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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Agreed with those people in response to IronManSC. All the best to you if you know you have it sorted and it works out, however wait some more. Been going out with girlfriend for 8 months and what I can say is sure if the up's are up that is awesome and how it should be and of course if you love every date or all time spent with your other that is key. However do be careful you aren't kidding yourself. I try my best to look objectively and realistically at us, not in a distrusting way.
And I think take it slow for sure. Talk about that ring stuff after two years say. If she really is the one, waiting two years to make triply sure won't hurt, she and you aren't going anywhere.
I'd say it's true what others have said, when there is confrontation then it might be about really big things or things you both have a strong stance on or factors that affect either of you that you can't control.
It's the times when my GF is super pissed and texts me "Fuck off and go be single" and then asks me directions to the park I'm at so we can meetup, and then texts telling me I'm a "Fucking idiot I meant how to get there from __ road", and yet you still say nothing harsh, reply as helpfully as you can, and both apologise and take each other back afterward. Or staying up with her for her and talking to her when you really should be doing other things. Or when she talks about her ex's or shit she's done that you hate to hear but you keep a neutral face and listen anyway. Give her the benefit of the doubt, or that's my philosophy, I think my life if far less stressful and painful than hers so I give her all the patience I can however I can. She's worthit, I'm sure  I think having arguements is part of a relationship if you're both being truthful to each other especially on important issues/ones that you care about. Obviously an excess is a bad thing, but without them, either you're one of THE luckiest couples ever or you haven't got to that deep level yet.
When you can stay with her through the bad and good, that's when I'd say you know you're for each other, imho. As anyone can make it through the good. Be careful it doesn't all come crashing down, the only downside to waiting to getting engaged is... I guess you don't get engaged as soon? But one day it'll happen and it'll be amazing and hopefully by waiting it won't of gone wrong. Hope it works out for me too  And everyone else out there <3
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Perhaps I was being naive to many of you, but that doesn't mean the questions I posted are not important to think about. They are questions I've thought about, but I was not giving universal answers to everybody's problems, I was only giving a train of thought to draw from (at least from my perspective). I mentioned that the particular situations I asked about can have serious repercussions in the long run. For many folks, it does become a problem, but it's a matter of compromise like v1dom was saying about their family situation. Amy is very confrontational i'll have you know. She grew up in a family where the men were in charge and they were tough (they like to wrestle a lot, and the dad was in the LAPD), so she can be mean and tough, but thankfully she knows when to bite her tongue.
As for the "ring," I think you guys got the wrong idea and I wasn't clear. We were not "ring shopping," as some of you put it. We were just looking at likes and dislikes (or preferences). We have talked about the future, and we have discussed the possibility of marriage. As for an official engagement, it wouldn't happen until December 2013, just over a year of dating. I don't see what's wrong with this since some of you see this as way too early. My brother dated his wife for a year; they are now married for 6 years with 3 kids. I know a guy who met his wife on eharmony. They've been married for 2 years, but only dated for 6 months because they just knew and they saw no reason to wait. My sister dated her husband for a year; they've been married for 4 years now. Talking about the future at 7 months is not a bad thing when you're not even going to worry about it for another 5 months.
On June 10 2013 04:30 v1dom wrote:Show nested quote +My advice to anyone here who is pondering the ultimate question: "is he/she the one for me?"
...you'll just know. It falls right in your lap magically, and life together and with each other's families just becomes easy, simple, and peaceful. Everything falls into place and everyone lives in harmony. Decisions together are easy to make, you'll rarely fight, and you'll feel instantly comfortable with the person and you'll talk about anything. Sounds too good to be true right? Ask anyone else who's met the love of their life, i'll bet they'll say this is how it was too. This is pure nonsense - a cliche that isn't even based in the same universe as reality. Marriage is work. Forever is work. If you think otherwise, then you aren't even close to ready to make that kind of commitment.
I'm talking about the beginning stages (first few months), not the entire lifelong relationship. In the beginning people are pondering a lot of questions related to dating, and I am basically saying that it should feel natural and easy. I am well aware that it gets tougher as time goes on.
Threads like this remind me of WebMD. "you have a small rash? It's a skin disease! you need immediate medical attention, see a doctor tomorrow it's really serious!" and so you go to your family doctor and all he says is "it's a heat rash, it'll go away in a week."
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Meh, if you've never had a fight then don't get married, since you need to have experienced how the two of you deal with adversity.
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It depends on what your concept of marriage is in the first place. For me I'll consider marrying when I'm in a relationship for ten, fifteen years. I see it more among the lines of "Well, yeah, sounds like a good idea it's not like we're gonna break up soon anyway!", aka not a big deal in the first place. Commitment as a couple comes from being committed to each other, a certain promise or ring shouldn't have any effect on that.
If you're the type who wants to found a family in his mid-twenties, by all means, go for it. Considering how much emphasis you seem to put on family relationships this might be just the thing for you.
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On June 10 2013 15:45 IronManSC wrote:Perhaps I was being naive to many of you, but that doesn't mean the questions I posted are not important to think about. They are questions I've thought about, but I was not giving universal answers to everybody's problems, I was only giving a train of thought to draw from (at least from my perspective). I mentioned that the particular situations I asked about can have serious repercussions in the long run. For many folks, it does become a problem, but it's a matter of compromise like v1dom was saying about their family situation. Amy is very confrontational i'll have you know. She grew up in a family where the men were in charge and they were tough (they like to wrestle a lot, and the dad was in the LAPD), so she can be mean and tough, but thankfully she knows when to bite her tongue. As for the "ring," I think you guys got the wrong idea and I wasn't clear. We were not "ring shopping," as some of you put it. We were just looking at likes and dislikes (or preferences). We have talked about the future, and we have discussed the possibility of marriage. As for an official engagement, it wouldn't happen until December 2013, just over a year of dating. I don't see what's wrong with this since some of you see this as way too early. My brother dated his wife for a year; they are now married for 6 years with 3 kids. I know a guy who met his wife on eharmony. They've been married for 2 years, but only dated for 6 months because they just knew and they saw no reason to wait. My sister dated her husband for a year; they've been married for 4 years now. Talking about the future at 7 months is not a bad thing when you're not even going to worry about it for another 5 months. Show nested quote +On June 10 2013 04:30 v1dom wrote:My advice to anyone here who is pondering the ultimate question: "is he/she the one for me?"
...you'll just know. It falls right in your lap magically, and life together and with each other's families just becomes easy, simple, and peaceful. Everything falls into place and everyone lives in harmony. Decisions together are easy to make, you'll rarely fight, and you'll feel instantly comfortable with the person and you'll talk about anything. Sounds too good to be true right? Ask anyone else who's met the love of their life, i'll bet they'll say this is how it was too. This is pure nonsense - a cliche that isn't even based in the same universe as reality. Marriage is work. Forever is work. If you think otherwise, then you aren't even close to ready to make that kind of commitment. I'm talking about the beginning stages (first few months), not the entire lifelong relationship. In the beginning people are pondering a lot of questions related to dating, and I am basically saying that it should feel natural and easy. I am well aware that it gets tougher as time goes on. Threads like this remind me of WebMD. "you have a small rash? It's a skin disease! you need immediate medical attention, see a doctor tomorrow it's really serious!" and so you go to your family doctor and all he says is "it's a heat rash, it'll go away in a week."
Every single thing you listed is an example of the honeymoon phase that takes place in every relationship. That's the point. You're in that stage now, and your advice doesn't help you identify anything because most relationships that make it past six months will do all of those things you mentioned
are there exceptions to the rule?? yeah obviously. but using the one or two other people you know whose relationship worked out under your circumstances is like winning a big showdown in poker with 2-6 vs AA and taking that as anything other than an outlier.
why are you so focused on burning through dating to get to marriage rather than take another year, year and a half, live together first and see how you guys face inevitable challenges together while living under the same roof??
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Alright. Tomorrow I'm going to go up to the cute chinese girl I've been talking to at work and say:
Mingtian, ni xiang gen wo yiqi qu chifan.
Translation: Do you want to go get food with me tomorrow?
Hopefully I don't fuck up the pronounciation too bad...
Wish me luck!
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^ I'm hoping she's from mainland China or Taiwan.
If she was born and raised in America, then ask her in English. If there's one thing you can do to piss people off hard, its when you use what you think is their native tongue and it turns out they've lived in America all their life. Its not impressive, its not witty, its completely fucking stupid.
It's also racist.
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On June 14 2013 15:05 Pulselol wrote:
^ I'm hoping she's from mainland China or Taiwan.
If she was born and raised in America, then ask her in English. If there's one thing you can do to piss people off hard, its when you use what you think is their native tongue and it turns out they've lived in America all their life. Its not impressive, its not witty, its completely fucking stupid.
It's also racist.
Well I assume since he's been talking to her he knows whether she speaks Chinese or not lol.
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Yes, she's from china, and speaks chinese. I'm not that stupid.
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You'd be surprised with the amount of complaints I get from my friends from ignorant people in similar situations. Treat my advice as a public service announcement.
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Got drunk and hit it off with a really close female friend last week. She is a conservative Asian girl who expects a serious relationship. I tried to make something work, but I just couldn't get the feelings I needed for a relationship to happen.
Today I broke it off with her and she took it a lot worse than I expected. Apparently she had higher hopes for this whole thing to work and now she hates me and called me a nappeun sekki 나쁜 새끼(or something like that) before she left. We are in the same social circles so I'll probably lose some more friends along the way.
Directly after that I went to the casino and lost my cash.
All in all, lesson learned the hard way; lost some close friends; and £20 down. It was a good day.
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Took me a long time to realize it, but it's all about your attitude. Once you stop chasing women and trying to be someone they would like, and just start being yourself and not giving a fuck if they like you or not, you will notice the difference. Women want a guy who is strong and confident in themselves, not a guy who fawns over them and tries to please them. Don't take their shit, call their bluffs, and always put yourself first and you will have women all over you. Some of you may think that means being a "dick" but it's not. Don't treat them bad, just don't compromise yourself for them. If they do something to disrespect you, next them (this works wonders if you know their friends, because if you dump her, her friends will think you are a catch).
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Nailed it. I now have a date with a cute chinese PhD student tomorrow at 1. The only problem is that it's not explicitly a date, just implied (as I specifically invited her and did not invite anyone else). If lunch goes well, maybe I'll take her to sneak into some practice rooms at a nearby university and play piano for her. Or take her to ice cream. I don't know, I'm not an expert at dating yet. But I'm an extemporaneous guy, so I'm sure I can always play the next move by ear.
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So my ex-girlfriend and I are talking, and she does acting as a hobby, and the subject came up about kissing in acting roles. Am I wrong as a guy to not want a significant other kissing another guy no matter how artistic they view it (its the character kissing the character in her eyes)?
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On June 15 2013 14:21 Livelovedie wrote:
So my ex-girlfriend and I are talking, and she does acting as a hobby, and the subject came up about kissing in acting roles. Am I wrong as a guy to not want a significant other kissing another guy no matter how artistic they view it (its the character kissing the character in her eyes)?
Depends on the guy. I probably wouldn't allow it from my gf, would never date a stripper or porn star for same reasons.
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If you aren't comfortable with it, then let her know. If she doesn't care... well then you kinda know how she feels about you then, eh? I'd say it's less about her doing things that are "wrong", and more about her disregarding your feelings.
Oh wait, you said ex. Then why the fuck do think you have any good reason to care?
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Eh its complicated... She keeps saying I should be proud of her when she acts and that means I don't trust her if I'm not okay with it.
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As long as she's single it's not really your buisiness if she kisses or doesn't kiss other people while acting. But if it bothers you, (because maybe you still have lingering feelings) then maybe you should avoid seeing her plays. Not wanting to watch your ex kiss other guys is a perfectly valid reason for not watching a play.
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Hehehe nice stuff around here. There's almost everything a gossip writers need to start his own love story section on any magazine. For sure will make people laugh, cry and smile.
Fuck, I wrote a lot of shit and just deleted everything... I'm going to make a blog later this month.
Anyway, I'm now dating with a Russian girl, I'm living in China (I don't have Chinese parents or any Chinese relationship, my father do business with this country since 1999, it just happens that I decided to do some stuff of my own and visit Europe, Asia, Sea, Etc. in the next 5 years of my life. From here is easier, cheaper and faster to get money).
I'm used to other kind of women so we kinda fight a lot for stupid things and I still don't measure well my words, I'm too direct for her, she always takes it the bad way and usually she is in a defensive stance, anyway she's learning that I'm not offending her and she's learning to understand me. I think that my skills with words are quite good so we talk a lot about life values, points of views and many other things, quite interesting talks, but when we are drunk we try to avoid this kinds of discussions because they always end up in stupid discussions and she is AWFULL to hear others when she's drunk hahahahaha, I don't leave her because I find her fascinating, pretty, smart, dance a lot, fun in bed, and family caring, add some many others but it would be a TLDR (if it isn't already).
Anyway, weird experience, I wasn't expecting to date anybody in this part of the world just yet but she's just too pretty, nice and smart, many things in common. Meanwhile I'm enjoying it, not fully committed and I don't want to... I've been extremely committed the last 7 years with 3 VERY different girlfriends (1 South Korean/Business Woman in China, 1 Very Hippie Girl in Chile, 1 Folkloric Ballet Dancer/Cultural/Political/News-reporter in Chile) and the last one totally destroyed my life for a few months (we both got totally wasted, it wasn't even a cheating problem, was more of a "do we marry?" problem... huge story, don't mind sharing but it's too long). So now I'm happy the way I am, working, playing dota, caring a lot for her well being but also trying to have my own time... Sometimes she complains that I don't care about her, but that's because she don't do many things for herself, too much free time, so then, most of her time = times with me, and most of time = time with me, for my personal development as a professional business man in China, World traveler and esport lover. Maybe she will get tired of that, or get used to that, anything that happens it's fine for me as long as it is the best for herself and doesn't fuck up my head. I'm totally our of love problems, at least for a while... although we do fight but that's part of this relationship. Before I hated to fight and for me was a terrible situation, but now I'm more cool about it, I also get angry, I don't go cheating on her or looking to other girls, I just get in a bad mood, try to forget, and go back to her, or she comes back to me and we are all good again... If she mess up hooking up with another guy she's gone, I love her and like her but I'm out of committing myself like before. At least for a few years and she knows that. The good thing is that we both trust each other a lot, I'm selfish and she's extremely proud of herself hahaha... we even joke about our fights. And I hope (and I think) that if something happens and the relationship goes to hell, I will not be very affected by it and be able to talk to her and even make her feel more calm about it... in someway that I can't explain shortly. So that's about it. Now it's saturday afternoon 3PM, I'm at office working and now just chilling, to have a fresh mind sometimes you need to fade away for a few hours, and fuck it, it's saturday and today is the first open air rave party of my city! Can't stop thinking about it, I'm about to tell everybody in the office to go home but I still need to receive some answers later today.
Well, I hope I didn't bored you guys too much... hope you enjoyed and any thoughts about it or continuation of this I have no problem to share with you guys.
Peace
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EPT
