EPTOn September 17 2011 00:56 Torte de Lini wrote:
What's LDR?
What's LDR?
Long Distance Relationship
[Q&A] Girls/Relationships - Page 20
| Blogs > ILOVEKITTENS |
|
Hassybaby
United Kingdom10823 Posts
Long Distance Relationship | ||
|
Hassybaby
United Kingdom10823 Posts
On September 14 2011 05:44 bloopie wrote: A more strange story: I am friends with this girl, and friends with her friends. She used to like me, but we are now like just friends. (Partly because she wasnt my type) However, recently, I like her friend, and have started to go after her (making moves, whatnot). She seemed to be ok with this (in fact she was the one who raised this possibility, i am not sure if she was jokin or not). The problem is, after I started, my friend has become super cold, and I am not sure what i did wrong. It would raelly suck to lose a friend like this.... can anyone help? Oh, I never read this one. Whoops. I don't think you've done anything wrong. But at the same time, there will always be some sort of regret and resentment there, no matter how hard you try. The fact that its her friend that you're after now doesn't really help either. Most people fell better by hating the new love, but she's a friend, so that's not possible. Have a think, and decide if its worth it. If it is, have a word with your ex. If it isn't have a word with your ex. Either way, you should check in with her, because it could be something easy to fix. But even if its a major issue, at least you know it | ||
|
Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
| ||
|
bloopie
United States123 Posts
| ||
|
Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
| ||
|
Hassybaby
United Kingdom10823 Posts
| ||
|
iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
| ||
|
Ruffian
United States369 Posts
On October 01 2011 06:52 iamahydralisk wrote: alright, so update... still with concert girl, but I'm having a bit of trouble with it. Everything is really going fine, but the LDR is really starting to get to me. It's driving me crazy that I can't see her more than once every few weeks, and to make it worse, there are other girls here who I'm attracted to and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. I keep putting myself in situations with these girls where things "could" happen, if I wanted them to... ugh. I hate to admit it, but I want those things to happen... I just really hate this whole LDR thing :< If you start to second guess the relationship and want "those things to happen" with other girls then you need to break up with your current girlfriend. You shouldn't string her along. It's really not a fun thing and the longer you wait the harder it will be. LDR doesn't work for everyone :c Just think everything through first. | ||
|
iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
On October 01 2011 12:38 Ruffian wrote: If you start to second guess the relationship and want "those things to happen" with other girls then you need to break up with your current girlfriend. You shouldn't string her along. It's really not a fun thing and the longer you wait the harder it will be. LDR doesn't work for everyone :c Just think everything through first. the thing is, I do genuinely care about my current girlfriend very much, and she wants to move here within the next few months... so LDR wouldn't be a problem anymore. it's just the waiting and temptation that sucks. | ||
|
Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
| ||
|
iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
| ||
|
Mogwai
United States13274 Posts
| ||
|
TabyLing
Australia69 Posts
On October 01 2011 06:52 iamahydralisk wrote: alright, so update... still with concert girl, but I'm having a bit of trouble with it. Everything is really going fine, but the LDR is really starting to get to me. It's driving me crazy that I can't see her more than once every few weeks, and to make it worse, there are other girls here who I'm attracted to and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. I keep putting myself in situations with these girls where things "could" happen, if I wanted them to... ugh. I hate to admit it, but I want those things to happen... I just really hate this whole LDR thing :< I think for a LDR to work you really need to have a set plan and date for when it isn't LDR anymore. I had one for about a year, but there was a set date for when we were going to be in the same place. It was hard even though we chatted on skysie all the time and everything. I don't know if it really would have lasted if we didn't make plans, and we had been very close for 4years before we decided on a LDR -> move close togeather in a year. Just talk to her and make a solid plan instead of maybe, if, might be then or here. I think it makes it easier to deal with since you have a set time that all the LDR pain will be over and you can be in a normal happy relationship. | ||
|
SigmaX
Australia44 Posts
But - I'm not sure whether other people have experiences of this as well - but I am a kinda clingy bf. Like - she would be talking to this other person who that person would be (what looked like it to me) flirting with her/shit stirring as well, despite knowing that we were going out. I talked to her about it - but she kinda got upset, saying that she doesn't know why I'm thinking that, because she only wants me and there's nothing going between them. (In comparison to her getting upset previous to this about how she was kinda jealous that I was talking about a friend of whom I was interested in having troubles with a guy who was a complete ass for many reasons - but that itself is a different story). That was about 1 - 2 months into our relationship - fast forward to now - there has only been like less than a handful of disagreements between ourselves - we have also said to each other that we don't want each other feeling like crap by ourselves - so we had an agreement to say whenever something was bothering us. Fast forward to now - we had a bit of a disagreement yesterday where I kinda felt like she was being a bit distant on Sunday night (I had left her alone to do her . I told her about this - but she got upset/angry again and ignored me on Monday morning. We had a long talk over the phone, and things are now okay again. But my question is, how should I approach her in saying when something is bothering me? I know I was a bit clingy and was my fault that it happened - but how would I say how I feel if she's gets angry/upset? Because I don't want it to damage my relationship with her. Thanks~ | ||
|
Servius_Fulvius
United States947 Posts
On October 04 2011 08:07 SigmaX wrote: Fast forward to now - we had a bit of a disagreement yesterday where I kinda felt like she was being a bit distant on Sunday night (I had left her alone to do her . I told her about this - but she got upset/angry again and ignored me on Monday morning. We had a long talk over the phone, and things are now okay again. But my question is, how should I approach her in saying when something is bothering me? I know I was a bit clingy and was my fault that it happened - but how would I say how I feel if she's gets angry/upset? Because I don't want it to damage my relationship with her. Thanks~ It's alright man, I got your back! First of all, when your woman is upset you need to apologize pretty quick. most importantly - don't let her go to bed angry. When she gets angry her emotions take over and you're not going to get a rational word in edgewise. Allow her to vent her anger at you and THEN let her cool off. Make sure that you two talk again BEFORE going to sleep. This way you're showing her that you're making the effort to make her feel better. If she just totally ignores you I guess you have to go with it, but at least let her know later how her being upset also upsets you. Anyways, let's go over some ways to approach a new issue with her: 1). Blunt and Tactless: Just lay it all out on the table with little into. This honestly works better on guys more than girls, so I don't recommend it. 2). Blunt and Tactful: Honestly, I feel this is the way to go. Tactfulness means you find an appropriate situation. I would choose a time when you're both hanging out in person and not doing anything special. When the next silence hits: "Honey, I have something on my mind. We agreed to tell each other if something bugged us and I've got a small issue. You seem a little distanced sometimes. Is everything ok?" - or something like that. You have to be direct with the issue and lead into it like it isn't something major (unless it is, but honestly, most things aren't that big - DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!). 3). Indirect and Tactless: "You bother me sometimes, you know? I love you and all, so don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes you just get on my nerves. It's not very often, so don't worry if it's just all in my head, but it gets to me and we DID say we'd talk things out. Anyway, you've been a little bit....ehh....well...it's like sometimes you're here but not "here", you know?"...etc. etc....with the way I worded that she'd probably think she did a ton of things wrong because you kept bringing it up. Being indirect is your enemy!!! 4). Indirect and Tactful: Don't do this either..you'll keep beating around the bush that she probably won't know that anything is wrong. Or she will, get annoyed that you're beating around the bush, and get angry anyway! Despite the fact that your girlfriend could take a lot of what you say the wrong way make sure that she's acting like a grown up. If she gets mad at you and stops talking for a while then she's just being a child and you probably don't want to date that. She's definitely going to see how much she can get away with, so you will definitely make her upset in the future, just make sure you pick you battles wisely, don't let her walk all over you, and don't sweat the small stuff! | ||
|
spacemonkey4eve
United States267 Posts
On July 27 2011 04:34 ILOVEKITTENS wrote: Sounds like she has some emotional/commitment issues. You don't want her to commit to you if she doesn't have romantic feelings for you. So your actual question should be, "How can I get this girl to like me so much that she agrees to date me?" This is pretty much what every man on earth wants to know at some point, but the answer is different for each girl and each man. I know nothing about you and nothing about her, so it's impossible for me to answer in anything but generalities. Show her you are reliable, keep spending quality time with her, try to engage in more romantic activities such as dates and dinners, treat her well, make her laugh. If there is something holding her back from commitment that isn't broken by your successful completion of all of those tasks in the next few weeks, she isn't worth the investment. You'd be better off finding a new girl who doesn't make you climb mountains and dive through hoops to get her affection. If I may venture a guess based on experience, her somewhat stand-offish nature is part of the attraction for you; everyone wants what they can't have. She put herself up on this pedestal in front of you, to put herself up on the same pedestal in YOUR mind. Women do this so that they are valued more, which makes you work harder for them, which makes you sacrifice more, which means your commitment to her is greater before you even date. They do this because it's like quality assurance, but sometimes if you act so desperate to have her by putting yourself through all this trouble for her, then you fail just the same, because no one wants a sappy dependent boyfriend. Just something to keep in mind. So, you are already thinking that you can marry this girl after knowing her for only 2 months and after having no romantic response from her. It seems like you are being a bit naive, perhaps mostly infatuated, and hold her up on a pedestal. I think you should look for love elsewhere, from someone who won't require so much work. So I feel like updating this situation as we're approaching 5 months of us getting together. I've worked hard to be a good bf, doing everything in my power to make her happy, and I feel like it's paying off. Her interest level in me seems to be rising as she initiates more lunches and dinners together, and I sense moments of her genuine affection towards me. I'm glad to have her in my life and would be devastated if I lost her. Although the future is still uncertain in regards to whether we can stay together for the long haul, I've learned to enjoy the moment and appreciate the relationship we have together. I hope this wasn't too sappy | ||
|
SigmaX
Australia44 Posts
On October 04 2011 11:02 Servius_Fulvius wrote: It's alright man, I got your back! First of all, when your woman is upset you need to apologize pretty quick. most importantly - don't let her go to bed angry. When she gets angry her emotions take over and you're not going to get a rational word in edgewise. Allow her to vent her anger at you and THEN let her cool off. Make sure that you two talk again BEFORE going to sleep. This way you're showing her that you're making the effort to make her feel better. If she just totally ignores you I guess you have to go with it, but at least let her know later how her being upset also upsets you. ..... Despite the fact that your girlfriend could take a lot of what you say the wrong way make sure that she's acting like a grown up. If she gets mad at you and stops talking for a while then she's just being a child and you probably don't want to date that. She's definitely going to see how much she can get away with, so you will definitely make her upset in the future, just make sure you pick you battles wisely, don't let her walk all over you, and don't sweat the small stuff! Thanks for your response Servius!  I'll be keeping that in mind! We talked afterwards, and she sent me a text at 12am saying that she shouldn't have ignored me, and that she wouldn't know how she'd feel if I had ignored her if she told me something that bothered her~ She's not a childish person - I think she just has different ways of reacting to things which she reflects upon later and changes it if necessary - which is something i love about her - the fact that we're both willing to work through the tough things ^^ I'll try not sweating the small stuff either haha. | ||
|
Servius_Fulvius
United States947 Posts
On October 04 2011 17:42 SigmaX wrote: We talked afterwards, and she sent me a text at 12am saying that she shouldn't have ignored me, and that she wouldn't know how she'd feel if I had ignored her if she told me something that bothered her~ She's not a childish person - I think she just has different ways of reacting to things which she reflects upon later and changes it if necessary - which is something i love about her - the fact that we're both willing to work through the tough things ^^ I'll try not sweating the small stuff either haha. Sounds like she makes an effort to be mature. That's great! Sounds like you guys are good to go! | ||
|
SigmaX
Australia44 Posts
On October 04 2011 22:19 Servius_Fulvius wrote: Sounds like she makes an effort to be mature. That's great! Sounds like you guys are good to go! haha yeah tell me about it. She's such a great girl. I was in a bad mood thanks to my dad last night. I was about to go to sleep and she just gave me a call!! Made my night so much. hahah | ||
|
Hassybaby
United Kingdom10823 Posts
| ||
| ||
