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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Help ya'll,
So this week i started my summer session, on the 2nd day(tuesday) i sat beside this very nice girl. She aint super hot or pretty, just cute, and really smart. We conversed the whole class, and i really thought we hit it off.
The next day, she sat 2 chairs to my right, and its was like we never even met. What did I do to scare her off? , was she intimidated by my handsomeness(jkjk) , but for real, what could it possibly be that made her run off scared.
On monday, should I try to sit next to her and see what she says? Should I confront her just to see whats up? I haven't been with a girl in a while, and this really got me upset.
help guys any advice helps
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On June 08 2013 07:07 t e a C h e r wrote:
Help ya'll,
So this week i started my summer session, on the 2nd day(tuesday) i sat beside this very nice girl. She aint super hot or pretty, just cute, and really smart. We conversed the whole class, and i really thought we hit it off.
The next day, she sat 2 chairs to my right, and its was like we never even met. What did I do to scare her off? , was she intimidated by my handsomeness(jkjk) , but for real, what could it possibly be that made her run off scared.
On monday, should I try to sit next to her and see what she says? Should I confront her just to see whats up? I haven't been with a girl in a while, and this really got me upset.
help guys any advice helps
Definitely don't confront her for sitting 2 seats away from you. Just chat her up. It's definitely possible that she's not interested but that's no reason for you not to even talk to her. Sit wherever you feel like haha. You're overthinking this way too much.
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On June 08 2013 07:07 t e a C h e r wrote:
Help ya'll,
So this week i started my summer session, on the 2nd day(tuesday) i sat beside this very nice girl. She aint super hot or pretty, just cute, and really smart. We conversed the whole class, and i really thought we hit it off.
The next day, she sat 2 chairs to my right, and its was like we never even met. What did I do to scare her off? , was she intimidated by my handsomeness(jkjk) , but for real, what could it possibly be that made her run off scared.
On monday, should I try to sit next to her and see what she says? Should I confront her just to see whats up? I haven't been with a girl in a while, and this really got me upset.
help guys any advice helps
pretty much she's waiting for you to make a move. Ask her out, that's it. (I'm assuming you actually "hit it off")
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On June 08 2013 07:10 VayneAuthority wrote:Show nested quote +On June 08 2013 07:07 t e a C h e r wrote:
Help ya'll,
So this week i started my summer session, on the 2nd day(tuesday) i sat beside this very nice girl. She aint super hot or pretty, just cute, and really smart. We conversed the whole class, and i really thought we hit it off.
The next day, she sat 2 chairs to my right, and its was like we never even met. What did I do to scare her off? , was she intimidated by my handsomeness(jkjk) , but for real, what could it possibly be that made her run off scared.
On monday, should I try to sit next to her and see what she says? Should I confront her just to see whats up? I haven't been with a girl in a while, and this really got me upset.
help guys any advice helps pretty much she's waiting for you to make a move. Ask her out, that's it. (I'm assuming you actually "hit it off")
Well i thought so, we even talked after class on tuesday for 5 minutes, she said she was a middle school teacher(could be an aid). You think I should still make a move? Should I have done that on wednesday/thursday or even today?
I'm baffled...
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On June 08 2013 06:00 corumjhaelen wrote:Show nested quote +On June 08 2013 05:55 sunprince wrote:On June 08 2013 05:50 corumjhaelen wrote:On June 08 2013 05:46 sunprince wrote:On June 08 2013 05:41 aksfjh wrote:On June 08 2013 05:37 sunprince wrote:On June 08 2013 05:25 aksfjh wrote:On June 08 2013 05:13 sunprince wrote:On June 08 2013 04:23 IPA wrote:
I have never had a problem finding and dating attractive, interesting women. I am not a PUA and have never done anything other than be myself. I am in a band which helps but I don't prey on hangers on or groupies. I'm 30, tall, bald, intelligent and talented. I like myself and I think girls like that.
Just here to say you don't have to be a predatorial dbag or engage in brodude mind-games to get women. Be yourself and, more importantly, like yourself -- and they will like you. You're in the prime of your life, tall, intelligent, and in a band? This sums it up: http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3pfhy4/ He's 30 and bald. Doesn't sound "prime" to me. Truth is, everybody has at least one thing going for them. Mixing that with a level of self-worth and pride will bring out those good qualities, and personal preferences of the opposite sex will do the rest. Male pattern baldness is an indicator of high testosterone, something that would be supported by the rest of the information he gave. It's also an indicator of age, which generally is attractive to women since it represents social status. Nice spin. I'm not buying it though. Your mistake is assuming that women have the same criteria as men. A bald 30-year-old woman is not attractive to the majority of men. The same is not true the other way around. There is a reason why there are a number of male celebrities who favor a bald look when they could easily afford to do something about it should they choose. There's also a reason that film, television, and other media portray bald men attractively nearly infinitely more often than they do women. And those reasons can't be cultural, or have anything to do with the fact that men lose their hairs earlier. It has to be some kind of evolutionnary behavior, and there are serious studies that show it and you're going to provide me a link which won't make me laugh. At no point did I make any sort of argument whether this is due to cultural reasons, evolutionary reasons, or a combination of both. And I'm not allowed to extrpolate from your other posts in the thread ?
Your extrapolation has no bearing on the discussion in question, which is whether baldness in men is attractive to women. The reasons don't matter here.
On June 08 2013 06:00 corumjhaelen wrote:
Also I'm interested in knowing a cultural explanation involving baldness as a sign of something as non-cultural as high testosterone, but nice try.
Culture can reinforce existing biological predispositions. Typically, the only people who argue that biology or culture are solely responsible for social phenomena are ideologues, in most cases the truth is that a combination of factors are at play.
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On June 08 2013 06:01 Shiori wrote:Show nested quote +On June 08 2013 05:54 sunprince wrote:On June 08 2013 05:48 Shiori wrote:On June 08 2013 05:35 sunprince wrote:On June 08 2013 05:24 Shiori wrote:On June 08 2013 05:17 sunprince wrote:On June 08 2013 04:18 Shiori wrote:On June 08 2013 01:07 Narobz wrote:
This is turning into a "try to figure out a woman's' mind thread" and guys, i'm telling you, you won't figure it out. Actually it's not very difficult to apply the sorts of tricks pioneered by mentalists to seduce men or women by fabricating a persona that appears much more attractive than its depth warrants. Of course, doing this essentially makes the PUA in question guilty of considering people nothing more than means to the end of his/her pleasure, which, to my mind, is fairly unethical. "Actually it's not very difficult to apply the sorts of tricks pioneered by mentalists to advertise a product. Of course, doing this essentially makes the advertiser in guilty of considering people nothing more than means to the end of his/her profit, which, to my mind, is fairly unethical" Can you spot the flaw with this sort of reasoning? Yup. You're, as I mentioned, equivocating human beings with products i.e. objects, for one, so the analogy fails. And, frankly, I do consider certain forms of advertisement to be unethical, which is why I quit the one sales-oriented job I've ever had. I won't try to trick people into buying things they don't need. You misread the analogy. The target of the advertising is a human being, just as the target of seduction. On June 08 2013 05:24 Shiori wrote:
It's one thing to present yourself in the best authentic way that you can. It's another thing to use psychological games to trick someone into sleeping with you (e.g. "negging," etc) You're creating an artificial difference between the two, when there is none. Everyone engages in impression management and plays psychological games consciously and unconsciously, and if everyone does it at least unconsciously then it cannot be unethical. If trying to get others to sleep with you by managing their impression of you is unethical, then that would make make-up, high heels, and push-up bras unethical for the same reason. Would you argue that? Further, you are crediting so-called psychological "tricks" with the powers of mind control, which is nonsense. "Negging" is essentially calculated teasing, and I don't suppose you'd call little boys unethical for pulling on girls' ponytails, would you? Depends what you mean by "impression management." If you mean emphasizing your positive character traits, then by all means, go for it. If you mean deliberately making statements that mislead others into thinking you have a particular trait that you actually don't have, then yes, that's unethical. You appear to be using a very broad definition of "psychological games" to suit your point, which seems to have been your general tactic throughout this debate. Nobody is discounting that human beings engage in action-response subconscious psychological behaviours on an interpersonal level. But the key thing here is that these are motivated by the genuine character of that person's psychology, which is to say they are an organic part of that person's self (hence their being subconscious). Conversely, deliberately employing psychological know-how to give the impression of candidness or interest or camaraderie is necessarily not genuine because, if it were, you wouldn't need to contrive it; it would arise from your psyche. By your logic, it would be okay to tease a girl because you feel like it, but not okay to tease a girl because you know it might increase her attraction to you. By that same logic, it's okay for a girl to wear make-up, high-heels, and push-up bras because the girl feels like it, but not okay to wear them because it might increase a guy's attraction to them. Do you seriously not see the problem with your logic? On June 08 2013 05:48 Shiori wrote:
In the same way that a mentalist could convince an ignorant person that they can communicate with a deceased relative (which is unethical) an idealized mentalist who can exploit perceived vulnerabilities gleaned by cold/hot reading of a potential sexual target is unethical because they are operating on a pretense of genuine psychological interaction but, in reality, aren't really engaging on an authentic level at all. In this sort of interaction, the mentalist says things he/she believes will bring him/her closer to the goal of intercourse, even if those things are not true or misleading. This, to me, is the line at which psychological games become unethical. If you are deceiving someone about your motives, traits, abilities, or interests in order to sleep with them, you are unethical.
Then every woman who uses make-up, high-heels, and push-up bras to deceive men about their attractiveness and age is unethical. So is every person who wears expensive clothes or drives expensive cars above their means. You're almost there. Yup: if you wear makeup/high heels/whatever solely because you want to make some guy like you, even if you yourself detest those things, then yeah, you probably have issues of some kind. It is, of course, completely possible that one would want to wear these things both because they like the way it makes them look. If someone finds them attractive, great! They have the same aesthetic tastes! Wonderful!
Whether you're consciously aware of it or not, manipulating your appearance is always an example of impression management. There's a reason why very few people wear makeup and high heels when they're at home.
Your argument is basically that it's ethical to be ignorant of your true motivations for doing something (or if you rationalize it as being for some other reason), and unethical if you're aware of your subconscious reasons. By your logic, it's unethical to get a college degree if you're aware that it manipulates your impression to potential employers, but perfectly ethical as long as you're simply blissfully unaware of this.
On June 08 2013 06:01 Shiori wrote:
I wear expensive clothes because I think they look fucking awesome. I don't do it so that random women on the street will be attracted to me, but, if they are, at least I know that they like the same fashion that I do, which is always a plus.
Do you dress up nicely when you're at home and no one is around?
On June 08 2013 06:01 Shiori wrote:
There's also a pretty fundamental difference between aesthetic manipulation and fabrication of personality, mostly because the latter is what actually founds relationships whereas the former is just sort of icing and is easily tweaked.
Aesthetic manipulation is a form of fabricating your personality, because aesthetics are a form of communicating and signaling what type of person you are. If you dress like a goth while not being one, then you are fabricating the impression that you are a goth. If you dress as if you are wealth, then you are fabricating the impression that you are wealthy (and the personality traits that typically accompany wealth). Etc.
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I have no interest in continuing this discussion. It's fruitless.
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why doesn't sunprince go make his own thread he's completely offtopic
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On June 08 2013 09:39 VayneAuthority wrote:
why doesn't sunprince go make his own thread he's completely offtopic
I'm not the person who brought up the notion that PUAs are unethical. You'll have to talk to Shiori about that.
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Sunprince should be permanently banned from this thread. He is almost always completely offtopic, calling other people names and trying his best to shut down any opposing opinion or ideology. Furthermore, when he argues he is intellectually dishonest, arguing in order to prove himself right rather than trying to reach an ideal solution or to thresh out a reasoned out set of differences. Every time he responds to someone asking for advice he continues to try to spin his personal brand of bullshit, rather than listening to the person he is responding to. Finally, he is clogging up this thread with his inane bullshit and has ruined most of the discourse that this thread was supposed to be and was originally about.
I have already PMed Chill a week back when Sunprince got temp banned asking Chill if he would consider lengthening his ban into a perma ban, outlining several posts that suggested he should be banned from the forums. Unfortunately, Chill did not. So I would like to take this opportunity on the offchance, to any mods out there, can you ban Sunprince, at the very least from this thread, and preferentially in my eyes from TL in general?
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On June 08 2013 10:21 WarSame wrote:
Sunprince should be permanently banned from this thread. He is almost always completely offtopic, calling other people names and trying his best to shut down any opposing opinion or ideology. Furthermore, when he argues he is intellectually dishonest, arguing in order to prove himself right rather than trying to reach an ideal solution or to thresh out a reasoned out set of differences. Every time he responds to someone asking for advice he continues to try to spin his personal brand of bullshit, rather than listening to the person he is responding to. Finally, he is clogging up this thread with his inane bullshit and has ruined most of the discourse that this thread was supposed to be and was originally about.
I have already PMed Chill a week back when Sunprince got temp banned asking Chill if he would consider lengthening his ban into a perma ban, outlining several posts that suggested he should be banned from the forums. Unfortunately, Chill did not. So I would like to take this opportunity on the offchance, to any mods out there, can you ban Sunprince, at the very least from this thread, and preferentially in my eyes from TL in general?
So in other words, you want the power (for yourself and those you agree with) to make whatever false accusations you like, and then when someone disputes them, you'll call it "offtopic" and then demand censorship. Typical.
"When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you're only telling the world that you fear what he might say."
If you're afraid of me calling out people on their lies, maybe you should tell those people not to spew them in the first place?
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Once again, Sunprince, you have missed the point. I never once called you a liar. I said you spew bullshit and that you are intellectually dishonest.
I do not want power to make false accusations. As soon as you can post and PM you can make accusations. That's not very much power.
When you are calmed down feel free to try to argue against anything mentioned, as I know you will. As of now you aren't making any sense.
EDIT: I should have quoted you before you edited your post, but oh well.
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From my incredibly little time here in this thread, Sunprince although overbearing seems knowledgeable at the least.
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On June 08 2013 10:29 WarSame wrote:
Once again, Sunprince, you have missed the point. I never once called you a liar. I said you spew bullshit and that you are intellectually dishonest.
You have not provided any sort of evidence to substantiate your claims that I "spew bullshit" or that I am "intellectually dishonest". Once again, false accusations.
On June 08 2013 10:29 WarSame wrote:
I do not want power to make false accusations. As soon as you can post and PM you can make accusations. That's not very much power.
You took that part out of context with the rest of the sentence. The point is that when the false accusations of those you agree with are disputed, you call this response "off topic" and demand censorship. That sounds a lot like demanding the right to make false accusations unchallenged. It's the same cowardly, underhanded tactic of hitting someone and then crying foul when they defend themselves.
Person A: Pick-up tactics are evil.
Person B: No they're not.
Person C: Person B is off-topic!
Person B: I was just responding to Person A.
Person D: Ban Person B!
On June 08 2013 10:29 WarSame wrote:
When you are calmed down feel free to try to argue against anything mentioned, as I know you will. As of now you aren't making any sense.
Yet another false accusation (combined with a shaming tactic and logical fallacy, all in one), this time an accusation of anger. It's readily apparent who is being intellectually dishonest here.
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Keep calm and chill the fuck out guys. This is a dating thread, not one for arguing about things that really aren't that important.
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On June 08 2013 06:04 Kennigit wrote:
Below: guys quoting me saying "wait till you come to Moldova here you can find post-communist sloots"
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On June 08 2013 10:30 Slardar wrote:
From my incredibly little time here in this thread, Sunprince although overbearing seems knowledgeable at the least.
If pulling any old article off the internet, saying, "LOOK, RESEARCH!!!" and then doing a weird shuffle-dance to double-back on an argument when one realizes the articles do not say what one thinks it says* is knowledgeable, then I fear for the state of society.
*Too often, people simply don't make the effort to read the article in the first place; this applies to both parties btw. This is how you conduct an argument on the internet: Pick an article, any article, post it, and see how nobody gives a shit about reading it because it takes 10x more effort to read and pick an article apart than it does to simply Google search "women submissive by nature, dominant men" and post the first result you get from an accredited site. The amount of effort required vastly outweighs the benefits, esp. if the one who posted it in the first place seems to be so obstinate that any true discussion is rendered pointless.
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Guys I'm pretty sure that we are getting off topic talking about what we are. This is about dating and how we are doing when it comes to that, not, "what is your philosophy regarding the opposite sex and one's morality regarding what can be done to get said date." I really think we are missing the point that we had earlier on about helping people generally with dates and how to do so effectively.
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On June 08 2013 12:30 docvoc wrote:
Guys I'm pretty sure that we are getting off topic talking about what we are. This is about dating and how we are doing when it comes to that, not, "what is your philosophy regarding the opposite sex and one's morality regarding what can be done to get said date." I really think we are missing the point that we had earlier on about helping people generally with dates and how to do so effectively.
I tried saying that like 15pages ago, they ignored me 
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On June 08 2013 07:07 t e a C h e r wrote:
Help ya'll,
So this week i started my summer session, on the 2nd day(tuesday) i sat beside this very nice girl. She aint super hot or pretty, just cute, and really smart. We conversed the whole class, and i really thought we hit it off.
The next day, she sat 2 chairs to my right, and its was like we never even met. What did I do to scare her off? , was she intimidated by my handsomeness(jkjk) , but for real, what could it possibly be that made her run off scared.
On monday, should I try to sit next to her and see what she says? Should I confront her just to see whats up? I haven't been with a girl in a while, and this really got me upset.
help guys any advice helps
Seems like you're taking things way too seriously. I mean, talking to someone and getting along is nice and all, but it doesn't mean that fireworks are going off either. If you're overthinking things, it's only making it harder on yourself. Talk to who you want and try not to worry about it too much.
Her sitting a bit away from you and not really talking doesn't really mean anything either. If you want, go ahead and take the initiative and talk to her a bit. It could mean that she only saw it as a nice little conversation, or she could be looking to see how you respond. Or it could be something else entirely. We can't know why she didn't talk, and we can't know why she would talk.
However, and this may sound cheesy, you can know why you do or don't talk to her. Really, this has been said in the thread before. You don't really have anything to lose, go talk to her, since it seems like you do enjoy her company. At best, great things will happen. At worst, you might not talk to her. If the best option doesn't work out, you might make a new friend or acquaintance.
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EPT
