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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 08 2013 12:41 Dark_Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On June 08 2013 07:07 t e a C h e r wrote:
Help ya'll,
So this week i started my summer session, on the 2nd day(tuesday) i sat beside this very nice girl. She aint super hot or pretty, just cute, and really smart. We conversed the whole class, and i really thought we hit it off.
The next day, she sat 2 chairs to my right, and its was like we never even met. What did I do to scare her off? , was she intimidated by my handsomeness(jkjk) , but for real, what could it possibly be that made her run off scared.
On monday, should I try to sit next to her and see what she says? Should I confront her just to see whats up? I haven't been with a girl in a while, and this really got me upset.
help guys any advice helps Seems like you're taking things way too seriously. I mean, talking to someone and getting along is nice and all, but it doesn't mean that fireworks are going off either. If you're overthinking things, it's only making it harder on yourself. Talk to who you want and try not to worry about it too much. Her sitting a bit away from you and not really talking doesn't really mean anything either. If you want, go ahead and take the initiative and talk to her a bit. It could mean that she only saw it as a nice little conversation, or she could be looking to see how you respond. Or it could be something else entirely. We can't know why she didn't talk, and we can't know why she would talk. However, and this may sound cheesy, you can know why you do or don't talk to her. Really, this has been said in the thread before. You don't really have anything to lose, go talk to her, since it seems like you do enjoy her company. At best, great things will happen. At worst, you might not talk to her. If the best option doesn't work out, you might make a new friend or acquaintance.
THanks chill 
are you the chill from calgary?
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On June 08 2013 21:30 Grumbels wrote:
I wonder if it's okay for me to contact someone via facebook. She hasn't given me direct permission and I kind of found her account by googling her name and some personal info she told me. I was getting along very well with her before, but I've been sick for a few weeks now and haven't had a chance to see her again and the school year is going to end shortly.
Why do you feel the need for any sort of permission in the first place? She's a human being capable of agency, not an object; if she doesn't want contact from you she's free to rebuff or ignore it. Just contact her and see how it goes.
On June 08 2013 21:07 BeyondCtrL wrote:Show nested quote +On June 07 2013 07:02 sunprince wrote:On June 07 2013 05:52 BeyondCtrL wrote:On June 07 2013 02:19 gedatsu wrote:On June 07 2013 01:07 BeyondCtrL wrote:On June 06 2013 22:22 sunprince wrote:On June 06 2013 22:13 BeyondCtrL wrote:On June 06 2013 21:43 sunprince wrote:On June 06 2013 21:38 Grumbels wrote:On June 06 2013 21:25 sunprince wrote:
[quote]
By 'value', I'm referring to sexual marketplace value. A woman's sexual marketplace value is primarily determined by her physical attractiveness (which incorporates youth, fertility, fitness, etc.), and secondarily by traits such as intelligence, femininity, sexiness, and pleasing personality.
To put it simply, if you want a beautiful, highly desirable woman who can have her pick of nearly any man she wants, then you had better be a highly desirable man yourself. Otherwise, why would she settle for you when she can do so much better?
[quote]
Feelings determine human behavior. Economics studies human behavior. Asking what you have to offer to a famous actress or so isn't really fair. If sexual marketplace value is real then it follows a bell curve, which means that most people are average and relatively close to each other in value. That girl you liked at that party is 9/10 times not going to be out of your league, the only question then is circumstances and personal match. It is true that most people are average and relatively close in value. However, the girl you liked at that party is generally going to be above average in value, and in fact is likely to be one of the highest value girls that you met at the party. Also, most guys are not interested in learning how they can date/fuck/marry an average girl; rather, they want the best girl (or close to the best girl) they can get. Accordingly, those guys are going to want to learn how to maximize their own value. Women primarily look for healthy men. An all-round healthy man is fit, intelligent, attractive and well dressed. Fitness, intelligence and attractiveness are very closely linked since those attributes are some of the visually strongest indicators of health. Being able to fulfill at least 3 of the criteria will guarantee you a decent, if not better, chance to successfully engage women in almost any circumstance. False. Women primarily look for men of higher social status. Being physically fit, intelligent, attractive, and well-dressed can contribute to that higher social status, but not all of those are indicators of health, nor are they the only factors for social status. If health were the primary criteria for male attractiveness, then it would stand to reason that women would be most attracted to men in their late teens and early twenties, when men are at their healthiest. To the contrary, men in their late teens and early twenties tend to have low sexual marketplace value, while older men tend to have higher sexual marketplace value (e.g. women are more attracted to the latter, rather than the former). The reason for this is because older men have higher social status and therefore higher sexual marketplace value. You are pulling stuff out of your ass here. The appearance of health does not deteriorate after you are 25. You can keep a very good looking body and physical shape up to your mid 40's. Attributes like intelligence and style mature and get better with age. Staying fit and healthy as you get older also signifies a strong immune system with good genes. Men of older age are also more attractive because not only do they posses all those qualities, but because they have also proven to be successful and experienced adults, the social status emerging from that is a consequence. The simplest way to prove this: Imagine two men near their 40's, equal in wealth and social status, wearing the same clothes, yet different in health. One has a physically fit and healthy body and is intelligent; the other has below average fitness, intelligence and is sickly. The immediate evaluation by women is going to be obvious here. In fact the latter male might be picked by females that are only interested in raising their own status, however the overwhelming majority of women will find a man attractive with the former's qualities, at varying levels of inferior social status. Women might go for status consciously, and entirely for that reason, but the question about whether the male is attractive is completely debatable. There are women who are not looking to raise their own status and consciously do not select men in that manner. Instinctively, however, women are attracted to the qualities I have mentioned. Your health, physical, mental and otherwise is the primary attribute by which females deem males attractive, social status is secondary (an emergent property of having those attributes). It's not required to have all the aspects of health, as long as a male posses a good number he is always a good candidate, regardless of social status (with the exception of being social outcasts, homeless and the like). Your comparison is terrible. Of course "physically fit, healthy body and intelligent" is more attractive than "below average fitness, intelligence and is sickly". You're setting three positive traits against three negative ones. We're talking about which positive trait is more important, so you are missing the mark by several miles. A better comparison is: imagine two men in their 40s. One is completely healthy, can do handstands and is expected to live until age 110, but he doesn't have that many friends, has some money problems and is easily talked down by others. The other has a very large social circle which always laughs at all his jokes, he has a lot of money and people defer to his opinion. But on the other hand he visits the doctor a few times per year, smokes, and can't bench anything close to his own body weight. Everything else between these two guys is equal. Who do you think gets more female attention? Everything about these guys is equal and different? The first guy sounds like a social outcast or has anxiety, indicating that he has an unhealthy psychology and the second guy you describes is quite average when you balance his health and social life. Also the comparison was made for the social status, just because people laugh at your jokes and you have many friends does not make you attractive, in fact there is nothing to indicate that that even increases the attractiveness. Additionally your argument is completely flawed since you have put both males in different wealth, health, and social status groups, of course the choice is obvious. My point was that if you want to see if social status is the primary factor by which attractiveness is measured then any difference between two males of the same status would not make any difference in their perceived value, yet there clearly is as I have pointed out. It is you, sir, that have completely missed the mark by several miles. Your argument does not fit your conclusion. The example you gave shows that, all other things equal, a man who is healthy is more attractive than a man who is not. Nobody here has disputed this. However, the discussion we're having is whether health is the most important factor for determining male attractiveness. Your arguments do not support this notion. On top of this, you are lumping in non-health factors such as fashion under your definition of "health" (when fashion has been established by academic research as a form of status display). It would appear that you are creating not only an unsupported argument, but one that is unfalsifiable because of your spurious definitions. Your inability to see reality as how it is, status and the display of it, as an emergent behavior of a person's physical qualities is leading to this conclusion and not by any erroneous logic on my behalf. Health is the most important factor, and status is a secondary trait added as a bonus. Health+Status>Health>Health+Poor Status>Poor Health+High Status>Rest. As you can see you can see healthy people with a poorer status are much more desirable than poor health high status. This not only comes from years of experience, but also the painfully obvious fact that you don't seem to understand inter-sex relationships very well. If you think you are gonna increase your value to women dramatically by improving your status, you will find yourself with women that only want to use you for that attribute.
As long as you define fashion as a form of "health", then you are using your own made-up definition of health to suit your argument.
Further, you do not appear to understand that health contributes to status, rather than being apart from it.
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On June 08 2013 17:47 Ambre wrote:Hello I would like to know what you think about something. I have never been in such a situation. Several weeks ago, I've met a girl on a dating site. We share a lot in common (geek stuff, video games, sense of humor). I like her. I have to tell you now that from the beginning, I have been a bit suspicious about something though : I felt like she was not looking for a serious relationship. I even asked her jokingly before our first date, if she was seeing anyone else this week end (she seemed to be very busy) She said something like "oh yes of course, I have 2 dates saturday morning, and then I meet those 3 guys in the evening, although 2 of them seems very boring so I think I won't go, and then I have 2 dates sunday, but one of them is gross, so I m not sure", and it made me laugh a lot. Then, during our first dinner, I asked her seriously if she was seeing, or has see anyone else recently from the dating website. She told me that she did not. I trust her on that point. She broke up recently from her previous long relationship.We are 2 weeks later now. We spent quite a bit of time together. 2 days ago, I kissed her (gently). Here is where it gets interesting for you. Yesterday, after we ate lunch together and went back to our respective workplaces, she texted me :+ Show Spoiler +- Her (let's call her... Felicity) : "I have to ask you something, but I m effraid it will shock you" - Me : "Shock me ? Go ahead" - Felicity : "Would it be conceivable for you, a non exclusive relationship ?" Here, I answered honestly (I didn't have to think long, so don't question that part) : I said no. I asked her if that's what she was looking for. - Felicity : "Well, in fact I wasn't considering things this way, but I like you so I really want to try but now you r going to be super distrustful, aren't you ? X)" - Felicity : "I am not looking for anything particular, but I ve broken up with my ex not so long ago, I didn't thought I would commit to a "real relationship" now. - Me : "Oh, I didn't know. I don't want you to feel like you'r losing your freedom because of me. But a non-exclusive relationship, that will not be possible." - Felicity : "Ok, let's try and then we ll see. I don't want to tell you no just because of that ^^'" I am not experienced enough with women to feel particularly "lucky" or anything. I was really looking for a serious relationship. And I m pretty sure I could be hurt badly if I feel "cheated" by her. But what's bugging me now is that I feel like I have been deceived already. To be honest, I thought about stopping seeing her. But, putting my ego aside, if I look at it objectively, it doesn't feel that bad for me : - If she's able to commit, then that's great - If not, either way I can have an "intimate" relation with her, right ?... I am not joking here, I am not sure that's what I am looking for with her. Any thoughts ? Thanks for reading !
first off, in that situation again (preparing to go on a date with internet person) just dont even bother asking early on whether or not theyre seeing other people (since this bothers you). you should just assume they are. it is the point of a dating website. being exclusive shouldnt be a worry for you at that point. you dont know each other. if youre interesting enough, go on a few dates and after (whatever number feels comfortable) ask about being exclusive. shell probably already have been treating it that way if she really likes you
in your situation, that is really up to you. you have have fun relationships with people even though it is entirely casual and open. but you know you. if it would bother you dont do it. dont disrespect her for it. she is honest which is all you can ask for and probably makes her a better woman than 90% of the people youve met thus far
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On June 08 2013 17:47 Ambre wrote:Hello I would like to know what you think about something. I have never been in such a situation. Several weeks ago, I've met a girl on a dating site. We share a lot in common (geek stuff, video games, sense of humor). I like her. I have to tell you now that from the beginning, I have been a bit suspicious about something though : I felt like she was not looking for a serious relationship. I even asked her jokingly before our first date, if she was seeing anyone else this week end (she seemed to be very busy) She said something like "oh yes of course, I have 2 dates saturday morning, and then I meet those 3 guys in the evening, although 2 of them seems very boring so I think I won't go, and then I have 2 dates sunday, but one of them is gross, so I m not sure", and it made me laugh a lot. Then, during our first dinner, I asked her seriously if she was seeing, or has see anyone else recently from the dating website. She told me that she did not. I trust her on that point. She broke up recently from her previous long relationship.We are 2 weeks later now. We spent quite a bit of time together. 2 days ago, I kissed her (gently). Here is where it gets interesting for you. Yesterday, after we ate lunch together and went back to our respective workplaces, she texted me :+ Show Spoiler +- Her (let's call her... Felicity) : "I have to ask you something, but I m effraid it will shock you" - Me : "Shock me ? Go ahead" - Felicity : "Would it be conceivable for you, a non exclusive relationship ?" Here, I answered honestly (I didn't have to think long, so don't question that part) : I said no. I asked her if that's what she was looking for. - Felicity : "Well, in fact I wasn't considering things this way, but I like you so I really want to try but now you r going to be super distrustful, aren't you ? X)" - Felicity : "I am not looking for anything particular, but I ve broken up with my ex not so long ago, I didn't thought I would commit to a "real relationship" now. - Me : "Oh, I didn't know. I don't want you to feel like you'r losing your freedom because of me. But a non-exclusive relationship, that will not be possible." - Felicity : "Ok, let's try and then we ll see. I don't want to tell you no just because of that ^^'" I am not experienced enough with women to feel particularly "lucky" or anything. I was really looking for a serious relationship. And I m pretty sure I could be hurt badly if I feel "cheated" by her. But what's bugging me now is that I feel like I have been deceived already. To be honest, I thought about stopping seeing her. But, putting my ego aside, if I look at it objectively, it doesn't feel that bad for me : - If she's able to commit, then that's great - If not, either way I can have an "intimate" relation with her, right ?... I am not joking here, I am not sure that's what I am looking for with her. Any thoughts ? Thanks for reading !
I think it is obvious that she is not really into a serious relationship, at least not for now. My advice is, you are young. This is the time to enjoy and explore. Take it seriously enough to know the boundaries of respect and basic human decorum, but not too much to think that you really need to be in a relationship now and would die if she leaves you or cheats on you. I say give it a chance but be clear about the non exclusive thing. Happy things happen when you don't expect them. Goodluck.
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Thank you all for your advices or thoughts. I really appreciate it.
I will give it a try. After all, I can learn from anything
GL to all of you.
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Yesterday I went to a club.
I made out with girls A, B, and C and had my hands inside their bras and pants. Then I made out with A and B at the same time, keeping one in each of my arms and switching between who to kiss. Then I did the same with A and C. Then I got A and C to make out with each other.
Then I made girls D and E make out with each other, and later at the burger shop I got the number of cutie F. Although I wasn't able to get a kiss from any of these.
I also made a move on the bartender, she got out of it by saying she has a boyfriend but she really looked like she would have responded positively otherwise.
Not really dating I know (maybe except for F, we'll see) but I just felt the need to brag a bit
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On June 09 2013 00:03 Ambre wrote:Thank you all for your advices or thoughts. I really appreciate it. I will give it a try. After all, I can learn from anything GL to all of you.
PS. Safe sex. Best of luck again.
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Met a girl randomly at IPL5 and we started talking almost everyday afterwards. We've been together for about half a year now and it has been an extremely delightful experience! The long distance aspect is rather unpleasant, but we are making it work. She is flying out in two weeks to visit and I am overjoyed in anticipation.
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On June 08 2013 21:46 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On June 08 2013 21:30 Grumbels wrote:
I wonder if it's okay for me to contact someone via facebook. She hasn't given me direct permission and I kind of found her account by googling her name and some personal info she told me. I was getting along very well with her before, but I've been sick for a few weeks now and haven't had a chance to see her again and the school year is going to end shortly. Why do you feel the need for any sort of permission in the first place? She's a human being capable of agency, not an object; if she doesn't want contact from you she's free to rebuff or ignore it. Just contact her and see how it goes.
I'm going to see her again probably ten days from now, but I think that's also the last chance for me to see her, so I thought about adding her on facebook to more efficiently use my time. Another alternative is that I simply wait ten days and then maybe ask her out irl. I felt like she would probably be more receptive in the latter case, she has things going on in her life and maybe if I contacted her out of the blue after I haven't seen her for a while she wouldn't be in the right mood for it.
I personally wouldn't really like it if I told someone my first name and city of birth and then they contacted me on facebook without asking me about it irl first. Facebook etiquette is weird though, at one point I added everyone from my university class and I doubt anyone of them really minded this, but it feels to me that adding someone you met in a private setting is different. (for me at least)
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On June 09 2013 06:46 Grumbels wrote:Show nested quote +On June 08 2013 21:46 sunprince wrote:On June 08 2013 21:30 Grumbels wrote:
I wonder if it's okay for me to contact someone via facebook. She hasn't given me direct permission and I kind of found her account by googling her name and some personal info she told me. I was getting along very well with her before, but I've been sick for a few weeks now and haven't had a chance to see her again and the school year is going to end shortly. Why do you feel the need for any sort of permission in the first place? She's a human being capable of agency, not an object; if she doesn't want contact from you she's free to rebuff or ignore it. Just contact her and see how it goes. I'm going to see her again probably ten days from now, but I think that's also the last chance for me to see her, so I thought about adding her on facebook to more efficiently use my time. Another alternative is that I simply wait ten days and then maybe ask her out irl. I felt like she would probably be more receptive in the latter case, she has things going on in her life and maybe if I contacted her out of the blue after I haven't seen her for a while she wouldn't be in the right mood for it. I personally wouldn't really like it if I told someone my first name and city of birth and then they contacted me on facebook without asking me about it irl first. Facebook etiquette is weird though, at one point I added everyone from my university class and I doubt anyone of them really minded this, but it feels to me that adding someone you met in a private setting is different. (for me at least)
If you do feel really uncomfortable about it, then don't contact her, because your awkwardness will likely show in at least a small way. But the point is that you probably don't need to worry that much in the first place. A Facebook friend request is relatively benign as long as you're not following it up with spammed messages or something.
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The past three weeks have been pretty amazing. Lets just say I've been in a terrible slump with out dating or even hooking up with girls for several years. After dropping out of college and working an entry level job I just kinda stopped being interested in hooking up. I filled my days with work and playing video games. I didn't do much other then go out to a bar now and then with friends from work. I was content, its not like a fell into depression, but I wasn't having any luck with ladies. I definitely had confidence issues because my eating habits got worse and coming home to video game almost everyday was not good for my physique.
Eight months ago I landed a much better job that pays substantially more. I've become more social with a new group of friends and have spent far less time in front of the computer playing video games. Very recently I hooked up with a girl through this new app called Tinder I posted about a couple weeks ago. It was a one night fling but it got me out of a funk and makes me want to start working out again and eating healthy.
A week ago my sister-in-law texted me and said one of her girlfriends was interested in me and wanted me to have her number (we had met once at an Oktoberfest but didn't really get to know each other). We started texting and hit it off pretty well. This girl is absolutely amazing. Incredible personality and by all physical standards completely out of my league. She's not a shallow person at all and she doesn't seem to have a problem with my out of shape physique. But I still can't help but feel inadequate in that regard. The first time we went out she invited me to get drinks at happy hour. She was going to play in a beach volleyball tournament that night and invited me to come along so I happily did. The night ended with a hug and we each went our separate ways.
The next couple days we were texting and talking on the phone a lot and made plans to cook dinner at my brother and sister-in-laws tonight. Before the weekend even got here we decided to do a lunch date. It went well and we set up a date to go to dinner and a movie after I got off work. I started making more physical moves I hadn't been confident enough to make before. I was still struggling with the fact I'm out of shape and she is in great physical condition. We made out a bit in my car after the movie and decided to go to my place to hang out. We didn't do anything at my apartment though so I dropped her off at her place and gave her a good night kiss.
Tonight we cooked fajitas at my brothers and watched a movie with them. She was really tired from being at the pool all day and even fell asleep while we were curled up together on the couch. We stopped to get frozen yogurt on the way home and shared it in the parking lot. It led to some making out and I thought everything was going well and could tell I'm starting to have more serious feelings for this girl. Again I took her home, made out a little bit more and tried to see if she wanted me to come in. She very politely said that she was just going to go to bed and told me good night.
This is were I turn to you TeamLiquid for advice. The part I haven't told you is she very recently got out of a long term relationship. Her boyfriend of two and a half years cheated on her less then a month ago and they broke up. I don't know if she wants to fill her time with me to avoid having to think about him or if she's really into me. I'm hoping its the latter or maybe its a little bit of both. I really like this girl and think we could form a serious relationship but I'm cautious since her break up was so recent. In this situation when is the appropriate time to sleep with each other? Its only been 3 dates and tonight was the first time I made it apparent that I wanted to become that intimate. Should I have my guard up because of her recent break up or try not to over think it (I tend to analyze things too much)?
TL:DR version;
I'm pretty out of shape and haven't dated in a long time. Recently had a one night stand and started getting more interested in dating. Through my sister-in-law I started dating a super hot girl with an incredible personality. We've been on 4 dates. She's coming off a 2.5 year relationship (she was cheated on) and we haven't slept together yet. Should I be concerned about her recent break up and in this situation when should I be trying to become intimate?
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What does your sister-in-law think? She could have her own agenda but chances are that she's more informed about the situation than you are.
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On June 09 2013 19:39 Grumbels wrote:
What does your sister-in-law think? She could have her own agenda but chances are that she's more informed about the situation than you are.
Yeah, my sister-in-law wants it to work out for us since she cares about both of us. I've asked her if the girl I'm dating has talked to her about the situation and she gave positive feedback. I didn't ask my sister-in-law about the ex boyfriend though.
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I am 23 years old, and my dating days are over. I've been dating Amy, the love of my life now for about 7 months and we are both happy, secured, and confident that by the end of 2013 we will be engaged (we've even looked at wedding rings - likes and dislikes).
This is us: + Show Spoiler +
My advice to anyone here who is pondering the ultimate question: "is he/she the one for me?"
...you'll just know. It falls right in your lap magically, and life together and with each other's families just becomes easy, simple, and peaceful. Everything falls into place and everyone lives in harmony. Decisions together are easy to make, you'll rarely fight, and you'll feel instantly comfortable with the person and you'll talk about anything. Sounds too good to be true right? Ask anyone else who's met the love of their life, i'll bet they'll say this is how it was too.
Here's a few questions to ask yourself, and be honest because this is not about feelings or simply "loving" the person. These questions can have serious repercussions in the long run if any of them hold true:
-Are we on our best behavior/manners on a date?
If you can't behave on a date (using good manners, kind words, being a gentleman, etc), what makes you think you'll behave when you're married to the person?
-Do you see/feel any sort of tension between your significant other and a family member?
Does someone in your family not really like the person, or vice versa? This can make holidays and family get-togethers feel uncomfortable. If you love your own family, you'll become edgy around them in this scenario. You'll make sure certain things aren't said, talked about, and you'll practically baby sit your significant other.
-Are you fighting once a week? Once a month?
My ex-girlfriend and I had our first fight 3 weeks into the start of the relationship. And at least 3-4 times per month after that for the next 14 months. Talk about frustration and a feeling of "i am not looking forward to spending time with her this weekend because I know we'll fight about something." This doesn't just occur when you're alone together, but if it's a recurring problem, then you'll somehow develop arguments about family, friends, where to eat, what to wear, and when you're planning events. Definitely NOT WORTH IT. Do not get caught in the trap of thinking they'll get over it or get better over time. Get out of this situation as soon as possible or you're in for serious pain. Right now, Amy and I have been dating for about 7 months and we have not had a single, legitimate fight yet (little spurts here and there but nothing big). Life couldn't be better.
-Are you constantly wondering if he/she is "the one?"
You're spending way too much time pondering a question than just living in the moment and enjoying every minute of the person. This can create a lack of self-confidence and perhaps a low self-esteem. This may go as far as to produce a lack of trust (you would begin to wonder that if she really loves you, she'll behave around other men, or not hang with them at all), and so forth. If you have to keep asking yourself this question for more than several months, something isn't right.
-Are you comfortable with the friends he/she has?
While friends aren't a deciding factor, they do have a huge impact on your significant other's life in some way, shape, or form. Many times, the things you do or say can be influenced by your friends, or groups of friends, so it's important that you understand her friends a little and spend time with them every now and then. Do they welcome you and easily make you fit in? Do they live an entirely different lifestyle that is unfamiliar or uncomfortable to you? Do they pressure you into trying certain things, or do they never talk to you?
-Does he/she act differently around friends and family?
He/she is talkative, fun, and active around you when you're together, but when she hangs out with your friends or family, she's a social outcast, wants to leave early, and never bothers to start a conversation or try to get to know someone. This can create tension between one or more people in the long run, and makes future get-togethers more awkward and painful because you know how they'll act. It's important that you are in harmony with each other and you all get along.
-Does your family like him/her?
Family is huge in a relationship. I believe family approval is one of the pillars to any good relationship/marriage, and that when you marry the person you also marry the family. Otherwise, as mentioned before, lots of tension and awkward family times will occur. What spouse do want more: an awkward spouse around the dinner table and barely talks at all, or the spouse that wants to help cook and set up? What sounds more delightful to you?
-How often do you see each other's families? Only on holidays? Once or twice a month?
If your family cares about your status, they'll ask you every now and then how your love life is. More over, they want to spend time with your significant other. Are you making regular visits to each other's families? Or do you just see them on holidays and keep every other breathing moment just for you two? Amy and I try to see each other's families at least once a month. This builds a strong relationship and gives the families confidence that we're with someone worthwhile and not someone who doesn't want to socialize with them.
Hopefully some of these questions can help some of you in your dating process, and gives a little more insight on things to watch out for (if you were unaware of it). Just be honest with yourself. I know you like or love the person, but if any of these questions bring up concern, I would encourage you to think about where you stand in your relationship. GLHF
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Dude, you make amazing maps, but in terms of dating I have serious doubts your contributions are equally appreciated by everybody.
7 months relationship, getting engaged, when you are so young? It may work for you, but let me tell you, won't work for most people. You don't know much about the world at that age. And you know even less about relationships or spending your life with someone. I can tell you by first-hand experience that some of the stuff you wrote is extremely naive.
Best of luck, though
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So, anybody got a good recommendation for internet-dating sites in germany? I am willing to pay for the service (not the girl, duh!) and am looking for a relationship, not a sexdate. Tips?
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On June 10 2013 03:22 Broetchenholer wrote:
So, anybody got a good recommendation for internet-dating sites in germany? I am willing to pay for the service (not the girl, duh!) and am looking for a relationship, not a sexdate. Tips?
You can try Parship.de. If you google after opinions about parship you will be impressed. But I don't know how old you are, I think parship is more for 25+
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On June 10 2013 02:27 Ektor Baboden wrote:Dude, you make amazing maps, but in terms of dating I have serious doubts your contributions are equally appreciated by everybody. 7 months relationship, getting engaged, when you are so young? It may work for you, but let me tell you, won't work for most people. You don't know much about the world at that age. And you know even less about relationships or spending your life with someone. I can tell you by first-hand experience that some of the stuff you wrote is extremely naive. Best of luck, though
This. You [OP] have some great things going for you, but 7 months is basically still honeymoon period. I have been with my wife for going on 6 years, I don't like her family at all and we don't live near nor see either of our families probably but once a year, tops.
At 23, you don't know half of what you think you know about life. The fact that you're ring shopping after 7 months speaks volumes about your grasp on the realities of an adult relationship.
My advice to anyone here who is pondering the ultimate question: "is he/she the one for me?"
...you'll just know. It falls right in your lap magically, and life together and with each other's families just becomes easy, simple, and peaceful. Everything falls into place and everyone lives in harmony. Decisions together are easy to make, you'll rarely fight, and you'll feel instantly comfortable with the person and you'll talk about anything. Sounds too good to be true right? Ask anyone else who's met the love of their life, i'll bet they'll say this is how it was too.
This is pure nonsense - a cliche that isn't even based in the same universe as reality. Marriage is work. Forever is work. If you think otherwise, then you aren't even close to ready to make that kind of commitment.
I'm really not trying to be rude to you, IronMan. I wish you the best of luck and I'm happy that you believe you've met the girl of your dreams, but more than half of what you posted is dead wrong at worst, and at best, applicable to a tiny sliver of real relationships.
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On June 10 2013 03:22 Broetchenholer wrote:
So, anybody got a good recommendation for internet-dating sites in germany? I am willing to pay for the service (not the girl, duh!) and am looking for a relationship, not a sexdate. Tips?
I use okcupid.com (free) and get a lot of matches in Berlin. If you live anywhere near that area I'm sure you'll be fine. Can't hurt to try before you dish out the cash to another site.
On June 08 2013 21:30 Grumbels wrote:
I wonder if it's okay for me to contact someone via facebook. She hasn't given me direct permission and I kind of found her account by googling her name and some personal info she told me. I was getting along very well with her before, but I've been sick for a few weeks now and haven't had a chance to see her again and the school year is going to end shortly.
I did this today, was no problem. Girls appreciate the ability to take charge and not ask permission.
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On June 10 2013 04:30 v1dom wrote:Show nested quote +On June 10 2013 02:27 Ektor Baboden wrote:Dude, you make amazing maps, but in terms of dating I have serious doubts your contributions are equally appreciated by everybody. 7 months relationship, getting engaged, when you are so young? It may work for you, but let me tell you, won't work for most people. You don't know much about the world at that age. And you know even less about relationships or spending your life with someone. I can tell you by first-hand experience that some of the stuff you wrote is extremely naive. Best of luck, though This. You [OP] have some great things going for you, but 7 months is basically still honeymoon period. I have been with my wife for going on 6 years, I don't like her family at all and we don't live near nor see either of our families probably but once a year, tops. At 23, you don't know half of what you think you know about life. The fact that you're ring shopping after 7 months speaks volumes about your grasp on the realities of an adult relationship. Show nested quote +My advice to anyone here who is pondering the ultimate question: "is he/she the one for me?"
...you'll just know. It falls right in your lap magically, and life together and with each other's families just becomes easy, simple, and peaceful. Everything falls into place and everyone lives in harmony. Decisions together are easy to make, you'll rarely fight, and you'll feel instantly comfortable with the person and you'll talk about anything. Sounds too good to be true right? Ask anyone else who's met the love of their life, i'll bet they'll say this is how it was too. This is pure nonsense - a cliche that isn't even based in the same universe as reality. Marriage is work. Forever is work. If you think otherwise, then you aren't even close to ready to make that kind of commitment. I'm really not trying to be rude to you, IronMan. I wish you the best of luck and I'm happy that you believe you've met the girl of your dreams, but more than half of what you posted is dead wrong at worst, and at best, applicable to a tiny sliver of real relationships.
Yeah I agree with all of this. Ring shopping at seven months is really really early no matter what the circumstances. Not fighting ever most likely means your relationship is either still so young that you've really not run into any issues for whatever reason (the honeymoon period), or one person is probably not a confrontational person. Fighting is something that happens in every single relationship. You should be more concerned about how you two act and treat each other when everything isn't all wonderful than the fact that you never fight. That is inevitable. You two can agree on most things, but there will be things that will cause issues, and sometimes life will throw a whole bunch of issues that you can't control that will generate friction in your relationship. Being respectful and fair when you disagree or when you are mad is far more important, and a lot of people suck at it. The frequency should only be an issue if it starts to get near the point where you don't look forward to seeing the person as much. But there isn't some kind of arbitrary number. That varies person to person
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/sMR09la.jpg)
