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Okay, so I've known a girl, let's call her Z, for maybe 5 months now. I've gone on dates with Z off and on but never with great frequency. I met her at a bowling alley with a group of other friends and we hit it off pretty quickly. She was cute and bubbly and I was newly single coming off a 7 yr relationship.
I was talking to another girl at the time and was sort of playing the field so I didn't pursue her aggressively. But she was quick to add me on FB and start chatting me up. We got to talking and found out she was moving into an apt near my neighborhood. Upon realizing this she said "come ring my doorbell sometime  ," and I promised I would.
We got together at an alehouse with a few friends the first time and she quickly gave me the rundown on her dating history saying she'd only had 3 bf's before. I knew her first bf socially, but didn't know anything about her other two. She told me she'd recently broken up with her last bf because he was planning to move away. Everything seemed kosher.
Over the next two months we got together a few times, lunch, the mall, drinking alone together at a karaoke bar, a late night movie etc. All of it was 1 on 1 and all of it seemed very date-ish. She initiated and suggested pretty much every one of these dates but then during the actual date it seemed like she'd get cold feet and wouldn't initiate anything explicitly intimate. I suggested going back to her place a few times and got shot down. She also had a weird habit of calling me up to go on dates and then cancelling an hour or two before the date. She did this several times.
That got my suspicions up so I rummaged around her FB page and realized she still had a boyfriend, the one that she had supposedly broken up with because he was planning to move away. I asked Z about him and she was silent as if I'd said nothing. I left it at that and stopped talking to her for about a month and a half.
Eventually, she called me up a few times and after a while I answered. She assured me that she was single and her ex-bf was out of her life. I told her cool and we got to talking again. Just last week she invited me over to her apt and cooked dinner for us. Her friend came over for the dinner, took one look at me, and asked Z where her bf was. Z responded by quietly saying "we got in a fight." I took that as a bad sign. But Z's friend was nice and chatty enough during dinner and I didn't make a big fuss. After we were done, the girls cleared the table and washed all the stuff while chatting away. I sat on the sofa watching TV until they were done.
After about ten minutes, Z's friend said goodbye, flashed me a smile, said she hoped to see me again and took off. Z sat next to me and got comfy, but I stood up, made my excuses, and left. (I was kind of wtf about her obv still having a bf despite that very night telling me she was done with him.)
She called me later the next week and like an idiot I made plans to go with her to a theme park on Friday.
She's obv still with her bf. But I don't know if you can call my situation getting friend-zoned. We haven't done anything explicit but the dynamic just doesn't seem like friends to me. And if we were just friends why am I the only one she's lying to about not having a boyfriend? Apparently, all her other friends know she's still with her guy. That's why every time one of her friends' sees me over at Z's apt they're like wtf? Who's this guy and why is he in your room? So I'm guessing it's not a normal occurrence for her to invite guys over to her place.
I tried asking a few other guys who've been hitting on her (I don't tell anyone we see each other), and they all said she shot them down with the excuse that she has a bf and only sees them as friends. But when I ask her out, she'll either say yes and show up, or she'll dodge and say she's busy with school/work etc.
She randomly bought my dog an expensive leather collar on Christmas (she knows I love my dog). Any time I pay for a meal she either pays for the next one or cooks me a meal at her place, and she honestly has quite a number of admirers who openly offer to wine and dine her so I don't feel like this is a gold-dig operation.
I've tried to just ignore her for a while to see if she'll disappear or focus on her bf but she just keeps sending me texts every few days or so asking what i'm up to and when we can hang out. I don't make any special effort to be funny or entertaining when I'm with her. I just sort of be myself and try to have a good time but don't try too hard to impress. I don't think our chemistry is that great. We're very different people. I'm kind of an anti-establishment writerly type and she's a social butterfly/materialistic as hell kind of girl. I think the only common points of interest we have is we both like food, we're both Chinese, we both have good manners, and we both place a lot of importance on family, but that's shit almost any E. Asian person could claim.
So yeah... I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I've been single for almost a year now and she's pretty much the cutest girl I'm talking to right now. The pickings are pretty slim in my city for Chinese girls in general and we have a pleasant time together, so I'm more than willing to date more seriously, but not while all this clown shoes shit about her having a bf is going on.
Anyone have any ideas about how to broach this subject? We're supposed to go to the theme park on Friday. I'm thinking of saying something at the end of the date. Although, I'm not even sure any of what we've done has been officially established as dating?? It seems really kiddy, especially for our ages and our amount of sexual experience. I just turned 27 and she's about to turn 24. -____-
Maybe someone can make a call on what she's trying to do? Is she just trying to play around? She doesn't seem like the bootycall type, although my friends have seen her with me a few times and swear that she's waiting for me to make a move. I dno. I thought the last time she claimed she was done with her bf things were getting on track and we were progressing towards a relationship, but every time I think it's going good, whoopdie doo, I find out she's still with him.
Oh yeah, the second month we were talking was her first anniversary with her current bf. She went to another country for the weekend with him and told me that she was just going on a trip. Then she brought me back a souvenir. I only later realized she'd gone with her bf and it was her anniversary trip... She's also gone to the beach with him and on the car ride back would text me saying she was heading back into the city and wanted to see me. I later matched up these texts with updates from her boyfriend's FB which had her location tagged and realized the only time she could have been sending me these texts is while in the car sitting next to her bf.
....
  
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Maybe someone can make a call on what she's trying to do? Is she just trying to play around? She doesn't seem like the bootycall type, although my friends have seen her with me a few times and swear that she's waiting for me to make a move. I dno. I thought the last time she claimed she was done with her bf things were getting on track and we were progressing towards a relationship, but every time I think it's going good, whoopdie doo, I find out she's still with him.
Highlighted what you need to do if you want to win her over.
Her canceling dates at the last moment is not unusual - girls flake all the time.
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After we were done, the girls cleared the table and washed all the stuff while chatting away. I sat on the sofa watching TV until they were done.
You're quite the gentleman aren't you ? :D
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i was hoping for a P or a T somewhere in there...
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I dunno, I'd personally move on if she's willing to date you while having a bf.
As far as stereotypical men think, It seems like he's getting all the booty calls while you put up with her.
Edit: How well do you know the boyfriend? Would hanging out with him help or hinder you?
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On March 21 2012 18:15 Geiko wrote:Show nested quote + After we were done, the girls cleared the table and washed all the stuff while chatting away. I sat on the sofa watching TV until they were done. You're quite the gentleman aren't you ? :D
hahahaha i also laughed at that part
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She probably misses the dating phase of her relationship (where the guy is way more attentive and you're learning about each other) and is trying to get that with you whilst still being with her real bf. I'd steer clear of her unless she's willing to be 100% honest with you. Sounds really messy.
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On March 21 2012 18:34 Boonbag wrote:Show nested quote +On March 21 2012 18:15 Geiko wrote: After we were done, the girls cleared the table and washed all the stuff while chatting away. I sat on the sofa watching TV until they were done. You're quite the gentleman aren't you ? :D hahahaha i also laughed at that part
I think it's only funny for French people.
People from other countries probably find it normal 
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lol Just make some moves. if she's doing all this then he might be a real dirtbag and she's just afraid to dump him. Imo just talk to her about it and see which direction she wants to go in. Stop making something so simple so over complicated! Nothing will be solved if you don't do anything I know that much.
At the same time you might just want to move on depending on what she tells you. All the best man, good luck.
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On March 21 2012 18:42 endy wrote:Show nested quote +On March 21 2012 18:34 Boonbag wrote:On March 21 2012 18:15 Geiko wrote: After we were done, the girls cleared the table and washed all the stuff while chatting away. I sat on the sofa watching TV until they were done. You're quite the gentleman aren't you ? :D hahahaha i also laughed at that part I think it's only funny for French people. People from other countries probably find it normal
LIKE A BOSSS!!!
Hells yeah
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Go talk to the boyfriend imo, that'll clear things up faster than anything.
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Forget her, if shes screwing around with you while in a relationship with someone else shes goona do the same thing if you two end up being a couple.
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You don't seem particularly attracted to this person. My vibe-o-meter might be off though.
It's unlikely that her behavior will change. Even if you fill the shoes of the boyfriend.
And, most importantly, have you been truthful with her yourself? Most of the questions/concerns would be quite easy address if you had.
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On March 21 2012 18:42 endy wrote:Show nested quote +On March 21 2012 18:34 Boonbag wrote:On March 21 2012 18:15 Geiko wrote: After we were done, the girls cleared the table and washed all the stuff while chatting away. I sat on the sofa watching TV until they were done. You're quite the gentleman aren't you ? :D hahahaha i also laughed at that part I think it's only funny for French people. People from other countries probably find it normal
As I recall, it's normal in brazil, it's pretty amusing in the united states though haha
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I don't usually comment on girl blogs, but just my straightforward 2 cents:
To me it sounds like she is merely satisfied with her current boyfriend, but not really extremely into him. My guess is she is just not the sort of person who breaks up (Yeah, I know that sounds weird, but many people don't like breaking up even if the passion is no longer there. It takes a decent amount of will to do that a lot of people lack). I don't think there is anything wrong with her boyfriend, or anything that would make her specifically want to leave. However, again, if she is seeing you as much as you say, she definitely is looking at other options. My guess is her boyfriend is a very safe option, and not something that she wants to just abandon. Again, from what I'm reading, she definitely seems into you. Whether you want to risk pursuing that is up to you. My advice is that I personally wouldn't, but it really depends entirely on you.
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On March 21 2012 18:42 endy wrote:Show nested quote +On March 21 2012 18:34 Boonbag wrote:On March 21 2012 18:15 Geiko wrote: After we were done, the girls cleared the table and washed all the stuff while chatting away. I sat on the sofa watching TV until they were done. You're quite the gentleman aren't you ? :D hahahaha i also laughed at that part I think it's only funny for French people. People from other countries probably find it normal
This type of a behavior is considered as BM, even in Turkey.
On topic: You gotta make a choice. Either to stay clean of her or win her over. I'd choose the former and it's obvious what to do if you choose this as well. If you want to win her over, just make a move, as someone mentioned before. She may be waiting for you to make a move to drop this bf of her. Or you both being Chinese, she may be seeing you as a close friend, but then why would she lie about being single? Maybe she wants to hold you as a backup (which is pretty common among Turkish girls, btw), or just wants to hook up with both of you. I don't know, all of the reasons I could think about was these 3.
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On March 21 2012 18:58 OrangeSoda wrote:
Forget her, if shes screwing around with you while in a relationship with someone else shes goona do the same thing if you two end up being a couple.
This, very basic relationship psychology :p
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...
Okay, I'm bitter, and cynical, about relationships because of my own, however - that being said - don't do it.
Take a deep breath, and realize the insane amounts of drama you would be in for if you did, hell, that you could be in for now, when it all falls apart in her other relationship (and it will). It's not worth it. If she is willing to chase you and lie to her boyfriend all over about it, what makes you think this could change if she actually does ditch him for you? Then you are just her boyfriend... and look how well she treats the one she has now. If she were honest and interested, she'd truly break up with her current boyfriend - hell, if she really liked her boyfriend she'd be honest with him. She's already lying to him, lying to you, and this is a bad foundation. And if he does find out that she's been doing all of this, he may blame her... or blame you. Or blame both of you. Either way, it's a horrible mess and I would advise you to steer well clear of it. There are plenty of non-insane girls out there, and this does not sound like one of them.
Of course, if her boyfriend knows she's chasing you and is involved in some kind of swinger deal or looking for a 3-way... well, that's still something you would need to think about carefully.
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On March 21 2012 18:58 OrangeSoda wrote:
Forget her, if shes screwing around with you while in a relationship with someone else shes goona do the same thing if you two end up being a couple.
This. Or you can just flirt around or be fuck-buddies like I did once >.>
I'm so evil for taking advantage....
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So you're almost-dating a girl that has a boyfriend she pretends doesn't exist. Do you want to be the next "boyfriend"? Could you enjoy such a relationship? Make a move. If she asks you for more time tell her you don't have any, nothing will change.
Otherwise get out while you still can. Whatever their problems are, it's very likely she will deal with your own problems the same way. If it lies, it's not any good.
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On March 21 2012 20:04 Black[CAT] wrote:Show nested quote +On March 21 2012 18:58 OrangeSoda wrote:
Forget her, if shes screwing around with you while in a relationship with someone else shes goona do the same thing if you two end up being a couple. This. Or you can just flirt around or be fuck-buddies like I did once >.> I'm so evil for taking advantage....
What these 2 guys said.
And i think its rude to sit on the sofa too.
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If her boyfriend can beat you up, ignore her till shes actually single
If not just have sex with her and she will probably break up with him, if not at least you can be fuck buddies.
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Just be straight up with her and ask her for the truth.
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I will tell you what.
Many points that were rasied here are true.
Most important is this: What do you value the most in a girl? And what are you looking for through this relationship (or potential intimate relationship)? You said she was extremely materialistic, and it seemed that you are looking for a serious(?) relationship. So first you need to be honest with yourself on two major things. What do you want? Can she fit in the relationship you are after? Then you need to be honest with her. You need to tell her that you know about her boyfriend in a very calm and serious tone. You should not ask her about it and tell her to be honest. You should approach the issue directly and show her that you know and you're expecting an answer or a response from her. Plus before you go into whether she wants to be with you or not, try to approach her about her problems because she certainly seems to have some issues going on. Show her that you studied her and are interested in listening to what she has to say, and you'll be supportive in helping her decide what she wants to do next. It is clear to me that you cannot leave her to decide because she's unable to do so by herself. She needs your help. This will help her to decide between 3 scenarios:
1- Her place is with her BF.
2- Her place is with you.
3- Her place is with neither.
Regardless of what conclusion you may or may not reach with her, you can still be friends, but at least this way everything would be clear for both of you and who knows how things will end? You must try.
Notice I did not encourage you to be "fuck buddies". Well I am against that, but that's a totally different discussion.
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Sounds like you've got a platonic friend! Congrats!
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Sounds like she wants to have her current BF because he's decent and wants you around for the thrill. She wants to have you both and see how it plays out and then drop the lesser one. Seriously you should have made a move a long time ago. She realizes you're weak and will lie to your face because she can.
She sounds like trouble. If shes seeing you behind her bf's back she's gonna do the same to you with some other guy.
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My opinion is find someone else, this Z sounds like nothing but trouble. If she's lieing to her now boyfriend, good chance she'll lie to you too.
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Go look at your winrates. Is vs Z your best matchup? If so, you will eventually be able to bend her to your will, and she will choose you over her current boyfriend. Otherwise, I would leave her alone, since she will probably defeat you and make you look stupid.
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On March 21 2012 22:18 pyrogenetix wrote:
Sounds like she wants to have her current BF because he's decent and wants you around for the thrill. She wants to have you both and see how it plays out and then drop the lesser one. Seriously you should have made a move a long time ago. She realizes you're weak and will lie to your face because she can.
She sounds like trouble. If shes seeing you behind her bf's back she's gonna do the same to you with some other guy.
bold mine
this post you need to pay good attention to - that's experience speaking
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move on, shes playing games. The fact shes lieing to you about her boyfriend alone should make you move on, if she is cheating on him and telling you lies, the is no reason why this wont happen when your in a relationship too...
Shes probably telling her female friends your just a friend and nothing else.. she using you for the things that she cant do with her boyfriend such as eating together watching movies...as everytime you think bugger it you go running back, and shes knows your easy prey. Back away and move on with your life and find someone else!
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looks like somebody is on the hook
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i know what shes doing dude. And she does like you, as more than a friend. However like u said she is still stuck on her boyfriend. She likes you but for the time being she wants to have you as a backup incase this really dont work out with her boyfriend, sorry to say it but thats what it is because ive been in ur situation before. As to the nature of the girl, i cant really say shes that bad, because she still hasnt slept with you despite you two being alone very very often. Not many girls can do that, id say thats a plus for her, and also we dont really know how bad her problems are with her bf but im sure its most liek constant fighting and breaking up and so on and im sure he talks to other chicks as well so she might be feeling inclined to do the same. However, if i were you i wouldnt look towards getting with her officially, because i have a feeling even if one day it happens, and she says theyre done, and you guys start dating, that dude is still gonna linger every now and then and trust me when i say you dont want that headache. So for now, take it for what it is, have fun with her and try to get laid. Thats option one, option two is just become friends with her, like seriously you should friend zone HER. That way she can keep inviting you out, and u can meet some of her friends and perhaps date them instead, all the while keeping the relationship between you to at a friendly level. Needless to say that eventually, since i can see there is alrdy chemistry between the both of you, the feelings will arise occasionally and often as flirting and so on and she will feel slightly jealous that ur seeing her friends and something in the back of her mind will want it to be her thats dating you. This benefits you because as her friend, you get to know the truth behind her relationship with her ex, and if at one point you do want to get with her, you'll know the moment you do it that hes out of her life for good and u wont have to deal with that headahce.
this is coming from someone who is currently in a relationship of 2 years with his best friend of ten. it happens man, good luck ;] keep me posted im interested hehe
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why would you want to date a girl like that who is lying to you about her boyfriend! And just ignores the fact that you even asked about it. How awkward! ahhh, can't even picture that. If you guys dated, how would you feel when you guys got into a fight (which would of course happen here and there)
I'm sure you would have a little paranoid feeling about how she might be flirting with another guy to feel better.
and that ain't no good in relationships!
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she cooks you dinner AND cleans up. sorry, what's your problem again? on a more serious note, her friend's response indicates that they talked, girl intends to make things more legit with you and the friend approves of you as a choice. sometimes you just gotta say what the fuck, make your move
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On March 21 2012 23:04 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
Sounds like she wants to have her current BF because he's decent and wants you around for the thrill. She wants to have you both and see how it plays out and then drop the lesser one. Seriously you should have made a move a long time ago. She realizes you're weak and will lie to your face because she can.
She sounds like trouble. If shes seeing you behind her bf's back she's gonna do the same to you with some other guy.
On March 21 2012 22:18 pyrogenetix wrote (to above):
bold line
this post you need to pay good attention to - that's experience speaking
Usually I don't quote others in girl blogs because I love writing a lengthy opinion of my own, but this one nailed it.
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The big X factor here no one seems to have addressed is what the current relationship with her BF is. Everyone seems to be assuming that he is just some clueless joe that has no idea his GF is seeing this other guy on the side, and is just a victim. I think at this point, that probably isn't the case. For as long as this has been going on, it sounds like they probably don't have the strictest of relationships, and she might be trying to hide that fact. The BF might be in the position of having multiple girls, and she is just one of these girls, and she is there when he wants her to be and not there when he doesn't (hence the confirming and canceling of dates, etc.). I can't know that to be sure, but it is starting to sound that way. If that is the case, I imagine she is pretty insecure about the relationship, and wants you as a back-up, alternate, competition, however you want to phrase it.
In terms of what to do, I think waiting it out is a bad idea at this point. If this were a week or two in, then waiting and seeing would be fine. However, it seems like this has been going on for a while. You need to do something. The safest option is bailing. This is probably the way you should go; just cut all ties and gtfo. This will probably end messy any other way. If you still can't leave her (its easier said than done, I know) you need to let her know that you aren't happy with the situation, and let her know you want something more/different. If she isn't cool with that, then you really just have to leave, because this isn't the girl you are looking for.
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On March 21 2012 22:52 13_Doomblaze_37 wrote:
Go look at your winrates. Is vs Z your best matchup? If so, you will eventually be able to bend her to your will, and she will choose you over her current boyfriend. Otherwise, I would leave her alone, since she will probably defeat you and make you look stupid.
This made me laugh pretty hard, but to answer the OP, she deffinitely isn't worth the trouble. If you're 100% sure she's dating someone, why bother with that? If she chooses you i would be willing to bet 9 times outta 10 when things get rough with you she'd end up doing the same thing to you as she's doing now. Not worth the trouble, not worth the potential heart ache etc.
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thanks all for ur words of wisdom.
I'm getting 3 basic philosophies from all this:
1. Drop her. She's no good.
2. Friend-zone her. Wait for a real break up and go from there.
3. Make a move.
After a lot of consideration, I think I'm going to go with 1. It's just too much bs. I'd been doing 2 for a while, but every time she claims it's a real break-up...she's been LYING. And I don't think I can be friends with her. She doesn't seem to want to be friends at all. She only calls me to do solo stuff. When she has parties and whatnot and big social things she doesn't hit me up.
I could try 3 but after thinking a long time about it, I just don't want the drama and I'm not that big a hornball.
P.S. I loled at the Z reference XD. And no, my ZvZ is mediocre T_T. More proof I should logout now!
P.P.S. About washing the dishes... Three people would just be crowding the sink... and really.. in a Chinese household, what man washes dishes when there are two women around?? Kakaka!
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This sounds messy.
Steer clear!
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I agree with your course of action, this whole situation is stupid and she's pretty clearly just jerking you around. gtfo and find someone who's not full of shit.
Only other course of action is calling her more directly on her bullshit IMO. Seems like every time she lies about the boyfriend stuff you just get huffy and leave rather than actually saying, "oh, your boyfriend, eh!?" when her friend is like, "hey, where's your bf and who's this guy?" Sounds like you wanna stay non-confrontational about this though, so w/e, just drop her and move on, staying in the stupid awkward friend zone isn't doing anyone any good, least of all you.
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The real question is:
Could you beat up her boyfriend?
If so, then pursue.
If he is bigger than you, maybe gtfo. Of course you could always resort to fighting dirty or just jumping him with some homies. Your call.
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lol... I'm 27.. nobody's getting in a fist fight. If it really came to it, I'm not worried about my chances, but I don't think it's much of an issue.
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As you said, I think you should just drop her... after you root her that is. ;D
In all seriousness, there's no point putting so much effort into a relationship where you can barely trust her, and her words are as solid as water (not too sure on the analogy T_T).
In Japan, girls wouldn't dream of doing what she's doing. :D
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seems like an obvious solution to me. just talk to her about it and tell her to make up her mind (politely) if she decides to dump him, your golden, if she 'dumps' you , then stay friends. i know things are never that easy, but that seems logical to me.
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On March 22 2012 07:36 Gprime wrote:
if she 'dumps' you , then stay friends. i know things are never that easy, but that seems logical to me.
double post -_-
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On March 22 2012 07:36 Gprime wrote:
if she 'dumps' you , then stay friends. i know things are never that easy, but that seems logical to me.
LOL. Don't. That's probably the worst advice in this blog :D
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Wow. She is being really immature. You sure you even want to see her now?
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Dammm lol this girl is trouble... Run for the hills.
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Blazinghand
United States25552 Posts
You should bail out. You really don't want to be "that guy" in this scenario.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
she is obviously ashamed at what shes doing but can't help herself because she likes u and her ex/bf/woteva is not good enough for her but is all she has/she still has lingering feelings for him
its not very nice how you're torturing her continuing to meet her without making a move or taking control
i dont think the way she's acting reflects her being 'trouble' necessarily, shes just stuck in a bad relationship and wants out
whatever u do, take action asap: either tell her ur done talking to her or make a move and go for her. doing the silly dance is just going to end up wasting both or ur time.
edit: and yes it is possible shes some super insecure psycho-path and is just jerking u around for fun, but that doesn't seem to be the case here
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BTW, OP you are like the exact copy of one of my mates, Chinese, want to be a writer, dropped out of his economics degree because he hates everyone there.
He was trying to get with this girl who had a BF, 3 years later, I checked this girl's face book. Engaged to her BF lol...
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On March 22 2012 17:17 Rekrul wrote:
she is obviously ashamed at what shes doing but can't help herself because she likes u and her ex/bf/woteva is not good enough for her but is all she has/she still has lingering feelings for him
its not very nice how you're torturing her continuing to meet her without making a move or taking control
i dont think the way she's acting reflects her being 'trouble' necessarily, shes just stuck in a bad relationship and wants out
whatever u do, take action asap: either tell her ur done talking to her or make a move and go for her. doing the silly dance is just going to end up wasting both or ur time.
edit: and yes it is possible shes some super insecure psycho-path and is just jerking u around for fun, but that doesn't seem to be the case here
Yea, this...she's not happy with her boyfriend but she's not leaving him unless you make it happen.
Even then, it might not work.
There's no sense wasting another five months of your life on a dead end road, though...take control, see what happens.
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You're obviously her backup incase the current relationship goes down.
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On March 22 2012 17:17 Rekrul wrote:
she is obviously ashamed at what shes doing but can't help herself because she likes u and her ex/bf/woteva is not good enough for her but is all she has/she still has lingering feelings for him
its not very nice how you're torturing her continuing to meet her without making a move or taking control
i dont think the way she's acting reflects her being 'trouble' necessarily, shes just stuck in a bad relationship and wants out
whatever u do, take action asap: either tell her ur done talking to her or make a move and go for her. doing the silly dance is just going to end up wasting both or ur time.
edit: and yes it is possible shes some super insecure psycho-path and is just jerking u around for fun, but that doesn't seem to be the case here
This man speaks the truth.
Just push her to make a decision and get it over with.
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Make a move and don't look back.
Alternatively, run the hell away and don't look back.
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Women lie just as much as men.
It comes down to personal preference. I have a lot of integrity and honor and my worst vice is pride.
If I had known she was doing that, I wouldn't look back. Put yourself in stupid situations like that and she's asking for it.
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On March 22 2012 17:17 Rekrul wrote:
she is obviously ashamed at what shes doing but can't help herself because she likes u and her ex/bf/woteva is not good enough for her but is all she has/she still has lingering feelings for him
its not very nice how you're torturing her continuing to meet her without making a move or taking control
i dont think the way she's acting reflects her being 'trouble' necessarily, shes just stuck in a bad relationship and wants out
whatever u do, take action asap: either tell her ur done talking to her or make a move and go for her. doing the silly dance is just going to end up wasting both or ur time.
edit: and yes it is possible shes some super insecure psycho-path and is just jerking u around for fun, but that doesn't seem to be the case here
I think you're right, Rek. I've been the one pussyfooting around and not really making a move. The more I look at it the more I'm like this girl's been doing everything possible to put herself out there for me to do something and I just haven't.
We're going to a theme park tomorrow. I'll make a move then and report back to TL!
P.S. Yes, the whole going behind the bf's back thing is a lil funky. But my philosophy on dating is that it's just an interview process, not a real commitment. Only marriage, and especially kids, make it official. Before that, all bets are off. Not that I think continuous cheating is good. But I don't see anything wrong with looking around for what's out there while still seeing someone.
Plus she's really cute :\.
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rekrul, international matchmaker extraordinaire.
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Calgary25980 Posts
I'm always hesitant to get involved with a girl that is willing to cheat. "Cheaters always cheat" is one of those dummy sayings but tends to be true. If you make a move and she's willing to go all the way, that's great but I wouldn't get too serious with this girl. If she addresses the fact that she has a boyfriend wants to make it right (1 in a million shot) then she's a ____ girl. I'm struggling with an adjective for _____. Good girl? Proper girl? "Right" girl. FML. I no English.
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I don't get why making a move has to mean making a move that causes cheating. Why can't you just be upfront with your feelings and talk to her first and get her to break up with her bf if she actually wants you? Clearly, you haven't even told her how you feel, let alone made a move. So why not start there instead of starting a relationship that starts with cheating? I agree basically with the fact that if she's cheating on her bf now, that's not a good sign for the future.
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Chill: Yeah, I've heard this wisdom repeated a lot, but I'm not sure if I'm totally convinced. I cheated before in relationships but it was when I was young and trying to prove a point and then I settled into a monogamous for 5 yrs so I don't think it's impossible to reform or is even that hard to do so.
I'm going to try for your last suggestion and address the fact she has a bf and see if she's willing to break it off cleanly to start up something with me. If not, then I'm out. And lol, yeah I guess proper or wholesome? would be the word. Ethical? haha I dno, the whole dating/relationships/monogamy thing is such a tangled mess of morals imo.
SkysLa: Yeah, I'm with you. Like I was saying above, the move I'm gonna make tomorrow is to talk to her about it and be upfront about liking her and wanting to do it the right way. I haven't told her explicitly I like her before. I've just flirted and suggested going home together and shown up for dates etc. Never committed to any position so maybe that's what she's been waiting for.
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She seems like kind of a dick, why would you wanna get involved in that?
But I don't see anything wrong with looking around for what's out there while still seeing someone
Ah nevermind, it seems like it could work out. Maybe you could both be seeing two people at a time and not really even notice it about each other, like a sitcom
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It's not your deal whether or not she has a bf. Why do you care so much anyways?
You are young dude, you are not some 40 year old man. If you find her sexually attractive, go for it. You aren't dating her to find a girlfriend, and she isn't going to be your wife. If you find her sexually attractive, if you want to have sex with her, go for it.
Too many people have a problem where they put women on a pedestal, but they have needs too. It's creepy when you are thinking of marriage so soon. Just take it one step at a time. There's no reason you can't have fun, maybe some casual sex, in the meantime. You aren't looking for a girlfriend here, you are just looking for a good time.
I mean that's how I approach all of the girls I like, and I always have long term relationships, and keep in good terms with them. You just have to take it one day at a time, and if you like her, go for it. You aren't here to solve all her problems in one day.
dating. not marriage.
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On March 23 2012 15:33 Belial88 wrote:
It's not your deal whether or not she has a bf. Why do you care so much anyways?
You are young dude, you are not some 40 year old man. If you find her sexually attractive, go for it. You aren't dating her to find a girlfriend, and she isn't going to be your wife. If you find her sexually attractive, if you want to have sex with her, go for it.
Too many people have a problem where they put women on a pedestal, but they have needs too. It's creepy when you are thinking of marriage so soon. Just take it one step at a time. There's no reason you can't have fun, maybe some casual sex, in the meantime. You aren't looking for a girlfriend here, you are just looking for a good time.
I mean that's how I approach all of the girls I like, and I always have long term relationships, and keep in good terms with them. You just have to take it one day at a time, and if you like her, go for it. You aren't here to solve all her problems in one day.
dating. not marriage.
Why make a blog if he just wants to get laid? Seems like hes asking whether or not he should go out with girl, not lay her down by the fire. If it was just that it woulda been easy, you can tell she totally wants his dick.
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Blazinghand
United States25552 Posts
On March 23 2012 15:38 TheAntZ wrote:Show nested quote +On March 23 2012 15:33 Belial88 wrote:
It's not your deal whether or not she has a bf. Why do you care so much anyways?
You are young dude, you are not some 40 year old man. If you find her sexually attractive, go for it. You aren't dating her to find a girlfriend, and she isn't going to be your wife. If you find her sexually attractive, if you want to have sex with her, go for it.
Too many people have a problem where they put women on a pedestal, but they have needs too. It's creepy when you are thinking of marriage so soon. Just take it one step at a time. There's no reason you can't have fun, maybe some casual sex, in the meantime. You aren't looking for a girlfriend here, you are just looking for a good time.
I mean that's how I approach all of the girls I like, and I always have long term relationships, and keep in good terms with them. You just have to take it one day at a time, and if you like her, go for it. You aren't here to solve all her problems in one day.
dating. not marriage. Why make a blog if he just wants to get laid? Seems like hes asking whether or not he should go out with girl, not lay her down by the fire. If it was just that it woulda been easy, you can tell she totally wants his dick.
I think B-dawg is recommending a change of philosophy rather than advising how one follows the "get dick wet" philosophy, which is rather straight-forward to say the least.
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I feel like he's taking it too seriously. Just go out with her. You can worry about 'fixing' her flaws as a human being after you've dated for a year or two.
She has her own issues with her boyfriend. Whatever. You aren't going to meet a girl's family on the first date right? Well, don't worry about the boyfriend. See if you actually like the girl first.
It sounds like the OP likes her. I don't see why he shouldn't go out with her. If you find her sexually attractive, and want to have sex with her, and she wants to have sex with you, do it! I wouldn't worry about the boyfriend until you guys actually become a couple, which takes like at least a month or two after dating for that to happen (and sex should be first 2 weeks anyways).
I'm not saying 'go get dick wet'. I'm saying "You are a young guy, nothing is serious at this age, if you like her, and she likes you, have fun". Taking things too seriously, is bad. If you want seriousness, you need time, lots of time. I'm in a 3 year relationship right now, but it took time to get to where we're at now. When we first started, it wasn't serious at all, but we got to know eachother more and more and become more serious. She even had sex with me earlier rather than later due to christmas break at school, because if she didn't, i probably wouldn't have stayed around. Not to say I'm a pig, but no guy is going to stay around for more than a month without sex. It's just normal at our age...
OP is just taking things too seriously. You don't get married on the first date. It's just a date. Have a date with her, have fun. If the date is fun, go on another one. Maybe after 50 dates, you have sex. Whatever. It's not about sex. It's just whether you have fun or not on the dates.
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On March 22 2012 04:34 StorkHwaiting wrote:
thanks all for ur words of wisdom.
I'm getting 3 basic philosophies from all this:
1. Drop her. She's no good.
2. Friend-zone her. Wait for a real break up and go from there.
3. Make a move.
After a lot of consideration, I think I'm going to go with 1. It's just too much bs. I'd been doing 2 for a while, but every time she claims it's a real break-up...she's been LYING. And I don't think I can be friends with her. She doesn't seem to want to be friends at all. She only calls me to do solo stuff. When she has parties and whatnot and big social things she doesn't hit me up.
I could try 3 but after thinking a long time about it, I just don't want the drama and I'm not that big a hornball.
P.S. I loled at the Z reference XD. And no, my ZvZ is mediocre T_T. More proof I should logout now!
P.P.S. About washing the dishes... Three people would just be crowding the sink... and really.. in a Chinese household, what man washes dishes when there are two women around?? Kakaka!
#2 doesn't do anything.
it's either #1, or #3. Based from what you've described I don't necessarily think she's a horrible person, but she may be.
The good thing is you can always drop her, so if you're tired of the bullshit tell her what's up straight up without sugar-coating, and give her some time to think. At the very least she won't be bothering you anymore with dates that don't go anywhere, because she knows that if she does you're just gonna ignore her and move on.
She's the one who has an actual decision to make here not you, but she's done a good job of convincing you otherwise. You have basically nothing to lose in this situation, so openness and honesty is a good strategy imo.
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Update: She flaked out on the date. I am done with her 100%. -___-. In the future, I'm going to listen to the red flags when I see them.
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lol what an interesting blog.
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She really doesn't sound like worth it to me. The worst but plausible case is that she may have been casting a safety net in case she breaks up with a bf. Some girls are like that...
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Blazinghand
United States25552 Posts
On March 25 2012 08:16 StorkHwaiting wrote:
Update: She flaked out on the date. I am done with her 100%. -___-. In the future, I'm going to listen to the red flags when I see them.
It's okay man, it was worth asking her out and seeing for sure. I hope you feel okay ;_; but it's better to know for sure
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She dodged you again? I don't think its worth the effort IMO because it seems like this isnt the first, second, or even the seventh time.
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On March 25 2012 08:16 StorkHwaiting wrote:
Update: She flaked out on the date. I am done with her 100%. -___-. In the future, I'm going to listen to the red flags when I see them.
You know about those times when you lose a game of BW/SC2 that you thought you had won and you're really pissed off, but you know you should watch the replay and improve on that for the next time you're in that situation? This is one of those times.
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2 things:
Are you under the age of ~28? Because before that magical ~30 years of age, there's no reason to be serious in your relationship. For guys.
Are you getting a good time/monetary effort to sex/opposite enjoyment ratio?
If you answered no to either question, then fuck this bitch (both physically and metaphorically, i.e., tell her BF about what she's done) and move on.
However, if you answered yes to both question, then why the FUCK are you complaining about it on TL?
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GoShox: Good point. And yeah I'm starting to put together a pattern of what to look out for.
Engrish: Lol no and no and as I said above I'm done spending any time with her.
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So what happened? Did you tell her?
Give us an update OP.
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You're getting tooled bro. Girl clearly just wants a plan B ready and waiting for her if shit turns really sour with her boyfriend, but even despite the apparent shittiness of their relationship she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. That is because she is apparently afraid of being alone/dealing with the multiple suitors coming for her, and probably also because she must still like him more than you. In short, you're playing second fiddle to this dude, and she wants second best when shit goes wrong with the first. I'd take this as an insult, play along, wait until the time is right (when her other relationship fails), bang her a few times, play boyfriend/girlfriend but then tool her just like she tooled you - lie to her, deceive her, use her to satisfy my own desires/fears. Eventually when I find a girl I can truly connect with without a web of deception, I would continue to use her until that new girl is a done deal and we start going out.
Yea it's cruel, but what she is doing to you is not much different. I consider this karma, and I am the delivery man. If a person has no qualms about using me, I have no qualms about using them.
To be fair, this might be because I am not in the situation and don't know her personally, maybe she has a lot of problems or something and she can't really help it. But being complacent and letting her get away with such behavior isn't helping things either. Maybe I actually wouldn't be this vengeful, and just would cut shit off with her. That's what you should do unless you subscribe to my Babylonian approach.
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On March 23 2012 05:17 Chill wrote:
I'm always hesitant to get involved with a girl that is willing to cheat. "Cheaters always cheat" is one of those dummy sayings but tends to be true. If you make a move and she's willing to go all the way, that's great but I wouldn't get too serious with this girl. If she addresses the fact that she has a boyfriend wants to make it right (1 in a million shot) then she's a ____ girl. I'm struggling with an adjective for _____. Good girl? Proper girl? "Right" girl. FML. I no English.
That rule has been proven true by pretty much every single cheater I have encountered
I dunno, the core of any relationship is trust and if you know someone is willing to do something behind the back of someone they're currently seeing, it says a lot
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On March 27 2012 23:01 haduken wrote:
So what happened? Did you tell her?
Give us an update OP.
Lol I did update. It's a few posts up. She flaked out on the date -_-. And she JUST texted me 5 min ago asking to hang out this week.
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On March 28 2012 07:59 StorkHwaiting wrote:Show nested quote +On March 27 2012 23:01 haduken wrote:
So what happened? Did you tell her?
Give us an update OP. Lol I did update. It's a few posts up. She flaked out on the date -_-. And she JUST texted me 5 min ago asking to hang out this week.
Go with my plan. DO EET.
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Don't just ignore her and lead her on. Straight up tell her that you're sick of the situation, whether you're going to stick around or not, sometimes people don't understand what they're doing until you slap them in the face with it.
No more pussyfooting around it, just up and confront her with it.
EDIT: by confront I don't mean be angry/mad/rude, just be clear, concise, and DIRECT.
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Do you like her as a friend or do you want to just get some?
Imagine that you already had a gf, would you still try to get in touch with her?
If not then plan to get out of that relationship.
One effective way to go on in either case is to go out with her to a club and use her to get another girl.
Tell her that you like a particuliar girl there and that she as a friend should help her get her(for example introduce you to her/make good comments about you).
Or tell her that since she knows you quite well, she should help you get in relationship with one of her friends...
If she refuses to do it or doesn't perform well, she is using you - tell her that if she just wants you for herself she'll have to do better(in your relationship) and dump her if she tries to avoid.
She either comes back crawling or you go your separate ways.
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On March 28 2012 08:52 Jealous wrote:Show nested quote +On March 28 2012 07:59 StorkHwaiting wrote:On March 27 2012 23:01 haduken wrote:
So what happened? Did you tell her?
Give us an update OP. Lol I did update. It's a few posts up. She flaked out on the date -_-. And she JUST texted me 5 min ago asking to hang out this week. Go with my plan. DO EET.
Lol I had thought of doing something similar when I first found out she had a bf and got kind of pissed about her lying, but I only had a # of random dates with her over a period of months while seeing other girls as well so I'm not that hung up on it. And I don't pay for dates, so if they don't go well then I see it more as just having fun with a friend. She seems to want to hang out this week so I'll probably use this last meet to just clarify what was going on and friend-zone her. If she doesn't want to be friends then I'll just say peace.
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On March 29 2012 02:35 StorkHwaiting wrote:Show nested quote +On March 28 2012 08:52 Jealous wrote:On March 28 2012 07:59 StorkHwaiting wrote:On March 27 2012 23:01 haduken wrote:
So what happened? Did you tell her?
Give us an update OP. Lol I did update. It's a few posts up. She flaked out on the date -_-. And she JUST texted me 5 min ago asking to hang out this week. Go with my plan. DO EET. Lol I had thought of doing something similar when I first found out she had a bf and got kind of pissed about her lying, but I only had a # of random dates with her over a period of months while seeing other girls as well so I'm not that hung up on it. And I don't pay for dates, so if they don't go well then I see it more as just having fun with a friend. She seems to want to hang out this week so I'll probably use this last meet to just clarify what was going on and friend-zone her. If she doesn't want to be friends then I'll just say peace.
Alright yo best of luck, report back! I know you well enough to know you won't come in there looking like >:| "YOU BEEN PLAYIN ME HO?" xD
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How old is the girl? That could be the problem.
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On March 29 2012 05:14 husniack wrote:
How old is the girl? That could be the problem.
She is 24, he is 27.
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Planning to write some long stuff, got to rekrul's post ... W/e he said
Make a move or go away, she's prolly just not sure about the BF. Most likely they're been together a while or something and as long as you're around she'll just keep trying to keep you around, just maybe. And she won't drop her bf for "maybe this guy wants to go out with me/likes me/will be my bf", not gonna happen until you show her your intentions, and even then ...
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On March 27 2012 23:52 Jealous wrote:
You're getting tooled bro. Girl clearly just wants a plan B ready and waiting for her if shit turns really sour with her boyfriend, but even despite the apparent shittiness of their relationship she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. That is because she is apparently afraid of being alone/dealing with the multiple suitors coming for her, and probably also because she must still like him more than you. In short, you're playing second fiddle to this dude, and she wants second best when shit goes wrong with the first. I'd take this as an insult, play along, wait until the time is right (when her other relationship fails), bang her a few times, play boyfriend/girlfriend but then tool her just like she tooled you - lie to her, deceive her, use her to satisfy my own desires/fears. Eventually when I find a girl I can truly connect with without a web of deception, I would continue to use her until that new girl is a done deal and we start going out.
Yea it's cruel, but what she is doing to you is not much different. I consider this karma, and I am the delivery man. If a person has no qualms about using me, I have no qualms about using them.
To be fair, this might be because I am not in the situation and don't know her personally, maybe she has a lot of problems or something and she can't really help it. But being complacent and letting her get away with such behavior isn't helping things either. Maybe I actually wouldn't be this vengeful, and just would cut shit off with her. That's what you should do unless you subscribe to my Babylonian approach.
This is evil, I'm gonna totally do this if I ever come across a similar situation as OP did. Thanks for the advice =P
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On March 29 2012 05:52 13_Doomblaze_37 wrote:Show nested quote +On March 27 2012 23:52 Jealous wrote:
You're getting tooled bro. Girl clearly just wants a plan B ready and waiting for her if shit turns really sour with her boyfriend, but even despite the apparent shittiness of their relationship she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. That is because she is apparently afraid of being alone/dealing with the multiple suitors coming for her, and probably also because she must still like him more than you. In short, you're playing second fiddle to this dude, and she wants second best when shit goes wrong with the first. I'd take this as an insult, play along, wait until the time is right (when her other relationship fails), bang her a few times, play boyfriend/girlfriend but then tool her just like she tooled you - lie to her, deceive her, use her to satisfy my own desires/fears. Eventually when I find a girl I can truly connect with without a web of deception, I would continue to use her until that new girl is a done deal and we start going out.
Yea it's cruel, but what she is doing to you is not much different. I consider this karma, and I am the delivery man. If a person has no qualms about using me, I have no qualms about using them.
To be fair, this might be because I am not in the situation and don't know her personally, maybe she has a lot of problems or something and she can't really help it. But being complacent and letting her get away with such behavior isn't helping things either. Maybe I actually wouldn't be this vengeful, and just would cut shit off with her. That's what you should do unless you subscribe to my Babylonian approach. This is evil, I'm gonna totally do this if I ever come across a similar situation as OP did. Thanks for the advice =P
No problem bro. Evil is so much more tangibly rewarding than good.
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On March 29 2012 06:51 Jealous wrote:Show nested quote +On March 29 2012 05:52 13_Doomblaze_37 wrote:On March 27 2012 23:52 Jealous wrote:
You're getting tooled bro. Girl clearly just wants a plan B ready and waiting for her if shit turns really sour with her boyfriend, but even despite the apparent shittiness of their relationship she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. That is because she is apparently afraid of being alone/dealing with the multiple suitors coming for her, and probably also because she must still like him more than you. In short, you're playing second fiddle to this dude, and she wants second best when shit goes wrong with the first. I'd take this as an insult, play along, wait until the time is right (when her other relationship fails), bang her a few times, play boyfriend/girlfriend but then tool her just like she tooled you - lie to her, deceive her, use her to satisfy my own desires/fears. Eventually when I find a girl I can truly connect with without a web of deception, I would continue to use her until that new girl is a done deal and we start going out.
Yea it's cruel, but what she is doing to you is not much different. I consider this karma, and I am the delivery man. If a person has no qualms about using me, I have no qualms about using them.
To be fair, this might be because I am not in the situation and don't know her personally, maybe she has a lot of problems or something and she can't really help it. But being complacent and letting her get away with such behavior isn't helping things either. Maybe I actually wouldn't be this vengeful, and just would cut shit off with her. That's what you should do unless you subscribe to my Babylonian approach. This is evil, I'm gonna totally do this if I ever come across a similar situation as OP did. Thanks for the advice =P No problem bro. Evil is so much more tangibly rewarding than good.
It's true. My only problem with the plan is that I've done something similar to it in my past and there were two major downsides.
A) After the girl realized what I'd done, she got revenge. And she was very thorough and very patient about it :-S
B) Having sex with a girl I didn't much care about and didn't particularly like wasn't enjoyable. In fact, I felt kind of disgusting and empty afterwards. Maybe I'm gay. I dno. Hate sex is pretty awesome because the emotions are intense. But indifferent, apathetic, mildly amused yet put off at the same time sex is just scarring for me.
As to being angry about playing second fiddle, I don't really feel insulted. Her bf got there first, established a rapport with her that's lasted over a year now, and I never thought me and her were very compatible to begin with. Whereas, in terms of life philosophy, background, and general personality, I think her bf's quite a decent guy. Also, he has the same last name as me, which I find quite funny and makes me feel a sense of kinship to him. If I was her, I'd probably pick him too. Especially since I don't go to any particular effort to woo her. I sort of just show up when she wants a date and go with the flow while trying to have a good time.
In terms of what I'm looking for, I came out of a loooong relationship a year ago and since then I guess I've sort of been fiddling around with random girls trying to see how I feel about things. A lot of exploration and figuring out what I want out of relationships etc. Whether I'm okay with casuals or open relationships, whether I like materialistic girls or artistic types or professional types or motherly types or stripper girls with necklace tattoos etc. There really is a huge assortment of diff types of girls and I'm starting to dial in on my "type," but I think I still have a long way to go. So I guess in general what I'm looking to do with this girl is refine my game, learn more about women in general, and the dynamics of relationships. The sex/relationship aspect is more a byproduct rather than the focus of my efforts if that makes any sense.
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On March 29 2012 05:08 Jealous wrote:Show nested quote +On March 29 2012 02:35 StorkHwaiting wrote:On March 28 2012 08:52 Jealous wrote:On March 28 2012 07:59 StorkHwaiting wrote:On March 27 2012 23:01 haduken wrote:
So what happened? Did you tell her?
Give us an update OP. Lol I did update. It's a few posts up. She flaked out on the date -_-. And she JUST texted me 5 min ago asking to hang out this week. Go with my plan. DO EET. Lol I had thought of doing something similar when I first found out she had a bf and got kind of pissed about her lying, but I only had a # of random dates with her over a period of months while seeing other girls as well so I'm not that hung up on it. And I don't pay for dates, so if they don't go well then I see it more as just having fun with a friend. She seems to want to hang out this week so I'll probably use this last meet to just clarify what was going on and friend-zone her. If she doesn't want to be friends then I'll just say peace. Alright yo best of luck, report back! I know you well enough to know you won't come in there looking like >:| "YOU BEEN PLAYIN ME HO?" xD
Haha, I will be a paragon of eloquence when broaching the subject. And then I will report back here :D
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This is probably the most interesting girlblog and followup i've ever read
5/5 would read again
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On March 29 2012 06:51 Jealous wrote:Show nested quote +On March 29 2012 05:52 13_Doomblaze_37 wrote:On March 27 2012 23:52 Jealous wrote:
You're getting tooled bro. Girl clearly just wants a plan B ready and waiting for her if shit turns really sour with her boyfriend, but even despite the apparent shittiness of their relationship she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. That is because she is apparently afraid of being alone/dealing with the multiple suitors coming for her, and probably also because she must still like him more than you. In short, you're playing second fiddle to this dude, and she wants second best when shit goes wrong with the first. I'd take this as an insult, play along, wait until the time is right (when her other relationship fails), bang her a few times, play boyfriend/girlfriend but then tool her just like she tooled you - lie to her, deceive her, use her to satisfy my own desires/fears. Eventually when I find a girl I can truly connect with without a web of deception, I would continue to use her until that new girl is a done deal and we start going out.
Yea it's cruel, but what she is doing to you is not much different. I consider this karma, and I am the delivery man. If a person has no qualms about using me, I have no qualms about using them.
To be fair, this might be because I am not in the situation and don't know her personally, maybe she has a lot of problems or something and she can't really help it. But being complacent and letting her get away with such behavior isn't helping things either. Maybe I actually wouldn't be this vengeful, and just would cut shit off with her. That's what you should do unless you subscribe to my Babylonian approach. This is evil, I'm gonna totally do this if I ever come across a similar situation as OP did. Thanks for the advice =P No problem bro. Evil is so much more tangibly rewarding than good.
wow that's amazing I have to keep that one in mind.
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On March 29 2012 06:51 Jealous wrote:Show nested quote +On March 29 2012 05:52 13_Doomblaze_37 wrote:On March 27 2012 23:52 Jealous wrote:
You're getting tooled bro. Girl clearly just wants a plan B ready and waiting for her if shit turns really sour with her boyfriend, but even despite the apparent shittiness of their relationship she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. That is because she is apparently afraid of being alone/dealing with the multiple suitors coming for her, and probably also because she must still like him more than you. In short, you're playing second fiddle to this dude, and she wants second best when shit goes wrong with the first. I'd take this as an insult, play along, wait until the time is right (when her other relationship fails), bang her a few times, play boyfriend/girlfriend but then tool her just like she tooled you - lie to her, deceive her, use her to satisfy my own desires/fears. Eventually when I find a girl I can truly connect with without a web of deception, I would continue to use her until that new girl is a done deal and we start going out.
Yea it's cruel, but what she is doing to you is not much different. I consider this karma, and I am the delivery man. If a person has no qualms about using me, I have no qualms about using them.
To be fair, this might be because I am not in the situation and don't know her personally, maybe she has a lot of problems or something and she can't really help it. But being complacent and letting her get away with such behavior isn't helping things either. Maybe I actually wouldn't be this vengeful, and just would cut shit off with her. That's what you should do unless you subscribe to my Babylonian approach. This is evil, I'm gonna totally do this if I ever come across a similar situation as OP did. Thanks for the advice =P No problem bro. Evil is so much more tangibly rewarding than good.
It's not evil, it's just.
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On March 30 2012 03:57 Stratos wrote:Show nested quote +On March 29 2012 06:51 Jealous wrote:On March 29 2012 05:52 13_Doomblaze_37 wrote:On March 27 2012 23:52 Jealous wrote:
You're getting tooled bro. Girl clearly just wants a plan B ready and waiting for her if shit turns really sour with her boyfriend, but even despite the apparent shittiness of their relationship she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. That is because she is apparently afraid of being alone/dealing with the multiple suitors coming for her, and probably also because she must still like him more than you. In short, you're playing second fiddle to this dude, and she wants second best when shit goes wrong with the first. I'd take this as an insult, play along, wait until the time is right (when her other relationship fails), bang her a few times, play boyfriend/girlfriend but then tool her just like she tooled you - lie to her, deceive her, use her to satisfy my own desires/fears. Eventually when I find a girl I can truly connect with without a web of deception, I would continue to use her until that new girl is a done deal and we start going out.
Yea it's cruel, but what she is doing to you is not much different. I consider this karma, and I am the delivery man. If a person has no qualms about using me, I have no qualms about using them.
To be fair, this might be because I am not in the situation and don't know her personally, maybe she has a lot of problems or something and she can't really help it. But being complacent and letting her get away with such behavior isn't helping things either. Maybe I actually wouldn't be this vengeful, and just would cut shit off with her. That's what you should do unless you subscribe to my Babylonian approach. This is evil, I'm gonna totally do this if I ever come across a similar situation as OP did. Thanks for the advice =P No problem bro. Evil is so much more tangibly rewarding than good. It's not evil, it's just.
If what she did is (let's be broad here) an evil act, and justice is served by reproducing that evil act, then can we not classify it as being just and evil?
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On March 30 2012 04:28 Jealous wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2012 03:57 Stratos wrote:On March 29 2012 06:51 Jealous wrote:On March 29 2012 05:52 13_Doomblaze_37 wrote:On March 27 2012 23:52 Jealous wrote:
You're getting tooled bro. Girl clearly just wants a plan B ready and waiting for her if shit turns really sour with her boyfriend, but even despite the apparent shittiness of their relationship she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. That is because she is apparently afraid of being alone/dealing with the multiple suitors coming for her, and probably also because she must still like him more than you. In short, you're playing second fiddle to this dude, and she wants second best when shit goes wrong with the first. I'd take this as an insult, play along, wait until the time is right (when her other relationship fails), bang her a few times, play boyfriend/girlfriend but then tool her just like she tooled you - lie to her, deceive her, use her to satisfy my own desires/fears. Eventually when I find a girl I can truly connect with without a web of deception, I would continue to use her until that new girl is a done deal and we start going out.
Yea it's cruel, but what she is doing to you is not much different. I consider this karma, and I am the delivery man. If a person has no qualms about using me, I have no qualms about using them.
To be fair, this might be because I am not in the situation and don't know her personally, maybe she has a lot of problems or something and she can't really help it. But being complacent and letting her get away with such behavior isn't helping things either. Maybe I actually wouldn't be this vengeful, and just would cut shit off with her. That's what you should do unless you subscribe to my Babylonian approach. This is evil, I'm gonna totally do this if I ever come across a similar situation as OP did. Thanks for the advice =P No problem bro. Evil is so much more tangibly rewarding than good. It's not evil, it's just. If what she did is (let's be broad here) an evil act, and justice is served by reproducing that evil act, then can we not classify it as being just and evil?
Sure we can do that. I'm sorry I shouldn't have started a discussion about what's evil, good, beautiful and just. I'm not particularly fond of these terms anyway. My point was that I like it and personally I feel a sense of relief or balance when I treat others the way they treat me. I don't like the whole Jesus approach that much because it never really worked for me.
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On March 30 2012 05:41 Stratos wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2012 04:28 Jealous wrote:On March 30 2012 03:57 Stratos wrote:On March 29 2012 06:51 Jealous wrote:On March 29 2012 05:52 13_Doomblaze_37 wrote:On March 27 2012 23:52 Jealous wrote:
You're getting tooled bro. Girl clearly just wants a plan B ready and waiting for her if shit turns really sour with her boyfriend, but even despite the apparent shittiness of their relationship she doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. That is because she is apparently afraid of being alone/dealing with the multiple suitors coming for her, and probably also because she must still like him more than you. In short, you're playing second fiddle to this dude, and she wants second best when shit goes wrong with the first. I'd take this as an insult, play along, wait until the time is right (when her other relationship fails), bang her a few times, play boyfriend/girlfriend but then tool her just like she tooled you - lie to her, deceive her, use her to satisfy my own desires/fears. Eventually when I find a girl I can truly connect with without a web of deception, I would continue to use her until that new girl is a done deal and we start going out.
Yea it's cruel, but what she is doing to you is not much different. I consider this karma, and I am the delivery man. If a person has no qualms about using me, I have no qualms about using them.
To be fair, this might be because I am not in the situation and don't know her personally, maybe she has a lot of problems or something and she can't really help it. But being complacent and letting her get away with such behavior isn't helping things either. Maybe I actually wouldn't be this vengeful, and just would cut shit off with her. That's what you should do unless you subscribe to my Babylonian approach. This is evil, I'm gonna totally do this if I ever come across a similar situation as OP did. Thanks for the advice =P No problem bro. Evil is so much more tangibly rewarding than good. It's not evil, it's just. If what she did is (let's be broad here) an evil act, and justice is served by reproducing that evil act, then can we not classify it as being just and evil? Sure we can do that. I'm sorry I shouldn't have started a discussion about what's evil, good, beautiful and just. I'm not particularly fond of these terms anyway. My point was that I like it and personally I feel a sense of relief or balance when I treat others the way they treat me. I don't like the whole Jesus approach that much because it never really worked for me.
You're preaching top the choir on most of the things you've said above. I was just defending my own mentality xD I definitely admire the "he who casts the first stone..." mentality but I will never advocate anything but the opposite in situations like these, because that is what the Babylonian inside of me demands.
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You're either all in, or you're all out.
That's Poker Folks.
Only thing that came to my mind, hope inputs some perspective.
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On March 22 2012 05:46 slam wrote:
The real question is:
Could you beat up her boyfriend?
If so, then pursue.
If he is bigger than you, maybe gtfo. Of course you could always resort to fighting dirty or just jumping him with some homies.
Yeah, if he's big and strong, ask Mora for help and jump him with some other hornies !
Edit: I also was waiting for T's and P's in the story 
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EPT
