I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without it/everybody is doing it, and supposedly it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
is the topic of sex overrated?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is "overrated" in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of them must having a 32C boobs and slim slender body else they are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
"Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
Nah I don't want to say its overrated but I have a group of really close friends that are very religious (I am not at all religious) and theyre all virgins. Great people, it just doesn't matter one bit to them, and I'd never call em losers just because they made a different life choice than me
I think, ultimately, those who are like "oh you're a virgin, what a loser" are of the thought process that, because you haven't had sex, it's because you can't. Not because you don't want to.
I know a lot of people who are 17-24 who haven't had it, only one of them is a super hardcore christian, and most people that I know are in no rush to have sex constantly. I know a girl who is 24, probably one of the hottest girls I know (personally) and she's a virgin and plans to be until she gets married...
Sex/virginity has just become another label or a "value" to people in society. Most likely because of media. :p
Not to try to piss you off, although it probably will.
Anyone I've ever heard say what you said it means they are usually horrible looking and are scared to death about talking to women. Even religious people.
The only other option is you are super religious and haven't ever seen a beautiful women.
EDIT: Actually the other option could be that you are gay
I've always had the following view on sex: Save it till you meet your wife and it will be a million times more satisfying than it would be just hooking up with some random girls.
The only other option is you are super religious and haven't ever seen a beautiful women
Or he has been tempted just like everyone else, but has the self-control to make the smarter choice.
Why do you value your virginity so highly? You can make the case that a lot of religious people make the case that you are looked down upon if you are not a virgin. I think as a whole society looks down upon it people losing their virginity, especially girls, but having sex once you are sexually mature is biological instinct that you insist on fighting.
It's usually not the fact that you're a virgin that people look down on. I think the perception is more that you don't have sex because you're a loser, not that you're a loser because you don't have sex.
I'm not saying anything about you personally. I would probably still be a virgin right now if I didn't find my girlfriend 4 years ago. I just don't make friends with females that easily because I tend to look at things very logically and that's abrasive as fuck to a lot of people, specifically females.
Don't listen to society, and all your problems will go away. You'll be a much happier, more fulfilled person and will have as much self confidence as you will need.
Until the day we are immortal and thus do not need to "spawn" off spring to extend our genetic existence. People will continue to see 'sex' as a sign that you are worthy in society.
I lost my virginity at 19, but that doesn't make me a loser. My friends respected me as much with or without the sex. It's all really a choice of want. If you want to still remain a virgin, then so be it.
The opinions of the masses should matter less to you than the opinion of one good friend.
I would like to say that there is a stigma against "old" virgins in our society, but it's not a real impedance of things, especially if the topic is never broached or you can somehow cover up your lack of sexual experiences.
You don't need sex to be happy, You don't need sex to be confident You don't need sex to be healthy And you don't need sex to be fulfilled
but it helps all of them (in most cases)
Also you are no less of a man/woman, productive or important because you haven't or have done it. If you really don't care what society thinks about it then don't care about it.
It really only matters what you think, doesn't it? I think ultimately people around that age bring it up a lot because they've done it, and it's an easy way to make oneself feel better around those who haven't.
Personally I don't associate with people like that.
I haven't had the experience that society as a whole scorns virginity. Maybe some elements; more in college than other places. But overall, most people respect waiting for the right person.
Definitely not. Its not a massive deal, so you have nothing to worry about.
It is a big part of a relationship don't get me wrong, but the people that do it regularly with strangers, its just a physical release, and has no real meaning.
I'm not saying either is bad, just a personal choice
I bet you are christian or some other sort of religious person.. there is nothing wrong with wanting to "save" your first time for until your married.. seriously its absolutely fine, because its the way you were born and raised. Christians tend to also follow the path best satisfying "God" and sometimes this means abstaining.
I repreat, there is nothing wrong with it and it doesn't make you a "loser." The people who will call you a "loser" are not going to be successful.. thats fact.
However, you ummmm mighttt be a little bit of a loser if you are still a virgin not because you abstain, but because you can't get any. But i somehow get the drift that you simply don't want it and thats fine
If you don't consider it to be important then NO ONE can tell you otherwise. Live your life the way YOU want to. But don't expect sex to just happen for you, if you want it then your going to have to get out of your house, your comfort zone if you will, and make it happen.
Imo i think it is like driving. It seems like it is going to be so exciting and awesome, and its gonna make you incredibly cool, but when you are finally able/doing it, it seems underwhelming.
I lost mine at 20 and my wife (who I had not met then) lost hers at 21. When we met I was 26 and had had 4 partners previously (so almost one a year). You are right that there is a certain amount of peer expectations that you have sex in your teens, but this "expectation" is not a requirement, nor do people make a big issue out of it (unless they are trying to be mean deliberately). We do live in a heavily sexualized society.
My advice (for what it's worth) Just go with the flow, don't look desperate for it and be yourself.
"Life" will find a way and unless you are a complete tosser, hideously disfigured or COMPLETELY socially inept, it will happen when it happens. The key is not to want it too hard, but be receptive to it when a girl does show interest.
Dont be afraid to talk to girls, but don't make everything about sex and you will do fine.
I don't think people should be judged on whether or not they had sex and it is viewed very highly in society which is very superficial.
Yet sex is amazing, and though I wouldn't have sex with a stranger, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex with an individual you have strong feelings for even though you are not convinced you will spend the rest of your life with them. Sex is very intimate.
I've been mildy depressed since I was prob like 15 years old. Right now I'm 21, still pretty much depressed. I don't really care about sex or women to actively seek sex.
Don't be a sheep that cowers when separated from the herd.
I feel that with respect to if such a situation would result in being "considered a loser," imo, as long as you are personally happy with your life and the direction it's heading, you're fine; I believe you have the biggest say in how successful your life has been. If you are truly fine being a virgin, then I think in that aspect of life you should feel fulfilled, and not lacking in any sense. If however you don't really want to remain a virgin, then it's again up to your own standards as to how fulfilled you feel.
As far as societal value, it's hard for me to define just how much it is valued, but looking at it from a evolutionary perspective, sex is in essence a necessary condition for a population's continued survival, at least genetically, so even biologically, it seems to be of pretty high importance.
On July 22 2011 11:49 nitdkim wrote: I've been mildy depressed since I was prob like 15 years old. Right now I'm 21, still pretty much depressed. I don't really care about sex or women to actively seek sex.
Its really easy to make silly posts like this before you've had sex. You will not question the importance of a healthy and good sex life when you've experienced one.
You cannot have a healthy relationship without good sex. If you are not having sex, what you have is a friendship, and nothing more.
On July 22 2011 11:49 nitdkim wrote: I've been mildy depressed since I was prob like 15 years old. Right now I'm 21, still pretty much depressed. I don't really care about sex or women to actively seek sex.
set some goals for yourself wtf...
I can't really see myself setting sex as a goal :/
On July 22 2011 11:50 Dhalphir wrote: Its really easy to make silly posts like this before you've had sex. You will not question the importance of a healthy and good sex life when you've experienced one.
You cannot have a healthy relationship without good sex. If you are not having sex, what you have is a friendship, and nothing more.
On July 22 2011 11:50 Dhalphir wrote: Its really easy to make silly posts like this before you've had sex. You will not question the importance of a healthy and good sex life when you've experienced one.
You cannot have a healthy relationship without good sex. If you are not having sex, what you have is a friendship, and nothing more.
Period.
What is unhealthy about friendships?
Nothing is unhealthy about a friendship, unless you're trying to pretend it is something more than it is.
Funny thing is that generally sex is OP until you have had it.
I mean I agree that society as a whole puts a lot of pressure on losing your virginity. Both from a "you're a loser if you're a virgin" to the "virginity is sacred and should be shared with your life partner".
Fact is sex is a biological thing, nothing more, nothing less. It can be an expression of love but doesn't have to be. But above all, sex is a private thing and I could give a f#ck about what other people think.
Who cares if someone has had sex or not? If people bust your balls about it you don't need to be associating yourself with those people because they are as immature as they come. Society here in the USA is very sexualized and it makes it appear that everyone is out doing it when in reality I think you would be surprised at how many people aren't.
On July 22 2011 11:50 Dhalphir wrote: Its really easy to make silly posts like this before you've had sex. You will not question the importance of a healthy and good sex life when you've experienced one.
You cannot have a healthy relationship without good sex. If you are not having sex, what you have is a friendship, and nothing more.
Period.
What is unhealthy about friendships?
Nothing is unhealthy about a friendship, unless you're trying to pretend it is something more than it is.
To be honest, I do not see how sex should essentially be the focal point of a relationship. There are many more aspects than that, and it really shouldn't have to be necessary.
I was raised in a very strict christian family and sex was never ever talked about and just sort of automatically branded as sin/taboo unless it was in a marriage. Even after finally telling my family that I was not a christian, it took a while for me to break free from that particular hold and truly experience what sex is about. For me, while sexual intercourse in itself is a very pleasurable act, it is something you do to truly connect with someone you like/love and express your feelings beyond the obvious means (verbal/other physical communication).
I would not be worried if I were you. 21 is still very young and you have plenty of time to experience sex. My advice to you is this; don't get too get hung up on the fact that you haven't experienced it and wait for the right person to come by. Try not to let it become an insecurity of yours and affect any potential relationships. I promise you that sex with the person you care deeply about is 1000x better than just a casual fling.
sex is fun. honestly it what makes a good night in to a memorable one. sex just feels really damn good. i urge you to try it. don't worry about not being ready, it's honestly is not a big deal (unless you have morals against that or something) and you'll suck the first time no matter what guaranteed! might as well get it out of the way so you can learn the moves and have some fun like everyone else!
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
Often, people who vocally make a big deal about sex are insecure about it in some way, so take some comfort in that. That said, sex is our evolutionary purpose. By not having sex when you're an adult, you set yourself against the norm. In that sense, your "avg-dimwitted tool" might call you a loser for the same reason he called that kid who carried a briefcase to high school a loser... just because you're perceived as different.
Dim-witted tool aside, what do you want? If you're legitimately not ready for sex, that's your choice, and fuck what anyone else thinks about it (and if you're insecure... don't tell them about it). If you want to get laid, put some effort into your appearance and go be social. Sex happens from there, almost like we're programmed to do it. Oh wait... we are. Either way, I'm sure it's haunting your thoughts now, so this is going to suck for you, but the solution to your problem lies in honestly not caring.
To answer the title, sex isn't OP, sex is the game. Women are OP.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
This is a response I am looking for...
for the love of god people I.do.not.care about me being a virgin. I don't.... for now...
On July 22 2011 11:50 Dhalphir wrote: Its really easy to make silly posts like this before you've had sex. You will not question the importance of a healthy and good sex life when you've experienced one.
You cannot have a healthy relationship without good sex. If you are not having sex, what you have is a friendship, and nothing more.
Period.
If you cant have a relationship based on more that just a purely physical aspect, then any relationship will lack fulfillment. You need to have an emotional connection and then afterwards is when you should decide whether or not to have sex. Theres more to relationships than having sex, and not having sex does not automatically mean friendship.
The only reason why you might be embarrassed about it is if you're insecure about it. My friend is abstaining until marriage and it's not a big deal, although she's had some boyfriends be douches about it.
All told, the only people who place such huge emphasis on it are the media, and people whose only source of information is the media -- and they're idiots.
On July 22 2011 11:47 mprs wrote: The only respectful stance on this issue is the one that you come up with yourself.
Nicely said.
And was I the only one who came into this thread thinking sex was overpowered? rofl.
My thoughts exactly, in regards to both of those quotes lol i was like, hmm nerf sex? and hmm sex is whatever you make of it, sometimes good, sometimes bad, in the end, we all end up the same.
i think of it this way: Society says no to it. Peer Pressure says yes to it. All (most) Parents say Wait. Most Kids say Hurry. Its pure choice, which i have chosen to have the (balls) (no pun intended XDXDXD) to remain a virgin. But again its choice.
On July 22 2011 11:58 FroZen(-_-) wrote: i think of it this way: Society says no to it. Peer Pressure says yes to it. All (most) Parents say Wait. Most Kids say Hurry. Its pure choice, which i have chosen to have the (balls) (no pun intended XDXDXD) to remain a virgin. But again its choice.
This is pretty similar to my posting. Cool beans! haha
On July 22 2011 11:42 ClysmiC wrote: I've always had the following view on sex: Save it till you meet your wife and it will be a million times more satisfying than it would be just hooking up with some random girls.
On July 22 2011 11:58 FroZen(-_-) wrote: i think of it this way: Society says no to it. Peer Pressure says yes to it. All (most) Parents say Wait. Most Kids say Hurry. Its pure choice, which i have chosen to have the (balls) (no pun intended XDXDXD) to remain a virgin. But again its choice.
Sex is easy, relationships are hard.
Adults tell you to "wait" because they know how hard relationships are and don't want kids to have to deal with that.
Kids say "do it" because they still haven't grasped that relationships are more than just bodies bumping and grinding.
However, the "societical pressure" that people *must* have sex is deeply rooted in misogyny.
Not having sex doesn't make you any less of a man. But beating up women or doing fucked up shit like that does. So just don't worry about being a virgin too much.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
A good point. I can't think of any counterarguments.
Just in response to some of the derogatory comments, OP are you religious?
I'd like to add an opinion to this thread. Perhaps we've all been taking love to be something that it's not. Love is portrayed as something magical, when it's really just hormones and biological instinct trying to get you to reproduce and raise viable offspring. Love, and sex are just biological processes. They're kinda like eating or shitting.
In this line of thought, one should recognize that it's easy to fall in "love" with any girl that comes up to you, but to maximize overall happiness, in life, (and I'm not certain about this) it would be best to find a partner similar to oneself to spend time with. Hold out on finding the right person.
TL:DR, it's rational to just go after girls you like and not try to maximize sex.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
Just in response to some of the derogatory comments, OP are you religious?
.
read the very first post. very first post first post
Sex is pretty overrated imo, more fun things you can do with your time. This is coming from somebody who does have regular encounters with females before you make jokes btw :p
On July 22 2011 11:50 Dhalphir wrote: Its really easy to make silly posts like this before you've had sex. You will not question the importance of a healthy and good sex life when you've experienced one.
You cannot have a healthy relationship without good sex. If you are not having sex, what you have is a friendship, and nothing more.
Period.
You are going to have a very difficult time with relationships with that sort of view. In fact, this sort of attitude is precisely why relationships are always so shitty in America. Don't know about other places...
On July 22 2011 11:47 mprs wrote: The only respectful stance on this issue is the one that you come up with yourself.
I'll expand on this with my own life, but at the end this wonderful sentiment by mprs is exactly what I wanted to say.
I lost my virginity when I was 17. Out of my friends in the middle of the pack but by comparison of my classmates, I was at least four years late.
It didn't bother me. Around 14 I realized how lonely I was and wanted sex. However I was contemptuous of the horror.. I mean bragging stories of my classmates of awesome first time sex while some random other guy was sleeping next to them. It motivated me to wait, not just for the right moment but for the right person. Not the person, just someone that would mean a lot more than my first.
We ended up moving in together within a year and lived together for four years. It was the most amazing period of my life and I'll love her until Alzheimer's takes over.
So, delaying losing your virginity is so much more inconsequential than being a slut. Promiscuity isn't wrong, it- like what I did- is just a choice and yours to make. Just don't let society or friends force you to do something you don't want to. It'll only ruin something you want to remember.
Is sex OP in society? Sure. So are M&Ms. Society shouldn't dictate you.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
Just in response to some of the derogatory comments, OP are you religious?
.
read the very first post. very first post first post
This reminds me of those [H] threads in the strategy section where people don't watch the replay but still give advice anyway. It's really funny if you think about it lol
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
A good point. I can't think of any counterarguments.
Just in response to some of the derogatory comments, OP are you religious?
I'd like to add an opinion to this thread. Perhaps we've all been taking love to be something that it's not. Love is portrayed as something magical, when it's really just hormones and biological instinct trying to get you to reproduce and raise viable offspring. Love, and sex are just biological processes. They're kinda like eating or shitting.
In this line of thought, one should recognize that it's easy to fall in "love" with any girl that comes up to you, but to maximize overall happiness, in life, (and I'm not certain about this) it would be best to find a partner similar to oneself to spend time with. Hold out on finding the right person.
TL:DR, it's rational to just go after girls you like and not try to maximize sex.
I have a completely different point of view about this subject. Feminism is ruling everything now and any commentary/action disagreeing with women is considered misogynistic, when the truth is it's all the feminism fault.
Contraceptive methods are the ultimate liberation of the women's sexuality and we can see it in today's society. Sex was always a big deal for man (c'mon, if you don't think highly of sex, do it, get the hang of it and enjoy it) but it's now one of the center points of female liberty. That's why sex is sooooo overrated and we're seeing increases in teen pregnancy, low age sex and stuff like that.
I'm sry if my point is not clear, english is not my first language.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
A good point. I can't think of any counterarguments.
Just in response to some of the derogatory comments, OP are you religious?
I'd like to add an opinion to this thread. Perhaps we've all been taking love to be something that it's not. Love is portrayed as something magical, when it's really just hormones and biological instinct trying to get you to reproduce and raise viable offspring. Love, and sex are just biological processes. They're kinda like eating or shitting.
In this line of thought, one should recognize that it's easy to fall in "love" with any girl that comes up to you, but to maximize overall happiness, in life, (and I'm not certain about this) it would be best to find a partner similar to oneself to spend time with. Hold out on finding the right person.
TL:DR, it's rational to just go after girls you like and not try to maximize sex.
Yeah I agree with this sentiment. Society is pretty crazy when it comes to whether or not you should have sex, but I say why not? It's your personal preference if you want to do it just for fun or in a relationship too, although I do think being monogamous is healthier physically and mentally. Religious definitely has a firm grip on many people's views on the matter, so I think it's better to just disregard what society tells you and do what your good judgment tells you.
The title is really confusing when reading the OP. When I thought the OP was saying that sex is OP and therefore needs to be more balanced. Or I thought OP meant overpopulation.
I not want to critize the OP but i think thats not the right place to talk about the theme "is it a problem that im virgin" because here you are in a community of competive gamers or just gamers. I give you the advise to get this problem discussed with your friends if Sex is "op".
Being able to have sex is not a big deal, stop overrating it. Having a happy and long relationship with another member of the opposite sex is a bigger and more rare achievement. Only immature kids talk about sex as if it's the only thing that matter. It's like bragging about being in school or being able to drive, you are not special if you are not a virgin, or if you are one.
if your a straight person, of course you want sex with hot women, don't act like your better than having sex with a hot women when opportunity arise. sex is the continuation of a species. sex is important, unless you want your family tree to stop, which your ancestors would hate. the point of this thread sound like a whine of frustrated virgin/s.
On July 22 2011 12:18 zimz wrote: if your a straight person, of course you want sex with hot women, don't act like your better than having sex with a hot women when opportunity arise. sex is the continuation of a species. sex is important, unless you want your family tree to stop, which your ancestors would hate. the point of this thread sound like a whine of frustrated virgin/s.
On July 22 2011 12:13 tednoob wrote: I'm 23 years old and still a virgin, but that does not bother me.
What does bother me is that I have never connected on a deeper emotional level to any girl. I have loved, but never been loved. That kind of sucks.
no fun is it .
i agree that sex is far too casualized and overemphasized. idk to me i've just always wanted to just have sex with those that are really important to me. i could go find some random girl and sleep with her yeah, but that just doesnt appeal to me. that feeling goes away. if theres an emotional connection to it though, then the sex enhances that and makes the relationship more special to me. i also think its stupid that people get made fun of for being virgins. there's absolutely nothing wrong with that
Nothing wrong with being a virgin; I won't hate on you and I feel bad that you have to put up with so many idiots out there, but they're idiots for judging you like that, not for being socially and sexually active.
My view is that as soon as you have a regular supply of sex (ie. girlfriend, f-buddy, etc.) you think about it way less. It's the people who have long periods between having sex who actually place so much emphasis on it.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
A good point. I can't think of any counterarguments.
Just in response to some of the derogatory comments, OP are you religious?
I'd like to add an opinion to this thread. Perhaps we've all been taking love to be something that it's not. Love is portrayed as something magical, when it's really just hormones and biological instinct trying to get you to reproduce and raise viable offspring. Love, and sex are just biological processes. They're kinda like eating or shitting.
In this line of thought, one should recognize that it's easy to fall in "love" with any girl that comes up to you, but to maximize overall happiness, in life, (and I'm not certain about this) it would be best to find a partner similar to oneself to spend time with. Hold out on finding the right person.
TL:DR, it's rational to just go after girls you like and not try to maximize sex.
I have a completely different point of view about this subject. Feminism is ruling everything now and any commentary/action disagreeing with women is considered misogynistic, when the truth is it's all the feminism fault.
Contraceptive methods are the ultimate liberation of the women's sexuality and we can see it in today's society. Sex was always a big deal for man (c'mon, if you don't think highly of sex, do it, get the hang of it and enjoy it) but it's now one of the center points of female liberty. That's why sex is sooooo overrated and we're seeing increases in teen pregnancy, low age sex and stuff like that.
I's sry if my point is not clear, english is not my first language.
Sex is a really big deal for women. And yes, they do want it just as much as men do.
When I say that America is misogynistic about sex I don't mean in the amount of sex they have (or don't have). What I was trying to point out is that in America, it's not the act of having sex that is praised but is instead the domination of women that is praised.
When a woman has sex with a lot of men, she's called a slut. When a man has sex with a lot of women, he's praised for his pursuits. When a woman does not have sex with men, she's called cold hearted and lifeless When a man does not have sex with women, he's called a failure.
The amount of sex is not what makes it misogynistic. It is about how that pursuit of sex is comprehended in society as a whole. What I was trying to inform the OP was that the reason he is being pressured into having sex is because society wants for him to dominate a woman.
There is nothing wrong with promoting a sex filled environment. The act of having sex is perfectly normal and acceptable. The problem comes when we place value and judgement on those who pursue/don't pursue it that is inherently misogynistic.
I think it's the idea that sexual intercourse is indicative of a certain degree of social and physical worth, and that those who don't have sex are likely lacking in either or both aspects. Does not having sex make you a loser? Well, valuation is subjective, so it all depends on how you define success and self worth.
TBH I have been in a steady relationship for years, have sex everyday, and I agree that it is 110% overrated. If we're going to be real, the girls always look better in porn and "doing it yourself" will always be more satisfying. It's the emotional connection that comes with sex that makes it important. It goes unsaid, but the funny thing about sex is that there is ANOTHER FUCKING PERSON THERE and they see you naked... its a very vulnerable experience that can make a strong bond between two ppl.
but some nights even I "have a headache" lol, you aren't weird
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
Just in response to some of the derogatory comments, OP are you religious?
.
read the very first post. very first post first post
I came into this thread before your edits. If you'll look at my previous comment on page 2 I can prove it with the timestamp. People seem to be calling me out on it :/
Having sex is easier than getting a job, you just have to be comfortable with yourself and realize that women are more insecure in general so as long as you exude confidence you can sleep with one of them. Tbh you are in university years when many people do one night stands it's really common, so I recommend just going to a lot of on campus parties and meeting people. I recommend watching "Keys to the VIP" just youtube it , hilarious show.
Also remember that it doesn't matter how many times you strike out, just keep on swinging. Babe Ruth holds the record of home runs, he also holds the record in strike outs. Nobody remembers the strike outs.
Don't worry about it. While you might feel that people will judge you for still being a virgin most people don't have sex until their early 20s, and it's not like anyone else could ever know exactly whether or not you've had sex.
I wouldn't worry about being bad at it when the time comes around either, as most guys in their 20's are terrible at sex, and most girls in their 20s are terrible at sex as well. Most people just don't have the experience to tell.
On July 22 2011 11:42 Torenhire wrote: I think, ultimately, those who are like "oh you're a virgin, what a loser" are of the thought process that, because you haven't had sex, it's because you can't. Not because you don't want to.
I waited till 21. It just took that long to have serious enough relationship. I have friends that waited later for the same reason. What I will say is do not expect th e woman of your dreams to be a virgin.
It doesn't matter whether or not you are a virgin. If you have adequate social skills and are not irrationally intimidated by women you will not be handicapped in life by this..
The more important question is have you been in intimate, healthy relationships with women (independent of sex [obviously {sry ^^}])?
When you have sex for the first time you don't suddenly transform into something else. That is just ridiculous, and if you believe any of it for a minute you are just further augmenting this silly idea you have about virginity--by that I mean your inclination to make a thread about it. Really, do not sweat it. When it happens, it will happen. Sure, on forums or when you are chilling around a bonfire with a bunch of doods people will talk about the idea of sexual prowess. But you and the girl that you have sex with are the only ones that have any business with your sexuality and you can say w/e you want at said bonfire.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
A good point. I can't think of any counterarguments.
Just in response to some of the derogatory comments, OP are you religious?
I'd like to add an opinion to this thread. Perhaps we've all been taking love to be something that it's not. Love is portrayed as something magical, when it's really just hormones and biological instinct trying to get you to reproduce and raise viable offspring. Love, and sex are just biological processes. They're kinda like eating or shitting.
In this line of thought, one should recognize that it's easy to fall in "love" with any girl that comes up to you, but to maximize overall happiness, in life, (and I'm not certain about this) it would be best to find a partner similar to oneself to spend time with. Hold out on finding the right person.
TL:DR, it's rational to just go after girls you like and not try to maximize sex.
I have a completely different point of view about this subject. Feminism is ruling everything now and any commentary/action disagreeing with women is considered misogynistic, when the truth is it's all the feminism fault.
Contraceptive methods are the ultimate liberation of the women's sexuality and we can see it in today's society. Sex was always a big deal for man (c'mon, if you don't think highly of sex, do it, get the hang of it and enjoy it) but it's now one of the center points of female liberty. That's why sex is sooooo overrated and we're seeing increases in teen pregnancy, low age sex and stuff like that.
I's sry if my point is not clear, english is not my first language.
Sex is a really big deal for women. And yes, they do want it just as much as men do.
When I say that America is misogynistic about sex I don't mean in the amount of sex they have (or don't have). What I was trying to point out is that in America, it's not the act of having sex that is praised but is instead the domination of women that is praised.
When a woman has sex with a lot of men, she's called a slut. When a man has sex with a lot of women, he's praised for his pursuits. When a woman does not have sex with men, she's called cold hearted and lifeless When a man does not have sex with women, he's called a failure.
The amount of sex is not what makes it misogynistic. It is about how that pursuit of sex is comprehended in society as a whole. What I was trying to inform the OP was that the reason he is being pressured into having sex is because society wants for him to dominate a woman.
There is nothing wrong with promoting a sex filled environment. The act of having sex is perfectly normal and acceptable. The problem comes when we place value and judgement on those who pursue/don't pursue it that is inherently misogynistic.
That is blatantly not true. Sex is very different for women than it is for men, which is why it seems there is a double-standard. For example, the very first search result for something like this yields this page:
I can tell you from experience, sex is a lot more work than they tell you up front! I mean, those teen comedies and whatnot... They make it all look so wacky and fun and whatnot.
It's a lot of work! Is it better than masturbation? Probably...
On July 22 2011 12:23 KimJongChill wrote: I think it's the idea that sexual intercourse is indicative of a certain degree of social and physical worth, and that those who don't have sex are likely lacking in either or both aspects. Does not having sex make you a loser? Well, valuation is subjective, so it all depends on how you define success and self worth.
Not having sex defines you as a failure as a male of your species. We can't fight biology. I don't think valuation is that subjective in this topic, because we are born to do it, and we all want to do it. This is my view.
I don't defend that pussy should be pursued before everything else, but it's pretty important stuff for a guy.
--- This topic is kinda meh. I defend masculinism (anti-feminism) points of view and all I can see here are a lot of opinions that make me sad. C'mon guys, we are men, natural born hunters!!
On July 22 2011 11:56 Telcontar wrote: I promise you that sex with the person you care deeply about is 1000x better than just a casual fling.
I completely agree. I am still a virgin at age 20. I am religious person but my beliefs about sex are different. I personally feel that you don't have to wait till you're married. I feel that as long as you are doing it with someone that you care about It's perfectly fine. I work at a restaurant where i get hassled about my virginity quite a lot by some people. It's not that I'm some hideous being or that I'm scared, but more of the fact that i don't want to have "Flings." It just doesn't feel right to me. If i really wanted to i know plenty of women who i could easily talk into it, but that's just not me. No matter how much i get hassled about it i just joke about it and move on. What everyone says about it i just ignore. Wait for that special someone and keep doing what you're doing. Don't let it get to you. And what Telcontar said is probably 100% correct.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of you have to have a 32C boobs and have slim slender body else you are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
understand now?
American society is deeply misogynistic and hence they enjoy claiming the domination of women through sex and other means as medals of pride and masculinity.
It's not that virgins are shunned because they haven't had sex (if you really wanted sex you could just pay a hooker for a one night stand--but people will look down on you for that) the reason virgins are shunned is because they haven't dominated a woman. A male who has a girlfriend that he has sex with regularly is considered pussy-whipped if he is accommodating and on equal terms with the woman and hence he is equally shunned as the virgin.
So to answer your question, it is not the sex that matters--it is the misogyny that matters to society.
A good point. I can't think of any counterarguments.
Just in response to some of the derogatory comments, OP are you religious?
I'd like to add an opinion to this thread. Perhaps we've all been taking love to be something that it's not. Love is portrayed as something magical, when it's really just hormones and biological instinct trying to get you to reproduce and raise viable offspring. Love, and sex are just biological processes. They're kinda like eating or shitting.
In this line of thought, one should recognize that it's easy to fall in "love" with any girl that comes up to you, but to maximize overall happiness, in life, (and I'm not certain about this) it would be best to find a partner similar to oneself to spend time with. Hold out on finding the right person.
TL:DR, it's rational to just go after girls you like and not try to maximize sex.
I have a completely different point of view about this subject. Feminism is ruling everything now and any commentary/action disagreeing with women is considered misogynistic, when the truth is it's all the feminism fault.
Contraceptive methods are the ultimate liberation of the women's sexuality and we can see it in today's society. Sex was always a big deal for man (c'mon, if you don't think highly of sex, do it, get the hang of it and enjoy it) but it's now one of the center points of female liberty. That's why sex is sooooo overrated and we're seeing increases in teen pregnancy, low age sex and stuff like that.
I's sry if my point is not clear, english is not my first language.
Sex is a really big deal for women. And yes, they do want it just as much as men do.
When I say that America is misogynistic about sex I don't mean in the amount of sex they have (or don't have). What I was trying to point out is that in America, it's not the act of having sex that is praised but is instead the domination of women that is praised.
When a woman has sex with a lot of men, she's called a slut. When a man has sex with a lot of women, he's praised for his pursuits. When a woman does not have sex with men, she's called cold hearted and lifeless When a man does not have sex with women, he's called a failure.
The amount of sex is not what makes it misogynistic. It is about how that pursuit of sex is comprehended in society as a whole. What I was trying to inform the OP was that the reason he is being pressured into having sex is because society wants for him to dominate a woman.
There is nothing wrong with promoting a sex filled environment. The act of having sex is perfectly normal and acceptable. The problem comes when we place value and judgement on those who pursue/don't pursue it that is inherently misogynistic.
That is blatantly not true. Sex is very different for women than it is for men, which is why it seems there is a double-standard. For example, the very first search result for something like this yields this page:
I never wanted to have sex honestly. Never trusted a girl enough with that sort of thing, emotionally or responsibly. Had sex with 2 different girls this past year though. Not a huge deal either way. It's personal and between the two of you. Doesn't change you as a person and it's not a rite of passage. Don't put too much weight on it
I'm turning 21 and still a virgin. Hell, I've never even had a girlfriend. I have one friend that's a girl, that I haven't actually physically seen in 2 years (OK once since then). You're in good company broski. *Nerdhighfive*
On July 22 2011 12:23 KimJongChill wrote: I think it's the idea that sexual intercourse is indicative of a certain degree of social and physical worth, and that those who don't have sex are likely lacking in either or both aspects. Does not having sex make you a loser? Well, valuation is subjective, so it all depends on how you define success and self worth.
Not having sex defines you as a failure as a male of your species. We can't fight biology. I don't think valuation is that subjective in this topic, because we are born to do it, and we all want to do it. This is my view.
I don't defend that pussy should be pursued before everything else, but it's pretty important stuff for a guy.
--- This topic is kinda meh. I defend masculinism (anti-feminism) points of view and all I can see here are a lot of opinions that make me sad. C'mon guys, we are men, natural born hunters!!
This is actually wrong. Don't feed bullshit and try to make the OP feel like an idiot. Sex in humans is different than sex as we observe it from an evolutionary standpoint. Why? culture. Do species we observe in nature have religion? Is it legally/morally wrong for a x year old panda to have sex with a y year old panda? No.
The sex he is talking about is not necessarily to procreate. If a tortoise has sex with another tortoise but pulls out, or uses a condom, and fails to reproduce and then dies, then he has 'failed' to create grandchildren and is a failure by an evolutionary standpoint. These sexual "conquests" of losing virginity at a certain age in neither here nor there. You think a 14 year old that has sex and gets the girl pregnant is proud of his accomplishment and revered by everyone in his community because he has successfully procreated? No. Sex is, almost inexclusively, part of the life of every human's life and his or her access to it is not a function of his evolutionary success.
If I have sex before I'm married I would get expelled from my university and would be ostracized by my family. But I'm not worried about it. It happens when it happens and not forcing it seems like it's the smart thing to do and not the loser thing to do.
You don't exaclty need sex. But it's good as hell. In fact sex is so good I started masturbating more after I lost my virginity for some time. And it just makes it that much easier for you, when the "mystique" is unraveled.
I'm one of those people who think that teenagers NOT having sex is a grave, grave mistake, i just get so angry(with both involved) when I see a boy who says "oh she won't let me have sex with her..but it's okay..", two young people should do what their best at, and what they'll enjoy the most. It is something you'll do for the rest of your life, there is no difference when you start doing it.(given that the other person is not a much older person taking advantage of you ofc).
The only problem is when people make sex more than it is. Make it value more than it does. In the end it is just two bodies going at each other, for their own selfish pleasure. Rejoice on that. It is when we are most close to our animal side we reliquish everyday. And that to me, is true enlightenment(not exactly sex, but when you are in touch with your inner being, the one centuries of evolution molded, not society's culture) .
I'm not even begin to talk about religion and sex because the shitstorm will get effin heavy(I stopped believing in god when I was 11).
On July 22 2011 12:46 Alpino wrote: The only problem is when people make sex more than it is. Make it value more than it does. In the end it is just two bodies going at each other, for their own selfish pleasure. Rejoice on that. It is when we are most close to our animal side we reliquish everyday. And that to me, is true enlightenment(not exactly sex, but when you are in touch with your inner being, the one centuries of evolution molded, not society's culture) .
On July 22 2011 12:21 NotJack wrote: A lottttttt of denial in this thread.
Nothing wrong with being a virgin; I won't hate on you and I feel bad that you have to put up with so many idiots out there, but they're idiots for judging you like that, not for being socially and sexually active.
Personally, I'm a 20 year old virgin. I'm not your typical awkward basement-dwelling videogame nerd; I work a decent job, go out to parties all the time, have a large circle of friends, do well in school, work out, etc. etc. In all respects, I am an average or better, pretty cool guy. Hell, I've had a couple girls approach me about a relationship, what seems to me to be completely out of left field.
Thing is, I just don't give a fuck. Sure, I'm religious. Sure, I'm a guy, and I know sex is supposed to be really awesome. But it is never something that has been a sticking point in my mind, it has never been a goal or a focus of mine. I don't go out looking to get laid. I don't talk to a girl expecting anything other than a fun conversation. Sure... if I worked for it, I could probably have sex.... but really, I don't care. And if I don't think it's a big deal, who's to say that it is?
Be proud your a virgin! It will probably happen eventually, and sure it may be strange the first time, but you'll likely get more chances if it is with someone you are in a relationship with. And in no time you'll appreciate sex, but it doesn't mean you'll have to have it all the time afterwards. It can be amazing but so can a lot of other things.
Also be happy that while you're a virgin you don't have to worry about having unwanted kids or STD's.
If it isn't a big deal to you why did you make a thread about it?
Yea, you feel a lot of pressure on you when you're a virgin. I got laid just so I could get over it, which led to a chain of events that got me a wonderful girlfriend. Point is, it's going to bother you until you stop giving a fuck and you screw the first chick you meet. The first time will be the worst and probably really awkward but after that it's great fun and the best stress relief out there. Go live life.
I love how before you have sex you spend all your energy trying to get it, but after it just kind of comes to you. It's a pretty big deal in American society, but then again it's not that hard to get laid so I don't see a problem
I believe that it's good to wait to give up your virginity to someone you truly care about, or at least like. The stress on 'being a virgin' has a lot to do with alpha-male behavior. If you are 'alpha' you will be able to get it quite easily. The assumption is that you aren't having sex because you can't, therefore you' re a beta, meaning you're lesser.
Honestly, though, any smart person can read up on the female psychology and become an 'alpha' with a bit of effort.
Truth is, though, is that it is as awesome as people say.
For me it was by choice. For starters, I have had 'opportunities' but why should I have sex just for the sake of saying that I had sex. Sometimes I feel peer-pressured and a little embarrassed but then logic hits me on the face and I'm snapped back to reality. People should just have sex with people whom they trust and they know they can be safe with.
As for me, there's so many things that could happen that prevent me from continuing the 'opportunities' I get. What if I get pregnant, what if I get STDs, what if this guy wants something more than a fling, and the perennial what if I just want to have sex because I'm stupidly drunk.
But then again it all boils down to personal choice. Choosing to have sex is a personal part of peoples' lives and their own choices should be respected.
Sex isn't overrated, but I do feel that society puts too much of a stigma on it negative or positive. I've gone to places where if you've had premarital sex people start to look at you differently. Consequently I've been to places where they do consider you a looser if you're a virgin. I think we should just give up on judging people based upon the all powerful V card.
On July 22 2011 12:21 NotJack wrote: A lottttttt of denial in this thread.
Nothing wrong with being a virgin; I won't hate on you and I feel bad that you have to put up with so many idiots out there, but they're idiots for judging you like that, not for being socially and sexually active.
Personally, I'm a 20 year old virgin. I'm not your typical awkward basement-dwelling videogame nerd; I work a decent job, go out to parties all the time, have a large circle of friends, do well in school, work out, etc. etc. In all respects, I am an average or better, pretty cool guy. Hell, I've had a couple girls approach me about a relationship, what seems to me to be completely out of left field.
Thing is, I just don't give a fuck. Sure, I'm religious. Sure, I'm a guy, and I know sex is supposed to be really awesome. But it is never something that has been a sticking point in my mind, it has never been a goal or a focus of mine. I don't go out looking to get laid. I don't talk to a girl expecting anything other than a fun conversation. Sure... if I worked for it, I could probably have sex.... but really, I don't care. And if I don't think it's a big deal, who's to say that it is?
Not giving a fuck isn't a good point. Either you're just saying stuff to feel better, or you're making a useless point.
If you're a socially capable person that just doesn't care about it, you shouldn't be in this conversation.
Personally I'm about to be a junior in college and my goal for this year is to meet someone I have a real relationship with. Not a one night stand or mindless frat rat, but someone I actually care about. That said, I wouldn't change the last two years for anything.
On July 22 2011 12:21 NotJack wrote: A lottttttt of denial in this thread.
Nothing wrong with being a virgin; I won't hate on you and I feel bad that you have to put up with so many idiots out there, but they're idiots for judging you like that, not for being socially and sexually active.
Personally, I'm a 20 year old virgin. I'm not your typical awkward basement-dwelling videogame nerd; I work a decent job, go out to parties all the time, have a large circle of friends, do well in school, work out, etc. etc. In all respects, I am an average or better, pretty cool guy. Hell, I've had a couple girls approach me about a relationship, what seems to me to be completely out of left field.
Thing is, I just don't give a fuck. Sure, I'm religious. Sure, I'm a guy, and I know sex is supposed to be really awesome. But it is never something that has been a sticking point in my mind, it has never been a goal or a focus of mine. I don't go out looking to get laid. I don't talk to a girl expecting anything other than a fun conversation. Sure... if I worked for it, I could probably have sex.... but really, I don't care. And if I don't think it's a big deal, who's to say that it is?
I'm pretty sure nobody cares that you're a virgin. Not to say that in a demeaning way, but it's just not that big a deal. I think a lot of the stigma that was associated with it was a guy not knowing what to do, but I'm sure you've seen enough porn to know what hole to stick it in and what a girl is going to like, etc.
You can take solace in the fact that anyone who gives you shit for being a virgin is either a closet virgin themselves or doesn't actually like/appreciate sex and sees it as another social obligation/bragging right, or something equally horrid.
I honestly think you have the right mindset and have nothing to worry about in life.
On July 22 2011 11:50 Dhalphir wrote: Its really easy to make silly posts like this before you've had sex. You will not question the importance of a healthy and good sex life when you've experienced one.
You cannot have a healthy relationship without good sex. If you are not having sex, what you have is a friendship, and nothing more.
Period.
What is unhealthy about friendships?
Nothing is unhealthy about a friendship, unless you're trying to pretend it is something more than it is.
To be honest, I do not see how sex should essentially be the focal point of a relationship. There are many more aspects than that, and it really shouldn't have to be necessary.
sex is the entire point of a relationship (in the sense of relationships we are talking about)
men and women are attracted to each other for reproductive reasons, that reproduction requires sex (let's not split hairs and talk about artificial insemination, etc)
I think the "averange dim-witted tool" got it right this time. If there's nothing holding you back from sex (i.e. morals) and you are interested in sex but still haven't had it at your current age...you are probably a loser.
Sex is great Sex is awesome Sex is wonderful
Society doesn't place too much value in sex, sex is just awesome and society understands that.
IMO - Too much importance is put on virginity. Sex itself is just meaningless (but enjoyable ) friction. It can mean a great deal with the right person - but so can making out and holding hands. Intimacy is comes from the strength of relationship not the acts you perform or don't perform together.
Men don't even have a physical virginity and in the days of contraception and paternity testing women don't need their v plates to prove fathers are indeed the parent of their offspring (The original meaning of virgin is not about having sex, but about not being owned by a man, and IMO - that is the root of alot of religious importance stressed into the value of virginity - and a terrible attitude to take towards people and sexual relations, people are NOT things, you can't own them man !!!)
Virginity does has real value because of the emotional component of lovemaking for the first time - we remember our firsts and attaining the level of trust/drunkeness ;P to overcome our insecurities and make ourselves vulnerable in that way is an important milestone, and for that I would say don't jump into it with the first person you see today - but it's not so big a deal that you have to hold out forever. I remember the first time I drove a car - that wasn't any worse an experience because I didn't hold out for a very good car or the car that I would be driving for the rest of my life No it's just an experience, and the enjoyable experience of driving my car today isn't lessened any by having other cars in the past.
There are too many romantic ideas floating about that inflates first time expectations - no matter how long you've waited or how much you love someone or how much you spent on the hotel room, it will not be a perfect moment - because perfection doesn't exist. Sex with a virgin, losing your own virginity and most comically of all - two virgins sleeping with each other is (a logistical nightmare ) does not have to be unpleasant but it will be the least pleasant experience - you've only got the novelty value of it working for you paired against your own nerves and the hype/expectations that come from society. If you're holding out for perfection then you're going to miss out on a lot of fun.
And some people are like 'woah woah woah - save it for someone who means something' - newsflash. It won't run out Sex is a renewable resource fellas And if you truly love your future partners you will have some experiences under your belt before you meet him/her - that way you're better equipped to please them, know how to be pleased yourself and also I've witnessed a lot of relationships crumble when the person who's never slept with anyone else but their current partner gets so curious about what they might have missed with others that they cheat or end the relationship.
If you have sex you're no more of a man, no less of a loser. All it proves is that you penetrated someone. My advice to thread - don't be douches about it and lie/trick/pay for sex it's not that big a deal, but if you can have it then don't be brainwashed by what society has to say you'll gain/lose from it - just have it and enjoy it in it's own splendid right
The whole "virgin" is blown WAYYY out of proportion, its sex, theres nothing fancy about it, its just sex, to believe that after the first time you've had sex you become a "man" is ridiculous. To me its not a big deal, people who care put too much time into believing what society tells them to believe. I wouldnt be worried or ashamed if i were you.
I remember when I had sex the first time... it was embarassing. My ex gf didn't know I was a virgin, but she said it was one of the most funniest moments of her life so I bet it was pretty awkward for her.
Now sex is just sex to me. It's not taboo or anything, but before I was scared because I didn't want to look bad or mess up.
Society made it seem like you have to do it, but you're not a loser if you don't have a GF or sex. Just enjoy your life don't let others tell you what to do...
Not trolling or anything, but I love Southpark's take on things of adult nature: What's the right age to try drugs? What's the right age to have sex?
Seventeen.
But to get back on topic... sex in society is a scary thing, and children are brainwashed from the start that love and a perfect relationship is basically destined for young girls. Look at any Disney movie; each portrays some sort of perfect relationship, evil alternatives, etc. I think most sexually active people in there 20's have a distorted mindset that someone who's having too much sex has a problem, and someone who hasn't had sex, also, has a problem. I'm not saying I agree with either or, but I do think there's a point where people need to explore their sexuality. To conclude my thoughts, what's the proper age for sex and all of the above?
sex is overrated, it's kind of like skydiving, it's exhilarating and wonderful and worth all the money and lead-up work for sure, but you wouldn't do it unless you had an abundance of free time or if you were just really enthusiastic/horny or if it were just more convenient. That's what sex is!
but DO look presentable and cute, because relationships with girls/boys are not overrated :3
I lost my viriginity when I was 16. I'd say I am average in that sense. I also have to tell you that if you don't have sex, you're missing out on a lot. It's your choice of course, but really. A LOT.
Do you want to be Pat, Ray, Beef, or Teodor? Thus is the difference between the dudes who get their Bone on at 16 and the dudes who get their Bone on at 26.
First few times i had sex it was crap but then i stopped worrying and its so awesome. after your confident you will enjoy it every time it comes your way whether or not the chick actually tries
you know i think since u arnt religious u should consider getting a hooker. herpes just means they know what they are doing
edit: yes sex is definatly OP and im sure in many of our weaker moments we have considered paying for it ourselves.
the lengths some people go to for sex can be serverly financialy and emotionaly damaging (marrige lol)
Why would you ever regret having sex? Saving your virginity doesn't mean crap, it's not special. Sex itself isn't special. It happens millions of times each day, right now there's probably 300 million people secksing eachother.
On July 22 2011 13:27 snotboogie wrote: Society peddles sex because sex sells. You are wise to notice its absurd prominence in our culture, and wiser still not to buy into it.
I applaud OP for saving himself.
Unlike being a virgin, it is never good to be a hipster.
On July 22 2011 13:11 Stil wrote: IMO - Too much importance is put on virginity. Sex itself is just meaningless (but enjoyable ) friction. It can mean a great deal with the right person - but so can making out and holding hands. Intimacy is comes from the strength of relationship not the acts you perform or don't perform together.
Men don't even have a physical virginity and in the days of contraception and paternity testing women don't need their v plates to prove fathers are indeed the parent of their offspring (The original meaning of virgin is not about having sex, but about not being owned by a man, and IMO - that is the root of alot of religious importance stressed into the value of virginity - and a terrible attitude to take towards people and sexual relations, people are NOT things, you can't own them man !!!)
Virginity does has real value because of the emotional component of lovemaking for the first time - we remember our firsts and attaining the level of trust/drunkeness ;P to overcome our insecurities and make ourselves vulnerable in that way is an important milestone, and for that I would say don't jump into it with the first person you see today - but it's not so big a deal that you have to hold out forever. I remember the first time I drove a car - that wasn't any worse an experience because I didn't hold out for a very good car or the car that I would be driving for the rest of my life No it's just an experience, and the enjoyable experience of driving my car today isn't lessened any by having other cars in the past.
There are too many romantic ideas floating about that inflates first time expectations - no matter how long you've waited or how much you love someone or how much you spent on the hotel room, it will not be a perfect moment - because perfection doesn't exist. Sex with a virgin, losing your own virginity and most comically of all - two virgins sleeping with each other is (a logistical nightmare ) does not have to be unpleasant but it will be the least pleasant experience - you've only got the novelty value of it working for you paired against your own nerves and the hype/expectations that come from society. If you're holding out for perfection then you're going to miss out on a lot of fun.
And some people are like 'woah woah woah - save it for someone who means something' - newsflash. It won't run out Sex is a renewable resource fellas And if you truly love your future partners you will have some experiences under your belt before you meet him/her - that way you're better equipped to please them, know how to be pleased yourself and also I've witnessed a lot of relationships crumble when the person who's never slept with anyone else but their current partner gets so curious about what they might have missed with others that they cheat or end the relationship.
If you have sex you're no more of a man, no less of a loser. All it proves is that you penetrated someone. My advice to thread - don't be douches about it and lie/trick/pay for sex it's not that big a deal, but if you can have it then don't be brainwashed by what society has to say you'll gain/lose from it - just have it and enjoy it in it's own splendid right
If you are about 12. Once you start having sex, I dont think holding hands cuts it anymore tbh.
Having said that, I don't think there is any shame in not having sex until you are 20 or so. From that point onwards tho, no excuses imo its fun times so why not?
On July 22 2011 13:11 Stil wrote: IMO - Too much importance is put on virginity. Sex itself is just meaningless (but enjoyable ) friction. It can mean a great deal with the right person - but so can making out and holding hands. Intimacy is comes from the strength of relationship not the acts you perform or don't perform together.
Men don't even have a physical virginity and in the days of contraception and paternity testing women don't need their v plates to prove fathers are indeed the parent of their offspring (The original meaning of virgin is not about having sex, but about not being owned by a man, and IMO - that is the root of alot of religious importance stressed into the value of virginity - and a terrible attitude to take towards people and sexual relations, people are NOT things, you can't own them man !!!)
Virginity does has real value because of the emotional component of lovemaking for the first time - we remember our firsts and attaining the level of trust/drunkeness ;P to overcome our insecurities and make ourselves vulnerable in that way is an important milestone, and for that I would say don't jump into it with the first person you see today - but it's not so big a deal that you have to hold out forever. I remember the first time I drove a car - that wasn't any worse an experience because I didn't hold out for a very good car or the car that I would be driving for the rest of my life No it's just an experience, and the enjoyable experience of driving my car today isn't lessened any by having other cars in the past.
There are too many romantic ideas floating about that inflates first time expectations - no matter how long you've waited or how much you love someone or how much you spent on the hotel room, it will not be a perfect moment - because perfection doesn't exist. Sex with a virgin, losing your own virginity and most comically of all - two virgins sleeping with each other is (a logistical nightmare ) does not have to be unpleasant but it will be the least pleasant experience - you've only got the novelty value of it working for you paired against your own nerves and the hype/expectations that come from society. If you're holding out for perfection then you're going to miss out on a lot of fun.
And some people are like 'woah woah woah - save it for someone who means something' - newsflash. It won't run out Sex is a renewable resource fellas And if you truly love your future partners you will have some experiences under your belt before you meet him/her - that way you're better equipped to please them, know how to be pleased yourself and also I've witnessed a lot of relationships crumble when the person who's never slept with anyone else but their current partner gets so curious about what they might have missed with others that they cheat or end the relationship.
If you have sex you're no more of a man, no less of a loser. All it proves is that you penetrated someone. My advice to thread - don't be douches about it and lie/trick/pay for sex it's not that big a deal, but if you can have it then don't be brainwashed by what society has to say you'll gain/lose from it - just have it and enjoy it in it's own splendid right
If you are about 12. Once you start having sex, I dont think holding hands cuts it anymore tbh.
Having said that, I don't think there is any shame in not having sex until you are 20 or so. From that point onwards tho, no excuses imo its fun times so why not?
What the fuck? Cuts it for what? Getting your dick wet?
I've had sex and I still enjoy holding hands with my significant other. I'm not thinking "when are we getting to the sex" or "I'd much rather be having sex". You people need to get your priorities straight.
On July 22 2011 13:11 Stil wrote: IMO - Too much importance is put on virginity. Sex itself is just meaningless (but enjoyable ) friction. It can mean a great deal with the right person - but so can making out and holding hands. Intimacy is comes from the strength of relationship not the acts you perform or don't perform together.
Men don't even have a physical virginity and in the days of contraception and paternity testing women don't need their v plates to prove fathers are indeed the parent of their offspring (The original meaning of virgin is not about having sex, but about not being owned by a man, and IMO - that is the root of alot of religious importance stressed into the value of virginity - and a terrible attitude to take towards people and sexual relations, people are NOT things, you can't own them man !!!)
Virginity does has real value because of the emotional component of lovemaking for the first time - we remember our firsts and attaining the level of trust/drunkeness ;P to overcome our insecurities and make ourselves vulnerable in that way is an important milestone, and for that I would say don't jump into it with the first person you see today - but it's not so big a deal that you have to hold out forever. I remember the first time I drove a car - that wasn't any worse an experience because I didn't hold out for a very good car or the car that I would be driving for the rest of my life No it's just an experience, and the enjoyable experience of driving my car today isn't lessened any by having other cars in the past.
There are too many romantic ideas floating about that inflates first time expectations - no matter how long you've waited or how much you love someone or how much you spent on the hotel room, it will not be a perfect moment - because perfection doesn't exist. Sex with a virgin, losing your own virginity and most comically of all - two virgins sleeping with each other is (a logistical nightmare ) does not have to be unpleasant but it will be the least pleasant experience - you've only got the novelty value of it working for you paired against your own nerves and the hype/expectations that come from society. If you're holding out for perfection then you're going to miss out on a lot of fun.
And some people are like 'woah woah woah - save it for someone who means something' - newsflash. It won't run out Sex is a renewable resource fellas And if you truly love your future partners you will have some experiences under your belt before you meet him/her - that way you're better equipped to please them, know how to be pleased yourself and also I've witnessed a lot of relationships crumble when the person who's never slept with anyone else but their current partner gets so curious about what they might have missed with others that they cheat or end the relationship.
If you have sex you're no more of a man, no less of a loser. All it proves is that you penetrated someone. My advice to thread - don't be douches about it and lie/trick/pay for sex it's not that big a deal, but if you can have it then don't be brainwashed by what society has to say you'll gain/lose from it - just have it and enjoy it in it's own splendid right
If you are about 12. Once you start having sex, I dont think holding hands cuts it anymore tbh.
Having said that, I don't think there is any shame in not having sex until you are 20 or so. From that point onwards tho, no excuses imo its fun times so why not?
What the fuck? Cuts it for what? Getting your dick wet?
I've had sex and I still enjoy holding hands with my significant other. I'm not thinking "when are we getting to the sex" or "I'd much rather be having sex". You people need to get your priorities straight.
I don't want my priorities to be based around holding hands or watching The Notebook together until my age is three digits. That said everyone should have a wild phase and if you didn't you missed out big time.
On July 22 2011 13:36 Rarak wrote: If you are about 12. Once you start having sex, I dont think holding hands cuts it anymore tbh.
Having said that, I don't think there is any shame in not having sex until you are 20 or so. From that point onwards tho, no excuses imo its fun times so why not?
Hehe. I'm nearly 30 years old. Close to 40 notches in the bedpost and soon... going to be married for the third time - I'm glad with just holding hands and cuddling at times, gotta save my strength
Its a matter of preference, really. If you choose to save it for marriage, respect to you. I know people who do. With the spread of HIV and other STDS among teens and adults, abstinence is really the way to go to prevent getting anything 100%. Or you haven't found that special someone yet. Either way, whatever makes you happy.
I used to think it was the be all and end all when I was younger, but it's really not. It's a fun, enjoyable part of life, but I definitely agree that a lot of people in society are overly obsessed with it (but I guess there are worse things we could obsess about?!)
I lost my virginity a few months ago and I'm 22. At first I thought I was hitting some kind of milestone, but really, its not a big deal. Its only a big deal until you've done it, then it isn't.
It will happen when it happens man. Just dont worry about it.
But if your worried aboiut it, Getting out of the house and meeting some people will seriously help your progress. The problem of most virgins in their twenties is they enjoy their solitude to much. They dont enjoy social gatherings or events (Im not talking about bars), beyond their comfort zone. I lost my virginity at 19 (im 25 now).
My entire 18th year I was at university dreaming about girls and moping because I never got any. But in reality it was because i never really made the effort to go out and meet people and forge relationships (just meeting a wide variety of people helps). Sure I went to the bar and out with my friends, but i never pushed myself to meet new people and go outside my comfort zone. Once I realized this and started pushing myself(sometimes with the help of alcohol), it happened almost immediatly.
There is nothing weird about being a virgin. You just need to push yourself to find that person, and when you do it will happen without pressure.
..... Or you could go to the bar and pick up the sleasiest skank in the bar and bring her home. (seriously its not hard). Just make sure you put on the raincoat.
as long as you aren't using "sex isn't all that special" (or whatever) as an excuse to cover up actual insecurity/inexperience with girls, nobody should or would give a shit whether you're a virgin or not
but if you aren't doing that then why aren't you sexin lol it's pretty good times
On July 22 2011 13:11 Stil wrote: IMO - Too much importance is put on virginity. Sex itself is just meaningless (but enjoyable ) friction. It can mean a great deal with the right person - but so can making out and holding hands. Intimacy is comes from the strength of relationship not the acts you perform or don't perform together.
Men don't even have a physical virginity and in the days of contraception and paternity testing women don't need their v plates to prove fathers are indeed the parent of their offspring (The original meaning of virgin is not about having sex, but about not being owned by a man, and IMO - that is the root of alot of religious importance stressed into the value of virginity - and a terrible attitude to take towards people and sexual relations, people are NOT things, you can't own them man !!!)
Virginity does has real value because of the emotional component of lovemaking for the first time - we remember our firsts and attaining the level of trust/drunkeness ;P to overcome our insecurities and make ourselves vulnerable in that way is an important milestone, and for that I would say don't jump into it with the first person you see today - but it's not so big a deal that you have to hold out forever. I remember the first time I drove a car - that wasn't any worse an experience because I didn't hold out for a very good car or the car that I would be driving for the rest of my life No it's just an experience, and the enjoyable experience of driving my car today isn't lessened any by having other cars in the past.
There are too many romantic ideas floating about that inflates first time expectations - no matter how long you've waited or how much you love someone or how much you spent on the hotel room, it will not be a perfect moment - because perfection doesn't exist. Sex with a virgin, losing your own virginity and most comically of all - two virgins sleeping with each other is (a logistical nightmare ) does not have to be unpleasant but it will be the least pleasant experience - you've only got the novelty value of it working for you paired against your own nerves and the hype/expectations that come from society. If you're holding out for perfection then you're going to miss out on a lot of fun.
And some people are like 'woah woah woah - save it for someone who means something' - newsflash. It won't run out Sex is a renewable resource fellas And if you truly love your future partners you will have some experiences under your belt before you meet him/her - that way you're better equipped to please them, know how to be pleased yourself and also I've witnessed a lot of relationships crumble when the person who's never slept with anyone else but their current partner gets so curious about what they might have missed with others that they cheat or end the relationship.
If you have sex you're no more of a man, no less of a loser. All it proves is that you penetrated someone. My advice to thread - don't be douches about it and lie/trick/pay for sex it's not that big a deal, but if you can have it then don't be brainwashed by what society has to say you'll gain/lose from it - just have it and enjoy it in it's own splendid right
If you are about 12. Once you start having sex, I dont think holding hands cuts it anymore tbh.
Having said that, I don't think there is any shame in not having sex until you are 20 or so. From that point onwards tho, no excuses imo its fun times so why not?
What the fuck? Cuts it for what? Getting your dick wet?
I've had sex and I still enjoy holding hands with my significant other. I'm not thinking "when are we getting to the sex" or "I'd much rather be having sex". You people need to get your priorities straight.
I don't want my priorities to be based around holding hands or watching The Notebook together until my age is three digits. That said everyone should have a wild phase and if you didn't you missed out big time.
I completely agree. I'm only 17 and I've been with my current girlfriend for 3.5 years now and neither of us are overly romantic...so we're basically 'best friends with benefits'. Obviously we care about each other as much as any other couple in love, but holding hands and watching The Notebook is boring as hell and neither of us are going to suffer through that kinda junk just for convention...I guess it'd be pretty standard in relationships where people aren't comfortable enough with each other, for example if my and my girl were doing that in our first few months I wouldn't do what I'd do now, as in, "this is boring as fuck, imma play some SC2".
Speaking of the Notebook though, I lost my virginity with that crappy movie playing in the background. Had to do something to stay awake :/
On July 22 2011 14:04 Nokarot wrote: I lost my virginity a few months ago and I'm 22. At first I thought I was hitting some kind of milestone, but really, its not a big deal. Its only a big deal until you've done it, then it isn't.
This is quite true.
Sex is fun and all, but if it's purely sex, meh. It's just friction. It's much better if it's part of a meaningful relationship. If all you want is friction, Palmela Handerson is a much cheaper date.
On July 22 2011 14:04 Nokarot wrote: I lost my virginity a few months ago and I'm 22. At first I thought I was hitting some kind of milestone, but really, its not a big deal. Its only a big deal until you've done it, then it isn't.
This is quite true.
Sex is fun and all, but if it's purely sex, meh. It's just friction. It's much better if it's part of a meaningful relationship. If all you want is friction, Palmela Handerson is a much cheaper date.
On July 22 2011 13:34 Turbogangsta wrote: First few times i had sex it was crap but then i stopped worrying and its so awesome. after your confident you will enjoy it every time it comes your way whether or not the chick actually tries
you know i think since u arnt religious u should consider getting a hooker. herpes just means they know what they are doing
edit: yes sex is definatly OP and im sure in many of our weaker moments we have considered paying for it ourselves.
the lengths some people go to for sex can be serverly financialy and emotionaly damaging (marrige lol)
I really don't see what the issue is with paying for sex. Many people want sex yet don't want a relationship. I think society just blows it out of proportion and if payed sex was regulated it would be far safer for everyone.
the only people whom in your words, "over value" sex; is those who havent had it yet. and yes, there are many pressures and influences from society to have sex. but really thats just one piece of a larger issue. that is things like sex, drugs, how you dress, what kindve car you drive, all that bullshit. all of these things. once again using your words, the "avg-dimwitted individual" uses as benchmarks to where they fit in/where others fit in. Its a matter of status.
You dont have to accept all the shit in front of you as true. I lost my virginity when i was 16, and that wasnt a moment too soon in my opinion. regardless of all this hypersexualized influence. I did it cause i knew i wanted to with my girlfriend at the time. It was a seamless experience because it felt right. My guess is when you find yourself in a similar situation it will be seamless for you too. Maybe then this perceived overvalue will make a bit more sense.
I have had opportunities in the past, but I've chosen to not take them because I felt like they weren't what I really wanted. I'm 22 and a virgin, and while I'm not necessarily waiting till I get married, I could see myself choosing to based on my partner. I don't think I want to have sex with someone unless its someone I know I really care about and who feels the same way about me. Its not a biggie, I could have easily lost it with a one night stand or something, but I don't feel like it would be as enjoyable for me.
i have steady girlfriend; sex once a week is enough for me; the topic does seem to get overvalued and overplayed in western society afaik, and is drifting towards shaping eastern society as well.
Let me ask you something? Do you want to lose your virginity with some special female or just some poor drunken club girl?
That's why people with brain are still virgins when 20+, because they are searching for special girl. I still didn't find proper girl for sex, seriously. Everytime I hit something, it's very annoying or her parents really failed at parenting. I am sad about attitude of todays females.
And I admit I am little lazy too you know, I just can't imagine myself at the moment to have GF and walk out of building whenever she wants. Don't know but that's it(I am talking about finding really good soulmate). I rather mastrubate and go work my own things, instead hanging and wasting my time all day outside for doing what... talking about school, her friends and other bs.
I guess every one talks about it because that they want to talk about it because they want attention? I mean who doesnt like attention? And because of that you talk about sex to get attention and if someone havent had sex they become UP hheheh
Well, i can compare this to a master leaguer vs a bronce the master leaguer will brag about his achivement. So yea the bottom line is ppl like to brag
The only other option is you are super religious and haven't ever seen a beautiful women
Or he has been tempted just like everyone else, but has the self-control to make the smarter choice.
"Smarter choice" is a crock. That's your opinion and nothing more. If someone wants to have sex with all the necessary precautions (e.g. contraception, condoms), they aren't somehow "dumb," as you imply.
FWIW: the first time you have sex is usually pretty bad in comparison to later acts, which is kind of amusing given the stigma you often see for virgins.
Honestly I do think it makes you a "loser". Almost no one chooses not to have sex they just can't because they are not attractive or have the wrong type of personality. Its an easy way to judge and show who is a dominant male. It's just the way life is may suck if your on the wrong end.
On July 22 2011 14:34 Wrongspeedy wrote: I have had opportunities in the past, but I've chosen to not take them because I felt like they weren't what I really wanted. I'm 22 and a virgin, and while I'm not necessarily waiting till I get married, I could see myself choosing to based on my partner. I don't think I want to have sex with someone unless its someone I know I really care about and who feels the same way about me. Its not a biggie, I could have easily lost it with a one night stand or something, but I don't feel like it would be as enjoyable for me.
The people calling you a loser, will probably soon be called losers them selves when they are buying medicine for HIV or w/e else. Who cares about what the society thinks, do what you want, not what society dictates for you. Don't be a sheep.
On virginity: In my opinion it has no value at all. Abstinence is not a goal. Try it once or twice, and if you dont like it you can stop chasing pussy. But deciding to not try something almost all people enjoy, that has no bad aftereffects or implications is just silly. I dont chase pussy any more, but i know what im missing out on. I've reached the conclusion that only a few one night stands are actually worth the effort put in. Most of it is talking for an hour with a girl that doesnt stimulate or challenge me philosophically or mentally at all. The sex when you're shitfaced usually isnt any good and you'll probably have a horrible nights sleep. Not to forget the awkward hours before one leaves. Only once in while when you get with a lustful and naughty woman is it really fulfilling. To make a pr0n comparison: Do you want a girl that looks away and doesnt seem into it at all, like in japanese pr0n OR do you want the girl to look into your eyes, grab the back of your neck and say "Fuck the shit out me!" (Thanks Eddie). So my advice; try it and judge for yourself. But never pass up a good thing. And its also the older you get, the more women "expect in bed" so, if you end up being 28 and coming after two minutes, dont expect that woman to call you back ever again.
On the issue of saving virginity for marriage: I dont mean to offend any of you that cling to that logic personally, but its fallacy of immense proportions. Its a primitive position only held by backwards and outdated moral religious norms. Progressive thinking and the sexual revolution has for the most part provided better arguments for removing sexual taboo's. There is nothing sinful in having sex, sharing a good experience with another partner. And when you finally find your chosen one, do you want your first time with that person to be a hit-or-miss incident or one of her/his greatest experiences? Sex - as anything else - takes practice to get good at. When you get through a certain amount of partners and acts you get a much better feel for what the opposite sex enjoys, hence a much better chance to please what's to be your life long partner.
And i think its also better to have played around before marriage anyway. Then you can enter into the relationship with the confidence that nothing has passed you bye before tying the knot. It will probably be much more assuring in the long run.
(Also, sex is important for making relationships last) my 2 cents
Ehhh, you are thinking about sex way too much. Probably putting pussy on a pedestal. If you want to get your virginity out of the way, there are some girls in this world who are willing to give themselves up easily, but you must know how to approach them. They're the kind of girls you don't want a serious relationship.
If you do want a serious relationship, then don't think about sex as one of the first things when hooking up with a girl. If a girl likes/loves you just for who you are, she will likely give it to you sooner than you think.
In the end, you shouldn't really consider other people's opinions about you being a virgin. It is your life, not theirs. You don't have to please the haters or anyone, just yourself and whoever is close to you. Young people always get the idea of pleasing others to please themselves, but when you get older and worry about other things, you will find out that you just don't have the time and luxury to deal with anyone but yourself and those close to you.
Sex is not like a homework you have to do and you gonna be rated for. Sex is seen as important cause its wonderfull. Sure there can be pressure and the image porn is giving about sex is a very loveless, unpersonalized image.
But trust me, once you lie naked in your bed with a girl you really like and you explore all the funny things you both can do and your love and passion makes you both melt to one beeing. You gonna know...
You can happily look forword to have sex for the first time. Dont overthink it and if you feel a bit insecure just wait till you have a solid relationship with a girl you like. Trust and love will take all your pressure.
The way I see it, you are not a loser. You're a human with their own values that no one can fuck with. Props to you brother, don't lower your standards. You got my respect, and i'd back you all the way.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of them must having a 32C boobs and slim slender body else they are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
"Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
If I've learned anything in the 24 years I've been alive, it's that the collective opinions of society are largely irrelevant. Society as a whole makes judgments that go against logic, reason, and biology on a regular basis.
You are who you are. Don't let the opinions of other people get to you.
I was a slow starter too by normal standards. It wasn't because I was ugly or stupid or religious or unable to communicate; frankly I just cared more about beating people in online arenas (specifically BW lol), playing sport and hanging out with my friends than I did about getting my dick wet....
Then there came a time where I decided I did want to experience sex, relationships etc, and went on a bit of a rampage... It was an eye opener when the topic of past relationships came up and I explained the truth about my lack of experience therein to my female companions. Until I got some valid experience going, they were all pretty much shocked by the truth and had expected me to be saying how much the girls in school had chased me.
Years on now, I'm in a stable, committed relationship with a great sex life. My view on it as a 27 year old? Wouldn't change a thing. I honestly dont give a flying fuck that I didnt have sex at 15 like everyone else I grew up with. Would I give up sex and go back to those days of abstinence? No. But not because of the rampage days where sex was a bit wilder and varied (in terms of partners), but because of the current situation with my girlfriend.
Frankly if you aren't really all that fussed about your current circumstances and enjoy the activities and relationships that consume your time, sans sex, then keep on doing them. To hell with what everyone else thinks about it... You give sex as much power as you want it to have...
Sex is too important of a thing in my life. I haven't had sex in over a month, and I'm getting edgy b/c of it. Before the time a month ago it was 6 months. It's just something really fun, don't know what else to say. Is drinking overhyped? Because you hear how everyone criticizes it before they try it, then I feel 90% of the ones that try it love it.
Although sex is a little different, you imagine it to be the most amazing thing ever, and while REALLY REALLY good, it's not whta you imagined since you were 12.
Your question is silly. You dont have to have sex because you are considered a loser if you havent. You have sex because its good and healthy (if you are doing with the right person). There are normal "sexless" times in your life, before or between partners but you are nothing less or more if you have sex or not.
I think that if you have a reason for not having sex, you're not a loser, you just have your beliefs. But if you want to have sex and just can't get a girl, then, yes, by any standards you are a failure and a loser.
I'm 24 and still a virgin, my hands and fingers arn't though, just gonna take it one step at a time. I'm still like a bronze right now im gonna wait till I'm atleast a diamond before I start in masters
On July 22 2011 15:43 andynewin wrote: I'm 24 and still a virgin, my hands and fingers arn't though, just gonna take it one step at a time. I'm still like a bronze right now im gonna wait till I'm atleast a diamond before I start in masters
I like the misogyny angle, which hasn't been brought up enough yet in this thread. If you are man, getting a woman to submit to you shows to society the extent of your "power," and the men who can sleep with the most (beautiful) women are revered. It's worse for the women, though, who are pressured by all sorts of trickier social standards. If she is sexually ready but still a virgin, people assume she's either: 1) unattractive or 2) independent, both of which are terrible sins for a woman.
Though most adults are well aware that sex is not a big deal, the standards perpetuated throughout society and the media establish otherwise. We are taught to measure our worth by our sexual partners. It is complete BS, yet these standards continue, even among people who know better. Not sure there is anything we can do about it. But oh well.
You're putting the pussy on a pedestal. time to take the pussy off that pedestal and try to be your own person. It really doesn't matter if you have sex or don't, which IMO is freeing because that means if you want to it's okay to do it (obviously if both people want to) and if you don't want to it's okay not to do it.
Don't try to think up reasons why you are or aren't a virgin. Don't make a thread about virginity and then tell us you don't put any value on it. You put a lot of thought and energy into this topic even if it's not directed toward getting laid.
Just beat off and relax if you don't want to have sex yet. It's something that can be awesome but it's not worth stressing over whether you do or don't have it and ignore teenagers who act like experts in sexuality.
Its subjective. Don't get consumed with having sex. Sex can change people - your partner and yourself in multiple ways (and particularly its way too complex to simply put into text here on tl). You'll enjoy it when your ready so don't get caught up with having it by a certain time frame or a certain type of partner etc.
Oh no, the media is sexualizing our kids and placing value on losing one's virginity and not on properly educating the youth about sex, who to do it with and proper safe-sex protection.
I'm getting breaking news that the media exaggerates the effects of losing your virginity and its importance to one's life. I'm also getting follow-ups that the stigma of being a virgin is not only trivial in the long-run, but damaging to your pursuit and educational interests because you are preoccupied with hormonal issues.
The more you care, the more you try to be the convention of society. There is no age to lose your virginity nor is there any actual importance of it. In the end of it all, there is no importance on when you lose it, just who you lost it to. Ask anyone beyond the age of 20.
Intercourse isn't everything, it just is to those who have nothing else going for their life. There are such beings who are asexual and live very healthy lives.
On July 22 2011 16:06 kellymilkies wrote: Sex should be with someone you love. And if you find someone you love, it will come naturally.
Actually sex is with someone you find physically find attractive. This attraction is often created between people who have similar levels of physical attractiveness.
This leads to comfortability about each other's body and after recognizing their personality traits over an activity, it leads them to coitus or an acceptance of one another's bodies as a whole.
The concept of love is either accomplished after intercourse as a form of confirmation or during. This notion is further propelled by shitty sitcoms that don't make a big deal of intercourse between two people (it's almost never talked about, just assumed), but there's a whole episode about the man saying: "I love you" first.
It never changed who i was and how I acted. It honestly didn't affect me at all. Taking a girls virginity is a completely different story. My advice is to avoid this, unless completely prepared for the after affects. Unfortunately woman are generally to nervous to tell someone about it beforehand.
1. It can't be proven scientifically atm but theoretically an orgasm is the most "pleasurable" felling one can have
2. Its god dam healthy, for both man and women, its keeps the blood flowing... relieves stress..etc
3. The hormones in our body make us "want" to do it
4. As long as you buy a 0.10 $ condom it does not have any "negative" side thus... why not do it ?
5. The more you fuck the more you are kind of an "alpha" male... i do not know if humans were originally "made" to have kind of an "alpha" male in a grup of 5-15 humans but if they were that might be also an explaination why sex is so highly regarded and why it is "shameful" to be a virgin ( again this is proly untrue but it just came trough my mind so why not write it down o.o )
*Its also important to note the 1-3 can also be done with you hand for both mans and women tho it is hypothetically ( and most including myself would agree that it is indeed ) "better" if you do it with an opposite sex partner.
Also as a man ( and since you are posting this on tl i can only assume you are idd a man ) you actually need to know "how to... " so if you being to have sex at 14 rather then 25 you will have a much easier time pleasuring a women due to you previous experience ... or so they say ( as far as i know anything beside oral sex/sex with "toys" is pretty... natural so again this is likely that this is 99% an urban myth ).
Sex is sex, it gets way to much attention in our daily lives and it´s put on a pedestal for no reason. Sure it´s a great way to show someone you think they´re attractive/really drunk/that you want to spend more time with them/say thanks for that burger. But it´s just sex, not a sin, not a necessity, not the meaning of life. Take it for what it is, good fun.
On July 22 2011 13:19 kethers wrote: I had sex first at @ 20 with my girlfriend, I didn't feel any more or less of a man (in of itself) before or after it. I loved her, and she did I.
So, yeah, although you might be pressured by friends or juvenile "norms" made up by 16 year olds, it all depends on yourself and how you handle it.
P.S. Angry make-up sex is so awesome
Through various situations I've been in the last few years at college, I've talked to a couple guys about the subject. I've talked to some guys about their "numbers" - and a lot of the time, from quieter "nice" guys, you'll get a hesitant one or a two. Then I bust out my "none" and things get awkward for a minute while I explain that I just don't care. After that, maybe half the time, there'll be the "dude, that's an awesome way to look at it" and an admittance that "one" was a lie. Or a hooker, either way.
A lot of people are nervous because of the societal (highschool) norm that is rather deeply rooted by now, and when you suddenly give up on that, there are some interesting results.
On July 22 2011 12:21 NotJack wrote: A lottttttt of denial in this thread.
Nothing wrong with being a virgin; I won't hate on you and I feel bad that you have to put up with so many idiots out there, but they're idiots for judging you like that, not for being socially and sexually active.
Personally, I'm a 20 year old virgin. I'm not your typical awkward basement-dwelling videogame nerd; I work a decent job, go out to parties all the time, have a large circle of friends, do well in school, work out, etc. etc. In all respects, I am an average or better, pretty cool guy. Hell, I've had a couple girls approach me about a relationship, what seems to me to be completely out of left field.
Thing is, I just don't give a fuck. Sure, I'm religious. Sure, I'm a guy, and I know sex is supposed to be really awesome. But it is never something that has been a sticking point in my mind, it has never been a goal or a focus of mine. I don't go out looking to get laid. I don't talk to a girl expecting anything other than a fun conversation. Sure... if I worked for it, I could probably have sex.... but really, I don't care. And if I don't think it's a big deal, who's to say that it is?
Not giving a fuck isn't a good point. Either you're just saying stuff to feel better, or you're making a useless point.
If you're a socially capable person that just doesn't care about it, you shouldn't be in this conversation.
Personally I'm about to be a junior in college and my goal for this year is to meet someone I have a real relationship with. Not a one night stand or mindless frat rat, but someone I actually care about. That said, I wouldn't change the last two years for anything.
The thread is about how much sex matters in society. I post saying that sex does not matter to me, and that if me being a virgin doesn't bother me, why should it affect anyone else, or their perception of me, and that's not a valid point to make? Please, explain why my point doesn't count, is bad, or why I shouldn't be here.
I'm about to be a Junior in college - you know what my goal for this year is? To be AWESOME. I'm going to score well in all my courses. I'm going to continue lifting weights and getting huge. I'm going to learn piano, in addition to practicing guitar that I already know. I'm going to join another club, I'm going to meet a ton of new people, in my classes and outside of them. I'm going to go to bars and have a good time. I'm going to be perfectly and completely happy with ME, and not going to care about how the rest of the world reacts to me. That includes girls, that includes relationships, that includes sex and how people view me for being a virgin, or not being a virgin. I don't care either way.
My opinion on society's tendency to prioritize sex fluctuates. At the moment I'd say it's part of life. We were created (by whatever means) to place reproduction about every other desire. It's necessary for any species survival. It's wired into us and is completely inescapable. All you can do is be comfortable with your own positions. I know people that lost their V at 14 and are comfortable with that fact and have met people that are still virgins and they're comfortable with that. I'd say if you feel uncomfortable with being a virgin because you feel it's socially unacceptable then that's your problem not society's. At the end of the day sex is not the most important thing for an individual's life (despite all I wrote before) and you can live happily without, but it helps.
I'm sure all this has been said earlier in this thread.
On July 22 2011 11:49 Elementsu wrote: Only if you`re a straight guy, then you`re awesome for having sex, if you`re a girl you`re just a whore if you have sex.
Sex is just sex. Saving it for god knows how long or for "someone special" doesn't make it anything more than it is. Intercourse with the person you love is usually more satisfying, albeit in a different way, but it doesn't mean having sex prior to that spoils it somehow. Besides, having no / little sex means you get little practice, which in turn means you probably suck at it - and great, truly satisfying sex is very important to every relationship, married or not.
In short - don't try to make it more important than it really is, it's not. I believe people postponing having sex for months and years are just as immature as people bragging about having it all the time, in my opinion.
«I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family)» You clearly never had sex, you'll soon see this is not really the point of it :p
To answer your rant, I don't think you're right. Being 21 and a virgin means you haven't found the right person to do it with during that amount of time. Either you've never been interested in having a relationship or you're «very picky». Read : you fail at finding somebody to love. In both cases it shows a little lack of empathy and love for others. It's because of this people will see you as different when you say you're 21 and a virgin.
Not because you didn't had sex, but because of what it implies.
PS : and I say that having had a single sex partner for my whole sex life at 21.
Hm. But what's the hurry? It seems a little arbitrary that one must find a significant relationship by the age of 21. Why 21 or any other number else you lack empathy?
Sex is great, you shouldn't downplay it at all, you're hardwired to crave it.
That said, I lost my virginity at 19, im 21, so I'm by no means a (s)expert. I have a friend was 20, I have a friend who was 21, I have a friend who was 14 I have a friend who I'm pretty sure hasn't at all. I don't see them any different, they're just my mates. Fuck who you want to, and if you don't want to, don't. Pretty simple.
On July 22 2011 16:16 Aterons_toss wrote: Why do we value sex so highly in 2days society ?
1. It can't be proven scientifically atm but theoretically an orgasm is the most "pleasurable" felling one can have
2. Its god dam healthy, for both man and women, its keeps the blood flowing... relieves stress..etc
3. The hormones in our body make us "want" to do it
4. As long as you buy a 0.10 $ condom it does not have any "negative" side thus... why not do it ?
5. The more you fuck the more you are kind of an "alpha" male... i do not know if humans were originally "made" to have kind of an "alpha" male in a grup of 5-15 humans but if they were that might be also an explaination why sex is so highly regarded and why it is "shameful" to be a virgin ( again this is proly untrue but it just came trough my mind so why not write it down o.o )
*Its also important to note the 1-3 can also be done with you hand for both mans and women tho it is hypothetically ( and most including myself would agree that it is indeed ) "better" if you do it with an opposite sex partner.
Also as a man ( and since you are posting this on tl i can only assume you are idd a man ) you actually need to know "how to... " so if you being to have sex at 14 rather then 25 you will have a much easier time pleasuring a women due to you previous experience ... or so they say ( as far as i know anything beside oral sex/sex with "toys" is pretty... natural so again this is likely that this is 99% an urban myth ).
I'm not all that experienced on the topic of sex, but I'm going to take a stab at challenging a lot of the assertions you have made because I believe many of them to be partially false.
1. Anecdotes (and the movie Trainspotting) suggest that Heroin is more pleasurable than orgasm. This (thankfully) I lack the experience to confirm.
2. Healthy if you take proper precautions against STD's (and have sufficient self-control to avoid addiction).
3. True for the vast majority of us. Our hormones can lead us down some pretty bad paths if we don't keep them in check (murder comes to mind).
4. Two obvious immediate negative effects come to mind. One, sex could potentially damage your relationship with your sexual partner and create awkward tension in future encounters if the sex does not go well (or if it should never have happened in the first place). Two, if your performance is poor (as one would assume is quite likely being a virgin) it could be somewhat traumatizing and quite embarrassing. I'm not saying you should avoid sex based on those two reasons, but they point out how important it is to feel emotionally "ready" for it.
5. There is some truth in that. But not everyone is cut out to be an "alpha male" and perhaps it is best to not pursue something that isn't in "harmony" with your true self. Perhaps you would be better off coming to terms with who you are as a person, but this is advice I can only guess about. Perhaps no one on these forums is "wise" enough to give valuable insight into this topic.
I lost it when I was 20, was in your shoes for awhile, wait til marriage. But that got abandoned thx to lust. Alot of people here are right, the media and cultural has blown this way out of proportion. It is what it is, you can try and wait like I did but then one hot moment and your done.
Its also important to realize that your going to be really bad at sex by waiting. Sex takes skill as lame as that sounds. And ive always thought of the picture, "you waited til marriage, she didnt.................................................... herp derp? I think so.
On July 22 2011 15:43 andynewin wrote: I'm 24 and still a virgin, my hands and fingers arn't though, just gonna take it one step at a time. I'm still like a bronze right now im gonna wait till I'm atleast a diamond before I start in masters
Dude, fuck society. Sex is nice, but overall don't waste you time unless it's with someone you care about. Otherwise, just go read a book or something, you're time will be more well spent.
Wow, reading this thread i realized how my country's culture is different(like being 20+ and virgin is unthinkable). I thought it was prejudice, but here we are indeed more sexual. :D Me gusta. Well, I wouldn't recommend people to rationalize as much as some of you guys are doing, with that "my pace" attitude(it sounds presumptuous to say you don't need sex). Just stop thinking about it and make it happen.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of them must having a 32C boobs and slim slender body else they are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
"Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
People bring up sex often, but their actual sexual experience is probably a lot less than they make it out to be. A lot of girls who talk about their sexual conquests, end up acting like prudes when you try to get sexual with them. Fact is: people talk the talk, but they never walked the walk, so they are just talking bullshit. Don't get down on yourself, there's PLENTY of people in your position.
However, don't sit on your ass. Try to make things happen. Don't wait on fate, that's for women.
On July 22 2011 16:59 Alpino wrote: Wow, reading this thread i realized how my country's culture is different(like being 20+ and virgin is unthinkable). I thought it was prejudice, but here we are indeed more sexual. :D Me gusta. Well, I wouldn't recommend people to rationalize as much as some of you guys are doing, with that "my pace" attitude(it sounds presumptuous to say you don't need sex). Just stop thinking about it and make it happen.
Yeah, Bulgaria is the same way. North America is pretty bad in that respect.
It's because we are all animals with brains, and most human beings don't even have that big of a brain (95IQ and lower). It's what basic instinct tells us to do.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of them must having a 32C boobs and slim slender body else they are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
"Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
People bring up sex often, but their actual sexual experience is probably a lot less than they make it out to be. A lot of girls who talk about their sexual conquests, end up acting like prudes when you try to get sexual with them. Fact is: people talk the talk, but they never walked the walk, so they are just talking bullshit. Don't get down on yourself, there's PLENTY of people in your position.
However, don't sit on your ass. Try to make things happen. Don't wait on fate, that's for women.
It is not a fact, not all people lie about their sexual conquests, I never lied about mine which aren't many, but some. The fact is, some people never walked the walk. And thank you for saying what i couldn't word. Guys, don't sit on your asses!
On July 22 2011 13:36 Rarak wrote: If you are about 12. Once you start having sex, I dont think holding hands cuts it anymore tbh.
Having said that, I don't think there is any shame in not having sex until you are 20 or so. From that point onwards tho, no excuses imo its fun times so why not?
Hehe. I'm nearly 30 years old. Close to 40 notches in the bedpost and soon... going to be married for the third time - I'm glad with just holding hands and cuddling at times, gotta save my strength
Sure I am engaged to be married etc soon and sure I hold my fiance's hand from time to time. My point is I don't yearn for it.
Heck after work sometimes all you want is a cuddle.
Sex is only a big deal to people who don't have it. There's no validation in it, it's just another form of stimulation, like starcraft. It just happens to be a bit more physically pleasing. Why do guys like to have sex with chicks? Because it's great exercise and it feel good. All there is to it.
On July 22 2011 16:59 Alpino wrote: Wow, reading this thread i realized how my country's culture is different(like being 20+ and virgin is unthinkable). I thought it was prejudice, but here we are indeed more sexual. :D Me gusta. Well, I wouldn't recommend people to rationalize as much as some of you guys are doing, with that "my pace" attitude(it sounds presumptuous to say you don't need sex). Just stop thinking about it and make it happen.
20+ and virgin is pretty rare in the US too though, so don't put too much into a TL thread. Clearly the TL userbase is not very representative of the general population.
Although I do have to say this thread explains a lot about why TL treats women in esports so horribly.
On July 22 2011 16:59 Alpino wrote: Wow, reading this thread i realized how my country's culture is different(like being 20+ and virgin is unthinkable). I thought it was prejudice, but here we are indeed more sexual. :D Me gusta. Well, I wouldn't recommend people to rationalize as much as some of you guys are doing, with that "my pace" attitude(it sounds presumptuous to say you don't need sex). Just stop thinking about it and make it happen.
20+ and virgin is pretty rare in the US too though, so don't put too much into a TL thread. Clearly the TL userbase is not very representative of the general population.
Although I do have to say this thread explains a lot about why TL treats women in esports so horribly.
TL is TL - but what about the strong religious attitudes, sex education (or lack thereof) and the abstinence movement in America that we Brits seem to hear about alot - are they strong movements or just sensational enough for be heard of from over here?
It's a big deal to one person so they make it out to be a big deal to everyone. It's not a big deal to another person so they believe it shouldn't be a big deal for anyone.
Not everyone is the same though, and it's obviously going to hold different values for those who have experienced sex before vs those who haven't and don't know what it's like.
It's an animal urge and people are animals so everyone can relate to having such urges. Again though, not everyone is affected by said urges the same way due to several factors, some feel the urge more strongly while others might be less effected by it or be able to shrug it off more easily. Everyone has the urge though (assuming the sexual organs are present and functioning properly in relation to the brain and it's chemistry) so they can relate to a common cause.
When the majority considers something like this normal, abnormal behavior is not often looked upon with the most favorable consideration.
I hope that brings some, if any clarity to the situation.
Just to take a wild guess, I would say that the reason for society's focus on this issue has something to do with it being a biological instinct due to it's necessity for the survival of the species.
4. Two obvious immediate negative effects come to mind. One, sex could potentially damage your relationship with your sexual partner and create awkward tension in future encounters if the sex does not go well (or if it should never have happened in the first place). Two, if your performance is poor (as one would assume is quite likely being a virgin) it could be somewhat traumatizing and quite embarrassing. I'm not saying you should avoid sex based on those two reasons, but they point out how important it is to feel emotionally "ready" for it.
Wouldnt agree to it. I lost mine with 21. My girlfriend was well experienced, my first perfomance was, guess it, very poor, but it didnt matter. Find the right girl, practice with her alot :p, and you will catch up very soon. A poor perfomance is natural for the first few time, just find the right girl and everything will be fine.
peer pressure is probably high yeah, but society aswell ? once you get past the virgin point i dont think anyone makes a big deal out of it anymore. well, from my experience that is. not sure how it is on the other side of the pond.
i can't for the life of me understand abstinence though. thinking back to the point i actually lost my virginity (17 years ago , at age 15 , im an old git ! ) i really really wouldnt want to experience that with my also virgin wife on my wedding night. so clumsy and akward.
I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...
You are a virgin not because of fate, but because you have not sought it out. When in highschool, girls don't just give up their bodies, at least not where I am from. The man has to work to get in her pants. Also, in college, establishing a relationship and getting in a girls pants may also take some working. Its not just something that fate can determine where, oh look, there's a naked girl in my bed and I have a raging boner, I guess ill have sex now!
Any way, back onto the point.
While I think society overvalues sex a bit, and terms like "lol kid get a girlfriend" or "get laid, nerd" are pretty pathetic, the reason sex is so prominent is because its a huge basic human need. I say need, not desire, because without sex there is no human species. Personally, I have always been incredibly horny, and was mastrubating as early as the third grade. I don't know if I "value" sex highly, but I crave it often for sure. When I turned 16, I sacrificed a lot in my life, time, money, values, friends, ect, just to get laid, and get laid often. Looking back I don't know if I would have done any thing differently because life for me the rush and thrill of not only sex, but the pursuit of sex is just too enjoyable.
On July 22 2011 15:43 andynewin wrote: I'm 24 and still a virgin, my hands and fingers arn't though, just gonna take it one step at a time. I'm still like a bronze right now im gonna wait till I'm atleast a diamond before I start in masters
Sex should be between two people, it should be special, so it makes sense that it should be for marriage, and it should be respected. The sexualization of our society is a problem that is difficult to fix, and it is so vast and widespread that people don't even acknowledge it as a problem until you realize that it is when you have children. Certainly, if I was a father, I would protect my sons and/or daughters from a lot of things that they do not need to know about. I would NOT be over-protective, but there is a line between what you should know and what you do not need to know or be influenced by in this world.
I can speak from experience at the immediate issue also. Simply put: despite it being a serious struggle especially as a male, I wish I waited for marriage. In my next relationship I will wait until marriage. Also, the whole idea of 'waiting' does not preclude me from having to wait in my next relationship, in my opinion.
On July 22 2011 17:41 kurse3 wrote: Sex should be between two people, it should be special, so it makes sense that it should be for marriage, and it should be respected. The sexualization of our society is a problem that is difficult to fix, and it is so vast and widespread that people don't even acknowledge it as a problem until you realize that it is when you have children. Certainly, if I was a father, I would protect my sons and/or daughters from a lot of things that they do not need to know about. I would NOT be over-protective, but there is a line between what you should know and what you do not need to know or be influenced by in this world.
I can speak from experience at the immediate issue also. Simply put: despite it being a serious struggle especially as a male, I wish I waited for marriage. In my next relationship I will wait until marriage. Also, the whole idea of 'waiting' does not preclude me from having to wait in my next relationship, in my opinion.
can i ask why ? i respect your opinion ofcourse , but why make such a big deal out of it ?
dont get me wrong , i dont mean that someone should go around and hump everything in sight but when you're in a relationship and it feels right , why must you wait ?
On July 22 2011 17:41 kurse3 wrote: Sex should be between two people, it should be special, so it makes sense that it should be for marriage, and it should be respected. The sexualization of our society is a problem that is difficult to fix, and it is so vast and widespread that people don't even acknowledge it as a problem until you realize that it is when you have children. Certainly, if I was a father, I would protect my sons and/or daughters from a lot of things that they do not need to know about. I would NOT be over-protective, but there is a line between what you should know and what you do not need to know or be influenced by in this world.
I can speak from experience at the immediate issue also. Simply put: despite it being a serious struggle especially as a male, I wish I waited for marriage. In my next relationship I will wait until marriage. Also, the whole idea of 'waiting' does not preclude me from having to wait in my next relationship, in my opinion.
Why wait till marriage though? Marriage is an artificial social construct, while sex is natural and pleasurable.
I had several opertunities to have sex but I always denied because somehow I felt it wasn't the right moment. And I don't felt like "wasting" my first time with a girl I don't really love.
I kinda value it in a sense that I want my first time to be really great and with someone I will be together for at least a while and I adore.
strange question to ask... Is sex overpowered in society?
I definitely enjoy sex, but at the same time I have no problem going for a few months without it. I have known people that can't go for more then a few days without it. Some people need it ( or think they need it) more then others.
The question you ask is way to vague.. What do you mean by overpowered?
On July 22 2011 17:51 Wrath 2.1 wrote: I had several opertunities to have sex but I always denied because somehow I felt it wasn't the right moment. And I don't felt like "wasting" my first time with a girl I don't really love.
I kinda value it in a sense that I want my first time to be really great and with someone I will be together for at least a while and I adore.
Maybe it sounds shit, but.. I dk, its how I feel.
Dont get me wrong and no offense, but is everybody in this thread a little girl or what? Denying the opportunity to have sex, because its not the "right moment"?! What? What is the right moment? I tell you, when you have a boner you could kill with...
The fact is sex is good. You are genetically programed to enjoy sex and seek it. Your whole purpose as a living being is to survive and replicate. Thus, if you fail to have sex you are not meeting one of your main goals in life.
Sex is fun and pleasurable, stop stressing out about it. It's no big deal if you don't bed a different boy/girl every weekend, and people that would think less of you for not doing so shouldn't be worth your time. People are extremely immature about sex in the UK and US in my experience, it's pretty pathetic.
On July 22 2011 17:51 Wrath 2.1 wrote: I had several opertunities to have sex but I always denied because somehow I felt it wasn't the right moment. And I don't felt like "wasting" my first time with a girl I don't really love.
I kinda value it in a sense that I want my first time to be really great and with someone I will be together for at least a while and I adore.
Maybe it sounds shit, but.. I dk, its how I feel.
Dont get me wrong and no offense, but is everybody in this thread a little girl or what? Denying the opportunity to have sex, because its not the "right moment"?! What? What is the right moment? I tell you, when you have a boner you could kill with...
I ve trouble with letting people to close to me, I guess...
On July 22 2011 17:51 Wrath 2.1 wrote: I had several opertunities to have sex but I always denied because somehow I felt it wasn't the right moment. And I don't felt like "wasting" my first time with a girl I don't really love.
I kinda value it in a sense that I want my first time to be really great and with someone I will be together for at least a while and I adore.
Maybe it sounds shit, but.. I dk, its how I feel.
doesnt sound shit
thing is though, by waiting for " that" moment, the chances are pretty high that moment will be really underwhelming.
at least , i cant say i enjoyed the first time much. only after experience it became way better.
On July 22 2011 17:59 LurkersGonnaLurk wrote: Sex is fun and pleasurable, stop stressing out about it. It's no big deal if you don't bed a different boy/girl every weekend, and people that would think less of you for not doing so shouldn't be worth your time. People are extremely immature about sex in the UK and US in my experience, it's pretty pathetic.
This is something i have found to be largely true in the UK, my brother is one of those people who puts so much value on sex, its basically how he bases his self esteem, i personally don't get it, i was a virgin until 17, and my brother tormented my up til that point(he lost his at 13), and he makes it seem like that makes him somehow better/more awesome, cos he has had sex with 25 girls and i have only been with 2.
Sex is good, sex in a healthy relationship can rarely be bad, lack of sexual stimulation can be bad. Sex is overvalued hard before you have it, but i definitely know that before i lost my virginity, i most probably wasn't as happy, simply cos of my brother and that it was something i wanted to do really badly, not cos of pressures people put on my but because i personally see it as a instinctual drive that humans possess.
Basically, if you can have sex, and it is in some kind of trusting relationship, even if not in a relationship and your just seeing someone, its alright, but to lose your virginity i'd really suggest being in a relationship because i know it can really be brick your pants moment.
A Question i have is do we include sexual experiences .E.G. Oral sex or other things like that, because to me they seem different they arent the complete sharing of ones body with another which is something i think sex is really about.
On July 22 2011 17:59 LurkersGonnaLurk wrote: Sex is fun and pleasurable, stop stressing out about it. It's no big deal if you don't bed a different boy/girl every weekend, and people that would think less of you for not doing so shouldn't be worth your time. People are extremely immature about sex in the UK and US in my experience, it's pretty pathetic.
I feel in the UK we're pretty good about it - it's still a taboo subject to older folk and the media, but there are few hang ups to be honest - women are as sexually empowered as the men, we don't believe in abstaining or denial or waiting until marriage. Our sexual education is patchy one region to the next, and for that we do have teenage pregnancies (but some people DO want families early in life, we mustn't think every young parent was an idiot) but generally we're told what parts go where and what contraception is for and how to avoid STIs.
Sex is a very cool thing to do. Nuff said, I don't understand why people would "delay it for marriage and then it will somehow feel better". How can you even make any assumptions that having sex with someone other than your wife/husband if you've never tried? Furthermore, it has psychological effects, I mean, whenever you can say that you have experienced enough of something, you can make a conscient choice to not do it anymore. I would be very cautious about marrying a woman that has no sexual experience (especially out of principle) because one day she would eventually fuck someone else than me just to know "what other men are like".
I would not worry about it too much, rather have sex with someone you get to know first and you really like/love or just feel attracted to. In my opinion its just better not to make that decision on looks only or with complete stranger. Just for the STD:s alone. And i think youre right, there is rather overwhelming pressure in todays teens minds to have sex rather early, too early in my opinion. Of course there are people who mature more quickly than others, but i think those individuals are exception to the rule.
Sex is fun though and one should not feel guilty having it, if both/all participants are adults and willing that is.
Sex is nice, but it is not what some people make it. It's not like your life is bad without it, so I guess your right in saying that it is OP in society. Relax, you will have sex some time, there is no need to rush it. If it is of any help to you, I think sex is often most important to those who didn't yet have it or the jerks that tease the former about it.
You probably saw the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin and thought it was hilarious how that man lived with his nerdy lifestyle and sexless life. It was a movie about that guy's rise from the decadent, boring life into an exciting, sex filled and normal life, right? Wrong. Think about it. The titular 40 year old virgin started his day with a little exercise, made his breakfast and rode his bike to work. When he got to work we saw that he didn't have the best job in the world, and probably not the best pay either, but he liked it, he liked his job, and had enough money to buy everything he wanted. After work, he rode his bike home, greeted his friendly neighbors and spent his night playing video games, watching movies, painting figures, and building models, in other words, he did whatever the fuck he wanted.
Now this is where it gets tricky, he went out with his co-workers and let slip the fact that he was a virgin. They immediately start making fun of him, which makes him feel bad about his virginity. Remember, he never once felt bad about it, he was living a happy existence, peer pressure was the only reason why he even thought about it. Suddenly he is going to nightclubs, he's drinking, talking to women and does he feel happy about it? No, he feels awkward, but he can't stay a virgin right? After a few failed attempts, he finally meets a women that seems to like him and gives him her number. They go out a few times and eventually she's ready to have sex but oops, her teenage daughter walks in on them. This is an important part, because now you realize that this women has 2 children, a teenage girl and a young boy. Suddenly, the poor 40 year old virgin finds that he has to take care of 2 obnoxious kids, but that's not enough. The women finally sees the virgin's apartment, and marvels at his action figures. She immediately says "Hey, let's sell this kiddy shit.", the virgin doesn't want to sell it, he likes having all that shit, but is pressured by the women anyway. Because HER little store is going to sell the toys, it means more profit for her. Remember, this women is supposed to be miss right, the nice, mature women that you should marry. The guy finally snaps because he realizes how much his life has changed, but it's too late now. After a couple of shenanigans he asks her to marry him and he eventually has sex.
In conclusion, the poor bastard left his happy carefree life and is left with a women who doesn't like his nerdy shit and two kids who aren't his but he has to raise anyway. His free time his gone, his money his gone, his toys are gone and his independence is gone, but that's ok, at least he had sex.
And that's why I don't have a girlfriend, because to me, the 40 year old virgin is a tale of a man who descended into darkness.
I just now realized this thread makes me think about my relationship with my fiancée. Towards the beginning of our relationship she finally asked me an awkward question in my opinion, it was either "when was your first time or how many partners have you had sex with."
I just looked at her like wtf... she told me she wouldn't get mad at me if I answered, but I didn't answer her. She didn't tell me either so we are both left in the dark about each other's sexual past.
I mean we both talked some stuff about past relationships, but we never talked about sexual stuff. I guess it felt taboo? *scratches head* I know my ex GF straight up told me virgins don't exist in Seoul when we were together. (I had asked her if she was a virgin haha. )
Honestly though I love sex. Sometimes I miss my 2nd ex GF... my God she was a nymph. She literally wanted sex at least 2 times a day... EVERY DAY the week! My fiancée was shy the first time I finally asked her after like 2 months of waiting for that "timing attack" . I gave up waiting for that moment and just finally told her I wanted to bang. She got all offended saying she's not a prostitute and I was like "Wtf Sex isnt' that evil we been together a good 2 months I just want some sex!"
It really depends on the person. Most of the girls I've been with loved sex. My current relationship I don't think she enjoys sex. I think she just does it mainly because I want it which kind of makes me feel awkward like it's a chore for her or something.
On July 22 2011 18:51 Zapdos_Smithh wrote: Considering the main goal of human life is to reproduce (in terms of biology), it should be pretty obvious why sex is so important in society.
I understand sex is important to society, but I think the OP's question is too broad.
Sex to reproduce and casual sex which is mostly seen on TV, movies, and etc. is what I think the OP is referring to as the "cool thing to do"
Truth is that if you could have sex you would, but when you can't (like somebody mentioned due to not being attractive + no girlfriends ever) you make posts about it here to feel better and don't feel like a "loser" that you mentioned. And I'm not going to lie about it and tell you that sex is overrated - it's not, its the best thing in the world When you will experience it you will understand - until not, please don't say anythin about it when you have no knowledge about it.
On July 22 2011 18:45 valaki wrote: Just relevant:
You probably saw the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin and thought it was hilarious how that man lived with his nerdy lifestyle and sexless life. It was a movie about that guy's rise from the decadent, boring life into an exciting, sex filled and normal life, right? Wrong. Think about it. The titular 40 year old virgin started his day with a little exercise, made his breakfast and rode his bike to work. When he got to work we saw that he didn't have the best job in the world, and probably not the best pay either, but he liked it, he liked his job, and had enough money to buy everything he wanted. After work, he rode his bike home, greeted his friendly neighbors and spent his night playing video games, watching movies, painting figures, and building models, in other words, he did whatever the fuck he wanted.
Now this is where it gets tricky, he went out with his co-workers and let slip the fact that he was a virgin. They immediately start making fun of him, which makes him feel bad about his virginity. Remember, he never once felt bad about it, he was living a happy existence, peer pressure was the only reason why he even thought about it. Suddenly he is going to nightclubs, he's drinking, talking to women and does he feel happy about it? No, he feels awkward, but he can't stay a virgin right? After a few failed attempts, he finally meets a women that seems to like him and gives him her number. They go out a few times and eventually she's ready to have sex but oops, her teenage daughter walks in on them. This is an important part, because now you realize that this women has 2 children, a teenage girl and a young boy. Suddenly, the poor 40 year old virgin finds that he has to take care of 2 obnoxious kids, but that's not enough. The women finally sees the virgin's apartment, and marvels at his action figures. She immediately says "Hey, let's sell this kiddy shit.", the virgin doesn't want to sell it, he likes having all that shit, but is pressured by the women anyway. Because HER little store is going to sell the toys, it means more profit for her. Remember, this women is supposed to be miss right, the nice, mature women that you should marry. The guy finally snaps because he realizes how much his life has changed, but it's too late now. After a couple of shenanigans he asks her to marry him and he eventually has sex.
In conclusion, the poor bastard left his happy carefree life and is left with a women who doesn't like his nerdy shit and two kids who aren't his but he has to raise anyway. His free time his gone, his money his gone, his toys are gone and his independence is gone, but that's ok, at least he had sex.
And that's why I don't have a girlfriend, because to me, the 40 year old virgin is a tale of a man who descended into darkness.
Ok, the point you have made is: - In one specific movie, some guy was a virgin and was unhappy once he tried to have sex.
And that is the reason you don't have a girlfriend? I feel bad for you.
First of all, there are plenty of people in happy relationships. They don't change the way they are in order for their partner to like them. If my girlfriend would tell me to stop playing games, that's when the relationship ends.
Furthermore, sex is great. You can have sex without being a relationship, so yeah, you can have sex without "descending into darkness".
I do agree that society and media put a lot of pressure on young people to have sex. Everyone who didn't have sex in highschool is looked down upon. Every single movie implies that you had to have sex in high school or you are a loser. Even if its not the main theme of the movie. Even in every other action movie some loser appears who didnt have sex in high school. It's really gettin to the point where this virgin-theme becomes so annoying.
I'm not even for saving yourself or waiting for the right person or whatnot. Sex is fun. Most people want to have sex. For some people it just happened after some arbitrary age which society declares as the loser treshhold. People need to move away from the assumption that you need to have sex before you are 18 or you are gonna fail in life...
You probably saw the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin and thought it was hilarious how that man lived with his nerdy lifestyle and sexless life. It was a movie about that guy's rise from the decadent, boring life into an exciting, sex filled and normal life, right? Wrong. Think about it. The titular 40 year old virgin started his day with a little exercise, made his breakfast and rode his bike to work. When he got to work we saw that he didn't have the best job in the world, and probably not the best pay either, but he liked it, he liked his job, and had enough money to buy everything he wanted. After work, he rode his bike home, greeted his friendly neighbors and spent his night playing video games, watching movies, painting figures, and building models, in other words, he did whatever the fuck he wanted.
Now this is where it gets tricky, he went out with his co-workers and let slip the fact that he was a virgin. They immediately start making fun of him, which makes him feel bad about his virginity. Remember, he never once felt bad about it, he was living a happy existence, peer pressure was the only reason why he even thought about it. Suddenly he is going to nightclubs, he's drinking, talking to women and does he feel happy about it? No, he feels awkward, but he can't stay a virgin right? After a few failed attempts, he finally meets a women that seems to like him and gives him her number. They go out a few times and eventually she's ready to have sex but oops, her teenage daughter walks in on them. This is an important part, because now you realize that this women has 2 children, a teenage girl and a young boy. Suddenly, the poor 40 year old virgin finds that he has to take care of 2 obnoxious kids, but that's not enough. The women finally sees the virgin's apartment, and marvels at his action figures. She immediately says "Hey, let's sell this kiddy shit.", the virgin doesn't want to sell it, he likes having all that shit, but is pressured by the women anyway. Because HER little store is going to sell the toys, it means more profit for her. Remember, this women is supposed to be miss right, the nice, mature women that you should marry. The guy finally snaps because he realizes how much his life has changed, but it's too late now. After a couple of shenanigans he asks her to marry him and he eventually has sex.
In conclusion, the poor bastard left his happy carefree life and is left with a women who doesn't like his nerdy shit and two kids who aren't his but he has to raise anyway. His free time his gone, his money his gone, his toys are gone and his independence is gone, but that's ok, at least he had sex.
And that's why I don't have a girlfriend, because to me, the 40 year old virgin is a tale of a man who descended into darkness.
Ok, the point you have made is: - In one specific movie, some guy was a virgin and was unhappy once he tried to have sex.
And that is the reason you don't have a girlfriend? I feel bad for you.
First of all, there are plenty of people in happy relationships. They don't change the way they are in order for their partner to like them. If my girlfriend would tell me to stop playing games, that's when the relationship ends.
Furthermore, sex is great. You can have sex without being a relationship, so yeah, you can have sex without "descending into darkness".
Nah, I didn't write this. But this is relevant to the whole "pressure to have sex or you become a loser thing", and since he was 40, sex meant a relationship too. Of course sex is really good but you CAN live without it.
"However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point"
So the point of this thread was to tell us that you just can't get some, so your wondering what your missing out on??
Can't say its valued to high when the entire population thrives on the concept, sex is like the cleanest drug, hits you everytime the same way but yet always feels serine and different... Like someone said, don't knock it till you try it.
Go have sex, then come back asking if we value it to much.
On July 22 2011 18:45 valaki wrote: Just relevant:
You probably saw the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin and thought it was hilarious how that man lived with his nerdy lifestyle and sexless life. It was a movie about that guy's rise from the decadent, boring life into an exciting, sex filled and normal life, right? Wrong. Think about it. The titular 40 year old virgin started his day with a little exercise, made his breakfast and rode his bike to work. When he got to work we saw that he didn't have the best job in the world, and probably not the best pay either, but he liked it, he liked his job, and had enough money to buy everything he wanted. After work, he rode his bike home, greeted his friendly neighbors and spent his night playing video games, watching movies, painting figures, and building models, in other words, he did whatever the fuck he wanted.
Now this is where it gets tricky, he went out with his co-workers and let slip the fact that he was a virgin. They immediately start making fun of him, which makes him feel bad about his virginity. Remember, he never once felt bad about it, he was living a happy existence, peer pressure was the only reason why he even thought about it. Suddenly he is going to nightclubs, he's drinking, talking to women and does he feel happy about it? No, he feels awkward, but he can't stay a virgin right? After a few failed attempts, he finally meets a women that seems to like him and gives him her number. They go out a few times and eventually she's ready to have sex but oops, her teenage daughter walks in on them. This is an important part, because now you realize that this women has 2 children, a teenage girl and a young boy. Suddenly, the poor 40 year old virgin finds that he has to take care of 2 obnoxious kids, but that's not enough. The women finally sees the virgin's apartment, and marvels at his action figures. She immediately says "Hey, let's sell this kiddy shit.", the virgin doesn't want to sell it, he likes having all that shit, but is pressured by the women anyway. Because HER little store is going to sell the toys, it means more profit for her. Remember, this women is supposed to be miss right, the nice, mature women that you should marry. The guy finally snaps because he realizes how much his life has changed, but it's too late now. After a couple of shenanigans he asks her to marry him and he eventually has sex.
In conclusion, the poor bastard left his happy carefree life and is left with a women who doesn't like his nerdy shit and two kids who aren't his but he has to raise anyway. His free time his gone, his money his gone, his toys are gone and his independence is gone, but that's ok, at least he had sex.
And that's why I don't have a girlfriend, because to me, the 40 year old virgin is a tale of a man who descended into darkness.
Won't say whether I agree with you, but this was an excellent post haha.
ont op 21 isn't incredibly late, I have a couple of friends around that age that are virgins. Couldn't care less, would never consider anyone a loser for that reason alone.
On July 22 2011 18:48 Silentness wrote: I just now realized this thread makes me think about my relationship with my fiancée. Towards the beginning of our relationship she finally asked me an awkward question in my opinion, it was either "when was your first time or how many partners have you had sex with."
I just looked at her like wtf... she told me she wouldn't get mad at me if I answered, but I didn't answer her. She didn't tell me either so we are both left in the dark about each other's sexual past.
I mean we both talked some stuff about past relationships, but we never talked about sexual stuff. I guess it felt taboo? *scratches head* I know my ex GF straight up told me virgins don't exist in Seoul when we were together. (I had asked her if she was a virgin haha. )
Honestly though I love sex. Sometimes I miss my 2nd ex GF... my God she was a nymph. She literally wanted sex at least 2 times a day... EVERY DAY the week! My fiancée was shy the first time I finally asked her after like 2 months of waiting for that "timing attack" . I gave up waiting for that moment and just finally told her I wanted to bang. She got all offended saying she's not a prostitute and I was like "Wtf Sex isnt' that evil we been together a good 2 months I just want some sex!"
It really depends on the person. Most of the girls I've been with loved sex. My current relationship I don't think she enjoys sex. I think she just does it mainly because I want it which kind of makes me feel awkward like it's a chore for her or something.
/end long rant >,<
I would suggest to you that if you like sex a lot to find another girl instead of getting married to this one. It is only going to get worse no matter what she says.
You probably saw the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin and thought it was hilarious how that man lived with his nerdy lifestyle and sexless life. It was a movie about that guy's rise from the decadent, boring life into an exciting, sex filled and normal life, right? Wrong. Think about it. The titular 40 year old virgin started his day with a little exercise, made his breakfast and rode his bike to work. When he got to work we saw that he didn't have the best job in the world, and probably not the best pay either, but he liked it, he liked his job, and had enough money to buy everything he wanted. After work, he rode his bike home, greeted his friendly neighbors and spent his night playing video games, watching movies, painting figures, and building models, in other words, he did whatever the fuck he wanted.
Now this is where it gets tricky, he went out with his co-workers and let slip the fact that he was a virgin. They immediately start making fun of him, which makes him feel bad about his virginity. Remember, he never once felt bad about it, he was living a happy existence, peer pressure was the only reason why he even thought about it. Suddenly he is going to nightclubs, he's drinking, talking to women and does he feel happy about it? No, he feels awkward, but he can't stay a virgin right? After a few failed attempts, he finally meets a women that seems to like him and gives him her number. They go out a few times and eventually she's ready to have sex but oops, her teenage daughter walks in on them. This is an important part, because now you realize that this women has 2 children, a teenage girl and a young boy. Suddenly, the poor 40 year old virgin finds that he has to take care of 2 obnoxious kids, but that's not enough. The women finally sees the virgin's apartment, and marvels at his action figures. She immediately says "Hey, let's sell this kiddy shit.", the virgin doesn't want to sell it, he likes having all that shit, but is pressured by the women anyway. Because HER little store is going to sell the toys, it means more profit for her. Remember, this women is supposed to be miss right, the nice, mature women that you should marry. The guy finally snaps because he realizes how much his life has changed, but it's too late now. After a couple of shenanigans he asks her to marry him and he eventually has sex.
In conclusion, the poor bastard left his happy carefree life and is left with a women who doesn't like his nerdy shit and two kids who aren't his but he has to raise anyway. His free time his gone, his money his gone, his toys are gone and his independence is gone, but that's ok, at least he had sex.
And that's why I don't have a girlfriend, because to me, the 40 year old virgin is a tale of a man who descended into darkness.
Ok, the point you have made is: - In one specific movie, some guy was a virgin and was unhappy once he tried to have sex.
And that is the reason you don't have a girlfriend? I feel bad for you.
First of all, there are plenty of people in happy relationships. They don't change the way they are in order for their partner to like them. If my girlfriend would tell me to stop playing games, that's when the relationship ends.
Furthermore, sex is great. You can have sex without being a relationship, so yeah, you can have sex without "descending into darkness".
Nah, I didn't write this. But this is relevant to the whole "pressure to have sex or you become a loser thing", and since he was 40, sex meant a relationship too. Of course sex is really good but you CAN live without it.
That post was pretty bad. Not all woman are like that. The real point of the story is do not marry the first girl that gives you some.
I was hoping this would be a discussion about the power of sexuality. People, women especially, are actually valued by how "hot" they are in society. Really hot women actually have ALL the power over men. Like they can choose to have men doing all the work (money) for them. Or if they choose to go for a career they will have a huge advantage over ugly women or short men (these are just examples, you get the point). Now this is something worthy of a discussion. Have you noticed that succesful people are usually pretty good looking?
That is why sex is imba and hot women are OP in society. Not because some guy can't or won't get laid (which is fine at his age, imo). Waiting is fine. Doing it from early on is fine too.
On July 22 2011 18:48 Silentness wrote: I just now realized this thread makes me think about my relationship with my fiancée. Towards the beginning of our relationship she finally asked me an awkward question in my opinion, it was either "when was your first time or how many partners have you had sex with."
I just looked at her like wtf... she told me she wouldn't get mad at me if I answered, but I didn't answer her. She didn't tell me either so we are both left in the dark about each other's sexual past.
It is common courtesy to introduce yourself before asking someone else for their name. Hence, I consider it common courtesy to tell the other before asking the same thing. If she wants to know how many people you've slept with, she should tell you how many she's had, first. It allows for even footing.
On July 22 2011 18:45 valaki wrote: Just relevant:
You probably saw the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin and thought it was hilarious how that man lived with his nerdy lifestyle and sexless life. It was a movie about that guy's rise from the decadent, boring life into an exciting, sex filled and normal life, right? Wrong. Think about it. The titular 40 year old virgin started his day with a little exercise, made his breakfast and rode his bike to work. When he got to work we saw that he didn't have the best job in the world, and probably not the best pay either, but he liked it, he liked his job, and had enough money to buy everything he wanted. After work, he rode his bike home, greeted his friendly neighbors and spent his night playing video games, watching movies, painting figures, and building models, in other words, he did whatever the fuck he wanted.
Now this is where it gets tricky, he went out with his co-workers and let slip the fact that he was a virgin. They immediately start making fun of him, which makes him feel bad about his virginity. Remember, he never once felt bad about it, he was living a happy existence, peer pressure was the only reason why he even thought about it. Suddenly he is going to nightclubs, he's drinking, talking to women and does he feel happy about it? No, he feels awkward, but he can't stay a virgin right? After a few failed attempts, he finally meets a women that seems to like him and gives him her number. They go out a few times and eventually she's ready to have sex but oops, her teenage daughter walks in on them. This is an important part, because now you realize that this women has 2 children, a teenage girl and a young boy. Suddenly, the poor 40 year old virgin finds that he has to take care of 2 obnoxious kids, but that's not enough. The women finally sees the virgin's apartment, and marvels at his action figures. She immediately says "Hey, let's sell this kiddy shit.", the virgin doesn't want to sell it, he likes having all that shit, but is pressured by the women anyway. Because HER little store is going to sell the toys, it means more profit for her. Remember, this women is supposed to be miss right, the nice, mature women that you should marry. The guy finally snaps because he realizes how much his life has changed, but it's too late now. After a couple of shenanigans he asks her to marry him and he eventually has sex.
In conclusion, the poor bastard left his happy carefree life and is left with a women who doesn't like his nerdy shit and two kids who aren't his but he has to raise anyway. His free time his gone, his money his gone, his toys are gone and his independence is gone, but that's ok, at least he had sex.
And that's why I don't have a girlfriend, because to me, the 40 year old virgin is a tale of a man who descended into darkness.
Brilliant post man. Very perceptive analysis on a great film. Btw you misspel woman, otherwise the english is great too. Again, great post and I kinda agree with what you said in the end. But when you meet the right girl, you are glad to throw some of the kiddy stuff away. I mean, he had gone a little overboard with it.
No of course you're not a loser, ignore the pressure and live life how you want. But as for me, I do believe it's an important part of a healthy balanced lifestyle. It's great!
I think everything that needs to be said in this thread has been said already. In addition, I'll say this:
I know people who had sex in high school and I know ~29 year old virgins. Both have pro's and cons, so at the end of the day, it's whats right for you.
Remember that society put the "acceptable" ages on when it is right to have sex... and we all know that society is not always right.
I feel like I should say something like: Peace out and rubber up.
Sex is OP. People regard it way too highly, especially because of the media nowadays. If someone thinks of you as a loser because you're a virgin, don't take it seriously.
On July 22 2011 18:45 valaki wrote: Just relevant:
You probably saw the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin and thought it was hilarious how that man lived with his nerdy lifestyle and sexless life. It was a movie about that guy's rise from the decadent, boring life into an exciting, sex filled and normal life, right? Wrong. Think about it. The titular 40 year old virgin started his day with a little exercise, made his breakfast and rode his bike to work. When he got to work we saw that he didn't have the best job in the world, and probably not the best pay either, but he liked it, he liked his job, and had enough money to buy everything he wanted. After work, he rode his bike home, greeted his friendly neighbors and spent his night playing video games, watching movies, painting figures, and building models, in other words, he did whatever the fuck he wanted.
Now this is where it gets tricky, he went out with his co-workers and let slip the fact that he was a virgin. They immediately start making fun of him, which makes him feel bad about his virginity. Remember, he never once felt bad about it, he was living a happy existence, peer pressure was the only reason why he even thought about it. Suddenly he is going to nightclubs, he's drinking, talking to women and does he feel happy about it? No, he feels awkward, but he can't stay a virgin right? After a few failed attempts, he finally meets a women that seems to like him and gives him her number. They go out a few times and eventually she's ready to have sex but oops, her teenage daughter walks in on them. This is an important part, because now you realize that this women has 2 children, a teenage girl and a young boy. Suddenly, the poor 40 year old virgin finds that he has to take care of 2 obnoxious kids, but that's not enough. The women finally sees the virgin's apartment, and marvels at his action figures. She immediately says "Hey, let's sell this kiddy shit.", the virgin doesn't want to sell it, he likes having all that shit, but is pressured by the women anyway. Because HER little store is going to sell the toys, it means more profit for her. Remember, this women is supposed to be miss right, the nice, mature women that you should marry. The guy finally snaps because he realizes how much his life has changed, but it's too late now. After a couple of shenanigans he asks her to marry him and he eventually has sex.
In conclusion, the poor bastard left his happy carefree life and is left with a women who doesn't like his nerdy shit and two kids who aren't his but he has to raise anyway. His free time his gone, his money his gone, his toys are gone and his independence is gone, but that's ok, at least he had sex.
And that's why I don't have a girlfriend, because to me, the 40 year old virgin is a tale of a man who descended into darkness.
dude, thats an awesome conclusion. Doesn't mean you shouldn't have sex, just have it with the right peron and don't let anyone put pressure on you
Wait a minute, I'm not sure I understand you correctly.
When you say "fate hasn't allowed you to experience it yet" that means you want to have sex but haven't had the opportunity yet?
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but that means you're not very "popular" with the opposite gender, right?(popular as in sexually attractive) If that's the case then well... large part of how you're perceived by society depends on your sexual attractiveness, as superficial as it may sound.
Try to look at it this way - roughly half of the world population are women. If most of those women don't see you as a man that they would like to have sex with/build a family/etc. it makes you look like a "loser" to them. Know what I mean?
To me personally it's just something natural. I'd consider myself a very sexual person meaning that I developed a sexual drive as early as 10 or 11 years old. Maybe even earlier. Since then I basically found myself very much attracted to girls and also wanting to have sex with them of course. Dirty sex and lots of it.
If that's not the case for you, just take your time and wait for the opportunity to present itself. Don't let society's pressure get to you. For some people a real sexual drive only develops after they actually had their first time.
On July 22 2011 11:42 ClysmiC wrote: I've always had the following view on sex: Save it till you meet your wife and it will be a million times more satisfying than it would be just hooking up with some random girls.
I enjoy having sex, lots and lots, but never really went out of my way to get it. Currently I'm with a girl I intend to spend the rest of my life with and it's just as fun and exciting now as when we first started seeing each other :3.
Sex is weh. First time I got bored halfway through and finished only for the girls sake. I haven't bothered chasing it down ever since. If it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't and my life doesn't change either way.
On July 22 2011 20:36 JoFritzMD wrote: Sex is weh. First time I got bored halfway through and finished only for the girls sake. I haven't bothered chasing it down ever since. If it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't and my life doesn't change either way.
Least you could do that. My first time I was to drunk to keep it up, hahaha.
On July 22 2011 20:36 JoFritzMD wrote: Sex is weh. First time I got bored halfway through and finished only for the girls sake. I haven't bothered chasing it down ever since. If it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't and my life doesn't change either way.
Maybe it is boring because you only tried it once. It is the same as with sc2, practice, practice, practice. It keeps getting better and at some point you will realize just how awesome it is. Really, I do not think that sex is overrated in any way, it is in a lot of cases, greatness!
Also, I find it very amusing how several posters who haven't had sex says it is overrated and that people who pursue it are in many cases shallow. Indeed, ironic.
On July 22 2011 17:51 Wrath 2.1 wrote: I had several opertunities to have sex but I always denied because somehow I felt it wasn't the right moment. And I don't felt like "wasting" my first time with a girl I don't really love.
I kinda value it in a sense that I want my first time to be really great and with someone I will be together for at least a while and I adore.
Maybe it sounds shit, but.. I dk, its how I feel.
Dont get me wrong and no offense, but is everybody in this thread a little girl or what? Denying the opportunity to have sex, because its not the "right moment"?! What? What is the right moment? I tell you, when you have a boner you could kill with...
Ummm. Just because you haven't had it happen doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I have turned girls down. I even had a boner, but thats not really whats important. What is, is that I was not comfortable with A. The Partner B. The Location C. The Time
Seriously, if I told you that every day for the rest of your life some skanky girl was going to ask you to pleasure her (even though you've only just met her that day). Would you do it? Everyday? OR would you be a "little girl". Seriously get out if you just wanna insult people for using their Brain instead of their Dick. Use your other head please.
It's funny to think about it. Billion years of evolution has lead to this very specific species, the homo sapeins. which as with every other species has one soul purpose in life, to replicate. And yet, here I am, at the brink of my 20's and still completely incompitent of finding a mating partner. Isn't it just hilarious? Nature has failed me.
On July 22 2011 21:08 LittLeD wrote: It's funny to think about it. Billion years of evolution has lead to this very specific species, the homo sapeins. which as with every other species has one soul purpose in life, to replicate. And yet, here I am, at the brink of my 20's and still completely incompitent of finding a mating partner. Isn't it just hilarious? Nature has failed me.
No! You've failed nature Sir! Stork's everywhere are being put down!
I really don't see what the big fuss about sex really is. I mean, I've had sex a bunch but really, when I hear my up and coming teen age cousins talking to me about it, asking why I don't go out and just have sex with random girls because sex is "amazing", it's just plain silly. I really do not get how people get obsessed or even driven to rape people because of the feeling sex gives them. Maybe it's because I don't particularly have an addictive personality or whatever, but I just personally think sex is overrated, to be quite honest.
To be honest, seeing so many children and teenage moms out there right now makes me just want to honestly not ever have a kid. It frankly sickens me at the sight of seeing so many kids being born to moms that are younger than I am (I'm 20).
On July 22 2011 21:08 LittLeD wrote: It's funny to think about it. Billion years of evolution has lead to this very specific species, the homo sapeins. which as with every other species has one soul purpose in life, to replicate. And yet, here I am, at the brink of my 20's and still completely incompitent of finding a mating partner. Isn't it just hilarious? Nature has failed me.
Try parties/clubs, look for drunk girls (guys?), feel them up, if nobody punches you in the face, score.
You don't have to go looking for sex, it'll just kind of naturally happen when it's time. Unless you resist it yourself... which you don't necessarily have to unless bound by religious reasons.
On July 22 2011 21:08 LittLeD wrote: It's funny to think about it. Billion years of evolution has lead to this very specific species, the homo sapeins. which as with every other species has one soul purpose in life, to replicate. And yet, here I am, at the brink of my 20's and still completely incompitent of finding a mating partner. Isn't it just hilarious? Nature has failed me.
Try parties/clubs, look for drunk girls (guys?), feel them up, if nobody punches you in the face, score.
I do not want to attack you but that this status of having to do sex asap has lead to more alcool abuse where the guys try to incapacitate the girl to have an easier approach with them.
I'm part of the virgin "club" and while i do not feel a loser i, however, would like to try these sensations but really getting girl drunk in order to have more chances with them seems so cheap to me.
On July 22 2011 11:42 ClysmiC wrote: I've always had the following view on sex: Save it till you meet your wife and it will be a million times more satisfying than it would be just hooking up with some random girls.
The only other option is you are super religious and haven't ever seen a beautiful women
Or he has been tempted just like everyone else, but has the self-control to make the smarter choice.
You will also have terrible sex with your wife and never know if you're really sexually compatible. Humans aren't meant to be monogamous from birth to death - it will still be much more satisfying than hooking up with random girls. The difference is that it will be satisfying for her too.
sex is awesome. maybe if you have only had sex when you are fucked up or never at all you might think it's not great but you are wrong. having a long term partner will lead to better and more meaningful sex, at least until you stop liking them or whatever. too many people here with what seems like very little experience are knocking sex and that's just plain wrong.
Sex has many benefits besides just feeling good, so without it you are completely missing out. Gratifying in more than 1 way. I would also dare to say that it's a better idea to have only 1 partner to avoid diseases and waking up to someone ugly looking...
LOL, some of the posts in this thread are a bit silly.
Sex is important for our race in case you hadn't realised. The more you keep it repressed the more the people who come from these backgrounds struggle when they experience it and many develop tastes that in some way punish them as they feel they are doing something bad or else never truely get to enjoy it fully.
To the guy who wrote the OP. You will only know the answer once you have it as a part of your life.
There is no rush to do it, its not a race, I lost my virginity at 15 and had friends who lost theirs at 28 everyones healthy and happy so when its meant to be its meant to be. But dont for one minute surpress your urges to have it unless that goes against your belief system, its the most natural, ingrained instinct that your body has, along with eating, breathing fight or flight etc.
Dont beat yourself up about it, go out and enjoy yourself and it will happen.
Seeing as OP is not a devout Christian, this is my suggestion to you:
Sex is awesome. God made sex so that Man and Woman could enjoy and join together in a passionate activity that is a very very intimate expression of their love for each other. It is awesome. Yet - God created it such that if you have sex with someone, you will have joined your bodies together. Meaning that you will be one body. You will share thoughts, attributes and become "one". Anyone with a brain can see the implications of this: that if you have sex with multiple partners, then you are going to be joined to several people and this is when things go wrong.... the intimate trust, the love and the original purpose of sex is misused leading to disaster.
That said - if you don't believe in God, why care? Just screw anything that is Hot / moves. After all, having an orgasm is pretty awesome right? Or lying in bed 10+ years into the future when current TL-ers (avg age of posters = 20yrs) are married, and thinking that: My wife's vagina has been pounded over and over and over by several different guys, some whom I actually know. No you don't have to think about it, but it's true and it's not awesome.
On July 22 2011 21:40 JesusOurSaviour wrote: Hilarious thread with all the replies.
Seeing as OP is not a devout Christian, this is my suggestion to you:
Sex is awesome. God made sex so that Man and Woman could enjoy and join together in a passionate activity that is a very very intimate expression of their love for each other. It is awesome. Yet - God created it such that if you have sex with someone, you will have joined your bodies together. Meaning that you will be one body. You will share thoughts, attributes and become "one". Anyone with a brain can see the implications of this: that if you have sex with multiple partners, then you are going to be joined to several people and this is when things go wrong.... the intimate trust, the love and the original purpose of sex is misused leading to disaster.
That said - if you don't believe in God, why care? Just screw anything that is Hot / moves. After all, having an orgasm is pretty awesome right? Or lying in bed 10+ years into the future when current TL-ers (avg age of posters = 20yrs) are married, and thinking that: My wife's vagina has been pounded over and over and over by several different guys, some whom I actually know. No you don't have to think about it, but it's true and it's not awesome.
A Christian on TL??? Not particularly religious here but he's totally right
On July 22 2011 11:42 ClysmiC wrote: I've always had the following view on sex: Save it till you meet your wife and it will be a million times more satisfying than it would be just hooking up with some random girls.
The only other option is you are super religious and haven't ever seen a beautiful women
Or he has been tempted just like everyone else, but has the self-control to make the smarter choice.
You will also have terrible sex with your wife and never know if you're really sexually compatible. Humans aren't meant to be monogamous from birth to death - it will still be much more satisfying than hooking up with random girls. The difference is that it will be satisfying for her too.
Says who. Is there some good reason why they shouldn't? You haven't said a reason, except maybe "you'll be less experienced"
So I guess I will just have to fuck my wife a lot to get good? I don't think you have to wait, but I don't think there is anything wrong with two people holding out for each other. Kinda romantic ironically.
I have sex for fun since I was 12 (had a curious cousin lol) and I can assure you that any guy that has had a lot of sex in his life won't marry any girl, specially one pounded by a lot of guys. That happens with the guys that did not have a good amount of sex and will be in love with the first girl that shows good perfomance.
The way I see it is, it's your life live it how you want to who gives a shit what other people think. If someone says your a loser or they think there better than you because of it just laugh and remind yourself that your not the one who has to insult people over petty things just to make yourself happy.
If our personalities can be as different as we are, then so can our sex. Some people enjoy getting shit in their mouth during sex, some people wait until they get married. Just let it be.
Society shouldnt tell you who you are.... your not a loser... And you are not gay for looking a special way... there is alot of stuff like that and all of it is wrong... You are who you are... your not what the society tells you who u are......
The lesser person thing for being a virgin is very "school boy" no? just another thing to rip people on in school, being what 21? you shouldnt even have mates that immature no more ? In school it was funny after school well it doesn't become a topic, of course you discuss fit women with your mates or yeh wouldnt mind her kind of comments, but you dont really ask your mate over a pint, so bro whens last time you had sex.....or so when you going to pop ur cherry bro. Becomes irrelevant with age, ones life is theres not anyone elses'
That is why there isn't as much sex as there should be. Because our expectations are so high regarding what it "should be" both in terms of performance or meaning that we dismiss fucking just for the fuck of it .
Lets fuck more!
If there were more women in TL, id propose a TL orgy right now.
Only the 12-17year old demographic is where anyone will ridicule you for not getting some, but that's because it's 'fun' at that age...anyone older than this that does the same is just not very intelligent or open-minded.
I'm 18 and don't get me wrong, in my friend circle we always give someone an up-top for getting it in a a humorous fashion but we also have virgins who don't get laughed at or anything even said, if they don't bring it up we don't ask and everyone is cool with it and it doesn't even enter our minds to say anything about it. If they're talking to a girl or something we'll say like "oh you are definitely tapping dat!" and have the same banter with them...
Interesting point though - my girl friend (who has an active sex life) says she thinks so much of virgins at her age (18) and if there were two twins in a bar and one was a virgin, she would pick the virgin every time and all of her friends say the same...
I'm surprised no one has brought up the race issue yet lol.
If you're Asian and you've already had sex when you're less than 21 years old, I'm sure your parents will beat the shit out of you. Also, Asian parents are also pretty protective of their children. Plus, it's not the "norm" for Asians to be having sex nor making babies at age of 18 like Americans/Hispanics.Actually, you'll be looked down upon even from your friends for being sluts.
But to the OP, why does it matter if you don't care right? If you don't care, who gives a shit whether you're a virgin or not?
Edit: I just saw someone's post about most people with brains are still virgins at 20+ and saving it for the special girl. I totally agree. Educated people know enough from studies (jacking off *cough*) that first time won't be good anyway. Might as well save it for someone special. And if you're justifying yourself that "Oh I did it with some girl so I can be good for that special one." That's the most retarded shit. With a special one, you don't have to do anything really. Everything with that one will be perfect.
Sex feels absolutely amazing but its kind of short-term and sometimes leaves you feeling empty afterwards. It's like eating candy, there's no real nutritional value there. There's a Weezer song called 'Tired of Sex' about how boring even something as exciting as sex can become when it becomes mundane. What's truly rare is finding someone who you can *make love to* and really mean it.
Honestly it is much more impressive to get into Grandmaster's than to have a lot of sex. Women just take up too much of my Starcraft time XD
On July 22 2011 11:44 Inkcrow wrote: You don't need sex to be happy, You don't need sex to be confident You don't need sex to be healthy And you don't need sex to be fulfilled
here's my view on it.. I dont think sex really 'overrated', just thats its rated wrongly altogether. If one were to put up a metaphorical collage of what everyone thought about it, the most standout feature would amount to superstition. the society issue is that, in general, everyone has wildly different and many crazy ideas about it, and thinks, at least subconciously, that everyone else should think the same. i dont think i need examples of this lol. but in the end, much of this has actually nothing to do with sex at all yet this is what people tell their kids, students, or whatever, and so cycle goes. when stripped of all 'fluff', sex is nothing short of incredible, imo. however, i think most people barely scratch the surface of what good sex can be. this view is a bit complicated cos it a variety of factors. one is porn, cos people think good porn = good sex. for example, you never see 'slow and steady' porn, but if someone didn't tell you or you haven't tried it, you'd never how much different that orgasm feels. another factor is the idea of relationships that people have, that its a black and white issue, either you're 'in a relationship' or 'not in a relationship' and its completely insane imo cos again, everyones views on what a relationship is is different. people that just want/need fuck buddies should be honest with themselves and others and say so. there's no law saying one cant care for and show affection to their friends either, if thats the kind of relationship with that/those person/people they want to have (note general use of the word relationship )
"Sex is becoming like the World Cup; sod-all action, followed by endless talking" - Henry Davenport, Drop the Dead Donkey.
Yep, sex is fun. Whatever. That's it. The reason it's so talked-about is because it was sort of "banned" in Victorian times (obviously i don't mean literally banned). Like anything else that's taboo, it just means that people want to do it more and we're still riding the crest of that wave. That, and there are still people who think it's objectionable to discuss sex, which maintains the taboo, which in turn keeps a certain kind of person even more interested than they naturally would be.
It's just a cycle. In my experience, people should take it far less seriously - but that can be said of a lot in life. It sucks that people mock virgins or whatever, but people will mock anyone if it makes them feel better about themselves.
On July 22 2011 21:53 pedrotrv wrote: I have sex for fun since I was 12 (had a curious cousin lol) and I can assure you that any guy that has had a lot of sex in his life won't marry any girl, specially one pounded by a lot of guys. That happens with the guys that did not have a good amount of sex and will be in love with the first girl that shows good perfomance.
good god man....
anyways, i havent read the whole thread but it sounds like there are people who are actually saying sex is not a good thing. I dont understand that. unless youre knocking up girls everywhere and getting/spreading STDs or something, theres really nothing wrong with sex or people who like to have sex. seriously, it sounds like a case people insulting something they dont have to try to convince themselves they dont want it anyway
When you're in your late teens to mid 20's sex is a big deal, however, your idea of sex will change as you get older, moving from 'OMGZ SEX'S, SO BIG DEALS' into just taking it as what it is - a good time for all parties involved.
Being the ripe age of 30 now, I can see the difference when the topic comes up with my friends. It used to revolve around "You tappin' that yet?" - now it's just an assumption that if you're with someone for longer than a few weeks, you probably are and there's no need to ask.
Sex isn't overrated, it's fucking awesome and I wouldn't want to live without it, but as you get older it becomes less and less of the huge monumental deal it was when you were younger.
Long story short, don't worry about it, start having it when you feel you're ready to do so (it can vary from person to person). Eventually it'll just become that thing you do with whatever person you're with at the time.
I was 23 when I lost my virginity and turned out all right I never used to hang out with people who valued it that highly. Hell, a friend of mine is 27 and still a virgin, I dont judge him for it, neither do my friends.
I just turned 20 and I only recently lost my virginity (that is if you don't count 2 drunk occasions that I don't remember much of anyway, and 1 interesting story from when I was 3 lol :D). I've never had "no sex = loser" problems and lack of self esteem about it. Sex is immensely overrated but that's not a problem from me, as I'm not really into the retarded trends and stuff and I don't care what average joe thinks about me. My real problem about it, is that the girls that look innocent and you just want to hug seem to have ... disappeared :/
Sex is cool bro. Losing your virginity is a life-changing epiphany of an event. You literally see the world in a completely different way.
That being said, IMO it's getting pretty common to come across people who don't lose their v-cards till later in life (20+ years). I don't think anyone thinks any less of them, at least guys anyway.Personally I hit it at 17, which I feel was a relatively fine age to do so, even though a good number of my friends were 15 when they started.
If it's a problem for you, or you feel insecure about it, then just don't bring it up in conversation.
I think sex is not overrated and is just a part of growing up. Adolescence is a part of your life in which you want to know about yourself and gain knowledge on things that you are unfamiliar with including sex.
In my experience, I was not pressured into having sex. Having sex while young does have its perks and bragging rights and virgins may think that sex will turn you into a cool/different person. Experiencing it does change you a bit, it makes you understand relationships more and what can make you (and your partner) happy but other than that, I think none. Just think of your parents, they've done it a billion times but they're not cool (I might be wrong though).
On July 22 2011 21:40 JesusOurSaviour wrote: Hilarious thread with all the replies.
Seeing as OP is not a devout Christian, this is my suggestion to you:
Sex is awesome. God made sex so that Man and Woman could enjoy and join together in a passionate activity that is a very very intimate expression of their love for each other. It is awesome. Yet - God created it such that if you have sex with someone, you will have joined your bodies together. Meaning that you will be one body. You will share thoughts, attributes and become "one". Anyone with a brain can see the implications of this: that if you have sex with multiple partners, then you are going to be joined to several people and this is when things go wrong.... the intimate trust, the love and the original purpose of sex is misused leading to disaster.
That said - if you don't believe in God, why care? Just screw anything that is Hot / moves. After all, having an orgasm is pretty awesome right? Or lying in bed 10+ years into the future when current TL-ers (avg age of posters = 20yrs) are married, and thinking that: My wife's vagina has been pounded over and over and over by several different guys, some whom I actually know. No you don't have to think about it, but it's true and it's not awesome.
Although I can appreciate your moral stance on it, from a logical point I could never marry someone that I hadn't had sex with - I would also never buy a car without test driving it first, kahrayzay.
That being said, I feel that there is a danger that without exploring sex with your partner, you could end up with a woman who finds she just doesn't enjoy it all that much and has a very low libido. Given the choice on being with someone who had 0 past sexual partners and 10, I would choose 10 every time hands down. Ultimately we are both ending up at the same point, I don't care so much how we got there.
So I'll wish you the best of luck with whatever it is you end up doing, but remember - she may be a cold fish and as cool as it sounds, it's not your wife's duty to tend to her man's needs, as a man you gotta earn that shit.
On July 22 2011 23:07 Rob28 wrote: Sex is cool bro. Losing your virginity is a life-changing epiphany of an event. You literally see the world in a completely different way.
That being said, IMO it's getting pretty common to come across people who don't lose their v-cards till later in life (20+ years). I don't think anyone thinks any less of them, at least guys anyway.Personally I hit it at 17, which I feel was a relatively fine age to do so, even though a good number of my friends were 15 when they started.
If it's a problem for you, or you feel insecure about it, then just don't bring it up in conversation.
Hahaha I'm kind of on the same line as the op, however I'm not a virgin. Sex is imo overrated to a sertain extent. I've never really been in love with the girls I've had sex with though, so maybe I'm up for a treat later on if that's what you're talking about. Calling it a life changing epiphany of an event is helluva exaggeration atleast, that's for sure ^^
Edit: Winning an epic sc game and go up a league is tonnes better than having sex imo. You can have twice every day on a regular schedule, but going up a league I'm happy like a bear in a fish stick factory.
OP you are just confused with everything about and the pressure is getting to you a bit. Yes sex can have this nasty image of having to be a ripped stud banging bitches left right and center and girls having to get boob implants and stick their fingers down their throat to stay slim just to 'not be a loser' etc.
Yeah no, thats not how it works. Sex with randoms is just sex, but sex with someone you really like / love is completely different and brings the emotion to a whole new level.
The truth is, sex is good for you. It builds something inside of you. But only if you approach it as an experience and not as something that changes you. It doens't give you status, or change you're personality.
Really it just opens new avenues of female male interactions. Once you've dated a girl for a long time and you are sexually active you can get a grasp on what it's like to have a intimate partner.
The best sex is always with someone you "love", sex is boring without a meaningful relationship and genuine sexual attraction and emotional attachment.
As a a 23 year old, I can say i've had random sex. But sex too me is about increasing a close relationship to be more affectionate. Girls just love sex, so You're gonna be in situations where you're man part is the target of desire. Be real and get tough. Give her a good one, once all that is over. Then you realize why sex is all about love.
The Peer pressure, all that stuff is just like anything else. Just ignore it and act how you feel.
Sex with anybody ELSE than the love of your life, IS overrated.... highly.
I would rather have 1000 lonely masturbation hours, than 1000 hours of sex with random females I don't have anything in common with, or a love interest in.
Of couree, if it's 1000 hours with the love of my life, then, that is PRICELESS.
I've gone without sex for about a year now... I don't really miss it, if I know it will be with random people.. which it will, until i find the dream girl.
Until I find her, masturbation will do just fine. There are plenty o girls out there who wants to get fucked by me, but it's become boring, because it ultimately feels shallow and uninteresting.
It only matters if you are ready to express your feelings intimately with another person that you can trust enough to be naked with. And sex isn't OP, sometimes it's the most awesome feeling you can imagine, but sometimes it is just meh (usually when alcohol is involved).
Sex is a personal choice, don't let anyone try and convince you otherwise.
1) Sex is not a moral right or wrong choice. 2) Sex is not a religious choice. 3) Sex is not a choice made by peer pressure or societal influence.
Sex always has and always will be a personal choice as for when to experience it. Anything beyond that is complete garbage. If you are happy with your choice not to have sex until x criteria, then do not let anyone try and convince you that decision is wrong.
I know just as many people who waited until they got married to have sex that regret it as I know people who didn't. At the end of the day you will likely look back and always wonder "What If" no matter which choice you make. Anyone who says otherwise either hasn't lived long enough to hit that retrospective stage of their life or is a liar.
On July 22 2011 23:57 MasterFischer wrote: Sex with anybody ELSE than the love of your life, IS overrated.... highly.
I would rather have 1000 lonely masturbation hours, than 1000 hours of sex with random females I don't have anything in common with, or a love interest in.
Of couree, if it's 1000 hours with the love of my life, then, that is PRICELESS.
I've gone without sex for about a year now... I don't really miss it, if I know it will be with random people.. which it will, until i find the dream girl.
Until I find her, masturbation will do just fine. There are plenty o girls out there who wants to get fucked by me, but it's become boring, because it ultimately feels shallow and uninteresting.
Noo pick 1000 hours of randoms! I wouldn't say its highly overrated, but you are sort of right. The difference between random sex and sex with someone you like / love is completely different. But sex with a girl is way better than masturbation.
I wouldn't freak out about not getting with random girls constantly, but dont place that in the same category as sex with someone you like.
Blame it on the genes, not the society. Society is just overglorifying what their genes tell them to.
Honestly, at this point in the history and the population being at this crazy number in billions, if we still want to keep being proud of how "intelligent" and "greater" than other species on the Earth, we should be fucking not breeding at all, and reduce our number to a sustainable level (with regards to natural resources). I don't see that happening, so I think that's bullshit to claim that we, humans, as a species are more intelligent than any other.
Man, I love writing stuff in Cracked.com language.
On July 23 2011 00:12 JamesJohansen wrote: Sex is overrated and easy to get. Women are such whores in modern society that its mostly like shooting fish in a barrel if you're in pursuit.
Value your virginity. Find a good girl and bond with her on a deeper level then have sex. You won't regret it.
If you can make such a blanket statement about those of us who like to have casual sex then I get to make this statement
Sex is fucking awesome. Theres a reason everyone talks, wants and thinks about it. Fuck virginity your gonna suck at sex with your first partner and ruin the entire experience anyway. Might as well get some "educational" backround in the field. Also, women are great in modern society. A lot of my closest friends would probably fall under your "whore" category, sorry they are sexually active and dont give a shit what people think of them (kind of sounds familiar, like a.... guy)
My advice is to have sex with whoever and whenever... If you fall in love in the process (which you most likely will) it will not ruin or take away from the experience 1 bit
I wouldn't suggest jumping into a marriage before understanding the opposite person sexually.
For several reasons:
1. You will be bad at it your first time, the same goes for your spouse. Say the first time for both of you is on your honeymoon. a. Its will be awkward, since you have no experience with others body. You will have no clue what, when, where, or how to touch each other. "Clumsy" will spring to mind. b. The girl in the relationship will be in pain, and may not even be able to continue depending. c. The guy will not have very much endurance, so even if the girl isn't in pain, she prob wont get close to a climax. d. You will need to be at least mildly competent, if you want your honeymoon night to be blissful.
2. Your partner and yourself may not be sexually "compatible". a. If you haven't messed around with your spouse prior to marriage then you don't know how the two of you will work together b. Now I'm not saying sex is everything in a relationship, BUT, It does play a very large part in having a happy relationship. c. If the two of you don't fit together well, then that emotional and physical connection will be severed.
3. Practice makes perfect... a. Starcraft. b. Soccer. c. Baseball. d. and of course: Sex.
I'm not saying that you should go "whore" yourself around town.
I am only suggesting that when you are having a loving relationship, outside of marriage, that is a perfect time to work on your "timings" and just understand the opposite sexes body.
What's good or bad, and how to be sensual. ya dig?
On July 22 2011 23:57 MasterFischer wrote: Sex with anybody ELSE than the love of your life, IS overrated.... highly.
I would rather have 1000 lonely masturbation hours, than 1000 hours of sex with random females I don't have anything in common with, or a love interest in.
Of couree, if it's 1000 hours with the love of my life, then, that is PRICELESS.
I've gone without sex for about a year now... I don't really miss it, if I know it will be with random people.. which it will, until i find the dream girl.
Until I find her, masturbation will do just fine. There are plenty o girls out there who wants to get fucked by me, but it's become boring, because it ultimately feels shallow and uninteresting.
Noo pick 1000 hours of randoms! I wouldn't say its highly overrated, but you are sort of right. The difference between random sex and sex with someone you like / love is completely different. But sex with a girl is way better than masturbation.
I wouldn't freak out about not getting with random girls constantly, but dont place that in the same category as sex with someone you like.
I've never had it so I wouldn't know but it seems like by the 1,000th time you had sex with the same person, you would both be quite amazing at having sex with each other. While with the 1,000 randoms, yeah some of them know how to have sex "well", but do they know everything about you physically? Every little spot?
I really liked reading all the responses in this thread . Good read, and I'm going through that point in my life where I'm really weighing my relationships and thinking about what a relationship really is. Sooo I thought it was helpful, and though I've always tried to not stress out about lots of stuff (including women derp) just reading every. single. post. in this thread helped me relax even more.
On July 23 2011 00:12 JamesJohansen wrote: Sex is overrated and easy to get. Women are such whores in modern society that its mostly like shooting fish in a barrel if you're in pursuit.
Value your virginity. Find a good girl and bond with her on a deeper level then have sex. You won't regret it.
Oh god yes, this x1000. Sex isn't hard to get, finding a girl who is worth more than just sex is. You only get one first time, make it count.
On July 23 2011 00:12 JamesJohansen wrote: Sex is overrated and easy to get. Women are such whores in modern society that its mostly like shooting fish in a barrel if you're in pursuit.
Value your virginity. Find a good girl and bond with her on a deeper level then have sex. You won't regret it.
Whores, eh? You must be really popular with the ladies, <3.
People make too big a deal out of sex. Practice safe sex, make sure everything's consensual, and have at it.
I had sex for the first time when I was 22. I had some real opportunities before that, but I don't know, I was acting like a 14 year old scared girl and didn't think I was ready yet or this was the good girl. I fully agree in the whole part of having sex and making love are 2 distincts things. Having sex is waaaaaay overrrated, you can get it done by yourself or any cheap girl. It's just physical pleasure that last some sconds. If you do it by yourself you don't have to face the awkward moment where you see that girl in your bed and wonder if that was really worth it. The only thing I can think is that this girl will never be my girl friend because how can I trust some cheap girl that was screaming sex the first time I met her. Having real feelings and expressing them through acts is a totally different story. I try not to have sex with some random girls because i really don't fill any satisfaction on doing so. Again, this is my personal story and opinion and I can conceive some guys have a different approach. My conclusion is that sex is overrated, but girls aren't.
I can't imagine anyone who's not out of his mind saying anything bad about sex. Saying it's overrated is one thing, that fully depends on your mindset and what you expect from it, if you expect to get relaxed and enjoy something completely naturalistic and physical, you just won't be able to say anything bad about it unless something is wrong with you, IMO.
On July 23 2011 00:48 OutlaW- wrote: I can't imagine anyone who's not out of his mind saying anything bad about sex. Saying it's overrated is one thing, that fully depends on your mindset and what you expect from it, if you expect to get relaxed and enjoy something completely naturalistic and physical, you just won't be able to say anything bad about it unless something is wrong with you, IMO.
I think the main subject is how sex is perceived in modern society and if the stereotypical idea of sex fits with reality. Watch some movies, commercials, blogs and some teenager's discussion and you'll realise that there is a difference between facts and modern expectations.
Sex is really fun... like really really fun. Probably my favorite passtime besides starcraft.
I don't think not having it should devalue you tho. I don't hold anything against anyone that hasn't had sex. I do hold things against people that say it should be saved for one person. It has been so over hyped by everyone. its just something fun to do between two people.
If it comes up enjoy it. If people give you flack for it ask them if they want to fuck.
First of all sex is FUKING AWESOME!!! Especially with a partner that gets what you like and knows you very well......I am religious, but my views on sex and religion are probably different than other peoples......You can't know who is going to be a good partner for you or not unless you sample the goods.....You gotta test drive that car before you make a huge commitment of your time and money and life......Picture this.....Honeymoon night both virgins making awkward elbowy love.....neither know what good sex is supposed to feel like and neither are sexually compatible ( by this I mean (too big for her, too small for her, she has a weird lookin vag,....the list goes on)) I do think our modern day society places WAAAY to much emphasis on it and I would never disrespect someone because they haven't experienced something that I have.....On the flip side of that coin, there is a reason why people want it and talk about it and idolize it so much......ITS FUKING FUN!!!!!!
I lost my virginity when I was 15 with a girl I'd been dating for 6 months. We both discovered porn and sexuality at a young age so when we met it was all really natural for us. Even though we were young we were in love and I definitely don't regret it. Since then I've had seven other partners and I'm now 21.
What I've found is that my situation was rather unique. Based on what society told me, I grew up believing that everybody was boning like rabbits whenever possible. As I got older I found that definitely wasn't the case. It was a shock to me when I got into college and a lot of the people I met were virgins. Granted I ended up going to a school with a high population of Mormons and religious people, and I'm definitely not religious myself.
Sex is definitely a massive presence in today's society. Young women have huge amounts of pressure put on them to look a certain way, mainly thin and busty. This kind of pressure is really damaging for a lot of teens and forces them to make the wrong decisions. My cousin is a perfect example. She's only twelve and she's still really petite, but she dresses like all the girls she see's on TV and has wanted breasts since she was eight. She's obsessed with her image and the way people view her, but doesn't care about school at all. Vice-versa her sister doesn't care how people view her and ignores societal pressures, but instead focuses on and does exceedingly well in school.
As for your situation, it's not a big deal. I definitely consider myself as having gotten lucky at an early age. I was the first in my group of 5 best friends to lose it, and the last one didn't make it until last year (he was 20).
It doesn't sound like you're overly concerned with the situation so I would just keep living your life and wait for the right moment.
Coming from a Asian's pov (btw I find it real silly how people refer to us as generic "Asians"... Goddamit we're the most populous continent with a myriad of different races and nationalities), it WAS very much frowned upon to engage in sexual relations prior to marriage. However, with the advent of Westernization, people nowadays have grown to become much more liberal about their activities, and even their sexuality. Today, you can be a man dressed up like a woman and all you'd be getting are brief stares. If you did this 30 years ago in my country, you'd be treated like a blue man in a freak show.
However, being 20 this year, and being a virgin, most of the people in my social circle are still virgins who do not succumb to peer pressure. I would like to consider myself to be of the more educated lot (have secured a spot for a PhD course in college), and although people in our circle do engage in sexual activity, it is not worn on a sleeve. Most of us (excluding the jockish lot) are not ashamed to admit our virginity and we see no need to "get it on" to impress an invisible audience.
On the other hand, I do have friends who are less educated, and this lot makes up the majority of our population. The connecting trait I notice in many of these people is a sheer lack of self-esteem. They seem to have an inherent need of self-glorification. I am sad to say, but these people want to be like you. They don't feel satisfied in their Asian skin and they practice what I call "white worship". Please note that I am not insulting the west. It is the portrayal of the west as seen in pop culture. The "sex and drinking is cool" culture. That is really sad, and I predict that within the next century, our Asian traditions would be completely overwhelmed by westernization. I'm calling it.
The irony of the matter is, I think a person is much more of a loser than a virgin if he/she loses her virginity because of social pressure. Even more so if the person thinks that we are losers because we are virgins.
Personally, as an Asian, although not religious but brought up in a Christian home, I do feel a need to maintain the decorum of my lineage and to respect certain traditions. I have had several opportunities to engage in the said activity. I was very tempted, like any 20 year old dude would be. I, however, turned it down not because of religion or whatnot, but simply because it wouldn't be something I could be proud of. I think overcoming temptation is far more gratifying that succumbing to a primal urge.
Therefore you're not a loser because you're a virgin. I would most probably NOT be a virgin if 1) I was brought as a white kid in America AND 2) I had no religious background. Unlike OP, my virginity is something that I highly value, and my first time should only be shared with someone extremely special to me.
On July 23 2011 00:12 JamesJohansen wrote: Sex is overrated and easy to get. Women are such whores in modern society that its mostly like shooting fish in a barrel if you're in pursuit.
Value your virginity. Find a good girl and bond with her on a deeper level then have sex. You won't regret it.
Oh god yes, this x1000. Sex isn't hard to get, finding a girl who is worth more than just sex is. You only get one first time, make it count.
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
I am saving myself for marriage.
And yes, I do believe it will be better.
Because to me, I would be doing it guilt-free, and guilt-free always feels better, no?
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
I am saving myself for marriage.
And yes, I do believe it will be better.
Because to me, I would be doing it guilt-free, and guilt-free always feels better, no?
Yes but maybe guilt-issues should be resolved before marriage. If you find a girl you love and you want to be married with, what's wrong with having sex before marriage ?
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
I am saving myself for marriage.
And yes, I do believe it will be better.
Because to me, I would be doing it guilt-free, and guilt-free always feels better, no?
Imagine you can have sex before marriage that's also guilt-free. Your argument is pretty weak, lol. Be cautious not to expect a lot from it, you might get very disappointed. Also, first sex is pretty bad in comparison to a sex between experienced people.
Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
I'll gladly interfere with your argument. Everyone would be a drug addict if it had no negative effects on the body, which sex, outside of rare illnesses that you can avoid, doesn't have, and was free, like sex is.
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
I am saving myself for marriage.
And yes, I do believe it will be better.
Because to me, I would be doing it guilt-free, and guilt-free always feels better, no?
Yes but maybe guilt-issues should be resolved before marriage. If you find a girl you love and you want to be married with, what's wrong with having sex before marriage ?
Well one reason for the guilt, for me, would be
I feel guilty that I have had sex with a girl before she was married. Because personally, I would very much rather that my wife not have been, shall we say, ravaged, prior to my first time with her.
Likewise, I do not want to do it with someone to whom I may not marry because I don't want to be the guy that has fooled around with her before "handing" her over to her future spouse.
And even if I was already engaged to her, I would think, why not just wait a while longer till when we're actually married? It would feel much more special to me.
Well this is just very Asian, just my personal pov.
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
I am saving myself for marriage.
And yes, I do believe it will be better.
Because to me, I would be doing it guilt-free, and guilt-free always feels better, no?
obvious troll account made for this thread..
idk why you would feel guilty about premarital sex, because sex is very natural and our bodies search for it constantly, wether you like it or not. it is what we are created for. check it: this is sex from my experiences and perspective.
i first had sex when i was in 8th grade with my girlfriend i had been dating for a year. i truely thought we would be together forever and we loved eachother blah blah. after we broke up, i was heartbroken and i though i would never experience anything like that again. in highschool, i was tired of feeling shitty about relationships and feeling like noone is attracted to me, so I started reading and watching alot of psychological articles and documentaries related to attraction. i basically "got good" at talking to girls and creating attraction. after years of experimenting and having sex with different people, i've found that it gets really boring just trying to go bang many people. as i have gotten older, i have become more intolerant with girl's personality traits which i didn't like. its like i became a high maintenance girl who is really choosy with how they spend their time with other people.
during this very choosy time, i happened to meet someone who i cliqued with instantly; true, real, non-manipulated attraction. after awhile of non official dating (like a year?), i decided that this girl is pretty damn awesome, and i was ready for a real, boyfriend girlfriend relationship. yes we had sex before we started officially dating.
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
I am saving myself for marriage.
And yes, I do believe it will be better.
Because to me, I would be doing it guilt-free, and guilt-free always feels better, no?
So let me get this straight: you believe that having a complete lack of experience will somehow make you (and/or your wife/husband) a better lover? What twisted logic is this?
What does guilt have to do with anything? If you are having normal sexual relations with another consenting adult, how/why would guilt enter the picture in any way, shape or form?
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
Sex is legal, doesn't cost money (in a normal relationship) and doesn't rapidly destroy your health.
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
I am saving myself for marriage.
And yes, I do believe it will be better.
Because to me, I would be doing it guilt-free, and guilt-free always feels better, no?
Stop pushing silly religious morals into something that carries no guilt. You don't need a stupid piece of paper to not feel guilty about a perfectly natural act. Go back and read my earlier post.
Sex for me is energy, that vibrating feeling that you feel in your entire body. Every 2-3 days, having sex or simply just wank is for me keeping this energy up, reinforcing it.
This vibrating feeling is indeed OP, sex with another human is not. Having too much sex is for me devestating (unless its just a sex weekend, talking weeks with too much)
For something like sex, I think it's good that everyone goes at their own pace/has their own ideas/attitudes towards it. I could tell you it's not all it's cracked up to be, and it actually is better with someone you've gotten to know, but you can't just know this. If right now you believe that bagging as many chicks as possible is the way to go, you need to go through that process before changing your mind. Or not.
Honestly, it's liberating when you don't care about it as much (eventually you have other priorities); and I wish I spent less time in the past chasing pussy/caring about it, but I had to do it, like most people
edit: for those saving themselves for marriage, let me tell you: it will not make it better, LOL. I don't care who you are, when you first start having sex you are fucking terrible at it. That can change over time, but it doesn't hurt to get ahead of the curve
Unless you're religious, why does a piece of paper from the government acknowledging they are aware you are in a committed relationship with someone mean that fucking them will now be more ~special~ than it would have been beforehand?
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
I'll gladly interfere with your argument. Everyone would be a drug addict if it had no negative effects on the body, which sex, outside of rare illnesses that you can avoid, doesn't have, and was free, like sex is.
You don't have to be a brain surgeon to realize that someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification would be more driven in their pursuit of a partner compared to someone who have sex and/or masturbate regularly. And you write this off as "no negative effect". Wow.
I agree that waiting until marriage is the worst possible and dumb decision in your life. It's an enjoyable activity. That being said, I've been in two casual sex relations and they've both turned awkward. Breaking up with a girl when she ended up wanting a relationship was difficult. The sex was good on that one. Another girl wanted sex on the first date. At first I thought it was awesome. It was not. Ended up having bad sex with someone who wouldn't do foreplay or take her top off. Being in a relationship with another girl means the sole emphasize isn't on sex. And it takes time to figure out what another girl likes and be able to communicate with her.
Sexual incompatibility? That does not exist. There is no such thing as sexual incompatibility. Anything that seems as if it could be classified as sexual incompatibility is actually some other problem.
TL, I am disappointed in you. There are so many bad arguments and logical fallacies in this thread..
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
I'll gladly interfere with your argument. Everyone would be a drug addict if it had no negative effects on the body, which sex, outside of rare illnesses that you can avoid, doesn't have, and was free, like sex is.
You don't have to be a brain surgeon to realize that someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification would be more driven in their pursuit of a partner compared to someone who have sex and/or masturbate regularly. And you write this off as "no negative effect". Wow.
I sincerely hope you're just trolling, because you've got that completely backwards. Saving yourself for marriage is the thing that carries negative effect. Someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification is much more likely to be frustrated and depressed.
On July 23 2011 01:04 theBALLS wrote: I am about to lose my TL virginity here.
Here goes my virgin post:
Coming from a Asian's pov (btw I find it real silly how people refer to us as generic "Asians"... Goddamit we're the most populous continent with a myriad of different races and nationalities), it WAS very much frowned upon to engage in sexual relations prior to marriage. However, with the advent of Westernization, people nowadays have grown to become much more liberal about their activities, and even their sexuality. Today, you can be a man dressed up like a woman and all you'd be getting are brief stares. If you did this 30 years ago in my country, you'd be treated like a blue man in a freak show.
However, being 20 this year, and being a virgin, most of the people in my social circle are still virgins who do not succumb to peer pressure. I would like to consider myself to be of the more educated lot (have secured a spot for a PhD course in college), and although people in our circle do engage in sexual activity, it is not worn on a sleeve. Most of us (excluding the jockish lot) are not ashamed to admit our virginity and we see no need to "get it on" to impress an invisible audience.
On the other hand, I do have friends who are less educated, and this lot makes up the majority of our population. The connecting trait I notice in many of these people is a sheer lack of self-esteem. They seem to have an inherent need of self-glorification. I am sad to say, but these people want to be like you. They don't feel satisfied in their Asian skin and they practice what I call "white worship". Please note that I am not insulting the west. It is the portrayal of the west as seen in pop culture. The "sex and drinking is cool" culture. That is really sad, and I predict that within the next century, our Asian traditions would be completely overwhelmed by westernization. I'm calling it.
The irony of the matter is, I think a person is much more of a loser than a virgin if he/she loses her virginity because of social pressure. Even more so if the person thinks that we are losers because we are virgins.
Personally, as an Asian, although not religious but brought up in a Christian home, I do feel a need to maintain the decorum of my lineage and to respect certain traditions. I have had several opportunities to engage in the said activity. I was very tempted, like any 20 year old dude would be. I, however, turned it down not because of religion or whatnot, but simply because it wouldn't be something I could be proud of. I think overcoming temptation is far more gratifying that succumbing to a primal urge.
Therefore you're not a loser because you're a virgin. I would most probably NOT be a virgin if 1) I was brought as a white kid in America AND 2) I had no religious background. Unlike OP, my virginity is something that I highly value, and my first time should only be shared with someone extremely special to me.
Lol. I'm a white kid in America who is in your position because my parents are the same way (Religious while I am not). The U.S. is big enough that a wide variety of people exist . The States are all very different from each other for the most part, and small towns are much different than large cities. Much like in Asia. Like in Utah lots of people wait to get married before sex, some of those same people try and marry more than one women at once. Haha, Now I'm done (<Jungle Insider).
On July 23 2011 01:36 flanksteak wrote: For something like sex, I think it's good that everyone goes at their own pace/has their own ideas/attitudes towards it. I could tell you it's not all it's cracked up to be, and it actually is better with someone you've gotten to know, but you can't just know this. If right now you believe that bagging as many chicks as possible is the way to go, you need to go through that process before changing your mind. Or not.
Honestly, it's liberating when you don't care about it as much (eventually you have other priorities); and I wish I spent less time in the past chasing pussy/caring about it, but I had to do it, like most people edit: for those saving themselves for marriage, let me tell you: it will not make it better, LOL. I don't care who you are, when you first start having sex you are fucking terrible at it. That can change over time, but it doesn't hurt to get ahead of the curve
Do you know that from experience? I mean I honestly believe that the first time having sex will not be the best, but what does "better" mean? And have you actually waited until you were married to have sex, so that you could actually answer that question? There are many different ways a thing can be "better", and I don't think anyone is arguing "well I'm waiting to have sex till I'm married because I know it will feel better HAHAAHAH FOOLS and their premarital sex." I think its more like you have some confidence in your partner and you feel like your bond is tighter from having only experienced sex with each other (and knowing that), or just religion, whatevs. Its just silly to say people shouldn't wait for marriage if you yourself have not tried it. You can obviously still have an opinion.
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
I am saving myself for marriage.
And yes, I do believe it will be better.
Because to me, I would be doing it guilt-free, and guilt-free always feels better, no?
Stop pushing silly religious morals into something that carries no guilt. You don't need a stupid piece of paper to not feel guilty about a perfectly natural act. Go back and read my earlier post.
I saw nowhere in that statement where he even remotely mentioned religion, so why even bring it up?
I don't see much of a topic for discussion in this. As with anything the majority in a society percieves to be the norm nobody is forcing you to do anything. If you like having sex, have sex. If you don't, don't. Of course if you really care about other people's opinions about you, you might be pushed into it. But by the same logic you would be pushed into doing a number of other things, such as dressing in a certain way, behaving in a certain way, consuming certain drugs etc. In the end: be a real person and do what you like. If other people can't accept that, screw them.
On July 22 2011 19:27 d00p wrote: Really hot women actually have ALL the power over men. Like they can choose to have men doing all the work (money) for them. Or if they choose to go for a career they will have a huge advantage over ugly women or short men (these are just examples, you get the point). Now this is something worthy of a discussion. Have you noticed that succesful people are usually pretty good looking?
That is why sex is imba and hot women are OP in society. Not because some guy can't or won't get laid (which is fine at his age, imo). Waiting is fine. Doing it from early on is fine too.
Slightly off topic here - but just want to say it's hard for an attractive woman in the workplace. Attractive men get the attention of male and female co-workers, as an attractive woman you get jealousy from women/advances from men and there is the question mark over your head 'talented or just eye candy?'
On July 22 2011 21:40 JesusOurSaviour wrote:lying in bed 10+ years into the future when current TL-ers (avg age of posters = 20yrs) are married, and thinking that: My wife's vagina has been pounded over and over and over by several different guys, some whom I actually know. No you don't have to think about it, but it's true and it's not awesome.
I don't care if my lady has had 100 partners before me - the past is the past. I am not so selfish that I would deny the wealth of experiences that come with adult (and sex is part of that) relationships. Why should my future partner feel lonely and unloved for years and years, until the day that our paths cross? Am I so egotistical that I have to have exclusivity like a forum poster with little actual valid content and just go 'FIRST' in order to feel like a significant part of her life? No!
I like to know that my partners consider as me is worthy of their love based on their experiences in other relationships, rather than them not knowing any better because they have nothing to compare me to
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
I'll gladly interfere with your argument. Everyone would be a drug addict if it had no negative effects on the body, which sex, outside of rare illnesses that you can avoid, doesn't have, and was free, like sex is.
You don't have to be a brain surgeon to realize that someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification would be more driven in their pursuit of a partner compared to someone who have sex and/or masturbate regularly. And you write this off as "no negative effect". Wow.
I sincerely hope you're just trolling, because you've got that completely backwards. Saving yourself for marriage is the thing that carries negative effect. Someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification is much more likely to be frustrated and depressed.
I'm not talking about saving yourself for marriage. I'm talking about preserving your sexuality, which is something you can do inbetween relationships.
to answer the question about "why is everything about sex" well thats simply because we are nothing but animals and it is instinct...
we are creatures of habit, don't worry about sex bro, people rant and rave and for good reason but the first time will always be the best, wait until you've got a good partner who will make it that much better
my first gf and I played BW after so wait until the person is right and you'll be much happier
edit OHH!! also if you have it too much you're a slut...WTF IS THAT ABOUT?!?!?! and people who get paid to do it are whores and whore has become an insult...we just can't make up our minds can we?
Sex is definitely OP. It's a cultural obsession, which I think, ironically, would go away if people just got laid more. People would be more relaxed about it, stop making it such a big deal, and then we could all go on with our lives. As long as people are trying to construct rules about who/how/when it should happen we're only going to make people want it more. We're wired to want it, and complicating it only makes us want it more.
I'm not as understanding as the rest of the thread. If you're 21 and you haven't been laid, then something is wrong. Not morally wrong, just that you're a statistical outlier. Ok, so maybe you haven't met a girl worth it yet, fine. But, also, maybe you're just chicken, or bad with women, or whatever. Not all reasons are equally valid It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
Didn't like the OP at all, seems too dramatic. Don't think an "average tool" will consider you a loser unless you are one. You can be a virgin and a winner in many people's eyes. Don't think there's a ton of pressure to have sex, some - maybe, lots and lots of it - not really. If anything, you are the one creating more pressure on yourself by focusing on the few comments you hear and what you see in movies seems like.. On the topic itself, at 20 you are probably missing out, but it's your call in the end. It may be for you that having sex without being crazy about someone wont be all that, so you should wait and find that person. Or it may be that you actually undervalue it and don't know what your missing. If you are not religious or have moral obligations to hold off till marriage, when you find someone you like, I'd advise you try it and then decide for yourself if its op. If you feel more comfortable waiting till the right time, nothing wrong with that. Only bad could come if you are simply worried about the first time and that's why are looking looking for excuses like sex is op. Or you cant get laid and are looking for an excuse... Worrying is natural, not getting laid right away isnt a crime either, but looking for excuses instead of facing reality and trying to downgrade something you havent tried..meh
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
I'll gladly interfere with your argument. Everyone would be a drug addict if it had no negative effects on the body, which sex, outside of rare illnesses that you can avoid, doesn't have, and was free, like sex is.
You don't have to be a brain surgeon to realize that someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification would be more driven in their pursuit of a partner compared to someone who have sex and/or masturbate regularly. And you write this off as "no negative effect". Wow.
I sincerely hope you're just trolling, because you've got that completely backwards. Saving yourself for marriage is the thing that carries negative effect. Someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification is much more likely to be frustrated and depressed.
I'm not talking about saving yourself for marriage. I'm talking about preserving your sexuality, which is something you can do inbetween relationships.
Please explain exactly what do you mean by "preserving your sexuality" and why should one be doing this?
On July 23 2011 01:56 ToxNub wrote: Sex is definitely OP. It's a cultural obsession, which I think, ironically, would go away if people just got laid more. People would be more relaxed about it, stop making it such a big deal, and then we could all go on with our lives. As long as people are trying to construct rules about who/how/when it should happen we're only going to make people want it more. We're wired to want it, and complicating it only makes us want it more. I'm not as understanding as the rest of the thread. If you're 21 and you haven't been laid, then something is wrong. Not morally wrong, just that you're a statistical outlier. Ok, so maybe you haven't met a girl worth it yet, fine. But, also, maybe you're just chicken, or bad with women, or whatever. Not all reasons are equally valid It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
Maybe your just an ass-hole?(I'm juuuuuuuust kidddding sheesh) But I don't need to post that on a forum do I
I really just wanted to ask what statistics am I outlaying from? I thought like 100% of all statistics on the internet were true.
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
I am saving myself for marriage.
And yes, I do believe it will be better.
Because to me, I would be doing it guilt-free, and guilt-free always feels better, no?
Stop pushing silly religious morals into something that carries no guilt. You don't need a stupid piece of paper to not feel guilty about a perfectly natural act. Go back and read my earlier post.
I saw nowhere in that statement where he even remotely mentioned religion, so why even bring it up?
Read his post, that statement comes directly from religious indoctrination. No one who isn't extremely religious considers associating guilt with sex. Few things get me riled up, people associating guilt with sex are one of those few things. This is coming from someone who chose to wait until he was married.
On July 23 2011 01:54 Stil wrote: I don't care if my lady has had 100 partners before me - the past is the past. I am not so selfish that I would deny the wealth of experiences that come with adult (and sex is part of that) relationships. Why should my future partner feel lonely and unloved for years and years, until the day that our paths cross? Am I so egotistical that I have to have exclusivity like a forum poster with little actual valid content and just go 'FIRST' in order to feel like a significant part of her life? No!
Wait, so if your partner never had sex, that partner was lonely and never loved? I think it's a problem in itself when you associated having sex with being loved. Your partner can be a virgin and still have a life full of love.
On July 23 2011 01:04 theBALLS wrote: I am about to lose my TL virginity here.
Here goes my virgin post:
Coming from a Asian's pov (btw I find it real silly how people refer to us as generic "Asians"... Goddamit we're the most populous continent with a myriad of different races and nationalities), it WAS very much frowned upon to engage in sexual relations prior to marriage. However, with the advent of Westernization, people nowadays have grown to become much more liberal about their activities, and even their sexuality. Today, you can be a man dressed up like a woman and all you'd be getting are brief stares. If you did this 30 years ago in my country, you'd be treated like a blue man in a freak show.
However, being 20 this year, and being a virgin, most of the people in my social circle are still virgins who do not succumb to peer pressure. I would like to consider myself to be of the more educated lot (have secured a spot for a PhD course in college), and although people in our circle do engage in sexual activity, it is not worn on a sleeve. Most of us (excluding the jockish lot) are not ashamed to admit our virginity and we see no need to "get it on" to impress an invisible audience.
On the other hand, I do have friends who are less educated, and this lot makes up the majority of our population. The connecting trait I notice in many of these people is a sheer lack of self-esteem. They seem to have an inherent need of self-glorification. I am sad to say, but these people want to be like you. They don't feel satisfied in their Asian skin and they practice what I call "white worship". Please note that I am not insulting the west. It is the portrayal of the west as seen in pop culture. The "sex and drinking is cool" culture. That is really sad, and I predict that within the next century, our Asian traditions would be completely overwhelmed by westernization. I'm calling it.
The irony of the matter is, I think a person is much more of a loser than a virgin if he/she loses her virginity because of social pressure. Even more so if the person thinks that we are losers because we are virgins.
Personally, as an Asian, although not religious but brought up in a Christian home, I do feel a need to maintain the decorum of my lineage and to respect certain traditions. I have had several opportunities to engage in the said activity. I was very tempted, like any 20 year old dude would be. I, however, turned it down not because of religion or whatnot, but simply because it wouldn't be something I could be proud of. I think overcoming temptation is far more gratifying that succumbing to a primal urge.
Therefore you're not a loser because you're a virgin. I would most probably NOT be a virgin if 1) I was brought as a white kid in America AND 2) I had no religious background. Unlike OP, my virginity is something that I highly value, and my first time should only be shared with someone extremely special to me.
Lol. I'm a white kid in America who is in your position because my parents are the same way (Religious while I am not). The U.S. is big enough that a wide variety of people exist . The States are all very different from each other for the most part, and small towns are much different than large cities. Much like in Asia. Like in Utah lots of people wait to get married before sex, some of those same people try and marry more than one women at once. Haha, Now I'm done (<Jungle Insider).
On July 23 2011 01:36 flanksteak wrote: For something like sex, I think it's good that everyone goes at their own pace/has their own ideas/attitudes towards it. I could tell you it's not all it's cracked up to be, and it actually is better with someone you've gotten to know, but you can't just know this. If right now you believe that bagging as many chicks as possible is the way to go, you need to go through that process before changing your mind. Or not.
Honestly, it's liberating when you don't care about it as much (eventually you have other priorities); and I wish I spent less time in the past chasing pussy/caring about it, but I had to do it, like most people edit: for those saving themselves for marriage, let me tell you: it will not make it better, LOL. I don't care who you are, when you first start having sex you are fucking terrible at it. That can change over time, but it doesn't hurt to get ahead of the curve
Do you know that from experience? I mean I honestly believe that the first time having sex will not be the best, but what does "better" mean? And have you actually waited until you were married to have sex, so that you could actually answer that question? There are many different ways a thing can be "better", and I don't think anyone is arguing "well I'm waiting to have sex till I'm married because I know it will feel better HAHAAHAH FOOLS and their premarital sex." I think its more like you have some confidence in your partner and you feel like your bond is tighter from having only experienced sex with each other (and knowing that), or just religion, whatevs. Its just silly to say people shouldn't wait for marriage if you yourself have not tried it. You can obviously still have an opinion.
Wrongspeedy, there's nothing mystical about sex that will somehow improve just because you're married; the bond is important, but experience is too You don't even know your body yet, much less hers when you first start having sex, and unless you're some kind of prodigy, you're definitely going to have a better time the further you get.
And if you're appealing to experience, which I take it you are since you're implying I didn't wait until marriage (I didn't) and therefore wouldn't know, perhaps you should take it from me, since you've hinted to me you're a virgin (not saying this in a derogatory way, just saying, you should probably take my word for it, lol).
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
It hilarious, but it is sad too. Men are the new women.
On July 23 2011 00:51 Jago wrote: The people saying that they are saving themselves for marriage and that somehow that will make the sex better are hilarious.
I am saving myself for marriage.
And yes, I do believe it will be better.
Because to me, I would be doing it guilt-free, and guilt-free always feels better, no?
obvious troll account made for this thread..
idk why you would feel guilty about premarital sex, because sex is very natural and our bodies search for it constantly, wether you like it or not. it is what we are created for. check it: this is sex from my experiences and perspective.
i first had sex when i was in 8th grade with my girlfriend i had been dating for a year. i truely thought we would be together forever and we loved eachother blah blah. after we broke up, i was heartbroken and i though i would never experience anything like that again. in highschool, i was tired of feeling shitty about relationships and feeling like noone is attracted to me, so I started reading and watching alot of psychological articles and documentaries related to attraction. i basically "got good" at talking to girls and creating attraction. after years of experimenting and having sex with different people, i've found that it gets really boring just trying to go bang many people. as i have gotten older, i have become more intolerant with girl's personality traits which i didn't like. its like i became a high maintenance girl who is really choosy with how they spend their time with other people.
during this very choosy time, i happened to meet someone who i cliqued with instantly; true, real, non-manipulated attraction. after awhile of non official dating (like a year?), i decided that this girl is pretty damn awesome, and i was ready for a real, boyfriend girlfriend relationship. yes we had sex before we started officially dating.
That´s the good part about a lot of experimentation. You won't be around any bitch just because they have a pussy and you´ll get tired of girls that are not worth. I´m on the same boat: I had a relationship, she broke with me and now I'm 100x happier because through experimentation I noticed that she is a bitch that would not make me happy in the long term.
On July 22 2011 11:49 nitdkim wrote: I've been mildy depressed since I was prob like 15 years old. Right now I'm 21, still pretty much depressed. I don't really care about sex or women to actively seek sex.
set some goals for yourself wtf...
Its not that simple, I have also dealt with depression for my whole life.
The best thing to do is take life as it comes, and not play into the crap that people try to get you to play into.
a quote i keep on my fridge: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
I'll gladly interfere with your argument. Everyone would be a drug addict if it had no negative effects on the body, which sex, outside of rare illnesses that you can avoid, doesn't have, and was free, like sex is.
You don't have to be a brain surgeon to realize that someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification would be more driven in their pursuit of a partner compared to someone who have sex and/or masturbate regularly. And you write this off as "no negative effect". Wow.
I sincerely hope you're just trolling, because you've got that completely backwards. Saving yourself for marriage is the thing that carries negative effect. Someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification is much more likely to be frustrated and depressed.
I'm not talking about saving yourself for marriage. I'm talking about preserving your sexuality, which is something you can do inbetween relationships.
Please explain exactly what do you mean by "preserving your sexuality" and why should one be doing this?
...Saving yourself for marriage is always just a bad idea....-_-...I dunno...Call it sexual compatibility versus sexual incompatibility. Not that I'm saying to sleep with random women you don't care about. I don't even like doing that.
I stopped sleeping with this girl because the sex was bad...seriously...I'd rather just rub it out myself...I dunno...Don't have feelings for her, she's not as pretty as most girls I actually date, and I usually dodge fucking girls I'm not dating....So I kinda see some points he's saying.
...And I don't mean what he means preserving sexuality....
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
We have strong sex drives so that we are sure to procreate, and sustain the species.
Love does not play into a humans innate sexual urges.
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
We have strong sex drives so that we are sure to procreate, and sustain the species.
Love does not play into a humans innate sexual urges.
Being a drug addict would be completely fine if there weren't all the side affects. Sex feels just as good (if you can live out your fetishes it probably feels a lot better) and has no negative side effects (if you're not stupid or extremely uncareful, that is).
The problem with having sex with random people instead of someone you love is that you don't know each other really well, hence the sex will not be nearly as good as it could be simply due to the fact that you don't know eachother's ins and outs very well.
Me personally because I could give a shit less whether or not I get a woman. I'm also more focused on my life success than having sex. No gain except a good feeling for a few minutes.
On July 23 2011 02:33 HoodedAvatar wrote: u know in imo, sex is way overrated, nothing beats a 15 minutes bj, from a girl with a tongue ring. :D trust its awesome
HAHAHA. I'll probably never get the chance (the tongue ring), but this is good to know xD
On July 23 2011 02:33 HoodedAvatar wrote: u know in imo, sex is way overrated, nothing beats a 15 minutes bj, from a girl with a tongue ring. :D trust its awesome
I DO NOT AGREE.
At all.
Ex had a tongue ring, girl I was sleeping with recently has a tongue ring too...Now, they both give a damn good bj, but the ex lost hers and I loved it.
Not that I'm against the tongue ring...either way its good, but it doesn't matter THAT much. Maybe I'm just too used to it -_-
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
We have strong sex drives so that we are sure to procreate, and sustain the species.
Love does not play into a humans innate sexual urges.
Except its also our obligation as possibly the smartest animals on this planet to stop making so many babies before the world cannot sustain our childrens children. Sustaining our species is no longer really a daily obligation (ever heard of Gay people?). I think regardless of whether you are "sexually" compatible (think mother nature took care of that for the most part). The mountain you would have to cross to meet the woman you would sleep with for the rest of your life, without sleeping with any other, would be a big mountain, but maybe worth climbing. Thats all I mean by my comments, I've never said people or myself should wait till they are married, but people shouldn't be knocking it unless they tried it. Which is why I haven't said whether I think sex is overrated or not in any of my posts.
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
I'll gladly interfere with your argument. Everyone would be a drug addict if it had no negative effects on the body, which sex, outside of rare illnesses that you can avoid, doesn't have, and was free, like sex is.
You don't have to be a brain surgeon to realize that someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification would be more driven in their pursuit of a partner compared to someone who have sex and/or masturbate regularly. And you write this off as "no negative effect". Wow.
I sincerely hope you're just trolling, because you've got that completely backwards. Saving yourself for marriage is the thing that carries negative effect. Someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification is much more likely to be frustrated and depressed.
I'm not talking about saving yourself for marriage. I'm talking about preserving your sexuality, which is something you can do inbetween relationships.
Please explain exactly what do you mean by "preserving your sexuality" and why should one be doing this?
Preserving your sexuality means to not have sex or masturbate for a long period, well that's what I meant anyway. I know just by hearing your thoughts on the matter that you have never experienced this for a long time, like over a year. (your pre/early teens doesn't count btw)
And because you haven't tried this for over a year, you don't know how it affects a person. Well, I have tried both sides, so I know how it feels different. First of all, it doesn't make your sexuality die out. It's actually the opposite and you're chasing girls more than ever. Secondly, it doesn't make you horny non-stop. Being horny is not a product of your sexuality, it's a withdrawal symptom from having regular orgasms, which basically is a drug.
Pressure on sex? Are you forgetting the rest of the rules and ideologies society imposes on us? Yes a lot of them are for the good but there's definitely some bad things that come of it like the point you mentioned; girls who feel as if they have to look a certain way due to the way media portray women around their sexuality. Not much is really done about this apart from being aired on TV asking the question 'is this bad?', 'is it right?' From a humanistic view, NO. But it makes money for corporations, presumably ones in this country... this country is having an economic crisis. Why would we stunt earning money? (I don't agree with this btw)
I lost my virginity not long ago at 23. I live in the UK and once people leave school they become a lot more mature about the whole thing, I was not given a hard time about being a virginity once I left school. Yes I have/had problems like mild agoraphobia and being a smelly, bad looking teen with an awful haircut stopping me but there were a whole host of other reasons, major to minor.
I don't even think it's that great, yeah I get slight withdrawals without it but it really wasn't all it's cracked up to be, it's just a natural part of life and if it doesn't enter your life then that's natural selection... I joke, there are many reasons why you may not have had sex. I was brought up religiously with the idea of no sex before marriage so that stunted many opportunities I had.
Most people I know revere virginity and thought it was awesome that I'd managed to keep my virginity as many of them recognize it's not all it's cracked up to be and some regretted the way they lost theirs... On the other hand, I haven't lost any respect because of losing it. Or maybe I just don't see it because I see it as irrelevant.
Hope this rant was interesting as I spent time writing this, damnit.
It really depends which society your talking about, this is my experience as someone living east-midlands UK
PS. and I don't preserve my sexuality, have a wank and get on with my day. Why hinder yourself? Sexual frustration is a b*****
if you have to make a thread about it then you are probably second guessing your "decision" to not have sex. if its such a big deal then just do it. if its not a big deal, well then you wouldn't have made a thread. this is 19 pages of people trying to make one liners convincing themselves that sex isnt "worth it". Its a pretty quick and fun process, its not really a big deal either way until reproduction gets added to the tangle.
Sex is a basic motive of being human, the sex drive is stronger in some than others, so its really just a personal decision.
And honestly who cares? Other people not having sex just means more girls for me. there is nothing to debate here. There is no advantage to holding on to sex, and its been proven that if you have sex/jerk it on the reg you are less likely to get cancer cause you keep stuff flowin in your "pipes"
On July 23 2011 02:42 Surrealz wrote: if you have to make a thread about it then you are probably second guessing your "decision" to not have sex. if its such a big deal then just do it. if its not a big deal, well then you wouldn't have made a thread. this is 19 pages of people trying to make one liners convincing themselves that sex isnt "worth it". Its a pretty quick and fun process, its not really a big deal either way until reproduction gets added to the tangle.
Sex is a basic motive of being human, the sex drive is stronger in some than others, so its really just a personal decision.
And honestly who cares? Other people not having sex just means more girls for me. there is nothing to debate here. There is no advantage to holding on to sex, and its been proven that if you have sex/jerk it on the reg you are less likely to get cancer cause you keep stuff flowin in your "pipes"
Did you read the 19 pages? And WTF... < My first 1 liner
Lol I can see the cover of Time Magazine with some redfaced stranger on it reading "Wanking the CURE!"
it's weird that these kind of topics are not much more often being created by people who have had sex themselves and realised that you just don't feel different when you've done it, isn't it?
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
I'll gladly interfere with your argument. Everyone would be a drug addict if it had no negative effects on the body, which sex, outside of rare illnesses that you can avoid, doesn't have, and was free, like sex is.
You don't have to be a brain surgeon to realize that someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification would be more driven in their pursuit of a partner compared to someone who have sex and/or masturbate regularly. And you write this off as "no negative effect". Wow.
I sincerely hope you're just trolling, because you've got that completely backwards. Saving yourself for marriage is the thing that carries negative effect. Someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification is much more likely to be frustrated and depressed.
I'm not talking about saving yourself for marriage. I'm talking about preserving your sexuality, which is something you can do inbetween relationships.
Please explain exactly what do you mean by "preserving your sexuality" and why should one be doing this?
Preserving your sexuality means to not have sex or masturbate for a long period, well that's what I meant anyway. I know just by hearing your thoughts on the matter that you have never experienced this for a long time, like over a year. (your pre/early teens doesn't count btw)
And because you haven't tried this for over a year, you don't know how it affects a person. Well, I have tried both sides, so I know how it feels different. First of all, it doesn't make your sexuality die out. It's actually the opposite and you're chasing girls more than ever. Secondly, it doesn't make you horny non-stop. Being horny is not a product of your sexuality, it's a withdrawal symptom from having regular orgasms, which basically is a drug.
You haven't explained why doing this would make any sense whatsoever.
OP, you state that you aren't a loser, and then you give all the reasons for why you are. In the OP you state "I am a virgin because fate has not allowed me to experience it."
Meaning, if the opportunity provided itself for you, you would hop on the bandwagon. But because there is no opportunity, you don't want to make one for yourself.
See, that's why you are a loser and will always remain one. It's not about sex or anything of that matter.
It's about the fact that people who aren't losers, they always know what they want, and they make sure to get it.
Enjoy spending the rest of your life being a passive loser.
On July 23 2011 01:21 ninini wrote: Why would anyone want to have sex with someone for the simple reason that "it feels good"? With the same logic you should also be a drug addict. We have a strong sex drive because we're supposed to cross mountains for the right person. So, if we deplete our sexual drive regularly, we decrease our chances of finding that person.
Don't waste your sexuality.
I'll gladly interfere with your argument. Everyone would be a drug addict if it had no negative effects on the body, which sex, outside of rare illnesses that you can avoid, doesn't have, and was free, like sex is.
You don't have to be a brain surgeon to realize that someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification would be more driven in their pursuit of a partner compared to someone who have sex and/or masturbate regularly. And you write this off as "no negative effect". Wow.
I sincerely hope you're just trolling, because you've got that completely backwards. Saving yourself for marriage is the thing that carries negative effect. Someone who lives a life with no sexual gratification is much more likely to be frustrated and depressed.
I'm not talking about saving yourself for marriage. I'm talking about preserving your sexuality, which is something you can do inbetween relationships.
Please explain exactly what do you mean by "preserving your sexuality" and why should one be doing this?
Preserving your sexuality means to not have sex or masturbate for a long period, well that's what I meant anyway. I know just by hearing your thoughts on the matter that you have never experienced this for a long time, like over a year. (your pre/early teens doesn't count btw)
And because you haven't tried this for over a year, you don't know how it affects a person. Well, I have tried both sides, so I know how it feels different. First of all, it doesn't make your sexuality die out. It's actually the opposite and you're chasing girls more than ever. Secondly, it doesn't make you horny non-stop. Being horny is not a product of your sexuality, it's a withdrawal symptom from having regular orgasms, which basically is a drug.
You haven't explained why doing this would make any sense whatsoever.
Because by not having sex or actions that the body registers as sex, your sexual energy is peaking at all times, which makes you more interested in the opposite sex in general, which increases your chances of finding someone you want to keep, and also leads to personal development, because by having a stable sexual energy, finding a partner is not just a need, but also a goal, something you have to work towards. On top of that, you don't have to deal with the withdrawal symptoms.
People saying sex is overrated have clearly never done it with anyone else except a handful of random females...or their s/o have no idea what theyre doing. I've been in both boats and yes relationship sex is the best thing ever and not overrated. I feel bad for all of u missing out on it. That being said theres no need to rush...how much better can sex be than masturbation when ur like 15? Lol
On July 22 2011 11:46 Warp wrote: I bet you are christian or some other sort of religious person.. there is nothing wrong with wanting to "save" your first time for until your married.. seriously its absolutely fine, because its the way you were born and raised. Christians tend to also follow the path best satisfying "God" and sometimes this means abstaining.
I repreat, there is nothing wrong with it and it doesn't make you a "loser." The people who will call you a "loser" are not going to be successful.. thats fact.
However, you ummmm mighttt be a little bit of a loser if you are still a virgin not because you abstain, but because you can't get any. But i somehow get the drift that you simply don't want it and thats fine
This must be one of the worst posts I've seen on teamliquid, seriously....
On July 23 2011 03:03 antelope591 wrote: People saying sex is overrated have clearly never done it with anyone else except a handful of random females...or their s/o have no idea what theyre doing. I've been in both boats and yes relationship sex is the best thing ever and not overrated. I feel bad for all of u missing out on it. That being said theres no need to rush...how much better can sex be than masturbation when ur like 15? Lol
Married for 13 years in sept..I find sex overrated. How does that fit into your equation? Sometimes it is great, sometimes it is just a hassle. Is relationship sex good? For certain..the best thing ever? not by a long shot.
Obviously everyone has a different opinion is the point of the above. It goes back to my original point of not allowing anyone else to tell you that their experience is the one you need or will have. Everyones experience is determined exclusively by them.
On July 23 2011 01:56 ToxNub wrote: Sex is definitely OP. It's a cultural obsession, which I think, ironically, would go away if people just got laid more. People would be more relaxed about it, stop making it such a big deal, and then we could all go on with our lives. As long as people are trying to construct rules about who/how/when it should happen we're only going to make people want it more. We're wired to want it, and complicating it only makes us want it more. I'm not as understanding as the rest of the thread. If you're 21 and you haven't been laid, then something is wrong. Not morally wrong, just that you're a statistical outlier. Ok, so maybe you haven't met a girl worth it yet, fine. But, also, maybe you're just chicken, or bad with women, or whatever. Not all reasons are equally valid It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
Maybe your just an ass-hole?(I'm juuuuuuuust kidddding sheesh) But I don't need to post that on a forum do I
I really just wanted to ask what statistics am I outlaying from? I thought like 100% of all statistics on the internet were true.
Average age is 17, and 47.8% of US high school students reported having had sexual intercourse.
On July 22 2011 11:42 ClysmiC wrote: I've always had the following view on sex: Save it till you meet your wife and it will be a million times more satisfying than it would be just hooking up with some random girls.
At least not important enough for it to have a value system implemented in society. If you look at the biological and physiological effects of sex, for males it's basically meaningless. Men do not release near the amount of 'attachment hormones' that females do, and the way the male brain works, it does not 'rewire' to attache to another individual with significance. Females however, have systems in place where when they have sex they feel attachment towards their partner. This means that it can be dangerous for a female to have sex with an individual before she is ready, because she may be lulled into falling for someone who normally she wouldn't.
Another risk sex adds is the world of STI's, but that is meaningless to me, as mostly everything can be prevented.
Boils down to simple risk/reward to me: is the pleasurable feeling of sex worth the risks of attachment and sexually transmitted infections?
Yeah, it is. There's no point to wait or delay your first sexual experience really. If there was a situation where delay would make gratification stronger, then there'd be an argument for it. I think that the whole idea of abstinence is just a remnant of religious and societal control over females, which is now being thrown around disguised as a moral dilemma.
On July 23 2011 01:56 ToxNub wrote: Sex is definitely OP. It's a cultural obsession, which I think, ironically, would go away if people just got laid more. People would be more relaxed about it, stop making it such a big deal, and then we could all go on with our lives. As long as people are trying to construct rules about who/how/when it should happen we're only going to make people want it more. We're wired to want it, and complicating it only makes us want it more. I'm not as understanding as the rest of the thread. If you're 21 and you haven't been laid, then something is wrong. Not morally wrong, just that you're a statistical outlier. Ok, so maybe you haven't met a girl worth it yet, fine. But, also, maybe you're just chicken, or bad with women, or whatever. Not all reasons are equally valid It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
Maybe your just an ass-hole?(I'm juuuuuuuust kidddding sheesh) But I don't need to post that on a forum do I
I really just wanted to ask what statistics am I outlaying from? I thought like 100% of all statistics on the internet were true.
Average age is 17, and 47.8% of US high school students reported having had sexual intercourse.
And you believe what teenagers put on those tests....................... I live in the U.S. probably participated in that, could have lied and said I was black, smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and smoked weed. Nothing to prevent me from putting that shit down. NOTHING. Its not like they go through them all with a biological profile of your life history and go "well thats not accurate!" If you ever went to middle school you know thats bs, half the kids lie about dumb things and some of them just find it funny to put redic information down, which means that any good information your getting is crap too. Oh and 48 percent is less than 52 if you were wondering, you statistical anomaly you .
On July 23 2011 01:56 ToxNub wrote: Sex is definitely OP. It's a cultural obsession, which I think, ironically, would go away if people just got laid more. People would be more relaxed about it, stop making it such a big deal, and then we could all go on with our lives. As long as people are trying to construct rules about who/how/when it should happen we're only going to make people want it more. We're wired to want it, and complicating it only makes us want it more. I'm not as understanding as the rest of the thread. If you're 21 and you haven't been laid, then something is wrong. Not morally wrong, just that you're a statistical outlier. Ok, so maybe you haven't met a girl worth it yet, fine. But, also, maybe you're just chicken, or bad with women, or whatever. Not all reasons are equally valid It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
Maybe your just an ass-hole?(I'm juuuuuuuust kidddding sheesh) But I don't need to post that on a forum do I
I really just wanted to ask what statistics am I outlaying from? I thought like 100% of all statistics on the internet were true.
Average age is 17, and 47.8% of US high school students reported having had sexual intercourse.
And you believe what teenagers put on those tests....................... I live in the U.S. probably participated in that, could have lied and said I was black, smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and smoked weed. Nothing to prevent me from putting that shit down. NOTHING. Its not like they go through them all with a biological profile of your life history and go "well thats not accurate!" If you ever went to middle school you know thats bs, half the kids lie about dumb things and some of them just find it funny to put redic information down, which means that any good information your getting is crap too.
Certainly some people will lie, but you're the one that is going to need to provide statistics to say that most or all of them would, if you're basing your argument on that. I lost mine at 19. My girlfriend was 17. Most of my friends lost it before that. You can believe it or not, it doesn't matter. I don't think it's a big deal either way. What really matters if you are sexual yet or not. If you do have sexual urges, but you're not having sex, why? Are those reasons healthy? If yes, great. If not, then figure out how to get help. This is the same thing any counselor or psychologist will tell you.
Hmm. I think sex is definitely overrated. The sex drive is just a feeling. It fades away after every orgasm, at least for guys. It can definitely be fun, especially with the right person. But after that moment of glory, it goes back to not mattering anymore.
Really, I think the sex drive isn't much different from all our other drives. We want more income, but no matter how much more we get we still aren't satisfied. The same with sex... you will never be satisfied. Except for that moment. And you can get to that moment in an infinite number of ways.
I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
"sex is just like air. It isn't a big deal, unless you ain't getting any."
It's ultimately just a matter of perspective.. The people that consider virgins as loosers, are placing to much "social value" on sex. But in reality, to most teens, sex is just another fun activity, allmost as insignifiant as watching a movie or playing a board game..
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
To avoid coming on TL and posting threads about how it dominates society. There are three types of people who are enthralled by the thought of sex, whether for or against it:
1) People who haven't had it. 2) People in a newer relationship. 3) People who aren't getting enough of it.
I fall into the 2nd category at the moment, I broke up with my girlfriend of four years last September. Since then I have had a couple of sexual partners, neither of which I was really crazy for and the sex was very 'meh'.
Over the last month and a half I have been dating a new girl who I am really into, and the sex is fantastic. As such it tends to lurk in my thoughts far more often than usual. But I'm a realist, I've been here before and I know it's just a matter of time before these crazy brain chemicals die down and I can get back to living normally - where sex is important, but it's not the be-all end-all of my existence.
You must have some pretty wild board games in Romania 0_o Sex is fun and infinitly more satisfying than jerking it. I honestly cant last a week without one or the other, need to release some pressure, plus its proven to help to prevent prostate/testicular cancer
Obviously first times can be meh, same as doing it with some girl who only lays on her back...but with the right person its amazing.
It actually is good to abstain in some cases. One of them is when you are a practitioner of Chineese internal alchemy. Apparently they live ascetic lives and abstain from sex and masturbation and use their semen to create the "golden elixir" in their bodies, with witch they can achieve immortality!
But for the sake of this thread I will assume you are not in this situation so, again, you should try it as it is definately a fun activity..
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
On July 23 2011 01:56 ToxNub wrote: Sex is definitely OP. It's a cultural obsession, which I think, ironically, would go away if people just got laid more. People would be more relaxed about it, stop making it such a big deal, and then we could all go on with our lives. As long as people are trying to construct rules about who/how/when it should happen we're only going to make people want it more. We're wired to want it, and complicating it only makes us want it more. I'm not as understanding as the rest of the thread. If you're 21 and you haven't been laid, then something is wrong. Not morally wrong, just that you're a statistical outlier. Ok, so maybe you haven't met a girl worth it yet, fine. But, also, maybe you're just chicken, or bad with women, or whatever. Not all reasons are equally valid It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
Maybe your just an ass-hole?(I'm juuuuuuuust kidddding sheesh) But I don't need to post that on a forum do I
I really just wanted to ask what statistics am I outlaying from? I thought like 100% of all statistics on the internet were true.
Average age is 17, and 47.8% of US high school students reported having had sexual intercourse.
And you believe what teenagers put on those tests....................... I live in the U.S. probably participated in that, could have lied and said I was black, smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and smoked weed. Nothing to prevent me from putting that shit down. NOTHING. Its not like they go through them all with a biological profile of your life history and go "well thats not accurate!" If you ever went to middle school you know thats bs, half the kids lie about dumb things and some of them just find it funny to put redic information down, which means that any good information your getting is crap too.
Certainly some people will lie, but you're the one that is going to need to provide statistics to say that most or all of them would, if you're basing your argument on that. I lost mine at 19. My girlfriend was 17. Most of my friends lost it before that. You can believe it or not, it doesn't matter. I don't think it's a big deal either way. What really matters if you are sexual yet or not. If you do have sexual urges, but you're not having sex, why? Are those reasons healthy? If yes, great. If not, then figure out how to get help. This is the same thing any counselor or psychologist will tell you.
No I don't your statistic says that at LEAST half of those kids aren't having sex, making me the majority. And I think kids are more likely to lie about having sex than lie about not having sex on an anonymous test.
"What really matters if you are sexual or not yet?"
What kind of question is that? Or is it a statement saying I should be sexual because you think that way? Out of you and everyone else I don't think anyone has said one thing bad about not having sex, besides your not having sex.
On July 23 2011 04:16 Dagon wrote: Oh, one more thing.
It actually is good to abstain in some cases. One of them is when you are a practitioner of Chineese internal alchemy. Apparently they live ascetic lives and abstain from sex and masturbation and use their semen to create the "golden elixir" in their bodies, with witch they can achieve immortality!
But for the sake of this thread I will assume you are not in this situation so, again, you should try it as it is definately a fun activity..
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
Well I am in high school currently and I have had friends who have smart and stupid about it. I have a pair of friends who are known as the done everything but sex couple. When I asked my friend how he stopped himself from doing that he said just wasnt worth the risk.
On the other hand I have a friend who has a purity ring and she had sex with her bf multiple times, but im not allowed to confront her about any of it.
So it really varies theres nothing wrong with waiting. Most guys who are smart really want to do it but with enough thinking they all realize they dont like playing the risk
On July 23 2011 01:56 ToxNub wrote: Sex is definitely OP. It's a cultural obsession, which I think, ironically, would go away if people just got laid more. People would be more relaxed about it, stop making it such a big deal, and then we could all go on with our lives. As long as people are trying to construct rules about who/how/when it should happen we're only going to make people want it more. We're wired to want it, and complicating it only makes us want it more. I'm not as understanding as the rest of the thread. If you're 21 and you haven't been laid, then something is wrong. Not morally wrong, just that you're a statistical outlier. Ok, so maybe you haven't met a girl worth it yet, fine. But, also, maybe you're just chicken, or bad with women, or whatever. Not all reasons are equally valid It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
Maybe your just an ass-hole?(I'm juuuuuuuust kidddding sheesh) But I don't need to post that on a forum do I
I really just wanted to ask what statistics am I outlaying from? I thought like 100% of all statistics on the internet were true.
Average age is 17, and 47.8% of US high school students reported having had sexual intercourse.
And you believe what teenagers put on those tests....................... I live in the U.S. probably participated in that, could have lied and said I was black, smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and smoked weed. Nothing to prevent me from putting that shit down. NOTHING. Its not like they go through them all with a biological profile of your life history and go "well thats not accurate!" If you ever went to middle school you know thats bs, half the kids lie about dumb things and some of them just find it funny to put redic information down, which means that any good information your getting is crap too.
Certainly some people will lie, but you're the one that is going to need to provide statistics to say that most or all of them would, if you're basing your argument on that. I lost mine at 19. My girlfriend was 17. Most of my friends lost it before that. You can believe it or not, it doesn't matter. I don't think it's a big deal either way. What really matters if you are sexual yet or not. If you do have sexual urges, but you're not having sex, why? Are those reasons healthy? If yes, great. If not, then figure out how to get help. This is the same thing any counselor or psychologist will tell you.
No I don't your statistic says that at LEAST half of those kids aren't having sex, making me the majority. And I think kids are more likely to lie about having sex than lie about not having sex on an anonymous test.
"What really matters if you are sexual or not yet?"
What kind of question is that? Or is it a statement saying I should be sexual because you think that way? Out of you and everyone else I don't think anyone has said one thing bad about not having sex, besides your not having sex.
On July 23 2011 04:16 Dagon wrote: Oh, one more thing.
It actually is good to abstain in some cases. One of them is when you are a practitioner of Chineese internal alchemy. Apparently they live ascetic lives and abstain from sex and masturbation and use their semen to create the "golden elixir" in their bodies, with witch they can achieve immortality!
But for the sake of this thread I will assume you are not in this situation so, again, you should try it as it is definately a fun activity..
Ahahaha thats awesome. You are the Golden Child!
You are 21, it shows that half of kids have sex while in high school. So you are not the majority. It doesn't matter what you think, you need to provide evidence if you are going to dispute other evidence. You asked for my evidence, now I ask for yours.
Not that it matters. You are young, and confused, and you haven't yet grasped what I say in my posts. I will say it again one last time, and I hope you will read this time. The sex does not matter, your reasons for having or not having sex matter. Make sure they are good reasons, either way.
On July 23 2011 01:56 ToxNub wrote: Sex is definitely OP. It's a cultural obsession, which I think, ironically, would go away if people just got laid more. People would be more relaxed about it, stop making it such a big deal, and then we could all go on with our lives. As long as people are trying to construct rules about who/how/when it should happen we're only going to make people want it more. We're wired to want it, and complicating it only makes us want it more. I'm not as understanding as the rest of the thread. If you're 21 and you haven't been laid, then something is wrong. Not morally wrong, just that you're a statistical outlier. Ok, so maybe you haven't met a girl worth it yet, fine. But, also, maybe you're just chicken, or bad with women, or whatever. Not all reasons are equally valid It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
Maybe your just an ass-hole?(I'm juuuuuuuust kidddding sheesh) But I don't need to post that on a forum do I
I really just wanted to ask what statistics am I outlaying from? I thought like 100% of all statistics on the internet were true.
Average age is 17, and 47.8% of US high school students reported having had sexual intercourse.
And you believe what teenagers put on those tests....................... I live in the U.S. probably participated in that, could have lied and said I was black, smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and smoked weed. Nothing to prevent me from putting that shit down. NOTHING. Its not like they go through them all with a biological profile of your life history and go "well thats not accurate!" If you ever went to middle school you know thats bs, half the kids lie about dumb things and some of them just find it funny to put redic information down, which means that any good information your getting is crap too.
Certainly some people will lie, but you're the one that is going to need to provide statistics to say that most or all of them would, if you're basing your argument on that. I lost mine at 19. My girlfriend was 17. Most of my friends lost it before that. You can believe it or not, it doesn't matter. I don't think it's a big deal either way. What really matters if you are sexual yet or not. If you do have sexual urges, but you're not having sex, why? Are those reasons healthy? If yes, great. If not, then figure out how to get help. This is the same thing any counselor or psychologist will tell you.
No I don't your statistic says that at LEAST half of those kids aren't having sex, making me the majority. And I think kids are more likely to lie about having sex than lie about not having sex on an anonymous test.
"What really matters if you are sexual or not yet?"
What kind of question is that? Or is it a statement saying I should be sexual because you think that way? Out of you and everyone else I don't think anyone has said one thing bad about not having sex, besides your not having sex.
On July 23 2011 04:16 Dagon wrote: Oh, one more thing.
It actually is good to abstain in some cases. One of them is when you are a practitioner of Chineese internal alchemy. Apparently they live ascetic lives and abstain from sex and masturbation and use their semen to create the "golden elixir" in their bodies, with witch they can achieve immortality!
But for the sake of this thread I will assume you are not in this situation so, again, you should try it as it is definately a fun activity..
Ahahaha thats awesome. You are the Golden Child!
You are 21, it shows that half of kids have sex while in high school. So you are not the majority. It doesn't matter what you think, you need to provide evidence if you are going to dispute other evidence. You asked for my evidence, now I ask for yours.
Not that it matters. You are young, and confused, and you haven't yet grasped what I say in my posts. I will say it again one last time, and I hope you will read this time. The sex does not matter, your reasons for having or not having sex matter. Make sure they are good reasons, either way.
ya, as of right now, I haven't heard a reason i consider legitimate enough to engage in sex.
You have a lot of growing to do--sex is involved in that, but only plays a part, albeit a big part for some people, of growing up. Ask yourself this question again in 10 years, then in another ten years, and the answer will keep changing.
On July 23 2011 04:38 Dice17 wrote:On the other hand I have a friend who has a purity ring and she had sex with her bf multiple times, but im not allowed to confront her about any of it.
Madness - if she wants sex, she should just have sex - no guilt should come of it I bet she's one of those misguided people that think that oral and anal sex 'don't count' as sex either - not that as a gentleman I'd complain But yeah in the UK thankfully we have few people who see the vagina as some kind of mystical all powerful creature to be scared of.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
You sure as fuck should care enough to go after it. Sex is awesome, it is way better than Starcraft or reading Team Liquid, if I could be getting laid right now, I wouldn't even be writing this.
The legitimate reason to have sex is because its fun. Its really fucking fun. Seriously, if you want to act like everything you do has some greater purpose or benefit, why are you on this site? Why do you play SC at all? (sex is better than Starcraft)
GFs are useful for many things try one and see what you think. Emotional attraction is not totally necessary for all relationships. Especially in high school or college.
In the male driven western society it's viewed as another status symbol like money, a man being able to sleep with many women must be desirable and thus better than another who can't/hasn't.
Biologically speaking, sex for diploid, multicellular, "complex" organisms is the entire point of life. After all, animals exist as a means of propagating specific genes that have developed a means to continue their own existence. Particularly for males, the entire "creation" of males was a means of developing a way to create more genetic diversity as opposed to the multicellular diploid model of rotifers.
"I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it."
Since when did being successful within interactions with females become something only fate could decide? It is of your own control.
"Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser."
And this just appears to be you trying to cover your insecurities by imagining that others deem you a lesser being, and because of this, are therefore not as well intellectual constructed as yourself. This is a very strange mind-state, and it baffles me slightly.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
If your only goal is to be a multi-millionaire, then you probably won't ever understand why people like sex just for the sake of having sex.
There's no logical answer to your question. What advantage does sex have? Well, it has some nice side effects like releasing endorphines when you orgasm and other biochemical stuff like that, but that's probably not what you're talking about when you ask for why sex is good.
It just feels good and is one of the most fulfilling things that most humans can do. For you it isn't like that and money is probably more fulfilling to you, and that's fine, that's just the way you are.
But there's no need to argue about it since nobody will be able to explain it to you. How would somebody explain to you how strawberries taste if you haven't ever eaten a fruit in your life?
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
If your only goal is to be a multi-millionaire, then you probably won't ever understand why people like sex just for the sake of having sex.
There's no logical answer to your question. What advantage does sex have? Well, it has some nice side effects like releasing endorphines when you orgasm and other biochemical stuff like that, but that's probably not what you're talking about when you ask for why sex is good.
It just feels good and is one of the most fulfilling things that most humans can do. For you it isn't like that and money is probably more fulfilling to you, and that's fine, that's just the way you are.
But there's no need to argue about it since nobody will be able to explain it to you. How would somebody explain to you how strawberries taste if you haven't ever eaten a fruit in your life?
FINALLY! Someone who else who sides with the FACT that sex only adds physical pleasure to your life.
Now, not saying I wouldn't MIND the pleasure, but the risks involved, the time it takes to find "the one" and the little gain you actually get from it, not worth it IMO.
How can people say things like "I already have fun, it's not a necessity for me, I don't need it" - especially if they have never had it.
It's not the point of needing it, it's the point of wanting to do it. Fucking and chucking is where it is at it's simplest form, still amazing but it has no depth, very fun. Doing it with a girlfriend/boyfriend is something that will blow your mind.
Make sure you save that v-card for someone you really love though and remember marriage isn't a requirement for love.
On July 23 2011 05:36 rea1ity wrote: How can people say things like "I already have fun, it's not a necessity for me, I don't need it" - especially if they have never had it.
No reason = No sex. Have sex = reason obtained to have sex.
So having sex is the only way to see the reason to have sex? Hwah?
On July 23 2011 05:36 rea1ity wrote: How can people say things like "I already have fun, it's not a necessity for me, I don't need it" - especially if they have never had it.
No reason = No sex. Have sex = reason obtained to have sex.
So having sex is the only way to see the reason to have sex? Hwah?
I said don't say you have viable alternatives for it, even more so if you have never had it.
On July 23 2011 05:36 rea1ity wrote: How can people say things like "I already have fun, it's not a necessity for me, I don't need it" - especially if they have never had it.
No reason = No sex. Have sex = reason obtained to have sex.
So having sex is the only way to see the reason to have sex? Hwah?
I said don't say you have viable alternatives for it, even more so if you have never had it.
Is that such a difficult concept to grasp?
No, i was just confused on your wording.
And that whole "it's not need, but wanting" bit is the WHOLE point of the OP.... Why does it seem that it's a requirement in society when it should be a want.
On July 23 2011 05:36 rea1ity wrote: How can people say things like "I already have fun, it's not a necessity for me, I don't need it" - especially if they have never had it.
No reason = No sex. Have sex = reason obtained to have sex.
So having sex is the only way to see the reason to have sex? Hwah?
I said don't say you have viable alternatives for it, even more so if you have never had it.
Is that such a difficult concept to grasp?
No, i was just confused on your wording.
And that whole "it's not need, but wanting" bit is the WHOLE point of the OP.... Why does it seem that it's a requirement in society when it should be a want.
Well it's only a requirement for people under the age of 16 (in friend circles) in order to gain some kind of social status I guess. I feel the general consensus is that adults couldn't care less about other adults sex lives.
It is a want, and some people may seem shocked at your decisions to not have it but I don't see any pressure to have it if you're not in high school and surrounded by tools.
Besides, you will be respected more by most girls 18+ if you are a virgin (assuming they know this because you are intimately close to them)...
I had sex (oral and finger'ed her) when I was 6 with another girl. beat that! guess I was just too young to feel all that great about it cause it didn't feel like shit to me. but I haven't had sex since and I'm 21 now. So 3 questions. 1.Technically am I still a virgin? 2.was I too young to see all the benefits of it? 3.am I still considered loser to the dbagz out there? ;_;
Edit: I didn't ejaculate in her so I didn't get all those good sex chemicals going.
On July 23 2011 05:53 JuanR wrote: I had sex (oral and finger'ed her) when I was 6 with another girl. beat that! guess I was just too young to feel all that great about it cause it didn't feel like shit to me. but I haven't had sex since and I'm 21 now. So 3 questions. 1.Technically am I still a virgin? 2.was I too young to see all the benefits of it? 3.am I still considered loser to the dbagz out there? ;_;
On July 22 2011 11:43 Triscuit wrote: It's usually not the fact that you're a virgin that people look down on. I think the perception is more that you don't have sex because you're a loser, not that you're a loser because you don't have sex.
I'm not saying anything about you personally. I would probably still be a virgin right now if I didn't find my girlfriend 4 years ago. I just don't make friends with females that easily because I tend to look at things very logically and that's abrasive as fuck to a lot of people, specifically females.
This.
In a lot of cases: you aren't a loser because you're a virgin, but you're probably a virgin because you're a loser.
On July 23 2011 05:53 JuanR wrote: I had sex (oral and finger'ed her) when I was 6 with another girl. beat that! guess I was just too young to feel all that great about it cause it didn't feel like shit to me. but I haven't had sex since and I'm 21 now. So 3 questions. 1.Technically am I still a virgin? 2.was I too young to see all the benefits of it? 3.am I still considered loser to the dbagz out there? ;_;
Edit: I didn't ejaculate in her so I didn't get all those good sex chemicals going.
1. Yes 2. Yes 3. No, but you are in fact one of those dbagz for relating,and bragging, about a 6-year-old "exploration" experience to something that other people your age do....
Think of it like Sentries. You generally want a lot in the early game, and a decent amount in your composition throughout the mid to late game. And in the hands of a pro, they're really fucking effective.
Sex is a lot of fun, and gets better as you get older and you and your partners become more experienced at figuring out how to do it right and get more comfortable doing it. Nobody is a sex god the first time out.
But, you don't want to show up to the big leagues without a single game under your belt. The stress alone of maintaining your virginity, just for the sake of it, which doesn't even fucking matter to anybody, isn't worth it. People don't get more impressed the longer you hold out, and if you manage to get into your mid-to-late 20s, still a virgin, you're going to have even WORSE psychological hang-ups about approaching women.
3. No, but you are in fact one of those dbagz for relating,and bragging, about a 6-year-old "exploration" experience to something that other people your age do....
I knew I shouldn't have added that to the post, it was my weak jab to all the people going "I had it was 12-17", thank you.
On July 23 2011 06:07 Bibdy wrote: Sex is a lot of fun, and gets better as you get older and you and your partners become more experienced at figuring out how to do it right and get more comfortable doing it. Nobody is a sex god the first time out.
But, you don't want to show up to the big leagues without a single game under your belt. The stress alone of maintaining your virginity, just for the sake of it, which doesn't even fucking matter to anybody, isn't worth it. People don't get more impressed the longer you hold out, so if you have the chance, get it over with.
stress of maintaining it? are you horny even as you typed that?
On July 23 2011 06:07 Bibdy wrote: Sex is a lot of fun, and gets better as you get older and you and your partners become more experienced at figuring out how to do it right and get more comfortable doing it. Nobody is a sex god the first time out.
But, you don't want to show up to the big leagues without a single game under your belt. The stress alone of maintaining your virginity, just for the sake of it, which doesn't even fucking matter to anybody, isn't worth it. People don't get more impressed the longer you hold out, so if you have the chance, get it over with.
stress of maintaining it? are you horny even as you typed that?
I'm talking about the psychological stresses of being a virgin, not just being horny. When you're a virgin, you're always thinking about how it'll happen, when it'll happen, why it hasn't happened and yada yada. After your first time, that stress is gone.
Sex is the most important thing in the world, until you've done it once.
On July 23 2011 06:07 Bibdy wrote: Sex is a lot of fun, and gets better as you get older and you and your partners become more experienced at figuring out how to do it right and get more comfortable doing it. Nobody is a sex god the first time out.
But, you don't want to show up to the big leagues without a single game under your belt. The stress alone of maintaining your virginity, just for the sake of it, which doesn't even fucking matter to anybody, isn't worth it. People don't get more impressed the longer you hold out, so if you have the chance, get it over with.
stress of maintaining it? are you horny even as you typed that?
I'm talking about the psychological stresses of being a virgin, not just being horny. When you're a virgin, you're always thinking about how it'll happen, when it'll happen, why it hasn't happened and yada yada. After your first time, that stress is gone.
After the first time I had sex, when I was 17, I was quite disappointed. It's not all that. It's sex, that's it. It's not going to change your life. If your life sucks, sex is not going to make it awesome. Sex is sex.
On July 23 2011 06:11 Arnstein wrote: After the first time I had sex, when I was 17, I was quite disappointed. It's not all that. It's sex, that's it. It's not going to change your life. If your life sucks, sex is not going to make it awesome. Sex is sex.
I do enjoy occasional sex though.
Exactly what I'M trying to say... sex is (apparently) enjoyable, but not that go-get-em thing you need to add to your life.
For example, food. You need food, although ya it's fucking tasty most of the time, it's usually not why you're eating it. Which is why I don't do things just because I can (or b/c it's just fun).
I play Starcraft because it enhances my multitasking ability as well as it being a challenge, and I like challenges.
On July 23 2011 05:36 rea1ity wrote: How can people say things like "I already have fun, it's not a necessity for me, I don't need it" - especially if they have never had it.
It's not the point of needing it, it's the point of wanting to do it. Fucking and chucking is where it is at it's simplest form, still amazing but it has no depth, very fun. Doing it with a girlfriend/boyfriend is something that will blow your mind.
I'm on the pro-sex side of things, but this same line of reasoning could be used for drugs. So I get what you're saying, but while sex is harmless to you, others see it as a bigger deal.
Ever had sex while on E? Same deal. You could say "don't knock it til you've tried it", but for some people it's not worth the risk, etc etc
i thought i come here to tell you some things about me.
i am currently a 21 (bout to be 22 in sept) male who up until now has only engage in oral sex and that was a while ago. i am not religious (at least not super religious) and do not believe in saving myself for marriage.
but since i am kinda a bleeding heart (the type who believe in soul mates and all) i just really want my first time to be with someone i truly love. i fantasize about meeting that one person whom i am meant to be with. and because of that i feel no (true) urge to go out and sleep with the next person i see.
because of this my not so close friends see me as A-Sexual...and tend to not bring up crazy sex topics with me. but people who really know me understand i am waiting to fall in love.
You don't have to chase after it if you don't want to, but basically all of human history has taught us that you will be in an extreme minority if that's the case. It is as definitive a force as gravity on our lives, whether we engage in it regularly or not.
Just look at this thread! It keeps us dumb and makes us brilliant all at once. Don't worry too much about not having sex; that'd be the least sexy thing you could do :p
On July 23 2011 01:56 ToxNub wrote: Sex is definitely OP. It's a cultural obsession, which I think, ironically, would go away if people just got laid more. People would be more relaxed about it, stop making it such a big deal, and then we could all go on with our lives. As long as people are trying to construct rules about who/how/when it should happen we're only going to make people want it more. We're wired to want it, and complicating it only makes us want it more. I'm not as understanding as the rest of the thread. If you're 21 and you haven't been laid, then something is wrong. Not morally wrong, just that you're a statistical outlier. Ok, so maybe you haven't met a girl worth it yet, fine. But, also, maybe you're just chicken, or bad with women, or whatever. Not all reasons are equally valid It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
Maybe your just an ass-hole?(I'm juuuuuuuust kidddding sheesh) But I don't need to post that on a forum do I
I really just wanted to ask what statistics am I outlaying from? I thought like 100% of all statistics on the internet were true.
Average age is 17, and 47.8% of US high school students reported having had sexual intercourse.
And you believe what teenagers put on those tests....................... I live in the U.S. probably participated in that, could have lied and said I was black, smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and smoked weed. Nothing to prevent me from putting that shit down. NOTHING. Its not like they go through them all with a biological profile of your life history and go "well thats not accurate!" If you ever went to middle school you know thats bs, half the kids lie about dumb things and some of them just find it funny to put redic information down, which means that any good information your getting is crap too.
Certainly some people will lie, but you're the one that is going to need to provide statistics to say that most or all of them would, if you're basing your argument on that. I lost mine at 19. My girlfriend was 17. Most of my friends lost it before that. You can believe it or not, it doesn't matter. I don't think it's a big deal either way. What really matters if you are sexual yet or not. If you do have sexual urges, but you're not having sex, why? Are those reasons healthy? If yes, great. If not, then figure out how to get help. This is the same thing any counselor or psychologist will tell you.
No I don't your statistic says that at LEAST half of those kids aren't having sex, making me the majority. And I think kids are more likely to lie about having sex than lie about not having sex on an anonymous test.
"What really matters if you are sexual or not yet?"
What kind of question is that? Or is it a statement saying I should be sexual because you think that way? Out of you and everyone else I don't think anyone has said one thing bad about not having sex, besides your not having sex.
On July 23 2011 04:16 Dagon wrote: Oh, one more thing.
It actually is good to abstain in some cases. One of them is when you are a practitioner of Chineese internal alchemy. Apparently they live ascetic lives and abstain from sex and masturbation and use their semen to create the "golden elixir" in their bodies, with witch they can achieve immortality!
But for the sake of this thread I will assume you are not in this situation so, again, you should try it as it is definately a fun activity..
Ahahaha thats awesome. You are the Golden Child!
You are 21, it shows that half of kids have sex while in high school. So you are not the majority. It doesn't matter what you think, you need to provide evidence if you are going to dispute other evidence. You asked for my evidence, now I ask for yours.
Not that it matters. You are young, and confused, and you haven't yet grasped what I say in my posts. I will say it again one last time, and I hope you will read this time. The sex does not matter, your reasons for having or not having sex matter. Make sure they are good reasons, either way.
ya, as of right now, I haven't heard a reason i consider legitimate enough to engage in sex.
I would be interested to hear your reasons why you don't want to.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
If your only goal is to be a multi-millionaire, then you probably won't ever understand why people like sex just for the sake of having sex.
There's no logical answer to your question. What advantage does sex have? Well, it has some nice side effects like releasing endorphines when you orgasm and other biochemical stuff like that, but that's probably not what you're talking about when you ask for why sex is good.
It just feels good and is one of the most fulfilling things that most humans can do. For you it isn't like that and money is probably more fulfilling to you, and that's fine, that's just the way you are.
But there's no need to argue about it since nobody will be able to explain it to you. How would somebody explain to you how strawberries taste if you haven't ever eaten a fruit in your life?
FINALLY! Someone who else who sides with the FACT that sex only adds physical pleasure to your life.
Now, not saying I wouldn't MIND the pleasure, but the risks involved, the time it takes to find "the one" and the little gain you actually get from it, not worth it IMO.
This is actually completely not true. Not only does consistent sex increase have tons of correlational evidence that would support the fact that sex increases life expectancy, decreases stress, decreases risk for cancer and heart disease.
In other words you get a lot from sexual activity. It's not only part of your biology but it obviously has helpful effects as well.
Besides I'm not sure what risks are involved in having sex with your girlfriend. If you think she has an std then condoms and dental dams are the way to go. If you're worried about the risk of pregnancy then once again, contraceptives are the key. 99.9% success rate with avoiding pregnancy is pretty good.
On July 23 2011 06:11 Arnstein wrote: After the first time I had sex, when I was 17, I was quite disappointed. It's not all that. It's sex, that's it. It's not going to change your life. If your life sucks, sex is not going to make it awesome. Sex is sex.
I do enjoy occasional sex though.
Exactly what I'M trying to say... sex is (apparently) enjoyable, but not that go-get-em thing you need to add to your life.
For example, food. You need food, although ya it's fucking tasty most of the time, it's usually not why you're eating it. Which is why I don't do things just because I can (or b/c it's just fun).
I play Starcraft because it enhances my multitasking ability as well as it being a challenge, and I like challenges.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
This is what I said to my girlfriend: "Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship ... bazinga!"
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
If your only goal is to be a multi-millionaire, then you probably won't ever understand why people like sex just for the sake of having sex.
There's no logical answer to your question. What advantage does sex have? Well, it has some nice side effects like releasing endorphines when you orgasm and other biochemical stuff like that, but that's probably not what you're talking about when you ask for why sex is good.
It just feels good and is one of the most fulfilling things that most humans can do. For you it isn't like that and money is probably more fulfilling to you, and that's fine, that's just the way you are.
But there's no need to argue about it since nobody will be able to explain it to you. How would somebody explain to you how strawberries taste if you haven't ever eaten a fruit in your life?
FINALLY! Someone who else who sides with the FACT that sex only adds physical pleasure to your life.
Now, not saying I wouldn't MIND the pleasure, but the risks involved, the time it takes to find "the one" and the little gain you actually get from it, not worth it IMO.
This is actually completely not true. Not only does consistent sex increase have tons of correlational evidence that would support the fact that sex increases life expectancy, decreases stress, decreases risk for cancer and heart disease.y
Increased life expectancy because of what... reduced stress? Reduced stress because it releases the same chemicals in your brain that can be obtained elsewhere Decreased risk for what kind of cancer (prostate?) Decreased heart disease because of physical activity, not because you had sexual intercourse. Both get blood flowing which naturally decreases heart problems.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
My only real problem with your arguments, aside from the fact that--as a virgin, a 20 yr old, and someone not in a long-term [rd 3+ yrs] relationship--you are arguing from a purely theoretical position (hence my earlier post), is that you could apply them with equal success to any argument.
After you've had passionate sex with someone you adore, after you've stared in to their eyes as you come harder than ever before, after mind-blowing sex, after promises of eternal love, please write back and tell us all how insignificant and pointless sex is...
Are we actually to the point of trying to sell someone on sex for the scientific/medical benefits?
I mean, if you don't want to have sex to cure that natural compulsion you've been fighting for years, then you're obviously just one of those people who aren't interested. Or you prefer, just like many of the rest of us who were virgins until later in life, to delude yourself into thinking you don't want it because you don't know how to get it.
i think you are just making a huge deal about it because you haven't had sex yet. once you have sex with someone, or find a friend with benefits/ girlfriend and regularly have sex, it will not really be this huge deal. i get annoyed when sex is talked about like its a big deal, and it seems like its only virgins who make it that way.
Sex is so popular because it has to do with the most irresistible emotion in the human nerve repretoire. When people on media advertise it as a must-have thing it's basically appealing to the public on the most obvious level of tempting that emotion.
Many people Make to large a deal on Sex especially in High school or early college, it is a time for young men/woman to find out who they are and what they like; Nothing wrong with that.
You are only a loser if you in you're own mind think that you are one. those who judge you for not having sex are probably upset that they themselves have not found that right person and have to take it out on others to make themselves feel better(90% of high school kids do this).
Sex is great there is no covering it up, we as humans are one of the few species on this planet that have sex for pure enjoyment. I will not lie, it is worth doing! But having sex for the wrong reasons can be a terrible decision. It is all fun and games till you knock some one up and now heck you just changed you're entire life in the blink of an eye(not saying kids is a bad thing). Many teenagers and young adults have children for the wrong reason or just have a "accident" and now have a child on the way which again will affect everything you do from that moment on.
Do not let others make you feel down because you "haven't" had sex it is a choice you make and that's the end of it. When you are ready you will know; When you find that special some one you will know; Be patient and have fun with you're life you only get one and rushing it is not something you should ever do.
Good luck in all your endeavors and find that special some one!
it's really nothing special. the first time, it's a lot of pressure. once you grow up, you realize that people who think sex is important are just childish.
mind you, i am 21, but i consider myself a full adult. i lost my virginity at 14, and i thought i was cool then. now, i don't regret it, but i don't think about it.
sex is like eating. it's fun, tempting, but after it's done, you don't think about it until next time. don't overthink things--anyone who pressures you, or makes it seem like there is a need to do it, is probably just self-conscious themselves. as long as you are happy with your life, that's all that matters. there are FAR worse things going on in the world today than worrying about having sex.
Sex isn't a big deal. With a decent social skill set it's fairly easy to get laid, and it's more of a numbers game. That being said, this isn't my personal approach towards it. You're not a loser if you don't feel like one - that's pretty much a given. If you choose not to have sex, good on you. That makes you different from a lot of people, but no one will look down upon you if that's your own choice and decision.
If you're not happy with where you're at in life, maybe it's time for a change though. There are an absolute ton of forums out there to help guys "pick-up" women, as well as books on dating psychology. There's lots of resources, and hell, even going out and trying to meet women is probably the best. With that said, if that's not your bag, and you're happy with who you are, then you're fine dude. Screw what everyone else thinks.
It's enjoyable, and what you get out of it often depends on your view points and moral compass. Some people are all about the same night lay. Some people won't have sex until a relationship. Some people like weird kinds of sex. For myself, I won't sleep with someone I'm not dating. Just my own rules, and no one looks down upon me for it because I'm happy being me. Your comfort with who you are is something other people can pick up.
On July 23 2011 08:05 Jombozeus wrote: This is what I said to my girlfriend: "Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship ... bazinga!"
I'm also a physicist.
*chuckle*
Sex is just another thing we people do... like eating or breathing, except it actually requires some effort on our part to seek out.
On July 23 2011 08:49 arthur wrote: sex is fun. i dont get the point in this thread...
I think the point of this thread is that OP thinks that having sex, or mayby sexual relationships in general, are given to much emphasis in judging how succesfull someone is.
I kind of agree with him, although not really with the sex part but more with the having a boy-/girlfriend paradigm in general. I experience this a lot with old primary / highschool friends of mine. Most of them have hardly any to mediocre education and are currently living at their parents house being unemployed. I on the other hand have a bunch of really fancy degrees, am currently doing a phd, have published and hence added to the knowledge of mankind, am making a bunch of money and traveling the world while doing so. Yet they always ask me if I have a girlfriend yet. And when I answer no they get all sympathetic, like I'm the basketcase here. So apprently something as banal as having a boy- / girlfriend trumps every accomplishment in life. I find this extremely annoying and mayby even slightly worrying.
Edit: I am not arguing not to have sex or that it isn't important. By all means at least "check it out". See how you feel about it, it is yet another experience you can have during your life. And it can be a very good experience at that. I am only questioning the weight assigned to the topic.
Having lost my virginity at 17, to someone who is 23 (now my fiancee) even that was considered "late" - i indeed stayed a virgin because i couldnt get any, and considered myself a loser, and lied to my friends as a result (so convincingly when i actually told people i was a virgin they laughed me off as bullshitting) looking back, i wasnt a loser. I had friends, i did normal things and i was in the so called "popular" circle of people in my school. Because i hadnt had sex doesnt make me a loser i guess, i just spent half of my teenage years yearning after one girl which kinda destroyed any want of other female attention, damn was i stupid.
If you simply cant get any, its probably fixable, the gym, spot cream etc...sort yourself out xD you'd be surprised what a bit of muscle, facial hair and confidence will do for you.
EDIT: also, kudos for posting this on a gaming website, as the dickfaces will obviously flood to this thread to troll with LOL OMFG A NERD FUGLY GUY CANT GET ANY, LOOOOOOOOOOL.
Didnt read all the pages but i guess theres this floating around to an extent, and to these people i say. Fuck you. You will fail at life and will never understand anything deeper then a paddling pool.
I think people make far too big of a deal out of it. I grew up (from about 17-21) thinking that I needed to do it. I built it up in my mind so much that it made it very difficult to talk to girls that I was interested in. My mind immediately went to "maybe we'll have sex". This is not because I was a little horndog, it was because the sex-promoting culture that we lived in made me feel like each year that passed by while I still had my "V" card was an utter failure, and I was fucking up my life.
I've recently "rectified" the situation (had sex). Two things: 1. In my opinion, its not the end-all, be-all that everyone makes it out to be. It's fun, and probably great with the right person, but rushing into it is definitely a mistake. Having sex just to do it once is not a good approach to the situation. 2. I don't really feel any different after doing it (maybe a little less concerned that I'm failing in life). You should concentrate on getting with a girl on a personal, emotional level first with sex to follow. Making sex the primary goal is a mistake.
On July 23 2011 08:49 arthur wrote: sex is fun. i dont get the point in this thread...
I think the point of this thread is that OP thinks that having sex, or mayby sexual relationships in general, are given to much emphasis in judging how succesfull someone is.
I kind of agree with him, although not really with the sex part but more with the having a boy-/girlfriend paradigm in general. I experience this a lot with old primary / highschool friends of mine. Most of them have hardly any to mediocre education and are currently living at their parents house being unemployed. I on the other hand have a bunch of really fancy degrees, am currently doing a phd, have published and hence added to the knowledge of mankind, am making a bunch of money and traveling the world while doing so. Yet they always ask me if I have a girlfriend yet. And when I answer no they get all sympathetic, like I'm the basketcase here. So apprently something as banal as having a boy- / girlfriend trumps every accomplishment in life. I find this extremely annoying and mayby even slightly worrying.
"I have done well in my studies because I don't have girlfriends.
They have done poorly in studies because they have relationships."
Please tell me I misunderstood. If I am grasping your mean idea, then you may want to look up "post hoc, ergo propter hoc," and then rethink your assumptions about how relationships effect educational success.
Also, one of the single best places to find someone with similar interests is college. You are surrounded by successful women every day in school.
You may regret not searching for someone later in life, while you have such a good opportunity in front of you.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of them must having a 32C boobs and slim slender body else they are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
"Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
The fact that you're not having sex makes you a loser or you're a loser because you're not having sex, or if you're even a loser at all is really irrelevant. Once you actually get laid you're viewpoint will change and you will care much more about it.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
If your only goal is to be a multi-millionaire, then you probably won't ever understand why people like sex just for the sake of having sex.
There's no logical answer to your question. What advantage does sex have? Well, it has some nice side effects like releasing endorphines when you orgasm and other biochemical stuff like that, but that's probably not what you're talking about when you ask for why sex is good.
It just feels good and is one of the most fulfilling things that most humans can do. For you it isn't like that and money is probably more fulfilling to you, and that's fine, that's just the way you are.
But there's no need to argue about it since nobody will be able to explain it to you. How would somebody explain to you how strawberries taste if you haven't ever eaten a fruit in your life?
FINALLY! Someone who else who sides with the FACT that sex only adds physical pleasure to your life.
Now, not saying I wouldn't MIND the pleasure, but the risks involved, the time it takes to find "the one" and the little gain you actually get from it, not worth it IMO.
This is actually completely not true. Not only does consistent sex increase have tons of correlational evidence that would support the fact that sex increases life expectancy, decreases stress, decreases risk for cancer and heart disease.y
Increased life expectancy because of what... reduced stress? Reduced stress because it releases the same chemicals in your brain that can be obtained elsewhere Decreased risk for what kind of cancer (prostate?) Decreased heart disease because of physical activity, not because you had sexual intercourse. Both get blood flowing which naturally decreases heart problems.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
let me ask you good sir, do you masturbate?
lol? ya.
then it should be obvious why people have sex. if it still isn't than you're just being thick.
Sex is different for different people... as you can clearly see from the variety of posts you see on this thread. Some wanna save it for the "right" person; other don't value it in that sense and consider it something that they would do for fun after a night of meeting someone during clubbing or college partying; others turn to religion to determine when they should have sex and bla bla bla... it's all different to each person For me, sex is just an aspect of life that you do whenever the moment presents itself and if you want to do it. It's just something you do to enjoy yourself, almost like playing video games, smoking a blunt and any other activity you would do for leisure/a good time. I don't think about it as some ultimate form of expressing love that should only be done with the right person or anything like, and I also don't believe that one should turn to religion for answers regarding when it should be done. Just have sex when you want to, whether that means never, often, sometimes, or only with your wife, etc., etc. ... Some people think having sex regulary or seeking it is shallow while others think being virgins are losers... The truth is anyone who has either of those views is wrong. Do it when you want to and when you're comfortable, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Don't do it out of societal pressure though... society/media always has its messages; they're just opinions though and you shouldn't feel like they're "right". That whole "virgins are losers" viewpoint is just a load of crap. But, if you're going to do it whenever you're going to do it, my only advice is: "use safety and enjoy". You wouldn't wanna wake up the next day with the wory that you might have some STD.
On July 23 2011 08:49 arthur wrote: sex is fun. i dont get the point in this thread...
I think the point of this thread is that OP thinks that having sex, or mayby sexual relationships in general, are given to much emphasis in judging how succesfull someone is.
I kind of agree with him, although not really with the sex part but more with the having a boy-/girlfriend paradigm in general. I experience this a lot with old primary / highschool friends of mine. Most of them have hardly any to mediocre education and are currently living at their parents house being unemployed. I on the other hand have a bunch of really fancy degrees, am currently doing a phd, have published and hence added to the knowledge of mankind, am making a bunch of money and traveling the world while doing so. Yet they always ask me if I have a girlfriend yet. And when I answer no they get all sympathetic, like I'm the basketcase here. So apprently something as banal as having a boy- / girlfriend trumps every accomplishment in life. I find this extremely annoying and mayby even slightly worrying.
"I have done well in my studies because I don't have girlfriends.
They have done poorly in studies because they have relationships."
Please tell me I misunderstood. If I am grasping your mean idea, then you may want to look up "post hoc, ergo propter hoc," and then rethink your assumptions about how relationships effect educational success.
Also, one of the single best places to find someone with similar interests is college. You are surrounded by successful women every day in school.
You may regret not searching for someone later in life, while you have such a good opportunity in front of you.
Er, how exactly did you come to those conclusions?
Exactly lol, people who are 18+ and haven't had sex yet are typically insecure about it and demonstrate it in one fashion or the other. They make a big deal out of it (ironically) and about how they are special from everyone else because they aren't interested or they just "don't get it". Sometimes they even try to make other people feel bad about doing it.
Then they have sex. All of a sudden things make sense, they feel accepted by the opposite gender, and magically the justifications for virginity disappear. It's not really that simple, but yeah, the point is that virgins believe that sex isn't a big deal right up until they do it themselves.
The way I see sex (before and after this thread) is the thing really bonded couples do. Anything else is for pleasure only (which honestly, sex is probably a bad option).
I think the reason why OP is associating "sex" with the dbagz calling him a loser is because sex is usually with a woman you're dating at the time or whatever. And when you don't have sex because you have no girlfriend it's seen as "bad" since its seen as an indirect sign that you can't get women.
It's in the cases like mine that for multiple reasons choose not to have a girlfriend that people consider "faulty". When they ask me why, I respond with why back. I have great confidence levels, people idolize me, I have many friends, and many people find me awesome to be around. I just feel I don't need one.
So if you already have a girlfriend and are not having sex and people still make you feel down then maybe you should consult a doctor as when you really think about it, sex means nothing in the big picture.
On July 23 2011 09:48 Keitzer wrote: My final post in this thread then imma peace.
The way I see sex (before and after this thread) is the thing really bonded couples do. Anything else is for pleasure only (which honestly, sex is probably a bad option).
I think the reason why OP is associating "sex" with the dbagz calling him a loser is because sex is usually with a woman you're dating at the time or whatever. And when you don't have sex because you have no girlfriend it's seen as "bad" since its seen as an indirect sign that you can't get women.
It's in the cases like mine that for multiple reasons choose not to have a girlfriend that people consider "faulty". When they ask me why, I respond with why back. I have great confidence levels, people idolize me, I have many friends, and many people find me awesome to be around. I just feel I don't need one.
So if you already have a girlfriend and are not having sex and people still make you feel down then maybe you should consult a doctor as when you really think about it, sex means nothing in the big picture.
Lol, anyone who needs to tell other people that they are idolized on the internet has severe issues with insecurity. This actually lines up really well with what I already thought. Justifications are so much easier to come up with than the real deal.
Dude am also 21. Save it. I have been sexualy active for along time. IF i could take it bad I really really would. Save it. Don't worry. Keep being the best person you can be. thats all that matter Homey. Have a good day!
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
If your only goal is to be a multi-millionaire, then you probably won't ever understand why people like sex just for the sake of having sex.
There's no logical answer to your question. What advantage does sex have? Well, it has some nice side effects like releasing endorphines when you orgasm and other biochemical stuff like that, but that's probably not what you're talking about when you ask for why sex is good.
It just feels good and is one of the most fulfilling things that most humans can do. For you it isn't like that and money is probably more fulfilling to you, and that's fine, that's just the way you are.
But there's no need to argue about it since nobody will be able to explain it to you. How would somebody explain to you how strawberries taste if you haven't ever eaten a fruit in your life?
FINALLY! Someone who else who sides with the FACT that sex only adds physical pleasure to your life.
Now, not saying I wouldn't MIND the pleasure, but the risks involved, the time it takes to find "the one" and the little gain you actually get from it, not worth it IMO.
I know I'm just a random internet denizen, but you need to trust me on this one.
You're only saying that because you've never had sex. Unless you are asexual (which is a psychological disorder) or you haven't gone through puberty yet, you have an innate sex drive. As soon as you have sex you're going to realize what you're missing and how it doesn't just had physical pleasure but a whole lot more.
I would hazard a guess that you've never touched a girl in a sexual manner, probably haven't even kissed one. Now if you are a straight male eventually you're going to have a strong urge for female companionship that is more than just friends, that is pretty much a fact.
Through much of highschool I felt exactly as you did, I told myself exactly what you're telling yourself that "sex is just something people do, doesn't matter for anything I'll just spend my time some other way blah blah" Then I met a girl who I really liked and decided to come out of my figurative shell, decied to become more social etc etc and eventually had sex. It was great and made me realize I was tricking myself.
I'll understand if you don't listen to me because when I was in your situation I felt the same way. It is a very bitter mindset and is actually detrimental. I don't know how old you are but I suggest losing the V card sooner rather than later. You say you're going to wait for that special girl, but why do you think you're going to be able to get that girl if you can't get any girls now? You think life will just lead you to the girl of your dreams? No it won't you need to create opportunities and your mindset now won't ever lead to sex. It will lead to 40 year old virgin status.
I had my first time around 18, also rather late. Now I'm 25. Imo its fine, fun, etc. But its highly overrated when you are younger, the pressure building up, people talking about it all the time. But I guess thats because it was new to one then...
Nowadays I'm having sex more or less regularly (more when im with someone, less when single ofc) and well, it's nice, but people stop talking about it all the time once u get over a certain age, around my friends it was around 22-23 when everyone had had sex regularly. It's just no big deal anymore after some time...
On July 23 2011 10:22 Gnax wrote: People who brag about having sex or losing their virginity early are the losers. They obviously have low self-esteem.
This is true.
And people who talk about how they don't need sex, how society looks down upon them for being a virgin, and how sex doesn't matter at all in life most likely also have low self esteem.
I find this Keitzer guy funny... Why denying the usefulness of sex so heavily when it actually doesn't matter to you? And since you masturbate I can't imagine you wouldn't enjoy sex. Do you dislike the usual social interaction before it so much or whats exactly the point? I guess even paying for it is more pleasure then doing it yourself (which will be easy to pay, since u r going to be a billionaire... ).
btw. I'm really wondering about your age. Just because I don't know anyone around my age or older with your mindset...
What's really going to blow your mind once you start having sex, is how the world tries to convince you that the sex you are having is not as good as if it were with someone else.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
Maybe the bolded part is the problem. Talking about sex to anybody else than your partner/liaison tends to be tedious, much unlike the real thing.
In your OP you link being sexy to getting laid. Bar that.
I'm a fat pale dude that bangs a cute asian chick. Not rich in case you wonder.
Read again about bourdieu's capital description.
You don't only have sexual capital to exchange. You also have cultural, symbolic, social and financial capitals to propose. Just find a chick with capitals you like (even if that include motherbleeping hot) that values highly the capitals you have.
I'm 2 years married and happy with that cute asian chick based on cutural symbolic and social capital
Other than that you can listen to Oscar Wilde: "Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power."
There is really nothing to discuss here. The idea that if you procreate many times with another person(preferable before you hit 21/25) can make you happy is ignorant and has no scientific basis.(this can be achieved however by the use illicit substances)
Sex is just sex(assuming you did it with strangers), its a way to pleasure yourself legally (unless you are in Utah) there is really not much of a different from let say masturbating in your room. In both we are looking to satisfied our primeval libido and both achieved the same result (more or less) with one having more risk involved in it(unwanted pregnancy, angry parents , or perhaps even STD) So really if all you really want is to satisfied your libido I recommend masturbation as a much safer alternative.
(This next wall of text are opinions therefore it can be ignored completely)[/b] I do think you should give it a try once of twice just to know how it is (since you want to start a family and all). I on the other hand has completely given up on the stupid idea like "love" and common human decency long ago, so I really cant be bothered with (why do it when you have no end game)
On July 23 2011 09:44 SolidusR wrote: Exactly lol, people who are 18+ and haven't had sex yet are typically insecure about it and demonstrate it in one fashion or the other. They make a big deal out of it (ironically) and about how they are special from everyone else because they aren't interested or they just "don't get it". Sometimes they even try to make other people feel bad about doing it.
Then they have sex. All of a sudden things make sense, they feel accepted by the opposite gender, and magically the justifications for virginity disappear. It's not really that simple, but yeah, the point is that virgins believe that sex isn't a big deal right up until they do it themselves.
i dont think most people will judge a person by wither or not they have or have not had sex b4. and the people who do obviously aren't worth your time. in the words of liquidtyler "just chill"
My advice is definitely wait until you have a great relationship before you even start thinking about sex. A year ago I was in a similar situation, but then I found my girlfriend and we've been very happy together. However once you find somebody, you should wait before you truly go at it. It will test your relationship, and make you guys much closer when you do start to have sex.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
If your only goal is to be a multi-millionaire, then you probably won't ever understand why people like sex just for the sake of having sex.
There's no logical answer to your question. What advantage does sex have? Well, it has some nice side effects like releasing endorphines when you orgasm and other biochemical stuff like that, but that's probably not what you're talking about when you ask for why sex is good.
It just feels good and is one of the most fulfilling things that most humans can do. For you it isn't like that and money is probably more fulfilling to you, and that's fine, that's just the way you are.
But there's no need to argue about it since nobody will be able to explain it to you. How would somebody explain to you how strawberries taste if you haven't ever eaten a fruit in your life?
FINALLY! Someone who else who sides with the FACT that sex only adds physical pleasure to your life.
Now, not saying I wouldn't MIND the pleasure, but the risks involved, the time it takes to find "the one" and the little gain you actually get from it, not worth it IMO.
(Almost) Exactly. Sex does not only give you purely physical pleasure, of course. After sex, due to the chemical things involved that I mentioned, you will also get a load of psychological pleasures, like general happiness, short-term boost in self confidence. etc. And when you have good sex with a long term partner, it actually adds a giant amount of happiness to the relationship overall.
These things are not really useful per se, but they are without a doubt nice.
But you still have to keep in mind that it's just personal preference. Someone else might say: "Yeah, being rich is good and all and I wouldn't MIND it, but the work involved, the time it takes to make a lot of money, and the little emotional gain you actually get from it compared to other things... not worth it IMO." and it would still be a perfectly valid point.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of them must having a 32C boobs and slim slender body else they are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
"Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
i don't think you are a loser and i don't know what kind of person are you, but i and millions of other people can tell you, sex with an attractive female is the best fun you can have, it can't be overrated, nothing compares to it. how high are your expectations of life? if you want to live a happy and fulfilling life without sex, then you have to be lacking something that's coded into humans by nature (those people are called asexual). i suspect that you haven't had sex yet, this state obviously disturbs you and because of that you started manufacturing a self-defensive philosophy for it- this is also a natural thing, but you only have to have sex one time to see that it doesn't work the slightest;)
also humans are social creatures, it's only natural that people start to date after a certain age, and with those usually sex is involved. so if you're asking, can life be happy and fulfilled without such relationship? no one dreams about being alone, it usually sucks.
I too lost my virginity pretty late, at the age of 18, and i had some asshole "friends" that mocked me for it, if you have such people around you, it's time to get new friends i say. also i consider myself a pretty calm and intellectual person, but when i'm turned on by a girl everything starts to move around sex if we interact in any way;) and most my friends are much worse- and we're all normal people.
You only feel this way because you are a virgin. Once you start having regular sex you will realize you was worried about nothing. It only feels that sex is everywhere because you're not getting any. You won't notice is so much once you get it out of your system so to speak.
I lost mine when I was 17. I felt a huge confidence boost afterwards. It's nothing special really. Sure it feels good, but it's nothing to brag about having. One thing I really suggest is have it with someone you truly like. The first time I did it was more of a "Aw fuck it, I might as well." sort of thing and I really regret it.
I've lost my virginity with 20, too. I Fucked around like a madman for four years, until I got bored of it. Now I haven't had sex since January. And it feels absolutely fantastic, I think won`t have sex for a long time.
Most of the people I know lost their virginity around 20 too ^^ Sporty, normal, decent looking people, in France I may add which is far from a puritain country.
People are so quick to brag about sex though; but I'm pretty sure those who do it for the first time at 12-14 are in the minority.
Anyway my point is: 1) don't forget that when it comes to sex people lie. A lot. 2) it's really not something you should worry about, you might be over the median age but still in a perfectly normal range.
Hey man, don't beat yourself up over this, it just doesn't worth the effort. The day will come when you will start a family and have kids, and you will look back in time and say: what the f*** was in my head?. The sex theme appears around 18-20 years old and it stays there about 3 years or something like that, and most people get obsessed and won't stop talking about it and make a lot of jokes and things like that, just because it is something new and they don't have any idea about the thing, and try to find out as much as possible about it and being cool at the same time( this is the part when: you're a looser comes into place...). Don't worry, the day will come, you will lose your virginity, and say....that's it ?. And after that you will fall in love ( it may sound like i'm Hanna Montana but it's true ) and then sex will become much more satisfying. Don't worry about society, just be you and defend what you think. I'm sorry for the grammatical errors, English is not my "natural" language.
It's not that special. I always knew it wasn't. It's special with somebody you love, I can tell because I tried with somebody I didn't really love, and it felt very wrong, and I got a girlfriend now which I love more than anything else, and I can say that sex is great like that
What I'm trying to say, keep waiting until you feel like you really love somebody. Then go ahead.
On July 23 2011 20:17 virpi wrote: I've lost my virginity with 20, too. I Fucked around like a madman for four years, until I got bored of it. Now I haven't had sex since January. And it feels absolutely fantastic, I think won`t have sex for a long time.
Question is: why is sex boring? Isn't the catch for sex, "Fun, Free and TOTALLY amazing?" Bro go back and have sex like them ancient Greeks
Nah - seriously why did it get boring for you? (genuinely interested here)
I haven't read through this entire thread but all I can say is this - you wouldn't be having these thoughts and trying to subtlety justify them if you weren't a virgin. What I mean is, if the opportunity of having sex with the girl you like at university/the girl you had a crush on in high school was there - would you be asking: "Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1, 2, 3." My guess is no... You'd probably leap at the opportunity, or at least consider it seriously without thinking about society or peer pressure etc.
The point I am making is this - I think your views are a result of the lack of the option to have sex, whether you realise this consciously or not. Correct me if I'm wrong, that you could have sex with your girlfriend right now if you wanted to but you are refusing to due to not being 'ready'.
On July 23 2011 20:17 virpi wrote: I've lost my virginity with 20, too. I Fucked around like a madman for four years, until I got bored of it. Now I haven't had sex since January. And it feels absolutely fantastic, I think won`t have sex for a long time.
Question is: why is sex boring? Isn't the catch for sex, "Fun, Free and TOTALLY amazing?" Bro go back and have sex like them ancient Greeks
Nah - seriously why did it get boring for you? (genuinely interested here)
I can't speak for virpi but for a lot of older people like me it's not the sex itself you get "tired" of, more getting tired of a lifestyle. Sex doesn't bore me at all but everything in my life isn't focused on it like it probably was one way or another when I was younger.
The way I view sex is pretty important. But there is good sex which makes you feel fantastic especially when the girl you're with is amazing for you. ( makes you feel all puppylike in love ) or she's just fucking hot. This type of sex can really drive you and make you very very happy.
Then theres bad sex you maybe forced on yourself because you felt like it.. Which afterwards make you feel meh and not really happy..
If you choose to be a virgin then this is your choice. If you feel your reasons are right, even after this dicussion about it and probably having read alot about how it feels not being a virgin, then go on with it. People will always judge you, it's in their nature and it's one of the things everyone has to deal with. ( jobless, fat, not graduated for example people will no doubt judge one wy or the other)
Nononono, society is just stating the truth. Sex is amazing. It just is. And calling you a loser is just another way of saying we're sorry for you, it's just less feminine.
On July 23 2011 20:17 virpi wrote: I've lost my virginity with 20, too. I Fucked around like a madman for four years, until I got bored of it. Now I haven't had sex since January. And it feels absolutely fantastic, I think won`t have sex for a long time.
Question is: why is sex boring? Isn't the catch for sex, "Fun, Free and TOTALLY amazing?" Bro go back and have sex like them ancient Greeks
Nah - seriously why did it get boring for you? (genuinely interested here)
I can't speak for virpi but for a lot of older people like me it's not the sex itself you get "tired" of, more getting tired of a lifestyle. Sex doesn't bore me at all but everything in my life isn't focused on it like it probably was one way or another when I was younger.
I see! I thought most men were like Homer Simpson (brain = 90% sex sex sex)
I feel like it's one of those things that people tend to just put on a pedestal really highly, and value it way too much. Yes, sex is good, yes it's fun, but I feel like, largely due to how things are portrayed in the media / on tv / etc, the value of sex is incredibly high.
I mean, there's truth behind the saying that "sex sells." If you can stir people's thoughts and emotions in that way, people are more willing to listen to your product, stay semi-attentive, and find out a little bit more, on the off chance it might help their sexual game, so to speak.
Choosing to be a virgin is fine, and the same with not necessarily choosing to be one, but just happening to be one. The situation will come up plenty of times, especially around the years that you're at now, and if you recognize that, and decide to pounce on an opportunity (no pun intended), then you'll be sure to get laid a number of times.
And sometimes it's just better if you wait for that special girl who makes it all right
I'm 24 and a virgin (Christian, though not hardcore... yea yea I know). I'm definitely not ashamed of it either. Though I completely understand what you're saying OP. Social media, especially in popular TV shows, promote sex as some sort of requirement to be a "man" or even worse, "normal".
It's a shame that it's depicted like this in our social entertainment because of how the "macho men" feel like it's absolutely necessary to sleep with as many women as possible. I don't understand why this thinking has been blanketed upon most cultures, but it's there and the best you can do is just think for yourself and not let social media demean you because you're a virgin.
On July 23 2011 23:46 cHaNg-sTa wrote: I'm 24 and a virgin (Christian, though not hardcore... yea yea I know). I'm definitely not ashamed of it either. Though I completely understand what you're saying OP. Social media, especially in popular TV shows, promote sex as some sort of requirement to be a "man" or even worse, "normal".
It's a shame that it's depicted like this in our social entertainment because of how the "macho men" feel like it's absolutely necessary to sleep with as many women as possible. I don't understand why this thinking has been blanketed upon most cultures, but it's there and the best you can do is just think for yourself and not let social media demean you because you're a virgin.
All I can say is - if you are still a virgin at 30 then I am willing to bet money that you will no longer hold that view. I for one am thankful society demeaned me for being a virgin - because it encouraged me to get out there and change my circumstances. I have many friends who have never had sex before and as a result they become average frustrated chumps well into their late 20s because they failed to get in the game when the opportunities were there in college and university (it's much harder to meet women once you're working - it's not impossible, but just takes more skill, e.g. Going to bars and clubs etc. And no longer having the comforting environment of being able to sit next to a hot chick in class and have a conversation out of necessity.
In fact, many of my Christian friends (particularly females) get married at a young age, 18-20, because their bodies are desperate for sex. Many of the males also get married at a young age, and it saddens me to see Christian men in their late 20s or who are 30 and counting and unable to find a wife, because they were never able to score a girlfriend, thus not even being able to get married let alone have sex.
If you don't need it then don't worry. There are people who just naturally have a low sex drive and if that's the case for you then use all those free energy to enjoy the stuff you like :-)
It is however very important that you determine if you *really* think that way or if you are lying to yourself. That's an age old experience that Aesop had more than 2500 years ago so to quote him:
The Fox and the Grapes
One hot summer's day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. "Just the thing to quench my thirst," quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: "I am sure they are sour."
On July 23 2011 23:58 kirdie wrote: If you don't need it then don't worry. There are people who just naturally have a low sex drive and if that's the case for you then use all those free energy to enjoy the stuff you like :-)
It is however very important that you determine if you *really* think that way or if you are lying to yourself. That's an age old experience that Aesop had more than 2500 years ago so to quote him:
The Fox and the Grapes
One hot summer's day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. "Just the thing to quench my thirst," quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: "I am sure they are sour."
It is easy to despise what you cannot get
Such a good parable.
And I'd like to ask those who are saying they're happy remaining virgins because they are Christians waiting for marriage: Do you watch porn to help relieve your needs? How do you reconcile that with your faith?
Im 21 and still a virgin. Its awesome! Honestly, its a great thing to laugh at. I love making fun of myself around friends. We all laugh and make jokes in a friendly manner. And the thing is, Im not bad looking and Im usually pretty comfortable around females. So it always confuses people when I tell them Im a virgin.
On July 23 2011 23:46 cHaNg-sTa wrote: ...Social media, especially in popular TV shows, promote sex as some sort of requirement to be a "man" or even worse, "normal".
It's a shame that it's depicted like this in our social entertainment because of how the "macho men" feel like it's absolutely necessary to sleep with as many women as possible. I don't understand why this thinking has been blanketed upon most cultures, but it's there and the best you can do is just think for yourself and not let social media demean you because you're a virgin.
Having sex, is normal. Choosing to not have sex is what is a little bizarre. The entire species continues to exist thanks to a biological imperative known as... sex. Sex in entertainment isn't a "depiction" it's a very simple recognition that people are interested in sex.
The problem with sex is that it is the element of many people's lives that forces them, whether or not they are aware of it, to question their role in life. Many of the things that we as humans do attempt to ignore the general fact that one day... life ends. That is, we attempt to enjoy life by in some sense avoiding its end. People get around this paradigm in one of two ways which can both be related to ways in which people and cultures approach sex and sexuality. The first approach is stoic or aesthetic. The idea is that by ignoring or denying the value of aspects of life we come to "tolerate" or "enjoy" life by needing nothing. The other approach is the opposite extreme: finding fulfillment in accepting life exactly for what it is in a limited, biological, finite sense. These two approaches in the context of sexuality manifest as follows:
1. Cultures and religions that treat sex as taboo. This approach results in people dealing with and around sex in the form of guilt (subtle or extreme). Essentially, sex for this group of people has to be an extremely limited nearly meaningless act. How can you really justify having sex for pleasure when you could be converting me to any given religion instead? Is my eternal damnation worth your 20 minutes of fun?
2. Cultures and religions that embrace sexuality. This appears because when a person admits that life is a limited finite thing then life is simply about experiencing life... or in a purely biological sense, procreating. Humans however have evolved anthropologically; meaning essentially, in this context, that our sexual habits for reproduction are mitigated by the fact that we as a species can no longer continue to have 12+ kids per female. We have evolved complex systems which limit how many children we have. These systems might better be thought of as a recognition of limited resources. Anyways, my point here is that the true opposite extreme of sex as taboo doesn't really take place much because humanity has evolved. For sake of consideration though, if people solely embraced life and sex for the generic imperatives that they are, people would have sex all the time. Instead of ignoring life and sex for what they are, accepting them, and enjoying them.
Some might argue that the second response removes love and other things from life. I find that hard to believe. Rather, I think you just might find that the happiest of people are those that embrace their sexuality and love their partner. Almost all moral systems and paradigms for living can be distilled down to choice. Thus, accepting to live a life enjoying sex does not have to go hand in hand with extreme amounts of sexual partners or a loss of love. I choose to embrace sex, and I choose to only love my life. The two go hand in hand quite well.
To say that sex is "OP" which is a ridiculous way to phrase it anyways, is to simply attempt to in some way act like it doesn't matter. Well I'm going to tell you right now, if you're not religious, and you think that some aspect of life "doesn't matter" then you should probably own up to the inevitable fact that beyond "experience" nothing matters. Outside of experience you can choose to be happy or not, to enjoy things or not, etc. To take the aesthetic route of trying to limit experience to mitigate its value seems foolish. Why question sex when you can just... have it?
Who knows? You might even like it.
------ And to return to the post I quoted. The depiction of sex in media, beyond adding literal entertainment value, acts in the role of a touchstone. The demonstration of a character as hypersexual helps us understand that he is hyper masculine. Granted, this can create images of hegemonic masculinity that are not appropriate and can distort some people's images of the world, but sex isn't the problem here, it's masculinity. You have to divorce those two topics from each other in order to make an educated claim.
Similarly, sex is not simply a male thing. Research has shown time and again that woman have just as much of a sexual appetite as men do. Some even more recent research suggests that women might desire sex *more* than men do. Social media isn't exactly demeaning you for not being sexually active, it is more involved in the process of reminding us about the stereotype that men are crazy for sex. Do you know why we keep making media that lets men approach sex freely? Because it's fucking fun. If you feel demeaned it's probably because ignoring sexuality while embracing many other forms of entertainment is extremely hypocritical. You have to choose between approaching life stoically, or for what it is. If you mix and match you'll always feel guilt or mixed feelings in some aspect. Either you feel bad for playing video games instead of seeking enlightenment, or sometimes you fantasize about someone. Nobody's perfect eh?
On July 23 2011 23:46 cHaNg-sTa wrote: I'm 24 and a virgin (Christian, though not hardcore... yea yea I know). I'm definitely not ashamed of it either. Though I completely understand what you're saying OP. Social media, especially in popular TV shows, promote sex as some sort of requirement to be a "man" or even worse, "normal".
It's a shame that it's depicted like this in our social entertainment because of how the "macho men" feel like it's absolutely necessary to sleep with as many women as possible. I don't understand why this thinking has been blanketed upon most cultures, but it's there and the best you can do is just think for yourself and not let social media demean you because you're a virgin.
It's sort of a biological urge I guess. Your selfish genes "want" to be spread, after all. Maybe I'm just vain like that, but I really want to sleep with as many desirable women as possible. Why resist something that can make you happy and is tons of fun? I don't think you can blame this one on society, it's one of our most primal imperatives.
Edit: Yeah, the guy above me nailed it already I'd say.
Having sex, is normal. Choosing to not have sex is what is a little bizarre. The entire species continues to exist thanks to a biological imperative known as... sex. Sex in entertainment isn't a "depiction" it's a very simple recognition that people are interested in sex.
I'm remembering a documentary my class saw in biology some years ago which was about sex in a social group (of monkeys). Anyways, there was said something about the sexual activity in relation to the hierarchy and the male bottom didn't have sex which makes me questioning the whole "not having sex is bizarre because we need to have sex to survive as a species" thing.
I have no proof or anything like that therefore I hope someone which has some clue in this area can tell me if I'm wrong or right with the following conclusion. To me it seems as if there is a benefit in having creatures without sexual activity in a species. For example worker-bees who are not fertile but still necessary for the surviving of their colony.
Sexual activity always means courtship leading to waste of limited resources. Division of work seems to be a good way of reducing losses. There may be an (evolution-based) equal division of work at the group of monkeys.
Of course we as humans don't have such a hierarchy because we are not limited by such simple structures. All I wanted to question is the undertone of biological failure of virgins^^
Sex is one of the most important experiences in life, it means becoming a man/woman more then turning 18, 21, hanukah or w/e will ever mean. Hence stupid kids will consider it a race to win.
I had sex the first time at 18 yet no1 ever thought i was a virgin because i was always pretty good looking and i never got into stupid "how do you think it is discussions" so everybody just asumed i know it all....lol. At any rate it's not a big deal unless you make it out to be.
Being one of the most important life experiences of a person, people view virgins as kids that's why they get dissed. Pretty much like beeing above 20 and not in college while unemployed makes u a looser. Being a virgin at 20+ makes you a looser in most peoples' eyes as well, that's just how it goes. You shouldn't advertise it it's nothing to be proud about. If you think it is, you shouldn't care what other people say.
And for the sex only after getting married shit, that's nothing but a recipe for divorce and a crappy sex life till the end of your days. 2 people beeing in love is a wonderfull thing, but people can fall in love without knowing each other completely (example wifebeaters), crappy sex is as bad for your relationship as beeing unable to hold a job.
Sex isn't everything but not beeing happy after sex, is certainly worse then not beeing happy after a walk on the beach. Take it seriousily make it happen, you'll find out why.
OP; this is a misconception in alot of youth today, and has been ever since modern society set in; the 'need' to engage in sexual activity for the purpose of acheiving an acceptable social status.
Yes, sex is awesome, and 'sleeping around' can be a fun way to get your load blown. But ultimately, the sex that you don't grow tired of, the sex that - when you're having it - makes your body almost explode in extacy even before blowing said load.. That's the sex that matters. That's the sex everyone strives for(20yo's just don't know it yet..).
However, you ummmm mighttt be a little bit of a loser if you are still a virgin not because you abstain, but because you can't get any. But i somehow get the drift that you simply don't want it and thats fine
This quote here, is.. ignorant, and childish. I understand it, and it probably wasn't meant to be offensive or w/e, but it's really pretty silly. There are no one in this world that 'can't get any'; fact. When you find a person you love and that loves you back, you'll be able to have the best sex in the world. Not because you or your partner is epically skilled in the sourcery that is lovejuice extracting, but because the very love you harbour for each other takes the sex to a whole other level.
All this being said, I personally believe 'waiting' is overrated. Waiting until marriage atleast.. If you're waiting until you find a person you think is worthy of having sex with, sure. Don't just have sex to have sex. Care for the person atleast.
That's it for this week's Dr.Jensen sex & relationship advice. Tune in next week where we'll discuss incest amongst household pets and the effects it has on your parents sex life.
I'm remembering a documentary my class saw in biology some years ago which was about sex in a social group (of monkeys). Anyways, there was said something about the sexual activity in relation to the hierarchy and the male bottom didn't have sex which makes me questioning the whole "not having sex is bizarre because we need to have sex to survive as a species" thing.
I have no proof or anything like that therefore I hope someone which has some clue in this area can tell me if I'm wrong or right with the following conclusion. To me it seems as if there is a benefit in having creatures without sexual activity in a species. For example worker-bees who are not fertile but still necessary for the surviving of their colony.
Sexual activity always means courtship leading to waste of limited resources. Division of work seems to be a good way of reducing losses. There may be an (evolution-based) equal division of work at the group of monkeys.
Of course we as humans don't have such a hierarchy because we are not limited by such simple structures. All I wanted to question is the undertone of biological failure of virgins^^
You'll have to take my word on this because I can't be arsed to dig the source up again, but this kind of applies to us too. Throughout most of human history, only ~ 40% of the males of homo sapiens managed to procreate at all. The majority of us were subjugated dregs not even allowed to get laid. It's all up to how you intend to live your life I guess.
"I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it..."
LOL! Fate -- always cockblocking me.
Though I got a couple giggles out of the OP I do agree in the end that sex is weighted far too highly in society. Sure, the passing of genetics is the core of our being from an evolutionary and survival standpoint -- but the world is very different today. And yes, the result seems to be mass manufacturing of way-too-young sex objects in popular media, and a lot of other shamelessly skin-deep bullshit.
Truth be told, you WILL have sex someday. If you and your partner are ready then it will be enjoyable. Don't rush it if you are unsure. Often times it does not actually cement a relationship but instead creates more arguments and instability.
That said -- GL HF-- In bed.
Oh --- and if anyone is going to complain that "Boobs are OP in society" just stop now. Boobs always have and always will control men, and boobs WILL win in the end.
Only reason it's such a big deal because...hormones? Shit it's probably just the society we live in, like for instance it's considered sexy when woman kiss but when guys kiss it's wrong. Just my take.
Sex has always been important throughout history, culture to culture. But I think it's taken too far sometimes. Talking less about sex and virginity there is alot of pressure from society to couple with someone else - you can't be a bachelor (or the female equivalent, spinster, which usually carries a negative tone all by itself) people will meddle and not understand that solitude is not the same thing as loneliness. But that rant is only semi-related and should be saved for another thread
After hearing countless stories from people I know (male and female) on how difficult it is to keep a good relationship going, I'm in no rush whatsoever to have to deal with the same things just so I can get a little sex. There's places you can go if all you want is sex, Las Vegas and Amsterdam (and there is many many others, however these are the only ones with any notably regulated sex trades).
In retrospect, I really hate that I lost my virginity to who I did. It was terrible, wasn't fun, and he wouldn't do any of the work, even when he was on top.
Personally, I wish sex was something that wasn't so casual in this society. I wish porn and sex weren't prevalent, common topics and that they weren't absolutely everywhere.
I mean, I avoid porn because I find it dull as it's nothing like the real thing: I'm not actively involved. It really does lead to unrealistic expectations and that pisses me off. It's like I can't be good enough for anyone.
Personally, I think being a virgin adds to someone's sex appeal.
The society we live in tells me I'm not that good because I have a little more weight than I'd like and other body flaws. Porn tells me the same damn thing. It's kinda silly.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of them must having a 32C boobs and slim slender body else they are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
"Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
Just go buy a hooker or something, problem solved.
Everyone has their own way to look at the world. For some sex is a huge part of life and they see it as something important, to others it is not so important. Culturally though the media has put a lot of emphasis on it because it sells and that has some trickle down affect for people since they are bombarded by it daily so it seems more important then it is.
TBH, sex is just fun to have. I had the same problem you have, for whatever reason not being able to get laid. Eventually I just stopped caring, and not long after I actually got to get some. Go fig, eh?
Though, it was never a huge deal to the people around me. Sure, there were jokes made, such as the oh-so-common "40 year old virgin," but I'm the kind of guy that constantly makes jokes on myself, so I just rolled with it. None of it ever really bothered me. It never was a big deal or anything though. Like I said, I eventually stopped caring, and it just came to me... I guess the big thing about "society making a big deal out of it" is that it's only a big deal if you let it become a big deal.
A bit over 3 years later though, and I'm still with the girl.
so you got balls stating this. my question is simple how did you manage TO NOT have sex in this teenage culture. one night stands are all over sex is promoted as you said . hell probabbly 50 procent of middle schoolers lost there virginity.
I think youve been raised religous or something like that.
I was a virgin till I was 22 and got my first girlfriend. Up until then most ppl who met me thought it was strange that I was a virgin and asked if I was religious or something lol. I just said it hadn't happened and everybody thought it was actually good.
After sex though I think it's rather overrated. For me the big "woa" moment was cuddling and making out with my girlfriend. It was a much bigger deal and affected me much more than sexual intercourse. For me it was much more intimate, more powerful and awesome.
In the back of my head yeah I guess I wanted to do it just to see what the big fuss was, but then I never really cared much and if you don't care then it won't get you down. It turned out to be what I imagined it to be: awkward and fun but not as great as everyone made it out to be.
On July 24 2011 17:32 pyrogenetix wrote: Overhyped by media.
I was a virgin till I was 22 and got my first girlfriend. Up until then most ppl who met me thought it was strange that I was a virgin and asked if I was religious or something lol. I just said it hadn't happened and everybody thought it was actually good.
After sex though I think it's rather overrated. For me the big "woa" moment was cuddling and making out with my girlfriend. It was a much bigger deal and affected me much more than sexual intercourse. For me it was much more intimate, more powerful and awesome.
In the back of my head yeah I guess I wanted to do it just to see what the big fuss was, but then I never really cared much and if you don't care then it won't get you down. It turned out to be what I imagined it to be: awkward and fun but not as great as everyone made it out to be.
Get better at sex.
No seriously, get better at it. Sex is a lot like everything else in this world in that practice makes perfect.
On July 24 2011 17:26 Shadowcloak wrote: my question is simple how did you manage TO NOT have sex in this teenage culture. one night stands are all over sex is promoted as you said . hell probabbly 50 procent of middle schoolers lost there virginity.
I really hope this isn't true
EDIT: Distracted by the two massacre headers in the General category.
My view: Don't worry too much about it and it will happen when it happens.
As for socializing younger generations with too much emphasis on sex, I believe that kids are in general trying to grow up too fast. Why? No idea.
Can't remember where but I once read a study that stated something like people that have less sexual partners in their life tend to be much happier in their marriages.
I am 21 year old male, and I have currently had sex with 3 people in my life. Only one did I truly love but long story short even though I loved her with all my heart, I wish I have never had sex. My personal opinion is to wait until you are married or at least deeply in love. It is so much better. Sex is over rated. The girl that I was in love with was amazing, and I wish everyday that I could have her back just to talk to her. Sex complicates relationships and makes things more difficult. Us having sex and among other things actually led to us breaking up. Can't go into whole story and I can see that I am rambling.
Summary opinion: wait till married = best possible solution imho.
Sex is great- but this post brings up a couple valid points IMO.
Firstly, I think sex is used to keep people distracted. Along with all the other garbage in the media, the trash we are told to buy, sports and shit like celebrity culture- is out there to keep people from caring about real issues. Bottom line is it's REALLY easy to pacify people especially when you are appealing to both their evolutionary instinct and also socially imposed expectations. (You HAVE to be a guy who just rolls around and talks about how great sex is and how manly you are... just look at this thread.) I can't help but think of the movie Idiocracy. -"YA BUT I REALLY LIKE SEX" -"Um... ya dude, I think everyone does."
Secondly, it's the prime motivator for most people's behavior. Which I think on some level is primal and genetic, but on another level is socially imposed. I do enjoy sex (no more, but probably the same as most people)... but try to not let it drive my life. I mean... it's just sad all the people I see who are all about how they look, what they drive, their makeup or clothes, working a TON for money, their image, all kinds of time wasted on some image to get sex. Going clubbing, washing your car 3X a week- obsessed with your looks- its 90% of people I know. I wish people were a lot more high minded. We all like sex, given. But like... do something with your time, learn something, read, get good at something or develop some skill or contribute your best to society. Don't just become another moron obsessed with tail. There are plenty of those dumbasses out there- and bottom line is you're going to get it anyways in 95% of instances, just being yourself and meeting people.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without and everybody is doing it and it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
discuss??
edit: I am not a religious person. I raised the point just for curiosity sake.
However if you are asking whether I am religious or not due to my virginity then no. I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it...but that is not the point
edit 2: I did not state nor do I "value" virginity highly. I am asking if sex topic, in general, is over valued in society. This topic ties to a lot of other things. It connects to the problems little girls with social images of them must having a 32C boobs and slim slender body else they are not socially acceptable. It connects to "porn" addiction with the arise of the internet. Which also connects to people have super high expectation of what sex should be (i.e threesome is not as prominent as people think) etc...
"Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
The constancy and fidelity of a girl is inversely related to how often she wants to have sex with random strangers.
I know of 14-16 yr olds in years past that would do it with multiple guys 20-24ish, (yeah, totally breaking laws), and the point is that these same ones have the issues that prevent them from being part of a considerate relationship. F* toys are F* toys. Its their choice, and many times comes from a maladaptive processing of thoughts and behavior on their part. some of these rampant sluts are the way they are because of past abuse or neglected childhood/poor bonding/value instillment, or lack of good parent models, etc.
Sex has been made a big issue, first as a thing not to be done almost ever in puritan roots, then as a thing either to be done and enjoyed as much as hedonistically possible by hollywood standards and usually by people who are actually messed up attention whores (See Millionaires:Like a million on youtube), and people like Paris Hilton just increase the problem.
In europe its a natural part of life. even 14-16 yr olds laugh about it and dont feel bad when they've been video taped by the boys father as he teaches him how to do it :\.
If something isn't inherently wrong, it becomes right or wrong solely on the pulls of pop culture, religion, and politics all trying to head their own direction for their benefits. there's money to be made on selling people ideas.
TL:DR, there's rampant sluts who are either totally ingrained with the "pro sex everywhere" pop culture subset, or have had deep psychological issues, and in both cases were not correctly taught growing up, theres people who have sex regularly and see it as no big deal like euorpeans and artists and who understand that everyone is a sexual being by nature, there's people for whom sex feels gross or wrong, and this is usually coupled with religious teachings, theres tantric practicioners who sometimes use sex for achieving their enlightenment, while other practitioners who become priests, in buddhism and catholicism, have a rule of total abstinence, and buddhism has rules about not becoming involved with people who are involved with others etc.
The world will always disagree with your choice, especially when political agendas try to promote one idea or another, like hot button issues such as school teachers being some sorts of giant evul predat0rz z0mg for being a sex offender when they had sex with someone 1 month underage, yet its a platform used to instill fear and distrust and hatred among the general population, for a gain in votes, destroying lives in the process, and so on and so on. So the question is, what do you feel? Is what you want or are doing right or wrong? Ask yourself and find your answer, and dont be bothered to be different, society can go to hell. If you don't feel a need to have sex with anyone, you're already superior to most sheeple, as you can make your own decisions. Be wary though, that you don't subconsciously fear failing it and thus consciously construct a rationalization as to why its legitimate if you dont feel that way. And If you do, thats alright too.
just dont get stuck with some vampire-like emotional drain baggage for the sake of poon.
On July 24 2011 17:26 Shadowcloak wrote: my question is simple how did you manage TO NOT have sex in this teenage culture. one night stands are all over sex is promoted as you said . hell probabbly 50 procent of middle schoolers lost there virginity.
I really hope this isn't true
EDIT: Distracted by the two massacre headers in the General category.
My view: Don't worry too much about it and it will happen when it happens.
As for socializing younger generations with too much emphasis on sex, I believe that kids are in general trying to grow up too fast. Why? No idea.
The life limit we've had has grown substancially over the years. "Children" Who were 15 used to be considered half way through their life. The only difference is that technology and medicine have improved to where we now live longer. Maybe they aren't trying to grow up too fast. Maybe science in itself has reduced the need to be so experienced so young, however it's in their nature to do so. And maybe you're growing up too slow? Just some counter thoughts.
The world will always disagree with your choice, especially when political agendas try to promote one idea or another, like hot button issues such as school teachers being some sorts of giant evul predat0rz z0mg for being a sex offender when they had sex with someone 1 month underage, yet its a platform used to instill fear and distrust and hatred among the general population, for a gain in votes, destroying lives in the process, and so on and so on. So the question is, what do you feel? Is what you want or are doing right or wrong? Ask yourself and find your answer, and dont be bothered to be different, society can go to hell. If you don't feel a need to have sex with anyone, you're already superior to most sheeple, as you can make your own decisions. Be wary though, that you don't subconsciously fear failing it and thus consciously construct a rationalization as to why its legitimate if you dont feel that way. And If you do, thats alright too.
I just wanted to plus one this as well. Ignore my opinion from before because it is just that, an opinion. This is a great way to put it on how it is. +1
On July 24 2011 17:26 Shadowcloak wrote: my question is simple how did you manage TO NOT have sex in this teenage culture. one night stands are all over sex is promoted as you said . hell probabbly 50 procent of middle schoolers lost there virginity.
I really hope this isn't true
EDIT: Distracted by the two massacre headers in the General category.
My view: Don't worry too much about it and it will happen when it happens.
As for socializing younger generations with too much emphasis on sex, I believe that kids are in general trying to grow up too fast. Why? No idea.
The life limit we've had has grown substancially over the years. "Children" Who were 15 used to be considered half way through their life. The only difference is that technology and medicine have improved to where we now live longer. Maybe they aren't trying to grow up too fast. Maybe science in itself has reduced the need to be so experienced so young, however it's in their nature to do so. And maybe you're growing up too slow? Just some counter thoughts.
I agree to all of your counter thoughts, and I also agree to the nested quote. middle schoolers have sex, they did when I was middle school, and I wanted to bang my hot blonde teacher. 2nd graders have blowjob orgies. 9 yr olds can give sly glances to older men while looking at nude sculptures, 14-16 yr olds can lie about their to get sex with older men all the time, and they do.
12-16 was the marriageable age of girls to older men (sometimes in 30's-40's) since the dawn of time up until the early 20th century. Read The Good Earth about China. take some history lessons about the ages of queens. Check out the political age of consent maps (of which quite a few places are actually extraordinarily disturbing). Check out ancient Greece.
Its a pandemic of sexuality in living beings that should be Asexual until society tells them they're ready, damnit! (sarcasm pointing out the flawed magical thinking of absentee thought people).
Freud knew children were sexual from birth. Children dont play doctor? teens dont get the urge to mate which is based wholly on BRAIN CHEMICALS? All animals in nature are hit with this chemical incentive in the first 1/8th of their average lifespan.
People are bags of chemicals, chemicals that tell them what to do.
On July 24 2011 16:59 firehand101 wrote: Everything is about sex because it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD seriously, holding the one you love passionately comes second only to starcraft
See, you also cant believe this kind of hype. people will many times hype it in their own imagination to make it stand up the the gold standard they had preset in their mind before ever doing it. if people do it with lame movies, people can obviously do it with sex. Additionally, orgasms help them. But honestly, I fantasize about it, but actually doing it is dull to me. I dont think its so great. maybe my man parts arent sensitive enough, but it takes a lot of effort to approach anything "great".
the only way you will know whether its "Z0MG AMAZING U MUST DO CAUSE I SAY ITS GREAT" or not, is to try it yourself.
Some people will have this kind of condescending pity for you if you dont like you're missing out, but the fact is life is different for everyone and everything. there is no standard, which is a bullshit society mass answer that if you dont fit within all these guidelines, you failed at life. its what leads to depressed suicidal older people. Life is life. yours is not theirs, not everyone can live the same way. If anyone ever pities you (which is really a slimy self satisfied way of putting down you and what you do with your life), give them the finger and know you're happy with yourself.
Hey. There are many older people that are still a virgin. You can blame the society for the pressure you're experiencing. In Asia, it's a truly sacred thing - even a kiss is a big thing. So dont worry man. Religious or not, the time will come. Just dont give in to peer pressure.
I don't feel like sex itself is that overrated. But I don't mean, that it's super important, just that most of the people around me do see it as something nice and fun to have but not as the deciding thing in ones life - so, at least from my point of view "society" does not overrate it. Just read through this thread, and it pretty much looks the same.
Much more so are relationships. I'd say most people have the belief, that you absolutely must have a "partner", to be able to have a fulfilled life, or whatever. In my opinion it is important to have people around you, whom you like, share your thoughts with etc., still dependent on the person, for some more, for others less (for me more^^), but the whole idea (or at least to a large extend) of this couple-stuff is really made up and held high by society. I think you can get everything, you get from a boy-/girlfriend, from other people, too, the only question is, if you like and trust them enough to share the same things. That said, I don't want to say, that I recommend having sex with every person you like enough, everyone has to decide for himself what's right for him, and of course the people around him, who entrust things to him. I more or less only want to say, that you can be happy without having a girlfriend at all, I do need people that I can talk to and get hugged by, once in a while - but I have other people beside my girlfriend, who would suffice. And although I love her, my lifes luck does not depend on her and I definitely would not want her to bear that burden.
(Things might change a little once children come into play - but in the moment I still have some time until then... )
Jeez......It seems to me that the ones who haven't had sex, or even the ones that have, are overthinking the hell out of it....(why is it good, what will i gain from it, why should I want it, etc...) Go out and get your dicks wet and then tell me why you want it........seeing a fine chick on top of you letting you do pretty much whatever you want to her lovely lady parts is FUCKING.....AWESOME!!!!
I mean that feeling skin on skin, and knowing that you are doing something to this girl that makes her scream your name and vibrate like a tuning fork on top of you should be reason enough, but if a computer social life or a life without sex in general is enough for you then its enough for you.....no judgement, but stop thinking with your brains so god damned much and ask your penis what it wants, because i see alot of ppl in this thread that need to have an in depth conversation with their penis and ask it, for once, what it wants......
On August 06 2011 03:50 MaliciousMirth wrote: because i see alot of ppl in this thread that need to have an in depth conversation with their penis and ask it, for once, what it wants......
If you've started talking to your penis having sex is the least of your problems.
To the OP... of course it's a big deal. Your entire existence is the result of a long chain of successful screwing. That doesn't mean you have to care... it's just a fact. Love and everything that goes with it is necessary to make more of you; so your unconscious makes dam sure you know what to do.
On August 06 2011 04:47 nukeazerg wrote: Casual Sex is promoted as awesome, but it is not. Sex with someone you love and commit to is as good as it gets
What makes you think you are qualified enough to make such statements? Not that I have much experience on having sex with loved ones, but for me it's completely based on how good she is in bed. Sex may be amazing with active and emotional girls, and really dull with ones who lay like a corpse, overdo with fake screaming or do something as bad. Casual sex also comes without lots of disadvantages of having long-term relationship, that's what's really important.
Sex is overrated, and usually not worth it. It's fun while it lasts, but then it ends up filling you with regret and self hate, even if nothing bad happens (i.e. she gets pregnant or you get STD fucked).
On August 06 2011 05:14 Drizzt3 wrote: Sex is overrated, and usually not worth it. It's fun while it lasts, but then it ends up filling you with regret and self hate, even if nothing bad happens (i.e. she gets pregnant or you get STD fucked).
I wish I could share with you the joy which me and so many others in the world get from sex, both with people whom you are long term emotionally involved with and with people who you might not be as long term connected with. Sadly I think you are a guy, and I don't swing that way. But even so, the best of luck too you.
People make a big deal out of it cause its fun as hell also its a natural human instinct to reproduce.
Its just a little surprising people can get to the age of 20+ without having sex. Like I'm sure no one in this thread is that ugly that you can't find a girl or guy that likes you. Once you're together for a bit it just natrualy turns to sex.
I've actually noticed a trend, which is that people who try to impress upon everyone that there is a direct correlation between how successful you are in life and how much pussy you get tend to actually make very poor life choices over all. When I lost my virginity, I didn't feel any different, it didn't change the way I looked at life, and if anything it just started the rumor mill. It felt good, but I could have gotten the same immediate result by beating off.
People have sex to orgasm. Or to start a family. I personally believe that anyone who tells you differently and genuinely means it has a lot of growing up to do.
On August 06 2011 05:14 Drizzt3 wrote: Sex is overrated, and usually not worth it. It's fun while it lasts, but then it ends up filling you with regret and self hate, even if nothing bad happens (i.e. she gets pregnant or you get STD fucked).
Uhm, I'd most probably go visit a shrink if I would be filled with regret and self-hate after having sex. That doesn't sound like right reaction from biological standpoint.
I'm with a beautiful girlfriend and yet we don't have any sort of sexual relations. Clothes stay on, hands away from the business zones. We have a great time, love each other very much, and I fully intend on being with her for a long long time. I'm 23 and she's 21.
Sex is way overblown in today's society. It's the reason why 15 year old girls come into clinics with snapple caps stuck in their cha-cha because they didn't have a condom and why 14 year olds come in to check out oral STDs because they played the "rainbow game" at church camp. These are real stories that just occurred last week.
Seriously. When you get married will you honestly want to have said "yup hunny I've been with two dozen other girls?" Will you want her to say something similar back? Sure there are the junkies that are convincing themselves that the sacrifice of sharing intimatacy with your wife is worth having more experience resulting in better sex.... although news flash.... you can get quite a bit of experience with your wife too.
On July 24 2011 18:18 cursor wrote: Secondly, it's the prime motivator for most people's behavior. Which I think on some level is primal and genetic, but on another level is socially imposed. I do enjoy sex (no more, but probably the same as most people)... but try to not let it drive my life. I mean... it's just sad all the people I see who are all about how they look, what they drive, their makeup or clothes, working a TON for money, their image, all kinds of time wasted on some image to get sex. Going clubbing, washing your car 3X a week- obsessed with your looks- its 90% of people I know. I wish people were a lot more high minded. We all like sex, given. But like... do something with your time, learn something, read, get good at something or develop some skill or contribute your best to society. Don't just become another moron obsessed with tail. There are plenty of those dumbasses out there- and bottom line is you're going to get it anyways in 95% of instances, just being yourself and meeting people.
Such a great post, one of the best i've read here.
Indeed, the problem is how such a HUGE part of society is geared towards sex - exactly as you said. Everything is about how much money you make, what you wear, what car you drive, how big your house is, how green your lawn is, how big your biceps/abs are. This is, what's really gone over the edge the last 10-20 years.
Everyone is so obsessed with these superficial things, wastes basicly his whole life striving to achieve things from the aforementioned list. Money, power, looks...I have to stop, it just makes me so angry and gives me a headache. The funny thing is, I was once exactly like that, then realized that all this crap just doesn't matter.
On August 06 2011 05:21 VonLego wrote: I'm with a beautiful girlfriend and yet we don't have any sort of sexual relations. Clothes stay on, hands away from the business zones. We have a great time, love each other very much, and I fully intend on being with her for a long long time. I'm 23 and she's 21.
Sex is way overblown in today's society. It's the reason why 15 year old girls come into clinics with snapple caps stuck in their cha-cha because they didn't have a condom and why 14 year olds come in to check out oral STDs because they played the "rainbow game" at church camp. These are real stories that just occurred last week.
Seriously. When you get married will you honestly want to have said "yup hunny I've been with two dozen other girls?" Will you want her to say something similar back? Sure there are the junkies that are convincing themselves that the sacrifice of sharing intimatacy with your wife is worth having more experience resulting in better sex.... although news flash.... you can get quite a bit of experience with your wife too.
I think that its important to be sexually compatible with your SO. Sex is a very normal and important part of our human nature.
For me, I like to know that both I and my eventual life-partner have explored our sexual preferences and quirks enough to know that together we are compatible both mentally and physically-- which includes sexual compatibility. In any potential long-term relationship I have, the sex part is just as important as any other in a relationship... Why would I be with someone for 5 years, and when I finally have sex with that person, dislike the outcome? I'd rather know how we work out in the sack before devoting a very large portion of my life to them.
On July 22 2011 11:48 57 Corvette wrote: Imo i think it is like driving. It seems like it is going to be so exciting and awesome, and its gonna make you incredibly cool, but when you are finally able/doing it, it seems underwhelming.
(I hope not though)
It really depends on the situation your first time. It can be good, but people do overemphasize it a lot. On the flip side, it's also stupid for people to say that you *shouldn't* be losing your virginity early and that you should save yourself until you're in your 20's or until you're married. It all comes down to when you're personally ready for it and whether the person you're having sex with is personally ready for it. But if you haven't had sex yet, I would definitely recommend doing it with someone you love for the first time. It's much, much better if you love the person you're having sex with.
On topic, yeah sex is a little OP these days, the entertainment industry has just latched right onto the sex appeal and is milking it for all its worth. Whether or not you've had sex is really not a huge deal, its not like upon first getting laid you suddenly gain some intangible awesomeness that makes you more of a person.
That being said, sex is pretty fantastic. I've been with girls both in and out of relationships and had a great time in both. The situations are very different from one another but they all came down to the fact that sex feels great and its completely natural to want it.
I think a lot of it comes down to attitude, if you go in worried that its going to be bad or that you'll do a terrible job it just losses it's fun. Personal choice thing really.
Imagine if nobody cared or had ever cared about sex. Nobody tried to dress up and act cool or go on dates etc. With all that free time we'd probably be exploring other galaxies now. The top priority would no longer be sex. I'd sure like to be exploring other galaxies and living in a star wars type world. Sex has been holding us back for way too long.
Sex might've been useful back in the old days but today it's holding us back for sure. Instead of focusing on things that actually matter we're driven by this annoying instinct to have sex.
On August 06 2011 05:14 Drizzt3 wrote: Sex is overrated, and usually not worth it. It's fun while it lasts, but then it ends up filling you with regret and self hate, even if nothing bad happens (i.e. she gets pregnant or you get STD fucked).
Could you please inform us what kind of sex you have been having so we know to avoid it...
On August 06 2011 05:14 Drizzt3 wrote: Sex is overrated, and usually not worth it. It's fun while it lasts, but then it ends up filling you with regret and self hate, even if nothing bad happens (i.e. she gets pregnant or you get STD fucked).
Could you please inform us what kind of sex you have been having so we know to avoid it...
Regards.
Yeah, there are a lot of people saying "sex isn't that great." Quit lying to make OP feel better.
It's truly the best. With someone you love, or with someone you find very attractive. Unless one or both of you sucks at it. I'm personally awesome but have had negative experiences with girls who you know, do nothing.
Having sex earlier, is pretty much a lot like drugs or alcohol, pretty much in the sense is that in social circles, it breaks innocence. That I mean while sex is not actually important in a practical sense, socially people perceive having sex as a sense of being older and more mature, whether or not that is the case. And someone being mature, or even perceived mature is actually really, really important.
And on the point sex sells, it isnt entirely related to what the OP is saying that sex is overplayed in social confines.
And when people say, sex is bad like "omfg we're going to get STDs and be pregnant!" it is actually a lot of misinformation. Yes, if you have sex with 15 different people a month, the chances of you getting an STD is actually quite high. But I mean, if youre smart, wear condoms, pick a potential sex partner right, I.E. Not a gigantic whore who doesnt shower, and be assertive and say, if you have any STDs this is a no go, and even if she lies to you, condoms and other precautions should keep you safe.
If you've started talking to your penis having sex is the least of your problems.
You gotta let it know your on the same team man.....otherwise it starts to do funny shit like convince you sex isn't what you want......Being a guy means being HARD WIRED for sex.....thats genetics (I do have a degree in genetics/cell molecular biology) you can convince yourself that it isn't what you want or that its overrated or blah blah, but the reason men jerk it so fukin often is simply because we want SEX! end of story.....feeling guilty for it, being hard on yourself for it, not having confidence enough to get it is all part of our mind giving up on it because we arent giving the body what its telling us to give it.....to be a male is to chase pussy.....that is our end goal in life to procreate and make sure our species survives.....this mechanism was put there for a reason, so convincing yourself that you are a bad person for wanting it or a bad person for actually doing it is absurd to me(to me it is absurd, but that is my OPINION plz dont feel you have to start a flame war with me over this comment)......not everyone is the same, but it seems wrong to me that people would build it up in their heads that having sex somehow makes them a bad person.
On July 22 2011 11:42 shifty wrote: Not to try to piss you off, although it probably will.
Anyone I've ever heard say what you said it means they are usually horrible looking and are scared to death about talking to women. Even religious people.
The only other option is you are super religious and haven't ever seen a beautiful women.
EDIT: Actually the other option could be that you are gay
Gays can't have sex? Also I believe he mentioned that he planned to start a family. Fuck off.
Joking. In my dealings with people the only time I've found people make fun of other people being virgins is in high school and online (which is basically high school). In college the most people make of it is, "why are you bringing up you being a virgin? Lets go play video games/do something athletic/get coffee/smoke."
My advice: Don't worry too much about sex, it'll happen when it happens and if it you try to force it with someone you aren't too interested in, well you either just committed a felony or you'll end up being disappointed. Not that you'll be disappointed if you don't get a felony.
If someone says. "lol you're a virgin that means you're a loser" they're probably very insecure with themselves. Worry more about that test on Wednesday, it's a toughie and your getting your college degree rides on it.
On August 06 2011 08:11 Nacl(Draq) wrote: No "op" discussions on tl? Right??
Joking. In my dealings with people the only time I've found people make fun of other people being virgins is in high school and online (which is basically high school). In college the most people make of it is, "why are you bringing up you being a virgin? Lets go play video games/do something athletic/get coffee/smoke."
My advice: Don't worry too much about sex, it'll happen when it happens and if it you try to force it with someone you aren't too interested in, well you either just committed a felony or you'll end up being disappointed. Not that you'll be disappointed if you don't get a felony.
If someone says. "lol you're a virgin that means you're a loser" they're probably very insecure with themselves. Worry more about that test on Wednesday, it's a toughie and your getting your college degree rides on it.
Anyone can have sex if they're willing to lower their standards and try hard enough. So yeah, being a virgin is nbd. But sex is great. I will not back down on that.
If you don't want to have sex and your confidence is not negatively impacted by that then more power to you. I doubt that that is true though. The question isn't really what people think about you or anyone not having sex. The question is do you want to have sex. I wanted to lose mine because I was eager to experience it. Also, I wanted to "get it over with" so I would feel more confident and not like a weirdo. Although I wouldn't recommend rushing into it when the first opportunity arises like I did, I would recommend finding someone to develop a relationship with. A real relationship with a girl can't be beat. Sex is just one part of something that everybody essentially needs: an intimate relationship. Our society does put a lot of emphasis on sex, but hell, fuck em. Lol, silly puns.
Doesn't matter how society views it at all. If you're waiting for your special someone and haven't found her by 21, this doesn't reflect badly on you or your chances in the future. Enjoy life without it in the meantime =)
On August 31 2011 10:17 Danglars wrote: Doesn't matter how society views it at all. If you're waiting for your special someone and haven't found her by 21, this doesn't reflect badly on you or your chances in the future. Enjoy life without it in the meantime =)
Yeah, just don't try to sell him out for a crime he didn't commit just because you're jealous he's captain :\
Good sex is wonderful. Bad sex is embarrassing or uncomfortable or unpleasant. And, yes, sex is a bit too hyped up in hollywood and pop culture. Men who think and therefor portray through different mediums this premature perception of sex (The one that says it's the only reason to having a relationship with a woman) is generally the type of dude who has self esteem issues and likes to sit with similarly minded buddies and brag about all the girls he did (or did not do?)
If someone was actively pursuing a sex life without success, then I would say that social skills isn't one of their strong points. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin in your middle ages when sex isn't one of your priorities. Sure for animals sexual reproduction is an important aspect of living, but humans have developed to a point where there are so many meaningful ways to live your life, and sex is only a drop in the ocean. If someone loses their virginity at age 35 when he decides to have children, I see nothing wrong with that.
On August 06 2011 05:50 Deadlyfish wrote: Imagine if nobody cared or had ever cared about sex. Nobody tried to dress up and act cool or go on dates etc. With all that free time we'd probably be exploring other galaxies now. The top priority would no longer be sex. I'd sure like to be exploring other galaxies and living in a star wars type world. Sex has been holding us back for way too long.
Sex might've been useful back in the old days but today it's holding us back for sure. Instead of focusing on things that actually matter we're driven by this annoying instinct to have sex.
I agree with this 100%, With spaceships we could bone women from other planets Captain Kirk style. You trying to tell me you don't want to hook up with one of those green slave girls? We need to keep our eyes on the prize here as a planet and focus so that we can start having sex with alien women.
On a serious note, I've got some advice for the people in this thread who are QQing in their sex life.
learning to meet girls is a skill just like anything else. Take SC2 for instance, if all you do is cannon rush every time, you might get a few quick wins in, but ultimately you're going to be predictable and lonely and nobody will respect you, you'll end up kind of like Combat Ex. On the inverse, if all you ever do is play out the long term macro style, waiting for only the safest choices, you're going to miss out on a lot of potential wins, and other people who think and react more quickly will end up eating your lunch. You need to read the situation and determine how to react properly at all times.
Then there's the third type you see here, they don't even play the game. They might have slow hands or minds, they might get nervous really easy and lose games they should have won, instead of focusing and improving their skills they panic and give up. They post a bunch of QQ about how it's the games fault, and circumstances are against them, when in fact they just needed to focus and develop themselves.
Winning, and girls have one thing in common, they are drawn to confidence. So just remember, no matter how much you think your hand sucks, there is a guy fatter, dumber, nerdier, and more obnoxious than you who has a hot girlfriend because he believes in himself.
On August 06 2011 05:50 Deadlyfish wrote: Take SC2 for instance, if all you do is cannon rush every time, you might get a few quick wins in, but ultimately you're going to be predictable and lonely and nobody will respect you, you'll end up kind of like Combat Ex.
Strangely enough, this was posted on the day I lost my virginity. It was fantastic.
However, I think it does not matter when you have sex as long as both of you feel ready for it. Yeah, there's a bit of pressure at school to lose your virginity, especially among my more douchey buddies, but I've never bragged about it to my high school friends at large. She and I just decided to tell a couple close friends and continued on ^^
If you want to have sex, just have sex. If you don't want, well better for all of us who want. But if you do want, and you can't. Don't go around looking for sex, just start taking care of yourself. It's not actually that hard.
But Sex is no OP at all, it's just too fucking good. That's it. Don't create threads about sex being OP again. Ty
I am in the same position but so are many people my age in my culture. For us its common to be a virgin until like mid 25ish. Have sex as a teen is something most people in my culture see as inappropriate and western culture. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If you want to have sex, just have sex. If you don't want, well better for all of us who want. But if you do want, and you can't. Don't go around looking for sex, just start taking care of yourself. It's not actually that hard.
But Sex is no OP at all, it's just too fucking good. That's it. Don't create threads about sex being OP again. Ty
The question is not about Sex is self being OP the questions is "does society it self place to much importance on sex" ...
Gotta admit right here and now, for me, sex is why I even live, almost everything I do has something to do to make me get sex some other time Its the best thing in the world, could risk everything just for one more time.. :D
On August 31 2011 10:45 FinBenton wrote: Gotta admit right here and now, for me, sex is why I even live, almost everything I do has something to do to make me get sex some other time Its the best thing in the world, could risk everything just for one more time.. :D
On August 31 2011 10:45 FinBenton wrote: Gotta admit right here and now, for me, sex is why I even live, almost everything I do has something to do to make me get sex some other time Its the best thing in the world, could risk everything just for one more time.. :D
On August 31 2011 10:45 FinBenton wrote: Gotta admit right here and now, for me, sex is why I even live, almost everything I do has something to do to make me get sex some other time Its the best thing in the world, could risk everything just for one more time.. :D
only if its good sex.
Good sex followed by a "I'm late" text makes the good sex of a week ago not good.
On August 31 2011 10:45 FinBenton wrote: Gotta admit right here and now, for me, sex is why I even live, almost everything I do has something to do to make me get sex some other time Its the best thing in the world, could risk everything just for one more time.. :D
On August 06 2011 05:20 DrBoo wrote: People make a big deal out of it cause its fun as hell also its a natural human instinct to reproduce.
Its just a little surprising people can get to the age of 20+ without having sex. Like I'm sure no one in this thread is that ugly that you can't find a girl or guy that likes you. Once you're together for a bit it just natrualy turns to sex.
Alot of people get to 20+ without having sex.
It's not that shocking, 99% of them hide the fact that they're virgins or lie about it, because society makes such a big deal out of it.
On August 31 2011 10:45 FinBenton wrote: Gotta admit right here and now, for me, sex is why I even live, almost everything I do has something to do to make me get sex some other time Its the best thing in the world, could risk everything just for one more time.. :D
only if its good sex.
Dude,
If I'm having sex, it's always good sex.
(Submit's signal of approval)
She has herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, a blue waffle, and you can't even feel the walls of her pussy.
On August 31 2011 10:45 FinBenton wrote: Gotta admit right here and now, for me, sex is why I even live, almost everything I do has something to do to make me get sex some other time Its the best thing in the world, could risk everything just for one more time.. :D
only if its good sex.
Dude,
If I'm having sex, it's always good sex.
(Submit's signal of approval)
She has herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, a blue waffle, and you can't even feel the walls of her pussy.
Still think THAT's good sex?
I never said that I don't use condoms. And I never mentioned that I have sex with sluts, but every sex that I'm included. Is good!
Alright I've actually been thinking about this recently and I'm not going to tell you that sex is or isn't over rated. I'm just going to say that you got one life (unless I'm wrong in the end) and you should enjoy what you can when you can. For example, a relative of mine has sex all the time and people might see it as a bad thing, but what I see is living life to the fullest. Once you get married and have children, sex could probably just go downhill from there and he wants to enjoy it before it comes to that point lol. In other words you're only young once so use this chance, same goes for the ladies :p
You aren't bringing it up because you were curious. You are bringing it up because you are using this thread as a way to feel immune or even superior to the idea of sex and how it dominates social interaction. It's dominion over adolescents can seem fairly childish and meaningless making people like you become opposed and resistant to it, which is perfectly normal for an adolescent. But at the age of 20 you should honestly reconsider your thoughts on it.
*NOTICE* I will be comparing sex to Christmas very heavily from here on out.
Sex is a gift in my opinion, like the exchange of Christmas presents during the holidays. Naturally, people should feel urged to share gifts with others they care about. It ties them together and makes them feel wanted or worthwhile. Your statement of "I am a virgin just because fate has not allowed to experience it" is a completely tunneled vision of sex. People don't exchange Christmas presents because of fate.
I'm using this Christmas analogy way too much without disclaiming it's obvious faults. Sometimes, people spend Christmas with complete strangers and they exchange presents because they only feel obligated or are pressured by others. Yeah, it's not the picture-perfect morality of Christmas , but it still happens. You just go along with it until next year when you are in town with the people you really care about. Peoples misconceptions that every Christmas has to be spent in a story-book setting sometimes denies themselves the opportunity to spend Christmas with anyone at all.
this made me laugh for some reason, no idea why. OP I feel like if you don't have sex with someone you like the first time you'll feel like a douche, so don't lose it on some random slut. Get a pretty girl, court her, then do her, and you're good to go.
On August 31 2011 11:10 submit wrote: ^ Smart poster is Smart. I'm having sex on Christmas
I wish I was a mod on this site. I would banhammer you so hard. Seriously gtfo, you are not funny your posts are not witty and you fail at trolling. Also learn to English.
On August 31 2011 10:45 FinBenton wrote: Gotta admit right here and now, for me, sex is why I even live, almost everything I do has something to do to make me get sex some other time Its the best thing in the world, could risk everything just for one more time.. :D
On August 31 2011 10:45 FinBenton wrote: Gotta admit right here and now, for me, sex is why I even live, almost everything I do has something to do to make me get sex some other time Its the best thing in the world, could risk everything just for one more time.. :D
only if its good sex.
Dude,
If I'm having sex, it's always good sex.
(Submit's signal of approval)
She has herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, a blue waffle, and you can't even feel the walls of her pussy.
Still think THAT's good sex?
I never said that I don't use condoms. And I never mentioned that I have sex with sluts, but every sex that I'm included. Is good!
(btw, if you can't fck pussy... fck asshole, LOL)
Us brazilians have a different mentality dood. OOOh yes!
I felt that pressure when I was 17, I felt like I would be a loser to be a virgin at 18. But i'm not sure if society had something to do with it. It might have; movies, friends and that kind of stuff.
this made me laugh for some reason, no idea why. OP I feel like if you don't have sex with someone you like the first time you'll feel like a douche, so don't lose it on some random slut. Get a pretty girl, court her, then do her, and you're good to go.
This. Seriously. I had a few chances before I finally had sex for the first time, but I didn't want it to be with the wrong girl. The first time I slept with someone, she wasn't necessarily someone I wanted to go out with or anything. We were just friends, but we both knew it was just a one time thing for fun, and the fact that I was at least somewhat attracted to her on an emotional level made it great. Even now, sleeping with some random skank just makes me feel kinda dirty when I wake up. Fun? Sure, but it gets old after a while.
1) Why do you care what society thinks of your choices? As a person, you're endowed with the right to make all of the fundamental decisions about your personal standards and behaviors. So why should we have notes on your preference here?
2) To my knowledge, nobody I know talks about sex all the time or rates people based on the number of times they've done it. What experiences do you have where you feel like,you cant keep away from the sex talk?
I don't think it really matters whether you've had sex or not. Certainly it doesn't matter what someone else thinks if you are a virgin or not a virgin.
I think sex is great, some of the better moments of my life have been had whilst having sex.
Sex is fun, it feels good, it feels natural, it feeels fulfilling... but is it necessary? I don't think so.
Honestly, I'm a point in my life where my longing isn't as much for sex, but for a meaningful relationship that is felt on both sides of the equation. I've had stints where I am totally into her, and she is totally into me... but never (not since junior high.... but she moved half way across the country after two years commited to one another) recently where we both are totally feeling one another.
So, no I don't really think Sex is overpowered. But I also didn't think Fungal growth, and used that almost as much. I guess my point is, relationships are much more important than sex, and as much as sex is fun, it isn't really what matters.
Although, GOOD sex can just change your whole perspective of the world... I dunno, maybe sex is OP.
1.) Sorry m8 but it IS the most important thing existing! You may ask: "Huh why´s that? ... There are so many other things more important like world peace, encounter new challenges etc pp" Well the answer is simple: Nothing of these things matter if no one is able to enjoy them because there are no more people. Low/negative birth/death ratios are (imho) the most threatening thing for the western economies
2.) not so serious point: matey, let me tell you one thing: once you tried it ... you know!
3.) Christ it´s the internet m8^^ ... Post likes yours indicate (as stated before) that the author is most likly saying: "Why everbody except me?????"
society is stupid , thats just how it is, alot of times the masses are easy manipulated just as in this case,
one of the first posts was that i ( yes im almost 20 and virgin ) was either ugly, bad whit women or gay, and im neither of those (just your average guy >.>), im just not actively seeking it because i have other prioritys right now, i got problems i need to take care of and it just hasnt happend for me, why do i need to have sex now?
but the same problem is there on alot of fields, for example: oww you play video games for a living... Nerd, loser,, i bet thats what most people would say (outside of tl) but really is that so wrong?
Ps to the guy that said people are either ugly, bad whit women or gay,,, you probaly watch to much jersey shore,,,
On August 31 2011 16:12 InTheCloudss wrote: society is stupid , thats just how it is, alot of times the masses are easy manipulated just as in this case,
one of the first posts was that i ( yes im almost 20 and virgin ) was either ugly, bad whit women or gay, and im neither of those (just your average guy >.>), im just not actively seeking it because i have other prioritys right now, i got problems i need to take care of and it just hasnt happend for me, why do i need to have sex now?
but the same problem is there on alot of fields, for example: oww you play video games for a living... Nerd, loser,, i bet thats what most people would say (outside of tl) but really is that so wrong?
Ps to the guy that said people are either ugly, bad whit women or gay,,, you probaly watch to much jersey shore,,,
First time Ive felt in a while that someone actually knows what they are talking about. (among this thread at least). lol
Most chicks, actually people want to be 'cool' and by achieving that they go clubbing, etc. I am 'good' looking and could excel somewhat easily in that environment. But personally I just dont like that atmosphere, Id rather talk with people in a intellectual form. Not to mention dealing with drunk peope. sigh. But actually learn something instead of shit just flying out my mouth.
Therefore, I read a lot of books and play video games and I am not considered 'cool' by the 'cool' people. But Id rather be the 'smartest' person in the world than the 'coolest'. I know that one day I will really find a girl that I will really like. Not picking some chick up from the bar/club that doesnt really have a mind just to have sex. Hell, if I really wanted sex that bad Id just go get a hooker, basically the same thing anyways.
Its not that having sex at an early age is bad or good. Its just that if you are 21 and have no experience in this field, your lack confidence will most likely protect your ego, thus keeping you from the necessary trial and error to build further competency in dealing with women. As a result, decreasing the probability of eventually finding a mate with good genetics to carry your future offspring, thus leading natural selection to favor someone else.
On August 31 2011 16:12 InTheCloudss wrote: society is stupid , thats just how it is, alot of times the masses are easy manipulated just as in this case,
one of the first posts was that i ( yes im almost 20 and virgin ) was either ugly, bad whit women or gay, and im neither of those (just your average guy >.>), im just not actively seeking it because i have other prioritys right now, i got problems i need to take care of and it just hasnt happend for me, why do i need to have sex now?
but the same problem is there on alot of fields, for example: oww you play video games for a living... Nerd, loser,, i bet thats what most people would say (outside of tl) but really is that so wrong?
Ps to the guy that said people are either ugly, bad whit women or gay,,, you probaly watch to much jersey shore,,,
First time Ive felt in a while that someone actually knows what they are talking about. (among this thread at least). lol
Most chicks, actually people want to be 'cool' and by achieving that they go clubbing, etc. I am 'good' looking and could excel somewhat easily in that environment. But personally I just dont like that atmosphere, Id rather talk with people in a intellectual form. Not to mention dealing with drunk peope. sigh. But actually learn something instead of shit just flying out my mouth.
Therefore, I read a lot of books and play video games and I am not considered 'cool' by the 'cool' people. But Id rather be the 'smartest' person in the world than the 'coolest'. I know that one day I will really find a girl that I will really like. Not picking some chick up from the bar/club that doesnt really have a mind just to have sex. Hell, if I really wanted sex that bad Id just go get a hooker, basically the same thing anyways.
yeah thats exactly what i meant,,, most of the time people are just not thinking for themself and instead only want to be 'cool', they steal because its cool, start random fights, pick on kids in school, heck your hole school life is about being cool nowadays,, and sex is just one of them cool just doesnt sound so cool to me anymore, il just go enjoy my tea, books and video games, and generally do what i want to do,,
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: "Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
what this has to do in a SC2 site is beyond me, but...
Everything is about sex because humanbeings are turning into animals were the primal needs are starting to take over. Only 50 years ago, sex was something private, beautiful and something one was ashamed of talking about only to be strictly between the two who made love. Nowadays, you see sex or sexiness / half naked women anywhere you look.
Since I was a small boy, I have been considered sort of a "ladies man", and as a civilized person I don't speak about what happens between two of the opposite sex beyond closed doors. And women themselves do not like this sex-revolution because women are looking for way more from a relationship than just sex, I guarantee you that. It's man who is degenerate.
The worst thing a woman knows is when you reduce her only to a sex-tool, rather than seeing the beautiful, humble, helpful and loving person she is. Thats why many guys sort of "fail" with women, and others are successful.
Man moves toward that which some scientists (Darwin) claim man originates from: monkeys.
Civilized behaviour decreases over time. Animalistic behaviour increases.
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: "Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
what this has to do in a SC2 site is beyond me, but...
Everything is about sex because humanbeings are turning into animals were the primal needs are starting to take over. Only 50 years ago, sex was something private, beautiful and something one was ashamed of talking about only to be strictly between the two who made love. Nowadays, you see sex or sexiness / half naked women anywhere you look.
Since I was a small boy, I have been considered sort of a "ladies man", and as a civilized person I don't speak about what happens between two of the opposite sex beyond closed doors. And women themselves do not like this sex-revolution because women are looking for way more from a relationship than just sex, I guarantee you that. It's man who is degenerate.
The worst thing a woman knows is when you reduce her only to a sex-tool, rather than seeing the beautiful, humble, helpful and loving person she is. Thats why many guys sort of "fail" with women, and others are successful.
Man moves toward that which some scientists (Darwin) claim man originates from: monkeys.
Civilized behaviour decreases over time. Animalistic behaviour increases.
FYI, we never originated from monkeys. We shared a common primate ancestor with monkeys. Big difference in the distinction there. And its not "some" scientists. Its 97% across the globe.
Take a look, its in a book, reading rainbow!
Oh, btw, last time I checked the taxonomy table, humans are animals.
Kingdom: Animalia Phylum: Chordata Class: Mammalia Order: Primates Family: Hominidae Tribe: Hominini Genus: Homo Species: H. sapiens
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: "Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
what this has to do in a SC2 site is beyond me, but...
Everything is about sex because humanbeings are turning into animals were the primal needs are starting to take over. Only 50 years ago, sex was something private, beautiful and something one was ashamed of talking about only to be strictly between the two who made love. Nowadays, you see sex or sexiness / half naked women anywhere you look.
Since I was a small boy, I have been considered sort of a "ladies man", and as a civilized person I don't speak about what happens between two of the opposite sex beyond closed doors. And women themselves do not like this sex-revolution because women are looking for way more from a relationship than just sex, I guarantee you that. It's man who is degenerate.
The worst thing a woman knows is when you reduce her only to a sex-tool, rather than seeing the beautiful, humble, helpful and loving person she is. Thats why many guys sort of "fail" with women, and others are successful.
Man moves toward that which some scientists (Darwin) claim man originates from: monkeys.
Civilized behaviour decreases over time. Animalistic behaviour increases.
FYI, we never originated from monkeys. We shared a common primate ancestor with monkeys. Big difference. Its in a biology, book, look it up. And its not "some" scientists. Its 97% across the globe.
Scientists just as myself do not necessary have to agree with a theory when discussing it, thats the product of a college education - agree to disagree, whilst uneducated people think that scientific theories are "true" or "false", trying to discuss theories (which do many many times completely contradict eachother) with political arguing of the likes of Democrats -vs- Republicans. I don't agree with Darwin at all, I reject all levels of human association to monkeys, neanderthals or the like, but that is nevertheless what Darwin and many evolutionists do believe happened.
One book is often the result of studies done from one or a few scientists (in academia, usually between 2-5 scientists). And there are thousands of scientists out there who may have completely different views of the reality, so posting a book to proove a point is this kind of political reasoning I spoke about "what I say is true, looooook there is a book that agrees to what I say".
examples of Darwin critics calling "evolutionism" a metaphysical myth and what not. Louis Agassiz Wolfgang Smith Michael Denton Pierre Paul Grasse
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: "Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
what this has to do in a SC2 site is beyond me, but...
Everything is about sex because humanbeings are turning into animals were the primal needs are starting to take over. Only 50 years ago, sex was something private, beautiful and something one was ashamed of talking about only to be strictly between the two who made love. Nowadays, you see sex or sexiness / half naked women anywhere you look.
Since I was a small boy, I have been considered sort of a "ladies man", and as a civilized person I don't speak about what happens between two of the opposite sex beyond closed doors. And women themselves do not like this sex-revolution because women are looking for way more from a relationship than just sex, I guarantee you that. It's man who is degenerate.
The worst thing a woman knows is when you reduce her only to a sex-tool, rather than seeing the beautiful, humble, helpful and loving person she is. Thats why many guys sort of "fail" with women, and others are successful.
Man moves toward that which some scientists (Darwin) claim man originates from: monkeys.
Civilized behaviour decreases over time. Animalistic behaviour increases.
FYI, we never originated from monkeys. We shared a common primate ancestor with monkeys. Big difference. Its in a biology, book, look it up. And its not "some" scientists. Its 97% across the globe.
Scientists just as myself do not necessary have to agree with a theory when discussing it, thats the product of a college education - agree to disagree, whilst uneducated people think that scientific theories are "true" or "false", trying to discuss theories (which do many many times completely contradict eachother) with political arguing of the likes of Democrats -vs- Republicans. I don't agree with Darwin at all, I reject all levels of human association to monkeys, neanderthals or the like, but that is nevertheless what Darwin and many evolutionists do believe happened.
sigh,, evolution is nowadays considered the standerd just as general relativity, it is not a fact but it is by far the best theory we have including creationism,, your are free to disagree and encouraged to think of other theory's or put it to the test. now lets not get off topic,,
On July 22 2011 11:38 heroyi wrote: "Why is everything about sex?" -40 year old virgin
what this has to do in a SC2 site is beyond me, but...
Everything is about sex because humanbeings are turning into animals were the primal needs are starting to take over. Only 50 years ago, sex was something private, beautiful and something one was ashamed of talking about only to be strictly between the two who made love. Nowadays, you see sex or sexiness / half naked women anywhere you look.
Since I was a small boy, I have been considered sort of a "ladies man", and as a civilized person I don't speak about what happens between two of the opposite sex beyond closed doors. And women themselves do not like this sex-revolution because women are looking for way more from a relationship than just sex, I guarantee you that. It's man who is degenerate.
The worst thing a woman knows is when you reduce her only to a sex-tool, rather than seeing the beautiful, humble, helpful and loving person she is. Thats why many guys sort of "fail" with women, and others are successful.
Man moves toward that which some scientists (Darwin) claim man originates from: monkeys.
Civilized behaviour decreases over time. Animalistic behaviour increases.
FYI, we never originated from monkeys. We shared a common primate ancestor with monkeys. Big difference. Its in a biology, book, look it up. And its not "some" scientists. Its 97% across the globe.
Scientists just as myself do not necessary have to agree with a theory when discussing it, thats the product of a college education - agree to disagree, whilst uneducated people think that scientific theories are "true" or "false", trying to discuss theories (which do many many times completely contradict eachother) with political arguing of the likes of Democrats -vs- Republicans. I don't agree with Darwin at all, I reject all levels of human association to monkeys, neanderthals or the like, but that is nevertheless what Darwin and many evolutionists do believe happened.
Definition of "Scientific Theory" != "Regular Theory"
Yes, evolution is a scientific theory. But so is the Theory of Gravity, and Atomic Theory. They are all theories. Theory in the scientific terms is stronger than a fact because it is supported by thousands of facts. You cant prove gravity exists because its not tangible, but a predictor equation like: is pretty hard to refute.
Nylon eating bacteria = evolution (nylon is a man invented synthetic material) AIDS = evolution of virus from primates to humans Different color skin from humans = evolution
The best thing creationists came up with irreducible complexity from bacteria flagellum and that was refuted.
On July 22 2011 11:42 ClysmiC wrote: I've always had the following view on sex: Save it till you meet your wife and it will be a million times more satisfying than it would be just hooking up with some random girls.
I think the point of this thread might have fallen between the cracks of some of the discussion taking place here.
The word I focus on the most in the title is "Society." We all know sex is fun (porn) and its important (reproduction), but the idea about looking at it in a social context brings up a different issue. I guess how I read the question is: Is sex too important in today's society? Important might be a bad word but I have a horrible vocabulary and if I think of the right word I'll change it.
What I think about with this question is more along the lines of how young adults are acting towards sex. I choose young adults for 2 reasons: 1. I'm one of them, I'm 19, and 2. They're the "next" generation as I see it (I kind of see the world as children [0-17], young adults [18~25], older adults [25~65], and seniors [65+]), so soon the young adults will be the main force in the workforce, voting more, and generally running the world. That might be a gross oversimplification of how the world works, but its how I've recently started seeing the world.
Anyway, the way I've noticed young adults treating sex as of late is scary to me. It seems like sex dominates people's minds in college (again, using college because I'm in college). I don't know how college was 30 years ago, and I don't know how it will be 30 years from now, but right now sex seems to be in everyone's top 3 priorities in college. I'm not saying this should change, but maybe the balance should shift a little (OP reference? eh, eh?). It seems like to the majority of students it goes: 1. Party, 2. Sex, 3. School, where 1 and 2 are interchangeable depending on what the person prefers. This isn't a bad list, I guess mine is similar, but the order and %'s involved frighten me. Of course I'm speculating here and I have no proof, but it seems like its a 40/40/20 split for these options.
Now this leads me back to my original idea of what the thread is asking. I say a 40/40/20 split with school taking the 20 is horrible for society. I would prefer to see something more to a 70/15/15 split with school in the number one spot. I think sex, and partying/drinking/drugs, are extremely OP in society. Sex and partying has become the main goal for most students.* This could be a problem, but since I cannot compare this to my experience with college 30 years ago, for obvious reasons, I have no idea how this will effect the world once my generation becomes the most powerful generation.
* = This is what I observe at my university (University of Arizona). Again, its just what it feels like to me. All my numbers are made up, none of my points can be proven, but I'm willing to argue any of them, or explain in more detail if need be.
Just live your life, and stop caring about what you are supposed to do to prove that you are a real whatever.
If you have your first girlfriend when you are 35, it's fine.
Sex is not over-rated, sex is not rated at all. Or rather it's rated by idiots. Sex is a part of what make us humans, it is the closest and the most intimate you can get to someone. It's not a game, and it's not entertainment. And seriously, stop worrying.
On August 31 2011 17:05 TerlocSG wrote: I think the point of this thread might have fallen between the cracks of some of the discussion taking place here.
The word I focus on the most in the title is "Society." We all know sex is fun (porn) and its important (reproduction), but the idea about looking at it in a social context brings up a different issue. I guess how I read the question is: Is sex too important in today's society? Important might be a bad word but I have a horrible vocabulary and if I think of the right word I'll change it.
What I think about with this question is more along the lines of how young adults are acting towards sex. I choose young adults for 2 reasons: 1. I'm one of them, I'm 19, and 2. They're the "next" generation as I see it (I kind of see the world as children [0-17], young adults [18~25], older adults [25~65], and seniors [65+]), so soon the young adults will be the main force in the workforce, voting more, and generally running the world. That might be a gross oversimplification of how the world works, but its how I've recently started seeing the world.
Anyway, the way I've noticed young adults treating sex as of late is scary to me. It seems like sex dominates people's minds in college (again, using college because I'm in college). I don't know how college was 30 years ago, and I don't know how it will be 30 years from now, but right now sex seems to be in everyone's top 3 priorities in college. I'm not saying this should change, but maybe the balance should shift a little (OP reference? eh, eh?). It seems like to the majority of students it goes: 1. Party, 2. Sex, 3. School, where 1 and 2 are interchangeable depending on what the person prefers. This isn't a bad list, I guess mine is similar, but the order and %'s involved frighten me. Of course I'm speculating here and I have no proof, but it seems like its a 40/40/20 split for these options.
Now this leads me back to my original idea of what the thread is asking. I say a 40/40/20 split with school taking the 20 is horrible for society. I would prefer to see something more to a 70/15/15 split with school in the number one spot. I think sex, and partying/drinking/drugs, are extremely OP in society. Sex and partying has become the main goal for most students.* This could be a problem, but since I cannot compare this to my experience with college 30 years ago, for obvious reasons, I have no idea how this will effect the world once my generation becomes the most powerful generation. .
I wish that 40/40/20 spit were true. The guys who place sex and party ahead of school are dumb. We all should be thankful that they are that dumb. There will be way less competition later on. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." How do you make money without resorting to the way of Tony Montana? Be good at school.
Hell, if I really wanted sex that bad Id just go get a hooker, basically the same thing anyways. That statement is wrong in so many ways! Sex is not just about having sex for the sake of it, it's about emotions, lust, pleasure, attraction and passion. Going to a hooker certainly wont give those things. And who's to say you can't go to a bar, meet a girl, have a interesting conversation and then go home and have a good time ( he he ).
If people think that going to a bar and meeting a girl is all about having sex, then they either have a wrong view of it or they know the wrong people.
But then again with the society as it is today, many people will stupid and ignorant enough to go out with the sole purpose of "banging some chick". But fortunatly not all people are like that.
So what im saying, is that many people have sex for the wrong reasons, and therefore it might be somewhat misunderstood by many what sex is really about. So no sex is not OP, just misunderstood due to media and what not.
On August 31 2011 17:05 TerlocSG wrote: I think the point of this thread might have fallen between the cracks of some of the discussion taking place here.
The word I focus on the most in the title is "Society." We all know sex is fun (porn) and its important (reproduction), but the idea about looking at it in a social context brings up a different issue. I guess how I read the question is: Is sex too important in today's society? Important might be a bad word but I have a horrible vocabulary and if I think of the right word I'll change it.
What I think about with this question is more along the lines of how young adults are acting towards sex. I choose young adults for 2 reasons: 1. I'm one of them, I'm 19, and 2. They're the "next" generation as I see it (I kind of see the world as children [0-17], young adults [18~25], older adults [25~65], and seniors [65+]), so soon the young adults will be the main force in the workforce, voting more, and generally running the world. That might be a gross oversimplification of how the world works, but its how I've recently started seeing the world.
Anyway, the way I've noticed young adults treating sex as of late is scary to me. It seems like sex dominates people's minds in college (again, using college because I'm in college). I don't know how college was 30 years ago, and I don't know how it will be 30 years from now, but right now sex seems to be in everyone's top 3 priorities in college. I'm not saying this should change, but maybe the balance should shift a little (OP reference? eh, eh?). It seems like to the majority of students it goes: 1. Party, 2. Sex, 3. School, where 1 and 2 are interchangeable depending on what the person prefers. This isn't a bad list, I guess mine is similar, but the order and %'s involved frighten me. Of course I'm speculating here and I have no proof, but it seems like its a 40/40/20 split for these options.
Now this leads me back to my original idea of what the thread is asking. I say a 40/40/20 split with school taking the 20 is horrible for society. I would prefer to see something more to a 70/15/15 split with school in the number one spot. I think sex, and partying/drinking/drugs, are extremely OP in society. Sex and partying has become the main goal for most students.* This could be a problem, but since I cannot compare this to my experience with college 30 years ago, for obvious reasons, I have no idea how this will effect the world once my generation becomes the most powerful generation. .
I wish that 40/40/20 spit were true. The guys who place sex and party ahead of school are dumb. We all should be thankful that they are that dumb. There will be way less competition later on. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." How do you make money without resorting to the way of Tony Montana? Be good at school.
Maybe its worse than 40/40/20, but I wouldn't say by much. There are still some requirements for college. Most frats have some level of academic standing that must be upheld. I will agree they don't want the 20 to be a 20, but I believe there is some effort that needs to be put in. And I agree, they are dumb, and that's why I'm scared. I don't know how college was 30 years ago, so I don't know if this is unique to our time, but if it is unique, and these dumb people are able to create a net to all support each other into the job market, it would be scary to see how fast America deteriorates.
I like your quote though, and I've heard it before, and have started living by it kind of. It's hard for me to look into the future and see things working out well (I'm just a pessimist, which I hate...). I hope you're right though, the dumb will fall out and the smart will succeed. My sample size is also very small, only my school and friends from high school that went to other in-state schools, so I don't know what the out look of America actually looks like. I really hope the number of people looking to make the world a better place is growing rather than dwindling.
I think everything before sex is better than the act itself.
But that is not the point of this thread, I know. The fact that society is hyping sex stems from the fact that it is not intstantly accessible to a lot of people at first, I guess. That makes it a hot item. For me, personally, sex is never a goal in itself. My relationship with my girlfriend, and having fun with her is the goal. Sex is just an option.
And to everyone that is a virgin for longer than they'd wish to be: Sex will make you just as happy as a kiss, only difference is it feels like masturbating. So stop focussing on having sex for the first time, and enjoy kisses and romance and all.
Dunno if I get called a pussy for this, and I really don't care. It's my reality and living my life with these convictions makes me feel great .
I'd say sex is entirely over rated. I'm 19 and I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years, I'd say of all the experience that we've had together sex is the least significant or meaningful.
If your not bothered by being a virgin then where your at is perfectly fine, if it bothers you then you can always do something about it
But IMO people who chase sex and sex alone are generally pretty shallow.
On August 31 2011 17:05 TerlocSG wrote: I think the point of this thread might have fallen between the cracks of some of the discussion taking place here.
The word I focus on the most in the title is "Society." We all know sex is fun (porn) and its important (reproduction), but the idea about looking at it in a social context brings up a different issue. I guess how I read the question is: Is sex too important in today's society? Important might be a bad word but I have a horrible vocabulary and if I think of the right word I'll change it.
What I think about with this question is more along the lines of how young adults are acting towards sex. I choose young adults for 2 reasons: 1. I'm one of them, I'm 19, and 2. They're the "next" generation as I see it (I kind of see the world as children [0-17], young adults [18~25], older adults [25~65], and seniors [65+]), so soon the young adults will be the main force in the workforce, voting more, and generally running the world. That might be a gross oversimplification of how the world works, but its how I've recently started seeing the world.
Anyway, the way I've noticed young adults treating sex as of late is scary to me. It seems like sex dominates people's minds in college (again, using college because I'm in college). I don't know how college was 30 years ago, and I don't know how it will be 30 years from now, but right now sex seems to be in everyone's top 3 priorities in college. I'm not saying this should change, but maybe the balance should shift a little (OP reference? eh, eh?). It seems like to the majority of students it goes: 1. Party, 2. Sex, 3. School, where 1 and 2 are interchangeable depending on what the person prefers. This isn't a bad list, I guess mine is similar, but the order and %'s involved frighten me. Of course I'm speculating here and I have no proof, but it seems like its a 40/40/20 split for these options.
Now this leads me back to my original idea of what the thread is asking. I say a 40/40/20 split with school taking the 20 is horrible for society. I would prefer to see something more to a 70/15/15 split with school in the number one spot. I think sex, and partying/drinking/drugs, are extremely OP in society. Sex and partying has become the main goal for most students.* This could be a problem, but since I cannot compare this to my experience with college 30 years ago, for obvious reasons, I have no idea how this will effect the world once my generation becomes the most powerful generation.
* = This is what I observe at my university (University of Arizona). Again, its just what it feels like to me. All my numbers are made up, none of my points can be proven, but I'm willing to argue any of them, or explain in more detail if need be.
some1 should make a can we save society thread ... or a is the next generation dumber then the previous generation thread >.>
but i agree whit you here and that is mostly the problem nowadays the masses are becoming more stupid and unrealistic every day, nowadays you get frowned upon for wanting to become a scientist or even things as basic as liking math, it all starts in the lower educations and i belive its mostly because you have to be "cool" even if you dont want to you have to go whit the masses or you get frowned upon, i agree sex is important but help humanity and aftwards when you come home go have sex.
People think about sex on a daily (more like hourly) basis. Sex is one of the best feelings in the world in my and many others opinion. It's great exercise! Why wouldn't you have sex?
You are not a loser but you are the victim of ideals that have existed since the stone age. Controlling sex is an evolutionary advantage that allow groups to cooperate rather than fight for the right to mate. I think sexual taboos should be discussed scientifically in schools because iy might help fight thebculture OP describes where having sex is status.
Considering that sex has been the way for our species to procreate for thousands of years, it has been hard wired into us. It has been, and will be for a very long time a central part of our society. It is the driving force for most of the things that we do.
That being said, it can be way to OP lol. People can put WAY too much emphasis on it.
A ton can be said about the subject, but to put it simply, if you are of legal age and want to have sex feel free to do so. If you don't, no matter the reason, don't. Their is no shame in either.
I think that asking if it is overrated or not is already missing the point, it isn't the same for everybody, some people like food, extreme sports, and are adrenaline junkies while others are not.
I am asexual, that is maybe the smallest sexual minority, but I didn't see anything about it in this thread. Also asexuality exist in other animals as well:
Not all asexuals are virgins some do it because of the social pressure, some have sex because they are in relationship with a sexual, but I am to assertive for first, and to aromantic for the second.
On July 22 2011 11:41 UniversalSnip wrote: Can't knock it till you try it.
You know... so to speak.
Had you tried a dick up your buttocks? I am just interested if people who say that actually follow it.
In my opinion, being a virgin at 20 means two things:
1. Never been in a serious relationship.
2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls.
Of course, there's always the religious fanatic/asexual option, but we're not really talking about that considering the tone of the OP.
When someone tells me they're a virgin, my opinion of them as a person doesn't exactly change, but in basically all cases it's because they are antisocial or in some way strange. I have plenty of antisocial/strange friends. However, wanting sex is the most natural thing for human beings, so the only two options for a 20-year old virgin are that they don't want it (strange) or they can't get it (not strange, but unfortunate).
I think the OP's point is that most people assume virgins are all in the second category, and that is true, because most people can't imagine someone who doesn't care about sex. Therefore they assume you really want sex like they do, and call you a loser for not being able to get it. There is some merit to this point of view, since getting laid is pretty much the easiest thing in the world if you have any social skills.
Note, I don't think you need to troll clubs and sleep with 10 women a week to be cool, but having one or two committed relationships would also make you a non-virgin, and even more cool.
There is nothing unnatural about sex. Sex is a part of life, like breathing or eating. Its such a big deal in society because we've been told that it is wrong, bad, and that we will be punished if we engage in it before marriage, obviously these are lies. About sex and relationships. Although its true that what connects two people in a couple is more than just bodies rubbing against each other, sex is one of the legs that hold the relationship steady. Without sex i cant see a relationship working. Only sex is not enough on its own. Sex is one of the most beautiful things in life, like love, passion, work and starcraft , and if you feel bad about not having it, try and get yourself laid. If youre ok with not having it, thats fine too. One last thing. Be true to yourself. If the reason you dont want to have sex is because it is not in your interests, then its fine. But if the real reason is that you're frightened to approach a girl you like, and you're telling yourself its because you dont want it, then there is a problem, not in regards to the value or not of the sexual act, but in the fact that you are lying to yourself.
On August 31 2011 17:34 InfernoStarcraft wrote: I'd say sex is entirely over rated. I'm 19 and I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years, I'd say of all the experience that we've had together sex is the least significant or meaningful.
If your not bothered by being a virgin then where your at is perfectly fine, if it bothers you then you can always do something about it
But IMO people who chase sex and sex alone are generally pretty shallow.
Knuckle-draggers gonna hate but what can you do?
Yeah this guy makes a strong point. I've rushed into the bed with just about every girl I've cared for, and I wish I hadn't with every one. I wish I was still a virgin just so that when someone comes along that I wanna be with I could feel closer to her than any of the other chicks in my life.
But yea society puts way too much stock in sex. USA definitely does. Land of the free right? Except the way they control you is by making you feel guilty about your inner most human desires. So you suppress them until it boils over and you become a sex addict and you think thats all there is to life. If they just let us find out on our own whats bad for us and whats good we wouldn't have all these stigmas implanted in us and there would be so many less drug addicts and shallow people who don't know how to get close to each other.
I wish that 40/40/20 spit were true. The guys who place sex and party ahead of school are dumb. We all should be thankful that they are that dumb. There will be way less competition later on. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." How do you make money without resorting to the way of Tony Montana? Be good at school.
You don't actually believe this, do you? Sounds like you're saying that going to a party and/or having sex makes you a bad student.
On August 31 2011 18:50 Cel.erity wrote: In my opinion, being a virgin at 20 means two things:
1. Never been in a serious relationship.
2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls.
Of course, there's always the religious fanatic/asexual option, but we're not really talking about that considering the tone of the OP.
When someone tells me they're a virgin, my opinion of them as a person doesn't exactly change, but in basically all cases it's because they are antisocial or in some way strange. I have plenty of antisocial/strange friends. However, wanting sex is the most natural thing for human beings, so the only two options for a 20-year old virgin are that they don't want it (strange) or they can't get it (not strange, but unfortunate).
I think the OP's point is that most people assume virgins are all in the second category, and that is true, because most people can't imagine someone who doesn't care about sex. Therefore they assume you really want sex like they do, and call you a loser for not being able to get it. There is some merit to this point of view, since getting laid is pretty much the easiest thing in the world if you have any social skills.
Note, I don't think you need to troll clubs and sleep with 10 women a week to be cool, but having one or two committed relationships would also make you a non-virgin, and even more cool.
Most true post in this thread, exactly wording my thoughts on the subject!
Funnily enough, the smarter people who refuse to have meaningless sex or unprotected sex are less likely to pass on their genes due to accidental pregnancies.
Anyway, I'm a virgin myself and I'm too confident of a person to care what anybody thinks about my sexual status. Obviously it doesn't help my stereotype as I'm a programmer and competitive gamer, but when it comes down to it I'm a perfectly happy person with some great friends and a supportive family. Sex isn't a part of my happiness, and although it could be, it doesn't make me any less of a person.
I just want to point out that the people who are essentially criticizing the viewpoint that the op has expressed on the basis that they have had sex and its something that he wouldnt be saying if the op had had sex are case in point regarding societys attitude towards sex as they are essentially saying that sex is a means to an end.
Sex is definitely overhyped as this glamorous, hallmark event that only rich, cool, successful people get to experience, and if you aren't getting any then you are immediately cast into the other end of the spectrum.
On August 31 2011 18:50 Cel.erity wrote: In my opinion, being a virgin at 20 means two things:
1. Never been in a serious relationship.
2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls.
Of course, there's always the religious fanatic/asexual option, but we're not really talking about that considering the tone of the OP.
When someone tells me they're a virgin, my opinion of them as a person doesn't exactly change, but in basically all cases it's because they are antisocial or in some way strange. I have plenty of antisocial/strange friends. However, wanting sex is the most natural thing for human beings, so the only two options for a 20-year old virgin are that they don't want it (strange) or they can't get it (not strange, but unfortunate).
I think the OP's point is that most people assume virgins are all in the second category, and that is true, because most people can't imagine someone who doesn't care about sex. Therefore they assume you really want sex like they do, and call you a loser for not being able to get it. There is some merit to this point of view, since getting laid is pretty much the easiest thing in the world if you have any social skills.
Note, I don't think you need to troll clubs and sleep with 10 women a week to be cool, but having one or two committed relationships would also make you a non-virgin, and even more cool.
Most true post in this thread, exactly wording my thoughts on the subject!
No it's not. It's full of unsubstantiated claims and assertions and riddled with logical fallacies. Just saying...
I wish that 40/40/20 spit were true. The guys who place sex and party ahead of school are dumb. We all should be thankful that they are that dumb. There will be way less competition later on. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." How do you make money without resorting to the way of Tony Montana? Be good at school.
You don't actually believe this, do you? Sounds like you're saying that going to a party and/or having sex makes you a bad student.
I wish that 40/40/20 spit were true. The guys who place sex and party ahead of school are dumb. We all should be thankful that they are that dumb. There will be way less competition later on. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." How do you make money without resorting to the way of Tony Montana? Be good at school.
You don't actually believe this, do you? Sounds like you're saying that going to a party and/or having sex makes you a bad student.
I don't think sex is overrated. I'm sorry, but it's just one of the greatest things that exist. Not only because it's needed to create new human life, but because it's just a shitload of fun.
It's in our instincts to "want sex". If you don't want it, that means your instincts are broken (that's a joke, actually) because of society. We are meant to have sex, we were "designed" to reproduce (that's serious though).
But ALL of that does not mean that you're weird if you don't want sex yet. Even if it's sounds like it. Society made sex to something fun and cool (which it both is), if you don't want it just for that, that's totally fine. You don't even have to like it. But at some point in life, every single one of us will start desiring sex. Not because we wanna be cool too, just because our instincts tell us. All of that also applies to women, actually.
Fortunately, we don't need a club (you know, cudgel, mace, whatever) anymore to force women into having sex. Ironically, we can go to clubs to make it easier though.
On August 31 2011 19:48 elimzkE wrote: Funnily enough, the smarter people who refuse to have meaningless sex or unprotected sex are less likely to pass on their genes due to accidental pregnancies.
Anyway, I'm a virgin myself and I'm too confident of a person to care what anybody thinks about my sexual status. Obviously it doesn't help my stereotype as I'm a programmer and competitive gamer, but when it comes down to it I'm a perfectly happy person with some great friends and a supportive family. Sex isn't a part of my happiness, and although it could be, it doesn't make me any less of a person.
How does refusing to have meaningless sex an indication of your intelligence? I agree with the rest of your post. You shouldn't be embarrassed if sex is something you do not desire. But I cannot fathom why you would say people who do desire sex are less intelligent? There is absolutely nothing wrong with having casual sex, I would be very interested to hear how you can justify otherwise. People who do not practice safe sex are dumb and I am quite offended that you lumped those people in with those that enjoy regular casual sex.
On August 31 2011 20:45 pyrogenetix wrote: Sex is definitely overhyped as this glamorous, hallmark event that only rich, cool, successful people get to experience, and if you aren't getting any then you are immediately cast into the other end of the spectrum.
Yeah this is pretty much true. Everything is advertised with sex which just reinforces this so much. It's put on this pedestal by everyone. Religion makes it something sacred. Media makes it the most desirable situation. Peers make it a challenge and a goal. It's truly just a physical activity. There are risks involved but all you need is two willing participants and the necessary protection and you can partake and hopefully enjoy yourself. I do not think there is much that feels better physically.
In my opinion people who look down upon or call others who havn't had sex "losers" is probably that themselves and know it to a certain degree. That does sound kinda cheesy like I guess "those who need to cause pain to others are in pain themselves" kinda thing.
But the fact is, if someone has the need to look down on someone for something they got, and the other don't, it very often is an indication that whatever that "thing" is, is among the few things that make such a persons life valueable.
To take quite a stereotypical example imo at least:
The popular "gangsta" dude who smoothtalks and parties and all, and consequently gets laid. He then mocks a decently handsome guy with good grades, good morals and no bad habits (like smoking, drinking etc).
Because if we look at the "gangsta" dudes other achievements they are usually slim, at best. He got poor grades, loads of bad habits, no hobby he is great at (at least not one that is good); Basicly among the very few socially considered values (in most cases) he got, is getting laid.
And because this is possibly his only true positive social value he needs to underline, and emphasize and just make it ten times the deal it is.
So to summaries:
-Having had/have sex is a positive social value -Being a "loser" is when your summed up social values give a low score. -For the above reason, those who call people that haven't gotten laid for losers often do it to try increase their own social value as to not be classified a "loser". Since getting laid possibly is their only one, and if that is your only positive social value, you are a loser in general (there are exceptions) -Not having had sex is no reason for being a loser regardless of age. -Sex is only one out of countless many social values that exist, by having other values instead you can easily climb out of the "losers" bracket
-SC2 jokes are awesome, see last point for refrence :D
On August 31 2011 18:50 Cel.erity wrote: In my opinion, being a virgin at 20 means two things:
1. Never been in a serious relationship.
2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls.
Of course, there's always the religious fanatic/asexual option, but we're not really talking about that considering the tone of the OP.
When someone tells me they're a virgin, my opinion of them as a person doesn't exactly change, but in basically all cases it's because they are antisocial or in some way strange. I have plenty of antisocial/strange friends. However, wanting sex is the most natural thing for human beings, so the only two options for a 20-year old virgin are that they don't want it (strange) or they can't get it (not strange, but unfortunate).
I think the OP's point is that most people assume virgins are all in the second category, and that is true, because most people can't imagine someone who doesn't care about sex. Therefore they assume you really want sex like they do, and call you a loser for not being able to get it. There is some merit to this point of view, since getting laid is pretty much the easiest thing in the world if you have any social skills.
Note, I don't think you need to troll clubs and sleep with 10 women a week to be cool, but having one or two committed relationships would also make you a non-virgin, and even more cool.
Not to meaning to use your post as the "class example", but you bring up various points that are good to explore.
For example, look at your second point: "2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls." What if you did not desire to hook up with friends or random girls? In fact hooking up with random people seems downright stupid to me (keyword being "me"). You should look at this point from the opposite perspective; not desiring to hook up with random people.
Another point you make is that people who do not desire to have sex with random people are strange. Does stating it like that make it sound, I don't know, strange to you? If not I have no way of understanding how your thought-process works. I for one feel that it would be strange to have sex with multiple people I didn't know well. That does not mean I don't want to absolutely pine every hot chick I see. Understanding now?
What you have to understand is that the main difference in many cases is pure self control. This is shown in the way that many young men will attempt to fuck all girls that they know. Any opportunity they have will be used trying to get that girl to bend over for them. On the other hand those of us with self control are perfectly happy just hanging out. Unfortunately due to the nature of many young women, they find this apparent lack of attention as a signal they are unwanted.
You say that getting laid is the easiest thing in the world if you have social skills. It's generalizations such as this that allow societal preconceptions to continue. Sure, sex is easy to get, it just depends on the girl. For example there is a girl at my work who is unmarried, has a 6 year old at home, has another girl due in three months, and has already told me she would be trying harder to fuck me if she were younger, oh and she also said that the fact I'm not black is made up for by the fact I'm "cute". Is sex difficult to get? No I could honestly walk out my door and have it within ten minutes by going to any social scene and pretending to care about a girl for an hour.
To sum up my post I would have to say that sex has a lot to do with maturity. If you are 16-24 and think that virgins are probably losers, you need to grow up a little more because you will reach a point where you realize sex is easy and relatively boring unless you are with the person you care about.
On August 31 2011 22:13 ForlornHope wrote: Most of Asian still a virgin when they hit 21-25 so nothing wrong with you man
Then why is Asian porn so abundant?
Lol just joking. Yes and I agree that nothing is wrong with it, as long as you accept it as being okay. Like most things in life, everything comes down to how you feel, and not what others project onto you. I know that for many people it can be hard sometimes to face peer pressure, especially when coming from friends. But then again, if the pressure is coming from their side, one should not even consider them as friends.
In today's world there is just too much corruption that I would even go as far as to stress about what my sexual status is. I really do not care, for I do not want to invite more bad things into my life as it is. For some it may not be bad, but overall the best choice would be to wait until marriage to have sex with someone you can trust, and with whom you can share that experience. That is just better in my opinion.
Porn also plays a huge role in this stigma, and I really wish that it would not be the case. Too many people get involved in porn at a very tender age, thereafter practicing sex at a similar age; and ultimately projecting their views onto others. That is probably why we have this stigma, because of just an overwhelming lot of people doing silly things which then in turn creates a perceived "norm".
On August 31 2011 22:13 ForlornHope wrote: Most of Asian still a virgin when they hit 21-25 so nothing wrong with you man
Then why is Asian porn so abundant?
More importantly, why are there so many of them? :D
On August 31 2011 21:50 blAke139 wrote: I don't think sex is overrated. I'm sorry, but it's just one of the greatest things that exist opinion. Not only because it's needed to create new human life, but because it's just a shitload of fun opinion based on personal experience. Neither of the two assertions propped up actually imply that sex is 'one of the greatest things that exist'.
It's in our instincts to "want sex". If you don't want it, that means your instincts are broken (that's a joke, actually) because of society. We are meant to have sex, we were "designed" to reproduce (that's serious though).
We were not meant for anything. Every person is souveran and can decide for him or herself what he chooses to value and participate in. Moreover the argument that simply because our brains are hardwired for any kind of tendency we should engage in said activity is really poor. We are also hardwired to be hostile against people outside of our tribe. imagine everyone engaging in that.
But ALL of that does not mean that you're weird if you don't want sex yet making an assumption that at some point such a state will be reached. Even if it's sounds like it. Society made sex to something fun and cool (which it both is), if you don't want it just for that, that's totally fine. You don't even have to like it. But at some point in life, every single one of us will start desiring sex baseless claim. Not because we wanna be cool too, just because our instincts tell us. All of that also applies to women, actually.
Fortunately, we don't need a club (you know, cudgel, mace, whatever) anymore to force women into having sex contradicts your own 'tendency is hardwired = do it faggot' argument from before. Ironically, we can go to clubs to make it easier though.
On August 31 2011 18:50 Cel.erity wrote: In my opinion, being a virgin at 20 means two things:
1. Never been in a serious relationship.
2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls.
Of course, there's always the religious fanatic/asexual option, but we're not really talking about that considering the tone of the OP.
When someone tells me they're a virgin, my opinion of them as a person doesn't exactly change, but in basically all cases it's because they are antisocial or in some way strange. I have plenty of antisocial/strange friends. However, wanting sex is the most natural thing for human beings, so the only two options for a 20-year old virgin are that they don't want it (strange) or they can't get it (not strange, but unfortunate).
I think the OP's point is that most people assume virgins are all in the second category, and that is true, because most people can't imagine someone who doesn't care about sex. Therefore they assume you really want sex like they do, and call you a loser for not being able to get it. There is some merit to this point of view, since getting laid is pretty much the easiest thing in the world if you have any social skills.
Note, I don't think you need to troll clubs and sleep with 10 women a week to be cool, but having one or two committed relationships would also make you a non-virgin, and even more cool.
Not to meaning to use your post as the "class example", but you bring up various points that are good to explore.
For example, look at your second point: "2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls." What if you did not desire to hook up with friends or random girls? In fact hooking up with random people seems downright stupid to me (keyword being "me"). You should look at this point from the opposite perspective; not desiring to hook up with random people.
Another point you make is that people who do not desire to have sex with random people are strange. Does stating it like that make it sound, I don't know, strange to you? If not I have no way of understanding how your thought-process works. I for one feel that it would be strange to have sex with multiple people I didn't know well. That does not mean I don't want to absolutely pine every hot chick I see. Understanding now?
What you have to understand is that the main difference in many cases is pure self control. This is shown in the way that many young men will attempt to fuck all girls that they know. Any opportunity they have will be used trying to get that girl to bend over for them. On the other hand those of us with self control are perfectly happy just hanging out. Unfortunately due to the nature of many young women, they find this apparent lack of attention as a signal they are unwanted.
You say that getting laid is the easiest thing in the world if you have social skills. It's generalizations such as this that allow societal preconceptions to continue. Sure, sex is easy to get, it just depends on the girl. For example there is a girl at my work who is unmarried, has a 6 year old at home, has another girl due in three months, and has already told me she would be trying harder to fuck me if she were younger, oh and she also said that the fact I'm not black is made up for by the fact I'm "cute". Is sex difficult to get? No I could honestly walk out my door and have it within ten minutes by going to any social scene and pretending to care about a girl for an hour.
To sum up my post I would have to say that sex has a lot to do with maturity. If you are 16-24 and think that virgins are probably losers, you need to grow up a little more because you will reach a point where you realize sex is easy and relatively boring unless you are with the person you care about.
Very insightful post indeed. Exploring on those ideas definitely proved a point, and a point with which I mostly agree.
People will call you a loser for pretty much -everything- these days, so if you value your sanity it's probably a good idea to just ignore those people. One day you'll be with someone you care about and you'll just feel that you want to have sex with them, and you'll feel that you're ready to, and there is the right time to do it.
Nothing wrong with not having sex, but as you get older being a virgin will become a bigger and bigger deal. Having awkward sex is way easier when you're a teenager than when you're middle-aged and almost every woman in the world has experience. If you don't get some experience when you're younger, it will turn into a mind-fuck that will make it hard for it to ever happen.
Main bullet-point: Even if you don't see the need/desire for sex now, you should probably go for it relatively soon if you ever plan on having sex. The movie 40-year-old-virgin is not reality. It will be horribly, horribly awkward for you to lose your virginity when you're 35.
If in fact you wish to have sex its possible. I recommend a meaningful relationship, as for me the mental aspect of that is better than just raw im lonely sex.
If you don't desire sex or a relationship then that is cool also, my best friend is 27 and a virgin. He is like a genius but either does not take the risk with girls or just more comfortable in his own element. This approach would mean less confidence around women you are attracted to and an ever increasing chance as you get older that your skills with women in a romantic and relationship department are decreased.
So, if you ask me what the ideal situation is, I would say. Have some relationships that might not have sex in them if unless you think that girl is the one, which love might tell you that but you gotta think about if she really is. IMO nothing in the world is better than finding "that girl" and spending your life with her. Not every moment is perfect because nothing is perfect, but you find perfection in understanding and consideration of problems, which positive minded people can find out of virtually any decent situation.
I would add when I was young I was a virgin on purpose, but people tried to make me do everything I didn't do, like drink or smoke. So for me I wanted to prove that I could be stronger and do what I wanted to do against all standards or odds, and i'm not even religious. I just believe in being strong.
So it is the belief that you are doing something better than others that is in fact OP. I actually think it would be harder to be a chick when your young dealing with all those emotions and wondering what it would be like, but getting tons of pressure. At least you can be chill about it and make your own decision.
You should not view Sex within the 'Porn' context or the "Oh god I'm a looser because I'm still V..." context.
If you chose to not be apart of that group of stereo type, you shall not care of what they believe.
In our current modern society, teenagers tend to become more and more anti social, 'we' don't go out as much as we used to be, having that basketball game with mates, or the movies night on friday and the clubs straight after...
I guess what I'm trying to say to you from my own experience is don't focus on Sex, instead, GO OUT and Socialize with PEOPLES, Sex comes right afterwards. *Trust Me*
Conversely and applicable to sympathizers in this thread; why do you use the phrase slut with a negative connotation to describe someone that often partakes in sexual activity?
SEX can be seen in diffrent perspective by diffrent people. Those who belive that beeing any age and still virgin is weird or even a reason to mock others usually do it due to fear. basicly fear of the fact they dont understand your point of view or personality.
I really like sex, yet i only had it with one girl in a 4 year relationship. However thought all that relationship sex was a priorty for me, as much as many other priorities. Everyone chooses his path, and everyone pays for the mistakes they make.
Everyone can decide what "a mistake" is by themselves :D.
I have some friends who were virgins up into their twenties and never thought any less of them nor has anyone else as far as I know. People are different. Some start having sex when they are 12-13 others not untill they are 40. It doesn't really matter.
In any case if someone is giving you shit for not having had sex at 20 yo that says more about them than it does about you. What are you doing hanging around people like that in the first place?
You should not view Sex within the 'Porn' context or the "Oh god I'm a looser because I'm still V..." context.
If you chose to not be apart of that group of stereo type, you shall not care of what they believe.
In our current modern society, teenagers tend to become more and more anti social, 'we' don't go out as much as we used to be, having that basketball game with mates, or the movies night on friday and the clubs straight after...
I guess what I'm trying to say to you from my own experience is don't focus on Sex, instead, GO OUT and Socialize with PEOPLES, Sex comes right afterwards. *Trust Me*
+1 I see so many people around me who just stick to 3 or 4 good friends, and don't meet anybody. This is not intrinsically wrong, but these 3 or 4 friends are usually college friends/work friends (aka people you just "had" to live with for some time.. and you stuck with them). Point is, people are scared to meet strangers (hence the success of online dating/social networks).
Something that saddens me a little bit: I have not seen anywhere in this thread the good old "carpe diem" argument. I have seen, however, people praising "success", "school", "becoming good at something", etc. Not that I despise these things, but I do think people focus too much on long term planning. Many people I know are super career focused. And if for some reason (disease, crises, accident, etc) it goes down in the toilet, well... I'm pretty sure they will regret this focus.
Carpe diem does not mean "have sex with every one", but more "you don't have to become a super hero, please enjoy your life right now". I know a lot of "smart" people, and I see them getting happier when they let go their worries a little bit, and do stupid/fun things (talk to strangers, spend their money on fun activities/sports/trips, enlarge their social circle, etc). And, back to topic, doing this can often lead to having sex with all these new people you live life with...
So, put very simplistically, if you're still a virgin at 20+, maybe you should start exploring all that life has to offer? Including sex?
On August 31 2011 23:05 Yenticha wrote: So, put very simplistically, if you're still a virgin at 20+, maybe you should start exploring all that life has to offer? Including sex?
The implication being that if you are a virgin at 20+ you must not be exploring life. Failpost is made of aids.
On August 31 2011 23:05 Yenticha wrote: So, put very simplistically, if you're still a virgin at 20+, maybe you should start exploring all that life has to offer? Including sex?
The implication being that if you are a virgin at 20+ you must not be exploring life. Failpost is made of aids.
I see what you did there regarding sleeping around causing aids.
I'm still a virgin though, but my "friends" keep trying to set me up with someone(and they aren't trying hard, if you know what I mean), but urgh....
Today's world is too much of a rush. I'm 40 hours at university a week and weekends I have to learn and relax(SC2, which I haven't played in 3 weeks!). A girlfriend is just gonna hold you back(just like my two friends). "Get rich, get laid!" - siut guy in How I met Your Mother
On August 31 2011 23:05 Yenticha wrote: So, put very simplistically, if you're still a virgin at 20+, maybe you should start exploring all that life has to offer? Including sex?
The implication being that if you are a virgin at 20+ you must not be exploring life. Failpost is made of aids.
User was temp banned for this post.
what's wrong with wearing condoms? And "including" means that sex is only a part (a little one) of what life has to offer... I know my post was long, but if you are to reply to it, please read it entirely.
Sex sells! We are constantly reminded of this subject, so maybe because of that we think quite often about it. (pun intended) I had sex for the first time when I was 24, so you have 3 years, before I call you looser It had nothing to do with religion or something. I was attending some parties and I had/have a quite good social life and circle. But it was quite late before I even looked at girls "another way". And then it was quite troublesome to find someone. I can't deny it: There are some (men) that know how to get a girl and then there are people like me! I have friends, they could be at a random place with no one knowing them and at the end of the evening they could walk away with a woman in their arms, if they want to. For me, getting a girlfriend is more like a hurdle race. On the other side, my relationships normally last quite long! In between... well!
But it all doesn't matter. Nobody of my friends gives a shit about, who has sex or not. Some do, some don't. Live your life as you want it!
On August 31 2011 21:50 blAke139 wrote: I don't think sex is overrated. I'm sorry, but it's just one of the greatest things that exist opinion. Not only because it's needed to create new human life, but because it's just a shitload of fun opinion based on personal experience. Neither of the two assertions propped up actually imply that sex is 'one of the greatest things that exist'.
It's in our instincts to "want sex". If you don't want it, that means your instincts are broken (that's a joke, actually) because of society. We are meant to have sex, we were "designed" to reproduce (that's serious though).
We were not meant for anything. Every person is souveran and can decide for him or herself what he chooses to value and participate in. Moreover the argument that simply because our brains are hardwired for any kind of tendency we should engage in said activity is really poor. We are also hardwired to be hostile against people outside of our tribe. imagine everyone engaging in that.
But ALL of that does not mean that you're weird if you don't want sex yet making an assumption that at some point such a state will be reached. Even if it's sounds like it. Society made sex to something fun and cool (which it both is), if you don't want it just for that, that's totally fine. You don't even have to like it. But at some point in life, every single one of us will start desiring sex baseless claim. Not because we wanna be cool too, just because our instincts tell us. All of that also applies to women, actually.
Fortunately, we don't need a club (you know, cudgel, mace, whatever) anymore to force women into having sex contradicts your own 'tendency is hardwired = do it faggot' argument from before. Ironically, we can go to clubs to make it easier though.
If this was an essay, you would have got an F.
If I wanted to write an essay, I would not freaking post such things in a forum, dude. All I shared is my opinion. And you can say what you want, it is a fact that instincts exist, there are good and bad ones, and this one is pretty essential. If we wouldn't have that drive to recreate, we wouldn't even exist mister smartass.
And you telling me that creating a new human life does not imply that sex is one of the greatest things that exist? I can't take you serious anymore.
I'm not telling anyone that he has to have sex now. All I do is sharing my opinion and that I don't think it is overrated. Just because you were biased by idiots before (THAT is a baseless claim) telling you how cool they are having sex all day, does not mean you have to act like a jerk at anyone saying sex is cool, necessary and fun.
EDIT: and jeez, plz don't be a know it better at my english, I am not native and giving my best to participate.
On August 31 2011 21:50 blAke139 wrote: I don't think sex is overrated. I'm sorry, but it's just one of the greatest things that exist opinion. Not only because it's needed to create new human life, but because it's just a shitload of fun opinion based on personal experience. Neither of the two assertions propped up actually imply that sex is 'one of the greatest things that exist'.
It's in our instincts to "want sex". If you don't want it, that means your instincts are broken (that's a joke, actually) because of society. We are meant to have sex, we were "designed" to reproduce (that's serious though).
We were not meant for anything. Every person is souveran and can decide for him or herself what he chooses to value and participate in. Moreover the argument that simply because our brains are hardwired for any kind of tendency we should engage in said activity is really poor. We are also hardwired to be hostile against people outside of our tribe. imagine everyone engaging in that.
But ALL of that does not mean that you're weird if you don't want sex yet making an assumption that at some point such a state will be reached. Even if it's sounds like it. Society made sex to something fun and cool (which it both is), if you don't want it just for that, that's totally fine. You don't even have to like it. But at some point in life, every single one of us will start desiring sex baseless claim. Not because we wanna be cool too, just because our instincts tell us. All of that also applies to women, actually.
Fortunately, we don't need a club (you know, cudgel, mace, whatever) anymore to force women into having sex contradicts your own 'tendency is hardwired = do it faggot' argument from before. Ironically, we can go to clubs to make it easier though.
If this was an essay, you would have got an F.
If I wanted to write an essay, I would not freaking post such things in a forum, dude. All I shared is my opinion. And you can say what you want, it is a fact that instincts exist, there are good and bad ones, and this one is pretty essential. If we wouldn't have that drive to recreate, we wouldn't even exist mister smartass.
And you telling me that creating a new human life does not imply that sex is one of the greatest things that exist? I can't take you serious anymore.
I'm not telling anyone that he has to have sex now. All I do is sharing my opinion and that I don't think it is overrated. Just because you were biased by idiots before (THAT is a baseless claim) telling you how cool they are having sex all day, does not mean you have to act like a jerk at anyone saying sex is cool, necessary and fun.
EDIT: and jeez, plz don't be a know it better at my english, I am not native and giving my best to participate.
Don't sweat it he got in trouble for all the terrible posting he has been doing in this thread. I disagree with your point that its not over rated. It is completely over rated in a variety of ways. The church gives it too much credit by condemning it. The media gives it too much credit by portraying it as the best thing ever and a worthy goal. Basically it is looked at too much. No one should be bothered by how much or little someone has sex.
No one should be bothered by how much or little someone has sex.
My guess is that everyone agrees with this. At least I do. The thing that "bothers" me is the "never". That someone has sex very rarely, with carefully selected partners is great (its kind of what I try to do). But that someone has NEVER even tried is kind of surprising. Even from a "know your body" perspective... It's like if you had a super safe wine tasting experience offered to you, why wouldn't you try? It's safe, a huge part of human life/culture, and you can stop just after trying it if you don't like it? And maybe, like a ton of people, you will love it?
Among my friends who are still virgins, I don't know any who has never sexually desired anyone. So, I don't see the case "I have never had sex because I have never wanted to" as a valid one, for 20+ yo..
Edit: my post also implies this: as with wines, there can be terrible sex. So one should probably not drink every single wine they find in the store. And sometimes you can regret drinking a certain "homemade wine". Life is made of risks!
No one should be bothered by how much or little someone has sex.
My guess is that everyone agrees with this. At least I do. The thing that "bothers" me is the "never". That someone has sex very rarely, with carefully selected partners is great (its kind of what I try to do). But that someone has NEVER even tried is kind of surprising. Even from a "know your body" perspective... It's like if you had a super safe wine tasting experience offered to you, why wouldn't you try? It's safe, a huge part of human life/culture, and you can stop just after trying it if you don't like it? And maybe, like a ton of people, you will love it?
Among my friends who are still virgins, I don't know any who has never sexually desired anyone. So, I don't see the case "I have never had sex because I have never wanted to" as a valid one, for 20+ yo..
I agree, and therefor do not agree with those persons life choices. But I do not judge. They are missing the most stimulating physical activity that two people can partake in out of "personal preference" or societies prejudices. Their loss but if I could convince them I would highly recommend having sex.
On August 31 2011 21:50 blAke139 wrote: I don't think sex is overrated. I'm sorry, but it's just one of the greatest things that exist. Not only because it's needed to create new human life, but because it's just a shitload of fun.
It's in our instincts to "want sex". If you don't want it, that means your instincts are broken (that's a joke, actually) because of society. We are meant to have sex, we were "designed" to reproduce (that's serious though).
But ALL of that does not mean that you're weird if you don't want sex yet. Even if it's sounds like it. Society made sex to something fun and cool (which it both is), if you don't want it just for that, that's totally fine. You don't even have to like it. But at some point in life, every single one of us will start desiring sex. Not because we wanna be cool too, just because our instincts tell us. All of that also applies to women, actually.
Wrong. "Bogaert's analysis looked at responses to another study in Britain, published in 1994. That study was based on interviews of 18,000 people about their sexual practices.
It offered respondent a list of options. One read: "I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all." One percent said they agreed with the statement."
As for being designed nature isn't perfect, people can be born with obvious evolutionary disadvantages, but they can't be born without capability to experience sexual attraction? It isn't against theory of evolution at all.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
I'm glad it worked for you. I find it difficult to believe you never kissed your girlfriend? can I ask why?
Seen this thread and decided to give an advice, without reading, just because I know there will be people messing with this guy.
Getting laid the first time isn't easy. It's fucking hard and requires a lot of intelligent preparation and arrangements. It will suck for a girl because you will cum in 10 seconds, also you won't know how to hold her right and how to arise her properly. So my advice is: trust your common sense, always keep an eye for opportunities, work hard and you will get it.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
Respect for you bro, best wishes for your relationship. My last relationship went down the drain because of how fast pace it went. I do believe sex is being emphasized way too much in society mostly through media, constantly being shoved at kids and targeting younger ages to boot. Nowadays it feels like its less meaningful emotionally and more for pure enjoyment... not that I'm complaining . As many celebrities admitted, Sex sells.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
Wait... What? you haven't kissed even? That's some serious stuff right there. I'm not sure if I would want that or not, but I certainly am impressed by your will power!
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
Damn, that is... impressive? Well I hope it works out man!
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
this sounds good however i feel like its not practical. in theory it sounds amazing, but you're both humans, with desires. its normal. from my experience people that have never slept with anyone but one person usually tend to desire someone else after a while because of their lack of experiences, and really, who could blame them? And that knowledge, that they might want someone else, is pretty damn hurtful on its own. So while i admire your commitment to waiting, and i can certainly appreciate it, the thought of some of the consequences kind of scare me....
Also, to the OP. I dont feel sex is blown out of proportion. I mean, were sexual beings, everything is sex. Its hard wired into us. Sure i guess sometimes i don't like the implications of living in such a sexual society, i for example prefer women that are old fashioned and much more reserved, i value it more, and our society seems to be making these type of women scarce.....however were sexual beings so its only logical that this is the way we conduct ourselves... also i feel like waiting too long could put you at a disadvantage later on in life. For example if you fall in love with a girl, and you will, it might bring about feelings of resentment towards them if they arent a virgin. Sure at first you might be okay with it, but as the relationship goes on those feelings of resentment might come up whereas they might not had you experienced several individuals as well. I also feel like it can make you awkward when the situation does come up, another disadvantage. In today's age, something like that is important, you want to be a good lover, you want to be well versed in the act of sex. I just feel like it might lead you to some awkward and embarrassing situations and set you up for disappointment or heartbreak. IMO, you should find a girl you like, and sleep with her. Its in our nature.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
Even though I believe you to not be serious ( never kissed your GF????? ), I gotta say the illusion that postponing sex until you married makes it more meaningful or is saying anything about the relationship, is quite naive. Only because you don't eat a donut until you are married, it does not make the donut any better or more valuable when you eat it afterwards.
There might actually be people that think so, but this special treatment of sex is totally unnecessary and only brings harm. Oppressed desires do not lead to anything good.
On September 01 2011 00:24 Reasonable wrote: Seen this thread and decided to give an advice, without reading, just because I know there will be people messing with this guy.
Getting laid the first time isn't easy. It's fucking hard and requires a lot of intelligent preparation and arrangements. It will suck for a girl because you will cum in 10 seconds, also you won't know how to hold her right and how to arise her properly. So my advice is: trust your common sense, always keep an eye for opportunities, work hard and you will get it.
...srsly now...10 seconds...?...lol....
on-topic: you're thinking too much -_-' go to a party get a girl drunk and voila~
On September 01 2011 00:24 Reasonable wrote: Seen this thread and decided to give an advice, without reading, just because I know there will be people messing with this guy.
Getting laid the first time isn't easy. It's fucking hard and requires a lot of intelligent preparation and arrangements. It will suck for a girl because you will cum in 10 seconds, also you won't know how to hold her right and how to arise her properly. So my advice is: trust your common sense, always keep an eye for opportunities, work hard and you will get it.
...srsly now...10 seconds...?...lol....
on-topic: you're thinking too much -_-' go to a party get a girl drunk and voila~
the opposite is true for me, when i first sleep with a girl, i cant seem to cum. I mean sure eventually i can but i really have to try to. As i get more and more comfortable, then it becomes easier and easier for me to cum, to the point where at times i actually have to try and stop myself from finishing lol. so i guess different strokes for different folks.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
Not meaning to pick on you in particular (there are other posts with this sort of feeling), but this post does illustrate, to me, how "sex is OP" in society.
Why? Well, I think many of us can easily agree that calling someone a loser just because they haven't had sex before a particular age or something is pretty silly. Most people responding to the thread have argued this.
The sacredness we put on sex, however, is the other side of the coin. It makes no sense to me, unless you're following your religion or something, there's just no reason not to go enjoy yourselves. There's no good reason not to indulge in "meaningless sex" like it were any other hobby, if it's something you enjoy. Yet when people (mainly girls) treat sex, or even nudity casually they're crucified. I hope those defending the OP aren't the same ones that look down on girls for being "sluts," I think that's just as bad.
This is from the perspective of someone who lives in the US, it may be different everywhere else in the world.
I'll admit my opinions are way different from the norm, though. I'm not a fan of the sexual exclusiveness thing.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
Even though I believe you to not be serious ( never kissed your GF????? ), I gotta say the illusion that postponing sex until you married makes it more meaningful or is saying anything about the relationship, is quite naive. Only because you don't eat a donut until you are married, it does not make the donut any better or more valuable when you eat it afterwards.
There might actually be people that think so, but this special treatment of sex is totally unnecessary and only brings harm. Oppressed desires do not lead to anything good.
I might sound like a hippie,but just be yourself, dont think too much about what other people think about you, dont rush, relax and be happy with what youve got. It aint easy, but its possible. You will be a much happier person. As an example; im shorter than most people, and for many years it bothered the shit out of me, i was constantly thiking about it, and i didn't consider myself "normal". Today i couldnt care less, ive accepted the way i look and im actually glad about my height, and the best part is that since ive learned to accept myself, ive become way more confident, which is something girls can smell, and thus havent had any problems getting girls ever since. So, yeah, relax and be yourself.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
I'm glad it worked for you. I find it difficult to believe you never kissed your girlfriend? can I ask why?
We haven't!
It's just something we decided on our second date. I'd seen couples do this before and they all had and still have strong relationships. I was a little timid to suggest it, but then she brought it up and it turned out we were on the same page! We committed to it without knowing what to expect, but it's been a great challenge to us. Something we can support each other in, despite our frustration. I feel like it's good practice in case life gets legitimately tough in the future.
Plus, all that time we might otherwise have spent just making out, we've spent communicating and learning about each other! Struggling together also opens us up more and makes us more vulnerable. It wasn't long before we could talk about anything without being uncomfortable.
To avoid torturing ourselves, we find stuff to do that ends up being alot of fun. We go on a lot of walks and picnics in interesting places. We've started a garden with all kinds of heirloom veggies. Last week we went berry-picking, then made pancake sauce out of the fresh blackberries. Our relationship stays fresh and fun, which I'd like to think it's a good habit that we are building.
There are all sorts of other little reasons it has worked so well for us. In short, it has enabled us to build a relationship that is well worth committing too.
sex messes shit up with friends unless it is serious, some people try to brag about it, but many are covering up for them, knowing their relationship with that person it pretty much gone.
unless you are serious about a person, it just messes crap up :/
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
@zerglingsoup: making marmelade or love with the girl a of your dreams... WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ONE OF THOSE 2. Just finish your picnic and then go crazy :D
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
Even though I believe you to not be serious ( never kissed your GF????? ), I gotta say the illusion that postponing sex until you married makes it more meaningful or is saying anything about the relationship, is quite naive. Only because you don't eat a donut until you are married, it does not make the donut any better or more valuable when you eat it afterwards.
There might actually be people that think so, but this special treatment of sex is totally unnecessary and only brings harm. Oppressed desires do not lead to anything good.
I am not counting on it to make sex more meaningful. But I expect it will make our marriage more meaningful, which is of greater importance to me.
And there is nothing wrong with delayed gratification. Certainly we don't see it much anymore in any context, but I often enjoy a doughnut much more if I've been thinking about eating one all morning.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
On September 01 2011 01:01 chrissummers wrote: sex is not purely gratification. sounds like the pope is talking to me -.-
I guess there is no point in argueing, our povs are too different.
And whatever else it is will also be a part of our marriage commitment, making it something that we've only shared with each other.
My end goal is to have a marriage that will endure adversity and to have a wife that will always want to be the other half of me. I want that more than sex.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
Even though I believe you to not be serious ( never kissed your GF????? ), I gotta say the illusion that postponing sex until you married makes it more meaningful or is saying anything about the relationship, is quite naive. Only because you don't eat a donut until you are married, it does not make the donut any better or more valuable when you eat it afterwards.
There might actually be people that think so, but this special treatment of sex is totally unnecessary and only brings harm. Oppressed desires do not lead to anything good.
agreed.
Unless they're personally responsible for keeping the human population up--why does it matter when they have sex?
From a purely aesthetic standpoint, from a purely pleasure based standpoint, what's wrong with them waiting?
There's a reason you don't eat candy until you puke or that you don't stay drunk 24 hours a day. Candy is delicious and getting hammered is fun--but we choose when we can and cannot have those things in order for them to be more meaningful.
I don't necessarily agree with withholding sex. But waiting until some arbitrary time to do it be it "When we're old enough" or "When she's off her period" or "When we can afford condoms" or whatever, those are okay.
The act of choosing to wait is not a flaw in the individuals themselves--it is simply a reflection of societal norms inherent in their immediate social sphere. Societal norms are arbitrary and numerous in numbers. For example, monogamy is a societal construct--but so are orgies. Marriage is a social construct--but so is casual sex. (Being that marriage hinges on having kids or not more times than not one can argue it's more "natural" than casual sans-baby sex)
We should not judge people for having variant social norms than us.
As for the OP--as I've already said earlier in the thread--people make fun of virgins due to misogyny. It's not the sex that is praised, it is the domination of the woman that is praised. That is why females are called sluts if they sleep around with other men but are fetishized and objectified when they sleep around with other women.
Sex is treated in America as a male activity and more specifically as an activity where a female is dominated and subjugated. If a male does not dominate his female then he is seen as weak--even more so when he doesn't have a female. If a male respects the woman he's with--he's seen as pussy whipped. This is also visible in the way females are treated.
When they have sex all the time (in which case the sex is their choice and not the male's choice) then they are called sluts.
When they don't have sex all the time (in which case it is their choice and not the male's choice) they are called cold hearted or frigid or even lesbian.
Sex in America is a bastion of misogyny. Not the church or the media's control of it--but the way normal everyday people use it and think about it is one of the most misogynistic forms of social structuring in the modern age. If there was no church or media outlets--it would still be one of the most misogynistic sections of modern times.
However (and I was guilty of this once upon a time) don't think about sex as a purely physical act of gratification. If it's with someone that you trust, it's the moment where you really put all your faith in that person. You're both showing each other something no-one else has ever seen, and you're expecting each other to lose some of that self-control maintained in public. That's just my personal opinion, of course, and I have nothing against people that get laid on a regular basis with any number of partners for social reasons.
Giving advice about something like this is always dangerous; the person listening might actually take that advice, and it might not apply to their situation. Always listen to other's people's advice (especially about something this important) while remembering that individuals differ.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Yeah I almost think that if he were born in another time, he'd be on the other extreme pushing for sexual liberation.. He such a fucking romantic lol.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
Sex is an incredibly important aspect of any romantic relationship. Saying "we don't want to make sex that important" is essentially claiming a denial of human nature, most likely based upon ingrained religious convictions that human sexuality is somehow harmful or immoral or dangerous...
If you go to a marriage therapist or counselor, I'm sure one of the most common and basic questions they will ask you is something along the lines of "what is your sex life like?" Because it is an extremely vital and important aspect to a loving, healthy romantic relationship, it's one of the most powerful ways to express and experience your love for someone.
On top of that, you should always test drive the car before you buy it. How do you know you two will even be sexually compatible? Maybe one of you will have a completely different sex drive from the other, or maybe one of you will have desires the other considers disgusting, and that can breed resentment or diminished respect on both sides.
It's not as simple as convincing yourself that "you will choose not to make it that important." Sorry, but it really is that important.
On September 01 2011 01:20 jdseemoreglass wrote: Sex is an incredibly important aspect of any romantic relationship. Saying "we don't want to make sex that important" is essentially claiming a denial of human nature, most likely based upon ingrained religious convictions that human sexuality is somehow harmful or immoral or dangerous...
If you go to a marriage therapist or counselor, I'm sure one of the most common and basic questions they will ask you is something along the lines of "what is your sex life like?" Because it is an extremely vital and important aspect to a loving, healthy romantic relationship, it's one of the most powerful ways to express and experience your love for someone.
On top of that, you should always test drive the car before you buy it. How do you know you two will even be sexually compatible? Maybe one of you will have a completely different sex drive from the other, or maybe one of you will have desires the other considers disgusting, and that can breed resentment or diminished respect on both sides.
It's not as simple as convincing yourself that "you will choose not to make it that important." Sorry, but it really is that important.
We know about each other's sex drives, and desires. We talk openly about this stuff.
I'm not saying it's "not that important." I know it's important. It's not foundational. There is a difference in terms there. It can wait, because it isn't the basis of my purchase decision.
In India, people sometimes don't even see each other before the day they get married. I've been there and seen plenty of those couples who have strong, healthy relationships. All that they have experienced, physically speaking, has only existed between the two of them. It's just better that way, if your goal is a strong marriage.
If your goal is fun and pleasure and freedom of self. Then I can understand why great sex is important. You have to be able to maintain that same level of pleasure with your one partner for the rest of your life.
@Zerglingsoup: you gotta be a fan of burkas? that way, not even the visual impressions disturb you from growing a healthy relationship that is the basis for a good marriage.
I wish that 40/40/20 spit were true. The guys who place sex and party ahead of school are dumb. We all should be thankful that they are that dumb. There will be way less competition later on. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." How do you make money without resorting to the way of Tony Montana? Be good at school.
You don't actually believe this, do you? Sounds like you're saying that going to a party and/or having sex makes you a bad student.
What? For a lot of the times it is true. Nobody is stupid enough to make blanket statement like if you go to party and have sex you must be a bad student. Stop taking things too literally.
Should getting the hottest women be the goal of your life? Probably not but I just laid out the plan for any guy who wants to get the hottest women they can. Sure what Tony Montana said might sound shallow but it is true. Who is banging Gisele Bunchen right now? Tom Brady.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
To be honest, I was lucky when I lost my virginity. I was 16 and extremely drunk and I hooked up with some chick who I didn't even know. I didn't have sex again for 3 years (but I fucked around with some girls) until I met my ex who I was with for almost 5 years). So its all situational, some people are fortunate enough to be in the right spot at the right time. I make fun of my friends who are still virgins, but I don't really mean it. It's just one of those things guys say to other guys just to be an ass, but I really don't care if my friends are virgins or not. It's not my business. If people judge you based on virginity, you shouldn't be hanging out with them anyways.
am i the only one who thinks this is not so much about the guy but about how its portrait in society?
its not saying that sex isnt enjoyable its not saying that you shouldn't sleep around or anything like that some men have the desire to sleep whit as many woman as possible, others aren't focused on it,
im sure sex feels awesome but i just dont feel like actively trying to get some casual sex, i wouldn't mind it, heck il probably enjoy it alot, but i got other things on my mind,
i agree desiring sex is normal (in most cases) and a reason to not have it is being awkward whit woman or 'ugly' but,, some men have depressions that makes them unintrested in having sex some men are asexual some have other problems like being financially stable some are more worried about there academic career some people are religious and hold back until after married some want the first time to be special, some people have trauma's some people don't think fondly of casual sex and haven't met the right one yet some people just don't prioritize it like the rest These problems are often ignored there are tons of reasons to not have sex at age 20 or even 30 heck 97
the problem is that people nowadays just cant think anymore and blindly state and do what they heard on tv or think that there opinion is a fact, people consider it a achievement to have sex at 14, im not sure if i agree whit that but that is my opinion and i also don't know all the circumstances so i cant judge him, so you wont see me branding him a man-whore society does the exact opposite.
people try to pity those whitout and 'encourage' (peer pressure) them to do what is seen as normal in society
you shouldn't follow the mindless horde and think in black and white, every human is different. we have already evolved past the primate stages, please do use your commen sense and make judgments based on individuals.
Ps: in my opinion life is the pursuit of happiness, yes happiness can equal sex, but so can alot of things like, achieving something in a particular field, charity, a happy family life and starcraft :D .
Pss some of those losers invented the computer some make tons of money in the stock exchange some are fucking prince of a royal family, are they really losers just because they didn't have one thing?
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
Haven't kissed? Hahahah your trolling went a bit overboard there xD Did you hold hands yet? Or maybe touched eachother's arm?
Op is right, its OP as you grow up. However in retrospect, when you first had sex dont matter shit. And whether you had 1 or 10 girls before your wife doesnt matter shit and have no effect on the happiness of your life. Its op in the moment and up from ahead.
I wish that 40/40/20 spit were true. The guys who place sex and party ahead of school are dumb. We all should be thankful that they are that dumb. There will be way less competition later on. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." How do you make money without resorting to the way of Tony Montana? Be good at school.
You don't actually believe this, do you? Sounds like you're saying that going to a party and/or having sex makes you a bad student.
What? For a lot of the times it is true. Nobody is stupid enough to make blanket statement like if you go to party and have sex you must be a bad student. Stop taking things too literally.
Should getting the hottest women be the goal of your life? Probably not but I just laid out the plan for any guy who wants to get the hottest women they can. Sure what Tony Montana said might sound shallow but it is true. Who is banging Gisele Bunchen right now? Tom Brady.
Here's something I heard a taxi driver say the other day as we drove past a 19 year old chick filling up a brand new Mercedes: "Women love their animals. Every woman needs a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a donkey to pay all her bills."
With your shallow thinking, you should be careful not to become the ass in the above story .
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
Haven't kissed? Hahahah your trolling went a bit overboard there xD Did you hold hands yet? Or maybe touched eachother's arm?
Yep, we hold hands And we cuddle alot too.
I know it's unconventional. We call it cutting-edge. Whatever it is, it is working great for us.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
Just keep in mind; you're disagreeing with people who have experience you don't have. It's like a teen girl telling her parents "BUT MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM HE REALLY LOVES ME! HE'S DIFFERENT TO ALL THE OTHER BOYS! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY!?"
That's you bro. You're that teen girl trying to preach to others who are wiser. We've been there, done that. You haven't. Learn from it.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
Just keep in mind; you're disagreeing with people who have experience you don't have. It's like a teen girl telling her parents "BUT MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM HE REALLY LOVES ME! HE'S DIFFERENT TO ALL THE OTHER BOYS! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY!?"
That's you bro. You're that teen girl trying to preach to others who are wiser. We've been there, done that. You haven't. Learn from it.
Bingo.
Sex has only ever strengthened relationships ive been in (current being 8 years now) I'd feel awful denying my partner a lifetime of sexual fulfilment.. quite cruel
On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote: [quote] And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
Just keep in mind; you're disagreeing with people who have experience you don't have. It's like a teen girl telling her parents "BUT MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM HE REALLY LOVES ME! HE'S DIFFERENT TO ALL THE OTHER BOYS! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY!?"
That's you bro. You're that teen girl trying to preach to others who are wiser. We've been there, done that. You haven't. Learn from it.
Bingo.
Sex has only ever strengthened relationships ive been in (current being 8 years now) I'd feel awful denying my partner a lifetime of sexual fulfilment.. quite cruel
This. Denying and inhibiting natural sexual exploration is only going to end up with one or both of you thinking "What if?"
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
Just keep in mind; you're disagreeing with people who have experience you don't have. It's like a teen girl telling her parents "BUT MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM HE REALLY LOVES ME! HE'S DIFFERENT TO ALL THE OTHER BOYS! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY!?"
That's you bro. You're that teen girl trying to preach to others who are wiser. We've been there, done that. You haven't. Learn from it.
How many people here have tried it my way? I've got an experience that some of you don't have. And I have perspective from that experience that some of you can't understand either. Comparing me to a teenage girl doesn't negate that perspective.
On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote: [quote] And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
Just keep in mind; you're disagreeing with people who have experience you don't have. It's like a teen girl telling her parents "BUT MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM HE REALLY LOVES ME! HE'S DIFFERENT TO ALL THE OTHER BOYS! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY!?"
That's you bro. You're that teen girl trying to preach to others who are wiser. We've been there, done that. You haven't. Learn from it.
How many people here have tried it my way? I've got an experience that some of you don't have. And I have perspective from that experience that some of you can't understand either. Comparing me to a teenage girl doesn't negate that perspective.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
What you say could be true if and only if your gf is also a virgin and as inexperienced as you. Otherwise your gf is prolly asking herself and all her friends why you haven't fucked her yet. Remember that this primitive minded culture you speak of was invented by humans, a group which you and her are part of, unless you're writing from Mars in which case, disregard what I said .
On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote: [quote] And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
Just keep in mind; you're disagreeing with people who have experience you don't have. It's like a teen girl telling her parents "BUT MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM HE REALLY LOVES ME! HE'S DIFFERENT TO ALL THE OTHER BOYS! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY!?"
That's you bro. You're that teen girl trying to preach to others who are wiser. We've been there, done that. You haven't. Learn from it.
Bingo.
Sex has only ever strengthened relationships ive been in (current being 8 years now) I'd feel awful denying my partner a lifetime of sexual fulfilment.. quite cruel
It's not a lifetime, it's a few more months until we get married. And I'm not denying her anything. It's our decision and we are both pleased with the results.
On September 01 2011 00:53 ZerglingSoup wrote: [quote]
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
Just keep in mind; you're disagreeing with people who have experience you don't have. It's like a teen girl telling her parents "BUT MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM HE REALLY LOVES ME! HE'S DIFFERENT TO ALL THE OTHER BOYS! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY!?"
That's you bro. You're that teen girl trying to preach to others who are wiser. We've been there, done that. You haven't. Learn from it.
How many people here have tried it my way? I've got an experience that some of you don't have. And I have perspective from that experience that some of you can't understand either. Comparing me to a teenage girl doesn't negate that perspective.
I was a virgin once
No way?! Me too! We have so much in common. Life partners <3
It's totally overrated. Don't write it off, but if you choose to live a celibate lifestyle, that's just as much of a choice as living a promiscuous one. The only reason "virgin" is tossed about like it's a negative is because pre-teens and teenagers are highly egocentric and susceptible to group think. It turns into a scarlet V and the retards use it as some stupid hierarchical checklist of social status.
You're not a religious person, but most people who go to church are highly skeptical anyways. I'd recommend surrounding yourself with people who make it their prerogative to display an understanding of morality.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
What you say could be true if and only if your gf is also a virgin and as inexperienced as you. Otherwise your gf is prolly asking herself and all her friends why you haven't fucked her yet. Remember that this primitive minded culture you speak of was invented by humans, a group which you and her are part of, unless you're writing from Mars in which case, disregard what I said .
She is also a virgin. She tells me about what she talks about with her friends, family, sister, etc. You guys have no idea what you are talking about because you don't know us and you haven't seen how many people tell us we are so good together and so perfect for each other.
This isn't me saying your way is any kind of wrong. I'm just lending my perspective to say it can be done another way, with great results.
My perspective: sex is awesome. However, if you choose to wait, that's your choice, there's way more to relationships than just sex. It's just an added bonus =p
On September 01 2011 00:53 ZerglingSoup wrote: [quote]
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl.
Just keep in mind; you're disagreeing with people who have experience you don't have. It's like a teen girl telling her parents "BUT MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM HE REALLY LOVES ME! HE'S DIFFERENT TO ALL THE OTHER BOYS! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY!?"
That's you bro. You're that teen girl trying to preach to others who are wiser. We've been there, done that. You haven't. Learn from it.
Bingo.
Sex has only ever strengthened relationships ive been in (current being 8 years now) I'd feel awful denying my partner a lifetime of sexual fulfilment.. quite cruel
It's not a lifetime, it's a few more months until we get married. And I'm not denying her anything. It's our decision and we are both pleased with the results.
Lifetime prison sentence is like 30 years, good behaviour you'll get out earlier.. coming up to 27 you said?
Not entiely accurate i suppose..
We are animals with tools.. and then we die.. it's a shame to throw a lot of possible pleasure out the window.. especially when there's no real drawbacks to engaging in said pleasure (unless she's fat and sweaty).
anyway good luck sir... first time you get your tip wet will feel pretty good.. probably think yourself a bit of a fool to put it off that long afetrwards though.. considering how theres no negatives and only positives in a normal relationship.. shame to put it off for a tradition that has absolutely no resemblence to it's inception and is only really used as a piece of paper to make taking your money easier!
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
Only if you or your other puts an emphasis on it. If you both find it casual, then you can have sex one day and not know each other the next. It all depends on how much importance you place on it. The more important to you, the more life changing each change is.
To be honest I didn't take the time to read all 36 pages of this i did the old page 1, page 2, last page.
That being said this is like a thread built on strawman fallacy.
The advantage of people who have had sex is that they have likely had relationships where they have and have not had sex, while those who haven't have only experienced half of this.
Yes you can be happy without sex, but to argue sex is overrated or what have you with no basis or experience to back it up by saying you're perfectly happy without it is what we call a straw man fallacy, and isn't really a valid argument.
I will tell you how it is from my perspective. The first 50-100 times you have sex are wild and perspective changing. I had a friend like you (OP) who was a virgin til he was 20 and after he lost it he told me he was a fool to ever question my lifestyle.
After that, sex is mostly the same but it is always exciting to see a new girl with no clothes on and furthermore sex ALWAYS completely changes the dynamic of the relationship and therefore the magnitude of it's effect as well as the act itself is not overrated.
To argue you're having great results as a virgin is not to say you could be having even better ones not being one.
I've had sex hundreds of times now (that's not to say with hundreds of woman) and I will tell you the first 10 times with each girl radically define your relationship, in some ways for the better, and sometimes for the worse.
TL;DR Sex changes everything for better or worse and therefore IS a big deal and should be treated as one
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
Only if you or your other puts an emphasis on it. If you both find it casual, then you can have sex one day and not know each other the next. It all depends on how much importance you place on it. The more important to you, the more life changing each change is.
Sex changes relationships. If you're having sex with a random there's no relationship is there?
I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser." Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without it/everybody is doing it, and supposedly it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
20/21 year old virgin is an acceptable age. It depends a lot on your social frequentation and activities. I wouldn't care too much about a number.
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
is the topic of sex overrated?
discuss??
That is especially true to men in almost every social circles (and slightly to women in some). Also you should know that losing your virginity is no feat, you could pay a hooker for all I know. The thing is many men brag about losing it but they still suck at sex. When you look at it men that have healthy relationships on a constant basis and that do not suck at it are a lot less to brag than just losing their virginity.
On a side note, I have often met people for whom the first time was the hardest and I wouldn't advice to turn down an occasion BUT the best would be a mid/long term relationship with a girl not shy about it. THAT my friend is the best way to learn and enjoy it for your first times.
Now is sex overrated, I would say yes. I feel media convey a non healthy ideology about it. Sure sex is great and you should definitly do it but some ideas conveyed are very bad and I feel we are seeing only 2 extremes nowadays: the religious and the whores. There is room for a very strong debat here though and I'm not really in a mood to make a long post.
Remember, meeting someone has a lot to do about your social activities and 21yo is not that late.
I was a virgin till I was 25. Don't sweat it man, just let it come. Men are like wine, we get better looking as we age and sometimes it takes women awhile to see just how good looking we are.
In the end nobody really cares.. and if anyone decides to wait.. for whatever reasons.. its just meh.. Trying to prove a point? But people who've had sex know that relationships arent only about sex.. it's a very nice addition.. so what point is there to make?
Adding an arbitrary time limit on things doesnt make them mean more. Working on them and putting effort in makes it mean more. Bonding through experiences lived through, not lack of experiences.
Nearly a decade on and thousands of times later, for us we've found a perfect mix through being open and putting in the love/effort to make each time just as meaningful as the previous time. (was blooody good to start off with too ) If for whatever reason we haven't done it for a while, it doesnt make the next time mean more either, we just say "wait, why didnt we do this for the last 2 weeks?" and things go back to normal
On July 22 2011 11:41 UniversalSnip wrote: Can't knock it till you try it.
You know... so to speak.
Huh. Doesn't seem to stop the millions of judgemental people "knocking" "drugs" like marijuana when they haven't even tried it
Those 2 things are not really worth comparing to each other. One is a fully legal action between two people - which is often times super intimite and emotional... The other is an illegal "drug".. Even though tons of people do it - and it seems harmless, this is not even worth comparing to sex...
On topic: I don't know if I would say it's OP... Lost my virginity shortly after hitting 15, and I'm happy I did it. Mostly for my GF, so I had at least some experience - and for myself since it's nice to be allowed so close into your current girl.
Try it. Not much else to say. If you're a virgin, it's fine. I wont judge. However like you feel you're being bashed by society - you shouldn't bash society back without having experienced, what society is actually talking about
Is just trolling guys, it's quite obvious. He's having the time of his life defending his imaginary super-weird relationship, stop trying to persuade him or w/e you're trying to do.
On September 01 2011 03:19 lyrlian wrote: ZerglingSoup
Is just trolling guys, it's quite obvious. He's having the time of his life defending his imaginary super-weird relationship, stop trying to persuade him or w/e you're trying to do.
If you go about bitching that you havent been laid you're gonna be seen as a loser who wnat it really bad but can't have it. If people dont act desperate about it and just talk it out you're out just fine, and if people still fuck you up, you probally dont want these people as your friends anyways.
Quite simple to me. And thinking about it, there were some girls where I probally coulda gone with - if I had had any feelings for them, personally I dont want my first time to be some random girl I dont know at all..
@ Orb Alot of the people who knock away marijuana in that attitude also knocks away sex (by that it might be accesible, but they're not gonna try it out), that's how it is in my society and I walk with ALOT of marijuana smokers, even though I dont smoke it (had a headache last time I tried waterpibe for instance, so I figure marijuana wouldnt do me good)
On July 22 2011 11:41 UniversalSnip wrote: Can't knock it till you try it.
You know... so to speak.
Huh. Doesn't seem to stop the millions of judgemental people "knocking" "drugs" like marijuana when they haven't even tried it
Don't pretend to be stupid.
Weed smells fucking awful to non smokers, and people who smoke a lot of it are *typically* of a variety that don't bring much to the table in a public environment..
I'm now a somewhat regular(?) smoker (2-3 times per week) but having grown up never smoking it just smelt disgusting, and it would be unpleasant to walk past anyone who was smoking it.
Sex which has nothing to do with public space.. and drugs which cause kids to stink are quite different in nature.. and can't really be used as a 'point' the way you were trying to use it..
On September 01 2011 03:19 lyrlian wrote: ZerglingSoup
Is just trolling guys, it's quite obvious. He's having the time of his life defending his imaginary super-weird relationship, stop trying to persuade him or w/e you're trying to do.
In my day trolling meant something. There's a difference between trolling and lying.
sex is sex. Whether it's important, or not, it's a part of human nature that there will always be pressure to have it. The only reason there were the "taboos" against it anyway was that lifespan and lifestyle changed and having kids young became a mostly bad decision but there wasn't the protection nowadays. Now there is the protection, but the taboo still remains, even though it's starting to crumble.
If your asking is too much emphasis placed on sex in a media/social meaning, YES. Simply because it has that taboo thats been around for a few hundred years it's become a big deal. If there had never been such a taboo, the "sex" argument would be more along the lines of "did you go to the store yesteraday?" in a casual life. Whether you had it, wanted to wait, or whatever, it would not be a big deal.
If your asking whether it's wrong to retain virginity or slow down in relationships, NO. It's mostly a personal choice, becuase if you really wanted to have sex you could, unless you were the ugliest person on earth and didn't have any money at all. I'm no catch, but if i wanted to get laid, i'd know where to go, what party to go to, how to get the attention, and therefore the lay. I don't really want to do that now, so i choose not to (recently).
Whatever raises your flag to salute is what works for you. Thats all that matters.
oh btw. There is also a difference between casual sex and making love, for those who will mention something relating to that.
I'm religious, 23, and still a virgin and proud of it. The media has created a hypersexual society, what once was private is now public and many people have a skewed and or perverted outlook on sexuality. I haven't even masturbated since I was 18. I went on a mission to teach religion and I taught abstinence before marraige by having two hershey's kisses in my pocket, one with a wrapper on and one without. And asked people which one they wanted, usually got the message across. So sex before marraige I believe is wrong, however after marraige it becomes a commandment. One of the leaders of my church has said that God gave us sex for more than just procreation, and that is to express deep emotions of love that with our partner we cannot express with words. Should sex be taboo? no. Does it bug me when I hear a guy talking about how many partners he's had? kind of. But still, I stick to my guns and I'm happy. Save yourself until you find a girl who you treat right and who treats you right then marry her and go at it like rabbits...
On September 01 2011 04:42 meatybacon wrote: I taught abstinence before marraige by having two hershey's kisses in my pocket, one with a wrapper on and one without. And asked people which one they wanted, usually got the message across.
"If you wanna make an omelette you have to break a few eggs."
I do enjoy meaningless and unrelated metaphors being used to prove a point.
On July 22 2011 11:41 UniversalSnip wrote: Can't knock it till you try it.
You know... so to speak.
Huh. Doesn't seem to stop the millions of judgemental people "knocking" "drugs" like marijuana when they haven't even tried it
Don't pretend to be stupid.
Weed smells fucking awful to non smokers, and people who smoke a lot of it are *typically* of a variety that don't bring much to the table in a public environment..
I'm now a somewhat regular(?) smoker (2-3 times per week) but having grown up never smoking it just smelt disgusting, and it would be unpleasant to walk past anyone who was smoking it.
Sex which has nothing to do with public space.. and drugs which cause kids to stink are quite different in nature.. and can't really be used as a 'point' the way you were trying to use it..
Not true at all. I dont smoke, and I love the smell of weed. If I could burn it as an in-since(dont know how to spell that) I would.
On September 01 2011 04:42 meatybacon wrote: I'm religious, 23, and still a virgin and proud of it. The media has created a hypersexual society, what once was private is now public and many people have a skewed and or perverted outlook on sexuality. I haven't even masturbated since I was 18. I went on a mission to teach religion and I taught abstinence before marraige by having two hershey's kisses in my pocket, one with a wrapper on and one without. And asked people which one they wanted, usually got the message across. So sex before marraige I believe is wrong, however after marraige it becomes a commandment. One of the leaders of my church has said that God gave us sex for more than just procreation, and that is to express deep emotions of love that with our partner we cannot express with words. Should sex be taboo? no. Does it bug me when I hear a guy talking about how many partners he's had? kind of. But still, I stick to my guns and I'm happy. Save yourself until you find a girl who you treat right and who treats you right then marry her and go at it like rabbits...
For me this is as bad as people sugesting having 1000 one night stand. I just hate when extremes try to pull in their views with no rational reason to do one way or the other.
There is more choice than only abstinence or whoring. There is a middle ground or rather the liberty of choice in this domain. In anyway @OP, don't be a sheep, sexuality is of the most private domain and therefore is your own choice to decide what you feel is best for both your body and your conscience.
Sex before marriage used to a bad thing in the past, but now things have changed. i wouldn't really blame it on the media or porn, its just the way things have moved on. Its good, just don't be an idiot. i don't like the way now we look down on people ages of 13-17 having sex, i say its because puberty is kicking in really early for people now due to high nutrition which they didn't have in the past, but they should be concerned about their safety (STI's ect). usually the ones talking about sex all the time and calling all other people a loser if they don't are virgins themselves (I hate those people the most :@).
Just have it when your ready Be safe P.S. I do not support 13-17 having kids, that's just stupid
On July 22 2011 11:49 Steel wrote: Sex is very intimate.
This. Sex is a very intimate act. However, a lot of people also confuse the idea of sex and intimacy. Sex ought to be a result of of intimacy. Sex is not a means to intimacy. Trying to use sex as a vehicle for intimacy actually tends to result in the opposite occurring. The relationship becomes less intimate and more about passion or physicality.
TL;DR Sex changes everything for better or worse and therefore IS a big deal and should be treated as one
False. This thread is full of generalizations and ignorance. Sex is what you make of it, that's it. Society does put this huge value on it, especially for men. It's like the more women you sleep with, the better a man you are, but this has nothing to do with the individual. Then you also get the gross double standard where women get criticized for sleeping with more people. Sex, other than for baby making, is really nothing except what you make of it.
On September 01 2011 04:42 meatybacon wrote: I'm religious, 23, and still a virgin and proud of it. The media has created a hypersexual society, what once was private is now public and many people have a skewed and or perverted outlook on sexuality. I haven't even masturbated since I was 18. I went on a mission to teach religion and I taught abstinence before marraige by having two hershey's kisses in my pocket, one with a wrapper on and one without. And asked people which one they wanted, usually got the message across. So sex before marraige I believe is wrong, however after marraige it becomes a commandment. One of the leaders of my church has said that God gave us sex for more than just procreation, and that is to express deep emotions of love that with our partner we cannot express with words. Should sex be taboo? no. Does it bug me when I hear a guy talking about how many partners he's had? kind of. But still, I stick to my guns and I'm happy. Save yourself until you find a girl who you treat right and who treats you right then marry her and go at it like rabbits...
lots of girls like virgins. virgins try harder i was told
i only speak to the OP.. for some people sex is intimitate. candles and shit- for some it is just killing time. for some it is a sport. you check the clock and beat your record (cmon guys.. dont act like you never check the watch while she was not looking). for some its to live out their fantasies.. some want to give birth to a child.. and so on.. people fuck for different reasons. society has no opinion on sex. because they cant have one because people fuck for different reason.. makes sense right?
i think it is overrated when you never did it... it´s like smoking weed. when you never did it you think of it like it is heroin or crack.
anyway.. whatever the reason for you to fuck is find someone that shares the same reason and get it on. it´s at least as much exciting as playing a real close game of starcraft you dont want to loose.. so worth a try, right? and if you can´t find someone....... paying for it may sound disgusting for wemon but if you can live with it, dont blame yourself, and if there is really no other way.. whatever the reasons are.. go for it so you can live in peace.. this may get me banned but going to the club to find some cheap girl you can bring back home just so you are not a virgin anymore is the same as going to a professional. seriously... anyway thats probably not the way you want to go when reading your OP.
anywho dont ever take it too much serious. sex is fun. keep this in mind when the time comes. its fun and if you can find someone who you can have fun with its really really great. you just got lucky. if you dont found this person yet, maybe being a virgin is not all that bad for you. just DONT pressure yourself man.. if the time comes it comes. no matter how.
thats what i would tell to a close friend so please everyone get off my back. thank you very much
I think people are silly to try to impose their values of sex onto the population at large. Sex is an act that has different meanings and different consequences for people. Those who see sex as a highly personal and intimate act to be cherished and saved get those kind of results because it's what they expect. It's how they approach sex.
On the other hand, others enjoy sex as an act of recreation bereft of the severe emotions and intimate connections that others project onto it simply because they are not approaching the act of sex with any of that emotional investment.
My experience with sex lies somewhere in between. I've had sex that was very emotional and intimate and it was a great experience that deepened the bonds already present between me and my partner. I've also had sex that was fairly casual and there were no serious feelings of romance or intimacy. It was done because it was fun. That was an enjoyable experience as well for completely different reasons. The best analogy I could make would be watching a very serious film and being stimulated emotionally and intellectually by it versus watching a comedy like "Superbad" or "The 40 Year Old Virgin". Both are enjoyable experiences for different reasons and with varying degrees of emotional significance.
The practical consequences or benefits of sex are open for debate I think. But the emotional role of sex is something deeply personal and subjective that can't really be argued at all. I think, in large part, sex is what you make it out to be. I got very tired and bored with casual sex and I've been celibate for about 8 months now. I'm in a new relationship and the romantic feelings are stronger than I've ever experienced but unfortunately we won't be meeting in person until late December. I imagine the sex will be among the best I've had, but I don't know anything yet. But considering my emotional approach I think that will be the case.
I wish that 40/40/20 spit were true. The guys who place sex and party ahead of school are dumb. We all should be thankful that they are that dumb. There will be way less competition later on. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." How do you make money without resorting to the way of Tony Montana? Be good at school.
You don't actually believe this, do you? Sounds like you're saying that going to a party and/or having sex makes you a bad student.
What? For a lot of the times it is true. Nobody is stupid enough to make blanket statement like if you go to party and have sex you must be a bad student. Stop taking things too literally.
Should getting the hottest women be the goal of your life? Probably not but I just laid out the plan for any guy who wants to get the hottest women they can. Sure what Tony Montana said might sound shallow but it is true. Who is banging Gisele Bunchen right now? Tom Brady.
Here's something I heard a taxi driver say the other day as we drove past a 19 year old chick filling up a brand new Mercedes: "Women love their animals. Every woman needs a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a donkey to pay all her bills."
With your shallow thinking, you should be careful not to become the ass in the above story .
You are a pretty dumb guy aren't you? You can only call the guy in the story a donkey when you assume that guy was looking for love in the girl, so that point is arguable. To take on a more cynical point of view: he could simply be paying for her. They are both getting what they want and there is nothing wrong with that.
Abraham had sex with women that were not his wife. This is just one example of how the bible does not follow what christians think it says (i'm christian, so dont say antyhing about atheist/anti-religion). The only reason why virginity is celebrated in modern cultures is from the Virgin Mary and other such stories. In islam, i believe it started because only a virgin was considered pure in body, and was treated differently in the ancient marriage customs.
All modern taboos about sex relating to religion are lies. Only a few, like adultery, are actually from christianity. Look through marriage ceremony even, there is no reference to virginity in such ceremonies. All the examples of sex that are looked down upon or retaliated by god are adultery or incest.
So dont give people the religious and virgin shite, they mean something completely different.
On the rest of your post (or half of it really) i'll just respectfuly disagree. I believe instead of hypersexuality occuring now, that it was hyposexuality for hundreds of years and we are just returning to that. Refer to my earlier post for the reason hyposexuality actually occured.
Pretty sure the real question is why would you give a shit what average dimwitted tools think about you and your sex life? As for "why is everything about sex" well have a look at this article I read a couple days ago it's from a chinese amateur powerlifter who's quite a nutjob in general but is very popular on the internet. Wouldn't say I agree with everything he brings up but it was an interesting read.
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
Only if you or your other puts an emphasis on it. If you both find it casual, then you can have sex one day and not know each other the next. It all depends on how much importance you place on it. The more important to you, the more life changing each change is.
Sex changes relationships. If you're having sex with a random there's no relationship is there?
Sex only changes relationships that care too much about it.
sex is a normal thing and like many others must be done with measure. Please guys, tell me you would want to eventually marry a girl who had around 50 boyfriends before you and had sex with them. Today's media is full of sex, but overdoing it is wrong. There are alot of violent movies, but after I watch them I don't go around killing every1. Girls looking at movies saying it's cool and om to be fucked by alot of guys deserve their whore status if they do that and do not think that information through.
@mindrush I would marry her, if we both loved each other. Though i'd make sure she didn't have any STDs before having sex with her. Hell, i'd marry a prostitute if i loved her enough as long as she was careful.
I just turned 19 this summer and went to Europe for vacation. While over there I lost my virginity to some Romanian prostitute who was a sweet girl, 21-years-old and hot as hell. The sex felt great physically, but after it was over it made me feel sort of empty. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that sex is always nice because it feels great when your doing it, but its not special unless your doing it with someone you love or care about. So until that time comes, don't care so much how bout how many girls you do it with, but rather with who you do it with.
Had sex from age 16-17 but I don't value it that much tbh. Sure, it's nice, but it's not like it's essential or whatever. So yeah sex is OP in society imo. I got some friends who are 21-22 and never had sex, because they are shit with women, not because they choose so. That doesn't make me think less about them or anything.
i'm still a virgin and i'm 27. i haven't had a girlfriend since i was about 14.
i don't have problems talking to people... i have many female friends around my age group, but i don't go the extra mile to get laid.
i even like flirting and groping (consensual) on a night out, but that's just my 'going out' face, in truth i don't particularly like the idea of a relationship and in my opinion one night stands are icky.
i think it's because i love myself too much. some people say "there's only so much wanking you can do", i disagree.
edit: by the way, i'm one of the least religious people on the planet. in my mind, i know with 100% certainty that there is no god, no heaven, no hell, no life after death etc.
On September 01 2011 07:58 GettingIt wrote: So I guess what I'm trying to say is that sex is always nice because it feels great when your doing it, but its not special unless your doing it with someone you love or care about.
Casual sex is ok and fun. If both of you (or all of you, never know if there's more than 2 involved) just think of it as a fun activity, and keep it that way, then there's nothing wrong with it. The downside in casual sex with someone who you don't know very well, or at all, is that the experience might not live up to your expectations. Since everyone has a personal taste in foreplay etc. having sex in a relationship gets better the more you get to know your loved one.
And there's no need to rush into having sex, or into a relationship to have sex. If it is to happen, it will.
On August 06 2011 05:50 Deadlyfish wrote: Imagine if nobody cared or had ever cared about sex. Nobody tried to dress up and act cool or go on dates etc. With all that free time we'd probably be exploring other galaxies now. The top priority would no longer be sex. I'd sure like to be exploring other galaxies and living in a star wars type world. Sex has been holding us back for way too long.
Sex might've been useful back in the old days but today it's holding us back for sure. Instead of focusing on things that actually matter we're driven by this annoying instinct to have sex.
I agree with this 100%, With spaceships we could bone women from other planets Captain Kirk style. You trying to tell me you don't want to hook up with one of those green slave girls? We need to keep our eyes on the prize here as a planet and focus so that we can start having sex with alien women.
On a serious note, I've got some advice for the people in this thread who are QQing in their sex life.
learning to meet girls is a skill just like anything else. Take SC2 for instance, if all you do is cannon rush every time, you might get a few quick wins in, but ultimately you're going to be predictable and lonely and nobody will respect you, you'll end up kind of like Combat Ex. On the inverse, if all you ever do is play out the long term macro style, waiting for only the safest choices, you're going to miss out on a lot of potential wins, and other people who think and react more quickly will end up eating your lunch. You need to read the situation and determine how to react properly at all times.
Then there's the third type you see here, they don't even play the game. They might have slow hands or minds, they might get nervous really easy and lose games they should have won, instead of focusing and improving their skills they panic and give up. They post a bunch of QQ about how it's the games fault, and circumstances are against them, when in fact they just needed to focus and develop themselves.
Winning, and girls have one thing in common, they are drawn to confidence. So just remember, no matter how much you think your hand sucks, there is a guy fatter, dumber, nerdier, and more obnoxious than you who has a hot girlfriend because he believes in himself.
This metaphor is fantastic. I nominate this for best post of the year!
On September 01 2011 09:07 Vei wrote: sex may be overrated, but bjs man...think of the bjs.
sex > bjs any day of the week, would much rather have a happy gf and a happy dick than just a happy dick. plus sex is muchhh easier to pull off for women, so there is the newbie factor..
I have a lot of friends that haven't participated in sex. It is not because they do not want too, or that they are religious in anyway. It is probably because the moment never came.
I do think society puts a lot of pressure on you to have sex before/during college. If you look at all the current tv shows, and or movies all they ever talk about is getting laid. Do I think it is OP? It depends on how you look at it. If you have sex and you constantly crave it, it has a negative effect on you but if you only have sex when you think the moment is right it has many benefits towards your relationship. When it comes to people still being virgins, I do not care at all. It doesn't change the person and it doesn't make look at them in a different way, because it is their lives not mine.
i think you shouldnt be worried about that issue, when it happens, you wont realize in the exact moment! make sure to have a condom in case you are on a party or have girlfriend. and by this i mean, dont make it an obsession cause you are gonna want it more! . just let it happen and search love, thats 100 times better gl hf!
On August 31 2011 18:50 Cel.erity wrote: In my opinion, being a virgin at 20 means two things:
1. Never been in a serious relationship.
2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls.
Of course, there's always the religious fanatic/asexual option, but we're not really talking about that considering the tone of the OP.
When someone tells me they're a virgin, my opinion of them as a person doesn't exactly change, but in basically all cases it's because they are antisocial or in some way strange. I have plenty of antisocial/strange friends. However, wanting sex is the most natural thing for human beings, so the only two options for a 20-year old virgin are that they don't want it (strange) or they can't get it (not strange, but unfortunate).
I think the OP's point is that most people assume virgins are all in the second category, and that is true, because most people can't imagine someone who doesn't care about sex. Therefore they assume you really want sex like they do, and call you a loser for not being able to get it. There is some merit to this point of view, since getting laid is pretty much the easiest thing in the world if you have any social skills.
Note, I don't think you need to troll clubs and sleep with 10 women a week to be cool, but having one or two committed relationships would also make you a non-virgin, and even more cool.
Not to meaning to use your post as the "class example", but you bring up various points that are good to explore.
For example, look at your second point: "2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls." What if you did not desire to hook up with friends or random girls? In fact hooking up with random people seems downright stupid to me (keyword being "me"). You should look at this point from the opposite perspective; not desiring to hook up with random people.
That is not what I said. I said being a virgin at 20 means TWO things, and you are using only one of my two points. The other point is that they have not yet been in a committed relationship, which in itself is strange for a 20-year old, but I guess understandable if they're the type of person who likes to sleep around a lot (I'm not).
Another point you make is that people who do not desire to have sex with random people are strange...
Nowhere did I make this point. If that's true, then I guess I am also strange.
You say that getting laid is the easiest thing in the world if you have social skills. It's generalizations such as this that allow societal preconceptions to continue. Sure, sex is easy to get, it just depends on the girl. For example there is a girl at my work who is unmarried, has a 6 year old at home, has another girl due in three months, and has already told me she would be trying harder to fuck me if she were younger, oh and she also said that the fact I'm not black is made up for by the fact I'm "cute". Is sex difficult to get? No I could honestly walk out my door and have it within ten minutes by going to any social scene and pretending to care about a girl for an hour.
To sum up my post I would have to say that sex has a lot to do with maturity. If you are 16-24 and think that virgins are probably losers, you need to grow up a little more because you will reach a point where you realize sex is easy and relatively boring unless you are with the person you care about.
I'm glad you seem to have completely and selectively ignored half of my two conditions, especially when it is restated in the very last sentence of my post. So you want to have sex with someone you care about? Good, find someone you care about then. It's not difficult, again, for anyone with good social skills, to find a girlfriend, have sex and be happy. It's sad but true that most people in their 20s who say "I'm waiting for the right girl" or "I'm just not interested in many girls" or whatever are simply not good with women and can't hold a girlfriend. They want happiness, they just can't get it. In my opinion, being bad with women does not make someone a "loser", that's a totally separate judgment. But it is what it is.
sex is overrated, I've had it and it was decent to amazing, but honestly a good LAN party or SC2 stream beats some of the sex I've had..err, not speaking to my abilities in bed or anything, but just saying.
By the way, different argument, but possibly related to the OP. A lot of people in this thread have mentioned that they're choosing to wait, for religious reasons or otherwise. I think that is a terrible idea. If you marry your first, you will always wonder what sex is like with someone else, and so will they. This temptation makes it more likely that virgin newlyweds will cheat and get divorced (statistics back this up although I am only speculating about the cause) compared to non-religious and more experienced couples.
It's really good to have a lot of experience and know what you want sexually, before committing to a partner. There's nothing worse than realizing you and your partner are not compatible sexually.
sex can be fun, or not so fun drugs can be fun, or not so fun sc2 can be fun, or not so fun
some people live their lives without playing SC some people live their lives without doing drugs some people live their lives without having sex
I've had a good time with all 3 at least one time in my life and would recommend them in general but personally i agree that the pressure to have sex is kind of silly in our society, just like how i feel the prohibition of most drugs in our society is kind of silly and how the stigma attached to gaming is silly
On September 01 2011 06:35 darklight54321 wrote: On the religion argument.
Abraham had sex with women that were not his wife. This is just one example of how the bible does not follow what christians think it says (i'm christian, so dont say antyhing about atheist/anti-religion). The only reason why virginity is celebrated in modern cultures is from the Virgin Mary and other such stories. In islam, i believe it started because only a virgin was considered pure in body, and was treated differently in the ancient marriage customs.
All modern taboos about sex relating to religion are lies. Only a few, like adultery, are actually from christianity. Look through marriage ceremony even, there is no reference to virginity in such ceremonies. All the examples of sex that are looked down upon or retaliated by god are adultery or incest.
So dont give people the religious and virgin shite, they mean something completely different.
On the rest of your post (or half of it really) i'll just respectfuly disagree. I believe instead of hypersexuality occuring now, that it was hyposexuality for hundreds of years and we are just returning to that. Refer to my earlier post for the reason hyposexuality actually occured.
On the counter to your statement about religion I googled it and found this
""If a man finds a girl who is a virgin, who is not engaged, and seizes her and lies with her and they are discovered, (Deuteronomy 22:28) then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall become his wife because he has violated her; he cannot divorce her all his days. (Deuteronomy 22:29)"
So in the Old Testament part of the Bible there was clearly a law regards to premarital sex.
Also, I found this quote "The Bible undeniably condemns adultery and sexual immorality, but is sex before marriage considered sexually immoral? According to 1 Corinthians 7:2, “yes” is the clear answer: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” In this verse, Paul states that marriage is the “cure” for sexual immorality. First Corinthians 7:2 is essentially saying that, because people cannot control themselves and so many are having immoral sex outside of marriage, people should get married. Then they can fulfill their passions in a moral way."
Also, Abraham existed before the creation of the the written law used by the Israelites. How can he break a law when neither the religion nor the law existed yet?
On September 01 2011 08:17 shizna wrote: i'm still a virgin and i'm 27. i haven't had a girlfriend since i was about 14.
i don't have problems talking to people... i have many female friends around my age group, but i don't go the extra mile to get laid.
i even like flirting and groping (consensual) on a night out, but that's just my 'going out' face, in truth i don't particularly like the idea of a relationship and in my opinion one night stands are icky.
i think it's because i love myself too much. some people say "there's only so much wanking you can do", i disagree.
edit: by the way, i'm one of the least religious people on the planet. in my mind, i know with 100% certainty that there is no god, no heaven, no hell, no life after death etc.
Meaningless sex is meaningless if you want meaning in the act of sex. However, I can't.... I guess understand why you don't value a relationship. I love myself a lot too but I also love the feeling of having my girlfriend around to talk to, hang out, etc. It's not even about the sex, but the feeling trumps wanking it imo
A relationship is nothing more than a half-assed commitment anyway. What differs between a relationship and a friendship for you? Sex is the factor I'm assuming?
[I'm not hating by any means. I was just a bit curious since you're 27 and it seems like a choice at this point rather than just not getting some for you.]
Sex now a days has a lesser meaning to it and has been misused to the point where you'll end up having a baby when you arent even aware of it.
Thats when its kinda of messed up. People don't even respect themselves so they just shove their dicks anywhere without being cautious. With that being said I don't mistreat anyone who has sex with random people 24/7.
And to answer OPs question yes it is overrated because those people laughing at you arent close to being special.
The truth is that the media today is ALL ABOUT SEX. 80%-90% of the time, all the shows that are for older teens and young adult they intentionally throw some arousing stuff to stimulate your brain. Now dealing with that 24/7 you might as well get horny and have sex. If that doesn't work THEN you get peer pressured by a bunch of guys who aren't virgins telling you should get laid because its COOL EVERYONE IS DOING IT.
So don't be bothered by them. Sex is beautiful and great when done right and when done intimately. I suggest you find the right one and hopefully it works out.
On August 06 2011 05:50 Deadlyfish wrote: Imagine if nobody cared or had ever cared about sex. Nobody tried to dress up and act cool or go on dates etc. With all that free time we'd probably be exploring other galaxies now. The top priority would no longer be sex. I'd sure like to be exploring other galaxies and living in a star wars type world. Sex has been holding us back for way too long.
Sex might've been useful back in the old days but today it's holding us back for sure. Instead of focusing on things that actually matter we're driven by this annoying instinct to have sex.
I agree with this 100%, With spaceships we could bone women from other planets Captain Kirk style. You trying to tell me you don't want to hook up with one of those green slave girls? We need to keep our eyes on the prize here as a planet and focus so that we can start having sex with alien women.
On a serious note, I've got some advice for the people in this thread who are QQing in their sex life.
learning to meet girls is a skill just like anything else. Take SC2 for instance, if all you do is cannon rush every time, you might get a few quick wins in, but ultimately you're going to be predictable and lonely and nobody will respect you, you'll end up kind of like Combat Ex. On the inverse, if all you ever do is play out the long term macro style, waiting for only the safest choices, you're going to miss out on a lot of potential wins, and other people who think and react more quickly will end up eating your lunch. You need to read the situation and determine how to react properly at all times.
Then there's the third type you see here, they don't even play the game. They might have slow hands or minds, they might get nervous really easy and lose games they should have won, instead of focusing and improving their skills they panic and give up. They post a bunch of QQ about how it's the games fault, and circumstances are against them, when in fact they just needed to focus and develop themselves.
Winning, and girls have one thing in common, they are drawn to confidence. So just remember, no matter how much you think your hand sucks, there is a guy fatter, dumber, nerdier, and more obnoxious than you who has a hot girlfriend because he believes in himself.
This metaphor is fantastic. I nominate this for best post of the year!
On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote: 26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
It just seems to me that, though as you say sex isn't the foundation of your relationship, not-sex is a bigger part of your relationship than sex is in most other. By taking such a strong stance on the matter you are automatically saying that it is indeed a huge deal, otherwise why abstain from it?
I'm not really convinced it's a good way to go about it, sexual compatability is as much part of a relationship (to most people at least) as anything. But I guess when religious people have been telling everyone how pre-maritial sex is bad for 1500 years some people are gonna listen to them.
On August 31 2011 21:50 blAke139 wrote: I don't think sex is overrated. I'm sorry, but it's just one of the greatest things that exist opinion. Not only because it's needed to create new human life, but because it's just a shitload of fun opinion based on personal experience. Neither of the two assertions propped up actually imply that sex is 'one of the greatest things that exist'.
It's in our instincts to "want sex". If you don't want it, that means your instincts are broken (that's a joke, actually) because of society. We are meant to have sex, we were "designed" to reproduce (that's serious though).
We were not meant for anything. Every person is souveran and can decide for him or herself what he chooses to value and participate in. Moreover the argument that simply because our brains are hardwired for any kind of tendency we should engage in said activity is really poor. We are also hardwired to be hostile against people outside of our tribe. imagine everyone engaging in that.
But ALL of that does not mean that you're weird if you don't want sex yet making an assumption that at some point such a state will be reached. Even if it's sounds like it. Society made sex to something fun and cool (which it both is), if you don't want it just for that, that's totally fine. You don't even have to like it. But at some point in life, every single one of us will start desiring sex baseless claim. Not because we wanna be cool too, just because our instincts tell us. All of that also applies to women, actually.
Fortunately, we don't need a club (you know, cudgel, mace, whatever) anymore to force women into having sex contradicts your own 'tendency is hardwired = do it faggot' argument from before. Ironically, we can go to clubs to make it easier though.
If this was an essay, you would have got an F.
I believe he was referring my point of it being "hardwired" into us. That being said I feel the need to address that.
I'd like to point out that I never said that we should follow any hardwired tendency (though some are there obviously for good reasons). I just said that they were the reasons why it is such a big part of everyone's lives and that it was OP in society. I certainly never made an argument that because it's hardwired and that if you don't do it you're a faggot. If you want to debate something, then you should read what I posted, and comment on that. I'd be glad to talk to you about the merits of that. However if you are going to read what you want out of my post, try to make it look like I have no idea what I'm talking about, and make back handed remarks, then I will call you an idiot.
On September 01 2011 08:17 shizna wrote: i'm still a virgin and i'm 27. i haven't had a girlfriend since i was about 14.
i don't have problems talking to people... i have many female friends around my age group, but i don't go the extra mile to get laid.
i even like flirting and groping (consensual) on a night out, but that's just my 'going out' face, in truth i don't particularly like the idea of a relationship and in my opinion one night stands are icky.
i think it's because i love myself too much. some people say "there's only so much wanking you can do", i disagree.
edit: by the way, i'm one of the least religious people on the planet. in my mind, i know with 100% certainty that there is no god, no heaven, no hell, no life after death etc.
Meaningless sex is meaningless if you want meaning in the act of sex. However, I can't.... I guess understand why you don't value a relationship. I love myself a lot too but I also love the feeling of having my girlfriend around to talk to, hang out, etc. It's not even about the sex, but the feeling trumps wanking it imo
A relationship is nothing more than a half-assed commitment anyway. What differs between a relationship and a friendship for you? Sex is the factor I'm assuming?
[I'm not hating by any means. I was just a bit curious since you're 27 and it seems like a choice at this point rather than just not getting some for you.]
it's my weird personality. in order to feel happy, i need to make sure that the people around me are happy. which means giving and not necessarily receiving.
because of that, what exactly do i gain from a relationship? it consumes energy, time and money... i could skip the whole thing and be just as happy anyway.
if i was fussed about 'popping the cherry' i would become a gigolo.
i work in construction, and even there noone really gives a damn about sex until a tight ass or chest walks by.
On September 01 2011 08:17 shizna wrote: i'm still a virgin and i'm 27. i haven't had a girlfriend since i was about 14.
i don't have problems talking to people... i have many female friends around my age group, but i don't go the extra mile to get laid.
i even like flirting and groping (consensual) on a night out, but that's just my 'going out' face, in truth i don't particularly like the idea of a relationship and in my opinion one night stands are icky.
i think it's because i love myself too much. some people say "there's only so much wanking you can do", i disagree.
edit: by the way, i'm one of the least religious people on the planet. in my mind, i know with 100% certainty that there is no god, no heaven, no hell, no life after death etc.
Meaningless sex is meaningless if you want meaning in the act of sex. However, I can't.... I guess understand why you don't value a relationship. I love myself a lot too but I also love the feeling of having my girlfriend around to talk to, hang out, etc. It's not even about the sex, but the feeling trumps wanking it imo
A relationship is nothing more than a half-assed commitment anyway. What differs between a relationship and a friendship for you? Sex is the factor I'm assuming?
[I'm not hating by any means. I was just a bit curious since you're 27 and it seems like a choice at this point rather than just not getting some for you.]
it's my weird personality. in order to feel happy, i need to make sure that the people around me are happy. which means giving and not necessarily receiving.
because of that, what exactly do i gain from a relationship? it consumes energy, time and money... i could skip the whole thing and be just as happy anyway.
if i was fussed about 'popping the cherry' i would become a gigolo.
i work in construction, and even there noone really gives a damn about sex until a tight ass or chest walks by.
I feel the same way about relationships bro. I really couldn't give a fuck. I don't wanna spend time and energy worrying about a commitment. I much prefer "fun" relationships where the girl knows it's all fun and noncommital... nothing serious
Also I'm exactly the same in that everyone around me has to be happy for me to be happy :D. Seems rare to find people that are like that.
I am 28 and never had sex, even though I've been in love a couple of times and certainly am not immune to a beautiful girl. But I actually am a religious person (Catholic) and such are my values. This isn't going to change, obviously, with the exception of getting married, which I'd very much love to do if I were to meet the right person, and I'm sure I'd enjoy every part of it. Otherwise I'd rather at least be unhappily single than unhappily married. I would say you're doing well if you don't just go and lose your "virginity" (strictly speaking "virgin" is a feminine word) for the sake of it, which is among the dumbest reasons of all. I wish you a very fulfilling, normal, rewarding family life with a caring and faithful wife.
Sex is overrated, it is generally a marketing tool these days. In a certain sense advertisers want us to dig it because then they don't have to be creative or anything, it's enough to supply some sexual stimulus and the product will be selling. The same goes for the film industry. I'm probably exaggerating a bit but still not far from how it is, I guess. And frankly, as much as I love looking at attractive girls, I wish more dignified outfits were the norm, in which case you could just talk like normal human beings and appreciate each other's personality instead of bedroom value.
For the record, I'm not a guy who "couldn't get it". I've had it offered to me and refused. I'm not saying this to show off but to show an example that this is viable.
On September 01 2011 08:17 shizna wrote: i'm still a virgin and i'm 27. i haven't had a girlfriend since i was about 14.
i don't have problems talking to people... i have many female friends around my age group, but i don't go the extra mile to get laid.
i even like flirting and groping (consensual) on a night out, but that's just my 'going out' face, in truth i don't particularly like the idea of a relationship and in my opinion one night stands are icky.
i think it's because i love myself too much. some people say "there's only so much wanking you can do", i disagree.
edit: by the way, i'm one of the least religious people on the planet. in my mind, i know with 100% certainty that there is no god, no heaven, no hell, no life after death etc.
Meaningless sex is meaningless if you want meaning in the act of sex. However, I can't.... I guess understand why you don't value a relationship. I love myself a lot too but I also love the feeling of having my girlfriend around to talk to, hang out, etc. It's not even about the sex, but the feeling trumps wanking it imo
A relationship is nothing more than a half-assed commitment anyway. What differs between a relationship and a friendship for you? Sex is the factor I'm assuming?
[I'm not hating by any means. I was just a bit curious since you're 27 and it seems like a choice at this point rather than just not getting some for you.]
it's my weird personality. in order to feel happy, i need to make sure that the people around me are happy. which means giving and not necessarily receiving.
because of that, what exactly do i gain from a relationship? it consumes energy, time and money... i could skip the whole thing and be just as happy anyway.
if i was fussed about 'popping the cherry' i would become a gigolo.
i work in construction, and even there noone really gives a damn about sex until a tight ass or chest walks by.
I feel the same way about relationships bro. I really couldn't give a fuck. I don't wanna spend time and energy worrying about a commitment. I much prefer "fun" relationships where the girl knows it's all fun and noncommital... nothing serious
Also I'm exactly the same in that everyone around me has to be happy for me to be happy :D. Seems rare to find people that are like that.
I'm confused. Is it impossible to have a committed relationship while being fun at the same time?
I dunno, the relationship I have with my wife is the most fun one I've had. This isn't coming from some emasculated husband either or something, it's just that being committed shouldn't really take much energy or time through a combination of you actually wanting to be with them and being compatible.
I had my whole party phase with one night stands and I didn't find it that great. Even the whole "fun short" relationships got old fast.
The most confusing part of this though is the statement where you need to make other people happy to feel happy...as if this concept is no longer possible once you're in a relationship? Does making your partner happy count for nothing?
I see this thread pop up a lot and have read the topic starter, but I was wondering if someone could explain what OP is supposed to stand for in the title.
Damnit, I knew there'd already be a million comments before I got to say anything.
Dude it's only a big deal when you HAVEN'T had it, the mystery, curiosity, pressure etc makes it so frustrating. Once you finally have sex it kind of becomes more of a normal routine thing in your life.
You no longer feel so out of place in sex conversations etc, its up to you how you want to let being a virgin affect you. I didn't lose it for a long time myself, I always covered it up and acted real casual about it because I felt embarassed, everyone assumed I got it just like anyone else though.
Once I finally broke the V-card it was like oh ok cool, no biggie.
On September 07 2011 08:56 Zeller wrote: Damnit, I knew there'd already be a million comments before I got to say anything.
Dude it's only a big deal when you HAVEN'T had it, the mystery, curiosity, pressure etc makes it so frustrating. Once you finally have sex it kind of becomes more of a normal routine thing in your life.
You no longer feel so out of place in sex conversations etc, its up to you how you want to let being a virgin affect you. I didn't lose it for a long time myself, I always covered it up and acted real casual about it because I felt embarassed, everyone assumed I got it just like anyone else though.
Once I finally broke the V-card it was like oh ok cool, no biggie.
That's not how I was. Maybe u had bad sex. After I broke the "V-card" I wanted sex 24/7.
On September 07 2011 08:56 Zeller wrote: Damnit, I knew there'd already be a million comments before I got to say anything.
Dude it's only a big deal when you HAVEN'T had it, the mystery, curiosity, pressure etc makes it so frustrating. Once you finally have sex it kind of becomes more of a normal routine thing in your life.
You no longer feel so out of place in sex conversations etc, its up to you how you want to let being a virgin affect you. I didn't lose it for a long time myself, I always covered it up and acted real casual about it because I felt embarassed, everyone assumed I got it just like anyone else though.
Once I finally broke the V-card it was like oh ok cool, no biggie.
That's not how I was. Maybe u had bad sex. After I broke the "V-card" I wanted sex 24/7.
I definitely wanted it more, but it wasn't like some mind blowing experience. I was like ok cool I'm part of the club now, hopefully I can make that happen again.
I guess what I'm getting at is all the build up before it is WAY bigger in your mind then when you finally get it.
Probably because you feel cool and confident as shit at the end haha
On September 07 2011 08:56 Zeller wrote: Damnit, I knew there'd already be a million comments before I got to say anything.
Dude it's only a big deal when you HAVEN'T had it, the mystery, curiosity, pressure etc makes it so frustrating. Once you finally have sex it kind of becomes more of a normal routine thing in your life.
You no longer feel so out of place in sex conversations etc, its up to you how you want to let being a virgin affect you. I didn't lose it for a long time myself, I always covered it up and acted real casual about it because I felt embarassed, everyone assumed I got it just like anyone else though.
Once I finally broke the V-card it was like oh ok cool, no biggie.
That's not how I was. Maybe u had bad sex. After I broke the "V-card" I wanted sex 24/7.
I don't think he means that he didn't want sex often, just that it was no longer stressful thinking about it. A lot of people have "performance anxiety" too. I remember the first few times I had sex it was pretty awkward, but that's just like a learning curve, you figure it out.
But for me it never just becomes "a part of my routine." After you initially get used to having sex, as a male you'll probably try to figure out how to improve. It can be difficult to get a girl to orgasm, depending on how experienced she is, or to orgasm multiple times, if she's capable. Then I know some guys who do pelvic floor exercises so that they can have multiple orgasms as well.
I guess it's like SC2 in a way, you can always be a little bit better
On September 07 2011 08:51 BisuDagger wrote: I see this thread pop up a lot and have read the topic starter, but I was wondering if someone could explain what OP is supposed to stand for in the title.
Sex isnt op in society, its op IN OUR BRAINS. Many studies of the human brain show the power of sex on many actions we make not only on an everyday basis but as an entire life plan.
On September 07 2011 09:13 NaEjeOn88 wrote: Sex isnt op in society, its op IN OUR BRAINS. Many studies of the human brain show the power of sex on many actions we make not only on an everyday basis but as an entire life plan.
I agree, but I don't even think its OP. Without sex you don't have kids and without kids you have extinction. Its as powerful as it should be, given the obvious. I think we forget that people are literally animals and it has implications lol. We can't decide not to care about sex
I don't really buy into the whole "sex is the best ever" ideal. Although it is necessary for reproduction, for people in their 20s sex has largely turned into a game, especially in college. Seen as a prestige activity in men and a tool for women, it is most common among the mindless because it is cheap and easy. Does it feel great, undoubtedly (for men, sometimes women). Does it kill time, yes. Does it put you to sleep, sometimes. Does it make you a loser to not do it, no; however if you spend your time doing other things of questionable value then the loser tag when applied may not be because of the V card you carry.
Lol man, its not a big deal, i mean, I live in brazil and here if you tell that history for some one, you ll for sure get fackd up, ppl ll think that you ar a loser, ugly and fat and bla bla.
The true is: Some times you have other's thing's to worry, sex is great? yes, its! I do need sex to live? I dont think so ... Anyway I enjoy it and hope you can enjoy it soon xD
i always remember the sign my friends dad had @ his house
Sex is like air You don't care about it till your not getting any
(or something like that)
Honestly this thread title is misleading as sex in society is complex and thats if you assume virgins don't exsist
On a side note your not a loser first poster, if it your friends then they don't really care or are not your friends, if its not your friends then who cares what they think
Sex is awesome, and if you aren't getting any, you are missing out.
Not just on they physicality of it either, but being so intimate with another person is simply a whole 'nother world. So much of a different world, they you can't conceive of it while you are a virgin.
I don't know if this is weird or not for any of you but I can get a girlfriend really fast (using pick ups or just talk to a girl in a school) but I am not really after her "assets". Although the girls are attractive but I only like the "getting to know each other part" but not so much on the sexual tension. I really want to do the latter one (and so does the girl) but I just don't have to urges to get myself up "there". I know that TL.net is filled with mostly men, wondering if any of you guys felt this before(now?!?!?).
On September 07 2011 07:57 NewbieOne wrote: I am 28 and never had sex, even though I've been in love a couple of times and certainly am not immune to a beautiful girl. But I actually am a religious person (Catholic) and such are my values. This isn't going to change, obviously, with the exception of getting married, which I'd very much love to do if I were to meet the right person, and I'm sure I'd enjoy every part of it. Otherwise I'd rather at least be unhappily single than unhappily married. I would say you're doing well if you don't just go and lose your "virginity" (strictly speaking "virgin" is a feminine word) for the sake of it, which is among the dumbest reasons of all. I wish you a very fulfilling, normal, rewarding family life with a caring and faithful wife.
Sex is overrated, it is generally a marketing tool these days. In a certain sense advertisers want us to dig it because then they don't have to be creative or anything, it's enough to supply some sexual stimulus and the product will be selling. The same goes for the film industry. I'm probably exaggerating a bit but still not far from how it is, I guess. And frankly, as much as I love looking at attractive girls, I wish more dignified outfits were the norm, in which case you could just talk like normal human beings and appreciate each other's personality instead of bedroom value.
For the record, I'm not a guy who "couldn't get it". I've had it offered to me and refused. I'm not saying this to show off but to show an example that this is viable.
Yeah but if you're dumb enough to be a Catholic and follow a dirty old man like the Pope why would anyone value your judgment on sex?
On September 07 2011 09:13 NaEjeOn88 wrote: Sex isnt op in society, its op IN OUR BRAINS. Many studies of the human brain show the power of sex on many actions we make not only on an everyday basis but as an entire life plan.
I agree, but I don't even think its OP. Without sex you don't have kids and without kids you have extinction. Its as powerful as it should be, given the obvious. I think we forget that people are literally animals and it has implications lol. We can't decide not to care about sex
Yes i strongly agree, sex is there to remind us how much of animals we really are. Usuaully people dont understand or recognize how much of animals we really are. It can amaze a person as to how many things we choose to do in life which actually is because of sex and survival instincts. Humans are what is known as the "selfish gene". This is a very good book which displays the reality of the human psyche. ( http://www.amazon.com/Selfish-Gene-Anniversary----Introduction/dp/0199291152/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315360725&sr=1-1)
We are naturally selfish animals and we cannot not be selfish because it is the way we are made. When someone tells another "your not having sex? damn your lame". They are subconsciously being controlled by their animalistic brain to say these things SELFISHLY and SUBCONSCIOUSLY thinking about the human races survival as a whole, for the future and presence of the human race. If you ask them why they think its cool to have sex they will just say cuase it feels good it pleasures the mind. The mind is built to feel pleasure everytime it has an increase in survival. When you eat food it feels good, when you work out and heal it feels good etc. The human body is control of how we are who we are in ways we dont understand. Some people will say sex is just "the cool thing", not being able to understand the true reasons besides the fact that everyones doing it.
Btw I reccommend reading that book. Knowing reality behind these forces can change your life
On September 07 2011 07:57 NewbieOne wrote: I am 28 and never had sex, even though I've been in love a couple of times and certainly am not immune to a beautiful girl. But I actually am a religious person (Catholic) and such are my values. This isn't going to change, obviously, with the exception of getting married, which I'd very much love to do if I were to meet the right person, and I'm sure I'd enjoy every part of it. Otherwise I'd rather at least be unhappily single than unhappily married. I would say you're doing well if you don't just go and lose your "virginity" (strictly speaking "virgin" is a feminine word) for the sake of it, which is among the dumbest reasons of all. I wish you a very fulfilling, normal, rewarding family life with a caring and faithful wife.
Sex is overrated, it is generally a marketing tool these days. In a certain sense advertisers want us to dig it because then they don't have to be creative or anything, it's enough to supply some sexual stimulus and the product will be selling. The same goes for the film industry. I'm probably exaggerating a bit but still not far from how it is, I guess. And frankly, as much as I love looking at attractive girls, I wish more dignified outfits were the norm, in which case you could just talk like normal human beings and appreciate each other's personality instead of bedroom value.
For the record, I'm not a guy who "couldn't get it". I've had it offered to me and refused. I'm not saying this to show off but to show an example that this is viable.
Yeah but if you're dumb enough to be a Catholic and follow a dirty old man like the Pope why would anyone value your judgment on sex?
If you're dumb enough to enjoy slinging mud why would anybody value your judgement on a religion?
this made me laugh for some reason, no idea why. OP I feel like if you don't have sex with someone you like the first time you'll feel like a douche, so don't lose it on some random slut. Get a pretty girl, court her, then do her, and you're good to go.
Yeah I agree. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20 in Korea. The girl stopped me because she said I should be having sex with someone I really care about for the first time. (AKA FAIL) I remember I was "ALMOST" about to lose my virginity to this really hot Korean chick with nice T&A and then I got all nervous and told her "I'm new to this" because I was trying to stick it in the Ulralisk Den but I kept missing the hole. I'm not ashamed to admit how nervous I was the first time I did it. Now I'm 24 and sex to me is like breathing air or walking.
On September 01 2011 13:04 Diizzy wrote: get a girlfriend. then its almost impossible to not have sex.
That's not exactly true. It depends on the girl...
My 2nd GF was a nymph, she wanted sex at least twice a day every day. My current GF never wants sex. I have to ask her and even then it's rare because she'll make excuses or say she doesn't feel like it. (Took over 2 months to do it the first time together)
The last time we did it though... it was GLORIOUS. hahaha you know it's good when you can't hold it in and you're trying to tell her to slow down, but it's too late. That kind of good
I remember though one time my EX gf had me in happy tears because it was so good. *good times good times*
True story: Once I had the Terran Brood War theme song playing in my head the whole time I was having sex with my EX Korean girlfriend that introduced me to Starcraft. It was pretty awkward because I couldn't get the song out of my head.
Also I remember the 2nd time I had sex ever I was pretty bored for some reason... I just stared at the wall as it went on *shrugs* I guess it just depends on the situation and person.
On September 07 2011 18:07 Silentness wrote: I was trying to stick it in the Ulralisk Den but I kept missing
]Once I had the Terran Brood War theme song playing in my head the whole time I was having sex with my EX Korean girlfriend that introduced me to Starcraft. It was pretty awkward because I couldn't get the song out of my head.
In my opinion, sex is more of a beneficial aspect of a relationship than anything else, so it would be meaningless if it's not with someone you really care about. I know this from experience, having been with 3 women and only actually having a meaningful relationship with two of them.
First there was my high school girlfriend that I dated from the end of 10th grade until the end of my freshman year of college (we ended up splitting up since we went to different colleges across the US, and it was too hard to make it work after that long). After that I was extremely depressed so that summer I took up drinking and SC2 (lol) Then early in my sophomore year at college, I got really drunk and me and one of my semi-close girl friends ended up making out. And since I was pretty depressed and stuff I really just didn't care about her and I went on to fooling around with her on a regular basis over the next few months. She was a pretty cool person, but I still wasn't ready for another relationship (and she was extremely religious, while I am an adamant atheist). So after trying to have a relationship with her and it failed miserably, I just focused on school and SC2 for a while. Then late spring semester sophomore year I started dating the girl I'm currently with now, and we probably have sex on average once every two days or so, which is great because we really care for each other, etc..
Basically, the bottom line is: Sex with people you don't truly care about leaves you feeling empty, while it is amazing between two people who love each other.
Don't feel like you should have to have sex because society wants you to or because you're in your 20s and still a virgin. That doesn't matter at all, and you should just wait until you find someone you really care about.
On September 08 2011 01:35 MaFFGeeK wrote: Basically, the bottom line is: Sex with people you don't truly care about leaves you feeling empty, while it is amazing between two people who love each other.
This has more to do with a persons mentality. You obviously are more relationship minded and actively seek them out as evidenced by the second girl you used as a rebound.
You get out of sex what you put into it. Don't go having casual sex expecting romantic fulfillment you would get from an actual relationship because you set yourself up to be emotionally let down.
On September 08 2011 01:35 MaFFGeeK wrote: Basically, the bottom line is: Sex with people you don't truly care about leaves you feeling empty, while it is amazing between two people who love each other.
This has more to do with a persons mentality. You obviously are more relationship minded and actively seek them out as evidenced by the second girl you used as a rebound.
You get out of sex what you put into it. Don't go having casual sex expecting romantic fulfillment you would get from an actual relationship because you set yourself up to be emotionally let down.
This man knows his stuff. This actually solved the problem I am having. I am looking at things differently while the peers wants me to do something else so I could act "cool" and not a "loser". In the end, its really adapt or stick to what you want. If YOU don't want to do a certain act, they really can't force can't they? lol
I don't know my stuff I just know from experience.
Casual sex is fun and shouldn't be looked at as more than that. Fun between two people. If you say it's meaningless it's because you expected something more from something that never could have provided what you expected in the first place.
Meaningful romantic sex is satisfying different desires.
It's all in what you are after. Get your priorities straight, stay true to what you really want, and it's all good.
EPT
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No it's just an experience, and the enjoyable experience of driving my car today isn't lessened any by having other cars in the past.
You don't even know your body yet, much less hers when you first start having sex, and unless you're some kind of prodigy, you're definitely going to have a better time the further you get. 
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