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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On August 08 2018 03:47 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Went on a date yesterday. Nothing super special but I thought it was enjoyable. No massive sparks on the first date, we basically just sat and drank wine and talked for a few hours. I thought she was cuter in real than in her pictures. She was a bit hasty when she talked though. We got into the conversation about AI and she was pretty convinced almost to the point of being scared that AI would someday take over and destroy the human race. I mean, even if you do believe that, chill, won't happen for many years to come.
Asked her if she wanted to meet up this weekend today, but she is going away to another city for a while. Asked her about another day and she said "We can talk about it more when I get back.". Can't say I feel like she has been very interested since we met, so I am like 70% sure she will not want to meet up again.
Sounds very intellectual. To be honest I love meeting women who like to talk about and can think about, things like this.
Unfortunately I've had 5 or 6 first dates that involved intense intellectual discussions. Regardless of agreement or disagreement it never went well for me. It seemed like we both enjoyed the discussion but there was never any interest in a second date.
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On August 08 2018 04:22 IgnE wrote:
if you believe the apocalypse is really coming the last thing you should do is chill.
Haha that's probably correct, but she realized she was being a bit silly as well.
Well, if you're AI, I won't want to meet you as well. Joke aside, that's some weird choice of topic on a first date but who am I to judge? Good luck next time
The topic came up kinda naturally as we were discussing work/school etc.
Have you tried sending her a dick pic? Joking.
lol. I probably wouldn't even if she asked now.
Sounds very intellectual. To be honest I love meeting women who like to talk about and can think about, things like this.
Unfortunately I've had 5 or 6 first dates that involved intense intellectual discussions. Regardless of agreement or disagreement it never went well for me. It seemed like we both enjoyed the discussion but there was never any interest in a second date.
Yeah I enjoyed it too, to a certain degree!
I think there was lack of physical contact in ours, since we just sat on each side of her table. She didn't have a TV or something so we could not switch activity, and I can't really just swap chair to get closer and start caressing her leg naturally. I think sparks could be flying more if we meet again, but seems grim at this point. Doesn't help that I asked her out like 2-3 weeks ago, but she has been away from the city we live at so hasn't been available.
No worries though, there are other fishes in the sea if this one doesn't pan out.
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Anyone here ever have a great group of friends, and then lost them one by one to serious long term monogamous relationships and now it will never be the same?
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Not me.
Kids make a bigger difference compared to a partner. But Im in a partnership that just celebrated its 8th year so take it with a gain of salt.
Earlier when people got a new partner they were difficult to reach at times and at times never went anywhere alone anymore so it always was a package you had to factor in. Or request their sole presence. But I'm not sure whether that is part of what you're referring to.
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United Kingdom13775 Posts
On August 11 2018 02:11 ThunderJunk wrote:
Anyone here ever have a great group of friends, and then lost them one by one to serious long term monogamous relationships and now it will never be the same?
Kind of, but serious relationships had less to do with it than just the general drifting apart that happens between people who go their own ways. Moving to a different city has a much more dramatic effect in that regard.
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Idk it's me or a common thing but it's almost impossible to date with people same age as I am nowadays. It's either 5-8 younger girls or +10 years older ones.It feels like my profile is not fun enough for the girls of my age while it is somehow attractive to youngs and to the women who had lots of relationships, marriages etc already.
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On August 11 2018 11:11 lastpuritan wrote:
Idk it's me or a common thing but it's almost impossible to date with people same age as I am nowadays. It's either 5-8 younger girls or +10 years older ones.It feels like my profile is not fun enough for the girls of my age while it is somehow attractive to youngs and to the women who had lots of relationships, marriages etc already.
I feel like I always date younger girls. I'm 25 and for some obscure reason, girls think they are mature and want to date older guys almost always. Maybe they were more mature when they were 10 compared to a 10 year old. Certainly isn't the case any more, unless the other guys my age are really fucking immature.
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On August 11 2018 15:15 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2018 11:11 lastpuritan wrote:
Idk it's me or a common thing but it's almost impossible to date with people same age as I am nowadays. It's either 5-8 younger girls or +10 years older ones.It feels like my profile is not fun enough for the girls of my age while it is somehow attractive to youngs and to the women who had lots of relationships, marriages etc already.
I feel like I always date younger girls. I'm 25 and for some obscure reason, girls think they are mature and want to date older guys almost always. Maybe they were more mature when they were 10 compared to a 10 year old. Certainly isn't the case any more, unless the other guys my age are really fucking immature.
You're probably right, but I think there is also a financial reason for some. Imagine you're serious and you have kids, if you're older, which might mean more work experience = more money, then you'd be able to take care of the family better in comparison to if you were the same age or younger. Of course, certain jobs are well paid and age difference is negligible then, but that's how I explain one of factors.
In addition to the above, women, unlike men, need to think about kids sooner than men. So, yes, maybe younger men aren't looking for kids that soon, hence why they want older men who are ready to go for it soon? I don't know, I'm just speculating.
Also, whatever we talk about, culture is probably important for these decisions. Family culture in the west vs culture in India/the Middle East/etc.
Edit: Unfortunately, in this case, TL is like 99% men, so we lack opinions from women.
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What do people think about personality types and seeking partners?
Is it something you think about in early attraction phases?
Do you find you seek out partners who have similar personalities (e.g. both tend towards introverted) or perhaps complementary (you plan ahead, partner spontaneous).
I don't really want to go into Myers-Briggs type labels, more general traits.
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On August 11 2018 21:20 ThunderGod wrote:
What do people think about personality types and seeking partners?
Is it something you think about in early attraction phases?
Do you find you seek out partners who have similar personalities (e.g. both tend towards introverted) or perhaps complementary (you plan ahead, partner spontaneous).
I don't really want to go into Myers-Briggs type labels, more general traits.
I feel like people who are very "in the moment" or extremely spontaenous aren't really the people I usually meet. I think I maybe attract more chill personality types since I'm very relaxed myself. That might be caused because a bigger portion of the population who are very extroverted meet people in real and not on tinder (?).
To me personality type doesn't matter that much though. People with similar personalities tend to attract each other.
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I only care one thing regardless what I seek from my partner, serious or casual, she has to have a character thats not stereotyped to a max level. I mean, you know, dresscode, instagram page, wording... These are the first things I check.
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Netherlands6196 Posts
On August 11 2018 21:20 ThunderGod wrote:
What do people think about personality types and seeking partners?
Is it something you think about in early attraction phases?
Do you find you seek out partners who have similar personalities (e.g. both tend towards introverted) or perhaps complementary (you plan ahead, partner spontaneous).
I don't really want to go into Myers-Briggs type labels, more general traits.
I think most people don't make a conscious choice. I just met a girl who matched me really well. She's outgoing and I'm introverted. I've dated other girls who were introverted. It's just a feeling for me and not a conscious choice.
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On August 11 2018 21:20 ThunderGod wrote:
What do people think about personality types and seeking partners?
Is it something you think about in early attraction phases?
Do you find you seek out partners who have similar personalities (e.g. both tend towards introverted) or perhaps complementary (you plan ahead, partner spontaneous).
I don't really want to go into Myers-Briggs type labels, more general traits.
For short term doesn't matter. To form a family and raise kids, the most important is shared values.
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On August 12 2018 03:50 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2018 21:20 ThunderGod wrote:
What do people think about personality types and seeking partners?
Is it something you think about in early attraction phases?
Do you find you seek out partners who have similar personalities (e.g. both tend towards introverted) or perhaps complementary (you plan ahead, partner spontaneous).
I don't really want to go into Myers-Briggs type labels, more general traits. For short term doesn't matter. To form a family and raise kids, the most important is shared values.
This is something which can develop over time tho, and not something that's worth looking specifically for when you first meet someone.
Of course if you've been together for a while and still don't have a single thing in common then I'd advice ending it.
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So a funny/painful one for y'all. Couple nights ago a friend of mine wanted to go on a date with this girl he had matched with on Tinder, but apparently she said to bring a friend it was going to be a double date. He asked me, and of course I'd never done that before and have been trying to get out more so I said sure, figured it would be an interesting experience.
Things got a little interesting when I saw the place they had decided on, which was a somewhat upscale Sushi place in Boulder. Not ridiculous, but not Applebee's or something either. I figured whatever, not big one Sushi but I'm here for the experience and I can order something on the lighter side. Met the girls, and they seemed fine at first. Very attractive and in good shape. Started hanging out and they immediately ordered drinks and the like (I passed, not wanting to spend to much). Next thing that made me wonder is they said they had decided to go out to bars after (my friend had said they were probably just going to go back to their place and watch a movie or whatever if they got along) and that they were going to have a friend joining them. In my head I'm kinda wondering how well this is going to go. Started talking and to be honest the conversation wasn't terrible. My date was reasonably fun to talk to, but these girls were VERY good friends and my friend wasn't being confidence/engaging tough to keep his girl heavily into him. Which meant they spent alot of time talking to each other, often with inside references.
I didn't feel like it was ON with the girl I was talking to, but got the impression she was at ;east modestly open/attracted. Conversation was overall decent, and they were at least to me reasonable to talk to outside of a decent number of interruptions by friend 2 to the girl I was talking to. Came time to order and I got something nice and inexpensive, my friend got something medium, and red flag #3 the girls both ordered double orders of fairly expensive stuff. The conversation continued to be okay, I got some light teasing in but really was never able to isolate and get into anything decent with my girl, and my friend definitely didn't. However, it wasn't leading anywhere, and I wasn't feeling too great about the situation. Red flag number 4 happened next and the girls both went to the bathroom together. A short while later red flag number 5 was coming up throughout the date though, and that was that both girls very much had people paying for shit they did. Heavily parental support, mentioning not having bought toilet paper or necessities ever because she would wait for Grandpa to spoil her, etc. Was getting a bit turned off and suspicious at this point. Then red flag number 6 came up, where my girl literally asked my friend if he would mow the lawn for them. It was slightly joking but clearly intended to be serious. I made a joke about maybe he would if there was a six pack of beer involved and the other girl basically emphasized for free.
Alarm bells ringing at defcon 1 at this point.
Few minutes later waiter comes back to bring the checks. I was getting ready to say bring us the four separate checks when my fucking friend goes "we'll split it two ways". FUCK. The bill was over $120, of which my share was $6. I don't know if he had totally missed that the conversation had been more or less very meh with no real energy (despite the girls allegedly already being a bit drunk) AND all the fucking hints. I was on the verge of insisting on a three way split, but bitched out. Ate $60.
We decided to go to a different bar. My date was still talking to me and while it wasn't going great, at least to me it didn't seem like a lost cause either. My friend literally just started leading to the bar not talking to either of the girls. We got to this bar (of course it's like Thursday at 8:30 so the bar is dead AF too) and went in. Soon as we got in the bar my friend's date dragged mine to the ping pong table to play. There were only two paddles, which left me and my friend both standing there next to the girls just watching. I was talking to my girl a bit, my friend....went and got a beer. Then just stood there. After this game, my friend's girl didn't just shut down, she literally went ice. She had been lightly receptive to me earlier, but now I made a joke or two and literally got a "fuck off dumbass" glare from her.
I just looked at my friend and gave him a "It's over, you done fucked up look". He still didn't seem to realize it, but he did say something about it not going well. The third friend arrived, I talked with her and my girl a bit, my friend stood off to the side while his chick went to get another drink. Shortly after she got back, my girl was like "I gotta pee". I also went to use the bathroom, and while walking away I heard one of the other girls say they were going to grab water. Walked out of the bathroom to find all three girls together and got a hilarious look from my friends date.
Went back to find my friend still standing there...I guess waiting for them to get back. I was like dude, they definitely just fucking walked out, but he didn't but it at first until I told him to go ask the fucking bartender if those chicks gone up the stairs. I hadn't seen them leave, but it was pretty obvious to me what was up. Of course, they had left.
Bam. $60 bucks for 45' of average conversation and 20' of a game of Jenga and watching too chick play ping pong at a bar. Fucking hell. I should have had some sort of contingency plan or way of getting in touch with my friend about what was going down, but didn't and got wrecked badly.
It's a little funny, and there is a saying about a fool and his money....but I'm still pissed about that right now. My budget is tight AF, and that's basically enough to kill any eating out or fun events I wanted to do for this month. Wrecked.
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United Kingdom13775 Posts
Eh. Sounds shitty but spending $60 on a date isn’t enough to really warrant more than a “meh.”
At most I’d probably skip the bar given the fact that it wasn’t really going anywhere. Not enough money to warrant a “fuck you, pay for it yourself” move.
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Hmm, haven't you started splitting the bill in the US as well? Or, was your friend trying to be a gentleman?
On August 12 2018 14:30 LegalLord wrote:
Eh. Sounds shitty but spending $60 on a date isn’t enough to really warrant more than a “meh.”
At most I’d probably skip the bar given the fact that it wasn’t really going anywhere. Not enough money to warrant a “fuck you, pay for it yourself” move.
Not being a douchebag with people is priceless though.
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On August 12 2018 12:38 L_Master wrote:
So a funny/painful one for y'all. Couple nights ago a friend of mine wanted to go on a date with this girl he had matched with on Tinder, but apparently she said to bring a friend it was going to be a double date. He asked me, and of course I'd never done that before and have been trying to get out more so I said sure, figured it would be an interesting experience.
I am really surprised you paid. From the way you wrote it felt like you were aware that you were being ripped off. If that's the case you just pussied out pretty hard. The way you wrote also makes me feel like they have done this before, and specifically chose your friend because he is not confident enough to say no. He honestly sounds pretty awkward.
Oh well, it's not the end of the world. It's a good lesson probably.
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On August 12 2018 16:13 sc-darkness wrote:Hmm, haven't you started splitting the bill in the US as well? Or, was your friend trying to be a gentleman? Show nested quote +On August 12 2018 14:30 LegalLord wrote:
Eh. Sounds shitty but spending $60 on a date isn’t enough to really warrant more than a “meh.”
At most I’d probably skip the bar given the fact that it wasn’t really going anywhere. Not enough money to warrant a “fuck you, pay for it yourself” move. Not being a douchebag with people is priceless though.
Yeah, i feel like the whole "Pay for stuff the girl does" thing is kind of outdated if you think of women as equals. In the long term, you can of course have the kind of system where one of you invite the other to one date, and the other pays for the next, or something along those lines, but that doesn't really work in a first date obviously.
I must say that i wouldn't be really attracted to a woman who thinks of me as a bag of money anyways.
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On August 12 2018 20:21 Simberto wrote:Show nested quote +On August 12 2018 16:13 sc-darkness wrote:Hmm, haven't you started splitting the bill in the US as well? Or, was your friend trying to be a gentleman? On August 12 2018 14:30 LegalLord wrote:
Eh. Sounds shitty but spending $60 on a date isn’t enough to really warrant more than a “meh.”
At most I’d probably skip the bar given the fact that it wasn’t really going anywhere. Not enough money to warrant a “fuck you, pay for it yourself” move. Not being a douchebag with people is priceless though. Yeah, i feel like the whole "Pay for stuff the girl does" thing is kind of outdated if you think of women as equals. In the long term, you can of course have the kind of system where one of you invite the other to one date, and the other pays for the next, or something along those lines, but that doesn't really work in a first date obviously. I must say that i wouldn't be really attracted to a woman who thinks of me as a bag of money anyways.
Definitely feel like depending on your age, most people should have some form of disposable income. Summer job at least.
Also L_Master, I'm pretty sure you would have witnessed the most horrified expressions imaginable if you had asked to split the bill 4 ways. A good chunk of people like that just have their stuff paid for enough that they take it as a normal thing.
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EPT
