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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
Ghostcom
Profile Joined March 2010
Denmark4782 Posts
February 13 2015 15:53 GMT
#11661
So let me hurt her some more by getting her more invested in me and then dump her...

SixStrings never cease to amaze.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18826 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-02-13 16:05:34
February 13 2015 16:05 GMT
#11662
Some people are the type that you wouldn't want to hurt. SixStrings is not one of those people.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
SixStrings
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Germany2046 Posts
February 13 2015 16:06 GMT
#11663
On February 14 2015 00:53 Ghostcom wrote:
So let me hurt her some more by getting her more invested in me and then dump her...

SixStrings never cease to amaze.


Your self-righteousness never ceases to amaze.

If things were always that easy, we wouldn't even have this thread. I really have to contrain myself to avoid the words 'fuck' and 'off'.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18826 Posts
February 13 2015 16:17 GMT
#11664
He's not the one being self-righteous. Maybe this isn't a thing in Germany, I couldn't say, but here in the states, and elsewhere in Europe apparently, men who kiss and tell as you do are a dime a dozen and oftentimes pathological liars. That you've confessed to alcoholism elsewhere on this board just adds to the image. So yeah, that posters regularly react to your not so humble brags with distaste shouldn't surprise you.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
xDaunt
Profile Joined March 2010
United States17988 Posts
February 13 2015 16:46 GMT
#11665
On February 14 2015 01:17 farvacola wrote:
He's not the one being self-righteous. Maybe this isn't a thing in Germany, I couldn't say, but here in the states, and elsewhere in Europe apparently, men who kiss and tell as you do are a dime a dozen and oftentimes pathological liars. That you've confessed to alcoholism elsewhere on this board just adds to the image. So yeah, that posters regularly react to your not so humble brags with distaste shouldn't surprise you.

In SixStrings' defense, isn't he the one being a bit of a realist? Dating is often a nasty, dishonest business where every relationship ends badly (to one degree or another) except the one that ends in a lifetime of marriage.
Snotling
Profile Joined August 2011
Germany885 Posts
February 13 2015 17:09 GMT
#11666
On February 14 2015 01:46 xDaunt wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 14 2015 01:17 farvacola wrote:
He's not the one being self-righteous. Maybe this isn't a thing in Germany, I couldn't say, but here in the states, and elsewhere in Europe apparently, men who kiss and tell as you do are a dime a dozen and oftentimes pathological liars. That you've confessed to alcoholism elsewhere on this board just adds to the image. So yeah, that posters regularly react to your not so humble brags with distaste shouldn't surprise you.

In SixStrings' defense, isn't he the one being a bit of a realist? Dating is often a nasty, dishonest business where every relationship ends badly (to one degree or another) except the one that ends in a lifetime of marriage.


That are the only two outcomes for you? Bad ending or a liftime of marriage?

My best female friend is an ex of mine (easiest friendship with a women ever, because there is zero sexuall attraction anymore), and I am also friends with a girl, were after three dates we decided that we like each other, but just not enough for a realtionship.
And even if you dont see a person ever again, doesnt mean the time you spent was wasted, or that the outcome was bad....

There are a lot of good endings to this besides marriage
xDaunt
Profile Joined March 2010
United States17988 Posts
February 13 2015 17:16 GMT
#11667
On February 14 2015 02:09 Snotling wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 14 2015 01:46 xDaunt wrote:
On February 14 2015 01:17 farvacola wrote:
He's not the one being self-righteous. Maybe this isn't a thing in Germany, I couldn't say, but here in the states, and elsewhere in Europe apparently, men who kiss and tell as you do are a dime a dozen and oftentimes pathological liars. That you've confessed to alcoholism elsewhere on this board just adds to the image. So yeah, that posters regularly react to your not so humble brags with distaste shouldn't surprise you.

In SixStrings' defense, isn't he the one being a bit of a realist? Dating is often a nasty, dishonest business where every relationship ends badly (to one degree or another) except the one that ends in a lifetime of marriage.


That are the only two outcomes for you? Bad ending or a liftime of marriage?

My best female friend is an ex of mine (easiest friendship with a women ever, because there is zero sexuall attraction anymore), and I am also friends with a girl, were after three dates we decided that we like each other, but just not enough for a realtionship.
And even if you dont see a person ever again, doesnt mean the time you spent was wasted, or that the outcome was bad....

There are a lot of good endings to this besides marriage

I don't think I'm wired to where I'd be able to keep an ex around as a friend, though I do know people who are able to.

But correct, I'm not saying that failed relationships are all wastes of time or that the fact that they end is necessarily a bad outcome. As much as the ending may suck, I'm of the opinion that generally every relationship that ends needed to end, hence the breakup is a "good" thing.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18826 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-02-13 20:21:02
February 13 2015 17:29 GMT
#11668
On February 14 2015 01:46 xDaunt wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 14 2015 01:17 farvacola wrote:
He's not the one being self-righteous. Maybe this isn't a thing in Germany, I couldn't say, but here in the states, and elsewhere in Europe apparently, men who kiss and tell as you do are a dime a dozen and oftentimes pathological liars. That you've confessed to alcoholism elsewhere on this board just adds to the image. So yeah, that posters regularly react to your not so humble brags with distaste shouldn't surprise you.

In SixStrings' defense, isn't he the one being a bit of a realist? Dating is often a nasty, dishonest business where every relationship ends badly (to one degree or another) except the one that ends in a lifetime of marriage.

I can't really say. Personally, of my 5 "real" ex's, only one doesn't talk to me anymore, and that's because she's addicted to heroin lol. Holding onto past negativities is too burdensome IMO.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
Titusmaster6
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States5937 Posts
February 13 2015 19:53 GMT
#11669
On February 14 2015 00:45 SixStrings wrote:
I've been seeing the same girl since ... must be December and I'm eternally grateful that Valentine's isn't a thing here. She's staying the weekend and I'd hate to have any obligation of doing stuff or giving her insincere gifts...

To be honest, I thought of breaking it off a couple of times, but she's just the kind of person you don't want to hurt.

Dude stop. Break it off
Shorts down shorts up, BOOM, just like that.
Ghostcom
Profile Joined March 2010
Denmark4782 Posts
February 13 2015 22:01 GMT
#11670
On February 14 2015 01:46 xDaunt wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 14 2015 01:17 farvacola wrote:
He's not the one being self-righteous. Maybe this isn't a thing in Germany, I couldn't say, but here in the states, and elsewhere in Europe apparently, men who kiss and tell as you do are a dime a dozen and oftentimes pathological liars. That you've confessed to alcoholism elsewhere on this board just adds to the image. So yeah, that posters regularly react to your not so humble brags with distaste shouldn't surprise you.

In SixStrings' defense, isn't he the one being a bit of a realist? Dating is often a nasty, dishonest business where every relationship ends badly (to one degree or another) except the one that ends in a lifetime of marriage.


I wasn't aware that calling people out was now considered self-righteous, but alright. To be honest SixStrings outrage shows that he is at least subconsciously aware that what he is doing is wrong.

Dating isn't nasty nor dishonest - it is exactly what you bring to the table.
CosmicSpiral
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States15275 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-02-14 01:50:31
February 13 2015 22:05 GMT
#11671
On February 14 2015 00:45 SixStrings wrote:
I've been seeing the same girl since ... must be December and I'm eternally grateful that Valentine's isn't a thing here. She's staying the weekend and I'd hate to have any obligation of doing stuff or giving her insincere gifts...

To be honest, I thought of breaking it off a couple of times, but she's just the kind of person you don't want to hurt.


Have you considered that you may be hurting her every day you refuse to clarify where she stands with you? It's very hard for me to believe that you have her best interests in mind when your definition of 'right action' is equivalent to inaction. Not to mention, you are insulting her every time you imply she is too fragile to endure and learn from sadness. She is a person existentially separate from you, not an actress in your personal narrative in need of coddling or rescuing.

On February 14 2015 01:46 xDaunt wrote:
In SixStrings' defense, isn't he the one being a bit of a realist? Dating is often a nasty, dishonest business where every relationship ends badly (to one degree or another) except the one that ends in a lifetime of marriage.


Lifetime marriages are often the nastiest, most dishonest relationships of all.
WriterWovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen.
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland25260 Posts
February 14 2015 01:03 GMT
#11672
Super fucking annoyed lol. My life is generally pretty shitty and I met someone who was a real ray of light in an otherwise barely tolerable existence.

Only issue is she's not an EU citizen and visa issues are rearing their head. There is fuck all I can do which only adds to my annoyance. Worst part is regardless of my feelings for her she's driven as fuck and just wants to work, she's very competent at a variety of things and she's essentially having to go to 'study' English just to stay in the country on a student visa.

It's proving a fucking strain atm, I wouldn't care particularly if it was some casual thing but she's one of the loveliest people I've ever met, is good with my son, plays games with me and likes the same films, plus is really hot.

Anyone know any good visa workarounds? :p

'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
Titusmaster6
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States5937 Posts
February 14 2015 02:20 GMT
#11673
On February 14 2015 10:03 Wombat_NI wrote:
Super fucking annoyed lol. My life is generally pretty shitty and I met someone who was a real ray of light in an otherwise barely tolerable existence.

Only issue is she's not an EU citizen and visa issues are rearing their head. There is fuck all I can do which only adds to my annoyance. Worst part is regardless of my feelings for her she's driven as fuck and just wants to work, she's very competent at a variety of things and she's essentially having to go to 'study' English just to stay in the country on a student visa.

It's proving a fucking strain atm, I wouldn't care particularly if it was some casual thing but she's one of the loveliest people I've ever met, is good with my son, plays games with me and likes the same films, plus is really hot.

Anyone know any good visa workarounds? :p


Man fuck visa problems. I know your feel. I'm not familiar with the EU visas but my family and I just played by the rules and hoped for the best. Eventually...EVENTUALLY it all worked out.

Keep your head up and hope it works out with you guys and mini bat.
Shorts down shorts up, BOOM, just like that.
Thalandros
Profile Blog Joined July 2012
Netherlands1151 Posts
February 14 2015 03:04 GMT
#11674
So quick update for those who want to know :


The rose was given to her, when I wasn't around. Apparently she was confused, turned red but was kinda excited in the end because she never had a rose last year while everyone else did.
An hour later I find out she has her high guess chances on me already anyway because 1. My handwriting and 2. A friend of mine said her name too loud in class earlier today, and a friend of hers of course ''leaked'' this ''information''. Friend of mine says she thought it was kinda cute though (Probably more the gesture than the person, but still!)

We had a carnival disco today (basically just an excuse to drink and party for a week straight in Holland. Really strange. I don't even like it.) And I decided this was the first time I'd go for 1. Experience and 2. Hopefully see her, talk to her, maybe even ask her out.

When I arrived it was PACKED, it was insane. I really couldn't find her. When I finally did find her ''cluster'' of friends, she wasn't to be found there either. I guess she must've left early. :/
While cycling home I found one of her close friends. She said ''Hey'' in a high pitched voice, as in ''I know something'', and I replied but didnt stop or anything. Maybe I should have.
Not sure what to do now. I can message her on facebook, or wait until my holidays are over which won't be for a week and try to start conversation then.


I'm very happy about the fact that I can probably talk with her much more easily, because now the feeling's out there.. Finally. No idea what took me so long. It feels so good to not crop that up inside. Whatever the outcome I feel better now!
|| ''I think we have all experienced passion that is not in any sense reasonable.'' ||
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland25260 Posts
February 14 2015 03:58 GMT
#11675
+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]

Rare decent pic of me and my new ladyfriend for anyone who is curious as to what I look like
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
Luoson
Profile Joined May 2010
New Zealand153 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-02-14 07:37:09
February 14 2015 07:03 GMT
#11676
wow wombat shes hot, good job dude.

CorsairHero
Profile Joined December 2008
Canada9491 Posts
February 14 2015 07:37 GMT
#11677
On February 14 2015 02:09 Snotling wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 14 2015 01:46 xDaunt wrote:
On February 14 2015 01:17 farvacola wrote:
He's not the one being self-righteous. Maybe this isn't a thing in Germany, I couldn't say, but here in the states, and elsewhere in Europe apparently, men who kiss and tell as you do are a dime a dozen and oftentimes pathological liars. That you've confessed to alcoholism elsewhere on this board just adds to the image. So yeah, that posters regularly react to your not so humble brags with distaste shouldn't surprise you.

In SixStrings' defense, isn't he the one being a bit of a realist? Dating is often a nasty, dishonest business where every relationship ends badly (to one degree or another) except the one that ends in a lifetime of marriage.


That are the only two outcomes for you? Bad ending or a liftime of marriage?

My best female friend is an ex of mine (easiest friendship with a women ever, because there is zero sexuall attraction anymore), and I am also friends with a girl, were after three dates we decided that we like each other, but just not enough for a realtionship.
And even if you dont see a person ever again, doesnt mean the time you spent was wasted, or that the outcome was bad....

There are a lot of good endings to this besides marriage

Marriage ain't necessarily a good ending (and its a shitty deal for most men). Flip a coin.
© Current year.
CorsairHero
Profile Joined December 2008
Canada9491 Posts
February 14 2015 07:40 GMT
#11678
On February 14 2015 16:03 Luoson wrote:
wow wombat shes hot, good job dude.


With respect to what you wrote before: Go to the gym. Work on your career. Focus on yourself.
© Current year.
LemOn
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-02-14 08:18:35
February 14 2015 08:14 GMT
#11679
On February 14 2015 10:03 Wombat_NI wrote:
Super fucking annoyed lol. My life is generally pretty shitty and I met someone who was a real ray of light in an otherwise barely tolerable existence.

Only issue is she's not an EU citizen and visa issues are rearing their head. There is fuck all I can do which only adds to my annoyance. Worst part is regardless of my feelings for her she's driven as fuck and just wants to work, she's very competent at a variety of things and she's essentially having to go to 'study' English just to stay in the country on a student visa.

It's proving a fucking strain atm, I wouldn't care particularly if it was some casual thing but she's one of the loveliest people I've ever met, is good with my son, plays games with me and likes the same films, plus is really hot.

Anyone know any good visa workarounds? :p


Well Marriage is one solution? Not sure how long are you together tho.
Btw is she like way more driven than you are? That could cause some issues down the line no?

And going to the gym and becoming more focused on a career for the sake of the girl not because you actually want to from within is hardly a good plan I believe
Much is the father figure that I miss in my life. Go Daddy! DoC.LemOn, LemOn[5thF]
SixStrings
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Germany2046 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-02-14 17:20:26
February 14 2015 17:17 GMT
#11680
On February 14 2015 07:05 CosmicSpiral wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 14 2015 00:45 SixStrings wrote:
I've been seeing the same girl since ... must be December and I'm eternally grateful that Valentine's isn't a thing here. She's staying the weekend and I'd hate to have any obligation of doing stuff or giving her insincere gifts...

To be honest, I thought of breaking it off a couple of times, but she's just the kind of person you don't want to hurt.


Have you considered that you may be hurting her every day you refuse to clarify where she stands with you? It's very hard for me to believe that you have her best interests in mind when your definition of 'right action' is equivalent to inaction. Not to mention, you are insulting her every time you imply she is too fragile to endure and learn from sadness. She is a person existentially separate from you, not an actress in your personal narrative in need of coddling or rescuing.



Of course I have considered that and of course Ghostcom was right in attacking me. I was acting like a craven and I was doing her no good, but he hit a sore-spot and I resent people who pretend to be able to do the right thing 100 per cent of the time.

Anyway, cards are on the table, she just left and I feel like a prick for hurting her.

On February 14 2015 12:58 Wombat_NI wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]

Rare decent pic of me and my new ladyfriend for anyone who is curious as to what I look like


Jesus balls.
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