EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 579
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
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Thalandros
Netherlands1151 Posts
 Should I do it? If so, anonymous (/w hint) or non-anonymous? God, I'm clueless. 17 years old by the way, not much experience. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On February 04 2015 23:48 Thalandros wrote: Oh dear. So our school allows us to buy roses that they (the school) sends to that person on Feb 13(The friday before Valentines). I know Valentines is usually just one big marketing bullshit but I'm interested in it now because I've been having a crush on this girl (that I've known for 3 years) for the past half year. I don't share any classes with her anymore, and even though I talk to her on rare occasion through the internet, I don't really have much interaction with her and it's mostly coming from me. I feel like if I don't do this though I'll never ask her out or anything I'll never do it and will never know what could've happened if I just ditched the bitch butterflies. Should I do it? If so, anonymous (/w hint) or non-anonymous? God, I'm clueless. 17 years old by the way, not much experience.a) Adorable b) Definitely do it. We always regret the things we don't do, never the things we do. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18232 Posts
On February 05 2015 00:16 SixStrings wrote: a) Adorable b) Definitely do it. We always regret the things we don't do, never the things we do. Oh, I've regretted plenty of things that I DID do too. Often drunk. And usually regretting it instantly. However, I agree with you that in this case the kid should go for it!  | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
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Thalandros
Netherlands1151 Posts
On February 05 2015 00:52 Acrofales wrote: Oh, I've regretted plenty of things that I DID do too. Often drunk. And usually regretting it instantly. However, I agree with you that in this case the kid should go for it! On February 05 2015 00:16 SixStrings wrote: a) Adorable b) Definitely do it. We always regret the things we don't do, never the things we do. On February 05 2015 01:30 Ghostcom wrote: Do it, but not anonymously - write your name on that line like a baller! Thanks guys, boosting my motivation to the skies. :D I know it all sounds quite pathetic/petty but as a first experience it's pretty stressing. Been suffering from what's apparently (jokingly) called ''One-itis'' and its paining me, need to put an end to it either way. I'm just scared what her reaction will be/if she'll have one at all because I most likely won't be even remotely close to her when she gets the rose. Edit: Also, should I immediately ask her out the next time I see her? I live in the Netherlands so standards here might differ - and I honestly don't know what they are - but I guess the point of giving her the rose is showing that I'm interested anyway. At the same time, it stresses the situation! | ||
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
also put your name on it, all of the alternatives are worse (you chicken out, she thinks it's a different person, she thinks it's weird, etc.) And I don't know how you do it in NL but here you don't really just straight up say "wanna go out with me?" unless you're less than 14. Ask her if she wants to go on a date to X place | ||
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Thalandros
Netherlands1151 Posts
On February 05 2015 03:27 Chocolate wrote: Don't waste time not "asking her out" since you're near the end of secondary school and the longer you wait the less likely you are to follow through also put your name on it, all of the alternatives are worse (you chicken out, she thinks it's a different person, she thinks it's weird, etc.) And I don't know how you do it in NL but here you don't really just straight up say "wanna go out with me?" unless you're less than 14. Ask her if she wants to go on a date to X place From what I know, dating's different in a way that people date more freely and quicker in the US. People want to kind of know a person before dating, whereas in other parts of the world dating happens much quicker, and is less exclusive. That's why I'm a bit worried about asking her out; it might come off as weird. But, thanks for the advice. I'll put my name on it. | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3292 Posts
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GreenHorizons
United States23691 Posts
On February 05 2015 00:16 SixStrings wrote: a) Adorable b) Definitely do it. We always regret the things we don't do, never the things we do. Uhh I call bullshit on B, but I agree, do it. If she is the kind of girl you think might be getting several roses from various admirers, try to make yours stand out with a special (but not creepy) message maybe? Having been closer before and somewhat drifted apart may work to your advantage as there is less pressure on her when thinking about "what if us dating didn't work", she's not stuck in 3 classes sitting next to you kind of thing. And your relationship could pretty easily go back to where it is now. What do you have to lose right? I might make it obvious to her who it is, but leave it anonymous enough so that she doesn't have to tell whoever sees it who it's from if she doesn't want to? Also you might wan't to do something nice for one of her friends (nice but not like you're trying to hook up). She will inevitably discuss potentially dating you with at least 1 close friend, if you can ID that friend and make sure she has a good impression of you, that could go along way in helping secure an opportunity. As for the moving in part 2 nights a week sounds a little rough, I was leaning toward the majority of the week but points taken. | ||
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Thalandros
Netherlands1151 Posts
On February 05 2015 03:39 GreenHorizons wrote: Uhh I call bullshit on B, but I agree, do it. If she is the kind of girl you think might be getting several roses from various admirers, try to make yours stand out with a special (but not creepy) message maybe? Having been closer before and somewhat drifted apart may work to your advantage as there is less pressure on her when thinking about "what if us dating didn't work", she's not stuck in 3 classes sitting next to you kind of thing. And your relationship could pretty easily go back to where it is now. What do you have to lose right? I might make it obvious to her who it is, but leave it anonymous enough so that she doesn't have to tell whoever sees it who it's from if she doesn't want to? Also you might wan't to do something nice for one of her friends (nice but not like you're trying to hook up). She will inevitably discuss potentially dating you with at least 1 close friend, if you can ID that friend and make sure she has a good impression of you, that could go along way in helping secure an opportunity. As for the moving in part 2 nights a week sounds a little rough, I was leaning toward the majority of the week but points taken. I doubt she'll be getting roses from a whole bunch of people; it's always possible though. If I do include a message, I intend to either put my name, or at least a (strong) hint. I doubt I'll be sending it without a message though.. She might receive it, and have no clue who it's from that way, and I doubt that's what I want.  | ||
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solidbebe
Netherlands4921 Posts
On February 05 2015 03:55 Thalandros wrote: I doubt she'll be getting roses from a whole bunch of people; it's always possible though. If I do include a message, I intend to either put my name, or at least a (strong) hint. I doubt I'll be sending it without a message though.. She might receive it, and have no clue who it's from that way, and I doubt that's what I want. Hey there thalandros. I recognise myself completely in you because i had the exact same predicament 2 years ago haha .Ill tell you what i ended up doing and it might help you ou a little. There was a girl who id had a crush on for about 2 years. Then one day valentines day came along and I ended up sending her a rose (I was on the edge about it and was too late, but I knew the person handling the rose thing so I could still slip one in). I did send one anonymously however and I think that wasnt a good move. The anonymity ended up biting me in the butt, because I was still too much of a pussy to go speak to her after the rose. We did end up going out on a date a long time after that, which ended up going pretty well. After that things slipped again however ( it had been weird between us for a long time now, partially because she knew the rose was from me, even though I had never directly come out for it). In the end things didnt work out, not just becuase of the rose of course, but it played its part. Moral of the story is, I think, that if you send a rose you should put your name on it. Sending it with your name can also be awkward yes, but at least it will be a done deal then and there. Either she is interested in you, or she isn't. Dont worry too much about awkwardness in that regard, she is just as inexperienced as you. Most things you can say are only awkward because you expect them beforehand to be awkward. One last thing is, dont hang too much on just one girl! For so long I focussed myself on this one girl, which only lead to me building up an unrealistic view of her in my head. It got so bad that I sometimes got sick (literally )in the morning of the stress because I was so nervous of seeing her that day. Anyways, shortly after that failed, I met an awesome girl and this week we have our 1 year anniversary , so hang in there!Sorry for the wall of text and good luck | ||
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Thalandros
Netherlands1151 Posts
On February 05 2015 04:57 solidbebe wrote: Hey there thalandros. I recognise myself completely in you because i had the exact same predicament 2 years ago haha .Ill tell you what i ended up doing and it might help you ou a little. There was a girl who id had a crush on for about 2 years. Then one day valentines day came along and I ended up sending her a rose (I was on the edge about it and was too late, but I knew the person handling the rose thing so I could still slip one in). I did send one anonymously however and I think that wasnt a good move. The anonymity ended up biting me in the butt, because I was still too much of a pussy to go speak to her after the rose. We did end up going out on a date a long time after that, which ended up going pretty well. After that things slipped again however ( it had been weird between us for a long time now, partially because she knew the rose was from me, even though I had never directly come out for it). In the end things didnt work out, not just becuase of the rose of course, but it played its part. Moral of the story is, I think, that if you send a rose you should put your name on it. Sending it with your name can also be awkward yes, but at least it will be a done deal then and there. Either she is interested in you, or she isn't. Dont worry too much about awkwardness in that regard, she is just as inexperienced as you. Most things you can say are only awkward because you expect them beforehand to be awkward. One last thing is, dont hang too much on just one girl! For so long I focussed myself on this one girl, which only lead to me building up an unrealistic view of her in my head. It got so bad that I sometimes got sick (literally )in the morning of the stress because I was so nervous of seeing her that day. Anyways, shortly after that failed, I met an awesome girl and this week we have our 1 year anniversary , so hang in there!Sorry for the wall of text and good luck Haha, thanks for the post. I completely identify with what you're describing... I am so inexperienced in this field that I'm scared to make any move (Because every bold move could potentially be a dealbreaker towards a relationship with this girl). I've had moments where I really don't dare to look at her sometimes, even though I see her a couple of times a week max. It's pretty bad. And I need to get over her in one way or another (either by making it a success, or killing the ''urge'' by getting straight up rejected ) The problem is up until about a year ago I was very reclusive, kind of overweight, not very social. I've since started going to the gym (put on a lot of muscle but most importantly lost fat), gained confidence, some social skills, blabla, but I'm still kind of introverted when talking to people I don't know that well. I don't like big parties and she obviously does - Little things like that already make me wonder if I should even try. It's silly, but it's a legit concern I have sometimes. That and the fact that she's absolutely stunning Since you also live in the NL, what do you think about dating here, specifically in high school? Considering I haven't had any experience and all the experience I can have is from watching films, how does ''dating'' work here? From what I can see, people don't go for a ''coffee'' just as quickly as it happens in the US for example, while a lot of people suggest that, I'm not sure if it's the right way to approach things considering it might not be the ''norm''. Finally, the fact that I do not know when or by whom she receives the rose (with note), I'm not sure what to put on there. Face-to-face would be best but as I explained, I BARELY ever see her and I have so little confidence. . Considering school is doing the rose system, I'm assuming it'll be delivered inside of class. Problem: I don't share any classes with her anymore and my period times don't always overlap with hers. Ugh. I might be way overthinking stuff and just do it, but it's pretty hard for someone like me for some reason (Wall of text gets a wall of text reply :>) | ||
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Sycamore
204 Posts
I really wonder whats up with my judgement of social responses, I really thought she liked me as well, or at least enough to want to meet up again. I know I probably shouldn't think too much about rather petty stuff like this but in a way its frustrating.. | ||
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Zooper31
United States5711 Posts
On February 05 2015 07:00 Sycamore wrote: Theres this girl who attended the same climbing course as I did. One day on the way back we got to talk together for a longer time and we got on quite well, so I asked her for her number so we could go climbing together in the near future (as I also wanted to get to know her better for maybe more-but even just a nice sports partner wouldve sufficed in my view). So after some time I text her politely and in a not-needy way to maybe meet up for it. And I get...no answer. I'm not even worth an answer. I really wonder whats with my judgement of social responses, I really thought she liked me as well, or at least enough to want to meet up again. I know I probably shouldn't think too much about rather petty stuff like this but in a way its frustrating.. How long did you wait to text her and how long after the text did you wait before saying she didn't respond. I myself just had an experience like this and it was just a mis-communication and I almost ruined something. I waited 24hours for a response text and was like wtf not even a response? Turns out she could only text through wifi while she gets a new phone and was at work (no wifi there). | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States23691 Posts
On February 05 2015 07:00 Sycamore wrote: Theres this girl who attended the same climbing course as I did. One day on the way back we got to talk together for a longer time and we got on quite well, so I asked her for her number so we could go climbing together in the near future (as I also wanted to get to know her better for maybe more-but even just a nice sports partner wouldve sufficed in my view). So after some time I text her politely and in a not-needy way to maybe meet up for it. And I get...no answer. I'm not even worth an answer. I really wonder whats with my judgement of social responses, I really thought she liked me as well, or at least enough to want to meet up again. I know I probably shouldn't think too much about rather petty stuff like this but in a way its frustrating.. Did you also clearly ID who you were? Depending how much time has passed she might just see it as a random text from a number she doesn't recognize? | ||
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Sycamore
204 Posts
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Zooper31
United States5711 Posts
On February 05 2015 07:28 Sycamore wrote: I waited one week after seeing her at the last day before texting her and it's now been a day without an answer, while she cleary saw my message (whatsapp). And yep, I said who I was and where we met. Lets see if an answer will follow eventually, but Ill doubt it, as she would've already done it if she wanted to. She wouldn't have given you her number if she didn't want to at least talk sometime in the future. Thinking you waited too long to text her and she kinda forgot, you aren't on the top of her mind right now and can wait till she has time basically. | ||
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solidbebe
Netherlands4921 Posts
On February 05 2015 05:23 Thalandros wrote: Haha, thanks for the post. I completely identify with what you're describing... I am so inexperienced in this field that I'm scared to make any move (Because every bold move could potentially be a dealbreaker towards a relationship with this girl). I've had moments where I really don't dare to look at her sometimes, even though I see her a couple of times a week max. It's pretty bad. And I need to get over her in one way or another (either by making it a success, or killing the ''urge'' by getting straight up rejected ) The problem is up until about a year ago I was very reclusive, kind of overweight, not very social. I've since started going to the gym (put on a lot of muscle but most importantly lost fat), gained confidence, some social skills, blabla, but I'm still kind of introverted when talking to people I don't know that well. I don't like big parties and she obviously does - Little things like that already make me wonder if I should even try. It's silly, but it's a legit concern I have sometimes. That and the fact that she's absolutely stunning Since you also live in the NL, what do you think about dating here, specifically in high school? Considering I haven't had any experience and all the experience I can have is from watching films, how does ''dating'' work here? From what I can see, people don't go for a ''coffee'' just as quickly as it happens in the US for example, while a lot of people suggest that, I'm not sure if it's the right way to approach things considering it might not be the ''norm''. Finally, the fact that I do not know when or by whom she receives the rose (with note), I'm not sure what to put on there. Face-to-face would be best but as I explained, I BARELY ever see her and I have so little confidence. . Considering school is doing the rose system, I'm assuming it'll be delivered inside of class. Problem: I don't share any classes with her anymore and my period times don't always overlap with hers. Ugh. I might be way overthinking stuff and just do it, but it's pretty hard for someone like me for some reason (Wall of text gets a wall of text reply :>) I definitely get where you're coming from. From a young age Ive been socially reclusive as well. Going from that to a social and confident person is a pretty long and difficult process (it is for me at least :p). It sounds like you are making good progress, and don't lose hope! It really is something that spans over years, not months or weeks. When it comes to women, many people will say that there is nothing to lose, either you win or you get rejected and move on. For some people this might be true, it was not for me however. As Ive already said, I got way too hung up on a girl, and it really did me in for a couple of years. I was so convinced that there was 'nothing to lose anyways' that I didnt recognize how much I was beating myself up over, and I honestly just shouldve let go. I dont know you of course, but I want to tell you this. If somebody had come around and told me not to worry about it so much, it wouldve saved me a lot of trouble. So Im saying this just in case . Youre absolutely right about the dating part. The dating culture in the netherlands and in america are miles apart, even though we are influenced a lot through movies. I had the same problem as you, I didnt know how the dutch form of dating looked. Tbh I dont think there is a normalized dating procedure like the americans seem to have. We just kinda muck about. What this means is that can come up with a dating culture of your own . Taking her to a movie is fine, just pick something which seems nice to you. Remember that she doesnt know what 'dates' look like either! The rose thing sounds like a pickle if you dont share any classes/periods. I cant really help you on that im afraid . The talk afterwards is pretty much going to be awkward, just try to get your thoughts accross to her and ask her out. I wish you good luck ! | ||
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
On February 05 2015 07:00 Sycamore wrote: Theres this girl who attended the same climbing course as I did. On the last day on the way back we got to talk together for a longer time and we got on quite well, so I asked her for her number so we could go climbing together in the near future (as I also wanted to get to know her better for maybe more-but even just a nice sports partner wouldve sufficed in my view). So after some time I text her politely and in a not-needy way to maybe meet up for it. And I get...no answer. I'm not even worth an answer. I really wonder whats up with my judgement of social responses, I really thought she liked me as well, or at least enough to want to meet up again. I know I probably shouldn't think too much about rather petty stuff like this but in a way its frustrating.. She might have a boyfriend who doesn't want her to do stuff with other guys She may have seen it and forgot about it She may have seen it and ignored it because she thought it was easier to give you her number and just not respond than to reject you She may have given you the wrong number on accident Doesn't matter, can't win em all. | ||
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