Top Quotes by TL.net

On November 13 2005 10:44 zertaul993 wrote:
my computer is slow as hell and my friend said I need more ram. anyone know a good site.

On November 13 2004 19:39 dronebabo wrote:

touch your penis, it's like thousands of candy

BroOd wrote:
I think Boxer's effect on the game of starcraft is immeasurable. The game would not be what it is today if it were not for him. The passion and intensity he brings to the game deserves so much respect, whether you're a YellOw, Nada, iloveoov or July fan. Part of me has always wanted to believe Boxer was more than human, that he was so much more that just a good starcraft player. Everything about him and what he's brought to this game has always been the embodiment of what "progamer" means to me. No matter how many times he's beaten, no player, to me, will ever bring that aura of majesty to his play. For me, Boxer transcended the normal restraints of what mere mortal starcraft players were capable of, and although those days may have passed, he will always be the standard for which I and many others judge progamers in the future.

Le Roi est mort. Vive le Roi!

yeah... and this one time, me and reach was playing in LAN, I was under a smurf nickname, and he goes "hey gummi, who's the fucking n00b you're playing?" and I said "ha ha ... it's me you faggot ! your probe is just getting owned !"-... then we laughed and made sweet love afterwards.

ahhh good ol' days

if you are interested in this story, heres an extra: when i moved to my fathers house, i wanted MY PC to take it and be there. (my mother only lives now with my sister and they have 2 extra pcs) BUT MY MOM wanted to be so selfish and didnt let me take it ... omg that was the explosion, i told her to leave me fcking alone i dont want to know anything more of her.

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On August 30 2005 12:48 ManaBlue wrote:
Kid, your mom bore you, brought you up, fed you your entire life, gave you a middle class upbringing, and you are ready to swear her off because she's moving on after your dad? She has the right to do that.

Further, if you were too oblivious to know that a random guy who went on a trip with your family and bought you gifts for no apparent reason was somehow interested in your mom, then you are just an idiot. Your story doesn't make sense and I can't understand how you were "screwed".

Basically this is the truth, if you want to hear it... You're a spoiled little brat that likes to bounce off your parents and use their split as a means to play favourites and generally be an asshole. If you were my kid I'd throw your computer out the window, shove your IPOD up your ass and kick you out of the house as soon as you turned 18...

But you know why I'd do that? I'm not your family. But your mother is, so she won't. You only get one mom and one dad. If you are willing to throw one of the few (and possibly only) unconditional relationships you will ever have in your life out the window because the person wants to move on with their life, you are a fool and you will regret it living the rest of your life without your mother.

Grow up kid, stop bitching about nothing you spoiled IPOD owning, shit talking, sympathy starving son of a bitch. Fuck you.
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On August 30 2005 12:48 ManaBlue wrote:
Kid, your mom bore you, brought you up, fed you your entire life, gave you a middle class upbringing, and you are ready to swear her off because she's moving on after your dad? She has the right to do that.

Further, if you were too oblivious to know that a random guy who went on a trip with your family and bought you gifts for no apparent reason was somehow interested in your mom, then you are just an idiot. Your story doesn't make sense and I can't understand how you were "screwed".

Basically this is the truth, if you want to hear it... You're a spoiled little brat that likes to bounce off your parents and use their split as a means to play favourites and generally be an asshole. If you were my kid I'd throw your computer out the window, shove your IPOD up your ass and kick you out of the house as soon as you turned 18...

But you know why I'd do that? I'm not your family. But your mother is, so she won't. You only get one mom and one dad. If you are willing to throw one of the few (and possibly only) unconditional relationships you will ever have in your life out the window because the person wants to move on with their life, you are a fool and you will regret it living the rest of your life without your mother.

Grow up kid, stop bitching about nothing you spoiled IPOD owning, shit talking, sympathy starving son of a bitch. Fuck you.
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On February 23 2006 12:45 kidd wrote:
Hot bids apm decussion was by far the funniest thread i have ever read, when he pretends to be a foreignor

On November 09 2005 11:28 Hot_Bid wrote:


apm mean n0thing. i can become many times with 100-150 apm. i became last night TWICE with 100-150 apm. pro more apm become much faster, but not necessarily better

On February 23 2006 12:49 Hot_Bid wrote:

OMG that was the most fun ive ever had on tl.net, man i love this place

ps http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?currentpage=1&topic_id=33374

On November 09 2005 14:42 Hot_Bid wrote:

why u talk so much about butt-the-sex? friend with strafe?

On February 23 2006 11:58 IntoTheWow wrote:
http://teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=36800

I liked this one... but you need to quote Fayth post as well...

the 3rd post rpf' crying is good too.

On February 23 2006 13:13 rpf289 wrote:
I wasn't really crying, or whining, or complaining. I was just pointing out a fact.

On February 23 2006 13:15 Hot_Bid wrote:

global warming. koreans winning wcg. stimey complaining about moderation. this comment by rpf.

do you hear that mr. anderson? that is the sound of inevitability...

On February 23 2006 13:15 Hot_Bid wrote:

global warming. koreans winning wcg. stimey complaining about moderation. this comment by rpf.

do you hear that mr. anderson? that is the sound of inevitability...

On February 23 2006 13:13 FireBlast! wrote:
"Alas we have reached the final chapter in the Nuketacular Bertrand Grospellier Saga. During his campaign he shattered Crystal (3-1), lynched Blackman (6-3), beautified Beast (4-0), and wrecked yours truly (7-0). To top off his term as the King of Liquibition he would have to beat the man that he shares bed sheets with, Smuft. Super Manner User For Toss lives in Korea and is a part of team white boy (The Dream and Us Team) with Elky and our humble site denizen. Can the Crimson Capped Canadian succeed in his attempt for a coup d'etat versus the Foxy Frenchman?"

On February 23 2006 13:25 [cF]TridenT wrote:
My new sig "life of lively to live to life of full life thx to shield battery"

posted by intothewow
I asked her for my phone number, and then she gave it to me. I told her we should hang out sometime, as she doesn't live far away from here. Right before she was leaving, she said "Happy Halloween". Then archers. Thousands of them. Out of no where, appearing all over the porch, doorway and house. They start shooting bows at me and her, and I carry her to safety outside. But I was wrong. Ninjas. Thousands of them. They start shooting their stars at us. One hit her right in her cunt, and I had to pull it out of her. She was in pain. I was still carrying her out to safety. I screamed for help but no one was outside. I didn't know what to do.

Honestly guys I dont know what to think right now.
We are making sex without condoms and I doubt that my dog is using condoms either and this whole thing is disturbing me very much.

On February 23 2006 11:33 Hot_Bid wrote:
yeah,

[X] unintentionally stupid question
[X] misspelling and numbers in username
[X] bad punctuation
[X] low postcount
[ ] ekii?

i had a roomate once who was on the crew team. i think that means he was gay and worked out a lot? anyways, because of this, he would go jogging a lot and talk all girly and lispy to his best friend, which was a 4 foot female troll (the fact that he didn't enjoy making out with her was the reason he "found out" he was gay -- i thought gay people were supposed to be smart?) so anyways, for some reason, the mud on his shoes smelled like ass. or maybe that was just his ass. he febreezed everything constantly, thinking that made things smell better. it smelled like shitty febreeze. this is why i fucking hate febreeze. cuz i can imagine him saying something about febreeze. or whatever. and thinking the smell of concentrated febreeze will remove the shit from the walls. this was when i played a lot of diablo2 with my headphones on very loud. god dorms suck. also one time when i came in i think he was having gay sex, and it smelled anussy. i'm not saying anything, just that the room smelt anussy.

love,
mitsy

On June 22 2004 07:09 The Light wrote:
I think after much hard work, and months of practice, he might be able to take #1.....in Ohio.....if Slog is sick the day of the tourney.

ilnp
ilnp will be responding on behalf of Rekrul:

I, Rekrul, feel that several of those who have posted in this thread are what the we, upper eschelon of Brood War players, prefer to call "complete fucking jackasses." I, Rekrul, am not the type of person to name names, but I feel rereading the above posts may be a slight indicator to those who are one or two olives short of a salad nicoise. To discuss the original topic at hand, I, Rekrul, would like to mention that the entire WGTour ladder is filled with what we, the upper eschelon of Brood War players, prefer to call "complete fucking newbies." It would be a waste of mine, Rekrul's, time to compete amongst such newbies when I have at my, Rekrul's, disposal many top players from around the world to challenge the abilities I obviously possess, seeing as I, Rekrul, am a member of the upper eschelon of Brood War players. Recent discussions of top Korean players playing WGTour should be ignored, as some on this forum, grouped together with aforementioned generalized nomenclature, fail to realize that top Korean players are not playing WGTour for any sort of practice whatsoever, but merely to kill time and embarass the foreign Brood War community by demonstrating any Korean player near the top of their ranks can decimate the best Foreigner Brood War ladder with no effort in a couple of days.

In conclusion I, Rekrul, would like to apologize by being unavailable to respond right now, as I am in a transitionary period in my life. You as a community should not fret, however, as my weekend of transition is due to end today, Monday, September 22nd, or tomorrow, Tuesday, September 23rd, and my, Rekrul's, usual antics on this Internet Bulletin Board System will resume to their usual routine. Until then, though, I put complete trust of my thoughts and expressions in ilnp, the Ferrari of a vehicle through which my soul travels to you.

On February 23 2006 17:02 decafchicken wrote:
remember, you have to look convincing so that your opponent will fear of playing you. so, pick a random noun. the more stupid you look, the more skilled you we be percieved of having.
EX: TamponZerg

On February 23 2006 17:02 decafchicken wrote:
remember, you have to look convincing so that your opponent will fear of playing you. so, pick a random noun. the more stupid you look, the more skilled you we be percieved of having.
EX: TamponZerg

On February 23 2006 16:59 Kacas wrote:
In “The bad erections”:

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On December 19 2005 18:01 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
Dad: "Oh hey hunny? Take a seat i made breakfeast for you and Henry Bigkawk."

Daughter: "One sec dad let me get a pillow, Henry went balls deep last night and i wont be able to sit for a week!"

*dad and henry high five*

Henry: "Than i cummed in her face!"

Daughter: "Yeah so hold on the syrup dad i think ive had enough sticky stuff in my face for one day!"

Mom: "Did you wear the cow girl outfit with the ass less chaps?"

Daughter: "No i went with the school girl no panties skirt look."

Dad: "Henry lay off the anal next time ok? I scrubbed her bloody underwear for a few hours yesterday and that shit still wont come out!"

*the group laughs and begins breakfeast*

You guys are right. I see nothing wrong with this at all.
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fucking hilarious!!!

it was a reply after someone told that there's no problem fucking your gf with her parents on the side.

On February 23 2006 17:45 EvilTeletubby wrote:


My awesome gosu korean name is MoonOfTossNight... it's to match Copy's FireOfZergSun

On January 17 2006 16:19 Mynock wrote:
Messerschmitt Me 262A-2a Swallow



or

Supermarine Spitfire Type 365-Mk PRXI



Poll: Spitfire or Swallow?
(Vote): Supermarine Spitfire
(Vote): Messerschmitt Swallow
(Vote): ... f u

So which one you guys like best? Vote away.

-Mynock

On February 23 2006 18:22 Dave[9] wrote:
Some of you may remember a thread when a guy keps seeing a "eye" on his window and didnt know what it was

someone like right after that said "take off the ring"

Niv)Mutal

There is a crack in my window blinds, and every time I turn around, I see an eye staring through the glass at me. I can't deal with this any longer, its making me lose games. Any opinions / comments / suggestions?

Hot_Bid

take the ring off

On January 31 2006 01:51 zulu_nation8 wrote:
although its only halfway through the season, i dont see how anyone can catch up to channing frye in the mvp race. hes surely a cornerstone of the franchise and a superstar for years to come

[B]
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On September 28 2005 03:23 Blue.Turtle wrote:
Steve i'm a fat american ugly highschool boy. How do i get a girlfriend?
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On October 23 2005 12:01 HnR)Insane wrote:


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-I once took a shit in the shower and had to mash it down the drain with my foot. It took hours to cleanse the smell.
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What the christ man... what the christ
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On September 16 2003 16:45 ilnp wrote:

yeah
happened to me once

On March 26 2004 06:17 Heat-0n wrote:

From second april Bulgaria will be an official member of NATO.
It will be a national holiday.
I hope we will be no longer considered as a third world country.
Thank you all for the kind affiliation.
Rgrds

On March 26 2004 06:26 STIMEY d okgm fish wrote:
man they letting noobs join now, imma find a new clanm

On December 02 2003 09:00 Rekrul wrote:

Hot girl with cute voice = best

On December 02 2003 09:03 ilnp wrote:

by this rekrul means a girl with nice tits and a tiny ass who dresses like a slut and has a voice that sounds like an eight year old on the phone singing happy birthday

* i agree

I think consensual sex with animals would be ok, but of course there's no real way to show that.

Maybe under strict supervision of an animal psychologist you could obtain some sort of pig-fucking liscense or something.

On September 16 2004 06:57 IcedEarth wrote:


Ahhh, necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

On September 16 2004 15:50 NonY wrote:
you know what they say... a man can fuck a thousand women, and 1 goat and he's a goat fucker

On February 24 2006 09:15 IcedEarth wrote:
Rita vs USA!

On February 24 2006 07:46 Eti307 wrote:
this whole thread:

http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?currentpage=1&topic_id=18081

On September 19 2004 18:38 LetMeBeWithYou wrote:
oh shit wrong link

On February 24 2006 09:34 Gene wrote:




that defintely deserves to be in the first post.

You suck and I hate the fuck out of you and i want you out the fuck of this fucking forum you spit sucking slimy sick excuse for rotting zombie flesh that you are and you are too because thats all you fuck is ugly rotting smell of death zombie flesh from every bad horror flick ever produced your wretch winch witch hosebag mother was a fucking corpse anyway even from the very begginning when she was born out of a rank and dirty green diseased piss filled test tube she is ill with countless sexual diseases because she got them from makin it with the garbage trash that you and your sleazy worthless kind do it with and you live like a slob too you dont even flush your hideous toilet or use deodorant so you smell like the crack of a bums ass the kind your sister licks with her lizard like forked toungue at lunchtime to get her nourishment at least when she isnt near a dirty smell scummy toilet where she can lick and chew and gnaw with her yellow rotting teeth on the lumps of toilet paper that are filled with vast quantities hard peanutty lumps of poop and thats what makes up her draino caustic ridden chemically imbalanced brain too cause she is stupid and drives a really shitty car the kind that they would use in maacco commercials but its even worse than that cause they wouldnt even consider using it in their commercial cause it was too ugly and stinky so she fucked the director for nothing and ate his shit because she liked it and had to have it fill her repugnant slut mouth right up to and even beyond the bitches brim just like your ganglean yak anus loving dick does at the end of a long night when you come home from the starCaliber bars because you couldnt get some shit eater like yourself to piss on you so you have to have her do it and she doesnt even do it well either because she is more used to pissing on herself which is fine since she was bread that way to begin to be a piss drinking whore of the world more than likely even though she gets more than enough practice from all her white trash scummy trailer park and gutter whore friends that are always tweeking and shooting up diareaha from leaking rotting corpses cause their lives are so god damned miserable and meaningless cause they work at mac donalds eating the stuff from the grease traps and licking the floor clean in search of pubic hairs to add to heir collections that they have stuffed between their teeth they should have their faces mashed against the hot grill and their genitals cut off made into french fries and deep fried in boiling oil but thats too good for them they should be made to slave for ronald mac donald for their entire fucking lives they gleefully chew and suck on that queer ronalds ding a ling all all the ding dong day long for free cause they love him and because he is a nazi with masculine black reflective jack boots to shove up their bitch asses ronald boy grinds their heads into tiny piles of ashes he laughs at them and makes their lives a living hot breathing hell hell where they belong alongside you getting your butt reamed by the devils hot boiling tongue and you will love it too cause you are a chump and demons from all over know that your sisters give it away for free this is why they let them live so that I can kill them with my fucking bare hands squeeze their guts out of their stinky rancid cunts that scientists dont even know how to describe cause its so god damn gross and smelly everyone within a hundred miles or kilometers or whatever pukes all over the place these are good innocent people and your family and you are making them puke i should kill you pump fifty million billion trillion hot screaming rusty bullets into your face and body there arent enough bullets in the entire world for you and your poor excuse for a family they would have to have the factories make them day and night forever and ever i will shoot you until my gun melts dripping hot metal on your fucking piece of shit you call a body girls laugh at you when you go to the beach you have no right to even be seen near water at all cause you surely dont bathe in it do you fucker head with that matted uncut dirty seaweed you call hair you are to cheap to even go to supercuts they wouldnt let you in anyway they will scream and run away from you but i wont i will shove handgrenades up your filthy butthole but i sure wont forget to wear rubber gloves as thick as plywood and a gas mask too cause you fart all the time you stink and kids make fun of you and make you feel like an idiot for doing so but you cant help it cause your sick demonic sucking family dinner ritual begins when your mother farts in your dads face while he jacks off on top of your dinner you enjoy watching his anus open gaping wide while your mother sticks her tongue into it and sucks out all that ancient shit that wont come out naturally cause hes so constipated all the time cause he sits all day at home cause no one will hire him because he looks like a retard and snot is always running out of his nose onto the floor by the gallon and you bottle it up in a thermos so you can drink it when you are on the street bumming money and no one gives it to you but you give it to them all the way down your throat too and they laugh at you and hit you and beat you and ram steel girders attached to funny cars into your measly little balls that you make little girls suck but they throw up i hate you and i havent even begun yet cause theres so many things fucked up about you so why cant you just realize that you have no need to even be a part of this galaxy or dimension you arent even fit to be an alien on star trek mr spock would kill you on sight he is too smart to let you get away with living and annoying people day and night you have annoyed everyone on the planet ten times over they see you coming and get sick to their stomachs i should call up the air force and have them blow up an atomic bomb in your face and video tape it so everyone can enjoy watching you get fried on the big screen and we will humiliate you and your highly inbred family by tieing them up naked behind a speeding jet car and dragging them all over the salt flats after weve covered it with nails and broken glass and hot lava you suck shit i hate you and there arent enough words in the dictionary to describe it so i will say it over and over and brainwash you into killing yourself you piece of turd what the hellwhy dont you get the fuck out of this city what are you doing listening this it just proves what a simple cocksucker shithead you are get out or fucking kill yourself or are you too god damn fucking chicken you are arent you you fucking worthless slob i hate you you are ugly get off of my sidewalk why should i have to put up with you just because you pretend to live here bullshit you are nothing but bullshit you make me sick of all that you and your kind do you are taking up my space man and i dont like it not at all damn you go burn your house down and go to jail and get buttfucked like you should because you are such a god damn fuckwadded fagacite i should just kill you myself but that would be much to easy your family can eat your anus but i wont you stink of swamp shit and i dont have anything to do with swamp shit but you do because you are and thats why i am telling you this because im tired of wasting my time looking for ways to annihilate you off the god damn face of this fucking planet its being taken over by scum suck fuckers and you are one and i am gonna send you a letter bomb filled with nails and other such horribly devastating objects to rip your ugly face completely and totally off the same face that i have to look at everywhere i go im pissed and i want you fucking out of here even if i have to call in jets to do it carrying bombs and missiles and butt piercing bullets that will rip your fucking ass off so you will quit stuffing things up it that dont belong to you go die you are a piece of dung that isnt worth coming out of a mad cows hairy hemorrhoidal ass i wanna cut your fucking prick off and feed it to your kids in the poor district shit head you are brainless and you dont even know how to tie your shoes because if you did you wouldnt trip so much would you asshole breath when was the last time you thought of killing yourself its been a long time probably so why dont you go do it tonight so i can get some sleep im tired of you waking me up you bastard i will burn your house down i will paint your fucking life black i want to ruin your donkey dick shit swallowing cow cunt sucking life and warp the minds of your poor pathetic dirty children so that they will grow up to be deranged and fuck themselves with broken glass and roam the streets to get hit by cars i will turn them against you you commie pinko cheadar headed buttfucker go sell some of your drugs to your mom so she can overdose and die then you can fuck her like you do your dogs cats and babies you live in hopes that you will become rich or some shit like that you wont so fuck you you cant cause you cant do anything good at all except nothing you can do nothing real good because you are nothing god damn it you are a piece of the ugliest stinkly asshole of your ever so worthless parents your mother is a whore and fucks bums and sucks their dicks and swallows their alcoholic cum cause she cant get enough you let her tongue your asshole and then you shit in her mouth and she spreads it on your dick and sucks it off cause she will suck any strange diseased penis for nothing because she has to have it in her mouth and your dirty pathetic children are the same way you love to rape your little kids tight pussies because they scream and its the only way you can get off when you dont have some ugly fat slobs stinky mildew cunt in your mouth right get the fuck out of here i am going to rip you into pieces and cram them down the sewer so the rats can eat you and shit you out of their anuses because you are a rats ass and rats shit and its what you deserve today right now you lazy fuck go die git leave and go stick your fat head on a railroad track so it can get squashed or i will nail you to the front of a semi truck and drive it over a fucking cliff you son of a bitch you cant comprehend that cause you are too brainless so just fill your house with gas and light a match you cant even do that you are so worthless i cant trade you for dirt you cant do anything but take up space you are a vegetable that rots in sewage and slime you eat bugs and brush your teeth with piss and defecate on the floor and sleep in it because you love shit and you eat shit you are shit i hate you you completely suck im not through yet you deserve all that you can get today now and surely not tomorrow because of the flat worm that you are slime sucking pus filled bag of cartilage is what your head is made out of because you sure dont have any brains they have been buttfucked out of your skull by the dick hungry aliens that spewed forth from your mamas pussy coming from sucking down all that rancid sticky sperm from fat sweaty drunk and dirty diseased bums that live in your house you attract flies and you should be poisoned in your sleep by somebody with lots of money to give to me for killing your gross asshole with dynamite up your bug infested butthole you are gross and you eat and lick the insides of porta potties after they have been abandoned in the desert for years in the hot sun and you live in them too and thats why you have no reason to exist at all leave this planet you dont even speak and cohearent language you are dumb and nothing comes out of your mouth but sludge except cum from your dads herpe ridden dick that is so small it is too small a meal for even a tiny little ant you have every sickness in the world you contaminated sloth fuck you to death with an i beam you need to be raped and beaten within an inch of your life you shit faced asshole pig fucker you fuck pigs cause you are one you are to stupid to know the difference between animal cunt and your own you suck on bricks to pass the time you need to be taken to a junkyard and cut with rusty metal and then have a corroded drive shaft rammed up your ass by an entire pro football team you drunk worthless stinky sheep fucker get out of my face you are utterly ugly and disgusting in unimaginable vast quatities of ways and means you make me sick take your god damn dog with you too your dog is so stupid you make him eat the shit out of your asshole cause he is too dumb to know how to eat dog biscuits he is a mangy mutt that should be put to sleep but they wont waste perfectly good poison on him he should be run over by a truck laden with the heaviest of steel and concrete so as to squash him into a pancake that no one will recognize except of course your whore of a mother who will scrape it off with her teeth and take it to your messy dirty house to be cooked for dinner so your dad can get the energy up to fuck your sisters while listening to you moan and groan as i stick needles into your eyes you dont need to see cause no one wants to see you you suck and you live in a man hole but you arent a man you are a worthless pile of shit carrying diseases and you love it i will burn you with a piece of molten sun go die i hate you leave this planet you are hated and loathed in every corner of the world even the penguins at the south pole hate you and want to kill you they wait day and night for you to step foot on their continent they will freeze you in a block of ice for an eternity if they even see you and i would drag you there naked over a dirt road but there is such a long line of people waiting to destroy you and your entire buttfucking excuse for a family they will just lynch all of you and rip their guts out and let them run into the street why dont you just save them the trouble and run into the street right now so as the cars can run you down into the dirt where you belong you are dirt you eat dirt that has poop in it you suck on exhaust pipes in your spare time you haven't the luck to do it long enough to kill yourself climb into my engine compartment so my cars fan can get a chance to cut your skankly green dick off so you cant reproduce and make this world even more unbearable for everyone else go eat dead bodies they are your only source of fucking food cause food wilts spoils and dies when around your rancid filthy body god hates you too you make my grass die when you walk down the street i should call the fucking cops they will arrest you for every crime in the book and you wont be able to run in that silly ass way that you do cause the cops will have helicopters and drop napalm on you it is worth losing a whole block if they can get you the cops have a picture of your ugly pus covered face in every car they own even the cops on tv have orders to shoot you full of holes on sight you cant hide you never learned how to hide you are too stupid to grasp the idea of hide and seek the kids never played with you in school because you dressed like a fucking slob hippy fuck from some worthless past decade they kicked you and teased you and made you suck their cocks even the school nurse filled hypos with acid and shot up your eyeballs as the teachers watched and laughed at you cause you were fucking dumb they tried to teach you but they couldnt you always had shit in your mouth so they couldnt understand you fucking rotting widerbeast cock eater i will smash your fucking face in with a crescent wrench the biggest and heaviest that they make and then stick your brain in a blender and feed it to fat people at jenny craigs and watch them puke cause your little brain isnt worth anything as food much less as garbage it is garbage but the garbage men will ignore it and pretend it isnt there when i put i out they wont take it cause it will ruin their truck those trucks cost alot of money and you owe everyone enough as it is you humongous scumpot buffalo anus chewing blister headed roach faced whore slime fuck get the fuck out of here i will run you out of town myself and i wont need marshall dillon to do it because you never heard of him because your tv sucks and gets shitty reception cause you are too stupid to attach an antennae to it they wouldnt even sell you one at the tv store cause you were to cheap to buy basic cable and you stunk so bad and had so many flies around you laying eggs in your hair you are a maggot nursery you scared off all the customers everything about you is totally sick your measly life is pathetic you suck and your whole family sucks go kill your self with a god damn chainsaw i will cut down the biggest tree in the world and let it fall on you and squash you into the fucking dirt you are fertilizer that plants and bugs dont even eat you are truly non scrumptious to even the lowest of all life forms if rocks were alive they wouldnt touch you either nothing on this great planet will touch you at least it was great until you came along my job is to basicly eradicate disintegrate and annihilate you into total nothingness not even a trace of you has to be here or it will grow into another one of you and thats all this world needs is another bad sci fi horror show but i wont mind cause i will get to destroy you all over again yes and i will too so lets get fucking started shall we i wont show you any mercy cause you dont deserve any not even from god he is waiting also to kill the shit out of you he hates you he didnt even make you to begin with that was someone that broke into his house when he was out creating another universe cause you have ruined this one with your presence you are trash and you have ruined this whole universe and now we have to make spaceships to get the fuck out of here but we wont have to if you destroy yourself now do it scum or i will cave in your chest with a dozen industrial strength acme buggs bunny pneumatic jackhammers and rip out your insides and sell it to alpo for dog food but they will laugh and slam the door cause you are poison and filth and you have bad taste all one has to do is look ever so slightly into your trashy condemned piece of shit house and they will scream and run away your bed is full of bugs and lice and you sleep with bums from third world countries so you can ram their dirty cocks into your gaping sewer of a cunt the subway is cleaner than you are you are fucking fucked up man go to the cemetery and dig yourself a grave and i will throw your ass in and bury you alive and encase the whole area in super quick dry concrete to make sure you stay there then i will go to your house and i will microwave all your stinky smelly mangy pets and watch and laugh as they explode and cover the kitchen walls with blood i will piss gleefully all over your photographs of your ridiculous family cause they are mangy like the exploded dogs and cats you fuck in your bedroom i have to torch it all down to the ground to make it safe to live for other people that are unfortunate enough to live near you or even remotely pass through the area in sheer pain and agony you give them all nightmares you are so hideous and disgusting i will sell grenade launchers to your neighbors so they can so they can murder your brothers and sisters and anyone else who has anything to do with you whatsoever in the slightest tiniest bit at all ever i totally hate you dude or should i say dud that would certainly be more like it wouldnt it but you cant answer me because i have crammed poisonous lizards into your face and mouth you suck and are a lowlife and you and i but mostly i have the need to have every kind of pain known to man and unman and super man ultra man spider man cool man and the man inflicted upon you you need to suffer all the time everywhere everyday no matter which vacation spot you try to run away to i will find you i will punch your titties into your spine and paralyze you and drop you into a gigantic pool of hungry young maggots and carpet beetles but you deserve more than that cause you deserve nothing at all people never listen to you and ignore you because they are sick of the sound of your voice and i am too and i will run a sears roto tiller over your head over and over and take pictures of it and pass them around your school with pictures of both of your parents sucking and fucking giant prehistoric sloth beasts your dick looks like a dog dick only worse cause that would be offensive to all dogs everywhere and your cunt looks like a rotted hole in the side of a ten day old battlefield corpse i would put you on a space ship and blast you off to another galaxy but it will come back because the aliens will have nothing to do at all with you you arent even considered by them to be even the lowest of all life forms you are so fucking useless your destiny is to rot in your own mind and go crazy and torture yourself for an eternity with oh so brief periods of normalness so you can forget the torture you have suffered only to have it happen again a howitzer a blender chopping away at your genitals i will be at the controls and i will waste your family and spouse in front of you and have them raped into nothingness by alien beings from other planets and i will sell tickets and make a fortune so i can live in splendor you disgusting poor excuse for matter that you are i hate you completely and totally i kill you in my sleep and when i am awake and so did everyone else that ever lived ever since the beginning of all time known and unknown even the animals and plants hate you they would like to see you live in the streets and set on fire on a daily basis you bastard fuckhole starCaliber nazi piece of trash bitch fucker and sucker of all that is repugnant and surely not to forget as well all that is sickly and gross and disgustingly corroded with puke from a thousand drunken junkie slimeballs that live in bowling alleys to die a thousand million deaths isnt even enough for you either and your whore of a girlfriend that needs to have her head converted into a trash can for toxic waste that is all she is good for besides a lousy fuck you would have thought she couldnt fuck anything any more cause she fucks anything that moves including things that dont move like rocks and hammers and broken wine bottles but it doesnt have to be a wine bottle or even a broken bottle but she has had so many thousands of regular bottles up there she has gotten to the point where only broken wine bottles will fuck her she is a fucking slut mangy fat whoring bitch and soon even the broken wine bottles will have nothing to do with her then she will have to go back to rocks and when that peters out she will have you because trash fucks trash and begets even more trash that you screw also even though it is incest you bastarding whoring fucking shitty junk heap of unwanted broken plates with stupid brainless designs on them nobody wants likes or needs you go kill your head with a blast of ddt you are lower than the lowly hairy dangling dick of a sewer roach scummy gross idiot you are trash i will kick your god damn fuck ass all the way down the street i will sick rabid dogs on your butt you are so moldy they would rather die than bite you so why dont you just bite yourself i will even sharpen your teeth though you have none they rotted out of your skull a long time ago or should i say that your dentist felt sorry for them being trapped in that crummy head of yours that he yanked them out just before committing suicide because he could not believe that he even got close to your horrible ugly smelly mouth just to save some teeth but thats his job to save teeth and my job is to knock teeth in and we will start with you because you are first in someones mind when they think about whose teeth they would like to knock in with a steel bar covered with many countless unbelievably sharp edges so sharp that it doesnt even have to get near something to cut it completely and absolutely totally off the entire fucking face of the planet where no one can find it again not even god and he wont even bother cause i have told you he hates you and wants you to cease to exist he hates your furniture and your house it looks like every broken down ugly abandoned crack house combined even all the ones that the cops shut down and they are shutting them down because they are looking for you mother fucker and its only a matter of time before they find you and bring you to me so i can torment you and make you eat your dads testicles and lick the hot asphalt streets covered with oil and rocks and animal carcasses you will keep listening because what i say is the holy truth and fact and even scientists from everywhere say that yes you need to die and the sooner the better you sack of shit with dead smelly fish in it i will go into the future and bring back the biggest most modern and destructive gun ever in the universe and jam your head down inside the barrel with my foot and just before you suffocate i will pull the trigger and the whole planet will cheer and they will make me king of earth and i will have all the pussy i want you asshole you will die and i will be thanked daily for the rest of time come on in i am ready i will kick your ass i will write about destroying you and it will be a best seller everyone wants to stick an axe in your chest and twist it they will look deep into your eyes and laugh until their sides split you are a walking comedy you are a hundred bad drivers you are so dumb stupid and pathetic you dont even know how to play candyland and even if you had candyland the company who makes it would find out cause all of a sudden all the other candyland games would stink when children opened them up and the company would take it back from you and slap you in the fucking face for even thinking that they made the game for you to even know about much less play it and all those poor kids with stinky candyland games that they got for christmas you have ruined christmas for them and santa clause will make a special trip from the north pole to fucking kill you and make you suck the caca out of his reindeers asses then he will call christ and he will fucking nail you to a cross and tell his dad to strike you with lightning every hour on the hour and call down vultures to eat away at your eyeballs you will die and i will be first in line to watch i will piss and defecate on your grave i will kick over your headstone and carve giant swastikas on it and spray paint your address on every wall and flat surface in the world so people can go to your house any time they want day or night and abuse you and torture and maim and burn and squash your little pecker and shove it in to your fucking mouth so you can choke on it and barf yourself inside out so i can pour salt on your insides and take a cheese grater to your balls you damn dirty dick licking dirt clod you slovenly dimwitted shitheaded shitkicker go suck a horses dick i will ravage your family with fire and bombs i will destroy your lives you are all fucking shitty and insignificant and have no use being you fucking sucking shithole fag licker of street gutters your mom lives in the gutter i will crush her damn head cause your brain is made by purina cause you have such a dog face from sticking your nose in poodle butts you bastard slime let me fucking rip you in half and drag you across the desert i want to drown you in my toilet and flush you down the pipes to the sewage treatment plant where you will probably fuck up the machines and nobody will be able to use their toilets anymore so they will have to tie you up and shit in your mouth you will get so constipated and we will shove a cork in your ass to make you explode all over the walls and we will make your children clean it up with their hair it is so matted and rotted anyway who will know the difference i will know the difference i can spot you and your kind from far far away even from another planet even if i was blind and on another planet you cannot hide anywhere and no one will let you anyway you are trapped there is no way out you will see my bullets coming towards you in slow motion yet you will not be able to escape and parts of your body will be shredded one by one and you will scream scream scream in such terrible agony i cant even begin to describe it without using up all time in the world but if you wake up my neighbors i will kick your fucking lame chicken ass in so just remember that when you wake up and find that your legs have been cut off and you feel like screaming you dumb slobbering idiot go suck an egg i fucking hate you to death you damn dirty urinal licker when are you going to put a shotgun in your disgusting mouth fucker head i will destroy you i will disintegrate you into a pile of ashes and dump you into an ashtray so everyone can stick their cigarettes out on your miserable ass you dirty bastard you will be hung and beaten with rusty iron chains the heaviest that they make then you will be staked out in the desert to dehydrate and decompose in the hot sun your eyes will boil away what the hell is going on here why are you even on this planet why do you exist at all you septic tank sucker i will tell you you mother fucker you exist so as i can torment you and spit on you and tell you how much you fucking suck you bastard you are so fucking ugly when you walk down the street people scream and run to the bomb shelters and get flame throwers to burn you to cinders you are their entertainment i will ruin you to the utmost of my endlessly praised and admired ability when it comes to the subject of your destruction and who is to do it my ability far exceeds the limits of your measly mealy little raoch nipple brain so i will have to show you i will give a sample to your head i will demonstrate my powers of annihilation on the members of your family i will make their lives a living three dimensional hell and i am not talkin walt disney either i will starve them and urinate and defecate on their crushed and mangled bodies and i will have the time of my life smashing you out of existence it will give me the utmost pleasure and people will think of me forever after as a living god for ridding the universe of your entity when people eat a hero sandwich they will think of me because i am the one living being that will stop at absolutely nothing to eradicate you into total anti matter and that is all that matters to me and everyone else they hate you i hate you the gods even hate you especially zeus he is just aching to pump countless bolts of lightning into your fanny he will bring back to life every roman gladiator and they will slaughter you one by one over and over again yes it will be a glorious undertaking the klingons will have their turn too and so will everyone else that has ever lived in fiction or nonfiction they will all pay me huge and ludicrous sums of money to get a chance to destroy you and i will have a penthouse and women and you name it mother fucker i will tear you and punch holes in your tongue with an awl ya baby i am just getting started so you will read and read on cause this is about you and all for you my knives are for you my guns are for you my bombs missiles grenades landmines every tool of destruction known to man is at my disposal it was all donated to me with a hand shake and a smile once they knew what i needed them for your time has come it is your end bayba hallelujah praise all the gods of war and destruction your dead mutha fuckah i will kill yer ass an dats garunteeed i have all the heavy weight muthas on my side we are talkin god and jesus and allah and zeus and apollo and adolf hitler and lizzy borden and charles manson and abe lincoln and bozo and ready kilowatt and sugar bear and the whole crew from the honey comb hide out and gi joe not those little ones either were talking bout scarface gi joe and evel knievel and ghengis cahn and captain kirk and godzilla and general destructo and spider man and the entire planet of the apes and charles bronson and mike tyson and secret sauce agent and william shakespeare and jabber jaw and madonna and fucking everyone man you are dead meat we will kill your ass you are fucked forever you cant deny your destiny i will see to that you big fat slob of a cock eater you i hate you to no ends to infinity even past infinity so fuck you i will light you on fire and dowse you with fucking gasoline and other such highly flammable liquids shit head i ache to fry you and boil you in tar i have all kinds of nifty things in store for you mutha let the lord be praised for giving me such powers of complete and total carnage and i even have his permission to do with you anything i want he has washed his hands of you and left you to me for whatever and i will too you walking talking bag of used cat litter you fucking whore you will take anything up your pussy your cunt is a fucking vacuum cleaner that only sucks up things that are dirty and rusted and covered with mold and puke you suck on popsicles made from frozen diarrhea you never eat anything else but fecal matter except maybe maggots and some other shit like that shit you know what the fuck i mean your the one that does it not i you fuckin cocksucker do you understand now why i hate you of course not you are too fucking retarded you are a nitwit a dufus and a simple and complete moron i will grind you against the roughest and harshest substances known to exist and i will put them on my black and decker belt sander and run it back and forth across your body but lets start with your ugly face so i wont have to look at it while i finish the job and this job pays well too even though i would gladly do it for free the thought of actually receiving truck loads of moola for doing something that i enjoy as much and even more than anything else makes me do it with that much bigger a smile on my face and even more warmth in my heart and laughter laughter laughter it is hilarious to watch you in such pain and to know that i am the sole perpetrator of your torture and punishment you were mistakenly brought into this world now you must you will and you are right now even as i speak and shove this skewer up your filthy ass suffering the consequences of your actions that were of course made by no thought of your own but i dont care do you hear me i dont fucking fucking care you are dead and thats all that matters and thats all that you even need think about cause thats all that your tiny mind can handle just you leave the how and why and what to me i will do a good job blowing you away you have the best turning you into the dirt that you are cause i hate you and i want you dead to all the universe and everything in it no one will ever find your remains they will be spread all over the galaxy it will take a five year mission an ten thousand dr whos to find you but they wont find you and do you want to know why ha ha ha ha ho ho he he ha because thats why because they fucking dont care either and they never ever will ever thats why you dick head they hate you i told you you idiot everyone hates you everyone is on my side you havent got a prayer not even a chance in millions you have no hope of escaping they are all waiting everything that is nasty and painful awaits you patiently cause every possible combination of torture and torment will be inflicted upon you we have the biggest super computers in the world working day and night coming up with new and interesting ways of fucking with you physically and mentally as well with others we might have overlooked you just name it sooner or later it will happen to you it is all heading in your direction it has one and only one target in mind and that is of course you who the fuck else you dummy what did you think that there was someone else do you think i would go through all this trouble for someone else ha ha bullshit you are so fucked and hated that there is only one of you to destroy it would be nice if we had exact copies of you to kill along with yourself but unfortunately we dont but we do have the immediate members of your family on ice so that when we are finished with you we can have a big party and start up on them yes sir it will be a blast what me and my cronies will do to them will turn your stomach but then again maybe it wont cause we will just do to them what we did to you we might change the order a bit for variety but so what who cares where you are concerned no one does thats who you are a bad fuck kill yourself and save us the trouble you will try that and it wont work cause you were meant to be destroyed by me and me alone and if i want others to join in on the fun who hate you too thats my god damn business so fuck off you big fuckin weenie i will roast you and feed you too baseball fans but they will take just one bite and go running to the john to throw up and shit all kinds of diaherrea out of their asses and you will be there to catch it too with your mouth wide open begging and pleading for more caca to be heaved in your direction and will it ever be heaved in your direction we are talking about dump trucks and forklifts and bulldozers and every other kind of heavy machinery available to man yes their wheels will roll over you relentlessly crushing and mangling your body so your own mother wont recognize it but all she will have to do is look at that filthy butthole of yours and she will recognize you immediately cause she has spent so much time with her tongue up there how many times a day does she scratch and claw at your pants to get you to give her an opportunity to reach way up your butthole and grab hold of mounds of hot shit that she can spread all over her naked body and then lay outside in the hot sun and bask in the stink and masturbate with dead rattlesnakes i will tell you how many times none thats how many because all she has to do is ask and you gladly have her do it and teach your sisters to do it and your dad cause you and your whole family are fucking sick they need to be put away they need to be taken to a field and bombed by lowflying aircraft from every nation in the world we will test nerve gas on your family we will shoot you up with gallons of toxic drugs and watch and laugh as you peel off your skin and eat it yes why dont you just consume yourself that will be easy enough we will cook one of your arms over an open fire and let you eat it then we will do the same to your other arm and your legs and when thats all done and you are nothing but an even more useless torso we will just shoot you and use you as shark bate mother fucker full of shit that you are i will kick your ass i will fuckin kill you man you god damn homo fucking ass sucking living rot i hate you i will tar and feather and burn you pump a thousand pounds of compressed air into you until you fucking explode dont you realize dont you fucking get it i know your dumb and stupid and you are a moron and that is why i am drilling it into your head this is my job we have already covered that the only thing you need do is just listen to me listen to me because i am right listen to me because you have no mind of your own listen to me because you are searching for destruction but you dont have to search i am more than willing to bring it to your front door you asshole i am your armageddon man i am dominos pizza guaranteed fresh hot free delivery to you the one i hate what more can you ask for than to have the same service delivered to your crazy fucked up and smelly loved ones but you dont need to ask this is just what i am talking about you are so dumb this is a fucking package deal not only do we wipe you out but we wipe everyone out that has anything to do with you we have a list and we are checking it twice we will decide who will get slaughtered and fried mutha fuckah jam jam jam on it you will die thats all there is to it theres no tell in which one of us will do it so get this shit head yer fukin history baby go get the fuck out of here you are a scum and suck fuck off eat shit go jump on the slow boat to china and when you do get to china we will be right there to blow your fucking head to smithereens got it you bastard you piece of turd you amount to nothing not one iota ziltcho zero nada the big circle we will sell your children to satanists to use in their rituals we will make tapes of it so that the torture of your children can be seen and enjoyed by millions on the geraldo show your annihilation will be the hippest and most popular saturday morning entertainment for all the kids who you went to school with especially the neilsons who teased you and hit you and beat on you and called you names and who hated you and made you eat their shit and suck their dicks they will all watch you fry and take part in call in surveys of what to do to you next it will be fun it will be a fun family entertainment extravaganza for us all and not only on a sunday morning either but on every day of the week like morton downey jr like the six o clock news like reruns and wheel of fortune pat sajak will crucify you on the wheel himself and spin it and vanna white will menstruate all over your spinning body you will get so sick from spinning that you will puke in one long gigantic barf that will leave you completely hollow and your organs and guts will be all over the set and we will stomp on them and mash them with our feet and then feed it to snails also of course long sharp burning white hot shards of tempered glass will be dropped on you from the top of a skyscraper while you are chained to the street so cars carrying gleefully stoked to the max passengers can play havoc with your ugly deformed zitty pestilent stinky rancid moldy body you trashy bottle fucking masturbating necrophilic your torture will give all of us who hate your miserable ass such a rip roaring good time budwieser will be drunk dry and then after we are drunk we will drive dozens of large older and incredibly heavy and cheap automobiles recklessly into your home your mother and father will cover the bottom of our vehicles your kids will eat the glass of our headlights and your girlfriend your girl friend will be train fucked and i mean we will tie her down and literally drive a roaring mile long amtrak up her gaping hole what you have the nerve to call her pussy we will be on a cunt hunt when we find the cunt we will shoot her and cut her fucking head off and stuff it in a trash bin behind a seven eleven where it will rot and decay into a mound of dust and all the poor decayed maggots who died thinking they had found a meal but they found poison instead you bastard how dare you bring that on poor innocent maggots fuck you you will pay you bastard you will pay with your services as a being to be hated and destroyed fucking fuck you fuck fuck you and fuck you to death fucking die die die die die i hate hate hate you i hate all of you come to me i will crush you into and right through the pavement i will beat you with my fists until nothing is left not even the tiniest morsel of your being will escape me i will pound you into the dirt until the earth splits in half i will torment you till the sun is reduced to a single ice cube wandering around the universe aimlessly in search of a freezer i will take you out to space and toss you into a fucking black hole let carl sagan deal with your pitiful shit i wont have it any more do you fucking understand me you slovenly wretch of a human being but you arent a human you are a cheap imitation a poorly informed imposter your are dead meat and youre mine mine to destroy mine to obliterate mine to throw into the depths of the deepest hottest inferno yah mutha you are mine and i am lovin it you dont know just how bitchin it is to have your very own torture toy it is great and thats all you need to know cause i will tell you what ever the fuck i want to if i want to tell you to bite your tongue in half or i will mash your balls in a vise hey thats my business not yours so fuck off and do what i tell you and without delay either cause if you postpone any of my enjoyment by god forbid procrastinating i will beat the shit out of you and cut your little sisters titties off got that clown idiot jerko you better because i am not laughing mother fucker i hate you and i always will hate you forever and ever and we are not talking just until the cows come home or until hell freezes over or when the fat lady sings we are talking forever man you suck and stink and smell and i will kill you you are a worthless piece of trash the worst thing ever to happen to gods universe and you are dead meat all of us feel the same way and we wont rest because fucking with you is how we get our jollies and our jollies are very important to us you bastard go die i hate you now you fuck go back to the beginning of this story the best story that has ever been written or ever will be fuck the bible as it has nothing on this fine piece of work and start all over again or i will kill the shit out of you i didnt think you would obey me thats why i love to fuck with you because you are a never ending inspiration you piss me off so much all the time i always have energy to kill and maim you i have endless credit with the swiss banks and all the worlds defense departments to get as many weapons as i need want or could ever ask for to obliterate your poor pathetic weenie into dust space dust because thats where i would have to put it deep into space so deep.

On July 10 2004 13:55 Beyonder wrote:
Okay, this should be a funny thread (I don't care if its done before or not). Post multiple if you want to!

1. Imagine me really young, around 4 years old! I was eating raisins. I picked up a piece of bunny-poo and then offered it to my mom pretending it was a raisin. She actually ate it. Still mentions it on every birthday. :O

2. I once printed several goatse.cx pictures and dumped em in the gathering place of my high school. There was a huge crowd around them at one point, all saying stuff like 'ewwwww' 'omg' (only in Dutch^^)Also put one infront of my class on the board. Such a fucked up thing to do! Come to think of it, I once showed goatse to my mom too - she ran out of the room in lightning speed.

3. This dude kept on calling me names, making me so mad that I actually beat him up bad. At the end of the fight I grabbed him by the hair and knocked him against a wooden fence thingy. At this point his sister ran up to me as fast as she could (she was older than me, he was my age.) During the running process, when she came near me, I kicked her really hard in the stomache. She collapsed on the floor.

I later heard she had a broken rib and he had some concussion. >_<

On July 10 2004 14:03 ReBanned wrote:
Beyonder pwns those girls

On July 10 2004 16:38 Casper... wrote:
the goatsec guy isn't gay
he just likes to play with his ass

On July 10 2004 16:07 SojT wrote:
when we were in 8th grade some at a pary type thing this kid was being a big fag to everyone so when he went to bed we got a broom stick a condom and some lube and shoved it up his ass.
he started bleeding and i felt bad

On November 10 2005 12:13 Casper... wrote:


you know i'm right
i invest that much time and effort and money i want a finished product
not some selfish bitch with gradeschool fuck skills

how someone fucks tells you basically everything u need to know about them

On August 06 2005 21:42 ~OpZ~ wrote:
Let me explain knowledge = power

Nuke = power

Knowledge to create nukes = key to power

Threatening the world with 50 nukes = power

Understand?

On August 06 2005 21:58 Casper... wrote:
knowledge is not power

knowledge

power

not the same thing

one starts with K
the other starts with P
one ends in E
the other ends in R

i have scientifically proved that knowledge is not power
gg no re

On August 06 2005 21:59 Casper... wrote:
rofl

On August 04 2005 00:47 OhThatDang wrote:


hes not mexican :p

On August 04 2005 00:51 Casper... wrote:
yes i prefer latino thx
mexican just sounds dirty for some reason
like i don't bathe or something

On July 15 2004 17:00 Casper... wrote:
you tell your girl that you love her
then dump her
ok man
ok

On July 15 2004 17:56 Casper... wrote:
some of you seem to think that bitches is rational creatures
lolz
lolz

On September 16 2005 22:22 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:


Monday: Played BW Today.

Tuesday: Played BW Today.

Wednesday: Played BW Today.

Thursday: Played BW Today.

Friday: Played BW Today.

Saturday: Played BW Today.

Sunday: Played BW Today.

Monday: Played BW Today.

Tuesday: Played BW Today.

Wednesday: Played BW Today.

Thursday: Played BW Today.

Friday: Played BW Today.

Saturday: Played BW Today.

Sunday: Played BW Today.

Monday: Played BW Today.

Tuesday: Played BW Today.

Wednesday: Played BW Today.

Thursday: Played BW Today.

Friday: Played BW Today.

Saturday: Played BW Today.

Sunday: Played BW Today.

Monday: Played BW Today.

Tuesday: Played BW Today.

Wednesday: Played BW Today.

Thursday: Played BW Today.

Friday: Played BW Today.

Saturday: Played BW Today.

Sunday: Played BW Today.




repeat until it isnt funny anymore

On February 24 2006 09:15 IcedEarth wrote:
Rita vs USA!

On February 24 2006 12:41 LetMeBeWithYou wrote:
I am a legend.

On a more serious note, I still don't know how I got that URL.

On February 24 2006 12:34 venusian.kohai wrote:
Can someone link me to that thread where someone says: K K K K KOMBO BREAKER!

On February 24 2006 12:53 Hot_Bid wrote:

i believe you. i mean, your penis accidentally started filling up with blood, and suddenly you accidentally got this urge to look at some naked animated girls, so you accidentally open up your web browser, accidentally click "bookmarks" or "recently viewed web pages" and accidentally go to one of the many hentai sites you have there, and accidentally ctrl+c the web address, accidentally jerk off, then when you come back to TL.net and want to make a perfectly innocent thread about lesbian barbies, you accidentally paste the anime porn link.

i mean hey it could happen to anyone

On February 24 2006 12:41 LetMeBeWithYou wrote:
I am a legend.

On a more serious note, I still don't know how I got that URL.

On February 24 2006 13:54 Mynock wrote:
Yeah more links from LetMeBe pls, I wonder if that Tarzan story has a sequel... Hmmm...

On a sidenote, that 20 pages rant Bey posted - where did he get it from? I've seen it on some matrix forums page back in 2003 (Bey posted it here a year later) but I wonder if that was the original...

-Mynock

On February 24 2006 13:57 EvilTeletubby wrote:


Mmmm... I dunno, I tried googling a few unique lines in quotes, and only TL results pulled up. Maybe he added some of his own?

On February 24 2006 12:53 Hot_Bid wrote:

i believe you. i mean, your penis accidentally started filling up with blood, and suddenly you accidentally got this urge to look at some naked animated girls, so you accidentally open up your web browser, accidentally click "bookmarks" or "recently viewed web pages" and accidentally go to one of the many hentai sites you have there, and accidentally ctrl+c the web address, accidentally jerk off, then when you come back to TL.net and want to make a perfectly innocent thread about lesbian barbies, you accidentally paste the anime porn link.

i mean hey it could happen to anyone

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!!!

On February 24 2006 05:11 Patriot.dlk wrote:
THIS IS THE ALL TIME FUNNIEST THING, HOT_BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID

Hot_Bid:

i have a poem, it borrows a little from the rapper ludacris:

scv starts to build
another one can't until
the first one decides to go
mmy annoyance starts to grow
i can't build there!
you can't build there!


move bitch
get out the way
get out the way bitch
get out the way


i wanna place my rax bitch
get out the way
get out the way bitch
get out the way


move bitch
get out the way
get out the way bitch
get out the way


my fac needs a shop bitch
get out the way
get out the way bitch
get out the way


move bitch
get out the way
get out the way bitch
get out the way

On February 24 2006 16:00 sith wrote:
Another funny one was these people kept quote-withing-quoting, for like 5 posts, then this guy was like



damn funny

On February 24 2006 13:04 ManaBlue wrote:


Hahaha, see man, you're just making it worse for yourself.

On February 24 2006 14:22 Mynock wrote:


Link 1

Uh, found an old one.

One more:

Link 2

Oh, I think I found the earliest of them all:

Link 3

Dates way back to 09-10-2001, 21:21:09, and the poster is anonymous

-Mynock

Ubbcode = nice when having big links

- Twisted

On February 24 2006 16:09 sith wrote:


I DON'T CARE THAT I DOUBLE POSTED THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING IN EXISTENCE (EXCEPT FOR THIS) Here

On February 24 2006 09:34 Exalted wrote:
Magic Chair

I'm in the computer lab when I feel that familiar rumbling below my belly. I have to rip one. Big time. It hurts so bad that I know if I stand up it'll force its way out. So I'm stuck there struggling against an imminent fart in a room full of people.

I look around at my peers there in the computer lab. If any of them are under similar pressures, they aren't showing it.

I decide to squeeze out the littlest bit. Just to take the edge off of the pain. It's risky and I know it. When something is that eager to escape, opening the door is ill-advised.

I very carefully release my grip on the beast.

Oh shit! That was way bigger than planned! I feverishly try to look like somebody who didn't just fart in public. I'm writing with my right hand and typing with my left. I'm reading the monitor and a book at the same time. My furrowed brow only hints at the wealth of activity taking place in my mind. It should be inconceivable that somebody this involved can also be farting.

But wait a minute. That thing didn't make a sound. I didn't hear a whisper of what felt like a hearty, burrito-induced ass clap. I've been spared (clearly) by the fart muffling technology of the computer lab chair. I'm pleased and I see opportunty. If the chair can muffle that much, it can muffle a little more.

Blinded by the relief the first fart provided, I push the limits of the chair with the second one. The duration is short but the flow rate is massive. It feels like POW! but it sounds like...

Silence.

This chair is truly amazing! I felt those vibrations up and down my back, but I didn't hear a single note of it. At this point I could safely stand up and walk out to take care of the rest in private, but why bother? This chair cannot be overcome.

I let it all go, and I mean I am going for the gold with this one. A broadening smile forms across my face as the backs of my legs are vibrated into numbness. I can feel my ass cheeks slapping together with great force, almost painfully, yet the chair absorbs all. The suddenly empty feeling of my stomach is surprisingly satisfying.

I return my hands, which had been braced against the desk throughout the tumultuous fart, to the arm rests of this marvelous chair. I triumphantly lean back, pleased with what I've gotten away with.

That's when I realize I am wearing headphones.

There's nothing special about the chair. "Country Grammar" is blaring in my ears. I look again at my peers in the computer lab. They are all looking back at me. People are leaning around computer monitors just to cast a disgusted look in my direction. There are three girls in my same row; each wears a different expression of horror.

If I get up now, I'm the guy who farts and flees - leaving others to deal with my aroma. So I have to sit there typing, in the palpable heat of my own fart, until every last one of them is gone.

[credit to SA]

On February 24 2006 17:23 lil.sis wrote:
seriously i played yesterday

it takes fucking forever to kill someone

FOREVER

what should have been a 10 minute game turned into a 30 minute nightmare

On January 03 2006 18:53 mitsy wrote:
who the fuck cares what you saw or never saw? i've never seen you take a dump. should i conclude that you are full of shit?

On January 01 2006 12:01 Chris307 wrote:
Oh I have a horrible story about American Pie.

When I was like 12 or 13 I was in this habit of always using my dirty socks from the hamper to clean up after "freaking the pole," which would leave the socks very stiff after they dry. Anyway, my sister and mother, who were still doing my laundry for me, would ask me why my socks get "crispy" and they'd be so confused, and then one day they were having a conversation and my sister's like "Why do guys' socks get crispy?!" (I wasn't the only one apparently, her older disgusting boyfriend must have also done this) and my mom just laughed and was like I don't know, maybe they have different feet, and I was just like uhh I dunno who knows, mysteries of the universe

So we're sitting in front of TV one day, and I'm flicking through the HBO channels and I turn on American Pie because I'd never seen it before and it looked hilarious in previews, and all is going good and well until the movie actually starts. Everybody was like "hey this is on I wanted to see this" so I'm like cool, then it goes through the whole opening scene where Jason Biggs' parents walk in on him and he's jerking off into a sock.

On February 24 2006 16:09 sith wrote:


I DON'T CARE THAT I DOUBLE POSTED THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING IN EXISTENCE (EXCEPT FOR THIS) Here

On February 24 2006 21:47 BG1 wrote:
That thread where a guy posts about his wife or girlfiend getting raped and some guy replies -
"Which map ?"

On February 24 2006 22:30 Meta wrote:


ahahahahahahaha that's golden

On February 24 2006 05:56 joinker wrote:

Lx said , my password is "1",and that's too easy to guess.

On February 25 2006 09:25 iloveoo wrote:
When i think about top quotes in TL, i somehow always remember this one:

adobo god on the rekrul vs elky liquibition:

"ahhh, the 7-0 incident was an embarrasment for the american gamer, rekrul. as elky beat him over and over again like a man with a stick beating and lashing on a dog!! the dog ran home beaten beacause of the beatings..."

Blew: "that's quite possibly the worst writing i have ever seen.."

"to mr. bleww

i am so sorry today my friend, for i am not myself today. you see, the human mind is very very complex, sometimes you feel as if you are a dog being beaten by a burly man with a stick, beating and lashing at you with a big stick! then you have no choice now but to run in your dog house and hide, then as you watch outside, you see the two feet of the burly man..... "

it really is too bad that he was banned... he will be missed!

On January 15, 2005, Manifesto7 wrote:

Game 3: Reach (p) 59-48 vs SaferZerg (z) 16-11 on Neo Guillotine

I have heard rumblings about my reporting being somewhat biased towards Reach, and that I should try to be more impartial. I apologize for this, and will try to curb my enthusiasm for him from now on.

The greatest StarCraft player on the earth today (23-28 vs Z) warped in at five, while SaferZerg (4-3 vs P) spawned across the map at eleven. Safer went for a safe twelve pool build while scouting the map, while Odin himself used his brilliant intellect and cunning to start with a forge-first build which quickly led to a fast nexus. It looked as if the game would boil down to a race between Reach’s sairs and Safer’s mutalisks, but in reality there was no competition. Saferzerg was forced to switch to lurkers while the Gifted One’s air power dominated the skies.

While Safer looked to contain with his new lurkers, Reach simply shrugged off his opponents mild attempts at resistance as his dt artfully ninja sliced the drones at Safer’s expansion. Bordering on contempt for this pathetic display of zerg offense, Reach broke out of his main with a zeal/goon/temp army, decimating his opponent’s lurkers and expanding two more times. With only one expansion, Safer was unable to keep up with the protoss macro game, and with every breath Reach gave life to new legions of armies willing to do his bidding. As Safer huddled in the corner of the map, mounting no offense and trying to avoid detection, Reach launched his Spartans relentlessly, raining blue fire down upon the confused and frightened zerg. With the blood running in torrents, Safer quickly taped out in the face of the onslaught, took one look at the face of God, and ran from the MegaWeb studio to find solace in the company of lesser mortals.

Reach simply got up, made all the girls swoon with a single smile, and then got into his cloud car and headed back to the heavens for fine wine and peeled grapes.

Reach > SaferZerg

Unfortunately, this does not change things for my Mudang hero. However, he will ultimately extract revenge upon all those who attempt to sully his name.

On February 25 2006 11:23 ubergamer15 wrote:
Someone find Mani's battle report; the one that started off "The greatest Starcraft player in history..."

EDIT: Aha! Found it:

lolololol

On February 25 2006 11:14 mensrea wrote:
That quote on marriable women by Moltke was one of the funniest posts I've read on this site - but only once I realized he was being quite serious.

On October 20 2005 10:39 Konni wrote:
Draw MoltkeWarding looking at a girl and finding her attractive

On October 20 2005 11:22 SoMuchBetter wrote:
I wanted to give that one a shot

On February 25 2006 11:14 mensrea wrote:
That quote on marriable women by Moltke was one of the funniest posts I've read on this site - but only once I realized he was being quite serious.

On October 09 2004 18:36. 16:15 ahk-gosu wrote:
after watching a huge amount of vods/replays even though im still waiting for my dream siva vs sync vod
i realized that progamers arent really THAT good except a few select people

seriously im not trying to be cocky but i can beat some of these pro gamers.

On February 25 2006 20:07 Jin wrote:
Every post by ahk-gosu in the "I can beat pro-gamers" thread and the following one where he gets owned by a random user on TL.net.

On February 25 2006 20:11 -_- wrote:


Care to link?

On February 24 2006 19:15 Chibi[OWNS] wrote:
ooooo someone post lilsis raise you your life

On February 28 2006 16:15 BroOd wrote:
I've had a shitty day, so I'm going to do a few.



Andy Dick. What an absolute fuckface. I'd sooner hear the dying scream of my only child than have to watch another thing with this god-forsaken cum guzzler in it.



Ryan Seacrest. Another jerkoff. The overwhelming shame of being the same species as this knob gobbler makes me want to sear off my genitals in utter, abject despair.



Margaret Cho. Who decided the stereotypical obnoxious asian girl everyone knew in highschool deserved her own TV show? Margaret Cho: kill yourself you cow.



Vapid Cunt.



Vapid Cunt.



Doug Stanhope. After realizing he couldn't carry a concept as simple as "The Man Show", he's moved on to tricking teenage girls into flashing a video camera for money. After the meteoric fall from TV comedian to smut-peddler, who knows what exciting turns for the worse this dip-shit might have in store. Stay tuned, folks.

EDIT: Ok I'm still angry so I'm gonna do more.



Carrot Top. 1-800-GOFUCKYOURSELF, you hideous clown-freak. If my kids ever look like him I'll strangle them myself. I'd rather watch a team of horses fuck, and then trample, my entire family, than see another one of his commercials or movies. He is quite simply, the worst person who has ever lived or will ever live. Thank god it's 8 PM, because just thinking about him makes me want to grab a telescope and stare directly at the sun.



Rosie O'Donnell. What an irritating slob. She's a glorified groupie, and I wish she'd waddle back into whatever dumpster she spawned in. No wonder she became a lesbian, because hey, they'll take what they can get.



Whatever this troll's name is. Although, in her defence, it can't be easy being that obnoxious and condescending when you're that unfortunate looking. The weakest link here is in your genetics, you goblin.

On September 16 2003 16:45 ilnp wrote:

yeah
happened to me once

On March 14 2008 11:27 GeneralStan wrote:
Epic bump

This thread is hilarious enough to warrant another look.

And somebody has to explain to me why this is funny

from http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=7244

On March 14 2008 11:27 GeneralStan wrote:
Epic bump

This thread is hilarious enough to warrant another look.

And somebody has to explain to me why this is funny

from http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=7244

On March 14 2008 12:00 MTF wrote:


I came to TL just after all of this happened, but what I recall is that ilnp won this big ladder/tournament event and was really heavily accused of having/hiring a Korean to play for him in the final portion of the tournament. It was a huge deal with lots of large threads on the subject, and eventually became a bannable offense to bring up, if I recall correctly.

[As a result of remembering this, I realize I've only had this account 'since '05 while that thread was '03. Found my first account, Midnight01 through search. Oops!]

On April 26 2007 09:12 HonestTea wrote:
Birds fly, dogs die, people fuck, and Savior wins.

On February 23 2006 11:20 Hot_Bid wrote:
In “2v2 ProLeague Question”:

jimminy_kriket was just Temp banned for 2 days by EvilTeletubby.

That account was created on 2007-02-23 22:13:18 and had 1402 posts.

Reason:
On March 14 2008 10:44 jimminy_kriket wrote:


Shut the fuck up.

On March 14 2008 21:48 Resonate wrote:
where do you find all this crap? post a camtasia of navigating to interesting parts of Tl.net plz

On March 14 2008 12:00 MTF wrote:


I came to TL just after all of this happened, but what I recall is that ilnp won this big ladder/tournament event and was really heavily accused of having/hiring a Korean to play for him in the final portion of the tournament. It was a huge deal with lots of large threads on the subject, and eventually became a bannable offense to bring up, if I recall correctly.

[As a result of remembering this, I realize I've only had this account 'since '05 while that thread was '03. Found my first account, Midnight01 through search. Oops!]

"On August 24 2006 16:00 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
Ok lemme just answer for the rest of the thread than you can close this out:

some tl.net guy: GET HER SEX
some tl.net guy: BUY HER A FUCKING DILDO
Chibi: Is she 13?
Hot_Bid: Omg take her to Lost Temple and show her 2 gate rush
Moltke: Take her to a fine dining resteraunt (if shes white) than read poetry to her over a candle lit fire while sipping on flavored water and taking in the scenery of blah blah blah (more "well read" thoughts)
Mora: Get her a...I could really go for some cock here.
some tl.net guy: SHOW HER YOUR COCK
some tl.net guy: HOLY FUCK PICS PLEASE
Rekrul: You guys fucking suck compared to me, god im so good at life.
Eriador: Take her to a festivel of lights. Thats what i do!
Idra(Testie): Dont let her see me, she will leave you for me.
some tl.net guy: What is this about?
some tl.net guy: GET HER A FUCKING SEXY OUTFIT
baal: Shes probably some fat american. God im so smart and funny.
Strafe: --Nuked--
dark_zealot965: *bump*
Fayth: She isnt as hot as my gf.
some tl.net guy: GET HER DRUGS
some tl.net guy: GET HER BABIES HAHA

That should cover it.."

On March 15 2008 08:57 dybydx wrote:
?? oww... i was expecting my quote to make this list when i told Chill to "chill" out about my strategy posts ^^

On March 15 2008 00:10 SoMuchBetter wrote:


WDT was a tournament run by smuft/elky where the 1st place finisher would win a trip to korea to play for the amd dream team (which is today's estro). apparently at first they had to go ahead, but then later on AMD changed their minds, so smuft/elky were left with a tournament whose prize they couldnt fulfill. they got oversky to play on ilnp's account to win the tournament in order to cover it up, and completely rigged the brackets and maps in order to favor him.

of course theres a little more to it than this, such as the fact that ilnp's apm changed drastically (from mid 100s to mid 300s) half way through the tournament. At one point, ret was about to eliminate ilnp from the tournament, when smuft/elky whispered ilnp intentionally disconnect then forced ret to replay a game in which he was killing a unitless ilnp's empty main and natural or they would disqualify him. A different player logged into ilnp's account for the last game. testie still claims to this day that it was progamer plus a maphack (highly ironic at the time) playing the tournament.

people didn't buy ilnp winning for a second, and everybody was accusing ilnp for having a progamer (at the time it was thought to be jinnam or chojja) play for him. it was later confirmed to be oversky by rekrul in one of his gossip threads

On March 15 2008 00:05 Hawk wrote:
This asshole's quote definitely deserves to be in here:

"On August 24 2006 16:00 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
Ok lemme just answer for the rest of the thread than you can close this out:

some tl.net guy: GET HER SEX
some tl.net guy: BUY HER A FUCKING DILDO
Chibi: Is she 13?
Hot_Bid: Omg take her to Lost Temple and show her 2 gate rush
Moltke: Take her to a fine dining resteraunt (if shes white) than read poetry to her over a candle lit fire while sipping on flavored water and taking in the scenery of blah blah blah (more "well read" thoughts)
Mora: Get her a...I could really go for some cock here.
some tl.net guy: SHOW HER YOUR COCK
some tl.net guy: HOLY FUCK PICS PLEASE
Rekrul: You guys fucking suck compared to me, god im so good at life.
Eriador: Take her to a festivel of lights. Thats what i do!
Idra(Testie): Dont let her see me, she will leave you for me.
some tl.net guy: What is this about?
some tl.net guy: GET HER A FUCKING SEXY OUTFIT
baal: Shes probably some fat american. God im so smart and funny.
Strafe: --Nuked--
dark_zealot965: *bump*
Fayth: She isnt as hot as my gf.
some tl.net guy: GET HER DRUGS
some tl.net guy: GET HER BABIES HAHA

That should cover it.."

On January 10 2007 00:30 Hot_Bid wrote:
when i moved from new jersey to southern california i wasn't too keen about my new home until i met an attractive girl who seemed to like me.

but her ex boyfriend and his friends began to bully me. one night as i was suffering a beating from them, my elderly next door neighbor came to my rescue using "karate."

i naturally begged him to teach me and through a series of lessons learned that karate was not just about fighting, but rather honor and nobility as well. meanwhile, ex-boyfriend and his gang of bullies learned a dirtier style of fighting from their mentor, a cold-blooded ex marine who ran a dojo in town.

the conflict culminated in a showdown at the All Valley Karate Championships, where my training and sense of honor along with my sensei allowed me to overcome all obstacles, including a leg injury, and defeat the ex boyfriend in the finals, winning me the girl, the trophy, and the title of the best, around, because nothing's ever going to take me down.

Lol Stork is second

On September 02 2008 19:05 Locke. wrote:
From "Getting Bullied...." -
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=48631




I laughed a lot when i read this thread

if we fight amongst ourselves, it's impossible to build anything.. no matter the dream, no matter the purpose, no matter the truth; it simply becomes irrelevant.

oh shut the hell up physician

On August 16 2008 03:34 Kwark wrote:

a Protoss strategy guide

On September 03 2008 00:30 Pads wrote:
From "Where can I download 1a2a3a" Thread

On September 02 2008 12:46 evanthebouncy! wrote:


Ha I found a picture too!

On September 29 2008 12:42 Atrioc wrote:
I think back to when I first read your poem. I smile, teeth of pearly white. Except they arent white they are yellow, and cracked. Also they are not smiling. Rape. Jesus told me about the poem. But he didn't tell me, yet he did tell me again. For the first time.

I clicked the link. It flashed. Real. Alive. No link is really alive until you click it. Unless you are dead. Jesus is dead. I weep as my dry eyes scan your words. Paragraphs. Sentences. Cracks in your grammar. The writing is too hard. The page is too white. Black is not rigged. Too pristine. Its a shit-hole. Vomiting. Jesus vomits on me. On his dress.

Let me read more. Inspiring. Loving like a Family. Family Guy on Fox at 8. Jesus is Peter Griffin. All dressed in white. Perfectly white, perfectly dead - finished. scroll down, crashing dowards the bottom of the page. Nirvana at 200 words a minute. The poem finishes. My brain raped, crushed. Brain fluid everywhere. Soul peirced. Changed. Soul fluid everywhere. Read on, Jesus begins. He does not finish. Frits. Jellyfish. Criticism? Frits is Jesus. Your criticism was perfect, horrible. I type.
Whores. They argue too much.
I post. They argue too little.

RST. Australia. Its beautiful
Your beautiful.
Jesus.
Amen.

On October 24 2007 02:12 starscrapper wrote:

U facless beast!