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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On July 06 2018 02:46 sc-darkness wrote: Haha, auto correct was hilarious. I was wondering why you mention EffOrt here. :D Hah I did that intentionally  I wish my autocorrect was cool enough to default to EffOrt but sadly I haven't typed it enough for that | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
My gf made a 4th of July cake. I was expecting a small pie, and she made a whole full family cake with a US flag on it. This is one of the most amazing things she has ever done, simply because she didn't have to and did it just to make me happy. We did crossfit, had cake, napped, read some founding father quotes, enjoyed random american youtube vids + Show Spoiler + We are not from the US. But conservative love is for everyone | ||
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LegalLord
United Kingdom13775 Posts
On July 06 2018 05:10 GoTuNk! wrote: enjoyed random american youtube vids recommendation for next time around + Show Spoiler + On July 06 2018 01:28 L_Master wrote: I also don't think any of my posts are PUA either. My understanding is that PUA is a bunch of slimy tactics like hitting women with subtle insults, making up stories, etc. with a whole bunch of jargon. My discussions have centered around how to be attractive on Tinder, how to not struggle having sex, and how to generally be attractive to women...no of which should be remotely PUA unless I completely fail to understand what PUA is. Don’t have any value judgments about the rules - that’s one for the USPOL team - but it definitely does have a PUA-ish vibe to it. Too much emphasis on the kinds of things that PUA types are interested in not to draw such comparison. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9234 Posts
his posts could sometimes be with a little less numbers from my perspective but i'd put his recent story about the hookup under success story rather than bragging. | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3291 Posts
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LegalLord
United Kingdom13775 Posts
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MysteryMeat1
United States3291 Posts
On July 06 2018 07:56 LegalLord wrote: You kind of just... know where you stand? It’s hard to answer that because it’s an exceedingly personal question. Perhaps more useful would be to know exactly what it is you’re thinking about and what the concerns are. I don't really know where I stand. I could be fine both ways, even considering that my life would be drastically different. I do the consultant travelling gig and am only home on the weekends, and feel like I don't have enough time for the things I want to do. Even if I didn't travel and have kids instead I can't imagine me having more time to do things that I enjoy doing. I want to travel more and maybe after my next job nomad it up for 6months to a year which wouldn't be possible. When my gf mentions kids or dogs being cute I don't feel anything towards them and don't really see myself wanting it. She says that's common in guys and a lot of dad's don't feel anything until they first hold their child. I don't want to stake 18 years on whether I like my kid when he comes out | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On July 06 2018 12:06 MysteryMeat1 wrote: I don't really know where I stand. I could be fine both ways, even considering that my life would be drastically different. I do the consultant travelling gig and am only home on the weekends, and feel like I don't have enough time for the things I want to do. Even if I didn't travel and have kids instead I can't imagine me having more time to do things that I enjoy doing. I want to travel more and maybe after my next job nomad it up for 6months to a year which wouldn't be possible. When my gf mentions kids or dogs being cute I don't feel anything towards them and don't really see myself wanting it. She says that's common in guys and a lot of dad's don't feel anything until they first hold their child. I don't want to stake 18 years on whether I like my kid when he comes out I've literally never heard of this happening. I don't think that particular aspect is a concern. Whether that ends up being worth the things you give up, hard work you put in, and lifestyle changes you make is a more difficult question. I don't know too many parents that answer that it wasn't worth it, and in all honesty I don't know if there is anything you can do to know that ahead of time. Seems like if possible in your case the best options would be to take a few more years doing whatever you really want to do that's important young person bucket-list items, talk to people that have kids candidly about what it's like, and spend a good deal of time in thought about where you're at and what you're looking for out of life. | ||
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LegalLord
United Kingdom13775 Posts
Free time? Definitely you will lose a lot of that, the little one is a lot of work. As with everything in life after you stop being ~20, you have to make time for the things that matter because there's not really enough time in the day for everything. I wouldn't worry too much about regret that you're stuck with a kid for 18+ years (and to be perfectly honest you should devote more like 22-25 years because that pays off in spades for the kid's future), because there's definitely a strong instinctual attachment that develops. If you were the kind of person that wouldn't have that, you wouldn't even be asking the question of whether or not to have the kid. More likely, though, is that after the first or maybe the second, you'll develop a very strong resistance to having any more kids. Every single one adds another layer of complexity to your life and even the "I want eight kids" parents start to have second thoughts quite quickly (IME, someone like you would probably cap out at 1-2 and no one can feasibly have more than five kids without neglecting at least a few of them). If she wants three or more kids I'm going to say that odds are she'll be disappointed in the long run, and the two of you will have to come to terms with that. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On July 06 2018 12:56 LegalLord wrote: Sounds a lot like the conundrum my brother had just a couple months ago - recently married, fairly nomadic / addicted to travel by nature, neither particularly inclined towards or against having kids. Ended up having the kid, seems to have worked out alright so far but it really is a little early to tell. Free time? Definitely you will lose a lot of that, the little one is a lot of work. As with everything in life after you stop being ~20, you have to make time for the things that matter because there's not really enough time in the day for everything. I wouldn't worry too much about regret that you're stuck with a kid for 18+ years (and to be perfectly honest you should devote more like 22-25 years because that pays off in spades for the kid's future), because there's definitely a strong instinctual attachment that develops. If you were the kind of person that wouldn't have that, you wouldn't even be asking the question of whether or not to have the kid. More likely, though, is that after the first or maybe the second, you'll develop a very strong resistance to having any more kids. Every single one adds another layer of complexity to your life and even the "I want eight kids" parents start to have second thoughts quite quickly (IME, someone like you would probably cap out at 1-2 and no one can feasibly have more than five kids without neglecting at least a few of them). If she wants three or more kids I'm going to say that odds are she'll be disappointed in the long run, and the two of you will have to come to terms with that. nah the more kids you have the easier it is. the older kids start to watch the younger kids. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
I can't see how anyone would want kids before you're like 30-35. You've barely gotten out of university when you're 25. To be tied down so fast so quick much be extremely boring. | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3291 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On July 06 2018 22:33 MysteryMeat1 wrote: I'm 24, i think it's more of the timeline in general. Her timeline would be, i would propose when im 25, married around 26, and then having kids around 28. When I think reality I probably don't want to be married until later Yeah I understand. How long have you been together? | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
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Excludos
Norway7992 Posts
On July 07 2018 01:47 sc-darkness wrote: If you're 24 and don't want kids right now, then simply don't. I'm 26 and I don't want kids until at least I'm 28, and I'm being optimistic here. 29 here, still don't want kids.. | ||
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Shalashaska_123
United States142 Posts
Just out of curiosity, what kind of precautions do you guys take regarding birth control? | ||
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Excludos
Norway7992 Posts
On July 07 2018 02:12 Shalashaska_123 wrote: Hello, Teamliquid. Just out of curiosity, what kind of precautions do you guys take regarding birth control? If it's a one night stand; condoms make it easy as you don't have to worry about STDs, which can be awkward as fuck to ask someone about. All girls I've been with have been on the pill, which, despite what people claim, is a massive difference in terms of feel compared to rubber. | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3291 Posts
We've been together for almost two years. About a year in college, and about a year long distance. We just moved in together and have a 9 month lease. That's what I'm worried qvout, is that I'll be 29 and don't want kids. When we do talk about in February I'll mention that I don't want kids, and that I don't know if I ever will. For her wanting no kids is a deal breaker, and I respect the relationship enough to not just ignore the issue for as long as possible On July 07 2018 02:12 Shalashaska_123 wrote: Hello, Teamliquid. Just out of curiosity, what kind of precautions do you guys take regarding birth control? Long-term relationship iud is the way to go | ||
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Excludos
Norway7992 Posts
On July 07 2018 02:54 MysteryMeat1 wrote: We've been together for almost two years. About a year in college, and about a year long distance. We just moved in together and have a 9 month lease. That's what I'm worried qvout, is that I'll be 29 and don't want kids. When we do talk about in February I'll mention that I don't want kids, and that I don't know if I ever will. For her wanting no kids is a deal breaker, and I respect the relationship enough to not just ignore the issue for as long as possible Long-term relationship iud is the way to go First off: lol! Secondly: I wouldn't worry too much about it. The only thing you know is that you don't want kids now. Biologically (or maybe psychically), things tend to change in your thirties when you realise you have to hurry up or you'll never have them. I've hated children all my life so far, and have never wanted to have any. But in the back of my head I still really want to be with someone where getting children is possible some day, because there's a good chance I'll change my mind at some point. You don't need to have you entire future planned out all at once. If she asks whether you want children some day, then "I don't know" is a perfectly valid answer. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9234 Posts
On July 07 2018 02:12 Shalashaska_123 wrote: Hello, Teamliquid. Just out of curiosity, what kind of precautions do you guys take regarding birth control? Preservatives. I leave the decision to my partner (wife) what we use. Since she doesn't want to take hormonal meds we use them instead. Have had experience with different ways of birth control like the vaginal ring and thought about the IUD but then stuck with condoms for the least side effects. See also: planned Parenthood @mystery: worrying about kids you might not want in 5 years while having a roof over your need for just 9 is kinda too far in the future. You guys just graduated college, the world is open to you. Unless you know what you want from life, don't go for kids so early. Leave town. Live. Talk to people (like you do just now). Decide later. | ||
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