We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On January 08 2015 04:29 farvacola wrote: Both conventional wisdom and my 1st semester experience tell me that xDaunt is right, though it's hard for me to express specifically why. There's something about the law school environment that seems very non-conducive to romance lol.
my best girl-friend was talking her unwillingness about men and sex and dates etc for a while with me whenever i see her. we are not seeing each other every week because her shift is very tight, she works as a call-center personnel, i see her twice a month maximum in her house, mostly spending our time eating, drinking with she and her mom. then she goes to sleep, we sleep together, nothing sexually, even if we smoke or be drunk.
i call this friendship "best" because years ago, she helped me when i was emotionally down, she found me a date ends up with a good sex that refills my manhood with self reliance, she is the only listener "female" i know, and we share common interests.
in those years, she was very attractive, i was dreaming for a chance to have sex with her but she never liked me physically. she loves slim guys, mostly skinny, with no muscle, and being baby face, "less manly" is the thing makes her wet, she says.. as a 85 kg - 182 metres guy with muscular body, she dislikes everything that other girls like about me.
this year, im no longer carrying that much desire for her, she changed her hair color and slept with many man in front of me, she was living alone for a while, and sometimes she had sex with guys while i was playing games next room. :D lol this sounds very nerd. but there was times i was doing the same.
however, 2 weeks ago she offered me... pardon me, she said "i decided that im having sex only with you for a year or more, i cant deal with date-stuff anymore". as a man, i never miss sex opportunities, and jumped her saying "WHATS THE FRIENDS FOR."
that did not go well. i started to overthink about this, you know, this is the girl i talk about the unsuccessful sexs i had, or brag about how i f*** her friend all night long, this is the girl i know what she dislikes in bed (mostly the ones im skillfull) and what she likes (like a huge dick i dont have) ... and knowing that she does not like my body, i thought the only way i could manage this thing being drunk. lel.
she invited me randomly, she said that she wants to have sex tonight. i was not sleeping for 24 hours ( finals week ) and her mom could hear us. i tried to evade her seduce efforts but i saw i have no chance, i finished a bottle of white wine with empty stomach.
ANDDDDDDDDDD I COULD NOT GET ERECTION. she said im drunk and weed can also cause this, we slept normally. what a fucking shame. : ((((((
thanks god she knows from her friend im good at bed but argggggggh. right know, i either want and also dont want to have sex with her. yesterday she said that she is not having sex for 2.5 months. that was a little alarm.... tomorrow is her birthday, i bought her this real leaf covered in gold : http://statik.bonvagon.com/website/Assets/Liff/27_Ekim14/OD-3C_1.jpg?w=434&h=357 - is this a good gift btw?
NOW TELL ME?
WHAT SHOULD I DO? Go for her, or tell her my thoughts and reject?
On January 12 2015 18:36 lastpuritan wrote: need some urgent help.
my best girl-friend was talking her unwillingness about men and sex and dates etc for a while with me whenever i see her. we are not seeing each other every week because her shift is very tight, she works as a call-center personnel, i see her twice a month maximum in her house, mostly spending our time eating, drinking with she and her mom. then she goes to sleep, we sleep together, nothing sexually, even if we smoke or be drunk.
i call this friendship "best" because years ago, she helped me when i was emotionally down, she found me a date ends up with a good sex that refills my manhood with self reliance, she is the only listener "female" i know, and we share common interests.
in those years, she was very attractive, i was dreaming for a chance to have sex with her but she never liked me physically. she loves slim guys, mostly skinny, with no muscle, and being baby face, "less manly" is the thing makes her wet, she says.. as a 85 kg - 182 metres guy with muscular body, she dislikes everything that other girls like about me.
this year, im no longer carrying that much desire for her, she changed her hair color and slept with many man in front of me, she was living alone for a while, and sometimes she had sex with guys while i was playing games next room. :D lol this sounds very nerd. but there was times i was doing the same.
however, 2 weeks ago she offered me... pardon me, she said "i decided that im having sex only with you for a year or more, i cant deal with date-stuff anymore". as a man, i never miss sex opportunities, and jumped her saying "WHATS THE FRIENDS FOR."
that did not go well. i started to overthink about this, you know, this is the girl i talk about the unsuccessful sexs i had, or brag about how i f*** her friend all night long, this is the girl i know what she dislikes in bed (mostly the ones im skillfull) and what she likes (like a huge dick i dont have) ... and knowing that she does not like my body, i thought the only way i could manage this thing being drunk. lel.
she invited me randomly, she said that she wants to have sex tonight. i was not sleeping for 24 hours ( finals week ) and her mom could hear us. i tried to evade her seduce efforts but i saw i have no chance, i finished a bottle of white wine with empty stomach.
ANDDDDDDDDDD I COULD NOT GET ERECTION. she said im drunk and weed can also cause this, we slept normally. what a fucking shame. : ((((((
thanks god she knows from her friend im good at bed but argggggggh. right know, i either want and also dont want to have sex with her. yesterday she said that she is not having sex for 2.5 months. that was a little alarm.... tomorrow is her birthday, i bought her this real leaf covered in gold : http://statik.bonvagon.com/website/Assets/Liff/27_Ekim14/OD-3C_1.jpg?w=434&h=357 - is this a good gift btw?
NOW TELL ME?
WHAT SHOULD I DO? Go for her, or tell her my thoughts and reject?
It depends what kind of a man you wish to be or become IMO. What are your standards? What do you wish this relationship to be like 2 weeks from now? 6 months? a year?
It's obvious that you have an opportunity for short term pleasure. What about longer than that? Do you care enough?
Are your standards the type where you want to be easy going, have fun and live every day like it was your last. Maybe you don't have a concern for things like these or long lasting relationships or you don't care too much if this friendship gets 'complicated'. Perhaps friends with benefits is the best idea ever to you. If this is the sort of standard you wish to convey to yourself and to her, then you decide what is for the best and perhaps go for it, and I cannot judge it to be right or wrong.
However, if you wish to have standards where you are looking for a meaningful relationship and you truly care for what you have with this girl, then you yourself should know that this won't bring you any closer to your goals or take the relationship further as you began it with the easy lays in mind. If this thought bothers you, that it goes against what you wish to be like, then say just that. It doesn't mean that you can't have a relationship or have sex with this girl, but in my opionion you should approach it with a completely different mindset and go with your values.
Basically though, she is asking you to become his friend with benefits. Nothing more. If this thought bothers you (as it seems to), then DONT DO IT, and say just that and why you don't want to. If she is the friend you claim her to be she will understand and respect you all the more for it. Remember, if you start to have sex one party will almost surely get feelings for the other person, as this is how we function biologically. you should know yourself that if you go with the casual sex thing one person will get hurt, sooner or later. At some point the other person will find a boyfriend or girlfriend, and the other party will not feel 'just okay' with it.
It is up to you to decide what values you wish to live by atm. Go with the standards that you wish to live by, and you will be a happier man whatever you happen to decide.
I intend to coin a new sexual term: ice-cream-coning.
I met this petite Japanese girl, 25 y/o maybe 40 kilos, and maybe 150 cm tall, and we slept with one another a couple of times last summer. I don't want to look through this entire threat, but I think I told you guys about that.
Now she was in my city again for a weekend, and we met. So here's what icecreamconing is: You pick her up at her waist, upside down, her legs on your shoulder, and enjoy her like a cone of ice-cream.
On January 12 2015 18:36 lastpuritan wrote: need some urgent help.
my best girl-friend was talking her unwillingness about men and sex and dates etc for a while with me whenever i see her. we are not seeing each other every week because her shift is very tight, she works as a call-center personnel, i see her twice a month maximum in her house, mostly spending our time eating, drinking with she and her mom. then she goes to sleep, we sleep together, nothing sexually, even if we smoke or be drunk.
i call this friendship "best" because years ago, she helped me when i was emotionally down, she found me a date ends up with a good sex that refills my manhood with self reliance, she is the only listener "female" i know, and we share common interests.
in those years, she was very attractive, i was dreaming for a chance to have sex with her but she never liked me physically. she loves slim guys, mostly skinny, with no muscle, and being baby face, "less manly" is the thing makes her wet, she says.. as a 85 kg - 182 metres guy with muscular body, she dislikes everything that other girls like about me.
this year, im no longer carrying that much desire for her, she changed her hair color and slept with many man in front of me, she was living alone for a while, and sometimes she had sex with guys while i was playing games next room. :D lol this sounds very nerd. but there was times i was doing the same.
however, 2 weeks ago she offered me... pardon me, she said "i decided that im having sex only with you for a year or more, i cant deal with date-stuff anymore". as a man, i never miss sex opportunities, and jumped her saying "WHATS THE FRIENDS FOR."
that did not go well. i started to overthink about this, you know, this is the girl i talk about the unsuccessful sexs i had, or brag about how i f*** her friend all night long, this is the girl i know what she dislikes in bed (mostly the ones im skillfull) and what she likes (like a huge dick i dont have) ... and knowing that she does not like my body, i thought the only way i could manage this thing being drunk. lel.
she invited me randomly, she said that she wants to have sex tonight. i was not sleeping for 24 hours ( finals week ) and her mom could hear us. i tried to evade her seduce efforts but i saw i have no chance, i finished a bottle of white wine with empty stomach.
ANDDDDDDDDDD I COULD NOT GET ERECTION. she said im drunk and weed can also cause this, we slept normally. what a fucking shame. : ((((((
thanks god she knows from her friend im good at bed but argggggggh. right know, i either want and also dont want to have sex with her. yesterday she said that she is not having sex for 2.5 months. that was a little alarm.... tomorrow is her birthday, i bought her this real leaf covered in gold : http://statik.bonvagon.com/website/Assets/Liff/27_Ekim14/OD-3C_1.jpg?w=434&h=357 - is this a good gift btw?
NOW TELL ME?
WHAT SHOULD I DO? Go for her, or tell her my thoughts and reject?
It's too late dude. You're the whiskey dick guy.
Everywhere you go, people will look at you and whisper, that's the guy with the soggy macaroni weiner. Guys will feel sorry for you. Women won't look you in the eye. Children will cry and run in the other direction.
Everywhere you go, people will look at you and whisper, that's the guy with the soggy macaroni weiner. Guys will feel sorry for you. Women won't look you in the eye. Children will cry and run in the other direction.
oh fuck i knew that ! : ( no hopessssss hommie, im better dead.
On January 12 2015 18:36 lastpuritan wrote: need some urgent help.
my best girl-friend was talking her unwillingness about men and sex and dates etc for a while with me whenever i see her. we are not seeing each other every week because her shift is very tight, she works as a call-center personnel, i see her twice a month maximum in her house, mostly spending our time eating, drinking with she and her mom. then she goes to sleep, we sleep together, nothing sexually, even if we smoke or be drunk.
i call this friendship "best" because years ago, she helped me when i was emotionally down, she found me a date ends up with a good sex that refills my manhood with self reliance, she is the only listener "female" i know, and we share common interests.
in those years, she was very attractive, i was dreaming for a chance to have sex with her but she never liked me physically. she loves slim guys, mostly skinny, with no muscle, and being baby face, "less manly" is the thing makes her wet, she says.. as a 85 kg - 182 metres guy with muscular body, she dislikes everything that other girls like about me.
this year, im no longer carrying that much desire for her, she changed her hair color and slept with many man in front of me, she was living alone for a while, and sometimes she had sex with guys while i was playing games next room. :D lol this sounds very nerd. but there was times i was doing the same.
however, 2 weeks ago she offered me... pardon me, she said "i decided that im having sex only with you for a year or more, i cant deal with date-stuff anymore". as a man, i never miss sex opportunities, and jumped her saying "WHATS THE FRIENDS FOR."
that did not go well. i started to overthink about this, you know, this is the girl i talk about the unsuccessful sexs i had, or brag about how i f*** her friend all night long, this is the girl i know what she dislikes in bed (mostly the ones im skillfull) and what she likes (like a huge dick i dont have) ... and knowing that she does not like my body, i thought the only way i could manage this thing being drunk. lel.
she invited me randomly, she said that she wants to have sex tonight. i was not sleeping for 24 hours ( finals week ) and her mom could hear us. i tried to evade her seduce efforts but i saw i have no chance, i finished a bottle of white wine with empty stomach.
ANDDDDDDDDDD I COULD NOT GET ERECTION. she said im drunk and weed can also cause this, we slept normally. what a fucking shame. : ((((((
thanks god she knows from her friend im good at bed but argggggggh. right know, i either want and also dont want to have sex with her. yesterday she said that she is not having sex for 2.5 months. that was a little alarm.... tomorrow is her birthday, i bought her this real leaf covered in gold : http://statik.bonvagon.com/website/Assets/Liff/27_Ekim14/OD-3C_1.jpg?w=434&h=357 - is this a good gift btw?
NOW TELL ME?
WHAT SHOULD I DO? Go for her, or tell her my thoughts and reject?
It depends what kind of a man you wish to be or become IMO. What are your standards? What do you wish this relationship to be like 2 weeks from now? 6 months? a year?
It's obvious that you have an opportunity for short term pleasure. What about longer than that? Do you care enough?
Are your standards the type where you want to be easy going, have fun and live every day like it was your last. Maybe you don't have a concern for things like these or long lasting relationships or you don't care too much if this friendship gets 'complicated'. Perhaps friends with benefits is the best idea ever to you. If this is the sort of standard you wish to convey to yourself and to her, then you decide what is for the best and perhaps go for it, and I cannot judge it to be right or wrong.
However, if you wish to have standards where you are looking for a meaningful relationship and you truly care for what you have with this girl, then you yourself should know that this won't bring you any closer to your goals or take the relationship further as you began it with the easy lays in mind. If this thought bothers you, that it goes against what you wish to be like, then say just that. It doesn't mean that you can't have a relationship or have sex with this girl, but in my opionion you should approach it with a completely different mindset and go with your values.
Basically though, she is asking you to become his friend with benefits. Nothing more. If this thought bothers you (as it seems to), then DONT DO IT, and say just that and why you don't want to. If she is the friend you claim her to be she will understand and respect you all the more for it. Remember, if you start to have sex one party will almost surely get feelings for the other person, as this is how we function biologically. you should know yourself that if you go with the casual sex thing one person will get hurt, sooner or later. At some point the other person will find a boyfriend or girlfriend, and the other party will not feel 'just okay' with it.
It is up to you to decide what values you wish to live by atm. Go with the standards that you wish to live by, and you will be a happier man whatever you happen to decide.
i have no idea about my standards but i know she may feel something else. i think i will talk to her and say my only concern is our friendship that will never be the same even if we want to, and we have plans for future, sharing the same flat at least 5 years for example... yet we both like casual things. maybe i do a her a favor since she is so horny and never have sex again.
Everywhere you go, people will look at you and whisper, that's the guy with the soggy macaroni weiner. Guys will feel sorry for you. Women won't look you in the eye. Children will cry and run in the other direction.
oh fuck i knew that ! : ( no hopessssss hommie, im better dead.
Meh Anxiety and alchohol tend to do that and that's pretty normal and most chicks know that.
On October 31 2014 09:37 LemOn wrote: So I wanna ask you guys My gf is one of these girls
Basically, we've been going out for 4 months now. No matter how well things are going well this is the recurring pattern: When we meet I do stuff like kiss her, share food, try to hold her hand at the table when she tells me something bad that happened to her, giver her a kiss in the morning, want to drink shots with her cross armed etc... you get the jist, couply stuff. She most often just turns away, flat out refuses to do stuff like this, and hardly ever initiates stuff herself. She reads romantic novels etc. and her opinion is that the guy should always chase after her and try to win her affection, but often even after a long time she just constantly turns me down. She tells me what I should improve, but I can't expect any compliments from her, thank yous only via messages where she knows I clearly expect it. She told me she wants kids within 5 years and hints at this often too...
Yet I talk about the future she always pulls this "eww" face, tells me we have a non-relationship - relationship even tho we clearly do have one, daily messages, weekends together, 2-3x per week we se each other, are exclusive and have sexy virtually every day we are together.
This leaves me feeling shitty, and when I ask myself if I can imagine being in 5 years down the line with someone like that where I always have to try and she will turn away 7 times when I try to just give her a kiss in the morning the answer is: hell no.
Basically what I want to do is tell her that we either: 1) tell her than we can either keep seeing each other, but onlycasually, - we have so much fun and are crazy about each other. She is just this way because of her upbringing and past relationships I assume, and I suspect she always will be. I'd tell her we'd call and text way less and just do fun stuff her and there when we feel like it.
2) basically ask of her to change and work hard on this in which case I will also work hard to get to know her and get closer to her so we build a strong relationship
3) break up I mean... This girl is way too great to just screw around with, I can't see myself dating anyone else while I'm with her, so breaking up and work on getting over her and finding someone more suitable seems like a solid option.
Am I being unreasonable?
I grew up with father who was beating me and stuff and rarely showed any affection, and I really need reciprocity in a relationship... I love the girl to bits but as she is I can't see this lasting long term...
What'd you guys do... do one of the three, or just say nothing, persuade self that its just fun, and know there is no future without telling her or just come clean and discuss the three options?
Should you continue to date your shitty, stupid girlfriend who treats your relationship like a crappy Lifetime movie. Hmmmmmmmmmm.
So update: We broke up a week ago. Well she said loves me but won't be in love with me, you know the bullshit girls say. I knew it could never work Very early into it but sex was amazing, first gf I had in a long time, also the hottest one, I think no guy would break that off himself first :D
So I thanked her for everything, told her not to contact me unless she wants to go for a date where she'll know what I will expect and cut her from social media/apps to avoid temptation to contact/check on her. I let the fact that I will never see her again purposefully sink in, and let all the emotion out without suppressing it. I cried like a chick, not gonna lie but after two days I was at peace with the fact and now I'm ready to move on
So after 6 months, lessons learned, biggest one is that I just can and need to be myself, I was always trying to over think stuff trying to change her and my behavior and it made matters worse and me feel under pressure, which made her being close up even more. I do it in all things I realized - overthink stuff, change myself and put unnecessary pressure on myself, having that realization might just change my life and I will be forever grateful to her for making me realize that.
And from now on it's clear to me that looks and intelligence are not actually that important when it comes to finding a girl for a relationship. And that I absolutely should be picky, be clear of what I want and never ignore red flags just because the girl is hot and willing.
So I am back to the dating game, starting online - Through Tinder and Badoo I set up a few dates already for next week, going to fun places in Prague the girls recommended themselves so that should be lots of fun. Plan is to have no plan, see what girls are out there, hang out, have fun and maybe hook up. And settle only for the right one.
Is there a plan or isn't there? How can you have no plan when you are planning to have no plan? Thinking about the plans, thinking about the word "plan" just shows your tendency to have a plan. You need to release plans, to release any idea of having a plan, or to even contemplate plan-ness. Being is the only way. Free from desire you realize the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only manifestations.
I read that too. The writing aside, I think the idea it brings up at the end is interesting. Basically, if you could simply decide rationally that a certain person was a good person to be in love with and then make it happen, would that be better than just living your life and waiting for a connection with someone to occur?
Also, the actual 36 questions it refers too are interesting. I'm curious to talk about it with some people, but I realize this is the sort of topic that it is almost impossible to bring up in conversation. It basically begs the suggestion of lets do it.
On January 16 2015 15:11 phyren wrote: I read that too. The writing aside, I think the idea it brings up at the end is interesting. Basically, if you could simply decide rationally that a certain person was a good person to be in love with and then make it happen, would that be better than just living your life and waiting for a connection with someone to occur?
Also, the actual 36 questions it refers too are interesting. I'm curious to talk about it with some people, but I realize this is the sort of topic that it is almost impossible to bring up in conversation. It basically begs the suggestion of lets do it.
The questions seem pretty interesting and if your "date" or person your with is down for the idea I say this would be an interesting/deep conversation to have with another person.
Maybe the next time I have a date or I have a chance to talk with a perspective woman I'll see if they are willing to have some fun.
I met a girl recently at the CVS by my house. I was really attracted to her so even though I was nervous I chatted her up. After very long convo I ended up getting her number and sleeping with her the next day. This was the first girl I've met like this that I actually made an emotional connection with and truly enjoyed the time I spent with her. What I wonder though is if I should move in a direction with her towards a relationship. The things that make me want to is that she seems very "love worthy". She is extremely positive, fun, and silly. We vibed super well and really enjoyed each others company. Also all of my parents and friends seem to think that I should go into a relationship since I have never been a legitimate one before and I can tell from my convo with her that she is probably in a good place for one as well.
That being said I have some apprehensions. I spent a very long time alone, and because I don't actively maintain a social circle and probably never will, the only place I can meet girls is out in public. This can be rather... intimidating, and awkward at times (though also awesome at other times :D) and since it is probably where I will meet most of the girls I date in the future, I question whether I want to delay getting into a relationship for some time until I get consistent with being able to "get" girls by chatting them up randomly on the bus or wherever else I see them. Honestly I want to know through experience that it is a thing I can do in order to feel secure that I will never have too much issue in being able to find someone.
I'm gonna do the thing in the article tomorrow with the girl and post thoughts.
Also I had this thought. People always talk about how being confident is important in meeting someone. That being said I have noticed that almost all of the girls that I have had relations with I was very nervous when I was going for them. This includes saying dumb things, loosing my train of though mid sentence, and sometimes even shaking a little bit.
I'm starting to really question whether confidence is a completely overrated virtue. While it may be attractive I think it is a lot easier to feel safe around someone who's intentions are clear who is a little nervous. Honestly while I might be more attracted to a confident girl, I think I would feel more comfortable spending time around a shy girl that I knew liked me because I wouldn't have to worry about making a bad impression or "fucking up" in any way. And of course with more time comes getting to know each other better which eventually leads to a connection. That being said since I am dating entirely outside of a social circle it might work a little differently since hangouts are far from guaranteed.
On January 20 2015 10:07 puppykiller wrote: That being said I have some apprehensions. I spent a very long time alone, and because I don't actively maintain a social circle and probably never will, the only place I can meet girls is out in public. This can be rather... intimidating, and awkward at times (though also awesome at other times :D) and since it is probably where I will meet most of the girls I date in the future, I question whether I want to delay getting into a relationship for some time until I get consistent with being able to "get" girls by chatting them up randomly on the bus or wherever else I see them. Honestly I want to know through experience that it is a thing I can do in order to feel secure that I will never have too much issue in being able to find someone.
I don't see why you would delay a relationship to get better at picking up girls if the end goal is to get into a relationship anyway.
It is always a bit weird how easy it is for some to sleep with someone else but how hard they start to think when it comes to starting a relationship. It's just the same as with sex, if you want it go for it, might turn out to not be great in which case you stop, or it might turn out to be great in which case you keep doing it.
There is no secret really, I like to just be plain honest because it's how you get the least drama. If you want a relationship with her tell her ( depends on how recent your recently is, if it's a few days it might be a bit premature to judge). If you don't know but still like her and want to keep seeing her to get to know the answer tell her that too (but don't bring that same line up after 2 months xD).
People who praise confidence too much are often also arrogant, which is a killer.
EPT
