EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 911
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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RvB
Netherlands6157 Posts
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
Still, the whole meeting lacked tension. There was very little flirtation on both sides, and I don't know if she has an interest to pursue it further or not. What do you suggest I do? Just plainly ask her on a second date, or shall I make inquries to feel out the situation? | ||
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LegalLord
United Kingdom13775 Posts
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Danglars
United States12133 Posts
On January 15 2017 03:25 RvB wrote: Mate some of the best women actually wait untill they're into their 30s to get a serious relationship or they don't get one at all. Just get the biology bullshit out of your head and look for a great girl whatever her age is. That's really hard to reconcile unless you're intentionally being flippant. And I'm saying this as someone not on board with full-on biological argument. First, the only evidentiary theme I've seen is women delaying serious dating and/or marriage until they have their degrees or are set in their careers. You can see the encouragement to do this from any number of female celebrities, authors, and journalists. The 30s themselves are just declining fertility and decreased time to find a man who has other options. Are women who intentionally delay for over a decade really the best women, or is their approach to life too careless to the point of being a serious character flaw? More often, the "best" in their 30s dated seriously in their twenties and didn't find men matching their standards and also reciprocally attracted and serious about them. Add into that character growth in the process of refining and adjusting what qualities both sustain attraction and are conducive to a long-term relationship. Apologies if you already meant something more about "actually wait until they're into their 30s" than just a preplanned delay. It would be a tragedy to people otherwise well-suited for family and children to end single and alone because they assume they'll be just as many suitable guys waiting for them at 30 as the number of their sex delaying until 30. | ||
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Uldridge
Belgium4408 Posts
Also: don't rule out the no children principles. | ||
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Danglars
United States12133 Posts
On January 15 2017 06:42 Uldridge wrote: There are so many options for people nowadays, man. Women can freeze their eggs, they can do IVF, adoption, let other women carry for you. Like, fertility is increasingly becoming a very banal argument for women to actually find a mate and get knocked up before they're 35. I'd still like to point out that still the vast majority wants to carry themselves and give birth, but I'm just saying the options are there and finding someone superprogressive on these stances is often a better thing than not imo. Also: don't rule out the no children principles. I nowhere said nor intended to give the impression that you're SOL and out of options. You just aren't making a wise decision for the reasons previously cited. Naturally, narrowing yourself down to few options just to weed out non-superprogressive people falls under the same heading. But we're getting far afield and into nonproductive areas when I just wanted to hear what RvB was really saying. | ||
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Uldridge
Belgium4408 Posts
I guess I'll also let it rest, but I'm not agreeing with: You just aren't making a wise decision for the reasons previously cited Why is something less wise if it doesn't fit your way of living life? | ||
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Danglars
United States12133 Posts
On January 15 2017 07:29 Uldridge wrote: I guess I'll also let it rest, but I'm not agreeing with: Why is something less wise if it doesn't fit your way of living life? Simply because in this life you aren't guaranteed finding someone special if you wait forever. You'd have to say delaying the search for light or transient reasons is akin to voluntarily selecting the lower of two dice rolls and staking your future relational happiness on that. Certainly if finding that special someone is a matter of little consequence to you, then your "way of living life" may still be the wise choice. + Show Spoiler + First, the only evidentiary theme I've seen is women delaying serious dating and/or marriage until they have their degrees or are set in their careers. You can see the encouragement to do this from any number of female celebrities, authors, and journalists. The 30s themselves are just declining fertility and decreased time to find a man who has other options. Are women who intentionally delay for over a decade really the best women, or is their approach to life too careless to the point of being a serious character flaw? More often, the "best" in their 30s dated seriously in their twenties and didn't find men matching their standards and also reciprocally attracted and serious about them. Add into that character growth in the process of refining and adjusting what qualities both sustain attraction and are conducive to a long-term relationship. Apologies if you already meant something more about "actually wait until they're into their 30s" than just a preplanned delay. It would be a tragedy to people otherwise well-suited for family and children to end single and alone because they assume they'll be just as many suitable guys waiting for them at 30 as the number of their sex delaying until 30. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On January 15 2017 02:51 KungKras wrote: I've been eyeing Tinder recently and I will get it as soon as I manage to take a good picture of myself. Allright maybe that's an excuse, but I take all art (and photography is art) seriously since it's my big talent in life, lol. Getting a good picture is definitely the only thing you need to bother with on Tinder. The way I took my the picture of myself - brace yourself for tryharding - was to actually film myself watching stand up, then screenshotting a frame where I had a casual smile going on. Other than that, you can have some meme:y shit going on. I made a tribute to my favorite cat picture. + Show Spoiler + ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/wvuyLfp.jpg) | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On January 15 2017 04:33 Volband wrote: So I had my first proper date since forever... we went to a bar/pub for three hours, and it was by no means bad, but it did not feel lije a breakthrough either. The conversation was fluent, we had a few smirks here and there, and I never felt we had overstepped our boundaries. Still, the whole meeting lacked tension. There was very little flirtation on both sides, and I don't know if she has an interest to pursue it further or not. What do you suggest I do? Just plainly ask her on a second date, or shall I make inquries to feel out the situation? Move on | ||
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KungKras
Sweden484 Posts
On January 15 2017 03:25 RvB wrote: Mate some of the best women actually wait untill they're into their 30s to get a serious relationship or they don't get one at all. Just get the biology bullshit out of your head and look for a great girl whatever her age is. It's not just what I believe about biology. I get turned off by signs of aging. It would remind me that it took me this long to get with someone. It would remind me that I've missed out on all the time when women were looking the best. It's subconscious too. I don't want to feel like I've missed out on life. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On January 20 2017 21:13 KungKras wrote: It's not just what I believe about biology. I get turned off by signs of aging. It would remind me that it took me this long to get with someone. It would remind me that I've missed out on all the time when women were looking the best. It's subconscious too. I don't want to feel like I've missed out on life. Interesting thought process. To each their own. Just to humor me though, what kind of signs of aging are you referring to? | ||
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Antyee
Hungary1011 Posts
Sadly, most girls are looking for older guys, so it makes things a bit more difficult. On January 20 2017 22:53 B.I.G. wrote: Interesting thought process. To each their own. Just to humor me though, what kind of signs of aging are you referring to? Bra below waistline, bald spots, denture? | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On January 20 2017 23:15 Antyee wrote: I, on the other hand seemed to have started prefering girls around my age, or even slightly older (I'm 24, everything under 30 goes). Mostly due to the immaturity that has been mentioned several times in this topic in people just starting their twenties. Sadly, most girls are looking for older guys, so it makes things a bit more difficult. Bra below waistline, bald spots, denture? Lol yeah because that happens early or mid thirties hahaha | ||
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KungKras
Sweden484 Posts
On January 20 2017 22:53 B.I.G. wrote: Interesting thought process. To each their own. Just to humor me though, what kind of signs of aging are you referring to? Wrinkles, mostly. I know people start getting them by 20. But it's not that bad up until say 29 and beyond. Then they have a big enough impact on the face and gives a subtle "worn out" impression that's hard for me to get beyond. I just can't start out with people who look like how I remember my parents' generation from when I was a kid. It feels too weird. I need the natual progression of having been with younger people for it to feel like a natual life progression first. Before I ever get comforable with that. It's bad enough that I never had a girlfriend as a teenager. And at 26 that ship sure has sailed. It makes my life feel unnatural when I look back at it and it's left a black hole in my soul that I can never go back to and repair. On January 15 2017 19:48 bloodwhore~ wrote: Getting a good picture is definitely the only thing you need to bother with on Tinder. The way I took my the picture of myself - brace yourself for tryharding - was to actually film myself watching stand up, then screenshotting a frame where I had a casual smile going on. Other than that, you can have some meme:y shit going on. I made a tribute to my favorite cat picture. + Show Spoiler + Yeah maybe I should just play around with my phone camera for some hours and see what happens. Perhaps take a walk to the ocean and find a good nature background and just play around and not be too serious. Do you think a phone camera would be enough? Or does the image quality need to be better? | ||
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KungKras
Sweden484 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On January 21 2017 00:24 KungKras wrote: Yeah maybe I should just play around with my phone camera for some hours and see what happens. Perhaps take a walk to the ocean and find a good nature background and just play around and not be too serious. Do you think a phone camera would be enough? Or does the image quality need to be better? Depends on your phone, but all my pictures are taken with my phone which is like 2 years old. It's good enough most likely. Tinder doesn't take high res picture so it's more about the lightning of the picture. | ||
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Uldridge
Belgium4408 Posts
 I can understand that you want to go through that natural process of ageing with someone before you get comfortable becoming someone like your parents that's with someone that looks like your parents, but I guess you also have to get over it, right? You are 26. You can easily still be together with someone in their early 20's, but you might be surprised by how the mentality of these people are. 21 is a huge difference compared to 26 because you're in different moments in your life, but that doesn't mean exceptions aren't possible ofcourse (there are plenty of mature 21 yo people to get together with, you just need to find one). But even then, why would it actually be such a problem dating someone nearing 30? Some women look great when they're mid 30's, even better than when they were in their 20's imo. Let me ask you this: how does the relationship you look for look like? | ||
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Shield
Bulgaria4824 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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