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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On February 07 2015 14:43 Dalguno wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2015 14:40 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:38 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:33 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:12 Dalguno wrote:
So, here's a question. How do you know after the date and you've dropped her off and all that she's interested in going out again? There's the obvious "We should do something again soon!" but what else? Does she text you later after saying she had a good time etc.? Yes, actually. There's your answer. If she didn't have a good time she wouldn't be texting you bringing it up so you have a chance to make her go out again. That makes good sense. So what would other signs be, aside from "let's do something again" and texting after? Or is that basically it?
Basically up to you to figure it out from how well the "date" went. You think you guys had fun during the date & she brought it up on a separate occasion that she had fun. Aside from her blatantly tell you she wants to hang out again it's up to you to make something happen, at least guys are supposed to most of the time.
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On February 07 2015 14:43 Dalguno wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2015 14:40 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:38 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:33 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:12 Dalguno wrote:
So, here's a question. How do you know after the date and you've dropped her off and all that she's interested in going out again? There's the obvious "We should do something again soon!" but what else? Does she text you later after saying she had a good time etc.? Yes, actually. There's your answer. If she didn't have a good time she wouldn't be texting you bringing it up so you have a chance to make her go out again. That makes good sense. So what would other signs be, aside from "let's do something again" and texting after? Or is that basically it?
If someone doesn't want to see you again they won't text you.
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On February 07 2015 11:43 ROOTFayth wrote:
lol you talk as if it was normal, you have issues buddy
Nah, I'm fine. If you're miserable only one day out of 30 (approximately), your life is pretty good.
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On February 07 2015 14:43 Dalguno wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2015 14:40 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:38 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:33 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:12 Dalguno wrote:
So, here's a question. How do you know after the date and you've dropped her off and all that she's interested in going out again? There's the obvious "We should do something again soon!" but what else? Does she text you later after saying she had a good time etc.? Yes, actually. There's your answer. If she didn't have a good time she wouldn't be texting you bringing it up so you have a chance to make her go out again. That makes good sense. So what would other signs be, aside from "let's do something again" and texting after? Or is that basically it?
You didn't try to kiss her in the entire date? -_-
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On February 07 2015 22:39 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2015 14:43 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:40 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:38 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:33 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:12 Dalguno wrote:
So, here's a question. How do you know after the date and you've dropped her off and all that she's interested in going out again? There's the obvious "We should do something again soon!" but what else? Does she text you later after saying she had a good time etc.? Yes, actually. There's your answer. If she didn't have a good time she wouldn't be texting you bringing it up so you have a chance to make her go out again. That makes good sense. So what would other signs be, aside from "let's do something again" and texting after? Or is that basically it? You didn't try to kiss her in the entire date? -_-
The easiest way to answer that is to tell you that it's not in the culture of where I live to kiss her that early.
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On February 06 2015 06:02 Sycamore wrote:Show nested quote +On February 06 2015 00:26 Yoz wrote:On February 05 2015 07:00 Sycamore wrote:
Theres this girl who attended the same climbing course as I did. On the last day on the way back we got to talk together for a longer time and we got on quite well, so I asked her for her number so we could go climbing together in the near future (as I also wanted to get to know her better for maybe more-but even just a nice sports partner wouldve sufficed in my view). So after some time I text her politely and in a not-needy way to maybe meet up for it. And I get...no answer. I'm not even worth an answer.
I really wonder whats up with my judgement of social responses, I really thought she liked me as well, or at least enough to want to meet up again.
I know I probably shouldn't think too much about rather petty stuff like this but in a way its frustrating.. On February 05 2015 07:28 Sycamore wrote:
I waited one week after seeing her at the last day before texting her and it's now been a day without an answer, while she cleary saw my message (whatsapp). And yep, I said who I was and where we met. Lets see if an answer will follow eventually, but Ill doubt it, as she would've already replied if she wanted to. Admittedly I know almost nothing about you but I'm quite confused as to the intention when asking for her number. If you're romantically inclined then I don't particularly think hiding your approach behind wanting to climb again is an intelligent move. Nor do I think waiting a week before contacting her is an intelligent move. It's made even worse if she suspects you're interested in her (and she reciprocated) then feels you're just too shy to do anything about it. As highlighted by previous posters if she has given you her number you can assume it's a green light to contact her and ask her out. If she didn't want to go out with you I don't think she'd be willing to give you her number (which is inevitably more work for her) and on the off chance she gave you her number out of courtesy this courtesy would extend to telling you that she's not interested now. [I've had this happen once where the girl gave me her number in front of a group of friends and then politely told me she wasn't entirely single but felt I was a nice enough guy that she didn't want to shoot me down in front of everyone.] Aside from that we can sit here theorising as to whether she saw it whilst she was busy and later forgot. Or whether she was single but has started dating someone in the week's gap. Or whether she's just awful with replying messages and constantly forgets to reply for days... but there's every chance we'll never know so stop worrying about it. I might be entirely old fashioned but I actually kinda like calling people to ask 'em out. At least for the first time. It might be considered weird but I guess it's worked so far for me. Maybe it works because it's so weird? I dunno. I wasn't hiding it behind wanting to climb again, it was more like wanting to climb again and simultaneously getting to know her better for friendship-or a relationship. I waited as long as a week because when we spoke I asked her about going climbing "sometime soon", so I thought it'd come over as unappropriate/needy to then text her a day later. Come to think about it, when I asked her that question she said yes but it didn't sound all too enthusiastic but more reserved, so I guess that was a sign and she said it for puposes of avoiding direct rejection...anyways, I'm getting over with it. Thx for all the replies. PS: Funny thing is I'm probably gonna see her again 'cause she told she was gonna attend another course i'm also attending in a few months. I'll ignore her.
Honestly I get your frustration and I don't like psychoanalyzing others too much but you seem way too outcome-oriented. You ask for her number already with the goal in mind of establishing a romantic/platonic relationship. You message her with the expectation to get an immediate response. It's much easier to get frustrated thinking like this. You should feel good about yourself you did good asking for her number and messaging her. If you want her to feel like she missed out be nice and confident without trying to get her attention. You don't have to ignore her.
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On February 07 2015 21:24 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2015 11:43 ROOTFayth wrote:
lol you talk as if it was normal, you have issues buddy Nah, I'm fine. If you're miserable only one day out of 30 (approximately), your life is pretty good.
so you're not going to do anything about it?
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On February 07 2015 23:45 Dalguno wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2015 22:39 GoTuNk! wrote:On February 07 2015 14:43 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:40 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:38 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:33 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:12 Dalguno wrote:
So, here's a question. How do you know after the date and you've dropped her off and all that she's interested in going out again? There's the obvious "We should do something again soon!" but what else? Does she text you later after saying she had a good time etc.? Yes, actually. There's your answer. If she didn't have a good time she wouldn't be texting you bringing it up so you have a chance to make her go out again. That makes good sense. So what would other signs be, aside from "let's do something again" and texting after? Or is that basically it? You didn't try to kiss her in the entire date? -_- The easiest way to answer that is to tell you that it's not in the culture of where I live to kiss her that early.
Unless you live in a muslim dictatorship you shouldn't abide to the norm; instead try to get intimacy faster than the average guy. That is how you get the girl and avoid the friendzone.
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On February 08 2015 03:31 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2015 23:45 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 22:39 GoTuNk! wrote:On February 07 2015 14:43 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:40 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:38 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:33 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:12 Dalguno wrote:
So, here's a question. How do you know after the date and you've dropped her off and all that she's interested in going out again? There's the obvious "We should do something again soon!" but what else? Does she text you later after saying she had a good time etc.? Yes, actually. There's your answer. If she didn't have a good time she wouldn't be texting you bringing it up so you have a chance to make her go out again. That makes good sense. So what would other signs be, aside from "let's do something again" and texting after? Or is that basically it? You didn't try to kiss her in the entire date? -_- The easiest way to answer that is to tell you that it's not in the culture of where I live to kiss her that early. Unless you live in a muslim dictatorship you shouldn't abide to the norm; instead try to get intimacy faster than the average guy. That is how you get the girl and avoid the friendzone.
Depending on the girl, of course. When it's an hour and a half first date, no real possibility for contact because we're sitting across from one another and being able to discern the kind of girl she is, kissing her definitely would not have been a wise choice.
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On February 08 2015 03:38 Dalguno wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2015 03:31 GoTuNk! wrote:On February 07 2015 23:45 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 22:39 GoTuNk! wrote:On February 07 2015 14:43 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:40 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:38 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:33 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:12 Dalguno wrote:
So, here's a question. How do you know after the date and you've dropped her off and all that she's interested in going out again? There's the obvious "We should do something again soon!" but what else? Does she text you later after saying she had a good time etc.? Yes, actually. There's your answer. If she didn't have a good time she wouldn't be texting you bringing it up so you have a chance to make her go out again. That makes good sense. So what would other signs be, aside from "let's do something again" and texting after? Or is that basically it? You didn't try to kiss her in the entire date? -_- The easiest way to answer that is to tell you that it's not in the culture of where I live to kiss her that early. Unless you live in a muslim dictatorship you shouldn't abide to the norm; instead try to get intimacy faster than the average guy. That is how you get the girl and avoid the friendzone. Depending on the girl, of course. When it's an hour and a half first date, no real possibility for contact because we're sitting across from one another and being able to discern the kind of girl she is, kissing her definitely would not have been a wise choice.
Next time arrange it so you are seating closer (pro tip: grab her chair, put it close to you, tell her to seat close; if you can't do that find another location). An hour an half is a lot of time wtf. Moreover, even if she rejects your kiss which is unlikely, unless you did it in a super creepy way, you become more attractive to her.
I don't think you get to know girls by talking that much, actions are more important.
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On February 08 2015 04:12 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2015 03:38 Dalguno wrote:On February 08 2015 03:31 GoTuNk! wrote:On February 07 2015 23:45 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 22:39 GoTuNk! wrote:On February 07 2015 14:43 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:40 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:38 Dalguno wrote:On February 07 2015 14:33 Zooper31 wrote:On February 07 2015 14:12 Dalguno wrote:
So, here's a question. How do you know after the date and you've dropped her off and all that she's interested in going out again? There's the obvious "We should do something again soon!" but what else? Does she text you later after saying she had a good time etc.? Yes, actually. There's your answer. If she didn't have a good time she wouldn't be texting you bringing it up so you have a chance to make her go out again. That makes good sense. So what would other signs be, aside from "let's do something again" and texting after? Or is that basically it? You didn't try to kiss her in the entire date? -_- The easiest way to answer that is to tell you that it's not in the culture of where I live to kiss her that early. Unless you live in a muslim dictatorship you shouldn't abide to the norm; instead try to get intimacy faster than the average guy. That is how you get the girl and avoid the friendzone. Depending on the girl, of course. When it's an hour and a half first date, no real possibility for contact because we're sitting across from one another and being able to discern the kind of girl she is, kissing her definitely would not have been a wise choice. Next time arrange it so you are seating closer (pro tip: grab her chair, put it close to you, tell her to seat close; if you can't do that find another location). An hour an half is a lot of time wtf. Moreover, even if she rejects your kiss which is unlikely, unless you did it in a super creepy way, you become more attractive to her. I don't think you get to know girls by talking that much, actions are more important.
It depends on what you're looking for. I'm not really looking to getting into a relationship to get some, I'm looking eventually for a wife. I can talk to her and get to know what she wants in life, what her goals are and the kind of life she wants to live. I think it's pretty inherent in her nature to want affection, which is great and I will move to that when I've figured out if she's what I'm looking for (and it really doesn't take that long to figure that out. In this case, it's looking good so I will make a move in order to fulfill that in her as well as keep her near so I can continue to get to know her). I can woo her and start a relationship that way, but what if she's not what I want? I'm just wasting my time, then.
Not sure if that's worded very well, but hopefully it gets my point across.
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United States15275 Posts
On February 08 2015 04:23 Dalguno wrote:
I'm not really looking to getting into a relationship to get some, I'm looking eventually for a wife. I can talk to her and get to know what she wants in life, what her goals are and the kind of life she wants to live. I think it's pretty inherent in her nature to want affection, which is great and I will move to that when I've figured out if she's what I'm looking for (and it really doesn't take that long to figure that out. In this case, it's looking good so I will make a move in order to fulfill that in her as well as keep her near so I can continue to get to know her). I can woo her and start a relationship that way, but what if she's not what I want? I'm just wasting my time, then.
Not sure if that's worded very well, but hopefully it gets my point across.
A movie character once said "How much can you know about yourself, if you've never been in a fight?"
Similarly, how can you know what kind of woman is right for you in a marriage if you don't engage in relationships? At this point, you are simply hypothesizing about future affairs as if you will be automatically ready to take on the husband role. It is not that simple. You may be wrong in what you truly value. You may be deficient when it comes to surviving tough stretches. You may not deserve her generosity or affection when it is given.
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On February 08 2015 04:58 CosmicSpiral wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2015 04:23 Dalguno wrote:
I'm not really looking to getting into a relationship to get some, I'm looking eventually for a wife. I can talk to her and get to know what she wants in life, what her goals are and the kind of life she wants to live. I think it's pretty inherent in her nature to want affection, which is great and I will move to that when I've figured out if she's what I'm looking for (and it really doesn't take that long to figure that out. In this case, it's looking good so I will make a move in order to fulfill that in her as well as keep her near so I can continue to get to know her). I can woo her and start a relationship that way, but what if she's not what I want? I'm just wasting my time, then.
Not sure if that's worded very well, but hopefully it gets my point across. A movie character once said "How much can you know about yourself, if you've never been in a fight?" Similarly, how can you know what kind of woman is right for you in a marriage if you don't engage in relationships? At this point, you are simply hypothesizing about future affairs as if you will be automatically ready to take on the husband role. It is not that simple.
But it's been one date. I don't think not kissing the girl on a first date is failing to engage a relationship. I'm just coming out of a relationship that ended a little less than a month ago. And coincidentally when we show up to the place, my ex was there. What are the chances? I learned a good deal from that relationship about what I want, and from prior relationships as well.
For that same reason, I've been going on a lot of different girls that I find attractive, and followed the same pattern. Talked, got to know her a bit, and if I liked how things went, I've asked her out again. That's how my last relationship started, and it worked well.
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There is no essentially right way to pursue a woman, so I wouldn't sweat it Dalguno.
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So I sorta fucked up the thing with the girl I had hooked up recently by being weird and needy. I could feel it coming out of me and I knew it wasn't gonna be good but it came out inevitably and now I'm giving her a sort of time out until I get out of this mental funk.
The funny thing is I never knew I had this sort of neediness until her, it didn't manifest almost at all with any of the previous girl's I've been with. Now I'm in this weird head space where I don't want to do anything and feel sad all the time, it's been like this for at least two weeks.
How the fuck do I get out of this mode? I'm still putting in effort trying to get another girl but I feel like it's just gonna come back again with the next one and this really brings me down.  Anyone have experience with this sort of thing?
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On February 08 2015 05:43 farvacola wrote:
There is no essentially right way to pursue a woman, so I wouldn't sweat it Dalguno.
There is no essentially right way to get big and strong, how abusurd does that sound? While there aren't 1 size fit it all solutions, there are general principles that are true close to 100% percent of the time.
Same with woman.
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So I just asked out a cute girl for a drink and she reacted pretty positive and with a quick "Yes". I also got her number pretty easily. BUT she said it is really stressy at the moment and she'd much rather like to meet up in march. So I simply do not know, if she wants it or is just stalling me. Do you think I should go for it aggresively or just text her in march?
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United States15275 Posts
On February 08 2015 05:08 Dalguno wrote:
But it's been one date. I don't think not kissing the girl on a first date is failing to engage a relationship. I'm just coming out of a relationship that ended a little less than a month ago. And coincidentally when we show up to the place, my ex was there. What are the chances? I learned a good deal from that relationship about what I want, and from prior relationships as well.
For that same reason, I've been going on a lot of different girls that I find attractive, and followed the same pattern. Talked, got to know her a bit, and if I liked how things went, I've asked her out again. That's how my last relationship started, and it worked well.
Technically you have done nothing wrong. Your focus is simply misguided and antithetical to building a good relationship.
On February 09 2015 02:36 puppykiller wrote:So I sorta fucked up the thing with the girl I had hooked up recently by being weird and needy. I could feel it coming out of me and I knew it wasn't gonna be good but it came out inevitably and now I'm giving her a sort of time out until I get out of this mental funk. The funny thing is I never knew I had this sort of neediness until her, it didn't manifest almost at all with any of the previous girl's I've been with. Now I'm in this weird head space where I don't want to do anything and feel sad all the time, it's been like this for at least two weeks. How the fuck do I get out of this mode? I'm still putting in effort trying to get another girl but I feel like it's just gonna come back again with the next one and this really brings me down. Anyone have experience with this sort of thing?
Your neediness has nothing to do with the girl. She is simply the medium through which your lack of a salient identity becomes most apparent. To get out to that mode, you have to do more than what you usually do during your spare time. I can say this with some confidence because you post about it quite frequently.
On February 09 2015 02:55 chrisolo wrote:
So I just asked out a cute girl for a drink and she reacted pretty positive and with a quick "Yes". I also got her number pretty easily. BUT she said it is really stressy at the moment and she'd much rather like to meet up in march. So I simply do not know, if she wants it or is just stalling me. Do you think I should go for it aggressively or just text her in march?
The possibility of rejection is always a reality. Face it head-on at a convenient time for you (which is not an allowance for procrastination).
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On February 09 2015 02:52 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2015 05:43 farvacola wrote:
There is no essentially right way to pursue a woman, so I wouldn't sweat it Dalguno. There is no essentially right way to get big and strong, how abusurd does that sound? While there aren't 1 size fit it all solutions, there are general principles that are true close to 100% percent of the time. Same with woman.
Women are not gains, brah, and pretending otherwise will only get you in good with women of a particular kind.
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How does one build a good relationship ? What should I do in my free time ?
CS, you certainly seem to be a well of knowledge. Teach me all you know.
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EPT
