EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 576
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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JoeCool
Germany2517 Posts
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JoeCool
Germany2517 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States43790 Posts
On January 20 2015 10:07 puppykiller wrote: I met a girl recently at the CVS by my house. I was really attracted to her so even though I was nervous I chatted her up. After very long convo I ended up getting her number and sleeping with her the next day. This was the first girl I've met like this that I actually made an emotional connection with and truly enjoyed the time I spent with her. What I wonder though is if I should move in a direction with her towards a relationship. The things that make me want to is that she seems very "love worthy". She is extremely positive, fun, and silly. We vibed super well and really enjoyed each others company. Also all of my parents and friends seem to think that I should go into a relationship since I have never been a legitimate one before and I can tell from my convo with her that she is probably in a good place for one as well. That being said I have some apprehensions. I spent a very long time alone, and because I don't actively maintain a social circle and probably never will, the only place I can meet girls is out in public. This can be rather... intimidating, and awkward at times (though also awesome at other times :D) and since it is probably where I will meet most of the girls I date in the future, I question whether I want to delay getting into a relationship for some time until I get consistent with being able to "get" girls by chatting them up randomly on the bus or wherever else I see them. Honestly I want to know through experience that it is a thing I can do in order to feel secure that I will never have too much issue in being able to find someone. So let me get this straight: 1. You have an emotional connection 2. You have a sexual connection 3. She is positive, fun, and silly 4. All signs point towards the idea that she'd be relationship-worthy 5. Your ultimate goal is being in a relationship 6. Everyone else approves of her And you seem to be worried about starting a relationship with her because you've been alone for a long time and you want to basically build up experience with picking up girls? Even though you just picked up this one and she seems perfect... You don't need to propose to her tomorrow, but it seems like everything's moving in the right direction. Just let the relationship mature and make sure you guys communicate and are honest with each other. And eventually make sure you mix in the occasional intimacy and romance, not just lust-level sex. Keep up the good work  | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On January 20 2015 10:07 puppykiller wrote: I met a girl recently at the CVS by my house. I was really attracted to her so even though I was nervous I chatted her up. After very long convo I ended up getting her number and sleeping with her the next day. This was the first girl I've met like this that I actually made an emotional connection with and truly enjoyed the time I spent with her. What I wonder though is if I should move in a direction with her towards a relationship. The things that make me want to is that she seems very "love worthy". She is extremely positive, fun, and silly. We vibed super well and really enjoyed each others company. Also all of my parents and friends seem to think that I should go into a relationship since I have never been a legitimate one before and I can tell from my convo with her that she is probably in a good place for one as well. That being said I have some apprehensions. I spent a very long time alone, and because I don't actively maintain a social circle and probably never will, the only place I can meet girls is out in public. This can be rather... intimidating, and awkward at times (though also awesome at other times :D) and since it is probably where I will meet most of the girls I date in the future, I question whether I want to delay getting into a relationship for some time until I get consistent with being able to "get" girls by chatting them up randomly on the bus or wherever else I see them. Honestly I want to know through experience that it is a thing I can do in order to feel secure that I will never have too much issue in being able to find someone. I'm gonna do the thing in the article tomorrow with the girl and post thoughts. Also I had this thought. People always talk about how being confident is important in meeting someone. That being said I have noticed that almost all of the girls that I have had relations with I was very nervous when I was going for them. This includes saying dumb things, loosing my train of though mid sentence, and sometimes even shaking a little bit. I'm starting to really question whether confidence is a completely overrated virtue. While it may be attractive I think it is a lot easier to feel safe around someone who's intentions are clear who is a little nervous. Honestly while I might be more attracted to a confident girl, I think I would feel more comfortable spending time around a shy girl that I knew liked me because I wouldn't have to worry about making a bad impression or "fucking up" in any way. And of course with more time comes getting to know each other better which eventually leads to a connection. That being said since I am dating entirely outside of a social circle it might work a little differently since hangouts are far from guaranteed. Are you in a good place for a relationship though? It's easy to consider a deeper relationship during the first few days or weeks of a courtship, and many of those reasons are not necessarily good ones. You don't need to be perfect in order to have a relationship but you should have higher standards than "She's a well of positivity and acceptance so I can suck emotions from her like a vampire squid". Does she have qualities that you value beyond how they make you feel? You're conflating (perceived) confidence with congruence. You can pick up girls being depressed and mopey as long as it's clear that it's a real emotion. Also your disregard of confidence is coming from your lack of confidence. Please don't rationalize that part too much. The girl's attraction to you should arise independently from your attraction to her. | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3291 Posts
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Shotcoder
United States2316 Posts
I am really into this girl. We hung out a few times, went out to the bar with friends, sang karaoke, texted a lot all this shit. I asked her out and she gave me an initial yes. Ended up changing her mind after a few nights out with friends and told me she would rather just be friends. Problem was she was still flirting and kind of leading me on. Story continues this way until the recent party where I told her she was beautiful and reached out and grabbed her hand and pulled her over to me and she sat right next to me for a bit finished her drink and went about partying. Later after most of the people left we turned the tv on and she sat down next to me and laid on me for a bit before we all ended up eventually going to sleep. Well something stupid happened that night that I was around for but not involved in and she told me she wasn't going to talk to me again afterwards. I apologized for it and thought it was just kind of something she was mad about and would get over. Well that was two weeks ago and I was drunk last weekend and she sent me a text and I quickly responded with a smart ass comment about her not talking to me anymore and havent talked to her since, even when we see eachother in person. Now my question is do i continue you wait it out, initiate something or just leave it alone. my two buddies who knew what was going on keep telling me to wait it out and that she'll start talking to me again, my bestfriend(who is a female) said fuck her and don't worry about it. Now I would normally just chalk this one in the L column but her best friend came up to me today and started talking to me about her and told her I should say hi. Reasons why I don't want to, I don't feel like I need to apologize any more for something I wasn't part of, I don't know if I was actually making real progress in the first place or if she just liked the attention I gave her, and She initiated the "stand off" and I don't want to be the one to back down I feel that's something she should do. Reasons I want to, I really dig this girl, and I honestly miss hanging out with her and my friends. I havent gotten invited to shit the past two weeks(from anyone in our group) and it's been a group thing to go to karaoke and party at her place. So it's not really just a dating/relationship thing, it's a complete social excommunication thing as well. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8606 Posts
i dont know how close you guys were and what kind of girl she is, but theres every chance that she doesnt give a crap about you anymore. if thats the case then waiting any further isnt gonna do jack but make the chances of you fixing this situation slimmer. however, i would really question whether she and the rest of your friends are worth swallowing your pride for. the fact that not one of your friends in the group seems to be sticking up for you is pretty eyebrow raising to me, solely because you had a little spat with the girl. from what it looks like to me, the rest of your friends arent even being impartial (which they should be, because they werent involved), but theyre just taking her side. some friends they are | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States43790 Posts
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
That's her main feature. I'm not sure what more to say. She takes an interest in things I do, she accepts major inconveniences to be with me and I'm not supposed to talk about in what other area she is really selfless. We've been meeting since early December, so just eight weeks, and I haven't really fallen in love with her yet, which is a problem. She often hints about us being girlfriend and boyfriend, and I'm evasive. She seems to have low self esteem and I'm afraid that if I tell her I don't love her, she'll just be more obedient and self-sacrificing for the next guy. | ||
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On January 31 2015 05:35 SixStrings wrote: So I've met a girl who is really nice to me. That's her main feature. I'm not sure what more to say. She takes an interest in things I do, she accepts major inconveniences to be with me and I'm not supposed to talk about in what other area she is really selfless. We've been meeting since early December, so just eight weeks, and I haven't really fallen in love with her yet, which is a problem. She often hints about us being girlfriend and boyfriend, and I'm evasive. She seems to have low self esteem and I'm afraid that if I tell her I don't love her, she'll just be more obedient and self-sacrificing for the next guy. It's not your duty to play along for her peace of mind. Nevertheless, you do have a responsibility to tell her why you can't accept the state of the relationship anymore. Someone with her attitude may take silence as a blow to their sense of self, and only exacerbate their attachment issues further (if she has them). Be as gracious and empathetic as possible without compromising your position. | ||
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Shotcoder
United States2316 Posts
On January 23 2015 19:29 evilfatsh1t wrote: well i think the 'waiting out bit' has already passed. after a period of you 'waiting it out' she sent you a text and im guessing you didnt playfully talk back about her not talking to you, you outright shot her down. i dont know how close you guys were and what kind of girl she is, but theres every chance that she doesnt give a crap about you anymore. if thats the case then waiting any further isnt gonna do jack but make the chances of you fixing this situation slimmer. however, i would really question whether she and the rest of your friends are worth swallowing your pride for. the fact that not one of your friends in the group seems to be sticking up for you is pretty eyebrow raising to me, solely because you had a little spat with the girl. from what it looks like to me, the rest of your friends arent even being impartial (which they should be, because they werent involved), but theyre just taking her side. some friends they are This man hit the nail on the head. Found out my "friends" were shit talking me to her before the whole incident happened anyways. Guess who getting with her now!? Not worth my time. Back to the old grind. | ||
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the bear jew
United States3674 Posts
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8606 Posts
On February 01 2015 03:44 Shotcoder wrote: This man hit the nail on the head. Found out my "friends" were shit talking me to her before the whole incident happened anyways. Guess who getting with her now!? Not worth my time. Back to the old grind. time to make new friends | ||
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solidbebe
Netherlands4921 Posts
On February 01 2015 10:13 the bear jew wrote: I had to break up with my girlfriend of six months when she told me that she's asexual and will never, ever, ever have sex with me. Now I don't see sex as the end all be all in a relationship but it was something I wanted. So I knew we had to end it but it still hurts. Pretty nasty of her to tell you that after 6 months instead of earlier.. tough luck man! | ||
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sabas123
Netherlands3122 Posts
end of the semster was nearing so we decided to wait a week. texted her back if she still wanted, then said she didn't see it as a date. I was sad. I asked if she wanted to go on one (#zero-experinace  ) and she said no.+ Show Spoiler + ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/VOnTJGi.jpg) then still the chance that this would affect the chance of meeting somebody else is 0.+ Show Spoiler + just a fuck ton ok? | ||
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mYiKane
Canada1772 Posts
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Copymizer
Denmark2078 Posts
On January 04 2015 06:52 JoeCool wrote: Plot twist: All these "girls" are actually secondary accounts. On a serious note; As an european it's actually very easy to get girls in the USA. I've been to the states twice in my life, in 2007 I've attended a high-school in Westfield - NJ and in 2013 we did a round trip at the west coast (LA, LV, SF etc.). During both visits, lots of woman actually hit on me & my friends. In 2007 it took me like two weeks and I had about ten new female "friends" plus two dates with different women. I didn't even approach them. Suddenly there were just... there. Two of my friends even got laid in the first week. In 2013 it was similar, one evening we were sitting in a whirlpool having couple of beers when a girl joined us out of nowhere. She started talking and after one hour my friend took her to his room... and got laid. This lady didn't even ask for our names, it's like you just have to mention that you're from germany and that's it. That sounds like my experience as a blonde european in colombia. would be interesting to go to usa now | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4781 Posts
On February 02 2015 06:02 mYiKane wrote: NOT FUCKING GOOD I WANT TO KNOW MORE! | ||
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amaDeus
Germany205 Posts
she lives in another part from germany cause her subject can only be studied there. i have to stay in my hometown too. it won't get better (regarding long distance) soon, because when she finishes its not sure if she can get a job near me (shes going to be a teacher) and for me its best to stay here cause most of the big companys, in which i think i want to work are located here. i love her. i'm just..envious of relationships in which the ppl see each other more often. the fact that shes absent for half a year doing an semester abroad doesnt make it better - it's bearable tho. i don't really know how i should describe it. i don't know where i should draw the line between my love for her and the wish to have a partner that is 'in range'. i'm afraid to throw away a good relationship that lasted more than 4 years and ending up regretting it. anyone got an advice for me to find out where to draw the line and to know for myself what i want? should i talk to her about it? i spoke to her about it ~1y ago, but well - we can't change the situation - and her being absent (cant even talk about that in rl) won't really help my decision and only make her sad for the moment that i have these thoughts. the decision is not urgent, i have enough time to think about it. Just need a bit help. | ||
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