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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On March 22 2015 12:00 IgnE wrote:
What counts as young?
Varies by country I'm sure. If we're talking about "young enough that you can get laid without fancy clothes or a car" then the cutoff around here is around 18 and after that the ladies want you to be "relatively employed" as Louis CK put it. Or capable of generating income somehow (or about to be from school). Not necessarily because they want money, for you pessimistic youngins in here, but because people who have their shit together are more attractive for obvious reasons.
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On March 22 2015 12:37 Djzapz wrote:Varies by country I'm sure. If we're talking about "young enough that you can get laid without fancy clothes or a car" then the cutoff around here is around 18 and after that the ladies want you to be "relatively employed" as Louis CK put it. Or capable of generating income somehow (or about to be from school). Not necessarily because they want money, for you pessimistic youngins in here, but because people who have their shit together are more attractive for obvious reasons.
I agree they want someone who has their shit together, but that doesn't require money. If you're in a place you want to be and working towards something you care about, then that's all that matters really. A broke 27 year old playing guitar in a band in bars every weekend is more interesting than the same guy if he was a supermarket department manager who's making 4x the income but really always wishing he had pursued music.
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On March 23 2015 00:28 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On March 22 2015 12:37 Djzapz wrote:On March 22 2015 12:00 IgnE wrote:
What counts as young? Varies by country I'm sure. If we're talking about "young enough that you can get laid without fancy clothes or a car" then the cutoff around here is around 18 and after that the ladies want you to be "relatively employed" as Louis CK put it. Or capable of generating income somehow (or about to be from school). Not necessarily because they want money, for you pessimistic youngins in here, but because people who have their shit together are more attractive for obvious reasons. I agree they want someone who has their shit together, but that doesn't require money. If you're in a place you want to be and working towards something you care about, then that's all that matters really. A broke 27 year old playing guitar in a band in bars every weekend is more interesting than the same guy if he was a supermarket department manager who's making 4x the income but really always wishing he had pursued music.
Sure but different people have different tastes. Some of the more adventurous people might prefer that in general, but if we're talking about a 27 year old woman who wants to have children, she may find that a broke 27 year old playing guitar is no longer what she needs. Might be fun for a few months.
I myself frankly have no interest in women who are not career orientated, and I don't want kids. So I'm probably fucked. Cheers :D
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On March 23 2015 00:28 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On March 22 2015 12:37 Djzapz wrote:On March 22 2015 12:00 IgnE wrote:
What counts as young? Varies by country I'm sure. If we're talking about "young enough that you can get laid without fancy clothes or a car" then the cutoff around here is around 18 and after that the ladies want you to be "relatively employed" as Louis CK put it. Or capable of generating income somehow (or about to be from school). Not necessarily because they want money, for you pessimistic youngins in here, but because people who have their shit together are more attractive for obvious reasons. A broke 27 year old playing guitar in a band in bars every weekend.
I can confirm that and I had sex with a girl whose boyfriend was literally a manager at LIDL, a German supermarket.
Then again, the older the girl, the more my being a broke student behind five years of everyone else at my age seems to be an issue. Playing guitar, being 'devil may care' and in reasonable good shape may get you laid, but it won't get you a girlfriend older than twenty in my opinion.
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I think people are mostly wrong about that. Getting and keeping a girlfriend after you sleep with her is really easy if you have things like basic human decency, available attention, and time. There are other defects at play than simply not having a job or money if you can't get a "girlfriend" but are regularly finding girls to sleep with.
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On March 23 2015 07:42 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On March 23 2015 00:28 Najda wrote:On March 22 2015 12:37 Djzapz wrote:On March 22 2015 12:00 IgnE wrote:
What counts as young? Varies by country I'm sure. If we're talking about "young enough that you can get laid without fancy clothes or a car" then the cutoff around here is around 18 and after that the ladies want you to be "relatively employed" as Louis CK put it. Or capable of generating income somehow (or about to be from school). Not necessarily because they want money, for you pessimistic youngins in here, but because people who have their shit together are more attractive for obvious reasons. A broke 27 year old playing guitar in a band in bars every weekend. I can confirm that and I had sex with a girl whose boyfriend was literally a manager at LIDL, a German supermarket. Then again, the older the girl, the more my being a broke student behind five years of everyone else at my age seems to be an issue. Playing guitar, being 'devil may care' and in reasonable good shape may get you laid, but it won't get you a girlfriend older than twenty in my opinion.
who wants an older than 20 girlfriend anyway? 
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On March 23 2015 10:20 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On March 23 2015 07:42 SixStrings wrote:On March 23 2015 00:28 Najda wrote:On March 22 2015 12:37 Djzapz wrote:On March 22 2015 12:00 IgnE wrote:
What counts as young? Varies by country I'm sure. If we're talking about "young enough that you can get laid without fancy clothes or a car" then the cutoff around here is around 18 and after that the ladies want you to be "relatively employed" as Louis CK put it. Or capable of generating income somehow (or about to be from school). Not necessarily because they want money, for you pessimistic youngins in here, but because people who have their shit together are more attractive for obvious reasons. A broke 27 year old playing guitar in a band in bars every weekend. I can confirm that and I had sex with a girl whose boyfriend was literally a manager at LIDL, a German supermarket. Then again, the older the girl, the more my being a broke student behind five years of everyone else at my age seems to be an issue. Playing guitar, being 'devil may care' and in reasonable good shape may get you laid, but it won't get you a girlfriend older than twenty in my opinion. who wants an older than 20 girlfriend anyway?
I do.
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On March 23 2015 10:20 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On March 23 2015 07:42 SixStrings wrote:On March 23 2015 00:28 Najda wrote:On March 22 2015 12:37 Djzapz wrote:On March 22 2015 12:00 IgnE wrote:
What counts as young? Varies by country I'm sure. If we're talking about "young enough that you can get laid without fancy clothes or a car" then the cutoff around here is around 18 and after that the ladies want you to be "relatively employed" as Louis CK put it. Or capable of generating income somehow (or about to be from school). Not necessarily because they want money, for you pessimistic youngins in here, but because people who have their shit together are more attractive for obvious reasons. A broke 27 year old playing guitar in a band in bars every weekend. I can confirm that and I had sex with a girl whose boyfriend was literally a manager at LIDL, a German supermarket. Then again, the older the girl, the more my being a broke student behind five years of everyone else at my age seems to be an issue. Playing guitar, being 'devil may care' and in reasonable good shape may get you laid, but it won't get you a girlfriend older than twenty in my opinion. who wants an older than 20 girlfriend anyway?
Old enough to read the clock...
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United States3292 Posts
On March 21 2015 07:22 obesechicken13 wrote:
What about ur parents?
my parents are super religiously conservative, and it would be incredibly annoying to deal with that, i moved out for a swell because of that
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Do you guys think it's normal for, say for example, a 26 year old guy going out with an 18 year old girl?
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Do I think its normal? No. But I do understand why people date/fall in love with much older or much younger people.
People date/fall in love with whoever they want to date/fall in love with. Age is just a number it has no meaning.
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On March 24 2015 10:11 QuantumTeleportation wrote:
Do you guys think it's normal for, say for example, a 26 year old guy going out with an 18 year old girl?
The older I get the more I like girls in the 18-21 age bracket  (I'm 24 and my gf is 20, 19 when we started dating)
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On March 24 2015 10:11 QuantumTeleportation wrote:
Do you guys think it's normal for, say for example, a 26 year old guy going out with an 18 year old girl?
I don't have any background info here, so I'm assuming standard American South dating etiquette. While the half age plus 7 rule has already been discussed, I'd like to say that an 8 year difference is a lot, even for the South. Especially at that age. I'm not going to say it can't workout or it should not workout, both of you are of legal consenting ages (hopefully she's in college so you aren't dating a high schooler as a post-grad). People in the South generally date and marry younger than most other areas, but even then the age difference isn't so stark. The problem with that age difference, and the reason I keep mentioning it, is that while you are out searching for a job and have done a lot of your self-searching in your early 20's, she has not. She's young, barely into college, doesn't know what she's looking for in life, and you are one possible outcome in a pot of many. While I personally went into college with a relationship, almost no relationship I know of has survived college without either serious turmoil or unfortunate lapses in judgement (if you know what I mean). While these relationships certainly can workout, the age difference isn't so much as the maturity difference and the rapid change in desires that occur between 18-30.
Now, still assuming we're in the South, it is still popular here to drop out of college or not go to college entirely and marry up at a young age like that and start a family - if this is the option you take then marriage is almost certainly the next step, and very quickly. If you A) love this girl a lot, B) have her father's permission, and C) have some sort of a stable job ahead of you, then this is option (at least around here) isn't too too far off. Your story isn't atypical for the areas I'm near, but that doesn't make it positive I'm afraid. Your age difference is 8 years, imagine you decreased it to 6, you are 26 and she's 20, now it sounds a lot better. Imagine you changed that to 22 and 16, now it sounds much worse. You are closer to the 22 and 16 one right now, and in fact I know a guy who is in a relationship like that right now, but he isn't someone I'd emulate. The point is that while its not super uncommon, it can set off a lot of red flags if you don't have a plan for the relationship. If you're just sleeping around that's an entirely different story.
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United States3292 Posts
Spring break making it hard to have a relationship since forever
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On March 24 2015 10:11 QuantumTeleportation wrote:
Do you guys think it's normal for, say for example, a 26 year old guy going out with an 18 year old girl?
I was 26 when I met my current girlfriend (19 at the time) and around that time I was finding the 18-21 bracket quite fond of me(they would approach me while I'm out with friends not even looking for them) even tho personally I've always been more into late 20s / early 30s women who have their shit together. Also know quite a few couples with the male 26-29 and female 18-21.
Seems pretty normal that a girl just getting out of school and into the real world would find security in an older man with life experience.
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I dated a girl who was a bit over 4 years younger than me (I was 25 she was 21). I know that women like to say that they mature faster than men and therefore usually have a guy a bit older than them but I disagree. I found this 4 year gap very noticeable. Where I was concerned with getting a career started she was concerned with partying and what her friends were doing etc. Even girls I know that are similarly career minded as me at 4 years younger seem to be completely naive in other regards.
I guess what I'm saying that although it's not weird IMO you're gonna notice it.
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bad relationship is u cant trust each other
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I was with a girl... now, didn't tell her my age she didn't tell me hers. Bartered it for a kiss at the end. She's a 21y old student I'm 28. She's was like "that's so much wow...or maybe it isn't"?
I don't really see any issues. I'm a poker pro, and smart girls in the 25 ish age bracket are new at work, don't handle it well yet and scheduling becomes really annoying. At least my last gf was stressed from work as it was her 1st year and it was a demanding company, besides girls with a more open profession (seeing a therapist now- as a gf not that I need her ;p) seems like students are the only ones with a more open schedule, and they'll always be younger?
Btw another thing - seeing more girls at once, when does it become immoral?
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On March 31 2015 05:35 LemOn wrote:
I was with a girl... now, didn't tell her my age she didn't tell me hers. Bartered it for a kiss at the end. She's a 21y old student I'm 28. She's was like "that's so much wow...or maybe it isn't"?
I don't really see any issues. I'm a poker pro, and smart girls in the 25 ish age bracket are new at work, don't handle it well yet and scheduling becomes really annoying. At least my last gf was stressed from work as it was her 1st year and it was a demanding company, besides girls with a more open profession (seeing a therapist now- as a gf not that I need her ;p) seems like students are the only ones with a more open schedule, and they'll always be younger?
Btw another thing - seeing more girls at once, when does it become immoral?
When you have to lie to them to be able to maintain it? If they are aware, there is nothing inherently immoral about it imo. I wouldn't have time to do anything personally, trying to keep multiple women happy. I have a hard enough time keeping 1 happy. So the effort was just never worth it to me. EDIT: Lying by omission is a grey area for me here.
Chances are one or more of the woman would be dissatisfied, so manipulating her into remaining would also touch the immoral line for myself.
As for dating significantly younger women, the age is just like an outfit. Just because someone is wearing it, it doesn't make them that (Putting on a lab coat doesn't make you a scientist). Younger people are going to tend to be less informed, less socially developed, etc... But it's not absolute. There are plenty of 18-21 yo far more mature and mentally developed than lots of 27-33 yo'.
In fairness though someone who has a chance at a successful relationship with someone so much younger probably doesn't appeal to their own age group as much. The things that make an older person stand out to a younger person are often the same things women of their own age are generally not into. To use a recent example, If your career plan is still to be a professional rock musician and you bar tend a dive bar you play at on the weekends at 32 that's probably not going to appeal to the type of 30 yo woman one would want to pursue, however to a 21 yo girl at the bar for the first time that can be quite 'dreamy'.
I think what happens (when these things work) is you generally have one person who acts a bit younger than their age and one who acts older. The age difference allows the younger one to see the older through less jaded lenses. The older one notices that this younger (usually) girl looks/treats them differently than their similarly aged peers. The younger one generally notices a similar trend.
That being said there are common issues to those types of relationships. But they are no more insurmountable than the ones faced by any unconventional relationship.
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EPT
