|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On February 05 2015 07:00 Sycamore wrote:
Theres this girl who attended the same climbing course as I did. On the last day on the way back we got to talk together for a longer time and we got on quite well, so I asked her for her number so we could go climbing together in the near future (as I also wanted to get to know her better for maybe more-but even just a nice sports partner wouldve sufficed in my view). So after some time I text her politely and in a not-needy way to maybe meet up for it. And I get...no answer. I'm not even worth an answer.
I really wonder whats up with my judgement of social responses, I really thought she liked me as well, or at least enough to want to meet up again.
I know I probably shouldn't think too much about rather petty stuff like this but in a way its frustrating..
I've definitely gotten texts while in the middle of something and think "oh I'll respond in a bit when I'm done" and then forget about it until later, and then decide it's been too long to bother responding.
While this wouldn't happen if she was super into you, it doesn't mean she is completely disinterested either. You can one more short message, for the small chance she just just spaced, but if she doesn't respond again I'd move on.
|
If your plan is to go climbing together, organize a trip to a location that has routes your level. Then text her telling you where you're going and if she's interested, there's still space in the car.
This obviously assumes you have the gear (or know someone who does and is willing to share. 3 people is generally okay on 1 rope as long as it's single pitches).
I wouldn't immediately assume she's not interested.
|
@rent guy
If you really want to make a point for financial reasons make a chart about how many times on a monthly basis you guys take a shower. It's not fair that your cost of living would increase just because he has a gf. I once had a girl who practically moved in so she started paying the water amd electricity bills. Fair is fair.
@dutch rose casanova
being a fellow dutchy myself I would like to say that high school (middelbare bedoel je toch?) dating is a tad bit awkward because there are so many nerds and jerks walking around that try their best to make it awkward as soon as they get a whiff of someone putting in work to actually get some. Regardless, at that age I have seen a lot of peers be very successful in the dating department through assertiveness and a dash of confidence. If you send that rose then back it up with confidence. Write down your name on that card and walk up to her next time you see her and ask her about it. And dont mind the people that might laugh at a failed attempt. Trust me when I say they feel like shit when they see you walking hand in hand with that girl while they are still cumming in a sock that's starting to stand up straight every night.
@sycamore
Just assume its a deny and move on. Get used it it will happen a lot. Even times when I had already kissed a girl she could stone cold deny me the next day.
|
On February 05 2015 13:43 B.I.G. wrote:
@dutch rose casanova
being a fellow dutchy myself I would like to say that high school (middelbare bedoel je toch?) dating is a tad bit awkward because there are so many nerds and jerks walking around that try their best to make it awkward as soon as they get a whiff of someone putting in work to actually get some. Regardless, at that age I have seen a lot of peers be very successful in the dating department through assertiveness and a dash of confidence. If you send that rose then back it up with confidence. Write down your name on that card and walk up to her next time you see her and ask her about it. And dont mind the people that might laugh at a failed attempt. Trust me when I say they feel like shit when they see you walking hand in hand with that girl while they are still cumming in a sock that's starting to stand up straight every night.
On February 05 2015 08:01 solidbebe wrote:I definitely get where you're coming from. From a young age Ive been socially reclusive as well. Going from that to a social and confident person is a pretty long and difficult process (it is for me at least :p). It sounds like you are making good progress, and don't lose hope! It really is something that spans over years, not months or weeks. When it comes to women, many people will say that there is nothing to lose, either you win or you get rejected and move on. For some people this might be true, it was not for me however. As Ive already said, I got way too hung up on a girl, and it really did me in for a couple of years. I was so convinced that there was 'nothing to lose anyways' that I didnt recognize how much I was beating myself up over, and I honestly just shouldve let go. I dont know you of course, but I want to tell you this. If somebody had come around and told me not to worry about it so much, it wouldve saved me a lot of trouble. So Im saying this just in case  . Youre absolutely right about the dating part. The dating culture in the netherlands and in america are miles apart, even though we are influenced a lot through movies. I had the same problem as you, I didnt know how the dutch form of dating looked. Tbh I dont think there is a normalized dating procedure like the americans seem to have. We just kinda muck about. What this means is that can come up with a dating culture of your own  . Taking her to a movie is fine, just pick something which seems nice to you. Remember that she doesnt know what 'dates' look like either! The rose thing sounds like a pickle if you dont share any classes/periods. I cant really help you on that im afraid  . The talk afterwards is pretty much going to be awkward, just try to get your thoughts accross to her and ask her out. I wish you good luck !
Thanks guys. Motivating ^^
I keep switching though.. Should I do it.. Shouldn't I do it... Most people seem to think I should, but every time I walk past that stand I'm like nah. At other moments I think what do I have to lose?
I think the main issue for me is that the rose isn't delivered in private, and, mostly, I can't talk to her straight afterwards. Worst case, I get to talk to her more than a WEEK after the rose has been given.
At the moment I think I shouldn't keep it anonymous, even though it might be a bit weird to just write my name on the note, and that's it. Should I maybe make it a (pretty obvious) hint? Anonymity really isn't an option I guess.
Damn, I think too much about this. I need to loosen up, but it's just not happening :/
|
Stop second-guessing yourself. Go do it, write your name on that line, no hint, no anonymity, just fucking do it and be the baller TL knows you can be! We are all cheering for you!
|
On February 04 2015 23:48 Thalandros wrote:Oh dear. So our school allows us to buy roses that they (the school) sends to that person on Feb 13(The friday before Valentines). I know Valentines is usually just one big marketing bullshit but I'm interested in it now because I've been having a crush on this girl (that I've known for 3 years) for the past half year. I don't share any classes with her anymore, and even though I talk to her on rare occasion through the internet, I don't really have much interaction with her and it's mostly coming from me. I feel like if I don't do this though I'll never ask her out or anything I'll never do it and will never know what could've happened if I just ditched the bitch butterflies. Should I do it? If so, anonymous (/w hint) or non-anonymous? God, I'm clueless. 17 years old by the way, not much experience.
It depends on what the norm is in NL (and your school) but I would probably look for a way for her to know that the rose was from you without explicitly signing your name onto it. I'm not even sure this is possible given the limited contact you have had with the girl but I think a good hint can show her that you listen to her and understand her whilst also having a bit of playfulness.
Sending it pure anonymously is a horrible idea and if you can't do a strong hint (i.e. saying it's from you in a way only she'll understand) I'd probably look at just signing your name.
~
On February 05 2015 07:00 Sycamore wrote:
Theres this girl who attended the same climbing course as I did. On the last day on the way back we got to talk together for a longer time and we got on quite well, so I asked her for her number so we could go climbing together in the near future (as I also wanted to get to know her better for maybe more-but even just a nice sports partner wouldve sufficed in my view). So after some time I text her politely and in a not-needy way to maybe meet up for it. And I get...no answer. I'm not even worth an answer.
I really wonder whats up with my judgement of social responses, I really thought she liked me as well, or at least enough to want to meet up again.
I know I probably shouldn't think too much about rather petty stuff like this but in a way its frustrating..
On February 05 2015 07:28 Sycamore wrote:
I waited one week after seeing her at the last day before texting her and it's now been a day without an answer, while she cleary saw my message (whatsapp). And yep, I said who I was and where we met. Lets see if an answer will follow eventually, but Ill doubt it, as she would've already replied if she wanted to.
Admittedly I know almost nothing about you but I'm quite confused as to the intention when asking for her number. If you're romantically inclined then I don't particularly think hiding your approach behind wanting to climb again is an intelligent move. Nor do I think waiting a week before contacting her is an intelligent move. It's made even worse if she suspects you're interested in her (and she reciprocated) then feels you're just too shy to do anything about it.
As highlighted by previous posters if she has given you her number you can assume it's a green light to contact her and ask her out. If she didn't want to go out with you I don't think she'd be willing to give you her number (which is inevitably more work for her) and on the off chance she gave you her number out of courtesy this courtesy would extend to telling you that she's not interested now.
[I've had this happen once where the girl gave me her number in front of a group of friends and then politely told me she wasn't entirely single but felt I was a nice enough guy that she didn't want to shoot me down in front of everyone.]
Aside from that we can sit here theorising as to whether she saw it whilst she was busy and later forgot. Or whether she was single but has started dating someone in the week's gap. Or whether she's just awful with replying messages and constantly forgets to reply for days... but there's every chance we'll never know so stop worrying about it.
I might be entirely old fashioned but I actually kinda like calling people to ask 'em out. At least for the first time. It might be considered weird but I guess it's worked so far for me. Maybe it works because it's so weird? I dunno.
|
On February 05 2015 04:57 solidbebe wrote:Hey there thalandros. I recognise myself completely in you because i had the exact same predicament 2 years ago haha . Ill tell you what i ended up doing and it might help you ou a little. There was a girl who id had a crush on for about 2 years. Then one day valentines day came along and I ended up sending her a rose (I was on the edge about it and was too late, but I knew the person handling the rose thing so I could still slip one in). I did send one anonymously however and I think that wasnt a good move. The anonymity ended up biting me in the butt, because I was still too much of a pussy to go speak to her after the rose. We did end up going out on a date a long time after that, which ended up going pretty well. After that things slipped again however ( it had been weird between us for a long time now, partially because she knew the rose was from me, even though I had never directly come out for it). In the end things didnt work out, not just becuase of the rose of course, but it played its part. Moral of the story is, I think, that if you send a rose you should put your name on it. Sending it with your name can also be awkward yes, but at least it will be a done deal then and there. Either she is interested in you, or she isn't. Dont worry too much about awkwardness in that regard, she is just as inexperienced as you. Most things you can say are only awkward because you expect them beforehand to be awkward. One last thing is, dont hang too much on just one girl! For so long I focussed myself on this one girl, which only lead to me building up an unrealistic view of her in my head. It got so bad that I sometimes got sick (literally )in the morning of the stress because I was so nervous of seeing her that day. Anyways, shortly after that failed, I met an awesome girl and this week we have our 1 year anniversary , so hang in there! Sorry for the wall of text and good luck
I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is not to wait two years before letting a girl know you're interested =P
Sooner you let her know the less likely you are to be friendzoned. And the easier it is for you to move on?
And I say this after crushing on the same girl on/off for about four or five years and she knew it the entire time. At the end of it she said she'd be willing to date and then changed her mind a day or two later. Awesomesauce. I think I almost literally told her to GTFO because I was so sick of being led on at that point. Since then I have never really dwelled on a girl because it's honestly pointless and soul sucking.
Also, enjoy your one year anniversary.
What do people start counting anniversaries from? Day they met? Day they went on a first date? Day they were officially a couple? Or first said the L word?
|
On February 06 2015 00:34 Yoz wrote:Show nested quote +On February 05 2015 04:57 solidbebe wrote:Hey there thalandros. I recognise myself completely in you because i had the exact same predicament 2 years ago haha . Ill tell you what i ended up doing and it might help you ou a little. There was a girl who id had a crush on for about 2 years. Then one day valentines day came along and I ended up sending her a rose (I was on the edge about it and was too late, but I knew the person handling the rose thing so I could still slip one in). I did send one anonymously however and I think that wasnt a good move. The anonymity ended up biting me in the butt, because I was still too much of a pussy to go speak to her after the rose. We did end up going out on a date a long time after that, which ended up going pretty well. After that things slipped again however ( it had been weird between us for a long time now, partially because she knew the rose was from me, even though I had never directly come out for it). In the end things didnt work out, not just becuase of the rose of course, but it played its part. Moral of the story is, I think, that if you send a rose you should put your name on it. Sending it with your name can also be awkward yes, but at least it will be a done deal then and there. Either she is interested in you, or she isn't. Dont worry too much about awkwardness in that regard, she is just as inexperienced as you. Most things you can say are only awkward because you expect them beforehand to be awkward. One last thing is, dont hang too much on just one girl! For so long I focussed myself on this one girl, which only lead to me building up an unrealistic view of her in my head. It got so bad that I sometimes got sick (literally )in the morning of the stress because I was so nervous of seeing her that day. Anyways, shortly after that failed, I met an awesome girl and this week we have our 1 year anniversary , so hang in there! Sorry for the wall of text and good luck I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is not to wait two years before letting a girl know you're interested =P Sooner you let her know the less likely you are to be friendzoned. And the easier it is for you to move on? And I say this after crushing on the same girl on/off for about four or five years and she knew it the entire time. At the end of it she said she'd be willing to date and then changed her mind a day or two later. Awesomesauce. I think I almost literally told her to GTFO because I was so sick of being led on at that point. Since then I have never really dwelled on a girl because it's honestly pointless and soul sucking. Also, enjoy your one year anniversary. What do people start counting anniversaries from? Day they met? Day they went on a first date? Day they were officially a couple? Or first said the L word?
Youre absolutely right. Dwelling on a girl is very emotionally taxing. Either go for it, or let it go.
We personally count our anniversary from when we went on our first date (and kissed). At that point we considered ourselves officially a couple as well
|
didnt read any posts but the right answer is always to make a move
edit: unless you're a pedo i guess, if so then condolences
|
Damn. Thanks for the support people. I don't know why I keep hanging on to this, in a couple of weeks/months I'll look back at this wondering why I made such a big deal out of it... It's really bothering me that I can't speak to her right after she receives the rose though. I have no idea when she gets it, and if she gets to read the note alone (I highly doubt it) and that's impacting my decisionmaking on this stuff. :/ Maybe I shouldn't even look at that, but after that friday we have 1-week-holidays, and it's kinda awkward to not even speak to her when you just openly confessed that you fancy someone like that, especially if you have a hard time speaking to that person normally already. That's why I think a hint might be better, but again, as Ghostcom says maybe I just need to stop being a bitch and start being a ''baller''!
But anyway, thanks so far guys. Also, what a pathetic 1000th post!
|
why don't you just give the rose in person?
|
On February 06 2015 02:26 ROOTFayth wrote:
why don't you just give the rose in person?
We don't get to (not with this particular system anyway, so I suppose I'd go to a florist then) and the problem I've been having over the past months is that I barely ever see her, let alone be able to speak to her one-on-one.
|
On February 06 2015 02:35 Thalandros wrote:Show nested quote +On February 06 2015 02:26 ROOTFayth wrote:
why don't you just give the rose in person? We don't get to (not with this particular system anyway, so I suppose I'd go to a florist then) and the problem I've been having over the past months is that I barely ever see her, let alone be able to speak to her one-on-one.
Yeah I don't know if they do it there but here florists can deliver. You could go big (if you have the disposable income) and get her a nice bouquet of roses and make all the other girls jealous of her (even the girls with multiple admirers).
Could go horribly wrong though (High school age people are hard to predict [she could be embarrassed by the extra attention or something]) So I wouldn't spend more than you're comfortable with losing (like it was a poker table of looove hah)
Last tip, if you are going to make those arrangements get on it because roses get more and more expensive the closer to valentines day you get (around here anyway).
|
On February 06 2015 00:26 Yoz wrote:Show nested quote +On February 05 2015 07:00 Sycamore wrote:
Theres this girl who attended the same climbing course as I did. On the last day on the way back we got to talk together for a longer time and we got on quite well, so I asked her for her number so we could go climbing together in the near future (as I also wanted to get to know her better for maybe more-but even just a nice sports partner wouldve sufficed in my view). So after some time I text her politely and in a not-needy way to maybe meet up for it. And I get...no answer. I'm not even worth an answer.
I really wonder whats up with my judgement of social responses, I really thought she liked me as well, or at least enough to want to meet up again.
I know I probably shouldn't think too much about rather petty stuff like this but in a way its frustrating.. Show nested quote +On February 05 2015 07:28 Sycamore wrote:
I waited one week after seeing her at the last day before texting her and it's now been a day without an answer, while she cleary saw my message (whatsapp). And yep, I said who I was and where we met. Lets see if an answer will follow eventually, but Ill doubt it, as she would've already replied if she wanted to. Admittedly I know almost nothing about you but I'm quite confused as to the intention when asking for her number. If you're romantically inclined then I don't particularly think hiding your approach behind wanting to climb again is an intelligent move. Nor do I think waiting a week before contacting her is an intelligent move. It's made even worse if she suspects you're interested in her (and she reciprocated) then feels you're just too shy to do anything about it. As highlighted by previous posters if she has given you her number you can assume it's a green light to contact her and ask her out. If she didn't want to go out with you I don't think she'd be willing to give you her number (which is inevitably more work for her) and on the off chance she gave you her number out of courtesy this courtesy would extend to telling you that she's not interested now. [I've had this happen once where the girl gave me her number in front of a group of friends and then politely told me she wasn't entirely single but felt I was a nice enough guy that she didn't want to shoot me down in front of everyone.] Aside from that we can sit here theorising as to whether she saw it whilst she was busy and later forgot. Or whether she was single but has started dating someone in the week's gap. Or whether she's just awful with replying messages and constantly forgets to reply for days... but there's every chance we'll never know so stop worrying about it. I might be entirely old fashioned but I actually kinda like calling people to ask 'em out. At least for the first time. It might be considered weird but I guess it's worked so far for me. Maybe it works because it's so weird? I dunno.
I wasn't hiding it behind wanting to climb again, it was more like wanting to climb again and simultaneously getting to know her better for friendship-or a relationship. I waited as long as a week because when we spoke I asked her about going climbing "sometime soon", so I thought it'd come over as unappropriate/needy to then text her a day later. Come to think about it, when I asked her that question she said yes but it didn't sound all too enthusiastic but more reserved, so I guess that was a sign and she said it for puposes of avoiding direct rejection...anyways, I'm getting over with it. Thx for all the replies.
PS: Funny thing is I'm probably gonna see her again 'cause she told she was gonna attend another course i'm also attending in a few months. I'll ignore her.
|
On February 06 2015 01:59 Thalandros wrote:Damn. Thanks for the support people. I don't know why I keep hanging on to this, in a couple of weeks/months I'll look back at this wondering why I made such a big deal out of it... It's really bothering me that I can't speak to her right after she receives the rose though. I have no idea when she gets it, and if she gets to read the note alone (I highly doubt it) and that's impacting my decisionmaking on this stuff. :/ Maybe I shouldn't even look at that, but after that friday we have 1-week-holidays, and it's kinda awkward to not even speak to her when you just openly confessed that you fancy someone like that, especially if you have a hard time speaking to that person normally already. That's why I think a hint might be better, but again, as Ghostcom says maybe I just need to stop being a bitch and start being a ''baller''! But anyway, thanks so far guys. Also, what a pathetic 1000th post!
Let us know how it goes!
|
|
|
United States15275 Posts
On February 06 2015 10:42 SixStrings wrote:
Sad and alone.
That sucks to hear. You okay?
|
|
|
United States15275 Posts
|
On February 06 2015 10:42 SixStrings wrote:
Sad and alone.
I swear you go from "I'm so happy I met this girl" to "sad and alone" 4 times per week. That can't be healthy can it?
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
