should voice them. Explain things liike MLG weekends and lans, I went to QCONN and she thought it was "a bunch of nerds nerding it up" lol shes funny like that. But she understood its what i like to do. Also when she wants to watch her shows, jersey shore and what not I have something I can do!
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lol! Gaming AND marriage...?? Sorry man. Sorry.
The dream is over.
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On September 30 2011 10:45 s0Li wrote:
First off CONGRATS!
To be honest, it shouldnt be that big of a deal.
I am currently living with my gf, now fiance of two years. We are getting married in April.
As long as she doesnt feel that you are giving it priorities over her you should be good.
Tell her this is your hobby, just like hunting except you are the same house most of the time. And if she has any concerns she should voice them. Explain things liike MLG weekends and lans, I went to QCONN and she thought it was "a bunch of nerds nerding it up" lol shes funny like that. But she understood its what i like to do. Also when she wants to watch her shows, jersey shore and what not I have something I can do!
Yeah, I think that is how it should be. As long as she feel priorities it will be ok!!
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On September 30 2011 11:25 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 10:45 s0Li wrote:
First off CONGRATS!
To be honest, it shouldnt be that big of a deal.
I am currently living with my gf, now fiance of two years. We are getting married in April.
As long as she doesnt feel that you are giving it priorities over her you should be good.
Tell her this is your hobby, just like hunting except you are the same house most of the time. And if she has any concerns she should voice them. Explain things liike MLG weekends and lans, I went to QCONN and she thought it was "a bunch of nerds nerding it up" lol shes funny like that. But she understood its what i like to do. Also when she wants to watch her shows, jersey shore and what not I have something I can do! Yeah, I think that is how it should be. As long as she feel priorities it will be ok!!
Also she should know by know that you play games, unless you have been lying the entire time....
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If you were getting married to the right girl this thread would be pointless. I'll echo the 21 and married = doomed crowd. Just go look at the stats, it's abysmal. Anecdotes aside (all 6 of my friends who married under 22 are now all divorced) it's just foolish. There is noway you can say what you want from life, who you want to share it with and what you will value today is what you value later. People change dramatically from early 20's to late 20's.
Anyway, I'm 27 and have lived with my GF for 2 years she doesn't care at all about my gaming and has even recently become slightly addicted to WoW lol.. wassssssssssup, she can play wow while I play real games. :p
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Canada11367 Posts
On September 30 2011 11:32 crms wrote:
If you were getting married to the right girl this thread would be pointless. I'll echo the 21 and married = doomed crowd. Just go look at the stats, it's abysmal. Anecdotes aside (all 6 of my friends who married under 22 are now all divorced) it's just foolish. There is noway you can say what you want from life, who you want to share it with and what you will value today is what you value later. People change dramatically from early 20's to late 20's.
Oh come now. If you're old enough to live together, you're old enough to marry. Quite frankly the stats are bad for marriage all around and cohabitation into marriage is no better (at least in North America) as far as divorce rates are concerned. But really it seems irrelevant as the issue is marriage and hobby rather than marriage and age.
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On September 30 2011 04:00 Hynda wrote:
If you have to do any adjustments after marriage you are doing something horribly wrong. You should at least have lived with this woman for what 1 maybe 2 years? Why would it change?
You are speaking to religious folk who still value abstinence until marriage.
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On September 30 2011 12:17 Falling wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 11:32 crms wrote:
If you were getting married to the right girl this thread would be pointless. I'll echo the 21 and married = doomed crowd. Just go look at the stats, it's abysmal. Anecdotes aside (all 6 of my friends who married under 22 are now all divorced) it's just foolish. There is noway you can say what you want from life, who you want to share it with and what you will value today is what you value later. People change dramatically from early 20's to late 20's.
Oh come now. If you're old enough to live together, you're old enough to marry. Quite frankly the stats are bad for marriage all around and cohabitation into marriage is no better (at least in North America) as far as divorce rates are concerned. But really it seems irrelevant as the issue is marriage and hobby rather than marriage and age.
They haven't even lived together and he's wondering about how the hobby he is most passionate about in this world will cause problems with his future wife. Seems like a bad idea already, she should already know about his hobby and how he has to manage it. This is something someone should know BEFORE they get married, give me a break man.
Who gets married with questions of 'gee whiz I wonder how I will have to change my passion now that I'm married'. That's the whole point of living together first etc., you work this shit out to make sure it's not going to be a problem.
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Doesn't this also depends on the people involved in a relationship? I have friends who, once they got a serious relation, would still come around and hang out / participate in hobbies we have. But I also had friends who just never showed up anymore and had to ask their girlfriend permission if they wanted to come and hang out.
Although I am not married (fuck yeah) I would say it is perfectly okay to have hobbies and interrests that do not involve your partner. Whether that is gaming or something else doesn't really matter.
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If you were getting married to the right girl this thread would be pointless. I'll echo the 21 and married = doomed crowd. Just go look at the stats, it's abysmal. Anecdotes aside (all 6 of my friends who married under 22 are now all divorced) it's just foolish. There is noway you can say what you want from life, who you want to share it with and what you will value today is what you value later. People change dramatically from early 20's to late 20's.
Anyway, I'm 27 and have lived with my GF for 2 years she doesn't care at all about my gaming and has even recently become slightly addicted to WoW lol.. wassssssssssup, she can play wow while I play real games.
I always find it funny when people say 'Just look at stats' what stats? Can you tell me?
I will give you some graph that nulify completly what you just say:
This is a graph for canada until 2003. What everyone say '50% of people get divorce' is pure bullshit. So please before talking about stats bring something to the table.
We can see here that in the middle 80s it was that... we are 30 years later get over it. It is falling back to a 30-35% wich, in my opinion is bad, but it is going in the right direction.
![[image loading]](http://www4.hrsdc.gc.ca/auto/diagramme-chart/stg2/c_8_76_2_1_fra.png?20091025164759332)
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On September 30 2011 12:24 crms wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 12:17 Falling wrote:On September 30 2011 11:32 crms wrote:
If you were getting married to the right girl this thread would be pointless. I'll echo the 21 and married = doomed crowd. Just go look at the stats, it's abysmal. Anecdotes aside (all 6 of my friends who married under 22 are now all divorced) it's just foolish. There is noway you can say what you want from life, who you want to share it with and what you will value today is what you value later. People change dramatically from early 20's to late 20's.
Oh come now. If you're old enough to live together, you're old enough to marry. Quite frankly the stats are bad for marriage all around and cohabitation into marriage is no better (at least in North America) as far as divorce rates are concerned. But really it seems irrelevant as the issue is marriage and hobby rather than marriage and age. They haven't even lived together and he's wondering about how the hobby he is most passionate about in this world will cause problems with his future wife. Seems like a bad idea already, she should already know about his hobby and how he has to manage it. This is something someone should know BEFORE they get married, give me a break man. Who gets married with questions of 'gee whiz I wonder how I will have to change my passion now that I'm married'. That's the whole point of living together first etc., you work this shit out to make sure it's not going to be a problem.
The fact that you think there is no give and take in a marriage relationship shows how out of touch with reality you are.
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i hope whitera posts here and gives you advice.
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My wife doesn't enjoy Brood War, and she really disliked that I played for the first year we lived together, so I played as few as possible.
Then I started to increase my playing time and she got used to it.
I made her play Farmville for a while so I could own noobs while she was planting carrots.
Then she got a new job that starts quite early so she must sleep at 11pm everyday, so I can play BW / poker from 11pm to 3am.
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On September 30 2011 12:45 dOofuS wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 12:24 crms wrote:On September 30 2011 12:17 Falling wrote:On September 30 2011 11:32 crms wrote:
If you were getting married to the right girl this thread would be pointless. I'll echo the 21 and married = doomed crowd. Just go look at the stats, it's abysmal. Anecdotes aside (all 6 of my friends who married under 22 are now all divorced) it's just foolish. There is noway you can say what you want from life, who you want to share it with and what you will value today is what you value later. People change dramatically from early 20's to late 20's.
Oh come now. If you're old enough to live together, you're old enough to marry. Quite frankly the stats are bad for marriage all around and cohabitation into marriage is no better (at least in North America) as far as divorce rates are concerned. But really it seems irrelevant as the issue is marriage and hobby rather than marriage and age. They haven't even lived together and he's wondering about how the hobby he is most passionate about in this world will cause problems with his future wife. Seems like a bad idea already, she should already know about his hobby and how he has to manage it. This is something someone should know BEFORE they get married, give me a break man. Who gets married with questions of 'gee whiz I wonder how I will have to change my passion now that I'm married'. That's the whole point of living together first etc., you work this shit out to make sure it's not going to be a problem. The fact that you think there is no give and take in a marriage relationship shows how out of touch with reality you are.
the fuck are you talking about? I'm saying he should know how his passion is going to affect his relationship BEFORE getting married. It's ludicrous to not understand how you'd have to compromise things that are VERY important to you before you get married. When in the flying fuck did I ever say he wouldn't have to compromise?
To the OP: nice stats, google harder and you can find:
20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
nearly 40% of all divorces occur between 20-24 lols.
http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/routledg/lps/1986/00000040/00000001/art00002
http://www.nytimes.com/1987/01/12/style/divorce-at-a-young-age-the-troubled-20-s.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm
New York Times:
"the incidence of divorce among people in their 20's also reached record highs in the early 1980's, with nearly 40 percent of all divorces occurring among couples under 30."
"Many experts also say that divorce in the 20's is quite different from that among older couples. Whereas people who divorce later in life are often the victims of a spouse's ''midlife crisis,'' according to Paul C. Glick, a sociologist at Arizona State University, ''those most prone to divorce marry in their teens and early 20's.''
''They tend to have less education and lower incomes,''"
Besides I don't know why you're throwing random 'divorce rate' statistics into this conversation. I never said marriage can't work, or people shouldn't get married. I said young marriages <25 are terrible. Which you can clearly see with the easiest of searches.
Add in all the factors about never living with this person, not knowing how exactly they will react to your passion etc., it's just icing on the cake. Any rational person can see this is stupid. I'm not saying it won't work out for you guys but any objective measure indicates you have a steep statistical mountain to climb. Best of luck.
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I got married two weeks ago, but lived with my wife for two years before then. Nothing really changes after marriage if you already lived together. If this is also the beginning of living together, there's definitely an impact on your gaming time.
1) You will no longer be able to come straight home from whatever you were out doing (work, school, whatever) and sit straight on the PC. She will probably have something she wants to tell you since she last saw you, and at the very least you will want to give her a proper kiss hello and talk for a bit (like, 5-10 mins I mean)
2) You will no longer be able to have dinner pretty much whenever you want, which means that it might interrupt gaming sessions. For my part, I used to just think "ok Im getting hungry, I'll have dinner after this game", but it doesn't work like that when there's two people. These days I don't even bother starting any Starcraft games until dinner is done and cleared away, so the hour or so between when I get home from work and dinnertime is when I catch up on forums, watch a couple streams, or tune into the GSL.
3) Unless you want to be one of those douchebags who sits on the PC long after his wife has gone to bed, you'll be going to bed when she does.
4) You can't spend a whole evening on the PC, even if she is the kind of person who likes to game as well. You need to do some stuff together, whether that be a boardgame, a tv show, a movie. Sex does not count as time together for this purpose. It counts as sex.
On an unrelated note, did you live together before you were married? If you didn't (and a lot of people don't) I just want to echo how fucking stupid you are to do that.
Every bad habit of yours that you ever hid for her sake will be well-known to her within a matter of weeks, and the same goes for her bad habits.
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Getting married without living together is objectively fucking stupid.
Regardless of your reasons for it, or whether you have success stories from other people you know, it is a less intelligent move and will increase the chance that you may find you are not at all compatible.
You do NOT know someone until you have lived with them. Fact.
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First of all, CONGRATS! : )
Ah. The eternal struggle between girls and video games. Personally, I really think that this depends on your fiancee and how she views the game. But since you guys are getting married and she knows that you are a gamer, I'm assuming that she'a very nice girl and pretty understanding all around. So if she's accepting of your gaming.. behaviour before marriage, then as long as you don't turn into a potato couch who's glued to his game 24/7 and stop making an effort, I don't think there will be a problem. And it never hurts to ask her how she feels about it once in a while. : )
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Congrats on marriage.
If you ever have a kid of your own, this comes directly from a friend who got married, had a baby while still playing WoW.
"Having a kid is the biggest MMORPG you will EVER play. You work all day and you come home and you gotta start ROLEPLAYING as a 'father', and that's the most challenging game you'll ever play"
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On September 30 2011 13:06 crms wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 12:45 dOofuS wrote:On September 30 2011 12:24 crms wrote:On September 30 2011 12:17 Falling wrote:On September 30 2011 11:32 crms wrote:
If you were getting married to the right girl this thread would be pointless. I'll echo the 21 and married = doomed crowd. Just go look at the stats, it's abysmal. Anecdotes aside (all 6 of my friends who married under 22 are now all divorced) it's just foolish. There is noway you can say what you want from life, who you want to share it with and what you will value today is what you value later. People change dramatically from early 20's to late 20's.
Oh come now. If you're old enough to live together, you're old enough to marry. Quite frankly the stats are bad for marriage all around and cohabitation into marriage is no better (at least in North America) as far as divorce rates are concerned. But really it seems irrelevant as the issue is marriage and hobby rather than marriage and age. They haven't even lived together and he's wondering about how the hobby he is most passionate about in this world will cause problems with his future wife. Seems like a bad idea already, she should already know about his hobby and how he has to manage it. This is something someone should know BEFORE they get married, give me a break man. Who gets married with questions of 'gee whiz I wonder how I will have to change my passion now that I'm married'. That's the whole point of living together first etc., you work this shit out to make sure it's not going to be a problem. The fact that you think there is no give and take in a marriage relationship shows how out of touch with reality you are. the fuck are you talking about? I'm saying he should know how his passion is going to affect his relationship BEFORE getting married. It's ludicrous to not understand how you'd have to compromise things that are VERY important to you before you get married. When in the flying fuck did I ever say he wouldn't have to compromise? To the OP: nice stats, google harder and you can find: 20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8% nearly 40% of all divorces occur between 20-24 lols. http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/routledg/lps/1986/00000040/00000001/art00002http://www.nytimes.com/1987/01/12/style/divorce-at-a-young-age-the-troubled-20-s.html?pagewanted=all&src=pmNew York Times: "the incidence of divorce among people in their 20's also reached record highs in the early 1980's, with nearly 40 percent of all divorces occurring among couples under 30." "Many experts also say that divorce in the 20's is quite different from that among older couples. Whereas people who divorce later in life are often the victims of a spouse's ''midlife crisis,'' according to Paul C. Glick, a sociologist at Arizona State University, ''those most prone to divorce marry in their teens and early 20's.'' ''They tend to have less education and lower incomes,''" Besides I don't know why you're throwing random 'divorce rate' statistics into this conversation. I never said marriage can't work, or people shouldn't get married. I said young marriages <25 are terrible. Which you can clearly see with the easiest of searches. Add in all the factors about never living with this person, not knowing how exactly they will react to your passion etc., it's just icing on the cake. Any rational person can see this is stupid. I'm not saying it won't work out for you guys but any objective measure indicates you have a steep statistical mountain to climb. Best of luck.
So much quote XD
I really didn't want to turn this thread into this. You are the kind of people I dislike to talk about because you think you know a little bit too much. I will not get into the details of what we talk/didn't talk and what was my tought process that lead me to marriage before we live together. You wouldn't understand because you are not trying to have a dialogue, you are only trying to make me look bad.
I took more time then you to think about mariage that is for sure. Also, try to be more respectful when you want to show a point because 'Any rational person can see this is stupid' is not really suited for a conversation.
If you think you are rational then try looking back at yourself and think for a moment about how biase you are. Being rational and objective is so hard because you have to stop to think about all you own beleif and what society want you to think in order to come to a conclusion that took time and research. You clearily, in one post, didn't take that time.
EDIT: I posted a reason for my 'random stats' it is because some guy started talking about 'Stats say' blah blah blah wich is quite useless when you don't show your stats. Not like I care about those. I think statistic are quite worthless.
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On September 30 2011 13:12 Dhalphir wrote:
Getting married without living together is objectively fucking stupid.
Regardless of your reasons for it, or whether you have success stories from other people you know, it is a less intelligent move and will increase the chance that you may find you are not at all compatible.
You do NOT know someone until you have lived with them. Fact.
On what do you base yourself to say 'objectively fucking stupid'. What do you objectively know about me or my girlfriend? What do you objectively know about our relationship? You only have 2 data in an equation that is way more complicated then a+b=c
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On September 30 2011 13:39 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 13:12 Dhalphir wrote:
Getting married without living together is objectively fucking stupid.
Regardless of your reasons for it, or whether you have success stories from other people you know, it is a less intelligent move and will increase the chance that you may find you are not at all compatible.
You do NOT know someone until you have lived with them. Fact. On what do you base yourself to say 'objectively fucking stupid'. What do you objectively know about me or my girlfriend? What do you objectively know about our relationship? You only have 2 data in an equation that is way more complicated then a+b=c
You're too emotionally attached to this situation to realize why this is an objectively poor decision. Sorry but it's the truth. GL HF though, I don't mean to make you look bad, that's pointless. You have some major statistical mountains to get over; all the luck, you're going to need every bit of it.
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On September 30 2011 13:12 Dhalphir wrote:
Getting married without living together is objectively fucking stupid.
Regardless of your reasons for it, or whether you have success stories from other people you know, it is a less intelligent move and will increase the chance that you may find you are not at all compatible.
You do NOT know someone until you have lived with them. Fact.
I would like to contest your " fact".
A good majority of Asians do not live together before marriage.
However, our divorce rates are lower than other communities that practice cohabitation prior to marriage.
Take my parents' marriage for example. They never lived together. Now they're married 21 years. This is also the case for all closer relatives.
Think before using a word like "objective". It is subjective.
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On September 30 2011 13:55 theBALLS wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 13:12 Dhalphir wrote:
Getting married without living together is objectively fucking stupid.
Regardless of your reasons for it, or whether you have success stories from other people you know, it is a less intelligent move and will increase the chance that you may find you are not at all compatible.
You do NOT know someone until you have lived with them. Fact. I would like to contest your " fact". A good majority of Asians do not live together before marriage. However, our divorce rates are lower than other communities that practice cohabitation prior to marriage. Take my parents' marriage for example. They never lived together. Now they're married 21 years. This is also the case for all closer relatives. Think before using a word like "objective". It is subjective.
This is completely anecdotal and useless and doesn't prove anything. However, there have been studies done in North America that showed that couples that did not live together prior to marriage were less prone to divorce compared to couples that lived together prior to marriage. This has nothing to do with ethnicity, and it differs according to communities. Modern South Korea has a high divorce rate but many couples don't live together prior to marriage.
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I heard that one too, but I can't remember where.
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On September 30 2011 13:51 crms wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 13:39 Datz2Ez wrote:On September 30 2011 13:12 Dhalphir wrote:
Getting married without living together is objectively fucking stupid.
Regardless of your reasons for it, or whether you have success stories from other people you know, it is a less intelligent move and will increase the chance that you may find you are not at all compatible.
You do NOT know someone until you have lived with them. Fact. On what do you base yourself to say 'objectively fucking stupid'. What do you objectively know about me or my girlfriend? What do you objectively know about our relationship? You only have 2 data in an equation that is way more complicated then a+b=c You're too emotionally attached to this situation to realize why this is an objectively poor decision. Sorry but it's the truth. GL HF though, I don't mean to make you look bad, that's pointless. You have some major statistical mountains to get over; all the luck, you're going to need every bit of it.
I don't think that luck is involve in the process don't worry. I will not contest the fact that I am someone that is very emmotional, but with a head on my shoulder (french expression XD). Also, my parents always tought me to think with my brain, not with my heart so getting married is not a 'heart' decision but a brain decision. If you want to discuss why I decided to do this, why not later, why not live together first, etc. I would gladly take youre email and have a chat with you so that we can talk openly about this. In the end, I doubt you will still think that my decision is emotional.
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Looking at marriage success rate statistics, and saying, "Looks like I ought to wait till I'm XX to get married" is completely ridiculous. There are numerous factors that come into play. He has expressed that he has religious sentiments that have aided his decision to not cohabitate prior to his marriage. Assuming she shares similar religious values, that would be an immediate plus. To judge someone's relationship purely on statistical terms, and then disregard the bond developed between the two as too 'emotional' to see the wisdom in not getting married, is absurd.
Please, if you aren't currently married, been married, or planning to get married, do not assume to be the authority on this subject. You clearly lack practical experience. Several of the posts in here from married persons have excellent advice and information. The posts from those who aren't are demeaning to the OP and purely speculative.
For the sake of the discussion, lets not turn his simple question into a statistical debate, or an argument over the validity of cohabitation prior to marriage.
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On September 30 2011 06:41 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 05:56 Szordrin wrote:I don't understand being married with age 21. Im currently 25, with my girlfriend since about im 19 and its all fine, working out etc. But why would I marry already? Sounds to me more like a romantic imagination? I mean, I see the point when you want to get kids with all the legal stuff etc. But why would you marry that early otherwise? Even when you are convinced it will last forever (good luck), there shouldnt be a problem with waiting until 25, 28, whatever, no? I'm playing Handball and there are also a bunch of younger kids around 20, can't imagine seeing them married... @gaming. Not a marriage here, but a longtime relationship. She doesn't care about games, but I have enough time for it since I'm a student and shes working. I just take care that I don't play when we both have some free time. No, we do not get into this point in this thread. This is becomming a religious discussion and it is very far away from what this thread is about, keep it to constructive comment about the thread. Life is made to be lived as it please you. Do not question my action since this is not about if my decision is good or bad. In my situation, where I am at the moment, it is a good decision. But that is only for me in my situation, do not judge my choice. EDIT: Also, the stupidest thing you can do in life is to live it in function of what can go wrong. "Oh I won't get a house because I might lose my job later", "Oh I will never get married because I don't know if I will be forever with this girl" it is not how life is suppose to be lived. I repeat, this has NOTHING to do about age! It's about where your are in life.
Ok. So ive read all the posts up until this point. You ask for advice and when someone says something you don't agree with you get pissed and tell them not to "tell you what to do". Is this what you'll tell your wife as well?
You claim that you're a grown up able to talk and judge for yourself yet you're going to get married someone you havnt lived with at all? And the part youre worried about is wether youll get to
play enough videogames or not? Judging from your posts you dont seem very mature. If I were you I would think this through really carefully. Especially if you're part of some sort of religion (which i suspect you are) where divorce is problematic or unthinkable.
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On September 30 2011 13:39 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 13:12 Dhalphir wrote:
Getting married without living together is objectively fucking stupid.
Regardless of your reasons for it, or whether you have success stories from other people you know, it is a less intelligent move and will increase the chance that you may find you are not at all compatible.
You do NOT know someone until you have lived with them. Fact. On what do you base yourself to say 'objectively fucking stupid'. What do you objectively know about me or my girlfriend? What do you objectively know about our relationship? You only have 2 data in an equation that is way more complicated then a+b=c
The fact that living together is extremely difficult and it only takes one unbearable bad habit to ruin a marriage.
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On September 30 2011 16:30 Robinsa wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 06:41 Datz2Ez wrote:On September 30 2011 05:56 Szordrin wrote:I don't understand being married with age 21. Im currently 25, with my girlfriend since about im 19 and its all fine, working out etc. But why would I marry already? Sounds to me more like a romantic imagination? I mean, I see the point when you want to get kids with all the legal stuff etc. But why would you marry that early otherwise? Even when you are convinced it will last forever (good luck), there shouldnt be a problem with waiting until 25, 28, whatever, no? I'm playing Handball and there are also a bunch of younger kids around 20, can't imagine seeing them married... @gaming. Not a marriage here, but a longtime relationship. She doesn't care about games, but I have enough time for it since I'm a student and shes working. I just take care that I don't play when we both have some free time. No, we do not get into this point in this thread. This is becomming a religious discussion and it is very far away from what this thread is about, keep it to constructive comment about the thread. Life is made to be lived as it please you. Do not question my action since this is not about if my decision is good or bad. In my situation, where I am at the moment, it is a good decision. But that is only for me in my situation, do not judge my choice. EDIT: Also, the stupidest thing you can do in life is to live it in function of what can go wrong. "Oh I won't get a house because I might lose my job later", "Oh I will never get married because I don't know if I will be forever with this girl" it is not how life is suppose to be lived. I repeat, this has NOTHING to do about age! It's about where your are in life. Ok. So ive read all the posts up until this point. You ask for advice and when someone says something you don't agree with you get pissed and tell them not to "tell you what to do". Is this what you'll tell your wife as well? You claim that you're a grown up able to talk and judge for yourself yet you're going to get married someone you havnt lived with at all? And the part youre worried about is wether youll get to play enough videogames or not? Judging from your posts you dont seem very mature. If I were you I would think this through really carefully. Especially if you're part of some sort of religion (which i suspect you are) where divorce is problematic or unthinkable.
This post is laughable, in all respects.
I'd leave it at that, if a mod wouldn't warn me over it.
1. You assault him for only responding to negative/off-topic feedback, this is probably because he's taking the advice of those who aren't criticizing or derailing to heart. Perhaps you demand he reply to each and thank them for their posts.
2. You again rehash all the derailing topics mentioned in this thread. He's too young, he's never lived with her, etc.
3. You call him immature because he's curious about how his marriage will effect his gaming lifestyle. This is a gaming community. Seems reasonable to me.
4. You play the religion card to imply he doesn't comprehend the decision he's making, and the potential consequences associated with it. I'm happy you're here to call his decision into question.
Please, can we get this back on track? I myself am loving the feedback from those who ARE married, because I myself am in a similar situation, and love to hear how it has effected those who have experienced it.
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On September 30 2011 16:38 Dhalphir wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 13:39 Datz2Ez wrote:On September 30 2011 13:12 Dhalphir wrote:
Getting married without living together is objectively fucking stupid.
Regardless of your reasons for it, or whether you have success stories from other people you know, it is a less intelligent move and will increase the chance that you may find you are not at all compatible.
You do NOT know someone until you have lived with them. Fact. On what do you base yourself to say 'objectively fucking stupid'. What do you objectively know about me or my girlfriend? What do you objectively know about our relationship? You only have 2 data in an equation that is way more complicated then a+b=c The fact that living together is extremely difficult and it only takes one unbearable bad habit to ruin a marriage.
I can't remember the thread it was in, but someone posted a video of a great speech by a gay man about marriage and what to realistically expect in a companion. I wish I had the link because your current mindset assumes if someone has one habit that you can't tolerate, your marriage is over. The revelation is that you're the one who can decide whether to let that one "bad" habit effect your marriage, and you can be the one to effectively end it, if you can't get over it. Is that one habit really worth discarding the relationship with the one you love and have committed yourself to?
You believe in the fairy tale marriage.
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This post really amazes me in the way of seen all the cultural differences between all the different countries.
What seems perfectly "normal" to some people its "outrageous" for some others.
Anyway to the OP. In my experience, gaming it is not that different from watching TV. It is some form of entertainment you prefer. Your wife may have different ways of entertainment. So its a matter of finding the middle.
Yes... there will be less gaming but you will have some other amazing things to think, learn, worry and love about other than gaming. So, in a way, even tho gaming will be less frequent, it will be equally enjoyable.
Good luck dude and gratz on the marriage
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I live with my girlfriend since over half a year and I play the whole day np for her tough she is a strong one as i'd say I play too much atm since i'm home
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Just wanted to give my 2 cents (although I admit I only skimmed the pages)
We've been married for almost 2 years now (anniversary coming up ) and I am indeed 23 right now. We moved in together the day of our marriage. My wife had a computer at home that was barely able to manage opening a text editor given enough time. At first she was very surprised how serious I took gaming, although we had quite some talk about that topic prior to marriage. Reality sometime really is quite different from what you expected. Plus I just have way too many gaming hobbies to begin with...
At first she didn't know what to think of it but nowadays things are very different. We are doing great together. Given some time she just wanted to know what I was doing and tried things out (just as I do with her hobbies) and now we have a Dungeons and Dragons Pen & Paper party going and play the occasional game of Civilization. Gaming with your wife is actually awesome btw. Although she shows no real interest in BW, she has no problem with me playing it or yelling at my screen while watching PL. Sometimes she even cheers for certain players with me. Just try to understand each other and don't go all-in hardcore all-night gaming every day. Reserve some time for your loved one . As others have stated: She probably has some hobbies, too, so play while she does whatever she likes to do. Try stuff together. I certainly play less than before, but that does not mean that I'm restricted to an hour every month. There will be times for games as there are times for other stuff. Don't worry
TL;dr - She'll probably be surprised by your gaming habit nonetheless. Reserve time for each other; try her hobbies, she'll probably try yours; everything should be fine
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as others have said less time when your older, and when you think you have time to play, it gets taken away from you. I have been with my partner for 3 years, and everytime I think its safe to play she will nag me and well have to go out and do something. Ironically shes moving to Cardiff for a while purely for work reasons (possible a long time and im moving up with her if we can pay of our debts and sort outselves out) but I can see myself having a lot more time to play in the coming next few months. But yeh back on track, you will get less time, and if your like me and are actively playing football, soemthing has to give, currently im playing football when i can and trying to watch SC2, replays and read Tl when I can, msotly when im in work... lol. But yeh I wouldnt be abel to do both, and im just going on the fact if I work and play starcraft 2 when i can I will have no excerise other then walking our dog lol.
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EDIT: God, I'm sorry for the wall of text. Didn't realize I had written that much. I'll spoiler it so it doesn't take up the whole page for people who don't care.
+ Show Spoiler +I've lived with my wife for 8 years, then got married and been married 2 years. We met when we we're 16, moved in together at 18, married at 26. (We're the same age). I have always been an avid gamer, especially in my early 20's. There is no limit to how much time I would spend at the computer if I didn't have to work and spend time with friends/family. Note that I say "have to". There is really no activity I prefer to gaming. There are some that come close, but usually the interest fades rapidly. Gaming is the only thing that's constantly on my mind. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my wife and my daughter (1yo) more than gaming, more than anything in the world. That doesn't mean that I enjoy doing anything with them more than I enjoy gaming. E.g. going to the playground with my daughter isn't great fun for me, but it's worth it because she gets to enjoy herself a lot. There's no way I can explain the feeling, that's just the way it is. You people quote stuff like "If you really love someone you'd want to spend every hour with them rather than at the computer." I say you people do not know true love. Sure, in the beginning, when it was all love-dovey, butterflies and exciting she was my no.1 choice of activity. But when it settled into deep, to the bone, core love you love someone not for the awesome fun things you do together but because the life you share. The memories, the goals for the future, the bonds we've made. It is very, very easy to take someone like that for granted. I've done it on multiple occasions, sometimes I've caught myself and sometimes my wife had to let me know. Either way, it's a horrible feeling, knowing you've under-appreciated her. She's the most important thing in your world but since she's always there, you stop noticing it. So what do you about it? How do you keep things together? You work hard at it. You put in countless hours of doing things that are less fun (or downright boring) than gaming because that's what it takes for you to keep things running smooth. Sure, I dream of being able to spend an entire weekend doing nothing but playing games, but if the cost was losing/hurting my family, it's not even worth thinking about. + Show Spoiler +While writing the last paragraph, I realize it seems strange to go through life not doing what you love all day every day, but I guess there's more to this than I understand because the choice doesn't seem strange to me. To do this, you need to figure out what it takes to keep things running. How much effort is required? This you can ONLY learn through experience. You have to test the boundaries to find them. I did it and it almost cost me everything. I am less prone to testing them since, but now I know. The alternative is putting ALL your effort into it, but in reality you're not going to do that after the first 1-2 years. Maybe spending time with her really is your favorite activity. It's rare but I guess it happens. My problem has always been that my wife has never had a hobby that lasted more than 1 month in her entire life, and she's fine with that. She watches TV but follows very few shows and she plays some games but not with any regularity. She'll also read an occasional book. She's tried numerous activities but nothing ever sticks with her. I, on the other hand, have a huge hobby which I could sink countless hours into. See the problem? There's no trade-off. I can't go: "Have fun at bowling honey" and go play games. I can't go: "Sure I'll go ballroom dancing with you this weekend. Is it OK if I watch MLG the weekend after?" This means that I always feel like I "owe" her for that MLG-weekend or a few hours of evening gaming. We've talked a lot about this but have found no clear course of action. Thus, I've tried to contain my gaming to the times when she works evenings or weekends. I still have the daughter to take care of though, so even that time is severely limited. All in all, I'm happy as a clam and wouldn't trade my life for anything. But it takes work.
tl;dr: My view on marriage, living together, sacrifices and love.
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On September 30 2011 13:39 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 13:12 Dhalphir wrote:
Getting married without living together is objectively fucking stupid.
Regardless of your reasons for it, or whether you have success stories from other people you know, it is a less intelligent move and will increase the chance that you may find you are not at all compatible.
You do NOT know someone until you have lived with them. Fact. On what do you base yourself to say 'objectively fucking stupid'. What do you objectively know about me or my girlfriend? What do you objectively know about our relationship? You only have 2 data in an equation that is way more complicated then a+b=c
You may love your girlfriend to death.
She may also have a really irritating habit of hers that may well be make or break that will only come in to play once you're living together.
I don't really think you can truly know someone unless you have to wake up next to them, EVERY DAY, and deal with all of their bullshit day in and day out.
It obviously comes with its perks, but I learned a hell of a lot of things that surprised me about my wife when I moved in with her...and I had known her for six years prior to even starting a relationship with her. Then we dated for a year, then we moved in together for a year and a half and THEN got married. Living together is unlike anything else. It changes everything.
As for gaming while having a wife...she needs to understand that its a hobby. She has her hobbies and you have your hobbies. As long as you don't play to the detriment of the relationship your partner should be okay with that because they KNOW that about you...again this is really something you can only figure out if you live together.
Even with her go ahead I try not to play too much when we're both off. She has school/work so there are plenty of times where she isnt around that I can just go onto the computer.
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I think there has to be reason. Do not expect someone to take an interest in your hobbies if you don't in theirs. The inverse is also true. He/she shouldn't be demanding that you sit with them watching boring TV programmes for the sake of having "company" (Britain's X Factor obsessives come to mind) if they are not also sitting with you trying to learn Starcraft 2. Hobby interest is an entirely shared thing, and what a lot of very self interested "gamer widows" like to make the point of is that their husband doesn't have an interest in them.
The truth is, they probably don't have much of an interest in their husband in return. That kind of siege environment can become extremely unpleasant to live in, and in all honesty, in those cases I would recommend a divorce. There has to be a give and a take. Not down to the hour, but near as makes no difference.
It really depends on who you're with.
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On September 30 2011 03:03 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 02:59 bonifaceviii wrote:On September 30 2011 02:54 Bibdy wrote:
I don't know if she would take offense to this or not, but maybe you want to suggest the idea of initially sleeping in separate rooms, so that you keep that private space. That's what my girlfriend and I did when we moved in together, and I think it was a fantastic decision. It allowed us to keep our private space initially, and over time, adjust to being around each other all the time. For the last couple years we've been inseparable and can easily tolerate each other's constant presence at all hours of the day. 1 month of marriage and so far, we're not seeing any change in our behaviour (believe me, we're watching it). Nah, go all in. When I moved in with my fiancee (getting married in April) we shared a bed from the get-go and it was a trial by fire. If you're up in each other's grills as soon as you move in the more short-term pain there will be for the long-term comfort. Save separate rooms for when you're older and your kids move out. Hahaha guys :-) funny suggestion. No I am in the prime of my sexual abilities I don't see my self sleeping in another room (and we don't even have one anyway) also my futur-wife would never want this. We can't wait to share that first night together ♥
Wait, you want to marry without having lived together with her?
That invites more trouble than you might expect.
The marriage itself won't have a lot of influence, it's just a signature on a paper and then one of you has to do a lot of paperwork to get the name changed for everything. It won't suddenly force you to play less or anything, you are still the same persons in the same environment. You will still basically do the same things every day, have the same responsibilities and in general, nothing changes.
However, what will change everything is living together with her. It's totally different and destroys a lot of previously perfect relationships.
Try it first for at least a year before doing anything stupid.
Marrying is easy, a divorce is not.
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OP strikes me as very nice, and as someone who is going to have a very interesting year or two.
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On September 30 2011 16:58 dOofuS wrote:
I can't remember the thread it was in, but someone posted a video of a great speech by a gay man about marriage and what to realistically expect in a companion. I wish I had the link because your current mindset assumes if someone has one habit that you can't tolerate, your marriage is over. The revelation is that you're the one who can decide whether to let that one "bad" habit effect your marriage, and you can be the one to effectively end it, if you can't get over it. Is that one habit really worth discarding the relationship with the one you love and have committed yourself to?
You believe in the fairy tale marriage.
Probably the same thread that Chill and I were repeatedly facepalming in because people were basically:
"Girl does one thing you don't like? DUMP THE BITCH!!!!"
Whatever happened to people making compromises and working relationships out? I mean, yeah, living with someone is absolutely different than dating someone but I think as long as you're both willing to put your best foot forward and keep things open between each other as to what's good and what's not, then you can work a lot of that stuff out.
"my girlfriend never remembers to put the top back on the toothpaste, we're divorcing"
Come on. -_-
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Russian Federation60 Posts
I happen to play with a group of elder people (30-50). Pretty much all of them are married and have kids. And they still manage to find time to play MMORPGs competitively. So it's definitely possible.
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I'm not married, but have been living with my gf for a year. We are never going to get married, so this is as aproximate as it gets.
She likes computer games, although in a more casual way. She likes The elder Scrolls kind of games, yet is not as hardcore about it as i am.
What can i say , she knew i had this hobby, so it's not like she should be surprised i spend quite some time playing.
Being married (or equivalent) is about being with someone, sharing, spending time together, etc, so as long as you are not a gaming zombie you should be alright .
Spending time together doesn't necesarily imply you are watching the same movie (to say something). Sometimes i'm laddering, and she's watching some series in her laptop. And sometimes whatever the other is doing catches the other's interest and share even more.
We sometimes end up watching some NASL, MLG, whatever stream and eating popcorn while i explain to her what is happening, and why each player react in certain ways. Now she is an MC fan, hates idra (of whom im a fan), and makes fun of me when idra ragequits.
Now she even pokes my shoulder once in a while.... "You should make more overlords!!". "Stop making lings, he has plenty of collosus!" Would that be cheating? .
She also keeps the my siamese cat "Doris" from jumping into my lap mid-game, cause she knows i might just snap and throw her through the window :$
And the other day i lost the final for a tourney (http://challonge.com/08_11_sc2uy), and it went...
She: How did it go?
Me: I got pretty much roflstomped.
She: Then get out of here! I don't wanna be with a loser!
And so we watched some Seinfeld.
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On September 30 2011 10:41 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 09:51 Dekoth wrote:
So if you are just going to shoot down anyone's advice that you don't like, why did you even post this thread? If you wanted us to just say Congrats on your marriage and be done with it, you should of posted as much. Granted most of the comments here are from people who don't know what they are talking about (single), There are however a number of comments from people who have been married who clearly do.
21 is too young..Period. Anyone who disagrees is single or isn't old enough to know better. I got married at 19 like I said, I speak from experience.
Gaming believe it or not can become a deal breaker. There is many women who get really bent out of shape over video games. I have seen marriages ended due to control issues over video games and I am not even talking about guys who abused it. I have a close friend who was a gamer and got married to a non gamer who hated games. He only played 2 hours a week and Only when she was watching TV. She would rage about it despite ignoring it while they were dating. Somehow in her mind watching TV was more acceptable than him playing a video game. If you don't know your girls stance on Games, you need to know and know now. Otherwise expect it to be a problem.
Minor problems become major problems as the years go by. This is a cold simple truth. If it is a minor annoyance to her now, in 5 years it will be a huge arguing point.
Take the advice for what it is worth. If you didn't actually want it, well then Congrats and good luck. I hope you don't turn out like the majority of people do who make half informed decisions going into a marriage. No, the fact is that you do not understand well the point of this thread. This is not about me. This is not about if my decision is good or bad. I do not wish do discuss this with you nor with anyone else since this is my choice. I think that I have this maturity, I grew up faster then most people did. I went in appartement at 17, I had the time to rebel myself, question myself quit school go back again and finaly found who I was. Do not think I took this decision lightly, I talked alot with my girlfriend and my parents before making a move. So now, stop talking about me please. The fact that you got married at 19 and failed doesn't mean nobody can ever do that and succeed. You're life doesn't represent everyone else life. Now if you wish to discuss about this thread, tell us what failed in your relationship and what could have been done better in order that everyone benifit from your experience.
Bold 1 - You don't have the maturity you think you do. I thought I was extremely mature at that age as well. Owned a car, owned my own townhouse (no support from my parents), Never quit school, joined the military and served 4 years etc etc. I as well as my wife were both extremely mature at that time. Yet reflecting back, we hardly understood maturity completely and in reality we were not nearly as mature as we thought. If we had been, many different decisions would of been made.
Bold 2 - You did, sorry to say. This all boils down to point 1. I am not bashing you, I am trying to stop you from making a decision that you will regret in 10 years or less. If she is the one, waiting a few more years won't change anything. Live together, things change trust me.
My marriage didn't fail. We have been married 13 years now and have 2 children. That doesn't mean our decision at that time was correct. We endured because of a number of reasons, but the fact remains is both of us acknowledge that the decision we made at 19 would of better been made at 24/25.
That is all I am going to say. You wanted advice, you got it. Take it, leave it I don't care. However happy marriage or not, my words will be remembered in the future when you are old enough to realize the mistake you are making. Again, not saying Don't marry her..I am saying to wait.
Good luck
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On September 30 2011 23:29 Dekoth wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 10:41 Datz2Ez wrote:On September 30 2011 09:51 Dekoth wrote:
So if you are just going to shoot down anyone's advice that you don't like, why did you even post this thread? If you wanted us to just say Congrats on your marriage and be done with it, you should of posted as much. Granted most of the comments here are from people who don't know what they are talking about (single), There are however a number of comments from people who have been married who clearly do.
21 is too young..Period. Anyone who disagrees is single or isn't old enough to know better. I got married at 19 like I said, I speak from experience.
Gaming believe it or not can become a deal breaker. There is many women who get really bent out of shape over video games. I have seen marriages ended due to control issues over video games and I am not even talking about guys who abused it. I have a close friend who was a gamer and got married to a non gamer who hated games. He only played 2 hours a week and Only when she was watching TV. She would rage about it despite ignoring it while they were dating. Somehow in her mind watching TV was more acceptable than him playing a video game. If you don't know your girls stance on Games, you need to know and know now. Otherwise expect it to be a problem.
Minor problems become major problems as the years go by. This is a cold simple truth. If it is a minor annoyance to her now, in 5 years it will be a huge arguing point.
Take the advice for what it is worth. If you didn't actually want it, well then Congrats and good luck. I hope you don't turn out like the majority of people do who make half informed decisions going into a marriage. No, the fact is that you do not understand well the point of this thread. This is not about me. This is not about if my decision is good or bad. I do not wish do discuss this with you nor with anyone else since this is my choice. I think that I have this maturity, I grew up faster then most people did. I went in appartement at 17, I had the time to rebel myself, question myself quit school go back again and finaly found who I was. Do not think I took this decision lightly, I talked alot with my girlfriend and my parents before making a move. So now, stop talking about me please. The fact that you got married at 19 and failed doesn't mean nobody can ever do that and succeed. You're life doesn't represent everyone else life. Now if you wish to discuss about this thread, tell us what failed in your relationship and what could have been done better in order that everyone benifit from your experience. Bold 1 - You don't have the maturity you think you do. I thought I was extremely mature at that age as well. Owned a car, owned my own townhouse (no support from my parents), Never quit school, joined the military and served 4 years etc etc. I as well as my wife were both extremely mature at that time. Yet reflecting back, we hardly understood maturity completely and in reality we were not nearly as mature as we thought. If we had been, many different decisions would of been made. Bold 2 - You did, sorry to say. This all boils down to point 1. I am not bashing you, I am trying to stop you from making a decision that you will regret in 10 years or less. If she is the one, waiting a few more years won't change anything. Live together, things change trust me. My marriage didn't fail. We have been married 13 years now and have 2 children. That doesn't mean our decision at that time was correct. We endured because of a number of reasons, but the fact remains is both of us acknowledge that the decision we made at 19 would of better been made at 24/25. That is all I am going to say. You wanted advice, you got it. Take it, leave it I don't care. However happy marriage or not, my words will be remembered in the future when you are old enough to realize the mistake you are making. Again, not saying Don't marry her..I am saying to wait. Good luck
Apologies, but I still don't understand your point and what you base yourself uppon to say that. I did not finish maturing, that is for sure. I will not argue that. The brain itself is not fully functional until the early 30s I can't argue this point. My point is that I have the maturity and the will to do what needs to be done in order to obtain success.
Then, you say that I did, explain your point and why I did this. Because before proposing, I took 6 month to think. I had several discussion with my parents wich are both married for over 20 years. I talked to alot of elder to view their tought on my choice. How could I have take this decision more seriously?
Then, I didn't want this kind of advice, it is completly out of subject. I was asking on how you handle you're game habit with your mate. You are not answering this question at all.
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I answered the gaming thing in the two earlier posts.
You Need to know black and white of what her view on gaming is. The reason why I got on the whole maturity thing is you still don't know this question and you are getting married today? This throws up a Ton of red flags man.
It is a very simple question "How do you feel about Video games and the fact that they are my hobby?"
Mine was simple, she wasn't a gamer but didn't mind games. So I found a game she liked and turned her into a gamer. However the polar example that I gave earlier is I know a ton of people who have a spouse who had a negative perception of gaming. Those marriages ended up catastrophically. If you read what I said in all three posts you will see where I tied it all together. It all boils down to the maturity of decision making. I mean if she doesn't even know this part of your life, what else doesn't she know? What don't you know about her? So many questions that need to be answered for a marriage to be successful...not answered.
I hope by now you have heard that communication is key in a marriage. No communication = doomed. If you can't communicate over something like video games by the time you are about to walk down the isle, that bodes badly man. Again, not trying to bash you or derail. My argument is based around the info you asked about and the fact that you have essentially dodged around bringing up this subject with her.
Nothing else I can say at this point. I wish you luck and I hope this is a happy day for you.
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On September 30 2011 23:46 Datz2Ez wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 23:29 Dekoth wrote:On September 30 2011 10:41 Datz2Ez wrote:On September 30 2011 09:51 Dekoth wrote:
So if you are just going to shoot down anyone's advice that you don't like, why did you even post this thread? If you wanted us to just say Congrats on your marriage and be done with it, you should of posted as much. Granted most of the comments here are from people who don't know what they are talking about (single), There are however a number of comments from people who have been married who clearly do.
21 is too young..Period. Anyone who disagrees is single or isn't old enough to know better. I got married at 19 like I said, I speak from experience.
Gaming believe it or not can become a deal breaker. There is many women who get really bent out of shape over video games. I have seen marriages ended due to control issues over video games and I am not even talking about guys who abused it. I have a close friend who was a gamer and got married to a non gamer who hated games. He only played 2 hours a week and Only when she was watching TV. She would rage about it despite ignoring it while they were dating. Somehow in her mind watching TV was more acceptable than him playing a video game. If you don't know your girls stance on Games, you need to know and know now. Otherwise expect it to be a problem.
Minor problems become major problems as the years go by. This is a cold simple truth. If it is a minor annoyance to her now, in 5 years it will be a huge arguing point.
Take the advice for what it is worth. If you didn't actually want it, well then Congrats and good luck. I hope you don't turn out like the majority of people do who make half informed decisions going into a marriage. No, the fact is that you do not understand well the point of this thread. This is not about me. This is not about if my decision is good or bad. I do not wish do discuss this with you nor with anyone else since this is my choice. I think that I have this maturity, I grew up faster then most people did. I went in appartement at 17, I had the time to rebel myself, question myself quit school go back again and finaly found who I was. Do not think I took this decision lightly, I talked alot with my girlfriend and my parents before making a move. So now, stop talking about me please. The fact that you got married at 19 and failed doesn't mean nobody can ever do that and succeed. You're life doesn't represent everyone else life. Now if you wish to discuss about this thread, tell us what failed in your relationship and what could have been done better in order that everyone benifit from your experience. Bold 1 - You don't have the maturity you think you do. I thought I was extremely mature at that age as well. Owned a car, owned my own townhouse (no support from my parents), Never quit school, joined the military and served 4 years etc etc. I as well as my wife were both extremely mature at that time. Yet reflecting back, we hardly understood maturity completely and in reality we were not nearly as mature as we thought. If we had been, many different decisions would of been made. Bold 2 - You did, sorry to say. This all boils down to point 1. I am not bashing you, I am trying to stop you from making a decision that you will regret in 10 years or less. If she is the one, waiting a few more years won't change anything. Live together, things change trust me. My marriage didn't fail. We have been married 13 years now and have 2 children. That doesn't mean our decision at that time was correct. We endured because of a number of reasons, but the fact remains is both of us acknowledge that the decision we made at 19 would of better been made at 24/25. That is all I am going to say. You wanted advice, you got it. Take it, leave it I don't care. However happy marriage or not, my words will be remembered in the future when you are old enough to realize the mistake you are making. Again, not saying Don't marry her..I am saying to wait. Good luck Apologies, but I still don't understand your point and what you base yourself uppon to say that. I did not finish maturing, that is for sure. I will not argue that. The brain itself is not fully functional until the early 30s I can't argue this point. My point is that I have the maturity and the will to do what needs to be done in order to obtain success. Then, you say that I did, explain your point and why I did this. Because before proposing, I took 6 month to think. I had several discussion with my parents wich are both married for over 20 years. I talked to alot of elder to view their tought on my choice. How could I have take this decision more seriously? Then, I didn't want this kind of advice, it is completly out of subject. I was asking on how you handle you're game habit with your mate. You are not answering this question at all.
He probably isn't answering the question because the question is asked in the wrong way.
Your hobby and wether you are married or not having nothing to do with each other.
It's about living on your own or living together with someone (married or not), and as you don't have any experience living together with her, there is no way to tell how it might affect your gaming. If you had lived together with her for a year, it would have been a totally different story.
I lived together with my Ex for a 6 years on and off (i moved a lot but had several phases where i lived with her) and we both played games (alone or together) most of the time since we both were (and are) gamers.
The times when i moved in with her i usually played a little less because we were happy to live together again and a few weeks later we were always back to the usual gaming routine of work -> eating something together (either at the PCs or at the table) -> playing games -> watching a movie before going to bed -> sleep.
It wouldn't have changed if we had married, mostly because marriage is just a symbolic act without any real personal consequences (only lots and lots of legal consequences).
Also:
You will find out in a few years that he was right all along.
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On September 30 2011 02:15 Defacer wrote:
SC2 helped me deal with my anxiety, but I really should be using the time to you know, become a better human being. If I spent as much time reading or drawing as I do on SC2, I'd probably be much better off.
I actually find Starcraft makes me a better human being, and does a better job at it than something like drawing. I'm constantly finding life lessons within it.
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With my daughter, it's a good thing SC 2 is a pro-spectator sport. I sure can't ensure anytime I would play, day or night, that i would be able to finish with a pause, or outright having to leave game. Yes it hurts, but i love her. Once she turns three, i'll teach her protoss and practice.
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On September 30 2011 13:51 crms wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2011 13:39 Datz2Ez wrote:On September 30 2011 13:12 Dhalphir wrote:
Getting married without living together is objectively fucking stupid.
Regardless of your reasons for it, or whether you have success stories from other people you know, it is a less intelligent move and will increase the chance that you may find you are not at all compatible.
You do NOT know someone until you have lived with them. Fact. On what do you base yourself to say 'objectively fucking stupid'. What do you objectively know about me or my girlfriend? What do you objectively know about our relationship? You only have 2 data in an equation that is way more complicated then a+b=c You're too emotionally attached to this situation to realize why this is an objectively poor decision. Sorry but it's the truth. GL HF though, I don't mean to make you look bad, that's pointless. You have some major statistical mountains to get over; all the luck, you're going to need every bit of it.
This kind of personal analysis requires us knowing Datz2Ez much better than a few forum posts will allow. It's a stereotypical way of looking at things, and while we're all familiar with that infatuated couple who are more in love with the idea of being in love than with each other it is hasty to lump the Datz2Ez in with that sad bunch.
Statistics aside, divorce is a realistic possibility that isn't really as frightening to me as being stuck in a poor marriage. Yes, it is a good idea to live together, but sometimes that isn't possible. I'm rooting for you Datz. I got married without having lived together (her family is quite religious) at the age of 21, and so far I'm as happy as anything and I find lots (if somewhat less) time for gaming. You can do it too.
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Married gamer since 2003. 2 kids age 4 and 6. i am born in 1978.
Some back ground:
I got into gameing ever since dune II and was going to lan party's when i met my wife, so it was no suprise to her what my hobby was. I work in IT and need to travel alot for my job.
My personal views about gaming ever since i got married:
Not much changed as long as you both respect each others hobby's/passion and you dont go overboard there shoudnt be an issue. OFC as soon as you do go acting crazy about your hobby she is going to complain. But i dont see the difference between gaming 2 much and spending every night in the gym for hours hours straight cause you like the feeling when you are sporting.
My personal views after kids on gaming:
There is no fucking time. Between job/keeping your wife happy/spending time with your kids. Gaming is a nice extra in your life you can perhaps still be a gamer at heart like i am but you can forget about playing at a decent lvl. I am not complaining kids are so much more important then any league blizzard has to offer and thanks to e-sports and visa, i can still enjoy lots of stuff like GSL/NASL/MLG.
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The specific answer to this question is entirely dependent on the relationship you have with your soon-to-be wife, and really something only you and her can figure out. The best things for any marriage are clarity of communication, mutual understanding of expectations, and self-awareness, both of one's own desires and of how one's behavior affects one's family. Be clear about your own expectations in marriage, respect your wife's expectations, and try to work together to build a mutually-respectful and affectionate relationship. (As a side note, anyone who is about to get married, just got married, or has been married for a long time should check out "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman; Dr. Chapman's metaphors are a bit corny, but he honestly has the best advice I have ever read on how to build a meaningful, lasting relationship with another person).
That said - when it comes to gaming, I think it is entirely healthy as a married man to have hobbies that interest you, even if they do not interest your wife. If gaming is one of those hobbies, then have at it - although marriage can be the most rewarding thing in your entire life, you do still need interests outside of your family and your work. If you expect to play games all the time to the exclusion of your work or family, then you will be disappointed in marriage, but if you make it clear to your wife that having some time to yourself for gaming is important to you and are sufficiently self-aware to ensure that you do not pursue gaming to the exclusion of your family, then there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be able to enjoy video games as a married man. It might be a little late for this advice now, but the best thing you can do is be upfront about this issue with your wife: as long as she knows that this is important to you, and that it will not somehow dominate your life and replace your affection for her, then she should be perfectly happy to respect your gaming time, even if she doesn't understand your passion for the hobby.
Also, just because your wife isn't as interested in gaming as you are doesn't mean that you can't find some common ground on the subject. For example, my wife is not a "gamer" in the traditional sense - she is entirely uninterested in competitive video games like Starcraft II or Call of Duty, which I enjoy. However, she does have a nerdy streak and enjoys a good story, so she and I have often bonded over various RPGs (KOTOR, Dragon Age, etc.). She also likes puzzle games (for example, Sudokus or Bejeweled), so sometimes we play those together. Gaming is actually an incredibly diverse hobby, with plenty of ways for people to get involved. Just because your significant other isn't interested in Starcraft II doesn't mean that they are entirely uninterested in gaming. Show interest in their hobbies, find out what they like, and try to find ways to introduce them to gaming via their own interests. If they are still uninterested in gaming, then you'll have lost nothing and learned a great deal about what your wife enjoys!
EDIT: Also, statistics concerning divorce rates are an awful way to figure out whether or not you should get married. Lots of people get divorced; lots of people also have loving and fulfilling relationships that last their entire lives. Ultimately, which category you end up in is up to your decision and your actions, not the result of some law of statistical averages. Best of luck on your wedding day, and a happy marriage hereafter!
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I don't see how this should affect too much. To me, marriage is just a contract that means virtually nothing. It's just kind of saying "yes, I am committed", so you might have to cut down a little bit to show her you mean it, but it should in no way destroy your love for gaming. There's plenty of dads/husbands on TL here that can balance successfully.
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Ahhh, as someone mentioned, the eternal dilemma between girls and games. This thread is mighty interesting, thank you O.P. for raising the subject.
I'm 27 and have been happily married for 5 years with 2 kids now (4 and 1 y.o.), but unfortunately I haven't been able to fully sort the time constraints. Even though she has been very comprehensive, I have faced 3 major issues when it comes to my gaming habits:
1 Even though she likes movies a lot, they are not much on the "hobby" category as they are on the "friendly noise" side of things, thus I'm not fully able to support her hobbys in order to achieve balance.
2 She's a non-gamer, and since we live in México, the cultural background still considers videogames as childish, thus it has been much harder to convince her that it's not a waste of time (her absolute trust in me has helped a lot though :D) and it's hard to find external support when problems arise.
3 This one is something I really have to work on: I used to be a REALLY hardcore gamer before getting married (18+ hours sessions for several days straight) thus even I have deeply cut the game time (2~3 hours daily, 6+ on weekends) It's still too invasive when it comes to the amount of time I spend with her and the children. Specially with SC2 where I can't pause, I have a lot of "Sure, I'll do it as soon as the match finishes" that pisses her off, because most of my wake time at home is spent on the game, thus making her feel "second". Right now we talk only after the kids are already asleep and I'm mentally exhausted, thus communication is not the best. I really need to set a time after work where we can just talk, because right now it's not enough.
I can say that gaming is indeed getting into the way with my marriage (by no means a deal breaker, but something that needs attention now before it gets to that). But, in all honesty, sorting these kind of things in order to achieve a better relationship, it's exactly why we got married. It's not so much about having the perfect harmony, but we feel the salt and pepper about marriage is enjoying the path that will lead to whatever version of it we build
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On October 01 2011 04:39 Rash wrote:
Ahhh, as someone mentioned, the eternal dilemma between girls and games. This thread is mighty interesting, thank you O.P. for raising the subject.
I'm 27 and have been happily married for 5 years with 2 kids now (4 and 1 y.o.), but unfortunately I haven't been able to fully sort the time constraints. Even though she has been very comprehensive, I have faced 3 major issues when it comes to my gaming habits:
1 Even though she likes movies a lot, they are not much on the "hobby" category as they are on the "friendly noise" side of things, thus I'm not fully able to support her hobbys in order to achieve balance.
2 She's a non-gamer, and since we live in México, the cultural background still considers videogames as childish, thus it has been much harder to convince her that it's not a waste of time (her absolute trust in me has helped a lot though :D) and it's hard to find external support when problems arise.
3 This one is something I really have to work on: I used to be a REALLY hardcore gamer before getting married (18+ hours sessions for several days straight) thus even I have deeply cut the game time (2~3 hours daily, 6+ on weekends) It's still too invasive when it comes to the amount of time I spend with her and the children. Specially with SC2 where I can't pause, I have a lot of "Sure, I'll do it as soon as the match finishes" that pisses her off, because most of my wake time at home is spent on the game, thus making her feel "second". Right now we talk only after the kids are already asleep and I'm mentally exhausted, thus communication is not the best. I really need to set a time after work where we can just talk, because right now it's not enough.
I can say that gaming is indeed getting into the way with my marriage (by no means a deal breaker, but something that needs attention now before it gets to that). But, in all honesty, sorting these kind of things in order to achieve a better relationship, it's exactly why we got married. It's not so much about having the perfect harmony, but we feel the salt and pepper about marriage is enjoying the path that will lead to whatever version of it we build
Bravo! There is no perfect relationship, but as long as people communicate with each other, there are very few true obstacles to a happy family life.
Much happiness to you and your family.
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On September 30 2011 23:57 Dekoth wrote:
I answered the gaming thing in the two earlier posts.
You Need to know black and white of what her view on gaming is. The reason why I got on the whole maturity thing is you still don't know this question and you are getting married today? This throws up a Ton of red flags man.
It is a very simple question "How do you feel about Video games and the fact that they are my hobby?"
Mine was simple, she wasn't a gamer but didn't mind games. So I found a game she liked and turned her into a gamer. However the polar example that I gave earlier is I know a ton of people who have a spouse who had a negative perception of gaming. Those marriages ended up catastrophically. If you read what I said in all three posts you will see where I tied it all together. It all boils down to the maturity of decision making. I mean if she doesn't even know this part of your life, what else doesn't she know? What don't you know about her? So many questions that need to be answered for a marriage to be successful...not answered.
I hope by now you have heard that communication is key in a marriage. No communication = doomed. If you can't communicate over something like video games by the time you are about to walk down the isle, that bodes badly man. Again, not trying to bash you or derail. My argument is based around the info you asked about and the fact that you have essentially dodged around bringing up this subject with her.
Nothing else I can say at this point. I wish you luck and I hope this is a happy day for you.
I never express my point of view on gaming in marriage. I think I know how it will work, we talked about it in the past (obviously) and ended on some good conclusion. Obviously I know her hobby, she knows mine, etc. In 3 1/2 years we had the time to know eachother's passion.
I was just curious about what where other people problems. How did they fix it, etc. Is it that wrong?
Thank you for you're point of view. Appreciate
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On September 30 2011 02:06 Linkirvana wrote:
Am I the only one that doesn't really see how marriage would make a difference?
I think there's a big difference. In a relationship, you can still act selfishly as much as you want with the worst-case-scenario being that you break up and you have more time to game.
Once you're married, you've (hopefully) made the commitment to put this person's needs above your own. I mean, obviously people can make that commitment without being hitched but by the time you're married you damn well better have done that.
This is the person you have made up your mind to live with until you drop dead so you better start learning how to live together. And that means making it work. It means no more acting selfishly and waiting for someone who gives less of a shit to come around.
At least that's my take.
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Some real good advices in this thread, I'm not ready to get married yet (22 years old) but I'll have to tackle a lot of the key issues mentioned here in a couple years. I'll absorb the advices here (with a grain of salt, of course) and brace myself! Thanks for the discussion guys~
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EPT
