0. EVERYONE IS WELCOME TO PARTICIPATE. I am not so egotistical to pretend my word is law and this thread should be only for my opinion. I welcome everyone to post your thoughts, advice, and opinions. I will be putting what I find to be the best advice in the OP, and all my responses to questions as well. This is to make searching for similar questions easier as we tackle more and more issues.
1. ANY RESPONSE FROM ME WILL BE MY OPINION. I will never assert that what I am saying is absolute fact, these are merely my opinions. Like all opinions, they are biased by my personal experiences, point of view, and other biases including but not limited to : politics, religion, and morality. Keep this in mind when reading any response written by me.
2. ANY RESPONSE FROM SOMEONE ELSE IS ALSO AN OPINION. Just making sure I cover all bases.
3. I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF THERE WAS NO ARGUING. Constructive discussion only. We are not here to attack each other, but to help each other.
4. WE ARE ONLY AS INFORMED AS YOU MAKE US. We do not know you. We do not know her/him. You do. It is your job to inform us as to the issue in as objective, accurate, and complete a manner you can. This is the best way to help us help you. Feel free to clear up misconceptions.
5. RANTS AND 'VENTING' ARE WELCOME. But, try to be somewhat reasonable and constructive. If you don't want people to respond to what you wrote, then you shouldn't have posted it on a public forum. If you want someone to listen to your problems just to talk to you about it or console you, that is fine.
6. BOTH BOY AND GIRL QUESTIONS ARE WELCOME. As rare as it might be to see a boy blog, I think that a community full of men is probably going to produce better results for boy blogs than girl blogs, so boy or girl, it doesn't matter, post away!
7. THERE BE 'TROLLS' ABOUT. Please don't post fake questions/fake issues. It probably won't be that clever or interesting, and you'll be wasting both of our time. I will respond to you in the same manner that you post, so if your situation seems ridiculous or bullshit, I will bullshit back. I figure it's the best balance.
With that said, I look forward to your participation in this thread! I hope you find it helpful.
Recently Chill sent me this PM:
Original message from Chill: Listen, I appreciate what you are trying to do. I can see that you are trying to raise the quality of girl blogs and the comments in them. Personally I find this to be futile, and has actually only increased the amount of these terrible threads. I hold you personally responsible, do something about it.
I figured the only proper counter-measure would be to open a thread that might put a stop to the plague that we have all been trying to cure. I hope that all of us together can rise above the desire to create more threads that will be open to ridicule, mocking, and Chill's disapproval. I think that this thread will help minimize some of the redundancy and clutter in the blogs section. My goal is that people consider posting their issues here instead of creating new blogs.
Okay, honestly, Chill never sent that PM. But that's okay, I am making this thread anyway. I want to direct your attention to the disclaimer at the top. If you skipped it, I strongly suggest you read it before you post. If you already read it, read it AGAIN.
You should have a good idea about what this thread is for now. If you feel like you want advice, opinions, or just someone to hear you out and talk to you about your girl/boy/relationship/seduction issue, at least 1 person (me) will help you (if and when I can ^^; ). If you have any suggestions, let me know. And remember, everyone is welcome to participate in both advice-giving and requesting.
One final thing, I am willing to put a decent amount of effort in this, I once again hope that you enjoy this thread and find it helpful!
EDIT: Anyone who I give advice to: If you like it, rate it! I want to join Liquid` proposting team ASAP.
On July 25 2011 08:06 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Doing an activity in itself isn't going to change your situation (though it will give you opportunities). Women simply want a well rounded individual who is confident in everything they do, even if they don't do much at all.
The fact that you don't have much to talk about yourself is almost a blessing in disguise. No man ever gets a girl by talking about himself much (or at all). Try and think of questions you could ask a random girl to learn a little about her and get her to open up. All girls will open up verbally if you ask the right questions unless they are repulsed by you in the first place. It takes time and practice to learn on how to keep the conversation going. Wit with women is a natural talent for some, but it's a learned art for most.
To add to this, I want to say that it's sometimes dangerous to ask too many questions. People love to talk about themselves but they don't like being interrogated. Plus, it will make the conversation very one-sided and you should always strive for a more balanced exchange.
It's so damn ez to talk to girls. I don't get why anyone ever has an issue. Just get acquainted with a few of her friends. Then ask her how her friends are doing. Women can gossip for days about other women. Don't see her for a few days and she'll have a whole new batch of gossip to talk about.
On the extremely rare occasion a girl has run out of things to gossip about, bring up food or clothing or a story of some other slut you know and ask her opinion.
If she's pseudointellectual, ask her what book she's read lately and then ask her what she likes about it where she found it etc, then segue that into gossip about how dumb other bitches are who don't read books and thus again begins the chain of female gossip badmouthing of her competition for semen.
Talking to women really doesn't take any effort, thought, or anything other than mention of certain buzzwords and exhibiting signs of amusement/interest as the girl natters on forever about it. Then just posit some sort of moral position she finds appealing when she asks your opinion and continue to think about whatever it is you actually care about while she goes on talking.
It's when you actually give a shit and start trying to say something meaningful or voice actual opinions that things really go down the drain with women. But by that point you're in a relationship having sex for months now and yah.
p.s. don't talk to girls about their hobbies. that's retarded. mostly because their hobbies will be boring and if not, it doesn't matter anyway. hobbies get you on the crappy friendship tip. keep her talking about her competition. it will remind her of how much she wants semen and how many slutty conniving women are competing with her for it. her focus will be on the fact you have semen and other girls want it. this is the proper mindset to keep a woman in when talking to her. not her fucking hobbies like growing gardenias or grooming her yorkie. then she will be thinking about soil absorbancy and flea medications instead of your semen.
On July 25 2011 05:24 Hikko wrote: I'm planning on taking a girl out for a nice dinner date, but is just dinner enough for a date, or do I need to take her somewhere else as well?
Is this your first date? If so, you might want to set it a little earlier in the evening and discuss her interests then, and propose something based on what you find out after you gauge her desire to go and do things. If anything, you can set up something for next time. Sometimes it can be awkward to propose too many things to do when you don't know her that well.
If it's not your first date, I propose that you ask her if she wants to do something fun, like show her some of her hobbies or vice-versa, or do something before/after dinner. Asking them is the best way to choose the right activity, really (:
On July 25 2011 05:25 Roffles wrote: I have this girl I really like, but I don't know what to do. A close friend of mine says that I should just break into her house and eat her food while watching her TV and waiting for her to come back. I'm not sure if I should listen to his advice. It seems really whack.
I come to you because you seem like a guy who would know what to do in my situation. Do I continue creeping? Or do I take action and do what my friend said?
Normally I don't condone 'creeping' but seeing as you are a valued member of this community, I will give you my professional advice on this matter.
Your friend clearly wants you in jail. I suggest you creep on him for a while, first of all as practice, second of all to be aware of his actions, for your own safety. He could have more devious plans in store for you than just misinformation.
I think that the best option here is to not break any laws, but rather work around them. Tail her for a few days, see what she does and when she does it. Then, start picking up on her hobbies. if she goes to the gym, time for you to go too. If she plays tennis, pick up tennis. Then, start showing up to the places she frequents and show that you have similar interests to her. This will lead to a sense of comfort, and will be a good excuse if she catches on to you creeping around.
The next step is to casually appear in places she goes for entertainment, like bars or clubs. This 'coincidence' could be sold as being romantic destiny, and from there it depends on your skills with the ladies to determine your success. GOOD LUCK!
On July 25 2011 05:28 Chairman Ray wrote: Don't use her toilet though, girls can tell if you used their toilet
On July 25 2011 05:43 Roffles wrote: Oh man Kittens you're the best! I'll just do whatever she likes, even though I might hate it!
Men have sacrificed much more for vaginal intercourse, I think that you should keep that in mind. You either want it or you don't. If a few hours of doing something you hate for pussy is not something you're willing to do, then you might be in for a bitter disappointment further down the line. Marriage is basically accepting that you have to do things you hate for the rest of your life.
On July 25 2011 05:31 Bippzy wrote: There's this adopted asian girl who I've been friends with for years and she feels like she needs extra attention(read: wants love from any guy that will give it to her) because she's adopted and has low self esteem. So i went out with her, we hooked up, I broke up with her, we hooked up some more, she got another boyfriend, they did way more stuff then I would do in high school(I'm only HJ and BJ in HS), her mom caught them, now she's single again. I'm going to a bikini party she's going to be at soon. Should I not hook up with her to try to stop her from being a slut or should I look out for myself and get me some ass?
If you feel guilty hooking up with her, don't. If you don't, then hook up with her. If she wants it, then she already made her choice, ball's in your court. This is a morality question, and thus it is entirely up to what you think is right.
On July 25 2011 05:34 RedJustice wrote: You not hooking up with someone won't prevent them from being a slut, that's something they do to themselves. If you care about her as a good friend, might not want to keep hooking up with her if you have no intentions. She will probably end up transferring her neediness to you, which it seems you aren't particularly interested in handling.
On July 25 2011 05:42 DanCeWithDevil wrote: So I found out this girl I had been meeting was engaged through the grapevine. She never told me about it and when I asked her about it she said the wedding isn't going to happen and refused to tell me about the fiance or the situation. I was not sure if she was into me or not.
After a couple months of not seeing her for whatever reasons she came to my city and really wanted to see me. We met up for dinner and she was acting like she really liked me, showing direct interest. I see an engagement ring on her ring finger that had to be worth atleast 40,000$. I ask her with a confident jeering smile "what the fuck is that?" and she says its her engagement ring but refuses once again to talk about it at all. I press her a bit and she acts really weird and keeps trying to change the subject. Whatever I oblige we have a simple night but I tell her I have other plans and leave because I get a weird feeling.
There is no contact between us for a few days then like 4 days later she calls me up saying 'lets hang out.'
We meet up and she grabs my arm instantly in the street walking as if I'm her boyfriend or whatevs. I'm thinking 'man this is weird.' I look at her in the eyes then at her arm holding mine then back at her and say "What the fuck is this?" She replies "I don't know," and gives a girly smile.
We get to this lounge-type drinking place and after we sit down indian style I notice she still has that ring on...
Whats my game plan from this point on?
To me it seems like she just wants to have you on the side for now, before she has to commit forever to one guy. Fear of commitment is very typical in both men and women who are about to be married, hence the raunchy bachelor/bachelorette parties. Unfortunately this is a very immature mentality, because if she is willing to cheat before marriage, she will be willing to cheat after, most likely. This is once again a moral issue, so the answer lies within yourself. If you're willing to let her get her fix of cock before she gets married despite the fact that it's still cheating, then do so. If you'd feel guilty, then don't.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
Flirt back, show interest, stop asking about the marriage. Go out for a few drinks, take her back to your place, set yourself to sit next to her, make your move (this is assuming she hasn't already). If she is not cool with this and was merely trying to lead you on for the sake of some internal insecurity or commitment issue, she needs to get the fuck out of your house and your life.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
WTF?
Women are fickle creatures with their own insecurities and oddities, just like men. They only manifest differently.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
WTF?
Don't do it. gg no re
Indecisive women are a pain in the ass.
Yeah, I definitely wasn't going to do it. Then I was drunk at 4 AM one morning and texted her saying she can come over now. She came over and got all serious mode on me. Asking me "what do you want?" again. I asked "Right this moment?" she said "yeah" so I said "A blowjob" with a cocky shrug. She said "IS THAT ALL YOU WANT?" To which I said "Nah I wouldn't mind sex either but I'm pretty worn out from drinking all night." She asked again "Is that all you really want from me?" I said "Yeah in this moment." Then we kissed me again but would not let me progress to the breasts or any other areas. So I'm like "what..." and she says "I'm leaving the country to vegas tomorrow. If you want me to postpone my flight and get together tell me now."
Whats my move? (though I don't mind getting with a girl who has a BF that I do not know...its against my morals to fake some 'relationship' to get laid.)
Then don't do it. None of your new stories really change the situation at all.
On July 25 2011 05:54 obesechicken13 wrote: This question is a bit general, but if a girl doesn't like you for a long time even though you like her, do you move on or work on yourself and try again later given a better opportunity/time?
As you said this question is very obtuse, and therefore it's impossible to give a concrete answer. Both of those are viable options in theory, but depending on the situation, one might be way more likely/productive than the other.
In general, I feel that if your feelings are unrequited and the girl is aware of them, you are pretty screwed. It is uncomfortable for anyone to know that their friend is romantically interested in them - sometimes they might even think that is the entirety of the relationship in the other person's mind. This usually leads to awkwardness, assumption, and eventual dissolution of the friendship. There are and always will be exceptions, but I find this to be the case more often than not. If she wasn't interested in you until now, any change you make will only seem like you are doing it only to change her mind (which you are), and as romantic as that may seem, it comes off as desperate and thus distasteful. I suggest moving on in this case, there will be someone out there who appreciates you for who you are and you will not have to change yourself to make the relationship work.
Sometimes, especially if you two are not that close yet, and the interest is not yet disclosed, you have a lot more leeway to change your approach and potentially be more successful. This is on a case-by-case basis, however.
On July 25 2011 06:03 RedJustice wrote: Depends on why the girl doesn't like you:
- A reason you can change: Evaluate it. Is it something stupid and superficial like your appearance? Unless you're grossly obese, she's not someone worth dating anyway. Is it something integral to who you are as a person? She's not worth dating anyway, don't change. Is it something you do that's harmful to others? (smoking/gang violence/shit that will land you in jail) Consider changing this if you care about her a ton. - A situation in her life you don't control: Does she have a boyfriend? If you really think it's worth waiting, you can hang around and see how long it lasts. Be warned it might last forever and decide how long you care to wait ahead of time. Is she going through a shitty situation with personal/family issues? Depending on what it is, it might be worth waiting for a while and being there as friendly support while she gets through it. This gets you pointspointspoints for later on. If it's a long term issue as opposed to one that will go away in a few months, consider moving on. - She's just not interested in you. Move on. Maybe in a few years you will be two different people and she'll be interested. For now it's as futile as building a ladder to the sun. You're better off meeting other girls rather than moping over her.
On July 25 2011 06:04 Ravencruiser wrote: Seriousment question:
How do you get an uptight N.A. born Asian girlfriend to do drugs and have anal sex with you?
Your opinion is appreciated.
You don't, you accept her for who she is, and if you can't do that then you should not be going out with her. I recently heard somewhere (I don't remember where, sorry if it is a TL member) that every relationship has an admittance fee, and that may be the fact that you have to give up smoking, anal sex, drugs, video games, whatever it may be. The question is whether or not you are willing to pay the price.
If she is unwilling to pay the price of being with a boyfriend who wants to have anal sex and do drugs with his girlfriend, she should call it quits. If you are unwilling to accept her not wanting to have anal sex and do drugs, call it quits.
In my personal experience, she will do drugs when she is ready for them. It happened to my ex after we stopped going out, and though I was pissed (she was completely against me doing drugs while we were dating), it was just a natural development. Anal will probably happen by accident eventually anyways, so you can hope something slips at some point, but more likely than not you won't change her mind by pressuring her. If anything, you pressuring her will make her more unlikely to succumb.
On July 25 2011 06:53 Endymion wrote: I'm in love with a girl but whenever she beats me in a 1v1 I hit her to divert my anger away from starting a balance discussion on TL.. On one hand we have abuse, on the other we have balance disucssions... what should I do?
I think that you should ladder more and get better, then you won't have to hit her. I think that you know this option exists but also know that hitting her is more fun, so I don't think you really want advice. Balance discussions are like 99% of gaming advice anyway, in the sense that they achieve nothing and don't change your playstyle anyways. At least abuse produces bruises, feelings, and sometimes laughter :D
On July 25 2011 07:03 Frozenhelfire wrote: I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here.
*I say this not because I want a general woman as a girlfriend. I would prefer one with similar interests, but I think I would be hard pressed to get involved enough in a conversation without some other things to talk about first.
Describing yourself as uninteresting and of average intelligence are your first issue. You should have more self-respect than that. Work on that first.
To more directly answer your question, you should read literature. This makes you mature into a more worldly person, expands your vocabulary, gives you a better sense of at least scripted interaction, and gives you a topic to talk about with the few other people who enjoy reading in this world. Personally I find women who read literature to be my cup of tea, for the same reasons that reading literature would be beneficial for you. Besides that, you can consider sports and other activities that are easy to get involved in around town.
If you don't know many people in your area, you have no choice but to go to social events and locations and strike up conversations with people. By doing this you will improve your conversation skills and your confidence will hopefully go up. Also, you will be more likely to make friends and meet women this way than you would be by sitting at home. This advice works only as well as you are willing to follow it.
On July 25 2011 07:25 RedJustice wrote: Unless you have no nerdy passions related to school and/or your computer time, I'd say you don't need to bother doing something else for the purpose of attracting a woman. As long as you have some maturity, put some effort into work/school, and have good hygiene, it's not important that you have specific interests but more so that you have some. Depending on how crazy your interests are, it might take longer to find a woman who shares or at least appreciates them.
If you really have no interests at all, learn to play an instrument, follow a sport or an esport, find some subject that you can get really excited about, read books... anything really that you can be passionate about.
As for have a convo with women (or anyone for that matter, since you just moved)-- observe something they are doing or talking about and ask about it. If they just look nice and are sitting there, say hi, introduce yourself, and ask what they like to do/if they play any sports/any games/etc. LISTEN (pro tip for talking with women-- they like when you listen to them talk about themselves). Once they are done talking about their interests, this is the point where you either sequence into something related that you enjoy, or they will just ask you what your interests are. Tell them. They will ask questions. Continue this pattern of listening and talking back. ??? Profit.
On July 25 2011 08:06 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Doing an activity in itself isn't going to change your situation (though it will give you opportunities). Women simply want a well rounded individual who is confident in everything they do, even if they don't do much at all.
The fact that you don't have much to talk about yourself is almost a blessing in disguise. No man ever gets a girl by talking about himself much (or at all). Try and think of questions you could ask a random girl to learn a little about her and get her to open up. All girls will open up verbally if you ask the right questions unless they are repulsed by you in the first place. It takes time and practice to learn on how to keep the conversation going. Wit with women is a natural talent for some, but it's a learned art for most.
To add to this, I want to say that it's sometimes dangerous to ask too many questions. People love to talk about themselves but they don't like being interrogated. Plus, it will make the conversation very one-sided and you should always strive for a more balanced exchange.
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This is a moral issue.
Do you feel that what she did is wrong enough to warrant their relationship to end? If yes, tell him. If not, then no.
EDIT: This happened 2 years ago? And they are still going out? Or are you asking whether or not you should have told him? Now that it's 2 years ago, I doubt that it would matter or that he would believe you.
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This happened 2 years ago. This is just as pointless as the other story you had.
But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation...
If you are going by bro code, then yes you should have told him. If he is a true bro, he will take your word over hers. I believe in living by your own sense of morality, however.
On July 25 2011 08:27 Bereft wrote: Okay.
So last weekend, I thought I was just going to be hanging out with ILK at this nice lounge where my friend had bought a bottle of Goose. But when ILK finally arrived, turns out he brought a friend! Usually, I would be deeply disappointed to not get 1 on 1 time with ILK (as who could not enjoy bathing in the presence of the girl blog master himself?), but when he finally introduced his friend, it was impossible for me to be disappointed. Because standing in front of me was the most beautiful Korean boy I had ever seen. But to my dismay, as he says to ILK, "ILOVEKITTENS! I didn't expect to see you here, what's up?" I notice that he already has two skinny bitches on his arm. We engage in conversation; to me, he is the most perfect male specimen I have ever seen, and not only that: we have the common interest of Starcraft to boot!
It seems to me that this boy is a player, but I can't help being attracted to him. What should I do?
I heard roofies are really strong nowadays, I think that with a player of that caliber they are your only option.
On July 25 2011 08:59 Probe1 wrote: How can I be more objective in relationships? My last ex stole my bloody motorcycle before I realized how crazy she was. I should have seen it coming. Having a romantic state of mind has always come easier to me than my friends but this has taught me a lesson in missing the bigger picture.
So, how does one avoid love tinted glasses.
When something seems even the slightest bit off to you in terms of equality in the relationship or excessive allowance for inappropriate behavior, you imagine how you would react if your mother, sister, or friend were in your girlfriend's position. Would you tolerate it? How would it make you feel? How would you react? That is closer to your true sense of right than the skewed perspective that we tend to adopt when we are enamored with another. Another option is to think about it this way: what if your best friend came to you, told you about what his (your) girlfriend did, and asked you if you think it was acceptable. Dissociate yourself from your attachment to her as entirely as possible for the sake of clear thought. Ignore your history, feelings for her, or any excuses she gives and view the action as being more defining of who you are dating than what your feelings are for each other or what you say to each other. "Actions speak louder than words."
To elaborate on this, only unstable/immature people take advantage of/hurt people they truly love. The more likely explanation is that the person either isn't in love, or merely thinks they are in love.
It happens to all of us somehow. Separate the mind from the heart to be a more objective person.
On July 25 2011 09:30 CecilSunkure wrote: I have been dating a girl for a year now. As time passes on she becomes more and more irritable, getting very angry and upset over things that she can choose to let pass. I've tried talking with her about how she treats me when anything goes wrong, whether it's related to the relationship or not, but she just doesn't change anything.
When something gets her upset or angry, no matter what it is, she ends up taking it out on me. Most of the time it's something that I couldn't control in any way, or foresee. Most of these incidents she really can just let pass, but instead chooses to become upset over it sometimes for days on end.
I try talking with her, try to work through the problem with her, I try changing things I do to make an impact; nothing is making a difference. She keeps ending up hurting me day after day, often times ruining an entire day over an incident that can either easily be solved or forgotten.
The worst thing is that whenever she's in an angry or upset state, she completely misses everything I try to do to make sure she feels cared and loved for. Then she ends up feeling like I ignore and don't care about her because I don't show it (I tell her all the time however).
Is there any advice that can be given? Feel free to ask more questions.
This is a classic abusive relationship. From what I can see, it is a very one-way affair. What I mean by this is she reaps the benefits of having an aegis to fall back on, whereas you get all the problems and pain for no reward. In any imbalanced relationship in which the offended party tried to resolve the issue but failed, the next logical choice is separation. I think this is the only solution for you right now. If I were in your position, I would begin to doubt whether she loved you, and whether she was sane, because she is displaying qualities that go against both states.
What you could try to do is write her a letter in which you explain to her all the reasons why you think that this relationship is unhealthy for you. As you are writing it will be easier to make a full list without any emotional interruptions. She will also not be able to interrupt you or ignore you in a letter. End the letter saying that if things don't change, you can't go on this way, and that you will have to break up. If she can't handle it, then the relationship is over, as it should be in that case. If she can, then you get the right to police her and tell her when she is reverting back to her ways.
No matter the outcome, remember that the likelihood is insanely high that there is someone better for you out there. Best of luck, stand up for yourself, FIGHTING!
On July 25 2011 09:42 YouGotNothin wrote: I was in a relationship very similar to this in high school. The girl I was dating would get mad about the smallest things almost every day. IMO I think this is something immature people do in relationships to feel like they have control over someone. It sucks because you work really hard to make her feel better but it never really seems to work for long, right?
I would suggest giving her the silent treatment if she keeps complaining and not listening to your appeals. Just act like you don't care about her being upset. Once she isn't getting your attention she will freak out, but you need to hold your ground until she realizes she is being ridiculous. If she can't be more mature about things, this relationship will just be a lot of stress and pain for you.
On July 25 2011 09:54 YouGotNothin wrote: Alright, my turn.
About four weeks ago a girl I was dating for about a month abruptly broke up with me. She stated that she just found out an ex-boyfriend she still had feelings for was moving to where we live. She thought he was moving somewhere else before this and thus thought it would be safe to start dating me. I at first told her I understood and wasn't mad at her because she seemed very upset about the pretty shitty thing she did to me.
I did not think it would take long to get over her, but for some reason I have just been very angry at what she did to me. We have hung out in a totally platonic way a couple times since the break up because she still wants to be friends, but I don't think I can keep doing this.
Should I be angry at her for starting a relationship with me with so much emotional baggage in tow? Or should I try and be just friends with her? And lastly if things don't work out with her ex (she hinted this may happen) should I take her back? She seemed like a really cool girl, but I don't know if I could forgive her for this.
I think you definitely have the right to be angry.
Many young people don't see relationships as being serious things. I tend to view them as serious. Hence, if you are going to go out with someone, you should like them more than anyone else. If this is not true, then it's not a relationship worth having and she acted in a completely immature way.
I think that it is not healthy for you to hang out with her.
Even though you did nothing wrong, she has slighted you pretty badly. I don't think a person who could do that to you and is that immature should have a part in your life. I think that your feelings for her won't improve things either. Getting some distance will clear your mind and give you some more perspective on just how much she fucked shit up. She basically lost her favorite toy, bought a new one, then when she found the first toy she threw the second away. That is fucked up, the second toy (you) has feelings and thought that she had feelings for it (you) too. That kind of betrayal is not easily forgotten or undone.
I don't think you should take her back if they break up.
If she did this, she has the potential to do something just as fucked up in the future. Hopefully it will teach her something.
I think you should forgive her.
As wrong, insensitive, and immature as she is, she should be forgiven. The same level of emotions that make you still like her somewhat despite the shit she did to you are probably what caused her to break up with you and go back to her ex in the first place. Her position is completely wrong, but understandable. Because of this, I think that forgiveness would be better for both of you. I have forgiven girls who have wronged me before, and then told them I never wanted to speak with them in the same conversation, and my life was the better for it. It helped me let go and forget, it helped them move on and feel less guilt and more responsibility, which in turn makes them a better person (I hope, I guess I wouldn't know lol). Even as a friend, I would not trust this person.
Sorry that this happened man, it's rough. Keep your chin up! FIGHTING!
On July 25 2011 09:59 CecilSunkure wrote: If I may...
It sounds to me like the girl doesn't exactly know what she wants, and as such hasn't given you a solid answer as to whether or not you can be together. From experiences of both mine and my elders, it's best to just let go of people that do this. Ask yourself: do you really want to be with a girl that abruptly leaves you, and then leaves you wondering if you still have a shot? To me it sounds like your time can be better spent with less pining over her in your days.
On July 25 2011 09:56 Logginurkeyz wrote: Dear ILK- I have an intriguing / confusing / borderline moral dilemma on my hands!
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
So yesterday was my mother's party for her 50th birthday. She got all kinds of neat shit, including a bag full of 50 of everything (super cool gift, imo)! She has been dating this guy for a while, and he has a quite attractive daughter my age. This is where the moral dilemma begins, but develops further...
My mother pulled me aside before the party had even started and told me, 'please don't fight with [her] today.' Historically, this girl and I are water and oil- we have our moments, but we don't mix... The entire day I had my tryhard on, trying not to upset her in any way- which became easier as the day wore on. She had a particularly strong perfume on, and her hair looked really nice and really framed her face well. We chatted a bit about work- what the two of us do; how she is also in the automotive industry (I am a parts fabricator, she is a warranty admin); and what our commutes are like in the morning... Overall, a pleasant exchange.
We go inside to the A/C and drink in the kitchen for a bit- all the while she is throwing absurd body language at me and tapping her feet against my leg on the ottoman between us. She goes down the hall, and my buddy comes into the kitchen, shaking his head. He imposes, "God damn, [my name]- just fuckin kiss her already... I see your eyes, you're in love with her." 'Historically, we haven't gotten along at all, dude. I'm just tryin to be pleasant.' "Bullshit, you're such a bad liar." 'So I'm the book, now, eh? Tell me narrator, what do you read of her?' "She is trying too hard to act uninterested. Man the fuck up!"
Then she gets a phone call. Enter confusing / moral dilemma part... I overhear some of what she says, as we are sitting right next to each other- she is trying to give directions to the house. I ask her where the person is coming from, and I give directions which are relayed to the person on the phone. She hangs up and says, '[he] says he will probably be here in an hour.' I respond, "that your boyfriend?" 'Well, ummm...' 'I see...' This confused the shit out of me for a while, until I had observed their behavior together. When he arrived, she gave him one of those awkward half-hugs with one arm as she looked away from him towards the people at the party. This body language tells me she isn't exactly comfortable with him yet, or just something else which is way over my head.
Move forward 2 hours or so- we (us young people) are all sitting around our own little circular table, drinking, playin cards. At this time, we are sitting in the following order around the table (apologies for this confusing diagram) :: [her] [her friend][me][my buddy]; so my buddy and her friend are on either side of her. I get up to get a beer, and they play musical chairs on me- at which point she has taken my seat... New order: [her friend] [her] [me] [my buddy]. So she moved such that she was sitting between her friend and me, rather than across the table from me.
After a time, we move this party to inside where there is A/C. So here we sit, at the kitchen table (rectangular): [my buddy] [her] / [me] / [her friend] [her father] / [my mother] We are just drinking, having an unimportant conversation, and eventually decide to play Asshole (the card game). That game goes on until her friend decides to leave- then the rest of us chill in the A/C and drink some more. Her body language around her friend appears as though he is just a good friend she brought over to deter any kind of advances, but he is no longer at the party.
I go outside to bask in the cool summer air and have a cigarette in my solitude. Door opens, she walks out, so much for cigarette by myself (she doesn't smoke, and it rather annoys her when it blows in her general direction- I apologized for my smoke blowing at her several times throughout the day). We sit at a table in the backyard, chat for a bit, then start wandering around the yard.
Enter confusing / moral dilemma part 3: She takes my hand while we are walking around the yard, I slowly spin her as if we were dancing and yadda yadda yadda... We dance to absolutely no music for 10 minutes, at which point we end up making out in the backyard. Could have been a product of her drinking girly drinks all night, or maybe I finally managed to get her to warm up to me- either way, I was fuckin rollin with it!
After this, we return to the frozen realm of the indoors where the A/C is set to like 65degF. People are leaving, I have to give my buddy a ride home, and she is gettin ready to leave as well... I walk her out to her car while my buddy and my brother are lallygagging (apparently, that's how you spell that word...) in the kitchen. I give her a hug and a confusingly passionate good-night kiss (I pretty much leaned on her into the car)... My buddy walks outside with his daughter and car-seat and ruins the moment by coming up to me and slappin me on the shoulder, "yeah, [my name]! bout damn time!" We all laugh, she smiles shyly and gets in her car and drives off...
I let my buddy drive my vehicle to his place, then I drive home. As I walk into the house, I am greeted by my sister and her boyfriend informing me that I smell rather girly... Oh shit! I smell like her perfume! I chalk it up to bein with her all day, and try to dismiss it as nothing.
Fast forward to this morning- my sister asks if my shirt still smells like [her] perfume. I didn't notice it while walking through my room, so I just said it didn't. I received no regretful text messages from her- only one that was asking me if she left something at my mother's house (I wasn't there to look, so I just told her to ask my mom). Apparently, she had left her camera there. What is it with women and losing cameras? I bought my mother a really nice camera for her birthday (with the 2 year black-tie full replacement warranty), because I expect these things to happen...
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
Morality should be your own personal judgment, not mine. I find other issues in this situation that I want to bring to your attention though.
Even if you don't have a moral problem with this, she might, and so might your respective families. Family should come first in this situation. If you're brave enough, I'd ask your mom's opinion.
Another problem is that fake-boyfriend situation. She got notably closer to you when he was around, but her friend wasn't. She probably was trying to seek the same protection that her friend offered her. This + a few drinks + a day of you being nicer to her than usual + emotional dropout from failing relationship = attraction. I think that there are too many volatile factors in this relationship for it to work out on an emotional level. Your history with her isn't really a problem but it doesn't help much that you guys are just starting to get close.
I think that it would be wrong to do anything with her, really, simply because I know it might put your mother's relationship in jeopardy down the line, and because this girl is probably emotionally unstable right now. But, I'll reiterate, morality is subjective, so you should do what you feel comfortable with.
On July 25 2011 10:56 Logginurkeyz wrote: I was afraid of this kind of response =0\ Although, my mother is open-minded enough that I could ask her... I really like this girl's father, though- for my mother. Nice upstanding gentleman, wouldn't really wanna ruin it for her because of my poor decisions...
Asking shouldn't do any damage, if anything I think your mother will be surprised by how mature you are for coming to her with this kind of question, because it is a very touchy situation. However, I want to make sure you discuss this with her and not just ask her permission. Having a discussion will illuminate whatever other problems there may be with your situation, which your mother has much more first-hand experience with than anyone online ever would (she knows you, herself, her boyfriend, his daughter, and how it would affect the relationship).
You should judge for yourself whether or not you want to trouble your mom with this though. Only do it if you are truly serious about going out with this girl first, and not at the level of asking whether its right or not. I suggest you give it some time and let that day fade a little, and see if you still feel as strongly. If you do, think about what makes her different from other girls you know. If there are almost no differences, then I would say it is a product of your interesting relationship (many relationships start after two people 'hate' each other, because as long as you are feeling emotions for each other it is possible to change their direction). If there are differences, take note of them - these are the qualities that you look for in women, and you should try to look for women who would cause fewer potential complications (which I am sure you can imagine there to be many). The way I see it, if your relationship with her goes wrong, it could ruin your relationship with your mom because it might affect your mom's relationship with her boyfriend. That is too great of a sacrifice to make, in my opinion. On top of that, as lovely of a person your mom is, I think it would be more difficult for her to find a single man around her age who she will like, whereas you are young and I think you will plow many a pussy yet.
Either way, best of luck. You're in a tough spot, but you'll be fine regardless of what happens.
On July 25 2011 07:03 Frozenhelfire wrote: I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here.
I'm sort of in the same boat as this. I'm normally shy-ish around people that I don't know, yet once I get to know someone I'm my normal self who enjoys having a fun time.
I'll admit that this last semester of school was the first time I had met a girl that I was actually interested in and I told myself if I let this pass without at least trying I was the biggest idiot on the planet. So I make the effort to talk to her, get to know her, and hang out with her as her time permitted (she was stupid busy all the time).
I had thought things died between us when we stopped talking for a week or two and thought that I lost my chance, but then at the start of spring break we had started to talk again. I had mentioned to her that I was on my way to a friends house for a party that night and she said something to the effect of "sounds like you'll have fun, we can talk tomorrow then" and I was like boom, pro suave thoughts and responded back with "well, I'm fairly good at multitasking, so we can still talk(text) if you'd like" (we had been just talking to each other about random stuff, how break was going, etc before this) and the response I got was "I'd like that a lot " to which prompted immediate fist pumpage for my pro smooth talking.
So that night went well in itself, and the next 2 days consisted of us talking about anything and everything until like 4am. + Show Spoiler +
One of these nights was when she actually told me that she was bi and who wouldn't enjoy that news?
During the last few days of break she told me how two of her good friends from school had actually told her that they thought I was a really great guy and that we should go out. Upon learning this (and from the things that we had talked about) I thought that I had this shit in the bag and when we got back from break things would progress.
We get back from break and a few days later after hanging out for a bit I finally grew a pair and told her how I actually felt. She wasn't surprised, since apparently women know everything -_-, and told me that she thought I was a really great guy and all of that jazz, but she didn't think it would be fair to be in a relationship at the time because of how busy she was. She asked me how I wanted to move forward with this and being the gentleman I am I just told her that I understood where she was coming from and didn't want to try and force a relationship onto her and that we could see what happens when her life got a little less stressful.
After a few weeks pass I figured that I needed to do something in order to not just be friend-zoned for the rest of my life or something, so I decided to talk to her again and see what the whole deal was and such. After she explained how she was still really busy, I decided I'd rather have a straightforward answer and just asked what the deal would be if she wasn't so busy at the time (like does she actually share the same feelings or not).The obvious "I don't really know" ensued, so I told her that I just wanted a straight forward honest answer. The hammer was then dropped: "well, I'm not so sure that I'm bi anymore". So she's completely into chicks now, the fuck?
(if something makes no sense / needs clarified further just say something, I often forget that people don't have my exact memories :D)
I'm wondering if I did anything wrong I guess you could say, like if I had actually made a solid move would this have turned out differently? Did I completely misread all of the things that she said to me? I guess I'm wondering what I should've/could've done differently, or if I just got unlucky as hell.
First of all, "I'll admit that this last semester of school was the first time I had met a girl that I was actually interested in and I told myself if I let this pass without at least trying I was the biggest idiot on the planet," is a great mentality to have. Judging from this story, you have a head on your shoulders and you'll come out of this okay, regardless of whether it's with her or without her.
I think you did everything fine. When she said she was busy, I might have said something along the lines of "I don't want to push you, but I still want to be able to call you my girlfriend and spend more time with you. It's not about how much time you or I have, if you were to die an hour from now, I'd still ask you to be my girlfriend." But, I say this hypothetically, as I've never been faced with this problem. It's by no means the only option, and I feel that this is a situation where people have to take the path that they feel comfortable with. I think that the path you chose might seem a little less devoted/passionate (but also less needy? depends on how close you two were), but also more empathetic (which is a good quality in a guy).
I don't think you misread anything, your story seemed pretty objective, and she seemed to show genuine interest, on paper at least.
I do think you got unlucky. She seems to be going through a transition period in her life (being bisexual is one sign of this), maybe discovering herself, and that might also be the reason why she was shying away from a relationship. From what I gathered, she did like you, and wanted to keep you as an option when she came to the end of whatever personal journey she is on. Although this assumption makes her seem pretty selfish, emotions can make you subconsciously do these things, which I suspect was her case.
I'm sorry that things turned out this way. I don't think you should put any pressure on her, maybe tell her that no matter what you'll support her (if she is going through a period of sexual discovery, she may have issues with her friends and family) if you are so inclined, and you should move on and not think any less of yourself for what happened. Best of luck!
On July 25 2011 16:00 Servius_Fulvius wrote: Gotta say Kittens, I'm truly impressed at this thread's turnout. Nice job!
You may or may not have noticed, but I give a ton of advice in the relationship blogs as well. Most times when I'm having issues I'll stick with advice from RL friends, but you seem to have your head on straight, so I'll lay it on you! I've thought through this a lot, so I'm going to put my plans under spoiler.
Backstory - I've known this girl since we've been in high school. We lived 1100 miles apart, but it was the early 2000's and AIM was in its heyday. We met through a marching band forum and talked on and off for a few years. Nothing major, just an hour-long conversation every week or two. I was really into this other girl at the time and HATED the fact she was always crushing on internet men, so there was this huge barrier with AIM buddies. Time went on, we lost touch, and that was that. We talked again a few summers ago, but things really picked up in November.
We started talking again when she found out I live really close. I moved across country for grad school, so now we're a four hour drive apart. As the month went on we started talking a lot more frequently. Turns out she had a thing for me in high school..er...as much of a thing you can have with someone over the internet when you're 17. Also turns out that she started having a thing for me again! I was definitely interested, but I convinced myself it was rebound since I had gotten out of a relationship about a month earlier. We finally met face to face at the end of that month and she told me later that she really wished I had tried to kiss her.
So why would I turn down such a ready and willing female? She has a boyfriend. Don't you just hate it when that happens? Unlike most girls in a relationship she really doesn't like it and both her and the guy are surprised they've lasted two years given how much they fight and they fact they live 1500 miles apart. In December she had plans to break up with him, but for one reason or another didn't. I took this opportunity to bow out. We didn't talk from January to April.
We met in person again in April. I was in her town for an academic conference and spent our free evening hanging out with her. It was fun. We get along and compliment each other. She was still with the boyfriend, so I still viewed her as forbidden fruit. We became more flirtatious as the night waned, but in the end nothing overly tempting came up. At least that's what I thought.
A few months of almost no talking and suddenly she texting or calling every day (about a month ago). At first she was trying to get me to go on a vacation outing with her and some of her friends. I really need a vacation, so I fronted the money and honestly, it seems like a fun time. Afterwords I'll travel back with her to her home city and chill there for a few days before going home.
Here's where it gets a little messy - she still has a thing for me. This completely baffles me since she should be into her boyfriend, but I've been able to directly get from her that they're in a loveless relationship of fear and convenience held together by the reluctance to let go of someone they've invested so much time into. Once more, I've gotten her to directly tell me that when I visited in April she wanted me to go for the kiss, that she wants me to go for it in a couple weeks, that she would date me in a heartbeat, and that she feels a "warm and fuzzy" AND nervous feeling around me that she almost never feels around anyone else.
Here's the big problem - I like her. I don't know how or why, but I do. It's been very easy to hold back on any advances because of her relationship, but feelings coupled with the physical attraction I've always had and I'm looking at one huge test of willpower.
So, what would you do good sir (or anyone else who feels like responding): Do you stick to your moral guns and not help the girl cheat on the boyfriend she should have broken up with a LONG time ago, or do you give in to the attraction, make a move, and see what happens?
A). I feel that cheating is not only morally reprehensible, but an indication of what to expect of her if a relationship ever started. One could make the argument that her relationship is already over, but I'm choosing not to muddle that interpretation in a gray area.
B). I may have nothing to lose by going for it (on the surface), but then I put her in an awkward spot and set up her boyfriend to get hurt. Though, she put herself in the awkward spot already, and let's not forget that I'd feel bad for causing the boyfriend some amount of grief.
C). We'll be alone in her house for at least 16 hours (not including time slept). I'm an incredibly patient person, but that's a lot to ask....
Therefore, the current plan of action is to undergo the grueling task of not making a move on the girl I like. She's already booked the flight to see her boyfriend again in early September, so their breaking up won't happen until at least that point. She directly told me today that she wants me to make a move to help her make her mind up. I'm not about to draw an arbitrary line that defines infidelity to remove the guilt from any actions I my take (or taken already), but making a move is definitely crossing the line. If she wants to be with me she has to be single first.
Again, I'm a very patient person, but being with her will definitely wear on my willpower. Here's to hard decisions! I will not deny that I really want to make a move, and given the right situation I could just throw caution to wind. I hope it doesn't come to that, but when fighting a war against human nature the cards are stacked against you.
This situation is all wrong, because the time for long-distance e-dating should have been at around the age you were discussing, i.e. 13-17. Distance relationships simply don't work, especially if the majority of your relationship is spent at that distance. There are always trust issues, there are always lonely times, and there will always be something missing. 4 hours apart is way too far. I have had to deal with a few distance relationships in my life, and I am going to tell you that honestly I don't think they are viable. My suggestion is to dissociate yourself with her on a romantic level as soon as possible and look for someone who lives closer to you.
There are many other issues too. The fact that she has a failing relationship (also long-distance, see the pattern?) that she is unwilling to let go of despite the distance and issues. The fact that she seems so desperate for your affection but doesn't break up with her boyfriend. In my opinion, a large reason for why she is so forward with you is because you are probably one of the few other men she feels close to. Most girls who get into distance relationships only do so because they can't find anyone IRL, or don't feel comfortable with anyone IRL (usually some sort of social awkwardness). This added on to the fact that she barely ever sees her significant other means there are lots of pent up emotions and hormones. She might be more inclined to be with you, and tell you so, when you are there or when talking to you. But I am sure that when she is physically with her boyfriend, she doesn't want to leave him. That is the other pitfall of distance relationships - it's easy to cheat when they are not around, but you never feel like fully letting go because the cost of staying in the relationship is low, and the meetings IRL are like a vacation from the emotional turmoil. Basically what I am getting at is that she is emotionally unstable and has major attachment issues, and probably doesn't know what a real relationship is like, otherwise she would not be CHOOSING to go for guys at a distance. Unless, of course, she is just playing you/manipulating you to be her physical relief.
If you think cheating is wrong, then there doesn't need to be any further discussion. Self-control might be hard but you can circumvent the issue by telling her from the get-go that you don't want to do anything with her, and there is nothing she can do about it, even if she broke up with her 'boyfriend.' You can still be friends and enjoy your vacation. There is no other possible response when she is willing to cheat, but not dump her boyfriend.
On July 26 2011 00:08 ILOVEKITTENS wrote: Distance relationships simply don't work, especially if the majority of your relationship is spent at that distance. There are always trust issues, there are always lonely times, and there will always be something missing. 4 hours apart is way too far.
Thanks for the advice. Dissociating from her entirely has been an option, and it was my original intention to go on the vacation and at the end tell her that we couldn't be together ever. Kind of like that How I Met Your Mother episode with the teacup pig.
I disagree with your opinion of long distance relationships. I've had two great relationships destroyed when one or both of us moved away (both within the last three years), so I know full well what distance does. I also know exactly what it takes to make one work. Both parties need to be 100% committed to each other, you must communicate what you're feeling on a regular basis (good and bad), visit often, and find ways to experience things together despite distance (like seeing a movie at the same time (or via internet), or read the same book or play the same game). Most relationships don't work out, and distance accelerates the making or breaking since one doesn't have all the physical conveniences that tend to trap people in bad relationships. Anyway, my first long distance was 4 hours for four months, which I thought was terrible. The next summer it turned into 900 miles for four months, and that ended us. Second long distance was 1000 miles away after only four months togehter (we lasted another 6). Believe me, a four hour drive when both of us have reliable transportation and consistent income isn't as big a deal as you make it sound.
This girl approaches things a bit differently. She believes in being her own person and having her own space. She's told me several times that she's specifically avoiding "being tied down" by emotions, which definitely goes a long way in explaining why she has stayed with the failed relationship so long. I also handle long distance relationships well due to my patience and overall stubbornness! According to her, I transcend the "not getting emotionally involved" thing because she's "already emotionally involved", but I believe that about as far as I can throw her (due to her smaller size it will be a little bit further than most, but not much ).
So yeah, I'd like to date her, but she needs to be single and dating her would be more of an experiment since the approach isn't as hands-on as my previous relationships. I can see it going both good and bad, but in the end it would probably be a 4-6 month endeavor at best. The only reason I'd even do it would be to give it a chance, but that's a mute point since she's with someone. But hey, that's my thoughts on the dating issue (while I covered the more immediate "should I hook up with her" issue before).
it's true, distance relationships can work. But why would you want one? I am sure that you can find a more reliable, less emotionally unstable, non-committed girl in your area if you try. Investing in distance relationships when you have such limited real-life experience with the girl is taking too many risks, in my opinion. I see that you have had distance relationships in the past and they have failed. But you are also already pessimistic about this hypothetical relationship that isn't even close to fruition? That in itself betrays the fact that this relationship probably isn't the best idea. Compiled with the 'emotionally involved' phobia she has (her telling you that you are different is SO cliche, by the way), this makes things look grim. I know you like this girl, but maybe now is not the right time. Given your history I find it likely that you will meet again, probably when there is less bullshit in the way, like that movie "A Lot Like Love" or something.
The 4 hours thing being not that much is both true and false. It's true that physically, this distance is much more manageable than having to fly across the country. But, this also means that even if you guys see each other once a week, I foresee (from my personal experience) the following problems:
1. Emotional fallout - It is worse, in a way, when you can see each other only for one night a week, and live alone the rest of the time. I personally found it hard on me, and so did my ex, when this was the situation. With my other ex, we were only 1 hour drive apart, and it was tough even then. It's too taxing, imo.
2. Sacrifice - 4 hours one way, 4 hours back, and most likely during the weekend means that your 'free' time is limited. Unless you are both students and have the summer off, it means that your personal life will suffer. You will become more and more invested in each other because the more sacrifices you BOTH make, the stronger the emotional bond. This will only further the emotional fallout from the distance.
3. Continued lack of IRL experience - Having most of your experience with a person be from the internet leaves a lot of holes in your knowledge of each other. As hard as people may try to be exactly like themselves on the internet (and some people don't try at all), there is still that filter that allows you to think before you send the message on AIM, to revise your wording, to sit and think without the pressure of the other person being there, etc. I feel that seeing her once a week, one night a week (I am guessing this is the most likely option, unless you are students), it will still leave you wholly uninvolved with her.
4. Trust - You said yourself that the person must be 100% committed. Can you trust that she will be that way, if she is still unwilling to break it off with her current boyfriend? I'm sure he doesn't even know about you. How would you know that you are any different? If she really loves you, she would break it off right now, no fucking excuses. Plane tickets can be canceled. But, she doesn't have it in her to make that decision. Why? I can only assume that it's because her feelings for you don't warrant her to sacrifice her current relationship. That's a pretty heavy concept, and should be fully explored before you even consider a relationship with her. At this point it sounds like you are strongly interested in it, although you might have been talking about it favorably for argument's sake.
In short, I still think this is a bad idea, and not just because it's a distance relationship, but also because of the premise that it is based on and her current mentality and situation. So many red flags, and with each one any emotional involvement becomes more risky. Good luck!
On July 25 2011 23:32 Morfildur wrote: Great ILK, you are the only one who can help me: I work all day, don't ever go out and don't like going out, i have no friends due to being relatively new in town, all suitable female persons (suitable=are female,single and 18+) on FB in a 100km area ignored my messages and i spend my evenings/weekends playing games. How do i find a woman to marry before my 30th birthday in 4 month? Importing women from eastern europe/asia is not an option. + Show Spoiler +
Not all mentioned facts are fully correct, some are
Go outside and talk to women until you find someone interesting (: Then, before getting involved with her, make friends with her friends, meet MORE girls, expand your social circle. Then choose which one you want to get serious with. Then maybe after you do this a few times you'll find a girl you can marry. GLHF! FIGHTING!
On July 26 2011 00:24 iGrok wrote: Hey kittens, I'll try to keep this kind of brief.
I'm 19, about to start college in the fall after taking a year to work after highschool. We were on and off all through highschool, very passionate (read: volatile) relationship, and dated other people while we were "off" but kept coming back to each other. The summer before senior year we split for good.
I still love her, and this blog is a completely true summary of my feelings for her.
We've kept in touch, and she's back in town. On a whim, I asked her to go a baseball game with me. Neither of us particularly enjoy baseball, but she replied "Yes, I'd love to, that sounds really fun!"
I'm going to keep the promise I made to myself in the blog. Do you have any suggestions as to how I should go about it?
Your situation is scarily similar to mine. This is one of the posts I relate with the most. If I may, I'll briefly illustrate my history with this one girl:
1. Liked each other when we were 13 2. Started dating at 14, dated for 22 months. 3. Distance broke us up, but we still talked. 4. Right after high school we got back together, went to the same college, lived together, dated for ~10 months. 5. Distance broke us up again, along with bad decisions by her.
Result? I still loved her for a while, even while dating my next ex and in that interim period after the first break-up when I was chasing tail and wifing it up with other girls. I am probably on a similar series of events as you, but 2 years ahead (purely chronologically speaking).
So, here is my opinion, given my personal experience:
I know the pain you feel. I know the love you feel. But without it being mutual or actualized between you two, it is not real love. It is infatuation. You, like me, are looking back with 20/20 vision, but with rose-tinted glasses. You probably dated/hooked up with/considered other girls. After those relationships fell through, you are left alone and with an amalgamation of experiences. Out of those experiences, your experience with her was the best, and probably the longest (assuming, based on your age). She is probably the first girl you felt real feelings for, and probably the one you've had the most feelings for. Of course, this means that the feelings of 'love' for you are indeed founded on fact. She is the best thing you've had.
In my experience, this truth is almost insurmountable. My ex was a total bitch in some ways, especially when we weren't together. She was manipulative and had serious daddy/commitment issues. But, I felt like I really loved her. I also spent 2 nights awake, I even threw up a few times from the sheer emotional turmoil. The thing is, infatuation can create these same repercussions. Even if you have kept in touch with her, you have not been directly emotionally involved with her in a relationship this whole time. You have not been with her in person, so you have been living off of your memories in place of reality. This is very dangerous, because people tend to pick and choose what they remember based on how they feel about a person. You are infatuated her, so you only remember the good times. So, you've been living based off of only the positive memories of a relationship that has been over for more than a year. This is very unhealthy, as evidenced by my and your reactions to these feelings. It feels like love, but it can't be. At least by my definition of it.
What's the good news? This shouldn't ruin your ability to meet with her, to hang out with her, become friends again. This is a good, positive foundation for the realization of these feelings. However, you have to make sure that you go into this with no illusions or emotional investment to begin with. You can't be living for the moment you see her. You can't be desperate for her. It's very hard, trust me I know. But if you put that kind of internal pressure on yourself, it will only make you a weak partner. Should you two get back together (and hopefully not over long distance, that would be absolutely terrible for you right now), you would be a slave to your feelings and will probably be completely invested in her, which is a commitment issue in itself. You and I clearly have a commitment issue with our respective exes, you have to accept this. What is happening to you, while understandable, is not healthy, right, or normal.
So, let me go back to my point that she is the best you've ever had and this is what you are basing your feelings off of. You aren't giving other girls a chance at this point. You are too young to be completely sure that she is the one for you. I am 100% positive that somewhere out there, there is someone who is just as good for you if not better than her. You have to keep that in mind before you grow lovesick over her. You should take this as a new start, not a continuation. You have to readjust to each other all over again, get to know each other better all over again, etc. You have to have no expectations for what is to come.
This so far hasn't addressed your issue directly, but it does answer your question. From what I could tell, the promise you made to yourself is that you weren't going to be perfect. I have good/bad news for you: you aren't, you are so very far from it. You are essentially broken right now, and hung up on an ex-girlfriend. I don't mean this in a condescending way but there is no other expression for it, your blog is nothing short of what the typical teenage emo kid writes in his journal about his ex-girlfriend. You are being completely emotionally-driven, without displaying any mental processing of the facts, as I did for you above. I've said it before, I'll say it again: I completely understand where you are coming from. But you need to get some control over yourself, set your own life straight, so that you don't end up being dependent on her emotionally. If you are too dependent, you might be happy with her for a few months during the honeymoon period of your new relationship, but I promise you that your infatuation will harm the relationship in the long run, as it did with mine. Infatuation can entail the following attributes, all of which shift the balance in the relationship and make it unhealthy: excessive dependency, jealousy. being easily manipulated, lacking individuality and thus being a worse partner for her, emotional instability and vulnerability, the list goes on and on.
I'm sorry I went off like this, but like I said this situation hit me close to home. Right now I am mostly over my ex, but I still daydream about her sometimes, despite how much of a bitch she was/is. But, I have separated my mind from my heart enough to see that we were not right for each other, and that we were more likely to be infatuated with each other than in love with each other. I hate to sound like I am making too many assumptions or judging you, but I find it highly unlikely that what you feel is love and that you know what love is, yet. I am willing to guess you have never lived with her, or any other girl. Before you can survive 6-12 months of that, you have not had a chance at love, I believe. You must be fully immersed in each other's presence for prolonged periods of time for it to be anything solid. Right now you are trying to stand on water, metaphorically speaking: support a relationship based on the weak structure of infatuation, daydreams, and biased selection of memories.
TL;DR Proceed with caution, my friend. Keep a clear mind and don't let your emotions control you. Staying up long nights because of a relationship long gone is indicative of you having an unhealthy mentality about her. You are far from perfect and should not worry about being close to it, but also do not try to achieve it. Separate logical and feelings. Udachi! FIGHTING!
On July 26 2011 09:53 spacemonkey4eve wrote: This is such a good thread I decided to come out of lurk mode to post my own "dear auntie". So I've been dating this girl for a little over 2 months now. We're both Korean in the same line of professional work, and we got to know each other through a mutual acquaintance. We became very close quickly and I realized this is the girl I feel like I can share my life with (after searching for 2 years after my previous disappointing relationship).
Long story short, I told her how I felt about her and we both agreed to take it slowly. The only thing that bothers me about her is her perspective on love and dating. Basically, she says she has never felt real love in her life. She had a previous relationship with her ex for 5 years, and she laid it out on me that she never felt real love for him, and instead felt like a sister to him. She did admit we haven't met long enough to know for sure whether she can love me or not, but this does raise some concern within me in regards to whether it'll bring havoc down the line. Part of the reason she said she has problems truly feeling love towards someone is her fear that once she commits to someone, she may find someone else down the line that she may fall head over heels for, and she can't break up with the current bf because of her sense of responsibility to him. I think this is why she keeps stopping me from thinking about things couple months from now, and often says we might not see each other then. Other than that, we have a great relationship and spend several nights a week together enjoying each others company. I'm just wondering if there's something (if anything) I can do to gradually help her realize that it's ok to commit herself to me for the long haul, and that she won't have to fear that she'll fall in love with someone else.
Just to be clear, her definition of love is essentially "agape" and was never infatuated with me or her ex. She doesn't believe in the conventional lovey-dovey sense of love portrayed in the media.
Sounds like she has some emotional/commitment issues. You don't want her to commit to you if she doesn't have romantic feelings for you. So your actual question should be, "How can I get this girl to like me so much that she agrees to date me?"
This is pretty much what every man on earth wants to know at some point, but the answer is different for each girl and each man. I know nothing about you and nothing about her, so it's impossible for me to answer in anything but generalities. Show her you are reliable, keep spending quality time with her, try to engage in more romantic activities such as dates and dinners, treat her well, make her laugh. If there is something holding her back from commitment that isn't broken by your successful completion of all of those tasks in the next few weeks, she isn't worth the investment. You'd be better off finding a new girl who doesn't make you climb mountains and dive through hoops to get her affection. If I may venture a guess based on experience, her somewhat stand-offish nature is part of the attraction for you; everyone wants what they can't have. She put herself up on this pedestal in front of you, to put herself up on the same pedestal in YOUR mind. Women do this so that they are valued more, which makes you work harder for them, which makes you sacrifice more, which means your commitment to her is greater before you even date. They do this because it's like quality assurance, but sometimes if you act so desperate to have her by putting yourself through all this trouble for her, then you fail just the same, because no one wants a sappy dependent boyfriend. Just something to keep in mind.
So, you are already thinking that you can marry this girl after knowing her for only 2 months and after having no romantic response from her. It seems like you are being a bit naive, perhaps mostly infatuated, and hold her up on a pedestal. I think you should look for love elsewhere, from someone who won't require so much work.
On July 26 2011 14:52 Servius_Fulvius wrote: I'll throw in my two cents while the doctor is out! Keep in mind that I'm not Korean and unsure if there is any cultural baggage.
Your lady has a fear of commitment. Whether she's afraid of getting hurt if she falls for someone or afraid that she'll find someone better later, it's never pretty when another person is involved.
First and foremost, the only thing you can do to help her realize your intentions are to outright tell her. No hidden language or signals, just black and white "it's ok to commit to me". Unfortunately you can't change her fears or mindset - only she can do that. So now the big question arises - are you willing to wait for her to change?
After a bad experience with an ex, I personally don't wait for people to grow up anymore. It sounds like it's already messing with your head and I can tell you now that if she keeps it up and you start falling harder for her that it WILL get worse.
The fact she she says she'll fall for someone but stay with her boyfriend out of a sense of obligation is just wrong imo, but that may be another cultural thing.
So she adheres to agape? This is a sacrificial love. Sure, she's sacrificing her own future happiness for the guy she's with, but isn't she also sacrificing some other dude's happiness (and your sanity)? She certainly sounds like a very giving person, so perhaps you should give back to her. If I were you, I'd let the relationship get past the "honeymoon phase" and ask for some kind of commitment. If she refuses then I'd consider whether or not you're wasting your time with her. If you are then I'd give her single status back so she can meet this mysterious (most probably fictional) character that's supposed to sweep her off her feet.
Sorry if I sound a bit pessimistic - for all I know you're the one different guy who she can fall in love with once she gets over her fears. I guess anything is a possibility, so if you decide to wait her out make sure that life isn't passing you by.
On July 26 2011 22:53 StorkHwaiting wrote: This girl sounds like a total nutter. She also obviously has not found the ideal she wants yet. My advice is break up with her because it will only lead to more heartache later on. What she's trying to say is you don't sweep her off her feet. You're not the kind of guy she wants. And she's going to continue to be unhappy until she finds that man of her dreams. It's only after said man of dreams crushes her mercilessly that she will lose her idealism. You should call her after that occurs.
ILOVEKITTENS- Because he's the hero TL deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A Girl Blog Knight.
I'm planning on taking a girl out for a nice dinner date as our first date, but is just dinner enough content for a date, or do I need to take her somewhere else as well?
I have this girl I really like, but I don't know what to do. A close friend of mine says that I should just break into her house and eat her food while watching her TV and waiting for her to come back. I'm not sure if I should listen to his advice. It seems really whack.
I come to you because you seem like a guy who would know what to do in my situation. Do I continue creeping? Or do I take action and do what my friend said?
Certainly a good idea. But I think it would be worth trying to get this moved to general. Just the way Blogs works in the sidebar might lead this to get forgotten quickly enough, which would pretty much defeat the purpose. Idk though. :D
sounds good I'll read this just for the entertainment I accidentally clicked the wrong thing but I think as a header you should have a pic of a random asian chick with jizz on her face
On July 25 2011 05:24 Hikko wrote: I'm planning on taking a girl out for a nice dinner date, but is just dinner enough for a date, or do I need to take her somewhere else as well?
Is this your first date? If so, you might want to set it a little earlier in the evening and discuss her interests then, and propose something based on what you find out after you gauge her desire to go and do things. If anything, you can set up something for next time. Sometimes it can be awkward to propose too many things to do when you don't know her that well.
If it's not your first date, I propose that you ask her if she wants to do something fun, like show her some of her hobbies or vice-versa, or do something before/after dinner. Asking them is the best way to choose the right activity, really (:
This could actually turn out to be very useful. Even if Chill disapproves, it will massively remove the clutter brought about by the girl blogs. Good luck!
On July 25 2011 05:25 Roffles wrote: I have this girl I really like, but I don't know what to do. A close friend of mine says that I should just break into her house and eat her food while watching her TV and waiting for her to come back. I'm not sure if I should listen to his advice. It seems really whack.
I come to you because you seem like a guy who would know what to do in my situation. Do I continue creeping? Or do I take action and do what my friend said?
Don't use her toilet though, girls can tell if you used their toilet
There's this adopted asian girl who I've been friends with for years and she feels like she needs extra attention(read: wants love from any guy that will give it to her) because she's adopted and has low self esteem. So i went out with her, we hooked up, I broke up with her, we hooked up some more, she got another boyfriend, they did way more stuff then I would do in high school(I'm only HJ and BJ in HS), her mom caught them, now she's single again. I'm going to a bikini party she's going to be at soon. Should I not hook up with her to try to stop her from being a slut or should I look out for myself and get me some ass?
On July 25 2011 05:31 Bippzy wrote: There's this adopted asian girl who I've been friends with for years and she feels like she needs extra attention(read: wants love from any guy that will give it to her) because she's adopted and has low self esteem. So i went out with her, we hooked up, I broke up with her, we hooked up some more, she got another boyfriend, they did way more stuff then I would do in high school(I'm only HJ and BJ in HS), her mom caught them, now she's single again. I'm going to a bikini party she's going to be at soon. Should I not hook up with her to try to stop her from being a slut or should I look out for myself and get me some ass?
You not hooking up with someone won't prevent them from being a slut, that's something they do to themselves. If you care about her as a good friend, might not want to keep hooking up with her if you have no intentions. She will probably end up transferring her neediness to you, which it seems you aren't particularly interested in handling.
On July 25 2011 05:25 Roffles wrote: I have this girl I really like, but I don't know what to do. A close friend of mine says that I should just break into her house and eat her food while watching her TV and waiting for her to come back. I'm not sure if I should listen to his advice. It seems really whack.
I come to you because you seem like a guy who would know what to do in my situation. Do I continue creeping? Or do I take action and do what my friend said?
LOLLLL dude this is such a SFW version of what the actual advice was
On July 25 2011 05:25 Roffles wrote: I have this girl I really like, but I don't know what to do. A close friend of mine says that I should just break into her house and eat her food while watching her TV and waiting for her to come back. I'm not sure if I should listen to his advice. It seems really whack.
I come to you because you seem like a guy who would know what to do in my situation. Do I continue creeping? Or do I take action and do what my friend said?
Normally I don't condone 'creeping' but seeing as you are a valued member of this community, I will give you my professional advice on this matter.
Your friend clearly wants you in jail. I suggest you creep on him for a while, first of all as practice, second of all to be aware of his actions, for your own safety. He could have more devious plans in store for you than just misinformation.
I think that the best option here is to not break any laws, but rather work around them. Tail her for a few days, see what she does and when she does it. Then, start picking up on her hobbies. if she goes to the gym, time for you to go too. If she plays tennis, pick up tennis. Then, start showing up to the places she frequents and show that you have similar interests to her. This will lead to a sense of comfort, and will be a good excuse if she catches on to you creeping around.
The next step is to casually appear in places she goes for entertainment, like bars or clubs. This 'coincidence' could be sold as being romantic destiny, and from there it depends on your skills with the ladies to determine your success. GOOD LUCK!
So I found out this girl I had been meeting was engaged through the grapevine. She never told me about it and when I asked her about it she said the wedding isn't going to happen and refused to tell me about the fiance or the situation. I was not sure if she was into me or not.
After a couple months of not seeing her for whatever reasons she came to my city and really wanted to see me. We met up for dinner and she was acting like she really liked me, showing direct interest. I see an engagement ring on her ring finger that had to be worth atleast 40,000$. I ask her with a confident jeering smile "what the fuck is that?" and she says its her engagement ring but refuses once again to talk about it at all. I press her a bit and she acts really weird and keeps trying to change the subject. Whatever I oblige we have a simple night but I tell her I have other plans and leave because I get a weird feeling.
There is no contact between us for a few days then like 4 days later she calls me up saying 'lets hang out.'
We meet up and she grabs my arm instantly in the street walking as if I'm her boyfriend or whatevs. I'm thinking 'man this is weird.' I look at her in the eyes then at her arm holding mine then back at her and say "What the fuck is this?" She replies "I don't know," and gives a girly smile.
We get to this lounge-type drinking place and after we sit down indian style I notice she still has that ring on...
On July 25 2011 05:31 Bippzy wrote: There's this adopted asian girl who I've been friends with for years and she feels like she needs extra attention(read: wants love from any guy that will give it to her) because she's adopted and has low self esteem. So i went out with her, we hooked up, I broke up with her, we hooked up some more, she got another boyfriend, they did way more stuff then I would do in high school(I'm only HJ and BJ in HS), her mom caught them, now she's single again. I'm going to a bikini party she's going to be at soon. Should I not hook up with her to try to stop her from being a slut or should I look out for myself and get me some ass?
You not hooking up with someone won't prevent them from being a slut, that's something they do to themselves. If you care about her as a good friend, might not want to keep hooking up with her if you have no intentions. She will probably end up transferring her neediness to you, which it seems you aren't particularly interested in handling.
That's pretty much the scope of it, I hook up with her about 3 times and then don't for awhile, rinse and repeat. Her friends handle any drama she causes, and if I don't go for her she goes for like 19 year old fat kids from the ghetto. Overall, I'd just call her my endless one night stand girl. Thanks for clearing up my intentions, Ima be an douche who used her to her now but a playa to my friends.
On July 25 2011 05:43 Roffles wrote: Oh man Kittens you're the best! I'll just do whatever she likes, even though I might hate it!
Men have sacrificed much more for vaginal intercourse, I think that you should keep that in mind. You either want it or you don't. If a few hours of doing something you hate for pussy is not something you're willing to do, then you might be in for a bitter disappointment further down the line. Marriage is basically accepting that you have to do things you hate for the rest of your life.
On July 25 2011 05:25 Roffles wrote: I have this girl I really like, but I don't know what to do. A close friend of mine says that I should just break into her house and eat her food while watching her TV and waiting for her to come back. I'm not sure if I should listen to his advice. It seems really whack.
I come to you because you seem like a guy who would know what to do in my situation. Do I continue creeping? Or do I take action and do what my friend said?
Don't use her toilet though, girls can tell if you used their toilet
Just hold it while you pee imo. Less messy.
This question is a bit general, but if a girl doesn't like you for a long time even though you like her, do you move on or work on yourself and try again later given a better opportunity/time?
I support this blog, it actually prevents girl blogs because the problems go to the advice-giver rather than the advice-giver going to all the topics/blogs!
On July 25 2011 05:42 DanCeWithDevil wrote: So I found out this girl I had been meeting was engaged through the grapevine. She never told me about it and when I asked her about it she said the wedding isn't going to happen and refused to tell me about the fiance or the situation. I was not sure if she was into me or not.
After a couple months of not seeing her for whatever reasons she came to my city and really wanted to see me. We met up for dinner and she was acting like she really liked me, showing direct interest. I see an engagement ring on her ring finger that had to be worth atleast 40,000$. I ask her with a confident jeering smile "what the fuck is that?" and she says its her engagement ring but refuses once again to talk about it at all. I press her a bit and she acts really weird and keeps trying to change the subject. Whatever I oblige we have a simple night but I tell her I have other plans and leave because I get a weird feeling.
There is no contact between us for a few days then like 4 days later she calls me up saying 'lets hang out.'
We meet up and she grabs my arm instantly in the street walking as if I'm her boyfriend or whatevs. I'm thinking 'man this is weird.' I look at her in the eyes then at her arm holding mine then back at her and say "What the fuck is this?" She replies "I don't know," and gives a girly smile.
We get to this lounge-type drinking place and after we sit down indian style I notice she still has that ring on...
Whats my game plan from this point on?
If you care, don't do it. Otherwise expect nothing long term to ever come of it and have fun.
On July 25 2011 05:42 DanCeWithDevil wrote: So I found out this girl I had been meeting was engaged through the grapevine. She never told me about it and when I asked her about it she said the wedding isn't going to happen and refused to tell me about the fiance or the situation. I was not sure if she was into me or not.
After a couple months of not seeing her for whatever reasons she came to my city and really wanted to see me. We met up for dinner and she was acting like she really liked me, showing direct interest. I see an engagement ring on her ring finger that had to be worth atleast 40,000$. I ask her with a confident jeering smile "what the fuck is that?" and she says its her engagement ring but refuses once again to talk about it at all. I press her a bit and she acts really weird and keeps trying to change the subject. Whatever I oblige we have a simple night but I tell her I have other plans and leave because I get a weird feeling.
There is no contact between us for a few days then like 4 days later she calls me up saying 'lets hang out.'
We meet up and she grabs my arm instantly in the street walking as if I'm her boyfriend or whatevs. I'm thinking 'man this is weird.' I look at her in the eyes then at her arm holding mine then back at her and say "What the fuck is this?" She replies "I don't know," and gives a girly smile.
We get to this lounge-type drinking place and after we sit down indian style I notice she still has that ring on...
Whats my game plan from this point on?
If you care, don't do it. Otherwise expect nothing long term to ever come of it and have fun.
I think he should inquire more and make a statement. Ask her why she keeps wanting to see you if she's clearly in a very serious relationship (one that she isn't making an effort to hide, the ring is in plain sight).
Confrontation :B Be clear that you are not interested in seeing her without a proper explanation of the situation.
On July 25 2011 05:42 DanCeWithDevil wrote: So I found out this girl I had been meeting was engaged through the grapevine. She never told me about it and when I asked her about it she said the wedding isn't going to happen and refused to tell me about the fiance or the situation. I was not sure if she was into me or not.
After a couple months of not seeing her for whatever reasons she came to my city and really wanted to see me. We met up for dinner and she was acting like she really liked me, showing direct interest. I see an engagement ring on her ring finger that had to be worth atleast 40,000$. I ask her with a confident jeering smile "what the fuck is that?" and she says its her engagement ring but refuses once again to talk about it at all. I press her a bit and she acts really weird and keeps trying to change the subject. Whatever I oblige we have a simple night but I tell her I have other plans and leave because I get a weird feeling.
There is no contact between us for a few days then like 4 days later she calls me up saying 'lets hang out.'
We meet up and she grabs my arm instantly in the street walking as if I'm her boyfriend or whatevs. I'm thinking 'man this is weird.' I look at her in the eyes then at her arm holding mine then back at her and say "What the fuck is this?" She replies "I don't know," and gives a girly smile.
We get to this lounge-type drinking place and after we sit down indian style I notice she still has that ring on...
Whats my game plan from this point on?
To me it seems like she just wants to have you on the side for now, before she has to commit forever to one guy. Fear of commitment is very typical in both men and women who are about to be married, hence the raunchy bachelor/bachelorette parties. Unfortunately this is a very immature mentality, because if she is willing to cheat before marriage, she will be willing to cheat after, most likely. This is once again a moral issue, so the answer lies within yourself. If you're willing to let her get her fix of cock before she gets married despite the fact that it's still cheating, then do so. If you'd feel guilty, then don't.
On July 25 2011 05:25 Roffles wrote: I have this girl I really like, but I don't know what to do. A close friend of mine says that I should just break into her house and eat her food while watching her TV and waiting for her to come back. I'm not sure if I should listen to his advice. It seems really whack.
I come to you because you seem like a guy who would know what to do in my situation. Do I continue creeping? Or do I take action and do what my friend said?
Don't use her toilet though, girls can tell if you used their toilet
Just hold it while you pee imo. Less messy.
This question is a bit general, but if a girl doesn't like you for a long time even though you like her, do you move on or work on yourself and try again later given a better opportunity/time?
Depends on why the girl doesn't like you:
- A reason you can change: Evaluate it. Is it something stupid and superficial like your appearance? Unless you're grossly obese, she's not someone worth dating anyway. Is it something integral to who you are as a person? She's not worth dating anyway, don't change. Is it something you do that's harmful to others? (smoking/gang violence/shit that will land you in jail) Consider changing this if you care about her a ton. - A situation in her life you don't control: Does she have a boyfriend? If you really think it's worth waiting, you can hang around and see how long it lasts. Be warned it might last forever and decide how long you care to wait ahead of time. Is she going through a shitty situation with personal/family issues? Depending on what it is, it might be worth waiting for a while and being there as friendly support while she gets through it. This gets you pointspointspoints for later on. If it's a long term issue as opposed to one that will go away in a few months, consider moving on. - She's just not interested in you. Move on. Maybe in a few years you will be two different people and she'll be interested. For now it's as futile as building a ladder to the sun. You're better off meeting other girls rather than moping over her.
On July 25 2011 05:52 caradoc wrote: Is this a [Girl Blog] or a [[Girl Blog] Blog]?
At this rate, soon [[[Girl Blog] Blog] Blog]s will be sprouting up too.
It's worse than that, there's already been a [Girl Blog] Blog [Girl?]. I'm not sure how much spiralling recursion there might be in the future, but I'm a fan of ILOVEKITTENS' work and hope this proves the ultimate girlblogblogblog.
If nothing else, it's nice to think there'd be one big "GIRL BLOG" thread that can act as a beacon to anyone considering making one.
On July 25 2011 06:04 Ravencruiser wrote: Seriousment question:
How do you get an uptight N.A. born Asian girlfriend to do drugs and have anal sex with you?
Your opinion is appreciated.
Why does she object to these things? Is it just because these things aren't "normal" or "right"? If the reasons are unsubstantiated or silly like that then, if my experience is any guide, it's not going to be easy to change her attitude.
On July 25 2011 05:54 obesechicken13 wrote: This question is a bit general, but if a girl doesn't like you for a long time even though you like her, do you move on or work on yourself and try again later given a better opportunity/time?
As you said this question is very obtuse, and therefore it's impossible to give a concrete answer. Both of those are viable options in theory, but depending on the situation, one might be way more likely/productive than the other.
In general, I feel that if your feelings are unrequited and the girl is aware of them, you are pretty screwed. It is uncomfortable for anyone to know that their friend is romantically interested in them - sometimes they might even think that is the entirety of the relationship in the other person's mind. This usually leads to awkwardness, assumption, and eventual dissolution of the friendship. There are and always will be exceptions, but I find this to be the case more often than not. If she wasn't interested in you until now, any change you make will only seem like you are doing it only to change her mind (which you are), and as romantic as that may seem, it comes off as desperate and thus distasteful. I suggest moving on in this case, there will be someone out there who appreciates you for who you are and you will not have to change yourself to make the relationship work.
Sometimes, especially if you two are not that close yet, and the interest is not yet disclosed, you have a lot more leeway to change your approach and potentially be more successful. This is on a case-by-case basis, however.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
On July 25 2011 06:04 Ravencruiser wrote: Seriousment question:
How do you get an uptight N.A. born Asian girlfriend to do drugs and have anal sex with you?
Your opinion is appreciated.
You don't, you accept her for who she is, and if you can't do that then you should not be going out with her. I recently heard somewhere (I don't remember where, sorry if it is a TL member) that every relationship has an admittance fee, and that may be the fact that you have to give up smoking, anal sex, drugs, video games, whatever it may be. The question is whether or not you are willing to pay the price.
If she is unwilling to pay the price of being with a boyfriend who wants to have anal sex and do drugs with his girlfriend, she should call it quits. If you are unwilling to accept her not wanting to have anal sex and do drugs, call it quits.
In my personal experience, she will do drugs when she is ready for them. It happened to my ex after we stopped going out, and though I was pissed (she was completely against me doing drugs while we were dating), it was just a natural development. Anal will probably happen by accident eventually anyways, so you can hope something slips at some point, but more likely than not you won't change her mind by pressuring her. If anything, you pressuring her will make her more unlikely to succumb.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
Flirt back, show interest, stop asking about the marriage. Go out for a few drinks, take her back to your place, set yourself to sit next to her, make your move (this is assuming she hasn't already). If she is not cool with this and was merely trying to lead you on for the sake of some internal insecurity or commitment issue, she needs to get the fuck out of your house and your life.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
WTF?
Women are fickle creatures with their own insecurities and oddities, just like men. They only manifest differently.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
On July 25 2011 06:04 Ravencruiser wrote: Seriousment question:
How do you get an uptight N.A. born Asian girlfriend to do drugs and have anal sex with you?
Your opinion is appreciated.
You don't, you accept her for who she is, and if you can't do that then you should not be going out with her. I recently heard somewhere (I don't remember where, sorry if it is a TL member) that every relationship has an admittance fee, and that may be the fact that you have to give up smoking, anal sex, drugs, video games, whatever it may be. The question is whether or not you are willing to pay the price.
If she is unwilling to pay the price of being with a boyfriend who wants to have anal sex and do drugs with his girlfriend, she should call it quits. If you are unwilling to accept her not wanting to have anal sex and do drugs, call it quits.
In my personal experience, she will do drugs when she is ready for them. It happened to my ex after we stopped going out, and though I was pissed (she was completely against me doing drugs while we were dating), it was just a natural development. Anal will probably happen by accident eventually anyways, so you can hope something slips at some point, but more likely than not you won't change her mind by pressuring her. If anything, you pressuring her will make her more unlikely to succumb.
Ty for reply.
One of these days, a friend of a friend of Barney is going to slip his GF an XTC tablet in her morning coffee. Ahhh the temptation...
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
WTF?
Don't do it. gg no re
Indecisive women are a pain in the ass.
Yeah, I definitely wasn't going to do it. Then I was drunk at 4 AM one morning and texted her saying she can come over now. She came over and got all serious mode on me. Asking me "what do you want?" again. I asked "Right this moment?" she said "yeah" so I said "A blowjob" with a cocky shrug. She said "IS THAT ALL YOU WANT?" To which I said "Nah I wouldn't mind sex either but I'm pretty worn out from drinking all night." She asked again "Is that all you really want from me?" I said "Yeah in this moment." Then we kissed me again but would not let me progress to the breasts or any other areas. So I'm like "what..." and she says "I'm leaving the country to vegas tomorrow. If you want me to postpone my flight and get together tell me now."
Whats my move? (though I don't mind getting with a girl who has a BF that I do not know...its against my morals to fake some 'relationship' to get laid.)
On July 25 2011 06:04 Ravencruiser wrote: Seriousment question:
How do you get an uptight N.A. born Asian girlfriend to do drugs and have anal sex with you?
Your opinion is appreciated.
From what I've heard, seemingly uptight "pure" Asian girls are usually willing to try those types of things, as long as you guys are in a serious relationship. Have you actually asked?
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
WTF?
Don't do it. gg no re
Indecisive women are a pain in the ass.
Yeah, I definitely wasn't going to do it. Then I was drunk at 4 AM one morning and texted her saying she can come over now. She came over and got all serious mode on me. Asking me "what do you want?" again. I asked "Right this moment?" she said "yeah" so I said "A blowjob" with a cocky shrug. She said "IS THAT ALL YOU WANT?" To which I said "Nah I wouldn't mind sex either but I'm pretty worn out from drinking all night." She asked again "Is that all you really want from me?" I said "Yeah in this moment." Then we kissed me again but would not let me progress to the breasts or any other areas. So I'm like "what..." and she says I'm leaving the country to vegas tomorrow. If you want me to postpone my flight and get together tell me now."
Whats my move?
If you want to hit it (you sound like you do) get her to postpone her flight and try and make it happen, but it does sound like you've caught yourself a crazy one so I wouldn't be shocked if she backs out again. Either way, I don't see what you have to lose.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
WTF?
Don't do it. gg no re
Indecisive women are a pain in the ass.
Yeah, I definitely wasn't going to do it. Then I was drunk at 4 AM one morning and texted her saying she can come over now. She came over and got all serious mode on me. Asking me "what do you want?" again. I asked "Right this moment?" she said "yeah" so I said "A blowjob" with a cocky shrug. She said "IS THAT ALL YOU WANT?" To which I said "Nah I wouldn't mind sex either but I'm pretty worn out from drinking all night." She asked again "Is that all you really want from me?" I said "Yeah in this moment." Then we kissed me again but would not let me progress to the breasts or any other areas. So I'm like "what..." and she says "I'm leaving the country to vegas tomorrow. If you want me to postpone my flight and get together tell me now."
Whats my move? (though I don't mind getting with a girl who has a BF that I do not know...its against my morals to fake some 'relationship' to get laid.)
Then don't do it. None of your new stories really change the situation at all.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
WTF?
Don't do it. gg no re
Indecisive women are a pain in the ass.
Yeah, I definitely wasn't going to do it. Then I was drunk at 4 AM one morning and texted her saying she can come over now. She came over and got all serious mode on me. Asking me "what do you want?" again. I asked "Right this moment?" she said "yeah" so I said "A blowjob" with a cocky shrug. She said "IS THAT ALL YOU WANT?" To which I said "Nah I wouldn't mind sex either but I'm pretty worn out from drinking all night." She asked again "Is that all you really want from me?" I said "Yeah in this moment." Then we kissed me again but would not let me progress to the breasts or any other areas. So I'm like "what..." and she says I'm leaving the country to vegas tomorrow. If you want me to postpone my flight and get together tell me now."
Whats my move?
If you want to hit it (you sound like you do) get her to postpone her flight and try and make it happen, but it does sound like you've caught yourself a crazy one so I wouldn't be shocked if she backs out again. Either way, I don't see what you have to lose.
What if her fiance is jacked and jealous? And has a crew of douchebros? Sounds like the stakes get significantly higher.
I'm in love with a girl but whenever she beats me in a 1v1 I hit her to divert my anger away from starting a balance discussion on TL.. On one hand we have abuse, on the other we have balance disucssions... what should I do?
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
WTF?
Don't do it. gg no re
Indecisive women are a pain in the ass.
Yeah, I definitely wasn't going to do it. Then I was drunk at 4 AM one morning and texted her saying she can come over now. She came over and got all serious mode on me. Asking me "what do you want?" again. I asked "Right this moment?" she said "yeah" so I said "A blowjob" with a cocky shrug. She said "IS THAT ALL YOU WANT?" To which I said "Nah I wouldn't mind sex either but I'm pretty worn out from drinking all night." She asked again "Is that all you really want from me?" I said "Yeah in this moment." Then we kissed me again but would not let me progress to the breasts or any other areas. So I'm like "what..." and she says I'm leaving the country to vegas tomorrow. If you want me to postpone my flight and get together tell me now."
Whats my move?
If you want to hit it (you sound like you do) get her to postpone her flight and try and make it happen, but it does sound like you've caught yourself a crazy one so I wouldn't be shocked if she backs out again. Either way, I don't see what you have to lose.
What if her fiance is jacked and jealous? And has a crew of douchebros? Sounds like the stakes get significantly higher.
That is the least of my concerns. Anyways I told her "In that case you better go pack your bags." She was apparently very emotionally struck by this. She went to the bathroom to adjust her makeup or something and while she wasn't crying she was pretty teary eyed. I had known her iPhone's password because I saw her type it in last time so I took the pleasure of looking at her texts while she was in the bathroom. She was playing atleast 5 more guys the same way as me from what little I could see in the time I had. She promptly came out of the bathroom and got her phone (which I placed in the exact same position it was) and bag and left.
Later that week I overhear random rumors from people that don't even know about 'me and her' that she also works as a part time escort for like 5k a pop.
Strange strange world....shoulda gone with my gut instinct.
I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here.
*I say this not because I want a general woman as a girlfriend. I would prefer one with similar interests, but I think I would be hard pressed to get involved enough in a conversation without some other things to talk about first.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
WTF?
Don't do it. gg no re
Indecisive women are a pain in the ass.
Yeah, I definitely wasn't going to do it. Then I was drunk at 4 AM one morning and texted her saying she can come over now. She came over and got all serious mode on me. Asking me "what do you want?" again. I asked "Right this moment?" she said "yeah" so I said "A blowjob" with a cocky shrug. She said "IS THAT ALL YOU WANT?" To which I said "Nah I wouldn't mind sex either but I'm pretty worn out from drinking all night." She asked again "Is that all you really want from me?" I said "Yeah in this moment." Then we kissed me again but would not let me progress to the breasts or any other areas. So I'm like "what..." and she says I'm leaving the country to vegas tomorrow. If you want me to postpone my flight and get together tell me now."
Whats my move?
If you want to hit it (you sound like you do) get her to postpone her flight and try and make it happen, but it does sound like you've caught yourself a crazy one so I wouldn't be shocked if she backs out again. Either way, I don't see what you have to lose.
What if her fiance is jacked and jealous? And has a crew of douchebros? Sounds like the stakes get significantly higher.
My first thought when he described the ring was about the fiance maybe being a gangster, but I figured that didn't stop him trying before, so why should it now?
I interpreted what she said about postponing the flight as like a one night stand, but if she meant a relationship, and you aren't interested in a relationship I would probably stay clear. I doubt pretending you do want a relationship and backing out after you get what you want would go at all smoothly.
On July 25 2011 06:53 Endymion wrote: I'm in love with a girl but whenever she beats me in a 1v1 I hit her to divert my anger away from starting a balance discussion on TL.. On one hand we have abuse, on the other we have balance disucssions... what should I do?
I think that you should ladder more and get better, then you won't have to hit her. I think that you know this option exists but also know that hitting her is more fun, so I don't think you really want advice. Balance discussions are like 99% of gaming advice anyway, in the sense that they achieve nothing and don't change your playstyle anyways. At least abuse produces bruises, feelings, and sometimes laughter :D
On July 25 2011 07:03 Frozenhelfire wrote: I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here.
*I say this not because I want a general woman as a girlfriend. I would prefer one with similar interests, but I think I would be hard pressed to get involved enough in a conversation without some other things to talk about first.
Describing yourself as uninteresting and of average intelligence are your first issue. You should have more self-respect than that. Work on that first.
To more directly answer your question, you should read literature. This makes you mature into a more worldly person, expands your vocabulary, gives you a better sense of at least scripted interaction, and gives you a topic to talk about with the few other people who enjoy reading in this world. Personally I find women who read literature to be my cup of tea, for the same reasons that reading literature would be beneficial for you. Besides that, you can consider sports and other activities that are easy to get involved in around town.
If you don't know many people in your area, you have no choice but to go to social events and locations and strike up conversations with people. By doing this you will improve your conversation skills and your confidence will hopefully go up. Also, you will be more likely to make friends and meet women this way than you would be by sitting at home. This advice works only as well as you are willing to follow it.
On July 25 2011 07:03 Frozenhelfire wrote: I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here.
*I say this not because I want a general woman as a girlfriend. I would prefer one with similar interests, but I think I would be hard pressed to get involved enough in a conversation without some other things to talk about first.
Unless you have no nerdy passions related to school and/or your computer time, I'd say you don't need to bother doing something else for the purpose of attracting a woman. As long as you have some maturity, put some effort into work/school, and have good hygiene, it's not important that you have specific interests but more so that you have some. Depending on how crazy your interests are, it might take longer to find a woman who shares or at least appreciates them.
If you really have no interests at all, learn to play an instrument, follow a sport or an esport, find some subject that you can get really excited about, read books... anything really that you can be passionate about.
As for have a convo with women (or anyone for that matter, since you just moved)-- observe something they are doing or talking about and ask about it. If they just look nice and are sitting there, say hi, introduce yourself, and ask what they like to do/if they play any sports/any games/etc. LISTEN (pro tip for talking with women-- they like when you listen to them talk about themselves). Once they are done talking about their interests, this is the point where you either sequence into something related that you enjoy, or they will just ask you what your interests are. Tell them. They will ask questions. Continue this pattern of listening and talking back. ??? Profit.
On July 25 2011 07:03 Frozenhelfire wrote: I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here.
*I say this not because I want a general woman as a girlfriend. I would prefer one with similar interests, but I think I would be hard pressed to get involved enough in a conversation without some other things to talk about first.
A hobby isn't a necessity at all, there are plenty of guys with no hobbies who are great with girls but it sounds like you want a hobby because you struggle with conversation topics, so anything you feel comfortable talking to a girl about is good, sports are the obvious ones also you could do something artistic like music, but it doesn't even need to be a hobby, you could go to the gym or volunteer, just anything you feel comfortable talking about.
Don't talk about yourself too much though, let the girls talking and try and engage with what they're saying.
I know you didn't ask for social advice, but I think you should focus on making friends first, its easier than talking to girls and makes it easier to get into situations where you can talk to girls.
On July 25 2011 06:02 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Guys I'm not asking for your silly advice about long term expectations etc. lmao.
I'm just asking how do I get laid that night in that situation with that sort of creature.
From what you've said about her behavior, I would suggest:
Walk back to your place. Lie down. Let her jump on your dick.
Later on in the night I ended up kissing her somehow, not for too long because the place was relatively empty and we were out in the open for the bored workers to stare.
She asked me "what do you want?" to which I replied "thats a complicated question..what do you want?" she said "lets just have a casual relationship." I said "uhh I'm not sure what you mean by that and I think I have two of those already anyways." she replied "well then have another one."
We finalize, I call my private driver to come pick us up, I pay the bill, then we go outside. I called my driver he said he'd be there in less than a minute. Shes holding my arm acting all lovey-dovey and I feel like "GG I'm getting laid."
Then she suddenly takes off running through the rain and jumps in a cab closes the door and drives off.
WTF?
So she backs out last minute. Probably felt a sudden twinge of guilt over cheating on her fiance. Don't worry about it. You have two other casual relationships; it's not the end of the world.
If she wants to hang out again, don't bother. If she didn't go through with it the first time, she probably won't go through with it a second time, and you're just wasting your efforts.
Okay, this is exactly what I thought too. But 2 days later (no contact till then again) she skype's me and tells me I should invite her to my place.
WTF?
Don't do it. gg no re
Indecisive women are a pain in the ass.
Yeah, I definitely wasn't going to do it. Then I was drunk at 4 AM one morning and texted her saying she can come over now. She came over and got all serious mode on me. Asking me "what do you want?" again. I asked "Right this moment?" she said "yeah" so I said "A blowjob" with a cocky shrug. She said "IS THAT ALL YOU WANT?" To which I said "Nah I wouldn't mind sex either but I'm pretty worn out from drinking all night." She asked again "Is that all you really want from me?" I said "Yeah in this moment." Then we kissed me again but would not let me progress to the breasts or any other areas. So I'm like "what..." and she says I'm leaving the country to vegas tomorrow. If you want me to postpone my flight and get together tell me now."
Whats my move?
If you want to hit it (you sound like you do) get her to postpone her flight and try and make it happen, but it does sound like you've caught yourself a crazy one so I wouldn't be shocked if she backs out again. Either way, I don't see what you have to lose.
What if her fiance is jacked and jealous? And has a crew of douchebros? Sounds like the stakes get significantly higher.
That is the least of my concerns. Anyways I told her "In that case you better go pack your bags." She was apparently very emotionally struck by this. She went to the bathroom to adjust her makeup or something and while she wasn't crying she was pretty teary eyed. I had known her iPhone's password because I saw her type it in last time so I took the pleasure of looking at her texts while she was in the bathroom. She was playing atleast 5 more guys the same way as me from what little I could see in the time I had. She promptly came out of the bathroom and got her phone (which I placed in the exact same position it was) and bag and left.
Later that week I overhear random rumors from people that don't even know about 'me and her' that she also works as a part time escort for like 5k a pop.
Strange strange world....shoulda gone with my gut instinct.
I'm confused now, was this all happening while you were asking for advice?
My advice is don't get played, but I think you've been doing fine at that so far. She sounds like she'll never give you what you want when you're doing exactly what she wants.
Personally I'd leave it, you don't sound desperate and she sounds like way too much work.
Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This happened 2 years ago. This is just as pointless as the other story you had.
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This happened 2 years ago. This is just as pointless as the other story you had.
But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation...
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This is a moral issue.
Do you feel that what she did is wrong enough to warrant their relationship to end? If yes, tell him. If not, then no.
EDIT: This happened 2 years ago? And they are still going out? Or are you asking whether or not you should have told him? Now that it's 2 years ago, I doubt that it would matter or that he would believe you.
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This happened 2 years ago. This is just as pointless as the other story you had.
But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation...
If you are going by bro code, then yes you should have told him. If he is a true bro, he will take your word over hers. I believe in living by your own sense of morality, however.
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This happened 2 years ago. This is just as pointless as the other story you had.
But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation...
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
If they are as crazy as you make it seem, then would he really be that surprised if she got even crazier while she was drunk?
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This happened 2 years ago. This is just as pointless as the other story you had.
But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation...
I am a girl, and I don't see why that happens to make me incapable of answering... It's not a touchy situation unless you're a drama queen. Don't bother unless you dislike the woman particularly, or if your friend is the kind of person who would (honestly) want to know something like that.
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This is a moral issue.
Do you feel that what she did is wrong enough to warrant their relationship to end? If yes, tell him. If not, then no.
EDIT: This happened 2 years ago? And they are still going out? Or are you asking whether or not you should have told him? Now that it's 2 years ago, I doubt that it would matter or that he would believe you.
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This happened 2 years ago. This is just as pointless as the other story you had.
But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation...
If you are going by bro code, then yes you should have told him. If he is a true bro, he will take your word over hers. I believe in living by your own sense of morality, however.
Yeah. I ended up not telling him until he caught her cheating on him (LOL). I really really regretted it and never will make that mistake again. But I've seen so many cheaters, liars, etc. in relationships that it's almost half-normal and expected to me now...
And to those saying it's pointless. Sure, it's after the fact and it is pointless to me, but it's still a situation worthy of discussion and perhaps someone that reads an expert like ILOVEKITTENS's reply to it, they might be better prepared for a similar situation in the future.
It's a blog in a forum, it's all pointless. I'd be surprised if even 10% of the nerds who ask the silly girl advice questions they do are able to comprehend and properly apply the advice that is given anyways.
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This is a moral issue.
Do you feel that what she did is wrong enough to warrant their relationship to end? If yes, tell him. If not, then no.
EDIT: This happened 2 years ago? And they are still going out? Or are you asking whether or not you should have told him? Now that it's 2 years ago, I doubt that it would matter or that he would believe you.
On July 25 2011 07:41 DanCeWithDevil wrote:
On July 25 2011 07:39 RedJustice wrote:
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This happened 2 years ago. This is just as pointless as the other story you had.
But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation...
If you are going by bro code, then yes you should have told him. If he is a true bro, he will take your word over hers. I believe in living by your own sense of morality, however.
Yeah. I ended up not telling him until he caught her cheating on him (LOL). I really really regretted it and never will make that mistake again. But I've seen so many cheaters, liars, etc. in relationships that it's almost half-normal and expected to me now...
And to those saying it's pointless. Sure, it's after the fact and it is pointless to me, but it's still a situation worthy of discussion and perhaps someone that reads an expert like ILOVEKITTENS's reply to it, they might be better prepared for a similar situation in the future.
It's a blog in a forum, it's all pointless. I'd be surprised if even 10% of the nerds who ask the silly girl advice questions they do are able to comprehend and properly apply the advice that is given anyways.
The 10% is the reason that it is worth it and not pointless ^^;
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This is a moral issue.
Do you feel that what she did is wrong enough to warrant their relationship to end? If yes, tell him. If not, then no.
EDIT: This happened 2 years ago? And they are still going out? Or are you asking whether or not you should have told him? Now that it's 2 years ago, I doubt that it would matter or that he would believe you.
On July 25 2011 07:41 DanCeWithDevil wrote:
On July 25 2011 07:39 RedJustice wrote:
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life.
So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on.
So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door.
I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal.
They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened?
This happened 2 years ago. This is just as pointless as the other story you had.
But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation...
If you are going by bro code, then yes you should have told him. If he is a true bro, he will take your word over hers. I believe in living by your own sense of morality, however.
Yeah. I ended up not telling him until he caught her cheating on him (LOL). I really really regretted it and never will make that mistake again. But I've seen so many cheaters, liars, etc. in relationships that it's almost half-normal and expected to me now...
And to those saying it's pointless. Sure, it's after the fact and it is pointless to me, but it's still a situation worthy of discussion and perhaps someone that reads an expert like ILOVEKITTENS's reply to it, they might be better prepared for a similar situation in the future.
It's a blog in a forum, it's all pointless. I'd be surprised if even 10% of the nerds who ask the silly girl advice questions they do are able to comprehend and properly apply the advice that is given anyways.
The 10% is the reason that it is worth it and not pointless ^^;
On July 25 2011 07:03 Frozenhelfire wrote: I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here.
*I say this not because I want a general woman as a girlfriend. I would prefer one with similar interests, but I think I would be hard pressed to get involved enough in a conversation without some other things to talk about first.
Doing an activity in itself isn't going to change your situation (though it will give you opportunities). Women simply want a well rounded individual who is confident in everything they do, even if they don't do much at all.
The fact that you don't have much to talk about yourself is almost a blessing in disguise. No man ever gets a girl by talking about himself much (or at all). Try and think of questions you could ask a random girl to learn a little about her and get her to open up. All girls will open up verbally if you ask the right questions unless they are repulsed by you in the first place. It takes time and practice to learn on how to keep the conversation going. Wit with women is a natural talent for some, but it's a learned art for most.
On July 25 2011 08:06 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Doing an activity in itself isn't going to change your situation (though it will give you opportunities). Women simply want a well rounded individual who is confident in everything they do, even if they don't do much at all.
The fact that you don't have much to talk about yourself is almost a blessing in disguise. No man ever gets a girl by talking about himself much (or at all). Try and think of questions you could ask a random girl to learn a little about her and get her to open up. All girls will open up verbally if you ask the right questions unless they are repulsed by you in the first place. It takes time and practice to learn on how to keep the conversation going. Wit with women is a natural talent for some, but it's a learned art for most.
To add to this, I want to say that it's sometimes dangerous to ask too many questions. People love to talk about themselves but they don't like being interrogated. Plus, it will make the conversation very one-sided and you should always strive for a more balanced exchange.
So last weekend, I thought I was just going to be hanging out with ILK at this nice lounge where my friend had bought a bottle of Goose. But when ILK finally arrived, turns out he brought a friend! Usually, I would be deeply disappointed to not get 1 on 1 time with ILK (as who could not enjoy bathing in the presence of the girl blog master himself?), but when he finally introduced his friend, it was impossible for me to be disappointed. Because standing in front of me was the most beautiful Korean boy I had ever seen. But to my dismay, as he says to ILK, "ILOVEKITTENS! I didn't expect to see you here, what's up?" I notice that he already has two skinny bitches on his arm. We engage in conversation; to me, he is the most perfect male specimen I have ever seen, and not only that: we have the common interest of Starcraft to boot!
It seems to me that this boy is a player, but I can't help being attracted to him. What should I do?
So last weekend, I thought I was just going to be hanging out with ILK at this nice lounge where my friend had bought a bottle of Goose. But when ILK finally arrived, turns out he brought a friend! Usually, I would be deeply disappointed to not get 1 on 1 time with ILK (as who could not enjoy bathing in the presence of the girl blog master himself?), but when he finally introduced his friend, it was impossible for me to be disappointed. Because standing in front of me was the most beautiful Korean boy I had ever seen. But to my dismay, as he says to ILK, "ILOVEKITTENS! I didn't expect to see you here, what's up?" I notice that he already has two skinny bitches on his arm. We engage in conversation; to me, he is the most perfect male specimen I have ever seen, and not only that: we have the common interest of Starcraft to boot!
It seems to me that this boy is a player, but I can't help being attracted to him. What should I do?
I heard roofies are really strong nowadays, I think that with a player of that caliber they are your only option.
How can I be more objective in relationships? My last ex stole my bloody motorcycle before I realized how crazy she was. I should have seen it coming. Having a romantic state of mind has always come easier to me than my friends but this has taught me a lesson in missing the bigger picture.
On July 25 2011 08:59 Probe1 wrote: How can I be more objective in relationships? My last ex stole my bloody motorcycle before I realized how crazy she was. I should have seen it coming. Having a romantic state of mind has always come easier to me than my friends but this has taught me a lesson in missing the bigger picture.
So, how does one avoid love tinted glasses.
When something seems even the slightest bit off to you in terms of equality in the relationship or excessive allowance for inappropriate behavior, you imagine how you would react if your mother, sister, or friend were in your girlfriend's position. Would you tolerate it? How would it make you feel? How would you react? That is closer to your true sense of right than the skewed perspective that we tend to adopt when we are enamored with another. Another option is to think about it this way: what if your best friend came to you, told you about what his (your) girlfriend did, and asked you if you think it was acceptable. Dissociate yourself from your attachment to her as entirely as possible for the sake of clear thought. Ignore your history, feelings for her, or any excuses she gives and view the action as being more defining of who you are dating than what your feelings are for each other or what you say to each other. "Actions speak louder than words."
To elaborate on this, only unstable/immature people take advantage of/hurt people they truly love. The more likely explanation is that the person either isn't in love, or merely thinks they are in love.
It happens to all of us somehow. Separate the mind from the heart to be a more objective person.
I have been dating a girl for a year now. As time passes on she becomes more and more irritable, getting very angry and upset over things that she can choose to let pass. I've tried talking with her about how she treats me when anything goes wrong, whether it's related to the relationship or not, but she just doesn't change anything.
When something gets her upset or angry, no matter what it is, she ends up taking it out on me. Most of the time it's something that I couldn't control in any way, or foresee. Most of these incidents she really can just let pass, but instead chooses to become upset over it sometimes for days on end.
I try talking with her, try to work through the problem with her, I try changing things I do to make an impact; nothing is making a difference. She keeps ending up hurting me day after day, often times ruining an entire day over an incident that can either easily be solved or forgotten.
The worst thing is that whenever she's in an angry or upset state, she completely misses everything I try to do to make sure she feels cared and loved for. Then she ends up feeling like I ignore and don't care about her because I don't show it (I tell her all the time however).
Is there any advice that can be given? Feel free to ask more questions.
On July 25 2011 09:30 CecilSunkure wrote: I have been dating a girl for a year now. As time passes on she becomes more and more irritable, getting very angry and upset over things that she can choose to let pass. I've tried talking with her about how she treats me when anything goes wrong, whether it's related to the relationship or not, but she just doesn't change anything.
When something gets her upset or angry, no matter what it is, she ends up taking it out on me. Most of the time it's something that I couldn't control in any way, or foresee. Most of these incidents she really can just let pass, but instead chooses to become upset over it sometimes for days on end.
I try talking with her, try to work through the problem with her, I try changing things I do to make an impact; nothing is making a difference. She keeps ending up hurting me day after day, often times ruining an entire day over an incident that can either easily be solved or forgotten.
The worst thing is that whenever she's in an angry or upset state, she completely misses everything I try to do to make sure she feels cared and loved for. Then she ends up feeling like I ignore and don't care about her because I don't show it (I tell her all the time however).
Is there any advice that can be given? Feel free to ask more questions.
This is a classic abusive relationship. From what I can see, it is a very one-way affair. What I mean by this is she reaps the benefits of having an aegis to fall back on, whereas you get all the problems and pain for no reward. In any imbalanced relationship in which the offended party tried to resolve the issue but failed, the next logical choice is separation. I think this is the only solution for you right now. If I were in your position, I would begin to doubt whether she loved you, and whether she was sane, because she is displaying qualities that go against both states.
What you could try to do is write her a letter in which you explain to her all the reasons why you think that this relationship is unhealthy for you. As you are writing it will be easier to make a full list without any emotional interruptions. She will also not be able to interrupt you or ignore you in a letter. End the letter saying that if things don't change, you can't go on this way, and that you will have to break up. If she can't handle it, then the relationship is over, as it should be in that case. If she can, then you get the right to police her and tell her when she is reverting back to her ways.
No matter the outcome, remember that the likelihood is insanely high that there is someone better for you out there. Best of luck, stand up for yourself, FIGHTING!
On July 25 2011 09:30 CecilSunkure wrote: I have been dating a girl for a year now. As time passes on she becomes more and more irritable, getting very angry and upset over things that she can choose to let pass. I've tried talking with her about how she treats me when anything goes wrong, whether it's related to the relationship or not, but she just doesn't change anything.
When something gets her upset or angry, no matter what it is, she ends up taking it out on me. Most of the time it's something that I couldn't control in any way, or foresee. Most of these incidents she really can just let pass, but instead chooses to become upset over it sometimes for days on end.
I try talking with her, try to work through the problem with her, I try changing things I do to make an impact; nothing is making a difference. She keeps ending up hurting me day after day, often times ruining an entire day over an incident that can either easily be solved or forgotten.
The worst thing is that whenever she's in an angry or upset state, she completely misses everything I try to do to make sure she feels cared and loved for. Then she ends up feeling like I ignore and don't care about her because I don't show it (I tell her all the time however).
Is there any advice that can be given? Feel free to ask more questions.
I was in a relationship very similar to this in high school. The girl I was dating would get mad about the smallest things almost every day. IMO I think this is something immature people do in relationships to feel like they have control over someone. It sucks because you work really hard to make her feel better but it never really seems to work for long, right?
I would suggest giving her the silent treatment if she keeps complaining and not listening to your appeals. Just act like you don't care about her being upset. Once she isn't getting your attention she will freak out, but you need to hold your ground until she realizes she is being ridiculous. If she can't be more mature about things, this relationship will just be a lot of stress and pain for you.
About four weeks ago a girl I was dating for about a month abruptly broke up with me. She stated that she just found out an ex-boyfriend she still had feelings for was moving to where we live. She thought he was moving somewhere else before this and thus thought it would be safe to start dating me. I at first told her I understood and wasn't mad at her because she seemed very upset about the pretty shitty thing she did to me.
I did not think it would take long to get over her, but for some reason I have just been very angry at what she did to me. We have hung out in a totally platonic way a couple times since the break up because she still wants to be friends, but I don't think I can keep doing this.
Should I be angry at her for starting a relationship with me with so much emotional baggage in tow? Or should I try and be just friends with her? And lastly if things don't work out with her ex (she hinted this may happen) should I take her back? She seemed like a really cool girl, but I don't know if I could forgive her for this.
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
So yesterday was my mother's party for her 50th birthday. She got all kinds of neat shit, including a bag full of 50 of everything (super cool gift, imo)! She has been dating this guy for a while, and he has a quite attractive daughter my age. This is where the moral dilemma begins, but develops further...
My mother pulled me aside before the party had even started and told me, 'please don't fight with [her] today.' Historically, this girl and I are water and oil- we have our moments, but we don't mix... The entire day I had my tryhard on, trying not to upset her in any way- which became easier as the day wore on. She had a particularly strong perfume on, and her hair looked really nice and really framed her face well. We chatted a bit about work- what the two of us do; how she is also in the automotive industry (I am a parts fabricator, she is a warranty admin); and what our commutes are like in the morning... Overall, a pleasant exchange.
We go inside to the A/C and drink in the kitchen for a bit- all the while she is throwing absurd body language at me and tapping her feet against my leg on the ottoman between us. She goes down the hall, and my buddy comes into the kitchen, shaking his head. He imposes, "God damn, [my name]- just fuckin kiss her already... I see your eyes, you're in love with her." 'Historically, we haven't gotten along at all, dude. I'm just tryin to be pleasant.' "Bullshit, you're such a bad liar." 'So I'm the book, now, eh? Tell me narrator, what do you read of her?' "She is trying too hard to act uninterested. Man the fuck up!"
Then she gets a phone call. Enter confusing / moral dilemma part... I overhear some of what she says, as we are sitting right next to each other- she is trying to give directions to the house. I ask her where the person is coming from, and I give directions which are relayed to the person on the phone. She hangs up and says, '[he] says he will probably be here in an hour.' I respond, "that your boyfriend?" 'Well, ummm...' 'I see...' This confused the shit out of me for a while, until I had observed their behavior together. When he arrived, she gave him one of those awkward half-hugs with one arm as she looked away from him towards the people at the party. This body language tells me she isn't exactly comfortable with him yet, or just something else which is way over my head.
Move forward 2 hours or so- we (us young people) are all sitting around our own little circular table, drinking, playin cards. At this time, we are sitting in the following order around the table (apologies for this confusing diagram) :: [her] [her friend][me][my buddy]; so my buddy and her friend are on either side of her. I get up to get a beer, and they play musical chairs on me- at which point she has taken my seat... New order: [her friend] [her] [me] [my buddy]. So she moved such that she was sitting between her friend and me, rather than across the table from me.
After a time, we move this party to inside where there is A/C. So here we sit, at the kitchen table (rectangular): [my buddy] [her] / [me] / [her friend] [her father] / [my mother] We are just drinking, having an unimportant conversation, and eventually decide to play Asshole (the card game). That game goes on until her friend decides to leave- then the rest of us chill in the A/C and drink some more. Her body language around her friend appears as though he is just a good friend she brought over to deter any kind of advances, but he is no longer at the party.
I go outside to bask in the cool summer air and have a cigarette in my solitude. Door opens, she walks out, so much for cigarette by myself (she doesn't smoke, and it rather annoys her when it blows in her general direction- I apologized for my smoke blowing at her several times throughout the day). We sit at a table in the backyard, chat for a bit, then start wandering around the yard.
Enter confusing / moral dilemma part 3: She takes my hand while we are walking around the yard, I slowly spin her as if we were dancing and yadda yadda yadda... We dance to absolutely no music for 10 minutes, at which point we end up making out in the backyard. Could have been a product of her drinking girly drinks all night, or maybe I finally managed to get her to warm up to me- either way, I was fuckin rollin with it!
After this, we return to the frozen realm of the indoors where the A/C is set to like 65degF. People are leaving, I have to give my buddy a ride home, and she is gettin ready to leave as well... I walk her out to her car while my buddy and my brother are lallygagging (apparently, that's how you spell that word...) in the kitchen. I give her a hug and a confusingly passionate good-night kiss (I pretty much leaned on her into the car)... My buddy walks outside with his daughter and car-seat and ruins the moment by coming up to me and slappin me on the shoulder, "yeah, [my name]! bout damn time!" We all laugh, she smiles shyly and gets in her car and drives off...
I let my buddy drive my vehicle to his place, then I drive home. As I walk into the house, I am greeted by my sister and her boyfriend informing me that I smell rather girly... Oh shit! I smell like her perfume! I chalk it up to bein with her all day, and try to dismiss it as nothing.
Fast forward to this morning- my sister asks if my shirt still smells like [her] perfume. I didn't notice it while walking through my room, so I just said it didn't. I received no regretful text messages from her- only one that was asking me if she left something at my mother's house (I wasn't there to look, so I just told her to ask my mom). Apparently, she had left her camera there. What is it with women and losing cameras? I bought my mother a really nice camera for her birthday (with the 2 year black-tie full replacement warranty), because I expect these things to happen...
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
On July 25 2011 09:54 YouGotNothin wrote: I did not think it would take long to get over her, but for some reason I have just been very angry at what she did to me. We have hung out in a totally platonic way a couple times since the break up because she still wants to be friends, but I don't think I can keep doing this.
If I may...
It sounds to me like the girl doesn't exactly know what she wants, and as such hasn't given you a solid answer as to whether or not you can be together. From experiences of both mine and my elders, it's best to just let go of people that do this. Ask yourself: do you really want to be with a girl that abruptly leaves you, and then leaves you wondering if you still have a shot? To me it sounds like your time can be better spent with less pining over her in your days.
On July 25 2011 07:03 Frozenhelfire wrote: I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here.
I'm sort of in the same boat as this. I'm normally shy-ish around people that I don't know, yet once I get to know someone I'm my normal self who enjoys having a fun time.
I'll admit that this last semester of school was the first time I had met a girl that I was actually interested in and I told myself if I let this pass without at least trying I was the biggest idiot on the planet. So I make the effort to talk to her, get to know her, and hang out with her as her time permitted (she was stupid busy all the time).
I had thought things died between us when we stopped talking for a week or two and thought that I lost my chance, but then at the start of spring break we had started to talk again. I had mentioned to her that I was on my way to a friends house for a party that night and she said something to the effect of "sounds like you'll have fun, we can talk tomorrow then" and I was like boom, pro suave thoughts and responded back with "well, I'm fairly good at multitasking, so we can still talk(text) if you'd like" (we had been just talking to each other about random stuff, how break was going, etc before this) and the response I got was "I'd like that a lot " to which prompted immediate fist pumpage for my pro smooth talking.
So that night went well in itself, and the next 2 days consisted of us talking about anything and everything until like 4am. + Show Spoiler +
One of these nights was when she actually told me that she was bi and who wouldn't enjoy that news?
During the last few days of break she told me how two of her good friends from school had actually told her that they thought I was a really great guy and that we should go out. Upon learning this (and from the things that we had talked about) I thought that I had this shit in the bag and when we got back from break things would progress.
We get back from break and a few days later after hanging out for a bit I finally grew a pair and told her how I actually felt. She wasn't surprised, since apparently women know everything -_-, and told me that she thought I was a really great guy and all of that jazz, but she didn't think it would be fair to be in a relationship at the time because of how busy she was. She asked me how I wanted to move forward with this and being the gentleman I am I just told her that I understood where she was coming from and didn't want to try and force a relationship onto her and that we could see what happens when her life got a little less stressful.
After a few weeks pass I figured that I needed to do something in order to not just be friend-zoned for the rest of my life or something, so I decided to talk to her again and see what the whole deal was and such. After she explained how she was still really busy, I decided I'd rather have a straightforward answer and just asked what the deal would be if she wasn't so busy at the time (like does she actually share the same feelings or not).The obvious "I don't really know" ensued, so I told her that I just wanted a straight forward honest answer. The hammer was then dropped: "well, I'm not so sure that I'm bi anymore". So she's completely into chicks now, the fuck?
(if something makes no sense / needs clarified further just say something, I often forget that people don't have my exact memories :D)
I'm wondering if I did anything wrong I guess you could say, like if I had actually made a solid move would this have turned out differently? Did I completely misread all of the things that she said to me? I guess I'm wondering what I should've/could've done differently, or if I just got unlucky as hell.
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
So yesterday was my mother's party for her 50th birthday. She got all kinds of neat shit, including a bag full of 50 of everything (super cool gift, imo)! She has been dating this guy for a while, and he has a quite attractive daughter my age. This is where the moral dilemma begins, but develops further...
My mother pulled me aside before the party had even started and told me, 'please don't fight with [her] today.' Historically, this girl and I are water and oil- we have our moments, but we don't mix... The entire day I had my tryhard on, trying not to upset her in any way- which became easier as the day wore on. She had a particularly strong perfume on, and her hair looked really nice and really framed her face well. We chatted a bit about work- what the two of us do; how she is also in the automotive industry (I am a parts fabricator, she is a warranty admin); and what our commutes are like in the morning... Overall, a pleasant exchange.
We go inside to the A/C and drink in the kitchen for a bit- all the while she is throwing absurd body language at me and tapping her feet against my leg on the ottoman between us. She goes down the hall, and my buddy comes into the kitchen, shaking his head. He imposes, "God damn, [my name]- just fuckin kiss her already... I see your eyes, you're in love with her." 'Historically, we haven't gotten along at all, dude. I'm just tryin to be pleasant.' "Bullshit, you're such a bad liar." 'So I'm the book, now, eh? Tell me narrator, what do you read of her?' "She is trying too hard to act uninterested. Man the fuck up!"
Then she gets a phone call. Enter confusing / moral dilemma part... I overhear some of what she says, as we are sitting right next to each other- she is trying to give directions to the house. I ask her where the person is coming from, and I give directions which are relayed to the person on the phone. She hangs up and says, '[he] says he will probably be here in an hour.' I respond, "that your boyfriend?" 'Well, ummm...' 'I see...' This confused the shit out of me for a while, until I had observed their behavior together. When he arrived, she gave him one of those awkward half-hugs with one arm as she looked away from him towards the people at the party. This body language tells me she isn't exactly comfortable with him yet, or just something else which is way over my head.
Move forward 2 hours or so- we (us young people) are all sitting around our own little circular table, drinking, playin cards. At this time, we are sitting in the following order around the table (apologies for this confusing diagram) :: [her] [her friend][me][my buddy]; so my buddy and her friend are on either side of her. I get up to get a beer, and they play musical chairs on me- at which point she has taken my seat... New order: [her friend] [her] [me] [my buddy]. So she moved such that she was sitting between her friend and me, rather than across the table from me.
After a time, we move this party to inside where there is A/C. So here we sit, at the kitchen table (rectangular): [my buddy] [her] / [me] / [her friend] [her father] / [my mother] We are just drinking, having an unimportant conversation, and eventually decide to play Asshole (the card game). That game goes on until her friend decides to leave- then the rest of us chill in the A/C and drink some more. Her body language around her friend appears as though he is just a good friend she brought over to deter any kind of advances, but he is no longer at the party.
I go outside to bask in the cool summer air and have a cigarette in my solitude. Door opens, she walks out, so much for cigarette by myself (she doesn't smoke, and it rather annoys her when it blows in her general direction- I apologized for my smoke blowing at her several times throughout the day). We sit at a table in the backyard, chat for a bit, then start wandering around the yard.
Enter confusing / moral dilemma part 3: She takes my hand while we are walking around the yard, I slowly spin her as if we were dancing and yadda yadda yadda... We dance to absolutely no music for 10 minutes, at which point we end up making out in the backyard. Could have been a product of her drinking girly drinks all night, or maybe I finally managed to get her to warm up to me- either way, I was fuckin rollin with it!
After this, we return to the frozen realm of the indoors where the A/C is set to like 65degF. People are leaving, I have to give my buddy a ride home, and she is gettin ready to leave as well... I walk her out to her car while my buddy and my brother are lallygagging (apparently, that's how you spell that word...) in the kitchen. I give her a hug and a confusingly passionate good-night kiss (I pretty much leaned on her into the car)... My buddy walks outside with his daughter and car-seat and ruins the moment by coming up to me and slappin me on the shoulder, "yeah, [my name]! bout damn time!" We all laugh, she smiles shyly and gets in her car and drives off...
I let my buddy drive my vehicle to his place, then I drive home. As I walk into the house, I am greeted by my sister and her boyfriend informing me that I smell rather girly... Oh shit! I smell like her perfume! I chalk it up to bein with her all day, and try to dismiss it as nothing.
Fast forward to this morning- my sister asks if my shirt still smells like [her] perfume. I didn't notice it while walking through my room, so I just said it didn't. I received no regretful text messages from her- only one that was asking me if she left something at my mother's house (I wasn't there to look, so I just told her to ask my mom). Apparently, she had left her camera there. What is it with women and losing cameras? I bought my mother a really nice camera for her birthday (with the 2 year black-tie full replacement warranty), because I expect these things to happen...
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
Ok Its really up to you, I was in a situation kinda like that a year or two ago, and went with it. But it never worked out so almost no one found out.
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
So yesterday was my mother's party for her 50th birthday. She got all kinds of neat shit, including a bag full of 50 of everything (super cool gift, imo)! She has been dating this guy for a while, and he has a quite attractive daughter my age. This is where the moral dilemma begins, but develops further...
My mother pulled me aside before the party had even started and told me, 'please don't fight with [her] today.' Historically, this girl and I are water and oil- we have our moments, but we don't mix... The entire day I had my tryhard on, trying not to upset her in any way- which became easier as the day wore on. She had a particularly strong perfume on, and her hair looked really nice and really framed her face well. We chatted a bit about work- what the two of us do; how she is also in the automotive industry (I am a parts fabricator, she is a warranty admin); and what our commutes are like in the morning... Overall, a pleasant exchange.
We go inside to the A/C and drink in the kitchen for a bit- all the while she is throwing absurd body language at me and tapping her feet against my leg on the ottoman between us. She goes down the hall, and my buddy comes into the kitchen, shaking his head. He imposes, "God damn, [my name]- just fuckin kiss her already... I see your eyes, you're in love with her." 'Historically, we haven't gotten along at all, dude. I'm just tryin to be pleasant.' "Bullshit, you're such a bad liar." 'So I'm the book, now, eh? Tell me narrator, what do you read of her?' "She is trying too hard to act uninterested. Man the fuck up!"
Then she gets a phone call. Enter confusing / moral dilemma part... I overhear some of what she says, as we are sitting right next to each other- she is trying to give directions to the house. I ask her where the person is coming from, and I give directions which are relayed to the person on the phone. She hangs up and says, '[he] says he will probably be here in an hour.' I respond, "that your boyfriend?" 'Well, ummm...' 'I see...' This confused the shit out of me for a while, until I had observed their behavior together. When he arrived, she gave him one of those awkward half-hugs with one arm as she looked away from him towards the people at the party. This body language tells me she isn't exactly comfortable with him yet, or just something else which is way over my head.
Move forward 2 hours or so- we (us young people) are all sitting around our own little circular table, drinking, playin cards. At this time, we are sitting in the following order around the table (apologies for this confusing diagram) :: [her] [her friend][me][my buddy]; so my buddy and her friend are on either side of her. I get up to get a beer, and they play musical chairs on me- at which point she has taken my seat... New order: [her friend] [her] [me] [my buddy]. So she moved such that she was sitting between her friend and me, rather than across the table from me.
After a time, we move this party to inside where there is A/C. So here we sit, at the kitchen table (rectangular): [my buddy] [her] / [me] / [her friend] [her father] / [my mother] We are just drinking, having an unimportant conversation, and eventually decide to play Asshole (the card game). That game goes on until her friend decides to leave- then the rest of us chill in the A/C and drink some more. Her body language around her friend appears as though he is just a good friend she brought over to deter any kind of advances, but he is no longer at the party.
I go outside to bask in the cool summer air and have a cigarette in my solitude. Door opens, she walks out, so much for cigarette by myself (she doesn't smoke, and it rather annoys her when it blows in her general direction- I apologized for my smoke blowing at her several times throughout the day). We sit at a table in the backyard, chat for a bit, then start wandering around the yard.
Enter confusing / moral dilemma part 3: She takes my hand while we are walking around the yard, I slowly spin her as if we were dancing and yadda yadda yadda... We dance to absolutely no music for 10 minutes, at which point we end up making out in the backyard. Could have been a product of her drinking girly drinks all night, or maybe I finally managed to get her to warm up to me- either way, I was fuckin rollin with it!
After this, we return to the frozen realm of the indoors where the A/C is set to like 65degF. People are leaving, I have to give my buddy a ride home, and she is gettin ready to leave as well... I walk her out to her car while my buddy and my brother are lallygagging (apparently, that's how you spell that word...) in the kitchen. I give her a hug and a confusingly passionate good-night kiss (I pretty much leaned on her into the car)... My buddy walks outside with his daughter and car-seat and ruins the moment by coming up to me and slappin me on the shoulder, "yeah, [my name]! bout damn time!" We all laugh, she smiles shyly and gets in her car and drives off...
I let my buddy drive my vehicle to his place, then I drive home. As I walk into the house, I am greeted by my sister and her boyfriend informing me that I smell rather girly... Oh shit! I smell like her perfume! I chalk it up to bein with her all day, and try to dismiss it as nothing.
Fast forward to this morning- my sister asks if my shirt still smells like [her] perfume. I didn't notice it while walking through my room, so I just said it didn't. I received no regretful text messages from her- only one that was asking me if she left something at my mother's house (I wasn't there to look, so I just told her to ask my mom). Apparently, she had left her camera there. What is it with women and losing cameras? I bought my mother a really nice camera for her birthday (with the 2 year black-tie full replacement warranty), because I expect these things to happen...
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
Ok Its really up to you, I was in a situation kinda like that a year or two ago, and went with it. But it never worked out so almost no one found out.
In my situation, the cat is already out of the bag. Both my mother and her father commented on how well [she] and I had gotten along that day- and I made the potentially harmful statement that, 'even though we are oil and water, she is a cute enough girl and I enjoy her company.' I don't rightly think their reactions were negative- but it was def not something I would normally have said in front of the two of them. Especially considering who the girl was...
On July 25 2011 08:59 Probe1 wrote: How can I be more objective in relationships? My last ex stole my bloody motorcycle before I realized how crazy she was. I should have seen it coming. Having a romantic state of mind has always come easier to me than my friends but this has taught me a lesson in missing the bigger picture.
When something seems even the slightest bit off to you in terms of equality in the relationship or excessive allowance for inappropriate behavior, you imagine how you would react if your mother, sister, or friend were in your girlfriend's position. Would you tolerate it? How would it make you feel? How would you react? That is closer to your true sense of right than the skewed perspective that we tend to adopt when we are enamored with another. Another option is to think about it this way: what if your best friend came to you, told you about what his (your) girlfriend did, and asked you if you think it was acceptable. Dissociate yourself from your attachment to her as entirely as possible for the sake of clear thought. Ignore your history, feelings for her, or any excuses she gives and view the action as being more defining of who you are dating than what your feelings are for each other or what you say to each other. "Actions speak louder than words."
To elaborate on this, only unstable/immature people take advantage of/hurt people they truly love. The more likely explanation is that the person either isn't in love, or merely thinks they are in love.
It happens to all of us somehow. Separate the mind from the heart to be a more objective person.
On July 25 2011 09:54 YouGotNothin wrote: Alright, my turn.
About four weeks ago a girl I was dating for about a month abruptly broke up with me. She stated that she just found out an ex-boyfriend she still had feelings for was moving to where we live. She thought he was moving somewhere else before this and thus thought it would be safe to start dating me. I at first told her I understood and wasn't mad at her because she seemed very upset about the pretty shitty thing she did to me.
I did not think it would take long to get over her, but for some reason I have just been very angry at what she did to me. We have hung out in a totally platonic way a couple times since the break up because she still wants to be friends, but I don't think I can keep doing this.
Should I be angry at her for starting a relationship with me with so much emotional baggage in tow? Or should I try and be just friends with her? And lastly if things don't work out with her ex (she hinted this may happen) should I take her back? She seemed like a really cool girl, but I don't know if I could forgive her for this.
I think you definitely have the right to be angry.
Many young people don't see relationships as being serious things. I tend to view them as serious. Hence, if you are going to go out with someone, you should like them more than anyone else. If this is not true, then it's not a relationship worth having and she acted in a completely immature way.
I think that it is not healthy for you to hang out with her.
Even though you did nothing wrong, she has slighted you pretty badly. I don't think a person who could do that to you and is that immature should have a part in your life. I think that your feelings for her won't improve things either. Getting some distance will clear your mind and give you some more perspective on just how much she fucked shit up. She basically lost her favorite toy, bought a new one, then when she found the first toy she threw the second away. That is fucked up, the second toy (you) has feelings and thought that she had feelings for it (you) too. That kind of betrayal is not easily forgotten or undone.
I don't think you should take her back if they break up.
If she did this, she has the potential to do something just as fucked up in the future. Hopefully it will teach her something.
I think you should forgive her.
As wrong, insensitive, and immature as she is, she should be forgiven. The same level of emotions that make you still like her somewhat despite the shit she did to you are probably what caused her to break up with you and go back to her ex in the first place. Her position is completely wrong, but understandable. Because of this, I think that forgiveness would be better for both of you. I have forgiven girls who have wronged me before, and then told them I never wanted to speak with them in the same conversation, and my life was the better for it. It helped me let go and forget, it helped them move on and feel less guilt and more responsibility, which in turn makes them a better person (I hope, I guess I wouldn't know lol). Even as a friend, I would not trust this person.
Sorry that this happened man, it's rough. Keep your chin up! FIGHTING!
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
So yesterday was my mother's party for her 50th birthday. She got all kinds of neat shit, including a bag full of 50 of everything (super cool gift, imo)! She has been dating this guy for a while, and he has a quite attractive daughter my age. This is where the moral dilemma begins, but develops further...
My mother pulled me aside before the party had even started and told me, 'please don't fight with [her] today.' Historically, this girl and I are water and oil- we have our moments, but we don't mix... The entire day I had my tryhard on, trying not to upset her in any way- which became easier as the day wore on. She had a particularly strong perfume on, and her hair looked really nice and really framed her face well. We chatted a bit about work- what the two of us do; how she is also in the automotive industry (I am a parts fabricator, she is a warranty admin); and what our commutes are like in the morning... Overall, a pleasant exchange.
We go inside to the A/C and drink in the kitchen for a bit- all the while she is throwing absurd body language at me and tapping her feet against my leg on the ottoman between us. She goes down the hall, and my buddy comes into the kitchen, shaking his head. He imposes, "God damn, [my name]- just fuckin kiss her already... I see your eyes, you're in love with her." 'Historically, we haven't gotten along at all, dude. I'm just tryin to be pleasant.' "Bullshit, you're such a bad liar." 'So I'm the book, now, eh? Tell me narrator, what do you read of her?' "She is trying too hard to act uninterested. Man the fuck up!"
Then she gets a phone call. Enter confusing / moral dilemma part... I overhear some of what she says, as we are sitting right next to each other- she is trying to give directions to the house. I ask her where the person is coming from, and I give directions which are relayed to the person on the phone. She hangs up and says, '[he] says he will probably be here in an hour.' I respond, "that your boyfriend?" 'Well, ummm...' 'I see...' This confused the shit out of me for a while, until I had observed their behavior together. When he arrived, she gave him one of those awkward half-hugs with one arm as she looked away from him towards the people at the party. This body language tells me she isn't exactly comfortable with him yet, or just something else which is way over my head.
Move forward 2 hours or so- we (us young people) are all sitting around our own little circular table, drinking, playin cards. At this time, we are sitting in the following order around the table (apologies for this confusing diagram) :: [her] [her friend][me][my buddy]; so my buddy and her friend are on either side of her. I get up to get a beer, and they play musical chairs on me- at which point she has taken my seat... New order: [her friend] [her] [me] [my buddy]. So she moved such that she was sitting between her friend and me, rather than across the table from me.
After a time, we move this party to inside where there is A/C. So here we sit, at the kitchen table (rectangular): [my buddy] [her] / [me] / [her friend] [her father] / [my mother] We are just drinking, having an unimportant conversation, and eventually decide to play Asshole (the card game). That game goes on until her friend decides to leave- then the rest of us chill in the A/C and drink some more. Her body language around her friend appears as though he is just a good friend she brought over to deter any kind of advances, but he is no longer at the party.
I go outside to bask in the cool summer air and have a cigarette in my solitude. Door opens, she walks out, so much for cigarette by myself (she doesn't smoke, and it rather annoys her when it blows in her general direction- I apologized for my smoke blowing at her several times throughout the day). We sit at a table in the backyard, chat for a bit, then start wandering around the yard.
Enter confusing / moral dilemma part 3: She takes my hand while we are walking around the yard, I slowly spin her as if we were dancing and yadda yadda yadda... We dance to absolutely no music for 10 minutes, at which point we end up making out in the backyard. Could have been a product of her drinking girly drinks all night, or maybe I finally managed to get her to warm up to me- either way, I was fuckin rollin with it!
After this, we return to the frozen realm of the indoors where the A/C is set to like 65degF. People are leaving, I have to give my buddy a ride home, and she is gettin ready to leave as well... I walk her out to her car while my buddy and my brother are lallygagging (apparently, that's how you spell that word...) in the kitchen. I give her a hug and a confusingly passionate good-night kiss (I pretty much leaned on her into the car)... My buddy walks outside with his daughter and car-seat and ruins the moment by coming up to me and slappin me on the shoulder, "yeah, [my name]! bout damn time!" We all laugh, she smiles shyly and gets in her car and drives off...
I let my buddy drive my vehicle to his place, then I drive home. As I walk into the house, I am greeted by my sister and her boyfriend informing me that I smell rather girly... Oh shit! I smell like her perfume! I chalk it up to bein with her all day, and try to dismiss it as nothing.
Fast forward to this morning- my sister asks if my shirt still smells like [her] perfume. I didn't notice it while walking through my room, so I just said it didn't. I received no regretful text messages from her- only one that was asking me if she left something at my mother's house (I wasn't there to look, so I just told her to ask my mom). Apparently, she had left her camera there. What is it with women and losing cameras? I bought my mother a really nice camera for her birthday (with the 2 year black-tie full replacement warranty), because I expect these things to happen...
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
Morality should be your own personal judgment, not mine. I find other issues in this situation that I want to bring to your attention though.
Even if you don't have a moral problem with this, she might, and so might your respective families. Family should come first in this situation. If you're brave enough, I'd ask your mom's opinion.
Another problem is that fake-boyfriend situation. She got notably closer to you when he was around, but her friend wasn't. She probably was trying to seek the same protection that her friend offered her. This + a few drinks + a day of you being nicer to her than usual + emotional dropout from failing relationship = attraction. I think that there are too many volatile factors in this relationship for it to work out on an emotional level. Your history with her isn't really a problem but it doesn't help much that you guys are just starting to get close.
I think that it would be wrong to do anything with her, really, simply because I know it might put your mother's relationship in jeopardy down the line, and because this girl is probably emotionally unstable right now. But, I'll reiterate, morality is subjective, so you should do what you feel comfortable with.
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
So yesterday was my mother's party for her 50th birthday. She got all kinds of neat shit, including a bag full of 50 of everything (super cool gift, imo)! She has been dating this guy for a while, and he has a quite attractive daughter my age. This is where the moral dilemma begins, but develops further...
My mother pulled me aside before the party had even started and told me, 'please don't fight with [her] today.' Historically, this girl and I are water and oil- we have our moments, but we don't mix... The entire day I had my tryhard on, trying not to upset her in any way- which became easier as the day wore on. She had a particularly strong perfume on, and her hair looked really nice and really framed her face well. We chatted a bit about work- what the two of us do; how she is also in the automotive industry (I am a parts fabricator, she is a warranty admin); and what our commutes are like in the morning... Overall, a pleasant exchange.
We go inside to the A/C and drink in the kitchen for a bit- all the while she is throwing absurd body language at me and tapping her feet against my leg on the ottoman between us. She goes down the hall, and my buddy comes into the kitchen, shaking his head. He imposes, "God damn, [my name]- just fuckin kiss her already... I see your eyes, you're in love with her." 'Historically, we haven't gotten along at all, dude. I'm just tryin to be pleasant.' "Bullshit, you're such a bad liar." 'So I'm the book, now, eh? Tell me narrator, what do you read of her?' "She is trying too hard to act uninterested. Man the fuck up!"
Then she gets a phone call. Enter confusing / moral dilemma part... I overhear some of what she says, as we are sitting right next to each other- she is trying to give directions to the house. I ask her where the person is coming from, and I give directions which are relayed to the person on the phone. She hangs up and says, '[he] says he will probably be here in an hour.' I respond, "that your boyfriend?" 'Well, ummm...' 'I see...' This confused the shit out of me for a while, until I had observed their behavior together. When he arrived, she gave him one of those awkward half-hugs with one arm as she looked away from him towards the people at the party. This body language tells me she isn't exactly comfortable with him yet, or just something else which is way over my head.
Move forward 2 hours or so- we (us young people) are all sitting around our own little circular table, drinking, playin cards. At this time, we are sitting in the following order around the table (apologies for this confusing diagram) :: [her] [her friend][me][my buddy]; so my buddy and her friend are on either side of her. I get up to get a beer, and they play musical chairs on me- at which point she has taken my seat... New order: [her friend] [her] [me] [my buddy]. So she moved such that she was sitting between her friend and me, rather than across the table from me.
After a time, we move this party to inside where there is A/C. So here we sit, at the kitchen table (rectangular): [my buddy] [her] / [me] / [her friend] [her father] / [my mother] We are just drinking, having an unimportant conversation, and eventually decide to play Asshole (the card game). That game goes on until her friend decides to leave- then the rest of us chill in the A/C and drink some more. Her body language around her friend appears as though he is just a good friend she brought over to deter any kind of advances, but he is no longer at the party.
I go outside to bask in the cool summer air and have a cigarette in my solitude. Door opens, she walks out, so much for cigarette by myself (she doesn't smoke, and it rather annoys her when it blows in her general direction- I apologized for my smoke blowing at her several times throughout the day). We sit at a table in the backyard, chat for a bit, then start wandering around the yard.
Enter confusing / moral dilemma part 3: She takes my hand while we are walking around the yard, I slowly spin her as if we were dancing and yadda yadda yadda... We dance to absolutely no music for 10 minutes, at which point we end up making out in the backyard. Could have been a product of her drinking girly drinks all night, or maybe I finally managed to get her to warm up to me- either way, I was fuckin rollin with it!
After this, we return to the frozen realm of the indoors where the A/C is set to like 65degF. People are leaving, I have to give my buddy a ride home, and she is gettin ready to leave as well... I walk her out to her car while my buddy and my brother are lallygagging (apparently, that's how you spell that word...) in the kitchen. I give her a hug and a confusingly passionate good-night kiss (I pretty much leaned on her into the car)... My buddy walks outside with his daughter and car-seat and ruins the moment by coming up to me and slappin me on the shoulder, "yeah, [my name]! bout damn time!" We all laugh, she smiles shyly and gets in her car and drives off...
I let my buddy drive my vehicle to his place, then I drive home. As I walk into the house, I am greeted by my sister and her boyfriend informing me that I smell rather girly... Oh shit! I smell like her perfume! I chalk it up to bein with her all day, and try to dismiss it as nothing.
Fast forward to this morning- my sister asks if my shirt still smells like [her] perfume. I didn't notice it while walking through my room, so I just said it didn't. I received no regretful text messages from her- only one that was asking me if she left something at my mother's house (I wasn't there to look, so I just told her to ask my mom). Apparently, she had left her camera there. What is it with women and losing cameras? I bought my mother a really nice camera for her birthday (with the 2 year black-tie full replacement warranty), because I expect these things to happen...
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
Morality should be your own personal judgment, not mine. I find other issues in this situation that I want to bring to your attention though.
Even if you don't have a moral problem with this, she might, and so might your respective families. Family should come first in this situation. If you're brave enough, I'd ask your mom's opinion.
Another problem is that fake-boyfriend situation. She got notably closer to you when he was around, but her friend wasn't. She probably was trying to seek the same protection that her friend offered her. This + a few drinks + a day of you being nicer to her than usual + emotional dropout from failing relationship = attraction. I think that there are too many volatile factors in this relationship for it to work out on an emotional level. Your history with her isn't really a problem but it doesn't help much that you guys are just starting to get close.
I think that it would be wrong to do anything with her, really, simply because I know it might put your mother's relationship in jeopardy down the line, and because this girl is probably emotionally unstable right now. But, I'll reiterate, morality is subjective, so you should do what you feel comfortable with.
I was afraid of this kind of response =0\ Although, my mother is open-minded enough that I could ask her... I really like this girl's father, though- for my mother. Nice upstanding gentleman, wouldn't really wanna ruin it for her because of my poor decisions...
On July 25 2011 07:03 Frozenhelfire wrote: I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here.
I'm sort of in the same boat as this. I'm normally shy-ish around people that I don't know, yet once I get to know someone I'm my normal self who enjoys having a fun time.
I'll admit that this last semester of school was the first time I had met a girl that I was actually interested in and I told myself if I let this pass without at least trying I was the biggest idiot on the planet. So I make the effort to talk to her, get to know her, and hang out with her as her time permitted (she was stupid busy all the time).
I had thought things died between us when we stopped talking for a week or two and thought that I lost my chance, but then at the start of spring break we had started to talk again. I had mentioned to her that I was on my way to a friends house for a party that night and she said something to the effect of "sounds like you'll have fun, we can talk tomorrow then" and I was like boom, pro suave thoughts and responded back with "well, I'm fairly good at multitasking, so we can still talk(text) if you'd like" (we had been just talking to each other about random stuff, how break was going, etc before this) and the response I got was "I'd like that a lot " to which prompted immediate fist pumpage for my pro smooth talking.
So that night went well in itself, and the next 2 days consisted of us talking about anything and everything until like 4am. + Show Spoiler +
One of these nights was when she actually told me that she was bi and who wouldn't enjoy that news?
During the last few days of break she told me how two of her good friends from school had actually told her that they thought I was a really great guy and that we should go out. Upon learning this (and from the things that we had talked about) I thought that I had this shit in the bag and when we got back from break things would progress.
We get back from break and a few days later after hanging out for a bit I finally grew a pair and told her how I actually felt. She wasn't surprised, since apparently women know everything -_-, and told me that she thought I was a really great guy and all of that jazz, but she didn't think it would be fair to be in a relationship at the time because of how busy she was. She asked me how I wanted to move forward with this and being the gentleman I am I just told her that I understood where she was coming from and didn't want to try and force a relationship onto her and that we could see what happens when her life got a little less stressful.
After a few weeks pass I figured that I needed to do something in order to not just be friend-zoned for the rest of my life or something, so I decided to talk to her again and see what the whole deal was and such. After she explained how she was still really busy, I decided I'd rather have a straightforward answer and just asked what the deal would be if she wasn't so busy at the time (like does she actually share the same feelings or not).The obvious "I don't really know" ensued, so I told her that I just wanted a straight forward honest answer. The hammer was then dropped: "well, I'm not so sure that I'm bi anymore". So she's completely into chicks now, the fuck?
(if something makes no sense / needs clarified further just say something, I often forget that people don't have my exact memories :D)
I'm wondering if I did anything wrong I guess you could say, like if I had actually made a solid move would this have turned out differently? Did I completely misread all of the things that she said to me? I guess I'm wondering what I should've/could've done differently, or if I just got unlucky as hell.
First of all, "I'll admit that this last semester of school was the first time I had met a girl that I was actually interested in and I told myself if I let this pass without at least trying I was the biggest idiot on the planet," is a great mentality to have. Judging from this story, you have a head on your shoulders and you'll come out of this okay, regardless of whether it's with her or without her.
I think you did everything fine. When she said she was busy, I might have said something along the lines of "I don't want to push you, but I still want to be able to call you my girlfriend and spend more time with you. It's not about how much time you or I have, if you were to die an hour from now, I'd still ask you to be my girlfriend." But, I say this hypothetically, as I've never been faced with this problem. It's by no means the only option, and I feel that this is a situation where people have to take the path that they feel comfortable with. I think that the path you chose might seem a little less devoted/passionate (but also less needy? depends on how close you two were), but also more empathetic (which is a good quality in a guy).
I don't think you misread anything, your story seemed pretty objective, and she seemed to show genuine interest, on paper at least.
I do think you got unlucky. She seems to be going through a transition period in her life (being bisexual is one sign of this), maybe discovering herself, and that might also be the reason why she was shying away from a relationship. From what I gathered, she did like you, and wanted to keep you as an option when she came to the end of whatever personal journey she is on. Although this assumption makes her seem pretty selfish, emotions can make you subconsciously do these things, which I suspect was her case.
I'm sorry that things turned out this way. I don't think you should put any pressure on her, maybe tell her that no matter what you'll support her (if she is going through a period of sexual discovery, she may have issues with her friends and family) if you are so inclined, and you should move on and not think any less of yourself for what happened. Best of luck!
On July 25 2011 10:56 Logginurkeyz wrote: I was afraid of this kind of response =0\ Although, my mother is open-minded enough that I could ask her... I really like this girl's father, though- for my mother. Nice upstanding gentleman, wouldn't really wanna ruin it for her because of my poor decisions...
Asking shouldn't do any damage, if anything I think your mother will be surprised by how mature you are for coming to her with this kind of question, because it is a very touchy situation. However, I want to make sure you discuss this with her and not just ask her permission. Having a discussion will illuminate whatever other problems there may be with your situation, which your mother has much more first-hand experience with than anyone online ever would (she knows you, herself, her boyfriend, his daughter, and how it would affect the relationship).
You should judge for yourself whether or not you want to trouble your mom with this though. Only do it if you are truly serious about going out with this girl first, and not at the level of asking whether its right or not. I suggest you give it some time and let that day fade a little, and see if you still feel as strongly. If you do, think about what makes her different from other girls you know. If there are almost no differences, then I would say it is a product of your interesting relationship (many relationships start after two people 'hate' each other, because as long as you are feeling emotions for each other it is possible to change their direction). If there are differences, take note of them - these are the qualities that you look for in women, and you should try to look for women who would cause fewer potential complications (which I am sure you can imagine there to be many). The way I see it, if your relationship with her goes wrong, it could ruin your relationship with your mom because it might affect your mom's relationship with her boyfriend. That is too great of a sacrifice to make, in my opinion. On top of that, as lovely of a person as your mom is, I think it would be more difficult for her to find a single man around her age who she will like, whereas you are young and I think you will plow many a pussy yet.
Either way, best of luck. You're in a tough spot, but you'll be fine regardless of what happens.
On July 25 2011 07:03 Frozenhelfire wrote: I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here.
I'm sort of in the same boat as this. I'm normally shy-ish around people that I don't know, yet once I get to know someone I'm my normal self who enjoys having a fun time.
I'll admit that this last semester of school was the first time I had met a girl that I was actually interested in and I told myself if I let this pass without at least trying I was the biggest idiot on the planet. So I make the effort to talk to her, get to know her, and hang out with her as her time permitted (she was stupid busy all the time).
I had thought things died between us when we stopped talking for a week or two and thought that I lost my chance, but then at the start of spring break we had started to talk again. I had mentioned to her that I was on my way to a friends house for a party that night and she said something to the effect of "sounds like you'll have fun, we can talk tomorrow then" and I was like boom, pro suave thoughts and responded back with "well, I'm fairly good at multitasking, so we can still talk(text) if you'd like" (we had been just talking to each other about random stuff, how break was going, etc before this) and the response I got was "I'd like that a lot " to which prompted immediate fist pumpage for my pro smooth talking.
So that night went well in itself, and the next 2 days consisted of us talking about anything and everything until like 4am. + Show Spoiler +
One of these nights was when she actually told me that she was bi and who wouldn't enjoy that news?
During the last few days of break she told me how two of her good friends from school had actually told her that they thought I was a really great guy and that we should go out. Upon learning this (and from the things that we had talked about) I thought that I had this shit in the bag and when we got back from break things would progress.
We get back from break and a few days later after hanging out for a bit I finally grew a pair and told her how I actually felt. She wasn't surprised, since apparently women know everything -_-, and told me that she thought I was a really great guy and all of that jazz, but she didn't think it would be fair to be in a relationship at the time because of how busy she was. She asked me how I wanted to move forward with this and being the gentleman I am I just told her that I understood where she was coming from and didn't want to try and force a relationship onto her and that we could see what happens when her life got a little less stressful.
After a few weeks pass I figured that I needed to do something in order to not just be friend-zoned for the rest of my life or something, so I decided to talk to her again and see what the whole deal was and such. After she explained how she was still really busy, I decided I'd rather have a straightforward answer and just asked what the deal would be if she wasn't so busy at the time (like does she actually share the same feelings or not).The obvious "I don't really know" ensued, so I told her that I just wanted a straight forward honest answer. The hammer was then dropped: "well, I'm not so sure that I'm bi anymore". So she's completely into chicks now, the fuck?
(if something makes no sense / needs clarified further just say something, I often forget that people don't have my exact memories :D)
I'm wondering if I did anything wrong I guess you could say, like if I had actually made a solid move would this have turned out differently? Did I completely misread all of the things that she said to me? I guess I'm wondering what I should've/could've done differently, or if I just got unlucky as hell.
First of all, "I'll admit that this last semester of school was the first time I had met a girl that I was actually interested in and I told myself if I let this pass without at least trying I was the biggest idiot on the planet," is a great mentality to have. Judging from this story, you have a head on your shoulders and you'll come out of this okay, regardless of whether it's with her or without her.
I think you did everything fine. When she said she was busy, I might have said something along the lines of "I don't want to push you, but I still want to be able to call you my girlfriend and spend more time with you. It's not about how much time you or I have, if you were to die an hour from now, I'd still ask you to be my girlfriend." But, I say this hypothetically, as I've never been faced with this problem. It's by no means the only option, and I feel that this is a situation where people have to take the path that they feel comfortable with. I think that the path you chose might seem a little less devoted/passionate (but also less needy? depends on how close you two were), but also more empathetic (which is a good quality in a guy).
I don't think you misread anything, your story seemed pretty objective, and she seemed to show genuine interest, on paper at least.
I do think you got unlucky. She seems to be going through a transition period in her life (being bisexual is one sign of this), maybe discovering herself, and that might also be the reason why she was shying away from a relationship. From what I gathered, she did like you, and wanted to keep you as an option when she came to the end of whatever personal journey she is on. Although this assumption makes her seem pretty selfish, emotions can make you subconsciously do these things, which I suspect was her case.
I'm sorry that things turned out this way. I don't think you should put any pressure on her, maybe tell her that no matter what you'll support her (if she is going through a period of sexual discovery, she may have issues with her friends and family) if you are so inclined, and you should move on and not think any less of yourself for what happened. Best of luck!
Yeah I told her I never wanted to try and force something because of the amount of respect I have for her. I still care about her and hope the best for her, but I've accepted what has come of it (she started dating this girl a few weeks back, so I guess that solidifies things). Granted I didn't handle it in the best way (I carried it with me for awhile), but shit happens I guess and I know that I at least learned a lot about myself. Thanks for your response my good sir.
On July 25 2011 05:24 Hikko wrote: I'm planning on taking a girl out for a nice dinner date as our first date, but is just dinner enough content for a date, or do I need to take her somewhere else as well?
I suggest that you do some kind of activity prior to the dinner. This activity should be something that YOU enjoy but not nerdy. When doing this activity, you can explain why you enjoy this activity and all the interesting things you've learnt about it. It's best that this activity allows both of you to talk to each other.
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
So yesterday was my mother's party for her 50th birthday. She got all kinds of neat shit, including a bag full of 50 of everything (super cool gift, imo)! She has been dating this guy for a while, and he has a quite attractive daughter my age. This is where the moral dilemma begins, but develops further...
My mother pulled me aside before the party had even started and told me, 'please don't fight with [her] today.' Historically, this girl and I are water and oil- we have our moments, but we don't mix... The entire day I had my tryhard on, trying not to upset her in any way- which became easier as the day wore on. She had a particularly strong perfume on, and her hair looked really nice and really framed her face well. We chatted a bit about work- what the two of us do; how she is also in the automotive industry (I am a parts fabricator, she is a warranty admin); and what our commutes are like in the morning... Overall, a pleasant exchange.
We go inside to the A/C and drink in the kitchen for a bit- all the while she is throwing absurd body language at me and tapping her feet against my leg on the ottoman between us. She goes down the hall, and my buddy comes into the kitchen, shaking his head. He imposes, "God damn, [my name]- just fuckin kiss her already... I see your eyes, you're in love with her." 'Historically, we haven't gotten along at all, dude. I'm just tryin to be pleasant.' "Bullshit, you're such a bad liar." 'So I'm the book, now, eh? Tell me narrator, what do you read of her?' "She is trying too hard to act uninterested. Man the fuck up!"
Then she gets a phone call. Enter confusing / moral dilemma part... I overhear some of what she says, as we are sitting right next to each other- she is trying to give directions to the house. I ask her where the person is coming from, and I give directions which are relayed to the person on the phone. She hangs up and says, '[he] says he will probably be here in an hour.' I respond, "that your boyfriend?" 'Well, ummm...' 'I see...' This confused the shit out of me for a while, until I had observed their behavior together. When he arrived, she gave him one of those awkward half-hugs with one arm as she looked away from him towards the people at the party. This body language tells me she isn't exactly comfortable with him yet, or just something else which is way over my head.
Move forward 2 hours or so- we (us young people) are all sitting around our own little circular table, drinking, playin cards. At this time, we are sitting in the following order around the table (apologies for this confusing diagram) :: [her] [her friend][me][my buddy]; so my buddy and her friend are on either side of her. I get up to get a beer, and they play musical chairs on me- at which point she has taken my seat... New order: [her friend] [her] [me] [my buddy]. So she moved such that she was sitting between her friend and me, rather than across the table from me.
After a time, we move this party to inside where there is A/C. So here we sit, at the kitchen table (rectangular): [my buddy] [her] / [me] / [her friend] [her father] / [my mother] We are just drinking, having an unimportant conversation, and eventually decide to play Asshole (the card game). That game goes on until her friend decides to leave- then the rest of us chill in the A/C and drink some more. Her body language around her friend appears as though he is just a good friend she brought over to deter any kind of advances, but he is no longer at the party.
I go outside to bask in the cool summer air and have a cigarette in my solitude. Door opens, she walks out, so much for cigarette by myself (she doesn't smoke, and it rather annoys her when it blows in her general direction- I apologized for my smoke blowing at her several times throughout the day). We sit at a table in the backyard, chat for a bit, then start wandering around the yard.
Enter confusing / moral dilemma part 3: She takes my hand while we are walking around the yard, I slowly spin her as if we were dancing and yadda yadda yadda... We dance to absolutely no music for 10 minutes, at which point we end up making out in the backyard. Could have been a product of her drinking girly drinks all night, or maybe I finally managed to get her to warm up to me- either way, I was fuckin rollin with it!
After this, we return to the frozen realm of the indoors where the A/C is set to like 65degF. People are leaving, I have to give my buddy a ride home, and she is gettin ready to leave as well... I walk her out to her car while my buddy and my brother are lallygagging (apparently, that's how you spell that word...) in the kitchen. I give her a hug and a confusingly passionate good-night kiss (I pretty much leaned on her into the car)... My buddy walks outside with his daughter and car-seat and ruins the moment by coming up to me and slappin me on the shoulder, "yeah, [my name]! bout damn time!" We all laugh, she smiles shyly and gets in her car and drives off...
I let my buddy drive my vehicle to his place, then I drive home. As I walk into the house, I am greeted by my sister and her boyfriend informing me that I smell rather girly... Oh shit! I smell like her perfume! I chalk it up to bein with her all day, and try to dismiss it as nothing.
Fast forward to this morning- my sister asks if my shirt still smells like [her] perfume. I didn't notice it while walking through my room, so I just said it didn't. I received no regretful text messages from her- only one that was asking me if she left something at my mother's house (I wasn't there to look, so I just told her to ask my mom). Apparently, she had left her camera there. What is it with women and losing cameras? I bought my mother a really nice camera for her birthday (with the 2 year black-tie full replacement warranty), because I expect these things to happen...
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
Your situation is on the low-end of the morality-problem scale and should not be an issue. I've heard about step brothers and sisters growing up together and then hooking up. I've also heard about cousins getting married. Those two situations are higher up in the morality-problem scale.
She may be possibly be your step-sister but you're both grown up now and it shouldn't matter.
On July 25 2011 09:54 YouGotNothin wrote: Alright, my turn.
About four weeks ago a girl I was dating for about a month abruptly broke up with me. She stated that she just found out an ex-boyfriend she still had feelings for was moving to where we live. She thought he was moving somewhere else before this and thus thought it would be safe to start dating me. I at first told her I understood and wasn't mad at her because she seemed very upset about the pretty shitty thing she did to me.
I did not think it would take long to get over her, but for some reason I have just been very angry at what she did to me. We have hung out in a totally platonic way a couple times since the break up because she still wants to be friends, but I don't think I can keep doing this.
Should I be angry at her for starting a relationship with me with so much emotional baggage in tow? Or should I try and be just friends with her? And lastly if things don't work out with her ex (she hinted this may happen) should I take her back? She seemed like a really cool girl, but I don't know if I could forgive her for this.
I think it's totally justified to be angry. In fact, I would advice you to let her know about it and then break off contact because hanging around platonically is just a means of getting friend-zoned and it's not worth your time.
As for taking her back, that is your decision. Realise that people do make mistakes. However, if you're unable to bear it then don't take her back. If you do take her back, then you need to make the commitment to forgiving her.
Yeah I told her I never wanted to try and force something because of the amount of respect I have for her. I still care about her and hope the best for her, but I've accepted what has come of it (she started dating this girl a few weeks back, so I guess that solidifies things). Granted I didn't handle it in the best way (I carried it with me for awhile), but shit happens I guess and I know that I at least learned a lot about myself. Thanks for your response my good sir.
That's pretty rough man sorry to hear that happened with the first girl you were really interested in. Try not to get too disheartened by this though, you will meet other interesting girls and now that you've had some experience, getting to know them will only get easier. Good luck!
Also thanks to everyone that responded to my post, I think I will just have to forgive her and get over her. I think I need to talk to her again at some point though and figure out what her real feelings/intentions were with our relationship, I don't care what the answer is I just need to know. I get this odd feeling that she just completely used me because she was lonely/horny.
Yeah I told her I never wanted to try and force something because of the amount of respect I have for her. I still care about her and hope the best for her, but I've accepted what has come of it (she started dating this girl a few weeks back, so I guess that solidifies things). Granted I didn't handle it in the best way (I carried it with me for awhile), but shit happens I guess and I know that I at least learned a lot about myself. Thanks for your response my good sir.
That's pretty rough man sorry to hear that happened with the first girl you were really interested in. Try not to get too disheartened by this though, you will meet other interesting girls and now that you've had some experience, getting to know them will only get easier. Good luck!
Also thanks to everyone that responded to my post, I think I will just have to forgive her and get over her. I think I need to talk to her again at some point though and figure out what her real feelings/intentions were with our relationship, I don't care what the answer is I just need to know. I get this odd feeling that she just completely used me because she was lonely/horny.
Take whatever she tells you with a grain of salt, she probably is very mixed up herself and I don't think anyone would openly admit to what you think she did ):
Yeah I told her I never wanted to try and force something because of the amount of respect I have for her. I still care about her and hope the best for her, but I've accepted what has come of it (she started dating this girl a few weeks back, so I guess that solidifies things). Granted I didn't handle it in the best way (I carried it with me for awhile), but shit happens I guess and I know that I at least learned a lot about myself. Thanks for your response my good sir.
That's pretty rough man sorry to hear that happened with the first girl you were really interested in. Try not to get too disheartened by this though, you will meet other interesting girls and now that you've had some experience, getting to know them will only get easier. Good luck!
Also thanks to everyone that responded to my post, I think I will just have to forgive her and get over her. I think I need to talk to her again at some point though and figure out what her real feelings/intentions were with our relationship, I don't care what the answer is I just need to know. I get this odd feeling that she just completely used me because she was lonely/horny.
Take whatever she tells you with a grain of salt, she probably is very mixed up herself and I don't think anyone would openly admit to what you think she did ):
Gah, you are probably right, but I feel like she at least owes me some freaking honesty after what she did.
Gotta say Kittens, I'm truly impressed at this thread's turnout. Nice job!
You may or may not have noticed, but I give a ton of advice in the relationship blogs as well. Most times when I'm having issues I'll stick with advice from RL friends, but you seem to have your head on straight, so I'll lay it on you! I've thought through this a lot, so I'm going to put my plans under spoiler.
Backstory - I've known this girl since we've been in high school. We lived 1100 miles apart, but it was the early 2000's and AIM was in its heyday. We met through a marching band forum and talked on and off for a few years. Nothing major, just an hour-long conversation every week or two. I was really into this other girl at the time and HATED the fact she was always crushing on internet men, so there was this huge barrier with AIM buddies. Time went on, we lost touch, and that was that. We talked again a few summers ago, but things really picked up in November.
We started talking again when she found out I live really close. I moved across country for grad school, so now we're a four hour drive apart. As the month went on we started talking a lot more frequently. Turns out she had a thing for me in high school..er...as much of a thing you can have with someone over the internet when you're 17. Also turns out that she started having a thing for me again! I was definitely interested, but I convinced myself it was rebound since I had gotten out of a relationship about a month earlier. We finally met face to face at the end of that month and she told me later that she really wished I had tried to kiss her.
So why would I turn down such a ready and willing female? She has a boyfriend. Don't you just hate it when that happens? Unlike most girls in a relationship she really doesn't like it and both her and the guy are surprised they've lasted two years given how much they fight and they fact they live 1500 miles apart. In December she had plans to break up with him, but for one reason or another didn't. I took this opportunity to bow out. We didn't talk from January to April.
We met in person again in April. I was in her town for an academic conference and spent our free evening hanging out with her. It was fun. We get along and compliment each other. She was still with the boyfriend, so I still viewed her as forbidden fruit. We became more flirtatious as the night waned, but in the end nothing overly tempting came up. At least that's what I thought.
A few months of almost no talking and suddenly she texting or calling every day (about a month ago). At first she was trying to get me to go on a vacation outing with her and some of her friends. I really need a vacation, so I fronted the money and honestly, it seems like a fun time. Afterwords I'll travel back with her to her home city and chill there for a few days before going home.
Here's where it gets a little messy - she still has a thing for me. This completely baffles me since she should be into her boyfriend, but I've been able to directly get from her that they're in a loveless relationship of fear and convenience held together by the reluctance to let go of someone they've invested so much time into. Once more, I've gotten her to directly tell me that when I visited in April she wanted me to go for the kiss, that she wants me to go for it in a couple weeks, that she would date me in a heartbeat, and that she feels a "warm and fuzzy" AND nervous feeling around me that she almost never feels around anyone else.
Here's the big problem - I like her. I don't know how or why, but I do. It's been very easy to hold back on any advances because of her relationship, but feelings coupled with the physical attraction I've always had and I'm looking at one huge test of willpower.
So, what would you do good sir (or anyone else who feels like responding): Do you stick to your moral guns and not help the girl cheat on the boyfriend she should have broken up with a LONG time ago, or do you give in to the attraction, make a move, and see what happens?
A). I feel that cheating is not only morally reprehensible, but an indication of what to expect of her if a relationship ever started. One could make the argument that her relationship is already over, but I'm choosing not to muddle that interpretation in a gray area.
B). I may have nothing to lose by going for it (on the surface), but then I put her in an awkward spot and set up her boyfriend to get hurt. Though, she put herself in the awkward spot already, and let's not forget that I'd feel bad for causing the boyfriend some amount of grief.
C). We'll be alone in her house for at least 16 hours (not including time slept). I'm an incredibly patient person, but that's a lot to ask....
Therefore, the current plan of action is to undergo the grueling task of not making a move on the girl I like. She's already booked the flight to see her boyfriend again in early September, so their breaking up won't happen until at least that point. She directly told me today that she wants me to make a move to help her make her mind up. I'm not about to draw an arbitrary line that defines infidelity to remove the guilt from any actions I my take (or taken already), but making a move is definitely crossing the line. If she wants to be with me she has to be single first.
Again, I'm a very patient person, but being with her will definitely wear on my willpower. Here's to hard decisions! I will not deny that I really want to make a move, and given the right situation I could just throw caution to wind. I hope it doesn't come to that, but when fighting a war against human nature the cards are stacked against you.
On July 25 2011 16:00 Servius_Fulvius wrote: Gotta say Kittens, I'm truly impressed at this thread's turnout. Nice job!
You may or may not have noticed, but I give a ton of advice in the relationship blogs as well. Most times when I'm having issues I'll stick with advice from RL friends, but you seem to have your head on straight, so I'll lay it on you! I've thought through this a lot, so I'm going to put my plans under spoiler.
Backstory - I've known this girl since we've been in high school. We lived 1100 miles apart, but it was the early 2000's and AIM was in its heyday. We met through a marching band forum and talked on and off for a few years. Nothing major, just an hour-long conversation every week or two. I was really into this other girl at the time and HATED the fact she was always crushing on internet men, so there was this huge barrier with AIM buddies. Time went on, we lost touch, and that was that. We talked again a few summers ago, but things really picked up in November.
We started talking again when she found out I live really close. I moved across country for grad school, so now we're a four hour drive apart. As the month went on we started talking a lot more frequently. Turns out she had a thing for me in high school..er...as much of a thing you can have with someone over the internet when you're 17. Also turns out that she started having a thing for me again! I was definitely interested, but I convinced myself it was rebound since I had gotten out of a relationship about a month earlier. We finally met face to face at the end of that month and she told me later that she really wished I had tried to kiss her.
So why would I turn down such a ready and willing female? She has a boyfriend. Don't you just hate it when that happens? Unlike most girls in a relationship she really doesn't like it and both her and the guy are surprised they've lasted two years given how much they fight and they fact they live 1500 miles apart. In December she had plans to break up with him, but for one reason or another didn't. I took this opportunity to bow out. We didn't talk from January to April.
We met in person again in April. I was in her town for an academic conference and spent our free evening hanging out with her. It was fun. We get along and compliment each other. She was still with the boyfriend, so I still viewed her as forbidden fruit. We became more flirtatious as the night waned, but in the end nothing overly tempting came up. At least that's what I thought.
A few months of almost no talking and suddenly she texting or calling every day (about a month ago). At first she was trying to get me to go on a vacation outing with her and some of her friends. I really need a vacation, so I fronted the money and honestly, it seems like a fun time. Afterwords I'll travel back with her to her home city and chill there for a few days before going home.
Here's where it gets a little messy - she still has a thing for me. This completely baffles me since she should be into her boyfriend, but I've been able to directly get from her that they're in a loveless relationship of fear and convenience held together by the reluctance to let go of someone they've invested so much time into. Once more, I've gotten her to directly tell me that when I visited in April she wanted me to go for the kiss, that she wants me to go for it in a couple weeks, that she would date me in a heartbeat, and that she feels a "warm and fuzzy" AND nervous feeling around me that she almost never feels around anyone else.
Here's the big problem - I like her. I don't know how or why, but I do. It's been very easy to hold back on any advances because of her relationship, but feelings coupled with the physical attraction I've always had and I'm looking at one huge test of willpower.
So, what would you do good sir (or anyone else who feels like responding): Do you stick to your moral guns and not help the girl cheat on the boyfriend she should have broken up with a LONG time ago, or do you give in to the attraction, make a move, and see what happens?
A). I feel that cheating is not only morally reprehensible, but an indication of what to expect of her if a relationship ever started. One could make the argument that her relationship is already over, but I'm choosing not to muddle that interpretation in a gray area.
B). I may have nothing to lose by going for it (on the surface), but then I put her in an awkward spot and set up her boyfriend to get hurt. Though, she put herself in the awkward spot already, and let's not forget that I'd feel bad for causing the boyfriend some amount of grief.
C). We'll be alone in her house for at least 16 hours (not including time slept). I'm an incredibly patient person, but that's a lot to ask....
Therefore, the current plan of action is to undergo the grueling task of not making a move on the girl I like. She's already booked the flight to see her boyfriend again in early September, so their breaking up won't happen until at least that point. She directly told me today that she wants me to make a move to help her make her mind up. I'm not about to draw an arbitrary line that defines infidelity to remove the guilt from any actions I my take (or taken already), but making a move is definitely crossing the line. If she wants to be with me she has to be single first.
Again, I'm a very patient person, but being with her will definitely wear on my willpower. Here's to hard decisions! I will not deny that I really want to make a move, and given the right situation I could just throw caution to wind. I hope it doesn't come to that, but when fighting a war against human nature the cards are stacked against you.
Dear Sir,
You have strong willpower first off. I have a similar situation myself actually because there is a girl that is physical and mentally attracting to me and she has teased me to make a move on her. I could pretty much go as far as I wanted with her. Only problem shes had past events with my best friend and neither party will tell me what exactly happen (I do however respect their decision that its not my business). However I do know that it was no little thing. I have been holding back for quite sometime now and to be honest I really just want to give in to it, and at some point I might but I still dont know right now and havent made a single move. Because of my guilt and fear of what friends will think.
Thought I just give a story to maybe give you more insight on yours ^^
You have strong willpower first off. I have a similar situation myself actually because there is a girl that is physical and mentally attracting to me and she has teased me to make a move on her. I could pretty much go as far as I wanted with her. Only problem shes had past events with my best friend and neither party will tell me what exactly happen (I do however respect their decision that its not my business). However I do know that it was no little thing. I have been holding back for quite sometime now and to be honest I really just want to give in to it, and at some point I might but I still dont know right now and havent made a single move. Because of my guilt and fear of what friends will think.
Thought I just give a story to maybe give you more insight on yours ^^
Thanks for the insight, but if I were in your situation it I'd just go for it. Past events are past events; you're not living in the past are you?
In my post I mentioned getting out of a relationship. When that relationship started I knew that one of my friends had a thing for her and brought her to a party only to have another friend swoop in and sleep with her. Despite this both friends involved were very supportive when we started dating (this was about three weeks after said party).
Great ILK, you are the only one who can help me: I work all day, don't ever go out and don't like going out, i have no friends due to being relatively new in town, all suitable female persons (suitable=are female,single and 18+) on FB in a 100km area ignored my messages and i spend my evenings/weekends playing games. How do i find a woman to marry before my 30th birthday in 4 month? Importing women from eastern europe/asia is not an option. + Show Spoiler +
Not all mentioned facts are fully correct, some are
On July 25 2011 16:00 Servius_Fulvius wrote: Gotta say Kittens, I'm truly impressed at this thread's turnout. Nice job!
You may or may not have noticed, but I give a ton of advice in the relationship blogs as well. Most times when I'm having issues I'll stick with advice from RL friends, but you seem to have your head on straight, so I'll lay it on you! I've thought through this a lot, so I'm going to put my plans under spoiler.
Backstory - I've known this girl since we've been in high school. We lived 1100 miles apart, but it was the early 2000's and AIM was in its heyday. We met through a marching band forum and talked on and off for a few years. Nothing major, just an hour-long conversation every week or two. I was really into this other girl at the time and HATED the fact she was always crushing on internet men, so there was this huge barrier with AIM buddies. Time went on, we lost touch, and that was that. We talked again a few summers ago, but things really picked up in November.
We started talking again when she found out I live really close. I moved across country for grad school, so now we're a four hour drive apart. As the month went on we started talking a lot more frequently. Turns out she had a thing for me in high school..er...as much of a thing you can have with someone over the internet when you're 17. Also turns out that she started having a thing for me again! I was definitely interested, but I convinced myself it was rebound since I had gotten out of a relationship about a month earlier. We finally met face to face at the end of that month and she told me later that she really wished I had tried to kiss her.
So why would I turn down such a ready and willing female? She has a boyfriend. Don't you just hate it when that happens? Unlike most girls in a relationship she really doesn't like it and both her and the guy are surprised they've lasted two years given how much they fight and they fact they live 1500 miles apart. In December she had plans to break up with him, but for one reason or another didn't. I took this opportunity to bow out. We didn't talk from January to April.
We met in person again in April. I was in her town for an academic conference and spent our free evening hanging out with her. It was fun. We get along and compliment each other. She was still with the boyfriend, so I still viewed her as forbidden fruit. We became more flirtatious as the night waned, but in the end nothing overly tempting came up. At least that's what I thought.
A few months of almost no talking and suddenly she texting or calling every day (about a month ago). At first she was trying to get me to go on a vacation outing with her and some of her friends. I really need a vacation, so I fronted the money and honestly, it seems like a fun time. Afterwords I'll travel back with her to her home city and chill there for a few days before going home.
Here's where it gets a little messy - she still has a thing for me. This completely baffles me since she should be into her boyfriend, but I've been able to directly get from her that they're in a loveless relationship of fear and convenience held together by the reluctance to let go of someone they've invested so much time into. Once more, I've gotten her to directly tell me that when I visited in April she wanted me to go for the kiss, that she wants me to go for it in a couple weeks, that she would date me in a heartbeat, and that she feels a "warm and fuzzy" AND nervous feeling around me that she almost never feels around anyone else.
Here's the big problem - I like her. I don't know how or why, but I do. It's been very easy to hold back on any advances because of her relationship, but feelings coupled with the physical attraction I've always had and I'm looking at one huge test of willpower.
So, what would you do good sir (or anyone else who feels like responding): Do you stick to your moral guns and not help the girl cheat on the boyfriend she should have broken up with a LONG time ago, or do you give in to the attraction, make a move, and see what happens?
A). I feel that cheating is not only morally reprehensible, but an indication of what to expect of her if a relationship ever started. One could make the argument that her relationship is already over, but I'm choosing not to muddle that interpretation in a gray area.
B). I may have nothing to lose by going for it (on the surface), but then I put her in an awkward spot and set up her boyfriend to get hurt. Though, she put herself in the awkward spot already, and let's not forget that I'd feel bad for causing the boyfriend some amount of grief.
C). We'll be alone in her house for at least 16 hours (not including time slept). I'm an incredibly patient person, but that's a lot to ask....
Therefore, the current plan of action is to undergo the grueling task of not making a move on the girl I like. She's already booked the flight to see her boyfriend again in early September, so their breaking up won't happen until at least that point. She directly told me today that she wants me to make a move to help her make her mind up. I'm not about to draw an arbitrary line that defines infidelity to remove the guilt from any actions I my take (or taken already), but making a move is definitely crossing the line. If she wants to be with me she has to be single first.
Again, I'm a very patient person, but being with her will definitely wear on my willpower. Here's to hard decisions! I will not deny that I really want to make a move, and given the right situation I could just throw caution to wind. I hope it doesn't come to that, but when fighting a war against human nature the cards are stacked against you.
This situation is all wrong, because the time for long-distance e-dating should have been at around the age you were discussing, i.e. 13-17. Distance relationships simply don't work, especially if the majority of your relationship is spent at that distance. There are always trust issues, there are always lonely times, and there will always be something missing. 4 hours apart is way too far. I have had to deal with a few distance relationships in my life, and I am going to tell you that honestly I don't think they are viable. My suggestion is to dissociate yourself with her on a romantic level as soon as possible and look for someone who lives closer to you.
There are many other issues too. The fact that she has a failing relationship (also long-distance, see the pattern?) that she is unwilling to let go of despite the distance and issues. The fact that she seems so desperate for your affection but doesn't break up with her boyfriend. In my opinion, a large reason for why she is so forward with you is because you are probably one of the few other men she feels close to. Most girls who get into distance relationships only do so because they can't find anyone IRL, or don't feel comfortable with anyone IRL (usually some sort of social awkwardness). This added on to the fact that she barely ever sees her significant other means there are lots of pent up emotions and hormones. She might be more inclined to be with you, and tell you so, when you are there or when talking to you. But I am sure that when she is physically with her boyfriend, she doesn't want to leave him. That is the other pitfall of distance relationships - it's easy to cheat when they are not around, but you never feel like fully letting go because the cost of staying in the relationship is low, and the meetings IRL are like a vacation from the emotional turmoil. Basically what I am getting at is that she is emotionally unstable and has major attachment issues, and probably doesn't know what a real relationship is like, otherwise she would not be CHOOSING to go for guys at a distance. Unless, of course, she is just playing you/manipulating you to be her physical relief.
If you think cheating is wrong, then there doesn't need to be any further discussion. Self-control might be hard but you can circumvent the issue by telling her from the get-go that you don't want to do anything with her, and there is nothing she can do about it, even if she broke up with her 'boyfriend.' You can still be friends and enjoy your vacation. There is no other possible response when she is willing to cheat, but not dump her boyfriend.
I'm 19, about to start college in the fall after taking a year to work after highschool. We were on and off all through highschool, very passionate (read: volatile) relationship, and dated other people while we were "off" but kept coming back to each other. The summer before senior year we split for good.
I still love her, and this blog is a completely true summary of my feelings for her.
We've kept in touch, and she's back in town. On a whim, I asked her to go a baseball game with me. Neither of us particularly enjoy baseball, but she replied "Yes, I'd love to, that sounds really fun!"
I'm going to keep the promise I made to myself in the blog. Do you have any suggestions as to how I should go about it?
On July 26 2011 00:08 ILOVEKITTENS wrote: Distance relationships simply don't work, especially if the majority of your relationship is spent at that distance. There are always trust issues, there are always lonely times, and there will always be something missing. 4 hours apart is way too far.
Thanks for the advice. Dissociating from her entirely has been an option, and it was my original intention to go on the vacation and at the end tell her that we couldn't be together ever. Kind of like that How I Met Your Mother episode with the teacup pig.
I disagree with your opinion of long distance relationships. I've had two great relationships destroyed when one or both of us moved away (both within the last three years), so I know full well what distance does. I also know exactly what it takes to make one work. Both parties need to be 100% committed to each other, you must communicate what you're feeling on a regular basis (good and bad), visit often, and find ways to experience things together despite distance (like seeing a movie at the same time (or via internet), or read the same book or play the same game). Most relationships don't work out, and distance accelerates the making or breaking since one doesn't have all the physical conveniences that tend to trap people in bad relationships. Anyway, my first long distance was 4 hours for four months, which I thought was terrible. The next summer it turned into 900 miles for four months, and that ended us. Second long distance was 1000 miles away after only four months togehter (we lasted another 6). Believe me, a four hour drive when both of us have reliable transportation and consistent income isn't as big a deal as you make it sound.
This girl approaches things a bit differently. She believes in being her own person and having her own space. She's told me several times that she's specifically avoiding "being tied down" by emotions, which definitely goes a long way in explaining why she has stayed with the failed relationship so long. I also handle long distance relationships well due to my patience and overall stubbornness! According to her, I transcend the "not getting emotionally involved" thing because she's "already emotionally involved", but I believe that about as far as I can throw her (due to her smaller size it will be a little bit further than most, but not much ).
So yeah, I'd like to date her, but she needs to be single and dating her would be more of an experiment since the approach isn't as hands-on as my previous relationships. I can see it going both good and bad, but in the end it would probably be a 4-6 month endeavor at best. The only reason I'd even do it would be to give it a chance, but that's a mute point since she's with someone. But hey, that's my thoughts on the dating issue (while I covered the more immediate "should I hook up with her" issue before).
On July 25 2011 23:32 Morfildur wrote: Great ILK, you are the only one who can help me: I work all day, don't ever go out and don't like going out, i have no friends due to being relatively new in town, all suitable female persons (suitable=are female,single and 18+) on FB in a 100km area ignored my messages and i spend my evenings/weekends playing games. How do i find a woman to marry before my 30th birthday in 4 month? Importing women from eastern europe/asia is not an option. + Show Spoiler +
Not all mentioned facts are fully correct, some are
Go outside and talk to women until you find someone interesting (: Then, before getting involved with her, make friends with her friends, meet MORE girls, expand your social circle. Then choose which one you want to get serious with. Then maybe after you do this a few times you'll find a girl you can marry. GLHF! FIGHTING!
On July 26 2011 00:08 ILOVEKITTENS wrote: Distance relationships simply don't work, especially if the majority of your relationship is spent at that distance. There are always trust issues, there are always lonely times, and there will always be something missing. 4 hours apart is way too far.
Thanks for the advice. Dissociating from her entirely has been an option, and it was my original intention to go on the vacation and at the end tell her that we couldn't be together ever. Kind of like that How I Met Your Mother episode with the teacup pig.
I disagree with your opinion of long distance relationships. I've had two great relationships destroyed when one or both of us moved away (both within the last three years), so I know full well what distance does. I also know exactly what it takes to make one work. Both parties need to be 100% committed to each other, you must communicate what you're feeling on a regular basis (good and bad), visit often, and find ways to experience things together despite distance (like seeing a movie at the same time (or via internet), or read the same book or play the same game). Most relationships don't work out, and distance accelerates the making or breaking since one doesn't have all the physical conveniences that tend to trap people in bad relationships. Anyway, my first long distance was 4 hours for four months, which I thought was terrible. The next summer it turned into 900 miles for four months, and that ended us. Second long distance was 1000 miles away after only four months togehter (we lasted another 6). Believe me, a four hour drive when both of us have reliable transportation and consistent income isn't as big a deal as you make it sound.
This girl approaches things a bit differently. She believes in being her own person and having her own space. She's told me several times that she's specifically avoiding "being tied down" by emotions, which definitely goes a long way in explaining why she has stayed with the failed relationship so long. I also handle long distance relationships well due to my patience and overall stubbornness! According to her, I transcend the "not getting emotionally involved" thing because she's "already emotionally involved", but I believe that about as far as I can throw her (due to her smaller size it will be a little bit further than most, but not much ).
So yeah, I'd like to date her, but she needs to be single and dating her would be more of an experiment since the approach isn't as hands-on as my previous relationships. I can see it going both good and bad, but in the end it would probably be a 4-6 month endeavor at best. The only reason I'd even do it would be to give it a chance, but that's a mute point since she's with someone. But hey, that's my thoughts on the dating issue (while I covered the more immediate "should I hook up with her" issue before).
it's true, distance relationships can work. But why would you want one? I am sure that you can find a more reliable, less emotionally unstable, non-committed girl in your area if you try. Investing in distance relationships when you have such limited real-life experience with the girl is taking too many risks, in my opinion. I see that you have had distance relationships in the past and they have failed. But you are also already pessimistic about this hypothetical relationship that isn't even close to fruition? That in itself betrays the fact that this relationship probably isn't the best idea. Compiled with the 'emotionally involved' phobia she has (her telling you that you are different is SO cliche, by the way), this makes things look grim. I know you like this girl, but maybe now is not the right time. Given your history I find it likely that you will meet again, probably when there is less bullshit in the way, like that movie "A Lot Like Love" or something.
The 4 hours thing being not that much is both true and false. It's true that physically, this distance is much more manageable than having to fly across the country. But, this also means that even if you guys see each other once a week, I foresee (from my personal experience) the following problems:
1. Emotional fallout - It is worse, in a way, when you can see each other only for one night a week, and live alone the rest of the time. I personally found it hard on me, and so did my ex, when this was the situation. With my other ex, we were only 1 hour drive apart, and it was tough even then. It's too taxing, imo.
2. Sacrifice - 4 hours one way, 4 hours back, and most likely during the weekend means that your 'free' time is limited. Unless you are both students and have the summer off, it means that your personal life will suffer. You will become more and more invested in each other because the more sacrifices you BOTH make, the stronger the emotional bond. This will only further the emotional fallout from the distance.
3. Continued lack of IRL experience - Having most of your experience with a person be from the internet leaves a lot of holes in your knowledge of each other. As hard as people may try to be exactly like themselves on the internet (and some people don't try at all), there is still that filter that allows you to think before you send the message on AIM, to revise your wording, to sit and think without the pressure of the other person being there, etc. I feel that seeing her once a week, one night a week (I am guessing this is the most likely option, unless you are students), it will still leave you wholly uninvolved with her true self.
4. Trust - You said yourself that the person must be 100% committed. Can you trust that she will be that way, if she is still unwilling to break it off with her current boyfriend? I'm sure he doesn't even know about you. How would you know that you are any different? If she really loves you, she would break it off right now, no fucking excuses. Plane tickets can be canceled. But, she doesn't have it in her to make that decision. Why? I can only assume that it's because her feelings for you don't warrant her to sacrifice her current relationship. That's a pretty heavy concept, and should be fully explored before you even consider a relationship with her. At this point it sounds like you are strongly interested in it, although you might have been talking about it favorably for argument's sake.
In short, I still think this is a bad idea, and not just because it's a distance relationship, but also because of the premise that it is based on and her current mentality and situation. So many red flags, and with each one any emotional involvement becomes more risky. Good luck!
Great points again, I'll just clarify a few things:
On July 26 2011 01:40 ILOVEKITTENS wrote: Given your history I find it likely that you will meet again, probably when there is less bullshit in the way, like that movie "A Lot Like Love" or something.
That is REALLY cliche, too! I thought that movie ok, and I'm definitely open to reencountering someone from my past. During the breakup with my most recent ex she said something along the lines of "If there's a time when we're not long distance and we're both single I'd love to give it another go". While I'm open to the reencounters, she would have to be a different enough person to warrant a shot (mainly in the maturity department).
3. Continued lack of IRL experience - Having most of your experience with a person be from the internet leaves a lot of holes in your knowledge of each other.
Our interaction may have started on the internet, but since November it's been on phone, mostly. Still, it's not face to face. I place a lot of value in the way women carry themselves, act around me in public, and treat me when we're together. I do like her (I'd be lying if I said I didn't), but it's not like I'm smitten - more of a crush, than anything. I'm going on this vacation to go on vacation; seeing her is an added bonus. There is plenty she can do that will completely axe any emotional feelings I've got.
4. Trust - You said yourself that the person must be 100% committed. Can you trust that she will be that way, if she is still unwilling to break it off with her current boyfriend? I'm sure he doesn't even know about you. How would you know that you are any different? If she really loves you, she would break it off right now, no fucking excuses.
For the record - Yes the boyfriend knows about me. I'm actually impressed how much he knows about me given that we've never met or talked. I agree, if she really wanted to be with me she would cut the crap and do it already. That's why I stopped talking to her in December to begin with! I understand that she wouldn't want to make such a decision without seeing me in person, so if we part on good terms in a few weeks I'll set some arbitrary time (probably a week or two) where if she's not broken up I'm completely giving up (and if she wants a shot in the future she'd have to earn it).
I also agree that the whole thing sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I'm not looking to this girl as a potential lifelong partner or even a long term relationship. The fact I like her now has earned her a chance for me to be open-minded enough to go on the long distance equivalent of a few dates, but it's a limited time offer.
On July 26 2011 00:24 iGrok wrote: Hey kittens, I'll try to keep this kind of brief.
I'm 19, about to start college in the fall after taking a year to work after highschool. We were on and off all through highschool, very passionate (read: volatile) relationship, and dated other people while we were "off" but kept coming back to each other. The summer before senior year we split for good.
I still love her, and this blog is a completely true summary of my feelings for her.
We've kept in touch, and she's back in town. On a whim, I asked her to go a baseball game with me. Neither of us particularly enjoy baseball, but she replied "Yes, I'd love to, that sounds really fun!"
I'm going to keep the promise I made to myself in the blog. Do you have any suggestions as to how I should go about it?
Your situation is scarily similar to mine. This is one of the posts I relate with the most. If I may, I'll briefly illustrate my history with this one girl:
1. Liked each other when we were 13 2. Started dating at 14, dated for 22 months. 3. Distance broke us up, but we still talked. 4. Right after high school we got back together, went to the same college, lived together, dated for ~10 months. 5. Distance broke us up again, along with bad decisions by her.
Result? I still loved her for a while, even while dating my next ex and in that interim period after the first break-up when I was chasing tail and wifing it up with other girls. I am probably on a similar series of events as you, but 2 years ahead (purely chronologically speaking).
So, here is my opinion, given my personal experience:
I know the pain you feel. I know the love you feel. But without it being mutual or actualized between you two, it is not real love. It is infatuation. You, like me, are looking back with 20/20 vision, but with rose-tinted glasses. You probably dated/hooked up with/considered other girls. After those relationships fell through, you are left alone and with an amalgamation of experiences. Out of those experiences, your experience with her was the best, and probably the longest (assuming, based on your age). She is probably the first girl you felt real feelings for, and probably the one you've had the most feelings for. Of course, this means that the feelings of 'love' for you are indeed founded on fact. She is the best thing you've had.
In my experience, this truth is almost insurmountable. My ex was a total bitch in some ways, especially when we weren't together. She was manipulative and had serious daddy/commitment issues. But, I felt like I really loved her. I also spent 2 nights awake, I even threw up a few times from the sheer emotional turmoil. The thing is, infatuation can create these same repercussions. Even if you have kept in touch with her, you have not been directly emotionally involved with her in a relationship this whole time. You have not been with her in person, so you have been living off of your memories in place of reality. This is very dangerous, because people tend to pick and choose what they remember based on how they feel about a person. You are infatuated with her, so you only remember the good times. So, you've been living based off of only the positive memories of a relationship that has been over for more than a year. This is very unhealthy, as evidenced by my and your reactions to these feelings. It feels like love, but it can't be. At least by my definition of it.
What's the good news? This shouldn't ruin your ability to meet with her, to hang out with her, become friends again. This is a good, positive foundation for the realization of these feelings. However, you have to make sure that you go into this with no illusions or emotional investment to begin with. You can't be living for the moment you see her. You can't be desperate for her. It's very hard, trust me I know. But if you put that kind of internal pressure on yourself, it will only make you a weak partner. Should you two get back together (and hopefully not over long distance, that would be absolutely terrible for you right now), you would be a slave to your feelings and will probably be completely invested in her, which is a commitment issue in itself. You and I clearly have a commitment issue with our respective exes, you have to accept this. What is happening to you, while understandable, is not healthy, right, or normal.
So, let me go back to my point that she is the best you've ever had and this is what you are basing your feelings off of. You aren't giving other girls a chance at this point. You are too young to be completely sure that she is the one for you. I am 100% positive that somewhere out there, there is someone who is just as good for you if not better than her. You have to keep that in mind before you grow lovesick over her. You should take this as a new start, not a continuation. You have to readjust to each other all over again, get to know each other better all over again, etc. You have to have no expectations for what is to come.
This so far hasn't addressed your issue directly, but it does answer your question. From what I could tell, the promise you made to yourself is that you weren't going to be perfect. I have good/bad news for you: you aren't, you are so very far from it. You are essentially broken right now, and hung up on an ex-girlfriend. I don't mean this in a condescending way but there is no other expression for it, your blog is nothing short of what the typical teenage emo kid writes in his journal about his ex-girlfriend. You are being completely emotionally-driven, without displaying any mental processing of the facts, as I did for you above. I've said it before, I'll say it again: I completely understand where you are coming from. But you need to get some control over yourself, set your own life straight, so that you don't end up being dependent on her emotionally. If you are too dependent, you might be happy with her for a few months during the honeymoon period of your new relationship, but I promise you that your infatuation will harm the relationship in the long run, as it did with mine. Infatuation can entail the following attributes, all of which shift the balance in the relationship and make it unhealthy: excessive dependency, jealousy. being easily manipulated, lacking individuality and thus being a worse partner for her, emotional instability and vulnerability, the list goes on and on.
I'm sorry I went off like this, but like I said this situation hit me close to home. Right now I am mostly over my ex, but I still daydream about her sometimes, despite how much of a bitch she was/is. But, I have separated my mind from my heart enough to see that we were not right for each other, and that we were more likely to be infatuated with each other than in love with each other. I hate to sound like I am making too many assumptions or judging you, but I find it highly unlikely that what you feel is love and that you know what love is, yet. I am willing to guess you have never lived with her, or any other girl. Before you can survive 6-12 months of that, you have not had a chance at love, I believe. You must be fully immersed in each other's presence for prolonged periods of time for it to be anything solid. Right now you are trying to stand on water, metaphorically speaking: support a relationship based on the weak structure of infatuation, daydreams, and biased selection of memories.
TL;DR Proceed with caution, my friend. Keep a clear mind and don't let your emotions control you. Staying up long nights because of a relationship long gone is indicative of you having an unhealthy mentality about her. You are far from perfect and should not worry about being close to it, but also do not try to achieve it. Separate logical and feelings. Udachi! FIGHTING!
On July 25 2011 08:06 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Doing an activity in itself isn't going to change your situation (though it will give you opportunities). Women simply want a well rounded individual who is confident in everything they do, even if they don't do much at all.
The fact that you don't have much to talk about yourself is almost a blessing in disguise. No man ever gets a girl by talking about himself much (or at all). Try and think of questions you could ask a random girl to learn a little about her and get her to open up. All girls will open up verbally if you ask the right questions unless they are repulsed by you in the first place. It takes time and practice to learn on how to keep the conversation going. Wit with women is a natural talent for some, but it's a learned art for most.
To add to this, I want to say that it's sometimes dangerous to ask too many questions. People love to talk about themselves but they don't like being interrogated. Plus, it will make the conversation very one-sided and you should always strive for a more balanced exchange.
It's so damn ez to talk to girls. I don't get why anyone ever has an issue. Just get acquainted with a few of her friends. Then ask her how her friends are doing. Women can gossip for days about other women. Don't see her for a few days and she'll have a whole new batch of gossip to talk about.
On the extremely rare occasion a girl has run out of things to gossip about, bring up food or clothing or a story of some other slut you know and ask her opinion.
If she's pseudointellectual, ask her what book she's read lately and then ask her what she likes about it where she found it etc, then segue that into gossip about how dumb other bitches are who don't read books and thus again begins the chain of female gossip badmouthing of her competition for semen.
Talking to women really doesn't take any effort, thought, or anything other than mention of certain buzzwords and exhibiting signs of amusement/interest as the girl natters on forever about it. Then just posit some sort of moral position she finds appealing when she asks your opinion and continue to think about whatever it is you actually care about while she goes on talking.
It's when you actually give a shit and start trying to say something meaningful or voice actual opinions that things really go down the drain with women. But by that point you're in a relationship having sex for months now and yah.
p.s. don't talk to girls about their hobbies. that's retarded. mostly because their hobbies will be boring and if not, it doesn't matter anyway. hobbies get you on the crappy friendship tip. keep her talking about her competition. it will remind her of how much she wants semen and how many slutty conniving women are competing with her for it. her focus will be on the fact you have semen and other girls want it. this is the proper mindset to keep a woman in when talking to her. not her fucking hobbies like growing gardenias or grooming her yorkie. then she will be thinking about soil absorbancy and flea medications instead of your semen.
On July 25 2011 08:06 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Doing an activity in itself isn't going to change your situation (though it will give you opportunities). Women simply want a well rounded individual who is confident in everything they do, even if they don't do much at all.
The fact that you don't have much to talk about yourself is almost a blessing in disguise. No man ever gets a girl by talking about himself much (or at all). Try and think of questions you could ask a random girl to learn a little about her and get her to open up. All girls will open up verbally if you ask the right questions unless they are repulsed by you in the first place. It takes time and practice to learn on how to keep the conversation going. Wit with women is a natural talent for some, but it's a learned art for most.
To add to this, I want to say that it's sometimes dangerous to ask too many questions. People love to talk about themselves but they don't like being interrogated. Plus, it will make the conversation very one-sided and you should always strive for a more balanced exchange.
It's so damn ez to talk to girls. I don't get why anyone ever has an issue. Just get acquainted with a few of her friends. Then ask her how her friends are doing. Women can gossip for days about other women. Don't see her for a few days and she'll have a whole new batch of gossip to talk about.
On the extremely rare occasion a girl has run out of things to gossip about, bring up food or clothing or a story of some other slut you know and ask her opinion.
If she's pseudointellectual, ask her what book she's read lately and then ask her what she likes about it where she found it etc, then segue that into gossip about how dumb other bitches are who don't read books and thus again begins the chain of female gossip badmouthing of her competition for semen.
Talking to women really doesn't take any effort, thought, or anything other than mention of certain buzzwords and exhibiting signs of amusement/interest as the girl natters on forever about it. Then just posit some sort of moral position she finds appealing when she asks your opinion and continue to think about whatever it is you actually care about while she goes on talking.
It's when you actually give a shit and start trying to say something meaningful or voice actual opinions that things really go down the drain with women. But by that point you're in a relationship having sex for months now and yah.
p.s. don't talk to girls about their hobbies. that's retarded. mostly because their hobbies will be boring and if not, it doesn't matter anyway. hobbies get you on the crappy friendship tip. keep her talking about her competition. it will remind her of how much she wants semen and how many slutty conniving women are competing with her for it. her focus will be on the fact you have semen and other girls want it. this is the proper mindset to keep a woman in when talking to her. not her fucking hobbies like growing gardenias or grooming her yorkie. then she will be thinking about soil absorbancy and flea medications instead of your semen.
On July 26 2011 01:40 ILOVEKITTENS wrote: Given your history I find it likely that you will meet again, probably when there is less bullshit in the way, like that movie "A Lot Like Love" or something.
That is REALLY cliche, too! I thought that movie ok, and I'm definitely open to reencountering someone from my past. During the breakup with my most recent ex she said something along the lines of "If there's a time when we're not long distance and we're both single I'd love to give it another go". While I'm open to the reencounters, she would have to be a different enough person to warrant a shot (mainly in the maturity department).
3. Continued lack of IRL experience - Having most of your experience with a person be from the internet leaves a lot of holes in your knowledge of each other.
Our interaction may have started on the internet, but since November it's been on phone, mostly. Still, it's not face to face. I place a lot of value in the way women carry themselves, act around me in public, and treat me when we're together. I do like her (I'd be lying if I said I didn't), but it's not like I'm smitten - more of a crush, than anything. I'm going on this vacation to go on vacation; seeing her is an added bonus. There is plenty she can do that will completely axe any emotional feelings I've got.
4. Trust - You said yourself that the person must be 100% committed. Can you trust that she will be that way, if she is still unwilling to break it off with her current boyfriend? I'm sure he doesn't even know about you. How would you know that you are any different? If she really loves you, she would break it off right now, no fucking excuses.
For the record - Yes the boyfriend knows about me. I'm actually impressed how much he knows about me given that we've never met or talked. I agree, if she really wanted to be with me she would cut the crap and do it already. That's why I stopped talking to her in December to begin with! I understand that she wouldn't want to make such a decision without seeing me in person, so if we part on good terms in a few weeks I'll set some arbitrary time (probably a week or two) where if she's not broken up I'm completely giving up (and if she wants a shot in the future she'd have to earn it).
I also agree that the whole thing sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I'm not looking to this girl as a potential lifelong partner or even a long term relationship. The fact I like her now has earned her a chance for me to be open-minded enough to go on the long distance equivalent of a few dates, but it's a limited time offer.
I agree that it is cliche, but so far this cliche seems to be more applicable and trustworthy than "you're different from the other guys!"
It's good that you have such a reasonable mindset about this, I initially thought you did, but after your previous post I wasn't so sure. I guess it was argument in generalities there ^^;
I like your mentality overall. I think you'll be fine regardless of what happens, but be cautious with the crazies once you identify them! Just saying. FIGHTING!
On July 25 2011 08:06 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Doing an activity in itself isn't going to change your situation (though it will give you opportunities). Women simply want a well rounded individual who is confident in everything they do, even if they don't do much at all.
The fact that you don't have much to talk about yourself is almost a blessing in disguise. No man ever gets a girl by talking about himself much (or at all). Try and think of questions you could ask a random girl to learn a little about her and get her to open up. All girls will open up verbally if you ask the right questions unless they are repulsed by you in the first place. It takes time and practice to learn on how to keep the conversation going. Wit with women is a natural talent for some, but it's a learned art for most.
To add to this, I want to say that it's sometimes dangerous to ask too many questions. People love to talk about themselves but they don't like being interrogated. Plus, it will make the conversation very one-sided and you should always strive for a more balanced exchange.
It's so damn ez to talk to girls. I don't get why anyone ever has an issue. Just get acquainted with a few of her friends. Then ask her how her friends are doing. Women can gossip for days about other women. Don't see her for a few days and she'll have a whole new batch of gossip to talk about.
On the extremely rare occasion a girl has run out of things to gossip about, bring up food or clothing or a story of some other slut you know and ask her opinion.
If she's pseudointellectual, ask her what book she's read lately and then ask her what she likes about it where she found it etc, then segue that into gossip about how dumb other bitches are who don't read books and thus again begins the chain of female gossip badmouthing of her competition for semen.
Talking to women really doesn't take any effort, thought, or anything other than mention of certain buzzwords and exhibiting signs of amusement/interest as the girl natters on forever about it. Then just posit some sort of moral position she finds appealing when she asks your opinion and continue to think about whatever it is you actually care about while she goes on talking.
It's when you actually give a shit and start trying to say something meaningful or voice actual opinions that things really go down the drain with women. But by that point you're in a relationship having sex for months now and yah.
p.s. don't talk to girls about their hobbies. that's retarded. mostly because their hobbies will be boring and if not, it doesn't matter anyway. hobbies get you on the crappy friendship tip. keep her talking about her competition. it will remind her of how much she wants semen and how many slutty conniving women are competing with her for it. her focus will be on the fact you have semen and other girls want it. this is the proper mindset to keep a woman in when talking to her. not her fucking hobbies like growing gardenias or grooming her yorkie. then she will be thinking about soil absorbancy and flea medications instead of your semen.
Solid, thanks for the contribution.
Thanks dude ^^. And for the thread. Some hilarious content.
to blankspace: haha no anger. I love women. It's all just somewhat droll to me.
This is such a good thread I decided to come out of lurk mode to post my own "dear auntie". So I've been dating this girl for a little over 2 months now. We're both Korean in the same line of professional work, and we got to know each other through a mutual acquaintance. We became very close quickly and I realized this is the girl I feel like I can share my life with (after searching for 2 years after my previous disappointing relationship).
Long story short, I told her how I felt about her and we both agreed to take it slowly. The only thing that bothers me about her is her perspective on love and dating. Basically, she says she has never felt real love in her life. She had a previous relationship with her ex for 5 years, and she laid it out on me that she never felt real love for him, and instead felt like a sister to him. She did admit we haven't met long enough to know for sure whether she can love me or not, but this does raise some concern within me in regards to whether it'll bring havoc down the line. Part of the reason she said she has problems truly feeling love towards someone is her fear that once she commits to someone, she may find someone else down the line that she may fall head over heels for, and she can't break up with the current bf because of her sense of responsibility to him. I think this is why she keeps stopping me from thinking about things couple months from now, and often says we might not see each other then. Other than that, we have a great relationship and spend several nights a week together enjoying each others company. I'm just wondering if there's something (if anything) I can do to gradually help her realize that it's ok to commit herself to me for the long haul, and that she won't have to fear that she'll fall in love with someone else.
Just to be clear, her definition of love is essentially "agape" and was never infatuated with me or her ex. She doesn't believe in the conventional lovey-dovey sense of love portrayed in the media.
On July 26 2011 09:53 spacemonkey4eve wrote: This is such a good thread I decided to come out of lurk mode to post my own "dear auntie". So I've been dating this girl for a little over 2 months now. We're both Korean in the same line of professional work, and we got to know each other through a mutual acquaintance. We became very close quickly and I realized this is the girl I feel like I can share my life with (after searching for 2 years after my previous disappointing relationship).
Long story short, I told her how I felt about her and we both agreed to take it slowly. The only thing that bothers me about her is her perspective on love and dating. Basically, she says she has never felt real love in her life. She had a previous relationship with her ex for 5 years, and she laid it out on me that she never felt real love for him, and instead felt like a sister to him. She did admit we haven't met long enough to know for sure whether she can love me or not, but this does raise some concern within me in regards to whether it'll bring havoc down the line. Part of the reason she said she has problems truly feeling love towards someone is her fear that once she commits to someone, she may find someone else down the line that she may fall head over heels for, and she can't break up with the current bf because of her sense of responsibility to him. I think this is why she keeps stopping me from thinking about things couple months from now, and often says we might not see each other then. Other than that, we have a great relationship and spend several nights a week together enjoying each others company. I'm just wondering if there's something (if anything) I can do to gradually help her realize that it's ok to commit herself to me for the long haul, and that she won't have to fear that she'll fall in love with someone else.
Just to be clear, her definition of love is essentially "agape" and was never infatuated with me or her ex. She doesn't believe in the conventional lovey-dovey sense of love portrayed in the media.
On July 26 2011 09:53 spacemonkey4eve wrote: This is such a good thread I decided to come out of lurk mode to post my own "dear auntie". So I've been dating this girl for a little over 2 months now. We're both Korean in the same line of professional work, and we got to know each other through a mutual acquaintance. We became very close quickly and I realized this is the girl I feel like I can share my life with (after searching for 2 years after my previous disappointing relationship).
Long story short, I told her how I felt about her and we both agreed to take it slowly. The only thing that bothers me about her is her perspective on love and dating. Basically, she says she has never felt real love in her life. She had a previous relationship with her ex for 5 years, and she laid it out on me that she never felt real love for him, and instead felt like a sister to him. She did admit we haven't met long enough to know for sure whether she can love me or not, but this does raise some concern within me in regards to whether it'll bring havoc down the line. Part of the reason she said she has problems truly feeling love towards someone is her fear that once she commits to someone, she may find someone else down the line that she may fall head over heels for, and she can't break up with the current bf because of her sense of responsibility to him. I think this is why she keeps stopping me from thinking about things couple months from now, and often says we might not see each other then. Other than that, we have a great relationship and spend several nights a week together enjoying each others company. I'm just wondering if there's something (if anything) I can do to gradually help her realize that it's ok to commit herself to me for the long haul, and that she won't have to fear that she'll fall in love with someone else.
Just to be clear, her definition of love is essentially "agape" and was never infatuated with me or her ex. She doesn't believe in the conventional lovey-dovey sense of love portrayed in the media.
I'll throw in my two cents while the doctor is out! Keep in mind that I'm not Korean and unsure if there is any cultural baggage.
Your lady has a fear of commitment. Whether she's afraid of getting hurt if she falls for someone or afraid that she'll find someone better later, it's never pretty when another person is involved.
First and foremost, the only thing you can do to help her realize your intentions are to outright tell her. No hidden language or signals, just black and white "it's ok to commit to me". Unfortunately you can't change her fears or mindset - only she can do that. So now the big question arises - are you willing to wait for her to change?
After a bad experience with an ex, I personally don't wait for people to grow up anymore. It sounds like it's already messing with your head and I can tell you now that if she keeps it up and you start falling harder for her that it WILL get worse.
The fact she she says she'll fall for someone but stay with her boyfriend out of a sense of obligation is just wrong imo, but that may be another cultural thing.
So she adheres to agape? This is a sacrificial love. Sure, she's sacrificing her own future happiness for the guy she's with, but isn't she also sacrificing some other dude's happiness (and your sanity)? She certainly sounds like a very giving person, so perhaps you should give back to her. If I were you, I'd let the relationship get past the "honeymoon phase" and ask for some kind of commitment. If she refuses then I'd consider whether or not you're wasting your time with her. If you are then I'd give her single status back so she can meet this mysterious (most probably fictional) character that's supposed to sweep her off her feet.
Sorry if I sound a bit pessimistic - for all I know you're the one different guy who she can fall in love with once she gets over her fears. I guess anything is a possibility, so if you decide to wait her out make sure that life isn't passing you by.
On July 26 2011 09:53 spacemonkey4eve wrote: This is such a good thread I decided to come out of lurk mode to post my own "dear auntie". So I've been dating this girl for a little over 2 months now. We're both Korean in the same line of professional work, and we got to know each other through a mutual acquaintance. We became very close quickly and I realized this is the girl I feel like I can share my life with (after searching for 2 years after my previous disappointing relationship).
Long story short, I told her how I felt about her and we both agreed to take it slowly. The only thing that bothers me about her is her perspective on love and dating. Basically, she says she has never felt real love in her life. She had a previous relationship with her ex for 5 years, and she laid it out on me that she never felt real love for him, and instead felt like a sister to him. She did admit we haven't met long enough to know for sure whether she can love me or not, but this does raise some concern within me in regards to whether it'll bring havoc down the line. Part of the reason she said she has problems truly feeling love towards someone is her fear that once she commits to someone, she may find someone else down the line that she may fall head over heels for, and she can't break up with the current bf because of her sense of responsibility to him. I think this is why she keeps stopping me from thinking about things couple months from now, and often says we might not see each other then. Other than that, we have a great relationship and spend several nights a week together enjoying each others company. I'm just wondering if there's something (if anything) I can do to gradually help her realize that it's ok to commit herself to me for the long haul, and that she won't have to fear that she'll fall in love with someone else.
Just to be clear, her definition of love is essentially "agape" and was never infatuated with me or her ex. She doesn't believe in the conventional lovey-dovey sense of love portrayed in the media.
This girl sounds like a total nutter. She also obviously has not found the ideal she wants yet. My advice is break up with her because it will only lead to more heartache later on. What she's trying to say is you don't sweep her off her feet. You're not the kind of guy she wants. And she's going to continue to be unhappy until she finds that man of her dreams. It's only after said man of dreams crushes her mercilessly that she will lose her idealism. You should call her after that occurs.
StorkHwaiting bringing the voice of harsh truth into this thread.
It's true though, I find that it's not uncommon for girls (especially those overly shy/uninterested ones without any siblings) to go into relationships (often platonic, but not always) just for the sake of having a boyfriend that's more of a brotherly figure. Sucks to be on the receiving end especially if you're seriously into the girl (this, from personal experience).
I'm not sure about the part where the girl goes out to finally find the man of her dreams just to be crushed (emotionally and physically? hehehe) and comes back. Why hasn't that happened yet...
On July 26 2011 09:53 spacemonkey4eve wrote: This is such a good thread I decided to come out of lurk mode to post my own "dear auntie". So I've been dating this girl for a little over 2 months now. We're both Korean in the same line of professional work, and we got to know each other through a mutual acquaintance. We became very close quickly and I realized this is the girl I feel like I can share my life with (after searching for 2 years after my previous disappointing relationship).
Long story short, I told her how I felt about her and we both agreed to take it slowly. The only thing that bothers me about her is her perspective on love and dating. Basically, she says she has never felt real love in her life. She had a previous relationship with her ex for 5 years, and she laid it out on me that she never felt real love for him, and instead felt like a sister to him. She did admit we haven't met long enough to know for sure whether she can love me or not, but this does raise some concern within me in regards to whether it'll bring havoc down the line. Part of the reason she said she has problems truly feeling love towards someone is her fear that once she commits to someone, she may find someone else down the line that she may fall head over heels for, and she can't break up with the current bf because of her sense of responsibility to him. I think this is why she keeps stopping me from thinking about things couple months from now, and often says we might not see each other then. Other than that, we have a great relationship and spend several nights a week together enjoying each others company. I'm just wondering if there's something (if anything) I can do to gradually help her realize that it's ok to commit herself to me for the long haul, and that she won't have to fear that she'll fall in love with someone else.
Just to be clear, her definition of love is essentially "agape" and was never infatuated with me or her ex. She doesn't believe in the conventional lovey-dovey sense of love portrayed in the media.
Sounds like she has some emotional/commitment issues. You don't want her to commit to you if she doesn't have romantic feelings for you. So your actual question should be, "How can I get this girl to like me so much that she agrees to date me?"
This is pretty much what every man on earth wants to know at some point, but the answer is different for each girl and each man. I know nothing about you and nothing about her, so it's impossible for me to answer in anything but generalities. Show her you are reliable, keep spending quality time with her, try to engage in more romantic activities such as dates and dinners, treat her well, make her laugh. If there is something holding her back from commitment that isn't broken by your successful completion of all of those tasks in the next few weeks, she isn't worth the investment. You'd be better off finding a new girl who doesn't make you climb mountains and dive through hoops to get her affection. If I may venture a guess based on experience, her somewhat stand-offish nature is part of the attraction for you; everyone wants what they can't have. She put herself up on this pedestal in front of you, to put herself up on the same pedestal in YOUR mind. Women do this so that they are valued more, which makes you work harder for them, which makes you sacrifice more, which means your commitment to her is greater before you even date. They do this because it's like quality assurance, but sometimes if you act so desperate to have her by putting yourself through all this trouble for her, then you fail just the same, because no one wants a sappy dependent boyfriend. Just something to keep in mind.
So, you are already thinking that you can marry this girl after knowing her for only 2 months and after having no romantic response from her. It seems like you are being a bit naive, perhaps mostly infatuated, and hold her up on a pedestal. I think you should look for love elsewhere, from someone who won't require so much work.
Not all women are bitches. Bitches shouldn't be a problem, Jay-Z is right, because you shouldn't associate with or get hung up over them. Women are a completely different story.
Sounds like she has some emotional/commitment issues. You don't want her to commit to you if she doesn't have romantic feelings for you. So your actual question should be, "How can I get this girl to like me so much that she agrees to date me?"
This is pretty much what every man on earth wants to know at some point, but the answer is different for each girl and each man. I know nothing about you and nothing about her, so it's impossible for me to answer in anything but generalities. Show her you are reliable, keep spending quality time with her, try to engage in more romantic activities such as dates and dinners, treat her well, make her laugh. If there is something holding her back from commitment that isn't broken by your successful completion of all of those tasks in the next few weeks, she isn't worth the investment. You'd be better off finding a new girl who doesn't make you climb mountains and dive through hoops to get her affection. If I may venture a guess based on experience, her somewhat stand-offish nature is part of the attraction for you; everyone wants what they can't have. She put herself up on this pedestal in front of you, to put herself up on the same pedestal in YOUR mind. Women do this so that they are valued more, which makes you work harder for them, which makes you sacrifice more, which means your commitment to her is greater before you even date. They do this because it's like quality assurance, but sometimes if you act so desperate to have her by putting yourself through all this trouble for her, then you fail just the same, because no one wants a sappy dependent boyfriend. Just something to keep in mind.
So, you are already thinking that you can marry this girl after knowing her for only 2 months and after having no romantic response from her. It seems like you are being a bit naive, perhaps mostly infatuated, and hold her up on a pedestal. I think you should look for love elsewhere, from someone who won't require so much work.
Thanks for all the above replies to my post. I think the first response by Servius was the most relatable to my current thought process. She's definitely not a cold lady who makes me jump through hoops to get her affection; in fact she and I have shared some awesome romantic moments together. She's thoughtful and considerate, and it's not that she doesn't withold her affection for me. In fact, if she had not told me about her stance on dating and love, I would never have thought she felt the way she does about dating. As you mention in your post, I realize I need to be a good reliable bf to make her realize its ok to stick with me for the long haul without any doubts, and that I am a guy she can truly feel love for. So I guess I"ll wait to see what happens after the honeymoon period is over and if she doesn't feel any certainty about our future, then maybe I should move on with my life.
Oh I noticed I phrased the "share my life with" incorrectly. I have not really thought of marriage at all at this point; what I meant was I feel like she could be long term gf material whom I could be with.
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
So yesterday was my mother's party for her 50th birthday. She got all kinds of neat shit, including a bag full of 50 of everything (super cool gift, imo)! She has been dating this guy for a while, and he has a quite attractive daughter my age. This is where the moral dilemma begins, but develops further...
My mother pulled me aside before the party had even started and told me, 'please don't fight with [her] today.' Historically, this girl and I are water and oil- we have our moments, but we don't mix... The entire day I had my tryhard on, trying not to upset her in any way- which became easier as the day wore on. She had a particularly strong perfume on, and her hair looked really nice and really framed her face well. We chatted a bit about work- what the two of us do; how she is also in the automotive industry (I am a parts fabricator, she is a warranty admin); and what our commutes are like in the morning... Overall, a pleasant exchange.
We go inside to the A/C and drink in the kitchen for a bit- all the while she is throwing absurd body language at me and tapping her feet against my leg on the ottoman between us. She goes down the hall, and my buddy comes into the kitchen, shaking his head. He imposes, "God damn, [my name]- just fuckin kiss her already... I see your eyes, you're in love with her." 'Historically, we haven't gotten along at all, dude. I'm just tryin to be pleasant.' "Bullshit, you're such a bad liar." 'So I'm the book, now, eh? Tell me narrator, what do you read of her?' "She is trying too hard to act uninterested. Man the fuck up!"
Then she gets a phone call. Enter confusing / moral dilemma part... I overhear some of what she says, as we are sitting right next to each other- she is trying to give directions to the house. I ask her where the person is coming from, and I give directions which are relayed to the person on the phone. She hangs up and says, '[he] says he will probably be here in an hour.' I respond, "that your boyfriend?" 'Well, ummm...' 'I see...' This confused the shit out of me for a while, until I had observed their behavior together. When he arrived, she gave him one of those awkward half-hugs with one arm as she looked away from him towards the people at the party. This body language tells me she isn't exactly comfortable with him yet, or just something else which is way over my head.
Move forward 2 hours or so- we (us young people) are all sitting around our own little circular table, drinking, playin cards. At this time, we are sitting in the following order around the table (apologies for this confusing diagram) :: [her] [her friend][me][my buddy]; so my buddy and her friend are on either side of her. I get up to get a beer, and they play musical chairs on me- at which point she has taken my seat... New order: [her friend] [her] [me] [my buddy]. So she moved such that she was sitting between her friend and me, rather than across the table from me.
After a time, we move this party to inside where there is A/C. So here we sit, at the kitchen table (rectangular): [my buddy] [her] / [me] / [her friend] [her father] / [my mother] We are just drinking, having an unimportant conversation, and eventually decide to play Asshole (the card game). That game goes on until her friend decides to leave- then the rest of us chill in the A/C and drink some more. Her body language around her friend appears as though he is just a good friend she brought over to deter any kind of advances, but he is no longer at the party.
I go outside to bask in the cool summer air and have a cigarette in my solitude. Door opens, she walks out, so much for cigarette by myself (she doesn't smoke, and it rather annoys her when it blows in her general direction- I apologized for my smoke blowing at her several times throughout the day). We sit at a table in the backyard, chat for a bit, then start wandering around the yard.
Enter confusing / moral dilemma part 3: She takes my hand while we are walking around the yard, I slowly spin her as if we were dancing and yadda yadda yadda... We dance to absolutely no music for 10 minutes, at which point we end up making out in the backyard. Could have been a product of her drinking girly drinks all night, or maybe I finally managed to get her to warm up to me- either way, I was fuckin rollin with it!
After this, we return to the frozen realm of the indoors where the A/C is set to like 65degF. People are leaving, I have to give my buddy a ride home, and she is gettin ready to leave as well... I walk her out to her car while my buddy and my brother are lallygagging (apparently, that's how you spell that word...) in the kitchen. I give her a hug and a confusingly passionate good-night kiss (I pretty much leaned on her into the car)... My buddy walks outside with his daughter and car-seat and ruins the moment by coming up to me and slappin me on the shoulder, "yeah, [my name]! bout damn time!" We all laugh, she smiles shyly and gets in her car and drives off...
I let my buddy drive my vehicle to his place, then I drive home. As I walk into the house, I am greeted by my sister and her boyfriend informing me that I smell rather girly... Oh shit! I smell like her perfume! I chalk it up to bein with her all day, and try to dismiss it as nothing.
Fast forward to this morning- my sister asks if my shirt still smells like [her] perfume. I didn't notice it while walking through my room, so I just said it didn't. I received no regretful text messages from her- only one that was asking me if she left something at my mother's house (I wasn't there to look, so I just told her to ask my mom). Apparently, she had left her camera there. What is it with women and losing cameras? I bought my mother a really nice camera for her birthday (with the 2 year black-tie full replacement warranty), because I expect these things to happen...
ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl?
Judging by your vernacular, you seem to be from the American South.
While we northerners do joke about your kind for inbreeding, I think we're actually far more liberal about relationships between family. I personally have nothing against the idea of a step-brother and step-sister being together because the chance of genetic inbreeding is no higher than that of your mom and your step-dad producing genetically inbred offspring.
However the girl has a boyfriend, and I'd be concerned about the amount of criticism and prejudice you and the girl would receive in the sparsely populated south. Back off.
On July 25 2011 05:54 obesechicken13 wrote: This question is a bit general, but if a girl doesn't like you for a long time even though you like her, do you move on or work on yourself and try again later given a better opportunity/time?
As you said this question is very obtuse, and therefore it's impossible to give a concrete answer. Both of those are viable options in theory, but depending on the situation, one might be way more likely/productive than the other.
In general, I feel that if your feelings are unrequited and the girl is aware of them, you are pretty screwed. It is uncomfortable for anyone to know that their friend is romantically interested in them - sometimes they might even think that is the entirety of the relationship in the other person's mind. This usually leads to awkwardness, assumption, and eventual dissolution of the friendship. There are and always will be exceptions, but I find this to be the case more often than not. If she wasn't interested in you until now, any change you make will only seem like you are doing it only to change her mind (which you are), and as romantic as that may seem, it comes off as desperate and thus distasteful. I suggest moving on in this case, there will be someone out there who appreciates you for who you are and you will not have to change yourself to make the relationship work.
Sometimes, especially if you two are not that close yet, and the interest is not yet disclosed, you have a lot more leeway to change your approach and potentially be more successful. This is on a case-by-case basis, however.
Yeah, it's just so hard to let go of people you think would've been really good matches for you. Thanks.
About five months ago, I broke up with my gf of 7 yrs with whom I was living in an apt in NYC. I then moved back to my hometown.
I didn't talk to anyone the first month I was home because I was very upset and wanted to meditate on what went wrong with my relationship. 7 years is tough. But after I found peace with it and came out of my shell, I reached out to my best friends. They were happy to hear from me and my social life revived.
One of these good friends--Let's call her Lana--was a funny, charming, and pretty girl I've known for exactly 7 years (I met her about the same time I started dating my ex-gf). She was 14 when I first met her and I was 19. Don't worry. It was nothing seedy. She's the cousin of my best friend (whom I've known since I was 5 years old).
We have been good friends throughout the past 7 years. We played WoW together, talked on MSN frequently, and I always considered her the funny, cute cousin of my best friend. I never really considered her as a possible girlfriend though because I was really committed to my gf at the time. But everyone around me commented on how hot she was and were like" wow, hook me up!" Especially once she got a little older...
Anyways, the first time I saw her after coming back from NY was lunch at a TGI Fridays. She came along with my best friend, her cousin who I'll call Danny, and Danny's girlfriend. So there were four of us in total. We hung out and had a good time. We got a douchy waiter who kept hitting on Lana as well, which pissed Danny off.
We also somehow ended up talking about Lana's current boyfriend, who Danny hates. Danny kept talking trash about the guy, and Lana didn't really defend him, she just asked me what my opinion was. I had a passing familiarity with the guy and simply said, "Sometimes you want to have a certain baseline standard and work from there. Otherwise you can end up with a lot of not so great guys."
She nodded her head and nothing more was said on the matter. About four days after that, she told me she broke up with her boyfriend. I asked her why and she said it was because my advice made a lot of sense. Two days after that she invited me out to lunch for sushi. I was wary at first because at this point in time I was adamant about not having a rebound. I was still a little broken up over the whole 7 yr thing. Also, my ex-gf had always said Lana had a thing for me, so I sort of got that vibe. But she sort of insisted and she'd gotten me to admit I was hungry in conversation about 5 min before asking me to lunch so it was hard to give her a good excuse no -_-.
We went. We exchanged lots of funny stories. We had a good time. One of the line cooks at the restaurant knew her and gave us lots of free food. But as soon as she went to the bathroom he tried to grill me about my relationship with her. (Lana is pretty well-known in the part of the city I live in and a lot of guys have a thing for her. This isn't the first time I've gotten accosted just for hanging out with her). I told him I was a family friend. He gave me a can of green tea and shook my hand. Lana came back from the bathroom and invited the line cook to her birthday pool party in 3 weeks. Then we left.
She asked me to go places with her about 3-4x after that. I turned her down each time because I got a sers dating vibe from her during that first lunch we had. I also started to worry what Danny would think.
Danny is my fucking boy. We've known each other 21 years and we've gotten in maybe ONE minor spat throughout that entire time. I love that guy to death. Def the best guy friend I got. Problem is that Danny's pretty tight-lipped about his thoughts. He doesn't tell people what he's thinking, which is both a good and bad thing. In this case, it was bad. I want to know what he thinks, but at the same time, it'd be really presumptuous of me to start talking to him about it when Lana hasn't said anything concrete about liking me. At this point, it could very well be platonic and I'm the only one catching vapors.
Anyhow, eventually she convinced me to go out again. Except this time it was a group activity. We had a "game night" at Danny's house. She invited 3 of her girl friends and we played Scattergories and Monopoly. Everyone had a LOT of fun, tons of laughs, goofing off, etc. Most of them drank. I abstained because I'm straight edge as hell. Everyone left around 4 am.
The next day she told me on FB her friends LOVED me. I said "haha, they r cool too," and told her I had a great time. She arranged for a second game night for the next weekend. I went to that too. A totally different set of her girlfriends but still a lot of fun. After that night, she informed me her second set of friends loved me too. I got the feeling she was running the classic friend filter on me.
At this point, I was still pretty sure I didn't want to date. First because I wanted to date a Taiwanese girl due to family pressure and she is not Taiwanese. I am. Second because she's Danny's cousin (they're super close though. practically brother and sister). Third because I wasn't sure I was ready to try again so soon after my big breakup. I was starting to really like hanging out with her though. She's a lot of fun. And everyone else seems to adore her. I told myself not to be a schmuck and let peer pressure influence me, but seriously, everyone seems to love her. She even has lesbos crushing on her. They come over and do her cousin's laundry just to get in good with her.
Then she invited me to go kayaking with her. At this point, her cousin, who had recently broken up with HIS long-term gf too, had paired up with one of Lana's friends. So it was very much double-date-ish. I agreed to go because kayaking sounded like a lot of fun. Of course, the kayaks were split Danny and his new girl, Lana and me. We had a competition to see who would make it to the end of the river first. Danny and his girl won. Lana wanted to sit in the back of the kayak, and I am quite a bit stronger than her, so our kayak kept fishtailing and she ran us into trees full of wasps a couple times. After I almost got stung, I just jumped out of the kayak and insisted we switch places. All in all though, it was a really fun day.
During the kayak trip, when it was just us two and we weren't crashing into trees, she asked me if I still had feelings for my ex. I said no. She asked me if I was interested in getting back into dating. I said no. I also said my family is really big on me dating a Taiwanese girl. We talked a bit about her ex as well and her other ex-bfs and she admitted that her bf had broken up with her during a heated argument, instead of the other way around. But that her bf then asked her back out half an hour later and she told him no. They'd apparently been having problems for a solid month before the breakup. In the end, I sort of confirmed to her that I wanted to stay single and she agreed that she too wanted to stay single and loved the single life.
Since then, I've started to thaw though. We go out alone a LOT. Like 2-3x a week. She works five days a week so she only gets two days off. We've hung out every one of those weekends except one. I didn't call her that weekend. I was working hard on my novel and wasn't sure where things were going. She wrote on my FB wall the next day how her weekend was dark without me.
We've also made plans to go to Chicago in Sept with Danny and his new girl. Lana and I will be sharing a room. Danny and his girl will share a room. She also wants to go to NY with me when I go to visit my brothers. Danny might go on that trip. No clue about arrangements.
By now though, I've def started to fall for her. I still have not talked to Danny about it. I know she's talked to him about me though, because she once mentioned that she had asked him what my preference was in women. He told her I liked short, skinny Asian girls that look like little boys. (Danny likes thick latino girls). Lana is tall, slender, dark hair and eyes, not Asian but very pretty. Danny also calls her now and again when we're out and she tells him that she's out with me alone. He's never asked me about it. And Danny and I hang out a lot. I'm still wondering wth he thinks. I kind of wish he'd give me some kind of sign although I suspect he doesn't think it's his place to have an opinion. He's a really decent guy. Problem is, my instincts tell me he's not exactly thrilled about it or else he would have said something encouraging. His silence feels like disapproval to me.
On Lana's end, she still hasn't explicitly said anything about liking me. We were talking the other day after coming back from the mall and I mentioned how I miss my brothers because they're all up in NY and I have no other fam here. I also mentioned how it's great that Danny has such a big fam to hang out with and they're all really cool. Her response was "yeah, but you're part of our fam too." That struck me as a very platonic thing to say, so maybe she sees me as a brother now? At the same time, that day at the mall she invited me into her dressing room several times to watch her try on clothes, and ran her fingers down my back a few times for no explicable reason as I was turned away from her browsing the racks. Those strike me as very not sisterly things to do.
So, I'm still leaning towards her liking me but not pushing it because of what I've previously said about wanting to stay single. I did tell her a few days ago that after I finish my novel, if I still haven't found a nice Taiwanese girl, I'm giving up on the idea. Her response was "hehe, yeah this city doesn't have a big pool for selection." She knows there aren't many hot Taiwanese girls here.
Anyhow, right now I'm sort of in limbo. Lana's on the West Coast visiting her mother for two weeks. She left 2 days ago. I'm going to see how much I miss her while she's gone and if I'm really feeling the hurt, I'm going to ask her out. If I do ask her out I'll give it a week after she gets back though, coz I don't like a girl thinking that I start fiending when she's not there. That opens the door to her using cold shoulder tactics later on.
But I'm still conflicted. I don't know how to breach the subject with Danny. Lana's still 21, and she parties pretty hard right now. No slutty action but she sure does like to stay out late. I'm a bit older and not so fast-paced anymore. From what I've seen the past 7 years though she's never cheated and she's never gotten a rebound. So bonus points for that. She's had 3 bf's total. She's not a V. I don't mind that.
Oh and our zodiac signs are really incompatible. That probably sounds retarded, but I'm pretty superstitious and so far in my life most people have matched up really well with their zodiac signs. Maybe some other people can throw in their opinions on that part because it's really weighing on me.
So yeah, problems are Danny, Lana's partying, astrology compatibility, and wondering if that rich, hot, witty Taiwanese girl is waiting around the corner... Any thoughts would be appreciated. And yes... this was long as fuck. My gut instinct tells me it might not work out, but my heart is already somewhat smitten, and my brain is telling me it would be nice to get some more dating experience just to see. But opportunity cost is that I won't be single and ready to mingle.
Edit: p.s. She just texted me a picture of a sandy beach she's at right now. She wrote "Team ---" on the sand. Team --- is a goofy nickname we came up with for me and her when we're playing board games vs others. We're always on the same team. The pic kind of hit me in my romantic soft spot. Sigh . I think I'm really just scared what happens if it doesn't work out and I lose an awesome friend AND Danny gets pissed off at me. It would really suck to lose TWO great friends. I know I sound like a homo, but childhood friends are rare. I don't want to lose Danny as a friend. But I don't know if I would lose him by dating Lana. FML. This must be how girls feel when they put a guy in the friend zone.
Hot WoW girl? Fetch me the horn of shenans! At Once! BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
I won't comment on anything else, but looking at what month a person was born in, a construct of human society that has no meaning on a cosmic level nor interaction with relationship compatiability other than what certain members of society think of it, is definitely the best course of action.
There's an opportunity cost lost as well as one gained one would think.
On July 28 2011 13:09 obesechicken13 wrote: Hot WoW girl? Fetch me the horn of shenans! At Once! BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
I won't comment on anything else, but looking at what month a person was born in, a construct of human society that has no meaning on a cosmic level nor interaction with relationship compatiability other than what certain members of society think of it, is definitely the best course of action.
There's an opportunity cost lost as well as one gained one would think.
I should have specified Chinese not Western astrology. Our Western astrologies are really compatible. Pisces and Cancer. I'm the pisces. It's our Chinese astrology that suck. Ox and Horse . One of the very bad matches.
Some people think it's silly. According to what I've seen so far in life though, it's been frighteningly accurate.
On July 28 2011 13:09 obesechicken13 wrote: Hot WoW girl? Fetch me the horn of shenans! At Once! BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
I won't comment on anything else, but looking at what month a person was born in, a construct of human society that has no meaning on a cosmic level nor interaction with relationship compatiability other than what certain members of society think of it, is definitely the best course of action.
There's an opportunity cost lost as well as one gained one would think.
I should have specified Chinese not Western astrology. Our Western astrologies are really compatible. Pisces and Cancer. I'm the pisces. It's our Chinese astrology that suck. Ox and Horse . One of the very bad matches.
Some people think it's silly. According to what I've seen so far in life though, it's been frighteningly accurate.
Ah Chinese Astrology, so asian. I've pretty much let go of any superstitious beliefs because i think it just gets in the way and its fairly useless (from what i've found). Also since you're an Ox, like my brother, that would make you 25/26. Unless you're like 37/38 hahahaha.
If i were you, i'd actually ask Danny what he thinks. If he really is your best friend he should be honest and open about it as well as not making a massive fuss of you having a little thing for her. As long as you don't overstep your boundaries i think it should be fine. But that's what i think (and if i were in the same situation).
About five months ago, I broke up with my gf of 7 yrs with whom I was living in an apt in NYC. I then moved back to my hometown.
I didn't talk to anyone the first month I was home because I was very upset and wanted to meditate on what went wrong with my relationship. 7 years is tough. But after I found peace with it and came out of my shell, I reached out to my best friends. They were happy to hear from me and my social life revived.
One of these good friends--Let's call her Lana--was a funny, charming, and pretty girl I've known for exactly 7 years (I met her about the same time I started dating my ex-gf). She was 14 when I first met her and I was 19. Don't worry. It was nothing seedy. She's the cousin of my best friend (whom I've known since I was 5 years old).
We have been good friends throughout the past 7 years. We played WoW together, talked on MSN frequently, and I always considered her the funny, cute cousin of my best friend. I never really considered her as a possible girlfriend though because I was really committed to my gf at the time. But everyone around me commented on how hot she was and were like" wow, hook me up!" Especially once she got a little older...
Anyways, the first time I saw her after coming back from NY was lunch at a TGI Fridays. She came along with my best friend, her cousin who I'll call Danny, and Danny's girlfriend. So there were four of us in total. We hung out and had a good time. We got a douchy waiter who kept hitting on Lana as well, which pissed Danny off.
We also somehow ended up talking about Lana's current boyfriend, who Danny hates. Danny kept talking trash about the guy, and Lana didn't really defend him, she just asked me what my opinion was. I had a passing familiarity with the guy and simply said, "Sometimes you want to have a certain baseline standard and work from there. Otherwise you can end up with a lot of not so great guys."
She nodded her head and nothing more was said on the matter. About four days after that, she told me she broke up with her boyfriend. I asked her why and she said it was because my advice made a lot of sense. Two days after that she invited me out to lunch for sushi. I was wary at first because at this point in time I was adamant about not having a rebound. I was still a little broken up over the whole 7 yr thing. Also, my ex-gf had always said Lana had a thing for me, so I sort of got that vibe. But she sort of insisted and she'd gotten me to admit I was hungry in conversation about 5 min before asking me to lunch so it was hard to give her a good excuse no -_-.
We went. We exchanged lots of funny stories. We had a good time. One of the line cooks at the restaurant knew her and gave us lots of free food. But as soon as she went to the bathroom he tried to grill me about my relationship with her. (Lana is pretty well-known in the part of the city I live in and a lot of guys have a thing for her. This isn't the first time I've gotten accosted just for hanging out with her). I told him I was a family friend. He gave me a can of green tea and shook my hand. Lana came back from the bathroom and invited the line cook to her birthday pool party in 3 weeks. Then we left.
She asked me to go places with her about 3-4x after that. I turned her down each time because I got a sers dating vibe from her during that first lunch we had. I also started to worry what Danny would think.
Danny is my fucking boy. We've known each other 21 years and we've gotten in maybe ONE minor spat throughout that entire time. I love that guy to death. Def the best guy friend I got. Problem is that Danny's pretty tight-lipped about his thoughts. He doesn't tell people what he's thinking, which is both a good and bad thing. In this case, it was bad. I want to know what he thinks, but at the same time, it'd be really presumptuous of me to start talking to him about it when Lana hasn't said anything concrete about liking me. At this point, it could very well be platonic and I'm the only one catching vapors.
Anyhow, eventually she convinced me to go out again. Except this time it was a group activity. We had a "game night" at Danny's house. She invited 3 of her girl friends and we played Scattergories and Monopoly. Everyone had a LOT of fun, tons of laughs, goofing off, etc. Most of them drank. I abstained because I'm straight edge as hell. Everyone left around 4 am.
The next day she told me on FB her friends LOVED me. I said "haha, they r cool too," and told her I had a great time. She arranged for a second game night for the next weekend. I went to that too. A totally different set of her girlfriends but still a lot of fun. After that night, she informed me her second set of friends loved me too. I got the feeling she was running the classic friend filter on me.
At this point, I was still pretty sure I didn't want to date. First because I wanted to date a Taiwanese girl due to family pressure and she is not Taiwanese. I am. Second because she's Danny's cousin (they're super close though. practically brother and sister). Third because I wasn't sure I was ready to try again so soon after my big breakup. I was starting to really like hanging out with her though. She's a lot of fun. And everyone else seems to adore her. I told myself not to be a schmuck and let peer pressure influence me, but seriously, everyone seems to love her. She even has lesbos crushing on her. They come over and do her cousin's laundry just to get in good with her.
Then she invited me to go kayaking with her. At this point, her cousin, who had recently broken up with HIS long-term gf too, had paired up with one of Lana's friends. So it was very much double-date-ish. I agreed to go because kayaking sounded like a lot of fun. Of course, the kayaks were split Danny and his new girl, Lana and me. We had a competition to see who would make it to the end of the river first. Danny and his girl won. Lana wanted to sit in the back of the kayak, and I am quite a bit stronger than her, so our kayak kept fishtailing and she ran us into trees full of wasps a couple times. After I almost got stung, I just jumped out of the kayak and insisted we switch places. All in all though, it was a really fun day.
During the kayak trip, when it was just us two and we weren't crashing into trees, she asked me if I still had feelings for my ex. I said no. She asked me if I was interested in getting back into dating. I said no. I also said my family is really big on me dating a Taiwanese girl. We talked a bit about her ex as well and her other ex-bfs and she admitted that her bf had broken up with her during a heated argument, instead of the other way around. But that her bf then asked her back out half an hour later and she told him no. They'd apparently been having problems for a solid month before the breakup. In the end, I sort of confirmed to her that I wanted to stay single and she agreed that she too wanted to stay single and loved the single life.
Since then, I've started to thaw though. We go out alone a LOT. Like 2-3x a week. She works five days a week so she only gets two days off. We've hung out every one of those weekends except one. I didn't call her that weekend. I was working hard on my novel and wasn't sure where things were going. She wrote on my FB wall the next day how her weekend was dark without me.
We've also made plans to go to Chicago in Sept with Danny and his new girl. Lana and I will be sharing a room. Danny and his girl will share a room. She also wants to go to NY with me when I go to visit my brothers. Danny might go on that trip. No clue about arrangements.
By now though, I've def started to fall for her. I still have not talked to Danny about it. I know she's talked to him about me though, because she once mentioned that she had asked him what my preference was in women. He told her I liked short, skinny Asian girls that look like little boys. (Danny likes thick latino girls). Lana is tall, slender, dark hair and eyes, not Asian but very pretty. Danny also calls her now and again when we're out and she tells him that she's out with me alone. He's never asked me about it. And Danny and I hang out a lot. I'm still wondering wth he thinks. I kind of wish he'd give me some kind of sign although I suspect he doesn't think it's his place to have an opinion. He's a really decent guy. Problem is, my instincts tell me he's not exactly thrilled about it or else he would have said something encouraging. His silence feels like disapproval to me.
On Lana's end, she still hasn't explicitly said anything about liking me. We were talking the other day after coming back from the mall and I mentioned how I miss my brothers because they're all up in NY and I have no other fam here. I also mentioned how it's great that Danny has such a big fam to hang out with and they're all really cool. Her response was "yeah, but you're part of our fam too." That struck me as a very platonic thing to say, so maybe she sees me as a brother now? At the same time, that day at the mall she invited me into her dressing room several times to watch her try on clothes, and ran her fingers down my back a few times for no explicable reason as I was turned away from her browsing the racks. Those strike me as very not sisterly things to do.
So, I'm still leaning towards her liking me but not pushing it because of what I've previously said about wanting to stay single. I did tell her a few days ago that after I finish my novel, if I still haven't found a nice Taiwanese girl, I'm giving up on the idea. Her response was "hehe, yeah this city doesn't have a big pool for selection." She knows there aren't many hot Taiwanese girls here.
Anyhow, right now I'm sort of in limbo. Lana's on the West Coast visiting her mother for two weeks. She left 2 days ago. I'm going to see how much I miss her while she's gone and if I'm really feeling the hurt, I'm going to ask her out. If I do ask her out I'll give it a week after she gets back though, coz I don't like a girl thinking that I start fiending when she's not there. That opens the door to her using cold shoulder tactics later on.
But I'm still conflicted. I don't know how to breach the subject with Danny. Lana's still 21, and she parties pretty hard right now. No slutty action but she sure does like to stay out late. I'm a bit older and not so fast-paced anymore. From what I've seen the past 7 years though she's never cheated and she's never gotten a rebound. So bonus points for that. She's had 3 bf's total. She's not a V. I don't mind that.
Oh and our zodiac signs are really incompatible. That probably sounds retarded, but I'm pretty superstitious and so far in my life most people have matched up really well with their zodiac signs. Maybe some other people can throw in their opinions on that part because it's really weighing on me.
So yeah, problems are Danny, Lana's partying, astrology compatibility, and wondering if that rich, hot, witty Taiwanese girl is waiting around the corner... Any thoughts would be appreciated. And yes... this was long as fuck. My gut instinct tells me it might not work out, but my heart is already somewhat smitten, and my brain is telling me it would be nice to get some more dating experience just to see. But opportunity cost is that I won't be single and ready to mingle.
Edit: p.s. She just texted me a picture of a sandy beach she's at right now. She wrote "Team ---" on the sand. Team --- is a goofy nickname we came up with for me and her when we're playing board games vs others. We're always on the same team. The pic kind of hit me in my romantic soft spot. Sigh . I think I'm really just scared what happens if it doesn't work out and I lose an awesome friend AND Danny gets pissed off at me. It would really suck to lose TWO great friends. I know I sound like a homo, but childhood friends are rare. I don't want to lose Danny as a friend. But I don't know if I would lose him by dating Lana. FML. This must be how girls feel when they put a guy in the friend zone.
girl advice posts are never too long. If we can give good advice, we gotta know everything about it, so. Nicely done with describing everything accurately, you don't see that half the time.
Ok, the way I see it, you have an opportunity now. Lana is gone for a while, so I would have a chat with Danny about the situation. You don't have to do it straight away, since she's gone for 2 weeks,, so you have time to get your head in the game and realise how much you feel for the girl, but I would defiantly talk to him about it. This also means that when she comes back, you have a perfect time to do something about it.
As for the doubts, I've always felt that in this situation, its bes to make a list of the pros and cons about being in the relationship, then throw it away and follow your heart. Relationships don't start from using the brain, that's how they're maintained. You like her, she seems to like you. Nothing else matters. Also, bah to the astronomy side. There are always exceptions, and you can easily be one of them
Lets use a Starcraft metaphor. Say you're in a TvT, and your opponent sieges up in range of your bio army. You have 2 options, bail or commit. Waiting to see what happens is NOT an option because you'll just die. So even if it may be the wrong choice, its a hell of a lot better to make a choice than be indecisive, so make a choice!
For StorkHwaiting! Yeah that is a tough situation, and I believe you made the right choices up to now. As the post above mentions, letting it open with Danny within a week or two should be the next step if you want to get closer with Lana.
Also,
On July 28 2011 16:24 katzby wrote: HALP. I have a guy problem! Can I pm you with it or must be out in the open? ^_^
On July 28 2011 22:11 krndandaman wrote: hmm ill give a shot at this.
girl who never had boyfriend. cute and pretty. generally was/is never interested in boys. got all positive signals from her for the first month and was pretty damn confident that she liked me. all of a sudden the way she treats me and looks at me changed. she no longer approached me and only rarely would i get a good reaction when i approached her. idk what happened cause I definitely did not do something that would make her act like that. we were super close and mass texting for a few days then all of a sudden i got cold, curt responses to texts and felt like she was trying to avoid me whenever we saw each other. i dont get the feeling that she hates me but something is definitely up. any idea on wtf happened?
i was friggin 99.9999% sure she liked me as we hit it off like fireworks and at the peak it just dropped to a pithole which makes no sense.
this year we're gonna see even more and more of each other since we're basically in the same classes, same clubs, student government, same everything (did not do this on purpose we just happen to have the same interests/coincidence). dunno how i should approach this situation this year. just go along with the flow as regular friends until she makes a move or not, confess, or give it up?
How old is she? Are you still in high school? Are her parents strict? Need more deets.
On July 28 2011 22:11 krndandaman wrote: hmm ill give a shot at this.
girl who never had boyfriend. cute and pretty. generally was/is never interested in boys. got all positive signals from her for the first month and was pretty damn confident that she liked me. all of a sudden the way she treats me and looks at me changed. she no longer approached me and only rarely would i get a good reaction when i approached her. idk what happened cause I definitely did not do something that would make her act like that. we were super close and mass texting for a few days then all of a sudden i got cold, curt responses to texts and felt like she was trying to avoid me whenever we saw each other. i dont get the feeling that she hates me but something is definitely up. any idea on wtf happened?
i was friggin 99.9999% sure she liked me as we hit it off like fireworks and at the peak it just dropped to a pithole which makes no sense.
this year we're gonna see even more and more of each other since we're basically in the same classes, same clubs, student government, same everything (did not do this on purpose we just happen to have the same interests/coincidence). dunno how i should approach this situation this year. just go along with the flow as regular friends until she makes a move or not, confess, or give it up?
How old is she? Are you still in high school? Are her parents strict? Need more deets.
both 18. both seniors now. probably? dont rly know them but we both go to a boarding school atm.
Someone probably tipped her parents off to the budding romance and they strictly forbade her not to do anything. That or she herself got cold feet because she's worried about the consequences. You should really give more deets though. Boarding school is a pretty huge factor, what kind of school, how she usually dresses, how she usually is with other guys, etc. Don't boil it all down to just the question you have. Details matter!
On July 28 2011 22:11 krndandaman wrote: hmm ill give a shot at this.
girl who never had boyfriend. cute and pretty. generally was/is never interested in boys. got all positive signals from her for the first month and was pretty damn confident that she liked me. all of a sudden the way she treats me and looks at me changed. she no longer approached me and only rarely would i get a good reaction when i approached her. idk what happened cause I definitely did not do something that would make her act like that. we were super close and mass texting for a few days then all of a sudden i got cold, curt responses to texts and felt like she was trying to avoid me whenever we saw each other. i dont get the feeling that she hates me but something is definitely up. any idea on wtf happened?
i was friggin 99.9999% sure she liked me as we hit it off like fireworks and at the peak it just dropped to a pithole which makes no sense.
this year we're gonna see even more and more of each other since we're basically in the same classes, same clubs, student government, same everything (did not do this on purpose we just happen to have the same interests/coincidence). dunno how i should approach this situation this year. just go along with the flow as regular friends until she makes a move or not, confess, or give it up?
How old is she? Are you still in high school? Are her parents strict? Need more deets.
both 18. both seniors now. probably? dont rly know them but we both go to a boarding school atm.
Someone probably tipped her parents off to the budding romance and they strictly forbade her not to do anything. That or she herself got cold feet because she's worried about the consequences. You should really give more deets though. Boarding school is a pretty huge factor, what kind of school, how she usually dresses, how she usually is with other guys, etc. Don't boil it all down to just the question you have. Details matter!
hm... i think the only people who caught hint of the 'budding romance' was our group of friends. she really doesn't have a "best" friend persay (shes not the gossipy type of girl and doesnt spill out her secrets to anyone). its a small christian boarding school. the school itself doesnt care whether students date and there are a decent number of couples in our small school. the dorm however is pretty anal about it. shes very religious herself but i heard from my best friend that she seemed open about dating. he asked her (before i even came to the school) whether she had a boyfriend or wanted one and she basically said no to both but also said if the right guy comes shes not off-limits to dating. she dresses well. not slutty, but well. kind of the casual yet fashionable type of girl. something simple like skinny jeans, flats, cardigan. she's pretty good with guys. she kinda treats them like her girl friends though... very comfortable with them. hence why i felt something off when she suddenly became awkward around me.
From the sounds of it, she's become a bit awkward because something HAS changed between you. maybe she realised that a relationship was developing and she felt uncomfortable because of what she said beforehand; are you the right guy that would mean she's happy to get in a a relationship?
I've always felt that talking is the best way to handle it. Maybe not straight away, but when you feel its right, just ask her if you did anything wrong? You never know, maybe it was something you didn't pick up and a simple apology would be fine. However, at least you can then have a real talk about where you both are and if you can see anything happening between the two of you
On July 28 2011 16:24 katzby wrote: HALP. I have a guy problem! Can I pm you with it or must be out in the open? ^_^
Post! I think ILK is asleep, maybe one of us who only mildly like kittens can help
On July 28 2011 22:11 krndandaman wrote: hmm ill give a shot at this.
girl who never had boyfriend. cute and pretty. generally was/is never interested in boys. got all positive signals from her for the first month and was pretty damn confident that she liked me. all of a sudden the way she treats me and looks at me changed. she no longer approached me and only rarely would i get a good reaction when i approached her. idk what happened cause I definitely did not do something that would make her act like that. we were super close and mass texting for a few days then all of a sudden i got cold, curt responses to texts and felt like she was trying to avoid me whenever we saw each other. i dont get the feeling that she hates me but something is definitely up. any idea on wtf happened?
i was friggin 99.9999% sure she liked me as we hit it off like fireworks and at the peak it just dropped to a pithole which makes no sense.
this year we're gonna see even more and more of each other since we're basically in the same classes, same clubs, student government, same everything (did not do this on purpose we just happen to have the same interests/coincidence). dunno how i should approach this situation this year. just go along with the flow as regular friends until she makes a move or not, confess, or give it up?
How old is she? Are you still in high school? Are her parents strict? Need more deets.
both 18. both seniors now. probably? dont rly know them but we both go to a boarding school atm.
Someone probably tipped her parents off to the budding romance and they strictly forbade her not to do anything. That or she herself got cold feet because she's worried about the consequences. You should really give more deets though. Boarding school is a pretty huge factor, what kind of school, how she usually dresses, how she usually is with other guys, etc. Don't boil it all down to just the question you have. Details matter!
hm... i think the only people who caught hint of the 'budding romance' was our group of friends. she really doesn't have a "best" friend persay (shes not the gossipy type of girl and doesnt spill out her secrets to anyone). its a small christian boarding school. the school itself doesnt care whether students date and there are a decent number of couples in our small school. the dorm however is pretty anal about it. shes very religious herself but i heard from my best friend that she seemed open about dating. he asked her (before i even came to the school) whether she had a boyfriend or wanted one and she basically said no to both but also said if the right guy comes shes not off-limits to dating. she dresses well. not slutty, but well. kind of the casual yet fashionable type of girl. something simple like skinny jeans, flats, cardigan. she's pretty good with guys. she kinda treats them like her girl friends though... very comfortable with them. hence why i felt something off when she suddenly became awkward around me.
From the sounds of it, she's become a bit awkward because something HAS changed between you. maybe she realised that a relationship was developing and she felt uncomfortable because of what she said beforehand; are you the right guy that would mean she's happy to get in a a relationship?
I've always felt that talking is the best way to handle it. Maybe not straight away, but when you feel its right, just ask her if you did anything wrong? You never know, maybe it was something you didn't pick up and a simple apology would be fine. However, at least you can then have a real talk about where you both are and if you can see anything happening between the two of you
On July 28 2011 16:24 katzby wrote: HALP. I have a guy problem! Can I pm you with it or must be out in the open? ^_^
Post! I think ILK is asleep, maybe one of us who only mildly like kittens can help
hmm seems like a good assessment of the situation. dunno how I would approach her about this though. i have yet to meet a single person who have had a deep meaningful talk with her. im good friends with her ex-"best-friend" and the reason they stopped being friends was because the exbff couldnt handle how unresponsive she was on the deep personal level. she would just plain not talk whenever their talks got deep and pretty much ignored her for a while when she continued to try. idk, i dont even understand that situation and why the girl is like that.
That could easily be a tell. If she isn't that responsive about it, then maybe its not going anywhere. But if she does open up a bit then you've made an impact. Either way, I personally don't think that simply asking if you did something wrong will be too deep of a question, and you can always slip in the "Oh ok, I just thought I messed up somehow, and you were a bit distant because I hadn't said sorry" She might open up there. If not, The reason will come out soon enough.
On July 28 2011 22:11 krndandaman wrote: hmm ill give a shot at this.
girl who never had boyfriend. cute and pretty. generally was/is never interested in boys. got all positive signals from her for the first month and was pretty damn confident that she liked me. all of a sudden the way she treats me and looks at me changed. she no longer approached me and only rarely would i get a good reaction when i approached her. idk what happened cause I definitely did not do something that would make her act like that. we were super close and mass texting for a few days then all of a sudden i got cold, curt responses to texts and felt like she was trying to avoid me whenever we saw each other. i dont get the feeling that she hates me but something is definitely up. any idea on wtf happened?
i was friggin 99.9999% sure she liked me as we hit it off like fireworks and at the peak it just dropped to a pithole which makes no sense.
this year we're gonna see even more and more of each other since we're basically in the same classes, same clubs, student government, same everything (did not do this on purpose we just happen to have the same interests/coincidence). dunno how i should approach this situation this year. just go along with the flow as regular friends until she makes a move or not, confess, or give it up?
How old is she? Are you still in high school? Are her parents strict? Need more deets.
both 18. both seniors now. probably? dont rly know them but we both go to a boarding school atm.
Someone probably tipped her parents off to the budding romance and they strictly forbade her not to do anything. That or she herself got cold feet because she's worried about the consequences. You should really give more deets though. Boarding school is a pretty huge factor, what kind of school, how she usually dresses, how she usually is with other guys, etc. Don't boil it all down to just the question you have. Details matter!
hm... i think the only people who caught hint of the 'budding romance' was our group of friends. she really doesn't have a "best" friend persay (shes not the gossipy type of girl and doesnt spill out her secrets to anyone). its a small christian boarding school. the school itself doesnt care whether students date and there are a decent number of couples in our small school. the dorm however is pretty anal about it. shes very religious herself but i heard from my best friend that she seemed open about dating. he asked her (before i even came to the school) whether she had a boyfriend or wanted one and she basically said no to both but also said if the right guy comes shes not off-limits to dating. she dresses well. not slutty, but well. kind of the casual yet fashionable type of girl. something simple like skinny jeans, flats, cardigan. she's pretty good with guys. she kinda treats them like her girl friends though... very comfortable with them. hence why i felt something off when she suddenly became awkward around me.
From the sounds of it, she's become a bit awkward because something HAS changed between you. maybe she realised that a relationship was developing and she felt uncomfortable because of what she said beforehand; are you the right guy that would mean she's happy to get in a a relationship?
I've always felt that talking is the best way to handle it. Maybe not straight away, but when you feel its right, just ask her if you did anything wrong? You never know, maybe it was something you didn't pick up and a simple apology would be fine. However, at least you can then have a real talk about where you both are and if you can see anything happening between the two of you
On July 28 2011 16:24 katzby wrote: HALP. I have a guy problem! Can I pm you with it or must be out in the open? ^_^
Post! I think ILK is asleep, maybe one of us who only mildly like kittens can help
hmm seems like a good assessment of the situation. dunno how I would approach her about this though. i have yet to meet a single person who have had a deep meaningful talk with her. im good friends with her ex-"best-friend" and the reason they stopped being friends was because the exbff couldnt handle how unresponsive she was on the deep personal level. she would just plain not talk whenever their talks got deep and pretty much ignored her for a while when she continued to try. idk, i dont even understand that situation and why the girl is like that.
That could easily be a tell. If she isn't that responsive about it, then maybe its not going anywhere. But if she does open up a bit then you've made an impact. Either way, I personally don't think that simply asking if you did something wrong will be too deep of a question, and you can always slip in the "Oh ok, I just thought I messed up somehow, and you were a bit distant because I hadn't said sorry" She might open up there. If not, The reason will come out soon enough.
Patience and communication!
seems like pretty solid advice to me! if she acts weird again this coming school year i'll bring it up. hopefully it turns out well? been super confused lately as she just went anti-social mode. none of us (her school friends) can get in contact with her this summer even though we all made plans to meet up together which was ironically started because of her suggestion.
Tbh, she sounds kind of psychotic. Then again, that's dating in high school. If I could do high school over again I would have just hung out with the sluts and had a lot of fun. You'll get to deal with all the "good girls" coming out of their shell and wanting to sleep with everything that moves in college. And after college is typically where you find a girl who knows what she wants. Maybe. This is women after all.
On July 28 2011 22:14 StorkHwaiting wrote: [quote]
How old is she? Are you still in high school? Are her parents strict? Need more deets.
both 18. both seniors now. probably? dont rly know them but we both go to a boarding school atm.
Someone probably tipped her parents off to the budding romance and they strictly forbade her not to do anything. That or she herself got cold feet because she's worried about the consequences. You should really give more deets though. Boarding school is a pretty huge factor, what kind of school, how she usually dresses, how she usually is with other guys, etc. Don't boil it all down to just the question you have. Details matter!
hm... i think the only people who caught hint of the 'budding romance' was our group of friends. she really doesn't have a "best" friend persay (shes not the gossipy type of girl and doesnt spill out her secrets to anyone). its a small christian boarding school. the school itself doesnt care whether students date and there are a decent number of couples in our small school. the dorm however is pretty anal about it. shes very religious herself but i heard from my best friend that she seemed open about dating. he asked her (before i even came to the school) whether she had a boyfriend or wanted one and she basically said no to both but also said if the right guy comes shes not off-limits to dating. she dresses well. not slutty, but well. kind of the casual yet fashionable type of girl. something simple like skinny jeans, flats, cardigan. she's pretty good with guys. she kinda treats them like her girl friends though... very comfortable with them. hence why i felt something off when she suddenly became awkward around me.
From the sounds of it, she's become a bit awkward because something HAS changed between you. maybe she realised that a relationship was developing and she felt uncomfortable because of what she said beforehand; are you the right guy that would mean she's happy to get in a a relationship?
I've always felt that talking is the best way to handle it. Maybe not straight away, but when you feel its right, just ask her if you did anything wrong? You never know, maybe it was something you didn't pick up and a simple apology would be fine. However, at least you can then have a real talk about where you both are and if you can see anything happening between the two of you
On July 28 2011 16:24 katzby wrote: HALP. I have a guy problem! Can I pm you with it or must be out in the open? ^_^
Post! I think ILK is asleep, maybe one of us who only mildly like kittens can help
hmm seems like a good assessment of the situation. dunno how I would approach her about this though. i have yet to meet a single person who have had a deep meaningful talk with her. im good friends with her ex-"best-friend" and the reason they stopped being friends was because the exbff couldnt handle how unresponsive she was on the deep personal level. she would just plain not talk whenever their talks got deep and pretty much ignored her for a while when she continued to try. idk, i dont even understand that situation and why the girl is like that.
That could easily be a tell. If she isn't that responsive about it, then maybe its not going anywhere. But if she does open up a bit then you've made an impact. Either way, I personally don't think that simply asking if you did something wrong will be too deep of a question, and you can always slip in the "Oh ok, I just thought I messed up somehow, and you were a bit distant because I hadn't said sorry" She might open up there. If not, The reason will come out soon enough.
Patience and communication!
seems like pretty solid advice to me! if she acts weird again this coming school year i'll bring it up. hopefully it turns out well? been super confused lately as she just went anti-social mode. none of us (her school friends) can get in contact with her this summer even though we all made plans to meet up together which was ironically started because of her suggestion.
Tbh, she sounds kind of psychotic. Then again, that's dating in high school. If I could do high school over again I would have just hung out with the sluts and had a lot of fun. You'll get to deal with all the "good girls" coming out of their shell and wanting to sleep with everything that moves in college. And after college is typically where you find a girl who knows what she wants. Maybe. This is women after all.
well that sucks. i just want a girl who knows she wants. although i guess thats kinda asking for too much in highschool. i dont want sluts or good girls gone bad no more.
Yeah, that's tough dude. It's the very rare individual who knows what they want at that age. I'm not sure it even is possible with the limited breadth of experience and freedom a teenager has. If you're 18, it's probably best to just date casually and not take anything too seriously. Then again, at that age, people tend to take everything so seriously lol. God I shake my head when I think back on my high school years.
On July 28 2011 22:14 StorkHwaiting wrote: [quote]
How old is she? Are you still in high school? Are her parents strict? Need more deets.
both 18. both seniors now. probably? dont rly know them but we both go to a boarding school atm.
Someone probably tipped her parents off to the budding romance and they strictly forbade her not to do anything. That or she herself got cold feet because she's worried about the consequences. You should really give more deets though. Boarding school is a pretty huge factor, what kind of school, how she usually dresses, how she usually is with other guys, etc. Don't boil it all down to just the question you have. Details matter!
hm... i think the only people who caught hint of the 'budding romance' was our group of friends. she really doesn't have a "best" friend persay (shes not the gossipy type of girl and doesnt spill out her secrets to anyone). its a small christian boarding school. the school itself doesnt care whether students date and there are a decent number of couples in our small school. the dorm however is pretty anal about it. shes very religious herself but i heard from my best friend that she seemed open about dating. he asked her (before i even came to the school) whether she had a boyfriend or wanted one and she basically said no to both but also said if the right guy comes shes not off-limits to dating. she dresses well. not slutty, but well. kind of the casual yet fashionable type of girl. something simple like skinny jeans, flats, cardigan. she's pretty good with guys. she kinda treats them like her girl friends though... very comfortable with them. hence why i felt something off when she suddenly became awkward around me.
From the sounds of it, she's become a bit awkward because something HAS changed between you. maybe she realised that a relationship was developing and she felt uncomfortable because of what she said beforehand; are you the right guy that would mean she's happy to get in a a relationship?
I've always felt that talking is the best way to handle it. Maybe not straight away, but when you feel its right, just ask her if you did anything wrong? You never know, maybe it was something you didn't pick up and a simple apology would be fine. However, at least you can then have a real talk about where you both are and if you can see anything happening between the two of you
On July 28 2011 16:24 katzby wrote: HALP. I have a guy problem! Can I pm you with it or must be out in the open? ^_^
Post! I think ILK is asleep, maybe one of us who only mildly like kittens can help
hmm seems like a good assessment of the situation. dunno how I would approach her about this though. i have yet to meet a single person who have had a deep meaningful talk with her. im good friends with her ex-"best-friend" and the reason they stopped being friends was because the exbff couldnt handle how unresponsive she was on the deep personal level. she would just plain not talk whenever their talks got deep and pretty much ignored her for a while when she continued to try. idk, i dont even understand that situation and why the girl is like that.
That could easily be a tell. If she isn't that responsive about it, then maybe its not going anywhere. But if she does open up a bit then you've made an impact. Either way, I personally don't think that simply asking if you did something wrong will be too deep of a question, and you can always slip in the "Oh ok, I just thought I messed up somehow, and you were a bit distant because I hadn't said sorry" She might open up there. If not, The reason will come out soon enough.
Patience and communication!
seems like pretty solid advice to me! if she acts weird again this coming school year i'll bring it up. hopefully it turns out well? been super confused lately as she just went anti-social mode. none of us (her school friends) can get in contact with her this summer even though we all made plans to meet up together which was ironically started because of her suggestion.
Tbh, she sounds kind of psychotic. Then again, that's dating in high school. If I could do high school over again I would have just hung out with the sluts and had a lot of fun. You'll get to deal with all the "good girls" coming out of their shell and wanting to sleep with everything that moves in college. And after college is typically where you find a girl who knows what she wants. Maybe. This is women after all.
well that sucks. i just want a girl who knows she wants. although i guess thats kinda asking for too much in highschool. i dont want sluts or good girls gone bad no more.
Gonna stick with my Starcraft analogies, because they're frankly awesome. say you're a Zerg and you come up against a walled off terran. now, you clearly wanna just pump drones so you're set for the long term, but you also know that an attack will come eventually. You HAVE to sacrifice something to get some information, so you can prepare. It could be something mall like a pair of zerglings, or something bigger like an attack on the base. Either way, you need info
There's a link there, I promise. End of the day, you need to ask the girls to see who's the macro player, so you can make drones.
This is awesome. Sounds like really pro advice TBH, though in some cases it could be a bit more forward and blunt ... I guess unlike LarJarsee ILOVEKITTENS doesn't need to prove himself beforehand - an awesome, clean post-history does it for you!
hey so how do you get to know someone whom you only briefly met and didnt get to ask for a phone number etc. but know who she is on an online website so you can pm her?
On August 01 2011 15:36 tube wrote: hey so how do you get to know someone whom you only briefly met and didnt get to ask for a phone number etc. but know who she is on an online website so you can pm her?
^ The bold above ^^;
Sorry to fall behind on these (if you guys were expecting me... or something... <<) I'll be free starting Tuesday, I will try to catch up then. Thanks to everyone who gave advice in the meantime!
On August 01 2011 15:46 tube wrote: yeah well isnt that kinda creepy or something
When did talking to people become creepy? Regardless of what medium it is based upon, if you carry yourself with confidence (admittedly a little harder online), you will avoid the creep factor. If she thinks you're a creep just because you messaged her and said hello, then she's the one with the issues, not you.
What the heck does Chill have against girl blogs. Are they any different to blogs about movies we have seen recently, or music we like. If this was a female dominated forum every single blog would be about boys and fashion.
I don't feel comfortable posting because it involves a certain person, and I trust that the deduction skills of TLers will instantly find out who it is. Maybe later though, I do want to get more opinions on the matter
On August 02 2011 15:21 katzby wrote: I don't feel comfortable posting because it involves a certain person, and I trust that the deduction skills of TLers will instantly find out who it is. Maybe later though, I do want to get more opinions on the matter
On August 02 2011 15:21 katzby wrote: I don't feel comfortable posting because it involves a certain person, and I trust that the deduction skills of TLers will instantly find out who it is. Maybe later though, I do want to get more opinions on the matter
On August 02 2011 15:21 katzby wrote: I don't feel comfortable posting because it involves a certain person, and I trust that the deduction skills of TLers will instantly find out who it is. Maybe later though, I do want to get more opinions on the matter
On August 02 2011 15:21 katzby wrote: I don't feel comfortable posting because it involves a certain person, and I trust that the deduction skills of TLers will instantly find out who it is. Maybe later though, I do want to get more opinions on the matter
You're totally teasing us now~ TL Deduction Police is ready.
There's someone I really like a lot, even though all our interaction is online. Bedtime curfews and a massive timezone difference would normally make it hard for us to talk but I get around that by being nocturnal.
Even though I'm practically courting a baby all the signs say this is heading towards a serious relationship.
So far we're married in a mmorpg and have each other added on facebook. What's the next logical step?
On August 03 2011 01:31 Nytefish wrote: There's someone I really like a lot, even though all our interaction is online. Bedtime curfews and a massive timezone difference would normally make it hard for us to talk but I get around that by being nocturnal.
Even though I'm practically courting a baby all the signs say this is heading towards a serious relationship.
So far we're married in a mmorpg and have each other added on facebook. What's the next logical step?
Make plans to meet each other in rl, call on the phone, webcam, or Skype if you guys are comfortable with each other.
So my question is about my situation with my new girlfriend. We have been friends for over a year and met at work (no longer work together) and I had eventually worked up the courage to ask her out after awhile since we had been hanging out a lot. She said she did not want to date me and ruin our friendship at the time which was fine by me I stopped pursuing her we still hung out and everything was fine.
But then one day we are sitting together in a pub and she says "do you want to start dating?" I was initially shocked and asked her why now because I thought she didn't want to date before. She just shrugged and I said sure.
So we have now been dating for a little over a week and I can't understand her at all. We will go out on the weekends usually and have a great time. But during the week if I text her and see if she wants to do something that night or the next night she just doesn't respond; at all. It is really irritating me because she says she had a great time but never replies to any of my texts unless it is to go out right then and there usually. ILK what is going on?
On August 01 2011 22:33 Discretionary Duck wrote: What the heck does Chill have against girl blogs. Are they any different to blogs about movies we have seen recently, or music we like. If this was a female dominated forum every single blog would be about boys and fashion.
Calm down, I didn't actually send that PM. My blog on girl blogs is saying to go out and do something rather than writing about it on TL.
On July 28 2011 22:11 krndandaman wrote: hmm ill give a shot at this.
girl who never had boyfriend. cute and pretty. generally was/is never interested in boys. got all positive signals from her for the first month and was pretty damn confident that she liked me. all of a sudden the way she treats me and looks at me changed. she no longer approached me and only rarely would i get a good reaction when i approached her. idk what happened cause I definitely did not do something that would make her act like that. we were super close and mass texting for a few days then all of a sudden i got cold, curt responses to texts and felt like she was trying to avoid me whenever we saw each other. i dont get the feeling that she hates me but something is definitely up. any idea on wtf happened?
i was friggin 99.9999% sure she liked me as we hit it off like fireworks and at the peak it just dropped to a pithole which makes no sense.
this year we're gonna see even more and more of each other since we're basically in the same classes, same clubs, student government, same everything (did not do this on purpose we just happen to have the same interests/coincidence). dunno how i should approach this situation this year. just go along with the flow as regular friends until she makes a move or not, confess, or give it up?
How old is she? Are you still in high school? Are her parents strict? Need more deets.
both 18. both seniors now. probably? dont rly know them but we both go to a boarding school atm.
Someone probably tipped her parents off to the budding romance and they strictly forbade her not to do anything. That or she herself got cold feet because she's worried about the consequences. You should really give more deets though. Boarding school is a pretty huge factor, what kind of school, how she usually dresses, how she usually is with other guys, etc. Don't boil it all down to just the question you have. Details matter!
hm... i think the only people who caught hint of the 'budding romance' was our group of friends. she really doesn't have a "best" friend persay (shes not the gossipy type of girl and doesnt spill out her secrets to anyone). its a small christian boarding school. the school itself doesnt care whether students date and there are a decent number of couples in our small school. the dorm however is pretty anal about it. shes very religious herself but i heard from my best friend that she seemed open about dating. he asked her (before i even came to the school) whether she had a boyfriend or wanted one and she basically said no to both but also said if the right guy comes shes not off-limits to dating. she dresses well. not slutty, but well. kind of the casual yet fashionable type of girl. something simple like skinny jeans, flats, cardigan. she's pretty good with guys. she kinda treats them like her girl friends though... very comfortable with them. hence why i felt something off when she suddenly became awkward around me.
From the sounds of it, she's become a bit awkward because something HAS changed between you. maybe she realised that a relationship was developing and she felt uncomfortable because of what she said beforehand; are you the right guy that would mean she's happy to get in a a relationship?
I've always felt that talking is the best way to handle it. Maybe not straight away, but when you feel its right, just ask her if you did anything wrong? You never know, maybe it was something you didn't pick up and a simple apology would be fine. However, at least you can then have a real talk about where you both are and if you can see anything happening between the two of you
On July 28 2011 16:24 katzby wrote: HALP. I have a guy problem! Can I pm you with it or must be out in the open? ^_^
Post! I think ILK is asleep, maybe one of us who only mildly like kittens can help
hmm seems like a good assessment of the situation. dunno how I would approach her about this though. i have yet to meet a single person who have had a deep meaningful talk with her. im good friends with her ex-"best-friend" and the reason they stopped being friends was because the exbff couldnt handle how unresponsive she was on the deep personal level. she would just plain not talk whenever their talks got deep and pretty much ignored her for a while when she continued to try. idk, i dont even understand that situation and why the girl is like that.
That could easily be a tell. If she isn't that responsive about it, then maybe its not going anywhere. But if she does open up a bit then you've made an impact. Either way, I personally don't think that simply asking if you did something wrong will be too deep of a question, and you can always slip in the "Oh ok, I just thought I messed up somehow, and you were a bit distant because I hadn't said sorry" She might open up there. If not, The reason will come out soon enough.
Patience and communication!
seems like pretty solid advice to me! if she acts weird again this coming school year i'll bring it up. hopefully it turns out well? been super confused lately as she just went anti-social mode. none of us (her school friends) can get in contact with her this summer even though we all made plans to meet up together which was ironically started because of her suggestion.
she obviously had a vision from God that made her change her attitude towards you
On August 03 2011 05:44 omgCRAZY wrote: So my question is about my situation with my new girlfriend. We have been friends for over a year and met at work (no longer work together) and I had eventually worked up the courage to ask her out after awhile since we had been hanging out a lot. She said she did not want to date me and ruin our friendship at the time which was fine by me I stopped pursuing her we still hung out and everything was fine.
But then one day we are sitting together in a pub and she says "do you want to start dating?" I was initially shocked and asked her why now because I thought she didn't want to date before. She just shrugged and I said sure.
So we have now been dating for a little over a week and I can't understand her at all. We will go out on the weekends usually and have a great time. But during the week if I text her and see if she wants to do something that night or the next night she just doesn't respond; at all. It is really irritating me because she says she had a great time but never replies to any of my texts unless it is to go out right then and there usually. ILK what is going on?
If u dont mind me asking, how intimate are u guys when u date? Does it feel any different to hanging out before? Is she experienced with dating? At a first glance i would think she is someone who hasnt dated much and doesnt really know how to commit... I may be wrong though!
On August 03 2011 05:44 omgCRAZY wrote: So my question is about my situation with my new girlfriend. We have been friends for over a year and met at work (no longer work together) and I had eventually worked up the courage to ask her out after awhile since we had been hanging out a lot. She said she did not want to date me and ruin our friendship at the time which was fine by me I stopped pursuing her we still hung out and everything was fine.
But then one day we are sitting together in a pub and she says "do you want to start dating?" I was initially shocked and asked her why now because I thought she didn't want to date before. She just shrugged and I said sure.
So we have now been dating for a little over a week and I can't understand her at all. We will go out on the weekends usually and have a great time. But during the week if I text her and see if she wants to do something that night or the next night she just doesn't respond; at all. It is really irritating me because she says she had a great time but never replies to any of my texts unless it is to go out right then and there usually. ILK what is going on?
hmm well tbh if its only been a week give her some time to ...adjust? theres every chance that it may be something in her life causing her to be more busy or less responsive, its a bit too early to tell...be natural, smooth transition yo.
On August 03 2011 01:31 Nytefish wrote: There's someone I really like a lot, even though all our interaction is online. Bedtime curfews and a massive timezone difference would normally make it hard for us to talk but I get around that by being nocturnal.
Even though I'm practically courting a baby all the signs say this is heading towards a serious relationship.
So far we're married in a mmorpg and have each other added on facebook. What's the next logical step?
Seems fishy... but then, you two already have each other on facebook. Check if she has lots of "normal" activity on facebook (you can never be too sure).
"Courting a baby" in what way? Is she going to be financially dependent on you? All in all though, as long as you've been reading the signs right and one of you can financially support the other, I don't see why not - meet each other IRL!
On August 03 2011 05:44 omgCRAZY wrote: So my question is about my situation with my new girlfriend. We have been friends for over a year and met at work (no longer work together) and I had eventually worked up the courage to ask her out after awhile since we had been hanging out a lot. She said she did not want to date me and ruin our friendship at the time which was fine by me I stopped pursuing her we still hung out and everything was fine.
But then one day we are sitting together in a pub and she says "do you want to start dating?" I was initially shocked and asked her why now because I thought she didn't want to date before. She just shrugged and I said sure.
So we have now been dating for a little over a week and I can't understand her at all. We will go out on the weekends usually and have a great time. But during the week if I text her and see if she wants to do something that night or the next night she just doesn't respond; at all. It is really irritating me because she says she had a great time but never replies to any of my texts unless it is to go out right then and there usually. ILK what is going on?
So the way I see it, I see 3 situations:
1. She's not totally comfortable in the fact that you guys are now dating. You say you've been friends for a year now, maybe the transition is a bit unnerving for her at the start? Give it time
2. She's really busy during the week, so doesn't have time to respond. Patience!
3. She's the most forgetful person in the world, she always responds but always forgets to press send. Again, patience
Think I'm saying to relax and just go with it. The relationship will develop in its own way, and soon enough you can hang during the week as well.
On August 03 2011 05:44 omgCRAZY wrote: So my question is about my situation with my new girlfriend. We have been friends for over a year and met at work (no longer work together) and I had eventually worked up the courage to ask her out after awhile since we had been hanging out a lot. She said she did not want to date me and ruin our friendship at the time which was fine by me I stopped pursuing her we still hung out and everything was fine.
But then one day we are sitting together in a pub and she says "do you want to start dating?" I was initially shocked and asked her why now because I thought she didn't want to date before. She just shrugged and I said sure.
So we have now been dating for a little over a week and I can't understand her at all. We will go out on the weekends usually and have a great time. But during the week if I text her and see if she wants to do something that night or the next night she just doesn't respond; at all. It is really irritating me because she says she had a great time but never replies to any of my texts unless it is to go out right then and there usually. ILK what is going on?
So the way I see it, I see 3 situations:
1. She's not totally comfortable in the fact that you guys are now dating. You say you've been friends for a year now, maybe the transition is a bit unnerving for her at the start? Give it time
2. She's really busy during the week, so doesn't have time to respond. Patience!
3. She's the most forgetful person in the world, she always responds but always forgets to press send. Again, patience
Think I'm saying to relax and just go with it. The relationship will develop in its own way, and soon enough you can hang during the week as well.
Meanwhile, go ladder!
Thanks for the advice everyone. Ya I will just continue to be patient. Meanwhile I will take your advice and go ladder. ;p
On August 05 2011 16:57 FractalsOnFire wrote: Ilovekittens was banned? I saw in the automated ban thread the reason was 'PBF' What exactly does that stand for?
On August 05 2011 16:36 Primadog wrote: A "GIRL". That alone qualifies her to offer relationship advice.
Err... Girls often give terrible relationship advice. They have a lot of logical, well thought out ideas that sound good, but then in the actual moment the girl will do something completely irrational instead. Because that's how they felt at the time.
On August 05 2011 16:36 Primadog wrote: A "GIRL". That alone qualifies her to offer relationship advice.
Err... Girls often give terrible relationship advice. They have a lot of logical, well thought out ideas that sound good, but then in the actual moment the girl will do something completely irrational instead. Because that's how they felt at the time.
"Girls" and "Logical" dont belong in the same sentence. Hell not even the same paragraph.
I need some advice fair and wise TL. Here's my dilemma in point form: -I get tired of being the only person in my group whose a virgin (believe it or not I'm 17) -I go to a party with new people, in hopes of attaining "sexings" from a nice young lady -Party is lame at first, but I level up and discover that with a few drinks I can out party everyone there -I get close to a number of girls, but in my drunken stuper end up with one of the not so attractive ones. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't that good looking either. A real 5 on the scale. I had serious beer goggles on so it wasn't a big deal at the time -We make out a bit and her friends keep trying to goad us into engaging in the sexings with each other, but despite being completely tanked, I think better of it. I don't want my first time to be in someone's fucking back yard -We cuddle and talk for the rest of the party, and avoid having the sexings thankfully. -I walk across Greater Victoria to home, stopping at a Tim Hortons along the way. -I get home, have sleep. -I wake up, and her friend facebooks me that I forgot my ipod player at the party, but she can bring it to me. -Said friend gives me my ipod back which makes me happy, but the I find out that said girl I cuddled and made out with a bit was really happy and excited about that occurring, and wants to "hang out" some time soon, probably for the sexings. -I really don't want to get involved with her further, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know it sounds superficial, but I can do a lot better, and to be honest if a girl puts out like that after like 30 minutes of flirting I don't want the sexings with her anyway.
How do I let a girl know that I'm not interested without hurting her feelings? I really don't want to have to do the whole "Look, I was really drunk that night..." talk.
I get tired of being the only person in my group whose a virgin (believe it or not I'm 17)
Irrelevant, if you think your virginity is important, an age-specific thing to be rid of or on the clock, you're being sway by terrible views of social conventions and trying too hard. Consider other prospects in life and stop making sex and your virginity an issue when it never was or will be. If people tease you, tell them you accept yourself for all your qualities and that not having sex doesn't make you less of a man or a person.If they disagree or continue teasing, remind them that harping on someone for pay attention to more important affairs in their life is not only ironic (because they're now acting like a less civil person), but also moronic because they'll soon realize that sex doesn't achieve as much as you think in the world.
-I go to a party with new people, in hopes of attaining "sexings" from a nice young lady
Bzzt, wrong. You go to a party to mingle and engage with the opposite or same sex. If coitus is your main objective, people will smell it a mile away. Establish a relationship, then consider sex with the agreement of the other party. This isn't 40-year old virgin, this is 17-year old dude just looking to explore the endeavors of relationships and friendships. Intercourse is a consequence to those explorations, not a treasure cove to plunder.
I get close to a number of girls, but in my drunken stupor end up with one of the not so attractive ones. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't that good looking either. A real 5 on the scale. I had serious beer goggles on so it wasn't a big deal at the time
You objectify the woman on a meaningless scale. You compare her to other women. Your judgement is imbalanced by the amount of drinks you've had. Your intentions are superficial and poor. You intentionally put yourself in a vulnerable state, but can't handle the consequences or your lack of control after the effects come into play.
We make out a bit and her friends keep trying to goad us into engaging in the sexings with each other, but despite being completely tanked, I think better of it. I don't want my first time to be in someone's fucking back yard
Yet you go to the party with the intentions to get laid. Somehow the place or timing isn't to your suiting despite being bogged down by trivial insecurities like being a virgin? edit: and later on, she's not your type or isn't good enough for you
I really don't want to get involved with her further, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know it sounds superficial, but I can do a lot better, and to be honest if a girl puts out like that after like 30 minutes of flirting I don't want the sexings with her anyway.
You can't do better because you have your values, views and ideas wrong. The reason you haven't gotten laid yet is because your ultimate goal is as immature as you see the world.
How do I let a girl know that I'm not interested without hurting her feelings? I really don't want to have to do the whole "Look, I was really drunk that night..." talk.
Mention how you're still a virgin and lack the insightfulness to see that your true fault isn't your virginity, but lack of understanding of the opposite sex, basic relationships and core moral values to boost your self-esteem. She'll appreciate your frankness and completely leave you alone.
Am I being harsh? You bet, but I hope it shakes you out of your premadonna toils that really shouldn't have an effect on you.
Imagine how much weight would be lifted off your shoulders if you weren't pinned or anxious to get laid as soon as possible and with anyone that is to your liking. Imagine how little would be teased if you considered the basic notion that sex isn't the pinnacle of your social progression or career, but rather just a celebration of maturing to a level of social acceptance to the deepest level of commitment from a partner you can trust, love and commit to without any regrets within the now or surrounding time.
If I was a wizard, I'd stick you in a poor reboot of Shallow Hal. But I'm hoping my Aesop fable of reality will ring a bell :3
Torte, why are you so awesome? ILK will be missed, but you may well be the greatest person possible to fill his shoes
Except maybe Huk
Edit: I don't really have anything to add to the post above. Get your priorities straight and stop meaninglessly scaling women in terms of how hot they are and you may get somewhere
On August 06 2011 16:06 rad301 wrote: I need some advice fair and wise TL. Here's my dilemma in point form: -I get tired of being the only person in my group whose a virgin (believe it or not I'm 17) -I go to a party with new people, in hopes of attaining "sexings" from a nice young lady -Party is lame at first, but I level up and discover that with a few drinks I can out party everyone there -I get close to a number of girls, but in my drunken stuper end up with one of the not so attractive ones. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't that good looking either. A real 5 on the scale. I had serious beer goggles on so it wasn't a big deal at the time -We make out a bit and her friends keep trying to goad us into engaging in the sexings with each other, but despite being completely tanked, I think better of it. I don't want my first time to be in someone's fucking back yard -We cuddle and talk for the rest of the party, and avoid having the sexings thankfully. -I walk across Greater Victoria to home, stopping at a Tim Hortons along the way. -I get home, have sleep. -I wake up, and her friend facebooks me that I forgot my ipod player at the party, but she can bring it to me. -Said friend gives me my ipod back which makes me happy, but the I find out that said girl I cuddled and made out with a bit was really happy and excited about that occurring, and wants to "hang out" some time soon, probably for the sexings. -I really don't want to get involved with her further, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know it sounds superficial, but I can do a lot better, and to be honest if a girl puts out like that after like 30 minutes of flirting I don't want the sexings with her anyway.
How do I let a girl know that I'm not interested without hurting her feelings? I really don't want to have to do the whole "Look, I was really drunk that night..." talk.
Thanks.
Her feelings are going to be hurt regardless, because women like emotional pain. That's the whole concept of "drama mama." It adds spice to their life. But you can go a few routes in response to guide her pain.
A) You can ignore her and pretend like she doesn't exist. She will think you're an asshole, but girls love assholes so she'll still be attracted to you. She'll just think you led her on and you're out of her league. None of these are bad things.
B) You can tell her you just want to be friends. At which point, she'll go to all her girlfriends and lament about how all the guys she likes always want to be her damn friend (similar to the guy's friendzone). Depending on how much she likes you she'll either genuinely settle down to an amicable friendship (at which point your chances of sexing her drop dramatically) or she will like you too much, will be friendly as long as her patience lasts, and then she will suddenly cut off all contact with you and disappear once she is tired of the emotional pain.
In general though, not pretty girls are used to rejection. It happens to them a lot. So you won't be breaking her heart or anything, just letting her down.
I get tired of being the only person in my group whose a virgin (believe it or not I'm 17)
Irrelevant, if you think your virginity is important, an age-specific thing to be rid of or on the clock, you're being sway by terrible views of social conventions and trying too hard. Consider other prospects in life and stop making sex and your virginity an issue when it never was or will be. If people tease you, tell them you accept yourself for all your qualities and that not having sex doesn't make you less of a man or a person.If they disagree or continue teasing, remind them that harping on someone for pay attention to more important affairs in their life is not only ironic (because they're now acting like a less civil person), but also moronic because they'll soon realize that sex doesn't achieve as much as you think in the world.
-I go to a party with new people, in hopes of attaining "sexings" from a nice young lady
Bzzt, wrong. You go to a party to mingle and engage with the opposite or same sex. If coitus is your main objective, people will smell it a mile away. Establish a relationship, then consider sex with the agreement of the other party. This isn't 40-year old virgin, this is 17-year old dude just looking to explore the endeavors of relationships and friendships. Intercourse is a consequence to those explorations, not a treasure cove to plunder.
I get close to a number of girls, but in my drunken stupor end up with one of the not so attractive ones. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't that good looking either. A real 5 on the scale. I had serious beer goggles on so it wasn't a big deal at the time
You objectify the woman on a meaningless scale. You compare her to other women. Your judgement is imbalanced by the amount of drinks you've had. Your intentions are superficial and poor. You intentionally put yourself in a vulnerable state, but can't handle the consequences or your lack of control after the effects come into play.
We make out a bit and her friends keep trying to goad us into engaging in the sexings with each other, but despite being completely tanked, I think better of it. I don't want my first time to be in someone's fucking back yard
Yet you go to the party with the intentions to get laid. Somehow the place or timing isn't to your suiting despite being bogged down by trivial insecurities like being a virgin? edit: and later on, she's not your type or isn't good enough for you
I really don't want to get involved with her further, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know it sounds superficial, but I can do a lot better, and to be honest if a girl puts out like that after like 30 minutes of flirting I don't want the sexings with her anyway.
You can't do better because you have your values, views and ideas wrong. The reason you haven't gotten laid yet is because your ultimate goal is as immature as you see the world.
How do I let a girl know that I'm not interested without hurting her feelings? I really don't want to have to do the whole "Look, I was really drunk that night..." talk.
Mention how you're still a virgin and lack the insightfulness to see that your true fault isn't your virginity, but lack of understanding of the opposite sex, basic relationships and core moral values to boost your self-esteem. She'll appreciate your frankness and completely leave you alone.
Am I being harsh? You bet, but I hope it shakes you out of your premadonna toils that really shouldn't have an effect on you.
Imagine how much weight would be lifted off your shoulders if you weren't pinned or anxious to get laid as soon as possible and with anyone that is to your liking. Imagine how little would be teased if you considered the basic notion that sex isn't the pinnacle of your social progression or career, but rather just a celebration of maturing to a level of social acceptance to the deepest level of commitment from a partner you can trust, love and commit to without any regrets within the now or surrounding time.
If I was a wizard, I'd stick you in a poor reboot of Shallow Hal. But I'm hoping my Aesop fable of reality will ring a bell :3
I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting his first to be an uggs loose girl. Quite natural, really. And a large number of guys go to parties to get laid. You act like he's some kind of pariah for stating something completely ordinary.
And there's nothing with comparing women to each other. Women do it to guys and to each other 24/7.
I think it's the rare person who dates a sers ugly woman when he can do better. Ofc personality matters, but there are plenty of super cool pretty girls out there. It's not like prettiness automatically turns them into bitches. I don't see anything shallow about making looks a priority. They're a signifier of genetic health.
I think if you condone this behavior, you're part of the problem. Social conventions don't always mean they're right or correct, but just the norm or mainstream. A large number of guys who go to parties go to get laid when they've already been to bed before-hand.
Additionally, he's only going there to complete a part he feels is detrimental to his self or self-esteem. I don't use others boost my self-confidence and then drop them like 4th grade french. If you think that's normal, then your morals are a bit mixed, but that's your call.
Just because people compare, doesn't mean it's right. That's another misconception you're making. Comparing women physically and then stating that you could do better when you've had no prior experience with sex, not specifying who you want to do it with, but just want to do it and then hypocritically saying that this person isn't who you want to have sex with and feel you can do better without any actual experience or actual accomplishment (how can he do better if he's never had sex, never got a women to be interested in sex and has no actual previous experiences to compare if he could do better).
He's not dating, he's trying to get laid. He's skipping the entire relationship section. Another part you've missed. He even said, I don't want to have sex with someone who wants to have sex after 30 minutes of flirting.
What kind of person is he fucking looking for? I think even he is unsure.
I think you should go back and read a bit.
What's normal is a lot of guys wanting to rid their virginity, but when push comes to shove and they start getting finicky, it's really a cop-out to not wanting to do it because of the very self-esteem issues they're trying to compensate (fear of not being as good, fear of not being accepted as a person, of your body, etc.).
I'm all for exploration and multiple sex partners at a young age to discover your sexual self, I'm not for giving advice on how this guy can drop one girl so he can hunt for another to satisfy a piece of himself that he feels is unsatisfactory.
On August 06 2011 16:06 rad301 wrote: I need some advice fair and wise TL. Here's my dilemma in point form: -I get tired of being the only person in my group whose a virgin (believe it or not I'm 17) -I go to a party with new people, in hopes of attaining "sexings" from a nice young lady -Party is lame at first, but I level up and discover that with a few drinks I can out party everyone there -I get close to a number of girls, but in my drunken stuper end up with one of the not so attractive ones. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't that good looking either. A real 5 on the scale. I had serious beer goggles on so it wasn't a big deal at the time -We make out a bit and her friends keep trying to goad us into engaging in the sexings with each other, but despite being completely tanked, I think better of it. I don't want my first time to be in someone's fucking back yard -We cuddle and talk for the rest of the party, and avoid having the sexings thankfully. -I walk across Greater Victoria to home, stopping at a Tim Hortons along the way. -I get home, have sleep. -I wake up, and her friend facebooks me that I forgot my ipod player at the party, but she can bring it to me. -Said friend gives me my ipod back which makes me happy, but the I find out that said girl I cuddled and made out with a bit was really happy and excited about that occurring, and wants to "hang out" some time soon, probably for the sexings. -I really don't want to get involved with her further, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know it sounds superficial, but I can do a lot better, and to be honest if a girl puts out like that after like 30 minutes of flirting I don't want the sexings with her anyway.
How do I let a girl know that I'm not interested without hurting her feelings? I really don't want to have to do the whole "Look, I was really drunk that night..." talk.
Thanks.
Her feelings are going to be hurt regardless, because women like emotional pain. That's the whole concept of "drama mama." It adds spice to their life. But you can go a few routes in response to guide her pain.
A) You can ignore her and pretend like she doesn't exist. She will think you're an asshole, but girls love assholes so she'll still be attracted to you. She'll just think you led her on and you're out of her league. None of these are bad things.
Wrong, women don't like assholes. Women like people who are assholes to others, but nice to them. This gives the feeling that they are privileged, special and one-of-a-kind who's broken the barrier of a cold person who has a sweet and warming heart
B) You can tell her you just want to be friends. At which point, she'll go to all her girlfriends and lament about how all the guys she likes always want to be her damn friend (similar to the guy's friendzone). Depending on how much she likes you she'll either genuinely settle down to an amicable friendship (at which point your chances of sexing her drop dramatically) or she will like you too much, will be friendly as long as her patience lasts, and then she will suddenly cut off all contact with you and disappear once she is tired of the emotional pain.
She'll be confused because you flirted and got real close to her and inquiry why you were being all cozy before if you just want to be friends. Realizing that you're just looking for an escape, she'll agree and do what you're going to do. Never talk to you again because there's no point
In general though, not pretty girls are used to rejection. It happens to them a lot. So you won't be breaking her heart or anything, just letting her down.
All girls fear and dislike rejection. They aren't "used to it". This is a pretty superficial view of women.
On August 07 2011 01:22 Torte de Lini wrote: I think if you condone this behavior, you're part of the problem. Social conventions don't always mean they're right or correct, but just the norm or mainstream. A large number of guys who go to parties go to get laid when they've already been to bed before-hand.
Additionally, he's only going there to complete a part he feels is detrimental to his self or self-esteem. I don't use others boost my self-confidence and then drop them like 4th grade french. If you think that's normal, then your morals are a bit mixed, but that's your call.
Just because people compare, doesn't mean it's right. That's another misconception you're making. Comparing women physically and then stating that you could do better when you've had no prior experience with sex, not specifying who you want to do it with, but just want to do it and then hypocritically saying that this person isn't who you want to have sex with and feel you can do better without any actual experience or actual accomplishment (how can he do better if he's never had sex, never got a women to be interested in sex and has no actual previous experiences to compare if he could do better).
He's not dating, he's trying to get laid. He's skipping the entire relationship section. Another part you've missed. He even said, I don't want to have sex with someone who wants to have sex after 30 minutes of flirting.
What kind of person is he fucking looking for? I think even he is unsure.
I think you should go back and read a bit.
What's normal is a lot of guys wanting to rid their virginity, but when push comes to shove and they start getting finicky, it's really a cop-out to not wanting to do it because of the very self-esteem issues they're trying to compensate (fear of not being as good, fear of not being accepted as a person, of your body, etc.).
I'm all for exploration and multiple sex partners at a young age to discover your sexual self, I'm not for giving advice on how this guy can drop one girl so he can hunt for another to satisfy a piece of himself that he feels is unsatisfactory.
Are you aware that there is no such thing as "the problem"?
You are operating under the assumption that whatever theory of morality you've come up with is superior to the morals of other people. Which is about as wrong as it gets.
And what exactly is wrong with extricating yourself from an undesirable relationship? That's a crime now? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Wow, it's SUCH a bad thing to leave a (non-existent) relationship in favor of finding a different one.
This guy's situation is an easy read but you're just needlessly complicating shit because you have some strange moralistic agenda. His desire: Find a suitable gf to have a serious relationship. His dilemma: Unsuitable girl is trying to pursue relationship with him. That's it. That's all he needs advice with. He doesn't need you to reconstruct his value system.
You can miss ILK all you like but don't preach to others what they should and shouldn't do. That's not advice. That's lecturing. Nobody asked you to be their moral guide.
On August 06 2011 16:06 rad301 wrote: I need some advice fair and wise TL. Here's my dilemma in point form: -I get tired of being the only person in my group whose a virgin (believe it or not I'm 17) -I go to a party with new people, in hopes of attaining "sexings" from a nice young lady -Party is lame at first, but I level up and discover that with a few drinks I can out party everyone there -I get close to a number of girls, but in my drunken stuper end up with one of the not so attractive ones. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't that good looking either. A real 5 on the scale. I had serious beer goggles on so it wasn't a big deal at the time -We make out a bit and her friends keep trying to goad us into engaging in the sexings with each other, but despite being completely tanked, I think better of it. I don't want my first time to be in someone's fucking back yard -We cuddle and talk for the rest of the party, and avoid having the sexings thankfully. -I walk across Greater Victoria to home, stopping at a Tim Hortons along the way. -I get home, have sleep. -I wake up, and her friend facebooks me that I forgot my ipod player at the party, but she can bring it to me. -Said friend gives me my ipod back which makes me happy, but the I find out that said girl I cuddled and made out with a bit was really happy and excited about that occurring, and wants to "hang out" some time soon, probably for the sexings. -I really don't want to get involved with her further, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know it sounds superficial, but I can do a lot better, and to be honest if a girl puts out like that after like 30 minutes of flirting I don't want the sexings with her anyway.
How do I let a girl know that I'm not interested without hurting her feelings? I really don't want to have to do the whole "Look, I was really drunk that night..." talk.
Thanks.
Her feelings are going to be hurt regardless, because women like emotional pain. That's the whole concept of "drama mama." It adds spice to their life. But you can go a few routes in response to guide her pain.
A) You can ignore her and pretend like she doesn't exist. She will think you're an asshole, but girls love assholes so she'll still be attracted to you. She'll just think you led her on and you're out of her league. None of these are bad things.
Wrong, women don't like assholes. Women like people who are assholes to others, but nice to them. This gives the feeling that they are privileged, special and one-of-a-kind who's broken the barrier of a cold person who has a sweet and warming heart
B) You can tell her you just want to be friends. At which point, she'll go to all her girlfriends and lament about how all the guys she likes always want to be her damn friend (similar to the guy's friendzone). Depending on how much she likes you she'll either genuinely settle down to an amicable friendship (at which point your chances of sexing her drop dramatically) or she will like you too much, will be friendly as long as her patience lasts, and then she will suddenly cut off all contact with you and disappear once she is tired of the emotional pain.
She'll be confused because you flirted and got real close to her and inquiry why you were being all cozy before if you just want to be friends. Realizing that you're just looking for an escape, she'll agree and do what you're going to do. Never talk to you again because there's no point
In general though, not pretty girls are used to rejection. It happens to them a lot. So you won't be breaking her heart or anything, just letting her down.
All girls fear and dislike rejection. They aren't "used to it". This is a pretty superficial view of women.
God I miss ILK :/
1. This doesn't disprove what said. This is just a different point along the same timeline. Think about it.
2. I'm not sure what point you're trying to make here. Is this supposed to be bad?
3. No. Unattractive girls are definitely more used to it and will not respond with as much anger, resentment, and vindictiveness as a girl who always gets what she wants. This is an easy concept to understand. I get the feeling you're arguing simply because I rebutted what you said. But I guess I'll just put my 2 cents in from now on and not critique the advice of others so it doesn't turn into an argument thread. It just annoys me when others are starting to lecture instead of give advice.
P.S. Fana isn't exactly a brilliant example of morals or charisma. Not sure why you, and some other TL members, put him on a pedestal. Not a bad guy, but it's just funny that you're crying for him to come and spread lofty notions of how to treat girls. Oh yeah, and he's a Bisu fan .
You are operating under the assumption that whatever theory of morality you've come up with is superior to the morals of other people. Which is about as wrong as it gets.
No, because I've presented to alternatives to my very own viewpoint. So, no.
And what exactly is wrong with extricating yourself from an undesirable relationship? That's a crime now? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Wow, it's SUCH a bad thing to leave a (non-existent) relationship in favor of finding a different one.
It's not a relationship. Go back and read again.
This guy's situation is an easy read but you're just needlessly complicating shit because you have some strange moralistic agenda. His desire: Find a suitable gf to have a serious relationship. His dilemma: Unsuitable girl is trying to pursue relationship with him. That's it. That's all he needs advice with. He doesn't need you to reconstruct his value system.
Already gave him an equal solution that isn't based on wrong viewpoints of people like yours. Ugly women are used to being rejected? That couldn't be more wrong and narrow-minded.
He's not looking for a girlfriend, he's looking to get laid
Seriously, go back and read champ.
edit; I'm just going to stop here because it's clear you aren't reading. Additionally, whether you're right or wrong doesn't change anything. If you read correctly and stopped implicitly adding things to the original dilemma, you might change your viewpoint to a more comprehensive one.
Good luck.
3. No. Unattractive girls are definitely more used to it and will not respond with as much anger, resentment, and vindictiveness as a girl who always gets what she wants. This is an easy concept to understand. I get the feeling you're arguing simply because I rebutted what you said. But I guess I'll just put my 2 cents in from now on and not critique the advice of others so it doesn't turn into an argument thread. It just annoys me when others are starting to lecture instead of give advice.
Oh and this is wrong purely because beauty is perceptive or relative to the person. That's the tip of the iceberg. Additionally, rejecting doesn't only occur due to their physical looks or attractiveness, another shallow point from you.
If the women you're thinking of are used to rejection, that doesn't mean they like it and that doesn't mean they cope with it easier because they've been exposed to it more. That's another flimsy view of yours.
You are operating under the assumption that whatever theory of morality you've come up with is superior to the morals of other people. Which is about as wrong as it gets.
No, because I've presented to alternatives to my very own viewpoint. So, no.
And what exactly is wrong with extricating yourself from an undesirable relationship? That's a crime now? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Wow, it's SUCH a bad thing to leave a (non-existent) relationship in favor of finding a different one.
This guy's situation is an easy read but you're just needlessly complicating shit because you have some strange moralistic agenda. His desire: Find a suitable gf to have a serious relationship. His dilemma: Unsuitable girl is trying to pursue relationship with him. That's it. That's all he needs advice with. He doesn't need you to reconstruct his value system.
Already gave him an equal solution that isn't based on wrong viewpoints of people like yours. Ugly women are used to being rejected? That couldn't be more wrong and narrow-minded.
He's not looking for a girlfriend, he's looking to get laid
Seriously, go back and read champ.
Uh, yes. You are lecturing. Go back and read your own posts, champ.
It is a relationship. An undesirable one. It's just not what you call "bf/gf," hence the word non-existent in parantheticals. Again, fail.
This: Mention how you're still a virgin and lack the insightfulness to see that your true fault isn't your virginity, but lack of understanding of the opposite sex, basic relationships and core moral values to boost your self-esteem. She'll appreciate your frankness and completely leave you alone.
Is a fucking dickheaded reply. It is NOT an "equal solution that isn't based on wrong viewpoints."
I'm just loling at this point. You're ridiculously biased and you're honestly trying to defend your position as neutral.
In the end, consider Stork's advice. Based on what's shown today, I'm sure he can resolve your rather small dilemma with the quickest way suitable to the issue.
On August 07 2011 02:13 Rekrul wrote: You're both retards
The real question is...
Which one of us would get laid the fastest.
THAT'S THE ULTIMATE SOCIAL GOAL IN LIFE!
Wrong. Laid the best, fastest, without paying. At which point Rek would be out of the running
So who, in your opinion, is doing the act of "paying for it" more?
1. The man who walks into a whorehouse and pays 50$ for a quickie.
or
2. The average looking joe who goes to a night club and spends 5000$ on a "baller" VIP room/alcohol and certainly gets laid because of this fact.
Lol you don't have to defend your livelihood Dance XD. But honestly, you can find girls outside of whorehouses and nightclubs. I swear.
or
3. The girl who you meet at the library that ordinarily wouldn't fuck on the first date but your 50,000$ watch, your Aston Martin, and that 2000$ bottle of wine just got her all turned on.
I appreciate your advice Torte, but I'm quite unimpressed with the way you delivered it. You wrote to me as if you knew exactly what kind of individual I am, knew exactly what all of my ideals were, and knew exactly how each situation played out.
It's without a doubt that the main reason I even went to the party was to meet girls and whether it be now or after many dates have sex. This is a perfectly reasonable occurrence and something which is the norm in my community, not twisted social conventions. The paragraph you began with "Bzzt, wrong." is particularly condescending. You obviously have your views on why you go to a party, but to pass them off as gospel and speak in absolutes isn't justified. As it was more of a singles party, a large number of people likely had sex on their mind. I can deduce this not by assumption, but rather because eight single people in a party of 20 ended up making out, and I believe some of them even had sex. I'm not counting myself in either situation.
I used "the scale" for two reasons. It gives people an idea of where I'm coming from, and I don't have to say she was "unnattractive" or "ugly", which in my opinion is better. As is intended by nature, we have our own gauges of what a probable "mate" may be, and I have every right not to be further interested. At the risk of speaking in *absolutes*, I think just about everyone who uses the objectification standing is liable to be a blatant hypocrite when placed in a similar situation. For all I know, she's a horrible person on the inside as well. I don't know because I was too drunk to consider it.
I was unaware at the time that the party would be held in someone's backyard on a Canadian mosquito filled summer night. Is that a good enough excuse or am I just being superficial in my decision to not have sex behind a bush?
You say that I can't do better because my values are twisted? And you somehow deduced this from a point form post on a forum? Then you tell me that the reason I haven't gotten laid is once again based upon my views. I'm holding back the temptation to start this sentence in your fashion. The reason why I haven't gotten laid is because I've never much liked the idea with having sex with a stranger, and up until now I've been to much of a pussy to ask any girls out. I got rid of these notions because I eventually realized the implied difference between "making love" and "having sex". This is my current view, and I certainly don't care to hear your qualms with this one as well. I don't appreciate anyone trying to act like they are infinitely knowledgeable in any area of life. What you have learned through your experience apparently works for you, but YOU have to consider the possibility that it's wrong.
I don't intend on using your method of solving the situation with her, and if you had stifled your urge to be arrogant and rude, you would've realized that. You also drew that conclusion from either a lack of information or your own opinion, or a combination of both, so it's irrelevant to me. My primary concern with writing my question was to find out how I can avoid making someone feel bad, but in your own sage wisdom you've apparently deduced that shitting on my values, views, and ideas is far more important than not hurting someone's feelings.
I wasn't getting teased by anyone but myself. This is because I have chosen my friends very carefully, and I do my best to treat them in the same light. I wanted to get laid not from peer pressure, nor from your unobjective opinion of my values, and certainly not because it was a huge weight on my shoulders. I wanted to get laid on the basis of enjoyment and experience, because all of the people in my group have had sex around this age, and through all their superficial, twisted, poor, terrible, etc. views on sex, it hasn't been a big fucking deal for them.
I made a mistake, which once again despite your ignorant opinion is not too much for me to handle. As a matter of fact, because I'm driven by the good intention of avoiding making someone's day very shitty. I've gone through a lot to fix this situation, and arrived at a good compromise outside of the forum.
Here is my advice to you. When helping others, which I think was your intention in writing that, try not to go out of your way to use negative adjectives in excess, as it only serves to make people less likely to listen to you, and it makes you sound like a real bag of dicks, if not to the person you are helping, but others viewing things from an objective perspective.
Now back to the question. I asked one of my friends what the best way to break it to her would be, and she gave me the idea of saying that "I'm already involved with someone." I think this is the best course of action, since considering my mental state something along those lines was quite possible. Thank you to the people who actually tried to help me out.
On August 06 2011 16:06 rad301 wrote: I need some advice fair and wise TL. Here's my dilemma in point form: -I get tired of being the only person in my group whose a virgin (believe it or not I'm 17) -I go to a party with new people, in hopes of attaining "sexings" from a nice young lady -Party is lame at first, but I level up and discover that with a few drinks I can out party everyone there -I get close to a number of girls, but in my drunken stuper end up with one of the not so attractive ones. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't that good looking either. A real 5 on the scale. I had serious beer goggles on so it wasn't a big deal at the time -We make out a bit and her friends keep trying to goad us into engaging in the sexings with each other, but despite being completely tanked, I think better of it. I don't want my first time to be in someone's fucking back yard -We cuddle and talk for the rest of the party, and avoid having the sexings thankfully. -I walk across Greater Victoria to home, stopping at a Tim Hortons along the way. -I get home, have sleep. -I wake up, and her friend facebooks me that I forgot my ipod player at the party, but she can bring it to me. -Said friend gives me my ipod back which makes me happy, but the I find out that said girl I cuddled and made out with a bit was really happy and excited about that occurring, and wants to "hang out" some time soon, probably for the sexings. -I really don't want to get involved with her further, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know it sounds superficial, but I can do a lot better, and to be honest if a girl puts out like that after like 30 minutes of flirting I don't want the sexings with her anyway.
How do I let a girl know that I'm not interested without hurting her feelings? I really don't want to have to do the whole "Look, I was really drunk that night..." talk.
Thanks.
I've been in your exact same situation. I had beer-goggles on and took a girl who was definitely below par home. I managed to stop myself from having sex with her and just slept and she slept over. Upon waking up she tried to fuck me again and I denied her telling her that I'm tired and she needs to leave because I want to sleep in peace. She asked if she could borrow one of my hoodies because it was kinda cold out and I said sure no problem (it was a bit cold but obviously a girl tactic to see you again.)
She had my number from during that night and was texting me the next day and I ignored her. She then texted again saying "Hey I have your sweatshirt I can drop by and give it back to you!" I did what any decent man would do, I replied. "Keep the sweatshirt, it only cost me 10$" She stopped contacting me.
Honest real advice: there is no easy way to do it. Though, men generally take two approaches, both of which are wrong:
1. The most common one, is to maintain contact and be 'cordial' and say stuff like "Oh hey how's it going no sorry I'm really busy lately," dodging the girl in a pussy-foot manner but still giving them some sort of hope. This is what guys do because they don't want to "hurt the girls feelings," but in reality they are doing the girl no favor. They are only giving the girl false hope and wasting her time.
2. Basically telling the girl to fuck off, in a mean and arrogant way. This is obviously not nice and incorrect. Kinda like what I did in that story, and honestly I feel option 2. is more nice than option 1.
What you should do is ignore her or give very short subtle messages giving her no rope at all. If she keeps trying to contact you you need to be very direct and say you're not interested. Don't say anything like 'sorry' or 'no offense' because it will only further hurt her feelings.
Edit: and ROFL at your post right above this one responding to Torte. Why waste so many words on a guy who's view of the world is obviously contorted? That's another thing you'll learn with age buddy...how to identify and ignore idiots
Oh yeah, and the hotter friend of sweat-shirt girl recently contacted me months later saying she has the sweatshirt and will give it to me if I want. Lmao.
On August 07 2011 02:13 Rekrul wrote: You're both retards
The real question is...
Which one of us would get laid the fastest.
THAT'S THE ULTIMATE SOCIAL GOAL IN LIFE!
Wrong. Laid the best, fastest, without paying. At which point Rek would be out of the running
So who, in your opinion, is doing the act of "paying for it" more?
1. The man who walks into a whorehouse and pays 50$ for a quickie.
or
2. The average looking joe who goes to a night club and spends 5000$ on a "baller" VIP room/alcohol and certainly gets laid because of this fact.
Lol you don't have to defend your livelihood Dance XD. But honestly, you can find girls outside of whorehouses and nightclubs. I swear.
or
3. The girl who you meet at the library that ordinarily wouldn't fuck on the first date but your 50,000$ watch, your Aston Martin, and that 2000$ bottle of wine just got her all turned on.
On August 07 2011 02:13 Rekrul wrote: You're both retards
The real question is...
Which one of us would get laid the fastest.
THAT'S THE ULTIMATE SOCIAL GOAL IN LIFE!
Wrong. Laid the best, fastest, without paying. At which point Rek would be out of the running
So who, in your opinion, is doing the act of "paying for it" more?
1. The man who walks into a whorehouse and pays 50$ for a quickie.
or
2. The average looking joe who goes to a night club and spends 5000$ on a "baller" VIP room/alcohol and certainly gets laid because of this fact.
Lol you don't have to defend your livelihood Dance XD. But honestly, you can find girls outside of whorehouses and nightclubs. I swear.
or
3. The girl who you meet at the library that ordinarily wouldn't fuck on the first date but your 50,000$ watch, your Aston Martin, and that 2000$ bottle of wine just got her all turned on.
ve been in your exact same situation. I had beer-goggles on and took a girl who was definitely below par home. I managed to stop myself from having sex with her and just slept and she slept over. Upon waking up she tried to fuck me again and I denied her telling her that I'm tired and she needs to leave because I want to sleep in peace. She asked if she could borrow one of my hoodies because it was kinda cold out and I said sure no problem (it was a bit cold but obviously a girl tactic to see you again.)
She had my number from during that night and was texting me the next day and I ignored her. She then texted again saying "Hey I have your sweatshirt I can drop by and give it back to you!" I did what any decent man would do, I replied. "Keep the sweatshirt, it only cost me 10$" She stopped contacting me.
Sounds like a reverse George Costanza move (see spoiler).
and I'm sorry if I don't agree with your views or values and I'm somehow an idiot because I didn't resolve your dilemma that just involves the obvious: confrontation.
If you need a premise on how to confront her, then it should be even more evident that the more sympathetic and mindful you are of her feelings, despite what you let on, the easier it'll be on her and you to eventually break off whatever miscommunication there is. How do you do that? Selective wording, being straight-forward and not insinuating ideas that were originally implied last night. The pressure will be less intense because her friends won't be there and you're not drunk, so you'll sound competent. So right now, you have the advantages. Just get it over with.
That's to solve the issue, for your problem; I've already made my statement and you disagree. There's not much more I can do but hope time will tell what works best for you (if you think what I'm saying is based on personal experience, then I can't convince you otherwise even if knowing the actuality of [at least some things).
On August 07 2011 02:13 Rekrul wrote: You're both retards
The real question is...
Which one of us would get laid the fastest.
THAT'S THE ULTIMATE SOCIAL GOAL IN LIFE!
Wrong. Laid the best, fastest, without paying. At which point Rek would be out of the running
So who, in your opinion, is doing the act of "paying for it" more?
1. The man who walks into a whorehouse and pays 50$ for a quickie.
or
2. The average looking joe who goes to a night club and spends 5000$ on a "baller" VIP room/alcohol and certainly gets laid because of this fact.
Lol you don't have to defend your livelihood Dance XD. But honestly, you can find girls outside of whorehouses and nightclubs. I swear.
or
3. The girl who you meet at the library that ordinarily wouldn't fuck on the first date but your 50,000$ watch, your Aston Martin, and that 2000$ bottle of wine just got her all turned on.
?
You're not winning if you're paying my friend.
You don't get my point at all.
I think I do. But just in case I'm wrong, would you care to elaborate? All you've done so far is talk about how money impresses women.
On August 07 2011 05:23 Torte de Lini wrote: Shall I unscroll my banter of values and superficiality??
Haha torte. Tbh, if we sat down and hashed it out, I've got a good feeling we would have a very similar moral system. I just don't agree with telling others they should abide by it too. I'm also a realist about what the prevalent moral system is in American culture. I, myself, don't adhere to it. It's rather tragic to watch, though.
I think I was just being unrealistic in the end. Like... I see his predicament, but the way he concisely described came off really stereotypical and repulsive.
I wrote what I wrtoe at like 4 in the morning, so maybe things were unclear. I also wanted to make a blog about the things I wish my fridge would do, so...
University man, it makes you think you're smart shit when you're just saying things that you learn as a child. Mixed with my psychology of sexuality and relationships, sociology of media and perpetuation of sexual, materialistic superficial values, a book I'm reading about the rate of narcissism and the paper I'm writing about the health and westernized view of orgasm, I'm overwhelmed or chocked full of these "correct" views.
I hope my second form of a solution works a bit better. His problem, ultimately, is relatively simple and just involves some manning up.
That was unexpected. I guess it was just a misunderstanding. As you probably figured out, my posts usually get very wordy, so I actually ended up rewriting my question three times, and finally opted for point form. I thought I was being funny be using such phrases as "sexings", but in retrospect it was not only a bad idea, but it probably wasn't funny anyway and only served to telegraph me as an idiot.
You had every right to say the things you said after the post I made, so I don't hold anything against you, especially after you showed me that you are man enough to admit that it was a misunderstanding, something which doesn't happen often on forums. I don't mind it when someone has a different opinion to mine, but when they tell me that I'm wrong in a manner like that, it really pisses me off, and that's why I kind of over reacted.
Sincerely, thanks for your advice after the fact. It's becoming apparent that a direct approach certainly is the best course of action. If it does hurt her feelings I can at least feel better that I did my best to do otherwise.
So on this coming Monday, I plan on asking this bartender to go out with me after she's done working. When I made the decision to do so (last week) I felt pretty confident, even looked forward to it and didn't think I would get nervous at all. Then after a few hours when the thought of asking her came up, I got nervous and didn't feel like going through with it. It's not like I was pondering about it, I just got some anxiety the second the thought of her came up. Then the next day, I feel totally okay with it and look forward to asking her, then I get nervous again, etc etc etc. This isn't the only this happened to me tho. Now I know the answer to this is just to man up and go through with it but this up and down thing really drives me crazy. I rather always be nervous about it rather than totally feeling confident and then having the confidence go away. Do any of you guys feel like this or is it just me?
It's similar to backflipping for the first time on a trampoline. When the thought of backflipping comes up, it feels really easy and just one swift motion. But as you go to do it, you lean back hard and just fall at the fear that maybe you'll break your neck or do it poorly, thus hurting yourself.
The idea of asking her out seems really easy when you're so far away. But as you get closer, you come to realize the ramifications that'll occur if she rejects (i.e breaking your neck). So you end up just giving up halfway and falling on your back.
As you are revving up to ask her, repeat something in your head to keep you above the water of doubt and fear and just go. The moment you talk to her, you can't back out and you'll just be forced to ask.
On August 07 2011 09:43 Torte de Lini wrote: It's similar to backflipping for the first time on a trampoline. When the thought of backflipping comes up, it feels really easy and just one swift motion. But as you go to do it, you lean back hard and just fall at the fear that maybe you'll break your neck or do it poorly, thus hurting yourself.
The idea of asking her out seems really easy when you're so far away. But as you get closer, you come to realize the ramifications that'll occur if she rejects (i.e breaking your neck). So you end up just giving up halfway and falling on your back.
As you are revving up to ask her, repeat something in your head to keep you above the water of doubt and fear and just go. The moment you talk to her, you can't back out and you'll just be forced to ask.
I thought it was more like diving. In which case, diving can be remedied by having a friend show you how it's done. Then in order to not get shown up by your friend, you try what he did. Sometimes my desire to be better than others messes with my fear and feelings of self preservation. "Everyone's watching" "You aren't scared."
It gives you a false and brief sense of confidence.
Unfortunately, being confident all the time is a large personality change, and there is no quick and easy way to going about those things.
edit: So what was my advice again? Oh right. Bring a friend. You're not confident all the time around girls, don't worry, keep trying, you'll get there.
I agree, when its a girl i have a thing for i always get the nerves but i somehow hold it together. If its someone im not interested in i never get any jitters, kinda annoying. Then again i've never tried asking someone im not interested in out...
Thanks for the input guys. So tomorrow night Im probably gonna ask her to grab coffee or a drink but im guessing the other guys who hit on her in the past asked her to drink so im trying to be different. My assumption might be completely wrong but its worth a try? The things is im leaving the country in a few weeks so this might be pointless but its one of those things where I feel like I have to get to know her at least a little bit or Im probably gonna regret it, know what I mean? A lot of times I was like screw it since it seems pointless...do you guys think its stupid?
On August 07 2011 19:52 danmooj1 wrote: Thanks for the input guys. So tomorrow night Im probably gonna ask her to grab coffee or a drink but im guessing the other guys who hit on her in the past asked her to drink so im trying to be different. My assumption might be completely wrong but its worth a try? The things is im leaving the country in a few weeks so this might be pointless but its one of those things where I feel like I have to get to know her at least a little bit or Im probably gonna regret it, know what I mean? A lot of times I was like screw it since it seems pointless...do you guys think its stupid?
Dude, its always worth it. Even if you have to go out of the country in a few weeks, the fact that you actually did it will make you feel better, or you'd have that doubt when you leave. Also, who know, it may develop quite well by then.
If it doesn't you said it yourself that you're getting nervous. You'll feel better for at least following though. You gotta ladder to get better, right?
On August 07 2011 19:52 danmooj1 wrote: Thanks for the input guys. So tomorrow night Im probably gonna ask her to grab coffee or a drink but im guessing the other guys who hit on her in the past asked her to drink so im trying to be different. My assumption might be completely wrong but its worth a try? The things is im leaving the country in a few weeks so this might be pointless but its one of those things where I feel like I have to get to know her at least a little bit or Im probably gonna regret it, know what I mean? A lot of times I was like screw it since it seems pointless...do you guys think its stupid?
Yeah just go ahead and ask her out anyway, better get that off your chest. Also, if you want a little bit of extra "push" to overcome the nervousness, get yourself a drink from her (so you're talking to her already anyway), down it quickly, and then ask her out while ordering a second drink.
On August 07 2011 19:52 danmooj1 wrote: Thanks for the input guys. So tomorrow night Im probably gonna ask her to grab coffee or a drink but im guessing the other guys who hit on her in the past asked her to drink so im trying to be different. My assumption might be completely wrong but its worth a try? The things is im leaving the country in a few weeks so this might be pointless but its one of those things where I feel like I have to get to know her at least a little bit or Im probably gonna regret it, know what I mean? A lot of times I was like screw it since it seems pointless...do you guys think its stupid?
Yeah just go ahead and ask her out anyway, better get that off your chest. Also, if you want a little bit of extra "push" to overcome the nervousness, get yourself a drink from her (so you're talking to her already anyway), down it quickly, and then ask her out while ordering a second drink.
If I was a bartender, I wouldn't take anything a person says after consuming alcohol seriously, simply due to the overwhelming majority of my interactions with people who drink and their mannerisms. Especially as a female bartender. Don't order alcohol, talk to her sober, and if she's busy then don't bother her until there are fewer people at the bar.
Being nervous shouldn't physically stop you from what you have to do, you just have to get over it. There is no trick to this. Man up.
On August 06 2011 16:06 rad301 wrote: I need some advice fair and wise TL. Here's my dilemma in point form: -I get tired of being the only person in my group whose a virgin (believe it or not I'm 17) -I go to a party with new people, in hopes of attaining "sexings" from a nice young lady -Party is lame at first, but I level up and discover that with a few drinks I can out party everyone there -I get close to a number of girls, but in my drunken stuper end up with one of the not so attractive ones. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't that good looking either. A real 5 on the scale. I had serious beer goggles on so it wasn't a big deal at the time -We make out a bit and her friends keep trying to goad us into engaging in the sexings with each other, but despite being completely tanked, I think better of it. I don't want my first time to be in someone's fucking back yard -We cuddle and talk for the rest of the party, and avoid having the sexings thankfully. -I walk across Greater Victoria to home, stopping at a Tim Hortons along the way. -I get home, have sleep. -I wake up, and her friend facebooks me that I forgot my ipod player at the party, but she can bring it to me. -Said friend gives me my ipod back which makes me happy, but the I find out that said girl I cuddled and made out with a bit was really happy and excited about that occurring, and wants to "hang out" some time soon, probably for the sexings. -I really don't want to get involved with her further, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know it sounds superficial, but I can do a lot better, and to be honest if a girl puts out like that after like 30 minutes of flirting I don't want the sexings with her anyway.
How do I let a girl know that I'm not interested without hurting her feelings? I really don't want to have to do the whole "Look, I was really drunk that night..." talk.
Thanks.
Just tell her, up front and honest that you aren't interested. Don't be so concerned about hurting her feelings, sure she can be hurt and dissapointed, but i kinda doubt she is going to take that to her grave and damn you for the rest of her life. She flirted with you for one night she'll get over it quickly. Her feelings about it are her buisness and she can deal with them, she doesn't need you trying to hold her hand. It's natural to be excited and happy that someone spent time flirting with you and you felt some chemistry, but it's not like them rejecting you the next day is going to floor your feelings and send you into a dark abyss of despair. She might call you an arsehole, but man up and take it cause you kinda were. Stuffing around and avoiding the conversation or being "nice" kinda being friends but not really just extends things and wastes time, adds in confusion, and just makes the situation worse and more painful.
You don't have to be nasty about it, if she asks to hang out just tell her, "I'm sorry about the other night, I was really drunk and gave you the wrong impression, I'm just not interested in you that way" or something to that effect.
Okay so im 19 and im in my first pretty serious relationship (11months). Im pretty much in the relationship bronze league. Lately weve been more distant, because she started working a full time job and i started putting more hours in as well. were kinda growing apart slowly i think, but again, bronze leage, so im not sure...Anyways...ill be moving 200 miles away in september or october, and shes not coming. i have mixed emotions about this. in one way i feel kinda liberated because i feel like im at a point in my life when i want to be out on my own meeting new people and kinda finding myself... i also feel scared that things between us will kinda fall apart because of the distance. I feel confused as to whether i should feel happy or sad, and also im wondering if we should try to keep things going long distance, long term, or break things off, or just kinda keep coasting and growing apart and eventually become friends.
On August 11 2011 20:39 Gprime wrote: Okay so im 19 and im in my first pretty serious relationship (11months). Im pretty much in the relationship bronze league. Lately weve been more distant, because she started working a full time job and i started putting more hours in as well. were kinda growing apart slowly i think, but again, bronze leage, so im not sure...Anyways...ill be moving 200 miles away in september or october, and shes not coming. i have mixed emotions about this. in one way i feel kinda liberated because i feel like im at a point in my life when i want to be out on my own meeting new people and kinda finding myself... i also feel scared that things between us will kinda fall apart because of the distance. I feel confused as to whether i should feel happy or sad, and also im wondering if we should try to keep things going long distance, long term, or break things off, or just kinda keep coasting and growing apart and eventually become friends.
just lots of confusion
Bit more information needed
Did anything significant happen that you know of? Does she know about you moving? Have you spoken to her about the move?
On August 11 2011 20:39 Gprime wrote: Okay so im 19 and im in my first pretty serious relationship (11months). Im pretty much in the relationship bronze league. Lately weve been more distant, because she started working a full time job and i started putting more hours in as well. were kinda growing apart slowly i think, but again, bronze leage, so im not sure...Anyways...ill be moving 200 miles away in september or october, and shes not coming. i have mixed emotions about this. in one way i feel kinda liberated because i feel like im at a point in my life when i want to be out on my own meeting new people and kinda finding myself... i also feel scared that things between us will kinda fall apart because of the distance. I feel confused as to whether i should feel happy or sad, and also im wondering if we should try to keep things going long distance, long term, or break things off, or just kinda keep coasting and growing apart and eventually become friends.
just lots of confusion
Bit more information needed
Did anything significant happen that you know of? Does she know about you moving? Have you spoken to her about the move?
no single significant events that i can think of, other than the initial infatuation fading... i think weve been struggling to deal with the loss of the feeling of infatuation, like, when im doing starcraft or working or w/e shel call and want to hang and if i don't want to shel get angry. similarly when im hanging out and i have to go, shel ask me to stay, even when its impossible, and make me feel guilty about leaving. I work as a farmhand with my best friend, who also plays starcraft, so after work some days, we'l play starcraft. since i don't have set hours she doesn't distinguish between time spent playing starcraft with friend, or time working with friend, and she feels like i spend too much time with him and not enough with her. Ive spoken to her about the move, and initially she said she thought it was really awesome and she was happy for me and it wouldn't bother her at all. i thanked her for being so supportive and cool about it. a few days later we were having another conversation about it and she said she could whine and bitch and beg me not to go but it wouldn't help me grow as a person. She said she wanted to make it work long distance....i just don't know if its feasible.
On August 11 2011 20:39 Gprime wrote: Okay so im 19 and im in my first pretty serious relationship (11months). Im pretty much in the relationship bronze league. Lately weve been more distant, because she started working a full time job and i started putting more hours in as well. were kinda growing apart slowly i think, but again, bronze leage, so im not sure...Anyways...ill be moving 200 miles away in september or october, and shes not coming. i have mixed emotions about this. in one way i feel kinda liberated because i feel like im at a point in my life when i want to be out on my own meeting new people and kinda finding myself... i also feel scared that things between us will kinda fall apart because of the distance. I feel confused as to whether i should feel happy or sad, and also im wondering if we should try to keep things going long distance, long term, or break things off, or just kinda keep coasting and growing apart and eventually become friends.
just lots of confusion
Bit more information needed
Did anything significant happen that you know of? Does she know about you moving? Have you spoken to her about the move?
no single significant events that i can think of, other than the initial infatuation fading... i think weve been struggling to deal with the loss of the feeling of infatuation, like, when im doing starcraft or working or w/e shel call and want to hang and if i don't want to shel get angry. similarly when im hanging out and i have to go, shel ask me to stay, even when its impossible, and make me feel guilty about leaving. I work as a farmhand with my best friend, who also plays starcraft, so after work some days, we'l play starcraft. since i don't have set hours she doesn't distinguish between time spent playing starcraft with friend, or time working with friend, and she feels like i spend too much time with him and not enough with her. Ive spoken to her about the move, and initially she said she thought it was really awesome and she was happy for me and it wouldn't bother her at all. i thanked her for being so supportive and cool about it. a few days later we were having another conversation about it and she said she could whine and bitch and beg me not to go but it wouldn't help me grow as a person. She said she wanted to make it work long distance....i just don't know if its feasible.
Stop thinking about whether it is feasible or not. Hell, stop thinking fully, except for one question: Do you think it's worth trying? This is no longer about whether you think it'll work out, but whether you think you should try. Personally, if she thinks it can work, and you think it can work, it can work. Its hard, its bloody hard, but I know couples who have made the LDR thing work very well. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right? Maybe the time separate will help in the long term.
Say you go for it. You've moved a bit away, so you can maybe get a better timeframe to talk to each other. Plus imagine how awesome it would be when you guys do meet up when you can. If it doesn't work out, you're in a good spot, in a new area meeting new people.
I've used this analogy before, but it feel fitting. You see a siege line go up within range of your units. Whether you commit or run, its a hell of a lot better that you make a decision than not. So stop over analysing it, and just go for it. The way it sounds, you don't have too much to lose, but a lot to gain
I've been doing LDR for 3 years now. I would not recommend it. And I'm like, crazy head over heels for this girl, but seriously, I couldn't even go back in time and tell 22 year old mogwai that distance is a good idea and he was 100% confident in his relationship.
If you're really set on staying with this girl, the one huge piece of advice I can offer you is that YOU HAVE TO MAKE A PLAN FOR ENDING THE DISTANCE. And I don't mean some nebulous plan like when she decides to do grad school she'll try to go to a school near you, I mean you have to have a tangible light at the end of the tunnel for distance or it will eat at you and degrade your relationship and make you regret your decision to stay with this girl. At least that's what my experience has taught me.
Mine lasted for about 3 years as well, Mogwai. The last year was pure misery: trying to make it work, just doesn't.
It's seven years since high school now. Of my year's couples of a large class of over 250, I am only aware of maybe 3 couples that managed. Two pairs end up with one quiting school midway and transfer to be closer to each other, the other pair managed to find grad school together (but unhappy). I am not aware of any couple that managed long distance in the long term.
I'd like to preface this cry for help with the fact that I'm probably a fucking idiot. Oh well.
Kay so, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty damn well. We've been skyping and shit so I know she's not some 40 year old man or something. Anyway, I've only known her for less than a week but she already wants to come up here and meet me (she lives about 6 hours away by bus). She's willing to pay for the busride and part of a hotel bill if I pick up the other part of the hotel bill. She's told me that she "really wants to be with me" and that if we work in person, she's going to move up here and get an apartment so we can live together. she's already sold some of her stuff and canceled her next semester's classes so she won't have any obligations where she lives now (like honestly what the fuck. I didn't even ask her to. she just did it and told me later and I was like... K?).
So where do I start... I guess the problem I have with the whole situation is that even though I'm attracted to her, it seems like it's all moving so fucking fast. Like, I've known her for less than a week and she already wants to invest a significant amount of time and money into seeing me, and more than that... she's pretty much told me she's in love with me already. I want to see her, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to having her up here for a few days and then spending all that time with her. There's also the nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's too good to be true and she's just playing me for some reason. I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he told me that he knew a guy who went through this exact thing once, and the girl ended up being a liar who literally robbed the guy to get money for drugs.
so yeah. I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for. any advice and or comments would be welcome. This whole thing just has my head spinning because I've never met a girl who was this serious this fast before.
tl;dr, met girl online, she wants to meet me and stay with me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
A certain notion has been floating around in my head that has been bothering me since the beginning of time.
Let's assume that I approach a girl and express some interest. Actually, how the heck do I express interest in a non-creepy, normal fashion? Anyways, I've usually been worried that if she turns me down, that may affect our relationship as friends/colleagues/acquaintances. I'm just wondering if there is any truth to these notions, and if there is anything that could build up my confidence.
On August 12 2011 05:35 iamahydralisk wrote: I'd like to preface this cry for help with the fact that I'm probably a fucking idiot. Oh well.
Kay so, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty damn well. We've been skyping and shit so I know she's not some 40 year old man or something. Anyway, I've only known her for less than a week but she already wants to come up here and meet me (she lives about 6 hours away by bus). She's willing to pay for the busride and part of a hotel bill if I pick up the other part of the hotel bill. She's told me that she "really wants to be with me" and that if we work in person, she's going to move up here and get an apartment so we can live together. she's already sold some of her stuff and canceled her next semester's classes so she won't have any obligations where she lives now (like honestly what the fuck. I didn't even ask her to. she just did it and told me later and I was like... K?).
So where do I start... I guess the problem I have with the whole situation is that even though I'm attracted to her, it seems like it's all moving so fucking fast. Like, I've known her for less than a week and she already wants to invest a significant amount of time and money into seeing me, and more than that... she's pretty much told me she's in love with me already. I want to see her, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to having her up here for a few days and then spending all that time with her. There's also the nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's too good to be true and she's just playing me for some reason. I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he told me that he knew a guy who went through this exact thing once, and the girl ended up being a liar who literally robbed the guy to get money for drugs.
so yeah. I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for. any advice and or comments would be welcome. This whole thing just has my head spinning because I've never met a girl who was this serious this fast before.
tl;dr, met girl online, she wants to meet me and stay with me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
On August 12 2011 05:35 iamahydralisk wrote: I'd like to preface this cry for help with the fact that I'm probably a fucking idiot. Oh well.
Kay so, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty damn well. We've been skyping and shit so I know she's not some 40 year old man or something. Anyway, I've only known her for less than a week but she already wants to come up here and meet me (she lives about 6 hours away by bus). She's willing to pay for the busride and part of a hotel bill if I pick up the other part of the hotel bill. She's told me that she "really wants to be with me" and that if we work in person, she's going to move up here and get an apartment so we can live together. she's already sold some of her stuff and canceled her next semester's classes so she won't have any obligations where she lives now (like honestly what the fuck. I didn't even ask her to. she just did it and told me later and I was like... K?).
So where do I start... I guess the problem I have with the whole situation is that even though I'm attracted to her, it seems like it's all moving so fucking fast. Like, I've known her for less than a week and she already wants to invest a significant amount of time and money into seeing me, and more than that... she's pretty much told me she's in love with me already. I want to see her, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to having her up here for a few days and then spending all that time with her. There's also the nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's too good to be true and she's just playing me for some reason. I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he told me that he knew a guy who went through this exact thing once, and the girl ended up being a liar who literally robbed the guy to get money for drugs.
so yeah. I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for. any advice and or comments would be welcome. This whole thing just has my head spinning because I've never met a girl who was this serious this fast before.
tl;dr, met girl online, she wants to meet me and stay with me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
Ok....
So I read your post dude, and I re-read it. Each time, only one thing was going through my mind....BITCH BE CRAZY
Tell her, and soon, that this is moving waaaaay to fast for you, and you wanna slow things down so you can actually develop a relationship. By all means meet her if you want to, but after that? Gotta slow that crazy train down son...or something
Also, when you see her, don't take too much cash with you T.T. Nothing wrong with being safe, even if you like her.
On August 12 2011 07:06 eviltomahawk wrote: Quick question:
A certain notion has been floating around in my head that has been bothering me since the beginning of time.
Let's assume that I approach a girl and express some interest. Actually, how the heck do I express interest in a non-creepy, normal fashion? Anyways, I've usually been worried that if she turns me down, that may affect our relationship as friends/colleagues/acquaintances. I'm just wondering if there is any truth to these notions, and if there is anything that could build up my confidence.
Practice. Don't go into a conversation with every girl you find hot, just start somewhere. I used to hone in on something about the girl (a nice watch, what book she was reading) and just talk to her about that. But even before that, randomly having small conversations with complete strangers is a good way to feel more comfortable.
I had the exact problem. I would never talk to people unless I was quite comfortable with them after a bit (friends of friends, friends' gf/bf etc) but one day a few of us were at a charity event at our student union, and this girl was performing there. Not sure what it was, but I just approached her afterwards and started talking to her about the guitar she was using (I really wanted an acoustic at the time, but knew fuck all). I don't even remember how the conversation went, but afterwards I felt great because I just manned up and went for it, but started low down.
You gotta ladder to get higher in the leagues right? Not everyone is born with magical gosu abilities
On August 12 2011 05:35 iamahydralisk wrote: I'd like to preface this cry for help with the fact that I'm probably a fucking idiot. Oh well.
Kay so, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty damn well. We've been skyping and shit so I know she's not some 40 year old man or something. Anyway, I've only known her for less than a week but she already wants to come up here and meet me (she lives about 6 hours away by bus). She's willing to pay for the busride and part of a hotel bill if I pick up the other part of the hotel bill. She's told me that she "really wants to be with me" and that if we work in person, she's going to move up here and get an apartment so we can live together. she's already sold some of her stuff and canceled her next semester's classes so she won't have any obligations where she lives now (like honestly what the fuck. I didn't even ask her to. she just did it and told me later and I was like... K?).
So where do I start... I guess the problem I have with the whole situation is that even though I'm attracted to her, it seems like it's all moving so fucking fast. Like, I've known her for less than a week and she already wants to invest a significant amount of time and money into seeing me, and more than that... she's pretty much told me she's in love with me already. I want to see her, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to having her up here for a few days and then spending all that time with her. There's also the nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's too good to be true and she's just playing me for some reason. I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he told me that he knew a guy who went through this exact thing once, and the girl ended up being a liar who literally robbed the guy to get money for drugs.
so yeah. I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for. any advice and or comments would be welcome. This whole thing just has my head spinning because I've never met a girl who was this serious this fast before.
tl;dr, met girl online, she wants to meet me and stay with me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
i wanna know what you did that made her so horny
but seriously that's just creepy and suspicious
apparently I'm super charming or something. I really don't know
On August 12 2011 05:35 iamahydralisk wrote: I'd like to preface this cry for help with the fact that I'm probably a fucking idiot. Oh well.
Kay so, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty damn well. We've been skyping and shit so I know she's not some 40 year old man or something. Anyway, I've only known her for less than a week but she already wants to come up here and meet me (she lives about 6 hours away by bus). She's willing to pay for the busride and part of a hotel bill if I pick up the other part of the hotel bill. She's told me that she "really wants to be with me" and that if we work in person, she's going to move up here and get an apartment so we can live together. she's already sold some of her stuff and canceled her next semester's classes so she won't have any obligations where she lives now (like honestly what the fuck. I didn't even ask her to. she just did it and told me later and I was like... K?).
So where do I start... I guess the problem I have with the whole situation is that even though I'm attracted to her, it seems like it's all moving so fucking fast. Like, I've known her for less than a week and she already wants to invest a significant amount of time and money into seeing me, and more than that... she's pretty much told me she's in love with me already. I want to see her, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to having her up here for a few days and then spending all that time with her. There's also the nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's too good to be true and she's just playing me for some reason. I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he told me that he knew a guy who went through this exact thing once, and the girl ended up being a liar who literally robbed the guy to get money for drugs.
so yeah. I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for. any advice and or comments would be welcome. This whole thing just has my head spinning because I've never met a girl who was this serious this fast before.
tl;dr, met girl online, she wants to meet me and stay with me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
If you ask me, she sounds... legit psycho. I would ditch that shit ASAP. Anyone who would change their lives drastically for you after you've chatted online for a WEEK is someone you should steer clear from, because they definitely don't have their own priorities straight.
On August 12 2011 21:11 Hassybaby wrote: If she starts using words like fate and destiny after the meet (if you go), RUN
Seriously legit advice. You probably know that getting tangled with love-in-first-sight or one-love-a-lifetime mentality girl (or worse, combination of both!) ain't going to end pretty.
Basically, you can't have a healthy relationship based on relying on each other for happiness. If she's willing to drop everything she has just for some shot at some guy she met on the internet a week ago, she needs to sort out her own problems before there's any hope for a real healthy relationship in her life.
update: I met another girl at a concert and she's closer and cuter so I'm gonna pursue that. I feel guilty about crazy girl but it's probably better that I stay away from her. this new girl gives me butterflies like I haven't had since my ex lol
blatent answer isn't it? You met a hot girl at a concert, she gives you butterflies. Go with her, and tell your friend you're in a relationship right now
On August 15 2011 13:19 iamahydralisk wrote: jesus fuck. one of my female friends just told me she wants to be with me. a different one. I'm not even kidding >_>
On August 15 2011 13:19 iamahydralisk wrote: jesus fuck. one of my female friends just told me she wants to be with me. a different one. I'm not even kidding >_>
why
time to juggle a bit
Option 2. There's a pretty damn good guide on getting a harem ending in the blog section:
I met a girl online who lives in NYC (I live in NJ - about 20 minute bus ride away) and we hung out for the first time a week ago. I thought everything went really well, we walked around the city for a little, got something to eat, and then went back to apartment cause I had to go to the bathroom. We hung out in her apartment for awhile (her roommate was out), watched some youtube videos and eventually started making out. She kept stopping and laughing and when I asked her what was so funny she just said "you're really sweet". We left her apartment and went to a park near her for a little and just sat there watching everyone, it was enjoyable. I had to catch a bus so she came with my through the subway all the way up to my bus terminal and we kissed goodbye.
I've been trying to text her for the past few days and sometimes she answers and sometimes she doesn't. This past Sunday I texted her with "hey, how's your weekend going" and then I got a text back from here that was a picture of her dog and a caption that said "meet moose!" (the name of her dog) I sent something witty back and then she didn't answer. So I sent her another 1 that said "are you getting my texts =\?" (I sent her a couple texts a few days ago that she didn't answer either) And she said that the last one she got was from when I was on the bus. She then apologized and said you know how shitty my phone is! (It really is though, the thing was barely holding together when I saw it) So we texted back and fourth for maybe 3 texts in which she told me that she was going to get a new phone the next day and then after 1 text she didn't answer so I sent another 1 that said "well hope the rest of your time with your family is nice! When you get back would you want to hang out with me again?" Got no answer. And then after that I sent another 1 that said "Hopefully you're getting these..." No answer. And then yesterday, which was the day she was supposed to get her new phone I texted her "How's your new phone treating you?" No answer.
Now the question I've been beating myself up over the past few days is whether or not she is really "not" getting these texts. She seemed really nice when I met her, and honestly, I thought she was into me. I'm thinking about calling her in a few days and leaving a voicemail if she doesn't answer that says something along the lines of ""hey... I've been trying to text you but I'm not sure if you're getting them... Anyway, when you get this could you call me back? Okay bye"
It's kind of like when you don't get invited to a party by someone, and when you ask they forgot your name on the list.
But did they really?
Now you are sending a dozen texts and she isn't receiving any due to a bad phone.
But is she really?
If you are absolutely honest for a moment then you will probably have to admit that she is getting those texts but just not reacting. That or she has a one in a million default wich is filtering your texts out.
She doesn't want you on the one hand.
Rare mechanical default on the other.
All wishfull thinking aside, what is more realistic? People tend to lie to soften the blow, it sounds like she doesn't want to say it to your face and just drags it out till you just stop bothering with it all together. Wich is probably the best option at this point.
I met a girl online who lives in NYC (I live in NJ - about 20 minute bus ride away) and we hung out for the first time a week ago. I thought everything went really well, we walked around the city for a little, got something to eat, and then went back to apartment cause I had to go to the bathroom. We hung out in her apartment for awhile (her roommate was out), watched some youtube videos and eventually started making out. She kept stopping and laughing and when I asked her what was so funny she just said "you're really sweet". We left her apartment and went to a park near her for a little and just sat there watching everyone, it was enjoyable. I had to catch a bus so she came with my through the subway all the way up to my bus terminal and we kissed goodbye.
I've been trying to text her for the past few days and sometimes she answers and sometimes she doesn't. This past Sunday I texted her with "hey, how's your weekend going" and then I got a text back from here that was a picture of her dog and a caption that said "meet moose!" (the name of her dog) I sent something witty back and then she didn't answer. So I sent her another 1 that said "are you getting my texts =\?" (I sent her a couple texts a few days ago that she didn't answer either) And she said that the last one she got was from when I was on the bus. She then apologized and said you know how shitty my phone is! (It really is though, the thing was barely holding together when I saw it) So we texted back and fourth for maybe 3 texts in which she told me that she was going to get a new phone the next day and then after 1 text she didn't answer so I sent another 1 that said "well hope the rest of your time with your family is nice! When you get back would you want to hang out with me again?" Got no answer. And then after that I sent another 1 that said "Hopefully you're getting these..." No answer. And then yesterday, which was the day she was supposed to get her new phone I texted her "How's your new phone treating you?" No answer.
Now the question I've been beating myself up over the past few days is whether or not she is really "not" getting these texts. She seemed really nice when I met her, and honestly, I thought she was into me. I'm thinking about calling her in a few days and leaving a voicemail if she doesn't answer that says something along the lines of ""hey... I've been trying to text you but I'm not sure if you're getting them... Anyway, when you get this could you call me back? Okay bye"
You texted far too often, showing her that you're into her already. If she doesn't reply you after a text or two then you should know that she's not exactly interested in you that much.
On August 16 2011 22:39 Noximous wrote: I love TL, all types of threads!
Anyway onto my dilemma...
I met a girl online who lives in NYC (I live in NJ - about 20 minute bus ride away) and we hung out for the first time a week ago. I thought everything went really well, we walked around the city for a little, got something to eat, and then went back to apartment cause I had to go to the bathroom. We hung out in her apartment for awhile (her roommate was out), watched some youtube videos and eventually started making out. She kept stopping and laughing and when I asked her what was so funny she just said "you're really sweet". We left her apartment and went to a park near her for a little and just sat there watching everyone, it was enjoyable. I had to catch a bus so she came with my through the subway all the way up to my bus terminal and we kissed goodbye.
I've been trying to text her for the past few days and sometimes she answers and sometimes she doesn't. This past Sunday I texted her with "hey, how's your weekend going" and then I got a text back from here that was a picture of her dog and a caption that said "meet moose!" (the name of her dog) I sent something witty back and then she didn't answer. So I sent her another 1 that said "are you getting my texts =\?" (I sent her a couple texts a few days ago that she didn't answer either) And she said that the last one she got was from when I was on the bus. She then apologized and said you know how shitty my phone is! (It really is though, the thing was barely holding together when I saw it) So we texted back and fourth for maybe 3 texts in which she told me that she was going to get a new phone the next day and then after 1 text she didn't answer so I sent another 1 that said "well hope the rest of your time with your family is nice! When you get back would you want to hang out with me again?" Got no answer. And then after that I sent another 1 that said "Hopefully you're getting these..." No answer. And then yesterday, which was the day she was supposed to get her new phone I texted her "How's your new phone treating you?" No answer.
Now the question I've been beating myself up over the past few days is whether or not she is really "not" getting these texts. She seemed really nice when I met her, and honestly, I thought she was into me. I'm thinking about calling her in a few days and leaving a voicemail if she doesn't answer that says something along the lines of ""hey... I've been trying to text you but I'm not sure if you're getting them... Anyway, when you get this could you call me back? Okay bye"
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Love this thread.
I like the message, as long as you don't sent it like straight away. You don't wanna overdo it (you sorta did overdo it with the texts, but that's done now so). The giggling is a but weird, but the rest seems promising.
*puts on obvious hat*
As to your doubts, there's only one thing I see. You clearly like this girl, and care about what she thinks of you.
*takes off obvious hat*
You gotta believe dude. Stop wondering if she got your messages or not and focus on how much fun you had, and if you can meet up again. Negative thinking is baaaad, avoid it!
I met a girl online who lives in NYC (I live in NJ - about 20 minute bus ride away) and we hung out for the first time a week ago. I thought everything went really well, we walked around the city for a little, got something to eat, and then went back to apartment cause I had to go to the bathroom. We hung out in her apartment for awhile (her roommate was out), watched some youtube videos and eventually started making out. She kept stopping and laughing and when I asked her what was so funny she just said "you're really sweet". We left her apartment and went to a park near her for a little and just sat there watching everyone, it was enjoyable. I had to catch a bus so she came with my through the subway all the way up to my bus terminal and we kissed goodbye.
I've been trying to text her for the past few days and sometimes she answers and sometimes she doesn't. This past Sunday I texted her with "hey, how's your weekend going" and then I got a text back from here that was a picture of her dog and a caption that said "meet moose!" (the name of her dog) I sent something witty back and then she didn't answer. So I sent her another 1 that said "are you getting my texts =\?" (I sent her a couple texts a few days ago that she didn't answer either) And she said that the last one she got was from when I was on the bus. She then apologized and said you know how shitty my phone is! (It really is though, the thing was barely holding together when I saw it) So we texted back and fourth for maybe 3 texts in which she told me that she was going to get a new phone the next day and then after 1 text she didn't answer so I sent another 1 that said "well hope the rest of your time with your family is nice! When you get back would you want to hang out with me again?" Got no answer. And then after that I sent another 1 that said "Hopefully you're getting these..." No answer. And then yesterday, which was the day she was supposed to get her new phone I texted her "How's your new phone treating you?" No answer.
Now the question I've been beating myself up over the past few days is whether or not she is really "not" getting these texts. She seemed really nice when I met her, and honestly, I thought she was into me. I'm thinking about calling her in a few days and leaving a voicemail if she doesn't answer that says something along the lines of ""hey... I've been trying to text you but I'm not sure if you're getting them... Anyway, when you get this could you call me back? Okay bye"
You texted far too often, showing her that you're into her already. If she doesn't reply you after a text or two then you should know that she's not exactly interested in you that much.
Other truth. End of the day, wait a few days, then see where you stand
On August 16 2011 22:39 Noximous wrote: I love TL, all types of threads!
Anyway onto my dilemma...
I met a girl online who lives in NYC (I live in NJ - about 20 minute bus ride away) and we hung out for the first time a week ago. I thought everything went really well, we walked around the city for a little, got something to eat, and then went back to apartment cause I had to go to the bathroom. We hung out in her apartment for awhile (her roommate was out), watched some youtube videos and eventually started making out. She kept stopping and laughing and when I asked her what was so funny she just said "you're really sweet". We left her apartment and went to a park near her for a little and just sat there watching everyone, it was enjoyable. I had to catch a bus so she came with my through the subway all the way up to my bus terminal and we kissed goodbye.
I've been trying to text her for the past few days and sometimes she answers and sometimes she doesn't. This past Sunday I texted her with "hey, how's your weekend going" and then I got a text back from here that was a picture of her dog and a caption that said "meet moose!" (the name of her dog) I sent something witty back and then she didn't answer. So I sent her another 1 that said "are you getting my texts =\?" (I sent her a couple texts a few days ago that she didn't answer either) And she said that the last one she got was from when I was on the bus. She then apologized and said you know how shitty my phone is! (It really is though, the thing was barely holding together when I saw it) So we texted back and fourth for maybe 3 texts in which she told me that she was going to get a new phone the next day and then after 1 text she didn't answer so I sent another 1 that said "well hope the rest of your time with your family is nice! When you get back would you want to hang out with me again?" Got no answer. And then after that I sent another 1 that said "Hopefully you're getting these..." No answer. And then yesterday, which was the day she was supposed to get her new phone I texted her "How's your new phone treating you?" No answer.
Now the question I've been beating myself up over the past few days is whether or not she is really "not" getting these texts. She seemed really nice when I met her, and honestly, I thought she was into me. I'm thinking about calling her in a few days and leaving a voicemail if she doesn't answer that says something along the lines of ""hey... I've been trying to text you but I'm not sure if you're getting them... Anyway, when you get this could you call me back? Okay bye"
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
STOP SPAMMING HER WITH TEXTS.
Like, lemme explain how texts work: 1. You send a message. 2. The other person's phone gets it. 3. Other person can now see the message whenever it's convenient to them. 4. They respond when they can/want to.
Alternately, their phone doesn't get it, in which case, more texts don't do shit anyway.
NO ONE LIKES GETTING A TON OF TEXTS ON A NON-TIME SENSITIVE ISSUE.
I have literally never left the gym, seen 7 texts from my girlfriend about a single issue and not been mad about it. It's always infuriating, because like... what did you think I was doing? Ignoring you and now because you're being so fucking annoying I'm going to pay attention to you!? Obviously no response means, again, ONE: SHE DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE CAUSE HER PHONE SUCKS, TWO: SHE'S AWAY FROM HER PHONE, or THREE: SHE'S IGNORING THAT TEXT. Sending another text in all of these situations can only make you more annoying and will do literally no good. Find another way of communicating with the girl and if she's not into that, she doesn't wanna be with you.
Actually, if its not against the rules, would it be possible to sticky this? Saves people making new girl blogs when they see this one open, and they can just post here.
We didn't have texting back in my days so I don't relate to the dilemma. Why don't you stop texting and call her if you have something to say? Fuck texts.
On August 15 2011 13:19 iamahydralisk wrote: jesus fuck. one of my female friends just told me she wants to be with me. a different one. I'm not even kidding >_>
why
Hi, I am a guy and I also want to be with you iamahydralisk.
On August 19 2011 23:52 Cuddle wrote: You know you can call other's phones, right?
We didn't have texting back in my days so I don't relate to the dilemma. Why don't you stop texting and call her if you have something to say? Fuck texts.
Lol I know right? I'm only a teenager but I only do calls . I say to anyone that tries to text me and when I calls them asks me why I didn't just text back that I didn't buy any texting plan, only an unlimited calling plan. They faint/call me an idiot/Ask why in the world I wouldn't get texting... I respond with "Pay $ for stuff sent through typing on the phone that anyone might get by phone fuck up or call and actually talk to the person and get to know them without a ton of possible risks? Yeah I'm taking Option#2 "
On August 15 2011 13:19 iamahydralisk wrote: jesus fuck. one of my female friends just told me she wants to be with me. a different one. I'm not even kidding >_>
why
Hi, I am a guy and I also want to be with you iamahydralisk.
I'd be interested but concert girl is officially my girlfriend now and I'm a one person man. sorry bro :<
i dont like the idea of putting on a huge fake front just to get laid. i just talk to women like anybody else, like they are typical human beings that i'm not trying to manipulate to get something out of, it works. i think, frankly, a lot of women are pretty aware of and sick of the bullshit men put them through just to get sex.
On August 15 2011 13:19 iamahydralisk wrote: jesus fuck. one of my female friends just told me she wants to be with me. a different one. I'm not even kidding >_>
why
Hi, I am a guy and I also want to be with you iamahydralisk.
I'd be interested but concert girl is officially my girlfriend now and I'm a one person man. sorry bro :<
... so I suppose she's part of HR or administration, because I never see her around my cubicle nor in our lunch table. How do I know her? Well, it was one hot summer day a month ago. It was really hot outside, but then our office is cool enough - apparently the administration doesn't think so! They started handing out popsicles to all the employees in the office.
I could hear the ice cream cart rolling along the corridor across. Oh, how awesome would a popsicle be at the end of a hard-working day, as I bite into the sheer cold joy and walk out into the parking lot! Thought were running through my mind, you see, and I even pretend to work hard by opening up more random excel spreadsheets and laying it randomly across my dual monitors. One thought that didn't cross my mind was, who is this awesome person handing out the popsicle. Surely, in an engineering firm, one would not expect a young attractive female anywhere - everyone I've seen at that point were either young male, old male, or old female. That's until I turned around to a sweet voice offering me a popsicle...
... I was ready, you see. I was expecting that popsicle cart to reach me already. Actually... I wasn't quite ready to turn right into an Alison Brie look-alike with a happy smile and a popsicle in her hand. Oh what what WHAT? I don't remember what went through my mind. I honestly don't remember whether she offered me the red-white-blue one or the green-yellow-orange one, did I even have a choice? Did she offer me a choice or did I just take whatever? Not wasting her time with a awestruck rookie engineer, she quickly moved on to the next cubicle before I could even say "thanks."
When I realized what just happened, I was immediately going through the office website and searching through the employee list...
so today I saw my ex for the first time in about 5 months. didn't talk to her or anything... just pretty much glanced at her. it was one of those awkward eye contact things... pretty much ruined my day. I feel so fucking stupid... it's been 6 months since we broke up, so I feel like I should be over her... I shouldn't care anymore. I mean, hell, I have a new girlfriend now, so I should be happy with that, right? but I'm not... I'm really not. I thought I was over my ex, but simply seeing her one single time was enough to make me realize that I'm not even close... and I don't know how to be. when I was with her, I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else.
Up until today, I hadn't really thought about her, so I thought those feelings were gone, but now I know they're still there and as strong as ever. she's the one I really want, even though the relationship was destructive as hell. I don't consider myself a weak person, but back when we were having problems, she was able to thoroughly break me and make me hate living. She's the only person in my entire life to ever truly get to me like that... I keep wondering if I did the right thing today when I just kept on walking. Part of me thinks I should've chased after her and said something. I don't even know what I'd say if I did... there are literally no words. My feelings towards her are a mix of extreme anger and powerful love... I want to tell her how much she tore me apart, and how I should hate her for everything she put me through... but I can't. Because I still love her. I hate admitting that... But I really do. Even today, even though it's been months since we so much as talked... I'd die for her, no hesitation. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this... I guess I just need somewhere to let off steam, because I haven't felt this lonely in a really long time.
TL;DR: Kinsey, I still love you. When I told you I always would, I meant it, and at least right now, I don't plan on breaking my word.... and I hate myself for it. I want to get you back... But I'm so afraid to even try because I'm so vulnerable to you. I don't know what to do... I guess all I can do is wait. I need a hug :/
EDIT: I'm thinking more and more about contacting her in some way. I don't have her number anymore, and I don't have her email address... and she doesn't have a facebook, so that basically leaves me the choice of handwriting a letter and taking it to where she works (where I also used to work), or her house. I don't know if that would be "creepy" or not... if I did write her a letter, it wouldn't be a love letter or anything like that. More like, "it was nice seeing you, and I'm ready to be friends if you are." that sort of thing. opinions?
I think you have to ask whether you want to know her in a few years time. You'll probably realize that it will hurt you more to ask now (in the long run). Then you'll probably be like "screw reason" and go talk to her anyways.
On September 01 2011 15:59 iamahydralisk wrote: so today I saw my ex for the first time in about 5 months. didn't talk to her or anything... just pretty much glanced at her. it was one of those awkward eye contact things... pretty much ruined my day. I feel so fucking stupid... it's been 6 months since we broke up, so I feel like I should be over her... I shouldn't care anymore. I mean, hell, I have a new girlfriend now, so I should be happy with that, right? but I'm not... I'm really not. I thought I was over my ex, but simply seeing her one single time was enough to make me realize that I'm not even close... and I don't know how to be. when I was with her, I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else.
Up until today, I hadn't really thought about her, so I thought those feelings were gone, but now I know they're still there and as strong as ever. she's the one I really want, even though the relationship was destructive as hell. I don't consider myself a weak person, but back when we were having problems, she was able to thoroughly break me and make me hate living. She's the only person in my entire life to ever truly get to me like that... I keep wondering if I did the right thing today when I just kept on walking. Part of me thinks I should've chased after her and said something. I don't even know what I'd say if I did... there are literally no words. My feelings towards her are a mix of extreme anger and powerful love... I want to tell her how much she tore me apart, and how I should hate her for everything she put me through... but I can't. Because I still love her. I hate admitting that... But I really do. Even today, even though it's been months since we so much as talked... I'd die for her, no hesitation. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this... I guess I just need somewhere to let off steam, because I haven't felt this lonely in a really long time.
TL;DR: Kinsey, I still love you. When I told you I always would, I meant it, and at least right now, I don't plan on breaking my word.... and I hate myself for it. I want to get you back... But I'm so afraid to even try because I'm so vulnerable to you. I don't know what to do... I guess all I can do is wait. I need a hug :/
EDIT: I'm thinking more and more about contacting her in some way. I don't have her number anymore, and I don't have her email address... and she doesn't have a facebook, so that basically leaves me the choice of handwriting a letter and taking it to where she works (where I also used to work), or her house. I don't know if that would be "creepy" or not... if I did write her a letter, it wouldn't be a love letter or anything like that. More like, "it was nice seeing you, and I'm ready to be friends if you are." that sort of thing. opinions?
Dude, you either have one of the most messed up lives, or you're stealing this from a show. Either way, I'm actually gonna steal a quote from a TV show for this
There's a difference between a great love and the right love.
Seeing an ex you had a great relationship with will always be emotional (unless it was a really shitty break up and there's hatred there.) The real question you have to think about, and you need to think about it hard, is whether this relationship is REALLY going to work. I don't mean in a platonic way, because love, while its a major major thing, isn't all of it. Happiness has to come in, and the sounds of it, you were in love, but you weren't happy.
Remembering your last ask for help, you met a girl in a concert, and she gave you butterflies that you hadn't felt in ages (actually, since your ex.) That's gotta be a good thing right? is your current relationship going ok? Maybe if its a bit rocky that's why these feelings came back. Bad timing instead of hidden feelings
I can't pretend that I know you really well, since all I know is what you've told us in this thread. However, I would really suggest that you should talk to someone that's pretty neutral in the aspect, but knows you really well. Your best friend, a sibling. Hell, you mum would be a great person to talk to, since I'm guessing she knows about your previous relationship, as well as this one.
The friend letter is.....tricky. If she has such an influence on you, then it could start something that may mess everything up, with her ans well as your current girlfriend. However, it does seem like you need some closure. Personally? I'm thinking go cold turkey for a while. Forget about her, absorb yourself in other activities, and try to move on. Then, after a while, if you see her again, and there are still anxieties, you know that its something you have to address at some point. And when you do, you'll be a person better equipped for it (hopefully)
Also, when you do decide to meet her (cold turkey or not), take backup. You'll need the support before and after, and possibly during if its going badly
... and you can guess, it wasn't hard to find her. Except, like, I was sure it was her, but then how come she went from a 9 to a 5? Bad picture perhaps? Or was I blinded by the popsicle that she became a goddess for a brief second? At least I learned her name so that I could now go around from cubicle to cubicle looking for her. That would be sort of creepy though, no? The excitement of finding her versus the creep factor made me hesitate day after day, and here I am TODAY still wondering if I should go look for her. While my mind is wondering, I'm back with giant spreadsheets and TL blogging.
- THE END
LOL sigh that was so bad, but at least it was true story. I honestly think we should let this thread die so that random girl blogs start popping up again. Having a centralized blog kind of failed.
Wow just read the first 'spotlighted advice' in the OP, that is actually disgusting. This is why you shouldn't learn about girls via the internet -.-
TL;DR: Kinsey, I still love you. When I told you I always would, I meant it, and at least right now, I don't plan on breaking my word.... and I hate myself for it. I want to get you back... But I'm so afraid to even try because I'm so vulnerable to you. I don't know what to do... I guess all I can do is wait. I need a hug :/
That's obsession. You're fixated on the romantic idea of love, especially since you want to stay true to your word "when I told you I always would I meant it." Chef's advice: sometimes it takes longer than 5 months, especially if you torture yourself with dumb ideas and think about her all the time. To fix this try to fill up your free time with something productive so you don't have to much time for dumb thoughts/so you have your own life/so you aren't so needy for another person's affection. Usually this is more a result of boredom and not doing anything with your life for yourself than about a girl being the one and only missing piece.
On September 01 2011 23:44 OpticalShot wrote: ... and you can guess, it wasn't hard to find her. Except, like, I was sure it was her, but then how come she went from a 9 to a 5? Bad picture perhaps? Or was I blinded by the popsicle that she became a goddess for a brief second? At least I learned her name so that I could now go around from cubicle to cubicle looking for her. That would be sort of creepy though, no? The excitement of finding her versus the creep factor made me hesitate day after day, and here I am TODAY still wondering if I should go look for her. While my mind is wondering, I'm back with giant spreadsheets and TL blogging.
- THE END
LOL sigh that was so bad, but at least it was true story. I honestly think we should let this thread die so that random girl blogs start popping up again. Having a centralized blog kind of failed.
I enjoyed it, but I had to go back to read the other posts because you're such a tease
You may have a point about separating the blogs up. Ofc, that would mean I would have to browse the Blog section a lot more instead of just bookmarking this thread.
On September 01 2011 15:59 iamahydralisk wrote: EDIT: I'm thinking more and more about contacting her in some way. I don't have her number anymore, and I don't have her email address... and she doesn't have a facebook, so that basically leaves me the choice of handwriting a letter and taking it to where she works (where I also used to work), or her house. I don't know if that would be "creepy" or not... if I did write her a letter, it wouldn't be a love letter or anything like that. More like, "it was nice seeing you, and I'm ready to be friends if you are." that sort of thing. opinions?
It doesn't sound like you're ready to be friends at all. It sounds like you want more than that and it would be stupid to say, "hey let's be friends" and then try to either hide your feelings or make a move for her again.
what do i tell all the guys who keep asking me how to approach girls at college (i'm not even in college...) they're not really "party guys", more "sit around in dorm and play games guys" in general and i think if most of them went out to a party they'd be scared shitless... i usually just try suggesting they go up to girls and TALK TO THEM but they have all these excuses like "girls won't like it if i makes the first move!" which is bullshit because it doesn't matter, or "girls at college aren't looking to talk to guys" i dont know if this is true or not because i'm in fucking high school, or "i don't want to join a club because blah blah blah".... a lot of them haven't even been in a relationship before or anything so they are completely clueless anyways i get this question from like 3 guys a day and i have no clue what to say anymore, is there any college guy who can tell me what i can say to these guys to inspire them to a) shut up or b) get off their lazy ass and go talk to a girl instead of asking me how to do it because i really don't know
On September 02 2011 00:20 unichan wrote: what do i tell all the guys who keep asking me how to approach girls at college (i'm not even in college...) they're not really "party guys", more "sit around in dorm and play games guys" in general and i think if most of them went out to a party they'd be scared shitless... i usually just try suggesting they go up to girls and TALK TO THEM but they have all these excuses like "girls won't like it if i makes the first move!" which is bullshit because it doesn't matter, or "girls at college aren't looking to talk to guys" i dont know if this is true or not because i'm in fucking high school, or "i don't want to join a club because blah blah blah".... a lot of them haven't even been in a relationship before or anything so they are completely clueless anyways i get this question from like 3 guys a day and i have no clue what to say anymore, is there any college guy who can tell me what i can say to these guys to inspire them to a) shut up or b) get off their lazy ass and go talk to a girl instead of asking me how to do it because i really don't know
tell them they're being stupid.
they're asking you: "How do I approach girls?"
and you say: "Approach them"
and they say: "omg, they won't like me if I make first move! D="
By college, most girls are over the whole nerd/cool thing (at least in my experience), so it's really about these guys getting some confidence/growing a pair and just talking to girls. If you really can't just talk to them without a good social excuse and aren't a party-goer, try going to office hours for common classes or get involved with similar groups on campus. I don't really get why this shit is so hard for some guys... Really you go about meeting and befriending girls the same way you go about meeting and befriending guys. You find some common interest and fucking talk to them. Especially in college, where most relationships tend to develop from a friendship (again, at least in my experience), I don't get why guys have such a hard time with this.
Oh yea, and common areas in dorms. As I remember it, there were always people chilling in the common areas of our dorm doing homework, watching TV/movies and just generally hanging out. These social situations are super duper easy, and frankly, if you can't meet and befriend girls under these circumstances, you're in for a hell of a time when you leave college and you lose all these easy means by which to meet women.
On September 02 2011 00:20 unichan wrote: what do i tell all the guys who keep asking me how to approach girls at college (i'm not even in college...) they're not really "party guys", more "sit around in dorm and play games guys" in general and i think if most of them went out to a party they'd be scared shitless... i usually just try suggesting they go up to girls and TALK TO THEM but they have all these excuses like "girls won't like it if i makes the first move!" which is bullshit because it doesn't matter, or "girls at college aren't looking to talk to guys" i dont know if this is true or not because i'm in fucking high school, or "i don't want to join a club because blah blah blah".... a lot of them haven't even been in a relationship before or anything so they are completely clueless anyways i get this question from like 3 guys a day and i have no clue what to say anymore, is there any college guy who can tell me what i can say to these guys to inspire them to a) shut up or b) get off their lazy ass and go talk to a girl instead of asking me how to do it because i really don't know
tell them they're being stupid.
they're asking you: "How do I approach girls?"
and you say: "Approach them"
and they say: "omg, they won't like me if I make first move! D="
By college, most girls are over the whole nerd/cool thing (at least in my experience), so it's really about these guys getting some confidence/growing a pair and just talking to girls. If you really can't just talk to them without a good social excuse and aren't a party-goer, try going to office hours for common classes or get involved with similar groups on campus. I don't really get why this shit is so hard for some guys... Really you go about meeting and befriending girls the same way you go about meeting and befriending guys. You find some common interest and fucking talk to them. Especially in college, where most relationships tend to develop from a friendship (again, at least in my experience), I don't get why guys have such a hard time with this.
Oh yea, and common areas in dorms. As I remember it, there were always people chilling in the common areas of our dorm doing homework, watching TV/movies and just generally hanging out. These social situations are super duper easy, and frankly, if you can't meet and befriend girls under these circumstances, you're in for a hell of a time when you leave college and you lose all these easy means by which to meet women.
Has this thread really got to the point where people are giving advice to guys about giving advice to guys about girls? Yo dawg, I heard you like girl blog advice....
Yeah, the OP got it right with the 2 options. Shut up and just go out and do it. Join a club, go to a bar, talk to others in lectures, DO SOMETHING
On September 02 2011 01:02 Mogwai wrote: By college, most girls are over the whole nerd/cool thing (at least in my experience), so it's really about these guys getting some confidence/growing a pair and just talking to girls.
Ehhhh, I wouldn't exactly go THAT far. However, the decent girls WORTH being with are over this.
I feel a lot of the time guys have this image in their head that they're supposed to approach random women at bars, keggers, and other mass gatherings. It's so much easier to narrow down your special interests, get involved with groups centered on these interests, and meet people through these channels. Talking comes a LOT more natural when you both have the something in common BESIDES both being at the same party. Such groups kill two birds with one stone when you find a community of people you enjoy. A group of friends AND potential dates. Sounds good to me!
On September 01 2011 15:59 iamahydralisk wrote: I thought I was over my ex, but simply seeing her one single time was enough to make me realize that I'm not even close... and I don't know how to be.
You move on progressively with time. Some transitions are easier, like high school relationships that end when one goes to college - not hard for the college student to move on because so much is changing in the first year. Some transitions take more time. It took me well over a year to move on from a relationship I had in the middle of college because my life didn't change a whole lot. It took 6 months to get over a relationship that ended when I moved to grad school.
Think of it like digging a 6 inch hole on a beach versus a back yard of dirt. If you dig a hole in dirt it's going to take a long time for the wind to blow enough sediment into the hole and fill it up. But on the beach you can dig a hole near the shore and the waves will smooth it out quickly. It sounds like not much in your life has changed, so it's taking longer for that hole to fill. It's not wise to create a radical change (unless you live a destructive lifestyle), but try some new things! You move on as fast as you yourself change.
when I was with her, I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else.
The "you" of five months ago loved her that much. When you hold on to things like this you're holding on to how you were five months ago. We experience a ton of growth in that time, so intentionally holding on to these feelings holds you back emotionally.
My feelings towards her are a mix of extreme anger and powerful love... I want to tell her how much she tore me apart, and how I should hate her for everything she put me through... but I can't.
This is normal. Instead of holding it all inside find a trusted friend or parent and vent. Get it all out of your system. It's also therapeutic to write them a letter of how you're feeling. Do NOT send it, just put it down. I kept one of these for years because it helped so much and finally got rid of it a few months ago because it was holding me back.
From the way you paint the picture, it doesn't sound like the relationship was bipolar - extreme highs and extreme lows. It's over and done. You did all you can. Use this as a model for future relationships so you can maybe decrease the amount of hate she stirs in you
I need a hug :/
Yes you do! I'd bet your new girlfriend would help with that! Speaking of, you should tell her what's going on. It doesn't need to be filled with gritty details, just a simple "I saw my ex and it turned my emotions upside down". Things like this happen. If she's reasonable and understanding she'll be ok with it; we're only human after all!
I'm thinking more and more about contacting her in some way.
Generally a bad idea. If you have something left unsaid from the breakup that you need to get off your chest then meet her in person and say it, but I wouldn't recommend seeing her under any other circumstances. Allow yourself to move on before becoming friends again.
Right now I am single but I still get physical with friends or other girls. However when I am trying to get it on, I suffer from performance anxiety or something like I would get all excited but when it comes to penetration, I go limp. And this repeats itself. I don't know if I am tired or if its due to alcohol or because I am a little indifferent cos the girl and I are just in for the fun.. anyhow it just sucks and the girl gets disappointed and all. It gets worse if I use a rubber.. anyone has a solution?
On September 01 2011 15:59 iamahydralisk wrote: so today I saw my ex for the first time in about 5 months. didn't talk to her or anything... just pretty much glanced at her. it was one of those awkward eye contact things... pretty much ruined my day. I feel so fucking stupid... it's been 6 months since we broke up, so I feel like I should be over her... I shouldn't care anymore. I mean, hell, I have a new girlfriend now, so I should be happy with that, right? but I'm not... I'm really not. I thought I was over my ex, but simply seeing her one single time was enough to make me realize that I'm not even close... and I don't know how to be. when I was with her, I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else.
Up until today, I hadn't really thought about her, so I thought those feelings were gone, but now I know they're still there and as strong as ever. she's the one I really want, even though the relationship was destructive as hell. I don't consider myself a weak person, but back when we were having problems, she was able to thoroughly break me and make me hate living. She's the only person in my entire life to ever truly get to me like that... I keep wondering if I did the right thing today when I just kept on walking. Part of me thinks I should've chased after her and said something. I don't even know what I'd say if I did... there are literally no words. My feelings towards her are a mix of extreme anger and powerful love... I want to tell her how much she tore me apart, and how I should hate her for everything she put me through... but I can't. Because I still love her. I hate admitting that... But I really do. Even today, even though it's been months since we so much as talked... I'd die for her, no hesitation. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this... I guess I just need somewhere to let off steam, because I haven't felt this lonely in a really long time.
TL;DR: Kinsey, I still love you. When I told you I always would, I meant it, and at least right now, I don't plan on breaking my word.... and I hate myself for it. I want to get you back... But I'm so afraid to even try because I'm so vulnerable to you. I don't know what to do... I guess all I can do is wait. I need a hug :/
EDIT: I'm thinking more and more about contacting her in some way. I don't have her number anymore, and I don't have her email address... and she doesn't have a facebook, so that basically leaves me the choice of handwriting a letter and taking it to where she works (where I also used to work), or her house. I don't know if that would be "creepy" or not... if I did write her a letter, it wouldn't be a love letter or anything like that. More like, "it was nice seeing you, and I'm ready to be friends if you are." that sort of thing. opinions?
Dude, you either have one of the most messed up lives, or you're stealing this from a show. Either way, I'm actually gonna steal a quote from a TV show for this
There's a difference between a great love and the right love.
Seeing an ex you had a great relationship with will always be emotional (unless it was a really shitty break up and there's hatred there.) The real question you have to think about, and you need to think about it hard, is whether this relationship is REALLY going to work. I don't mean in a platonic way, because love, while its a major major thing, isn't all of it. Happiness has to come in, and the sounds of it, you were in love, but you weren't happy.
Remembering your last ask for help, you met a girl in a concert, and she gave you butterflies that you hadn't felt in ages (actually, since your ex.) That's gotta be a good thing right? is your current relationship going ok? Maybe if its a bit rocky that's why these feelings came back. Bad timing instead of hidden feelings
I can't pretend that I know you really well, since all I know is what you've told us in this thread. However, I would really suggest that you should talk to someone that's pretty neutral in the aspect, but knows you really well. Your best friend, a sibling. Hell, you mum would be a great person to talk to, since I'm guessing she knows about your previous relationship, as well as this one.
The friend letter is.....tricky. If she has such an influence on you, then it could start something that may mess everything up, with her ans well as your current girlfriend. However, it does seem like you need some closure. Personally? I'm thinking go cold turkey for a while. Forget about her, absorb yourself in other activities, and try to move on. Then, after a while, if you see her again, and there are still anxieties, you know that its something you have to address at some point. And when you do, you'll be a person better equipped for it (hopefully)
Also, when you do decide to meet her (cold turkey or not), take backup. You'll need the support before and after, and possibly during if its going badly
I guess you're right in thinking that I wasn't really happy with my ex. I'd say I was more "content" with the relationship, and I was okay with that as long as she was happy. Part of the reason I hate the fact that I still have feelings for her is that looking back, I realize how terrible of a relationship it really was. She was controlling, a liar, and she only ever had time for the relationship when it was convenient for her. As for whether or not the relationship would really work now... I honestly have no idea. I'm a very different person then I was back then. I feel like both me and her were just bad at relationships then, but if we've both changed now... It could work, who knows. I know for a fact that I've learned enough that things would be different this time. If she's learned anything since then, it just might work.
Also, my current relationship is fine. I guess it's just hard because concert girl lives two hours away and I can't see her more than once every other week or so. I'm generally not the type of person who does long distance relationships... But for concert girl, I will. As far as asking a friend, or my parents goes... I already know they'll tell me to stay away from my ex, because they were all around when everything went wrong, and they saw how much of a monster she can be. It's not an understatement at all to say that my three closest friends at the time hated her with a passion, and they were actually happy when the relationship ended because they knew I was better off. That's the thing... I know it too. I know I'm better off without her (at least, the way she was then), which is why I'm so mad at myself for wanting her back. I think the reason I want her back is because there's a glimmer of hope that maybe she's changed for the better, and things could work this time.
The thing about going cold turkey is, that's exactly what I've done. I haven't thought about her in weeks. Not even a single time... And when I did think about her before, it was more along the lines of "I wonder how she's doing," not "I'm still madly in love with her and I want her back." Things were going great lately especially, because having a new girlfriend pretty much pushed all of those thoughts out of my mind... Which is why I was surprised when one little glance was enough to make me feel all the negative feelings all over again. I'm still not sure on the friend letter... I have this nagging feeling that it could only possibly end badly.
On September 01 2011 23:46 Chef wrote: Wow just read the first 'spotlighted advice' in the OP, that is actually disgusting. This is why you shouldn't learn about girls via the internet -.-
TL;DR: Kinsey, I still love you. When I told you I always would, I meant it, and at least right now, I don't plan on breaking my word.... and I hate myself for it. I want to get you back... But I'm so afraid to even try because I'm so vulnerable to you. I don't know what to do... I guess all I can do is wait. I need a hug :/
That's obsession. You're fixated on the romantic idea of love, especially since you want to stay true to your word "when I told you I always would I meant it." Chef's advice: sometimes it takes longer than 5 months, especially if you torture yourself with dumb ideas and think about her all the time. To fix this try to fill up your free time with something productive so you don't have to much time for dumb thoughts/so you have your own life/so you aren't so needy for another person's affection. Usually this is more a result of boredom and not doing anything with your life for yourself than about a girl being the one and only missing piece.
I don't want to stay true to my word. If I could just absolve myself of my feelings for her, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I don't think about her all the time either... I almost never do, and really, I have a pretty fulfilling life. I've got college, plenty of good friends, girlfriend... I'm not bored often. And I'm constantly pushing myself to improve in every way I can, so I don't think it's accurate to say I'm not doing anything with my life, either. The fact that I have a fulfilling life and this is still throwing me for such a loop... That's what makes me think there's something there.
On September 01 2011 15:59 iamahydralisk wrote: EDIT: I'm thinking more and more about contacting her in some way. I don't have her number anymore, and I don't have her email address... and she doesn't have a facebook, so that basically leaves me the choice of handwriting a letter and taking it to where she works (where I also used to work), or her house. I don't know if that would be "creepy" or not... if I did write her a letter, it wouldn't be a love letter or anything like that. More like, "it was nice seeing you, and I'm ready to be friends if you are." that sort of thing. opinions?
It doesn't sound like you're ready to be friends at all. It sounds like you want more than that and it would be stupid to say, "hey let's be friends" and then try to either hide your feelings or make a move for her again.
You're right, I would like to be more than friends with her again. The reason I'd write the friends letter, though, is because I'd rather have her in my life in some capacity than not at all. Also, this might sound weird, but if we were just friends, I could friend zone her and get rid of most of the feelings I have for her. If she was blatantly not interested in being more than friends, I could probably friend zone her no problem (when I say friend zone, I mean lose my feelings for her if it's obvious they won't be reciprocated). Of course, it's also possible that being friends with her will just make this hurt more, but I don't know until I try.
On September 02 2011 00:20 unichan wrote: what do i tell all the guys who keep asking me how to approach girls at college (i'm not even in college...) they're not really "party guys", more "sit around in dorm and play games guys" in general and i think if most of them went out to a party they'd be scared shitless... i usually just try suggesting they go up to girls and TALK TO THEM but they have all these excuses like "girls won't like it if i makes the first move!" which is bullshit because it doesn't matter, or "girls at college aren't looking to talk to guys" i dont know if this is true or not because i'm in fucking high school, or "i don't want to join a club because blah blah blah".... a lot of them haven't even been in a relationship before or anything so they are completely clueless anyways i get this question from like 3 guys a day and i have no clue what to say anymore, is there any college guy who can tell me what i can say to these guys to inspire them to a) shut up or b) get off their lazy ass and go talk to a girl instead of asking me how to do it because i really don't know
These "sit around in dorm and play games guys" are probably not as scared-shitless as you think! Think of it this way, these guys keep asking you... right? Keep asking... keep talking... get my point? One of the easiest ways to talk with a girl is to ask her how to talk with another girl. It's a double-edged sword, because it instantly breaks down the girl's anti-creep-shield and at the same time takes you right near the f-zone border. You can reverse this too, once a guy's asking you how to approach a girl, he's already opened up and is ready to show himself to you - and if you don't think he's too bad, might as well take a shot.
Anyways, if those guys are innocent and dumb as you suspect them to be, I guess the best help you can tell them is to just man the fuck up. I honestly don't know what else to say. If you want them to shut up then just tell them straight up that they're ugly stinky nerdy unattractive hairy boring, and they should shower shave brush watch tv go play sports and make friends. Cool?
On September 02 2011 02:52 bloopie wrote: OK this is a little more physical but anyhow:
Right now I am single but I still get physical with friends or other girls. However when I am trying to get it on, I suffer from performance anxiety or something like I would get all excited but when it comes to penetration, I go limp. And this repeats itself. I don't know if I am tired or if its due to alcohol or because I am a little indifferent cos the girl and I are just in for the fun.. anyhow it just sucks and the girl gets disappointed and all. It gets worse if I use a rubber.. anyone has a solution?
What gets people aroused varies pretty greatly from person to person, so it's pretty tough to give helpful advice here. I think we need more info here to help you at all. Has this always been a problem for you? If not, has anything changed recently, such as a bad break up or anything that is generally making you depressed/unhappy? How much are you typically drinking before things are getting physical? Are you engaging in much foreplay or getting right down to business? It could be any number of things and I could understand if you don't want to talk about them, but it's pretty difficult to figure out the problem without knowing more.
Hmm I just started so I guess yea this problem has been ongoing. Nothing traumatic but I kinda don't believe in romance. I drink like at least 8 drinks? I give the girl about 5 to 10 minutes of foreplay.. for me I dunno. Less?
less drinks, more foreplay IMO (and not just oral sex, which is what seems to be what you're talking about by your wording there, but also general kissing and touching), but if you're just starting you also just need to figure out what gets you going. A lot of foreplay is about establishing an emotional connection, so that might not be it, but it also helps you figure out the sorts of physical triggers that turn you on, which of course are helpful for getting you back up if things start to go sour.
Either way though, 8+ drinks is pretty much a surefire recipe for impotence so that should almost certainly be your starting point.
On September 01 2011 15:59 iamahydralisk wrote: so today I saw my ex for the first time in about 5 months. didn't talk to her or anything... just pretty much glanced at her. it was one of those awkward eye contact things... pretty much ruined my day. I feel so fucking stupid... it's been 6 months since we broke up, so I feel like I should be over her... I shouldn't care anymore. I mean, hell, I have a new girlfriend now, so I should be happy with that, right? but I'm not... I'm really not. I thought I was over my ex, but simply seeing her one single time was enough to make me realize that I'm not even close... and I don't know how to be. when I was with her, I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else.
Up until today, I hadn't really thought about her, so I thought those feelings were gone, but now I know they're still there and as strong as ever. she's the one I really want, even though the relationship was destructive as hell. I don't consider myself a weak person, but back when we were having problems, she was able to thoroughly break me and make me hate living. She's the only person in my entire life to ever truly get to me like that... I keep wondering if I did the right thing today when I just kept on walking. Part of me thinks I should've chased after her and said something. I don't even know what I'd say if I did... there are literally no words. My feelings towards her are a mix of extreme anger and powerful love... I want to tell her how much she tore me apart, and how I should hate her for everything she put me through... but I can't. Because I still love her. I hate admitting that... But I really do. Even today, even though it's been months since we so much as talked... I'd die for her, no hesitation. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this... I guess I just need somewhere to let off steam, because I haven't felt this lonely in a really long time.
TL;DR: Kinsey, I still love you. When I told you I always would, I meant it, and at least right now, I don't plan on breaking my word.... and I hate myself for it. I want to get you back... But I'm so afraid to even try because I'm so vulnerable to you. I don't know what to do... I guess all I can do is wait. I need a hug :/
EDIT: I'm thinking more and more about contacting her in some way. I don't have her number anymore, and I don't have her email address... and she doesn't have a facebook, so that basically leaves me the choice of handwriting a letter and taking it to where she works (where I also used to work), or her house. I don't know if that would be "creepy" or not... if I did write her a letter, it wouldn't be a love letter or anything like that. More like, "it was nice seeing you, and I'm ready to be friends if you are." that sort of thing. opinions?
Dude, you either have one of the most messed up lives, or you're stealing this from a show. Either way, I'm actually gonna steal a quote from a TV show for this
There's a difference between a great love and the right love.
Seeing an ex you had a great relationship with will always be emotional (unless it was a really shitty break up and there's hatred there.) The real question you have to think about, and you need to think about it hard, is whether this relationship is REALLY going to work. I don't mean in a platonic way, because love, while its a major major thing, isn't all of it. Happiness has to come in, and the sounds of it, you were in love, but you weren't happy.
Remembering your last ask for help, you met a girl in a concert, and she gave you butterflies that you hadn't felt in ages (actually, since your ex.) That's gotta be a good thing right? is your current relationship going ok? Maybe if its a bit rocky that's why these feelings came back. Bad timing instead of hidden feelings
I can't pretend that I know you really well, since all I know is what you've told us in this thread. However, I would really suggest that you should talk to someone that's pretty neutral in the aspect, but knows you really well. Your best friend, a sibling. Hell, you mum would be a great person to talk to, since I'm guessing she knows about your previous relationship, as well as this one.
The friend letter is.....tricky. If she has such an influence on you, then it could start something that may mess everything up, with her ans well as your current girlfriend. However, it does seem like you need some closure. Personally? I'm thinking go cold turkey for a while. Forget about her, absorb yourself in other activities, and try to move on. Then, after a while, if you see her again, and there are still anxieties, you know that its something you have to address at some point. And when you do, you'll be a person better equipped for it (hopefully)
Also, when you do decide to meet her (cold turkey or not), take backup. You'll need the support before and after, and possibly during if its going badly
I guess you're right in thinking that I wasn't really happy with my ex. I'd say I was more "content" with the relationship, and I was okay with that as long as she was happy. Part of the reason I hate the fact that I still have feelings for her is that looking back, I realize how terrible of a relationship it really was. She was controlling, a liar, and she only ever had time for the relationship when it was convenient for her. As for whether or not the relationship would really work now... I honestly have no idea. I'm a very different person then I was back then. I feel like both me and her were just bad at relationships then, but if we've both changed now... It could work, who knows. I know for a fact that I've learned enough that things would be different this time. If she's learned anything since then, it just might work.
Also, my current relationship is fine. I guess it's just hard because concert girl lives two hours away and I can't see her more than once every other week or so. I'm generally not the type of person who does long distance relationships... But for concert girl, I will. As far as asking a friend, or my parents goes... I already know they'll tell me to stay away from my ex, because they were all around when everything went wrong, and they saw how much of a monster she can be. It's not an understatement at all to say that my three closest friends at the time hated her with a passion, and they were actually happy when the relationship ended because they knew I was better off. That's the thing... I know it too. I know I'm better off without her (at least, the way she was then), which is why I'm so mad at myself for wanting her back. I think the reason I want her back is because there's a glimmer of hope that maybe she's changed for the better, and things could work this time.
The thing about going cold turkey is, that's exactly what I've done. I haven't thought about her in weeks. Not even a single time... And when I did think about her before, it was more along the lines of "I wonder how she's doing," not "I'm still madly in love with her and I want her back." Things were going great lately especially, because having a new girlfriend pretty much pushed all of those thoughts out of my mind... Which is why I was surprised when one little glance was enough to make me feel all the negative feelings all over again. I'm still not sure on the friend letter... I have this nagging feeling that it could only possibly end badly.
On September 01 2011 23:46 Chef wrote: Wow just read the first 'spotlighted advice' in the OP, that is actually disgusting. This is why you shouldn't learn about girls via the internet -.-
TL;DR: Kinsey, I still love you. When I told you I always would, I meant it, and at least right now, I don't plan on breaking my word.... and I hate myself for it. I want to get you back... But I'm so afraid to even try because I'm so vulnerable to you. I don't know what to do... I guess all I can do is wait. I need a hug :/
That's obsession. You're fixated on the romantic idea of love, especially since you want to stay true to your word "when I told you I always would I meant it." Chef's advice: sometimes it takes longer than 5 months, especially if you torture yourself with dumb ideas and think about her all the time. To fix this try to fill up your free time with something productive so you don't have to much time for dumb thoughts/so you have your own life/so you aren't so needy for another person's affection. Usually this is more a result of boredom and not doing anything with your life for yourself than about a girl being the one and only missing piece.
I don't want to stay true to my word. If I could just absolve myself of my feelings for her, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I don't think about her all the time either... I almost never do, and really, I have a pretty fulfilling life. I've got college, plenty of good friends, girlfriend... I'm not bored often. And I'm constantly pushing myself to improve in every way I can, so I don't think it's accurate to say I'm not doing anything with my life, either. The fact that I have a fulfilling life and this is still throwing me for such a loop... That's what makes me think there's something there.
On September 01 2011 15:59 iamahydralisk wrote: EDIT: I'm thinking more and more about contacting her in some way. I don't have her number anymore, and I don't have her email address... and she doesn't have a facebook, so that basically leaves me the choice of handwriting a letter and taking it to where she works (where I also used to work), or her house. I don't know if that would be "creepy" or not... if I did write her a letter, it wouldn't be a love letter or anything like that. More like, "it was nice seeing you, and I'm ready to be friends if you are." that sort of thing. opinions?
It doesn't sound like you're ready to be friends at all. It sounds like you want more than that and it would be stupid to say, "hey let's be friends" and then try to either hide your feelings or make a move for her again.
You're right, I would like to be more than friends with her again. The reason I'd write the friends letter, though, is because I'd rather have her in my life in some capacity than not at all. Also, this might sound weird, but if we were just friends, I could friend zone her and get rid of most of the feelings I have for her. If she was blatantly not interested in being more than friends, I could probably friend zone her no problem (when I say friend zone, I mean lose my feelings for her if it's obvious they won't be reciprocated). Of course, it's also possible that being friends with her will just make this hurt more, but I don't know until I try.
This post is exactly what i was hoping to see. After reading all of what you wrote as replies, I can tell one major thing; you actually took my advice. Which is cool for me. Yes you didn't talk to close friends of family, because you knew the answer, but it sounds like you're talking to yourself (in a good way.) Your brain, heart and gut are working together to give yourself an answer, and I think a few of your replies sort of answer it for you
I have a pretty fulfilling life. I've got college, plenty of good friends, girlfriend... I'm not bored often.
You sounds happy. You have a girlfriend that you're willing to have a LDR with. The "what If" with forever exist when you first see an ex, but don't forget that if you do go for it, you will have the same "what if" feeling when you see concert girl for the first time after the break up. Personally, I say let sleeping dogs lie, but if you want to have her in your life, be very careful how you do it. Clear intentions need to be known to all parties.
I'm feeling a hell of a lot better today. I've realized that I have a lot to be happy about, and I shouldn't let something like this get me down. All of the negative feelings still hurt, but I'll be fine. I still haven't completely ruled out the idea of contacting my ex, but I'm just gonna wait for now... and if I get to the point where I'm feeling particularly angsty again, I'll write one of those venting letters.
Thanks to everyone who gave advice and stuff :3 it helps a lot.
On September 02 2011 15:57 DoctorHelvetica wrote: the best way to meet women is stalk them relentlessly but gently. don't be secretive about it or they won't trust you.
Ask them if you can take a picture of them eating a hotdog, and when they say no, do it anyways
I recently broke up with my ex a month ago (Roseanne) and I've started talking to my ex-ex-ex again (Jamie). Me and Jamie have a history together. I loved her and everything about her, she always listened carefully whenever I talked about music and always held onto my arm tight when I played games. She was nurturing and caring yet strong and independent. We were together 3 years ago for one year and I caught her cheating on me. I broke up with her then.
So it's been three years since we've talked and I sort of want to get back together again. We hung out yesterday and I still feel a little bit scared for us and I feel like I can't fully trust her yet, even though I want to - but I still want to be with her.
What should I do and what is the best way to approach this situation?
On September 05 2011 07:55 Arterial wrote: Okay guys my turn...
I recently broke up with my ex a month ago (Roseanne) and I've started talking to my ex-ex-ex again (Jamie). Me and Jamie have a history together. I loved her and everything about her, she always listened carefully whenever I talked about music and always held onto my arm tight when I played games. She was nurturing and caring yet strong and independent. We were together 3 years ago for one year and I caught her cheating on me. I broke up with her then.
So it's been three years since we've talked and I sort of want to get back together again. We hung out yesterday and I still feel a little bit scared for us and I feel like I can't fully trust her yet, even though I want to - but I still want to be with her.
What should I do and what is the best way to approach this situation?
You're feeling nostalgic. Think about your situation, you just broke up with your Ex merely a month ago and guess who you're going back to: another Ex who has already duped you once.
Are you sure you're not just reminiscing? Cherry-picking the good parts about her without considering the negatives about her (cheating on you for example). Why did she cheat on you? Did she ever say?
You're lacking details, but this hopping from one Ex to another spells trouble.
On September 02 2011 03:27 bloopie wrote: Hmm I just started so I guess yea this problem has been ongoing. Nothing traumatic but I kinda don't believe in romance. I drink like at least 8 drinks? I give the girl about 5 to 10 minutes of foreplay.. for me I dunno. Less?
You are analyzing too much. This wont go away until you stop thinking about it which wont ever happen on a whim. Its so deep in your subconscious atm theres no easy way to get it out. You have 2 options imo (speaking from experience, no bullshit): get a girlfriend that will go through this with you, which might take a good month or two, or find a hooker and do wtf you want until you gain enough confidence. I didnt go the second way but knowing what worked this seems like a good solution. Cut down on liquor while you at it and stop whacking off. GL
On September 05 2011 07:55 Arterial wrote: Okay guys my turn...
I recently broke up with my ex a month ago (Roseanne) and I've started talking to my ex-ex-ex again (Jamie). Me and Jamie have a history together. I loved her and everything about her, she always listened carefully whenever I talked about music and always held onto my arm tight when I played games. She was nurturing and caring yet strong and independent. We were together 3 years ago for one year and I caught her cheating on me. I broke up with her then.
So it's been three years since we've talked and I sort of want to get back together again. We hung out yesterday and I still feel a little bit scared for us and I feel like I can't fully trust her yet, even though I want to - but I still want to be with her.
What should I do and what is the best way to approach this situation?
You're feeling nostalgic. Think about your situation, you just broke up with your Ex merely a month ago and guess who you're going back to: another Ex who has already duped you once.
Are you sure you're not just reminiscing? Cherry-picking the good parts about her without considering the negatives about her (cheating on you for example). Why did she cheat on you? Did she ever say?
You're lacking details, but this hopping from one Ex to another spells trouble.
I get what you mean. I've thought about the negatives already and I know them. The negatives are actually why im a bit hesitant to go in straight away.
I don't plan on jumping right with her straight away - I want to give it some time like a new months...
She said she cheated on me because she wasn't mature.
She wasn't mature? That's a bit ambiguous, ask her how so, what made her immature, etc. That's a blanket reasoning that puts you in a position to interpret and could lead to problems in the future.
Be her friend, see what's changed, what you like now compared to before and then tell us what's going through in your mind. Good idea on your part.
Torte beat me to it, but he's awesome so I never feel bad.
...I can't think of anything to add to his advice. Just keep a level head at the start, then take a quick step back and see where you both stand after a while. But yes, stay as friends initially
So, I met this guy a few months back. He seems to be a bit of a nutter, obsessed with carrots and penguins, but he's rather attractive (everyone we run into tries to throws their arms and bodies at him constantly). He seems like a big shot around town, thinking he's number 1, but always makes time to give advice and compliments to me, a young naive blonde. He calls me a "qtpie" on a daily basis and seems to hint extremely unsubtly to have an interest in a more physical relationship.
Which is all fine, the crux of the problem is that he is married. Although he and his wife are essentially separated (In all the time we spend together everyday, I've only seen her once or twice briefly) I still feel it would be against my moral code to indulge in a more physical relationship. However, on the other hand, he cuts such a dashing figure it gets harder every day to resist his impressive guns. I feel like cupid, bow drawn and ready to fire an arrow full of love, lust and desire deep into his crystal heart and show that the defense it offers is nothing against my own energized passion.
It is hard to tell just how much there is between us. I feel like I am still coming to know and understand him and it's entirely possible that spending just one night together in a 4 walled cube could completely reset any potential between us. Added to this, I feel that the relationship is somewhat one sided with me constantly requiring his help with the everyday quests and pursuits of advancing myself both physically and with my new 4th job.
So, I'm asking for advice, preferable from OpticalShot on how I should proceed as I feel only he can truly understand the situation I'm in. Thanks in advance.
On September 06 2011 02:23 Nunger wrote: So, I met this guy a few months back. He seems to be a bit of a nutter, obsessed with carrots and penguins, but he's rather attractive (everyone we run into tries to throws their arms and bodies at him constantly). He seems like a big shot around town, thinking he's number 1, but always makes time to give advice and compliments to me, a young naive blonde. He calls me a "qtpie" on a daily basis and seems to hint extremely unsubtly to have an interest in a more physical relationship.
Which is all fine, the crux of the problem is that he is married. Although he and his wife are essentially separated (In all the time we spend together everyday, I've only seen her once or twice briefly) I still feel it would be against my moral code to indulge in a more physical relationship. However, on the other hand, he cuts such a dashing figure it gets harder every day to resist his impressive guns. I feel like cupid, bow drawn and ready to fire an arrow full of love, lust and desire deep into his crystal heart and show that the defense it offers is nothing against my own energized passion.
It is hard to tell just how much there is between us. I feel like I am still coming to know and understand him and it's entirely possible that spending just one night together in a 4 walled cube could completely reset any potential between us. Added to this, I feel that the relationship is somewhat one sided with me constantly requiring his help with the everyday quests and pursuits of advancing myself both physically and with my new 4th job.
So, I'm asking for advice, preferable from OpticalShot on how I should proceed as I feel only he can truly understand the situation I'm in. Thanks in advance.
You should follow that gut feeling of yours and throw yourself into the lion's den. I'm sure if you concentrate, those sharp eyes of yours will help you realize that he's interested in you too. According to your post, you're quite the strong and dexterous person and he probably feels the same fawning affection as you do towards him. It's time to fire that cupid's arrow right at his dark figure and let it hit him like a hurricane.
I would like to go out on a date with this girl. I've only met her in person once or twice through a common music interest. I wanna strike her up on a date, but with the lack of actual socializing between us I honestly have no idea where to start from. tips?
On September 11 2011 13:36 Dalguno wrote: This one's a little different. But what do you do when you're wearing basketball shorts, she goes to hug you and stuff, and you're a bit happy?
On September 11 2011 13:36 Dalguno wrote: This one's a little different. But what do you do when you're wearing basketball shorts, she goes to hug you and stuff, and you're a bit happy?
dont wear basketball shorts heres my advice get a fringe haircut wear skinny jeans metalcore band shirts dye your hair black start going out with girls in middle school they wont even notice or care abotu that kinda stuff bru thank me later
On September 11 2011 13:36 Dalguno wrote: This one's a little different. But what do you do when you're wearing basketball shorts, she goes to hug you and stuff, and you're a bit happy?
On September 11 2011 13:34 Lemonayd wrote: I would like to go out on a date with this girl. I've only met her in person once or twice through a common music interest. I wanna strike her up on a date, but with the lack of actual socializing between us I honestly have no idea where to start from. tips?
Use said common music interest to meet her again, talk to her and ask her out. There's no real tip that can be given, just ask her.
On September 11 2011 13:36 Dalguno wrote: This one's a little different. But what do you do when you're wearing basketball shorts, she goes to hug you and stuff, and you're a bit happy?
Definite waistband tuck there. That or get a sweatband normally sued for your head, and place it around your waist. Not comfortable, but its an option.
Or go to the bathroom with a bottle of cold water, and pour
On September 11 2011 13:36 Dalguno wrote: This one's a little different. But what do you do when you're wearing basketball shorts, she goes to hug you and stuff, and you're a bit happy?
Allright so for myself i'm terrible at starting conversations with girls especially. The farthest I can get is saying hi and then anyfarther from there and it's all luck. Whenever I am interested in a girl and think about talking to her some more and seeing if I actually like her, I can never do that because I don't know how to start convorsations. So I could really use some advice on how to start conversations with girls. After that I'm fine it's just getting over that innatial period of not knowing each other and actually making her want to talk to me, and not thinking that i'm weird for trying to talk to her. Hopefully someone can help me out with this.
The following is just a bit of a rant post about someone else's relationship.
Alright so, I'm in college and one of the classes I'm taking is a 1-credit class where they pair you up with foreign students and help them with their English. Basically, the entire point of the class is to hang out with them, so that's pretty cool. Anyway, one of the people in the class is this Japanese girl. She seemed pretty nice and we hit it off pretty well, so I got her number and asked her if she wanted to hang out with me sometime. She said yeah.
A few days later, I texted her and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. She replied and told me she couldn't because her boyfriend wouldn't be okay with it and the last time her boyfriend caught her hanging out with another guy, the boyfriend broke the guy's arm. Then she told me that she actually got in trouble with her boyfriend because of the texts. Let's go over everything that's wrong with this situation:
1. She gave me her number and said yes to hanging out, and she was obviously lying. 2. Her boyfriend obviously has huge anger issues if he broke some poor guy's arm for hanging out with this girl. 3. He reads her texts. Like seriously, wtf?
The reason I'm posting this is because I can't understand why anyone would put themselves in a relationship as obviously unhealthy as this one. The guy is obviously a huge control freak with major anger issues... Why the hell is she sticking around? If he hasn't already, it's only a matter of time before he loses his temper with her and hits her or something. I want to say something to her... Like, tell her she needs to run and fast, but I don't know her well enough to say anything about it :/
On September 12 2011 04:12 JMC4 wrote: Allright so for myself i'm terrible at starting conversations with girls especially. The farthest I can get is saying hi and then anyfarther from there and it's all luck. Whenever I am interested in a girl and think about talking to her some more and seeing if I actually like her, I can never do that because I don't know how to start convorsations. So I could really use some advice on how to start conversations with girls. After that I'm fine it's just getting over that innatial period of not knowing each other and actually making her want to talk to me, and not thinking that i'm weird for trying to talk to her. Hopefully someone can help me out with this.
Pick something that's related to her, and start the conversation about that. She reading a book? Talk to her about that. Notice a necklace? Start from there. Doesn't really matter what the topic is (though if its something you know a decent amount about, or something you genuinely wanna find out, obviously lean towards that) as long as you start talking to her. After the initial conversation, you can steer towards other areas like introductions
On September 12 2011 07:46 iamahydralisk wrote: The following is just a bit of a rant post about someone else's relationship.
Alright so, I'm in college and one of the classes I'm taking is a 1-credit class where they pair you up with foreign students and help them with their English. Basically, the entire point of the class is to hang out with them, so that's pretty cool. Anyway, one of the people in the class is this Japanese girl. She seemed pretty nice and we hit it off pretty well, so I got her number and asked her if she wanted to hang out with me sometime. She said yeah.
A few days later, I texted her and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. She replied and told me she couldn't because her boyfriend wouldn't be okay with it and the last time her boyfriend caught her hanging out with another guy, the boyfriend broke the guy's arm. Then she told me that she actually got in trouble with her boyfriend because of the texts. Let's go over everything that's wrong with this situation:
1. She gave me her number and said yes to hanging out, and she was obviously lying. 2. Her boyfriend obviously has huge anger issues if he broke some poor guy's arm for hanging out with this girl. 3. He reads her texts. Like seriously, wtf?
The reason I'm posting this is because I can't understand why anyone would put themselves in a relationship as obviously unhealthy as this one. The guy is obviously a huge control freak with major anger issues... Why the hell is she sticking around? If he hasn't already, it's only a matter of time before he loses his temper with her and hits her or something. I want to say something to her... Like, tell her she needs to run and fast, but I don't know her well enough to say anything about it :/
Dammit Hydra, every time I see you'er the last one who's posted in this thread, I think "oh God, this guy can't catch a break."
What does your conscience say? If you think you should say something, say something. I wouldn't send a text, for obvious reasons, so face to face would be better. You can't really do much more than that though, just be a friend if something happens.
Love is blind, drunk, and a bit mentally slow. Who knows how the hell it works,,,,,
So, my GF of 2 years officially broke up with me for good. The past two years were very volatile with a lot of break ups and then making up. It was my first legit relationship and I can admit that it was shitty but I didn't mind the bad times because when I was with her everything was... I just felt right and at home and peaceful. I never had someone who I had that type of deep connection with. I had so much fun and was so happy with her. There were a few problems on both sides, she would drink a lot and see her ex's (because they would guilt her heavily) and would act crazy (her friend was raped, some of her family have cancer,etc). First time I ended it with her, but we got back together and she continued to work on her problems and better herself.
Then comes Sophmore year of college, and I became distant and mean and would hurt her feelings by saying terrible shit to her. I don't know why I did this but I think it was because I was losing interest in her. When she had enough and broke up with me, my world crashed down. I drank a lot and put my friends through a lot of shit. She still had feelings for me and even though we were broken up we would text and stuff. This went on for several months until the spring when she decided she would give me one last chance.
The spring of sophmore year, I don't even remember much of what we did. We would hang out and chill but we didn't hang out as much as we did the first year of our relationship. I was so grateful when she took me back but as soon as she did I became complacent. The summer rolled around and she lived 3 hrs away from me and we both worked. We only saw each other twice but texted a lot. I don't know why but I would stop answering her when she called and I would never really ask her about her feelings and all that jazz. It was kind of like when I wasn't seeing her physically everyday, she stopped mattering a whole lot. I took her for granted and assumed she would just be there for my junior year.
I thought I loved her but If I really did I wouldn't put her through so much shit would I? I would have answered her phone calls, I would have asked her how her life was, I would have gone the extra step to be more involved with her. When she asked me this, there was nothing I could say back because it was true. That's when it ended.
She was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I fucked it up. But trying to think logically, she obviously wasn't the right one if I did do all that shit to her continually for most of our relationship... But it still hurts and it sucks. I miss her. I miss texting her. I miss her voice and hanging out with her.
I guess I am not really looking for advice. Just needed to vent to someone..... thanks
On September 12 2011 04:12 JMC4 wrote: Allright so for myself i'm terrible at starting conversations with girls especially. The farthest I can get is saying hi and then anyfarther from there and it's all luck. Whenever I am interested in a girl and think about talking to her some more and seeing if I actually like her, I can never do that because I don't know how to start convorsations. So I could really use some advice on how to start conversations with girls. After that I'm fine it's just getting over that innatial period of not knowing each other and actually making her want to talk to me, and not thinking that i'm weird for trying to talk to her. Hopefully someone can help me out with this.
Pick something that's related to her, and start the conversation about that. She reading a book? Talk to her about that. Notice a necklace? Start from there. Doesn't really matter what the topic is (though if its something you know a decent amount about, or something you genuinely wanna find out, obviously lean towards that) as long as you start talking to her. After the initial conversation, you can steer towards other areas like introductions
ok so like how do you start that conversation. I need like an example of the dialouge that you would use here. I know it seems like common sense but i'm really lost at even what to say.
On September 12 2011 04:12 JMC4 wrote: Allright so for myself i'm terrible at starting conversations with girls especially. The farthest I can get is saying hi and then anyfarther from there and it's all luck. Whenever I am interested in a girl and think about talking to her some more and seeing if I actually like her, I can never do that because I don't know how to start convorsations. So I could really use some advice on how to start conversations with girls. After that I'm fine it's just getting over that innatial period of not knowing each other and actually making her want to talk to me, and not thinking that i'm weird for trying to talk to her. Hopefully someone can help me out with this.
Pick something that's related to her, and start the conversation about that. She reading a book? Talk to her about that. Notice a necklace? Start from there. Doesn't really matter what the topic is (though if its something you know a decent amount about, or something you genuinely wanna find out, obviously lean towards that) as long as you start talking to her. After the initial conversation, you can steer towards other areas like introductions
ok so like how do you start that conversation. I need like an example of the dialouge that you would use here. I know it seems like common sense but i'm really lost at even what to say.
Going with the necklace example... something like "Hey, I really like your necklace." Assuming she responds positively, you introduce yourself and go from there.
On September 12 2011 04:12 JMC4 wrote: Allright so for myself i'm terrible at starting conversations with girls especially. The farthest I can get is saying hi and then anyfarther from there and it's all luck. Whenever I am interested in a girl and think about talking to her some more and seeing if I actually like her, I can never do that because I don't know how to start convorsations. So I could really use some advice on how to start conversations with girls. After that I'm fine it's just getting over that innatial period of not knowing each other and actually making her want to talk to me, and not thinking that i'm weird for trying to talk to her. Hopefully someone can help me out with this.
Pick something that's related to her, and start the conversation about that. She reading a book? Talk to her about that. Notice a necklace? Start from there. Doesn't really matter what the topic is (though if its something you know a decent amount about, or something you genuinely wanna find out, obviously lean towards that) as long as you start talking to her. After the initial conversation, you can steer towards other areas like introductions
ok so like how do you start that conversation. I need like an example of the dialouge that you would use here. I know it seems like common sense but i'm really lost at even what to say.
Going with the necklace example... something like "Hey, I really like your necklace." Assuming she responds positively, you introduce yourself and go from there.
I like your shoes. Wanna fuck?
No. Skip the necklace. All i can say try to not plan out your convos, its moronic and you will hit the wall eventually. If you actually walked up to someone and said - listen, I'm not good with the small talk but youre making me try or something like that youd score a lot more points,just by being honest.
On September 12 2011 04:12 JMC4 wrote: Allright so for myself i'm terrible at starting conversations with girls especially. The farthest I can get is saying hi and then anyfarther from there and it's all luck. Whenever I am interested in a girl and think about talking to her some more and seeing if I actually like her, I can never do that because I don't know how to start convorsations. So I could really use some advice on how to start conversations with girls. After that I'm fine it's just getting over that innatial period of not knowing each other and actually making her want to talk to me, and not thinking that i'm weird for trying to talk to her. Hopefully someone can help me out with this.
Pick something that's related to her, and start the conversation about that. She reading a book? Talk to her about that. Notice a necklace? Start from there. Doesn't really matter what the topic is (though if its something you know a decent amount about, or something you genuinely wanna find out, obviously lean towards that) as long as you start talking to her. After the initial conversation, you can steer towards other areas like introductions
ok so like how do you start that conversation. I need like an example of the dialouge that you would use here. I know it seems like common sense but i'm really lost at even what to say.
Going with the necklace example... something like "Hey, I really like your necklace." Assuming she responds positively, you introduce yourself and go from there.
I like your shoes. Wanna fuck?
No. Skip the necklace. All i can say try to not plan out your convos, its moronic and you will hit the wall eventually. If you actually walked up to someone and said - listen, I'm not good with the small talk but youre making me try or something like that youd score a lot more points,just by being honest.
Having good opener lines and planning your convos out are two entirely different things. It's a good idea to have good ways to initiate conversations... not a good idea to try to plan the whole thing.
Dont you feel ridiculous when you 'open' with a preplanned line that makes you sound special and every next sentense you say proves how much of a demented sick nerd you are? I would kill myself from all this awkwardness or just scream 'Im retarded' and run away laughing hysterically. Im too old to be embarrassed anymore but dont give this advice to someone who hasnt spoken to a woman outside his house yet.
On September 12 2011 07:46 iamahydralisk wrote: The following is just a bit of a rant post about someone else's relationship.
Alright so, I'm in college and one of the classes I'm taking is a 1-credit class where they pair you up with foreign students and help them with their English. Basically, the entire point of the class is to hang out with them, so that's pretty cool. Anyway, one of the people in the class is this Japanese girl. She seemed pretty nice and we hit it off pretty well, so I got her number and asked her if she wanted to hang out with me sometime. She said yeah.
A few days later, I texted her and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. She replied and told me she couldn't because her boyfriend wouldn't be okay with it and the last time her boyfriend caught her hanging out with another guy, the boyfriend broke the guy's arm. Then she told me that she actually got in trouble with her boyfriend because of the texts. Let's go over everything that's wrong with this situation:
1. She gave me her number and said yes to hanging out, and she was obviously lying. 2. Her boyfriend obviously has huge anger issues if he broke some poor guy's arm for hanging out with this girl. 3. He reads her texts. Like seriously, wtf?
The reason I'm posting this is because I can't understand why anyone would put themselves in a relationship as obviously unhealthy as this one. The guy is obviously a huge control freak with major anger issues... Why the hell is she sticking around? If he hasn't already, it's only a matter of time before he loses his temper with her and hits her or something. I want to say something to her... Like, tell her she needs to run and fast, but I don't know her well enough to say anything about it :/
You know it's rude in Japanese culture to say no right? You should probably have asked if she had a bf first instead of immediately trying to blame her or making any assumptions about her bf.
On September 12 2011 07:46 iamahydralisk wrote: The following is just a bit of a rant post about someone else's relationship.
Alright so, I'm in college and one of the classes I'm taking is a 1-credit class where they pair you up with foreign students and help them with their English. Basically, the entire point of the class is to hang out with them, so that's pretty cool. Anyway, one of the people in the class is this Japanese girl. She seemed pretty nice and we hit it off pretty well, so I got her number and asked her if she wanted to hang out with me sometime. She said yeah.
A few days later, I texted her and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. She replied and told me she couldn't because her boyfriend wouldn't be okay with it and the last time her boyfriend caught her hanging out with another guy, the boyfriend broke the guy's arm. Then she told me that she actually got in trouble with her boyfriend because of the texts. Let's go over everything that's wrong with this situation:
1. She gave me her number and said yes to hanging out, and she was obviously lying. 2. Her boyfriend obviously has huge anger issues if he broke some poor guy's arm for hanging out with this girl. 3. He reads her texts. Like seriously, wtf?
The reason I'm posting this is because I can't understand why anyone would put themselves in a relationship as obviously unhealthy as this one. The guy is obviously a huge control freak with major anger issues... Why the hell is she sticking around? If he hasn't already, it's only a matter of time before he loses his temper with her and hits her or something. I want to say something to her... Like, tell her she needs to run and fast, but I don't know her well enough to say anything about it :/
Pfft,shes just testing you bro to see if youre a pussy or not. Be like - yo let me see this gorilla boyfriend of yours, he might need a lesson in american etiquette. Things will work out
On September 12 2011 10:48 supaplex wrote: Dont you feel ridiculous when you 'open' with a preplanned line that makes you sound special and every next sentense you say proves how much of a demented sick nerd you are? I would kill myself from all this awkwardness or just scream 'Im retarded' and run away laughing hysterically. Im too old to be embarrassed anymore but dont give this advice to someone who hasnt spoken to a woman outside his house yet.
I'd be tempted to back supaplex here.
Conversation I recently witnessed: Boy: So where are you from? Girl: Vietnam Boy: Oh! I really want to go there, it's a beautiful country, my favourite! Girl: I live in the capital Boy: Ohh... I don't know the capital. Girl: It's Hanoi
You'll just dig yourself into a hole. If you are indifferent to her necklace then don't tell her you "really like it", It'll just sound creepy and any girl/lady/woman worth talking to will see straight through it.
Kind've hard to put into words what I really want to say, but I think you'd be better off thinking about the situation in which you are meeting this girl, be it in a lecture, at a party, round a friend's house, down the pub, etc. Rather than arbitrarily picking a topic before the person you're going to have a conversation with. Basically I suppose that when you first meet someone, the only thing you know you both have in common is that situation in which you've just met, if you see what I mean. Conversation stems from common points of interest. Don't create artificial ones!
But ofc if you've got your own extensive jewellrey collection at home, feel free to discuss the merits of platinum versus silver until the cows come home!
On September 12 2011 07:46 iamahydralisk wrote: The following is just a bit of a rant post about someone else's relationship.
Alright so, I'm in college and one of the classes I'm taking is a 1-credit class where they pair you up with foreign students and help them with their English. Basically, the entire point of the class is to hang out with them, so that's pretty cool. Anyway, one of the people in the class is this Japanese girl. She seemed pretty nice and we hit it off pretty well, so I got her number and asked her if she wanted to hang out with me sometime. She said yeah.
A few days later, I texted her and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. She replied and told me she couldn't because her boyfriend wouldn't be okay with it and the last time her boyfriend caught her hanging out with another guy, the boyfriend broke the guy's arm. Then she told me that she actually got in trouble with her boyfriend because of the texts. Let's go over everything that's wrong with this situation:
1. She gave me her number and said yes to hanging out, and she was obviously lying. 2. Her boyfriend obviously has huge anger issues if he broke some poor guy's arm for hanging out with this girl. 3. He reads her texts. Like seriously, wtf?
The reason I'm posting this is because I can't understand why anyone would put themselves in a relationship as obviously unhealthy as this one. The guy is obviously a huge control freak with major anger issues... Why the hell is she sticking around? If he hasn't already, it's only a matter of time before he loses his temper with her and hits her or something. I want to say something to her... Like, tell her she needs to run and fast, but I don't know her well enough to say anything about it :/
You know it's rude in Japanese culture to say no right? You should probably have asked if she had a bf first instead of immediately trying to blame her or making any assumptions about her bf.
First of all, I already have a girlfriend so I wasn't looking for anything more than friends. I never mentioned dating or anything. There's nothing wrong with having a purely friendly relationship with someone of the opposite sex if you're in a committed relationship with someone. Secondly, the entire point of this class is to meet people and hang out. I'm not even kidding. Passing the class relies entirely on logging enough hours with the foreign students, so I don't understand why she'd be in the class or say yes if she has such a batshit insane boyfriend. And finally, any guy who won't even let his girlfriend hang out with other guys has issues. Call it an assumption if you will, but I'd say most people would agree that that's completely fucked up. I don't care enough to actually meet the guy and try to help her out because I know I'd probably just end up making things worse. She's apparently happy with him even though he seems to be controlling her life, to some extent.
On September 12 2011 10:48 supaplex wrote: Dont you feel ridiculous when you 'open' with a preplanned line that makes you sound special and every next sentense you say proves how much of a demented sick nerd you are? I would kill myself from all this awkwardness or just scream 'Im retarded' and run away laughing hysterically. Im too old to be embarrassed anymore but dont give this advice to someone who hasnt spoken to a woman outside his house yet.
I'd be tempted to back supaplex here.
Conversation I recently witnessed: Boy: So where are you from? Girl: Vietnam Boy: Oh! I really want to go there, it's a beautiful country, my favourite! Girl: I live in the capital Boy: Ohh... I don't know the capital. Girl: It's Hanoi
You'll just dig yourself into a hole. If you are indifferent to her necklace then don't tell her you "really like it", It'll just sound creepy and any girl/lady/woman worth talking to will see straight through it.
Kind've hard to put into words what I really want to say, but I think you'd be better off thinking about the situation in which you are meeting this girl, be it in a lecture, at a party, round a friend's house, down the pub, etc. Rather than arbitrarily picking a topic before the person you're going to have a conversation with. Basically I suppose that when you first meet someone, the only thing you know you both have in common is that situation in which you've just met, if you see what I mean. Conversation stems from common points of interest. Don't create artificial ones!
I wouldn't actually use an opening line unless I meant it. That way, it comes across as natural. It's not hard to find something you can compliment a pretty girl on, so initiating a convo naturally is pretty easy.
On September 12 2011 07:46 iamahydralisk wrote: The following is just a bit of a rant post about someone else's relationship.
Alright so, I'm in college and one of the classes I'm taking is a 1-credit class where they pair you up with foreign students and help them with their English. Basically, the entire point of the class is to hang out with them, so that's pretty cool. Anyway, one of the people in the class is this Japanese girl. She seemed pretty nice and we hit it off pretty well, so I got her number and asked her if she wanted to hang out with me sometime. She said yeah.
A few days later, I texted her and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. She replied and told me she couldn't because her boyfriend wouldn't be okay with it and the last time her boyfriend caught her hanging out with another guy, the boyfriend broke the guy's arm. Then she told me that she actually got in trouble with her boyfriend because of the texts. Let's go over everything that's wrong with this situation:
1. She gave me her number and said yes to hanging out, and she was obviously lying. 2. Her boyfriend obviously has huge anger issues if he broke some poor guy's arm for hanging out with this girl. 3. He reads her texts. Like seriously, wtf?
The reason I'm posting this is because I can't understand why anyone would put themselves in a relationship as obviously unhealthy as this one. The guy is obviously a huge control freak with major anger issues... Why the hell is she sticking around? If he hasn't already, it's only a matter of time before he loses his temper with her and hits her or something. I want to say something to her... Like, tell her she needs to run and fast, but I don't know her well enough to say anything about it :/
You know it's rude in Japanese culture to say no right? You should probably have asked if she had a bf first instead of immediately trying to blame her or making any assumptions about her bf.
First of all, I already have a girlfriend so I wasn't looking for anything more than friends. I never mentioned dating or anything. There's nothing wrong with having a purely friendly relationship with someone of the opposite sex if you're in a committed relationship with someone. Secondly, the entire point of this class is to meet people and hang out. I'm not even kidding. Passing the class relies entirely on logging enough hours with the foreign students, so I don't understand why she'd be in the class or say yes if she has such a batshit insane boyfriend. And finally, any guy who won't even let his girlfriend hang out with other guys has issues. Call it an assumption if you will, but I'd say most people would agree that that's completely fucked up. I don't care enough to actually meet the guy and try to help her out because I know I'd probably just end up making things worse. She's apparently happy with him even though he seems to be controlling her life, to some extent.
You don't seem to understand there are a multitude of social norms on planet Earth. Perhaps you should work on understanding the concept. I promise it'll help you in life much more than this class you're so worried about.
On September 12 2011 07:46 iamahydralisk wrote: The following is just a bit of a rant post about someone else's relationship.
Alright so, I'm in college and one of the classes I'm taking is a 1-credit class where they pair you up with foreign students and help them with their English. Basically, the entire point of the class is to hang out with them, so that's pretty cool. Anyway, one of the people in the class is this Japanese girl. She seemed pretty nice and we hit it off pretty well, so I got her number and asked her if she wanted to hang out with me sometime. She said yeah.
A few days later, I texted her and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. She replied and told me she couldn't because her boyfriend wouldn't be okay with it and the last time her boyfriend caught her hanging out with another guy, the boyfriend broke the guy's arm. Then she told me that she actually got in trouble with her boyfriend because of the texts. Let's go over everything that's wrong with this situation:
1. She gave me her number and said yes to hanging out, and she was obviously lying. 2. Her boyfriend obviously has huge anger issues if he broke some poor guy's arm for hanging out with this girl. 3. He reads her texts. Like seriously, wtf?
The reason I'm posting this is because I can't understand why anyone would put themselves in a relationship as obviously unhealthy as this one. The guy is obviously a huge control freak with major anger issues... Why the hell is she sticking around? If he hasn't already, it's only a matter of time before he loses his temper with her and hits her or something. I want to say something to her... Like, tell her she needs to run and fast, but I don't know her well enough to say anything about it :/
You know it's rude in Japanese culture to say no right? You should probably have asked if she had a bf first instead of immediately trying to blame her or making any assumptions about her bf.
First of all, I already have a girlfriend so I wasn't looking for anything more than friends. I never mentioned dating or anything. There's nothing wrong with having a purely friendly relationship with someone of the opposite sex if you're in a committed relationship with someone. Secondly, the entire point of this class is to meet people and hang out. I'm not even kidding. Passing the class relies entirely on logging enough hours with the foreign students, so I don't understand why she'd be in the class or say yes if she has such a batshit insane boyfriend. And finally, any guy who won't even let his girlfriend hang out with other guys has issues. Call it an assumption if you will, but I'd say most people would agree that that's completely fucked up. I don't care enough to actually meet the guy and try to help her out because I know I'd probably just end up making things worse. She's apparently happy with him even though he seems to be controlling her life, to some extent.
You don't seem to understand there are a multitude of social norms on planet Earth. Perhaps you should work on understanding the concept. I promise it'll help you in life much more than this class you're so worried about.
lol. what point are you even trying to make? that being an insane controlling douchetard is somehow okay? I don't care what culture you're from. controlling your girlfriend's social life and actually seriously injuring some guy for being friends with her is completely and utterly fucked up, and it suggests that this guy has major anger issues.
The reason this thread is so awesome isn't the fact that we're trying to help the TL community, but because Rekrul comes in with his one-liners supporting Hydra. Nothing else matters!
On September 12 2011 10:48 supaplex wrote: Dont you feel ridiculous when you 'open' with a preplanned line that makes you sound special and every next sentense you say proves how much of a demented sick nerd you are? I would kill myself from all this awkwardness or just scream 'Im retarded' and run away laughing hysterically. Im too old to be embarrassed anymore but dont give this advice to someone who hasnt spoken to a woman outside his house yet.
I'd be tempted to back supaplex here.
Conversation I recently witnessed: Boy: So where are you from? Girl: Vietnam Boy: Oh! I really want to go there, it's a beautiful country, my favourite! Girl: I live in the capital Boy: Ohh... I don't know the capital. Girl: It's Hanoi
You'll just dig yourself into a hole. If you are indifferent to her necklace then don't tell her you "really like it", It'll just sound creepy and any girl/lady/woman worth talking to will see straight through it.
Kind've hard to put into words what I really want to say, but I think you'd be better off thinking about the situation in which you are meeting this girl, be it in a lecture, at a party, round a friend's house, down the pub, etc. Rather than arbitrarily picking a topic before the person you're going to have a conversation with. Basically I suppose that when you first meet someone, the only thing you know you both have in common is that situation in which you've just met, if you see what I mean. Conversation stems from common points of interest. Don't create artificial ones!
I was never suggesting a pre-planned opening line. Those were just examples that I thought of from the top of my head. You've basically said what I wanted to suggest, but just said it in a way that people understand
And, to cover supaplex's point. You're damn right it'll be embarrassing the first few times. But that's what you have to get over, and you're never going get over it by not doing it. I'm not suggesting that you pick a stupid subject that you have completely no idea about. I'm suggesting you pick A topic. Not going any further than that. Fill the blank in with whatever you feel is right/ you are comfortable with at the time. But be prepared to be embarrassed, because making a dick of yourself is going to happen, and that's part of the way to getting more confident and know how to approach situations better.
On September 12 2011 09:45 Rokusha wrote: So, my GF of 2 years officially broke up with me for good. The past two years were very volatile with a lot of break ups and then making up. It was my first legit relationship and I can admit that it was shitty but I didn't mind the bad times because when I was with her everything was... I just felt right and at home and peaceful. I never had someone who I had that type of deep connection with. I had so much fun and was so happy with her. There were a few problems on both sides, she would drink a lot and see her ex's (because they would guilt her heavily) and would act crazy (her friend was raped, some of her family have cancer,etc). First time I ended it with her, but we got back together and she continued to work on her problems and better herself.
Then comes Sophmore year of college, and I became distant and mean and would hurt her feelings by saying terrible shit to her. I don't know why I did this but I think it was because I was losing interest in her. When she had enough and broke up with me, my world crashed down. I drank a lot and put my friends through a lot of shit. She still had feelings for me and even though we were broken up we would text and stuff. This went on for several months until the spring when she decided she would give me one last chance.
The spring of sophmore year, I don't even remember much of what we did. We would hang out and chill but we didn't hang out as much as we did the first year of our relationship. I was so grateful when she took me back but as soon as she did I became complacent. The summer rolled around and she lived 3 hrs away from me and we both worked. We only saw each other twice but texted a lot. I don't know why but I would stop answering her when she called and I would never really ask her about her feelings and all that jazz. It was kind of like when I wasn't seeing her physically everyday, she stopped mattering a whole lot. I took her for granted and assumed she would just be there for my junior year.
I thought I loved her but If I really did I wouldn't put her through so much shit would I? I would have answered her phone calls, I would have asked her how her life was, I would have gone the extra step to be more involved with her. When she asked me this, there was nothing I could say back because it was true. That's when it ended.
She was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I fucked it up. But trying to think logically, she obviously wasn't the right one if I did do all that shit to her continually for most of our relationship... But it still hurts and it sucks. I miss her. I miss texting her. I miss her voice and hanging out with her.
I guess I am not really looking for advice. Just needed to vent to someone..... thanks
Erm...well...
You gave yourself advice, just stick to it next time. can't really add to that. Therefore, when it does happen next time, post in the thread, and we'll chain-link what you said here, so you
hydralisk, you should honestly take a moment to cool off, sip some coffee and look at this situation again. StorkHwaiting's got a good point. Perhaps there are good reasons for the way things are - who knows if the girl has a nasty history and the guy's doing his best to keep her from straying off again? Also, to some degree, xenophobia may be in play. At this point, you're still some random stranger who suddenly established a connection through class whereas her boyfriend... is a boyfriend. If it's that direly important you hang out with her alone then I guess you'll have to confront her boyfriend about it. I mean, class being that important to you, why not just hang out with the two of them, or bring your girlfriend along for a double date?
On September 12 2011 23:19 EiNiS wrote: How do i stop worrying about my gf? I mean if she doesn't answer a text within 15min i start getting worried and sometimes even call her. I want to be less needy but i love her so much :3. Also: how do I act around my girlfriend in school? It's so weird
I actually didn't hang out with my girlfriend at school, like at all. She had her friends and I had mine, and we met up every once in a while to chat, but that was it at school. If she's part of your group of friends, I think act around her how you always act around her. It's probably different from how you usually act around your other friends right (otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question/I was the same way ), but imo it's more important that you be how you are in a way that makes her comfortable first.
As for not worrying, I was also in the same situation. What I did was first just to not physically do anything like call/text back every 15 min or so, and try to occupy my mind with other things like school or video games so I wouldn't be worrying or anything all the time. Trust is important and I think trust should be included in love. ^^
On September 12 2011 07:46 iamahydralisk wrote: The following is just a bit of a rant post about someone else's relationship.
Alright so, I'm in college and one of the classes I'm taking is a 1-credit class where they pair you up with foreign students and help them with their English. Basically, the entire point of the class is to hang out with them, so that's pretty cool. Anyway, one of the people in the class is this Japanese girl. She seemed pretty nice and we hit it off pretty well, so I got her number and asked her if she wanted to hang out with me sometime. She said yeah.
A few days later, I texted her and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. She replied and told me she couldn't because her boyfriend wouldn't be okay with it and the last time her boyfriend caught her hanging out with another guy, the boyfriend broke the guy's arm. Then she told me that she actually got in trouble with her boyfriend because of the texts. Let's go over everything that's wrong with this situation:
1. She gave me her number and said yes to hanging out, and she was obviously lying. 2. Her boyfriend obviously has huge anger issues if he broke some poor guy's arm for hanging out with this girl. 3. He reads her texts. Like seriously, wtf?
The reason I'm posting this is because I can't understand why anyone would put themselves in a relationship as obviously unhealthy as this one. The guy is obviously a huge control freak with major anger issues... Why the hell is she sticking around? If he hasn't already, it's only a matter of time before he loses his temper with her and hits her or something. I want to say something to her... Like, tell her she needs to run and fast, but I don't know her well enough to say anything about it :/
You know it's rude in Japanese culture to say no right? You should probably have asked if she had a bf first instead of immediately trying to blame her or making any assumptions about her bf.
First of all, I already have a girlfriend so I wasn't looking for anything more than friends. I never mentioned dating or anything. There's nothing wrong with having a purely friendly relationship with someone of the opposite sex if you're in a committed relationship with someone. Secondly, the entire point of this class is to meet people and hang out. I'm not even kidding. Passing the class relies entirely on logging enough hours with the foreign students, so I don't understand why she'd be in the class or say yes if she has such a batshit insane boyfriend. And finally, any guy who won't even let his girlfriend hang out with other guys has issues. Call it an assumption if you will, but I'd say most people would agree that that's completely fucked up. I don't care enough to actually meet the guy and try to help her out because I know I'd probably just end up making things worse. She's apparently happy with him even though he seems to be controlling her life, to some extent.
You don't seem to understand there are a multitude of social norms on planet Earth. Perhaps you should work on understanding the concept. I promise it'll help you in life much more than this class you're so worried about.
lol. what point are you even trying to make? that being an insane controlling douchetard is somehow okay? I don't care what culture you're from. controlling your girlfriend's social life and actually seriously injuring some guy for being friends with her is completely and utterly fucked up, and it suggests that this guy has major anger issues.
On September 12 2011 23:19 EiNiS wrote: How do i stop worrying about my gf? I mean if she doesn't answer a text within 15min i start getting worried and sometimes even call her. I want to be less needy but i love her so much :3. Also: how do I act around my girlfriend in school? It's so weird
I actually didn't hang out with my girlfriend at school, like at all. She had her friends and I had mine, and we met up every once in a while to chat, but that was it at school. If she's part of your group of friends, I think act around her how you always act around her. It's probably different from how you usually act around your other friends right (otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question/I was the same way ), but imo it's more important that you be how you are in a way that makes her comfortable first.
As for not worrying, I was also in the same situation. What I did was first just to not physically do anything like call/text back every 15 min or so, and try to occupy my mind with other things like school or video games so I wouldn't be worrying or anything all the time. Trust is important and I think trust should be included in love. ^^
Thank you for the quick answer The problem is that we go to the same class and have a lot of mutual friends. School is however not a place for romance but for learing, and whenever I try to talk with her in school all my friends leaves us alone in order to give us some "private time". This bothers my gf as she thinks that we should be able to hang out with the others like we did before we got together. My only goal is to make everything to good for her, but I always try to hard and make her uncomfortable with my worrying.
The problem is not trust, I know for sure that she loves me, but I can't get the thought that I've done something wrong out of my head. Losing her would be the biggest failure in my life. The only thing wrong with our relationship is my worrying
You have a valid concern there. Being "alienated" because of the relationship status is a recipe for failure in the long run. When friends ditch you two saying "here we'll make room for you two, have a hot private time" it's usually in jest, maybe you two are too intimate?
You have to assert yourself as her boyfriend but avoid being a douche at the same time. Blatantly intense PDA is usually not acceptable when with friends, as you should all just hang out "as friends". Still, you should make your girlfriend feel special (because of course, to you, she is the most special person in the world!). Play along with the crowd, take a moment to be playfully romantic, you know, the sort that will make the crowd "d'awww." Really hard to describe in words, yeah. Don't think too hard, don't make up stuff or act unnatural. Be confident and honest!
On September 12 2011 21:37 OpticalShot wrote: This blog is back to life? Weeheeee!!
hydralisk, you should honestly take a moment to cool off, sip some coffee and look at this situation again. StorkHwaiting's got a good point. Perhaps there are good reasons for the way things are - who knows if the girl has a nasty history and the guy's doing his best to keep her from straying off again? Also, to some degree, xenophobia may be in play. At this point, you're still some random stranger who suddenly established a connection through class whereas her boyfriend... is a boyfriend. If it's that direly important you hang out with her alone then I guess you'll have to confront her boyfriend about it. I mean, class being that important to you, why not just hang out with the two of them, or bring your girlfriend along for a double date?
it's not important to me at all bro. I don't even care because there are plenty of other people in the class I can hang out with, and passing the class isn't as important to me as meeting new people. I was simply amazed at how this girl is happy with a relationship that's pretty obviously unhealthy if it's controlling her life. I dunno about you, but I don't care that much about my girlfriend having guy friends because I trust her not to do anything stupid.
and also, if you can come up with some good reasons for a guy being so insane that he controls his girlfriend's entire social life AND actually breaks some dude's arm just for hanging out with her, I'd love to hear them.
On September 12 2011 21:37 OpticalShot wrote: This blog is back to life? Weeheeee!!
hydralisk, you should honestly take a moment to cool off, sip some coffee and look at this situation again. StorkHwaiting's got a good point. Perhaps there are good reasons for the way things are - who knows if the girl has a nasty history and the guy's doing his best to keep her from straying off again? Also, to some degree, xenophobia may be in play. At this point, you're still some random stranger who suddenly established a connection through class whereas her boyfriend... is a boyfriend. If it's that direly important you hang out with her alone then I guess you'll have to confront her boyfriend about it. I mean, class being that important to you, why not just hang out with the two of them, or bring your girlfriend along for a double date?
it's not important to me at all bro. I don't even care because there are plenty of other people in the class I can hang out with, and passing the class isn't as important to me as meeting new people. I was simply amazed at how this girl is happy with a relationship that's pretty obviously unhealthy if it's controlling her life. I dunno about you, but I don't care that much about my girlfriend having guy friends because I trust her not to do anything stupid.
and also, if you can come up with some good reasons for a guy being so insane that he controls his girlfriend's entire social life AND actually breaks some dude's arm just for hanging out with her, I'd love to hear them.
1. The entirety of Islamic society does not allow friendships between men and women. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just a different societal norm.
2. You have no idea if this girl is telling you the truth. In fact, you know absolutely nothing at all except for the infinitesimal amount she's chosen to tell you. Yet, you're ready to start handing out judgments. Good look, dude.
3. You're probably amazed because you haven't seen much of the world. There are a lot more dysfunctional relationships out there. This is relatively mild by comparison.
In general, you should calm down. Your moral system is not everyone else's. I've seen way funkier shit in my life. If she's got a boyfriend that breaks ppl's arms, and you like your arms intact, then don't talk to her. It's as simple as that. Nobody needs you to be their social worker, unless you actually are a social worker. At which point you should open a blog about your career instead of fouling up the Relationship thread with your nonsensical blabbering about how you're offended by someone else's way of life.
On September 12 2011 09:45 Rokusha wrote: So, my GF of 2 years officially broke up with me for good. The past two years were very volatile with a lot of break ups and then making up. It was my first legit relationship and I can admit that it was shitty but I didn't mind the bad times because when I was with her everything was... I just felt right and at home and peaceful. I never had someone who I had that type of deep connection with. I had so much fun and was so happy with her. There were a few problems on both sides, she would drink a lot and see her ex's (because they would guilt her heavily) and would act crazy (her friend was raped, some of her family have cancer,etc). First time I ended it with her, but we got back together and she continued to work on her problems and better herself.
Then comes Sophmore year of college, and I became distant and mean and would hurt her feelings by saying terrible shit to her. I don't know why I did this but I think it was because I was losing interest in her. When she had enough and broke up with me, my world crashed down. I drank a lot and put my friends through a lot of shit. She still had feelings for me and even though we were broken up we would text and stuff. This went on for several months until the spring when she decided she would give me one last chance.
The spring of sophmore year, I don't even remember much of what we did. We would hang out and chill but we didn't hang out as much as we did the first year of our relationship. I was so grateful when she took me back but as soon as she did I became complacent. The summer rolled around and she lived 3 hrs away from me and we both worked. We only saw each other twice but texted a lot. I don't know why but I would stop answering her when she called and I would never really ask her about her feelings and all that jazz. It was kind of like when I wasn't seeing her physically everyday, she stopped mattering a whole lot. I took her for granted and assumed she would just be there for my junior year.
I thought I loved her but If I really did I wouldn't put her through so much shit would I? I would have answered her phone calls, I would have asked her how her life was, I would have gone the extra step to be more involved with her. When she asked me this, there was nothing I could say back because it was true. That's when it ended.
She was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I fucked it up. But trying to think logically, she obviously wasn't the right one if I did do all that shit to her continually for most of our relationship... But it still hurts and it sucks. I miss her. I miss texting her. I miss her voice and hanging out with her.
I guess I am not really looking for advice. Just needed to vent to someone..... thanks
Distance is a bitch man. It sounds like you need to work on communication. It's OK to tell your long distance girlfriend that she's calling too much or that you don't like sitting on the phone saying nothing, etc, but you can't just ignore her calls, that never works out.
But, don't worry about it in the long term. The "best thing that has ever happened to me" line is corny romantic comedy bullshit, you'll be fine, everyone fucks up a relationship or two in their life and they all end up fine :p.
On September 12 2011 21:37 OpticalShot wrote: This blog is back to life? Weeheeee!!
hydralisk, you should honestly take a moment to cool off, sip some coffee and look at this situation again. StorkHwaiting's got a good point. Perhaps there are good reasons for the way things are - who knows if the girl has a nasty history and the guy's doing his best to keep her from straying off again? Also, to some degree, xenophobia may be in play. At this point, you're still some random stranger who suddenly established a connection through class whereas her boyfriend... is a boyfriend. If it's that direly important you hang out with her alone then I guess you'll have to confront her boyfriend about it. I mean, class being that important to you, why not just hang out with the two of them, or bring your girlfriend along for a double date?
it's not important to me at all bro. I don't even care because there are plenty of other people in the class I can hang out with, and passing the class isn't as important to me as meeting new people. I was simply amazed at how this girl is happy with a relationship that's pretty obviously unhealthy if it's controlling her life. I dunno about you, but I don't care that much about my girlfriend having guy friends because I trust her not to do anything stupid.
and also, if you can come up with some good reasons for a guy being so insane that he controls his girlfriend's entire social life AND actually breaks some dude's arm just for hanging out with her, I'd love to hear them.
1. The entirety of Islamic society does not allow friendships between men and women. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just a different societal norm.
2. You have no idea if this girl is telling you the truth. In fact, you know absolutely nothing at all except for the infinitesimal amount she's chosen to tell you. Yet, you're ready to start handing out judgments. Good look, dude.
3. You're probably amazed because you haven't seen much of the world. There are a lot more dysfunctional relationships out there. This is relatively mild by comparison.
In general, you should calm down. Your moral system is not everyone else's. I've seen way funkier shit in my life. If she's got a boyfriend that breaks ppl's arms, and you like your arms intact, then don't talk to her. It's as simple as that. Nobody needs you to be their social worker, unless you actually are a social worker. At which point you should open a blog about your career instead of fouling up the Relationship thread with your nonsensical blabbering about how you're offended by someone else's way of life.
1. Yep, that's basically true. The Western side of us arn't anything like that, and its slowly changing in the Muslim countries as well, but that's basically right for now
On September 12 2011 21:37 OpticalShot wrote: This blog is back to life? Weeheeee!!
hydralisk, you should honestly take a moment to cool off, sip some coffee and look at this situation again. StorkHwaiting's got a good point. Perhaps there are good reasons for the way things are - who knows if the girl has a nasty history and the guy's doing his best to keep her from straying off again? Also, to some degree, xenophobia may be in play. At this point, you're still some random stranger who suddenly established a connection through class whereas her boyfriend... is a boyfriend. If it's that direly important you hang out with her alone then I guess you'll have to confront her boyfriend about it. I mean, class being that important to you, why not just hang out with the two of them, or bring your girlfriend along for a double date?
it's not important to me at all bro. I don't even care because there are plenty of other people in the class I can hang out with, and passing the class isn't as important to me as meeting new people. I was simply amazed at how this girl is happy with a relationship that's pretty obviously unhealthy if it's controlling her life. I dunno about you, but I don't care that much about my girlfriend having guy friends because I trust her not to do anything stupid.
and also, if you can come up with some good reasons for a guy being so insane that he controls his girlfriend's entire social life AND actually breaks some dude's arm just for hanging out with her, I'd love to hear them.
1. The entirety of Islamic society does not allow friendships between men and women. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just a different societal norm.
2. You have no idea if this girl is telling you the truth. In fact, you know absolutely nothing at all except for the infinitesimal amount she's chosen to tell you. Yet, you're ready to start handing out judgments. Good look, dude.
3. You're probably amazed because you haven't seen much of the world. There are a lot more dysfunctional relationships out there. This is relatively mild by comparison.
In general, you should calm down. Your moral system is not everyone else's. I've seen way funkier shit in my life. If she's got a boyfriend that breaks ppl's arms, and you like your arms intact, then don't talk to her. It's as simple as that. Nobody needs you to be their social worker, unless you actually are a social worker. At which point you should open a blog about your career instead of fouling up the Relationship thread with your nonsensical blabbering about how you're offended by someone else's way of life.
When someone is obviously confused, scared, and being controlled and has grown the courage to throw you a little rope by telling you about their bf breaking ppls arms and being a control freak ignoring is probably the worst thing to do. Atleast hydralisk should prod back a little to get more information. Because if it's as bad as hydralisk thinks she'll probably atleast want to talk about it more if given the chance.
Yeah societal norms exist and yea in general it's bad to try and apply your own moral system onto others. But more importantly, you should always do what you feel is right even if you might be stepping on some toes. SAVE HER HYDRALISK!
On September 12 2011 21:31 Hassybaby wrote: The reason this thread is so awesome isn't the fact that we're trying to help the TL community, but because Rekrul comes in with his one-liners supporting Hydra. Nothing else matters!
On September 12 2011 10:48 supaplex wrote: Dont you feel ridiculous when you 'open' with a preplanned line that makes you sound special and every next sentense you say proves how much of a demented sick nerd you are? I would kill myself from all this awkwardness or just scream 'Im retarded' and run away laughing hysterically. Im too old to be embarrassed anymore but dont give this advice to someone who hasnt spoken to a woman outside his house yet.
I'd be tempted to back supaplex here.
Conversation I recently witnessed: Boy: So where are you from? Girl: Vietnam Boy: Oh! I really want to go there, it's a beautiful country, my favourite! Girl: I live in the capital Boy: Ohh... I don't know the capital. Girl: It's Hanoi
You'll just dig yourself into a hole. If you are indifferent to her necklace then don't tell her you "really like it", It'll just sound creepy and any girl/lady/woman worth talking to will see straight through it.
Kind've hard to put into words what I really want to say, but I think you'd be better off thinking about the situation in which you are meeting this girl, be it in a lecture, at a party, round a friend's house, down the pub, etc. Rather than arbitrarily picking a topic before the person you're going to have a conversation with. Basically I suppose that when you first meet someone, the only thing you know you both have in common is that situation in which you've just met, if you see what I mean. Conversation stems from common points of interest. Don't create artificial ones!
I was never suggesting a pre-planned opening line. Those were just examples that I thought of from the top of my head. You've basically said what I wanted to suggest, but just said it in a way that people understand
And, to cover supaplex's point. You're damn right it'll be embarrassing the first few times. But that's what you have to get over, and you're never going get over it by not doing it. I'm not suggesting that you pick a stupid subject that you have completely no idea about. I'm suggesting you pick A topic. Not going any further than that. Fill the blank in with whatever you feel is right/ you are comfortable with at the time. But be prepared to be embarrassed, because making a dick of yourself is going to happen, and that's part of the way to getting more confident and know how to approach situations better.
I see and understand what you're saying. Thanks alot everyone it helps alot.
On September 12 2011 21:37 OpticalShot wrote: This blog is back to life? Weeheeee!!
hydralisk, you should honestly take a moment to cool off, sip some coffee and look at this situation again. StorkHwaiting's got a good point. Perhaps there are good reasons for the way things are - who knows if the girl has a nasty history and the guy's doing his best to keep her from straying off again? Also, to some degree, xenophobia may be in play. At this point, you're still some random stranger who suddenly established a connection through class whereas her boyfriend... is a boyfriend. If it's that direly important you hang out with her alone then I guess you'll have to confront her boyfriend about it. I mean, class being that important to you, why not just hang out with the two of them, or bring your girlfriend along for a double date?
it's not important to me at all bro. I don't even care because there are plenty of other people in the class I can hang out with, and passing the class isn't as important to me as meeting new people. I was simply amazed at how this girl is happy with a relationship that's pretty obviously unhealthy if it's controlling her life. I dunno about you, but I don't care that much about my girlfriend having guy friends because I trust her not to do anything stupid.
and also, if you can come up with some good reasons for a guy being so insane that he controls his girlfriend's entire social life AND actually breaks some dude's arm just for hanging out with her, I'd love to hear them.
1. The entirety of Islamic society does not allow friendships between men and women. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just a different societal norm.
2. You have no idea if this girl is telling you the truth. In fact, you know absolutely nothing at all except for the infinitesimal amount she's chosen to tell you. Yet, you're ready to start handing out judgments. Good look, dude.
3. You're probably amazed because you haven't seen much of the world. There are a lot more dysfunctional relationships out there. This is relatively mild by comparison.
In general, you should calm down. Your moral system is not everyone else's. I've seen way funkier shit in my life. If she's got a boyfriend that breaks ppl's arms, and you like your arms intact, then don't talk to her. It's as simple as that. Nobody needs you to be their social worker, unless you actually are a social worker. At which point you should open a blog about your career instead of fouling up the Relationship thread with your nonsensical blabbering about how you're offended by someone else's way of life.
not even gonna bother replying seriously. the fact that you're attempting to justify needless harm to some innocent guy under the pretenses of "different societal norms" (and btw, the boyfriend is an american white guy, lol) is pretty sickening. I have nothing further to discuss with you.
also rekrul, she seems happy enough and I hardly know her, so I'm not gonna do anything about it. now, if she went out of her way to try to tell me more and was obviously in need of help... then maybe.
On September 12 2011 21:37 OpticalShot wrote: This blog is back to life? Weeheeee!!
hydralisk, you should honestly take a moment to cool off, sip some coffee and look at this situation again. StorkHwaiting's got a good point. Perhaps there are good reasons for the way things are - who knows if the girl has a nasty history and the guy's doing his best to keep her from straying off again? Also, to some degree, xenophobia may be in play. At this point, you're still some random stranger who suddenly established a connection through class whereas her boyfriend... is a boyfriend. If it's that direly important you hang out with her alone then I guess you'll have to confront her boyfriend about it. I mean, class being that important to you, why not just hang out with the two of them, or bring your girlfriend along for a double date?
it's not important to me at all bro. I don't even care because there are plenty of other people in the class I can hang out with, and passing the class isn't as important to me as meeting new people. I was simply amazed at how this girl is happy with a relationship that's pretty obviously unhealthy if it's controlling her life. I dunno about you, but I don't care that much about my girlfriend having guy friends because I trust her not to do anything stupid.
and also, if you can come up with some good reasons for a guy being so insane that he controls his girlfriend's entire social life AND actually breaks some dude's arm just for hanging out with her, I'd love to hear them.
1. The entirety of Islamic society does not allow friendships between men and women. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just a different societal norm.
2. You have no idea if this girl is telling you the truth. In fact, you know absolutely nothing at all except for the infinitesimal amount she's chosen to tell you. Yet, you're ready to start handing out judgments. Good look, dude.
3. You're probably amazed because you haven't seen much of the world. There are a lot more dysfunctional relationships out there. This is relatively mild by comparison.
In general, you should calm down. Your moral system is not everyone else's. I've seen way funkier shit in my life. If she's got a boyfriend that breaks ppl's arms, and you like your arms intact, then don't talk to her. It's as simple as that. Nobody needs you to be their social worker, unless you actually are a social worker. At which point you should open a blog about your career instead of fouling up the Relationship thread with your nonsensical blabbering about how you're offended by someone else's way of life.
not even gonna bother replying seriously. the fact that you're attempting to justify needless harm to some innocent guy under the pretenses of "different societal norms" (and btw, the boyfriend is an american white guy, lol) is pretty sickening. I have nothing further to discuss with you.
So all American white guys have the same societal norms. Okay, that's an interesting thought.
On September 12 2011 21:37 OpticalShot wrote: This blog is back to life? Weeheeee!!
hydralisk, you should honestly take a moment to cool off, sip some coffee and look at this situation again. StorkHwaiting's got a good point. Perhaps there are good reasons for the way things are - who knows if the girl has a nasty history and the guy's doing his best to keep her from straying off again? Also, to some degree, xenophobia may be in play. At this point, you're still some random stranger who suddenly established a connection through class whereas her boyfriend... is a boyfriend. If it's that direly important you hang out with her alone then I guess you'll have to confront her boyfriend about it. I mean, class being that important to you, why not just hang out with the two of them, or bring your girlfriend along for a double date?
it's not important to me at all bro. I don't even care because there are plenty of other people in the class I can hang out with, and passing the class isn't as important to me as meeting new people. I was simply amazed at how this girl is happy with a relationship that's pretty obviously unhealthy if it's controlling her life. I dunno about you, but I don't care that much about my girlfriend having guy friends because I trust her not to do anything stupid.
and also, if you can come up with some good reasons for a guy being so insane that he controls his girlfriend's entire social life AND actually breaks some dude's arm just for hanging out with her, I'd love to hear them.
1. The entirety of Islamic society does not allow friendships between men and women. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just a different societal norm.
2. You have no idea if this girl is telling you the truth. In fact, you know absolutely nothing at all except for the infinitesimal amount she's chosen to tell you. Yet, you're ready to start handing out judgments. Good look, dude.
3. You're probably amazed because you haven't seen much of the world. There are a lot more dysfunctional relationships out there. This is relatively mild by comparison.
In general, you should calm down. Your moral system is not everyone else's. I've seen way funkier shit in my life. If she's got a boyfriend that breaks ppl's arms, and you like your arms intact, then don't talk to her. It's as simple as that. Nobody needs you to be their social worker, unless you actually are a social worker. At which point you should open a blog about your career instead of fouling up the Relationship thread with your nonsensical blabbering about how you're offended by someone else's way of life.
not even gonna bother replying seriously. the fact that you're attempting to justify needless harm to some innocent guy under the pretenses of "different societal norms" (and btw, the boyfriend is an american white guy, lol) is pretty sickening. I have nothing further to discuss with you.
While what you describe seems like it's pretty extreme, Stork does have a point. Especially when it comes to other people's relationships, you have to make your assumptions very carefully. Plus, what you find sickening, others may find completely acceptable or even necessary. Plastic surgery, death penalty, hitting your children, etc.. Controversial issues are always defined by social and personal biases. At least in my experience.
I am friends with this girl, and friends with her friends. She used to like me, but we are now like just friends. (Partly because she wasnt my type) However, recently, I like her friend, and have started to go after her (making moves, whatnot). She seemed to be ok with this (in fact she was the one who raised this possibility, i am not sure if she was jokin or not).
The problem is, after I started, my friend has become super cold, and I am not sure what i did wrong. It would raelly suck to lose a friend like this.... can anyone help?
On September 14 2011 05:44 bloopie wrote: A more strange story:
I am friends with this girl, and friends with her friends. She used to like me, but we are now like just friends. (Partly because she wasnt my type) However, recently, I like her friend, and have started to go after her (making moves, whatnot). She seemed to be ok with this (in fact she was the one who raised this possibility, i am not sure if she was jokin or not).
The problem is, after I started, my friend has become super cold, and I am not sure what i did wrong. It would raelly suck to lose a friend like this.... can anyone help?
You didn't do anything wrong, but if she was into you and now you're interested in one of her friends well... you can't exactly expect that to not hit home for her.
You'll find that not many girls tend to relate to socially awkward metalheads who wear obscene Brutal Death Metal shirts who has hair often twice the length of the girls.. but hey, I'd rather be dead than cool. =] I have never had a girlfriend and I'm 18 (I'm straight btw incase anyone starts to take the piss) :L I've literally spent my youth playing video games alone listening to bands like 'La Dispute' and various Metal across all subgenres religiously, (music helps).. it's difficult spending most of your teenage years watching your friends fall in and out of love... life is a bitch but I don't really care, "hold your head up and wait for the one".
On September 12 2011 21:37 OpticalShot wrote: This blog is back to life? Weeheeee!!
hydralisk, you should honestly take a moment to cool off, sip some coffee and look at this situation again. StorkHwaiting's got a good point. Perhaps there are good reasons for the way things are - who knows if the girl has a nasty history and the guy's doing his best to keep her from straying off again? Also, to some degree, xenophobia may be in play. At this point, you're still some random stranger who suddenly established a connection through class whereas her boyfriend... is a boyfriend. If it's that direly important you hang out with her alone then I guess you'll have to confront her boyfriend about it. I mean, class being that important to you, why not just hang out with the two of them, or bring your girlfriend along for a double date?
it's not important to me at all bro. I don't even care because there are plenty of other people in the class I can hang out with, and passing the class isn't as important to me as meeting new people. I was simply amazed at how this girl is happy with a relationship that's pretty obviously unhealthy if it's controlling her life. I dunno about you, but I don't care that much about my girlfriend having guy friends because I trust her not to do anything stupid.
and also, if you can come up with some good reasons for a guy being so insane that he controls his girlfriend's entire social life AND actually breaks some dude's arm just for hanging out with her, I'd love to hear them.
1. The entirety of Islamic society does not allow friendships between men and women. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just a different societal norm.
2. You have no idea if this girl is telling you the truth. In fact, you know absolutely nothing at all except for the infinitesimal amount she's chosen to tell you. Yet, you're ready to start handing out judgments. Good look, dude.
3. You're probably amazed because you haven't seen much of the world. There are a lot more dysfunctional relationships out there. This is relatively mild by comparison.
In general, you should calm down. Your moral system is not everyone else's. I've seen way funkier shit in my life. If she's got a boyfriend that breaks ppl's arms, and you like your arms intact, then don't talk to her. It's as simple as that. Nobody needs you to be their social worker, unless you actually are a social worker. At which point you should open a blog about your career instead of fouling up the Relationship thread with your nonsensical blabbering about how you're offended by someone else's way of life.
not even gonna bother replying seriously. the fact that you're attempting to justify needless harm to some innocent guy under the pretenses of "different societal norms" (and btw, the boyfriend is an american white guy, lol) is pretty sickening. I have nothing further to discuss with you.
I don't see where it says the guy was innocent. Maybe he was touchin' her boob when he walked in... Broke that arm right off
Hey, me again. I don't necessarily have a problem this time, but I'm just looking for some advice.
Alright, so, for those who don't know, I met a girl at a concert a little over a month ago, and we started dating a few days later. She lives in a smallish town about 2 hours away, so we haven't really been able to "date" like a traditional couple would. I've spend two weekends at her place, and she's hopefully coming here this weekend.
Anyway, here's what I need advice on. Yesterday, she told me she wants to move here and get an apartment with me. Her job wouldn't be an issue because she works for a nationwide company and she can just transfer. I also have a job, so we'd be able to make it work money-wise. I'm not sure about it, though... On one hand, I feel like it's a little too soon to be moving in together, because we've only been dating for a month. But then, on the other.... It sucks being in a long distance relationship, and it'd be pretty nice to be able to see her on a regular basis.
There's one more issue. My best friend and I were planning on getting a place together well before this girl came into the picture, and now, I'm not sure how that's going to work. He's not really hot on the idea of having her live with us (he'd prefer it be just me and him), so... I don't know what to do there. Bros vs hoes... lol, but seriously. It's also tough because he doesn't want to get a place until next semester. I know my girlfriend and I could afford a place on our own, though, so I'm not sure how much that matters.
tl;dr: long distance girlfriend wants to move here, get a place, but it feels soonish and bros vs hoes drama
Dude, you need to just leave the country and start fresh. I recommend New Zealand, because its so beautiful.
But seriously, this is a conversation that you need to have with her, and probably soon. Put all the cards on the table, because you clearly know how much of a big deal is that you're moving in, and doing it soon is a good idea, because you don't want to delay it for too long. As long as you're honest about the situation, it should turn out fine, and she'll understand where you are right now, and maybe you can find a compromise. But defiantly talk to her.
Whether you want to mention your previous plans with your best friend is up to you. I think its best to make a judgement call at the time, but I'm leaning towards a yes. Personally, it sounds super quick to move in when its only been a month of LDR, but that's something to discuss with her
On September 16 2011 09:41 iamahydralisk wrote: Hey, me again. I don't necessarily have a problem this time, but I'm just looking for some advice.
Alright, so, for those who don't know, I met a girl at a concert a little over a month ago, and we started dating a few days later. She lives in a smallish town about 2 hours away, so we haven't really been able to "date" like a traditional couple would. I've spend two weekends at her place, and she's hopefully coming here this weekend.
Anyway, here's what I need advice on. Yesterday, she told me she wants to move here and get an apartment with me. Her job wouldn't be an issue because she works for a nationwide company and she can just transfer. I also have a job, so we'd be able to make it work money-wise. I'm not sure about it, though... On one hand, I feel like it's a little too soon to be moving in together, because we've only been dating for a month. But then, on the other.... It sucks being in a long distance relationship, and it'd be pretty nice to be able to see her on a regular basis.
There's one more issue. My best friend and I were planning on getting a place together well before this girl came into the picture, and now, I'm not sure how that's going to work. He's not really hot on the idea of having her live with us (he'd prefer it be just me and him), so... I don't know what to do there. Bros vs hoes... lol, but seriously. It's also tough because he doesn't want to get a place until next semester. I know my girlfriend and I could afford a place on our own, though, so I'm not sure how much that matters.
tl;dr: long distance girlfriend wants to move here, get a place, but it feels soonish and bros vs hoes drama
Tell her you're not ready and that you already had something going with your friends. You'd like to explore on your relationship with her before you go through with such a major step.
bros vs. hoes drama is irrelevant tbh. but... 1 month of LDR feels like way too soon to move in together imo. That's a big commitment and a big recipe for disaster if anything goes wrong, which is still a pretty likely occurrence considering you've only known her for a month. I dunno, it's really your call and LDR sucks so I understand the appeal, but it still feels like rushing into a way bigger commitment than your relationship is ready for.
On September 14 2011 05:44 bloopie wrote: A more strange story:
I am friends with this girl, and friends with her friends. She used to like me, but we are now like just friends. (Partly because she wasnt my type) However, recently, I like her friend, and have started to go after her (making moves, whatnot). She seemed to be ok with this (in fact she was the one who raised this possibility, i am not sure if she was jokin or not).
The problem is, after I started, my friend has become super cold, and I am not sure what i did wrong. It would raelly suck to lose a friend like this.... can anyone help?
Oh, I never read this one. Whoops.
I don't think you've done anything wrong. But at the same time, there will always be some sort of regret and resentment there, no matter how hard you try. The fact that its her friend that you're after now doesn't really help either. Most people fell better by hating the new love, but she's a friend, so that's not possible.
Have a think, and decide if its worth it. If it is, have a word with your ex. If it isn't have a word with your ex. Either way, you should check in with her, because it could be something easy to fix. But even if its a major issue, at least you know it
I was of the impression that he never went out with friend A in that post, though I guess it is a little unclear with the "now like just friends" phrase in there.
well we didnt date, so the word "ex-" is kinda strong here. We just hooked up once, and I know for sure she is interested in someoen else now. we just talk now, nothing extra.
alright, so update... still with concert girl, but I'm having a bit of trouble with it. Everything is really going fine, but the LDR is really starting to get to me. It's driving me crazy that I can't see her more than once every few weeks, and to make it worse, there are other girls here who I'm attracted to and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. I keep putting myself in situations with these girls where things "could" happen, if I wanted them to... ugh. I hate to admit it, but I want those things to happen... I just really hate this whole LDR thing :<
On October 01 2011 06:52 iamahydralisk wrote: alright, so update... still with concert girl, but I'm having a bit of trouble with it. Everything is really going fine, but the LDR is really starting to get to me. It's driving me crazy that I can't see her more than once every few weeks, and to make it worse, there are other girls here who I'm attracted to and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. I keep putting myself in situations with these girls where things "could" happen, if I wanted them to... ugh. I hate to admit it, but I want those things to happen... I just really hate this whole LDR thing :<
If you start to second guess the relationship and want "those things to happen" with other girls then you need to break up with your current girlfriend. You shouldn't string her along. It's really not a fun thing and the longer you wait the harder it will be. LDR doesn't work for everyone :c Just think everything through first.
On October 01 2011 06:52 iamahydralisk wrote: alright, so update... still with concert girl, but I'm having a bit of trouble with it. Everything is really going fine, but the LDR is really starting to get to me. It's driving me crazy that I can't see her more than once every few weeks, and to make it worse, there are other girls here who I'm attracted to and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. I keep putting myself in situations with these girls where things "could" happen, if I wanted them to... ugh. I hate to admit it, but I want those things to happen... I just really hate this whole LDR thing :<
If you start to second guess the relationship and want "those things to happen" with other girls then you need to break up with your current girlfriend. You shouldn't string her along. It's really not a fun thing and the longer you wait the harder it will be. LDR doesn't work for everyone :c Just think everything through first.
the thing is, I do genuinely care about my current girlfriend very much, and she wants to move here within the next few months... so LDR wouldn't be a problem anymore. it's just the waiting and temptation that sucks.
well, my girlfriend and I wanted to move closer to each other over 3 years ago and we're still doing LDR, so yea, gotta be careful with that blurry deadline stuff =\. Seems like she's more committed to moving closer to you than my situation, but just don't let it drag out or you'll end up miserable.
On October 01 2011 06:52 iamahydralisk wrote: alright, so update... still with concert girl, but I'm having a bit of trouble with it. Everything is really going fine, but the LDR is really starting to get to me. It's driving me crazy that I can't see her more than once every few weeks, and to make it worse, there are other girls here who I'm attracted to and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. I keep putting myself in situations with these girls where things "could" happen, if I wanted them to... ugh. I hate to admit it, but I want those things to happen... I just really hate this whole LDR thing :<
I think for a LDR to work you really need to have a set plan and date for when it isn't LDR anymore. I had one for about a year, but there was a set date for when we were going to be in the same place. It was hard even though we chatted on skysie all the time and everything. I don't know if it really would have lasted if we didn't make plans, and we had been very close for 4years before we decided on a LDR -> move close togeather in a year. Just talk to her and make a solid plan instead of maybe, if, might be then or here. I think it makes it easier to deal with since you have a set time that all the LDR pain will be over and you can be in a normal happy relationship.
I've got a bit of a thing - bit of back story - this is my first relationship and currently 22yrs of age. We've been dating for almost 4 months and they have been absolutely fantastic. I'm her 2nd boyfriend, but her 1st one she had she wasn't really into - she kinda dated him to spite someone but that's kinda in the past back when she was still in highschool when highschool politics mattered. haha.
But - I'm not sure whether other people have experiences of this as well - but I am a kinda clingy bf. Like - she would be talking to this other person who that person would be (what looked like it to me) flirting with her/shit stirring as well, despite knowing that we were going out. I talked to her about it - but she kinda got upset, saying that she doesn't know why I'm thinking that, because she only wants me and there's nothing going between them. (In comparison to her getting upset previous to this about how she was kinda jealous that I was talking about a friend of whom I was interested in having troubles with a guy who was a complete ass for many reasons - but that itself is a different story).
That was about 1 - 2 months into our relationship - fast forward to now - there has only been like less than a handful of disagreements between ourselves - we have also said to each other that we don't want each other feeling like crap by ourselves - so we had an agreement to say whenever something was bothering us.
Fast forward to now - we had a bit of a disagreement yesterday where I kinda felt like she was being a bit distant on Sunday night (I had left her alone to do her . I told her about this - but she got upset/angry again and ignored me on Monday morning. We had a long talk over the phone, and things are now okay again.
But my question is, how should I approach her in saying when something is bothering me? I know I was a bit clingy and was my fault that it happened - but how would I say how I feel if she's gets angry/upset? Because I don't want it to damage my relationship with her.
On October 04 2011 08:07 SigmaX wrote: Fast forward to now - we had a bit of a disagreement yesterday where I kinda felt like she was being a bit distant on Sunday night (I had left her alone to do her . I told her about this - but she got upset/angry again and ignored me on Monday morning. We had a long talk over the phone, and things are now okay again.
But my question is, how should I approach her in saying when something is bothering me? I know I was a bit clingy and was my fault that it happened - but how would I say how I feel if she's gets angry/upset? Because I don't want it to damage my relationship with her.
Thanks~
It's alright man, I got your back!
First of all, when your woman is upset you need to apologize pretty quick. most importantly - don't let her go to bed angry. When she gets angry her emotions take over and you're not going to get a rational word in edgewise. Allow her to vent her anger at you and THEN let her cool off. Make sure that you two talk again BEFORE going to sleep. This way you're showing her that you're making the effort to make her feel better. If she just totally ignores you I guess you have to go with it, but at least let her know later how her being upset also upsets you.
Anyways, let's go over some ways to approach a new issue with her:
1). Blunt and Tactless: Just lay it all out on the table with little into. This honestly works better on guys more than girls, so I don't recommend it.
2). Blunt and Tactful: Honestly, I feel this is the way to go. Tactfulness means you find an appropriate situation. I would choose a time when you're both hanging out in person and not doing anything special. When the next silence hits: "Honey, I have something on my mind. We agreed to tell each other if something bugged us and I've got a small issue. You seem a little distanced sometimes. Is everything ok?" - or something like that. You have to be direct with the issue and lead into it like it isn't something major (unless it is, but honestly, most things aren't that big - DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!).
3). Indirect and Tactless: "You bother me sometimes, you know? I love you and all, so don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes you just get on my nerves. It's not very often, so don't worry if it's just all in my head, but it gets to me and we DID say we'd talk things out. Anyway, you've been a little bit....ehh....well...it's like sometimes you're here but not "here", you know?"...etc. etc....with the way I worded that she'd probably think she did a ton of things wrong because you kept bringing it up. Being indirect is your enemy!!!
4). Indirect and Tactful: Don't do this either..you'll keep beating around the bush that she probably won't know that anything is wrong. Or she will, get annoyed that you're beating around the bush, and get angry anyway!
Despite the fact that your girlfriend could take a lot of what you say the wrong way make sure that she's acting like a grown up. If she gets mad at you and stops talking for a while then she's just being a child and you probably don't want to date that. She's definitely going to see how much she can get away with, so you will definitely make her upset in the future, just make sure you pick you battles wisely, don't let her walk all over you, and don't sweat the small stuff!
On July 26 2011 09:53 spacemonkey4eve wrote: This is such a good thread I decided to come out of lurk mode to post my own "dear auntie". So I've been dating this girl for a little over 2 months now. We're both Korean in the same line of professional work, and we got to know each other through a mutual acquaintance. We became very close quickly and I realized this is the girl I feel like I can share my life with (after searching for 2 years after my previous disappointing relationship).
Long story short, I told her how I felt about her and we both agreed to take it slowly. The only thing that bothers me about her is her perspective on love and dating. Basically, she says she has never felt real love in her life. She had a previous relationship with her ex for 5 years, and she laid it out on me that she never felt real love for him, and instead felt like a sister to him. She did admit we haven't met long enough to know for sure whether she can love me or not, but this does raise some concern within me in regards to whether it'll bring havoc down the line. Part of the reason she said she has problems truly feeling love towards someone is her fear that once she commits to someone, she may find someone else down the line that she may fall head over heels for, and she can't break up with the current bf because of her sense of responsibility to him. I think this is why she keeps stopping me from thinking about things couple months from now, and often says we might not see each other then. Other than that, we have a great relationship and spend several nights a week together enjoying each others company. I'm just wondering if there's something (if anything) I can do to gradually help her realize that it's ok to commit herself to me for the long haul, and that she won't have to fear that she'll fall in love with someone else.
Just to be clear, her definition of love is essentially "agape" and was never infatuated with me or her ex. She doesn't believe in the conventional lovey-dovey sense of love portrayed in the media.
Sounds like she has some emotional/commitment issues. You don't want her to commit to you if she doesn't have romantic feelings for you. So your actual question should be, "How can I get this girl to like me so much that she agrees to date me?"
This is pretty much what every man on earth wants to know at some point, but the answer is different for each girl and each man. I know nothing about you and nothing about her, so it's impossible for me to answer in anything but generalities. Show her you are reliable, keep spending quality time with her, try to engage in more romantic activities such as dates and dinners, treat her well, make her laugh. If there is something holding her back from commitment that isn't broken by your successful completion of all of those tasks in the next few weeks, she isn't worth the investment. You'd be better off finding a new girl who doesn't make you climb mountains and dive through hoops to get her affection. If I may venture a guess based on experience, her somewhat stand-offish nature is part of the attraction for you; everyone wants what they can't have. She put herself up on this pedestal in front of you, to put herself up on the same pedestal in YOUR mind. Women do this so that they are valued more, which makes you work harder for them, which makes you sacrifice more, which means your commitment to her is greater before you even date. They do this because it's like quality assurance, but sometimes if you act so desperate to have her by putting yourself through all this trouble for her, then you fail just the same, because no one wants a sappy dependent boyfriend. Just something to keep in mind.
So, you are already thinking that you can marry this girl after knowing her for only 2 months and after having no romantic response from her. It seems like you are being a bit naive, perhaps mostly infatuated, and hold her up on a pedestal. I think you should look for love elsewhere, from someone who won't require so much work.
So I feel like updating this situation as we're approaching 5 months of us getting together. I've worked hard to be a good bf, doing everything in my power to make her happy, and I feel like it's paying off. Her interest level in me seems to be rising as she initiates more lunches and dinners together, and I sense moments of her genuine affection towards me. I'm glad to have her in my life and would be devastated if I lost her. Although the future is still uncertain in regards to whether we can stay together for the long haul, I've learned to enjoy the moment and appreciate the relationship we have together.
On October 04 2011 11:02 Servius_Fulvius wrote: It's alright man, I got your back!
First of all, when your woman is upset you need to apologize pretty quick. most importantly - don't let her go to bed angry. When she gets angry her emotions take over and you're not going to get a rational word in edgewise. Allow her to vent her anger at you and THEN let her cool off. Make sure that you two talk again BEFORE going to sleep. This way you're showing her that you're making the effort to make her feel better. If she just totally ignores you I guess you have to go with it, but at least let her know later how her being upset also upsets you.
.....
Despite the fact that your girlfriend could take a lot of what you say the wrong way make sure that she's acting like a grown up. If she gets mad at you and stops talking for a while then she's just being a child and you probably don't want to date that. She's definitely going to see how much she can get away with, so you will definitely make her upset in the future, just make sure you pick you battles wisely, don't let her walk all over you, and don't sweat the small stuff!
Thanks for your response Servius! I'll be keeping that in mind!
We talked afterwards, and she sent me a text at 12am saying that she shouldn't have ignored me, and that she wouldn't know how she'd feel if I had ignored her if she told me something that bothered her~ She's not a childish person - I think she just has different ways of reacting to things which she reflects upon later and changes it if necessary - which is something i love about her - the fact that we're both willing to work through the tough things ^^ I'll try not sweating the small stuff either haha.
On October 04 2011 17:42 SigmaX wrote: We talked afterwards, and she sent me a text at 12am saying that she shouldn't have ignored me, and that she wouldn't know how she'd feel if I had ignored her if she told me something that bothered her~ She's not a childish person - I think she just has different ways of reacting to things which she reflects upon later and changes it if necessary - which is something i love about her - the fact that we're both willing to work through the tough things ^^ I'll try not sweating the small stuff either haha.
Sounds like she makes an effort to be mature. That's great! Sounds like you guys are good to go!
Sounds like she makes an effort to be mature. That's great! Sounds like you guys are good to go!
haha yeah tell me about it. She's such a great girl. I was in a bad mood thanks to my dad last night. I was about to go to sleep and she just gave me a call!! Made my night so much. hahah
On October 10 2011 20:10 Hassybaby wrote: 4 days, and not a single Girl Blog? Is it possible that TL is actually happy, and there are no more issues?!?!
The hair dresser I always go to moved away all the way to TEXAS!!! And I'm madly in love with her!
What should I do? Should I quit school and go on the greatest journey in the history of my manlihood to tell her that I love her?
Do I think she's worth it? SHE CUT MY HAIR FOR 2 YEARS WITHOUT FAIL BROHEIM! And now I don't have anyone to cut my hair. What if it gets so long that she won't even recognize me?! Time is running out... I need help deciding quick...
On October 10 2011 23:16 Snuggles wrote: I live in Massachusetts.
The hair dresser I always go to moved away all the way to TEXAS!!! And I'm madly in love with her!
What should I do? Should I quit school and go on the greatest journey in the history of my manlihood to tell her that I love her?
Do I think she's worth it? SHE CUT MY HAIR FOR 2 YEARS WITHOUT FAIL BROHEIM! And now I don't have anyone to cut my hair. What if it gets so long that she won't even recognize me?! Time is running out... I need help deciding quick...
it's a sign of true love when someone cuts your hair. giving up on her will haunt you till the day you die, whereas there is no potential for regrets if you leave school and go on the greatest journey in the history of your manlihood to tell her that you love her. DO IT.
On October 10 2011 20:10 Hassybaby wrote: 4 days, and not a single Girl Blog? Is it possible that TL is actually happy, and there are no more issues?!?!
On October 10 2011 20:10 Hassybaby wrote: 4 days, and not a single Girl Blog? Is it possible that TL is actually happy, and there are no more issues?!?!
I'm pretty unhappy and have tons of issues, but I would ignore pretty much all advice here. Guess I could still post here if you're dying for drama, lol.
On October 10 2011 20:10 Hassybaby wrote: 4 days, and not a single Girl Blog? Is it possible that TL is actually happy, and there are no more issues?!?!
I'm pretty unhappy and have tons of issues, but I would ignore pretty much all advice here. Guess I could still post here if you're dying for drama, lol.
Please do. Reading about other people's drama is always entertaining.
I've heard over and over again to cut off all ties to someone who has basically rejected you or broken your heart. Like no cell phone number, no MSN, no Facebook, etc.. Because even if you still love the person, you need to be away from them to move on. Health wise, it's better for you..?
But then..
I also hear stories of never burning bridges. People always say, do you really think you can be friends with this person right now? But aren't you NOT in the right state of mind to be answering questions logically after you've been heartbroken?
What am I supposed to do.. I know each situation is entirely different and you can't TELL me what to do with my life but.. I just don't have an answer for myself..
I don't want to delete her from Facebook or MSN (though I did delete her cell number and the texts), because I don't want her to think or know that I'm depressed about this. I haven't fallen to the point where I cried or begged her or told her I still miss her and stuff. But I did annoy her when I was asking her why she wasn't texting me anymore. Like at all. So that's why I deleted her number, to prevent myself from doing something like that again.
If she sees that I deleted her from everything, I'm worried she'll think I'm sad, angry.. powerless, basically what I am actually feeling..
But I don't want to get better one day and then miss out on her completely if I burn this bridge between us..
What really hurts me though is.. if she wants to be with someone else, which she probably is doing. I don't know how to react to that. I haven't seen or heard of it yet... but when I do, I don't know how I'm supposed to act. It's never happened to me before. Being rejected just to see the girl with another guy in the next 2-3 months or so.
On October 11 2011 01:40 jjun212 wrote: I've heard over and over again to cut off all ties to someone who has basically rejected you or broken your heart. Like no cell phone number, no MSN, no Facebook, etc.. Because even if you still love the person, you need to be away from them to move on. Health wise, it's better for you..?
But then..
I also hear stories of never burning bridges. People always say, do you really think you can be friends with this person right now? But aren't you NOT in the right state of mind to be answering questions logically after you've been heartbroken?
What am I supposed to do.. I know each situation is entirely different and you can't TELL me what to do with my life but.. I just don't have an answer for myself..
I don't want to delete her from Facebook or MSN (though I did delete her cell number and the texts), because I don't want her to think or know that I'm depressed about this. I haven't fallen to the point where I cried or begged her or told her I still miss her and stuff. But I did annoy her when I was asking her why she wasn't texting me anymore. Like at all. So that's why I deleted her number, to prevent myself from doing something like that again.
If she sees that I deleted her from everything, I'm worried she'll think I'm sad, angry.. powerless, basically what I am actually feeling..
But I don't want to get better one day and then miss out on her completely if I burn this bridge between us..
What really hurts me though is.. if she wants to be with someone else, which she probably is doing. I don't know how to react to that. I haven't seen or heard of it yet... but when I do, I don't know how I'm supposed to act. It's never happened to me before. Being rejected just to see the girl with another guy in the next 2-3 months or so.
I am scared.. I really am.
OK, so this girl consistently doesn't give a crap about you. She doesn't respond to your texts, and she's probably with someone else, yet you still want to be with her? Why don't you do this, FORGET ABOUT HER. It seems like she's at the moment trying to delete you from life. You don't have to delete her from FB or anything extreme, but you also don't need to be in contact with her. Do yourself a favor and be happy. Plenty of fish in the sea.
On October 10 2011 20:10 Hassybaby wrote: 4 days, and not a single Girl Blog? Is it possible that TL is actually happy, and there are no more issues?!?!
I'm pretty unhappy and have tons of issues, but I would ignore pretty much all advice here. Guess I could still post here if you're dying for drama, lol.
Please do. Reading about other people's drama is always entertaining.
Yeah i know i'm a bit of a schadenfreude. Sue me.
I've been with my girlfriend for... a long time now. January 2005, so I guess 6.5+ years. We met in college, I fell pretty hard for her, and we've more-or-less been together ever since. Neither of us were terribly on top of our job searches and planning for our futures out of college, so we both sorta ended up taking what we could get, which put me in Connecticut with a Software Engineering job and she ended up back home in Maryland with a 2-year fellowship at the National Institute of Health. It was tough doing the distance for those 2 years, but I always figured that after she was done with that, she'd be ready to get her Masters or PHD (she's expressed interest in those as what she was going to do after the fellowship) and that we would figure out a way to get close to each other when she made that move. That was more than a year and a half ago. She still hasn't gotten into a graduate program that she's interested in and is still living at home with her mother and doing tutoring to pay bills.
Then there's her mother. Her parents are divorced and she's grown fiercely protective of her mother. Her mom sure hasn't made our relationship easier and while I'm not going to go into full detail about it, I think I can sum it all up with the anecdote about our graduation... The night before we graduated from college, my GF's mom and sister were driving up from Maryland to Pittsburgh. Her mother and sister got into an argument and her mom asked to be dropped off at a hotel an hour and half away from Pittsburgh. Obviously my gf was distraught over this and I woke up at 6 AM the morning of my own college graduation to do the 3 hour round trip drive to pick her mother up and bring her to Pittsburgh. Note: I kept my feelings about how absurd the whole situation was to myself and never brought this up with her mother. Fast forward to 6 months later, when I broke up with my gf over the distance. We patched things up over a couple weeks and decided to keep doing distance, but her mom, the same mom I bailed out on her daughter's graduation day, decided to use the breakup as an excuse to forbid me from staying in their house, so that I had to book a nearby hotel any time I wanted to go down and visit... Yea, needless to say, not crazy about her mom.
So basically, I've been stuck in LDR for 3.5 years, waiting for my girlfriend to take the next step in her life so that I can make a move to her without feeling like I'm moving to a place that will: 1. be completely temporary 2. be near her mother And it's still no closer to that resolution. Add onto this whole problem the fact that I've been in the same job for these 3.5 years and spent this time carving out a niche for myself where I am, making friendships I value and progressing my career. My GF is now looking for jobs near me, but she's been looking for 6 months now and is still turning up blanks. I've been begging her to just move in with me up here every year when it comes time for me to renew my lease/find a new one, but she's intent on not making any moves until she can support herself. But that's not working for me. Really never has been, I've just been tolerating it because I honestly love her and want to be with her, but the longer it drags on, the more apparent it becomes that I should've just ducked out years ago and saved myself all this time of Relationship Limbo.
I guess the final straw that's breaking the camel's back for me is that never, NEVER, not even once in our 6.5 years together has my gf spent a holiday with my family and I. I've done 4 Christmas Eve -> Christmas Mornings with her family, which is one of my favorite times of year with my family. Yet she still won't do so much as thanksgiving with us. She always cites her mother being alone on a holiday as the reason she won't come to a holiday (needless to say, even if I had the power to invite her mother as well, I wouldn't really want to), yet every Thanksgiving, she goes with her mom to her mom's boss's house to celebrate and then complains to me about how she doesn't know anyone there and no one's the same age as her. Like, really!? Your mom has somewhere to be, with people you don't even know, and you can't let her go to that alone so that you can actually come to a holiday with my family? That just seems so fucked up to me and particularly this year, when I pointed all this out to her and told her to come to my family's thanksgiving in Chicago and that I would pay for her to come and that I frankly, NEED her to come, she's still intent on staying home with her mother.
Uhg, so yea, you all are just gonna say I need to peace out now and I agree. The family issues will never resolve and the distance is going nowhere fast. I should back out now. But it's still so hard. After all this time, and all that we've been through, she still loves me and accepts me for who I am and I still love her too. And the logical piece of my mind still feels pot committed, I've spent so much time on her. *sigh*, just gotta accept that it has to be over and figure out how to tell her...
heh, yea, sorry, logical isn't the right word. feeling pot committed is just that... a feeling and there's not really anything logical or rational about it, but it's still there.
On October 11 2011 02:57 Mogwai wrote: Uhg, so yea, you all are just gonna say I need to peace out now and I agree. The family issues will never resolve and the distance is going nowhere fast. I should back out now. But it's still so hard. After all this time, and all that we've been through, she still loves me and accepts me for who I am and I still love her too. And the logical piece of my mind still feels pot committed, I've spent so much time on her. *sigh*, just gotta accept that it has to be over and figure out how to tell her...
My current girlfriend was stuck in a loveless relationship for two years. Her excuse of staying was more or less "we have a lot of history" and a lot of her insecurities with me stem from us not having that kind of history yet. When you've been in a relationship with someone as long as you there's a tendency to believe that being good in the past means the future should also be good even if the present sucks OR that since you've been together so long it means you may as well stay together longer.
You've given her an inordinate amount of time and it's time you put that to an end. If I were you I'd tell her to come be with me or move on. I understand family loyalty, but parents need to let go and let their children live their own life. If she's unwilling to do that then you'll just be waiting for her to grow up (VERY unfair to you).
You see the logic in this, but the emotional factor is very strong. If that's the case and you're sticking with her purely off emotions then ask yourself "Am I holding myself back?".
Oh, and invite her mom to a holiday if that's the difference between seeing her or not. You didn't blow up on her with the graduation fiasco, so I know you have the maturity to pull this off.
On October 11 2011 02:57 Mogwai wrote: Uhg, so yea, you all are just gonna say I need to peace out now and I agree. The family issues will never resolve and the distance is going nowhere fast. I should back out now. But it's still so hard. After all this time, and all that we've been through, she still loves me and accepts me for who I am and I still love her too. And the logical piece of my mind still feels pot committed, I've spent so much time on her. *sigh*, just gotta accept that it has to be over and figure out how to tell her...
My current girlfriend was stuck in a loveless relationship for two years. Her excuse of staying was more or less "we have a lot of history" and a lot of her insecurities with me stem from us not having that kind of history yet. When you've been in a relationship with someone as long as you there's a tendency to believe that being good in the past means the future should also be good even if the present sucks OR that since you've been together so long it means you may as well stay together longer.
You've given her an inordinate amount of time and it's time you put that to an end. If I were you I'd tell her to come be with me or move on. I understand family loyalty, but parents need to let go and let their children live their own life. If she's unwilling to do that then you'll just be waiting for her to grow up (VERY unfair to you).
You see the logic in this, but the emotional factor is very strong. If that's the case and you're sticking with her purely off emotions then ask yourself "Am I holding myself back?".
Oh, and invite her mom to a holiday if that's the difference between seeing her or not. You didn't blow up on her with the graduation fiasco, so I know you have the maturity to pull this off.
I like to think that if things were really loveless with the relationship, I would get out ASAP. But we still love each other and have a great time when we're together. It's just that I'm done with this only being together every 3 weekends crap =\.
Honestly, I don't want to invite her mom along. And in this year's case, this is at my Aunt's house with the whole extended family, which would be socially awkward at best to try to get her mom even invited. And if she were invited, I don't think she'd spend the money on it. I don't mind covering my gf's expenses for a trip like this, but I'll be damned if I pay her mom's way too. Even assuming she went, then it would be the process of incorporating both her and her mom into the family, rather than just incorporating her, which would ruin the whole point of getting her to meet my family (since she'd feel obligated to spend most of the time with her mom since her mom wouldn't know anyone). Oh and have I mentioned that we can't sleep together when her mom's around? Assuming her mom went, she would stay in the hotel with her mother, and I would be in my own room or staying on the couch at my Aunt's house. See why the idea isn't at all appealing to me?
The idea of never having a holiday with her and not her mom isn't acceptable to me at this point. I've seen too much of her mom to trust her mom to not create some form of stupid ass drama that will ultimately make the experience less enjoyable for my whole family. So yea, this might be an unacceptable hangup on my part, but it's not really something I can get over so acknowledging it and dealing with it is necessary.
On October 11 2011 04:22 Mogwai wrote: I like to think that if things were really loveless with the relationship, I would get out ASAP. But we still love each other and have a great time when we're together. It's just that I'm done with this only being together every 3 weekends crap =\.
If you're done you're done. Break up. It's happened before and it seems like you're a ticking time-bomb. Long distance only works when you're both 100% committed. If she's more committed elsewhere then you're going to end up feeling gyped.
My point with the loveless relationship was to show that a relationship without love was sustained for well over a year because they had already put so much work into it. The logic was something like "I've already put in a ton of work so why throw that away?". Putting love into the equation I can only imagine that two people can go for an incredibly long time until one or both can't take it anymore.
Honestly, I don't want to invite her mom along. And in this year's case, this is at my Aunt's house with the whole extended family, which would be socially awkward at best to try to get her mom even invited. And if she were invited, I don't think she'd spend the money on it. I don't mind covering my gf's expenses for a trip like this, but I'll be damned if I pay her mom's way too. Even assuming she went, then it would be the process of incorporating both her and her mom into the family, rather than just incorporating her, which would ruin the whole point of getting her to meet my family (since she'd feel obligated to spend most of the time with her mom since her mom wouldn't know anyone). Oh and have I mentioned that we can't sleep together when her mom's around? Assuming her mom went, she would stay in the hotel with her mother, and I would be in my own room or staying on the couch at my Aunt's house. See why the idea isn't at all appealing to me?
What means more to you - having your girlfriend meet your family OR having your girlfriend meet your family and have everything happen exactly the way you want it? Relationships are give-and-take and the whole "have my cake and it it too" mentality leads to a lot of frustration.
The idea of never having a holiday with her and not her mom isn't acceptable to me at this point. I've seen too much of her mom to trust her mom to not create some form of stupid ass drama that will ultimately make the experience less enjoyable for my whole family. So yea, this might be an unacceptable hangup on my part, but it's not really something I can get over so acknowledging it and dealing with it is necessary.
I'm assuming you've talked to your girlfriend about your feelings towards her mother but if you haven't you REALLY should.
Anyway, why do you even need a holiday to bring her home to meet the family? If I were you I'd get in the car on one of her visits (or your visit to her, whichever is closer) and just drive there. Subtle? No. Making something happen? Yes. If the issue is a Thanksgiving/Christmas then just take her home on a different holiday. Better yet, make up your own! If it's about the "togetherness of family" ideals then bring her along on a celebration. Yes, I agree, there is zero equity in holiday celebrations and if it means that much to you then you'd just have to warn your family about her mom ahead of time.
It's not that she hasn't met my family, it's that she's never spent any sort of extended period of time with them. It's always a wedding here, a funeral there, and really no one comes out feeling like they really know her. I dunno, guess it's hard to explain if holidays aren't a big deal for you, but my family is scattered and holidays are when we get together. They are a big deal for me and it is a big point for me.
Hey guys, I need some serious advice on a girl "problem" I've been having recently.
I recently starting hanging out with this girl from one of my classes last semester. I don't have any classes with her this semester but we've been hanging out a bit. I've been with her on 4 dates. Now I have fun every time I go out with her, but I really don't want to keep this relationship going. Problem is the last 2 times we've been together, shes given me 3 BJs. I feel kind of obligated to stick around for awhile and maybe go out a few more times with her and ending the evening without a sexual activity.I feel like I'd be a real dick (NPI) to just stop talking to her or anything like that. She said she didn't want to have sex and that she wasn't looking for a fuck buddy and that she really wanted to get to know me better. I don't want a fuck buddy either but for whatever reason, I have little to no interest pursuing this further.
Also - I've told her some personal things about myself that I wouldn't like her to plaster my facebook wall with if she were to get particularly mad at me. And I don't want to defriend her and have her coming in to where I work calling me an asshole. (I'm not sure if she would actually do that, but I don't know her that well at all)
We're supposed to go somewhere together this Saturday and I'm thinking about just going and having a great time but then just explaining that I don't think we should see each other anymore. But no matter how many times I play that over in my head, I never see it going well.
sticking around won't help anything if she wants to go further with this relationship and you don't. If you just want to stick around for her sake, well, that will be counterproductive, as she'll get more attached for when you have to tell her to stop.
having a good time -> breaking up (if you can even call it that since you guys aren't really together) doesn't seem like it will work out well, but I have very limited breaking up experience, so you might want another opinion on what you should do with that.
So, following up from my previous posts, I have finally broke things off with my gf of 6.5 years. I had to do it over the phone, I didn't want to have to deal with all the potential trainwreck scenarios from breaking up in person (from breakup sex to hours of weepy attempts to fix things). I feel pretty fucking lousy about the whole thing and she's taking it all really poorly (keeps trying to fix things, saying she'll move up here and fix all the problems in our relationship...), but I'm holding strong atm. Breaking up sucks and I can't help but feel like the bad guy, but I know it's what I had to do and I need to stick to my guns. Now I'm thinking of just cutting all lines of communication with her. The thought upsets me because I don't feel like she has anyone else to go to, but the more I talk to her, the more I feel like I'm giving her hope that things will just be able to patch up and that's not really fair to either of us when I'm seriously checked out of the relationship. I just wish we could skip the shitty antagonistic period and go straight to being just friends, as I do still care about her and want to be able to support her without it being in a serious relationship.
Anyway, just felt like letting you guys know. Again, not really looking for advice, just sharing since it's been 4 days without girl drama to stew over in here.
What's the best course of action when you're somewhat bored with your significant other? I'm still with concert girl, and things are going well, but... I just feel like there isn't much of a spark. The newness of it has worn off and now I'm just kinda meh on the whole thing. The sex is good, but we only get to see each other once every few weekends and that's a pain in the ass. Any opinions, TLers?
So, I don't usually need help with girls or anything but when im in university and try to talk to girls, it always seems like I don't know whether it is just a conversation or maybe I should pursue it into something more, seems a lot more difficult because unlike meeting a girl in a mall, you may see her more often and she might totally think your a creep if you try to hit on her, otherwise at the mall its like ok ill never see her again, or at work where you see her almost every day, or at the bar when your totally drunk. School seems like a hidden treasure for picking up girls but I just don't know how to make the change from a conversation to "lets go date and possibly fuck". I mean I usually start off with the "you look familiar, do we have any classes together?" when she answers "i dont think so" I ask "what program are you in?" and then I talk about how im such a geek and am in computer science (i look like the gym/jock/jerseyshore guy). Maybe im just afraid that I look really creepy in the uni, or the fact if i get rejected, that when i see her again ill feel embarrassed. Hell the fact that after I do go on a date or fuck her and i do avoid her and she sees me at school WDF do i do. Ive never picked up a girl from school, but really want to because since of all the benefits of fucking a student: cheap,place on campus/free of parents/roommates(School is almost all single dorms), and of course drunken dorm parties. Some facts of my school: full of hotties and was rate the #1 school for girls in canada in UMM(urban male magazine).
On October 19 2011 14:40 dapierow wrote: So, I don't usually need help with girls or anything but when im in university and try to talk to girls, it always seems like I don't know whether it is just a conversation or maybe I should pursue it into something more, seems a lot more difficult because unlike meeting a girl in a mall, you may see her more often and she might totally think your a creep if you try to hit on her, otherwise at the mall its like ok ill never see her again, or at work where you see her almost every day, or at the bar when your totally drunk. School seems like a hidden treasure for picking up girls but I just don't know how to make the change from a conversation to "lets go date and possibly fuck". I mean I usually start off with the "you look familiar, do we have any classes together?" when she answers "i dont think so" I ask "what program are you in?" and then I talk about how im such a geek and am in computer science (i look like the gym/jock/jerseyshore guy). Maybe im just afraid that I look really creepy in the uni, or the fact if i get rejected, that when i see her again ill feel embarrassed. Hell the fact that after I do go on a date or fuck her and i do avoid her and she sees me at school WDF do i do. Ive never picked up a girl from school, but really want to because since of all the benefits of fucking a student: cheap,place on campus/free of parents/roommates(School is almost all single dorms), and of course drunken dorm parties. Some facts of my school: full of hotties and was rate the #1 school for girls in canada in UMM(urban male magazine).
Wtf bro, who approaches random chicks at school. You only do that at nightclubs and bars. Pickup is creepy at school. Gotta build your social circle and your coolness and socialness and see girls as friends and highways to more girls. Then since you are friends/leader of cool people and girls, then girls come onto you since you're the cool guy, and people are okay with the cool guy dating tons of girls. Not hey random girl, I just had one night stand with you. Cool! now I can't f any of your hot friends cuz I got into your pants being creepy without thinking of seeing you a second time and you cockblock me from all the other hot girls. The people who are trying to "pickup" girls at school(I see them) are creepy and it's obvious they want to get in the girls pants WITH ALL HER FRIENDS AROUND, WHO MIGHT JUDGE HER HAVING SEX WITH A RANDOM STRANGER THEY MET FOR THE FIRST TIME.
On October 19 2011 14:40 dapierow wrote: So, I don't usually need help with girls or anything but when im in university and try to talk to girls, it always seems like I don't know whether it is just a conversation or maybe I should pursue it into something more, seems a lot more difficult because unlike meeting a girl in a mall, you may see her more often and she might totally think your a creep if you try to hit on her, otherwise at the mall its like ok ill never see her again, or at work where you see her almost every day, or at the bar when your totally drunk. School seems like a hidden treasure for picking up girls but I just don't know how to make the change from a conversation to "lets go date and possibly fuck". I mean I usually start off with the "you look familiar, do we have any classes together?" when she answers "i dont think so" I ask "what program are you in?" and then I talk about how im such a geek and am in computer science (i look like the gym/jock/jerseyshore guy). Maybe im just afraid that I look really creepy in the uni, or the fact if i get rejected, that when i see her again ill feel embarrassed. Hell the fact that after I do go on a date or fuck her and i do avoid her and she sees me at school WDF do i do. Ive never picked up a girl from school, but really want to because since of all the benefits of fucking a student: cheap,place on campus/free of parents/roommates(School is almost all single dorms), and of course drunken dorm parties. Some facts of my school: full of hotties and was rate the #1 school for girls in canada in UMM(urban male magazine).
Wtf bro, who approaches random chicks at school. You only do that at nightclubs and bars. Pickup is creepy at school. Gotta build your social circle and your coolness and socialness and see girls as friends and highways to more girls. Then since you are friends/leader of cool people and girls, then girls come onto you since you're the cool guy, and people are okay with the cool guy dating tons of girls. Not hey random girl, I just had one night stand with you. Cool! now I can't f any of your hot friends cuz I got into your pants being creepy without thinking of seeing you a second time and you cockblock me from all the other hot girls. The people who are trying to "pickup" girls at school(I see them) are creepy and it's obvious they want to get in the girls pants WITH ALL HER FRIENDS AROUND, WHO MIGHT JUDGE HER HAVING SEX WITH A RANDOM STRANGER THEY MET FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Uh dude, there's absolutely nothing wrong with approaching random girls at school (or most other places, for that matter.) Take me, for example. I met my current girlfriend when I randomly approached her at a concert. Started talking to her, got a conversation going, and the rest is history. You have a really narrow mindset on dating if you actually think you can only approach women at bars or clubs.
On October 19 2011 14:40 dapierow wrote: So, I don't usually need help with girls or anything but when im in university and try to talk to girls, it always seems like I don't know whether it is just a conversation or maybe I should pursue it into something more, seems a lot more difficult because unlike meeting a girl in a mall, you may see her more often and she might totally think your a creep if you try to hit on her, otherwise at the mall its like ok ill never see her again, or at work where you see her almost every day, or at the bar when your totally drunk. School seems like a hidden treasure for picking up girls but I just don't know how to make the change from a conversation to "lets go date and possibly fuck". I mean I usually start off with the "you look familiar, do we have any classes together?" when she answers "i dont think so" I ask "what program are you in?" and then I talk about how im such a geek and am in computer science (i look like the gym/jock/jerseyshore guy). Maybe im just afraid that I look really creepy in the uni, or the fact if i get rejected, that when i see her again ill feel embarrassed. Hell the fact that after I do go on a date or fuck her and i do avoid her and she sees me at school WDF do i do. Ive never picked up a girl from school, but really want to because since of all the benefits of fucking a student: cheap,place on campus/free of parents/roommates(School is almost all single dorms), and of course drunken dorm parties. Some facts of my school: full of hotties and was rate the #1 school for girls in canada in UMM(urban male magazine).
Wtf bro, who approaches random chicks at school. You only do that at nightclubs and bars. Pickup is creepy at school. Gotta build your social circle and your coolness and socialness and see girls as friends and highways to more girls. Then since you are friends/leader of cool people and girls, then girls come onto you since you're the cool guy, and people are okay with the cool guy dating tons of girls. Not hey random girl, I just had one night stand with you. Cool! now I can't f any of your hot friends cuz I got into your pants being creepy without thinking of seeing you a second time and you cockblock me from all the other hot girls. The people who are trying to "pickup" girls at school(I see them) are creepy and it's obvious they want to get in the girls pants WITH ALL HER FRIENDS AROUND, WHO MIGHT JUDGE HER HAVING SEX WITH A RANDOM STRANGER THEY MET FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Uh dude, there's absolutely nothing wrong with approaching random girls at school (or most other places, for that matter.) Take me, for example. I met my current girlfriend when I randomly approached her at a concert. Started talking to her, got a conversation going, and the rest is history. You have a really narrow mindset on dating if you actually think you can only approach women at bars or clubs.
i concur, pick up girls anywhere. work, school, club, concert, sc2, css server, at a starbucks, at the drive thru, w/e...
I'd even go as far as saying that picking up girls in random places might be better than picking them up at a bar or whatever, because it takes way more balls to pick a girl up at a grocery store than it does at a bar... and if the girl realizes that, she'll be more likely to take a liking to you.
On October 19 2011 15:31 iamahydralisk wrote: I'd even go as far as saying that picking up girls in random places might be better than picking them up at a bar or whatever, because it takes way more balls to pick a girl up at a grocery store than it does at a bar... and if the girl realizes that, she'll be more likely to take a liking to you.
isn't it just more fun anyways? and personally, i don't think i'd date a girl who's constantly clubbing/bar hopping.
On October 19 2011 15:31 iamahydralisk wrote: I'd even go as far as saying that picking up girls in random places might be better than picking them up at a bar or whatever, because it takes way more balls to pick a girl up at a grocery store than it does at a bar... and if the girl realizes that, she'll be more likely to take a liking to you.
isn't it just more fun anyways? and personally, i don't think i'd date a girl who's constantly clubbing/bar hopping.
I never found much success at clubs, because the girls are either too drunk, or the music is too damn loud to hear anything properly. I agree though, there's no rule to stick to picking up girls only at bars. Though, I haven't seen the situation that you've described hydra, with me or my friends.
I'm sure its happened though, just not around the crowd I hung out in at uni. Most of the pick-ups happened at the Freshers' Week events during that day, interestingly
The creep factor thing is just something to get used to with life, it's not just a school thing. It also applies to friends/family of friends and coworkers. Basically you just need to consider the likelyhood of having to see and interact with this person under other circumstances when considering a relationship with them. Usually if this is someone you're likely to have to interact with, you should be more careful about entering a relationship with them to avoid social awkwardness, especially if you're just looking for a hook-up.
At least that's my take on it all. There was a brief period where I thought about asking my brother's girlfriend's sister out, but ultimately I thought it was a stupid idea since I would have to see her somewhat regularly and if things went bad, that would be ridiculously awkward. Glad I made that call since my bro ended up marrying that girlfriend and after getting to know her sister more, I'm 100% certain things would not have gone well.
EDIT: I dunno if it's even creep factor that I'm talking about though. Creep factor shouldn't really be a thing unless you're being creepy about it, to which the obvious solution is don't be creepy when trying to pick up girls. I guess I'm just trying to say that you shouldn't look for hookups that you're going to be seeing social/professionally unless you're looking for something serious (still can end poorly, but if you're just looking for something casual, it's almost 100% going to be awkward post-relationship).
Man... I really need help this time lol. So basically...
I'm still having the same issue I was before (see my previous post), except intensified. I'm getting more and more depressed every day because of it. I'm seriously unhappy at this point, and it's only magnified by the fact that there are girls here that I am attracted to and would like to date. I went to dinner with a girl tonight... and during the entire night, I was torn between making a move and not making a move. If I were single, I'd have absolutely no issue doing so, but I couldn't bring myself to do it... I nearly held her hand a few times and that's about it. I'm just torn as fuck... I do genuinely care about the girl I'm with now, but the distance is making me hella depressed, and the fact that realistically, it'll be 2 or 3 months before she could move here... and then add in the girls here I'd like to date.
Wow this is a gigantic blog/thread ._. Cool to see you helping people out IKL.
Just to see what your or others' thoughts might be, I figured I'd ask. I don't really have a relationship-related problem or anything, at the moment it isn't really that big of a deal to me with where I'm at (just started college this semester, somewhat enjoying just doing whatever, interest clubs, and music/independence).
However, what makes me feel like I should feel like it's a big deal is that I've never been in a relationship to date. Ever. Probably because I lacked confidence moreso before than now, partly cuz I was in a very small highschool whose "clicks" solidified too quickly to transcend, and because I overthink things. I generally don't act on impulse, and because I knew I didn't want silly and trivial weeks-months relationships I simply didn't try to get a girlfriend simply for the sake of it. The only situation related I was ever in was when SHE asked ME, but I wasn't really into her that way or at the very least knew that the distance (diff. colleges) would totally not work. Also, she was kinda ditzy, and at the least I learned from it moreso that I want someone I can talk to, not necessarily that is super intellectual, but just chill at the very least.
At this point having had no prior experience with dating and such, I'm sort of hoping that when I find someone and it seems like it'd work, I would at least try to talk/get to know them better, or capitalize in some way rather than just letting them pass by. The issue is I don't really know how to tell if someone seems interested/flirty, or even just wanting to know me or be more friendly, partly because I never encounter anything like this (anti-social kinda, and the clubs i'm in aren't exactly conducive to many or desirable girl members). Perhaps it's because I seem to lack confidence or have my head in the clouds to others, but I don't really think the former is the case now, maybe the latter.
Basically, I'm okay with not dating randomly and waiting until I feel like I really would want to date/get to know someone better, but I wondered what your thoughts might be given my odd past-present void or relationships/experience. Do I want to find someone and a meaningful relationship? Absolutely. Though sooner would be nicer than later, I wouldn't say I feel totally driven or obligated by societal pressures to at all. Perhaps I should just work on actually making more friends that are girls >.> kinda hard to do given that gaming club and anime club are quite lacking...
Oh, and good luck to all the people that have like super srs bsns current moral dilemmas or relationship issues that are really haunting them, and I tend to believe that a mentally objective state is best in most fragile/volatile situations, relationship-related or not.
On October 29 2011 14:31 iamahydralisk wrote: Man... I really need help this time lol. So basically...
I'm still having the same issue I was before (see my previous post), except intensified. I'm getting more and more depressed every day because of it. I'm seriously unhappy at this point, and it's only magnified by the fact that there are girls here that I am attracted to and would like to date. I went to dinner with a girl tonight... and during the entire night, I was torn between making a move and not making a move. If I were single, I'd have absolutely no issue doing so, but I couldn't bring myself to do it... I nearly held her hand a few times and that's about it. I'm just torn as fuck... I do genuinely care about the girl I'm with now, but the distance is making me hella depressed, and the fact that realistically, it'll be 2 or 3 months before she could move here... and then add in the girls here I'd like to date.
what do I do
Talk to her about it. Maybe you just need to say you really care about her but the distance is just too much and you can't handle it. If/when she moves closer maybe you can get back togeather again, but for now you are clearly not handling the distance at all.
On October 29 2011 14:31 iamahydralisk wrote: Man... I really need help this time lol. So basically...
I'm still having the same issue I was before (see my previous post), except intensified. I'm getting more and more depressed every day because of it. I'm seriously unhappy at this point, and it's only magnified by the fact that there are girls here that I am attracted to and would like to date. I went to dinner with a girl tonight... and during the entire night, I was torn between making a move and not making a move. If I were single, I'd have absolutely no issue doing so, but I couldn't bring myself to do it... I nearly held her hand a few times and that's about it. I'm just torn as fuck... I do genuinely care about the girl I'm with now, but the distance is making me hella depressed, and the fact that realistically, it'll be 2 or 3 months before she could move here... and then add in the girls here I'd like to date.
what do I do
Talk to her about it. Maybe you just need to say you really care about her but the distance is just too much and you can't handle it. If/when she moves closer maybe you can get back togeather again, but for now you are clearly not handling the distance at all.
I did talk to her about it a bit (I didn't quite let on how severe it really was), and she said she wants to try to make it work, no matter what. That's what I want too, but I don't really see anything that would help at this point.
I told her and I got just about the most unexpected reaction... She basically gave me permission to have another girlfriend because she says I shouldn't be lonely while she's not here. I turned that idea down because it just seems wrong... I feel a lot better now because I got it all off my chest and some of the things she said are really telling of how she feels about me. She told me she'd want me to break up with her if I could be happier without her (because she wants me to be happy more than anything else), and she told me she'd love me no matter what I decided. I'm kinda blown away by how amazing of a person she is.
As Day[9] would say, be a better gamer, always go for the long macro game when you have the option rather than cheesing and getting quick cheap wins. Playing with a long-term focus and goal of refinement is more rewarding in the end
Of course that's just one opinion, but either way, I can't really see those other girls being quite like that, though I don't know them..
On October 30 2011 07:08 iamahydralisk wrote: I told her and I got just about the most unexpected reaction... She basically gave me permission to have another girlfriend because she says I shouldn't be lonely while she's not here. I turned that idea down because it just seems wrong... I feel a lot better now because I got it all off my chest and some of the things she said are really telling of how she feels about me. She told me she'd want me to break up with her if I could be happier without her (because she wants me to be happy more than anything else), and she told me she'd love me no matter what I decided. I'm kinda blown away by how amazing of a person she is.
sorta in a similar situation. been with my gf for 3 years, actually, i think this feb is gonna be 4. anyways, long story short, she got a fullbright scholarship and she's in taiwan. i get a lot of interest from other girls, and if i was single i'd have made a move by now, but i'm not about to lose an amazing person due to some stupid shit mistake on my part. if you've been with your girl for a while, and you really appreciate her, stick with what works. distance is temporary, and 3 months is nothing.
On October 30 2011 14:14 iamahydralisk wrote: oh fuuuuck a cute korean girl asked me out D:
...and what did you do?
told her I needed time to think. ie I'm going to sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning.
too late. shoulda said yes first, then think about it later. now, she's going to wonder if you've already got a gf. some girls aren't into being the side dish, they wanna be the main entree, you better hope she doesn't pick up on this.
On October 30 2011 14:14 iamahydralisk wrote: oh fuuuuck a cute korean girl asked me out D:
...and what did you do?
told her I needed time to think. ie I'm going to sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning.
too late. shoulda said yes first, then think about it later. now, she's going to wonder if you've already got a gf. some girls aren't into being the side dish, they wanna be the main entree, you better hope she doesn't pick up on this.
I already told the korean girl I'm dating another girl, but I'm unhappy with it and I need to talk to my girlfriend first. I feel like this is the best course of action because if I say yes, I'm A. cheating on my girlfriend, and B. leading the korean girl on. it wouldn't be fair to either of them if I said yes.
On October 30 2011 14:14 iamahydralisk wrote: oh fuuuuck a cute korean girl asked me out D:
...and what did you do?
told her I needed time to think. ie I'm going to sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning.
too late. shoulda said yes first, then think about it later. now, she's going to wonder if you've already got a gf. some girls aren't into being the side dish, they wanna be the main entree, you better hope she doesn't pick up on this.
I already told the korean girl I'm dating another girl, but I'm unhappy with it and I need to talk to my girlfriend first. I feel like this is the best course of action because if I say yes, I'm A. cheating on my girlfriend, and B. leading the korean girl on. it wouldn't be fair to either of them if I said yes.
that's not the point. the point is, if you do decide later on not to pursue the korean girl, then you can politely decline. if you do choose to pursue korean girl, you'd be better off keeping her in the dark about your ex. nobody likes to hear or know about exes, because it makes you seem like you aren't ready to move on. if she's serious about dating you, then she'll constantly be wondering whether you have moved on and whether you have actually broken up with your ex and no longer have feelings for her. your choice though.
It's too late now, cause I already told her. I don't regret it though. I think honesty is the best policy and I pretty much have a mantra to never cheat on a girl. In my mind, saying yes to go on a date with another girl is cheating.
On October 29 2011 17:28 IotaSC wrote: Wow this is a gigantic blog/thread ._. Cool to see you helping people out IKL.
Just to see what your or others' thoughts might be, I figured I'd ask. I don't really have a relationship-related problem or anything, at the moment it isn't really that big of a deal to me with where I'm at (just started college this semester, somewhat enjoying just doing whatever, interest clubs, and music/independence).
However, what makes me feel like I should feel like it's a big deal is that I've never been in a relationship to date. Ever. Probably because I lacked confidence moreso before than now, partly cuz I was in a very small highschool whose "clicks" solidified too quickly to transcend, and because I overthink things. I generally don't act on impulse, and because I knew I didn't want silly and trivial weeks-months relationships I simply didn't try to get a girlfriend simply for the sake of it. The only situation related I was ever in was when SHE asked ME, but I wasn't really into her that way or at the very least knew that the distance (diff. colleges) would totally not work. Also, she was kinda ditzy, and at the least I learned from it moreso that I want someone I can talk to, not necessarily that is super intellectual, but just chill at the very least.
At this point having had no prior experience with dating and such, I'm sort of hoping that when I find someone and it seems like it'd work, I would at least try to talk/get to know them better, or capitalize in some way rather than just letting them pass by. The issue is I don't really know how to tell if someone seems interested/flirty, or even just wanting to know me or be more friendly, partly because I never encounter anything like this (anti-social kinda, and the clubs i'm in aren't exactly conducive to many or desirable girl members). Perhaps it's because I seem to lack confidence or have my head in the clouds to others, but I don't really think the former is the case now, maybe the latter.
Basically, I'm okay with not dating randomly and waiting until I feel like I really would want to date/get to know someone better, but I wondered what your thoughts might be given my odd past-present void or relationships/experience. Do I want to find someone and a meaningful relationship? Absolutely. Though sooner would be nicer than later, I wouldn't say I feel totally driven or obligated by societal pressures to at all. Perhaps I should just work on actually making more friends that are girls >.> kinda hard to do given that gaming club and anime club are quite lacking...
Oh, and good luck to all the people that have like super srs bsns current moral dilemmas or relationship issues that are really haunting them, and I tend to believe that a mentally objective state is best in most fragile/volatile situations, relationship-related or not.
Why has no one commented on this yet?!?!?!?!?!
Anyways, you sound a lot like me when I got to college. I never grew the balls to ask out my high school crush/borderline obsession, so my experience was quite lacking. I didn't meet my first girlfriend until February of my second year (I was almost 20.5). Don't sweat it - as long as you're making the effort and meeting lots of people it's very likely to happen. In the mean time ask yourself: what kind of relationship am I looking for?
Saying something like "I want to see if it would work" isn't very clear. The way I see it there's two ways you can go: (a) short term relationships where you go for immediate companionship (and, most the time, a sexual outlet) or (b) long term relationships where you seriously evaluate if you want to share your life with this person. Obviously with (a) you will meet a wider variety of women and experience a lot while with (b) you're shooting for quality over quantity. This isn't an absolute scale and there are certainly many circumstances where a short term fling turns into a longer relationship, but my point is that you should be going after what you WANT.
Concerning your social situations, there's an easy fix for that. A wise syndicated advice columnist (Harlen Cohen) says the key to meeting more people in college is to put yourself in more rooms. What does this mean? For starters, your gaming and anime club are two separate rooms. Gauge your interests and visit special interest groups that specialize in it. If you already did that, then try something new. There's really no harm in it instead of, say, two hours of less ladder time? Religious (or non-religious) groups, free workout sessions, student government, and volunteer activities are great places to start looking. The idea is meeting a large quantity of people instead of waiting for your first girlfriend to meet you. I'm dating my third girlfriend right now (we met years ago through an online marching band forum); I met my first through a residence hall dance and my second tagged along to a party of friends I met through a childish games organization.
Since you're also single, you may as well take the opportunity to delve more into what your goals, desires, and interests are. What better time for self-improvement?
Thanks alot for responding Servius, I wondered if anyone would actually end up having seen it! I appreciate hearing your experience it being somewhat similar to mine, and it's good to know that just because I might not have experience doesn't mean that I can't still find someone mostly just by meeting people and whatnot.
Yeah, I guess I didn't say clearly in that post but I most definitely am only really looking for (b) long term, and quality over quantity is definitely what I'm going for.
I agree with the whole social situation thing, though part of it for me is that while I'm a part of a manipulative arts club (Juggling, Poi, Glowstringing, pen spinning (the one I do and have done for 2 years), etc), and the anime and gaming ones as I said, for the most part the few girls that end up being a part of them don't really fit my interests. So part of the issue isn't that I'm doing too little, I almost spread myself too thinly in my hobbies to an extent, though often they're ones not in clubs, it's kinda more that the things I'm doing aren't really the best settings for meeting girls...
Guess I should see if we have some other, casual, interest clubs that aren't as niche/mostly-guy-oriented that I'd still enjoy ^^
On November 02 2011 02:19 Mogwai wrote: man, hydralisk's life is pretty damn amusing.
it gets better bro. my girlfriend slept with some other guy and broke up with me. even after I was pretty much a boss for her.
I'm hurt, but eh... at least I can pursue korean girl without feeling guilty.
sometimes I seriously wonder if you're just pulling all our chains by pretending the plot to some obscure sitcom is your life :p. it's very complicated and dramatic, lol.
Yeah, I can't believe people could ever be like that.....you mean the world to her one day, she's willing to give you up if it's what's best for you because she loves you so much, and then she all of a sudden turns on a dime, fucks some dude and leaves you? Messed up man, ditto on that good luck with the korean girl!
ex girlfriend says she still loves me and she wants to try the relationship again when she moves here (possibly in January, possibly later). I'd be willing to give it another shot if she was here to stay... but until then, I'm going to date around and see where that leads me.
Moar update. She wanted to come here this coming Saturday because there was a concert we'd had plans to go to for a while, but we got into another fight and it looks like that won't be happening. We got into a fight because she's been cold as ice lately and basically treating me like shit. She's been acting completely apathetic towards me and our relationship in general. Stuff like... The fact that she wanted to just drive down for the day of the concert and leave the same day (before, she would've wanted to stay the entire weekend, but now I'm apparently not even worth spending the night for), and when we were talking about how we would act together (would we act like a couple, or just friends, etc), she didn't seem to give a damn about that at all. And there were other things... like, we'd be talking about something important and I'd ask her a question, and her response would be "I don't care." Just stuff like that.
Here's the last text I sent her and it's the last text I plan on sending her unless she has some sort of epiphany and stops being a heartless bitch. Name removed just to make sure.
"Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote: "Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you.
Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn.
On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote: "Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you.
Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn.
It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton.
From now on though, I'm gonna try to be more nonchalant about everything. The main reason I texted her that is because I was trying to get some sort of reaction out of her... you might say that's immature, but like I said, I was fucking sick of her "I don't give a damn" attitude.
On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote: "Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you.
Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn.
It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton.
for whatever it's worth, I think your text was perfectly reasonable. guys love to shell out advice about what girls like and find attractive, but they're mostly just blowing smoke out their ass. just be yourself. if you really feel the way you said you did in that text message, it's asinine to think you should be bullshitting someone you're thinking of being in a relationship with just to make yourself seem more attractive, IMO.
The whole idea of dating as a game and how you need to project yourself and all that crap kinda pisses me off. It might get you casually laid better than being yourself, but if you're looking for a real partnership, honesty is the best policy if you ask me.
On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote: "Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you.
Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn.
It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton.
for whatever it's worth, I think your text was perfectly reasonable. guys love to shell out advice about what girls like and find attractive, but they're mostly just blowing smoke out their ass. just be yourself. if you really feel the way you said you did in that text message, it's asinine to think you should be bullshitting someone you're thinking of being in a relationship with just to make yourself seem more attractive, IMO.
The whole idea of dating as a game and how you need to project yourself and all that crap kinda pisses me off. It might get you casually laid better than being yourself, but if you're looking for a real partnership, honesty is the best policy if you ask me.
Ya but whining is different from being honest. The most attractive thing to women is confidence. If you know at a very deep level that if you lose this girl then you can easily find another one just as hot or hotter, then you won't care nearly as much about how she treats you. If she's bitchy you'll just forget about her and find another girl.
If you have this kind of confidence women can sense it, and they realize that they can't get away with treating you badly. And they don't. It's truly amazing to see what kind of difference confidence makes to a relationship. It's like if your GF becomes way hotter you'll probably be a lot nicer to her ... well it's the same thing if you become way more confident.
On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote: "Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you.
Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn.
It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton.
for whatever it's worth, I think your text was perfectly reasonable. guys love to shell out advice about what girls like and find attractive, but they're mostly just blowing smoke out their ass. just be yourself. if you really feel the way you said you did in that text message, it's asinine to think you should be bullshitting someone you're thinking of being in a relationship with just to make yourself seem more attractive, IMO.
The whole idea of dating as a game and how you need to project yourself and all that crap kinda pisses me off. It might get you casually laid better than being yourself, but if you're looking for a real partnership, honesty is the best policy if you ask me.
Ya but whining is different from being honest. The most attractive thing to women is confidence. If you know at a very deep level that if you lose this girl then you can easily find another one just as hot or hotter, then you won't care nearly as much about how she treats you. If she's bitchy you'll just forget about her and find another girl.
If you have this kind of confidence women can sense it, and they realize that they can't get away with treating you badly. And they don't. It's truly amazing to see what kind of difference confidence makes to a relationship. It's like if your GF becomes way hotter you'll probably be a lot nicer to her ... well it's the same thing if you become way more confident.
That text was 100% honesty. I'm not trying to sound conceited, but I'm one of the most confident people I know. it's what got me the concert girl in the first place. I legit believe I can have any girl I want if I find what makes them tick and use it to my advantage.
On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote: "Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you.
Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn.
It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton.
for whatever it's worth, I think your text was perfectly reasonable. guys love to shell out advice about what girls like and find attractive, but they're mostly just blowing smoke out their ass. just be yourself. if you really feel the way you said you did in that text message, it's asinine to think you should be bullshitting someone you're thinking of being in a relationship with just to make yourself seem more attractive, IMO.
The whole idea of dating as a game and how you need to project yourself and all that crap kinda pisses me off. It might get you casually laid better than being yourself, but if you're looking for a real partnership, honesty is the best policy if you ask me.
Ya but whining is different from being honest. The most attractive thing to women is confidence. If you know at a very deep level that if you lose this girl then you can easily find another one just as hot or hotter, then you won't care nearly as much about how she treats you. If she's bitchy you'll just forget about her and find another girl.
If you have this kind of confidence women can sense it, and they realize that they can't get away with treating you badly. And they don't. It's truly amazing to see what kind of difference confidence makes to a relationship. It's like if your GF becomes way hotter you'll probably be a lot nicer to her ... well it's the same thing if you become way more confident.
So what i got from this post was, if a girl is bitchy to you, leave her ass and avoid the original issue? Without even attempting to try and fix said issue? People will always try to push a boundary in a relationship (friends and lovers) and its up to you to draw the line. I agree that if the person keeps treating you like shit after you've confronted them, you need to burn the bridge, but to avoid the problem or think its not there is just silly.
On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote: "Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you.
Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn.
It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton.
for whatever it's worth, I think your text was perfectly reasonable. guys love to shell out advice about what girls like and find attractive, but they're mostly just blowing smoke out their ass. just be yourself. if you really feel the way you said you did in that text message, it's asinine to think you should be bullshitting someone you're thinking of being in a relationship with just to make yourself seem more attractive, IMO.
The whole idea of dating as a game and how you need to project yourself and all that crap kinda pisses me off. It might get you casually laid better than being yourself, but if you're looking for a real partnership, honesty is the best policy if you ask me.
Ya but whining is different from being honest. The most attractive thing to women is confidence. If you know at a very deep level that if you lose this girl then you can easily find another one just as hot or hotter, then you won't care nearly as much about how she treats you. If she's bitchy you'll just forget about her and find another girl.
If you have this kind of confidence women can sense it, and they realize that they can't get away with treating you badly. And they don't. It's truly amazing to see what kind of difference confidence makes to a relationship. It's like if your GF becomes way hotter you'll probably be a lot nicer to her ... well it's the same thing if you become way more confident.
what was even whiny about it? can you re-write that message without changing the meaning in a less "whiny" way?
On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote: "Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you.
Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn.
It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton.
for whatever it's worth, I think your text was perfectly reasonable. guys love to shell out advice about what girls like and find attractive, but they're mostly just blowing smoke out their ass. just be yourself. if you really feel the way you said you did in that text message, it's asinine to think you should be bullshitting someone you're thinking of being in a relationship with just to make yourself seem more attractive, IMO.
The whole idea of dating as a game and how you need to project yourself and all that crap kinda pisses me off. It might get you casually laid better than being yourself, but if you're looking for a real partnership, honesty is the best policy if you ask me.
Ya but whining is different from being honest. The most attractive thing to women is confidence. If you know at a very deep level that if you lose this girl then you can easily find another one just as hot or hotter, then you won't care nearly as much about how she treats you. If she's bitchy you'll just forget about her and find another girl.
If you have this kind of confidence women can sense it, and they realize that they can't get away with treating you badly. And they don't. It's truly amazing to see what kind of difference confidence makes to a relationship. It's like if your GF becomes way hotter you'll probably be a lot nicer to her ... well it's the same thing if you become way more confident.
what was even whiny about it? can you re-write that message without changing the meaning in a less "whiny" way?
If the person sending the text is determined to say "you're being mean to me and it's hurting my feelings," then you're right, there's probably no way to say that without sounding whiny. But if the message is "I don't want you to come because lately you're not fun to hang around with" then it's easy to say that in a non-whiny way.
On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote: "Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you.
Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn.
It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton.
for whatever it's worth, I think your text was perfectly reasonable. guys love to shell out advice about what girls like and find attractive, but they're mostly just blowing smoke out their ass. just be yourself. if you really feel the way you said you did in that text message, it's asinine to think you should be bullshitting someone you're thinking of being in a relationship with just to make yourself seem more attractive, IMO.
The whole idea of dating as a game and how you need to project yourself and all that crap kinda pisses me off. It might get you casually laid better than being yourself, but if you're looking for a real partnership, honesty is the best policy if you ask me.
Ya but whining is different from being honest. The most attractive thing to women is confidence. If you know at a very deep level that if you lose this girl then you can easily find another one just as hot or hotter, then you won't care nearly as much about how she treats you. If she's bitchy you'll just forget about her and find another girl.
If you have this kind of confidence women can sense it, and they realize that they can't get away with treating you badly. And they don't. It's truly amazing to see what kind of difference confidence makes to a relationship. It's like if your GF becomes way hotter you'll probably be a lot nicer to her ... well it's the same thing if you become way more confident.
So what i got from this post was, if a girl is bitchy to you, leave her ass and avoid the original issue? Without even attempting to try and fix said issue? People will always try to push a boundary in a relationship (friends and lovers) and its up to you to draw the line. I agree that if the person keeps treating you like shit after you've confronted them, you need to burn the bridge, but to avoid the problem or think its not there is just silly.
What I'm saying is that when you're trying to "fix the issue" there are good and bad ways to do it. You should avoid anything that makes you sound whiny or clingy and try to handle situations in ways that demonstrate confidence and self-assurance. Behaving this way will give you a much better chance of actually having things work out for the best.
The only reason I'm making posts like this is that I've learned this shit the hard way. I wish I could go back in time and tell 17-year old me just a few basic facts about how to handle dating and relationships. My life would have been a lot easier and happier if I someone had been kind enough to give me some basic info when I was younger.
On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote: "Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome.
Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you.
Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn.
It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton.
for whatever it's worth, I think your text was perfectly reasonable. guys love to shell out advice about what girls like and find attractive, but they're mostly just blowing smoke out their ass. just be yourself. if you really feel the way you said you did in that text message, it's asinine to think you should be bullshitting someone you're thinking of being in a relationship with just to make yourself seem more attractive, IMO.
The whole idea of dating as a game and how you need to project yourself and all that crap kinda pisses me off. It might get you casually laid better than being yourself, but if you're looking for a real partnership, honesty is the best policy if you ask me.
Ya but whining is different from being honest. The most attractive thing to women is confidence. If you know at a very deep level that if you lose this girl then you can easily find another one just as hot or hotter, then you won't care nearly as much about how she treats you. If she's bitchy you'll just forget about her and find another girl.
If you have this kind of confidence women can sense it, and they realize that they can't get away with treating you badly. And they don't. It's truly amazing to see what kind of difference confidence makes to a relationship. It's like if your GF becomes way hotter you'll probably be a lot nicer to her ... well it's the same thing if you become way more confident.
what was even whiny about it? can you re-write that message without changing the meaning in a less "whiny" way?
If the person sending the text is determined to say "you're being mean to me and it's hurting my feelings," then you're right, there's probably no way to say that without sounding whiny. But if the message is "I don't want you to come because lately you're not fun to hang around with" then it's easy to say that in a non-whiny way.
right, but one's honest communication and the other is about hiding the whole truth in favor of projecting a dishonest image of yourself who's too cool to be hurt by the other person. at least that's my take on it.
Hey you, there's this guy I really like. Nothing homosexual or anything like that, but I think he keeps ignoring me. I've tried sending him mail and spamming his stream a few times, but he still won't reply.
You got any ideas on what I should do to get his attention?
Alright peeps, I feel my problem is a bit petty, but I would like your opinions anyways.
So, there is this girl i've liked for a while now. I met her as an acquaintance maybe a year ago, and we hung out a couple months ago with her friend which is when i'd say we became decent friends. a couple other times we had just hung out again with more people as friends and then I went to my friends Halloween party and she was there. We started talking and I realized I liked her a lot....
Wednesday after Halloween came along and I decided to message her on Facebook. We talked for a couple hours and she randomly told me to "draw a lizard." knowing previously she liked Minecraft(lol) I made her a lizard in pixel art and she seemed to love it. We continued talking a bit into the night until Day9's Amnesia playthrough was over that night. From then on she wasn't on Facebook, but I know it's cause she doesn't get on much anyways, so Sunday I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she suggested to go to the park and gave me her number.
Since then we've been texting a decent amount. Every night she wrote "Goodnight " in some way. This is different to me because I have a lot of friends that are girls and when the night ends we never text each other good night we'll just continue the conversation later the next day etc...
Last night we were just talking(texting) and I complimented her a lot and she seemed to like it so I did again. She seemed to receive it well. I said she was a very interesting and fun person to talk to, and that i'm pretty boring compared to her and she did respond. The rest of the night. I thought maybe she didn't want to talk about that anymore(?) maybe? So I waited a few hours and just texted her a random question to see if she would respond. She didn't and now its the next day and I don't know if I should text her cause I don't want to be annoying or if I should wait for her to text me.
Some possibilites she might not be texting back that I can think of: Her phone died, she went to bed super early cause she was exhausted from earlier(this could be likely, but doesn't explain why she isn't texting back today), She suddenly became uninterested, or she died(yeah probz not.).
We had made plans to just hang out on Saturday(maybe with friends, maybe) at the park, but we never set a specific time yet, so that's why I need to know if I should text her again today, wait for her or just fuck it and text her tomorrow about plans or not at all. Please help :3
Her phone died, she went to bed super early cause she was exhausted from earlier(this could be likely, but doesn't explain why she isn't texting back today), She suddenly became uninterested, or she died(yeah probz not.).
If you were talking with this girl and your phone died, would you not try and get it fixed/make clear it's broken?
Would you really go to bed early if you were talking with this girl?
Girls aren't that alien. Things are exactly as they appear.
You can't wait to text her, you wanna text her even though you ain't getting a reply. If she was into you, wouldn't she feel the same way?
Don't keep texting. It looks pathetic and clingy. If she doesn't text back out of her own will, won't that tell you plenty?
If she really wants to hang out with you at the park, won't she contact you to make sure? If she feels the same about you as you do about her?
Things are exactly as they appear. Phones don't break that often, people don't wanna do homework that badly and people will go out of their way to hang out with people they are into.
If you bought every broken phone story ever told between one person chasing the other then phones must have a failure rate of near 90%.
lol, by her phone dying I mean like it ran out of battery.
You're right it is pathetic and clingy, thanks for the opinion. I have no reason to call her though and I really like talking to her, I don't really care about what, thats why i've been texting a lot.
She's been exhausted lately from a dance class she has, thats why I think it is possible she went to bed much earlier than normal.
I just don't understand why she wouldn't text back after what seemed to be us talking to each other and getting along extremely well.
Your, "omg, ur so interesting, I'm so boring!" comment could've been a huge turn off for her. Letting her know that she's cool and interesting is all good, but self-assurance is attractive and showing a lack of confidence in your own worth (calling yourself boring or uninteresting) isn't going to help your case with her. I know I just got off my soapbox about how projecting an image shouldn't take priority over telling the truth, but in a case like this, you should not only be projecting yourself as a confident person but also doing whatever you have to do to actually be a confident person.
Or maybe her phone could've died, she couldn't find the charger, she went to bed, then she left it to charge while she went to class/work in the morning.
Either way, cut the self-degradation crap out. You don't have to put yourself down to give someone else a compliment.
On November 11 2011 01:04 Aulox wrote: lol, by her phone dying I mean like it ran out of battery.
You're right it is pathetic and clingy, thanks for the opinion. I have no reason to call her though and I really like talking to her, I don't really care about what, thats why i've been texting a lot.
She's been exhausted lately from a dance class she has, thats why I think it is possible she went to bed much earlier than normal.
I just don't understand why she wouldn't text back after what seemed to be us talking to each other and getting along extremely well.
Just a tip... Don't try to understand it. A lot of the time, girls don't make much sense when it comes to their actions. The best thing you can do now is ignore her for a few days and if you don't hear from her, text her one more time. If you still don't hear back, lost cause.
On November 11 2011 00:01 Aulox wrote: we hung out a couple months ago with her friend which is when i'd say we became decent friends.
a couple other times we had just hung out again with more people as friends
message her on Facebook.
Since then we've been texting
Last night we were just talking(texting)
So I waited a few hours and just texted her a random question to see if she would respond.
I don't know if I should text her
Some possibilites she might not be texting back that I can think of:
I'd like to point a few things out. You met in person and became friends.
But then you spent a lot of time using your phone and social media. Yeah, it could be more convenient since you can do other things simultaneously, but you lose the ability to get responses that come from a voice AND you lose the body language associated with it. The biggest danger of getting to know each other through text is that it gives you the ability to read too much into a situation. This is a problem for many people and it's only made worse when there are nearly endless possibilities associated with words written on a phone.
Do this: Call her (don't text) and ask when she wants to hang out (give her an option of two times, I would go 11am or 2pm). If you get her voicemail then leave her a message. Leave it at that.
If you just can't "leave it at that" then show up at the park all day and wait for her. This is desperate from almost any interpretation, but who knows, she MIGHT show up. But she probably won't unless you talk to her in the most direct way possible (face to face or talking on a phone).
And while we're at it, stop reading so much into the situation. Overthinking it won't magically lead to enlightenment; you'll just drive yourself crazy.
So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins:
Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs?
Her: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Idk. Jw.
Her: k.
Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/
Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that.
Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile.
Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin?
Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands.
Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/
Her: I guess.
Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol
Her: Idk what you want to hear.
Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/
Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward.
Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/
Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with?
Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me.
Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please?
Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel.
Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too.
Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me.
Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts.
Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you.
Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me.
Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help.
So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me.
On November 16 2011 16:15 Yhstuls wrote: So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins:
Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs?
Her: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Idk. Jw.
Her: k.
Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/
Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that.
Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile.
Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin?
Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands.
Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/
Her: I guess.
Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol
Her: Idk what you want to hear.
Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/
Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward.
Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/
Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with?
Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me.
Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please?
Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel.
Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too.
Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me.
Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts.
Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you.
Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me.
Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help.
So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me.
On November 16 2011 16:15 Yhstuls wrote: So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins:
Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs?
Her: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Idk. Jw.
Her: k.
Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/
Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that.
Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile.
Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin?
Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands.
Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/
Her: I guess.
Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol
Her: Idk what you want to hear.
Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/
Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward.
Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/
Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with?
Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me.
Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please?
Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel.
Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too.
Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me.
Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts.
Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you.
Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me.
Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help.
So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me.
Hate to say it dude, but you didn't handle that very well. You came across as really whiny and needy, and that's a huge turn off to most women. Best thing you can do now is ignore her and wait for her to come back to you. You probably want to keep messaging her to try to get her to talk to you, but that'll just make it worse. Just let it go and wait for her to come back to you. If she doesn't, go out and find a girlfriend who lives in your city. I imagine you'd probably be happier that way.
On November 16 2011 16:15 Yhstuls wrote: So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins:
Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs?
Her: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Idk. Jw.
Her: k.
Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/
Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that.
Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile.
Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin?
Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands.
Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/
Her: I guess.
Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol
Her: Idk what you want to hear.
Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/
Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward.
Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/
Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with?
Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me.
Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please?
Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel.
Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too.
Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me.
Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts.
Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you.
Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me.
Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help.
So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me.
Hate to say it dude, but you didn't handle that very well. You came across as really whiny and needy, and that's a huge turn off to most women. Best thing you can do now is ignore her and wait for her to come back to you. You probably want to keep messaging her to try to get her to talk to you, but that'll just make it worse. Just let it go and wait for her to come back to you. If she doesn't, go out and find a girlfriend who lives in your city. I imagine you'd probably be happier that way.
Yeah i agree, i could barely get myself to read through that dialogue, made me cringe the whole way through.
i don't know why you're so caught up on how many sexual partners she's had previously. Hell you aren't even in physical contact with each other, Its irrelevant.
On November 16 2011 16:15 Yhstuls wrote: So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins:
Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs?
Her: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Idk. Jw.
Her: k.
Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/
Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that.
Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile.
Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin?
Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands.
Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/
Her: I guess.
Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol
Her: Idk what you want to hear.
Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/
Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward.
Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/
Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with?
Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me.
Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please?
Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel.
Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too.
Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me.
Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts.
Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you.
Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me.
Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help.
So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me.
Hate to say it dude, but you didn't handle that very well. You came across as really whiny and needy, and that's a huge turn off to most women. Best thing you can do now is ignore her and wait for her to come back to you. You probably want to keep messaging her to try to get her to talk to you, but that'll just make it worse. Just let it go and wait for her to come back to you. If she doesn't, go out and find a girlfriend who lives in your city. I imagine you'd probably be happier that way.
Yeah i agree, i could barely get myself to read through that dialogue, made me cringe the whole way through.
i don't know why you're so caught up on how many sexual partners she's had previously. Hell you aren't even in physical contact with each other, Its irrelevant.
What he said. That was some pretty iffy dialogue on your part. I don't want to tell you to change your whole attitude but try to be a little bit more nonchalant. Imo, you should definitely not contact her for a while. As the person above said, it'll just make it worse if you keep trying to contact her. Try and keep your mind off her for a couple of days..
Man up and cut your losses, + the forcing her to say how many she's slept with, road to disaster, saying "giving my fragile little heart" you don't give yourself until you really know someone, why would a girl want someone who's already theirs, that shit there destroys all the magic and fun
On November 16 2011 16:15 Yhstuls wrote: So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins:
Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs?
Her: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Idk. Jw.
Her: k.
Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/
Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that.
Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile.
Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin?
Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands.
Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/
Her: I guess.
Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol
Her: Idk what you want to hear.
Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/
Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward.
Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/
Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with?
Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me.
Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please?
Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel.
Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too.
Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me.
Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts.
Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you.
Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me.
Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help.
So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me.
From here you move on and try to find a real relationship instead of trying to fill that void in your life with someone online that you're willing to say you "love" without even meeting them. I remember having an online "girlfriend" in middle school, but shit dude, you're 19, get yourself out there and stop wasting time exchanging sappy AIM/Skype/whatever messages with someone you've never even met.
Things have gotten better since the last time I posted about it. After I sent that text, she realized how badly she was treating me and we somehow managed to get back to a somewhat normal relationship. We're talking the way we used to, and when we're physically together, we're acting the way we used to. She came here for that concert on Saturday and it was pretty amazing. We still aren't officially "dating," but I'd say things are looking up. Still not perfect, though... A few things have come up.
Basically, there's another girl who's been interested in me. We'll call her Y for the sake of clarity. Note that this is a different girl than the Korean girl. We'll call her A. I haven't really hung out with A recently, but we still text almost every day. Anyway, I've "gone out" with Y a few times. When I say we went out, I mean that they weren't official dates, but we acted like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, all that jazz. The last time I went out with her was on Friday, the day before concert girl (let's call her N, lol) came. I haven't seen Y since then because on Saturday, N told me she wasn't okay with me dating other girls and that she'd be hurt if I did (whereas she'd previously said I could date other girls if I wanted).
I'm really torn about this. On one hand, I love N and I would feel like such a dick for dating around, because I know it would break her heart... but on the other hand, she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want to be officially "together" again. It's completely within my rights as a "single" person to date around. You might be wondering why I'd consider dating around if I truly love N, and the answer is this... Deep down inside, I'm scared to death that she's going to find someone else. I'm scared to death that this won't work out in the long run. She has plans to move to my city, but that's all they are. Plans. And I'm scared as fuck that before those plans happen, shit is going to hit the fan in some way. She's promised me she won't date around and that she won't do anything at all with another guy, but after she slept with that other guy, it's hard for me to trust her completely. I've forgiven her for that, but forgiving her doesn't instantly rebuild the trust she broke. Basically, I feel like she's leading me along until she finds someone else and then she'll drop me like a bad habit.
I'm even more torn because Y is a legitimately awesome girl, and if not for N, I'd definitely be "official" with Y. Y actually found out about N on Monday (N already knew about Y, because that's how our "I don't want you to date other girls anymore" conversation came up), but Y didn't know about N until recently. I wasn't dishonest about it... I never committed to Y in any way, and I told her I just wanted to take things slowly and see where we ended up. She was fine with that, but when she found out about N, she told me she wanted me to pick her instead of N. I'm just like... I dunno. I can't say yes to Y because my heart isn't truly with her. What I really want is to be with N in a non-LDR. I'm in such a shitty spot because I know that can't happen for at least 2 months (and it may never happen), and I've been a depressed, nervous wreck lately because of this. I'm just not sure what to do... I feel completely cornered by all of this.
I'm going to hang out with Y tonight and I'm not sure how that's going to go. She was hurt when she found out about N, and she said she felt used. I told her that was never my intent (and it honestly wasn't), and she seemed to understand, so hopefully things will be fine.
tl;dr for those who don't want to read everything: things are going better with concert girl but I feel like she's being unfair to me by saying she doesn't want me to date other girls when she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want a normal relationship. I feel like I'm being strung along... like she's using this weird relationship we have now as a way to keep me around while still keeping her options open. Also, there's another girl and I'm torn because she's awesome but my heart just isn't in it when I'm with her.
I was so confused Hydra, thought for sure you were that fractal guy, and I was thinking "WTF" My read was that off lol.
But luckily I'm still spot on and you're another guy, "phew".
After some more thoughts, I shouldn't really give people advice about girls, this one girl I was into who turned me down, I called her a prostitute, and it had the total oposite effect of what I had expected.
And this other time, in Vegas I was in some VIP so I thought we got free girls for dancing, show, strip etc. And I got forced to get special dance (I never do stuff like that). But since I "had" to, I went, and then I had to pay 100$ Was a bit tipsy but I went along, and it was a lot more fun than I thought. "The rules" I had gotten explained beforehand didn't seem to apply, and then she whisperd she'd come with me to my hotell room. I agreed, and felt awesome, but then I felt, shit, I payed 100$, so I panicked, and I legged it out of there thinking she might be a prostitute. (Stupid curse, It's like they all either are or get turned into a prostitute the second they become into me).
On November 17 2011 02:59 iamahydralisk wrote: I feel like I should update on my on situation.
Things have gotten better since the last time I posted about it. After I sent that text, she realized how badly she was treating me and we somehow managed to get back to a somewhat normal relationship. We're talking the way we used to, and when we're physically together, we're acting the way we used to. She came here for that concert on Saturday and it was pretty amazing. We still aren't officially "dating," but I'd say things are looking up. Still not perfect, though... A few things have come up.
Basically, there's another girl who's been interested in me. We'll call her Y for the sake of clarity. Note that this is a different girl than the Korean girl. We'll call her A. I haven't really hung out with A recently, but we still text almost every day. Anyway, I've "gone out" with Y a few times. When I say we went out, I mean that they weren't official dates, but we acted like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, all that jazz. The last time I went out with her was on Friday, the day before concert girl (let's call her N, lol) came. I haven't seen Y since then because on Saturday, N told me she wasn't okay with me dating other girls and that she'd be hurt if I did (whereas she'd previously said I could date other girls if I wanted).
I'm really torn about this. On one hand, I love N and I would feel like such a dick for dating around, because I know it would break her heart... but on the other hand, she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want to be officially "together" again. It's completely within my rights as a "single" person to date around. You might be wondering why I'd consider dating around if I truly love N, and the answer is this... Deep down inside, I'm scared to death that she's going to find someone else. I'm scared to death that this won't work out in the long run. She has plans to move to my city, but that's all they are. Plans. And I'm scared as fuck that before those plans happen, shit is going to hit the fan in some way. She's promised me she won't date around and that she won't do anything at all with another guy, but after she slept with that other guy, it's hard for me to trust her completely. I've forgiven her for that, but forgiving her doesn't instantly rebuild the trust she broke. Basically, I feel like she's leading me along until she finds someone else and then she'll drop me like a bad habit.
I'm even more torn because Y is a legitimately awesome girl, and if not for N, I'd definitely be "official" with Y. Y actually found out about N on Monday (N already knew about Y, because that's how our "I don't want you to date other girls anymore" conversation came up), but Y didn't know about N until recently. I wasn't dishonest about it... I never committed to Y in any way, and I told her I just wanted to take things slowly and see where we ended up. She was fine with that, but when she found out about N, she told me she wanted me to pick her instead of N. I'm just like... I dunno. I can't say yes to Y because my heart isn't truly with her. What I really want is to be with N in a non-LDR. I'm in such a shitty spot because I know that can't happen for at least 2 months (and it may never happen), and I've been a depressed, nervous wreck lately because of this. I'm just not sure what to do... I feel completely cornered by all of this.
I'm going to hang out with Y tonight and I'm not sure how that's going to go. She was hurt when she found out about N, and she said she felt used. I told her that was never my intent (and it honestly wasn't), and she seemed to understand, so hopefully things will be fine.
tl;dr for those who don't want to read everything: things are going better with concert girl but I feel like she's being unfair to me by saying she doesn't want me to date other girls when she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want a normal relationship. I feel like I'm being strung along... like she's using this weird relationship we have now as a way to keep me around while still keeping her options open. Also, there's another girl and I'm torn because she's awesome but my heart just isn't in it when I'm with her.
Any advice, good netizens of TL?
Talk with N and figure out where its going. I honestly don't know where that'll go or if it'll even be productive but maybe it will. Personally i would 'ditch' N and go with Y, but i have the luxury of no feelings of attachment clouding my judgement. Everything is so much harder to decide when you're attached.
Or I could give fruity and wishy washy advice like "Follow where your heart tells you to go!".
Tee Hee.
On November 17 2011 03:48 ImDrizzt wrote: I was so confused Hydra, thought for sure you were that fractal guy, and I was thinking "WTF" My read was that off lol.
On November 17 2011 02:59 iamahydralisk wrote: I feel like I should update on my on situation.
Things have gotten better since the last time I posted about it. After I sent that text, she realized how badly she was treating me and we somehow managed to get back to a somewhat normal relationship. We're talking the way we used to, and when we're physically together, we're acting the way we used to. She came here for that concert on Saturday and it was pretty amazing. We still aren't officially "dating," but I'd say things are looking up. Still not perfect, though... A few things have come up.
Basically, there's another girl who's been interested in me. We'll call her Y for the sake of clarity. Note that this is a different girl than the Korean girl. We'll call her A. I haven't really hung out with A recently, but we still text almost every day. Anyway, I've "gone out" with Y a few times. When I say we went out, I mean that they weren't official dates, but we acted like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, all that jazz. The last time I went out with her was on Friday, the day before concert girl (let's call her N, lol) came. I haven't seen Y since then because on Saturday, N told me she wasn't okay with me dating other girls and that she'd be hurt if I did (whereas she'd previously said I could date other girls if I wanted).
I'm really torn about this. On one hand, I love N and I would feel like such a dick for dating around, because I know it would break her heart... but on the other hand, she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want to be officially "together" again. It's completely within my rights as a "single" person to date around. You might be wondering why I'd consider dating around if I truly love N, and the answer is this... Deep down inside, I'm scared to death that she's going to find someone else. I'm scared to death that this won't work out in the long run. She has plans to move to my city, but that's all they are. Plans. And I'm scared as fuck that before those plans happen, shit is going to hit the fan in some way. She's promised me she won't date around and that she won't do anything at all with another guy, but after she slept with that other guy, it's hard for me to trust her completely. I've forgiven her for that, but forgiving her doesn't instantly rebuild the trust she broke. Basically, I feel like she's leading me along until she finds someone else and then she'll drop me like a bad habit.
I'm even more torn because Y is a legitimately awesome girl, and if not for N, I'd definitely be "official" with Y. Y actually found out about N on Monday (N already knew about Y, because that's how our "I don't want you to date other girls anymore" conversation came up), but Y didn't know about N until recently. I wasn't dishonest about it... I never committed to Y in any way, and I told her I just wanted to take things slowly and see where we ended up. She was fine with that, but when she found out about N, she told me she wanted me to pick her instead of N. I'm just like... I dunno. I can't say yes to Y because my heart isn't truly with her. What I really want is to be with N in a non-LDR. I'm in such a shitty spot because I know that can't happen for at least 2 months (and it may never happen), and I've been a depressed, nervous wreck lately because of this. I'm just not sure what to do... I feel completely cornered by all of this.
I'm going to hang out with Y tonight and I'm not sure how that's going to go. She was hurt when she found out about N, and she said she felt used. I told her that was never my intent (and it honestly wasn't), and she seemed to understand, so hopefully things will be fine.
tl;dr for those who don't want to read everything: things are going better with concert girl but I feel like she's being unfair to me by saying she doesn't want me to date other girls when she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want a normal relationship. I feel like I'm being strung along... like she's using this weird relationship we have now as a way to keep me around while still keeping her options open. Also, there's another girl and I'm torn because she's awesome but my heart just isn't in it when I'm with her.
Any advice, good netizens of TL?
First hydra, I've missed you. i thought this thread was dead, and I was totally wrong. Had to read the stuff I missed s well, and my God dude, you either have the most complicated love life ever, or you've copied this from a script of a show I now want to see.
I say this a few times, and I stick by it. Cards on the table time. If you care about Y, you should tell her a bit of the situation. Not all of it yet, but make sure she knows why you're in the place you are right now. If she's as awesome as you describe her as, she will understand what's going on and will respect it.
Also, its time for you and N to have a talk, because there are messages between you that are just not going through. Tell her how you feel and get some response, because I agree with you; it does seem like she's stringing you along right now, and that isn't fair for A N Y of you (see what I did there?)
On November 17 2011 02:59 iamahydralisk wrote: I feel like I should update on my on situation.
Things have gotten better since the last time I posted about it. After I sent that text, she realized how badly she was treating me and we somehow managed to get back to a somewhat normal relationship. We're talking the way we used to, and when we're physically together, we're acting the way we used to. She came here for that concert on Saturday and it was pretty amazing. We still aren't officially "dating," but I'd say things are looking up. Still not perfect, though... A few things have come up.
Basically, there's another girl who's been interested in me. We'll call her Y for the sake of clarity. Note that this is a different girl than the Korean girl. We'll call her A. I haven't really hung out with A recently, but we still text almost every day. Anyway, I've "gone out" with Y a few times. When I say we went out, I mean that they weren't official dates, but we acted like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, all that jazz. The last time I went out with her was on Friday, the day before concert girl (let's call her N, lol) came. I haven't seen Y since then because on Saturday, N told me she wasn't okay with me dating other girls and that she'd be hurt if I did (whereas she'd previously said I could date other girls if I wanted).
I'm really torn about this. On one hand, I love N and I would feel like such a dick for dating around, because I know it would break her heart... but on the other hand, she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want to be officially "together" again. It's completely within my rights as a "single" person to date around. You might be wondering why I'd consider dating around if I truly love N, and the answer is this... Deep down inside, I'm scared to death that she's going to find someone else. I'm scared to death that this won't work out in the long run. She has plans to move to my city, but that's all they are. Plans. And I'm scared as fuck that before those plans happen, shit is going to hit the fan in some way. She's promised me she won't date around and that she won't do anything at all with another guy, but after she slept with that other guy, it's hard for me to trust her completely. I've forgiven her for that, but forgiving her doesn't instantly rebuild the trust she broke. Basically, I feel like she's leading me along until she finds someone else and then she'll drop me like a bad habit.
I'm even more torn because Y is a legitimately awesome girl, and if not for N, I'd definitely be "official" with Y. Y actually found out about N on Monday (N already knew about Y, because that's how our "I don't want you to date other girls anymore" conversation came up), but Y didn't know about N until recently. I wasn't dishonest about it... I never committed to Y in any way, and I told her I just wanted to take things slowly and see where we ended up. She was fine with that, but when she found out about N, she told me she wanted me to pick her instead of N. I'm just like... I dunno. I can't say yes to Y because my heart isn't truly with her. What I really want is to be with N in a non-LDR. I'm in such a shitty spot because I know that can't happen for at least 2 months (and it may never happen), and I've been a depressed, nervous wreck lately because of this. I'm just not sure what to do... I feel completely cornered by all of this.
I'm going to hang out with Y tonight and I'm not sure how that's going to go. She was hurt when she found out about N, and she said she felt used. I told her that was never my intent (and it honestly wasn't), and she seemed to understand, so hopefully things will be fine.
tl;dr for those who don't want to read everything: things are going better with concert girl but I feel like she's being unfair to me by saying she doesn't want me to date other girls when she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want a normal relationship. I feel like I'm being strung along... like she's using this weird relationship we have now as a way to keep me around while still keeping her options open. Also, there's another girl and I'm torn because she's awesome but my heart just isn't in it when I'm with her.
Any advice, good netizens of TL?
You know it can be ok for a couple in a LDR to say "ok we can casually date untill a time that we are in the same place". This is no worries some people do this, casual dating is not getting to know the person in the way you are getting to know Y. You are leading Y along and beginning a relationship with them, there is no way that is going anywhere but bad, what happens when N finally comes along and you are in a serious emotional relationship with Y? If you want an open relationship you have to be clear in your own head who your priority is, and clear with the other people you are seeing its casual an going nowhere. I think N is confused herself, she said she was ok with it, but when actually faced with the reality of it, realises that its not something she can handle. You gotta realise she is taking a HUGE risk too, her plans are to leave her life and come to a place she doesn't know anyone, doesn't have any support structure, what if she lets you date around and you get to serious with the dating and she leaves her life and gets there and you are like O: "I love Y", or if she really sets her plans in stone and then you turn around and say o actually this girl A I have been seeing I like her too much ;/. Open relationships are heavily invested in trust, you aren't trusting her, she isnt trusting you, you aren't casually dating the girls you are seeing, you are seeing them as open competition to N and you aren't even being honest with these girls that the dating is gonna go NOWHERE cause you already have a gf. You say you are single now, but you are still planning on being in a relationship with N when she moves there.. so you aren't really single cause you are commited to someone, even if the plans are hazy and far away. N has to be confident that you are gonna be there for her if she is gonna move, not get there and find out you are with Y, cause casual dating wasnt your thing.
You have to make a choice. Are you able to hold out for N untill she gets there? if the answer is no, you have to break it off, or you and her are going to be hurt. If you are able to hold out, without needing to date anyone else or anything like that, then great, but you have already tried this and kinda failed pretty bad at it. Are you and N both happy with an open relationship, the answer is clearly no, N has made it clear to you she can't handle it.
it's officially rage time. no seriously. everything that's already happened pales in comparison to this.
so basically, I decided I was gonna hold out for N, because she's the one I truly care about. things were going fine... we both decided we'd wait, and we were actually somewhat happy again. but then, of course, she did something retarded as hell to make things go badly again...
today she texted me and told me she made a pact with a friend that she won't do "sexual things" anymore because she wants to be "temple worthy."
WHAT THE FUCK
FUCK
fuck.
like seriously? what in the god damn hell is this. she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship. and then this shit happens... I'm blown away, and angry as hell. I mean... it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most. admittedly it's a factor, sure, but it's not the most important thing. the most important things are the facts that A. she made this decision without even so much as consulting me, and B. she's letting her religious beliefs interfere with our relationship. I'm not religious but I've always been respectful of her beliefs... encouraging her to go to church, and even offering to go with her when she wanted me to. what she's done is disrespectful and offensive to some of my most core values. I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically because of some retarded church. especially when we've done it before...
I don't even know what to say now. she doesn't want to be my girlfriend right now, and she doesn't even want to do sexual things, even though we already crossed that line a long time ago. what else is there? the feeling that I'm just being used is basically increased 10x now. I was planning on driving to see her this week, but now... I don't know. I'm angry as hell and I don't really feel like seeing her at this point. I feel like Y is becoming a more legitimate option every single day.
lol, come on, this is over the line and you know it. that's gg, gtfo and start seeing Y. no complicated advice or musing necessary, just don't even talk to N and start seeing Y.
On November 22 2011 04:11 Mogwai wrote: ok, just stop hydralisk.
lol, come on, this is over the line and you know it. that's gg, gtfo and start seeing Y. no complicated advice or musing necessary, just don't even talk to N and start seeing Y.
I know it's over the line, but it doesn't change how I feel about N, which is why this is so hard. this is retarded :/
On November 22 2011 04:11 Mogwai wrote: ok, just stop hydralisk.
lol, come on, this is over the line and you know it. that's gg, gtfo and start seeing Y. no complicated advice or musing necessary, just don't even talk to N and start seeing Y.
I know it's over the line, but it doesn't change how I feel about N, which is why this is so hard. this is retarded :/
it took me 3.5 years of distance to get out of my last relationship, so I can get how feelings can make you stay in some pretty stupid situations, but come the fuck on. if she's not just yanking your chain about this (and I assume you've already ruled that out), this is just a deal breaker, end of story. what's the gameplan if not to just call it off? hold out for her to stop being crazy? be reasonable here, don't waste any more of your life waiting for N to turn into what you want her to be.
Woah woah WOAH...since when was a religious decision suddenly result from a "friendship pact"? Fuck the temple worthy side of it...
There's a difference between a great love and the right love. Take a long hard think of how you feel after that, and how you've felt for a while, because it sounds like you're only in the relationship because you feel for her, but look at the history. She came into your life when you were already in a bad spot from A (was it A?) A good thing came along, and now you're still hanging onto that
But its seriously time to go into this as a clear head as you can. Enough is enough. I'm with Mogwai; you should be done. GG it, no re, start seeing Y and enjoy a relationship without complications
On November 22 2011 04:11 Mogwai wrote: ok, just stop hydralisk.
lol, come on, this is over the line and you know it. that's gg, gtfo and start seeing Y. no complicated advice or musing necessary, just don't even talk to N and start seeing Y.
I know it's over the line, but it doesn't change how I feel about N, which is why this is so hard. this is retarded :/
it took me 3.5 years of distance to get out of my last relationship, so I can get how feelings can make you stay in some pretty stupid situations, but come the fuck on. if she's not just yanking your chain about this (and I assume you've already ruled that out), this is just a deal breaker, end of story. what's the gameplan if not to just call it off? hold out for her to stop being crazy? be reasonable here, don't waste any more of your life waiting for N to turn into what you want her to be.
I agree completely with you. As much as I hate to admit it... this is definitely a deal breaker, because there is zero hope for anything positive. we talked on the phone and she told me she plans on getting married in a temple, and I asked her how that would work if she was marrying someone who wasn't of her religion... and she couldn't give me an answer. we've reached an impasse and there is no way through unless one of us drastically changes our core values. seeing as how that probably isn't happening... I'm done with this. no point in trying anymore.
On November 22 2011 04:11 Mogwai wrote: ok, just stop hydralisk.
lol, come on, this is over the line and you know it. that's gg, gtfo and start seeing Y. no complicated advice or musing necessary, just don't even talk to N and start seeing Y.
I know it's over the line, but it doesn't change how I feel about N, which is why this is so hard. this is retarded :/
it took me 3.5 years of distance to get out of my last relationship, so I can get how feelings can make you stay in some pretty stupid situations, but come the fuck on. if she's not just yanking your chain about this (and I assume you've already ruled that out), this is just a deal breaker, end of story. what's the gameplan if not to just call it off? hold out for her to stop being crazy? be reasonable here, don't waste any more of your life waiting for N to turn into what you want her to be.
I agree completely with you. As much as I hate to admit it... this is definitely a deal breaker, because there is zero hope for anything positive. we talked on the phone and she told me she plans on getting married in a temple, and I asked her how that would work if she was marrying someone who wasn't of her religion... and she couldn't give me an answer. we've reached an impasse and there is no way through unless one of us drastically changes our core values. seeing as how that probably isn't happening... I'm done with this. no point in trying anymore.
Thank you. Now come back in 2 weeks and write about how you've been having a GOOD time in a relationship please.
On November 22 2011 03:55 iamahydralisk wrote: it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most.
I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically
Nice try, but cutting out the physical aspect seems to be EXACTLY what is getting to you the most.
Ok, time for the serious response:
On November 22 2011 03:55 iamahydralisk wrote: she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship.
This is your main problem. Saying it is "unspoken" means it only existed in your mind. Sounds like you two didn't communicate well enough.
It's unreasonable to think that someone's personal beliefs will not play a factor in your relationship. Sure, you can get to know each other and go through the intense "honeymoon phase" without thinking towards how it would affect the future. This is how I interpret her actions: she compromised values taught by her beliefs and she doesn't want to anymore. You can either get over it or get over her. Your choice.
Edit: Just read the more recent responses and they more or less tell you the same thing.
On November 22 2011 03:55 iamahydralisk wrote: she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship.
This is your main problem. Saying it is "unspoken" means it only existed in your mind. Sounds like you two didn't communicate well enough.
It's unreasonable to think that someone's personal beliefs will not play a factor in your relationship. Sure, you can get to know each other and go through the intense "honeymoon phase" without thinking towards how it would affect the future. This is how I interpret her actions: she compromised values taught by her beliefs and she doesn't want to anymore. You can either get over it or get over her. Your choice.
Edit: Just read the more recent responses and they more or less tell you the same thing.
nah dude, we actually talked about the religious stuff on like the first day we were an official couple, and she was saying things like "I don't want to force my religion on you, so you only have to go to church with me if you want to." stuff like that. and no, the lack of physical stuff wouldn't be the biggest issue for me. the lack of a future is the biggest issue. I'm completely serious when I say I would consider staying celibate for this girl if I knew it'd be worth it in the long run, but seeing as how our values are so radically different... there's no long run to be had. I called her and told her I won't be coming tomorrow, so it's pretty much over at this point. other girl is out of town for the week, but I'mma work with her when she gets back.
ooph, that's really easy to say man, but staying celibate is a bitch once you've lost your v card. even if you can do it, I think it's pretty impossible to go from sex to no sex without putting insane pressure on the relationship.
I think I would've been able to handle it, but eh, doesn't matter now anyway. I'm still kind of shaken by this whole thing... I just don't understand the mindset of someone who's so indoctrinated by their religion that they'll throw away the greatest love they've ever had (she actually told me she loves me more than anything else in the entire world). I feel like it's partly my fault for getting involved with a religious girl, but she told me it wouldn't be an issue... Oh well.
On a mostly unrelated note, I talked to previous ex girlfriend (the one who messed me up hardcore) for the first time in months last night, and it seemed like there's a legit chance we can make some sort of friendship out of it. I'm over her, so it'd be nice to have her as a friend again.
On November 23 2011 07:43 iamahydralisk wrote: I think I would've been able to handle it, but eh, doesn't matter now anyway. I'm still kind of shaken by this whole thing... I just don't understand the mindset of someone who's so indoctrinated by their religion that they'll throw away the greatest love they've ever had (she actually told me she loves me more than anything else in the entire world). I feel like it's partly my fault for getting involved with a religious girl, but she told me it wouldn't be an issue... Oh well.
On a mostly unrelated note, I talked to previous ex girlfriend (the one who messed me up hardcore) for the first time in months last night, and it seemed like there's a legit chance we can make some sort of friendship out of it. I'm over her, so it'd be nice to have her as a friend again.
And that's the reason i try and avoid religious girls like the plague. Don't know what they'll do in the future. Especially if we would ever have kids. The ensuing argument about the child's religion wouldn't be pleasant. Then again i wouldn't ever get to that stage without talking to her about it.
But i understand its hard to let go when you love her. You also have other options, so hey, maybe another girl you'll fall in love with again. She could be better for you! Never know until you try.
it's officially rage time. no seriously. everything that's already happened pales in comparison to this.
so basically, I decided I was gonna hold out for N, because she's the one I truly care about. things were going fine... we both decided we'd wait, and we were actually somewhat happy again. but then, of course, she did something retarded as hell to make things go badly again...
today she texted me and told me she made a pact with a friend that she won't do "sexual things" anymore because she wants to be "temple worthy."
WHAT THE FUCK
FUCK
fuck.
like seriously? what in the god damn hell is this. she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship. and then this shit happens...
, and angry as hell. I mean... it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most. admittedly it's a factor, sure, but it's not the most important thing. the most important things are the facts that A. she made this decision without even so much as consulting me, and B. she's letting her religious beliefs interfere with our relationship. I'm not religious but I've always been respectful of her beliefs... encouraging her to go to church, and even offering to go with her when she wanted me to. what she's done is disrespectful and offensive to some of my most core values. I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically because of some retarded church. especially when we've done it before...
I don't even know what to say now. she doesn't want to be my girlfriend right now, and she doesn't even want to do sexual things, even though we already crossed that line a long time ago. what else is there? the feeling that I'm just being used is basically increased 10x now. I was planning on driving to see her this week, but now... I don't know. I'm angry as hell and I don't really feel like seeing her at this point. I feel like Y is becoming a more legitimate option every single day.
Blown away hey, so what's the problem
Seriously dude you are like drama central. I swear people enjoy having batshit crazy partners, why else would you hang around?
On November 23 2011 07:43 iamahydralisk wrote: I think I would've been able to handle it, but eh, doesn't matter now anyway. I'm still kind of shaken by this whole thing... I just don't understand the mindset of someone who's so indoctrinated by their religion that they'll throw away the greatest love they've ever had (she actually told me she loves me more than anything else in the entire world). I feel like it's partly my fault for getting involved with a religious girl, but she told me it wouldn't be an issue... Oh well.
On a mostly unrelated note, I talked to previous ex girlfriend (the one who messed me up hardcore) for the first time in months last night, and it seemed like there's a legit chance we can make some sort of friendship out of it. I'm over her, so it'd be nice to have her as a friend again.
And that's the reason i try and avoid religious girls like the plague. Don't know what they'll do in the future. Especially if we would ever have kids. The ensuing argument about the child's religion wouldn't be pleasant. Then again i wouldn't ever get to that stage without talking to her about it.
But i understand its hard to let go when you love her. You also have other options, so hey, maybe another girl you'll fall in love with again. She could be better for you! Never know until you try.
Yeah, I know I have other options :3 I'm 100% confident I can find someone else. Someone better, even. I'm actually excited about the possibility.
it's officially rage time. no seriously. everything that's already happened pales in comparison to this.
so basically, I decided I was gonna hold out for N, because she's the one I truly care about. things were going fine... we both decided we'd wait, and we were actually somewhat happy again. but then, of course, she did something retarded as hell to make things go badly again...
today she texted me and told me she made a pact with a friend that she won't do "sexual things" anymore because she wants to be "temple worthy."
WHAT THE FUCK
FUCK
fuck.
like seriously? what in the god damn hell is this. she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship. and then this shit happens...
, and angry as hell. I mean... it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most. admittedly it's a factor, sure, but it's not the most important thing. the most important things are the facts that A. she made this decision without even so much as consulting me, and B. she's letting her religious beliefs interfere with our relationship. I'm not religious but I've always been respectful of her beliefs... encouraging her to go to church, and even offering to go with her when she wanted me to. what she's done is disrespectful and offensive to some of my most core values. I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically because of some retarded church. especially when we've done it before...
I don't even know what to say now. she doesn't want to be my girlfriend right now, and she doesn't even want to do sexual things, even though we already crossed that line a long time ago. what else is there? the feeling that I'm just being used is basically increased 10x now. I was planning on driving to see her this week, but now... I don't know. I'm angry as hell and I don't really feel like seeing her at this point. I feel like Y is becoming a more legitimate option every single day.
Blown away hey, so what's the problem
Seriously dude you are like drama central. I swear people enjoy having batshit crazy partners, why else would you hang around?
All I can say is, love makes people do weird things. I don't enjoy drama, or having a crazy girlfriend... This relationship was perfectly fine and drama free for majority of it. The reason I stuck around when the drama started was because I cared deeply about her, and IMO, that's the way it should be. I'm not the type who's going to give up on a relationship just because some drama pops up.
On November 23 2011 07:43 iamahydralisk wrote: I think I would've been able to handle it, but eh, doesn't matter now anyway. I'm still kind of shaken by this whole thing... I just don't understand the mindset of someone who's so indoctrinated by their religion that they'll throw away the greatest love they've ever had (she actually told me she loves me more than anything else in the entire world). I feel like it's partly my fault for getting involved with a religious girl, but she told me it wouldn't be an issue... Oh well.
On a mostly unrelated note, I talked to previous ex girlfriend (the one who messed me up hardcore) for the first time in months last night, and it seemed like there's a legit chance we can make some sort of friendship out of it. I'm over her, so it'd be nice to have her as a friend again.
And that's the reason i try and avoid religious girls like the plague. Don't know what they'll do in the future. Especially if we would ever have kids. The ensuing argument about the child's religion wouldn't be pleasant. Then again i wouldn't ever get to that stage without talking to her about it.
But i understand its hard to let go when you love her. You also have other options, so hey, maybe another girl you'll fall in love with again. She could be better for you! Never know until you try.
Yeah, I know I have other options :3 I'm 100% confident I can find someone else. Someone better, even. I'm actually excited about the possibility.
it's officially rage time. no seriously. everything that's already happened pales in comparison to this.
so basically, I decided I was gonna hold out for N, because she's the one I truly care about. things were going fine... we both decided we'd wait, and we were actually somewhat happy again. but then, of course, she did something retarded as hell to make things go badly again...
today she texted me and told me she made a pact with a friend that she won't do "sexual things" anymore because she wants to be "temple worthy."
WHAT THE FUCK
FUCK
fuck.
like seriously? what in the god damn hell is this. she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship. and then this shit happens...
, and angry as hell. I mean... it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most. admittedly it's a factor, sure, but it's not the most important thing. the most important things are the facts that A. she made this decision without even so much as consulting me, and B. she's letting her religious beliefs interfere with our relationship. I'm not religious but I've always been respectful of her beliefs... encouraging her to go to church, and even offering to go with her when she wanted me to. what she's done is disrespectful and offensive to some of my most core values. I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically because of some retarded church. especially when we've done it before...
I don't even know what to say now. she doesn't want to be my girlfriend right now, and she doesn't even want to do sexual things, even though we already crossed that line a long time ago. what else is there? the feeling that I'm just being used is basically increased 10x now. I was planning on driving to see her this week, but now... I don't know. I'm angry as hell and I don't really feel like seeing her at this point. I feel like Y is becoming a more legitimate option every single day.
Blown away hey, so what's the problem
Seriously dude you are like drama central. I swear people enjoy having batshit crazy partners, why else would you hang around?
All I can say is, love makes people do weird things. I don't enjoy drama, or having a crazy girlfriend... This relationship was perfectly fine and drama free for majority of it. The reason I stuck around when the drama started was because I cared deeply about her, and IMO, that's the way it should be. I'm not the type who's going to give up on a relationship just because some drama pops up.
BUT you are one to hop on here and ask for advice, and we love you for it
Please have a non-dramatic relationship with Y. Exciting, sure, but no issues
But but but then he would stop posting in this thread. Which frankly is one of the only things keeping it alive. Plus the number of girl blogs has dropped overall. Only the past few days have seen a resurgence.
On November 24 2011 00:29 FractalsOnFire wrote: But but but then he would stop posting in this thread. Which frankly is one of the only things keeping it alive. Plus the number of girl blogs has dropped overall. Only the past few days have seen a resurgence.
I blame too much SC2. Guys haven't gone out to try their hands at relationships because they're all too busy playing/watching games.
I would like to tell a story and check what you guys think I should do.
A couple of weeks ago I was standing waiting for the train and this girl walks up to me and asked me which side of the station the train would arrive on. We continued talking and getting to know each other a little while traveling for about an hour. I were in a relationship at the time but I had been thinking of ending it for a while but maybe I was too scared. We exchanged facebooks and split up shortly after arriving with the train.
Because of different triggers, a couple of days later, I ended my relationship of six year. Of course it was a sad breakup but I think I already had done a lot of grieving the past months.
Anyway, two weeks ago I decided to contact the train-girl. We messaged about a little and I decided to go see her at her work in a city between our living town. I said I was going to shop for a jacket and would come by. The day after we decided this I felt like a god, I had the best day on work (usually I am so stressed and tired my work Im borderline depressed), I had a fun night home with a couple of friends drinking beer and playing games. Somehow, everything went my way.
The next day I went to the city and picked up an awesome jacket and went to see her. Soon after I met her in a small shop where she worked, we ended up having coffee at a cafe near the station her train would leave from. We chatted for a while, I was filled with confidence somehow even when I realized she was really gorgeous. When we were walking towards the station I offered her to come home with me instead since it was closer back to work for the next day. She thought for a moment and then answered no because she did not have enough clothes/items to stay somewhere overnight.
A couple of minutes later I was sitting on my bus home looking through facebook while listening to some music on my phone. She had wrote in my log "Argh, my train isn't leaving in another 2 hours, and also my bus will be even more late". This meant she would get back home really late and she was supposed to get back to work early again tomorrow. I instantly wrote back my phone number telling her to call me. I ended up exiting my bus and turning around picking her up at the station.
We took the bus back to my place and we had a couple of beers and sandwiches, I was having trouble reading if she really wanted me to make a move so nothing really happened. Until we got in bed. I have a double bed so naturally she was going to sleep next to me.
We had fun that night but that was where I started acting strange. In my mind I was barely aware that I was treating her exactly like I did to my ex.
My behavior worsened when, a couple of days later, I had invited her to my place for some food and she had to turn me down in the last second due to traveling issues. I started questioning if she really wanted to see me and she answered kind of blurry. We messaged a bit for the next day as well. A couple of days later I tried calling her but she didn't pick up or call me back.
I have been trying to forget her since then but my brain will not let go of the thought of her. The plan was to just have fun and make friends. Certainly not getting a crush. Now here I am, five days after I tried calling her. Thinking about trying to contact her for the last time on Monday.
Wow, sorry for the long post. tl;dr I met a hottie and got vietnam flashbacks from my last relationship. Now I think I scared her away with too much attention. Would like some views what you guys are thinking about this.
On November 24 2011 03:36 Trox wrote: I would like to tell a story and check what you guys think I should do. [...] We had fun that night but that was where I started acting strange. In my mind I was barely aware that I was treating her exactly like I did to my ex.
My behavior worsened when, a couple of days later, I had invited her to my place for some food and she had to turn me down in the last second due to traveling issues. I started questioning if she really wanted to see me and she answered kind of blurry. We messaged a bit for the next day as well. A couple of days later I tried calling her but she didn't pick up or call me back.
I have been trying to forget her since then but my brain will not let go of the thought of her. The plan was to just have fun and make friends. Certainly not getting a crush. Now here I am, five days after I tried calling her. Thinking about trying to contact her for the last time on Monday.
Wow, sorry for the long post. tl;dr I met a hottie and got vietnam flashbacks from my last relationship. Now I think I scared her away with too much attention. Would like some views what you guys are thinking about this.
Can you explain what you think you did to scare her off? It's not really clear from your post. It could be that she just feels guilty about sleeping with you so fast because she doesn't think of herself that way. Or it could be that you really screwed something up!
Either way, sounds like you have some pretty smooth moves, it's not a usual occurrence for most guys to meet a hot girl at random and end up taking her to bed within a few days. Nice work! If you did screw it up with this girl I'm pretty sure you'll find some more soon!
Can you explain what you think you did to scare her off? It's not really clear from your post. It could be that she just feels guilty about sleeping with you so fast because she doesn't think of herself that way. Or it could be that you really screwed something up!
Either way, sounds like you have some pretty smooth moves, it's not a usual occurrence for most guys to meet a hot girl at random and end up taking her to bed within a few days. Nice work! If you did screw it up with this girl I'm pretty sure you'll find some more soon!
Thing is, I have been out in my hometown and on a concert since then but no girls here are even half as good-looking or fun as she is.
Yes your are probably right, I should explain some more.
I called her up two days after she stayed and asked her to come over for dinner in two days. She said she would come as long as her public transportation card did not expire before then. I messaged her soon after asking if there was something she did not eat. She answered that she did not eat meat which is very cool in my opinion but I freaked out because I have almost never cooked any meatless meals. So I decided to try out a recipe the day after. I was getting late for practice so I was very stressed out. In the middle of cooking I noticed I got a text from her saying she couldn't make it due to aforementioned transportation card expiring. I did not even think about it and stupidly texted back and asked if she really wanted to see me. She said something like "Its hard living so far away. Its not you, you are sweet. Maybe once I get another card" She also needs to save money for something very important. I said I was sorry about the fuss I made and she said it was all good. The day after I started writing to her about something she forgot at my place but something I felt that something was strange and suddenly she did not write back. Stupid as I am I tried texting her that same night, I had the brightest of Ideas of only the sort you can have while watching the dark in your bedroom a night with only thoughts and no sleep ^_^ (which was that I could go see her instead of the other way around, haha.. weird I know.) I just asked if she was awake and no answer. The next day I called her and that was when she did not answer.
Looking back at these messages I feel like I may have overreacted a bit. I still feel that if she wanted to see me she would contact me instead of the other way around since I already tried.
On November 24 2011 04:04 ziggurat wrote: It could be that she just feels guilty about sleeping with you so fast because she doesn't think of herself that way
I see what you mean. In my opinion it's probably a combination of both factors. She obviously liked you, but the next day she started feeling guilty about sleeping with you on the 2nd time she met you. So she's feeling bad about herself and kind of wishing she had never done that. Then your actions probably made her have more doubts. Now she is probably at the point where she just wants to go on with her life like nothing ever happened.
Reading this is reminding me of a similar situation that happened to me many years ago when I was younger. Haha these threads always bring back memories! Anyway there may not be much you can do at this point... you definitely overdid it with the texting and stuff. You basically have two strategies to try - either go all out or just play it casual.
Going all out would involve some kind of sappy romantic gesture like showing up at her place with flowers or something stupid like that and basically tell her that you think you have an amazing connection and you can't stop thinking about her blah blah blah. This MIGHT work. It will give her a chance to rationalize her somewhat slutty actions (sorry to use that word but I can't think of a better one) by saying "oh I'm not the kind of girl who does that but I did it this time because we have such a great connection and maybe we're meant to be together ..." I personally do not recommend this because it might just creep her out more, and it has the potential to be incredibly embarrassing and awkward for both of you. But it will make for a good story no matter how it turns out!
The other option is to just play it cool, not contact her for a while, maybe post some pics of you with other girls on your facebook (in case she's still creeping on your profile), and then in maybe 2-3 weeks send her a message saying you are inviting her out to do something. It should be an activity that you know she will be interested in -- you should actually do a good amount of research to find the perfect event that you know she'll want to go to. In you message you should tell her that you are going and she should come if she is available. I would also recommend adding a time constraint, like "I will have to head home right after the _____ because of ____". This might work because (a) she actually wants to go to this event; (b) your phrasing shows that you are not depending on her to have a good time, unlike a message where you just ask her if she wants to hang out - this shows that you are a fun person who is exciting and interesting to be around; and (c) because of the time constraint she knows that you're not just looking for sex (Girls can actually get very depressed about the idea that men only want sex from them). I personally recommend this approach since it's a lot less work and there's no potential embarrassment no matter how it goes.
The reality (in my opinion) is that you probably won't get very far with this girl, but either of these schemes has maybe a 1 in 3 chance of getting you another shot.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
the thing is, you can't just go "long run serious relationship", you have to work your way there. Just take your time, have some fun together, make some moments and promises that show you are committed and give her an impression that you are going to make things work for you two.
I always go to movie for my dates, because there are so much to talk about, especially if I want to relate the topic to something I want to tell her or something about her that I want to know more about
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
the thing is, you can't just go "long run serious relationship", you have to work your way there. Just take your time, have some fun together, make some moments and promises that show you are committed and give her an impression that you are going to make things work for you two.
I always go to movie for my dates, because there are so much to talk about, especially if I want to relate the topic to something I want to tell her or something about her that I want to know more about
Wow. I never go to movies on dates because all you end up doing for at least an hour and a half is NOT talking. For me something including food and wine is best. Otherwise an activity that is outside (if the weather is good) where talking is a prerequisite.
Example: Meet at a park or somewhere easy for the both of you. Museums, art galleries are also good. Have a little work around town to somewhere nice for a snack and a drink/coffee. Then walk back, if necessary. Gives you plenty time to talk. You're physically active so you don't have to worry about what you're doing. It's different and casual. To me movies say, I don't actually want to talk to you.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
I've found that if you date a lot of girls it's only a matter of time until you find one that you like more than the others, who you actually feel is someone that you would want to be with exclusively for the long term. You don't really have to do anything different than you would with normal dating. If you're dating quite a bit it's only a matter of time (for most guys anyway) until you get tired of that lifestyle and find someone who is worth putting more time into.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
the thing is, you can't just go "long run serious relationship", you have to work your way there. Just take your time, have some fun together, make some moments and promises that show you are committed and give her an impression that you are going to make things work for you two.
I always go to movie for my dates, because there are so much to talk about, especially if I want to relate the topic to something I want to tell her or something about her that I want to know more about
Wow. I never go to movies on dates because all you end up doing for at least an hour and a half is NOT talking. For me something including food and wine is best. Otherwise an activity that is outside (if the weather is good) where talking is a prerequisite.
Example: Meet at a park or somewhere easy for the both of you. Museums, art galleries are also good. Have a little work around town to somewhere nice for a snack and a drink/coffee. Then walk back, if necessary. Gives you plenty time to talk. You're physically active so you don't have to worry about what you're doing. It's different and casual. To me movies say, I don't actually want to talk to you.
Eh, my two cents.
^ Definitely this. Movies are bad for early dates because you basically don't talk for an hour and a half. They're fine once you're in a relationship and feel comfortable with each other etc, but for early dates, there are much better things to do to get to know each other IMO.
I hate to even do this, but fuck it, I post everything else here so why not.
N texted me yesterday and said she wants me back and she'd be willing to consider a normal marriage way down the road. I'm pretty much taken aback and I have no idea what to say. I never asked or expected her to compromise her values for me, but she seems somewhat willing... but it's still not a guarantee. She says her thoughts could change again.
I still care for her tons, but honestly, I'm kinda sick of the drama... like I just want to be done with it. so I don't really know what to say to her...
On November 28 2011 04:42 iamahydralisk wrote: I hate to even do this, but fuck it, I post everything else here so why not.
N texted me yesterday and said she wants me back and she'd be willing to consider a normal marriage way down the road. I'm pretty much taken aback and I have no idea what to say. I never asked or expected her to compromise her values for me, but she seems somewhat willing... but it's still not a guarantee. She says her thoughts could change again.
I still care for her tons, but honestly, I'm kinda sick of the drama... like I just want to be done with it. so I don't really know what to say to her...
Maybe it's a good idea to pm Rekrul and ask for more help on this one.
On November 28 2011 09:42 FinestHour wrote: Wait why did kittens get nuked?
He was originally a poster named fanatacist, who was banned. He also made other spoof accounts to troll the SC2 forums i think. I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back, TL mods banned him.
On November 28 2011 04:42 iamahydralisk wrote: I hate to even do this, but fuck it, I post everything else here so why not.
N texted me yesterday and said she wants me back and she'd be willing to consider a normal marriage way down the road. I'm pretty much taken aback and I have no idea what to say. I never asked or expected her to compromise her values for me, but she seems somewhat willing... but it's still not a guarantee. She says her thoughts could change again.
I still care for her tons, but honestly, I'm kinda sick of the drama... like I just want to be done with it. so I don't really know what to say to her...
Dammit Fractals, now look what's happened....
I'm gonna quote you directly here hydra, because I think you need it:
On November 23 2011 13:21 iamahydralisk wrote:
Yeah, I know I have other options :3 I'm 100% confident I can find someone else. Someone better, even. I'm actually excited about the possibility.
You were excited about possibly finding someone else. You want to be done with it. So let her off gently, but end it. I think for both of your sakes, this has to stop.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
I have a similar problem - like I don't really know /try to get a relationship, but even if i work towards one, I don't, like have any sort of impassioned feelings.. I used to, back then when I was a young nerd, but after 2 heartbreaks and quite a few hookups later, I'm just like meh. Girls (some) seem to get worked up over me, which i enjoy but sometimes i can't see the reason for it, and they just think I'm a dick/tool (which I probably am..) who wants some sex. (and ofc I attract girls with daddy issues..)
On November 28 2011 04:42 iamahydralisk wrote: I hate to even do this, but fuck it, I post everything else here so why not.
N texted me yesterday and said she wants me back and she'd be willing to consider a normal marriage way down the road. I'm pretty much taken aback and I have no idea what to say. I never asked or expected her to compromise her values for me, but she seems somewhat willing... but it's still not a guarantee. She says her thoughts could change again.
I still care for her tons, but honestly, I'm kinda sick of the drama... like I just want to be done with it. so I don't really know what to say to her...
Hassy gave good advice. It's a mistake to try to take her back now. Essentially, you had a problem with her, and the only way to get her to even think about fixing it was to break up with her. If that's what it takes to get the problem solved, well, things just aren't going to work out. Getting back together now puts a ton of strain on the relationship because you're going to bear the guilt of knowing that she had to compromise her core values for you. Not to mention that she just proved that she's going to be incredibly needy by trying to reinvent herself again just to get you back.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
I have a similar problem - like I don't really know /try to get a relationship, but even if i work towards one, I don't, like have any sort of impassioned feelings.. I used to, back then when I was a young nerd, but after 2 heartbreaks and quite a few hookups later, I'm just like meh. Girls (some) seem to get worked up over me, which i enjoy but sometimes i can't see the reason for it, and they just think I'm a dick/tool (which I probably am..) who wants some sex. (and ofc I attract girls with daddy issues..)
Just throwing it off my chest, i guess.
Not sure what to tell you guys. You get into a real relationship by doing real things with a girl and making the effort to get to know her. You go to new places together, try new things together and get to know if this is someone you really want to spend the rest of your life with. If you don't find yourself getting passionate about the person you're seeing, then a serious relationship just isn't in the cards.
I'm not sure how you're going about meeting girls, but I generally think that successful relationships typically come from people who meet via a shared interest, rather than people who are just physically attracted to each other at a club/party or meet via well, pretty much any other means. I just think that the best way to meet someone to get into a serious relationship with is to expand your own horizons and try to do something you've always wanted to do. Take a cooking class, a dance class, find people to go backpacking with, etc. Just get yourself out there and do the things you want to do and if you find someone doing things you're interested in, you're more likely to find someone who you can share your life with.
Just my $0.02
On November 29 2011 00:02 Garnet wrote: Any chance for an Asian guy vs white girls?
Yes, a lot of white girls catch yellow fever in college in my experience.
Garnet, you have 2 options. Either play the exotic card and be trophy case, but keep your wits with you to hold your own under scrutiny, or totally ignore it and stand toe to toe with the rest of them, and leave it to other aspects besides your Asian-ness to get the edge.
There shouldn't be any 'stigma' or fear about white girls if you're asian. There's nothing that different from other girls. They're still kooky, crazy, manipulative, emotionally draining, a huge time sink, money grubbing and who can make you feel like the happiest person in the world.
On December 23 2011 05:21 iamahydralisk wrote: I couldn't really think of a better place to post this, so here we go
today a girl asked me "if an apocalypse happened and you could save 3 people, who would you save?"
damn trap question if I've ever seen one.
3 people in addition to yourself or do you have to choose whether you'd save yourself too?
also, depends on the nature of the apocalypse. for instance, you'd want a different skill-set for a zombie apocalypse than you would for a nuclear holocaust.
and you have to clarify the goal of the 3 people you pick. whether the end goal is the survival of the human race or to enjoy the time you have left and accept the extinction of our race.
basically, you should dodge the trap by asking for clarification on the question over and over again until she just gets pissy and tells you to forget it.
So, I'm in High School right now, and a girl in one of my classes told me that she likes me. This was Around the second week of January. Since then, we've facebook msged each other, and talked a little more in class, but I don't like her (-ish, let's just say I'm not sure I want to date her for reasons, including the fact that she knows that I like someone more then her). I know that I've probably been in the wrong by kind of leading her on (kind of, we didn't really talk that much before hand), so I need help in how to tell her that I don't like her / want to date her. I'm not sure how to or what to say. Advice please? Also, several friends know about this situation and are pressuring me to go out with her.
On December 23 2011 05:21 iamahydralisk wrote: I couldn't really think of a better place to post this, so here we go
today a girl asked me "if an apocalypse happened and you could save 3 people, who would you save?"
damn trap question if I've ever seen one.
How is it a trap? So ez. Answer: Mom, Dad, and her.
To the guy above me: How old are u and how much dating xp do u have? if you don't have much dating xp, I say go for it. Better to learn the ropes with a girl you're not too emotionally involved with.
On December 23 2011 05:21 iamahydralisk wrote: I couldn't really think of a better place to post this, so here we go
today a girl asked me "if an apocalypse happened and you could save 3 people, who would you save?"
damn trap question if I've ever seen one.
How is it a trap? So ez. Answer: Mom, Dad, and her.
To the guy above me: How old are u and how much dating xp do u have? if you don't have much dating xp, I say go for it. Better to learn the ropes with a girl you're not too emotionally involved with.
Uh, what about no dating experience? XD Yeah, I'm not really comfortable with dating when I should be concentrating on school.
Also, what really irritates me is that she knows I like someone else, so how am I suppose to have a relationship with someone when I like someone else even more?
^ just be mature about it. tell her that you aren't really interested in dating her. don't beat around the bush by coming up with excuses, cuz if anything that just makes you look bad, and most of the time girls can see through bullshit, which gives her the opportunity to shit talk you! be straight up.
you can date and do well in school lol.
don't have a relationship with someone that you are not totally into. don't waste your time, don't experience something that could ruin the wonders of dating. pursue someone you want to be with.
What the...I thought this thread was dead and everyone was in a happy relationship...yay girl blogs!
On February 02 2012 12:40 NationInArms wrote: BUUUUUUUMP!!
So, I'm in High School right now, and a girl in one of my classes told me that she likes me. This was Around the second week of January. Since then, we've facebook msged each other, and talked a little more in class, but I don't like her (-ish, let's just say I'm not sure I want to date her for reasons, including the fact that she knows that I like someone more then her). I know that I've probably been in the wrong by kind of leading her on (kind of, we didn't really talk that much before hand), so I need help in how to tell her that I don't like her / want to date her. I'm not sure how to or what to say. Advice please? Also, several friends know about this situation and are pressuring me to go out with her.
First thing's first. Slap your friends for being dicks and trying to pressure you into a relationship that you may not want. Second, if you don't feel it, straight up tell her. Obviously be polite about how you do it, but don't give excuses or beat arounf the bush, just be straight with her. After all, she was with you.
I prefer separate girl blogs than one giant thread because as soon as two stories come in things get mixed up and wah wah wah. Also, Hassy you are catching up in postcount, how do you find more girl blogs than me? I'm pretty much on TL 8 hrs/day (bored at work).
Okay, for NationInArms:
What others said above is good and true, but I had a slightly different approach. Be warned, it will yield you hilarious stories to share with friends over a beer at some... emotional costs. My philosophy in high school was to date as many as possible - hahaha I said it! - to gain more experience. Yes, I played a fucking RPG game in high school called dating and my goal was to gain a lot of EXP so that when I actually feel strongly about a girl (from my side), I would be near MAX level and have maxed out all my essential skills with all the maps explored and all that good shit. You get the point.
EXP gaining was not hard. I had a special talent (called piano and it just penetrates Asian girl defences like no other) and I was always in a 'position of advantage'. So I got to date quite a few girls. The problem is, once you date one, you date that entire 'crowd' or 'clique'. There was at least a 6-month cooldown period before I could re-establish my reputation up with that particular crowd so I could poke at another girl in the same crowd. Even then, I had to face the heat of nasty stares and oh-so-obvious whispers in particular hallways throughout the school. Didn't matter; got EXP. (DM;GE?)
The problem is that once I actually felt strongly about a very special girl in my final year of high school, it didn't quite work out. No matter how well I played the game before, this new content which I completely fell for was a challenge like no other. She was like no other. I played the game like the end-game character I was, and she was barely learning the first area outside town. Needless to say I failed my main quest and all my EXP hunting was in vain. Actually regarding that one particular girl, I was planning to make a giant three-part or something girl blog on TL but I keep passing up on that due to laziness, dammit. It's an epic story of love and jealousy and corruption and something similar to Shakespeare's Hamlet and k I'll stop that here.
So, adventurer, the choice is yours! I still believe just 'playing around' with chicks that have interest in you is fair game. It's not like you threatened them into a relationship or anything. If you pass up on the opportunity, well you will do good in staying true to your heart, but you will disappoint a lot more people than you think. There are subtle ways of playing along in a relationship then exiting through a 'mutual break-up' and I was able to do that with a less than 50% success rate (hence the date-a-girl = date-the-crowd theory). Do you think you can sign up for 3+ clubs in the upcoming semester to naturally fade away from the girl's sight? Even the fanatical ones grow weary when all they get is facebook updates.
Optical, I agree separate blogs are more fun. Having everyone post their problems in one thread is strange, it's like they are contacting tech support rather than resolving a deep personal problem.
I disagree with the assesment you make in your last paragraph though, I personally believe it is time for humanity to move to a centralized procreation process where humans are made in factories. Would make much more time for Starcraft 2. Relationships are a complete waste of time, effort, and resources. Also I'm pretty sure they contribute to global warming in some way that I haven't quite figured out yet.
On February 02 2012 12:40 NationInArms wrote: BUUUUUUUMP!!
So, I'm in High School right now, and a girl in one of my classes told me that she likes me. This was Around the second week of January. Since then, we've facebook msged each other, and talked a little more in class, but I don't like her (-ish, let's just say I'm not sure I want to date her for reasons, including the fact that she knows that I like someone more then her). I know that I've probably been in the wrong by kind of leading her on (kind of, we didn't really talk that much before hand), so I need help in how to tell her that I don't like her / want to date her. I'm not sure how to or what to say. Advice please? Also, several friends know about this situation and are pressuring me to go out with her.
Many traditional people get married off to people they don't know. And guess what? Eventually, they find love. To them, love is something that you learn by appreciating your partner that you did not choose. If people can achieve this, I think it's correct to assume that you can't be sure that you don't want to date her. Dating doesn't have to be (and isn't) that serious on the grand scale of things. What I mean by this, is that if things aren't working out between you two as people, you will just break up and that's that. Treat her right and be honest and it will happen peacefully. If things ARE working out, then you get a girlfriend you like ^o^;
It's like win-win except win-neutral. I guess you'll probably get laid, so it's win-win in my books.
On February 02 2012 12:40 NationInArms wrote: BUUUUUUUMP!!
So, I'm in High School right now, and a girl in one of my classes told me that she likes me. This was Around the second week of January. Since then, we've facebook msged each other, and talked a little more in class, but I don't like her (-ish, let's just say I'm not sure I want to date her for reasons, including the fact that she knows that I like someone more then her). I know that I've probably been in the wrong by kind of leading her on (kind of, we didn't really talk that much before hand), so I need help in how to tell her that I don't like her / want to date her. I'm not sure how to or what to say. Advice please? Also, several friends know about this situation and are pressuring me to go out with her.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned this yet: If you like someone else then why aren't you pursuing her? The first thing you have to do is ask the first girl out. If she says yes then awesome, you can go on a date with the girl you like. If she says no then you can get over it.
Now, for the girl who likes you. There's nothing wrong with becoming friends, talking, and even going on a few dates. In fact, this girl took risk to tell you her feelings (so she already has more balls than your typical TL girl blogger), so I'm glad you gave her the chance to become friends, at least. As I said, there's nothing wrong with going on a few dates to see if there's anything there. HOWEVER, you need to make very clear that you don't feel the same way she does at the moment. You're not leading someone on by hanging out or going out because you enjoy the others' company UNLESS they don't know your perspective. There's no harm if, after a few dates, you tell her she's not for you and just remain friends.
On February 02 2012 14:48 erektion wrote: ^ just be mature about it. tell her that you aren't really interested in dating her. don't beat around the bush by coming up with excuses, cuz if anything that just makes you look bad, and most of the time girls can see through bullshit, which gives her the opportunity to shit talk you! be straight up.
you can date and do well in school lol.
don't have a relationship with someone that you are not totally into. don't waste your time, don't experience something that could ruin the wonders of dating. pursue someone you want to be with.
So you're telling her that I don't like her asap? Correct?
On February 02 2012 22:01 Hassybaby wrote: What the...I thought this thread was dead and everyone was in a happy relationship...yay girl blogs!
On February 02 2012 12:40 NationInArms wrote: BUUUUUUUMP!!
So, I'm in High School right now, and a girl in one of my classes told me that she likes me. This was Around the second week of January. Since then, we've facebook msged each other, and talked a little more in class, but I don't like her (-ish, let's just say I'm not sure I want to date her for reasons, including the fact that she knows that I like someone more then her). I know that I've probably been in the wrong by kind of leading her on (kind of, we didn't really talk that much before hand), so I need help in how to tell her that I don't like her / want to date her. I'm not sure how to or what to say. Advice please? Also, several friends know about this situation and are pressuring me to go out with her.
First thing's first. Slap your friends for being dicks and trying to pressure you into a relationship that you may not want. Second, if you don't feel it, straight up tell her. Obviously be polite about how you do it, but don't give excuses or beat arounf the bush, just be straight with her. After all, she was with you.
Well, I honestly don't know what to say. I'm new to this (usually I'm an observer, or the one giving advice-wait a second...)
On February 02 2012 23:46 OpticalShot wrote: I prefer separate girl blogs than one giant thread because as soon as two stories come in things get mixed up and wah wah wah. Also, Hassy you are catching up in postcount, how do you find more girl blogs than me? I'm pretty much on TL 8 hrs/day (bored at work).
Okay, for NationInArms:
What others said above is good and true, but I had a slightly different approach. Be warned, it will yield you hilarious stories to share with friends over a beer at some... emotional costs. My philosophy in high school was to date as many as possible - hahaha I said it! - to gain more experience. Yes, I played a fucking RPG game in high school called dating and my goal was to gain a lot of EXP so that when I actually feel strongly about a girl (from my side), I would be near MAX level and have maxed out all my essential skills with all the maps explored and all that good shit. You get the point.
EXP gaining was not hard. I had a special talent (called piano and it just penetrates Asian girl defences like no other) and I was always in a 'position of advantage'. So I got to date quite a few girls. The problem is, once you date one, you date that entire 'crowd' or 'clique'. There was at least a 6-month cooldown period before I could re-establish my reputation up with that particular crowd so I could poke at another girl in the same crowd. Even then, I had to face the heat of nasty stares and oh-so-obvious whispers in particular hallways throughout the school. Didn't matter; got EXP. (DM;GE?)
The problem is that once I actually felt strongly about a very special girl in my final year of high school, it didn't quite work out. No matter how well I played the game before, this new content which I completely fell for was a challenge like no other. She was like no other. I played the game like the end-game character I was, and she was barely learning the first area outside town. Needless to say I failed my main quest and all my EXP hunting was in vain. Actually regarding that one particular girl, I was planning to make a giant three-part or something girl blog on TL but I keep passing up on that due to laziness, dammit. It's an epic story of love and jealousy and corruption and something similar to Shakespeare's Hamlet and k I'll stop that here.
So, adventurer, the choice is yours! I still believe just 'playing around' with chicks that have interest in you is fair game. It's not like you threatened them into a relationship or anything. If you pass up on the opportunity, well you will do good in staying true to your heart, but you will disappoint a lot more people than you think. There are subtle ways of playing along in a relationship then exiting through a 'mutual break-up' and I was able to do that with a less than 50% success rate (hence the date-a-girl = date-the-crowd theory). Do you think you can sign up for 3+ clubs in the upcoming semester to naturally fade away from the girl's sight? Even the fanatical ones grow weary when all they get is facebook updates.
Good luck!
Mk. I probably should have said this earlier, but my parents don't approve of dating in highschool.
On February 02 2012 12:40 NationInArms wrote: BUUUUUUUMP!!
So, I'm in High School right now, and a girl in one of my classes told me that she likes me. This was Around the second week of January. Since then, we've facebook msged each other, and talked a little more in class, but I don't like her (-ish, let's just say I'm not sure I want to date her for reasons, including the fact that she knows that I like someone more then her). I know that I've probably been in the wrong by kind of leading her on (kind of, we didn't really talk that much before hand), so I need help in how to tell her that I don't like her / want to date her. I'm not sure how to or what to say. Advice please? Also, several friends know about this situation and are pressuring me to go out with her.
Many traditional people get married off to people they don't know. And guess what? Eventually, they find love. To them, love is something that you learn by appreciating your partner that you did not choose. If people can achieve this, I think it's correct to assume that you can't be sure that you don't want to date her. Dating doesn't have to be (and isn't) that serious on the grand scale of things. What I mean by this, is that if things aren't working out between you two as people, you will just break up and that's that. Treat her right and be honest and it will happen peacefully. If things ARE working out, then you get a girlfriend you like ^o^;
It's like win-win except win-neutral. I guess you'll probably get laid, so it's win-win in my books.
Why are we talking about marriage here? I kind of get what you're saying...maybe...
On February 02 2012 12:40 NationInArms wrote: BUUUUUUUMP!!
So, I'm in High School right now, and a girl in one of my classes told me that she likes me. This was Around the second week of January. Since then, we've facebook msged each other, and talked a little more in class, but I don't like her (-ish, let's just say I'm not sure I want to date her for reasons, including the fact that she knows that I like someone more then her). I know that I've probably been in the wrong by kind of leading her on (kind of, we didn't really talk that much before hand), so I need help in how to tell her that I don't like her / want to date her. I'm not sure how to or what to say. Advice please? Also, several friends know about this situation and are pressuring me to go out with her.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned this yet: If you like someone else then why aren't you pursuing her? The first thing you have to do is ask the first girl out. If she says yes then awesome, you can go on a date with the girl you like. If she says no then you can get over it.
Now, for the girl who likes you. There's nothing wrong with becoming friends, talking, and even going on a few dates. In fact, this girl took risk to tell you her feelings (so she already has more balls than your typical TL girl blogger), so I'm glad you gave her the chance to become friends, at least. As I said, there's nothing wrong with going on a few dates to see if there's anything there. HOWEVER, you need to make very clear that you don't feel the same way she does at the moment. You're not leading someone on by hanging out or going out because you enjoy the others' company UNLESS they don't know your perspective. There's no harm if, after a few dates, you tell her she's not for you and just remain friends.
Parents don't want me to date. And let's solve one problem at a time please. And she didn't "straight up tell me". Let me clarify what happened. She made a facebook status that subtly hinted that she liked me, and then people in school found out, and then I got the general gist that she liked me from the way my friends were acting when we brought up the girl in our conversation, and then she told me over facebook. I don't think she completely knows my perspective. She knows I like someone else, that's pretty much it.
First of all, do not let peer pressure influence your decision. If you have no interest, then there's no reason to start a relationship. Starting a relationship half-heartedly will not end well. Although, I can't deny OpticalShot's perspective that it's more of a trade off in exchange for some fun stories and useful experiences. Considering you have no *real* interest in this girl, you should set her straight asap and not give her false hope. You are probably complicating this in your mind more than you should be (which is completely normal in your situation, at almost any age) but the reality is you just need to say what's on your mind. Give her the reasons you are giving yourself. Even if you try to console her with some "well maybe in the future..." make sure, or at least do your best with the intention of, she realizes you are not interested for whatever reasons. Unfortunately, I do not have the ability to advise you in how to do this, but I can say that the longer you ignore the topic, the more led on she will be and harder she'll take it when you do tell her. If all else fails, just tell her to watch 5 cm/s and be like "you are Kanae; I am Tohno. sorry."
With that said, while I don't agree with the idea of not dating during high school, I can definitely understand where your parents are coming from. The vast majority of high school relationships are pretty shallow, weak, and meaningless. You haven't mentioned your opinion on your parents' rule, but I'd just like to point out their opinion is not entirely misplaced. I mean, even if they have some completely ridiculous reasoning behind it, the rule itself is not such a bad idea.
Best girl advice I ever got was this, so I share it with you all:
Okay, look. I get it. Girls are tough. Being in love with one is tougher. But man the fuck up.
You want to know how to get the girl? Stop falling in love so easily, you fucking idiot. Unless you've been locked in a basement with one chick for the last three years, I guarantee you've been ignoring all the amazing women you come into contact with on a daily basis because you've got your head up your ass over this one particular chick, and probably because she just happened to be nice to you. And what that means is you aren't into her because she's a cool person - you're into her because you think she gives you something you need. Validation, maybe, a feeling of wholeness, a feeling that you could be what you want if you just got this one.
Fuck that, dude.
Listen. You want to know when I started getting women? When I figured out what I was about. When I figured out what I was good at, what made me unique as a human fucking being. It has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with you. "I like you." Fuck that. Ask her out. Say, "Hey, you want to go on a date on Friday? See a movie?" Because how the fuck is she supposed to respond to "I like you"? "Oh, cool, I like you too. I guess we can just sit here liking each other then. Awesome." Jesus Christ, dude. Bring something to the goddamn table.
I mean, who are you? What are you proud of? And don't give me some whiny bull shit about your low self-esteem. If that's the problem, stop trying to get women and figure out your own shit. You want to know what real love is? You want to know what endures in a romantic relationship? It's two people who know themselves well enough not to need another person recognizing that they want to be with another person.
Who are you, son? Be still and know. When you know, and when you do the shit you do and be the motherfucker you are, you will find somebody. And your eyes will be open because you won't need that ONE person. You will be secure enough to find someone that is equally secure in the knowledge of who they are.
Goddammit you fucking asshole, did you even consider Sarah? Or Heather? Or that girl who sits in the back row of class and doesn't say much, and so you never knew how well she sang, or the fact that she's been playing piano since she was six years old? HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? Do you know what it's like to be with a girl who sings, motherfucker? It's amazing! And you won't ever know that because you're too hung up on some chick who's just as insecure as you are, and who won't date you because she's too scared people will judge her by her boyfriend.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I'm so pissed off because I fucking WAS you, man, and because I wasted so much time looking to women when I should have looked to myself. The sooner you really understand that, the sooner you start to know who you are, the sooner you'll find out how many amazing women there are, and how lucky you'd be to get to know some of them.
Getting this hung up on one girl is like refusing to go to dinner with your friends unless they go to La Hacienda. "I only like Mexican food," you say. "I only want Mexican food. I don't even believe there ARE other things to eat, because I'm too fucking blind and stupid to get over my own obsessions and fears." Well guess what, motherfucker? Pad Thai is the shit, and if you never pull it together enough to realize that, nobody's going to fucking cry for you. We're going to eat your goddamn dinner.
You hear me? You ignore all these other beautiful and amazing women, you continue to be some insecure little boy about this shit, then the rest of us will meet those women and show them the time of their lives, because we ain't scared. We know who we are, and we're on the front line not giving a fuck. Rejection ain't shit but words. If you don't understand that, then you deserve to have your heart shit on.
I've been you. It sucks. Know thyself, motherfucker, and the ladies will want to know you too.
On February 03 2012 16:22 Eljee wrote: ^Lots of profanity strewn advice
But.. she's amazing~~~
Getting this hung up on one girl is like refusing to go to dinner with your friends unless they go to La Hacienda. "I only like Mexican food," you say. "I only want Mexican food. I don't even believe there ARE other things to eat, because I'm too fucking blind and stupid to get over my own obsessions and fears." Well guess what, motherfucker? Pad Thai is the shit, and if you never pull it together enough to realize that, nobody's going to fucking cry for you. We're going to eat your goddamn dinner.
I really liked this paragraph though! Pad Thai is good...
ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote: Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
To quote my best friends in high school who were dating girls at the time who wanted to wait:
TheGiz, NEVER DATE A VIRGIN!
In this day and age the only way to survive a situation like that is to subscribe to it yourself. If that's not what you believe in then I highly suggest you look elsewhere, or you run the risk of not getting what you want, which means you've already lost power in the relationship.
A girl who really wants a guy will straight up sleep with him, plain and simple. That guy can either be you or someone else. Don't wait around for a girl who's only going to hold you back from a fundamental part of your personal needs in a relationship.
Best girl advice I ever got was this, so I share it with you all:
Okay, look. I get it. Girls are tough. Being in love with one is tougher. But man the fuck up.
You want to know how to get the girl? Stop falling in love so easily, you fucking idiot. Unless you've been locked in a basement with one chick for the last three years, I guarantee you've been ignoring all the amazing women you come into contact with on a daily basis because you've got your head up your ass over this one particular chick, and probably because she just happened to be nice to you. And what that means is you aren't into her because she's a cool person - you're into her because you think she gives you something you need. Validation, maybe, a feeling of wholeness, a feeling that you could be what you want if you just got this one.
Fuck that, dude.
Listen. You want to know when I started getting women? When I figured out what I was about. When I figured out what I was good at, what made me unique as a human fucking being. It has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with you. "I like you." Fuck that. Ask her out. Say, "Hey, you want to go on a date on Friday? See a movie?" Because how the fuck is she supposed to respond to "I like you"? "Oh, cool, I like you too. I guess we can just sit here liking each other then. Awesome." Jesus Christ, dude. Bring something to the goddamn table.
I mean, who are you? What are you proud of? And don't give me some whiny bull shit about your low self-esteem. If that's the problem, stop trying to get women and figure out your own shit. You want to know what real love is? You want to know what endures in a romantic relationship? It's two people who know themselves well enough not to need another person recognizing that they want to be with another person.
Who are you, son? Be still and know. When you know, and when you do the shit you do and be the motherfucker you are, you will find somebody. And your eyes will be open because you won't need that ONE person. You will be secure enough to find someone that is equally secure in the knowledge of who they are.
Goddammit you fucking asshole, did you even consider Sarah? Or Heather? Or that girl who sits in the back row of class and doesn't say much, and so you never knew how well she sang, or the fact that she's been playing piano since she was six years old? HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? Do you know what it's like to be with a girl who sings, motherfucker? It's amazing! And you won't ever know that because you're too hung up on some chick who's just as insecure as you are, and who won't date you because she's too scared people will judge her by her boyfriend.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I'm so pissed off because I fucking WAS you, man, and because I wasted so much time looking to women when I should have looked to myself. The sooner you really understand that, the sooner you start to know who you are, the sooner you'll find out how many amazing women there are, and how lucky you'd be to get to know some of them.
Getting this hung up on one girl is like refusing to go to dinner with your friends unless they go to La Hacienda. "I only like Mexican food," you say. "I only want Mexican food. I don't even believe there ARE other things to eat, because I'm too fucking blind and stupid to get over my own obsessions and fears." Well guess what, motherfucker? Pad Thai is the shit, and if you never pull it together enough to realize that, nobody's going to fucking cry for you. We're going to eat your goddamn dinner.
You hear me? You ignore all these other beautiful and amazing women, you continue to be some insecure little boy about this shit, then the rest of us will meet those women and show them the time of their lives, because we ain't scared. We know who we are, and we're on the front line not giving a fuck. Rejection ain't shit but words. If you don't understand that, then you deserve to have your heart shit on.
I've been you. It sucks. Know thyself, motherfucker, and the ladies will want to know you too.
Ehhhhhh, too long, but the ultimate point that defining yourself by your relationship and drawing meaning in your life through your relationship is a recipe for disaster is a good one.
On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote: ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
So a long time ago when I was a freshman in college I had roughly this exact situation. I decided to go for it, had to break it off after ~6 months due to the physical situation not working for me, and then got back together with her about another 6 months later and continued to have the relationship for way too fucking long (6 years). Eventually she came around on sex, but it was with baby steps and it took a long time. Eventually shit fell apart because of distance and emotional and mental issues that I was too stubborn to acknowledge for a long time, but I won't shanghai your post with my whole story.
The gist of the advice I have to offer is this... 1. People can change their views on sex, but it's not something you should count on happening in a timely fashion, if at all. Be honest with yourself, and if you can't function in a relationship without sex, don't pursue this one unless you're straight with her about your needs (and who knows, maybe there's an acceptable middle ground). 2. Even though my situation ended up not working out and sucking for a large portion of it, I'd still do it all over again at that phase of my life (fuck sexless relationship in my mid 20s). Finding someone you think you have a legitimately great connection with is rare and worth pursuing, especially if you haven't experienced something like it before. If nothing else it can be a great learning experience for future relationships.
And if you're not really sure about 1, I'd say just go for it and deal with the physical frustrations when you get there. Don't let the relationship be a source of unhappiness if not having sex with her is ruining it for you, but it sounds like there's enough in the 'pro's column to still pursue her and see where it leads.
Best girl advice I ever got was this, so I share it with you all:
Okay, look. I get it. Girls are tough. Being in love with one is tougher. But man the fuck up.
You want to know how to get the girl? Stop falling in love so easily, you fucking idiot. Unless you've been locked in a basement with one chick for the last three years, I guarantee you've been ignoring all the amazing women you come into contact with on a daily basis because you've got your head up your ass over this one particular chick, and probably because she just happened to be nice to you. And what that means is you aren't into her because she's a cool person - you're into her because you think she gives you something you need. Validation, maybe, a feeling of wholeness, a feeling that you could be what you want if you just got this one.
Fuck that, dude.
Listen. You want to know when I started getting women? When I figured out what I was about. When I figured out what I was good at, what made me unique as a human fucking being. It has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with you. "I like you." Fuck that. Ask her out. Say, "Hey, you want to go on a date on Friday? See a movie?" Because how the fuck is she supposed to respond to "I like you"? "Oh, cool, I like you too. I guess we can just sit here liking each other then. Awesome." Jesus Christ, dude. Bring something to the goddamn table.
I mean, who are you? What are you proud of? And don't give me some whiny bull shit about your low self-esteem. If that's the problem, stop trying to get women and figure out your own shit. You want to know what real love is? You want to know what endures in a romantic relationship? It's two people who know themselves well enough not to need another person recognizing that they want to be with another person.
Who are you, son? Be still and know. When you know, and when you do the shit you do and be the motherfucker you are, you will find somebody. And your eyes will be open because you won't need that ONE person. You will be secure enough to find someone that is equally secure in the knowledge of who they are.
Goddammit you fucking asshole, did you even consider Sarah? Or Heather? Or that girl who sits in the back row of class and doesn't say much, and so you never knew how well she sang, or the fact that she's been playing piano since she was six years old? HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? Do you know what it's like to be with a girl who sings, motherfucker? It's amazing! And you won't ever know that because you're too hung up on some chick who's just as insecure as you are, and who won't date you because she's too scared people will judge her by her boyfriend.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I'm so pissed off because I fucking WAS you, man, and because I wasted so much time looking to women when I should have looked to myself. The sooner you really understand that, the sooner you start to know who you are, the sooner you'll find out how many amazing women there are, and how lucky you'd be to get to know some of them.
Getting this hung up on one girl is like refusing to go to dinner with your friends unless they go to La Hacienda. "I only like Mexican food," you say. "I only want Mexican food. I don't even believe there ARE other things to eat, because I'm too fucking blind and stupid to get over my own obsessions and fears." Well guess what, motherfucker? Pad Thai is the shit, and if you never pull it together enough to realize that, nobody's going to fucking cry for you. We're going to eat your goddamn dinner.
You hear me? You ignore all these other beautiful and amazing women, you continue to be some insecure little boy about this shit, then the rest of us will meet those women and show them the time of their lives, because we ain't scared. We know who we are, and we're on the front line not giving a fuck. Rejection ain't shit but words. If you don't understand that, then you deserve to have your heart shit on.
I've been you. It sucks. Know thyself, motherfucker, and the ladies will want to know you too.
Ehhhhhh, too long, but the ultimate point that defining yourself by your relationship and drawing meaning in your life through your relationship is a recipe for disaster is a good one.
On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote: ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
So a long time ago when I was a freshman in college I had roughly this exact situation. I decided to go for it, had to break it off after ~6 months due to the physical situation not working for me, and then got back together with her about another 6 months later and continued to have the relationship for way too fucking long (6 years). Eventually she came around on sex, but it was with baby steps and it took a long time. Eventually shit fell apart because of distance and emotional and mental issues that I was too stubborn to acknowledge for a long time, but I won't shanghai your post with my whole story.
The gist of the advice I have to offer is this... 1. People can change their views on sex, but it's not something you should count on happening in a timely fashion, if at all. Be honest with yourself, and if you can't function in a relationship without sex, don't pursue this one unless you're straight with her about your needs (and who knows, maybe there's an acceptable middle ground). 2. Even though my situation ended up not working out and sucking for a large portion of it, I'd still do it all over again at that phase of my life (fuck sexless relationship in my mid 20s). Finding someone you think you have a legitimately great connection with is rare and worth pursuing, especially if you haven't experienced something like it before. If nothing else it can be a great learning experience for future relationships.
And if you're not really sure about 1, I'd say just go for it and deal with the physical frustrations when you get there. Don't let the relationship be a source of unhappiness if not having sex with her is ruining it for you, but it sounds like there's enough in the 'pro's column to still pursue her and see where it leads.
i should add an important facet to this story
we are both part of a very close group of friends so if it doesn't work out, HAWKWARD
thats what is holding me back the most at the moment, anyways ill see you on the 12th buddy
Best girl advice I ever got was this, so I share it with you all:
Okay, look. I get it. Girls are tough. Being in love with one is tougher. But man the fuck up.
You want to know how to get the girl? Stop falling in love so easily, you fucking idiot. Unless you've been locked in a basement with one chick for the last three years, I guarantee you've been ignoring all the amazing women you come into contact with on a daily basis because you've got your head up your ass over this one particular chick, and probably because she just happened to be nice to you. And what that means is you aren't into her because she's a cool person - you're into her because you think she gives you something you need. Validation, maybe, a feeling of wholeness, a feeling that you could be what you want if you just got this one.
Fuck that, dude.
Listen. You want to know when I started getting women? When I figured out what I was about. When I figured out what I was good at, what made me unique as a human fucking being. It has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with you. "I like you." Fuck that. Ask her out. Say, "Hey, you want to go on a date on Friday? See a movie?" Because how the fuck is she supposed to respond to "I like you"? "Oh, cool, I like you too. I guess we can just sit here liking each other then. Awesome." Jesus Christ, dude. Bring something to the goddamn table.
I mean, who are you? What are you proud of? And don't give me some whiny bull shit about your low self-esteem. If that's the problem, stop trying to get women and figure out your own shit. You want to know what real love is? You want to know what endures in a romantic relationship? It's two people who know themselves well enough not to need another person recognizing that they want to be with another person.
Who are you, son? Be still and know. When you know, and when you do the shit you do and be the motherfucker you are, you will find somebody. And your eyes will be open because you won't need that ONE person. You will be secure enough to find someone that is equally secure in the knowledge of who they are.
Goddammit you fucking asshole, did you even consider Sarah? Or Heather? Or that girl who sits in the back row of class and doesn't say much, and so you never knew how well she sang, or the fact that she's been playing piano since she was six years old? HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? Do you know what it's like to be with a girl who sings, motherfucker? It's amazing! And you won't ever know that because you're too hung up on some chick who's just as insecure as you are, and who won't date you because she's too scared people will judge her by her boyfriend.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I'm so pissed off because I fucking WAS you, man, and because I wasted so much time looking to women when I should have looked to myself. The sooner you really understand that, the sooner you start to know who you are, the sooner you'll find out how many amazing women there are, and how lucky you'd be to get to know some of them.
Getting this hung up on one girl is like refusing to go to dinner with your friends unless they go to La Hacienda. "I only like Mexican food," you say. "I only want Mexican food. I don't even believe there ARE other things to eat, because I'm too fucking blind and stupid to get over my own obsessions and fears." Well guess what, motherfucker? Pad Thai is the shit, and if you never pull it together enough to realize that, nobody's going to fucking cry for you. We're going to eat your goddamn dinner.
You hear me? You ignore all these other beautiful and amazing women, you continue to be some insecure little boy about this shit, then the rest of us will meet those women and show them the time of their lives, because we ain't scared. We know who we are, and we're on the front line not giving a fuck. Rejection ain't shit but words. If you don't understand that, then you deserve to have your heart shit on.
I've been you. It sucks. Know thyself, motherfucker, and the ladies will want to know you too.
Ehhhhhh, too long, but the ultimate point that defining yourself by your relationship and drawing meaning in your life through your relationship is a recipe for disaster is a good one.
On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote: ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
So a long time ago when I was a freshman in college I had roughly this exact situation. I decided to go for it, had to break it off after ~6 months due to the physical situation not working for me, and then got back together with her about another 6 months later and continued to have the relationship for way too fucking long (6 years). Eventually she came around on sex, but it was with baby steps and it took a long time. Eventually shit fell apart because of distance and emotional and mental issues that I was too stubborn to acknowledge for a long time, but I won't shanghai your post with my whole story.
The gist of the advice I have to offer is this... 1. People can change their views on sex, but it's not something you should count on happening in a timely fashion, if at all. Be honest with yourself, and if you can't function in a relationship without sex, don't pursue this one unless you're straight with her about your needs (and who knows, maybe there's an acceptable middle ground). 2. Even though my situation ended up not working out and sucking for a large portion of it, I'd still do it all over again at that phase of my life (fuck sexless relationship in my mid 20s). Finding someone you think you have a legitimately great connection with is rare and worth pursuing, especially if you haven't experienced something like it before. If nothing else it can be a great learning experience for future relationships.
And if you're not really sure about 1, I'd say just go for it and deal with the physical frustrations when you get there. Don't let the relationship be a source of unhappiness if not having sex with her is ruining it for you, but it sounds like there's enough in the 'pro's column to still pursue her and see where it leads.
i should add an important facet to this story
we are both part of a very close group of friends so if it doesn't work out, HAWKWARD
thats what is holding me back the most at the moment, anyways ill see you on the 12th buddy
Depends on personalities, but things don't have to be hawkward if you just try going on a couple dates and see that things can't work out. Dunno, you just seem to have a pragmatic head on your shoulders and if you feel an emotional/metal connection with this girl, I think there's a decent chance that you guys could try it out to see if something's there without burning the friendship bridge right away.
and yea, see you on the 12th. hope the champion bundles we win have better release skins than Karma did, lol.
On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote: ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
You wait for her. If you can't, don't waste your or her time.
On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote: ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
I say you give it a shot - gradually wear down her defences. Maybe her beliefs on sex (or the lack thereof) are because of her education and environment taught her that all men and their penises (penii / penissi / penisssss?) are evil. You show her what a sophisticated gentleman you are, then lead her romantically, and as long as she got the right hormones she might come around. If she doesn't, oh well, break up citing differences in personalities? I mean if your group of "friends" have a problem with that, fuck them, find new friends who can accept you for who you are.
On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote: ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
I say you give it a shot - gradually wear down her defences. Maybe her beliefs on sex (or the lack thereof) are because of her education and environment taught her that all men and their penises (penii / penissi / penisssss?) are evil. You show her what a sophisticated gentleman you are, then lead her romantically, and as long as she got the right hormones she might come around. If she doesn't, oh well, break up citing differences in personalities? I mean if your group of "friends" have a problem with that, fuck them, find new friends who can accept you for who you are.
Eh, this is the wrong outlook. You'll end up with undertones of resentment in your relationship if you're constantly barking up the sex tree when she's made her views clear. Things change on their own, but going into the relationship trying to change something is a terrible way to approach relationships.
Before making an educated decision on whether the relationship can work, you need to know your own views on sex and what you need and what her views on sex are and why she has them. Not that we need to openly discuss this here if it makes people uncomfortable but stuff like... Does no sex before marriage mean no penis in vagina until after the priest says "man and wife" (hand jobs cool? blow jobs?) Knowing where the line is and what sort of physical gratification you need to feel happy about a relationship is vital to knowing whether the relationship has a chance. And knowing what you need is tough to figure out on your own, let along figuring out all the nuances to her stance on sex before being in the relationship.
On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote: ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
I say you give it a shot - gradually wear down her defences. Maybe her beliefs on sex (or the lack thereof) are because of her education and environment taught her that all men and their penises (penii / penissi / penisssss?) are evil. You show her what a sophisticated gentleman you are, then lead her romantically, and as long as she got the right hormones she might come around. If she doesn't, oh well, break up citing differences in personalities? I mean if your group of "friends" have a problem with that, fuck them, find new friends who can accept you for who you are.
Eh, this is the wrong outlook. You'll end up with undertones of resentment in your relationship if you're constantly barking up the sex tree when she's made her views clear. Things change on their own, but going into the relationship trying to change something is a terrible way to approach relationships.
Before making an educated decision on whether the relationship can work, you need to know your own views on sex and what you need and what her views on sex are and why she has them. Not that we need to openly discuss this here if it makes people uncomfortable but stuff like... Does no sex before marriage mean no penis in vagina until after the priest says "man and wife" (hand jobs cool? blow jobs?) Knowing where the line is and what sort of physical gratification you need to feel happy about a relationship is vital to knowing whether the relationship has a chance. And knowing what you need is tough to figure out on your own, let along figuring out all the nuances to her stance on sex before being in the relationship.
But... but they like each other! =(
I read that he likes her, she likes him, and I assumed his views on sex to be aggressive-liberal (lol I just made that term up, but you get the idea). Maybe OP won't need to push it so hard because she'll come around (is what my intentions were). Maybe OP will be emotionally fulfilled in a platonic relationship and that'll be end of story. If my wording gave the wrong impression then I apologize, I didn't mean to suggest that OP should drench her in alcohol then pursue his wildest fantasies.
Whatever it is, I think going for it is better than not going for it especially considering they both know about each other's feelings. Compared to most of TL girl blogs where the guy is confused whether the girl likes him even after 50 replies of confirmation, this scenario is much more favourable.
Also, I insist: wouldn't it be more awkward detailing out all the sexual boundaries before even going on a romantic date? "You can put it in here, but not there, I'm okay with licking it as long as you're okay" that kind of talk is awkward and probably unnecessary because the couple can figure it on their own in the 'process' with some mutual respect. With one of my ex-girlfriends in high school, we got together one night and touchy and blabla but at that certain stage she told me not to put it in, so I didn't, and that was fine with me. FYI we didn't break up after that - the break up came much later and for different reasons.
So yeah. Take the lead, respect each other, don't do anything illegal, and enjoy life! Go for it!!!
On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote: ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
I say you give it a shot - gradually wear down her defences. Maybe her beliefs on sex (or the lack thereof) are because of her education and environment taught her that all men and their penises (penii / penissi / penisssss?) are evil. You show her what a sophisticated gentleman you are, then lead her romantically, and as long as she got the right hormones she might come around. If she doesn't, oh well, break up citing differences in personalities? I mean if your group of "friends" have a problem with that, fuck them, find new friends who can accept you for who you are.
Eh, this is the wrong outlook. You'll end up with undertones of resentment in your relationship if you're constantly barking up the sex tree when she's made her views clear. Things change on their own, but going into the relationship trying to change something is a terrible way to approach relationships.
Before making an educated decision on whether the relationship can work, you need to know your own views on sex and what you need and what her views on sex are and why she has them. Not that we need to openly discuss this here if it makes people uncomfortable but stuff like... Does no sex before marriage mean no penis in vagina until after the priest says "man and wife" (hand jobs cool? blow jobs?) Knowing where the line is and what sort of physical gratification you need to feel happy about a relationship is vital to knowing whether the relationship has a chance. And knowing what you need is tough to figure out on your own, let along figuring out all the nuances to her stance on sex before being in the relationship.
But... but they like each other! =(
I read that he likes her, she likes him, and I assumed his views on sex to be aggressive-liberal (lol I just made that term up, but you get the idea). Maybe OP won't need to push it so hard because she'll come around (is what my intentions were). Maybe OP will be emotionally fulfilled in a platonic relationship and that'll be end of story. If my wording gave the wrong impression then I apologize, I didn't mean to suggest that OP should drench her in alcohol then pursue his wildest fantasies.
Whatever it is, I think going for it is better than not going for it especially considering they both know about each other's feelings. Compared to most of TL girl blogs where the guy is confused whether the girl likes him even after 50 replies of confirmation, this scenario is much more favourable.
Also, I insist: wouldn't it be more awkward detailing out all the sexual boundaries before even going on a romantic date? "You can put it in here, but not there, I'm okay with licking it as long as you're okay" that kind of talk is awkward and probably unnecessary because the couple can figure it on their own in the 'process' with some mutual respect. With one of my ex-girlfriends in high school, we got together one night and touchy and blabla but at that certain stage she told me not to put it in, so I didn't, and that was fine with me. FYI we didn't break up after that - the break up came much later and for different reasons.
So yeah. Take the lead, respect each other, don't do anything illegal, and enjoy life! Go for it!!!
"wear down defenses" just sounds like you're persistently pressing the issue to me, guess I read it wrong... The only point I'm trying to make is that if wearing her down is part of the gameplan from the start, there's probably a problem.
anyway, yes, I know you can't just spell everything out before the relationship, which is why I'm saying if you're uncertain about your needs, you can try a few dates and see where it goes. I'm just saying that if you know you need sex to be fulfilled and she's made it clear to you that she believes in no sex before marriage, that's kinda a recipe for disaster. but knowing "no sex before marriage" doesn't give you a perfect picture of where the line is for her and it's perfectly possible to have a sufficiently satisfying sex-life without "sex," so it probably doesn't hurt to just give it a shot and who knows, maybe it'll all work out wonderfully.
So, what is the absolute best way to approach a girl who is sitting alone in a college dining hall?
And generally, when would be the best times for these approaches? During peak hours or during the weirder hours between lunch and dinner or after dinner?
On February 04 2012 05:47 eviltomahawk wrote: So, what is the absolute best way to approach a girl who is sitting alone in a college dining hall?
And generally, when would be the best times for these approaches? During peak hours or during the weirder hours between lunch and dinner or after dinner?
WHAT I gave you such an awesome detailed guide on your blog.
On February 04 2012 05:47 eviltomahawk wrote: So, what is the absolute best way to approach a girl who is sitting alone in a college dining hall?
And generally, when would be the best times for these approaches? During peak hours or during the weirder hours between lunch and dinner or after dinner?
WHAT I gave you such an awesome detailed guide on your blog.
lol
It was a great guide, but I'm just fishing for more suggestions haha.
On February 04 2012 05:47 eviltomahawk wrote: So, what is the absolute best way to approach a girl who is sitting alone in a college dining hall?
And generally, when would be the best times for these approaches? During peak hours or during the weirder hours between lunch and dinner or after dinner?
More info would help here. New girl? Someone you've seen elsewhere? I don't understand the timing question, is she sitting all alone in the dining hall 24/7? Is she usually working in there or just sitting alone all day looking sad?
Generally speaking, just don't make a big deal about it. Approach the table, ask her if it's alright if you sit with her and be ready to have a conversation assuming she's cool with it. For some people, conversations come easily, for others it might be harder, so I'm not sure how much direction you need with that. I tend to have a pretty easy time conversing, but if it doesn't come easily to you, just remember to be polite and focus on asking questions rather than talking about yourself, people feel more at ease when you drive the conversation towards them and their interests and if this seems like a shy girl who's having a hard time making friends that's probably the best approach.
If you have a group of friends who you usually go to the dining hall with, you could also try inviting her to sit with you and your friends, but it might be more intimidating if you approach it that way. Depends on her personality whether that's a more intimidating approach or a less awkward approach. Tough to say what the right approach is with how little info we have.
attention all: you are wasting time. just go out and fucking do w.e u think is right. if it isnt THE FUCKING WORLD COLLAPSES you learn something. tldr; you're all pussies also hi moggie !
On February 04 2012 07:43 HeavOnEarth wrote: attention all: you are wasting time. just go out and fucking do w.e u think is right. if it isnt THE FUCKING WORLD COLLAPSES you learn something. tldr; you're all pussies also hi moggie !
Yup.
All the little intricacies that people fret about don't really matter. In fact, to people who look for the most comfortable and least risky situations to ask out a girl, it's probably more impressive to a girl when a guy asks when there is a risk. For example: I have a friend who insists on asking out girls in a very, very casual way, almost to the point where it seems like he isn't interested. He'll tell them that he's doing something, and that she can come if she wants to - that way if she says no it's not embarrassing. Only problem is that any chick I talk to says that they would feel like he doesn't care enough about a date if they were asked out like that.
Basically, just ask girls out, you'll do a lot better than trying to theorycraft it all day.
On February 04 2012 07:43 HeavOnEarth wrote: attention all: you are wasting time. just go out and fucking do w.e u think is right. if it isnt THE FUCKING WORLD COLLAPSES you learn something. tldr; you're all pussies also hi moggie !
sup ezpz
*shrug* this is like telling people who find comfort in theorycrafting that they need to suck it up, play the damn game and learn from their mistakes. I mean, yea, one way or another you need to play the game, but if you choose to just play more and more and learn from your mistakes or use your downtime to theorycraft is a choice of preference. one way works for some people, doesn't for others, and vice versa. there's not necessarily a right or wrong way to go about doing it. least that's how I see it. besides, if no one asked for relationship advice, how else would I kill boring work days when there's no interesting LoL discussion going on?
On February 04 2012 07:43 HeavOnEarth wrote: attention all: you are wasting time. just go out and fucking do w.e u think is right. if it isnt THE FUCKING WORLD COLLAPSES you learn something. tldr; you're all pussies also hi moggie !
Well, usually that would be my mantra, in video games that is.
Ok, so I think I'm either going to tell her that I don't like her or go out on a date and see what happens (and it'll probably turn into me saying I don't like her anyways).
I prefer separate girl blogs than one giant thread because as soon as two stories come in things get mixed up and wah wah wah. Also, Hassy you are catching up in postcount, how do you find more girl blogs than me? I'm pretty much on TL 8 hrs/day (bored at work).
Okay, for NationInArms:
What others said above is good and true, but I had a slightly different approach. Be warned, it will yield you hilarious stories to share with friends over a beer at some... emotional costs. My philosophy in high school was to date as many as possible - hahaha I said it! - to gain more experience. Yes, I played a fucking RPG game in high school called dating and my goal was to gain a lot of EXP so that when I actually feel strongly about a girl (from my side), I would be near MAX level and have maxed out all my essential skills with all the maps explored and all that good shit. You get the point.
EXP gaining was not hard. I had a special talent (called piano and it just penetrates Asian girl defences like no other) and I was always in a 'position of advantage'. So I got to date quite a few girls. The problem is, once you date one, you date that entire 'crowd' or 'clique'. There was at least a 6-month cooldown period before I could re-establish my reputation up with that particular crowd so I could poke at another girl in the same crowd. Even then, I had to face the heat of nasty stares and oh-so-obvious whispers in particular hallways throughout the school. Didn't matter; got EXP. (DM;GE?)
The problem is that once I actually felt strongly about a very special girl in my final year of high school, it didn't quite work out. No matter how well I played the game before, this new content which I completely fell for was a challenge like no other. She was like no other. I played the game like the end-game character I was, and she was barely learning the first area outside town. Needless to say I failed my main quest and all my EXP hunting was in vain. Actually regarding that one particular girl, I was planning to make a giant three-part or something girl blog on TL but I keep passing up on that due to laziness, dammit. It's an epic story of love and jealousy and corruption and something similar to Shakespeare's Hamlet and k I'll stop that here.
So, adventurer, the choice is yours! I still believe just 'playing around' with chicks that have interest in you is fair game. It's not like you threatened them into a relationship or anything. If you pass up on the opportunity, well you will do good in staying true to your heart, but you will disappoint a lot more people than you think. There are subtle ways of playing along in a relationship then exiting through a 'mutual break-up' and I was able to do that with a less than 50% success rate (hence the date-a-girl = date-the-crowd theory). Do you think you can sign up for 3+ clubs in the upcoming semester to naturally fade away from the girl's sight? Even the fanatical ones grow weary when all they get is facebook updates.
Good luck!
When you were EXP gaining, did you ever actually like the girl you were dating? 0_o
On February 03 2012 13:23 KazeHydra wrote: [spoiler]Hey Nation,
First of all, do not let peer pressure influence your decision. If you have no interest, then there's no reason to start a relationship. Starting a relationship half-heartedly will not end well. Although, I can't deny OpticalShot's perspective that it's more of a trade off in exchange for some fun stories and useful experiences. Considering you have no *real* interest in this girl, you should set her straight asap and not give her false hope. You are probably complicating this in your mind more than you should be (which is completely normal in your situation, at almost any age) but the reality is you just need to say what's on your mind. Give her the reasons you are giving yourself. Even if you try to console her with some "well maybe in the future..." make sure, or at least do your best with the intention of, she realizes you are not interested for whatever reasons. Unfortunately, I do not have the ability to advise you in how to do this, but I can say that the longer you ignore the topic, the more led on she will be and harder she'll take it when you do tell her. If all else fails, just tell her to watch 5 cm/s and be like "you are Kanae; I am Tohno. sorry."
With that said, while I don't agree with the idea of not dating during high school, I can definitely understand where your parents are coming from. The vast majority of high school relationships are pretty shallow, weak, and meaningless. You haven't mentioned your opinion on your parents' rule, but I'd just like to point out their opinion is not entirely misplaced. I mean, even if they have some completely ridiculous reasoning behind it, the rule itself is not such a bad idea. [spoiler]
Thank you for your advice KazeHydra, I'll probably follow it. OTL
Update time. You're all gonna hate me, but I decided to get back together with N. Y and A are completely out of the picture (I haven't talked to either of them in over a month). Anyway, things are going better now. We've been back together without problems for a good two months or so. After I made my last post, we got back together and then broke up AGAIN for all of a day or so, and things have been peachy since then. We've actually had really deep talks about both of our religious beliefs, and she told me she's beginning to come to terms with having a life partner who doesn't share her religion. She says she's fine with a normal marriage (she even seems excited about the prospect), but it's not all roses and daisies (lol).
Basically, she still wants to go on her mission (I'm pretty sure I mentioned that before), and that'd be about a year and a half from now. She'd be gone for two years, and I'd be willing to wait, but she told me something that scares me... she told me she might come back and be a "different" person, and that she might want to settle down with some Mormon guy, and in that case, my ass would be out the door. She said she doesn't expect that to happen, but the fact that it's a possibility scares me. I've been having some mental battles lately because I do love her very much and I want to wait for her when the time comes, but it's going to be hard to do so when I know that her mission could change things between us, and it makes it more difficult to be happy now because I'm less optimistic about the future. Another thing I'll mention briefly is that we're back to not having sex again, but that honestly doesn't bother me too much. It'd be nice if we could, but I understand where she's coming from, and I know we can't have sex now if we want to stay together.
The final thing I want to mention is something else that's been bothering me a bit. I've noticed that my girlfriend is kind of socially awkward and it makes it hard for me to try to integrate her with my social circle. I'm the type of person who actively tries to involve their significant other in their social life, but it's hard for me to do that with her because she's just kind of odd around people who aren't me. The fact that she's a bit on the odd side doesn't bother me at all because I know what she's really like (and I love that side of her), but it does bother me a little bit that I can't really integrate her into my social life very easily.
So, that's where I'm at now. Things are a lot better than they were before, but it's still hard because part of me feels like her mission is basically impending doom for our relationship. I guess only time will tell.
Write a book now, because you have plenty of content
-First, I slightly wanna slap you but as long as you guys are happy, its all good. -Second, fuck worrying about the future. Just enjoy it while you can and if you make it, be pleasantly surprised to do! -Third, you should just introduce her to your circle slowly, so she gets to know them. Throwing her in the deep pool may be overwhelming, but a few at a time should be OK
I don't want to sound like a prick or overstep my bounds here, but what exactly makes this girl so special for you hydra? It seems like the whole relationship has been wrought with frustration and difficulties, yet you keep coming back and I guess I'm just trying to figure out why exactly this girl is worth doing distance, denying yourself sex and fretting over a nonsensical future where she "might become a different person."
From your more recent posts on the situation, I'm getting a combination of neediness and lack of commitment from her end. Trust me, that's a really bad combination. When she's giving herself easy outs to the relationship with a 2 year mission that might change her, you really ought to be thinking long and hard about why she's worth the wait and the risk.
I dunno man, I kinda wanna just mirror Hassy's thoughts that as long as you're happy, it's all good, but at the same time, the fact that you're posting here to talk about it leads me to believe that you're convincing yourself that you're actually happier than you are. I've wasted a lot of time in unhappy relationships just cause I was capable of convincing myself that I was actually happy despite being miserable about them.
Regarding friends, just set something up where you can hang out with a small subset of your friends that she would get along with. In my experience, it's just about introducing your significant other to the right 1 or 2 people in your social circle that she can most easily relate to.
Chaggi I will cut you with Occam's Razor if you think like that. Crazy idea: if you're happy its because she makes you happy. Facts in front of you. Just enjoy it
i wish there was a way to just filter the hydralisk's posts so i could read his whole story without having to figure out which was the last part i read. maybe even make a fucking tv drama out of it lol
On February 18 2012 01:11 Hassybaby wrote: Chaggi I will cut you with Occam's Razor if you think like that. Crazy idea: if you're happy its because she makes you happy. Facts in front of you. Just enjoy it
IT HURTS I JUST GOT CUT WTF NOW I GOTTA GO BUY A BANDAID BRB
On February 18 2012 01:15 unichan wrote: i wish there was a way to just filter the hydralisk's posts so i could read his whole story without having to figure out which was the last part i read. maybe even make a fucking tv drama out of it lol
hit the all button for the pages, and then just search on iamahydralisk and read them.
On February 18 2012 00:59 Mogwai wrote: I don't want to sound like a prick or overstep my bounds here, but what exactly makes this girl so special for you hydra? It seems like the whole relationship has been wrought with frustration and difficulties, yet you keep coming back and I guess I'm just trying to figure out why exactly this girl is worth doing distance, denying yourself sex and fretting over a nonsensical future where she "might become a different person."
From your more recent posts on the situation, I'm getting a combination of neediness and lack of commitment from her end. Trust me, that's a really bad combination. When she's giving herself easy outs to the relationship with a 2 year mission that might change her, you really ought to be thinking long and hard about why she's worth the wait and the risk.
I dunno man, I kinda wanna just mirror Hassy's thoughts that as long as you're happy, it's all good, but at the same time, the fact that you're posting here to talk about it leads me to believe that you're convincing yourself that you're actually happier than you are. I've wasted a lot of time in unhappy relationships just cause I was capable of convincing myself that I was actually happy despite being miserable about them.
Regarding friends, just set something up where you can hang out with a small subset of your friends that she would get along with. In my experience, it's just about introducing your significant other to the right 1 or 2 people in your social circle that she can most easily relate to.
The part I bolded is what I'm struggling with a lot. I do like being in my current relationship, but I also think I could be happier with a different relationship. But then, I think about how my girlfriend accepts all my quirks and loves me anyway, and how hard it could be to find another person like that... so I really don't know.
ok, so it's a self confidence issue then? it's naive to think that you couldn't find someone else who will accept your quirks. like, everyone's weird in their own ways and it's probably not as hard as you think to find someone who will accept your quirks. in my experience, we tend to beat ourselves up about little weird things more than we should and think that the most minute details will end up being a dealbreaker in relationships. the whole notion is absurd, as this is really just par for the being-human course and no mature person is going to get into a relationship thinking that there won't be some quirks with their partner.
see, when you're talking about struggling with how hard you perceive finding someone who will love you for your little idiosyncrasies, and weighing that versus, well, let's call a spade a spade, the major issues with her (no sex, long distance, and a high likelyhood of 2 years of considerably longer distance after which she may just ditch you for a mormon guy), it really makes me wonder why you're fighting so hard for it. You say she loves you for who you are, but what does that really means when the course she's set for her life involves being away from you and she's so unsure about the relationship that she'd feed you that stuff about "oh, maybe I'll become a different person and not love you anymore." Look, everyone changes; again, par for the being-human course. she doesn't need to explain to you that 2 years can change a person, but she's going out of her way to spell out a specific bad scenario from this, and that's saying a lot to me about her actual faith in the long term relationship. it's one thing to say that you love someone, another thing to act like you love someone around them, and then there's the third thing that people ignore too often, which is driving your life towards being with the person you love. the problem I've run into is that breaking something off because of each of you doing what feels right for you and having those not line up feels really shitty, but in the long run, it's generally for the better. So maybe she says she loves you, and maybe you feel loved when you're around her, and that's all well and good, but the course her life is set on is not lining up well with yours, and that makes me think this isn't going to end well.
just my $0.02, but what do I know, I'm just another dude on the internet.
On April 26 2012 08:56 ThunderGod wrote: Anyone know what happened to Largasse and his advice thread?? Can't find through search - need to PM him (or someone else qualified).
Larjarse. He's not "qualified." His threads died a long time ago.
I posted a different blog about it when it happened, but concert girl and I broke up. I got broken up with, if you want to be specific. That was about three weeks ago. I'm still hurting, but I'm moving on. The main reason I'm posting this is because I'm crushing on a new girl, but things aren't going so well, and I need some advice.
Basically, I met this girl two nights ago. She works at an ice cream shop in the mall, and I got some ice cream there two nights ago. I started up a conversation that lasted about 45 minutes all together (it was close to closing time so it wasn't busy, but there were a few customers, and I'd go and mind my own business when a customer came up so I wasn't distracting her). At the end, I got her number, and waited until the next night (last night) to text her. She responded pretty immediately, and we exchanged a few texts. She seemed interested and happy to talk to me (no one word replies and quite a few smiley faces), and after a while, I asked her if she wanted to get coffee on Sunday. No reply. Still no reply when I got up this morning. I waited until the afternoon to text her again, and all I sent was something to the effect of "Hey, you didn't answer my question last night. Would you like to go out on Sunday?" Still no reply, 6 hours later.
I'm really confused as to where I went wrong here. We hit it off pretty damn well in person, and I asked her then if she would want to go out sometime, and she said yes, so I don't understand why she'd all of a sudden stop replying when I text her about it. In addition to being hella confused about what went wrong here, I'm also confused about what I should do next. I haven't texted her since then, and I'm not planning on texting her again tonight. What can I do to get her attention again? She seemed really interested before, so I think there's definitely something there. Should I call her tomorrow, or text her and just ask how she's doing, or bring up the date idea again? Or something else haha. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
On May 12 2012 13:41 iamahydralisk wrote: Hey all. I figured it's update time.
I posted a different blog about it when it happened, but concert girl and I broke up. I got broken up with, if you want to be specific. That was about three weeks ago. I'm still hurting, but I'm moving on. The main reason I'm posting this is because I'm crushing on a new girl, but things aren't going so well, and I need some advice.
Basically, I met this girl two nights ago. She works at an ice cream shop in the mall, and I got some ice cream there two nights ago. I started up a conversation that lasted about 45 minutes all together (it was close to closing time so it wasn't busy, but there were a few customers, and I'd go and mind my own business when a customer came up so I wasn't distracting her). At the end, I got her number, and waited until the next night (last night) to text her. She responded pretty immediately, and we exchanged a few texts. She seemed interested and happy to talk to me (no one word replies and quite a few smiley faces), and after a while, I asked her if she wanted to get coffee on Sunday. No reply. Still no reply when I got up this morning. I waited until the afternoon to text her again, and all I sent was something to the effect of "Hey, you didn't answer my question last night. Would you like to go out on Sunday?" Still no reply, 6 hours later.
I'm really confused as to where I went wrong here. We hit it off pretty damn well in person, and I asked her then if she would want to go out sometime, and she said yes, so I don't understand why she'd all of a sudden stop replying when I text her about it. In addition to being hella confused about what went wrong here, I'm also confused about what I should do next. I haven't texted her since then, and I'm not planning on texting her again tonight. What can I do to get her attention again? She seemed really interested before, so I think there's definitely something there. Should I call her tomorrow, or text her and just ask how she's doing, or bring up the date idea again? Or something else haha. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
First things first - slow the hell down! You're going from one girl to another without giving yourself any time for rest. It's great you can strike up a conversation and get a number, but is it really the best thing for you right now?
As for the situation: you're over-thinking it. If it's something like a date you shouldn't be texting it in the first place. Maybe she thought she was getting a new friend and you jumped straight away into first date. There are a million other possibilities, but it's utterly pointless to try and figure them out. Either give her a call/go see her at work and ask there, or drop it entirely and keep on texting random conversation.
On May 12 2012 13:41 iamahydralisk wrote: Hey all. I figured it's update time.
I posted a different blog about it when it happened, but concert girl and I broke up. I got broken up with, if you want to be specific. That was about three weeks ago. I'm still hurting, but I'm moving on. The main reason I'm posting this is because I'm crushing on a new girl, but things aren't going so well, and I need some advice.
Basically, I met this girl two nights ago. She works at an ice cream shop in the mall, and I got some ice cream there two nights ago. I started up a conversation that lasted about 45 minutes all together (it was close to closing time so it wasn't busy, but there were a few customers, and I'd go and mind my own business when a customer came up so I wasn't distracting her). At the end, I got her number, and waited until the next night (last night) to text her. She responded pretty immediately, and we exchanged a few texts. She seemed interested and happy to talk to me (no one word replies and quite a few smiley faces), and after a while, I asked her if she wanted to get coffee on Sunday. No reply. Still no reply when I got up this morning. I waited until the afternoon to text her again, and all I sent was something to the effect of "Hey, you didn't answer my question last night. Would you like to go out on Sunday?" Still no reply, 6 hours later.
I'm really confused as to where I went wrong here. We hit it off pretty damn well in person, and I asked her then if she would want to go out sometime, and she said yes, so I don't understand why she'd all of a sudden stop replying when I text her about it. In addition to being hella confused about what went wrong here, I'm also confused about what I should do next. I haven't texted her since then, and I'm not planning on texting her again tonight. What can I do to get her attention again? She seemed really interested before, so I think there's definitely something there. Should I call her tomorrow, or text her and just ask how she's doing, or bring up the date idea again? Or something else haha. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
First things first - slow the hell down! You're going from one girl to another without giving yourself any time for rest. It's great you can strike up a conversation and get a number, but is it really the best thing for you right now?
As for the situation: you're over-thinking it. If it's something like a date you shouldn't be texting it in the first place. Maybe she thought she was getting a new friend and you jumped straight away into first date. There are a million other possibilities, but it's utterly pointless to try and figure them out. Either give her a call/go see her at work and ask there, or drop it entirely and keep on texting random conversation.
I'm pretty much over my ex and I do like having a girlfriend, so I don't think it's a bad thing for me to ask other girls out, really. Also, I thought it was kind of an unspoken rule that when a guy asks for a girl's number, it's because he's interested in her... I didn't even call it a date though. Just asked if she wanted to get coffee, which is about as relaxed and friendly as it gets IMO. I realize now maybe I should've waited longer to ask her to meet up, but she seemed really interested, so I thought she'd say yeah.
I had coffee with a girl and we hit off pretty nicely and decided to meet again a few days later. She flakes on the second date and I decide to give her some space for a week before asking her again. She responds positively and agrees to a date again, only flake with no messages or anything.
At this point I'm kinda disappointed and focusing on just forgetting about her. One week later she sends me a message where she says she's sorry and wants to meet again tomorrow. The reason she gave for not answering was that her phone was broke (pretty much 99% chance of bullshit) I couldn't make it then and told her I might be able to meet her the following week. What am I supposed to make of this?
She hasn't answered me after I told her that, though at this point I don't really give a fuck. If she answers, I'm fine with it and will give it another shot, if she doesn't - next.
On May 12 2012 13:41 iamahydralisk wrote: Hey all. I figured it's update time.
I posted a different blog about it when it happened, but concert girl and I broke up. I got broken up with, if you want to be specific. That was about three weeks ago. I'm still hurting, but I'm moving on. The main reason I'm posting this is because I'm crushing on a new girl, but things aren't going so well, and I need some advice.
Basically, I met this girl two nights ago. She works at an ice cream shop in the mall, and I got some ice cream there two nights ago. I started up a conversation that lasted about 45 minutes all together (it was close to closing time so it wasn't busy, but there were a few customers, and I'd go and mind my own business when a customer came up so I wasn't distracting her). At the end, I got her number, and waited until the next night (last night) to text her. She responded pretty immediately, and we exchanged a few texts. She seemed interested and happy to talk to me (no one word replies and quite a few smiley faces), and after a while, I asked her if she wanted to get coffee on Sunday. No reply. Still no reply when I got up this morning. I waited until the afternoon to text her again, and all I sent was something to the effect of "Hey, you didn't answer my question last night. Would you like to go out on Sunday?" Still no reply, 6 hours later.
I'm really confused as to where I went wrong here. We hit it off pretty damn well in person, and I asked her then if she would want to go out sometime, and she said yes, so I don't understand why she'd all of a sudden stop replying when I text her about it. In addition to being hella confused about what went wrong here, I'm also confused about what I should do next. I haven't texted her since then, and I'm not planning on texting her again tonight. What can I do to get her attention again? She seemed really interested before, so I think there's definitely something there. Should I call her tomorrow, or text her and just ask how she's doing, or bring up the date idea again? Or something else haha. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
First things first - slow the hell down! You're going from one girl to another without giving yourself any time for rest. It's great you can strike up a conversation and get a number, but is it really the best thing for you right now?
As for the situation: you're over-thinking it. If it's something like a date you shouldn't be texting it in the first place. Maybe she thought she was getting a new friend and you jumped straight away into first date. There are a million other possibilities, but it's utterly pointless to try and figure them out. Either give her a call/go see her at work and ask there, or drop it entirely and keep on texting random conversation.
I'm pretty much over my ex and I do like having a girlfriend, so I don't think it's a bad thing for me to ask other girls out, really. Also, I thought it was kind of an unspoken rule that when a guy asks for a girl's number, it's because he's interested in her... I didn't even call it a date though. Just asked if she wanted to get coffee, which is about as relaxed and friendly as it gets IMO. I realize now maybe I should've waited longer to ask her to meet up, but she seemed really interested, so I thought she'd say yeah.
I just got a coffee date recently with just a 'hi you're cute and i have to meet you' <insert getting to know you convo> got a phone number in <5 minutes and texted her few hours later setting up a date. If she wants to see you, she'll go for it anyway.
As for unspoken rule about numbers implying interest... Not exactly sure about that. Recently i got a girl's number but i never flirted with her at all. Although we're meeting up sometime, I'm thinking she just expects it to be friendly. Thankfully i'm not that interested in her. Apparently she has a boyfriend as well so perhaps I was just engaging to talk to at the dinner.
On May 12 2012 16:59 Sotamursu wrote: I had coffee with a girl and we hit off pretty nicely and decided to meet again a few days later. She flakes on the second date and I decide to give her some space for a week before asking her again. She responds positively and agrees to a date again, only flake with no messages or anything.
At this point I'm kinda disappointed and focusing on just forgetting about her. One week later she sends me a message where she says she's sorry and wants to meet again tomorrow. The reason she gave for not answering was that her phone was broke (pretty much 99% chance of bullshit) I couldn't make it then and told her I might be able to meet her the following week. What am I supposed to make of this?
Maybe her reasons are legitimate? Though normally i'd be the one to agree with you and take the cynical route, just accept it right now for what it is. The next time you two want to do something, make it easier on you. Date is closer to your place or she picks you up.
She hasn't answered me after I told her that, though at this point I don't really give a fuck. If she answers, I'm fine with it and will give it another shot, if she doesn't - next.
On May 12 2012 13:41 iamahydralisk wrote: Hey all. I figured it's update time.
I posted a different blog about it when it happened, but concert girl and I broke up. I got broken up with, if you want to be specific. That was about three weeks ago. I'm still hurting, but I'm moving on. The main reason I'm posting this is because I'm crushing on a new girl, but things aren't going so well, and I need some advice.
Basically, I met this girl two nights ago. She works at an ice cream shop in the mall, and I got some ice cream there two nights ago. I started up a conversation that lasted about 45 minutes all together (it was close to closing time so it wasn't busy, but there were a few customers, and I'd go and mind my own business when a customer came up so I wasn't distracting her). At the end, I got her number, and waited until the next night (last night) to text her. She responded pretty immediately, and we exchanged a few texts. She seemed interested and happy to talk to me (no one word replies and quite a few smiley faces), and after a while, I asked her if she wanted to get coffee on Sunday. No reply. Still no reply when I got up this morning. I waited until the afternoon to text her again, and all I sent was something to the effect of "Hey, you didn't answer my question last night. Would you like to go out on Sunday?" Still no reply, 6 hours later.
I'm really confused as to where I went wrong here. We hit it off pretty damn well in person, and I asked her then if she would want to go out sometime, and she said yes, so I don't understand why she'd all of a sudden stop replying when I text her about it. In addition to being hella confused about what went wrong here, I'm also confused about what I should do next. I haven't texted her since then, and I'm not planning on texting her again tonight. What can I do to get her attention again? She seemed really interested before, so I think there's definitely something there. Should I call her tomorrow, or text her and just ask how she's doing, or bring up the date idea again? Or something else haha. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
First things first - slow the hell down! You're going from one girl to another without giving yourself any time for rest. It's great you can strike up a conversation and get a number, but is it really the best thing for you right now?
As for the situation: you're over-thinking it. If it's something like a date you shouldn't be texting it in the first place. Maybe she thought she was getting a new friend and you jumped straight away into first date. There are a million other possibilities, but it's utterly pointless to try and figure them out. Either give her a call/go see her at work and ask there, or drop it entirely and keep on texting random conversation.
I'm pretty much over my ex and I do like having a girlfriend, so I don't think it's a bad thing for me to ask other girls out, really. Also, I thought it was kind of an unspoken rule that when a guy asks for a girl's number, it's because he's interested in her... I didn't even call it a date though. Just asked if she wanted to get coffee, which is about as relaxed and friendly as it gets IMO. I realize now maybe I should've waited longer to ask her to meet up, but she seemed really interested, so I thought she'd say yeah.
I just got a coffee date recently with just a 'hi you're cute and i have to meet you' <insert getting to know you convo> got a phone number in <5 minutes and texted her few hours later setting up a date. If she wants to see you, she'll go for it anyway.
As for unspoken rule about numbers implying interest... Not exactly sure about that. Recently i got a girl's number but i never flirted with her at all. Although we're meeting up sometime, I'm thinking she just expects it to be friendly. Thankfully i'm not that interested in her. Apparently she has a boyfriend as well so perhaps I was just engaging to talk to at the dinner.
On May 12 2012 16:59 Sotamursu wrote: I had coffee with a girl and we hit off pretty nicely and decided to meet again a few days later. She flakes on the second date and I decide to give her some space for a week before asking her again. She responds positively and agrees to a date again, only flake with no messages or anything.
At this point I'm kinda disappointed and focusing on just forgetting about her. One week later she sends me a message where she says she's sorry and wants to meet again tomorrow. The reason she gave for not answering was that her phone was broke (pretty much 99% chance of bullshit) I couldn't make it then and told her I might be able to meet her the following week. What am I supposed to make of this?
Maybe her reasons are legitimate? Though normally i'd be the one to agree with you and take the cynical route, just accept it right now for what it is. The next time you two want to do something, make it easier on you. Date is closer to your place or she picks you up.
She hasn't answered me after I told her that, though at this point I don't really give a fuck. If she answers, I'm fine with it and will give it another shot, if she doesn't - next.
slight update: just severed any and all ties with my ex, and I'm pretty sure she's a bit crazy. as much as I hate to admit it, we'd been doing an off and on friends with benefits thing for the last few weeks (most of the feeling was gone for me, so if I get laid, why not)? not the best thing, but it was what it was. but then, two nights ago, she told me she still loved me and wanted to be exclusive again. I didn't even consider it for a second (we've been down that road before and I won't go down it again). then, tonight, she said she apparently doesn't love me anymore and she's crushing on some other guy. I ended up telling her what I've been wanting to say for the last few weeks, and that was that I was sick and tired of being dragged along, and sick and tired of being her fallback. over these last few weeks, every time she's been interested in someone else, I've all of a sudden become mostly unimportant, but as soon as that fleeting interest dies down, she wants me to come over and sleep with her and be all romantic and shit. Anyway, I ended up deleting her number, blocking her on facebook (lol), and deleting nearly all of the friends I met through her. I'm a little shaken, but at this point, I know it's for the best. I finally see her for what she really is. she's nothing but a user, and fucking crazy to boot. I can find other ways to get laid, and that's all my ex is good for anymore. this has been eye opening for me because I realize now that I have a really bad habit of giving so much more than I get in relationships (of any sort. friends, romantic, etc). I've realized I need to be more aware of people who do nothing but take and get them the fuck out of my life.
Is it incredibly creepy for a girl to find a guy's facebook profile when she only knows his first name, and the university he goes to? If someone found you on facebook like that, how would you react?
When you chat with a girl for a while and don't offer your number, or ask her for hers, what message does that send?
Is it incredibly creepy for a girl to find a guy's facebook profile when she only knows his first name, and the university he goes to? If someone found you on facebook like that, how would you react?
When you chat with a girl for a while and don't offer your number, or ask her for hers, what message does that send?
Thanks in advance for any replies.
it really depends, if you have friends of friends for example its not that hard.. for example if your friend A you came to party was friends with her Friend B then you could quite easily find out someones name or for example you were tagged in a photo. For example another example she has a friend or family memeber that goes to your same university you may be freiends somehow, not sure how america is, but the UK to begin with we added everyone, its only now about security in press all the time where people ahve facebook culls and delete 100's of friends they dont actually know etc.
Update time! Things are going much better now. I'm dating a new girl now. We're not officially "exclusive" yet, but we're on our way there and I'm pretty happy about it. She's honestly much cuter than my ex and we have so much more in common. I've been doing a lot of soul searching since I stopped dating my ex, and I've realized some important things. At the time of the relationship, I was happy with it, but I realize now that we weren't very compatible, and if I'm being blunt, there were some glaring issues we ignored for a while. It was the most serious relationship either of us had had (me and my ex, I mean), and because of that, I feel like we were willing to ignore the fact that we weren't very compatible because it was nice to be in a relationship. Even though things didn't work out with the ex, I'm glad I dated her because it showed me that I shouldn't settle for someone I don't match up well with.
I'm just a normal highschool kid and wanting to get a girlfriend how would u give me step by step instructions on getting a gf? fyi i go to an Asian school where its pretty hard to get a gf
On May 28 2012 13:03 blacktitan wrote: I'm just a normal highschool kid and wanting to get a girlfriend how would u give me step by step instructions on getting a gf? fyi i go to an Asian school where its pretty hard to get a gf
Step 1: Acknowledge that every situation is different.
Step 2: Acknowledge that it's just high school, so realistically, odds are against anything long term, you'll be lucky to get your dick wet.
Step 3: In keeping with this trend, pick a subset of female population within your school, (best bet being girls who are more desperate than you, as women have most of the buying power at that point, by virtue of having the more desired set of nibbly bits.)
Step 4: Figure out what that subset of females is interested in.
Step 5: Emulate that set of interests without seeming creepy.
Step 6: Get rejected 10-15 times.
Step 7: Pick a new subset of females.
Step 8: Repeat previous steps as needed until you get your dick wet or graduate.
You may notice this advice is incredibly generic? So was your question.
On May 28 2012 13:03 blacktitan wrote: I'm just a normal highschool kid and wanting to get a girlfriend how would u give me step by step instructions on getting a gf? fyi i go to an Asian school where its pretty hard to get a gf
If you're looking for a generic girl then you're looking at WAY too broad of a perspective.
Ask yourself what you like, what you're looking for, and what you would consider a "dealbreaker". These can be as deep or shallow as you want. It all depends on what you're looking for. It's a very broad spectrum ranging from "casual" (hang out, fool around, low commitment) to "serious" (seriously evaluating if this girl is potential life partner). There's a ton of grey area, so try and at least figure out if all you want is a hand to hold or a body to please. Knowing what you want ensures that you don't go barking up the wrong tree. Bear in mind that the more "conditions" you have the harder it is to find someone. An individual with the attitude "I'll take whatever I can get" will float around clueless and probably degrade into desperation.
Next, put yourself in a lot of "rooms". This means you should get involved in your hobbies. High school offers plenty of extracurricular activities. If they don't then you either find some, give up, or make it yourself. The point of this is that if you stay in one or two "rooms" then you're only ever meeting the people who venture into those rooms. This may or may not include girls who are interested in you. It's a huge numbers game so you need to ensure that you are active enough to meet girls.
Now it's time to talk with said girls. This is made a lot easier if you're in a club setting because you already have this interest in common. This helps break the ice a lot easier! You WILL have to initiate plenty of conversations, but don't approach it as "I could be making out with this girl in a Wal Mart parking lot", rather, "let's see if I can make a new friend". As you get to know these girls you'll find that some of them fit the criteria of what you're seeking. The style of conversation is all your own. I'd encourage you to be yourself, but you may find yourself saying what you think she wants to hear. A lot of people do this and self proclaimed "pick-up artists" have a lot of success. The tradeoff is sacrificing integrity and you're a lot less likely to find anything more than a casual girlfriend (yet you could find one very quickly), so the decision is all on you.
Ok, so you're involved in your interests and hobbies, you're social enough to make friends with girls, and you've met a few you like. Now you get to ask them out! Never say "Will you go out with me?" because it's a loaded question with a lot of committment involved. This will scare away almost everyone. You want to ask for a low-committment outing with a specific date, time, and activity. "Want to see The Avengers at 7:30 on Saturday?" is a LOT less intimidating than "I really like you and think we should date". The whole point of a date is to get to know each other better. A date doesn't mean you're boyfriend/girlfriend, it just means you're taking the time to see each other and evaluate if you want a relationship, if you want to see this person any more, or if you just want to get in their pants and run.
After a number of dates you can ask to be boyfriend/girlfriend or she may just don the title. If you're going to ask make sure that you've been on at least a couple dates.
Things you should not do: *Overthink - instead you should just go and do it; most guys on TL have a problem with overthinking *Try and "Figure her out" - because (a) you won't and (b) you're wasting valuable time *Wallow in rejection - you will be rejected so try not to take it personally; dust yourself off and get back out there
random semi-related thought: losing your virginity to an asian girl and getting used to sex with her is a really good way to last longer in bed with other women.
On June 04 2012 11:26 sc2superfan101 wrote: edit: nvm i just noticed the date on that post.
I saw what you originally posted and I agree to a point. when we were doing the fwb thing, we were both 100% aware of what it was, and we were both fine with it. so, you could say we were using each other, in some way. when I say she's a user, I'm more referring to everything that happened during the relationship when we were dating. through dating her, I've come to believe that there are "givers" and "takers" in this world, and she was one of the biggest "takers" I've ever met. just took a long time to figure it out.
Update and question! I'm still dating the girl I mentioned in my last post and things are going really well. she's really incredible compared to the last girl. we definitely have so much more in common, the sex is better, and she seems more loyal. she's also an incredible cook, and you know what they say about getting to a man's heart. even though though things are going amazingly though, I do have an issue. an issue with myself, not her. that's where my question comes in.
the issue I'm having is that I'm having somewhat of a hard time trusting her and believing that she's being faithful. I have absolutely no reason to believe that she's being unfaithful in any way, but my ex really changed me. now I'm paranoid about it, even when there's no reason to believe it's happening. I'm not the jealous type really, so I'm not being controlling or anything, but it's still getting to me a bit. like, for example, last night she said she was maybe going to go out and have a few drinks with a girlfriend of hers, and I wasn't too hot on that idea, but I didn't want to say anything because I DO trust her for the most part and I don't want her to think I don't. have any of you guys dealt with this, and if so, how'd you manage it?
Ok, the fuck. I'm not normally one to ask this type of question but this girl is confusing the almighty hell out of me. I've NEVER had this problem before.
Basically, here's the story. There's this girl I definitely have a crush on. We see each other often enough and we get along really well. We've known each other a LONG time. During that time, we've both dated other people, but we are now both single and not dating anyone for the most part. So we're "friends" but neither of us ever refer to each other as a friend. On top of that, I know for a fact that she had a huge crush on me when we first met, but she had a boyfriend at the time so nothing ever came of it.
So here's the problem. I have NO IDEA if she likes me or not right now. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm pretty sure she does. She'll dodge really quickly if I ever bring it up and she has never actually denied it, among many other things. The problem is that if I ever allude to the possibility of us dating, she says we shouldn't. She's had some problems in her relationships in the past and it feels like she's trying to protect me from herself.
I've never told her I like her. At least not recently. So I think there's this recursive thinking process going on between us, where we both are unsure of what the other thinks so we're stuck in this weird limbo somewhere between friendship and relationship. Who is friendzoning who? Would telling her solve anything? So confused, I'm usually really good at this.
On June 29 2012 03:05 iamahydralisk wrote: Update and question! I'm still dating the girl I mentioned in my last post and things are going really well. she's really incredible compared to the last girl. we definitely have so much more in common, the sex is better, and she seems more loyal. she's also an incredible cook, and you know what they say about getting to a man's heart. even though though things are going amazingly though, I do have an issue. an issue with myself, not her. that's where my question comes in.
the issue I'm having is that I'm having somewhat of a hard time trusting her and believing that she's being faithful. I have absolutely no reason to believe that she's being unfaithful in any way, but my ex really changed me. now I'm paranoid about it, even when there's no reason to believe it's happening. I'm not the jealous type really, so I'm not being controlling or anything, but it's still getting to me a bit. like, for example, last night she said she was maybe going to go out and have a few drinks with a girlfriend of hers, and I wasn't too hot on that idea, but I didn't want to say anything because I DO trust her for the most part and I don't want her to think I don't. have any of you guys dealt with this, and if so, how'd you manage it?
this is a tough one. i would sugest talking with her about it. just explane that you trust her but due to your ex you are having a hard time doing so.
make sure to get accross that your current women has done nothing to make you feel that way and that the only reason you have a trust problem is because of past experences and you want to work past that.
let her come up with ideas on how she can make you feel more trusting, ie calling or txting while she is out, as in her letting you know whats up, not you asking what she is doing. like her txt "ill be home at 11" or a pic mms of her and her girlfriends at the bar with "having so much fun"
just little things to confirm what she has told you she is doing, and over time you will build more trust in her and she wont have to "check in" anymore because you will trust her
On June 29 2012 04:29 MaKfejA wrote: Ok, the fuck. I'm not normally one to ask this type of question but this girl is confusing the almighty hell out of me. I've NEVER had this problem before.
Basically, here's the story. There's this girl I definitely have a crush on. We see each other often enough and we get along really well. We've known each other a LONG time. During that time, we've both dated other people, but we are now both single and not dating anyone for the most part. So we're "friends" but neither of us ever refer to each other as a friend. On top of that, I know for a fact that she had a huge crush on me when we first met, but she had a boyfriend at the time so nothing ever came of it.
So here's the problem. I have NO IDEA if she likes me or not right now. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm pretty sure she does. She'll dodge really quickly if I ever bring it up and she has never actually denied it, among many other things. The problem is that if I ever allude to the possibility of us dating, she says we shouldn't. She's had some problems in her relationships in the past and it feels like she's trying to protect me from herself.
I've never told her I like her. At least not recently. So I think there's this recursive thinking process going on between us, where we both are unsure of what the other thinks so we're stuck in this weird limbo somewhere between friendship and relationship. Who is friendzoning who? Would telling her solve anything? So confused, I'm usually really good at this.
this one is easy. ask her on a date. be sure to say date when asking her to do something.
So I'm in high school right now and I'm currently going out with this girl about once a week. We have not been official yet, and she's unsure of how she feels about me but expresses interest toward me and states that I have not been friend zoned. We have held hands once, and I'm unsure of where to go from here.
On July 10 2012 14:52 Endymion wrote: i miss the girl blog wars of summer last year =[
What girl blog wars?!?!?!
long ago in a galaxy far far away the blogs section was saturated with girl blogs of varying quality... however, ILOVEKITTENS and i started a revolution to cleanse TL of the fad.. if you need proof, go to the following girl blogs..
along side these there are numerous posts throughout the summer trying to attack the other girl bloggers about their quality/motives.. the girl blogs you see today are mearly remenents of the old factions, as ILOVEKITTENS is banned and I'm a featured blogger so i would get yelled at if i posted a girl blog =[
I realize this is a long time coming and I hope this is a good enough reason.
team liquid was right about everything and I really appreciate all of the help I got here, even if I didn't take most of the advice. <3 TL, best advice and it would've made things a whole lot easier if I'd listened.
EPT
" to which prompted immediate fist pumpage for my pro smooth talking.
).
![[image loading]](http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/useless.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://www.listen2unclejay.com/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/women-problems.jpg)
. I think I'm really just scared what happens if it doesn't work out and I lose an awesome friend AND Danny gets pissed off at me. It would really suck to lose TWO great friends. I know I sound like a homo, but childhood friends are rare. I don't want to lose Danny as a friend. But I don't know if I would lose him by dating Lana. FML. This must be how girls feel when they put a guy in the friend zone. 
![[image loading]](http://portadas.videoclubmadison.com/peliculas/-hitch2005.jpg)
.
