Dating: How's your luck? - Page 577

On February 02 2015 09:08 amaDeus wrote:
i need some advice fellas i've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for ~4 years. its a long distance (~250km, we see each other every second weekend and when we both have vacation from university) relationship and its working out fine. we never had any real trouble or big fights, as we are both too lazy or not willing to fight and rather just say "it's my own fault" and we try to solve the issue. she's like the perfect fit for me. same humour, pretty, kinda thinks the same way, accepts my hobbies,...

she lives in another part from germany cause her subject can only be studied there. i have to stay in my hometown too. it won't get better (regarding long distance) soon, because when she finishes its not sure if she can get a job near me (shes going to be a teacher) and for me its best to stay here cause most of the big companys, in which i think i want to work are located here.

i love her. i'm just..envious of relationships in which the ppl see each other more often. the fact that shes absent for half a year doing an semester abroad doesnt make it better - it's bearable tho. i don't really know how i should describe it. i don't know where i should draw the line between my love for her and the wish to have a partner that is 'in range'.

i'm afraid to throw away a good relationship that lasted more than 4 years and ending up regretting it.

anyone got an advice for me to find out where to draw the line and to know for myself what i want? should i talk to her about it? i spoke to her about it ~1y ago, but well - we can't change the situation - and her being absent (cant even talk about that in rl) won't really help my decision and only make her sad for the moment that i have these thoughts.

the decision is not urgent, i have enough time to think about it. Just need a bit help.

On February 02 2015 11:05 GoTuNk! wrote:


I think a gf of such a long time should accomodate her life within reason to be with you (i.e search for a job near you)

On February 02 2015 11:23 amaDeus wrote:


it's not that she doesnt want, it's more of a she can't. to be precise bavaria has some special rules for teachers (only several subjects can be combined) whereas in the rest of germany one can study and combine subjects as one like. she couldnt study her prefered subjects in bavaria so she had to change to the nearest state. bavarias system is bs in that regard. she has a chance to teach in bavaria, but we cant calculate with that. it can take no time or more than 5-10y. kinda random.

i want to finish my studies in bavaria as i got on a (kinda) renowned university and got family + friends here, she has family + some old friends here too. and that (+ maybe do a doctor or work in one of the mentioned companies) makes it hard.

so it's either wait for time to pass and continue LDR until the day comes we can move in somewhere together - not knowing if we can live together without any problems (some problems first occur when you move in together..so the legend is told)
or quit it.

both solutions dont seem that promising. :| a) i dont know if i can hold through a LDR another 3-5y or b) throwing away the maybe best relationship i could possibly get.

i'm sorry i cant really describe it the way i want.

/e:
moving to the others place at this point in time would basically set our 'job-getting-progress' to zero. moving before finishing the studies is therefore not a possibility for us.

/e2:
i know there's no real answer to this problem. im just hoping to find some help how i can decide for myself what i want.

On February 02 2015 11:55 GoTuNk! wrote:
Tough situation. I think by when you both finish your studies you should be clear wether you want her to move in close/near you or not and understand it's ok to tell her to postpone her career ambitions if you geniunely want to be with her.

On February 02 2015 12:04 amaDeus wrote:


Sounds kinda selfish, I think I wouldn't want to walk this way. if she wants to postpone it she must make that decision 100% on her own - and I don't know if we get to that point.
my problem is that i dont know if i can stand this till end of studies.

On February 02 2015 12:43 GoTuNk! wrote:


It's not selfish at all. If you really want something more serious you have to demand what's necessary from her and provide what you believe is correct, you have to lead the relationship. What she does is up to her.

My point is that I get the feeling you think it's incorrect to demand what you want from your girlfriend. It's not.

On February 02 2015 12:25 Ghostcom wrote:
Whoever makes a sacrifice for the other has to make that decision absolutely must do so on his/her own accord. You can talk about the stuff, but in the end neither of you can pressure the other as it can only lead to potential regrets being targeted towards the other. I do however think it is important that you talk together about it.

On February 02 2015 11:12 Zooper31 wrote:


Or vice versa. It basically comes down to who is more willing to sacrifice their career more to keep the relationship going and move it to the next level.

On February 01 2015 03:44 Shotcoder wrote:


This man hit the nail on the head. Found out my "friends" were shit talking me to her before the whole incident happened anyways. Guess who getting with her now!? Not worth my time. Back to the old grind.

On February 03 2015 09:15 Chocolate wrote:
Some girl told me to go to a concert with her when we were both drunk and I couldn't take her back to my place. And then the next two days she texted me about that stuff so I assume she still wants to go. I've never gone to a big edm concert before with lots of young people dancing so I don't know what to expect, but that's not the real problem.

I am confused whether I am going just with her (on like a date-ish thing) or if she is just inviting me along with a group, and I don't know how to phrase that question without potentially making it seem like I'm coming on too strong. It's not a big deal either way to me but I'm at a loss when it comes to phrasing and I need to know soon to see if my friend should order a ticket.

I'm thinking of just saying "How many people are you going with?" but I feel like then maybe I'll make her feel bad if she isn't going with anybody other than me and she intended it to be just us.

On February 03 2015 09:32 joshie0808 wrote:


You can phrase it like, "know anyone else who'll be there?"

On February 03 2015 09:47 Chocolate wrote:
@acrofales But then my friend can't go if she's with a big group. If it's her and a lot of her friends I'd like to have one of my good friends there too in case they decide to do their own thing or something and I don't have to awkwardly tag along
@joshie0808 Well yeah she probably will but that doesn't mean she's going with them per se
@zooper I like your second one, I think I'll do that, BUT

I really want it to be just us though because we are going to have a MegaDopeMegaAwesome time and I wouldn't want to have to worry about other people. But I don't know if she wants that just because it's an edm concert or for other reasons. We'll see I guess