EPT
I’ve boiled down some tips on getting out of that awkward friend-zone situation, and put them under headings we should all be able to identify fairly easily.
For ease-of-reference, I will refer to the woman in question as “Girl Blog” from this point onwards.
Resources:
One of the first things you’ll need to think about if you get into a typical Girl Blog scenario is how you’re going to get yourself out of it. In order to get yourself out of it, you’re going to need resources. Fortunately, in real life, resources are a little more variable than in SC. Of course, you can just go straight in with buckets of money, but that’s not necessarily going to be a cost effective solution, so here’s some advice.
Take your Girl Blog out for a milkshake. I know, I know, it seems corny and dated, but it’s the one move that’s worked at every stage of human development. Cast your mind back, way back, to John Travolta in Grease. Milkshakes.
Pulp Fiction? Milkshakes.
Saved by the Bell? Milkshakes.
You and Girl Blog? Seems like a pretty safe bet.
Probably NSFW: I’ve tried to render the below diagram work safe with some strategic pixilation. Still, it’s not really work safe, so please be careful.
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![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/AtB3I.jpg)
Do you see how happy Kerrigan is? She has brought Nova a milkshake, and though Nova has spilled it all over herself in an unseemly fashion, you can see the smile on Kerrigan’s face, because the milkshake plan is working. Soon she will have a Girl Blog all her own.
Micro Tips:
You’re going to want to make sure you’re not just sitting there doing nothing. You’ve got an insanely high APM, what are you using it for? Are you squandering your APM just sitting there? Michael Caine once offered the advice,
“Think of these extraordinary things to say, and then decide not to say them.”
It’s never a good idea to fly in the face of advice from a titan like Michael Caine, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that you’re not Michael Caine, so you’ll need to do more than him.
Think about this in terms of SC, you’re going to want to manufacture settings that are to your advantage. You could get her good and drunk, or even drug her, but for the time being we’ll stick with a less chemical-warfare tactics. Spinning a girl around is going to leave her disorientated, while she’s feeling unstable, you can swoop in an offer your own mangy carcass as a support. You can then use this new found proximity to your advantage, as disorientated people often make poor decisions.
I understand that this might be easy to follow, so I've selected some needlessly complex diagrams. Your goal is to go from this situation…
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/noV9a.jpg)
to something that looks a bit more like this:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/4xg4A.png)
Depending on your own level of ugliness, you’re going to want to have her so dizzy she’s just on the verge of vomiting. If you happen to be of above average ugliness, a good way of timing this is to just wait until she gets sick.
Macro:
Okay, let’s get this straight, sooner or later you’re going to make a mistake. Nobody’s perfect, and the girl you’re thinking about is probably a lot more perfect than you are, so you need to keep that in mind. If you reach the late game, you’re going to get nervous and fall apart. You’ll spend too much time thinking about how you even got this far and forget to do something simple like micro your hands.
Just keep this in mind – if you’ve managed to get to the late game, you’ve got half the battle won. Just try to keep all of those plates spinning. Yes, you’re going to disappoint her at some stage, but if you manage to put it off long enough, you’ll be able to keep disappointing her for the rest of her life!
Metagame:
There are some aspects to the getting Girl Blog all to yourself that aren’t necessarily going to be part of the “dating game” as standard. You can incorporate these into the perfect build order in an effort to throw her off balance. When she expects you to want to stay in- BAM. Picnic in the pouring rain.
I know that seems counter-intuitive, but look at all of these entirely realistic stock photos:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/y5kZZ.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/e9vvG.jpg)
There is a clear correlation between rain and love.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/46Y9L.jpg)
It’s crucial that you get this mixture just right. If you’re missing just one element, the entire equation is thrown out, and who knows what could go wrong.
If anyone ever tells you not to live your life based on things you’ve seen in stock photos, they’re not the kind of people you should be taking advice from.
A few rainy-day-picnics and before you know it, she’ll be sick, needing your support. Utterly dependent? Sounds a lot like you’ve got her right where you want her.
Cheese:
Some of us will have to just resign ourselves to being Clint Eastwood. Do you know why Clint Eastwood doesn’t ever seem to have a woman in all those old westerns, not even in Dirty Harry? It’s because Clint Eastwood doesn’t need a woman. He is a man so manly that being near a woman would only dull the fine edge of that razor-masculinity. Clint Eastwood is perfect just the way he is.
He’s like a one base all-in; sure there are times when Clint Eastwood isn’t what you need, but when you’re looking for a brutal and craggy and unforgiving strategy, accept no substitutes.
Maybe you’re just the kind of dude who’s better off laddering on your own. That girl you can’t get out of your mind? You don’t need her; she’s rubbish. You should get old and wrinkly and have a dodgy middle bit to your career that you’re not particularly proud of. Eventually, you’ll look back on all this and think,
“Wow, what a waste of my time Girl Blog was. I’m glad I gradually grew old on my own without ever making a move. Can you imagine if I’d had to shave all this manly stubble because she didn’t like it? I can play a full and well-rounded game through these proxy barracks’ I’ve built. Maybe I should send my SCVs too, just to keep them safe.”
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/iPPCq.jpg)
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Clints and grikes! Get it? It’s a karst landscape joke! No? They’re almost as barren as my love life.
