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On January 13 2017 01:40 LemOn wrote:
It's simple logic - men mature later, want to procreate on average later and keep their reproductive years much longer. Dating someone your age unless you are against long term monogamy goes against nature.
I'd say that's a fair observation, but to imply it doesn't happen because it "goes against nature" is silly. It's a tendency, nothing more. Everything that has a tendency to go a certain way also has outliers. Myself, I'm dating an older woman in my 20's, but when we're together you wouldn't know there was an age gap, for the paths our lives have taken we have a disturbingly great chemistry together. We even occasionally joke about how she's a cougar for having me. Not everything is so cut and dry, but if you have a schema that works for you, then that's great.
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On January 13 2017 03:00 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On January 13 2017 01:40 LemOn wrote:
It's simple logic - men mature later, want to procreate on average later and keep their reproductive years much longer. Dating someone your age unless you are against long term monogamy goes against nature. I agree with that up until about a 5 year age difference (assuming were talking about late teens or twenties). Men don't mature 5 years or more slower than women. Perhaps the big age gap daters are people who feel a more primal or romantic instinct to take care of their lady whereas the people that date in a very similar age range (like me) are more pragmatic and dont have instincts like this as strongly?
It just really seems weird to me that you plan to be in your 50s with a partner who's reached menopause already
- males can have their libido until much later years. And don't know about you but bast majority of women nearing 30 are way more likely to want to inititiate procreation, men just settle for it. I guess it's not a priority for you but from biological standpoint older male/younger female seems optimal.
I guess it's irrelevant if you are poly-amorous or long term monogamy is not your preference - which is the case I assume?
As when you plan on spending 60+years with someone the traits and compatibility and long term outlook should outweigh e.g. temporary life circumstances. But if you're looking for a max couple years horizon then plan on splitting and spreading your seed elsewhere that stuff matter way more of course
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On January 13 2017 03:06 NewSunshine wrote:Show nested quote +On January 13 2017 01:40 LemOn wrote:
It's simple logic - men mature later, want to procreate on average later and keep their reproductive years much longer. Dating someone your age unless you are against long term monogamy goes against nature. I'd say that's a fair observation, but to imply it doesn't happen because it "goes against nature" is silly. It's a tendency, nothing more. Everything that has a tendency to go a certain way also has outliers. Myself, I'm dating an older woman in my 20's, but when we're together you wouldn't know there was an age gap, for the paths our lives have taken we have a disturbingly great chemistry together. We even occasionally joke about how she's a cougar for having me. Not everything is so cut and dry, but if you have a schema that works for you, then that's great.
Yeah of course, these are just generalisations that the optimal mean should move towards - why I found it silly that people were wondering why women prefer older males - seems to be the natural logical tendency that compatibility can outweigh - I'm sure if you're really mutually compatible with someone you've already accepted the issues you might face 30years down the line and it's worth it. Consciously going for someone same age or older as default all other things being equal is what I find strange is all
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On the other hand I guess dying together is also a solid factor to consider
But you know - hard to think of it when you think about someone romantically and consider years when romance can happen.
And it's you who'll selfishly kick it first xD
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On January 13 2017 03:18 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On January 13 2017 03:06 NewSunshine wrote:On January 13 2017 01:40 LemOn wrote:
It's simple logic - men mature later, want to procreate on average later and keep their reproductive years much longer. Dating someone your age unless you are against long term monogamy goes against nature. I'd say that's a fair observation, but to imply it doesn't happen because it "goes against nature" is silly. It's a tendency, nothing more. Everything that has a tendency to go a certain way also has outliers. Myself, I'm dating an older woman in my 20's, but when we're together you wouldn't know there was an age gap, for the paths our lives have taken we have a disturbingly great chemistry together. We even occasionally joke about how she's a cougar for having me. Not everything is so cut and dry, but if you have a schema that works for you, then that's great. Yeah of course, these are just generalisations that the optimal mean should move towards - why I found it silly that people were wondering why women prefer older males - seems to be the natural logical tendency that compatibility can outweigh - I'm sure if you're really mutually compatible with someone you've already accepted the issues you might face 30years down the line and it's worth it. Consciously going for someone same age or older as default all other things being equal is what I find strange is all
Well, the thing to note is that a portion of relationships don't form from a conscious decision on the part of one or the other. A small portion, anyway. Mine, for instance, came about so naturally, I didn't even see it coming at first. Neither of us really "made a move" on the other, we just got so comfortable with each other, and one day we noticed "oh, so that's what's going on". Kind of that fairy tale buildup. In my case, she simply happens to be older than me, and it's not something we really think about, it's a non-issue. I suppose it's a bit different if you decided to pursue someone on that basis, though, I just find that approach to be shallow. I just interact with people the way I naturally want to.
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Well yeah I take more control of my dating life as there's no such thing as chance encounters with females in my profession
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Well it's not as if I would automatically disqualify someone because of their age. It's just that almost always the women I got close to were no more than 3 years younger or older than me. There have been exceptions where I was with a girl that was 5 or 6 years younger but there I could really feel she was more immature. You guys never felt that or does it simply not bother you?
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Every girl I've ever been interested in who was a fair bit younger than me seemed notably less mature. As I said, it's like you're babysitting while dating.
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Then I just wonder how that feeling of babysitting or being the care taker translates into attraction?
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Some people like that position, some people don't. I don't, I definitely know that some others do.
There is indeed something attractive about being the caretaker, I have to say - but it does get exhausting sometimes.
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Netherlands6192 Posts
On January 12 2017 16:42 dravernor wrote:
I think I used to understand before, but it kind of baffles me now. My best friend always goes for older guys, also like 10+ years, and she isn't quite sure why. We're in our mid 20s.
She dated a guy our age for 6 years and it went horribly wrong, and she was looking to settle down and get married etc, so perhaps her interest in dating older guys also stems from the need for stability and being ready to settle down.
Personally, I prefer dating within my own age group of +-2 years.
To follow on from this - last night she was complaining that there were no decent men left in our country and when our other friend asked why she replied (with a far off stare) 'I don't know, they've all changed. There aren't any men with manners. I like old school men, like our dads, who knew how to treat a woman right. Men these days drinkntoo much, use women and won't commit. I know it's the womens' fault as well, because we're too easy, but it makes it hard for the few of us.'
And that's when it hit me. I don't know if that is the reason globally why women prefer older men, but it made sense in her case.
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On January 13 2017 12:04 B.I.G. wrote:
Well it's not as if I would automatically disqualify someone because of their age. It's just that almost always the women I got close to were no more than 3 years younger or older than me. There have been exceptions where I was with a girl that was 5 or 6 years younger but there I could really feel she was more immature. You guys never felt that or does it simply not bother you?
I have friends that are alot younger than I am and my partner is about 4 years younger. When we met the difference was 21 to 25. She was, and still is, the most amazing person I've been with. Now, almost 6 years later I do enjoy that she is not as girly and high-pitched as she was back then. A little less distracted by the wonderful things of the world (but still enough to have it be attractive), more focused on building something together. So I do enjoy the change.
When I meet with the younger friends (between 8 and 10 years younger) it mostly boils down to really pleasant company, because I can choose whom I meet up with, yeah! Though we mostly talk about life and other stuff and not go ham and party hard. Because if they do, I don't wanna be near them to enjoy the squeeking and screaming and whatnot.
I hope you get what I mean with high-pitched. While I do appreciate that they can be loose and be themselves and have a good time, the demeanor I associate with younger groups having fun does not suit me, never really did.
Mind you these girls I'm talking about are mature indeed and wonderful to hang out with, but there are particular circumstances I do not enjoy their company that much and choose not to be around at that time.
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On January 13 2017 15:34 dravernor wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2017 16:42 dravernor wrote:
I think I used to understand before, but it kind of baffles me now. My best friend always goes for older guys, also like 10+ years, and she isn't quite sure why. We're in our mid 20s.
She dated a guy our age for 6 years and it went horribly wrong, and she was looking to settle down and get married etc, so perhaps her interest in dating older guys also stems from the need for stability and being ready to settle down.
Personally, I prefer dating within my own age group of +-2 years. To follow on from this - last night she was complaining that there were no decent men left in our country and when our other friend asked why she replied (with a far off stare) 'I don't know, they've all changed. There aren't any men with manners. I like old school men, like our dads, who knew how to treat a woman right. Men these days drinkntoo much, use women and won't commit. I know it's the womens' fault as well, because we're too easy, but it makes it hard for the few of us.' And that's when it hit me. I don't know if that is the reason globally why women prefer older men, but it made sense in her case.
Sounds like she is one of those people that falls for the "things were better back in my day" stuff. As if she was around to experience what that generation was like when they were in their 20s - 30s. Based on the stories my uncles told me people were just shitty in a slightly different way back then.
But real or not this is one of those things girls say they want. In reality it makes more sense to look at the facts (same as with men btw) because attraction is not rational. What do the men she has dated actually have in common? In reality the thing that "triggers" her when it comes to older guys is probably something completely different.
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On January 13 2017 15:34 dravernor wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2017 16:42 dravernor wrote:
I think I used to understand before, but it kind of baffles me now. My best friend always goes for older guys, also like 10+ years, and she isn't quite sure why. We're in our mid 20s.
She dated a guy our age for 6 years and it went horribly wrong, and she was looking to settle down and get married etc, so perhaps her interest in dating older guys also stems from the need for stability and being ready to settle down.
Personally, I prefer dating within my own age group of +-2 years. To follow on from this - last night she was complaining that there were no decent men left in our country and when our other friend asked why she replied (with a far off stare) 'I don't know, they've all changed. There aren't any men with manners. I like old school men, like our dads, who knew how to treat a woman right. Men these days drinkntoo much, use women and won't commit. I know it's the womens' fault as well, because we're too easy, but it makes it hard for the few of us.' And that's when it hit me. I don't know if that is the reason globally why women prefer older men, but it made sense in her case.
I don't think chivalry is related to age, but rather to upbringing. I guess also a bit with culture, which does change over time, but not sure that is fast enough to make her statement relevant. I agree with B.I.G that this is probably a rationalization and not what actually attracts her to older men in the first place.
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On January 13 2017 17:51 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On January 13 2017 15:34 dravernor wrote:On January 12 2017 16:42 dravernor wrote:
I think I used to understand before, but it kind of baffles me now. My best friend always goes for older guys, also like 10+ years, and she isn't quite sure why. We're in our mid 20s.
She dated a guy our age for 6 years and it went horribly wrong, and she was looking to settle down and get married etc, so perhaps her interest in dating older guys also stems from the need for stability and being ready to settle down.
Personally, I prefer dating within my own age group of +-2 years. To follow on from this - last night she was complaining that there were no decent men left in our country and when our other friend asked why she replied (with a far off stare) 'I don't know, they've all changed. There aren't any men with manners. I like old school men, like our dads, who knew how to treat a woman right. Men these days drinkntoo much, use women and won't commit. I know it's the womens' fault as well, because we're too easy, but it makes it hard for the few of us.' And that's when it hit me. I don't know if that is the reason globally why women prefer older men, but it made sense in her case. I don't think chivalry is related to age, but rather to upbringing. I guess also a bit with culture, which does change over time, but not sure that is fast enough to make her statement relevant. I agree with B.I.G that this is probably a rationalization and not what actually attracts her to older men in the first place.
Chivalry is dieing because guys are starting to realize that 9 times out of 10 it will make you end up with your dick in your hand, whereas the right balance of being somewhat decent against selfishness/oppprtunism/assertiveness will give you far more success. If you consider men to be the buyers then it's obviously a sellers market. Men are the ones adjusting. My point being that what people say they want in a relationship obviously does not equal what they actually go for.
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Netherlands6192 Posts
On January 13 2017 17:51 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On January 13 2017 15:34 dravernor wrote:On January 12 2017 16:42 dravernor wrote:
I think I used to understand before, but it kind of baffles me now. My best friend always goes for older guys, also like 10+ years, and she isn't quite sure why. We're in our mid 20s.
She dated a guy our age for 6 years and it went horribly wrong, and she was looking to settle down and get married etc, so perhaps her interest in dating older guys also stems from the need for stability and being ready to settle down.
Personally, I prefer dating within my own age group of +-2 years. To follow on from this - last night she was complaining that there were no decent men left in our country and when our other friend asked why she replied (with a far off stare) 'I don't know, they've all changed. There aren't any men with manners. I like old school men, like our dads, who knew how to treat a woman right. Men these days drinkntoo much, use women and won't commit. I know it's the womens' fault as well, because we're too easy, but it makes it hard for the few of us.' And that's when it hit me. I don't know if that is the reason globally why women prefer older men, but it made sense in her case. I don't think chivalry is related to age, but rather to upbringing. I guess also a bit with culture, which does change over time, but not sure that is fast enough to make her statement relevant. I agree with B.I.G that this is probably a rationalization and not what actually attracts her to older men in the first place.
I actually typed a bit about it being related to upbringing more than the generation thing etc, but deleted it because the country I'm from is very backward and still holds tradition al values and customs for the most part. It is very slowly changing with the introduction of easy access to trchnology etc.
My friend grew up in the bush and she prefers men who have similar upbringings, sort of like a farm life but a little more on the wild side (her father is a game ranger and an anti poaching activist) so her ideals are still set quite far back in the traditionalist attitude.
That said, she also likes gym rats because she is fairly obsessed with health and fitness, and the men she tends to meet at the gym seem to be little more than stereotypical brawn and flashy cars.
But hey... whatever rocks your boat
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On January 13 2017 12:04 B.I.G. wrote:
Well it's not as if I would automatically disqualify someone because of their age. It's just that almost always the women I got close to were no more than 3 years younger or older than me. There have been exceptions where I was with a girl that was 5 or 6 years younger but there I could really feel she was more immature. You guys never felt that or does it simply not bother you?
My gf is 3 years younger and she's really insecure about herself, so often it gets annoying, but i do feel she's getting more mature with every serious talk we have, and i do feel good when i'm with her. We are together for more than 2 years, i'm not rushing to marry her, but i'm not seeing a scenario that could make us broke up atm.
So yeah, while she is a bit immature i don't mind supporting her, i think it's a learning process.
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On January 13 2017 21:27 Pontual wrote:Show nested quote +On January 13 2017 12:04 B.I.G. wrote:
Well it's not as if I would automatically disqualify someone because of their age. It's just that almost always the women I got close to were no more than 3 years younger or older than me. There have been exceptions where I was with a girl that was 5 or 6 years younger but there I could really feel she was more immature. You guys never felt that or does it simply not bother you? My gf is 3 years younger and she's really insecure about herself, so often it gets annoying, but i do feel she's getting more mature with every serious talk we have, and i do feel good when i'm with her. We are together for more than 2 years, i'm not rushing to marry her, but i'm not seeing a scenario that could make us broke up atm. So yeah, while she is a bit immature i don't mind supporting her, i think it's a learning process.
3 years doesn't count as an age gap :p
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If you're 18 and the other's 15 it does.
On a more serious note, 3 years is worth a Bachelors degree here in Europe and the difference between just graduating from school and 3 years later can be massive. So I disagree with you 
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On January 13 2017 22:55 Artisreal wrote:If you're 18 and the other's 15 it does. On a more serious note, 3 years is worth a Bachelors degree here in Europe and the difference between just graduating from school and 3 years later can be massive. So I disagree with you
It was exactly as it started, 18 to 15 lol
On January 13 2017 22:47 GoTuNk! wrote:
3 years doesn't count as an age gap :p
As she is insecure and timid it happens to enhance the 3 year gap. Also she just graduated middle school while in the 2,5 years we have been dating i've been living away from my parents and working. Even if it's little time, the shock of having to get used and solve problems with unknown people, not having someone to ask to do shit for you, and having to care about money yourself makes so a 3 year gap is considerable difference bigger.
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