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The way I view sex is pretty important. But there is good sex which makes you feel fantastic especially when the girl you're with is amazing for you. ( makes you feel all puppylike in love ) or she's just fucking hot. This type of sex can really drive you and make you very very happy.
Then theres bad sex you maybe forced on yourself because you felt like it.. Which afterwards make you feel meh and not really happy..
If you choose to be a virgin then this is your choice. If you feel your reasons are right, even after this dicussion about it and probably having read alot about how it feels not being a virgin, then go on with it. People will always judge you, it's in their nature and it's one of the things everyone has to deal with. ( jobless, fat, not graduated for example people will no doubt judge one wy or the other)
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Nononono, society is just stating the truth. Sex is amazing. It just is. And calling you a loser is just another way of saying we're sorry for you, it's just less feminine.
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United Arab Emirates1141 Posts
On July 23 2011 21:48 Akta wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2011 21:07 JesusOurSaviour wrote:On July 23 2011 20:17 virpi wrote:
I've lost my virginity with 20, too. I Fucked around like a madman for four years, until I got bored of it. Now I haven't had sex since January. And it feels absolutely fantastic, I think won`t have sex for a long time. Question is: why is sex boring? Isn't the catch for sex, "Fun, Free and TOTALLY amazing?" Bro go back and have sex like them ancient Greeks  Nah - seriously why did it get boring for you? (genuinely interested here) I can't speak for virpi but for a lot of older people like me it's not the sex itself you get "tired" of, more getting tired of a lifestyle. Sex doesn't bore me at all but everything in my life isn't focused on it like it probably was one way or another when I was younger. I see! I thought most men were like Homer Simpson (brain = 90% sex sex sex)
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Sex is great no doubt about it but there are other things more important and fulfilling in life.
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I feel like it's one of those things that people tend to just put on a pedestal really highly, and value it way too much. Yes, sex is good, yes it's fun, but I feel like, largely due to how things are portrayed in the media / on tv / etc, the value of sex is incredibly high.
I mean, there's truth behind the saying that "sex sells." If you can stir people's thoughts and emotions in that way, people are more willing to listen to your product, stay semi-attentive, and find out a little bit more, on the off chance it might help their sexual game, so to speak.
Choosing to be a virgin is fine, and the same with not necessarily choosing to be one, but just happening to be one. The situation will come up plenty of times, especially around the years that you're at now, and if you recognize that, and decide to pounce on an opportunity (no pun intended), then you'll be sure to get laid a number of times.
And sometimes it's just better if you wait for that special girl who makes it all right
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I'm 24 and a virgin (Christian, though not hardcore... yea yea I know). I'm definitely not ashamed of it either. Though I completely understand what you're saying OP. Social media, especially in popular TV shows, promote sex as some sort of requirement to be a "man" or even worse, "normal".
It's a shame that it's depicted like this in our social entertainment because of how the "macho men" feel like it's absolutely necessary to sleep with as many women as possible. I don't understand why this thinking has been blanketed upon most cultures, but it's there and the best you can do is just think for yourself and not let social media demean you because you're a virgin.
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On July 23 2011 23:46 cHaNg-sTa wrote:
I'm 24 and a virgin (Christian, though not hardcore... yea yea I know). I'm definitely not ashamed of it either. Though I completely understand what you're saying OP. Social media, especially in popular TV shows, promote sex as some sort of requirement to be a "man" or even worse, "normal".
It's a shame that it's depicted like this in our social entertainment because of how the "macho men" feel like it's absolutely necessary to sleep with as many women as possible. I don't understand why this thinking has been blanketed upon most cultures, but it's there and the best you can do is just think for yourself and not let social media demean you because you're a virgin.
All I can say is - if you are still a virgin at 30 then I am willing to bet money that you will no longer hold that view. I for one am thankful society demeaned me for being a virgin - because it encouraged me to get out there and change my circumstances. I have many friends who have never had sex before and as a result they become average frustrated chumps well into their late 20s because they failed to get in the game when the opportunities were there in college and university (it's much harder to meet women once you're working - it's not impossible, but just takes more skill, e.g. Going to bars and clubs etc. And no longer having the comforting environment of being able to sit next to a hot chick in class and have a conversation out of necessity.
In fact, many of my Christian friends (particularly females) get married at a young age, 18-20, because their bodies are desperate for sex. Many of the males also get married at a young age, and it saddens me to see Christian men in their late 20s or who are 30 and counting and unable to find a wife, because they were never able to score a girlfriend, thus not even being able to get married let alone have sex.
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well i ve sex with me everyday but as long as hentai girls arent knocking on my door i will not have sex
*going back to fakku nosebleed*
on another note, people should not give a shit what others say
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If you don't need it then don't worry. There are people who just naturally have a low sex drive and if that's the case for you then use all those free energy to enjoy the stuff you like :-)
It is however very important that you determine if you *really* think that way or if you are lying to yourself. That's an age old experience that Aesop had more than 2500 years ago so to quote him:
The Fox and the Grapes
One hot summer's day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. "Just the thing to quench my thirst," quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: "I am sure they are sour."
It is easy to despise what you cannot get
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On July 23 2011 23:58 kirdie wrote:
If you don't need it then don't worry. There are people who just naturally have a low sex drive and if that's the case for you then use all those free energy to enjoy the stuff you like :-)
It is however very important that you determine if you *really* think that way or if you are lying to yourself. That's an age old experience that Aesop had more than 2500 years ago so to quote him:
The Fox and the Grapes
One hot summer's day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. "Just the thing to quench my thirst," quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: "I am sure they are sour."
It is easy to despise what you cannot get
Such a good parable.
And I'd like to ask those who are saying they're happy remaining virgins because they are Christians waiting for marriage: Do you watch porn to help relieve your needs? How do you reconcile that with your faith?
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I lol'ed so hard at OP.
I pity the OP having received some sort of testosterone nerf or estrogen buff as a kid.
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Im 21 and still a virgin. Its awesome! Honestly, its a great thing to laugh at. I love making fun of myself around friends. We all laugh and make jokes in a friendly manner. And the thing is, Im not bad looking and Im usually pretty comfortable around females. So it always confuses people when I tell them Im a virgin.
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On July 23 2011 23:46 cHaNg-sTa wrote:
...Social media, especially in popular TV shows, promote sex as some sort of requirement to be a "man" or even worse, "normal".
It's a shame that it's depicted like this in our social entertainment because of how the "macho men" feel like it's absolutely necessary to sleep with as many women as possible. I don't understand why this thinking has been blanketed upon most cultures, but it's there and the best you can do is just think for yourself and not let social media demean you because you're a virgin.
Having sex, is normal. Choosing to not have sex is what is a little bizarre. The entire species continues to exist thanks to a biological imperative known as... sex. Sex in entertainment isn't a "depiction" it's a very simple recognition that people are interested in sex.
The problem with sex is that it is the element of many people's lives that forces them, whether or not they are aware of it, to question their role in life. Many of the things that we as humans do attempt to ignore the general fact that one day... life ends. That is, we attempt to enjoy life by in some sense avoiding its end. People get around this paradigm in one of two ways which can both be related to ways in which people and cultures approach sex and sexuality. The first approach is stoic or aesthetic. The idea is that by ignoring or denying the value of aspects of life we come to "tolerate" or "enjoy" life by needing nothing. The other approach is the opposite extreme: finding fulfillment in accepting life exactly for what it is in a limited, biological, finite sense. These two approaches in the context of sexuality manifest as follows:
1. Cultures and religions that treat sex as taboo. This approach results in people dealing with and around sex in the form of guilt (subtle or extreme). Essentially, sex for this group of people has to be an extremely limited nearly meaningless act. How can you really justify having sex for pleasure when you could be converting me to any given religion instead? Is my eternal damnation worth your 20 minutes of fun?
2. Cultures and religions that embrace sexuality. This appears because when a person admits that life is a limited finite thing then life is simply about experiencing life... or in a purely biological sense, procreating. Humans however have evolved anthropologically; meaning essentially, in this context, that our sexual habits for reproduction are mitigated by the fact that we as a species can no longer continue to have 12+ kids per female. We have evolved complex systems which limit how many children we have. These systems might better be thought of as a recognition of limited resources. Anyways, my point here is that the true opposite extreme of sex as taboo doesn't really take place much because humanity has evolved. For sake of consideration though, if people solely embraced life and sex for the generic imperatives that they are, people would have sex all the time. Instead of ignoring life and sex for what they are, accepting them, and enjoying them.
Some might argue that the second response removes love and other things from life. I find that hard to believe. Rather, I think you just might find that the happiest of people are those that embrace their sexuality and love their partner. Almost all moral systems and paradigms for living can be distilled down to choice. Thus, accepting to live a life enjoying sex does not have to go hand in hand with extreme amounts of sexual partners or a loss of love. I choose to embrace sex, and I choose to only love my life. The two go hand in hand quite well.
To say that sex is "OP" which is a ridiculous way to phrase it anyways, is to simply attempt to in some way act like it doesn't matter. Well I'm going to tell you right now, if you're not religious, and you think that some aspect of life "doesn't matter" then you should probably own up to the inevitable fact that beyond "experience" nothing matters. Outside of experience you can choose to be happy or not, to enjoy things or not, etc. To take the aesthetic route of trying to limit experience to mitigate its value seems foolish. Why question sex when you can just... have it?
Who knows?
You might even like it.
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And to return to the post I quoted. The depiction of sex in media, beyond adding literal entertainment value, acts in the role of a touchstone. The demonstration of a character as hypersexual helps us understand that he is hyper masculine. Granted, this can create images of hegemonic masculinity that are not appropriate and can distort some people's images of the world, but sex isn't the problem here, it's masculinity. You have to divorce those two topics from each other in order to make an educated claim.
Similarly, sex is not simply a male thing. Research has shown time and again that woman have just as much of a sexual appetite as men do. Some even more recent research suggests that women might desire sex *more* than men do. Social media isn't exactly demeaning you for not being sexually active, it is more involved in the process of reminding us about the stereotype that men are crazy for sex. Do you know why we keep making media that lets men approach sex freely? Because it's fucking fun. If you feel demeaned it's probably because ignoring sexuality while embracing many other forms of entertainment is extremely hypocritical. You have to choose between approaching life stoically, or for what it is. If you mix and match you'll always feel guilt or mixed feelings in some aspect. Either you feel bad for playing video games instead of seeking enlightenment, or sometimes you fantasize about someone. Nobody's perfect eh?
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On July 23 2011 23:46 cHaNg-sTa wrote:
I'm 24 and a virgin (Christian, though not hardcore... yea yea I know). I'm definitely not ashamed of it either. Though I completely understand what you're saying OP. Social media, especially in popular TV shows, promote sex as some sort of requirement to be a "man" or even worse, "normal".
It's a shame that it's depicted like this in our social entertainment because of how the "macho men" feel like it's absolutely necessary to sleep with as many women as possible. I don't understand why this thinking has been blanketed upon most cultures, but it's there and the best you can do is just think for yourself and not let social media demean you because you're a virgin.
It's sort of a biological urge I guess. Your selfish genes "want" to be spread, after all. Maybe I'm just vain like that, but I really want to sleep with as many desirable women as possible. Why resist something that can make you happy and is tons of fun?
I don't think you can blame this one on society, it's one of our most primal imperatives.
Edit: Yeah, the guy above me nailed it already I'd say.
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Seeker
Where dat snitch at?37058 Posts
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On July 24 2011 00:59 Precipice wrote:
Having sex, is normal. Choosing to not have sex is what is a little bizarre. The entire species continues to exist thanks to a biological imperative known as... sex. Sex in entertainment isn't a "depiction" it's a very simple recognition that people are interested in sex.
I'm remembering a documentary my class saw in biology some years ago which was about sex in a social group (of monkeys). Anyways, there was said something about the sexual activity in relation to the hierarchy and the male bottom didn't have sex which makes me questioning the whole "not having sex is bizarre because we need to have sex to survive as a species" thing.
I have no proof or anything like that therefore I hope someone which has some clue in this area can tell me if I'm wrong or right with the following conclusion. To me it seems as if there is a benefit in having creatures without sexual activity in a species. For example worker-bees who are not fertile but still necessary for the surviving of their colony.
Sexual activity always means courtship leading to waste of limited resources. Division of work seems to be a good way of reducing losses. There may be an (evolution-based) equal division of work at the group of monkeys.
Of course we as humans don't have such a hierarchy because we are not limited by such simple structures. All I wanted to question is the undertone of biological failure of virgins^^
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I don't know how else to put it. Sex feels pretty damn good.
There's a reason you have people called "sex addicts"
I have a few friends who are virgins, not all necessarily by choice but it really comes down to your values.
Yeah my first time was terrible, but as far as I'm concerned sex is well worth it. I have no God to abstain for.
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Sex is one of the most important experiences in life, it means becoming a man/woman more then turning 18, 21, hanukah or w/e will ever mean. Hence stupid kids will consider it a race to win.
I had sex the first time at 18 yet no1 ever thought i was a virgin because i was always pretty good looking and i never got into stupid "how do you think it is discussions" so everybody just asumed i know it all....lol. At any rate it's not a big deal unless you make it out to be.
Being one of the most important life experiences of a person, people view virgins as kids that's why they get dissed. Pretty much like beeing above 20 and not in college while unemployed makes u a looser. Being a virgin at 20+ makes you a looser in most peoples' eyes as well, that's just how it goes. You shouldn't advertise it it's nothing to be proud about. If you think it is, you shouldn't care what other people say.
And for the sex only after getting married shit, that's nothing but a recipe for divorce and a crappy sex life till the end of your days. 2 people beeing in love is a wonderfull thing, but people can fall in love without knowing each other completely (example wifebeaters), crappy sex is as bad for your relationship as beeing unable to hold a job.
Sex isn't everything but not beeing happy after sex, is certainly worse then not beeing happy after a walk on the beach. Take it seriousily make it happen, you'll find out why.
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OP; this is a misconception in alot of youth today, and has been ever since modern society set in; the 'need' to engage in sexual activity for the purpose of acheiving an acceptable social status.
Yes, sex is awesome, and 'sleeping around' can be a fun way to get your load blown. But ultimately, the sex that you don't grow tired of, the sex that - when you're having it - makes your body almost explode in extacy even before blowing said load.. That's the sex that matters. That's the sex everyone strives for(20yo's just don't know it yet..).
However, you ummmm mighttt be a little bit of a loser if you are still a virgin not because you abstain, but because you can't get any. But i somehow get the drift that you simply don't want it and thats fine
This quote here, is.. ignorant, and childish. I understand it, and it probably wasn't meant to be offensive or w/e, but it's really pretty silly. There are no one in this world that 'can't get any'; fact. When you find a person you love and that loves you back, you'll be able to have the best sex in the world. Not because you or your partner is epically skilled in the sourcery that is lovejuice extracting, but because the very love you harbour for each other takes the sex to a whole other level.
All this being said, I personally believe 'waiting' is overrated. Waiting until marriage atleast.. If you're waiting until you find a person you think is worthy of having sex with, sure. Don't just have sex to have sex. Care for the person atleast.
That's it for this week's Dr.Jensen sex & relationship advice. Tune in next week where we'll discuss incest amongst household pets and the effects it has on your parents sex life.
Aleks,
out
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+ Show Spoiler +On July 24 2011 01:44 Mylax wrote:
I'm remembering a documentary my class saw in biology some years ago which was about sex in a social group (of monkeys). Anyways, there was said something about the sexual activity in relation to the hierarchy and the male bottom didn't have sex which makes me questioning the whole "not having sex is bizarre because we need to have sex to survive as a species" thing.
I have no proof or anything like that therefore I hope someone which has some clue in this area can tell me if I'm wrong or right with the following conclusion. To me it seems as if there is a benefit in having creatures without sexual activity in a species. For example worker-bees who are not fertile but still necessary for the surviving of their colony.
Sexual activity always means courtship leading to waste of limited resources. Division of work seems to be a good way of reducing losses. There may be an (evolution-based) equal division of work at the group of monkeys.
Of course we as humans don't have such a hierarchy because we are not limited by such simple structures. All I wanted to question is the undertone of biological failure of virgins^^
You'll have to take my word on this because I can't be arsed to dig the source up again, but this kind of applies to us too. Throughout most of human history, only ~ 40% of the males of homo sapiens managed to procreate at all. The majority of us were subjugated dregs not even allowed to get laid.
It's all up to how you intend to live your life I guess.
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EPT
