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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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arb
Noobville17922 Posts
On January 09 2017 03:47 LegalLord wrote: Kind of hard to answer without background. Are you in a situation where you can't simply walk away? I probably could but its one of those uhhh feel the over whelming need to prevent someone from doing ruinous stupid shit with their life scenarios? | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
On January 09 2017 04:20 arb wrote: I probably could but its one of those uhhh feel the over whelming need to prevent someone from doing ruinous stupid shit with their life scenarios? Frankly they aren't your responsibility. If there is any immediate danger you should certainly inform the right people, but with the exception of a few key people, the potential for dangerous outcomes of other people is simply not something you should feel you are obliged to help in. Frankly it just sounds like the kind of situation where you can't help but where you could be dragged down with such a person into something worse. | ||
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Danglars
United States12133 Posts
On January 09 2017 04:20 arb wrote: I probably could but its one of those uhhh feel the over whelming need to prevent someone from doing ruinous stupid shit with their life scenarios? Anything short of the involuntary commitment level, it's their life to throw to the wolves in whatever way they see fit. Your best choice is to not let your life be one taken down by it by cutting free. Morally you can be firm and not acrimonious. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
-Older guys are more confident -More mature and stable -Financial security And the last one from a good friend who recently started dating a guy almost 10 years older, and I quote: "He treats me like I'm his daughter" with a big I'm so in love grin. Happy for her ofcourse but it did get me thinking again. The only reason for this "big age gap dating" phenomenon from both the guy's and the girl's perspective I can think of is that these people are looking for an "unequal" relationship in the sense that they are looking for someone to take care of or to take care of them respectively, rather than someone who is in the same league or even outclasses them in things like career or even financial income. If I look at my own life I find this kind of relationship something I am so completely not interested in personally that I even find it a bit difficult to imagine why someone else would. Probably because the people I grew up with all ended up in relationships with people who were their equals. So what do you guys think? What do you think causes people to chose the kind of relationships they always go for? | ||
dravernor
Netherlands6192 Posts
She dated a guy our age for 6 years and it went horribly wrong, and she was looking to settle down and get married etc, so perhaps her interest in dating older guys also stems from the need for stability and being ready to settle down. Personally, I prefer dating within my own age group of +-2 years. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On January 12 2017 16:42 dravernor wrote: I think I used to understand before, but it kind of baffles me now. My best friend always goes for older guys, also like 10+ years, and she isn't quite sure why. We're in our mid 20s. She dated a guy our age for 6 years and it went horribly wrong, and she was looking to settle down and get married etc, so perhaps her interest in dating older guys also stems from the need for stability and being ready to settle down. Personally, I prefer dating within my own age group of +-2 years. Yeah I prefer that too. I mean why would you want to have sex with someone you have a pseudo father daughter relationship with? I know a few girls who I few almost as little sisters and the thought of having sex with them is off-putting to say the least. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On January 12 2017 16:07 B.I.G. wrote: So what do you guys think? What do you think causes people to chose the kind of relationships they always go for? I think it is more common for people without an education to date people a lot older than yourself. I personally am not interested in someone who can't support themselves, and I'm certainly not going to support someone I'm dating financially. From the younger side it's probably: Financial support, maturity. From the older side: More attractive young partners, a lot less bagage dating someone who is 25 vs 35. Also maybe that the men are looking to settle down when they start reaching 30-40 it's a safer bet since guys in their 20s maybe want to be a single bachelor for a long while. I don't know, these are just my thoughts. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
And from the older side: a 25 year old will often be much more of a drama queen than a 35 year old one. Seriously, women in their early to mid thirties are awesome because they are over the insecure bullshit. | ||
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farvacola
United States18876 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On January 12 2017 21:38 farvacola wrote: I also think its helpful to figure out why someone does what they do. Thats the million dollar question buddy. I kinda agree about the age statement. I just strongly disagreed with bloodwhore's generalisation that younger girls have less baggage then older ones. | ||
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farvacola
United States18876 Posts
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
 I don't think age was ever an issue, but simply that I like supportive, submissive and sweet woman and she likes smart confident man, and most men are simply twats at 18-20 (I certainly remember being one) As farvacola pointed out, my gf is more mature than pretty much every girl my age I know, and less crazy that pretty much every girl period, despite her age. We crack jokes about our age gap all the time. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On January 12 2017 22:24 GoTuNk! wrote: I don't think age was ever an issue, but simply that I like supportive, submissive and sweet woman and she likes smart confident man, and most men are simply twats at 18-20 (I certainly remember being one) This part however seems to be right in line with my statement. Also, no need to take offense. Just because we don't understand doesnt mean we disagree or don't approve. I have to add that you taking offense and cracking jokes about the age difference indicates this is a bit of a sensitive subject for you. Why? Do people close to you disapprove? | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On January 12 2017 20:03 B.I.G. wrote: You are not completely wrong but things are rarely this straightforward. The girls I talked to for example are all well educated, well travelled, and in some cases very well paid professionals as well. And from the older side: a 25 year old will often be much more of a drama queen than a 35 year old one. Seriously, women in their early to mid thirties are awesome because they are over the insecure bullshit. I shouldn't really speak about this topic too much as a I have yet to date anyone older than 25 . BUT, I don't think 35 year olds will be more into drama, I think they will have certain expectations etc that comes with age. They probably have been in one or two serious longer relationships. They are most likely very eager to settle down quickly, they aint got time to play games. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On January 12 2017 23:17 B.I.G. wrote: This part however seems to be right in line with my statement. Also, no need to take offense. Just because we don't understand doesnt mean we disagree or don't approve. I have to add that you taking offense and cracking jokes about the age difference indicates this is a bit of a sensitive subject for you. Why? Do people close to you disapprove? Nono, I meant I felt offended as a joke. What I meant to say is that I like a certain type of woman and she likes a certain type of man, and that age is not a factor, it's more of a coincidence. Like, I would date that type of woman regardless of age. Making jokes about something doesn't make it a sensible subject, but it's def something that is not normal (our age gap). For example, I tell her to hug the creepy old guy , | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On January 13 2017 01:40 LemOn wrote: It's simple logic - men mature later, want to procreate on average later and keep their reproductive years much longer. Dating someone your age unless you are against long term monogamy goes against nature. I agree with that up until about a 5 year age difference (assuming were talking about late teens or twenties). Men don't mature 5 years or more slower than women. Perhaps the big age gap daters are people who feel a more primal or romantic instinct to take care of their lady whereas the people that date in a very similar age range (like me) are more pragmatic and dont have instincts like this as strongly? | ||
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