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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On March 24 2018 09:37 sc-darkness wrote: Tired of replies which are between 1 and 3 words. Social apps are actually antisocial. This is what happens if you do not have very good photos on tinder. You must understand that they get all the attention they can, there is zero incentive for them to be talking to someone who looks to be mediocre when they have the pick of the litter. | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
 I guess I'm venting frustration till then. | ||
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mantequilla
Turkey781 Posts
Feeling fuzzy. | ||
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farvacola
United States18875 Posts
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Fencar
United States2694 Posts
I used to want to date casually but I heard from my cousin that dating before marriage makes it harder, not easier to stay together with future partners. Is there any truth to that? | ||
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Excludos
Norway8281 Posts
On March 26 2018 02:12 Fencar wrote: Is it better as a 20 year old in school to date for experience or just have friends and hold off until I get a job and then start dating? I used to want to date casually but I heard from my cousin that dating before marriage makes it harder, not easier to stay together with future partners. Is there any truth to that? When people comment on stuff like that, make them show you a source. "it just is ok?!" is not good enough. Sounds like BS until I see evidence to the contrary. Just date while you can, or you might regret it later. | ||
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Fencar
United States2694 Posts
On March 26 2018 02:17 Excludos wrote: When people comment on stuff like that, make them show you a source. "it just is ok?!" is not good enough. Sounds like BS until I see evidence to the contrary. Just date while you can, or you might regret it later. In this case the source is their personal experience and observations. Is that invalid? I don’t mean to sound doubtful, but why might I regret it later? | ||
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farvacola
United States18875 Posts
If you run into someone who you like spending time with, spend time with them. If you feel like you want to pursue something serious, do it (with their continuing assent, of course). Just go with it instead of trying to answer false questions about the "right" way to time the dating game. | ||
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IgnE
United States7684 Posts
On March 26 2018 02:21 Fencar wrote: In this case the source is their personal experience and observations. Is that invalid? I don’t mean to sound doubtful, but why might I regret it later? Sounds pretty scientific to me. Your best bet is to wait until you are about 26 and have spent 4 years saving for a down payment on a house. After you get moved into your house, present yourself to the dating market at the local church and find a wife. | ||
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Excludos
Norway8281 Posts
On March 26 2018 02:21 Fencar wrote: In this case the source is their personal experience and observations. Is that invalid? I don’t mean to sound doubtful, but why might I regret it later? Yes. "Personal experience" goes under the anecdotal fallacy. It means you're using your own very subjective experience over actual statistics and evidence. I'm not saying you'll regret not dating, but you might look back and think "I wish I had dated more people". There's also the fact that to gain experience in relationships, you'll have to actually be in one. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On March 26 2018 02:30 IgnE wrote: Sounds pretty scientific to me. Your best bet is to wait until you are about 26 and have spent 4 years saving for a down payment on a house. After you get moved into your house, present yourself to the dating market at the local church and find a wife. Nothing better than conservative woman! I've heard there is empirical data that prior relationships makes it harder to bond for woman emotionally long term, not so for man. Googling provides dubious answers so I'll just leave it as something debatable. I'm with what Farva said. | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On March 26 2018 02:12 Fencar wrote: Is it better as a 20 year old in school to date for experience or just have friends and hold off until I get a job and then start dating? I think you should avoid treating your time now as a test course for some theoretical point in the future. You will make mistakes if you start dating now, but you will also make mistakes in your first marriage, raising your first child, handling your first divorce, etc. Having the security of a job is no guarantee of anything in the dating market, and bluntly it doesn't make you a more arousing person to women. It will make you a more attractive person to them in your 30s but that is an entirely different matter (and it's not entirely a positive thing either). On March 26 2018 02:12 Fencar wrote: I used to want to date casually but I heard from my cousin that dating before marriage makes it harder, not easier to stay together with future partners. Is there any truth to that? Yes, but the studies so far suggest it only applies to women; more specifically, the number of sexual partners shows strong correlation to divorce in the first marriage and onwards. The impact is negligible in men. | ||
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Fencar
United States2694 Posts
I’ll try dating, get some experience and try to feel out relationships as they come. | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
Before that during my studies I did not actively search for a partner but when I find somebody who struck a chord in me, I tried to pursue them. Made quite some mistakes on the way, hurt people, got hurt, have been forgiven and all in all learned a lot. It's possible that your first serious relationship will be your dream one. But you will make mistakes. Your partner will make mistakes. Unless you know (learned) how to work together against the problem, instead of against each other (who's right, who's wrong), how to give and take, how to forgive, it's gonna be a rocky ride. Not that it's ever smooth sailing only  | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
On March 27 2018 07:05 sc-darkness wrote: I suppose the answer is "as long as it takes", but how long did it take you between looking for a girlfriend and getting one? I ended a relationship, but I'm looking for a new one. To kinda answer your question (in case it was directed at me): I'd guess 6 months to 2 years That is from relationship to relationship (or dating partner? Idk where the line is tbh). What I've never done in my life is to engage in activities, that I would not have participated in anyway, to look for a partner. Most of my gf's over the years I met at university or parties. Not that those were numerous or long term or even regular. Honestly I've been quite happy just having a few random encounters here and there. Though I have to say that albeit it would've been "nice to have" a girlfriend, I wasn't actively searching for one. I honestly cannot see this being a successful strategy for someone working full time, so I feel very lucky to have met her before starting my work life. During uni you meet so many new people that it almost doesn't matter and you'll eventually find someone compatible, at least for a short term partner. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On March 26 2018 02:12 Fencar wrote: Is it better as a 20 year old in school to date for experience or just have friends and hold off until I get a job and then start dating? I used to want to date casually but I heard from my cousin that dating before marriage makes it harder, not easier to stay together with future partners. Is there any truth to that? 10000% date now, college is for the experiences, not even that much for what you learn I was very lucky to have a job that allowed me to take a year to focus on just myself, dating, confidence and life development in general when I was nearly 30 If I couldn't I'd definitely regret not doing that during University | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
In fact I was dating 3 including my current girlfriend with no intention of getting commited, I was having great fun and I just love women, but she is just that special and "my person" that i just naturally dropped everyone else. And now there's no "what ifs" as I already lived them | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
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