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FractalsOnFire
Australia1756 Posts
On October 10 2011 20:10 Hassybaby wrote: 4 days, and not a single Girl Blog? Is it possible that TL is actually happy, and there are no more issues?!?! http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=273445 This thread in the general section fulfills my need for girl blogs. | ||
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Snuggles
United States1865 Posts
The hair dresser I always go to moved away all the way to TEXAS!!! And I'm madly in love with her! What should I do? Should I quit school and go on the greatest journey in the history of my manlihood to tell her that I love her? Do I think she's worth it? SHE CUT MY HAIR FOR 2 YEARS WITHOUT FAIL BROHEIM! And now I don't have anyone to cut my hair. What if it gets so long that she won't even recognize me?! Time is running out... I need help deciding quick... | ||
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Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
On October 10 2011 23:16 Snuggles wrote: I live in Massachusetts. The hair dresser I always go to moved away all the way to TEXAS!!! And I'm madly in love with her! What should I do? Should I quit school and go on the greatest journey in the history of my manlihood to tell her that I love her? Do I think she's worth it? SHE CUT MY HAIR FOR 2 YEARS WITHOUT FAIL BROHEIM! And now I don't have anyone to cut my hair. What if it gets so long that she won't even recognize me?! Time is running out... I need help deciding quick... it's a sign of true love when someone cuts your hair. giving up on her will haunt you till the day you die, whereas there is no potential for regrets if you leave school and go on the greatest journey in the history of your manlihood to tell her that you love her. DO IT. | ||
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Hassybaby
United Kingdom10823 Posts
On October 10 2011 20:30 FractalsOnFire wrote: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=273445 This thread in the general section fulfills my need for girl blogs. I've been reading that a lot, but there's no cries for help, just sad stories  | ||
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Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
On October 10 2011 20:10 Hassybaby wrote: 4 days, and not a single Girl Blog? Is it possible that TL is actually happy, and there are no more issues?!?! I'm pretty unhappy and have tons of issues, but I would ignore pretty much all advice here. Guess I could still post here if you're dying for drama, lol. | ||
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FractalsOnFire
Australia1756 Posts
On October 11 2011 00:23 Mogwai wrote: I'm pretty unhappy and have tons of issues, but I would ignore pretty much all advice here. Guess I could still post here if you're dying for drama, lol. Please do. Reading about other people's drama is always entertaining. Yeah i know i'm a bit of a schadenfreude. Sue me. | ||
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jjun212
Canada2208 Posts
But then.. I also hear stories of never burning bridges. People always say, do you really think you can be friends with this person right now? But aren't you NOT in the right state of mind to be answering questions logically after you've been heartbroken? What am I supposed to do.. I know each situation is entirely different and you can't TELL me what to do with my life but.. I just don't have an answer for myself.. I don't want to delete her from Facebook or MSN (though I did delete her cell number and the texts), because I don't want her to think or know that I'm depressed about this. I haven't fallen to the point where I cried or begged her or told her I still miss her and stuff. But I did annoy her when I was asking her why she wasn't texting me anymore. Like at all. So that's why I deleted her number, to prevent myself from doing something like that again. If she sees that I deleted her from everything, I'm worried she'll think I'm sad, angry.. powerless, basically what I am actually feeling.. But I don't want to get better one day and then miss out on her completely if I burn this bridge between us.. What really hurts me though is.. if she wants to be with someone else, which she probably is doing. I don't know how to react to that. I haven't seen or heard of it yet... but when I do, I don't know how I'm supposed to act. It's never happened to me before. Being rejected just to see the girl with another guy in the next 2-3 months or so. I am scared.. I really am. | ||
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yourwhiteshadow
United States442 Posts
On October 11 2011 01:40 jjun212 wrote: I've heard over and over again to cut off all ties to someone who has basically rejected you or broken your heart. Like no cell phone number, no MSN, no Facebook, etc.. Because even if you still love the person, you need to be away from them to move on. Health wise, it's better for you..? But then.. I also hear stories of never burning bridges. People always say, do you really think you can be friends with this person right now? But aren't you NOT in the right state of mind to be answering questions logically after you've been heartbroken? What am I supposed to do.. I know each situation is entirely different and you can't TELL me what to do with my life but.. I just don't have an answer for myself.. I don't want to delete her from Facebook or MSN (though I did delete her cell number and the texts), because I don't want her to think or know that I'm depressed about this. I haven't fallen to the point where I cried or begged her or told her I still miss her and stuff. But I did annoy her when I was asking her why she wasn't texting me anymore. Like at all. So that's why I deleted her number, to prevent myself from doing something like that again. If she sees that I deleted her from everything, I'm worried she'll think I'm sad, angry.. powerless, basically what I am actually feeling.. But I don't want to get better one day and then miss out on her completely if I burn this bridge between us.. What really hurts me though is.. if she wants to be with someone else, which she probably is doing. I don't know how to react to that. I haven't seen or heard of it yet... but when I do, I don't know how I'm supposed to act. It's never happened to me before. Being rejected just to see the girl with another guy in the next 2-3 months or so. I am scared.. I really am. OK, so this girl consistently doesn't give a crap about you. She doesn't respond to your texts, and she's probably with someone else, yet you still want to be with her? Why don't you do this, FORGET ABOUT HER. It seems like she's at the moment trying to delete you from life. You don't have to delete her from FB or anything extreme, but you also don't need to be in contact with her. Do yourself a favor and be happy. Plenty of fish in the sea. | ||
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Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
On October 11 2011 01:22 FractalsOnFire wrote: Please do. Reading about other people's drama is always entertaining. Yeah i know i'm a bit of a schadenfreude. Sue me. I've been with my girlfriend for... a long time now. January 2005, so I guess 6.5+ years. We met in college, I fell pretty hard for her, and we've more-or-less been together ever since. Neither of us were terribly on top of our job searches and planning for our futures out of college, so we both sorta ended up taking what we could get, which put me in Connecticut with a Software Engineering job and she ended up back home in Maryland with a 2-year fellowship at the National Institute of Health. It was tough doing the distance for those 2 years, but I always figured that after she was done with that, she'd be ready to get her Masters or PHD (she's expressed interest in those as what she was going to do after the fellowship) and that we would figure out a way to get close to each other when she made that move. That was more than a year and a half ago. She still hasn't gotten into a graduate program that she's interested in and is still living at home with her mother and doing tutoring to pay bills. Then there's her mother. Her parents are divorced and she's grown fiercely protective of her mother. Her mom sure hasn't made our relationship easier and while I'm not going to go into full detail about it, I think I can sum it all up with the anecdote about our graduation... The night before we graduated from college, my GF's mom and sister were driving up from Maryland to Pittsburgh. Her mother and sister got into an argument and her mom asked to be dropped off at a hotel an hour and half away from Pittsburgh. Obviously my gf was distraught over this and I woke up at 6 AM the morning of my own college graduation to do the 3 hour round trip drive to pick her mother up and bring her to Pittsburgh. Note: I kept my feelings about how absurd the whole situation was to myself and never brought this up with her mother. Fast forward to 6 months later, when I broke up with my gf over the distance. We patched things up over a couple weeks and decided to keep doing distance, but her mom, the same mom I bailed out on her daughter's graduation day, decided to use the breakup as an excuse to forbid me from staying in their house, so that I had to book a nearby hotel any time I wanted to go down and visit... Yea, needless to say, not crazy about her mom. So basically, I've been stuck in LDR for 3.5 years, waiting for my girlfriend to take the next step in her life so that I can make a move to her without feeling like I'm moving to a place that will: 1. be completely temporary 2. be near her mother And it's still no closer to that resolution. Add onto this whole problem the fact that I've been in the same job for these 3.5 years and spent this time carving out a niche for myself where I am, making friendships I value and progressing my career. My GF is now looking for jobs near me, but she's been looking for 6 months now and is still turning up blanks. I've been begging her to just move in with me up here every year when it comes time for me to renew my lease/find a new one, but she's intent on not making any moves until she can support herself. But that's not working for me. Really never has been, I've just been tolerating it because I honestly love her and want to be with her, but the longer it drags on, the more apparent it becomes that I should've just ducked out years ago and saved myself all this time of Relationship Limbo. I guess the final straw that's breaking the camel's back for me is that never, NEVER, not even once in our 6.5 years together has my gf spent a holiday with my family and I. I've done 4 Christmas Eve -> Christmas Mornings with her family, which is one of my favorite times of year with my family. Yet she still won't do so much as thanksgiving with us. She always cites her mother being alone on a holiday as the reason she won't come to a holiday (needless to say, even if I had the power to invite her mother as well, I wouldn't really want to), yet every Thanksgiving, she goes with her mom to her mom's boss's house to celebrate and then complains to me about how she doesn't know anyone there and no one's the same age as her. Like, really!? Your mom has somewhere to be, with people you don't even know, and you can't let her go to that alone so that you can actually come to a holiday with my family? That just seems so fucked up to me and particularly this year, when I pointed all this out to her and told her to come to my family's thanksgiving in Chicago and that I would pay for her to come and that I frankly, NEED her to come, she's still intent on staying home with her mother. Uhg, so yea, you all are just gonna say I need to peace out now and I agree. The family issues will never resolve and the distance is going nowhere fast. I should back out now. But it's still so hard. After all this time, and all that we've been through, she still loves me and accepts me for who I am and I still love her too. And the logical piece of my mind still feels pot committed, I've spent so much time on her. *sigh*, just gotta accept that it has to be over and figure out how to tell her... | ||
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FractalsOnFire
Australia1756 Posts
Also that last line just reminded me of the sunk cost fallacy | ||
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Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
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Servius_Fulvius
United States947 Posts
On October 11 2011 02:57 Mogwai wrote: Uhg, so yea, you all are just gonna say I need to peace out now and I agree. The family issues will never resolve and the distance is going nowhere fast. I should back out now. But it's still so hard. After all this time, and all that we've been through, she still loves me and accepts me for who I am and I still love her too. And the logical piece of my mind still feels pot committed, I've spent so much time on her. *sigh*, just gotta accept that it has to be over and figure out how to tell her... My current girlfriend was stuck in a loveless relationship for two years. Her excuse of staying was more or less "we have a lot of history" and a lot of her insecurities with me stem from us not having that kind of history yet. When you've been in a relationship with someone as long as you there's a tendency to believe that being good in the past means the future should also be good even if the present sucks OR that since you've been together so long it means you may as well stay together longer. You've given her an inordinate amount of time and it's time you put that to an end. If I were you I'd tell her to come be with me or move on. I understand family loyalty, but parents need to let go and let their children live their own life. If she's unwilling to do that then you'll just be waiting for her to grow up (VERY unfair to you). You see the logic in this, but the emotional factor is very strong. If that's the case and you're sticking with her purely off emotions then ask yourself "Am I holding myself back?". Oh, and invite her mom to a holiday if that's the difference between seeing her or not. You didn't blow up on her with the graduation fiasco, so I know you have the maturity to pull this off. | ||
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Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
On October 11 2011 04:06 Servius_Fulvius wrote: My current girlfriend was stuck in a loveless relationship for two years. Her excuse of staying was more or less "we have a lot of history" and a lot of her insecurities with me stem from us not having that kind of history yet. When you've been in a relationship with someone as long as you there's a tendency to believe that being good in the past means the future should also be good even if the present sucks OR that since you've been together so long it means you may as well stay together longer. You've given her an inordinate amount of time and it's time you put that to an end. If I were you I'd tell her to come be with me or move on. I understand family loyalty, but parents need to let go and let their children live their own life. If she's unwilling to do that then you'll just be waiting for her to grow up (VERY unfair to you). You see the logic in this, but the emotional factor is very strong. If that's the case and you're sticking with her purely off emotions then ask yourself "Am I holding myself back?". Oh, and invite her mom to a holiday if that's the difference between seeing her or not. You didn't blow up on her with the graduation fiasco, so I know you have the maturity to pull this off. I like to think that if things were really loveless with the relationship, I would get out ASAP. But we still love each other and have a great time when we're together. It's just that I'm done with this only being together every 3 weekends crap =\. Honestly, I don't want to invite her mom along. And in this year's case, this is at my Aunt's house with the whole extended family, which would be socially awkward at best to try to get her mom even invited. And if she were invited, I don't think she'd spend the money on it. I don't mind covering my gf's expenses for a trip like this, but I'll be damned if I pay her mom's way too. Even assuming she went, then it would be the process of incorporating both her and her mom into the family, rather than just incorporating her, which would ruin the whole point of getting her to meet my family (since she'd feel obligated to spend most of the time with her mom since her mom wouldn't know anyone). Oh and have I mentioned that we can't sleep together when her mom's around? Assuming her mom went, she would stay in the hotel with her mother, and I would be in my own room or staying on the couch at my Aunt's house. See why the idea isn't at all appealing to me? The idea of never having a holiday with her and not her mom isn't acceptable to me at this point. I've seen too much of her mom to trust her mom to not create some form of stupid ass drama that will ultimately make the experience less enjoyable for my whole family. So yea, this might be an unacceptable hangup on my part, but it's not really something I can get over so acknowledging it and dealing with it is necessary. | ||
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Servius_Fulvius
United States947 Posts
On October 11 2011 04:22 Mogwai wrote: I like to think that if things were really loveless with the relationship, I would get out ASAP. But we still love each other and have a great time when we're together. It's just that I'm done with this only being together every 3 weekends crap =\. If you're done you're done. Break up. It's happened before and it seems like you're a ticking time-bomb. Long distance only works when you're both 100% committed. If she's more committed elsewhere then you're going to end up feeling gyped. My point with the loveless relationship was to show that a relationship without love was sustained for well over a year because they had already put so much work into it. The logic was something like "I've already put in a ton of work so why throw that away?". Putting love into the equation I can only imagine that two people can go for an incredibly long time until one or both can't take it anymore. Honestly, I don't want to invite her mom along. And in this year's case, this is at my Aunt's house with the whole extended family, which would be socially awkward at best to try to get her mom even invited. And if she were invited, I don't think she'd spend the money on it. I don't mind covering my gf's expenses for a trip like this, but I'll be damned if I pay her mom's way too. Even assuming she went, then it would be the process of incorporating both her and her mom into the family, rather than just incorporating her, which would ruin the whole point of getting her to meet my family (since she'd feel obligated to spend most of the time with her mom since her mom wouldn't know anyone). Oh and have I mentioned that we can't sleep together when her mom's around? Assuming her mom went, she would stay in the hotel with her mother, and I would be in my own room or staying on the couch at my Aunt's house. See why the idea isn't at all appealing to me? What means more to you - having your girlfriend meet your family OR having your girlfriend meet your family and have everything happen exactly the way you want it? Relationships are give-and-take and the whole "have my cake and it it too" mentality leads to a lot of frustration. The idea of never having a holiday with her and not her mom isn't acceptable to me at this point. I've seen too much of her mom to trust her mom to not create some form of stupid ass drama that will ultimately make the experience less enjoyable for my whole family. So yea, this might be an unacceptable hangup on my part, but it's not really something I can get over so acknowledging it and dealing with it is necessary. I'm assuming you've talked to your girlfriend about your feelings towards her mother but if you haven't you REALLY should. Anyway, why do you even need a holiday to bring her home to meet the family? If I were you I'd get in the car on one of her visits (or your visit to her, whichever is closer) and just drive there. Subtle? No. Making something happen? Yes. If the issue is a Thanksgiving/Christmas then just take her home on a different holiday. Better yet, make up your own! If it's about the "togetherness of family" ideals then bring her along on a celebration. Yes, I agree, there is zero equity in holiday celebrations and if it means that much to you then you'd just have to warn your family about her mom ahead of time. | ||
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Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
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Noximous
United States29 Posts
I recently starting hanging out with this girl from one of my classes last semester. I don't have any classes with her this semester but we've been hanging out a bit. I've been with her on 4 dates. Now I have fun every time I go out with her, but I really don't want to keep this relationship going. Problem is the last 2 times we've been together, shes given me 3 BJs. I feel kind of obligated to stick around for awhile and maybe go out a few more times with her and ending the evening without a sexual activity.I feel like I'd be a real dick (NPI) to just stop talking to her or anything like that. She said she didn't want to have sex and that she wasn't looking for a fuck buddy and that she really wanted to get to know me better. I don't want a fuck buddy either but for whatever reason, I have little to no interest pursuing this further. Also - I've told her some personal things about myself that I wouldn't like her to plaster my facebook wall with if she were to get particularly mad at me. And I don't want to defriend her and have her coming in to where I work calling me an asshole. (I'm not sure if she would actually do that, but I don't know her that well at all) We're supposed to go somewhere together this Saturday and I'm thinking about just going and having a great time but then just explaining that I don't think we should see each other anymore. But no matter how many times I play that over in my head, I never see it going well. What do you all think? Thank you. | ||
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Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
having a good time -> breaking up (if you can even call it that since you guys aren't really together) doesn't seem like it will work out well, but I have very limited breaking up experience, so you might want another opinion on what you should do with that. | ||
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Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
Anyway, just felt like letting you guys know. Again, not really looking for advice, just sharing since it's been 4 days without girl drama to stew over in here. | ||
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iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
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dapierow
Serbia1316 Posts
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