Have you ever been caught jacking off?

On July 19 2008 10:37 clazziquai wrote:
yes =/

On July 19 2008 10:38 YanGpaN wrote:


then vote yes, where did you get caught? and what did your parents or friends say?

On July 19 2008 10:52 SCC-Faust wrote:
My brother walked in on me and I told him I was checking for ticks.

On July 19 2008 10:52 SCC-Faust wrote:
My brother walked in on me and I told him I was checking for dicks.

On July 19 2008 10:58 QuietIdiot wrote:
My brother and I do this all the time in the same room. We just don't give a fuck.

<`DeadVessel> i wish i had a twin sister
<MYM|DayNine> are you kidding
<MYM|DayNine> nick doens't even fucking
<MYM|DayNine> go in a different room
<`DeadVessel> no because they know what im doing
<`DeadVessel> LOL
<mnm> ><
<MYM|DayNine> he just starts jacking off
<MYM|DayNine> if he feels lik eit
<MYM|DayNine> like i remember over the summer
<`DeadVessel> i gotta meet tasteless
<mnm> brotherly love
<MYM|DayNine> we set our computers up
<MYM|DayNine> like 10 feet from eachother
<MYM|DayNine> so i'm playing a game
<MYM|DayNine> and i finish
<MYM|DayNine> take off my headphones
<MYM|DayNine> turn around
<MYM|DayNine> and nick is like totally naked
<MYM|DayNine> jacking off at his computer
<MYM|DayNine> and honestly
<rushz0rz> this is going in the quote thread
<MYM|DayNine> if i interrupt him, he won't even be mad
<mnm> lol
<MYM|DayNine> i'll be like "uhh nick..."
<`DeadVessel> sean can i put that in the irc thread?
<MYM|DayNine> he'll turn around, dick in hand and genuinely ask "hey sean, how'd ur game go?"

On July 19 2008 10:58 QuietIdiot wrote:
My brother and I do this all the time in the same room. We just don't give a fuck.

On July 19 2008 11:01 funkie wrote:
WHy is teamliquid.net now so full of pr0n? .

It seems like there always a thread relating to pr0n, sexuality or something among those subjects every day now. .

And No.

On July 19 2008 11:04 PsycHOTemplar wrote:
<`DeadVessel> i wish i had a twin sister
<MYM|DayNine> are you kidding
<MYM|DayNine> nick doens't even fucking
<MYM|DayNine> go in a different room
<`DeadVessel> no because they know what im doing
<`DeadVessel> LOL
<mnm> ><
<MYM|DayNine> he just starts jacking off
<MYM|DayNine> if he feels lik eit
<MYM|DayNine> like i remember over the summer
<`DeadVessel> i gotta meet tasteless
<mnm> brotherly love
<MYM|DayNine> we set our computers up
<MYM|DayNine> like 10 feet from eachother
<MYM|DayNine> so i'm playing a game
<MYM|DayNine> and i finish
<MYM|DayNine> take off my headphones
<MYM|DayNine> turn around
<MYM|DayNine> and nick is like totally naked
<MYM|DayNine> jacking off at his computer
<MYM|DayNine> and honestly
<rushz0rz> this is going in the quote thread
<MYM|DayNine> if i interrupt him, he won't even be mad
<mnm> lol
<MYM|DayNine> i'll be like "uhh nick..."
<`DeadVessel> sean can i put that in the irc thread?
<MYM|DayNine> he'll turn around, dick in hand and genuinely ask "hey sean, how'd ur game go?"

On July 19 2008 11:19 YanGpaN wrote:
lmao Day[9] I hope thats not a true story...

On July 19 2008 11:28 BaDayOri wrote:
by my sister..awkward as fuck

all she said was what are you doing and I said uhhh and she just went back in her room

On July 19 2008 11:09 Day[9] wrote:
WTF i get caught jacking off all the time

i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually

FOR EXAMPLE

so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."

its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.

i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.

then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."

do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"

so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.

HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.

"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.

so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."

???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"

so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:

"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."

On July 19 2008 14:36 IntoTheWow wrote:
And i never got caught.

On July 19 2008 11:19 Day[9] wrote:


rofl of course it is, and its a damn good story too

i use it in my standup comedy routines sometimes

On July 19 2008 14:40 Sigrun wrote:


You never got caught because there's nothing to see.

On July 19 2008 11:33 CapO wrote:


was it your older or younger sister?

she must have been like, "뭐 하니? -_-;;"

On July 19 2008 14:55 mikeymoo wrote:
You know if we compiled these we could make a great anthology.

On July 19 2008 15:16 BuGzlToOnl wrote:


I know I'm probably going to get crucified for saying this, but 4chan has a thread about this everyone once in a while and they turn out to be pretty good some of the stories are fucking hilarious.

On July 19 2008 14:55 mikeymoo wrote:
You know if we compiled these we could make a great anthology.

On July 19 2008 21:48 251 wrote:
Okay this has to be posted here:

How many people here have kept brood war open and alt-tab at the ready while looking at porn?

And be honest. Talk about the ultimate alibi because lets face it, your whole family knows you play it all the damn time. Should share stories of "Starcraft saves".

On July 19 2008 22:27 Frits wrote:
Just a close call once when I was at a girl downstairs masturbating eachother and suddenly her dad comes down the stairs (this was at 3 fucking am) and just when my heart is about to stop and I think he's gonna walk in the room I hear "GO TO BED ALREADY". Jesus christ I wonder what would've happened if he decided to walk a few steps further, I was about to explode too so I was just standing there naked in the middle of the room panicking not really able to find my clothes except for 1 goddamn sock (on second thought I could've just put that around my boner).

On July 19 2008 17:37 KrAzYfoOL wrote:
omfg day's posts have got me in tears

On July 19 2008 22:36 Frits wrote:
^ lol you jerk I even said I was at her house

I think my parents would've found it odd if I went to a party with their telephone.

On July 19 2008 23:40 Noov wrote:

So I jacked off and came under carpet.

On July 19 2008 23:40 Noov wrote:
Once I was really horny at my friends mothers place(friend and mother went to shop for some reason). So I jacked off and came under carpet. I didn't bother cleaning off or anything, I wonder if stains are still there ~_~
Didn't get caught :>

On July 19 2008 23:31 _Grazze_ wrote:


.... telephone ....

On July 19 2008 22:34 _Grazze_ wrote:


Were you using this?

On July 20 2008 00:55 DanceCommander wrote:


LMAO I made that pic!

On July 20 2008 03:28 mAKiTO wrote:
whats more awkward, for the person who gets caught? or the person that walks in?

On July 19 2008 19:13 blagoonga123 wrote:
lol 7 people are lying.

On July 19 2008 10:35 YanGpaN wrote:
I'd like to openly admit that yes i've been caught.
When i was like 12 years old, i was sleeping on the same king sized mattress as my dad, then he started feeling the bed tremble, and he never really addressed the issue to me directly, but i sorta knew that he knew.

On July 20 2008 03:43 grobo wrote:
This thread reminds me of Haji's 2chan thread were some couple got caught at their family dinner, she was using a remote controlled vibrator and the remote slipped out of his pocket and everyone noticed, fucking hilarious.

Also, no i have never been caught, i have been (un)fortunate enough to catch my friend twice.

On July 19 2008 10:35 YanGpaN wrote:
Serious question here, have you ever been caught jacking off? Do you remember where, and what did the other person say?

I'd like to openly admit that yes i've been caught.
When i was like 12 years old, i was sleeping on the same king sized mattress as my dad, then he started feeling the bed tremble, and he never really addressed the issue to me directly, but i sorta knew that he knew.

Poll: Have you been caught jacking off?
(Vote): Yes
(Vote): no
(Vote): I dont jack off

On July 20 2008 03:55 Pwntrucci[sR] wrote:
My god, do you ever wonder if there are hidden cameras everywhere? Y'no like, ever think that you might be being watched at all time? Man those people watching must have been laughing their ass off when they saw someone blowing one under a carpet. Seriously.

"Hey, hey 0011101011 check this out"
"LOL WTFF"

On July 20 2008 05:17 iG.ClouD wrote:
Well actually when I was like 14 I remember masturbating over my sister when we were watching The Mummy. I was on the bed covered with my blanket and she was on a chair dressed like a bitch in the hot summer. Then when I came she noticed something was going on and she laughed and kissed me on the cheek. That was just totally weird

On July 20 2008 05:17 iG.ClouD wrote:
Well actually when I was like 14 I remember masturbating over my sister when we were watching The Mummy. I was on the bed covered with my blanket and she was on a chair dressed like a bitch in the hot summer. Then when I came she noticed something was going on and she laughed and kissed me on the cheek. That was just totally weird

On July 20 2008 05:18 GunsofthePatriots wrote:


fuck yeah COOKIE MONSTER :D


anyways...


You were masturbating to your sister ? and then she kisses you on the cheek?

whatthefuck


how old was she?

On July 20 2008 05:19 DanceCommander wrote:


I would died right then and there

On July 20 2008 05:17 iG.ClouD wrote:
Well actually when I was like 14 I remember masturbating over my sister when we were watching The Mummy. I was on the bed covered with my blanket and she was on a chair dressed like a bitch in the hot summer. Then when I came she noticed something was going on and she laughed and kissed me on the cheek. That was just totally weird

On July 20 2008 05:21 iG.ClouD wrote:

14

On July 20 2008 05:29 GunsofthePatriots wrote:
is it normal to masturbate to your siblings in italy?

On July 20 2008 05:16 GunsofthePatriots wrote:


HOLY SHIT



yeah i always think my mom puts cameras in my room...

On July 20 2008 05:17 iG.ClouD wrote:
Well actually when I was like 14 I remember masturbating over my sister when we were watching The Mummy. I was on the bed covered with my blanket and she was on a chair dressed like a bitch in the hot summer. Then when I came she noticed something was going on and she laughed and kissed me on the cheek. That was just totally weird

On July 20 2008 05:46 B1nary wrote:
Cloud, sir, you win the thread. Reading that was one of those moments where all you can do is sit there with a wtf look on your face, trying to envision that scenario.

Edit: After some thinking, all I can conclude is that I wish I had a sister XD

I do it with my door open and roommates watching tv in the next room.

On July 19 2008 23:40 Noov wrote:
I jacked off and came under carpet. I didn't bother cleaning off or anything, I wonder if stains are still there ~_~

On July 20 2008 08:27 Warrior Madness wrote:


It's like you took a camera and followed me around in my life. And yes, they're still there.

On July 20 2008 08:29 CapO wrote:
how the HELL do you jerk off to your sibling? i don't understand, unless shes like your step sister. WTF O_O

On July 20 2008 08:28 Kennigit wrote:
I convinced my parents that they got a virus that puts porn links in the history and address bar of IE but only after i leave. lololololol. Its amazing the things you can say with a straight face to people that understand little about computers lol

On July 20 2008 08:38 GunsofthePatriots wrote:


stole my idea



if I ever forgot to delete my history and all of my cookies

that was going to be my excuse

On July 20 2008 08:45 Funchucks wrote:

You know what's fun is to make a folder named "Horse Porn" or something like that, then take a screenshot, delete the folder, and set the screenshot as the wallpaper.

On July 20 2008 08:45 Funchucks wrote:

You know what's fun is to make a folder named "Horse Porn" or something like that, then take a screenshot, delete the folder, and set the screenshot as the wallpaper.

On July 20 2008 09:23 GunsofthePatriots wrote:


can you elaborate on that?

On July 20 2008 09:26 freedom yay wrote:


What is wrong with you?

On July 20 2008 09:31 Funchucks wrote:

We're in a thread where people talk about masturbating while watching their sisters or in bed with their fathers, and you're singling me out for pranking?

On July 19 2008 10:35 YanGpaN wrote:
Serious question here, have you ever been caught jacking off? Do you remember where, and what did the other person say?

I'd like to openly admit that yes i've been caught.
When i was like 12 years old, i was sleeping on the same king sized mattress as my dad, then he started feeling the bed tremble, and he never really addressed the issue to me directly, but i sorta knew that he knew.

On July 20 2008 08:45 Funchucks wrote:

You know what's fun is to make a folder named "Horse Porn" or something like that, then take a screenshot, delete the folder, and set the screenshot as the wallpaper.

On July 20 2008 05:17 iG.ClouD wrote:
Well actually when I was like 14 I remember masturbating over my sister when we were watching The Mummy. I was on the bed covered with my blanket and she was on a chair dressed like a bitch in the hot summer. Then when I came she noticed something was going on and she laughed and kissed me on the cheek. That was just totally weird

On July 20 2008 11:02 CapO wrote:
am i the weird one here? cause im pretty disturbed by ClouD's post.
would you masturbate over your mom if she was dressed like a bitch in the hot summer?

On July 20 2008 11:51 Funchucks wrote:
Dressed like a bitch?

Possibility #1:+ Show Spoiler +Possibility #2:+ Show Spoiler +
+ Show Spoiler +

On July 20 2008 11:02 CapO wrote:
am i the weird one here? cause im pretty disturbed by ClouD's post.
would you masturbate over your mom if she was dressed like a bitch in the hot summer?

On July 20 2008 11:51 Funchucks wrote:
Dressed like a bitch?

Possibility #1:+ Show Spoiler +Possibility #2:+ Show Spoiler +
+ Show Spoiler +

On July 20 2008 05:17 iG.ClouD wrote:
Well actually when I was like 14 I remember masturbating over my sister when we were watching The Mummy. I was on the bed covered with my blanket and she was on a chair dressed like a bitch in the hot summer. Then when I came she noticed something was going on and she laughed and kissed me on the cheek. That was just totally weird

On July 20 2008 12:48 il0seonpurpose wrote:


Is she a half sister or your actual sister? and why were you masturbating while watching the mummy, or were you doing it to your sister? thats just gross

I was going on a family trip on a van to somewhere and I got a boner, my brother and sister were sleeping in the back and I was in the middle row by myself and all the lights were turned out, my parents in the front. I whip it out and start doing it and I actually got to cum but it was scary cuz my parents were looking up directions so the lights would turn on.

And for people who masturbate with girls, do they actually get an orgasm or you just turning them on?

On July 20 2008 13:08 gameguard wrote:



wtf I have this experience, right down to the details.

On July 20 2008 13:38 prOxi.swAMi wrote:
The best thing is to do it in a room that takes a long time to get to .. like.. a room at the end of a hall.. then you can just set up a shitload of chairs or tables or something to obstruct their path. When you hear all the tables and stuff being moved around, you know it's time to zip up!

On July 20 2008 12:56 yubee wrote:
the mummy is a good movie!

On July 20 2008 22:14 kefkalives wrote:
I've been caught once before. a close friend of mine used to walk into my house iwthout knocking all the time. on the day he got his p plates (liscense to drive without over in vehicle in aus) he came to my house at like 9 oclock in the morning. dosent knock, takes 5 steps in the house and we both then share a glance of about 3 seconds, where we both know something is very very wrong. he can clearly see my dick in hand and i shit brix, stick my junk back in my pants and then say "FUCKING KNOCK" whilst going to get changed.

On July 20 2008 21:19 iG.ClouD wrote:

indeed
and btw my sister is actually hot and she wore a bikini that time (and I swear she always wanted to turn me on on purpose, cause of her super whorish attitude). I don't have pics actually, she lives somewhere earning her stuff fucking around probably, who knows

On July 20 2008 22:25 OllieWilliams wrote:


LOL if that were happened to me I'd be seriously angry... Come to think of it I'd be seriously angry if one of my friends just walked into my house without knocking .

How did you share eye contact when he only took 5 steps into the house? Were you doing it by the front door or something? Sounds risky.

which I deny to this day.

On July 20 2008 14:47 illeszt wrote:
lay some spider mines outside your door

make sure they don't catch you unsieged!

On July 20 2008 21:19 iG.ClouD wrote:

indeed
and btw my sister is actually hot and she wore a bikini that time (and I swear she always wanted to turn me on on purpose, cause of her super whorish attitude). I don't have pics actually, she lives somewhere earning her stuff fucking around probably, who knows

On July 21 2008 07:13 _Grazze_ wrote:


Hope he reads TL!

On July 20 2008 21:19 iG.ClouD wrote:

indeed
and btw my sister is actually hot and she wore a bikini that time (and I swear she always wanted to turn me on on purpose, cause of her super whorish attitude). I don't have pics actually, she lives somewhere earning her stuff fucking around probably, who knows

On July 21 2008 09:12 ilj.psa wrote:

rofl i just find this hard to believe

On July 20 2008 09:47 freedom yay wrote:


Good point.. I withdraw my claim.

On July 20 2008 13:38 prOxi.swAMi wrote:
The best thing is to do it in a room that takes a long time to get to .. like.. a room at the end of a hall.. then you can just set up a shitload of chairs or tables or something to obstruct their path. When you hear all the tables and stuff being moved around, you know it's time to zip up!

On July 21 2008 09:12 ilj.psa wrote:

rofl i just find this hard to believe

On April 22 2008 15:17 Dinosaur wrote:
meep ... meep

On July 20 2008 21:19 iG.ClouD wrote:

indeed
and btw my sister is actually hot and she wore a bikini that time (and I swear she always wanted to turn me on on purpose, cause of her super whorish attitude). I don't have pics actually, she lives somewhere earning her stuff fucking around probably, who knows

On July 21 2008 09:28 HeadBangaa wrote:
Yeah, my friend's dad caught me once, I was like 13.

He was like, "LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR NEXT TIME" and slammed it. Years later this man turned gay (not joking) and I'd like to think I helped him with that.

On July 21 2008 13:22 jkillashark wrote:
I have to say, this thread is vastly entertaining. I had quite a few laughs. I used to be a raging fiend myself but like somebody said earlier, I was able to quit while I was still ahead.

One time I visited a site and after I left the site and stopped using the computer, a small popup with a hot asian chick with big flashing words, "LEAVING EARLY?" popped up after I stopped using the computer. I was completely oblivious only to find out that my mom had went to the computer and demanded if I looked at bad stuff. I lied through my teeth and said it has got to be a virus from the video games I played earlier. She got mad at me for playing video games and forgot about the leaving early popup. So I escaped then.

My sister found a folder where I hid some porn and forgot about it after about a year because I had stopped the deed before I went to college but she didn't believe me.

I also learned in AP Biology that often times when people try to hide their boners too quickly, it may cause you to rupture a vessel or vein in the penis which is actually very painful from what I've heard. So I'm kind of glad that I will never have to ponder if I will ever get such an injury because though I've had thoughts of starting again, I'm glad I stopped.

+ Show Spoiler +

On July 21 2008 10:20 iG.ClouD wrote:

I wish I was lying too. Having a bitch sister is kind of troublesome

On July 21 2008 11:03 Seraphim wrote:
Whatever, what happens, happens

On July 21 2008 13:50 Funchucks wrote:

Did you know that there are millions of sperm in each ejaculation that are killed and wasted, and each one could have become a human life?

If you think you're okay with that, just rememeber that there was another group of people who didn't care about destroying millions of human lives and thought that nobody would catch them...
+ Show Spoiler +

On July 19 2008 10:44 Cobalt wrote:
This is why you install a computer in your shower, hidden behind part of the shower wall that drops down when you push a button under the shampoo. Then you've got your porn right at your fingertips, and a place no one will ever catch you!

On July 21 2008 15:25 MyStiC_Chaos wrote:
I was fucking my couch (you know stick a bag and some lotion and squeeze the cushions) and I had the sound on the porn video that was full screen to highest.

My family came home.

You walk in seeing your son with his dick in between the cushions of your couch going back and forth.

On July 21 2008 13:50 Funchucks wrote:

Did you know that there are millions of sperm in each ejaculation that are killed and wasted, and each one could have become a human life?

If you think you're okay with that, just rememeber that there was another group of people who didn't care about destroying millions of human lives and thought that nobody would catch them...
+ Show Spoiler +

On July 21 2008 15:25 MyStiC_Chaos wrote:
I was fucking my couch (you know stick a bag and some lotion and squeeze the cushions) and I had the sound on the porn video that was full screen to highest.

My family came home.

You walk in seeing your son with his dick in between the cushions of your couch going back and forth.

On July 21 2008 13:50 Funchucks wrote:

Did you know that there are millions of sperm in each ejaculation that are killed and wasted, and each one could have become a human life?

If you think you're okay with that, just rememeber that there was another group of people who didn't care about destroying millions of human lives and thought that nobody would catch them...
+ Show Spoiler +

On July 21 2008 12:55 Mynock wrote:
I dunno. Which one is better - caught jacking off or caught playing WoW? :/