Dating: How's your luck? - Page 268

On August 28 2013 03:23 QuanticHawk wrote:
first she was your gf, now she's a girl who didn't like you back

stop being a weirdo about this

On August 28 2013 03:06 AmOkk000 wrote:
thank you guys for the support and everything. i think this way (she told me the truth) it will be easier for me to move on.
i apologize to everyone that you had to read my miserable writings.
edit: and i sorry to everyone who i have offended with that sentence. again, i didnt mean it.

edit2: Killscreen : You liked a girl who didnt like you back. that would be okay if she hadnt played with me for two months and had me chasing false hopes.

On August 28 2013 03:40 r.Evo wrote:

Alright. Time for the talk.

You're responsible for your own feelings. No one else is. No one else ever will be. Either you're happy playing the victim and pretend she "played with you" or you suck it up, learn from it and realize that you played with yourself. Until the point where you see commitment in terms of action it's all in your head. Nowhere else.

False hopes? Give me a break, the "hopes" you're mentioning are the ones you made up. No one else. She isn't responsible for your happiness she isn't responsible for your feelings.


You can now choose to:

a) Shrug off what I just said as coming from someone who is a moron, doesn't understand your feelings and keep this attitude up until you decide to be honest to yourself.

b) You take the experience you just made and learn from it, grow from it and become more self-reliant in the future. Women, men and the things between them are a beautiful thing. Don't let your own ignorance ruin it so easily.

On August 28 2013 06:23 Mentalizor wrote:
So... an update on my date with my best friend:

I showed up with food and started cooking for us while we were drinking wine. It was nice, but not really that romantic. I got cold feet about making any moves... However, when it got past 2am in the morning, I laid my head in her lap, her fingers running through my hair, I start to collect some courage anyway... Then of course... She starts yawning... I yawn aswell, and she yawns yet again - like twice in 10secs...
Me: It's late
Her: Yeah...
Me: Want to sleep?... I could need some myself, so I'll just head on home
Her: No need for that

It wasn't much... but enough for me to sit up and just go for it... We kiss for a solid 30minutes and end up going to her bedroom and well... Excellent ending on a good night

Next morning we walk around her appartment for like 2 hours talking about what now... Agreeing (again) it was just fun, and we were both in positions that allowed us to do stupid things (wine/heartbreaks/etc)... Not sure if we're awkward now. We text a lotshe thinks about me all the time still - and she's visiting sunday for a lazySEX sunday with moviesSEX... Not sure what to expectLOTS OF SEX. Wont make any movesYou probably won't need to.

Was fun - I'm glad it happened... Most likely wont happen again though

On August 28 2013 07:06 decafchicken wrote:


Translation in bold.

On August 28 2013 07:19 Mentalizor wrote:


Geeh, thanks for the translation, buddy... I'm really not sure though... I mean... After all the talking and texting we've agreed to not become a thing... Even though she could be my type, I don't think I would match her dreamguy (I'm tall, dark, but not muscular at all - she wants a tall, blonde, beefhead) - and I don't want to risk our friendship for some rebound sex.

And again... all the texting, we've agreed to go back to being just friends... While I was visiting her sunday, we kept talking about how stupid it would be for us to end up together - yet we did later on without her backing out. So I can't know for sure, what she's thinking... But I don't think it's sexsexsex

On August 28 2013 07:19 Mentalizor wrote:


Geeh, thanks for the translation, buddy... I'm really not sure though... I mean... After all the talking and texting we've agreed to not become a thing... Even though she could be my type, I don't think I would match her dreamguy (I'm tall, dark, but not muscular at all - she wants a tall, blonde, beefhead) - and I don't want to risk our friendship for some rebound sex.

And again... all the texting, we've agreed to go back to being just friends... While I was visiting her sunday, we kept talking about how stupid it would be for us to end up together - yet we did later on without her backing out. So I can't know for sure, what she's thinking... But I don't think it's sexsexsex

On August 28 2013 07:23 Chicken Chaser wrote:


Maybe she sees you as a friend with benefits. It doesn't sound like she's put on the brakes to anything yet besides a relationship, but so have you with all your self-deprecating talk.

Or you guys can turn it into an open relationship. See #2: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=open relationship

XD

On August 28 2013 07:23 Poffel wrote:
It's cute that you seem to think that you've got a say in that.

On August 28 2013 07:19 Mentalizor wrote:


Geeh, thanks for the translation, buddy... I'm really not sure though... I mean... After all the talking and texting we've agreed to not become a thing... Even though she could be my type, I don't think I would match her dreamguy (I'm tall, dark, but not muscular at all - she wants a tall, blonde, beefhead) - and I don't want to risk our friendship for some rebound sex.

And again... all the texting, we've agreed to go back to being just friends... While I was visiting her sunday, we kept talking about how stupid it would be for us to end up together - yet we did later on without her backing out. So I can't know for sure, what she's thinking... But I don't think it's sexsexsex

On August 28 2013 07:46 r.Evo wrote:

You should be mindful that such a situation can develop to whatever the hell you want it to develop. Considering that you're trying to avoid making a decision you should probably figure out what exactly you want in the first place.

On August 28 2013 07:58 Mentalizor wrote:


That Bob Ross quote doesn't really discourage me from wanting to try something, when you put it like that

I mean... I actually WOULD love to get a girl like her. After all, she's my best friend and I've known her for 8 years... There's a reason I love to hang out with her. She's funny, insightful, honest, loyal and pretty as hell... So if it could turn into whatever the fuck I wanted, I'd love for it to turn into something relationshippy... but I feel it's too risky to push us in that direction... Especially without knowing her intentions/thoughts on the matter. What she tells me is leaning towards being friends. But then again so is what I am telling her. But clearly we don't always act according to our words in this matter.

On August 28 2013 07:58 Mentalizor wrote:


That Bob Ross quote doesn't really discourage me from wanting to try something, when you put it like that

I mean... I actually WOULD love to get a girl like her. After all, she's my best friend and I've known her for 8 years... There's a reason I love to hang out with her. She's funny, insightful, honest, loyal and pretty as hell... So if it could turn into whatever the fuck I wanted, I'd love for it to turn into something relationshippy... but I feel it's too risky to push us in that direction... Especially without knowing her intentions/thoughts on the matter. What she tells me is leaning towards being friends. But then again so is what I am telling her. But clearly we don't always act according to our words in this matter.

On August 13 2013 07:09 Bleak wrote:
A girl from college that I haven't seen for a long time called me and asked whether I wanted to go to a concert with her. I liked the band and wasn't in any relationships at that time, and I said yes. We went out, had dinner, and the concert was pretty good, I had good time. As we departed for the night, she said she'd like to spend more time together later on and she'll wait up for my call.

Now I am kind of eager to make that call because 1) I know her already so it's easier to form a connection 2) She's quite alright in terms of looks and she falls into my type and 3) I feel like I really need a relationship.

However, I really don't know what would be the best meet up location for a second date. A dinner and movie? Dinner and taking a walk, having a chat? A museum trip? I sort of feel like after our first "date" so to speak, the concert kind of set the bar high and I need to do something as great in terms of importance.

Is this just stupid line of thinking? I feel like she already likes me because if she didn't she wouldn't have called me up after a long time and if she had a bf she would go to the concert with him already. So to me it feels like all the signs are there. Now, how should I act?

On August 28 2013 08:08 r.Evo wrote:

Haha. Bob Ross always wins!

Obviously no one here will be able to tell you what exactly would happen if you guys would make it into a relationship. No one can tell you whether it will end in horrible heartbreak and never talking again or whether you'd be best buddies afterwards just like before.

What I can tell you however is this:
-You guys go along well and like each other on a probably deeper level than most other people. There is rapport, there is comfort.
-You're sexually attracted to each other.

...the only thing that's missing for a relationship quite frankly is sex on a regular basis. You're already past being "just buddies" by figuring out that there is sexual tension between you (assuming it wasn't totally aweful, you never know =P).


Coincidently saying one thing and doing the other is among the strongest push & pulls you can do. "I'm not sure if this is a good idea" -> kiss being a prime example. To me from experience such a situation only boils down to whether one side is willing to make that step or not. Escalating things from the friendzone was always one of my favorite things to do and from your description so far it seems so incredibly smooth that I can only assume she had that thought for a while.

e: In case you want to keep going towards that direction make sure to tell her a relationship would be a bad idea because you don't like her hair color and she doesn't like yours!

On August 28 2013 08:19 Salazarz wrote:

Of course she will lean towards being friends if you make no moves whatsoever yourself and show no real signs of interest (and no, getting it on after she basically drags you into bed isn't showing interest). Also, the fact that you were okay with talking about 'what you guys are now' through texts after that, and you didn't straight up tell her, 'hey that was great, let's date' (not necessarily these exact words but you know what I mean) is probably a massive turn off and makes her think like you don't care about her that way at all.

You should really man the hell up if you actually like her at all. Sure there's some risk it might get weird and your friendship ruined etcetc, but you know what, all the good things in life take risks to get to. I mean, you managed to stay good friends for so long - that's pretty much the most important part for any long-term relationship, being friends. Do you want to live in half-measures and end up sitting at home alone wondering what it could have been if only you had gone for the opportunities you had, but didn't because you were afraid?

Well, fuck me, apparently this was a "date" just from my perspective and all my effort was for nothing. We went out three times and had good time in all of them and at the end she told me she really values my friendship and there's really no male friends that she felt this close and comfortable with, but she doesn't really think she would want it to go any further.

On August 28 2013 08:44 Bleak wrote:


Well, fuck me, apparently this was a "date" just from my perspective and all my effort was for nothing. We went out three times and had good time in all of them, but at the end she told me she really values my friendship and there's really no male friends that she felt this close and comfortable with, but she doesn't really think she would want it to go any further. She asked me what I think of her through texting, and I said I think we're pretty good friends and we know how to spend good time together, and if she wanted we could have been more than friends.

I don't really get it. I'm not and I wasn't that naive to think that just because someone called me up for a concert once, that doesn't have to mean they're into me. However, as we were leaving she basically said I'll wait the next move from you, I want to hear from you etc. If she hadn't said that I would have just treated the night as a time well spent watching a great rock band with a friend. After that we texted a lot, she said she wanted to meet, hang out and pretty much told me to pick time and place myself and she would just be fine with anything. To me that pretty much meant she's at least interested me in me a little bit.

So there are two (perhaps three?) possibilities, either I said or did something that changed her mind during our "dates" (so to speak, at least from my angle) which I really doubt, they all went fine and I didn't notice anything that made her uncomfortable or annoyed. Or, she wasn't into me the least bit all the time and all she wanted was someone to hang out with. A third possibility is that she just straight up changed her mind.

I don't get any of it, she has a group of really close girl buddies of her that she could have called up to spend time with, so why call me? Am I seriously the only person around her that might have wanted to go to a rock concert with her, or have dinner, or chat? She could call her coworkers, her closer friends, hell even his own dad who's basically a diehard fan of the band we went to watch. Should I really believe this? Not saying men and women can be either friends or lovers and not both, but still, she must have been pretty desperate to get anyone to spend time with if she has to call someone she hasn't heard or seen for over a year.

I have been sort of respectful in opening up myself and my feelings to her because as I said, we only went out for three times and honestly I wasn't exactly sure she really liked me apart from her liking spending time with me so I sort of hesitated to make a move. I have been thinking for a way to say it, but we just kept chatting for freaking hours about pretty much everything that I couldn't really find the space to bring up the issue without breaking that nice aura and connection. Maybe she wanted me to be more assertive about my feelings for her, so when I stayed respectful she herself was disappointed and that changed her mind? I must admit, I haven't been specifically thinking about dating her myself, maybe I was interested in the idea that someone was interested in me, rather than specifically her, however as I said she really falls into my type and was one of the girls I find attractive in our class, and I wasn't in a relationship for some time and so I thought hell, maybe I give it a shot and see what happens. We spent really good time together, she was happy, smiling, having fun, laughing at my jokes etc. all through the time we were together.

Help me TL, did I read the signs wrong, or did I make a mistake?

On August 28 2013 09:30 r.Evo wrote:
You pretty much said it yourself already besides one small mistake:



She considered you interesting, you were checking each other out, there was no sexual attraction from her side. Sorry to make it seem that simple but it really is that simple. You did stuff together, you had fun talking, you shared emotions, you did all the things friends do.

People who want to be rabbits (might) do those things as well but they also touch each other, they make ambiguous comments, they push and pull and they tease - they flirt. Those things accumulate until the only possible next step is a kiss and finally figuring out who's hutch it is for the night.


What you could do better next time? Stop worrying. "Making a move" is one of the most stupid things in the context of dating. You don't "make a move" when you're attracted to someone. Everything you do, say and think is a move. Whether that's playful teasing, thinking naughty while looking into her eyes for just a bit longer than it would be appropriate or boxing her / patting her on the head every chance you get is up to you. Show her that you like her with actions and be empathetic to whether she is enjoying it or not. Usually it's pretty obvious if she does.

You're there for the chase, you're there to screw her brain out and you're there to make her crazy about you. You're not there to be just another person in the universe that's cool to hang out with.

On August 28 2013 09:36 Mentalizor wrote:


Girls are really different and hard to figure out. Had I been in your place, I'd expect she thought it was for dating intentions. You say you didn't really open up much and hesitated to make any moves. Maybe a more aggresive move could had made a difference? Hard to tell by now, I know... But without knowing you or her better, my best advice is horrible:

Bitches be cray-cray, guurlfriend

On August 28 2013 09:29 Mentalizor wrote:


Hmm, for me being the guy, I'd say the sex was an above average experience - however, haven been in a relationship earlier for nearly 8 years, I know I didn't do my best performance. But I didn't really feel comfortable bursting out a ton of more advanced moves. So I just went with what felt right in the situation. I don't think she think it was awefull at all, but still... Not nearly perfect... And sure, we've kissed a few times now - and slept together once, but I'm still not really sure if she's that sexually attracted - I mean... to go any further than we already did...

And yeah, we do go back a long way... And what amazes me is she still wanted to do it knowing all my flaws - and knowing about me knowing her own flaws - but... All that could easilly vanish if I tried going all in on a "want to date?" if she is on a whole other page in her book...

And yeah... We did the "not a good idea" --> kiss... And I'm afraid you're right. Something wont happen unless someone acts. And knowing her - it would have to be me... putting me in a horrible place...

How do you figure that would turn out? It's actually true... I'm into brunettes - she's blonde - and as mentioned likewise the other way... But can't figure how that would help me make a move later on?