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On March 22 2012 17:17 Rekrul wrote:
she is obviously ashamed at what shes doing but can't help herself because she likes u and her ex/bf/woteva is not good enough for her but is all she has/she still has lingering feelings for him
its not very nice how you're torturing her continuing to meet her without making a move or taking control
i dont think the way she's acting reflects her being 'trouble' necessarily, shes just stuck in a bad relationship and wants out
whatever u do, take action asap: either tell her ur done talking to her or make a move and go for her. doing the silly dance is just going to end up wasting both or ur time.
edit: and yes it is possible shes some super insecure psycho-path and is just jerking u around for fun, but that doesn't seem to be the case here
I think you're right, Rek. I've been the one pussyfooting around and not really making a move. The more I look at it the more I'm like this girl's been doing everything possible to put herself out there for me to do something and I just haven't.
We're going to a theme park tomorrow. I'll make a move then and report back to TL!
P.S. Yes, the whole going behind the bf's back thing is a lil funky. But my philosophy on dating is that it's just an interview process, not a real commitment. Only marriage, and especially kids, make it official. Before that, all bets are off. Not that I think continuous cheating is good. But I don't see anything wrong with looking around for what's out there while still seeing someone.
Plus she's really cute :\.
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rekrul, international matchmaker extraordinaire.
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Calgary25997 Posts
I'm always hesitant to get involved with a girl that is willing to cheat. "Cheaters always cheat" is one of those dummy sayings but tends to be true. If you make a move and she's willing to go all the way, that's great but I wouldn't get too serious with this girl. If she addresses the fact that she has a boyfriend wants to make it right (1 in a million shot) then she's a ____ girl. I'm struggling with an adjective for _____. Good girl? Proper girl? "Right" girl. FML. I no English.
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I don't get why making a move has to mean making a move that causes cheating. Why can't you just be upfront with your feelings and talk to her first and get her to break up with her bf if she actually wants you? Clearly, you haven't even told her how you feel, let alone made a move. So why not start there instead of starting a relationship that starts with cheating? I agree basically with the fact that if she's cheating on her bf now, that's not a good sign for the future.
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Chill: Yeah, I've heard this wisdom repeated a lot, but I'm not sure if I'm totally convinced. I cheated before in relationships but it was when I was young and trying to prove a point and then I settled into a monogamous for 5 yrs so I don't think it's impossible to reform or is even that hard to do so.
I'm going to try for your last suggestion and address the fact she has a bf and see if she's willing to break it off cleanly to start up something with me. If not, then I'm out. And lol, yeah I guess proper or wholesome? would be the word. Ethical? haha I dno, the whole dating/relationships/monogamy thing is such a tangled mess of morals imo.
SkysLa: Yeah, I'm with you. Like I was saying above, the move I'm gonna make tomorrow is to talk to her about it and be upfront about liking her and wanting to do it the right way. I haven't told her explicitly I like her before. I've just flirted and suggested going home together and shown up for dates etc. Never committed to any position so maybe that's what she's been waiting for.
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She seems like kind of a dick, why would you wanna get involved in that?
But I don't see anything wrong with looking around for what's out there while still seeing someone
Ah nevermind, it seems like it could work out. Maybe you could both be seeing two people at a time and not really even notice it about each other, like a sitcom
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It's not your deal whether or not she has a bf. Why do you care so much anyways?
You are young dude, you are not some 40 year old man. If you find her sexually attractive, go for it. You aren't dating her to find a girlfriend, and she isn't going to be your wife. If you find her sexually attractive, if you want to have sex with her, go for it.
Too many people have a problem where they put women on a pedestal, but they have needs too. It's creepy when you are thinking of marriage so soon. Just take it one step at a time. There's no reason you can't have fun, maybe some casual sex, in the meantime. You aren't looking for a girlfriend here, you are just looking for a good time.
I mean that's how I approach all of the girls I like, and I always have long term relationships, and keep in good terms with them. You just have to take it one day at a time, and if you like her, go for it. You aren't here to solve all her problems in one day.
dating. not marriage.
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On March 23 2012 15:33 Belial88 wrote:
It's not your deal whether or not she has a bf. Why do you care so much anyways?
You are young dude, you are not some 40 year old man. If you find her sexually attractive, go for it. You aren't dating her to find a girlfriend, and she isn't going to be your wife. If you find her sexually attractive, if you want to have sex with her, go for it.
Too many people have a problem where they put women on a pedestal, but they have needs too. It's creepy when you are thinking of marriage so soon. Just take it one step at a time. There's no reason you can't have fun, maybe some casual sex, in the meantime. You aren't looking for a girlfriend here, you are just looking for a good time.
I mean that's how I approach all of the girls I like, and I always have long term relationships, and keep in good terms with them. You just have to take it one day at a time, and if you like her, go for it. You aren't here to solve all her problems in one day.
dating. not marriage.
Why make a blog if he just wants to get laid? Seems like hes asking whether or not he should go out with girl, not lay her down by the fire. If it was just that it woulda been easy, you can tell she totally wants his dick.
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Blazinghand
United States25559 Posts
On March 23 2012 15:38 TheAntZ wrote:Show nested quote +On March 23 2012 15:33 Belial88 wrote:
It's not your deal whether or not she has a bf. Why do you care so much anyways?
You are young dude, you are not some 40 year old man. If you find her sexually attractive, go for it. You aren't dating her to find a girlfriend, and she isn't going to be your wife. If you find her sexually attractive, if you want to have sex with her, go for it.
Too many people have a problem where they put women on a pedestal, but they have needs too. It's creepy when you are thinking of marriage so soon. Just take it one step at a time. There's no reason you can't have fun, maybe some casual sex, in the meantime. You aren't looking for a girlfriend here, you are just looking for a good time.
I mean that's how I approach all of the girls I like, and I always have long term relationships, and keep in good terms with them. You just have to take it one day at a time, and if you like her, go for it. You aren't here to solve all her problems in one day.
dating. not marriage. Why make a blog if he just wants to get laid? Seems like hes asking whether or not he should go out with girl, not lay her down by the fire. If it was just that it woulda been easy, you can tell she totally wants his dick.
I think B-dawg is recommending a change of philosophy rather than advising how one follows the "get dick wet" philosophy, which is rather straight-forward to say the least.
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I feel like he's taking it too seriously. Just go out with her. You can worry about 'fixing' her flaws as a human being after you've dated for a year or two.
She has her own issues with her boyfriend. Whatever. You aren't going to meet a girl's family on the first date right? Well, don't worry about the boyfriend. See if you actually like the girl first.
It sounds like the OP likes her. I don't see why he shouldn't go out with her. If you find her sexually attractive, and want to have sex with her, and she wants to have sex with you, do it! I wouldn't worry about the boyfriend until you guys actually become a couple, which takes like at least a month or two after dating for that to happen (and sex should be first 2 weeks anyways).
I'm not saying 'go get dick wet'. I'm saying "You are a young guy, nothing is serious at this age, if you like her, and she likes you, have fun". Taking things too seriously, is bad. If you want seriousness, you need time, lots of time. I'm in a 3 year relationship right now, but it took time to get to where we're at now. When we first started, it wasn't serious at all, but we got to know eachother more and more and become more serious. She even had sex with me earlier rather than later due to christmas break at school, because if she didn't, i probably wouldn't have stayed around. Not to say I'm a pig, but no guy is going to stay around for more than a month without sex. It's just normal at our age...
OP is just taking things too seriously. You don't get married on the first date. It's just a date. Have a date with her, have fun. If the date is fun, go on another one. Maybe after 50 dates, you have sex. Whatever. It's not about sex. It's just whether you have fun or not on the dates.
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On March 22 2012 04:34 StorkHwaiting wrote:
thanks all for ur words of wisdom.
I'm getting 3 basic philosophies from all this:
1. Drop her. She's no good.
2. Friend-zone her. Wait for a real break up and go from there.
3. Make a move.
After a lot of consideration, I think I'm going to go with 1. It's just too much bs. I'd been doing 2 for a while, but every time she claims it's a real break-up...she's been LYING. And I don't think I can be friends with her. She doesn't seem to want to be friends at all. She only calls me to do solo stuff. When she has parties and whatnot and big social things she doesn't hit me up.
I could try 3 but after thinking a long time about it, I just don't want the drama and I'm not that big a hornball.
P.S. I loled at the Z reference XD. And no, my ZvZ is mediocre T_T. More proof I should logout now!
P.P.S. About washing the dishes... Three people would just be crowding the sink... and really.. in a Chinese household, what man washes dishes when there are two women around?? Kakaka!
#2 doesn't do anything.
it's either #1, or #3. Based from what you've described I don't necessarily think she's a horrible person, but she may be.
The good thing is you can always drop her, so if you're tired of the bullshit tell her what's up straight up without sugar-coating, and give her some time to think. At the very least she won't be bothering you anymore with dates that don't go anywhere, because she knows that if she does you're just gonna ignore her and move on.
She's the one who has an actual decision to make here not you, but she's done a good job of convincing you otherwise. You have basically nothing to lose in this situation, so openness and honesty is a good strategy imo.
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Update: She flaked out on the date. I am done with her 100%. -___-. In the future, I'm going to listen to the red flags when I see them.
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lol what an interesting blog.
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She really doesn't sound like worth it to me. The worst but plausible case is that she may have been casting a safety net in case she breaks up with a bf. Some girls are like that...
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Blazinghand
United States25559 Posts
On March 25 2012 08:16 StorkHwaiting wrote:
Update: She flaked out on the date. I am done with her 100%. -___-. In the future, I'm going to listen to the red flags when I see them.
It's okay man, it was worth asking her out and seeing for sure. I hope you feel okay ;_; but it's better to know for sure
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She dodged you again? I don't think its worth the effort IMO because it seems like this isnt the first, second, or even the seventh time.
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On March 25 2012 08:16 StorkHwaiting wrote:
Update: She flaked out on the date. I am done with her 100%. -___-. In the future, I'm going to listen to the red flags when I see them.
You know about those times when you lose a game of BW/SC2 that you thought you had won and you're really pissed off, but you know you should watch the replay and improve on that for the next time you're in that situation? This is one of those times.
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2 things:
Are you under the age of ~28? Because before that magical ~30 years of age, there's no reason to be serious in your relationship. For guys.
Are you getting a good time/monetary effort to sex/opposite enjoyment ratio?
If you answered no to either question, then fuck this bitch (both physically and metaphorically, i.e., tell her BF about what she's done) and move on.
However, if you answered yes to both question, then why the FUCK are you complaining about it on TL?
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GoShox: Good point. And yeah I'm starting to put together a pattern of what to look out for.
Engrish: Lol no and no and as I said above I'm done spending any time with her.
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So what happened? Did you tell her?
Give us an update OP.
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EPT
