Dating: How's your luck? - Page 554
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
WombaT
Northern Ireland22929 Posts
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TheFish7
United States2824 Posts
Damnit you stole my post | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On October 08 2014 01:16 CosmicSpiral wrote: Awkward silence is a good thing. Do not be afraid of it. I understand it not being a terrible thing, but how is it a good thing? | ||
rotta
5560 Posts
On October 08 2014 01:16 CosmicSpiral wrote: Awkward silence is a good thing. Do not be afraid of it. Agreed. In my country it is a vital part of all social situations! | ||
Cheerio
Ukraine3178 Posts
On October 08 2014 01:16 CosmicSpiral wrote: Awkward silence is a good thing. Do not be afraid of it. if silence is good, it's not awkward. | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
"Awkward" and "good" are not contradictory concepts. They are only contradictory if you are coming from a frame of neediness. On October 08 2014 05:49 Najda wrote: I understand it not being a terrible thing, but how is it a good thing? Next to vicious congruence tests, awkward silences are the best ways of reminding yourself that it's not getting "signs of attraction" that matters. They are not something you should encourage but something you should embrace because they will inevitably happen. If you are not constantly supplicating girls and seeking good emotions from their reactions (which is the completely wrong way to approach this), they will be times when there is nothing more to say. Don't forget that girls are just as conscious of social signs and possibilities as guys. When they go quiet, it doesn't mean they are not attracted to you. | ||
Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On October 08 2014 06:43 CosmicSpiral wrote: Next to vicious congruence tests, awkward silences are the best ways of reminding yourself that it's not getting "signs of attraction" that matters. They are not something you should encourage but something you should embrace because they will inevitably happen. If you are not constantly supplicating girls and seeking good emotions from their reactions (which is the completely wrong way to approach this), they will be times when there is nothing more to say. Don't forget that girls are just as conscious of social signs and possibilities as guys. When they go quiet, it doesn't mean they are not attracted to you. It's a matter of definition but I don't feel this is really an awkward silence? | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On October 08 2014 08:11 Yoz wrote: It's a matter of definition but I don't feel this is really an awkward silence? It's an awkward silence. The girl feels awkward and doesn't know what to say or what the silence means. What that silence means to you depends on what kind of person you are. If you are coming from the frame of needing to constantly think ahead to continue the conversation, awkward silences will always be a bad thing. They are an admission of defeat; you could not keep up the stimulation to keep the girl's attention on you. So you will be afraid of them and seek to avoid them whenever possible. It is a self-perpetuating cycle that avoids the main issue: you are fundamentally coming from the wrong mindset. You are being a validation junkie that needs positive responses to continue acting in that fashion. You lack trust in yourself that there will always be an answer, and it will always be your answer; instead, you'll be constantly be searching for the right answer. If you understand you are enough by virtue of your existence, an awkward silence is an awkward silence. It simply exists. It is not an indication of your interaction going south; it is not an indictment of you as a person; it has no effect on your value as a man in relation to her. You can stand there relaxed and appreciating the interaction as a whole. Now the girl has to burden all the mental tribulations of the awkwardness because it has no effect on you. The cogs in her head start grinding: "Does he like me? Does he not like me? Why is he so comfortable when the conversation cut short? Did I say something wrong? Am I being weird?" Now she is the one being reactive to circumstance, which is completely natural. A girl's emotional state is largely dictated by her environment and the positive/negative reinforcement she receives in everyday life. Your emotional state doesn't have to be. You have the capacity to be emotionally resilient to outside forces and emotionally self-generating. | ||
pls no ty
86 Posts
( see http://www.liquidhearth.com/forum/general/273445-dating-hows-your-luck?page=546#10903 ) This will be long. TLDR'er jokes are highly accepted. If you dont want to read, in the first post i say im trying to move on a new life after breaking up with my 4 years long girl friend because of her cheating, and this time (thanks to my work) im trying with foreigners (non-turkish girls) since they are more friendly and better in many cases! (can explain if you ask what is this, but not our topic now) I said im trying with strangers, but not only! I made a fresh new beginning with changing my friends and meeting new ones. Former friends were also her friends, so it was so hard for us and them to choose between. And i found a girl, she was my friend with benefits for a while but we stopped fucking, stood only as friends. As our friendship grows, we evolved something into, i dont know, i wont say brothers and sisters because theres still a fuck possibility (we kissed when we were high) but its like so strong, we are planning a life time friendship where we always put each other in to front when deciding about something serious etc. I guess you understood. This girl found me new girls to spend time, have sex, helped me to gain my man-pride back. Later on, her normal friends i met during partying started to text me after our parties, some of them want to watch a movie, some of them say come to us this night so we can study (we have same studies) and some of them want drink a coffee. Here is the deal, i really dont know what to do. Option A : There is a girl with a boyfriend. She is 4 age younger than i am. Her boyfriend is 1 age younger to her. She keeps talking with me and making jokes about "maybe i need a grown man like you (sexy whatsapp smile ";P" ) " And those jokes never end.. BUT she really loves her bf, her instagram page is full of with them kissing each other, boy spending time in her house with her mom, even after she tells me she will quit him after meeting him, she uploads pictures with him. And guy quit her this week, she cried really a RIVER till they start again. However, she constantly says guy is a kiddo, has a temper problems, she wants a cool guy, attractive guy (adds like you) and today, she said she went a fortune teller (its common in my culture, young chicks go) and teller described me giving clear info about my personality blabla. And conversation ended her saying maybe i want you. I juked all of this attempts by answering haha thanks, but could not juked the last one. I said im not into relationships but im open to any affairs, like friends with benefits. She changed topic into something different, did not answer this. I know even if i say i want her too, she wont quit her boyfriend and will make me his sugardaddy or shrine to cry. What would you do in such cases? She is damn hot btw, there is nothing sexy with her body, she is so small like minion type body (good butt tho) but there is something sexy with her. She is a GAMER GIRL, and always making jokes about how she can turn on a man BADLY if she wants. Its tempting me. Option B: There is a Moroccan girl, i met while walking in the streets, she was asking the way but i could not help myself looking her tits lol. However, i said im going to same direction and walked with her, she gave me her number saying im the only dude who can speak english in the city (lel no) and maybe i can help more from times to times so she wont have any "culture shock" problems. She is planning to move Istanbul, right now she is in her country, our time together was awesome, she is an it in her country but planning to start teaching career in turkey and maybe modelling after that! But there is of course BUTS! First, she will have no money, no job when she comes. And expects me to help her! Before her departure, we were like almost having sex, we did not because she said she is VIRGIN. Said to myself WHAT THE FUCK! And she is serious about that, ISLAMIC WORLD! However, this brings so many problems, she started to ask questions such: would you come to my country and ask for my hand (ask my parents to potential marriage, like religious allow to spend time with ones daughter) and will you think about marriage again in future? PEFFFFFS, everything is good with her, she is ultra FEMALE, great in the kitchen, has super sexy body and a great face, tanned skin, charming smile, sexy french voice, sexy arabic, sexy turkish trying, fun to talk, i dont know why but i feel she respects me, listening me always, and believe what i say most of the times, she is like our grandmothers you know. Remember how they act to our grandpas! This is how i describe her. In every chance, im trying to convert her in a less conservative human, she wants to have sex but she says she will die if i leave her and she is not a young girl! This is so strange. 9 days after, she is coming back, i promised her to help about finding a job (almost find one) and a cheap flat. (almost find it too) But im not that rich, i recently bought a house and still paying its credits. This is a problem. I can seize in her attitudes, she puts me in a husband role due to her culture, i cant afford feeding two human being, when im always hungry, the fuck ! Option 3: And there is this bitch. After cheating, i guess the guy dumped her, even if she says she quit. Texting me 7/24 since 2 weeks, saying she cant sleep in her bed, some pillows smell like me still, there are memories everywhere in the house (we lived together for 2 years) and she dies for our sex. Her new guy was shit etc, never had a good sex since 9 months! She says she will make everything better, she will cure me, repair our relation, and everything will be really really better than ever, this time we are really making plans for marriage, she will wait until i fix my economy and go France with her to finish her masters together. She says even if i dont want to marry with her, she will be with me for at least 4 more years and she wont cheat on me again, that was a fault, she regrets every moment of that, everything she told me during her betrayal were typed with anger, and under affection of being in an another country with no happiness and money. BUT, i did not stop loving her just because she slept with another dude. I would do the same, but i would not leave her for being with a random girl. I would say sorry and never risk losing her. What she has done? She simply dumped me without saying sorry and i asked, is it worth to do this, you have only 1.5 month left in that country, she said yeah this happiness worth dumping you, im not gonna say sorry, i love him. This is why i dont want to be with her again. But there is something deep inside, saying that i should just check, how she acts, a better lover, or a bitch. However, being with her means i leave all the other options aside. And i leave my close friend that i mentioned above, she hates her. Simply, i will be imprisoned and im not the same guy. Half of me hates her so bad. The other half is only weak to her, it cant be the same love [when im planning how i would fuck her but not sex - see difference] and of course i dont want to have any serious relation. I really need advice about what to do. Im not good about deciding, i dont have any close male friends, they all left the city, and 2014, finding a bro soo hard pals. This is why i kept long. Respect incoming answers, peace out! | ||
DarkPlasmaBall
United States43435 Posts
Well played :D Glad you guys powered through the awkward sex phase and now have amazing sex and puppy love, SixStrings | ||
DarkPlasmaBall
United States43435 Posts
Now that the superficiality is over with... Girl 1: Gamer girl, check. Into you already, check. If she's single, I'd say go for her, although be careful since she just broke up with her boyfriend. Feel out the situation. Girl 2: There's nothing wrong with her being a virgin, but if her cultural and religious ideals are already turning you off, that's a serious red flag. Probably not worth it if one of you has to compromise your whole belief system for the other. Girl 3: She already cheated on you. Run away, and never look back. Do not go back to her. This should be you when thinking about the girl who cheated on you: Seems pretty clear cut to me: go for Girl 1, but just make sure she's not just using you as a rebound from her ex. Sounds like she likes you though. | ||
Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On October 08 2014 12:46 pls no ty wrote: Hey guys, its again me. But i need real advice. ... I really need advice about what to do. Im not good about deciding, i dont have any close male friends, they all left the city, and 2014, finding a bro soo hard pals. This is why i kept long. Respect incoming answers, peace out! Advice is to remove their pictures from the internet and especially a public forum before a friend of theirs recognises them and links them to the post. In which case all three girls know about each other (as well as your history and current mindset) along with the fact that you posted images of them on the internet. I'm a guy but I can only suspect posting their photos online (presumably without their permission) is going to land you in hot water. Additionally I'm not entirely sure how their photos are really relevant? If your aim is a thinly veiled brag then I guess it makes sense. Otherwise I'm not sure how healthy it is to base a girl's physical attractiveness to you on the attractiveness of that girl to a public forum -- if the TL community told you that all three girls are ugly would you suddenly decide that all three aren't worth pursuing despite thinking they were attractive prior to reading? | ||
pls no ty
86 Posts
On October 08 2014 13:29 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: First girl > Third girl >>> Second girl in order of appearance imo. I wouldn't base the relationship only on looks though. Now that the superficiality is over with... Girl 1: Gamer girl, check. Into you already, check. If she's single, I'd say go for her, although be careful since she just broke up with her boyfriend. Feel out the situation. Girl 2: There's nothing wrong with her being a virgin, but if her cultural and religious ideals are already turning you off, that's a serious red flag. Probably not worth it if one of you has to compromise your whole belief system for the other. Girl 3: She already cheated on you. Run away, and never look back. Do not go back to her. This should be you when thinking about the girl who cheated on you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiM3dv7JoYU#t=40s Seems pretty clear cut to me: go for Girl 1, but just make sure she's not just using you as a rebound from her ex. Sounds like she likes you though. Would not you go for an one night stand with that cheater one? Sometimes i dream myself slapping her while making her scream she is a bitch, lol. | ||
[Phantom]
Mexico2170 Posts
_______________________ I've got a question...does any of you got any experience in asking a girl out, in front of her mother? Here's the back story: Although I feel happy, these days I've felt alone, so I decided to meet new people/hang out with girls etc. So where I live there is a girl who works with her mother selling hamburgers, and I think she is cute and I want to know her more. I've known her for abut 6 months (with this i mean talk to her, because before that i would rarely go there and I wouldn't really talk to her, just ask for my order and the occasional stare/smile.) I know her name, although I don't think she remembers mine( I never told her directly my name, but its been mentioned in front of her a couple of times when I go with my friends). She recognizes me though and she talks to me just fine when I go, and keeps the conversation going (she often is the one that starts it). Shes very kind and i think she likes me, its just that I'm not sure if she likes me as a friendly customer, a potential friend or something more. So I want to invite her for a coffee or something to get to know her more, because although sometimes i go and talk to her ,I don't always go, for example i go like 3 times this week, then i don't go for 2 weeks and so on. I can't go and buy hamburgers daily you know, but I try to say hi if I see her when Im walking outside her store back home. The problem is that since she works there with her mother (she is 19-20 yo),and her mother is always there right beside her and I think she doesn't likes me since one time my friends and I went to buy hamburgers drunk and said stupid things (not to them, but we just were talking bullshit, although the girl didn't seem to care). So although I know how to ask a girl out, i've never done that in front of her mother. What should I do? Go there 3-4 times a week, talk a little and when her mother goes to the back of the store for something ask if she wants to hang out someday? Or just go and tell her in front of her mother? She's probably going to tell her anyway, but it is different that she tells her than to invite her in front of her mother. | ||
pls no ty
86 Posts
- Hey xxx, are you coming to incoming xxx fest? We are all going there. Maybe you and your friends want to come? And if she says okay, you can offer drinking a coffee before festival starts. The thing is, you should not invite her on your own. Do this offer with your friends, and if she answers positive, let your friends ask about whats her school or name, so she can go with your friend, and so you can add her online. Your questioning friend should be feminine. Good luck. | ||
Firebolt145
Lalalaland34473 Posts
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pls no ty
86 Posts
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kwizach
3658 Posts
On October 08 2014 09:51 CosmicSpiral wrote: Now she is the one being reactive to circumstance, which is completely natural. A girl's emotional state is largely dictated by her environment and the positive/negative reinforcement she receives in everyday life. Your emotional state doesn't have to be. "A girl's emotional state" is not inherently more dictated by that than a guy's emotional state. | ||
JuneMay
49 Posts
On October 08 2014 12:46 pls no ty wrote: Hey guys, its again me. But i need real advice. ( see http://www.liquidhearth.com/forum/general/273445-dating-hows-your-luck?page=546#10903 ) Since I don't see pictures I will base my answer just on text. Obviously pictures could change my opinion (lets not kid ourselves looks are important). Girl 1: This seem like worst option. While she is in a relationship with another guy, she is flirting with you. Talk bad about her bf, but when they broke up she cries? Just imagine situation u are dating this girl, and she talk to another dude about you some trash... (he don't have money or whatever she find irritating about you). I know this girl is your friend, but in my eyes she is very immature and not a serious gf material. Girl 2: This seems like best option, but it seems u guys are just world apart. She is thinking about marriage, and in her mind if u are not on that level of seriousness, there's not much point. Also I'm not sure about your view of relationship. Do you aim for something serious or just casual dating without certain goal... If you are not very serious then you should stay away from this girl, cause it will end up hurting her. However if you really can see yourself being with this girl, then you should be honest with her. Tell her you cant financially support her, but you would love to date her. Tell her to find job if she wanna make things work out. Girl 3: I had similar experience, so I can understand your pain in a way. However your situation is worse since she cheated you, and it seems you didn't do anything bad. Rational way of thinking would be: Would you ever cheat her without any reason? If your answer is no, that means you loved this girl much more then she ever loved you. So obviously she don't deserve you. However since you love this girl, you were probably crazy about her, there is chance you will be weak and heart would win over brain. Me personally its girl 3 > girl 2 > girl 1 | ||
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