Off-Topic General Discussion - Page 2038

You aren't selfish or crazy for wanting to know about it sooner. It's just a really shit situation for both parties. She's in a situation where she may scare away potential guys if she tells them too early but then if she doesn't do it early when is the right time? 2 months sounds like a long time but if you think about it's really not that long. It's long for a casual relationship but almost no time for something serious. Don't think you should jump to the conclusion that if she hid this she must be hiding more or could hide more. Being a 20 something single mother is rather different than being a 30 something single mother.

You sound like you are on top of the situation anyway. Didn't freak out and kept talking about it which is all anyone can do. It's something you can just talk about with her and figure out what you both want out of the relationship.

I agree with the uncertainty about more in hiding. I personally think asking clearly is the absolute best route, but maybe check around a bit first, if there's a discreet way of donig that.... eh.
Why hadn't she told you?
I can think of two viable non-bullshit answers, try to think of some of your own.
Also, tell her how you feel disappointed, but really, scrutinizing yourself, wouldn't it have been an "eeeh" thing if 'twas up on the first date?
You also have a bit of confidence to invest in her to convince her that you are not of your brothers ilk in "that" regard at least.
Finally, you have to consider your economic situation. We know you got your horrible job from an economic need, how would you feel about supporting a kid (which I think would be expected?).
Edit: Also, two months can go by in a blink if you're excited.

First of all, don't introspect and think it's about you. Meaning that she doesn't think you're crazy or selfish Cixah, but rather she's more worried about what others in general think about her having a kid. She probably did want to tell you about her kid at times but didn't have the courage to do so. Be able to understand why she did it.

The next thing I want to talk about is trust. It takes a lot to put yourself out there, to be vulnerable with the important things in one's personal life. Most people can't put parts of their lives in the hands of someone else. Embarrassment, shame, things that make us weak.
Dani had issues telling you hers. If you want this relationship to move forward, you need to express your disappointment. Clear the air and tell her she shouldn't have to worry about this issue. You need to have a serious talk about how much you and Dani want to disclose to each other at this current stage of your relationship. Get it out in the open that there isn't an iceberg waiting for you. This is an opportunity for you two to clear things up about yourselves as individuals.

Even though she wronged you by not telling, you have to be the supportive one here in the relationship. Console her that you'd still be with her, even if she has a kid. That is undoubtedly her biggest fear right now, you leaving now that you know she has a kid. No one is asking you to step up to be a dad but she needs to know that this kid of hers isn't some dealbreaker between you and her (idk if it is for you, Cixah). It would have been nice if she told you upfront that she has a kid. Some single moms can do that, wear the fact that they're a single mom on their sleeves. But not all moms can do that.

Lastly, two months doesn't seem that long about keeping a kid a secret, especially if there wasn't a talk about openess. Ideally, she could've/should've told you about the kid earlier but we don't live in an ideal world. It's just how it is imo. I consider this a regular speed bump in any relationship. It's up to you how to handle it. What is it that you want and how are you going to approach it?