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I posted this story in the most embarrasing moment thread but it'll do just as well here.
So anyway, I had run out of my bottle of lotion and I really needed to whack it. I snuck into my mom's bedroom and ninja-jacked one of her bottles. (Now keep in mind this was a grab-and-go affair, I wasn't there to pick between coconut and mango.) I hurried back to my room and promptly did the deed. It was pretty late and I had school in the morning so I really didn't feel like putting it back, I just put it at the side of the bed, simply as an after thought.
What I had forgotten was that I had asked my mother to come in and wake me up early because I had homework to do the next morning. So the next day my mom gets me up and I go to finish what I need to do before school starts. I went to the computer room and started my homework when my mom casually walks through the door, lotion bottle in hand, with a scowl on her face. She then tells me something I will never forget for the rest of my life:
"Next time you decide to masterbate, don't use my facial cream."
Needless to say, I felt like shit for the rest of the day.
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On July 23 2008 23:16 iG.ClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2008 08:32 InfeSteD[rA] wrote:
I jack off a lot, prolly like twice a day. =) That's not a lot dude ![[image loading]](http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/3817/kruemelmonsteryn0.gif)
I know lol! when I was younger I used to do it so much everyday I can't even count how many times!! cookie monsta ftw!
On July 23 2008 23:56 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 23 2008 08:32 InfeSteD[rA] wrote:
I jack off a lot, prolly like twice a day. =)
And You bet I have ^_^ Don't you got a fiance or something =p Ive been caught once or twice, no epic stories though really. Funny one, though not me, was when I walked over to my friends house because he wasn't picking up his phone and we were supposed to chill. As I walked past his window, he had porn on and was yanking it. So I just walked and grabbed food from the deli and then laughed at him when I got back
No problem with jack*$& off in front of ur girl, who cares lol?
It's just a different thing I guess I dunno, sex with ur girl and beating it with porn -_-
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On July 24 2008 03:19 Evilmonkey. wrote:
I posted this story in the most embarrasing moment thread but it'll do just as well here.
So anyway, I had run out of my bottle of lotion and I really needed to whack it. I snuck into my mom's bedroom and ninja-jacked one of her bottles. (Now keep in mind this was a grab-and-go affair, I wasn't there to pick between coconut and mango.) I hurried back to my room and promptly did the deed. It was pretty late and I had school in the morning so I really didn't feel like putting it back, I just put it at the side of the bed, simply as an after thought.
What I had forgotten was that I had asked my mother to come in and wake me up early because I had homework to do the next morning. So the next day my mom gets me up and I go to finish what I need to do before school starts. I went to the computer room and started my homework when my mom casually walks through the door, lotion bottle in hand, with a scowl on her face. She then tells me something I will never forget for the rest of my life:
"Next time you decide to masterbate, don't use my facial cream."
Needless to say, I felt like shit for the rest of the day.
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG ROFL
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Man does this bring back memories... I remember it like it just happen 20 minutes ago. I was around 14 and my friend just left my house, so I call up this girl that I had the hugest crush on and start talking to her. I'm getting a little horny now so I get up get some anti bacterial soap(weird yes but I loved the way it felt) go back to my bed and start pleasuring myself while talking to her. Now I'm in heaven just jacking it and all of a sudden my friend walks into my room, me and him lock eyes. I jump up turn the phone off, tuck my junk and start pleading my case. I ended up telling him that I rarely shower and that to prevent my penis to smell because of that I apply anti bacterial soap to it... The first couple of days were awkward, we soon got over it and it hasn't been mentioned between us since.
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On July 24 2008 03:19 Evilmonkey. wrote:
I posted this story in the most embarrasing moment thread but it'll do just as well here.
So anyway, I had run out of my bottle of lotion and I really needed to whack it. I snuck into my mom's bedroom and ninja-jacked one of her bottles. (Now keep in mind this was a grab-and-go affair, I wasn't there to pick between coconut and mango.) I hurried back to my room and promptly did the deed. It was pretty late and I had school in the morning so I really didn't feel like putting it back, I just put it at the side of the bed, simply as an after thought.
What I had forgotten was that I had asked my mother to come in and wake me up early because I had homework to do the next morning. So the next day my mom gets me up and I go to finish what I need to do before school starts. I went to the computer room and started my homework when my mom casually walks through the door, lotion bottle in hand, with a scowl on her face. She then tells me something I will never forget for the rest of my life:
"Next time you decide to masterbate, don't use my facial cream."
Needless to say, I felt like shit for the rest of the day.
Wait why do you masturbate with lotions?
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On July 20 2008 12:02 DanceCommander wrote:
PLEASE sticky this thread <3
Pun intended?
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On July 24 2008 04:29 iG.ClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On July 24 2008 03:19 Evilmonkey. wrote:
I posted this story in the most embarrasing moment thread but it'll do just as well here.
So anyway, I had run out of my bottle of lotion and I really needed to whack it. I snuck into my mom's bedroom and ninja-jacked one of her bottles. (Now keep in mind this was a grab-and-go affair, I wasn't there to pick between coconut and mango.) I hurried back to my room and promptly did the deed. It was pretty late and I had school in the morning so I really didn't feel like putting it back, I just put it at the side of the bed, simply as an after thought.
What I had forgotten was that I had asked my mother to come in and wake me up early because I had homework to do the next morning. So the next day my mom gets me up and I go to finish what I need to do before school starts. I went to the computer room and started my homework when my mom casually walks through the door, lotion bottle in hand, with a scowl on her face. She then tells me something I will never forget for the rest of my life:
"Next time you decide to masterbate, don't use my facial cream."
Needless to say, I felt like shit for the rest of the day. Wait why do you masturbate with lotions?
try doing it with lotion
then come back
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Looks very gay imho :[
Also if I had to use a lotion for every time I masturbate I would have gone broken long ago
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OK here my jacking off storys, i didnt quite get caught with my dick in hand but i was pretty CLOSE. I was in my computer room watching porn with headphones on and jacking off, i suddenly hear someone running towards the door. As quickly as i can i close the porn and pull up my pants.
My brother bursts into the room, and sees my sitting at the computer with a box of cleanex beside me, headphone plugged into the computer, nothing on the computer desktop, and any taskbar programs, and my pants unzipped. Im pretty sure he knew what was going on, but didnt say anything, he just walked out and shut the door.
Heres another one, i wasnt going to post it but i decided to because i wont look as gross and perverted compared to some of the stories such as the couch and the carpet, and the sister one.
I used to play XBL Halo 2 a lot and we didnt have a bathroom downstairs to clean my hands after masturbating, so i would just wipe it on the couch, now you can imagine how many cum stains there are on a couch after ive masturbated about 500 times. My mom one day while i was at school decides to go downstairs and inspect that couch for stains for some random reason.
I get home from school, and my mom is waiting for me, "Eric i went down stairs today and there were a lot of weird stains on the couch", my heart is racing i kno theres no way out of this one, my mind goes blank, i cant think of any lies to get out of this one. Then my mom says "did u spill some pop on the couch and then try to clean it up?". JACKPOT, no need to make up a lie she already did, "yes mom i did sorry about that", i dont think she thought it was cum, cause if so she would throw that couch out. We still have that couch.
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One time I was jacking off in my room with the door open (there was nobody home) when my dog innocently trotted in with his tail wagging happilly. It was never the same between us again.
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On July 24 2008 04:29 iG.ClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On July 24 2008 03:19 Evilmonkey. wrote:
I posted this story in the most embarrasing moment thread but it'll do just as well here.
So anyway, I had run out of my bottle of lotion and I really needed to whack it. I snuck into my mom's bedroom and ninja-jacked one of her bottles. (Now keep in mind this was a grab-and-go affair, I wasn't there to pick between coconut and mango.) I hurried back to my room and promptly did the deed. It was pretty late and I had school in the morning so I really didn't feel like putting it back, I just put it at the side of the bed, simply as an after thought.
What I had forgotten was that I had asked my mother to come in and wake me up early because I had homework to do the next morning. So the next day my mom gets me up and I go to finish what I need to do before school starts. I went to the computer room and started my homework when my mom casually walks through the door, lotion bottle in hand, with a scowl on her face. She then tells me something I will never forget for the rest of my life:
"Next time you decide to masterbate, don't use my facial cream."
Needless to say, I felt like shit for the rest of the day. Wait why do you masturbate with lotions?
It's easier that way for people with no foreskin.
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Wait why do you masturbate with lotions?
He's one of the many tragic victims of male genital mutilation. God bless their souls that they can even live with such abominations inside of their pants.
I don't think I want to tell my story, but let's just say that by some horrible and unlikely act of fate I was caught mid-ejaculation.
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On July 24 2008 05:10 Pwntrucci[sR] wrote:
One time I was jacking off in my room with the door open (there was nobody home) when my dog innocently trotted in with his tail wagging happilly. It was never the same between us again.
lol! =D
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9070 Posts
On July 19 2008 10:58 QuietIdiot wrote:
My brother and I do this all the time in the same room. We just don't give a fuck.
If you share the same girlfriend that will be awesome
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I was caught jerking it to a Ricky Martin Video, My mom came in and I never even heard her so I kept going than saw out of the corner of my eye turned and saw her there.... I said hi to her and turned back to my video and she left room.
Another time I was in grade 11 Math and was bored so I pulled it out and started playing with it in class was rubbing it for a good 5 minutes.
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On July 24 2008 05:24 PsycHOTemplar wrote:He's one of the many tragic victims of male genital mutilation. God bless their souls that they can even live with such abominations inside of their pants. I don't think I want to tell my story, but let's just say that by some horrible and unlikely act of fate I was caught mid-ejaculation.
I'm a tragic victim too 
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On July 24 2008 04:47 nAi.PrOtOsS wrote:
OK here my jacking off storys, i didnt quite get caught with my dick in hand but i was pretty CLOSE. I was in my computer room watching porn with headphones on and jacking off, i suddenly hear someone running towards the door. As quickly as i can i close the porn and pull up my pants.
My brother bursts into the room, and sees my sitting at the computer with a box of cleanex beside me, headphone plugged into the computer, nothing on the computer desktop, and any taskbar programs, and my pants unzipped. Im pretty sure he knew what was going on, but didnt say anything, he just walked out and shut the door.
Heres another one, i wasnt going to post it but i decided to because i wont look as gross and perverted compared to some of the stories such as the couch and the carpet, and the sister one.
I used to play XBL Halo 2 a lot and we didnt have a bathroom downstairs to clean my hands after masturbating, so i would just wipe it on the couch, now you can imagine how many cum stains there are on a couch after ive masturbated about 500 times. My mom one day while i was at school decides to go downstairs and inspect that couch for stains for some random reason.
I get home from school, and my mom is waiting for me, "Eric i went down stairs today and there were a lot of weird stains on the couch", my heart is racing i kno theres no way out of this one, my mind goes blank, i cant think of any lies to get out of this one. Then my mom says "did u spill some pop on the couch and then try to clean it up?". JACKPOT, no need to make up a lie she already did, "yes mom i did sorry about that", i dont think she thought it was cum, cause if so she would throw that couch out. We still have that couch.
wait wait
you were jacking off to Halo 2?
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rofl, some hillarious shit in here
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#EvilMonkey LOL LOL.
The only time I can remember me jacking it off and MIGHT have gotten caught is when I was downstairs in the basement. I was 13 or so and this was before we had the interweb. I had figured out a way to get HBO for free by crossing some wires the only thing was that it came out in black and white and had no sound to it. Didn't really matter at that age it was the holy grail for me. Any who everyday around 1a.m. they had an hour of porn on so I would stay up late on the weekends to catch it. It was the worst porn ever it was the softcore stuff that mostly showed tits and ass. No sound and in black and white LOL. I did figure out how to get subtitles. Now I could read all the sounds and what little they said I was one step up on life. After a while it became more comedic rather than a turn on for obvious reasons.
When I was staying up late my parents would always yell from upstairs for me to go to bed and I would always say that I'd be coming up "soon"... as "soon" as I was done  . One day I was staying up for my HBO, softcore, black and white, no sound porn. It was just starting and they were in the middle of it when somehow I managed to fall asleep.
I had woken up to the sound of something banging behind me, I didn't really think much of it and just let it go, I just thought it was my cat playing with a toy or something. The TV was still on, but I didn't bother to open my eyes to see if it was over so I just turned the TV off. After a couple of seconds the noise came back, and I let it go again. The third time thou I looked behind me (I was laying down on the couch) from where the noise was coming from and my dad turned on the lights and had the vacuum cleaner attachment thing you use to clean the stairs with in his hand. I made a run for it, but to no avail I was hit three times with it.
To this day I don't know if the was porn showing or how late it was. I burns my insides not knowing, I want to ask my dad, but I really don't think it would be appropriate seeing that we've had zero sex talks. Didn't really think to much of it until I woke up the next day with a bruise on my arm and side. I'm pretty sure I was beaten for staying up late and not for the porn. The next day was pretty normal. 
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On July 24 2008 06:49 Xenocide_Knight wrote:Show nested quote +On July 24 2008 04:47 nAi.PrOtOsS wrote:
OK here my jacking off storys, i didnt quite get caught with my dick in hand but i was pretty CLOSE. I was in my computer room watching porn with headphones on and jacking off, i suddenly hear someone running towards the door. As quickly as i can i close the porn and pull up my pants.
My brother bursts into the room, and sees my sitting at the computer with a box of cleanex beside me, headphone plugged into the computer, nothing on the computer desktop, and any taskbar programs, and my pants unzipped. Im pretty sure he knew what was going on, but didnt say anything, he just walked out and shut the door.
Heres another one, i wasnt going to post it but i decided to because i wont look as gross and perverted compared to some of the stories such as the couch and the carpet, and the sister one.
I used to play XBL Halo 2 a lot and we didnt have a bathroom downstairs to clean my hands after masturbating, so i would just wipe it on the couch, now you can imagine how many cum stains there are on a couch after ive masturbated about 500 times. My mom one day while i was at school decides to go downstairs and inspect that couch for stains for some random reason.
I get home from school, and my mom is waiting for me, "Eric i went down stairs today and there were a lot of weird stains on the couch", my heart is racing i kno theres no way out of this one, my mind goes blank, i cant think of any lies to get out of this one. Then my mom says "did u spill some pop on the couch and then try to clean it up?". JACKPOT, no need to make up a lie she already did, "yes mom i did sorry about that", i dont think she thought it was cum, cause if so she would throw that couch out. We still have that couch. wait wait you were jacking off to Halo 2?
No i wasnt jacking it TO halo 2 i was jacking to/with a girl i met a xbl (my friends sister)
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EPT
